Tag Archives: intellectual

539. Taking Life Seriously

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

A particular trait that I had also defined as ‘superior’ was the expression of seriousness within people linked to a particular intellectual character wherein both points – the characterization or ‘portrayal’ at a physical manner level plus all the ‘right words’ would usually lead me to feel intimidated or perceiving that I was ‘less than’ people that would present themselves as very articulate, stoic in their expression and most of all serious in their expression or communication, perceiving that this seriousness was something that I lacked – apparently – and that I would therefore only get to admire in others for the rest of my life.

Over the years of walking the Desteni Process, I’ve been able to slowly but surely debunk my own perceptions around this seriousness wherein I myself have embodied such seriousness as a way to cause a certain impact upon people in an attempt to say: look, I mean this for real, I care for this – which would at the same time then be more of a ‘show’ for others in my expression than me living seriousness in a supportive manner, and this I explain in a certain perspective in a vlog I made today here.

Here I want to check where I am in relation to this ‘seriousness’ and aligning it to what I want to live as an expression of ‘taking life seriously’ which doesn’t mean I have to keep a straight face all the time or act in a rigid and in a controlled manner, appear stoic and ‘motion-less’ or be overtly intellectual to be perceived by others as ‘me being a serious person.’ It is interesting how the definition of seriousness is mostly linked to this rigid expression which of course myself as a female, it became easy to associate this ‘seriousness’ mostly with males, which I have linked to a form of ‘physicality’ (which I’ll open up in a blog to come, a stability, confidence, grounding experience which I had separated myself from based on comparing my expression to that of males mostly, considering my bubbly and ‘flowy’ expression at times as a form of  weakness instead of simply embracing it as a part of my expression, no more or less than any other – so here again exposing the problem of going into comparison leading to an inevitable polarity of ‘more or less than’ which recreates consciousness-speak.  

So, here what I separated myself from is again a mind-experience related to ‘seriousness,’ a set of characteristics that are portrayed as a personality, a façade, a way of behaving or presenting oneself towards others, instead of actually living the word seriousness.

What does ‘taking life seriously’ mean to me? Essentially comprehending the role that each one of us have as creators of this reality and acting accordingly, which implies taking responsibility for our lives in our mind, being and body, learning to and applying ourselves to correct every aspect of our lives that we are the creators of and understand then the relevance each one of us has in this process of birthing life from the physical, in other words: taking seriously our role as ‘gods’ of our creation.

Here I want to specify how I’ve observed this within myself and other people that I’ve come to be in close contact with throughout my life wherein I would be intimidated or ‘in awe’ of certain people presenting themselves in this ‘serious’ character, yet when it comes to actually ‘walking the talk’ as in living the seriousness and intellect they might have had into a supportive manner, there was still quite a threshold and I could observe this within myself as well where I became more of a ‘show for others’ than fully grasping the actual capacity I had to live what I was preaching to the T and so genuinely take life seriously.

This assists me to debunk my own perceptions about what I’ve defined in me as a lack of ‘seriousness’ and instead now realize that I can assess for myself according to how I’ve lived, the decisions I’ve made and what I’ve committed myself to in order to define whether I am taking life seriously or not. I can self-honestly say yes based on the self-commitment I have, not to the utmost potential of ‘taking life seriously’ yet though, but I have a direction and set of ways to continue doing my part in whichever way I can to contribute to this living process from consciousness to self awareness as life.

I can therefore say that I have yet to fully embody taking my life seriously, but I understand and have walked in a consistent manner this practical learning process called life in self-awareness  of us being the creators of our lives, all of us being responsible for every action and consequence that has shaped our lives and that of others – understanding the scope of this existential process and at the same time understanding our role in it all.

Taking life seriously means participating in this process, being a life-birther so to speak not only in thoughts or eloquent speeches, but in who we are in our day to day actions, decisions, choices, ways of living, behaving, the kind of relationships we form with people, the kind of life we lead towards others and in our very own ‘secret mind’ – all of this is what reveals how serious we are with our own life and so life itself.

And because I cannot really ever measure or judge anyone as being serious or not about life, I can only live and do that for myself in my own life, and that’s what I commit to do, so that whenever I see I am being lax about the effect of my thoughts, words and actions in the constant and continuous process of co-creation in this reality, I have to ground myself back into taking life seriously and reminding myself that nothing that I participate for is ‘unaccounted for’ or ‘forgotten’ or ‘erased’ from the physical memory in this reality.

We have been existing into a seemingly ‘comfortable’ tunnel vision to understand the actual immediate co-creative abilities we have onto our reality with our very thoughts, words and deeds and their consequences of course as the proof of that, no matter how we may justify them or ‘paint’ them, we are all equal co-creators in this – yet, each one of us has the ability to decide what kind of creation process one gives life to, and the level of self-awareness that we have the potential to exist as vs. the level of awareness we ‘choose’ to blind ourselves with from our individual and collective responsibility to the whole.

So, here I commit to remind myself to not be impressed or intimidated by a personality that looks and sounds serious, eloquent, precise, meticulous, common sensical yet intellectual in nature, because this is where I need to always remind myself that as simple as it might sound: talk is cheap, words are ‘easy to say,’ they are ultimately just words, speeches – but Living Words is a whole different story. What we need is people actually living what we preach and this applies not only as an external ‘role’ or ‘profession’ for the world out there, but actually being so in one’s day to day.

Therefore, the point here is for me to be an example of what it means to take life seriously in my every thought, word and deed, wherein I commit to do what I set myself to be and do in the name of what’s best for all, where my life can stand as a testimony of what it means to ‘be the change you want to see in this world’ and do so without having to resort to the usual traits and personalities that may use ‘seriousness’ as a way to portray a form of superiority or ‘authority’ which many times – if not most – are not congruent in terms of ‘personal’ and ‘professional’ life.

That’s the divide I want to break here in my own life where I am not just someone that divides life and work in order to be ‘two separate beings’ that can take life seriously and not at the same time – no matter ‘what’ I do and where I am in the system, I commit myself to taking life seriously as in not being lax to my own application of self-correction and living expansion, and to honor that commitment through every decision I make in my life, which translates into living integrity and self-respect as creators of our lives= as within, so without.

That’s the kind of individuals that I’d like us all to become and debunk for once and for all the external facades of ‘care towards life’ that are not genuinely honored in the nature of who we are as individuals, becoming ‘cheap talk’ with no substance at all – and this is what I am here challenging within myself, to stick to my truth, to live my words, to practice what I preach in my living reality on a day to day basis, beyond only conveying good sounding words which anyone can ultimately convey – this is about sharing one’s truth and one’s commitment to actually live and embody as the new nature of ourselves as human beings, and that’s the kind of seriousness I’m definitely all in for in my existence.

Thanks for reading  

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE

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237. Living IntelliSense as Life in Equality

Would a drive for intelligence exist if there were no ‘props’ for it within the system?

