Tag Archives: hungry

131. Stop Yourself with Self Forgiveness before You Kill someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely unaware of myself here as breath whenever I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat ‘I want to kill you/him/her/them or myself’ without being absolutely aware of what it is that I am in fact implying with this very sentence as an absolute statement of who I am in such a moment, which we have taken so ‘lightly’ in our reality, without actually considering how every single thought, word and deed that we give ‘life’ to, creates and manifests a consequence for all as equals – within this it is in the best interest of myself and everyone to investigate how we have become the words we created in order to have the ability to take someone/ one’s own life based on a mind-created retaliation process wherein who we are as life as one and equals is Not being considered at all.

 

When and as I see myself thinking, pondering and speaking the words ‘I want to kill you/them/ he/she or myself’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that to get to this point wherein we are able to exist as such backchat, there has been an actual accumulation of words that I have thought, spoken and acted upon without considering a single speck of the physicality that I am in fact abusing when existing as a self-created possession that can only exist if we give permission for it to exist as ourselves in any given moment.

 

I see, realize and understand that speaking words without awareness is an obvious result of never having lived the words we speak, but only THINK them and believe that they hold no effect upon oneself or others in any way whatsoever, without ever pondering how it is that our world is currently the construction of the words we think, speak and create in separation of ourselves, which implies that words and expressions of decisive violence against others are to be reviewed for the intention and starting point they hold as the accumulative effect of thoughts, backchat, internal conversations that we have believed it is ‘who we are’ in fact, without ever questioning WHO we are being and what we are accepting and allowing when existing as words that imply abuse, harm and violence against others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  harbor the backchatI want to kill you/he/she/them’ as the result of me not getting what I wanted from something/someone, leading me to the absolute opposite of that extreme desire I experienced to initially seek to get what I want/ needed/ required/ desired, which implies that I am in fact willing to harm/ abuse others within the desire to match my positive experience in the mind, to a reality that in no way will ever match my inner fantasies of ultimate positive experience, as such positive experience can only exist if there is a point of abuse behind it within the current configuration of our world system wherein not everyone is being equally supported to Live.

I realize that who am I within the wordsI want to kill you/him/her/myself’ I am in fact existing as the ultimate abuser that can be existent within ourselves as thoughts in our minds, the ultimate possession wherein who we are is reduced to one single point of self-destruction that is apparently ‘righteous’ in nature, and ‘makes sense’ without realizing that we in fact require to STOP, take a Deep Breath in order to realize what is it that we are in fact giving ourselves away to within a thinking pattern such as ‘I want to Kill you/ myself/ them’  – I realize that this is an absolute red flag wherein I must see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my own mind as the accumulation of time that I must take Self Responsibility for.

To do this, I Stop myself from participating or adding more thoughts to that single thinking pattern – then look back at the entire event/ points that I lead myself to get to this point of creating and holding the backchat such as ‘I want to kill you/her/he/them/myself’ in order to take Self Responsibility for oneself and one’s own thoughts, instead of using such backchat for further manipulation toward oneself and others in means of getting the problem solved, the ‘desired attention’ that we simply were not able to give to ourselves from the very first moment that we were seeking happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in separation of ourselves through something or someone as the point of desire.

(This is why and how the previous posts explaining the polarity created upon Hate and Love are relevant to read, please do so in order to understand how the desire to Kill someone stems from a perceived point of loss/ lack that is then projected onto others as the absolute opposite, as that is how the mind operates)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat  ‘I want to kill you/them/he/she/myself’ as the result of an accumulated backchat that I allowed to compound within myself without having a look at What is it that I accepted and allowed to exist within my world as a point of obsession and possession without giving it proper self-direction, which means that I allowed myself to get to the point of wanting to end someone’s life/ my own in order to ‘get away with murder’ wherein the implication of ‘killing someone’ is the ultimate apparent imposition of power and control over someone’s life – including one’s own – which is frequently seen as something ‘honorable’ to redeems one’s pride and position without ever understanding what real Honor implies as life.

