Tag Archives: incentive

193. Self Motivation – Self Movement

To read the entire Procrastination character walked thus far, visit

162. Either Do it or DIE « MarlenLife’s Blog

I’ll be writing self forgiveness on the specific points that lead to procrastination which have to do with the motivation aspects to ‘move’ and ‘do things’ in our reality, wherein if it’s not based on earning a reward/ there being something for us as a ‘positive experience,’ we simply don’t direct ourselves / don’t do what is required to be done.

And this is how it all started:

I had a dream wherein I had applied for a job at a record store, and I was given a certain schedule that I of course had to cover. However I was rather entertained in my reality with something else, I remember I was interacting or moving around with people and as such when the time came for me to go cover my job schedule, I simply decided not to go and the reason in this case was because ‘I didn’t require the money,’ thus I experienced this absolute laxity toward the point of responsibility simply because I was not being guided by survival to do it, which is something that I can see is related to the motivation/ motive-factor as that energetic point that acts like a crutch for me to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having procrastinated things because there is no positive reward/ money in it as a point of incentive that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn is the only reason why I should ‘move’ and do things within my reality – furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this very same thinking pattern, believe that because I won’t be making money out of my career, then ‘what is the point of being a ‘licensed pro’ at it?’ without realizing that in both cases, my procrastination and deliberate neglect toward this final examination point is showing how I have been used to only moving myself if there is some positive reward/ money and/or future benefit from it, without realizing that this is actually a system requirement and as such it is part of finishing what I begun and getting the actual paper that will certify all the years that I did spend in school, which is a point within the system that is definitely required to be walked and to obtain.

 

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I require some positive incentive in order to commit myself to my tasks, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to move and direct myself within the consideration of such task/ activity being in the best interest of all, which includes that which I believe would only ‘benefit me’ such as a career, without realizing that this is a point required by the system in order to validate the years spent in school – thus it is not a matter of preference, but a requisite in order to validate myself within the system.

 

I commit myself to be my own motivation regarding all points that I decide to participate in as an opportunity for me to expand myself in my world and reality and within this, also walking any resistance toward anything bureaucratic in nature, such as final papers/ examinations and protocols at an academic level, which is how I commit myself to simply breathe through it, get to do the necessary contacts and arrangements and get it done.

 

The stagnation and deliberate shoving away of responsibilities is part of this point. I’ve lost the ‘fear’ to not do things and within this, I have self sabotaged myself extensively, simply because all the ‘discipline’ that I had lived was in fact only based on fear and keeping up a reputation that in my mind, I could not ‘afford’ to spoil for one second.

When the characters were identified, in my mind I created this point of laxity toward responsibilities, like literally only doing it at the last moment and essentially justifying it – foolishly enough – with me no longer acting out of fear to get things done, but ‘testing my waters’ in relation to my own ‘self-movement’ once that such fear is apparently non existent. And I say ‘apparently’ because it is quite obvious how I actually only turned the tables and went to the opposite of being the ‘on time responsible one’ to be a deliberate procrastinator one. This was all done consciously/ me being aware of it, and the only point that I can see has factored into it is this ‘force’ wherein I have opted to simply give myself away to it and continue placing things aside, postponing it all simply because I don’t perceive such points getting done within a matter of life or death. This reveals to what extent we have only moved when there is either a positive or negative reward and in my case, in the dream, the ‘record store job’ I had always kept in the past as this ‘dream like job’ – even if I am now aware it is not ‘dream-like’ at all – as something that I would do out of pleasure and that was going to apparently only be like an extended hobby. So, in the dream when it came to actually cover my hours, I decided to simply not go and take it as lightly as possible, simply because there was no point ‘behind’ it that was pushing me to do it, to move.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see money/ fame/ good life as a motivation to move in my reality and the moment that such motivation is no longer ‘here,’ I stopped caring about my career and getting to the last tip of it even knowing that I had to do it anyways – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only move when and as there is money involved in what I commit myself to do/ act and direct in terms of responsibilities/ studies within the system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a prey of my own dishonest starting point for studying a career as within the impetus of going for it for a personal benefit, once that personal benefit is no longer a point sought within me within this career, I stopped caring about it all and in this, going into a cycle of just walking through it without any actual direction to use the point and opportunity to expand myself in my world, as after all, it was my decision made at all times to study what I studied – thus, I take responsibility for my words, my decisions, my life and stopped believing that ‘I must do this for the system’ but do it for myself, as the starting point of all that I do.