We accepted and allowed a rating system in school that becomes the equivalent of your potential job opportunities without any further questions about this to be a ‘real measure’ of an individual’s potential. We have accepted and allowed a number or a letter to define ‘who we are’ within the system because schooling is the platform of adjustment and allocation as to who you will be throughout your entire life as an individual according to the money you are able to obtain from your ability to be intelligent or not, and as such, decide careers according to your mental capacity. Is this a Real way to measure a being’s skills and abilities? Of course it isn’t.

 

Grades in school  and the education system are just like price tags upon anything of this world: it is a make believe system that we all believe is ‘who we are’ – and  as such, calling oneself intelligent is only realizing one’s ability to use the mind within this system that is the externalization of our own mind, it’s like tuning in to a proper functioning within the same hierarchical  schemes of the world in a proper and successful manner and be rewarded for it even further, wherein there is no glory without abuse.

Continuing from:

 

Ever questioned why the people that ‘had it easier’ in the system would end up having a lot of money and even free stuff/ more privileges besides all their money earned? Incentives to continue supporting the system, never questioning, feeding the desire for more as a perfect way to control even to the ‘winners’ themselves, more and more being unaware of reality and the actual consequences that are being created due to this negligible process.

 

The self correction in relation to a single character that we define ourselves as implies a written process, however it is not only about me stopping existing within a self-definition as a value given within/ by a system that has never supported life, but also seeing what must be changed at a system level so that never again is one human being considered as ‘more’ than others according to being able to measure ‘who I am’ as an individual that responds to the system, to sustain it, feed it within its hierarchical schemes, instead of actually establishing a new of living wherein our education system is never again based on indoctrinating kids with beliefs of ‘who they are’ being able to be measured by a single number, creating competition, breeding separation between those that should be taught to regard each other as equals.

 

When and as I see myself ‘spiting’ this intelligent character by playing out the opposite as being irresponsible or lacking any drive to Move within the academic world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that through ‘spiting the character’ I am only going into the opposite polarity to apparently ‘make up for my self-definition,’ without realizing that as consciousness we will always drive ourselves to the opposite as a personality system that will then also have to be walked in order to understand how we have developed a biased living-condition based on satisfying roles and personalities only. Thus I direct myself to simply direct myself to that which I have to do and not begin doing it as a form of opposing my ‘past personalities’ or ‘spiting who I was’ in the past, as that is certainly not a common sensical solution.

To understand how consciousness operates when dealing with personality systems, listen to Quantum Systemization – Resonance Absorption Membrane – Part 3

 

I commit myself to stop any form of ‘spite’ toward my old personalities and trying to ‘make up for them’ through going to the opposite polarities, not realizing that this will lead me nowhere but into further self limitations – I direct myself to do, say, act upon what is required to be directed, being here as breath which implies no memories defining ‘who I am’ toward that point

 

When and as I see myself somehow lingering on to a self definition of being ‘intelligent’ when compared to others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that who I really am exists as equal potential and physicality as everything and everyone else – hence I direct myself to stop my self-assessment in comparison to others and focus on listening, breathing, interacting with others from the starting point of always supporting ourselves to establish Common Sense reasoning within any event or situation, which does not imply having to have a certain amount of knowledge and information, but simply walk ‘who I am’ within an awareness of what is required to be directed, done, said and acted upon.

 

When and as I see myself accessing a superiority mode according to knowledge and information that I have accumulated and experiencing a sense of ‘power’ within it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only real power is who we are here as physical beings and breath. there is nothing else.

 

When and as I see myself assessing my ‘potential’ according to the amount of knowledge and information that I have about something and believing that such point is ‘not my field’  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that my own limitations only exist at a mind level and as such, I can direct myself to try them out in physical reality to see the validity of such limitations and within this, develop further skills that are not only related to memorizing or storing data, but obviously developing common sense as the actual intelligence that we as human beings should support each other to integrate as part of our living skills.

 

I commit myself to participate within the establishment and creation of an education system wherein we no longer measure each other according to the numbers/letters we get as ‘grades’ defining who we are according to being intelligent/ not intelligent.

 

I commit myself to equalize myself to my physical body as the actual common sensical and physical intelliSense that we can integrate as a practical living skill, which means no longer diminishing ‘who I am’ as a set of knowledge and information, but actually expanding ourselves to be and become human beings that are self aware within this world system within the consideration that it is in our ability to live to our fullest potential if we provide enough platforms of self support as basic education, beginning with parents and the understanding of what is of real value within this world, which is then not linked to knowledge and information but an actual self equality and oneness

 

I commit myself to develop an IntelliSense wherein common sense is lived and promoted by myself through my own application as words and deeds that are able to redefine intelligence to an actual living skill that everyone is equally capable of developing through self-support as a practical living education wherein what’s required at all times is to consider what’s best for all in All areas of our living – and this is thus the best way to set the foundation for a world wherein we can regard each other as equals in our ability to coexist within a set of life-values that can be integrated to a real intelligence such as doing onto others what you would like to  be done onto you, giving and receiving equally, considering each other as equally ‘valuable’ as life and ‘love thy neighbor as thyself’ which is a point that we all have to first integrate toward ourselves as an actual living cultivation of honoring and respecting ourselves as life, so that we step out of our current narrow view upon life where knowledge and information is ‘praised’ and instead, we develop an equal and one living-application of this equal regard of practical things to direct in order to support each other to live in the most optimal condition.

 

Knowledge without application is useless and as such, I commit myself to expose also where our knowledge and information as our ‘ranking systems’ to define a being’s ability to exist within the system is flawed and that there is no possibility for us to realize to what extent we have separated ourselves from who we really are as the physical unless each one takes responsibility for what we’ve become within this single consideration of ‘intelligence’ that each one has, either ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ it is still a limited definition of who we are.

 

I realize that I had lived out this self definition based on participating within all the memories that valued myself as such, without realizing that all definitions created at a mind level are not in fact the real substance that I am – yet, I tis my absolute responsibility to ensure no single speck of superiority remains within this realm of self definition as intelligence.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is that intelligence has not existed as an actual honorable skill in this world, otherwise we would not be so busy cultivating our minds as this world system that runs upon an abusive make-believe system of values that only benefit those that are in a position to get the most money/ resources from the hierarchical disposition of the world system, which is the system that we have all complied to and abided to by virtue of living in this world.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is actually abusive to only define someone according to a letter or a number as ‘who they are’ in their skills and mental abilities. I support myself to walk the living correction of having defined ‘who I am’ according to a number as grades within the schooling system and equalize myself as that which has always been in fact real: myself as my physical body that I breathe in here.

 

I commit myself to live in humbleness as an ability to use any current lived-skill within knowledge and information and the ability to memorize toward a best for all outcome. Within this also realizing that we Still live in a world wherein we are still being ranked according to these schemes – therefore it is not to ‘ditch out’ our grades/ degrees in the schooling system, but to equalize ourselves to it so that we are Not defined by it, yet we use what we got in order to walk through it and be able to sustain ourselves within this current system, while at the same time, aligning our actual living values to that which is Real as the physicality and life that we all are equally.

