77. I Can’t Get No Satisfaction

 

Disenchantment of my Own Expectations

The disenchantment experienced within art school after the first year came up as an outflow of me having based my decision to study art from a desire to experience all the points that I have described in the previous blogs, which meant that because and due to my starting point not being that of a self-directive decision, I experienced disillusionment in every class I’d take, while holding the desire for something/ someone to fulfill this yearning to get to a point of satisfaction. This lead me to spend most of my first year extensively imbued in spirituality as a means to ‘compensate’ that which the art career was not ‘giving me’ from the get go, which is in fact my own manipulation from what I desired to get/ obtain from and through the ‘art experienced’ based on all the expectations I had formulated only in my mind about art, art school and myself being ‘in the right spot’ this time, only to realize that I was experiencing myself as in the beginning of literature wherein I started developing the same backchat to justify my ‘dissatisfaction’ with the career. (Read through 72. My Career Choice where I disclose this experience)

 

And so, here I walk one of those various moments I had while going through school and specifically the painting workshop I attended, which was supposed to be my ‘forte’ point within my ‘skills’ –

 

Pattern: talking myself into thinking that ‘this school is not good enough for me/ is not what I accepted’ which is the usual backchat I would form whenever I would simply opt to drop out and move onto something else based on not getting the ‘satisfaction’ from it that I was expecting.

 

2006

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get as early as possible to my painting workshop from the starting point of keeping this definition of myself as being ‘responsible’ and ‘attentive’ in school, yet wanting to ‘earn my right’ to leave after 3 hours exactly so that I could go to the library instead and read about the new age, esoteric books and religions that I considered were ‘more important’ than the workshop itself, which is how from the first year of being In art school, I began creating these ideas of myself not being fulfilled/ wanting something more ‘substantial’ based on the expectations I had created when deciding to study art and dropping out of literature. Within this essentially starting to repeat the same pattern of ‘dissatisfaction with my choice’ and seeking something else that would be more ‘fulfilling’ to get my positive experience, which is how I got myself into researching religions, spirituality and the occult as a result of me ‘going deeper’ into the ultimate desire of knowing it all as the mysteries of existence which I am now in fact able to hear and would have never gotten in any books in that library, lol.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to work within the painting workshop from the starting point of ‘getting things done to get a grade’ and losing all interest because of my own projections upon the teacher and fellow students as not being there with the same enthusiasm I thought I was attending school with, which in fact was a self-belief to cover up the fact that I simply was shifting my point of attention from art to spirituality/ or a mix of the two which could satisfy my desire to know.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my fellow mates in the workshop as looking ‘down’ and comparing myself to be rather positive and enthusiastic about painting, which is how I started creating backchat about the entire workshop not being ‘fulfilling’ or a ‘good environment’ to create, taking my observations upon others as ‘real’ and believing that being ‘creating’ with such people around me was not ‘beneficial’ for my ‘inspiration,’ thus beginning to loath going to such workshop and started only going to it for mere obligation to preserve my self-idea as a responsible being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my works within the starting point of competition toward others’ wherein I clearly talked myself into superiority, believing that ‘my paintings were great’ and that others’ paintings were simply bad and wrong, which is all based on my desires to fulfill this idea of myself as being an ‘innate artist’ and with ‘real talent’ which was all based on the definitions, judgments and self-belief created by and through what I would get from friends and family and others around me which I described in here 75. Bursting Dreams to Live Reality