Thus I see realize and understand that any belief about the thoughts ‘I want to kill him/her/them/myself’ being the ultimate free choice and free will decision to end someone’s/one’s own life is nothing but an ultimate self-medicated brainwash wherein I am in fact declaring that I am being possessed by my own self-created thoughts, leading me to create an inner experience of dissatisfaction, disbelief and or depression through relationship problems which I decide to make as something ‘grave’ enough to retaliate against another that I have taken as the ‘cause’ and ‘reason’ for my experience in the form of wanting to kill them/oneself in order to vindicate any sense of ‘pride’ and ‘honor’ when one’s ego has been hurt.

When and as I see myself wanting to Kill Someone in my mind, I stop immediately and I breathe, I realize that whatever I am seeing in something/ someone that is leading me to want to end another’ life/ my own life is simply a escapism distraction to not look at where and how I am absolutely responsible for my own creation in that moment – thus I take responsibility for myself to ensure that I in fact investigate within me, my life where I have created this particular pattern of anger, content and a desire to retaliate against others for something that I have directly created within and as my own mind.

I realize that throwing a tantrum about my own self-created obsession is the ultimate stupidity loop wherein I created and manifested a point of obsession based on all the positive experiences such as love, fulfillment, satisfying desires, needs, wants, dreams and the moment that I cannot fulfill these positive experiences in my physical reality the way that ‘I’ envisioned it in my mind, I then take it out on those that I believe and perceive were the reason why my dream/ point of desire and obsession was not able to be fulfilled – thus,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually be throwing a tantrum in my mind thinking about ‘killing myself/ another’ just because I could not get what I wanted, which became a self-created point of possession turning it deliberately into another form of Self-Victimization so that I could be labeled as ‘being mentally instable’ and s such, abdicate responsibility upon my own creation of which I am in fact able to be aware of from the very first moment of creating such a point of obsession/ desire as a possession, as I see and realize that anything that I created as a positive dream/ desire to fulfill, must eventually meet its downfall as the opposite negative point, which is how I believe I could ‘not take it’ to ‘lose’ my dream/ desire/ obsession, turning myself into an actual threat to myself and others’ lives just because of following my own thoughts to kill someone/ myself as a point to victimize myself and others as part of my own self-created obsession and delusion, that I see and realize ends where it began: within myself as my mind through taking responsibility for all that I have talked/ thought/ envisioned in my own mind toward that someone/ something that I allowed myself to become possessed by, losing all perspective of who I am as a physical being that only requires oxygen, food, water, shelter and basic relationships to continue existing and that anything else, is mind infatuation that I must take self responsibility for.

I see, realize and Understand that creating an ultimate desire for love, peace, joy and bliss as MY pursuit of happiness is what lead me to then experience all the opposite as hate, inner battles within my mind, dissatisfaction, dullness and self-hatred as the ultimate negative experience, that I then seek to ‘cure’ through exerting such anger stemming from ‘frustrated dreams’ against others, instead of actually stopping in one single cold moment to see what the hell it is that I am in fact using my physical body for, to think and scheme ways to kill others or myself just to ‘get away with murder’ within the love/hate relationship that I formed in my mind only.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take revenge toward others/ myself for not being able to obtain/get what I wanted, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am the one that must take absolute responsibility for the entire point of possession and understand to what extent I have allowed myself to be possessed by these seemingly ‘innocent thoughts’ like saying ‘I want to kill you/her/him/them or myself’ as an apparent quick fix and solution to a problem that was created Only within my mind, thus I take absolute Self-Responsibility for every single experience that I created toward others in order to vindicate myself and always consider as if I had won after a perceived loss.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize to what extent I am abusing all and every single cell of my physical body and dishonoring every single particle that I exist as, the air I breathe, the beings I eat in order to continue living whenever I use life to create thoughts of self-deprecation, self-hatred and hateful self-manipulative rants wherein I believe that ‘I can get my control back by hating/ loathing something/someone,’ without realizing to what extent I am in fact depleting the very life that I  consist of every time that I participate in thoughts of any kind – whether positive as love, light, bliss, excitement and negative such as hatred, violence and absolute desire to control and abuse others as a way to feel better about myself.