 

When and as I see myself in any  interaction wherein I see myself accessing the knowledgeable persona in order to ‘have the answer to it all’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is my ego wanting to ‘pop up’ in order to seem like I ‘always have the answer’ which is only a point that bursts like a bullet and it happens when I am not breathing – thus

 

I commit myself to realize that having any form of ability to store memories with certain ease is not an indication of intelligence but simply a skill, a mind ability that is able to be developed equally for all beings that are able to live in a stable condition throughout their first living years, which is a point that we can all commit ourselves to investigate how that works and functions at a mind-physical level, such as educating oneself with the Quantum Mind Self Awareness Interviews, wherein we can stop speculating about ‘Intelligence’ and instead, learn how we have always had the exact same abilities as a potential existent within each one to be developed to an optimal degree wherein we can all learn how to make use of our mind in an equal and one basis to our physical, instead of conceiving this intelligence as something ‘more’ or ‘special’ for only a few.

 

 

I commit myself to establish a self-integrity based on living skills that are self supportive for all as equals and within this, learn how to live physically which is something that is then walked through/ lived/ breathed and not ‘known’ as data only.

I commit myself to continue assisting and supporting myself whenever this self definition rears its head as an ego-burst and direct myself to breathing and realizing that who we are is equal in all ways, we just have to learn how to actually live it out within and without – which means, I live out my inner process of self-equality and oneness between my physical body and my mind to no longer be having to ‘think’ to live, and the same without as a world system that supports common sense living, valuing life and supporting each other to let us know when we are going into any ego-drive of intelligence over matter.

 

I commit myself to explain and expose how we have only pursued ‘intelligence’ do to the rewards given toward such ability/ skill in the system and as such place a parallel of how things would change wherein there is no more remuneration to such ‘intelligence’ within an Equality System wherein every single being will be exposed to the exact same amount of information as a point of support to live, within this eradicating any form of intellectual elitism based on intelligence as an actual ‘gift’ for some and transform it into a single aspect we can all develop in an equal and one manner Within the consideration of the physical reality and what’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to live my self-equality and oneness by being here as breath throughout any form of interaction with others, being aware of listening/ hearing in the moment and not skipping the moment to speak but allow myself to breathe and then interact within common sense = saying ‘an answer’/ giving knowledge and information does not make me ‘more’ than myself physically here.

 

I commit myself to make use of the education that I have toward a best for all outcome and actually contribute to give an end to this current world system so that we can focus on developing/ cultivating the actual values of life which is life itself in equality.

 

“from Intelligence to IntelliSENSE would be the process from knowledge and information, to commonsense practical reasoning” – Sunette Spies

 

I suggest to all parents to educate themselves to not push your children to be ‘intelligent’ or a ‘good student’ as prescribed within our current system, it is best to support them to develop that which they are good at even if it is not within the realm of our current subjects in school and direct them to consider their skills and abilities toward the manifestation of a change within this world that they can contribute to in an equal manner. It is not to judge them for not getting ‘goo grades,’ but rather find the point that has not been properly integrated, the belief that might be tampering their schooling process and support them to equalize themselves to their fullest potential. For that, self support through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application is suggested, beginning with you as a parent that seeks ‘excellence’ within children but has not actually first lived out that for yourself. Let’s begin our common sensical living from ourselves individually first.

 

For further support:

 

wtf

No more divine rays of ‘intelligence’ in self interest

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

– Educate yourself about how ‘intelligence’ is formed within yourself throughout your life


235. Intelligence = Profitable Props for the Ego

 

“the Teacher know a lot of Knowledge and Information, that comes from books and sources, which they do not have Direct-Access to in as much as, Ensuring that what they are Teaching, is in fact the Truth. It All Depends on your Culture, and where you Find yourself in the World, as to What you’ll be Taught and what the Teacher will be Teaching. This Knowledge and Information will be Aligned with the current Social-System, and All Critical Thinking will be Aligned to Justify the Current Social System. So, is it then really, actually, Critical Thinking? With using Religion as the Justification why All Men cannot be Equal, Blaming God for Creating Man Unequal – makes the whole Point easy, to Imprint a most Strange thing: the Point of Competition. In Sales, this is called: “the point to watch for”, which is in fact a Distraction, because – while the Person’s focusing on “the point to watch for”, which is the Distraction like for instance, Competing in some form of Sport or in the Academic World, or just looking at the Teacher Performing the Act of Teaching: the Actual Education is happening in the Background, which is Pacifying the Child to Submit Completely to Authority and Control, and Accept the Current System and their lot in Life.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

If who I was defined within the system as ‘intelligent’ is measured by the above mentioned considerations, one can realize that I have only believed myself to be another ‘currency’ based on fake values within the system. I knew that every time anyone labeled me as ‘intelligent’ it was a lie I had I just learned early on to play the game of good grades, build a reputation and have it all go easily for me in school with some, what I can say, preprogrammed traits. I’ve written out some time ago about my decisions in life being based on ‘spiting’ this responsible/ intelligent character, mostly to avoid being seen as a nerd or simply an apparent intelligent person which I would mostly dislike due to the obvious separation/ inequality that it breeds, but at the same time ended up accepting as if I really just ‘that’ because everyone seemed to say so. ‘Cultural and Intelligent, she’ll get very high’ can be read in my ‘senior high school year book’ and there I was slightly smiling to a bright future, probably did get high but not in social ranks of any sort, mostly within my mind and using everything that I could to fly away from my responsibility as a human being, oh yes, that was my specialty and became my career, my bright way to ‘spite’ everyone’s expectations – yes, only did it to myself obviously.

 

But, was any of that real intelligence? I remember struggling a lot because I simply found it so easy to deal with information and learn stuff, and people would ask all the time ‘how do you do it’? or ‘I want to be like you!’ and I had no answer because it was just reading it and that’s it, so I would give a little explanation of how they could do the same that I would do: be responsible, do your homework, pay attention in class, read before the exam and that’s it. People thought I would study for hours on, lol, but as I’ve explained, I would spend those hours on absorbing images and sounds from the TV of which I am still finding every day it’s more of a chunk of old skin that I simply can’t shed so quickly, now that’s the real ingrained part of my ‘learning years’ as everything that I imprinted a LOT of emotions and feelings toward. School? Yes, knowledge and information, being  a ‘good student’ according to teachers and classmates forged within a school system that only regards what is ‘good/ excelling’ within its own little realm of a’s and b’s – 10’s and 9’s here, all indicators of how obedient one would be as a slave in the system. And yes here it is to understand that we STILL live in this system, so even when I was full aware of this in my last years of school, I kept my grades up just to have a cool curriculum within the system, which is what does matter at this stage – not that I actually ‘value’ myself as such grades.