 

When and as I see myself requiring a reason outside of myself to do things, I stop and I breathe –  I realize that this has been a point of self-sabotage most of the times as within having a reason to do things outside of myself implies that I am not being the directive principle of the task, but doing it ‘for something/ for someone.’ Thus

 

I commit myself to be the starting point of everything that I do in the consideration of the requirements that I have to participate in/ complete as part of this world system, as well as the consideration of me doing this as a practical action and direction to see how it is possible to direct oneself without being motivated by external factors of either a positive  (money/ recognition) charge or negative charge (fear of not having a license in the system/ fear of wasting my studies) as I see and realize that at all times, all tasks to be done imply a point of self-movement: what is best for all as best for myself within the consideration of my own commitment to do and participate in that which I have agreed to work and participate in as part of my responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use reasoning as excuses and justifications which is knowledge and information in order to not do things based on my ‘wants/ needs/ desires’ wherein the moment there is no ‘positive incentive’ to move, I simply don’t move and relegate the point aside as if it was actually not important to work with, not realizing that it is not about what I can ‘get’ from it as an experience, but simply realizing: what Must Be Done no matter what – and in this, I stop seeking for a ‘reason’ to do it, and instead become my own self-willed direction to do it, without having anyone or anything in the background of my head as a reason to ‘push through’ as this would be separation and only lead to further cycles of ‘reasoning’ why I would rather just continue Not doing it and leave he point without any direction.

 

When and as I see myself reasoning why I should not do a task – I stop and I breathe – I bring the point here as what it physically entails, the consequences that doing it and not doing it in reality are and stick to this practical outflow of my decisions, instead of weighing my decisions based on the values that I’ve given to such task as a point of preference and the level of ‘uselessness’ that I’ve guarded toward acquiring a professional title within being an artist.

 

I commit myself to stop sabotaging myself based on knowledge and information toward the tasks to be done, and I actually realize that it is only a moment of standing up and taking responsibility for what I had agreed upon studying and finishing it till it is done. Those were my words when I begun, and those are the actions I have to live.

I realize that the most prominent point within this procrastination point was also the extensive judgment toward my own choices for a career and within this, seeing such final title/ paper/ license as equally useless, which then became this whole ‘uselessness’ experience toward it, wherein I deliberately placed it aside, just the same way that in the dream I thought of the job as ‘not necessary’ and simply deciding to ‘not go to my job and remain with what I have.’

 

I commit myself to to stop assessing what I do based on the ‘investment value’ that I have given to all things in my life, wherein even if it is a point of responsibility if I am not considering it at face value/ according to my personal interests as something ‘important’ then I simply not do it, without realizing that If I applied the same reasoning to all things in my reality, and all beings acted the same way, it would only create a replica of the world we have today, wherein each one is only seeking after our personal interests while neglecting everything else as ‘non of my business/ not my ‘responsibility’’  – within this

 

I commit myself to understand that Self Responsibility is Not selective and that I cannot ‘choose’ what I apply myself with and what not – it is about a principle of committing myself to certain responsibilities and walking through them till it is done.

 

So, the key words here are Self Movement and Self Will – again, which have become the pillars of the realizations in the past wherein I would get ‘stuck’ within something even within writing and not writing everyday in the past, and how I had to deliberately get myself out of the loop not by an external motivation but, as a realization that I had to continue writing as a proof to myself that nothing and no one can motivate me to support myself, but myself and that way I can stand as my own authority.

 

I realize that in the Equal Money System, we won’t require to go through points like getting ‘credentials’ for money either or survival – thus this is a point to train myself to move without an incentive and realizing this point as part of the responsibilities acquired within the ability to have a career/ having studied.