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately choose a workshop that I knew was not that ‘popular based on my idea of then having ‘less competition’ there and so ensuring in my mind that I could ‘stand above others’ with my work/ paintings, wherein I actually sabotaged my opportunity to learn just because of starting participating in such workshop from the desire to be recognized and ‘stand above others’ works’ which all crumbled down due to and because of not getting such ‘satisfaction’ I was seeking from my teacher and fellow mates, which lead me to add another point to the entire disillusion because I was not being equally-praised as people in my world – such as friends/ family – had expressed toward ‘my work.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto the teacher when seeing him doing his own artwork while and during the ‘class’ or workshop-time, based on the expectation I had of teachers showing you/ sharing their painting secrets and techniques and everything else which I expected, and because I didn’t get that, I started believing that I was in the wrong workshop and that I had completely failed at choosing teacher – but in fact, it all stemmed from this immediate dissatisfaction that I started experiencing toward ‘studying art’ overall, after the first year and being in the beginning of the second year wherein my fulfillment started veering toward spirituality, once again repeating the pattern of thinking I had made the ‘wrong choice’ again.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my teacher did not care about what I was doing and not giving a fuck about anyone else there, without realizing that I was simply expecting to be directed and get the feedback that I wanted based on expectations of him toward my work, which was all ego based as in only considering my own work as something ‘already great’ and having only to ‘perfect it’ in school, which was all a belief and never really Real, therefore whenever I did not get my desires fulfilled in the workshop, I started building disillusionment toward the entire career overall, giving up and just going there because ‘I had to’ and not as a self-directive decision of living my ‘choice’ in fact.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start backchatting about ‘art school’ altogether and thinking that I could instead just be at home, painting by my own and seeing no point in going to art school if I was not in fact going to get any direct guidance by the teacher, which is how I would then compound the judgments toward people not caring at all and starting to absorb such ideas about others into myself as ‘depression,’ blaming the environment as being Not-supportive at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start building regret about my career choice – yet again – when seeing that I was only going there to ‘fill in the assistance list’ and being there 3 hours only to then immediately go to the library or home to read that which was ‘calling my attention’ the most which was spirituality, religions, philosophy and the occult, and in this starting to go to school with no actual disposition to learn and stay there enough to develop skills, but simply ‘passing through the classes’ because I simply knew I could not now repent and say that I did not want to study art any longer.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into regret when thinking ‘painting used to be my thing and the most enjoyable time in my life and now, it’s so sad’ based on my self-created experience in this workshop, wherein I see and realize that I started blaming ‘the academy’ for ‘killing inspiration’ and feeling just like another robot in the ford-t production line based on my initial ideals of what art school would be like, seeking to fulfill my ego’s desire to immediately be recognized as this ‘great artist’ and get all the props for my ego to then be able to say that ‘art school is great!’ – but because I did not get it, I simply started losing interest.

 

This is part of the pattern of ‘dissing’ that which is not feeling me enough energy any longer thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start dissing art school, the teachers, the workshop mates, school mates and the entire art school scenario as lame and sad and depressing, simply because it was not giving Me what I had expected as this constant fulfillment of compliments and judgments that could ‘highlight my work’ above others’ and in this, starting to think and justify my experience with thoughts like ‘No wonder academy fucks all creativity and true passion to create’ which is a self-belief according to expectations and my usual way of blaming others for what I would be creating and experiencing within myself – thus it had Nothing to do with art school itself, people or the teacher but it was all myself not getting the necessary energy for me to continue being ‘happy’ within it, which is actually cool because if I had gotten my ego-nurturing, I would have probably elevated myself to a semi-god status wherein I would have only been moved by ‘desire for fame and fortune’ and not sought another way which is how in the middle of that first year in painting workshop, I found Desteni.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was a waste of time going to such workshop/ school in general, wherein I started going and leaving just exactly on the minimum of 3 hour stay there, and then rushing back to my house to ‘do my thing’ and continue studying and getting deep into spirituality, devouring books and anything that I could deem as ‘superior’ and of ‘utmost importance’ in comparison to art, which shows how I was only energetically driven to study one thing and another after another based on the amount of satisfaction as positive-energy experience that I could get from ‘my studies/ my religion/ my desires’ being fulfilled or not.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be counting the minutes till it was ‘safe to leave’ and place my name on the list and say goodbye with such excitement, as if I was attending some community work given after you’ve been in prison and only paying your sentence somehow, which became a very uncomfortable situation until I simply stopped that year in the painting workshop, which I see and realize that was simply the cannon fodder I used in that time of absolute and extreme self-dissatisfaction, lostness, disillusionment, depression and self suppression through weed to the utmost degree, that I can barely remember myself back then, and that if it wasn’t for all the pictures I took that time and the writings, I would have no remembrance of myself and my experience in that time, which was absolutely self-created hell.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start seeking my ‘own fame and fortune’ by taking photographs by myself, deliberately ‘spiting’ the art school point by not taking photography workshop in the belief that ‘I can do this by myself/ on my own, I don’t require school’ – which was absolutely conceited from myself – and eventually ‘hitting the jackpot’ wherein all the dissatisfaction in ‘school’ was even more enhanced and perceived as a ‘waste of time,’ when being invited to exhibit my ‘independent photography works’ in another country, which was a sudden rush of self-importance and fame that was fulfilling ‘at last’ the dreams that I’ve had with regards to someone suddenly ‘knocking on my door and asking me to show my work somewhere else in the world’ – which did happen and lead me to have my short-lived experience of fame and art-world experience that I had dreamed of for a long time.