 

To me it was pretty clear how getting A’s/ 10’s meant reward, I’d feel ‘bad’ every time my father would say I deserved something for it, I said I did it for myself, but would eventually end up extending my hand and getting some money for it, so that I could buy my own reward for being ‘such a good student,’ which became just a synonym for pride and show off from my parents to others, and our regular ‘reputation’ – I say ‘our’ because of my sisters being the same.  Yeah, responsibility and discipline, orderly were part of my inherited traits – does that make it ‘fair’ for everyone else? No, is it then a curse? Not either, it simply means that we’ve lived in an unequal way wherein some ‘got it easy’ and some are meant to suffer more in order to achieve similar results or at least the ‘closest’ to it, sometimes, that’s virtually impossible. Why? Because the system was inherently designed that way: no one was meant to be Perfect. I say ‘meant’ because it is preprogramming and an entire system of energetic systematic processes wherein no matter if you were ‘bright’ in some field of your life, another would be absolutely crap so that one would never be satisfied in all aspects of self, which was obviously my case as well. (for more understanding of how this reality works, read Understanding Reality on the various blogs and pins there)

 

I sure could stand on podiums and be the recognized as the ‘best student’ throughout all my school years… does that define who I am? That’s the point to investigate here – of course at face value I say No, but the mere resistance to say it as it is means that I had suppressed it because of being ‘ashamed’ of having played this sectarian hierarchical role within school, which is then indicating I still hold a relationship toward it of self-definition.  I am aware that such trait is not a physical ability as life is not about intelligence as the ability to parrot knowledge and information, but being able to discern reality within common sense and self honesty to act, do and say what’s best for all. And that I learned at Desteni, and that is available for everyone equally. This how I debunked the entire ‘carefully crafted’ self idea/ personality of mine wherein even my attempt to ‘spite my ego’ backfired with further confusion about reality and layers that I still have to walk as the reasons why I followed through a particular road and what was it that I attempted to avoid facing.

 

I’m grateful for al the education I had of course, otherwise I would not be here. I’m grateful within the understanding of how there is only a few chances in this world to be born in a condition and environment where we can get educated and even more so, be able to integrate it as the system preparation it is.

 

Each year that went by in kindergarten, I remember my teacher saying that I would go ‘getting loose’ because I had gotten there as the ‘strong’ one, the serious, responsible, and adamant when discussing with my mother how I wanted to go to school even if I was sick, just because that would make me ‘lose track’ and fear falling behind on my sticks and apples type of calligraphy lesson, lol. I am aware of me actually enjoying being more mischievous later on and using my reputation to my advantage: no one would figure out it was ‘me’ that could do anything wrong. I still find that quite annoying to say the least, and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to correct me in any possible way, it’s been counted times that I can say that in relation to my process and each point were vital to understand myself better – it only happened here at Desteni that people would take that point of support –  anywhere else it is as if you just have this ‘all access pass’ as some form of ‘godliness’ and no one dares to question you – hello, that’s how I was able to get ‘what I wanted’ only to regret it later because of the starting point of it obviously not being self honest. This is quite dangerous if such person loses any ground and then just flies on ‘autopilot’ with such ‘intelligent reputation’ fuel with no question – there’s no doubt that many people that have been graded as ‘A students’ end up involved in quite hectic situations while everyone can’t compute ‘But she was such a good girl, she was the most intelligent in her class, how could she do that? I don’t understand!’ 

This was not my case, but I am well aware of the potentials we all hold toward being an actual self-honest being and an actual self-dishonest nasty being if we cultivate that part equally. This is ‘our choice’ at the moment.

 

Now, looking at the big scope, we’ve all been living in such auto-pilot with No questioning to this so-called intelligence that is promoted, accepted and allowed in our school systems. I just debunked my own perceived ‘superiority’ and ‘specialness’ as a mix of learning how the system works, heritage and further playing-along with the character. Is any of it really who I am? No, since I can stop thinking and reproducing the knowledge and information that makes one ‘really intelligent’ within this current system.

Then, is this current system of knowledge and information of any real validity? Not really unless the knowledge and information is applicable data that Describes how reality functions and as such, it is no longer useless data but a form of comprehending our reality and within such  understanding, we are able to direct it within common sense.

Common Sense is what’s best for all. I require a human physical body and Be in it to realize what is real and what is the energized idea of self as ‘who I am’ as the ego. Could I live without water, food, shelter, sunlight, air, health support, clothes, general secure location to live in?  No. Could I live without all the knowledge and information acquired throughout the long list of schooling years. For the most part, yes, I require language to communicate and mathematics to understand how physical consequences pile up. I can learn more about how my mind works in one half our of an Eqafe recording than an entire year of studying basics in psychology, sociology or biology and that’s certainly not an exaggeration.

 

Hence, what I can conclude is that whatever idea/ belief people had about me would only perpetuate the accepted hierarchical positions that were promoted and supported by our teachers at school, by family and essentially on a social level you always had these ‘intelligent kids’ being gathered for further competitions to see who would win the position as ‘the most intelligent of them all,’ not to say that I imprinted the most anxiety in my body when having to be participating in any of that or English spelling contests for three years in a row, one never considers the amount of strain imposed when ‘all eyes are on you’ and you simply fear fucking it up as it did happen, and then you want to win because one has been told that that is the ‘greatest spot’ to be at, and then one realize that it was all really for nothing other than a pat on your back and a single thought in my head of ‘I won’ – just another prop for the ego –  yet the extreme stress experienced before and during the contest remains as an engraving in my physical body as a result of the extreme nervousness and anxiety,  memories that I would never want to repeat again. This was the limited scope of my world for a while.

Hence my association of intelligence with being in front of people, doing something/ saying something/ picking up some diploma which became like a broken record that others would want to experience, but every time I simply found it more and more pointless, just a stack of cardboard that I could burn out in a couple of seconds.

 

I guess that’s part of why I identified with one of the characters in Magnolia, this ‘bright kid’ I’m Quiz Kid Donnie Smith that is recognized by all and everyone believing that his wits would lead him to ‘guaranteed success’ in life and defined everything he was just because of That – yet he ends up seeing himself in a dog eat dog world where his wits lead him nowhere but being ‘misunderstood’ and ‘looking for love,’ which is pretty much what I did. I wanted to stop being conceived as this ‘bright piece of brain’ that people thought I was, I wanted guys to stop being scared of me so that I could be known for “who I really was” which was just this self created softy version of an emotional/ feeling  concoction that would rejoice with sadness, depression and yearning for bits of heaven in any possible way as my personal entertainment, just because I required some ‘conflict’ in my life’ – that’s what happens when your life is assured and you’re not striving for a living, panhandling or living on the streets or working 18 hours a day, one can focus on just cultivating massive mindfucks. Did I get what I wanted? I did, to a certain extent – did it solve the inner conflict? No, it only aggravated it till I had to face the consequences of everything that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become while ‘spiting my intelligent character.’ Now that’s what I call self-sabotage and one that I am walking till this very day.

 

Just a quick reminder: did I in any of this perceived ‘intelligence’ actually placed into application the skills learned at school’? was I aware of myself as a physical being? Did I regard all beings as equals at all levels? Did I ever considered veering such apparent intelligence to a ‘greater good,’? Self Honestly, not at all. Is intelligence in any way veered toward being at the service of those that do not present such apparent intelligence? Not at all, it is just one lucky trait as propos for your appraisal  in the ‘job market’ and escalate my elitist desired position of maybe doing some ‘good’ here and there, but mostly focusing on selling my wits to the greatest bidder. Again, please do not do what I did ‘spiting the system’ and wanting to ‘escape it,’ you’ll end nowhere and actually wasting a pretty cool opportunity to be In the system to change it.