 

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Day 57: Fogbound

There are times when we get to know/ understand what’s really going on in the world that it is almost impossible not to be ‘enveloped by a fog’ as if it all seemed too difficult to ever get to solve – and because we cannot see anything clearly, we standstill, we don’t move which is obviously the point to correct here. What I mean here is that I have become used to seeing ‘the whole picture’ – repeat PICTURE – in order to then have this ‘certain outcome’ which would be not living and directing myself as a Self-Willed being, but rather wanting to only attain/ obtain and experience myself in that picture, while missing the actual process to get there, which is the relevant point within this process, understanding Why we are doing this Self-Equality and Oneness Process as Existence: we have never ever lived as Equals, we have only existed as separation and for that, it was about ‘time’ that we got to see the manifested consequences of our inherent separation and now be willing to correct the fuckup from its primordial times. This won’t be an ‘easy-fix’ either, we are walking it the proper way and for that, we are all walking our individual processes where nothing will be initially perfect, because we have never ever directed ourselves to change the very nature of who we are as human beings. I also see that If I had existed 100 years ago and someone would have shown me in Virtual Reality what the world looks like now, I would have also thought that it was ‘impossible’ to get to such point of both the technological advancements/ general ‘picture’ presentation and the obvious consequence of it which is the absolutely horrid scenario of depletion, pollution, poverty and starvation.

 

Fogbound is such a clear word to define what I  experience when watching documentaries that reveal the state of absolute abuse toward the Earth, the Animal Kingdom, the general state of the world, like watching that trilogy of Koyaanisqatsi and not being overwhelmed by everything we’ve done as human beings. These are all mind-experiences and one thing that I learned  yesterday while hearing about Anu and the ‘Failure’ point is that it is definitely comprehensible to give ourselves some air to realize that we have never ever done this before, we have been so secluded in our little bubble wherein there has been no proper equal and one standing  our own mind, to our physical, to this world, to anything or anymore – literally just being mind organic robots and it is really grounding for any speckle of ego to accept this.

 

There are times when we feel ‘stuck’ – again an emotional experience – and that’s because we have been so used to always getting immediate results, having tasks done and completed in a way that we have made this world work as a drive-thru machine that contemplates profit and not life – getting a positive experience out of ‘accomplishing something’ that would make us more ‘worthy/ increase our trading-value’ within a system where all life has been made an asset. We have never slowed down, not in a world where ever decimal fraction of a second is counted to make profit in a production line. We have existed like that Ford T Line Production wherein everyone just focuses on ‘getting their task done’ and earning money for it and call it a job/ working, sometimes never knowing how that assembly process fits within the entire construction of the whole product = absolute alienation that extended beyond the work-job experience, but also within society wherein you earn money – you spend-  you eat- you ‘entertain’ yourself – you create a family – you work until you die – then you die. And repeat the same the next life: nothing else but batteries within this system.

 

What we are doing now is absolutely the opposite of anything capitalism: we are slowing down, we are learning how to care for each other as equals, we are not doing it for any form of ‘profit’ but to create sustainable environments that will sustain/ support many more people willing to support themselves/other as equals – which is like your ‘pay it forward’ movie – we are learning to dissociate from everything that would keep us occupied in our minds: useless thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, opinions that do not stand in the best interest of all life here in/as the physical reality; we are learning how to create relationships/ agreements that are Self-Supportive in the individuality required to stop all forms of co-dependency, instead of following through with the same repetitive short-lived experiences that begin with/ by desires, hopes and dreams that run dry very quickly once the sex is gotten and the money is gone. We are learning to educate ourselves not only in one single ‘field’/specialization of this reality, we are becoming holistic learners of this reality, with the REAL sense of what holistic means because we are getting education that no one has ever received in this world and that is now possible through all the material at eqafe, the Desteni I Process and every single blog, article, interview, post that you may find in all the various places Desteni and Equal Money System are located in the web. To place it shortly: we are learning how to live as Equality of Life for the very first time.