 

In the next post I will share my ‘fame and fortune’ experience lol and how it changed my life to the realization of what it Really meant to be ‘in’ the artworld and how I started experiencing myself being simply ‘in the wrong profession’ yet again… lol

 

2006

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself talking to me in my mind about ‘being in the wrong place/ having made the wrong decisions’ I stop and I breathe – I recognize the stupidity loop for what it is as me starting to diss something based on the expectations that I had built around something/ someone without taking the necessary time and space to actually walk it in a self-supportive manner, which means: not building backchat about my decision and my choices, but instead working through with it practically with no judgment wherein I can actually assess what is supportive, what is not supportive and then, make decisions based on this practical living experience, instead of just giving up at the least ‘drop of energy’ as me not getting the necessary ‘positivity’ around a point to keep going.

 

When and as I see myself being in a place, walking my decision and starting to think that ‘I’ve made the wrong choices’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a pattern of me beginning to see everything through the ‘I want to drop out ‘ filter wherein when starting to criticize and judge others as depressive and not good enough for me, indicates that I am in fact creating a negativity based on me not getting my ‘initial fix’ from the beginning as a positive energy experience that I always sought to get, at all times from and of everything I participated in.

 

When and as I see myself projecting my own judgments upon people/ the environment as it ‘not being supportive’ for me to develop my abilities, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is one Huge excuse that I’ve used to drop out from studies, not following through because of believing that ‘everyone else is too slow in comparison to me,’ which is how within my impatience I have dropped out from studies such as learning languages, dancing and guitar lessons wherein I thought that having to ‘wait’ for an entire group to ‘catch up’ was a waste of time and money – thus dropping out and eventually only learning things half way, always being dissatisfied with any form of education, due to how I had lived in a school with only 6 classmates in elementary school at the very end, which allowed us to go into topics and material that was supposed to be learned in the following two years of junior high school, which is why I developed this constant desire to ‘consume knowledge’ in order to be ‘ahead’ of the rest, never considering what being a part of the group implies, but simply wanting to ‘get it all done fast and first,’ all of it being a primary mechanism to fulfill and support my ego.

 

When and as I see myself backchatting about others and judging them as ‘too slow to understand/ to act’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I have been impatient my entire life and that building such backchat toward others only lead me to drop out and end up nowhere when believing that people are not ‘moving as fast as they should,’ according to my mind’s standards of learning/ working and ‘doing’ in the system, which is how I became displeased with living in this country with what I judged as extremely lazy people, never taking such judgment back to myself to see where in my world I was doing the same.

 

When and as I see myself placing me in a position wherein I am not ‘competing’ against what I deem as ‘strong people’/ ‘potential rivals,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize how I have deliberately sabotaged my opportunities of self-expansion and growth every time that I would make decisions based on seeing ‘where I can remain on top/ being the best’ and ensuring I would have no ‘strong opponents’ or ‘rivals’ based on the superiority and desire for recognition that I lived through and by in my life, wherein I would ‘watch out the field’ for competition and within that existing only to ‘remain’ on top, and never daring to actually see how within such stance I would only in fact exist as fear of loss of an apparent ‘special place/ position’ in my world, which is unacceptable when we look at how this entire world is essentially propagating and promoting competition as survival mode, which is how the entire world is able to continue going: through instigating competition, comparison, rivalry as eventual wars and the ultimate separation between who we are as one and equal, all because of just one point wanting to be ‘above everyone else,’ which became the way that we have divided and separated ourselves into a hierarchy that is not supporting or regarding all beings as equals, which translates currently to a monetary system that is Not supporting all beings equally.

 

When and as I see myself projecting blame onto teachers/ people that I had placed as ‘authority’ to give me the tools to work with/ give me the fulfillment of what I want as the ideal of proper education, I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is my responsibility to support myself to ensure that I am expanding myself to learn and cooperate within the group wherein I do not wait for orders/ feedback to do what I am required to be done, but that I become my directive principle at all times in common sense = considering what is best for all – and if I require further support, ensure that I speak up and communicate about it, instead of just remaining quiet and festering about it in my own mind without daring to actually confront the situation, directing it to a best for all outcome at all times.

 

I realize that I have always ‘waited ‘for the authority to ‘let me know what to do’ in schools and studies, which is how I became the ‘obedient’ system person that is usually praised because of not being willing to stand up to the authority and thus, remain properly happily enslaved to ‘waiting for others to let me know what to do,’ instead of me taking the initiative to do it for and by myself, now within the consideration of what is best for all and the impact/ outflow consequence that my decisions will have upon myself, my own life and that of others in equality.