 

I see, realize and understand that who I am as the thinking pattern ‘I want to kill them all/ myself’ is an absolute threat to oneself and others that I must immediately Stop and take responsibility for through immediate self forgiveness in order to actually See and Realize what is it in fact that I am participating in, what type of experience it is that I am creating when and while having these thoughts of killing another/myself in my head, what is it that I in fact perceive I lost that I am now wanting to take revenge of due to my own apparent inability to realize and see how any positive experience that I desire as an absolute point of possession that is not ‘doable’ and ‘livable’ in this physical reality, becomes the exact opposite as the ultimate disillusionment and hatred that is then sought to be compensated with exerting a point of power/ control such as killing others in order to satisfy one’s own ‘game’ in the mind wherein after the perceived loss of the happiness-point, one retaliates against the perceived point of loss in order to be the one that ‘has the ultimate say’ as the perceived ‘winning’-experience within a game that I only created within my own mind, as it was never in fact real.

 

When and as I see myself using the thinking pattern of ‘I want to kill him/her/them or myself’ as a way to feel powerful and ‘in control’ of the situation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in fact wanting to make up for an apparent and believed loss/ disillusionment that I must then take self responsibility for, as I am not going to solve anything within my life just by exerting this point of apparent ‘power’ over another’s life – or my own – by desiring to end it, but that I am in fact only hiding myself from the actual responsibility that I hold toward my own self-created obsession/ desire and fantasy that only existed in my mind through and by my own creation and participation in it.

 

I see and realize that I could only ‘give head’ to thoughts about killing another if I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give to myself that which I perceive I lack, that which I perceive I desire and cannot obtain, which is how and why the nature of the desire as a point of possession is what one must take self responsibility for, to see where and how we have in fact brainwashed ourselves to believe that we must have a relationship, that we must be rich, that we must be experiencing ‘happiness’ all the time, that we must be ‘successful’ and ‘gracious’ 24/7, without realizing how it is in this very accepted and allowed brainwash that I have created my own obsessions and desires as a perceived ‘lack’ without understanding how they have been deliberately created by each one of us individually and collectively as the ultimate ‘happiness’ that everyone is now seeking and busy ‘buying in this world,’ without actually stopping to see how false and unreal such satisfaction actually is, as it has never ever been considered within the base foundation of what is best for all life

 

Thus I see and realize that everything that I would want to take revenge of, retaliate against due to my perceived dissatisfaction and ‘unfulfilled dreams’ are points that I must take self responsibility for to see, realize and understand to what extent I have accepted all the ‘positive’ as love, bliss, happiness, sex, money, fame and glory as everything that is ‘normal’ to desire, without understanding how the entirety and totality of the world system is based upon these self-created ‘needs’ that function at a cultural level of imprinting/ programming desires/ wishes/ obsession points in order to keep us entertained within our minds within a believed ‘lack’ and ‘loss’ that we experience as a ‘negativity’ within ourselves, seeking to get to the ‘positive’ all the time, which is what keeps us all recreating and reinforcing the entire Money System of abuse wherein all points of attainment are based on supporting the entire machinery of money as the current function abuse upon life.

To understand this points further, please listen to:

 

Within this, it is to see and realize how we have all been participants and directly responsible for anyone having thoughts of wanting to ‘kill’ in the name of an apparent positive experience upon a process of disillusionment/ disbelief and dissatisfaction, which is in fact only demonstrating how everything that we have judged in our reality as so called ‘bad people’ and ‘mind possessed’ people are in fact no different to everything that we have become as our own mind, as the same thinking pattern that I can create in one single moment of anger upon not getting what I wanted, is exactly the same thinking pattern that accumulated within a killer’s mind that lead him to actually act upon those same thoughts.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge into the desires to love, have the ultimate bliss and happiness as a relationships to money, sex, success and anything that I created in my mind as a point of possession wherein I see myself in the ultimate ‘throne of glory’ as I realize that the process of realizing how the entire accumulation of the positive energy toward all those ‘good things’ comes inevitably to a downfall in a direct opposite manner to the absolute negative when seeing and realizing how unattainable my dreams/ wishes/ point of desire become, which is where I must investigate what type of fantasies, illusions and dreams which are only formulated in my mind did I give myself away to, did I allow myself to participate in just to get a positive experience out of it, deliberately ignoring how ‘unrealistic’ and ‘non-doable’ such dreams are, which implies that I must take responsibility for all my deliberate participation in all things positive to then see and realize that any perceived lack, loss or disillusion is only that, losing the illusion that I created in my mind as the ultimate positive imaginary experience leading me to the absolute negative when coming to the final realization that any point I seek to fulfill myself and my desires eventually devolves into a downfall as a negative experience – thus