 

If anyone reading this asks themselves: oh but what have we done before then? We have only demoneyzed reality through seeing everything as Money, seeing all that is of the Earth not as unconditional resources that we can use to Live, but as products that we can put price tags on and make them ‘our own’ to sell them to others and make a ‘good business’ out of it. We have only seen convenient relationships to make us ‘feel good’ about ourselves and use that as a way to match it with the elusive desires to ‘make it’ as in being ‘successful’ in a world fabricated and staged to make Every-one seek the same thing, as that is what ‘activates the economy.’

 

 

We had not been living, we had just been killing time and I’ve just ripped of Thom Yorke for that, but it’s true. And before I continue wallowing in such depressive lyrics that would set the tonality for my days – every single day –in the past,  I realize that I can take everything that we have been as an example of what Not to promote in this world, what not to continue perpetuating as ‘culture’ I mean, it is quite obvious now how everything has been intertwined and specifically designed to keep us very busy with our mechanical jobs,  mechanical prayers, mechanical interactions to get our quick fix just like drugs – mechanical family-makings, mechanical pre-fab aspirations and ‘dreams’ – mechanical gatherings where the same mind-bullshit is regurgitated, everyone pursuing the exact same ‘dream’ lol – and mechanical views upon life wherein positivity would mostly shape and mold the feeble minds of ours,because it would create a ‘good will’ feeling wherein we would be willing to do anything to get the necessary money to ‘make our dreams come true.’ And so we turned and turned and turned the wheel until we started realizing that the more we spun it, the more the whales cried because we are depleting the Earth’s resources in the name of such mechanical lifestyle.

 

Sometimes I see that it will be virtually impossible to do this in a lifetime – this is where the ‘fogbound’ point comes in, as it is just ‘too much’ or ‘how the hell are we going to do this? where to begin with?– yet this can only exist if ‘I’ me-myself as the woman here typing is wanting to get to live the results ‘herself’ instead of Hereself. Within this, what I have realized is that I definitely want to be part of the people that are willing to do anything that is required to begin with the transformation that this world requires. I want children to come into this world and Know that there is a group of beings that are working to create the necessary transformations in this world to a Best for All Living-Principled society/ environment.

 

This is how we cannot ‘blame’ our parents or anyone – we have all done it in this mindset of energizer-bunnies that only sought to keep going on and on and on without ever pondering: well, what the hell am I doing this for? what are the consequences of me ‘living’ this way? And anyone that dared to express this and really ponder about it – because there have been several people in the world that genuinely tried to ‘make a difference’ in this world – were eventually subsumed within the entire survival-system or simply exterminated by it, because it was just impossible for one single being to do such changes all alone. This is how it is important to unite as many people as we can, because we realize that it will take a massive amount of people standing within the principle of What’s Best for All in order to work together and really establish what’s been elusively called as ‘Heaven on Earth’ – which I tend to resist saying because I simply don’t know what that would be like. All I get in my mind is this open plain space where the grass is green and there’s a nice breeze of air flowing lol with preferably some clouds and everyone just enjoying themselves –that’s it.

 

So, what I’ve realized is that we cannot be as apprehensive as we have been toward ourselves which has been based within a system wherein any ‘fuckup’ costs money, wherein any failure means you are ‘worthless’ or ‘ruined for life’ – wherein any sense of ‘demotivation’ means you are ready to be replaced by fresh bait/ cannon fodder – depending on the use of work-force in our current system – wherein taking some time off to evaluate yourself, your life and ‘who you are’ means potential realizations coming through, hence ‘providing’ you with all forms of enticing entertainment to make sure you remain stuck desiring sex, money and all the power in the world.