 

When and as I see myself starting to feel ‘uncomfortable’ in a particular place/ scenario, I stop and I breathe – before giving head to my own backchat to diss everything and everyone around me, I ensure I walk the point within myself to see where and how I am in fact uncomfortable and not satisfied with myself and my application, instead of projecting as blame onto and toward others wherein I remain as the ‘victim’ of it all, which is unacceptable. Thus I take responsibility for my experience at all times, ensuring that I cross reference the point with at least another being as to share how it is that I am experiencing and what I have seen and realized as ‘my creation’ – as to ensure that if there are actual changes to be directed in the ‘outside’ of myself as the event / situation I am in, we can then directly work to establish a more proper way of directing a point instead of only remaining as individual islands backchatting about it and not speaking up to direct the point to a best for all outcome.

 

When and as I see myself being deliberately attempting to ‘do things my way’ as a way to spite that which is no longer giving me the ‘satisfaction ‘that I want/ need and require in my experience, I stop and I breathe – I realize that whatever decision and direction I take from this starting point is prone to fail, as the starting of it is that of reacting to a point that I just swept aside and jump onto another point as ‘the solution,’ without having first investigated Why and How I lead myself to ‘diss’ one point, wherein I ensure that I have in fact done all I can to ‘make the point work’ before deciding to part ways/ stop participating in something/ with someone in any given event/ situation, and this way, ensuring that the decisions taken to ‘move on’ to another point are in fact well informed, tested, tried out to all its various possibilities and also referenced by at least another 2 human beings to ensure that I have at least 2 other perspectives on ‘where I am’ in my world and what I am looking at doing/ proceeding with, to ensure that I no longer exist in the ego of ‘I can do it by myself, my way will always be the ‘right way,’ which is learning to consider others in my decisions at all times, walking a self-directive point to not only take ‘me’ into consideration within decisions, but also what is best for all at all times.

 

I commit myself to continue debunking the very basic patterns that have marked my participation in this world as an ego that sought a constant fulfillment of and as the positive energy experience and within this, ensuring that all decisions I make in my life are not based on energy / from the starting point of a positive energetic experience, but are in fact the result of me having assessed an studied the practicality of the decision, the possible outcomes and reality-consequences that can be seen through writing, applying Self Forgiveness and Self-Corrective statements to remove the basic conditions such as ‘getting a positive energy experience’ from the decisions I make and take in my life. This can allow me to stop only acting/ moving based on the expectation of a positive energy experience and instead, learn what Self-movement and a self-directive decision actually implies, wherein positive energetic experiences are no longer the ‘god’ I am looking for in my life, but instead walk here honoring life in and as myself as the physical body that I am.

 

For further support on how to walk your process of Self-Forgiveness:

Desteni Forum

Read the articles at Desteni website

and our blogs at Journey To Life Reddit

thanks for reading

 

Blah! 2006

 

Blogs:

• Day 77: Stopping the Mind in the Flesh – Part 3

• The Nakedness of the Forbidden Fruit: DAY 77

Interview!

Reptilian – The Mind is the Artist and the Physical its Canvas – Part 62

Day 3– De-Capital-I-zing Me

Seeing me as the Capital imposition upon Life- it’s not a pretty picture considering to what extent we have neglected the lives of the billions that live in this world without even getting to know what having meat on your skin actually feels like, how having food, shelter, water, toilets, and proper health care as the things that we have taken for granted, would be like a heaven that is never really manifested in their lives. How have we created such abuse? Yes, we all have done it, accepted and allowed it through our very “living” of a surrogate – and very limited – experience of ‘Life’ as an energetic system wherein for some to ‘be on top,’ abuse must exist to make sure that others remain invalidated within the system, way at the bottom with no ability to stand up. Who has been the ‘evil ones’ all the way?

 

Validation is a word that came up today wherein I see that we are always seeking to be validated by others, to con.firm that ‘I’ exist a a product that is and can be ‘valued’ in this reality in a lesser or greater position when comparing myself to others that are also existing as Capital-I’s impositions on Life. This capital is  the surplus as the delirium for power that I have ‘granted’ myself with  as an individual and as this entire physical reality in separation of myself, which exists as ideas, beliefs, perceptions of ‘who I am’ as the mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, which translates into knowledge and information in the form of definitions, values and interests that are directly linked to how we have placed a price tag virtually upon everything and everyone in this world. Yes, even You and I have a price as well.

 

The desire to be validated/ recognized exists in us human beings as a way to keep ‘adding’ onto ourselves the necessary ‘props’ for our ego as thoughts, beliefs, memories, opinions and judgments that can ‘uplift’ our position within this current world-system configuration that is based upon Money. That way, we learn ways to make ourselves ‘liked’ and ‘praised’ and ‘accepted’ as that would ensure our survival within this current world system, within forming and creating relationships of self-interest wherein all bonds are formed just like financial bonds that eventually ‘pay off’ to our own benefit.  That way, we live a life of always seeking to be ‘above’ others, to finally ‘make it’ within the current accepted and allowed system of abuse wherein one can only exist ‘on top’ of another if the ones ‘below’ are invariably abused. There are no exceptions within that.