 

So this is the behind the scenes of the perceived ‘intelligent being’ and the actual stress it represents having people talking to your ear about how much they despise you because of always getting everything right, or how much they wish you fuck up so that they can take your place, or how much they think you’re not normal and ‘don’t count’ when it comes to sharing their usual problems and inabilities to ‘make it’ within school. Has anyone ever placed themselves in the shoes of the few that have to endure such ‘high rank’ positions? Not really, hence this is supportive to walk since we tend to be so judgmental about those in ‘higher places’ but never look at all that which they also have to endure to maintain such positions, even if it is yes of course, inherently fucked that we have to exist in a world of highs and lows – but understanding how this works also leads to stopping judgments and instead, walking a process of self correction so that we no more harbor any form of sectarian attitude toward others based on their ‘traits’ as ‘who they are’ within the system of either a lower or higher position. Until we are equal, we’ll have to face each and every single accepted and allowed hierarchical value imposed upon Life.

 

Is a perceived positive trait all that I want to be? hell no, it’s not real as physicality and will be redefined to a living word, not a data base that consumes time and space that sells well in the system – but, who would we be in a world-system where there are no more ‘grades’ that define who you are? where there are no more ranking systems of who’s the best and who isn’t? Certainly it will already place a more equal stance between kids at school, it is widely ignored how these differentiation made between people according to ‘intelligence’ breeds the most conflict between peers, leading often to problems like bullying or extreme stress when having to keep up with the ‘peer pressure.’ Time to think outside of our protection mechanisms and so called ‘superior traits’ and equalize ourselves as the physicality that we really are.

 

To be continued with Self Forgiveness on the Intelligent word/character along with the necessary bubbles to burst as ingrained self-beliefs that I perpetuated as a ‘positive trait’ of who I am.

 

 

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64. Talents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my ‘talents’ as my greatest asset wherein all the value and worth that I gave to myself was linked to the ability to think and do things as a way to measure myself toward other beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word ‘talent’ as a positive word, as something that adds up specialness to a being, wherein it I just acting/ living that which is of ease for me to act, direct, do without an effort – hence I can direct any talent as an action that I can express myself as with ease toward a best for all outcome, and not just for personal glorification or ‘value’ above other life forms.

 

I realize that the word talent in itself means ‘weight’ and ‘sum of money’ which are added values that make ourselves ‘more’ than others – apparently – yet they are in essence points of expression that if equalized as life, each one can develop to the benefit of the whole and stop using talents as a way to compete against each other and ‘win’ as a form of superiority/ inferiority separation toward others, and instead use such talents as the ‘natural skills’ in the best interest of all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link self-worth to ‘talents’ and ‘skills’ wherein all that I became was this set of attributes that I could use as a reference point to compare myself toward other beings and decide whether I stood ‘above’ or ‘below,’ which is how my entire stance was created as a sense of confidence stemming from this ‘value-assessment’ toward other beings, wherein words from beings toward everything I did/ say were stored as confirmations of ‘who I was’ and ‘how I was doing’ in my life, which were conveniently used to grow my ego and my perceived talents in order to confirm to  myself: ‘that’s the way to go, because everyone agrees with it!’ without ever doing an actual introspection in my life with regards to how things in the world worked wherein all value is actually fake and in separation of ourselves, moving in a system of money that is existent as debt- hence

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘vox populi’ as all the opinions and perspectives people had ‘upon me’ as a way to decide where I would be the most effective in my world, and assessing my future accordingly, without realizing that we as all individuals have been very lost in our world of values, directions and placing ourselves in unfortunate positions by our own ‘will’ which were choices based On the limitation that we created within ourselves as the inherent structure we are born with/ as, as the entire configuration of a world wherein life has never been valued but only ‘what you do’ to maintain the system of absolute abuse and disregard toward life in place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever become so worried about ‘who and what I will become’ in my life when having to decide about the future as careers and life-choices without realizing that none of those ‘choices’ were in fact self-supportive as nothing of what currently exists in this world is directed to the benefit of all life in Equality as long as money dictates ‘who we are’ in our world. This means that as long as value is separate from ourselves as life, anything we do will be linked to perpetuating the same system of fake values in separation of ourselves as Equals – as I realize that only through first walking the process to Equalize myself can I remove the conditions I had imposed onto myself to start considering that we all have to become equal participants in taking responsibility of this world wherein through changing the way the system operates, we will be able to provide actual options of LIFE and self-development with activities and professions that are linked to be part of the creative processes to the best way of living as Equals, which is not at all considered in any profession or specialized field/area currently in our world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself some ‘choices’ in life wherein I literally stood within the point of ‘the world is fucked, there is nothing else to do it, where can I be the least influenced ‘by the system’ while being in it?’ – hence using art and the art-profession as a way to ‘escape’ from reality yet still foreseeing to make ‘good money’ out of it, which was all placed as dreams and ideals that were essentially fallacies that I bought and created for myself in order to avoid taking actual Self-Responsibility for myself and this world in its entirety.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use even dead as an excuse to not take responsibility for this world wherein I used o think ‘well, we’re going to die anyways so, what’s the worst thing I could choose to be/ become?’ – and using death thus as an excuse to continue seeing this world as having no remedy, being ‘hopeless’ about the entire panorama in in that, mostly abiding to the ideal ‘end times’ so that I didn’t have to even worry about developing myself properly with a certain profession/ position in the world, but only caring about my personal ‘spiritual’ salvation, which I really used to wreck my own life based on beliefs and hypothetical imminent events wherein it would all end, and still is a point that I walk through in order to not feel like all of this is not sustainable and will have to be obliterated in order to have life restored back to itself, which is not acceptable as in the meantime while I just think, there is actual suffering in the world created by my own aloofness toward reality.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to misunderstand the point of ‘giving up’ my ego and personality as in giving up/ stopping participating in such ‘talents’ that even if they were preprogrammed, in no way does it mean that I have to now not participate in them at all, this is about WHO I am within everything that I do which means that I simply have to stop identifying myself as only being such talents and instead, allow myself to express myself through/ as such ‘talents’ without holding a relationship of value/worth toward them as a point of specialness

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold backchat toward beings in my past wherein I would think ‘they clearly have no sex, thus their mind and intelligence is all they have to brag about to feel better about themselves’ and in this, seeing that either being an intellectual devotee or a lover or a religious follower, they would all compensate one ‘realm’ of their reality not being ‘fulfilled’ with the exacerbation of one of their talents, without realizing that I was obviously doing the same wherein all I ever sought to be was an intellectual that would gather all this information, creating a relationship to this information and with this, cover up my inability to establish relationships that were supportive and any other self-agreement of self-support to first value myself as the life that I am here to be and become.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compensate my perceived lack of personal-charm to establish proper relationships and use knowledge and information as the entire ‘intellectual personality’ to cover up for my other perceived ‘lacks’ or ‘flaws’ within my personal life, wherein I had accepted myself to become a hopeless romantic/ intellectual that could only philosophize about life and create more conundrums through art as if Life was this eternal mystery unsolved to me.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to justify any ‘detachment’ from people – a.k.a. isolation, ostracizing – as part of the personalities I created as a ‘thinker’ or ‘artist’ or ‘creative’ believing/ talking myself into the perceived ‘misunderstanding’ that I thought people in my world would see me as, which only fueled this perceived idea of me being ‘special’ and with this ‘something’ that I Hoped to develop in the future, believing that I would be something ‘great’ and ‘marvelous’ lol yet I never directed myself to place such ‘talents’ up front ‘on the table’ so to speak to see how I could direct myself with such ‘talents’ within the world, but I instead hoped and wished that something / someone would knock on my door and offer me this great position wherein I could satisfy my expectations, just because of believing myself to be this special being that could do well in ‘anything I wanted,’ which was fueled by what parents/ teachers/ people in my world would also talk about, which is to the utmost detriment of the being in question as it is only an air-based/ words-not-lived based expectation of another, built up with values and ideas of the same system that in no way considers what’s best for all life, but only what makes the most money/ what pumps the ego the most/ what creates further specialness as a point of separation from the whole, which is not acceptable at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place my entire life depending on these ‘talents’ as knowledge and information consumed as ‘value’ in itself, wherein the more I would nurture myself within this intellectualized personality = the more I would ‘worth’ myself within the social-standards, creating this superiority position toward others, often engaging in intellectual debates just for the sake of ‘voicing myself’ and ‘making myself heard’ with No practical solutions or conclusions, but only adding up the cherry on top of the verbal diarrheic intellectual chats and endless coffee shop hours on philosophizing about life, politics, economics and judging others within such positions that I used to participate in.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever take the position of the ‘hopeless dreamer’ as ‘the artist’ that was ‘misunderstood’ and that had no relationship to anything else but brushes and paints and fellow ‘dead artists’ that I would read about in order to feel ‘understood,’ without realizing that I had not even established a proper self-relationship toward myself to see ‘who I am’ in relation to these talents first, if they were really talents or just personal fascinations that became a ‘way out’ of facing myself?

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ‘choose’ an inclination of ‘who I wanted to become’ in life in a position wherein my looks would not matter that much, wherein I would not have to ‘deal’ with many people, and where I could just hide in some remote space for a long time and ‘disconnect myself from the world’ – which were the usual beatnik type of dreams of seclusion wherein I could just write and create artworks and music and only come out to ‘show it to the world’ after some time, which is one of the ‘dreams’ that I had wherein my then Zen enthusiasm and artistic endeavors filled my being with ‘hope’ and mostly illusion that I could in any way, change the world through my creations.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold dreams of detaching from reality, from everything and everyone not realizing that it is the same as desiring to be Dead as Nothing in this world exists in such ‘detachment’ of each other, otherwise my own body would not be able to function and continue existing, which is applied to the rest of this world existent in interdependent relationships toward one another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have given up being able to do anything about this world back in the day wherein the ‘choice’ of what and who I wanted to be and do with my life, which was not an actual choice of me seeing myself as capable and able to support myself and stand as an example of change in my world, but only choose that which was ‘the least worst thing to do’ according to the values I placed in the world in separation of myself as a whole, stemming from feeling frustrated and ‘hopeless’ about reality and thinking ‘there is nothing I can do’ which is one of the primary reasons why I chose to become a ‘professional’ in ‘arts’ – according to the ideas and stereotypes of artists I knew at that moment – as a way to further develop this desire to detach from reality and lead ‘humanity to the spiritual world’ – lol I wrote ‘spitual’ –

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to then judge my creations as mindfucked infatuations, without realizing that they were just part of that time in my life and that I can continue creating without me defining myself according to what I create or created in the past, as I can give myself this moment here to express myself as what I exist as in any given moment, without having to create a special point of definition of ‘who I am’ toward that.

 

I realize that I have now stopped most of ‘creative processes’ because of having judged them as a point that I used to escape from my reality, yet I can use them again and turn them/ direct them as self-supportive creations that I can use as another way to present myself as my process, which means that it’s not only ‘myself’ that I’m working on, but I can do other works and creations that stem from such self-understanding that I am walking at the moment in this process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out my ‘extremist’ personality wherein I tend to just ‘give up’ something and not look at it again based on having realized the initial/ starting point reason for me to create, and completely ‘detach’ myself from it which is separation – hence it is not to deny my abilities and capabilities of doing something or talking about certain topics, it is about Who I Am in every moment that I participate in creating, communicating with others and within this, establishing myself as equal in all aspects of my reality, not dividing them as ‘the old me’ and the ‘new me’ as that is separation as well – it is about in every moment seeing how I can direct any point in Self-Honesty and considering what’s best for all, which is definitely able to be done and walked as an integral part of self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people according to how they would speak about their talents and specialness and within this, take such judgment back to self wherein I make sure I stop existing in any form of separation toward anything I do, say, write, share as creation so that I am no longer participating in a system of specialness – but instead become part of the creation of a system wherein all human beings can equally contribute with their talents as a point that is of ease for each to express-themselves as, aiming to contribute to the best interest of all in Equality.

 

I commit myself to asses what I am ‘good at’ as ‘talents’ that I can direct myself to establish myself as an example of how such talents can be used in a beneficial way that entails the betterment of all in Equality.

 

I commit myself to stop any perceived form of ‘being better than others’ in anything I do, but instead, simply use what I can do, what I enjoy expressing myself-as in consideration of that which can support another being to see themselves in and through my words, my creations, my expression in any way which is in the end what we do in this process: reflecting back to each other points that we probably have not considered of ourselves before.

 

I commit myself to re-integrate myself to my perceived detachment and separation from anything I had deemed as ‘talent’s wherein I simply stopped altogether creating separation instead of integrating them as who I am in a way that I ensure that my actions are directed to create a best for all outcome, which is then a way to share/ show to others how each one of us can contribute with their own talents to make of this world a better place, in actual physical reality and not in a dream-like manner.

 

I commit myself to equalize all values as Life as that is the only real value that exists wherein all talents, all activities, all forms of expression are then aligned to creating/ recreating and propagating this new ‘meaning’ of living and expression linked to Life itself for the first time, in a system that would value everything else in separation of itself as Life itself, which is already a revolutionary aspect that has not been considered – mostly taken for granted – before.

 

I commit myself to stop all separation within me as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I do’ is one and equal and must not be assessed and appraised according to the fake-values currently existing in our word, but I make sure that I establish equality as myself as this is the only way that I can ensure I become an effective participant in the Equal Money System where the only value is life, where everything we do is equally ‘remunerated’ as that ability to give and receive in equality.

 

I commit myself to walk my own process of equalizing myself as my talents, and later on be able to share with others how to do the same with themselves, as this is a very cool and key factor that we all as individuals can take on and truly create a new world wherein everyone enjoys what they’re doing/ expressing themselves as, while supporting to create a world that is best for all.

 

For more support on deciding what to do with your life, share at the Desteni Forum  and read all the Journey to Life blogs wherein we are all committed to become examples of what Living Life is in a world where Money will no longer dictate ‘who we are’  – but equalizing All as Life as the only way to start creating a New World beginning with ourselves

 

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Day 10: Money and Politeness

 

As I walked the point of politeness as a positive experience within me and now that I am realizing to what extent everything that we have done/lived by has been linked to Money and the functioning of money in this world, I’ve seen how I’ve lived as a ‘polite person’ without identifying the actual positive ‘kick’ I would get out of it, yet this ‘attribute’ was linked to an inherent desire to be part of the ‘polite people in the world’ which, if reading back in my previous entry – were ‘well educated people’ that were mostly rich/ having more than enough money to live ‘well.’

 

This ties in with my choice of careers as well wherein my inclinations toward the world of ‘arts and culture’ lead me to believe that I had a more ‘refined’ taste than other members in my family who would not be any type of art enthusiasts or well-cultured in the usual ‘intellectual ways’ that I would deem people to be in such ‘social circles.’ So, when I began realizing that only a certain type of people was into art/ music and how they mostly were people with a certain education/ background that lead them to have such ‘refined’ tastes and views on life, I realized that I had to equate that, that I had to become part of such circles in order to achieve my desires/ dreams that I had formulated back then, which were pretty much linked to having enough money to travel around the world and the usual stuff that we dream of as young kids growing up into the ‘adult world.’

 

So these ‘refined manners’ were acquired from interacting with people outside of my family. I recall admiring people that were ‘well cultured’ and would express themselves with such a vocabulary that denoted they had read tons of books throughout their life. I would enjoy going to my aunt’s house for that reason, it was filled with books and we could go to museums and do stuff that I never did with my parents. The same when enjoying talking to their friends and also when being with parents of my friends and partner, they were all ‘well-cultured’ people, even teachers in literature and history and linguistics, which made me want to become part of that circle of people that would have dinners with wine while telling intellectual jokes and having some delicious Italian salad while eating nuts. If you have seen the movie ‘the hours’ I wanted to be like the character played by Meryl Streep, and somehow I would picture myself feeling equally empty even if I had achieved such ‘status’ in my world. But anyways, it was that ‘realm’ wherein I envisioned myself as being fulfilled.

 

What was the way to go there? Becoming equal and one to how I would see these people would behave, talk and experience themselves. So, I enjoyed reading from an early age and linked this to being/ becoming a cultured person, even if I read mostly fiction novels for most of the time.

There was also a time when I was a lot younger around 9 years old when I would attend these luxurious dinners with my parents wherein I got to experience what ‘being in society’ was, and how I was simply acting like a full grown up at that age. I would observe how everyone behaved and even though I knew the whole thing was a façade and really fake, I would play along trying to be charismatic to be equally liked/ accepted the same way that my sisters were. I guess that having a taste of what it means to have a ‘good life’ left a mark on me, even if at the time we were under extreme financial strain, all of those trips and luxury was paid for according to a certain position my father took for a while in a national organization. It was such an awkward experience because we did not have much money then, but we were in these pompous dinners and staying in master suites, literally stealing the room from rockstars staying in the same hotel. I guess that’s the most ‘taste’ I’ve had of what it is to have such luxury and comfort, as well as people praising you all of a sudden by association. Man, it is really something that ‘traps’ you for a while.

 

I guess that if I had not had such experiences, I would have not been aiming for such positions in a not so conscious way – or I didn’t want to fully acknowledge because of not wanting to be deemed as greedy. It’s cool to expose this as there is obviously so much that I held as an imprint on these trips wherein ‘the good life’ was suddenly my reality for a moment. That’s where I got the association of ‘polite’ as in being a ‘politician,’ because that’s how I identified the way that people at such conventions would act like/ interact with each other: in a polite, refined and ‘safe’ manner which is not being too ‘open’ yet not ‘too quiet’ as if there was a problem with you. I learned how having a constant smile made you being liked – I could not fathom why people would always say the same things to you ‘oh how pretty are you!’ It was a bit traumatic having to go through such disparity at such a young age, really. When coming back home after such events and trips – which were only two or three only during two years – it was like getting off of some really nice dream where you could ‘have it all’ and forget about all the actual financial troubles that my father was going through at the time, which I have shared and how it would also preoccupy me extensively as in fearing losing the house and everything.

 

So, to sum up, politeness was for me a way to establish and place myself on the track to become someone of ‘importance’ and in a certain ‘circle in society’ that I wanted to be part of, which was mostly the ‘intellectual circles’ wherein I could have enough vocabulary and presence to mingle with such people. That’s how both my career choices were linked to such cultural world, even after knowing that making a lot of money out of it would not be as easy – as I had initially thought. I got to admire mostly people that had written books already and that I knew I could ‘learn from’ in my attempt to become equal to them. And this all entailed having a secured-financial ‘freedoom’ while doing ‘what I like,’ which was either writing or creating art. I knew how being polite would lead you to get preferential treatment as well, and I sought that, creating a certain aura of power/ control and importance wherein I made sure people would ‘pay attention to me’ – yes.

 

Later on I went into the controlled opposite, but that’s another story wherein further suppressions were linked mostly in relation to judgments toward money – as I have briefly explained above. What I have walked here were dreams and desires that I had kept and was preparing myself for when I was in my early teens; I even thought of becoming a financial advisor just because of knowing how much money they would make, and all of those decisions were only based on desiring having a preferential position in the system wherein I could have enough money to travel around the world, as that’s what I really wanted to do or my ‘idea’ of what happiness in this world is about.

 

Now I have realized within the 23rd Interview by Anu how such elaborated words are definitely only for the ego of the intellectuals and it’s absolutely true – I mean, I created myself as that for the sake of belonging and making myself a space in such circles that I later on absolutely abhorred and almost completely ostracized myself from – going from admiring rich people and the power they had to opposing them and even blaming ‘them’ for the current status of the world, that’s been my life with money which I had not exposed to such extent from this money-perspective before. However I see how it is definitely the ‘missed factor’ that I probably withheld from sharing because of not wanting to be seen as greedy or superfluous/ self-interest driven person while acknowledging that we all are, and we all sought our ways into the system in one way or another. Everyone would enjoy having such financial comfort and power – even myself that later on tried to deny it can only recognize that I did, and ‘my dreams’ were based upon getting to a certain ‘state’ wherein I could write or do some works while having all time left to explore the world.

 

Well, it’s easy to dream and part of this entire process is to take all the points here back to Earth wherein I land myself on the ground to then see how a single seemingly ‘normal’ expression like being polite is in fact having all of this – and probably a lot more – behind it as a conditional input for me to express such ‘politeness’ as ‘who I am,’ which is linked to how I had defined myself according to the ‘social stratus’ that I wanted to be a part of within this world system.

 

I still have a lot of ‘points’ to sort out in relation to and toward money and my career and who I want to be and what must be one, mostly because of – as I mentioned before – going to the opposite polarity of judging rich people, judging the ‘power’ that some beings had to manipulate others because of money, judging the attitudes rich people would present while neglecting the fact that I had sought to be ‘just that’ as well. All of this while deliberately shoving off the reality that I knew and was well aware was going on in this world.

During this time, I managed to make of poverty and misery something that was just a constant part of my ‘landscape’ yet continuing to seek my personal fulfillment. I could have long talks with my then contemporaries that were sociologists and economists, literature people and talk about social policies and the government and whatnot, but we never ever had an actual definitive realization on how We were absolutely responsible for it. That would be yet another part of my ‘socialization’ wherein sitting in cafés talking for long hours would lead us anywhere, yet believing that we were ‘changing the world’ with our bright intellectual ideas and reunions. Lol

 

So – time for self forgiveness and self-corrective application to disengage from this politeness that I have separated myself from according to all of these memories that I’ve held within myself for the purpose of someday, being able to correlate/ cross-reference if I had ‘made it’ within this world system according to the expectations that I placed onto myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of myself a ‘polite person’ and allowing it to create an inherently positive experience wherein I became part of the ones that are looking forward to become part of a certain elite in this world, which in my case was the ‘intellectual/ well cultured’ people that can certainly only exist in a particular social stratus where money is affluent and where money is not a concern. Therefore, by me acting and playing out being the ‘polite person,’ I was in essence training myself to be part of the ‘polite world’ which I had linked to higher-social stratus of well educated/ well cultured people/ rich people/ intellectuals, because that’s what I wanted to be and ‘where I wanted to belong to.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then create an inherent desire to be and become someone ‘superior’ within the social standards which is why I fed myself so much with knowledge and information as I had given value/ worth to knowledge and information as my ‘talents’ when realizing that I could make a living out of it and still get to an elevated social stratus wherein I could be financially stable and have more than that in order to have a life of luxury and traveling as the dreams that I had created in my mind while neglecting this reality in its entirety.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all the relationships at an intellectual level with writers, sociologists, historians, linguists, and any other person that I deemed as ‘intellectual/ superior’ when I decided to step aside from that world and going into a more ‘noble’ and ‘meek’ path of not wanting to be part of the ‘high spheres in society,’ which came after a particular event that changed my view/ perspective about money and recognition and made a decision that ‘I didn’t want that for my life.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be part of the ‘intellectual people’ as that’s what I gave myself value as, knowledge and information, accumulating data that I could later on speak about and be regarded as ‘important.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play out being the ‘polite person’ among people that I wanted to ‘keep’ as relationships because of already being scheming me being part of such social-circles that I sought to be a part of, mostly because of regarding that I could make a load of money with it while doing something that I regarded as ‘humane’ as possible – which is culture/ words/ arts/ music, etc.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to increment my desire to know and prepare myself within specific careers simply out of the desire to accumulate as much knowledge as possible that I could ‘sell’ as my profession and earn good money out of it. In this I forgive myself that I had denied the fact that my life, my attitude, my politeness had been having money and the desire for money as an obvious drive in the background, while me denying so because in such realms, people seemed to be “humble” about their careers and knowledge – yet having a very affluent type of living, which I also desired to be like/ experience myself as: having money yet not being a ‘show off’ about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link a proficient vocabulary to being a ‘well cultured person/ well educated/ refined/ well mannered/ polite’ which I have immediately identified as something ‘valuable’ within a person, which is identifying knowledge and information as ‘valuable’ on top of the one and only value that exists which is life and Life cannot ever be knowledge.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having ever criticized/ judged people on how they would place value in their possessions without realizing that I was doing the same toward myself as my own mind in the form of knowledge and information and creating a value toward myself according to it, separating myself absolutely from the one and only reality that is here as myself as my physical body, as life, the life that I absolutely neglected in such times simply because being too busy building myself and preparing/ scheming my way to climb ‘the ladder of success.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blind myself with believing that my parents were unconditionally supporting my decision in life, without realizing that they were ‘happy’ about it because I was aiming to be a ‘rich’ person or having more than enough money and that my aspirations and actions were leading to becoming this ‘important person in society,’ which is why they started reacting when I stopped creating/ forming relationships in society and retreated, because this was linked to me losing all contact with such ‘intellectual people’ and losing the opportunity to be ‘a part of them.’ Now I realize that it was linked to money, to securing my ‘place in the world’ that I also deemed to prefer above any other professions or activities in the world. I was ready to praise myself as knowledge and information only, which I now see is the absolute manifestation of self-interest because I never considered ‘life’ in that, at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create and build myself within a particular personality wherein I made sure that people would ‘pay attention to me and give me a position of ‘importance’ even at face value, which was linked to my ‘scheming’ of positioning myself within a certain area in society that I could live ‘well’ of and still fulfill my desires to be someone ‘important’ in my world.

 

I commit myself to stand in a position in this world wherein I can truly make use of these attributes in a way that is best for all, because I see and realize that if I had personal interest as a driving force to be ‘preparing’ for such world, I could do the same now with having the starting point the absolute drive to support myself and all beings equally within a position within the world system wherein I no longer ‘fear’ it/ oppose it as some type of rebellion and antagonism stemming from criticism toward money/ power in this world. I realize that being in a position of power in this world cannot possibly exist within me unless I stand as one and equal to all – which means that whatever I have to do within this world system, I realize that I am perfectly able to do so, with having the starting point of doing/ living/ acting and creating myself as someone that can stand within the system to establish a system that is best for all life.

 

I commit myself to use these acquired ‘attributes’ and experiences as a point of reference to see and realize how I am capable of standing in a position that I had deemed as ‘superior’ yet now having a principle to actually stand for, which is life in equality and oneness – and not just following ‘dreams’ of fame, glory and success that I formulated in my mind which I knew would lead me to feel equally empty, because I obviously was not considering the whole in that equation.

 

I realize that the only true-fulfillment that I can create for myself is stemming from the standing and consideration of an overall well-being for humanity, that is my ‘true passion’ and as I got to know from some feedback at the farm ‘I’ve found my purpose in life,’ and the proof of this is that I had not been as consistent toward any particular ‘movement’ or ‘phase’ in my life as I have now within this process, because it is not just ‘another phase’ in my life of seeking my way into the system, it is The Phase and only phase wherein I dare to face myself and take self responsibility for my creation. And I realize that this entails actual work, actual self-commitment that strengthens every day the more I see, I realize and understand the extent to which we have enslaved ourselves to the absolute separation that stops here as myself.

 

Thus, I commit myself to stop any personal interest that stood only in the name of personal glory and success and instead use what is here as myself as a means to establish what is best for all in this world, which I hereby commit myself to walk into its completion as I know that I won’t ever be actually ‘fulfilled’ until this entire world is equalized as myself as who I really am, and for that there is Actual work to do and a long road to walk.

 

 

Suggested support:

An Interview on how when you really have it ALL and you then see yourself in the absolute opposite, your life changes, ‘who you are’ is gone. It is proof of how much we can also disregard within the experience of those in ‘power’ and apparent ‘control’ of their lives – a very cool interview that supported me to open up these points with more ease, to not judge what I have lived and become, but to see it for what it is: unacceptable forms of separation we’ve created in this world:

Life Review – When you Lose your Money – you Lose your Friends

Blogs of the day:


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