 

What we are learning to do is to not have any sense of ‘loss’ upon mistakes, not judging ourselves when we fuck up, not project our judgments upon others when others do fall and stumble on their own mistakes, because we learn from each other that way as well.  We are learning not to ‘Save the World’ but to be the change it requires, and that implies that it won’t be solved just with a thousand smiles and an 8 digit check for the cause – No. We are learning that our fuckups, mistakes reveal which points we have always missed within this reality, creating the current outcome of a society divided by its own negligence toward each other as Equals. These ‘Fogbound’  moments are here to get to know what is it that is causing such experience, what am I still defining myself according to, what is it that I am expecting to live of myself without realizing that I have Never ever lived before? The trick is to keep breathing, definitely and not to remain ‘still’ for far too long – but to re-assess our application and continue walking. Idleness has been quite a fuckup in my past wherein I get to that ‘giving up’ point in such stagnation and then shift my attention to ‘something else’ that looks like it would require ‘less effort.’ No man, we don’t have plan B’s here. We make it or we die.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obfuscate myself with my own thoughts about ‘all that will be required to be done in order to change the world’ wherein I see the ‘bigger picture’ and it just seems ‘too much’ without realizing that this is me only ‘thinking’ about change, but not Being the change that is required, which is not separated from myself as breath here, walking the necessary actions – step by step – to stop such enslaving system within me first, to educate myself, to learn from my own mistakes and failures in order to see what will work for all as equals, what must be corrected in order to ensure that we walk this process once and we do it right.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take ‘failures’ as something personal, wherein I see and realize that I have been conditioned to believe that me not being ‘right’ all the time within this process is a way to reveal to myself how I had only learned how to ‘live’ within a system of values and worth in  separation of who we are as life, wherein any fuckup/ failure/ mistake is punished and means a general ‘devaluing’ process wherein the person is then stigmatized and seen as ‘not worthy’/ not ‘good enough’ without seeing that this is only within the same value-schemes that we have lived as capitalist-minds that never considered the physicality of ourselves, of who we are as life – hence, I stop diminishing myself and opting-myself-out any moment that I fail, that I fall, that I make a mistake and within this stopping all thoughts associated with ‘giving up’ and seeing everything as ‘impossible’ or ‘too much’ because: this is only a mind-generated mechanism wherein it is simpler to just ‘go with the flow’ of the current world which is a statement of not really being willing to do this for ourselves As ourselves as the potential living-beings that we all are.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impose the same judgments upon myself, the world and others that have stemmed from the past as all the limitations we have imposed onto ourselves due to our very own thinking-processes with which we have devalued ourselves in a way that is not at all originating from Life itself, but only our self-deprecating minds that are used to giving up any moment that a single obstacle is existent in our reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure, which is only in accordance to the necessary step for me to see that everything that we had only ‘maintained’ was a system of abuse, limitation, fears, judgments, opinions and beliefs upon life, but never Life itself. Therefore, the realization that every attempt to ‘live’ that is not in accordance to what is best for all coming to an obvious failure is necessary in order to establish our starting-line as the starting-point of self creation within the necessary principle that had never been considered/ contemplated in reality which is Equality as Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as apathy when seeing things as pointless, useless or without any definitive ‘result’ that I have been used to obtaining to declare that something ‘works/ doesn’t work’ in a short period of time, I realize that patience is required for me to understand that it will take as much time I spent on creating myself to correct and re-create myself and this world within a clear starting point of what’s best for all. Therefore I see, realize and understand that apathy is just another way to loop-around the ‘known me’ that preferred the comfort of ‘not giving a fuck’/ not doing anything to challenge the belief of ‘who I am’ which is what must be stopped within me as it is only consisting of thoughts, emotions and memories that are Not who I am here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having ever feared ‘making mistakes’ and ‘fucking it all up’ based on that meaning that I would no longer be valuable/ worthy, ‘trust worthy’ for anyone, without realizing that I had not even developed my own self-trust as life itself, but only as knowledge and information that I acquired to define myself as a ‘confident’ and ‘secure’ person, while in fact none of us have ever actually lived self-trust as life, which is living as breath, physically here and realizing and understanding that any sense of ‘security’ comes as the current status of ourselves being well fed, having a place to live and having comfort and even luxuries that have made our life this comfortable pillow to lay upon while the rest of our existence as this world is obviously not having the same as we do at the moment. Hence the importance of developing this actual CARE as in seeing what we Are/ have become and understanding that ‘them’ is ourselves’ and if we don’t do this for ourselves first, we won’t  do it for anything/ anyone else. Because we had been training ourselves to only see for our own survival and look after our own ownerships and benefits and satisfactions that were based upon the same system that must be debunked in order to re-establish the real values based upon Life itself, which is currently Non-existent and must be Self-Created as the Self-Willed realization that there won’t be any ‘profit’ made form it, other than actual solid and stable foundations to support each other as Equals, which will be in the end the ultimate ever-lasting reward-system that will not be based upon Abuse, but Equality as Life.