 

The sour truth is we have all created and manifested and maintained this world into the current crisis that it is because of having accepted that initial desire to be ‘Capital-I-zed,’ to be seen by the eyes of the mind of other human beings as being ‘worthy’ as being ‘great’ and ‘superior’ = seeking validation within the eyes of the mind that functions as this perpetual appraisal of each other as such assessment translates eventually into money, as ‘how we sell each other’ to the greatest bidder –  because money buys and money is the point that we have created as the main point of abuse in this world, the perfect creation of us, human beings in the name of power and self-Capitalized Interest.

 

The pursuit of happiness begins at a thought level, which is seeking that energy that will allow us to keep existing as that Inflated-idea of ourselves which is and cannot possibly be Real, as it only exists as thoughts, pictures, memories, beliefs, objects fabricated and created in separation of myself through and by the same system of abuse that uses the belief of energy as a requirement to exist, which is Not who I really am as this physical reality wherein I cannot, in any way, make myself ‘more’ or ‘less’ in an equality-equation in which life actually exists – yet our world system as the reflection of our very own nature, does Not work that way at the moment. And the consequences are already roaming the Earth as the inevitable facing of ourselves as our creation.

Our economy is founded upon these  beliefs around the ‘battery’ that we have made ourselves dependent-to in order to continue living as Money, along with the added values and ‘interest’ that we rate ourselves-with, as our entire personality and ego-creation that takes also money to create and sustain. Are we walking bank accounts that seek to be endowed with more and more all the time to get ‘wealthier,’ to accumulate all capital and get the most interests over time through our inversion?

 

Have a look at our thoughts and mind experiences: we are always seeking to make ourselves ‘worthy’ – or the direct opposite which works the exact same way – which cannot possibly exist other than in a mental-delusion of something being able to be  ‘more’ or ‘less’ in reality. The current separation that has become real is the outflow of these values we have imposed onto life; it’s in the current structure and functioning of the money system in which we have delegated our one and equal expression into a system that creates a surrogate experience of life, degrading it into a ‘cheap’ version of energies as emotions and ‘feel good vibes’ through a mechanism where loss and gain is made possible,  enslaving life to a binary programmed system of self-limitation, which reflects upon our money system: our own power-structure that decides who lives and who dies.

 

All of this begins by this acceptance and allowance of ourselves seeking validation in separation of who we are as life, as one and equal. We have ‘forgotten’ – or neglected – the fact that Life is the only value that is here, that is real and as such it is and cannot exist as something ‘measurable’ within an abstraction such as the money-belief-system that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to create and manifest in separation of life as who we really are.

 

We have to stop being appraisers of each other through the Capital-Eyes of money that we have created as a survival of the fittest jungle world, which implies that those that are not ‘worthy’ to the system, those that cannot ‘capitalize themselves’ because of being born in a readily-existent position of scarcity and lack of money, don’t stand a chance to ‘make it’ within this world. We are so compartmentalized in our own petty experiences that we cannot even fathom the extent of suffering that someone is going through as the result of us accepting and allowing the current world system ‘as is’ until now. 

 

Hence this survivalism is and has become the current constant competition and strive to live wherein money becomes equal to the appraisal’s judgments upon ourselves to remunerate us with creating a positive experience when being valued as ‘worthy’ and a negative experience when being valued as ‘unworthy.

 

The only Value that can exist is Life itself – that’s the value of Money in the Equal Money System -and because it exists in Equality, all value becomes irrelevant, just like a God that cannot exist if all is one and equal. God – as the Capitalized delusional concept and belief of an almighty superior being/ force in existence – can only exist if someone is subordinated and/ or deliberately subjugated to a lesser position = that can only be done through the deliberate  imposition of psychopathic systems to create and manifest separation from ourselves as Life, that we have violated into a ‘divide and conquer’ principle in the name of ‘power’ which can only come through abuse, wherein every single person is currently living by its rule of thumb in this world. 