I see, realize and understand that participating in the physical world does not require for me to create a positive or negative experience about it.

 

When and as I see myself participating in desires of happiness, fulfillment through relationships, getting the ultimate job and success in this world and reality, having all the money in the world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the starting point of creating an entire cycle of self-abuse wherein we indulge into the positive experience that participating in all these ‘good feelings’ creates, however I see, realize and understand that such initial positive input must meet It’s opposite energetic output as the negative, the same way that the light is generated through friction and conflict as I see that I am allowing myself to be blinded by the delightful light, without considering the actual opposite as ‘the negative’ that is the foundation and starting point for any of my dreams and desires, which is to experience the positive and the ‘moreness’ of myself. Thus I ensure that I remain here in and as the physical body wherein I do not require to desire/want/need to obtain something/ someone in order to ‘feel better about myself,’ as I recognize and embrace myself as the totality of who I really am as myself in this physical body and in this physical existence that I have separated myself from through desire in my mind only.

 

I take self responsibility for every point of obsession and infatuation that I have created toward a positive experience, in order to stop the entire cycle of self abuse that seeking happiness entails and ending up in absolute despair and self-deprecation toward oneself and others just because of realizing that in this physical reality, all our dreams are just that: illusions/ fantasies/ thoughts in our mind that cannot be practically achieved without creating the absolute opposite within a world of consequence due to how we have created a foundation of ‘life’ based upon abuse. It is to investigate then the starting point of such want, need and desire and see where and how self is not giving oneself that which we seek/ desire from and as something/ someone in separation of ourselves.

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Thus it is to see, realize and understand to what extent we are all collectively responsible for creating the ultimate polarity of love and light in opposition to get away from the perceived ‘lack’ as a negative experience, keeping ourselves always valuing everything outside of  as ‘more’ than ourselves, which is visibly existent currently as our monetary system –

It is to understand then that all killers, all mind possessed people are no different to you or me as we are currently ALL Mind Possessed. Thus through the living and application of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application  to start becoming aware of how every single thought that we have in a seemingly ‘fleeting moment’ of flinching and throwing a tantrum against others, does in fact create consequential outflows within everything and everyone equally.

This is our oneness and equality, wherein we have abused ourselves, the Earth, the animals that we are in fact Killing  slowly but surely every time that we give head to the directions that we created and programmed in my own mind, without taking responsibility for them and realizing what are we in fact stating within this action of wanting to be ‘more’ than others, to ‘have it all,’ to have the ‘ultimate happiness’ that cannot exist in this world currently without abusing something and someone.

 

More so than ever, I cannot see myself detached from any person that has ever been labeled as crazy or mind possessed as we are ALL currently mind possessed and as long as we try and hide this, we will continue blaming everything and everyone for what is going on on a daily basis as all forms of wars, abuse, violence and direct personal-life retaliation processes that originated from exactly the same place that you and I Also exist as, which is the mind that we are now here in the process of equalizing to and as our physical to finally ensure that everything we think, say and act upon is in fact standing in the Best interest of All Life in Equality.

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

Stop participating in those thoughts before it’s too late – there’s specific support for these thinking patterns available at:

 

Demonology

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

 

inner demons

2003

Blogs:

Interview to realize what it  is to Really in fact Experience that point of being trained to KILL others due to problems in our world that we have accepted and allowed with apparent no solution, without realizing that all wars stem from the inner wars we have created within ourselves as the mind.