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no realize that judgment is the Experience of the Past confirming that Life is Not Here, as the Experience of Energy Resulted in actions and Consequence of Energy Self-Interest that Crossed the Line of Dividing Life into Past, Present  and Future – turning Life into the Fiction of Experience of Energy that is Desire, Perpetuating the Desires till Death as Crucifixion. Thus, unless one Die Alive and End the Addiction to the Experience of Energy as the False Image of Self, Death Ends the Experience as the Opportunity to Be Life is No More. Thus, consider Rebirth as the End of Energy and Not the Purification of Energy as All experience as Energy is Always just the Past Repeating itself – and unless the Past is Over, Life will not Be Born from the Physical as What is the Same Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.” Bernard Poolman *

 

I commit myself to stop within my mind this experience of being ‘fogbound’ wherein everything seems hazy and not clear enough for me to ‘know’ where to direct myself, which is a knowledge point and not a self-movement realization wherein we understand that there is no ‘ready-made picture’ that I can look at and walk this process to ‘get there,’ but actually see/ realize and understand that we are actually walking this process as we live day by day wherein knowledge and information as pictures or ideals to obtain do not exist, but only a principle is certain: Equality as Life.

 

I commit myself to not give into this ‘standstill’ moments wherein I believe that I have the ‘right’ to not do anything for a moment, without realizing that this is another form of ‘freechoice’ and ‘freewill’ that is embedded within the individualism that we have propagated as a ‘way of living’ in this world, which keeps us bound to the same separation that is generating the current world system we’re living. Therefore, I realize, see and understand that I must keep in mind that this is an existential process wherein I stand as a self-willed part/ particle as part of the equation that requires us all to be a part of in order to establish what’s best for all life.

 

I commit myself to see and realize that only wallowing in my mistakes, failure and self-deprecation is essentially self-interest as I am only considering ‘Me’ in this experience that is, obviously, self-created while in fact saying a big ‘fuck you’ to everything/ everyone else because: if I am not willing to do this as myself within the realization that doing it for me in Equality as What’s Best for All = doing it for All in Equality, I won’t be willing to ever live, as simple as that and I would only confirm that the mind wins, that I am incapable of changing myself and remain stuck in my own bubble until it dries and I die.

 

I commit myself to support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, self corrective application to re-settle myself within the understanding of what is it that I am doing this for, and not create a point of separation from that ‘outcome’ and ‘purpose’ outside of myself, but realize it As myself in every moment – hence understanding that me giving-up-on-myself is essentially me confirming that I am a mind-system that cannot possibly get out of the traps of the mind specifically set and designed to maintain ourselves in these individual-egotistical stances that have never cared or even considered Life in Equality as who we really are.

 

When and as I see myself standing-still within this fog that I create as this experience within and as my mind when seeing the reality that we have become and the extent of changes and corrections required in this world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am projecting this as a ‘wholeness’ that seems like ‘too much’ and it is IS if I only considered ‘myself’ as my own limited mind to assess our abilities and capabilities, because I see and realize that who we are as the mind is a limitation in itself and won’t be able to ‘grasp’ our ability to function in Equality because the mind in itself is programmed, designed in order to only function as an individual – therefore I realize that being ‘fogbound’ is the same as getting into a ‘cannot compute’ experience that I can transcend within taking a deep breath, bringing myself here to stop the overwhelming thoughts and re-mind myself that I am learning how to live for the very first time as a physical time-space living being that won’t get any quick-fixes and immediate results, but that is walking this process as I walk and live day by day until it is done.

 

We cannot intellectualize this process, it is walked as we breathe.

 

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