 

It is unacceptable, we created this and it’s time to Stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a system of abuse without having ever questioned the ‘unreality’ that exists as values imposed to life that is here, values created by and through our very own mind, a mind that we are constantly seeking to re-charge to continue Capital-I-zing the idea of ourselves to get to a final state of ‘ultimate bliss’ and ‘fulfillment’ and ‘completion’ as the accumulation of energy as money, as positive judgments and experiences that can only exist if others are abused, subjugated and diminished to a lesser position so that I can stand in full-glory of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having conveniently veiled and diminished my ability to understand this reality as the world system,  by delegating life and my self-direction through a mind system that is and has become the surrogate ‘living experience’ that can only function through and as an energetic system of abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept such diminishment and enlargement of ‘who I am’ as values, beliefs and perceptions of ‘who I am’ as my mind, wherein I can see and realize that the ‘who I am’ is existing as thoughts, experiences, definitions as the energetic personality that I have carried and lived-as within my mind, which separates me from the very physical body and reality that is here as myself, the reality that I have abdicated my responsibility to within the moment that I opted to live within a pursuit of power, happiness, bliss, glory and eternal life as all the positive experiences that I allowed myself to accept as ‘what life is,’ as ‘successful living.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be educated to ‘capitalize’ the Idea of myself, gaining props and escalating positions to get to a secure point within the world system, wherein money is then assured as a validation, a licensed version of myself as being a ‘worthy system of life’ within the configuration of this entire world system of energetic abuse that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and being ‘worthy of life’ at the I’s of other capitalized mind systems, feeding off of each other to inflate the idea of ourselves, to create a delusional value that is beyond the physical flesh and bones as the substance that is who we really are in this world and reality.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to ever question the value systems existing in this world as the projection of the very value-systems that I have created, categorized and schemed within my own mind. This implies that I, as the creator of this system of abuse, is entirely responsible for all forms of separation and degradation of life due to and by the acceptance of a system of energetic abuse to exist as the illusion of living, as the equation of life to experiences generated by and through each participant’s mind in this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic dependency to be constantly seeking validation outside of myself, which means seeking to sip and drain energy from the physical life substance to generate my personal entertainment and surrogate living as thoughts, feelings emotions which I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘identify’ myself with as ‘who I am,’ while neglecting the actual reality of suffering that stems from the polarized version of my pleasant experience of ‘success.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘economy’ as a delusional pseudo-science, without realizing that it has become the very externalization of my own mind as this entire world system, as the study of the relationships of abuse and violation to the equality and oneness that is and has been here as myself. I did this to myself and the only point that is left, is forgiving myself for abdicating life to an experience –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life through the creation and manifestation of Money, from that very energy that I have used to abuse, to have an experience of ‘power’ over this reality and instead of questioning it further, I con-formed to it and abdicated any questioning towards it, because of wanting to remain in the most ‘comfortable’ position at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘accept the system as is’ which implies never having even questioned my own mind, my own feelings and emotions and the generation of them as something that can alter ‘who I am’ at any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live a surrogate life through the mind, where who I really am as life has been suppressed, contained and enslaved to an energetic system of co-dependency and parasitism that exists as the mind system that we all accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

 

I realize that I am the only one here that is responsible for this – one and equal as all participants are equally here as myself – thus, it is our individual responsibility to Stop this system of energetic dependency of ourselves as our mind, as thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, dreams, pursuits of happiness, bliss, love and validation that can only exist in separation of the recognition of who we really are as life, as one and equal.

 

I commit myself to become the ‘I’ that stops all capitalism to exist within and as me, as my very own mind-patterns that seek to be validated, to be augmented in ‘value,’ that seek to be the ‘wealthiest’, the ‘most valued product’ in order to get the most Interest out of that accumulated Capital that I have invested myself with and enslaved my life to.

 

I breathe and realize that the extent of abuse that has stemmed form a single belief system of us being and existing as ‘separate’ from life, has deviated into our current reality = we are all responsible for it.

 

Thus what I can practically and physically do is:

I commit myself to stop all value-systems to exist within me, rating, assessing, appraising and oppressing the very life that I am by  my deliberate participation in a limited scope of ‘myself’ that I have become as a mind consciousness system.

 

I commit myself to integrate into this physical reality within and as a principle of what’s best for all, wherein the actions, words and thoughts that I create are self-directed and self-willed as the volition of Life that can only exist if all is equally considered within every decision made to have an outflow that’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to become part of the individuals that make sure that this world system as it is currently exists, as the reflection of myself as a mind system, ends –  this is done through and by Me stopping Capital-i-zing Myself through thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, future projections of superiority and ‘greatness’ as self-interest that can only exist and be manifested if I allow myself to participate within such thoughts as desires, wants and needs. Therefore, I realize that the ability to stop participation in any thought, feeling, emotions and pattern that makes me ‘more’ or ‘less’ through an experience of the mind is in my hands.