Know Thyself:
Advertisements

Day 7– Deconstructing Sugar

Yesterday we had a chat with regards to food and quitting sugar, which is a point I have been consciously procrastinating due to the extent of the relationship that I have created with all things that create a sense of satisfaction, which are related to: sugar! I wrote out yesterday how obvious it was in my body experiencing the rush of sugar, I have made vlog about it as well in the past and I ‘reduced’ sugar for a while, then went back to it or at least not giving specific self-direction to the point, which was leaving the back door open for me to go in and out whenever I wanted.

 

This is about me as the creator of my own preferences, quirks and chemical addictions such as sugar. I am aware that this point is ‘far more extensive’ than any other relationship I’ve had, as this is about food that I’ve become so used to eating and ‘sweetening’ my life with, wherein it obviously at times became the ‘consolation price’ for all emotional down-loops, which is the most common way to divert my attention from what’s here.

 

I also realize that the last time that I was talking with my mother about sugar and stopping it, she told some something like ‘oh don’t be so hard in yourself, it’s not like you won’t ever eat anything with sugar ever again’ and in that, I could see how I gave myself this leeway to keep eating it as ‘the only pleasures left in life.’ I have also defined myself or creating myself a reputation for liking sugary things, specially when it comes to going out with my parents and having the opportunity to eat apfel strudel, lol my perdition.

 

I have to forgive myself the relationships that I build with the people that I buy food from. An example is stopping a relationship with a woman in the bakery as that friendliness is what kept me going to such bakery even if it was definitively more expensive than others. But then, I’ve created yet another relationship with other people where bread was cheaper and I made a habit of buying the same bread which lead the people there know what I like and identify me as the predictable robot I’ve become when it comes to buying items. God, the same in the supermarket actually… What is this revealing to me? That I have also compromised myself to buy and consume based on the relationships that I create with people and how they ‘identify me’ according to what I buy.

 

I cannot continue compromising myself in any way. I mean, if I walk past the bakery on a daily basis and I won’t buy there any longer, I might as well go in there to let them know that I won’t be buying bread from them as I have to take care of my sugar addiction. LOL

 

I realized how I have allowed sugar in my life as a ‘treat’ and I would deliberately ignore the side effects that I had to ‘endure’ as opposed to the deliciousness that was eating a cake for example. I mean, this should be read as masochism here, I’ve experienced how it is not cool for my body yet I kept doing it.

So in these seemingly ‘making up for’ type of experiences, we accept a LOAD of bs that comes in the form of ‘small allowances’ such as when you buy something and believe that you will be able to keep it for a week, and end up eating the whole thing in a few hours only. Stuff like that is creating the necessary alarms to realize: hello, I am not being the directive principle in my world, I am allowing myself to simply indulge into it for the comfort I experience within my body as I consume food that is ‘sweet.’

Ludicrous, we have created relationships toward food of course, and in that we have made of such a vital point an addiction, which is just an outflow of having made of our own thoughts a surrogate living as well as the emotions and feelings tied to ‘living’ as well as eating.

 

So let’s begin with that:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link sugar to a positive experience within my body wherein I have associated everything that is sugary as something that I ‘like’ by default and that I cannot say ‘no’ to, without realizing that as I stand as the directive principle within me, I have to create such ability to not be driven by a mental desire to eat sugar, but instead discipline myself to support my body with meals that are not creating me an ‘instant gratification’ such as sugary meals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a self-definition base on it being ‘too difficult’ to quit sugar which means I was giving up before even trying it, which is ‘the’ point of self interest as a nice-fluffy experience that I can get from eating sugar, which I must now discipline myself to re-direct in a supportive manner, which is the process that I’ll be walking as I face this point.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let go of the idea of me being a sucker for desserts and specially, apfel strudel that I have defined as my favorite dessert of all time. I realize that deserting of myself as the idea of being an ‘apfel strudel sucker’ is something that I must let go of in order to stop existing as that energetic tie to it as a picture in my head of what I ‘enjoy,’ without realizing how much backchat it would occupy in my mind when being abroad and not able to get that specific apfel strudel that I like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thinking-relationship to getting the treats that I ‘like’ and in that, using my mind to continuously manipulate myself into getting that ‘quick fix’ of eating something sweet, without actually taking into consideration what sugar is and what it actually does to my body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate giving direction to stopping sugar because of fearing ‘missing out the sweetness of life’ by stopping eating sugar and bread and all of which I had created a relationship defined as ‘comfort’ and ‘consolation,’ which is mostly a coping mechanism when I am not willing to face myself a certain point that I am allowing to accumulate within me as backchat –  have resorted to instead cover it up by using something sweet to eat to neglect the actual experience that I am creating within myself and go into a sense of ‘satisfaction’ after it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships of giving myself ‘rewards’ or ‘treats’ that I would create a relationship toward as that energetic longing for it, which is how I require to stop and see who I am without such treats and how I am able to replace such sugary treats with vegetables and other meals that are supportive and nutritional other than a piece of bread.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the sensation of chewing something that I have defined as ‘whole’ and ‘filling’ such as bread in my mouth and stomach.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the common sense that something that is altering my physical body to a sense of discomfort while digesting it, is simply not cool for my body and that I should stop it, yet instead allowed me to ‘swallow’ the side effects because of considering it to be the ‘consequences to bear’ for having such a pleasant and delightful taste in my mouth – and mind – out of eating something sweet.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat something that I know beforehand won’t support my physical body providing actual nutrients,  but instead allowed me to abuse my body to digest such gulps of sugar ‘just because of liking the flavor/ taste’ of it, and the sense of comfort and fulfillment that I would get out of it, which is my mind creating an energetic experience out of eating, which is certainly Not supportive at all.

 

I am here to support my physical body and that means stopping that which I have researched, realized and experienced in my body to be equal to  poison that makes my entire blood rush throughout my veins in an abnormal pace, which means that I am forcing and exhilarating my physical functioning at some level that is Not supportive for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my organs and my physical body that had to digest such amounts of sugar and me neglecting the actual strain that I’ve experienced to digest sugars, yet allowed it in the name of pleasure and a ‘piece of heaven’ such as when eating bread, cakes, apfel strudel and cookies – and in a lesser value: chocolate.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having created such ‘untouchable’ items in my diet like eating bread and consuming that which is always ‘nice to grab a bit from,’ because of wanting to fulfill and satiate the usual sugar cravings that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to – yes, I must realize that I am dealing here with a life long dependency as the acceptance of sugar within me as a stimulant to create a sense of ‘feeling good,’ no different to seeking love and light, really.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the idea of sugar to ‘being cared for/ being appreciated/ being pampered/ being spoiled’ from the relationship of getting such sugary stuff from my parents whenever I go to visit them.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place value in a person that I met and made me 5 different types of cakes for my birthday and equating that to ‘care’ and ‘appreciation.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency to eat ‘sweet stuff’ such as bread or sweet rice in order to give myself ‘a bit of a reward’ during the day, as if I had to be consoled and fulfilled with such moments of eating ‘sugary stuff’ equated to ‘me caring for myself,’ without realizing that such sugar has no nutritional value at all and that it is certainly not necessary within my every day diet. Thus, I walk the process to prove to myself that I can continue living without eating these obvious items that contain high levels of sugar.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist quitting sugar and having procrastinated it for such a long time, because of fearing missing out on that which I have defined as ‘the most enjoyable stuff’ as eating something that I can have a sense of fulfillment through and as sugar.

 

I know it is possible to stop as some other Destonians have shared their on processes of stopping sugar and I could see myself just keeping quiet throughout the chat because I resisted placing a commitment to do the same and stop eating the most obvious items that contain sugar – there is also a point of ‘oh what if I ‘fail’?- but I can’t, because I’ve made decisions to quit other stuff in my life that was obviously addictive – including people and activities. I also understand that the relationship I’ve created with sugar is quite a ‘tough one’ in relation to how I have accepted myself as always requiring something ‘sweet’ to end the meals with, even if it was a sip of some juice or ‘fiber cookies’ or some other ‘taste’ that I could satisfy my desire to EXPERIENCE the sugary taste in my mouth as ‘the final taste.’