 

I commit myself to walk my own mind of thoughts, feelings, pictures, emotions, memories, beliefs and any other experience to which I have diminished myself to, as the ego that I have capitalized and rated as a positive or negative experience within my participation in the mind.

 

I commit myself to get to a point of being equally here as the physical as myself by directing me from here on to do and live that which is best for all life, where no limitation and no excess can exist, where no devaluation and no inflation can exist, as I realize that who I am as the physical is constant and consistent as the very breath that keeps me alive.

 

I commit myself to live the words I write here and face the consequences that are already here as the outflows of having abdicated all self-responsibility to an automated system of self-abuse that I am still currently existing as within and without. Yet, it is within me that the key exists to become Self-Honest and stop the cycles of abuse for once and for all.

 

I commit myself to ‘validate’ myself as the application of the words I write here – I am the only one that is able to do that for myself in Self Honesty and only accumulate that which is Best for All Life

 

“I commit myself to understand that to bring about a world that is best for life I will have great resistance both from my mind and my body as my body is controlled  at the moment by my mind as well as from other people as minds and controlled bodies, but I will walk as I understand just like in my process, the time will come where the physical reminder of what is real will be so clear and shocking that the mind will stop and the person will hear and come to their senses of the physical world to begin their process to re-align with that which is best for all life.” Bernard Poolman 

 

I see and realize that the only way we can end ‘Capitalism’ is by stopping the delusional current money system that stems from our very own minds as a accepted praise to that which is ‘superior’ which can only exist through abuse.

The world is in reverse, people – we’ve got a lot of work ahead here, and we will walk this until  it is done.

 

Join us at Desteni

Check out the Forum for further support to walk out of our minds and into the physical.

 

 

 

Educate yourself about the Money System and read the support necessary to start considering beyond our Eyes and dare to live as physical beings that realize that breathing must be easy for all if we all support an Equal Money System that ensures a dignified living for all beings in this reality.

 

• The Inequality of Resource Distribution within All Bodies of Existence

• The Heart of Love

• Life Review – When Breath is not your Own – A being shares their experience of starvation and extreme poverty,a view that we haven’t certainly ever been aware of within our current world where media only shows ‘pictures,’ yet we are left without having an actual insight and solution the problems that are existent in this world.

Blogs:

DAY 1: Who I Am as Money

DAY 2: Who I Am as Money – continued

Day 2: Happiness and Me

Witnessing: You’re Equally Responsible

 

It’s easier to expect a ‘better life once you’re dead’ than taking the necessary actions to LIVE in this world through supporting/creating solutions that can enable Life on Earth for all as Equals.

People seek ‘peace of mind’ and ‘tranquility’ which are part of the teachings that ‘masters’ such as Buddha  left on this world: ‘you’re not your body, just relax and chill’

Following some feedback on the video that I talked about yesterday, I’ve been called out for having ‘no faith’, for being ‘negative’ and ‘soulless’ – I can say I have no faith, yes and I am definitely soulless as everyone else in this world now. This person also speaks about daydreaming people that are walking for the same ‘common outcome’ that I am speaking about there as Equality, a dignified living for all –

Though, the obvious question is: how on Earth could I create a world that’s best for all only by wishing, hoping, witnessing, admiring, ‘thinking positive’ and hopping on chanting songs around a bonfire? Okay, that’s quite a cliché I admit, though it’s certainly the type of ‘relax and just chill’ attitude that spiritualists/ light&lovers/ general daydreamers and fantasy people talk about. They will most likely have some type of spiritual-agenda behind their enlightened ideas of ‘do nothing, let it all just ‘be’, smoke of this and be at peace’.

 

Now, what this particular person claimed is that I’m speaking from ‘Reason’ while they pretend/claim to be speaking from ‘the soul’ as in considering all the fuzzy feelings and emotions that make the infamous human, a ‘human’.  It’s obvious that this is not about reason or not, but words and sentences that can simply describe the actuality of this reality and the actual physical points that require to be taken into consideration if one is actually willing to/ interested in creating a world wherein Life is actually existent for all in/as Equality.

 

I’ve also just now read another comment pointing out how such human nature is existent at a genetic level and can’t be changed. Welly-well we’ve got a situation here, we got people justifying the current ways we’re living in because of our DNA and genetic predisposition, without even daring to question such programming, let’s not even say ‘daring to challenge it and change it’ because according to this person’s reasoning, it would be most likely impossible to do such a thing.

 

With these two examples on accepting spirituality/daydreaming/wishing and hoping as ‘means of change’ in this world and accepting the ‘human nature’ as immovable/ unchangeable  we can have a clear perspective on how it is through

 

Buddha was the ultimate ‘witness’ of this world and left this idea that bliss was created through detaching from everything of this world as yourself –

 

Just one quality of the Buddha has to be remembered. He consists only of one quality, witnessing. This small word witnessing contains the whole of spirituality. Witness that you are not the body. Witness that you are not the mind. Witness that you are only a witness. As the witnessing deepens, you start becoming drunk with the divine. That is what is called ecstasy.
– Osho

By passing this as ‘truth’ as usually accepted and venerated by people that follow the so-called ‘masters’, we then have a greater view on what people that have posted such comments/perspectives can be considering as part of their ‘views on the world’: be a witness, you’re only passing the Earth by, go sit down a tree and let go of the world, be at ease, chill out.

[No wonder such Buddha bar cd’s are made for getting drunk and literally chilling out while pretending everything is fine in this world… ]

 

“Becoming drunk with the divine!” Isn’t that what we’ve all done while being immersed in our thoughts and being self absorbed not considering at all the reality as this world that we live in and how ‘god’s master plan’ was to simply keep us entertained with things like ‘our thoughts’/feelings/emotions’ and spirituality to cultivate such bullshit as a way to simply not take an actual look at this world and question the current establishment/functionality and inner-workings of this entire reality – now who’s been duped here?

 

Osho/Buddha and most likely any other ‘master’ talk about following an experience – this is obviously what people that commented also defend: human nature/ humanity as an experience that seeks to be perpetuated without having to actually take on the necessary steps to do so.  By focusing on the ‘invisible side’ tagged as ‘spirituality’, all atrocities, the matter-dystopia in which we are currently living in is then ‘accepted as it is’, is ‘only witnessed’ not to be questioned or bothered by – what a load of crap we have indulged in as humanity. Having people till this day claiming that these characters were ‘enlightened’ and ‘all knowing’ is simply proof of how deluded we are/ have been.

In contrast or the pole-effect of such ‘blissful’ characters usually praised and hailed by white-robbed people, we have characters of this same reality such as Hitler.

When reading and watching Hitler’s series through the Interdimensional  portal within  the Desteni material, it all made sense and became clear on how Forgiveness is the key. Though an initial barrier of fears and brainwashing had to be stopped to do so and the realization also was: if Hitler has forgiven himself then everyone/everything can.

Such ‘barrier’ is the extensive brainwashing we’ve all been subject to through our “education” that is proposed by those that keep the entire system in place.

Ironically, Hitler’s being the point used as bait for banning purposes upon the Desteni message – that says it all in relation to humans being easily brainwashed and holding grudges as ideas/beliefs according to the history that’s being told without even daring to see the current holocaust that we’re creating through several means towards all life. This is also linked to that ever-convenient attitude of only ‘being a witness’ and not actually daring to face the consequences of this world and create a change that will stop the abuse towards life/ourselves and ensure that we create and place a world that’s best for all for all time to come.

Opposing self forgiveness is in fact denying life and our ability to create a second-chance for all to live within this world. By saying we ‘can’t change our nature, we’re opposing Self Forgiveness, by saying that ‘we must allow it all to be’ we are opposing self forgiveness as it can only result in inaction and negligence towards Self Responsibility as actually taking care of the current problems we’ve created within this world beginning with ourselves.

 

We require as humanity to STOP seeking out a ‘blissful experience’ by all means, to stop seeking a ‘peace of mind’ because it’s obvious that it’d be like wanting to keep yourself in a clean bubble while the outside is filled with dirt and scum.

We’re all in this together now and we’ve got to open eyes to see that this is Not about ‘negativity’ but realism – this is not about being ‘soulless’ but having the entire understanding of how we had been conditioned by such soul/preprogrammed lives of endless cycles wherein we’ve disregarded ourselves as the perpetrators of the current abuse of life wherein people such as Hitler have been satanized forevermore, without even daring to question how people are nowadays waging wars for decades and are not being equally regarded as criminals and placed under the same scrutiny that has been inflicted upon others.

 

All of this malarkey has a single solution: Self Forgiveness because the madness of this world can be stopped from continuing and being perpetrated within each one of us.

We can only be held back by memory – if there is no memory but actual allowance of Self-Forgiveness to start clear from the moment on, we can create a new world based on a constant self-forgiveness application until Equality and Oneness is Here as a reality in this world.

This sounds nice – though to create it, will take you and I and many +1’s  more to do so, so let’s do it – this means, we’ve got to stop being all sorts of ‘witnesses’ that can be completely aware of how this works yet do nothing about it and instead, become the change that we have to create in this world.