 

I have recently cut eating yogurt which had been part of my self-religion in food, it’s probably a month of that already – I tried quitting milk right away but my body went absolutely aloof, so I’m still drinking it in a very reduced manner – this is also in relation to the processes we’re walking and how we require to support our physical in relation to the meals I have been so used to eating and that I cannot just ‘cut out’ overnight. 

 

And so, I commit myself to stop eating any sugary stuff – specifically bread which I have defined as a ‘filler’ in both a physical and experientially speaking as that moment of actually chewing the bread as a ‘relief,’ as a satiating moment that I have defined as ‘giving myself a treat’ due to the obvious amounts of sugar it contains.

 

Sugar is a must stop – there are diabetics in both sides of my family. Actually I know that my grandmother died of diabetes and my sister – when she was little – would hand her chocolates in a secretive manner until she died. So, I see myself in that mirror and realizing that I do have a predisposition to being a sugar junky – the same with my other grandmother that is also dead and would be a yogurt junky, lol.

So, evidence proves that I must stop sugar, I have been also more aware of this sensations that food produce within me and yesterday I went to the shop and bought some greens and vegetables, which is something that I was only buying every now and then. I also realize that I will take the opportunity to find out how my body works without rice – which has become ‘the main meal’ in my diet – yet it makes absolute sense that it does turn into sugar as any other grain, including wheat. I knew this from my sister – who is a nutritionist – yet I continued fooling myself because of the routine, remaining in the status quo with what I eat – I  mean this uncovers how I tend to make of my days a bit of a ritualistic movement – however it’s going much better.

I am not as obsessed with cleaning as I was before, and having everything ‘perfectly’ around me, I am less concerned about ‘how things look’ around me yet I have to be aware of making it functional as well. And so, within this entire point of walking the physical process, something that Bernard said got stuck in me the other day in relation to creating patterns and habits that are supportive as we are now walking the physical process. Thus I realize that it is the ‘perfect time’ to establish that which I am willing to maintain as a living-experience in the physical as myself.

 

I have made a habit of buying bread as the only ‘treat’ I give to myself. I walked it in a mind construct a few months ago, lol and I only stopped going to ‘that’ bakery that I wrote the mind construct about, but then found a cheaper one which made it easier for me to have access to bread again. So, I realize that identifying all the points is key and I am perfectly aware when I make the ‘decision’ or should I say when I indulge-into stopping by the bakery and buying bread. I usually associate it with a reward system that I have created for myself in relation to what I eat – which I took as ‘normal’ as in ‘giving myself a treat’ but I see that I can become quite sneaky when it comes to these allowances and not really disciplining myself to it.

 

However, I am taking it bit by bit, I do take my body into consideration to reduce the amounts of it little by little as I’ve seen how cutting down meals that I had built myself of can be quite disturbing in an overall physical experience that is not comfortable at all.

 

I also realize that I must increase meat consumption with that, which I can only see I have limited myself to because of money – so there you go! our experience, nutrition and relationship to food is directly linked to how much money we have. I am perfectly aware that I could buy all of such variety if I had the money to do so, and seek for organic stuff that is absolutely expensive here. So, at the moment I’ll seek for the best options which means buying more vegetables, which are certainly not expensive.

 

So, thanks for all that have shared their experiences with stopping sugar, that is the type of support and ‘inspiration’ that I required because this is one of the points that absolutely goes ‘against Marlen’s will’ I mean, me the cookie-girl no way! – lol yes I once sold cookies during summer time with my cousins and called ourselves ‘cookie girls’ – we would bake cookies and sell them to our neighbors, it was quite fun but we obviously would eat the remains and so, that was not supportive at all.

 

This point of liking desserts is yet another ‘chunk’ of myself that I have created and continued to generate as a positive experience – I mean, I’m glad that I have come to build a taste for vegetables – thanks to my mother that would nag me to do so – but now I have to actually get rid of that which would ‘console’ my desire to experience something ‘sweet’ within me. So I’ll continue walking this point as I go, for now this is it.

 

I commit myself to being this process of cutting down sugar to eventually be able to stand and see that I am still here after quitting all major sources of sugar in my daily diet.

 

For further support:

 

Blogs of the Day:

 


%d bloggers like this: