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176.Imagining the worst case scenario: Obstacles to Protect Self Interest

Continuing with Procrastination CharacterImagination and the reactions to it

You can read more about the exploration within the Imagination dimension in the following blog: 169. Imagination as a Distraction to Not Do things

 

Now, I have walked the thought-dimension of the image of the office and me creating an experience of dread and further anxiety due to the ‘impending doom’ of actually having to confront the professor with my writing itself.

Then there is the other imagination point which is a future projection moment wherein I am facing all the ‘jury’ and presenting my work and expecting the worst which in this case would be them pointing out that my work has nothing to do with my career.

The third point of imagination is having to go through all the ‘paper work’ go get this done, from printing the document to all the necessary permits and letters and all of that scholar bureaucracy that I have also resisted to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within giving energy to the thought of me being at the office, start ‘rolling the imagination’ and playing out a future possibility of my professor simply pointing out that such writing is not acceptable/ is nowhere near finished, and that I have to re-do it all over again wherein I create an experience within my mind within this imagination moment of anxiety and absolute petrification because this means that I have to actually re-do the whole thing again, without realizing that this worst case scenario is only revealing to me how I am entertaining my mind and how I am allowing one single point of imagination to prevent me from actually simply physically doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as incompetent and not good enough when confronting my work with my professor, partly because of fearing that I won’t satisfy the praising of art based on the belief that I have with regards to me having to ‘praise my career’ in such paper, instead of actually realizing that this is my opportunity to be self honest and that as such, this self-investigation does not have to be compromised in any way – I also realize that I am within this participation in imagination, making everything a lot more than what it actually is which is just a protocol aspect of finishing a career, wherein instead, I have allowed myself to go into/ sink into anxiety and fear and what if’s, entertaining me in my mind with all these negative future possible outcomes as imagination, which I have used as an excuse to simply not do anything at all about it.

I realize that within this fear I also immediately realize it for ‘what it is’ and then, a laxity comes after this whole play out wherein it is as if I’ve become ‘comfortably numb’ so to speak with regards to this situation, which actually not acceptable as it is once again, just another way of me giving into energy that seems ‘harmless’ because I am not actively participating in fear, but within that seemingly ‘stable’ calmness I have created my own ‘sedative’/ chill pill within my mind wherein I simply stop looking at those thoughts BUT, instead of moving and taking the opportunity and moment to actually MOVE, I instead leave it for later which is then a point that is revealing to what extent I have made ‘okay’ within my mind to simply not work on this, which is actually based on actual fears emerging within  the imagination and an actual anxiety experienced that I have managed to ‘stop’ in a moment, however it obviously returns because the physical correction is not being done, which means: I can stop fear in the moment as an experience within the entire imagination, and I can stop participating in imagination – however, the point returns and will return as long as I don’t simply do it.

 

When and as I see myself going into imagination point of talking within my professor’s office and hearing the words that indicate that I have to do it all over again, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this imagination is only an excuse for me to actually not do it based on fears and future projections and whatnot which is simply a point of distraction instead of actually DOING IT. I also realize that I can stop the imagination and I can stop the reaction in one breath, however, this same image will continue haunting me as long as I don’t actually DO IT and give it physical direction – this is how I see and realize that no matter if we stop all our participation in thoughts, backchat and imagination and reactions, if we don’t do it, such stopping will simply be another chill pill/ instant placebo remedy wherein we actually then participate in the ‘positive imagination’ in order to make it alright and get back to the ‘feeling good/ better about myself’ in my reality through talking to myself about things that I am doing/ that I can do instead/ that I would ‘rather do’ instead of committing myself to this task.

I commit myself to stop the laxity that comes after relieving myself from these reactions and future play outs within the realization that yes, I am participating in my mind and that is not required in order to do things –however it takes an actual physical movement to ensure that I do not remain the laxity toward my compromise to get this done and believe that ‘fear is just for further self-control’ wherein I talk myself into reasoning why creating fears is simply not necessary to do things, however remain without doing them – thus I commit myself to stop fooling myself when it comes to this ‘stability’ that I know and realize is also a cover up to the actual anxiety that has been suppressed about this point by my own procrastination toward it based on ‘reasoning’ the doing instead of physically doing it.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the future projection/ imagination point of being in that room where examinations take place and being facing a series of people looking at me with a ‘what the fuck’ face, and going into fear because of realizing that my work is not directly linked to ‘art creation’ itself but more of a self-creative process wherein I am my own prime matter – within this creating a reaction of absolute fear and anxiety when projecting myself within this imagination and going into further backchat – which I will explore later –wherein I while being here and imagining all these aspects, go into fear, shut down everything related to ‘doing that work’ and instead focus in ‘something else’ that must be done, which is me then using other responsibilities as an excuse to not do this, while fully seeing how it is linked to this mind-creation of rejection by the academy toward my work.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pessimistic about my work, myself and my presentation toward others, wherein while imagining myself presenting my work with others, I see myself trying to sound ‘convincing’ to others and fearing them just not ‘buying it’ without realizing that I don’t have to be convincing others in order to present myself, my writing, talking about it and replicating with common sense at all times

When and as I see myself using the future projection of being in the examination room with people and believing that they are rejecting/ not buying my explanation and me going into absolute nervousness and stumbling upon my own words – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am only creating this worst case scenario in my mind as an excuse to actually not Do things  – thus

I commit myself to stop pondering about the ‘what ifs’ and instead commit myself to do it, as I see and realize that it must be done no matter how long it takes – I have to get it done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an experience of disgust and even tiredness whenever I imagine having to go here and there and print and move with lots of permits and paperwork to get this done, wasting money/ time which I have considered as being very ‘valuable’ within me –without realizing that this is one of the aspects of walking the system, or realizing how things work and function whenever one decides to get a proper title and also realizing that I am making it a lot more in my head based on what other people would tell me with regards to ‘all the time it takes’ and ‘all the paperwork’ which I have created as this foggy load in the back of my head when imagining myself having to go through the same process due to me believing that it will just be ‘too much,’ which is how I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself based on the Idea that I create of something/ a particular task, instead of simply focusing on Doing it physically and walking through the necessary points breath by breath, as this is how I have also walked an entire career already  – breath by breath, walking Through it and not wasting my breaths hooking onto the ‘experience’ of going through it.

When and as I see myself imagining the entire process of going to all these offices with bright white light and waiting, and sitting and moving around from campus to campus in order to get the papers done and making it an absolute ‘brick’ on the top of my head wherein I go into this heaviness and dread and apathy to do it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is part of the points that I must walk through in order to get things done – thus I stop judging, I stop listening to the voices of the memories that indicated/ told me about how ‘dreadful’ and ‘tiresome’ and ‘annoying’ this whole process was which I have used as an excuse to simply not do it at all, which is unacceptable since I am simply at the very last stage of getting this done and as such, I cannot ruin it all just by one single imagination aspect of me having to go through all of these things and making it a lot more than what it in fact is in my mind.

I commit myself to stop participating in the imagination play out of me going to all of these offices and institutional dependencies from the university in order to get the necessary paperwork and instead focus on me walking every step breath by breath and realizing that there are No Shortcuts to this, it must be done, it can be done and it is simply one aspect of the entire process of me walking through this entire phase of my career, unconditionally.

 

I see and realize that this means that I don’t have to create a future projection of getting something done the way that ‘I want to get it done’ which is base on my exigencies of wanting everything to be done perfectly, without any ‘obstacles’ and without any ‘objections’ from others which is then part of the ‘controller’ personality that I see and realize will be part of debunking this entire process which is in essence wanting everything to be done ‘perfectly’ and ‘fine’ with no problems/ no flaws without realizing that this is all existent as this ‘immaculate process’ within my mind instead of actually physically dedicating myself to do it.

 

So how can I be holding on to this imagination and thinking about this point being done ‘perfectly’ and ‘without any objections’ if I am not practically and physically simply doing it?

 

I see and realize how much we can fool ourselves in fears and imaginations and future projections as a justification to not do things, whereas if we had our physical body deciding to imagine how ‘awful’ it would be to digest our food the following day, or having to process a physical activity and becoming fearful of having to ooze the toxins while working out or having to digest and poop out our food, we would be dead as nothing in our physical organism would be / get done – thus if I am standing up for Life in Equality – I equalize myself as my physical body that is unconditional to move and physically function 24/7 every single day as long as I am breathing here – and that’s the reality of physicality – I stop participating in bullshit alternate realities of the mind as ‘obstacles’ of self interest

Ludicrous and must stop here – but this will continue lol

 

Desteni 

Desteni I Process

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System 

 

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Blogs:

Character Dimensions – PHYSICAL/BEHAVIOUR Dimension (Part 3): DAY 176

Day 176: After Death Communication – Part 25 A History with Life After Death – Part 10

 

Interviews:

The Soul of Money – Part 37

The Soul of Money – Part 36


98. Words as Mind Control

datum 
n    noun (plural data) See also data.
1    a piece of information.
2    an assumption or premise from which inferences may be drawn.
3    a fixed starting point of a scale or operation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words as a piece of information that I acquired as an ‘already given’/ already established association in order to name, validate the existence of and qualify something in separation of myself, without realizing that the moment that I am defining and naming something according to the association of image and symbol and sound, I accepted and allowed my own mind control wherein we packaged life into limited containers that we use to relate to ourselves and others – never really questioning to what extent we have limited ourselves just by the words/ data we use to communicate ourselves with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not question why there are words denoting human aspects that are obviously detrimental to all, wherein words such as abuse, misuse, enslavement, power and control – to name just a few – became the way to accept and allow such imposition of energy upon life as the ‘moreness’ that can only exist when the individual is perceiving itself in separation from the whole, being able to apparently impose/ exert power over others through words; without realizing that everything that we think, speak and do is always toward ourselves as we are one and equal in fact.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use words as immovable laws, wherein the most basic form of mind control exists as words and how we learn words within our family and school, wherein we are taught a specific image imprinted along with a specific sound and letters that become the arbitrary imposition as ‘given data’ that we as children simply have to comply in order to be able to communicate with others, without really questioning the nature of such words and their implication being of a nature that is always supportive and best for all. Instead, having to realize that the very grammar we use is already indicating that we Must have an experience toward words as nouns – people, things, animals – and as such, go shaping our ‘individuality’ according to what we accept and allow ourselves to believe are our ‘preferences’ our ‘likes and dislikes,’ which is nothing but information that I separated myself from, that I formed a special relationship with in separation from all other words in order to ‘make them my own,’ and a such become my own programmer as I went on throughout the days ensuring that I become that point of preference as a way to assert my ‘individuality’ as a character creating personalities and eventually sculpting the ego that I became when coming of age.

 

Within this, I realize that the moment we teach children words in separation of themselves and as a way to create their individuality in separation of the whole, we are in essence perpetuating the same system that has been based upon the abuse of life through words as a means to have ‘power’ over reality, never realizing to what extent this single mechanism of ‘education’ is in fact mind-programming to the detriment of children, because there is no awareness in and as words but only self-awareness in separation of the whole, using words to identify oneself in contrast and in comparison to the rest which is how the entire qualification as a means to generate polarization is created.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever be proud of the specificity with which I became ‘my personality’ based on the characters I allowed myself to script as myself through my writing, wherein I was actually quite conscious of how I could create my own stories through words, then become such words and embody myself as the character that I wanted to live as, no different to the stories I would read in books  – which means that I made of my life for a while nothing but a story that I programmed for myself in order to entertain me with my emotional and feeling experiences in relationships, just because of thinking that Life was all about becoming a special being with special events and people that could generate ‘a lot of material’ to work with at a later stage to be a writer.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from words wherein I saw myself frustrated with them but at the same time abusing them in order to reinforce the characters I was busy building wherein I never questioned the substance and essence of words as who I am, never questioning what is it that I am actually using/ misusing in order to ‘give life’ to the characters that I programmed into myself through my own participation in copying personalities, characters and archetypes that I embraced as a platform to create me, without ever questioning why we only have a limited set of role models in society wherein we ensure that we continue existing as the same characters throughout time, never questioning how we could in fact exist as physical beings in equality and oneness wherein words would no longer be used and abused as a means to divide people into personalities/ characters, but instead use words in order to recognize ourselves as others wherein instead of saying ‘I feel this/ I am this’ being able to incorporate others into our beingness in the moment ‘I am one with you as this/ I  am one and equal as you in…’ – wherein the very fact that we have to use more than one word to indicate a fuller meaning of who and what we are is already indicating that we had deliberately not wrought a word that could imply our oneness and equality as life, but instead, words were used as a way to separate, divide, individualize and specify the separation that we have become as characters and personalities that exist in contrast to one another, that oppose each other based on the self-configuration we have become in order to remain as ‘more than’ and ‘special’ at the eyes of others, which means that we never were really looking Inside ourselves, but only defined, shaped, molded and sculpted ourselves according to how we want to be Seen by others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words to judge wherein such words as adjectives being able to express a judgment about something/ someone is already a way to push throughout basic education the need to establish points of separation based on what we see, but never within the consideration of being judging everything and everyone that is also ourselves. In this,

 

I forgive myself that I had never accepted and allowed myself to question the very teaching of our language, and take it for granted simply because of giving to education and school a status of ‘untouchable’ and ‘unquestionable,’ which is precisely the way that we comply to story data throughout our education without really questioning how we are taking this information for granted, and how we are accepting it as ‘readily given,’ when in fact the reality is that it was just information passed on from generation to generation influenced and imprinted throughout time with all the experiences attached to such words, which means that we only learned to see words as points of self interest in order to suit our own ‘needs’ as everything that we could experience for our own benefit – either positive or negative, still same imposition – and never really questioning how it is that such words are not realized as the very manifestation of our accepted and allowed self-separation as one and equal.

“So I suggest you find-out why it is you’re unable to Actually Understand the ‘Desteni Message’, why is it that you’re unable to ‘See’ for Yourself – why is it that you Allow ‘Thoughts’ to ‘arise’ within-you and that you Search those ‘thoughts’ and you give them ‘names’ like ‘Kundalini’, trying to reach ‘great orgasmic experiences’, ‘fuelling’ a ‘Mind System’ – Great Dishonesty” – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to learn that words as adjectives are here in order to judge another, without realizing that through being able to qualify something as positive or negative is already a form of imposition toward what is here, which is what language and words have become.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become an ‘avid reader’ simply because of being able to formulate (form-emulate) my own experiences in my own mind as a form of secret mind that no one else had to know about, that I didn’t have to share and that way, ‘live through others’ words’ in order to satisfy this belief of me becoming emotional and feeling as part of ‘who I am’ and human nature, wherein I deliberately cultivated such relationship to words themselves as a constant energy-kick that I would get when reading books.

 

I forgive myself that I never accepted and allowed myself to question what is it that I was really doing when reading books and how it is that I had made it ‘normal’ for me to live through reading others’ words instead of writing myself in a self supportive manner, because I see and realize that everything I would write about me was in essence wanting to emulate my life to the characters in a book , of which we have no actual understanding of how we are using and abusing ourselves in separation of one and other through words in order to establish a point of experience that only ‘I’ could experience as an exclusivity within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words as means to create and validate my own ‘specialness’ wherein I would think that it was only ‘me, me, me’ that could experience such images, pictures and general beingness in a moment with a particular type of writing that I then became fond of in order o keep up this belief of myself as having a ‘special connection’ with the people that would write in a way that I wanted to be like, which means that I pushed myself to become that which I idolized, which is people that were proficient in writing, writing books, being able to have a proficient vocabulary, wherein I then began using words as currency in order to give myself ‘props’ in separation of myself as one and equal, because I / we as humanity deliberately neglected even daring to question the origin of words, as that would have implied being/ becoming aware of our absolute responsibility toward each other as the words awe speak.

 

Thus

 

I commit myself to walk this relationship toward words themselves as data that I had come to value as ‘more’ than myself and as such, becoming the manifestation of ego as the construction of words, being aware of existing as a quilt that I sew with bits from characters in order to create myself as the image/ idea and personality that I came to embody after having worked on my own words as a means to justify, ratify and demonstrate that ‘I in fact am this character because my words say so,’ which is an absolute form of self-righteousness wherein all that mattered within me was a set of definitions in separation of life, because I never ever even considered life within and as words.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to establish myself as the ‘controller’ in my reality through the very data I accepted and allowed as myself, as something ‘real’ as ‘the real me’ that I had constructed throughout time through everything I could grab from the media, from people in my reality and as such, become my own architect in a deliberate way without ever realizing how through taking this vantage point of being ‘above’ others and reality through using words that indicate comparatives and superlatives is the essence of mind control to promote individuality as a moreness of ourselves here, instead of promoting a way of being able to live as individuals that regard each other as equals as life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become an energy junky as in pushing myself to create ‘the most emotional and feeling experiences’ out of just reading words on paper, which indicates to what extent we have separated ourselves from the physical reality wherein we decided to use words in order to generate a positive experience within ourselves that in no way had an actual relationship to ourselves in the moment, which is what makes books so ‘appealing’ to people – yet we have covered up such vicarious atonement with our own justifications toward books as ‘culture’ and ‘education,’ never pondering what is it that we were really in fact valuing and why.

 

I forgive myself that I never accepted and allowed myself to even consider or conceive that there could be another way to express myself in consideration of others as myself, because such consideration was never taught or given as a particular word in itself, which indicates to what extent we have become so used to only seeing ourselves in separation of each other as characters in ‘books of life’ with prescribed life experiences that we came to simply believe is ‘who we are’ and walk it from the womb till the grave without ever really taking such fleeting moments of questioning myself, my who I am as words beyond the accepted and allowed ‘norms’ that were prescribed in order to keep ourselves blind and not taking into consideration that we are in fact pronouncing (pro-enouncing) ourselves as subjects of our own intellect and that every word that I speak as a sentence of myself about others is invariably always about myself in reality.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moment I am pronouncing words about something/ someone or myself I am already making a decision of who I am in that moment, which implies that

 

When and as I see myself pronouncing words, I stop and I breathe – I realize that every single words that I will be pronouncing as an expression of who I am in that very moment is and will be communicating and expressing the decision of who I am in that moment; thus I align my words to an equal and one starting point to ensure words do not become again the very polarity holders of our reality, the very separators that perpetuate an abuse that is and will always be self-abuse.

 

 

“Jesus said: ‘Judge not, lest ye be judged’ –because you will-only ‘Judge’ that which you have Done-Yourself –you can only ‘Speak- it’ because you’ve ‘Done-it’, which is why Self-Forgiveness is Relevant” – Bernard Poolman *

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“This ‘Reality’ and as-it Exist now is your ‘Real Nature’ – is ‘the Truth’ about you = You have Created this As your Mind. ‘Stop’ all of-that and start to consider ‘What is Best Equally for All Physical-Beings in this Reality’ – and then you’ll-find ‘Heaven will-be on Earth’ – and then you will-find ‘you Love your Neighbour’ –and then you’ll find why doing ‘What’s Best for All’ that everyone will-do ‘What’s Best for All’ – it is-Not a very ‘giant leap’, it requires ‘No-Faith’ = it Requires CommonSense
– Bernard Poolman

For more specific support on learning who we are and what we have become in relation to words: Desteni I Process

 

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Matrix words 2009

Interviews to get a never-be

fore explained approach toward words in our reality:

 

*Interview by Bernard Poolman:

Interviews from the Farm 38: Special Feelings

 

Blogs:

Childhood Imagination Creating Characters: DAY 98

Day 98: Humanity is ONE BODY, ONE LIFE

 

Previous entries on words:


83. Finishing what I Started

The ‘Fulfilling character’ character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-doubt based on the ideals that I’ve kept with regards to what is an acceptable expression based on what is pertinent to express in relation to only being one single character as ‘an artist,’ instead of realizing that I am a human being that is able to express in any way that is self-honest and congruent in relation to the physical moment that I am walking in relation to my process.

 

I realize that I had been limiting myself based on being ‘caught’ between being ‘academically correct’ while trying to remain ‘true to myself,’ which means that I am still allowing myself to separate the ‘intellectual’ aspect as something that I have to ‘work further into,’ without realizing that what I am working with is myself, and that at the moment there is nothing I am creating as everything is already here. I am simply sculpting myself, using what is here already as myself and giving myself direction to become the expression of who and what I really am as life, which is the process I am walking here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as doubt the moment that I have to present a ‘final work’ toward the academy, just because of the ideals that I have created around ‘the final work’ and how I have deemed it to be this ‘huge event in one’s life’ which is how I have instead shoved it aside and believe that I have to pull out a ‘great show’ for everyone, which is only stemming from the ego and personality I have been throughout my life as a student that is ‘bright’ according to judgments that I’ve accumulated as ‘who I am, ‘ which I’m not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually ‘fear’ letting go of these standards because of considering that me-expressing myself in simplicity will not make me something ‘outstanding’ which is what I had been tagged as throughout my career ‘being outstanding’ and believing that everyone is expecting me to have this ‘outstanding career,’ which in no way correlates to the process I am walking as myself. Thus, I stop preventing myself to express and move based on these ideals that I am secretly keeping as a ‘final shot’ within my life, without realizing that I cannot serve two gods, and that my ego is no longer a point to be taken into consideration when I am the directive principle of myself here.

 

This means that I cannot possibly continue procrastinating and allowing myself to be waiting for the right moment to write-myself as the declaration of who and what I am as my own process of self creation, because I see and realize that I was waiting to have something ‘finite,’ without understanding that it is the mere explanation of myself as my process and as such, it won’t be anything that can be measured as right or wrong, as it is a creative-process in itself with no precedents. Thus, I allow myself to walk this point with no predisposition toward anything or anyone in separation of myself and my expression here.

 

I realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to still take the ‘academy’ as something above me, as something that could refute anything I could say just because I am not presenting any artwork per se. Ye the process in itself Is the creation as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I was not going to be working with some work of art per se, I was standing in ‘dangerous territory,’ which is just me using an excuse to validate my self-doubt and hesitation based on mere beliefs what and how I should present myself to have this ‘flawless’ project, without realizing that because of holding such Ideals, I am in fact limiting myself to make of this work a simple and practical extension of the process that I am walking on a daily basis through writing. This proves how one single belief can tamper my ability to direct myself and essentially become like a haunting ghost that is seemingly ‘beyond myself,’ which is absolutely unacceptable as it is all based on the belief of who I am as the ‘perfect student character’ which is only feeding an ego that is busy dying.

 

I direct myself to express myself here, in simplicity and stop the haunting ideals of me fulfilling anything for anyone else in separation of myself. I realize that whatever I write and express as myself is within the consideration of what’s best for myself and all as equals – thus there can be no ‘wrong doing’ in that.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place conditions toward my expression based on wanting to fulfill a certain ideal/ ego/ pattern of myself in separation of who I am as life. This means that I stop creating an elusive ideal to fulfill in separation of myself within attempting to write ‘for someone else’ such as ‘the academy,’ instead of realizing that this is about me writing myself as my process and in that, it is no different to the expression that I write myself as every single day.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the reason why I was not facing this point is because I was still holding on to the idea of ‘who I am’ toward teachers, school, the consideration of my entire student career throughout my life, wherein I was still aiming at this ‘perfection’ but not based on self-developmental perfection, but perfection base on the idealism I lived as myself in terms of being awarded with ‘the highest honors’ always, which is what I have kept in the back of my head as this ideal that I apparently have to fulfill.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually program myself from a very young age to be able to obtain the ‘highest honors’ when graduating, which is just an idea of what I thought would make ‘more than everyone else,’ and that would fulfill the ‘perfect student career’ that I was busy maintaining as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place conditions onto everything that I do based on which characters I am seeking to fulfill and reinforce, which proves that I have become essentially a character that works to fulfill other characters wherein I miss out the absolute expression that is here as myself at any given moment, and instead believe that I have to get to a certain point to be able to express myself, or that I require to ‘find the right expression’ in separation of myself, which is just indicating that I was simply wanting to maintain a character within myself that keeps the pillar of the ‘flawless student,’ which is a character that I felt I lost the moment that I dropped out from my first career – as an accumulated self-judgment toward myself – and having left school for one year to be living abroad – which became me losing my opportunity to have an automatic graduation, which meant to me losing the perks of being this ‘flawless student.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that because I won’t be able to get the highest honors, then it Is just pointless to do something ‘worthy’ – yet at the same time fearing not being acceptable enough for the academy, thinking it won’t be ‘sellable,’ which is just me trying to fulfill another’s expectations in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up before even having started, which means that I have become this character to be fulfilled/ bashed and accordingly only move as fear waiting for the ‘right moment to come,’ to give myself direction, instead of realizing that the more I procrastinate, the more I compound the single possession of fear, shoved-away anxiety that comes with it, which is absolutely unnecessary considering that expression as words is here as myself at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually stop myself from directing myself because of fearing not being ‘good enough’ at the eyes of that ‘world’ that I have kept as superior than myself, which is the academy/ schooling institutions even though I am aware how they function and how it is all part of the basic conditioning of creating competition and these apparent ‘high standards’ upon human beings – hence I realize that any form of limitation is just a stupidity loop in fact, because I am accepting and allowing the realm of knowledge and information to be ‘beyond myself,’ while all that I require is here as myself already.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting the career down’ and everyone else involved in it, based on how I had walked it with having these great expectations toward myself and because I am in no position to fulfill them, my entire starting point of doing this work is stemming from me having failed at ‘becoming an artist,’ and having failed to fulfill the expectations that I had toward myself and that I believe, think or perceive that others have upon myself.

 

Thus I realize that the only point of betrayal can actually exist if I continue allowing myself to tamper my ability to express myself here in every moment by wanting to suit myself into a character to fulfill other characters’ expectations, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know that I would experience regret and still not do anything about it, which is just proof of how one single point of belief can be an entire point of self-sabotage if not walked, addressed and opened up immediately as self. I realize that self-movement is compromised the moment I hold but one single iota of character to be fulfilled as myself, and in that, I am entirely responsible to face the consequences of what I am creating for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually project myself into ‘that day’ when I have to present this work and go into fear because of all the value I had placed to such moment from a very young age as this apparent ‘magnificent’ event’ wherein I placed myself as the character that would go ‘beyond history’ with some magnificent final work, which is just base on my ideals that fulfilled the ‘perfect student’ character I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as ‘my worth’ and ‘who I am,’ which is the point that I now see and realize I was not willing to entire let go from the moment that a point that I am not directing as myself is directly linked to preserving this elusive ideal of myself toward others and in a particular institution.

 

I realize that within these ideals and beliefs of who I am and how I must present myself in such moment is stemming from comparing myself to other beings in my family that have presented a ‘flawless work,’ wherein I placed a higher standard for myself in order to end up being ‘the ultimate winner’ at the eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in future projections as the image of me in that room with teachers in front of me, asking me questions and having ‘an audience’ that I must apparently dazzle with my wits, which is just an entire mindfuck that I’ve used to only torture myself, instead of giving me absolute self direction at all times with it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when thinking ‘will teachers/ academics buy this concept of art as myself?’ and in that, already limiting myself for giving worth and value to what others can say about a point that is and will be a point of self-expression in its totality, wherein I realize that the ideas of me having to comply to a certain institutional format is just self limitation and doesn’t represent at all the unconditional expression that I have walked and proven to myself I am able and capable of doing with no obstacles a all. So, I realize that I had still held fear and fear of being judged by ‘weird’ and ‘unconventional’ even in art school by my professors, which is ludicrous considering the type of work I am presenting and the school that is precisely created to break patterns of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable within an academic world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others based on what I am working with, without realizing that this is not about ‘defending my thesis’ as this is not a thesis as something to ‘prove’ to others, but a single explanation of myself as this moment an this process of self-creation that I am walking and how it goes along with artistic expression as a point of support for it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘betraying’ or ‘not making use’ of what I was supposed to have learned in school, just because of not being presenting plastic work in some specific discipline, which is just me fearing being judged for not complying to the usual modes of presenting the final work, without realizing that I was only trying to please others with my work in my mind, instead of actually physically walking it as myself without expecting to create any special form of ‘feedback’ that I could feel better or greater about myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still hold on the idea and belief that I had to come out with the ‘greatest score I could attain’ which is what I would then be satisfied about, not realizing that because of fearing not getting this, I am instead not moving myself within this point simply because of fearing being judged.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is such an ‘important thing in my life, ‘ without seeing and realizing that just by this single belief I am creating an entire point of separation between myself an this ‘final work’ based on the ideals I was still wishing and hoping to fulfill about myself, instead of just walking it as self and in such way, not having to be ‘expecting’ something out of it other than what I am able to express as myself in every moment that I dedicate myself to write here as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first create these entire ‘ideal’ about my final work and separate it from the actual walking it on a daily basis believing that the ‘final document’ had to be this outrageous and ‘outstanding’ expression which I now see and realize I was simply busy trying to fulfill in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the positive feedback as a point of self-acceptance in separation of self, wherein I went into idealism instead of practivism, and that’s the entire point wherein I tried to fulfill the idea of who I am in separation of myself as the physical moment I am living in that I can simply direct myself to write it out, without going into fear of being judged, fear of not ‘fulfilling’ the reader, fear of coming ‘short’ in my expression and – all of these fears are absolutely unacceptable.

 

I realize that any moment that I see myself judging this point of work as ‘something separate’ from the daily writing I do and direct as myself, is simply an excuse to not dig further into realizing how obviously I was still holding such ‘final work’ as something beyond my nose, which means that I projected it into this elusive future, instead of bringing it here as self and as such ensure that I walk it as self, as the realization of who and what I am able to be and express in every moment of breath in relation to the process I am walking as myself here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that I’ve made the ‘write choice’ for the topic because it was ‘positively accepted’ by my professor, which is just a point of self-manipulation based on thinking that ‘it is already great because my professor liked it,’ which then becomes a point to fulfill ‘for others,’ instead of myself expressing myself here in every single moment of breath.

 

I forgive myself that I accept and allowed myself to move myself based on positive feedback, wherein I can see that I am not absolutely self directive the moment that I am still trying to fulfill an idea of myself based on what is ‘good’/ great from others, instead of taking myself into consideration as the expression that is here in common sense and that as such, It cannot be possibly refuted.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself to a single belief and expectation, which is as limited as a single thought waiting to be fulfilled by an external stimuli to keep the positive energy running. I stop myself as a character that seeks to be something ‘great’ for others, and instead, remain constant as the realization that all that I am is already here and that any delusion of moreness or less than is just a mind-belief that is in no way who and what I really am.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still allow my mind to direct myself as fears that I suppress with other activities, thinking that ‘the right time will come,’ without realizing it won’t ‘come’ by itself, but that I have to practically and physically direct it as myself at all times.

 

 

Rumbos-inciertos

Rumbos Inciertos 2006

 

Self Corrective Statements.

When and as I see myself resisting and not wanting to go into what I have deemed as an ‘academic writing,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am separating myself from information and placing it as ‘more’ than who I am in every moment, without realizing that this is one single point that I can direct as the expression of myself in the moment, instead of being wanting to become something ‘else’ to be academically correct, which is the point that I have been struggling with and seeing it as ‘something I cannot yet be sure about, ‘ which would imply that I am seeing the ‘academic work’ as separate from the expression of who and what I am in every moment of breath. Everything is here, I allow myself to direct it as myself.

 

When and as I see myself creating this final work something ‘more’ than myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am making it more than myself because of the ideas that I have created toward ‘finishing a career’ and comparing myself to my sisters and their final thesis/ presentation, of which I personally took it as this point that I had to ‘surpass’ and better at all cost, just so that I could go out with the triumphant belief that I had been this bright student throughout my life and that ‘my final exam was no exception,’ which is just me future projecting and expecting to be ‘remembered’ by teachers, by parents, by colleagues as something ‘great’ other than myself here in simplicity.

 

When and as I see myself doubting my own expression in any given moment in relation to presenting a work toward any institution, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am only separating myself from the constancy and consistency of myself as self-direction and allowing me to be tampering it with the ideal of me having to adjust such expression to be liked/ accepted by the academy, without realizing that this is just a self-belief that I’ve come to feed and fuel as ‘who I am’ as the character of ‘the perfect student’ that has no place here as myself, as the physical body that is not defined by knowledge and information or ‘who I have been’ in/as the past.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to fulfill the ideal of ‘the perfect student with a perfect final work’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I am seeking to fulfill an ideal of who I am in separation of myself, which is not acceptable, as everything that I am is already here as myself and any idea of me as ‘more’ than myself and/or wanting to ‘maintain’ a self-imposed title is only ego.

 

When and as I see myself placing conditions onto my expression in order to suit an ideal according to be presentable to a certain institution/ school / academy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this limitation can only exist as fear that I can stop in a moment of breathing and physically directing myself to express in common sense. Who and what I am is constant and consistent no matter what, thus any condition/ impediment is only stemming from myself as the mind wanting to preserve or remain stuck within a single character which I realize now is unacceptable.

 

When and as I see myself still believing that I have to ‘become’ a character in order to write, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the elusiveness of me writing myself is still a mind-created experience as any form of ‘impediment’ can only exist as an actual fear of being judged, fear of doing something wrong, fear of not suiting the ideals placed by the academy, fear of getting ‘stuck’ into something which are all bullshit and ludicrous points as I see that my nose clears when I clear my head from these ‘ghostly limitations,’ that can only exist the moment I place myself into THINKING about it, instead of just physically directing myself to write.

 

When and as I see myself seeking perfection outside myself based on the ideal of ‘who I as in the past,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is only me sabotaging my entire ability to be/ live and express in one single moment, one single being that is here as the physical expressing self as the physical, which means that I do not require to get myself into a certain ‘state of mind’ to write out the work, nor do I require more ‘knowledge and information,’ for it, it’s just a matter of directing myself to do it.

 

When and as I see myself still as something/ someone in separation of who I am in every moment of breath when/ while being preparing the work for school, facing teachers and so forth in such ‘art realm,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that the anxiety that I’ve suppressed and experienced was just this suppression of myself based on the ideals of how I had to do it, who I had to pleas and where I could ‘be wrong,’ which was all based on me having difficulty explaining myself in the past whenever I tried to explain this process to others, without realizing that at that time I had barely begun it, and that it was impossible for me to really express myself as it, because I had not walked it.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I have to ‘keep up’ my status toward others and caring about what family/ friends will say about me and my final work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is it, this is the moment wherein I can finally allow myself to step out of my beloved character of miss perfection and allow myself to express in common sense without any expectation toward it, as I realize that the point that I will be serving is Life itself and not a single character building career.

 

When and as I see myself feeling defeated because I could not attain to ‘the highest honors’ I see that this is just plain egotistical bullshit and has no space to hold here as myself any longer. It’s all memory based and memories are only self-limitations as the lies we believed ourselves to be in separation of who we already are here as one and equal. This is no higher talk, this is a certainty. This implies that any egotistical institutional reward is nothing but an ego-game to gain further positive experiences that are only energetic fleeting moments to rub the ego as the mind. The physical cannot be flattered.

 

When and as I see myself forming a character when trying to fulfill a character, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the moment that I see something as ‘difficult’ and that I deliberately place aside to not give it immediate direction, I am in fact just fearing having to face letting to of my own ideals and facing the reality of myself without the highest expectations that I had still held within myself, which became a point of comparison toward ‘who I was’ in the past, which is in no way who and what I am here any longer – the character is not real.

 

When and as I see myself still believing myself to be this ‘flawless student,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this ideal was actually stemming from the fear to not be good enough and fuck it all up, which is the exact fear as irrational as all fears that I have been living out with no direction given because of believing that I had to do something ‘else’ in separation of myself.

 

When and as I see myself fearing not being ‘good enough’ at the eyes of people in academy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the ‘betrayal’ toward the career is only me wanting to fulfill a character in an ‘appropriate manner,’ which is in no way what I am willing to diminish myself to. Thus, I stop the bullshit and direct myself to express myself here, no judgments attached.

 

When and as I see myself worrying/ future projecting about the moment of presenting my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this all stems from the value/ worth I had kept toward ‘the academy’ as something superior than myself, without realizing that this is just a limitation that I created within myself and has no space In reality as a certainty – thus, I stop.

 

When and as I see myself going into regret, I stop and I breathe – I realize I am simply sabotaging myself even further, the only point to correct this is to practically and physically direct myself to do that which I was procrastinating to direct as myself.

 

When and as I see myself going into comparison in relation to how my sisters presented their final works in school/ university, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I cannot possibly compare myself to others, as each one’s process is different – hence I stop placing these benchmarks for myself and rather direct myself to do what is required to be done and that’s it.

 

When and as I see myself fearing what academics will think, believe or perceive about myself and my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this point of fearing being judged is just irrational as all fears, and that there is no possibility to fear expressing myself here as who and what I realize I am. I cannot possibly remain trying to defend myself as a character, and I see that the entire problem is how I titled the work itself – as ‘the artist’ and that because I do not see myself as an artist, I created an entire unnecessary conflict with it, simply because of fearing simply presenting myself as a human being, not one single character only.

 

Thus I direct myself to make the necessary arrangements to express how I cannot only define myself as a career in order to satisfy some ideals I Have upon myself and others toward myself. I cannot lie myself any further for any purpose or any justification, as the work itself is about myself and my self-honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place myself as ‘intellect in conflict’ and within this forgetting completely about the physicality that I am and exist as, which is and cannot possibly be diminished to a single character playing as ‘who I am.’

 

When and as I see myself believing that I will have to ‘prove’ myself to others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I had ‘lived’ this point toward other beings in my world, but somehow I had held school as this immaculate piece of reality that I could not equalize myself as, still seeing it as ‘beyond’ myself.

 

Thus, I direct myself to finally let go of any idealization toward myself and my career – and everything that I had linked to ‘art’ itself and really, actually equalize it as myself, as who I am.

 

When and as I see myself trying and believing that I have to ‘impress’ others with my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is not me here as physically speaking and doing in the moment, but existing as a future projection of ego wanting to be fulfilled.

 

When and as I see myself placing value onto my ‘final score’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that this is the character-rating that I have been bound to the most time in my life, always being used to ‘getting the most’ and believing that if I don’t get ‘the most’ this time, I have failed. Which is not so, it is just a character waiting and wanting to get ‘the most’ to continue existing as myself. Thus, I direct myself to present myself and express in the moment with no expectations as I see how expecting creates anxiety and anxiety creates a limitation to express unconditionally as it is all fear based on being judged, I stop and I direct myself in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that ‘this is such an important moment in my life,’ and seeing it as the ‘pinnacle’ of myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that who I am is not based on memories and future projections, but simply here walking the system for what it is – I walk it in equality – no more and no less.

 

When and as I see myself expecting my ‘final work’ to be this outrageous paper, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am going ‘ahead’ of myself, and that all I require is to express myself as I exist in the moment, which can express in common sense without any extra desire to be ‘more’ than myself, thus I direct myself to express me without wanting to suit/ fit in a certain ideal of myself toward myself and others.

 

When and as I see myself using positive feedback as a way to move myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is only the ego being stroked and getting fuel to continue going. Who I am does not require positive feedback but only self-movement as the realization that everything that I require to be is already here as myself .

 

When and as I see myself separating this ‘final work’ from any other writing I do on a daily basis, I stop and I breathe. I realize that all I was doing was keeping it in a ‘special compartment’ which is not acceptable; otherwise it would not be me writing myself but me as character writing for other characters, perpetuating the character world. I am here to stop all characters as myself and in others, and instead direct myself to write something that will not be base on wanting to ‘fit in’ within the academic world, but that genuinely represents my own process of self-correction and self-direction as the creator of myself.

 

When and as I see myself using zeal as positivity to direct myself to do something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within this I am only reducing myself to a single character fulfilling itself and is I no way me supporting myself as the expression that is constant and consistent here as breath. No more and no less required.

 

When and as I see myself expecting a final resolution of having a ‘great work’ and getting compliments in such future projections about myself and my work and ‘who I am’ toward others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is not even a matter of being humble, but simply realizing that anything that can be said about my work and myself has I no way any influence as to who I am, as all I am is here as breath and no words can make me more or less than ‘it all.’

 

When and as I see myself existing as a future projection and expectation of fulfilling myself as a character, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the desires that I fueled from a young age were based on me only being a single character/ ideal that is in no way who and what I am as the totality of myself. Thus, I direct myself to walk this point as per requirement and stop limiting myself and my expression based on characters I played in the past that is not here any longer.

 

When and as I see myself deviating myself to do ‘something else’ instead of finalizing this work I stop and I breathe. I realize that the word ‘finalization’ means giving it a breath by breath direction without holding on to a single ‘outrageous outcome’ that I expected of myself in my mind, as that is in no way related to who and what I am here as the constancy and consistency of breath.

 

I direct myself to finish what I started.

 

 

Azul

 

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Note to Self: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make such a mind drama today, without realizing it’s hormones taking the wheel instead of myself here as the physical. Thus I direct myself to stand one and equal as my physical so that I don’t have to go wondering around what the fuck is wrong with me today.


Day 40: The You-Diss-All System in Me

Who am I within communicating toward others? What are the immediate judgments that I create according to me reducing something/ someone to only being a picture presentation as a personality within my own mind?  What am I really allowing within myself when ‘making up my mind’ about something/ someone as to ‘who I must be’ toward them in relation to the idea that I create of others when viewing them/everything through the eyes of the mind only? What is this ‘preferential rate’ indicating about me?  This is walking through ‘who I am’ as the judge in my mind that manifests the current you-diss-all system as the judiciary that is able to contemplate whether a law applies or not according to a set of preferences/circumstances using the mind as the generator of all ‘proofs’ that are perfectly corruptible and malleable according to creating the necessary justifications/ excuses as knowledge and information that is able to suit one’s own interests in the name of power and vainglory.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an automated judge within communicating with others, wherein I stand as the ‘ultimate say’ of ‘Who I am’ toward others in a moment according to how ‘I make up my mind about them’ and in that, mimicking the same way that the judicial system interprets and applies the laws according to convenience, circumstance and context wherein the principle is corruptible to suit one’s own benefit and not really considering what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a principle of/as Equality in place ‘in words’ just like we have our constitutions wherein equal justice under law’ is ‘ensured’/ guaranteed on paper, as a statement, but when it comes to actually applying and living that statement, the leeway and backdoor of ‘interpretation’ according to my own benefit/ my own interests can be used as an excuse as to why I am not applying myself equally with all beings in my reality, which implies that I am not living yet as principle within communicating, interacting and living among others as I am still existing as the ‘judge’ in the secret mind that is able to decide another being’s ‘place’ within my own mind, and deciding ‘who I am’ toward them according to that judgments, which is only me-assessing-others wherein there is absolutely no physical relationship to what I ‘think’ of another, but I am only using knowledge and information to ‘make up my mind’ about ‘them’ and accordingly, ‘apply my law’ with its ‘amends’ so that I can still suit my preferences and dislikes toward beings/ events/ situations and not standing absolutely as one and equal as myself/ others in the moment of communicating an interacting based on physical living reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘interpretation’ as a way to suit what is being said/ conveyed in order to suit ‘my needs’ and justify  them with further knowledge and information that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and identify myself as.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own secret-mind court wherein I ‘make up my mind’ about a being in a matter of minutes according to ‘who I believe them to be’ as a set of characteristics based on  images, words, picture presentation, beliefs, mannerisms, way of expressing, voice tonality, clothes, race, gender, age and in that, reduce another being to being simply just another category that I can store in my mind as the definition of ‘who that person is’ as a reminder of ‘who I am toward them’ based on my own preferences – when in fact, it was all created/ assessed and assigned a value to within my own mind – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having ever believed that I was always ‘right’ about the assessment I could make of others wherein I completely supported and kept them ‘locked-in’ the same set of personality that they have believed themselves to be, and in that I become an accomplice  of another’s limitation of only being ‘a character’/ a personality/ a set of values, preferences, culture, gender, race, age, beliefs, ideology wherein I then become the judge in the secret mind that either praises and accepts or disses and rejects – within this  I become equal and one with the polarity-basis of a binary system that works according to positive and negative values, while dissing/ neglecting life of equality and oneness and relegate it to a non-existent and non-considered aspect within laws and regulations, wherein a principle is absolutely overlooked and deliberately ‘missed’  in the name of acceptance and rejection of another within my own mind as a positive-experience/  negative experience that I generate toward another in my mind – or as a neutral experience wherein I perceive that ‘I’m fine’ around those beings but in fact, it is still generating an experience toward them wherein a point of reference as to ‘who I am’ toward them is created in my mind as ‘being neutral with them’ and not simply being here as the impartiality of my application toward all beings in equality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a judge that either rules for yes/ no as the acceptance/ rejection of beings according to ‘how’ I want to apply a principle that stipulates Equality – which in itself implies the acceptance and allowance of corruption/ breaking our rules in the name of suiting our personal interests – yet the moment that I manipulate such principle to suit ‘my-needs’ as my preferences as the mind that seeks validation, recognition and getting compliments, I then ‘accept’ and vote in favor of that which is for my own benefit – whereas when I manipulate such principle to suit my preferences of ‘disliking’ another, I corrupt myself as principle to give more value/ worth to a set of preferences instead of the living physical principle, that is at all times revealing that equality as physical beings is here and that any point of preference and ‘inclination’ toward another is based on the mind that I have become as the judge that seeks at all times, to vote in favor of that which is best for me, as my mind, as my personality, as my set of preferences and that which I will get some personal benefit from.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge the judicial system which seems tautological now that I write about it, due to how I have accepted and allowed myself to become the very judge that is able to rule in favor of that which sustains, maintains and perpetuates the ‘positive idea/ personality’ that I have of myself – and denies, neglects, hides and tries to run away from everything that I have deemed as the ‘negative and opposite’ that won’t support my very design, which is how my mind resists facing that which I judge/ deem as a ‘dislike,’ as the mind is constantly only seeking validation, perpetuation of the same values as the confirmation of the patterns that create an ideal of worth as personality, and according to this, having become a predictable personality that seeks similar personalities wherein I as the judge in my mind can decide what is ‘worthy’ and what is not, as I have become the very corruption of life in the name of personal preferences and suiting everything/ everyone according to my own mind’s preferential rate.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to judge the judicial system as hypocrite, without realizing that I have been a hypocrite myself when it comes to proclaiming standing by a principle and still holding preferences as likes, dislikes, judgments and creating either affability as positive experience toward those that ‘suit my personality’ as preferences/ likes  and creating hostility and laconicism toward those that I seem to dislike – which are only values that I have create in my mind according to the knowledge and information that I have created and accepted as ‘who I am,’ wherein I have become my very own jail as the constrain toward the actual life that I am as a physical body that doesn’t hold preference toward anything or anyone.

 

I realize that within me having become my very own judge toward anything and anyone, I have never in fact established actual communication toward others, as I have always just been a mind that judges/ assesses my ‘interaction’ with others based on what is worthy/ what is not, what is positive/ what is negative – what is good/ what is bad – all based in polarity games of winning and losing as the ability to ‘make myself feel better’ about myself through my own judgments and avoiding everything/ everyone that would seem like a threat to my personal vainglory and ego fortification, as the building blocks of the illusion that I have become as my own pedestal that can corrupt a principle to do things ‘my way’ and suit my needs – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have self-righteousness override my ability to see in clarity how it is that I am becoming the very judgmental and discriminatory ruler as my own mind that is able to define ‘who’s worthy/ who’s not’  – who do I like/ who do I dislike based on personal preferences, which is nothing else than knowledge and information that I have subdued my entire expression to become, wherein I have built my own walls toward people that I deemed that I could not ‘communicate effectively with,’ which was only me as my mind not wanting to establish a point of communication with the idea that I had already created about another in my mind, wherein I give up any opportunity to get to know them better just because of deeming that ‘I’ve made up my mind about them’ and in that, becoming the very judge and perpetrator of the ongoing separation in this world that has led us to the current reality we’re all living in, wherein we seclude ourselves in social groupings where personality-enhancement is all that takes place and no actual equal and one interaction occurs, as all that is fed through relationships as friendships/ comradeship is having similar minds that feed each other’s ego in the name of survival as the very spite toward life, due to such ‘positive’ experience only being able to emerge if self-definitions as ‘who I am’ as my personality/energy exists – and energy is Not Life and is actually the abuse of life in the name of personal satisfaction.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to judge the judges that have ‘the ultimate say’ within any case wherein laws are revised for an apparent ‘proper application,’ without realizing that I have become the very judge that also revises my participation toward each individual not based on the equality as life principle, but based on the preferences that ‘I’ as a mind still holds and creates toward people, justifying it with all means possible to still make it acceptable as to why I care/ prefer/ incline myself toward some beings more than others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I could actually make up ‘who another is’ in my mind in a very short period of time, which was really only me becoming the instant judge that is able to assess another according to personality as the image, the presentation, the preferences and words that a being presents themselves as, which is the lie that we all either buy or not – and in that, remaining only as a viewer/ observer of another/ others according to ‘who they are’ within/ through the eye of the mind, wherein I continue diminishing another being’s expression to being only as a preprogrammed and limited version of ‘who they are,’ which is in fact only a façade as an energetic version of themselves as an ego that is in no way the being that is in fact ‘inside,’ which exists in equality and oneness as the physical hereness – yet we have separated ourselves from each other to such an extent that we have become used to interacting with each other as pictures, ideas, beliefs, judgments and perceptions of each other wherein Life is Not considered at all, wherein Life is relegated to a ‘taken-for-granted’ background that we believe is ‘separate’ from ourselves as some elusive concept, instead of sticking to the physicality that I am able to touch and see for myself exists here as an equal conglomerate of elements that constitute the cells, the tissue, the bones and all the systems inside that make our living-moment possible as each breath that we have taken for granted, that we have abused in every moment that we seek only our personal benefit as the continuation of ‘who I am’ as a personality that seeks to only ‘get along’ with those that I like/ have an inclination toward, as they ‘who they are’ within my mind represent the continuation of ‘who I am as my own mind’ – whereas all those that stand as the potential fracturing and end of who I am as my mind, I deem to dislike, oppose and evade according to what they in fact represent as a potential breakthrough my own personality/ preferences, to actually stand within an equal and one stance toward all beings, wherein no positive, no negative and no neutral experience is required in order to communicate in physicality with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ruled by beliefs, preferences and face-value judgments, which is no different to our current monetary system wherein we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be ruled and bound to an arbitrary value scheme, wherein Life is not even considered as an aspect of appraisal, but only considering the preferential rate that I apply as the way to ‘make the most of/ earn the most money’ from something/ someone that I diminish from life to being a single product, a single definition as mind-value that we have created and imposed onto Life in the name of personal power and vindication our own preferences and discrimination/ exclusivity of who we are toward others as energy-personalities, and not as the physical reality that is here, constant as the matter that is fueled by each breath that we take.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to corrupt the principle of Life in equality the moment that I create a single positive experience toward another based on my preferences as ‘who I am’ and what I deemed myself to be and have an inclination/ preference toward, as this indicates that I am not yet trust worthy as a living consistency of being able to be an actual impartial being within this reality that won’t be ‘wavered’ by a single point of preference as an inclination or rejection toward another being based on ‘who I was in the past’ as a set of preferences, characteristics that I would deem as ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ others, according to the frames of values that I have created within myself, as my personal jurisdiction toward everything and everyone in my reality, which allowed me to become the very self-righteous manipulator and dictator that is able to bend, mend, break and mold a principle according to personal preferences, which in essence constitutes the corruption of life in the name of personal gratification.

This will continue…

 

I commit myself to stop being the judge in my mind in every moment that I communicate with others in my reality and dare to stand in the equality and oneness of the moment wherein I make sure that my mind stands here as equal as the breath that I am taking in and out, wherein I recognize that the ground that holds me is equally holding another as myself, wherein I make sure that I stop any point of  judgment that comes up from the mind that I have programmed to automatically do so during that interaction/ conversation/ coexistence in any given moment. I take it back to self to use it as a point to reflect myself back to myself and see ‘who I am’ being in that moment toward another, which is Not really about ‘them,’ but about that which I am accepting and allowing myself to limit others as, within a single idea, belief, perception and interpretation of another as only knowledge and information as part of the database that I then take as ‘who they are’ and in that, missing out the entire relationship as the real-actions in relation to the physical that exists here in every moment that we equally breathe-in. 

 

I commit myself to live the realization that the moment that I diminish another to a single judgment, I am in fact not doing that ‘toward another’ but is only me diminishing me to a single idea, belief and perception that limits ‘who I am’ in its totality to a single experience that I project onto others – which is not life, but only knowledge and information that creates separation from who/what we really are in any given moment as physicality.

 

I commit myself to expose who I have become as my own judge in my judiciary system that molds and shapes its preferences as voting in favor/ against of something/ someone according to what I like and dislike as preferences that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself and others to, existing only as knowledge and information, and not as and of life in equality and oneness.

 

I commit myself to reveal to what extent we have externalized our very own secret mind as our judicial system of laws that we are all currently being governed by, and in this explaining how we have externalized constant judgment as an actual ruling system that neglects  life and ponders self-interest as that which is ‘ruled in favor of’ while masking it with the word ‘justice’/ just’ – wherein what is best for all is not actually being considered, but only considering how to perpetuate the same value-system that is currently keeping the world-system of money in place as our very own trap of knowledge and information wherein life is being ‘sucked dry’ and not honored, respected as who we really are as living beings.

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2012 Media and Entertamement: the Mirror of our own Decay

I realize that I have been brainwashed in many ways, but I have certainly realized more points that I had not considered based on the latest Desteni material, like the Life Reviews – which are interviews where people that have died, come through the portal and share their realizations so that we – people still being alive on Earth -are able to realize what we are taking for a ‘living experience’ in this world. As they walk their own stories, they share perspectives on how to assist and support ourselves to stop and correct our patterns and habits that keep us in a certain ‘predefined’ life, which is currently existing as limitation and ultimately leading us to die without having granted us the ability to Forgive ourselves and change. It’s like walking a real-life story wherein for a moment you get to know a being’s inner experience throughout their life – just like you would ‘get to know’ a character in a book – yet always having a supportive perspective and input that will most likely not leave you ‘confused’ about it, but will leave a nice ‘taste in your mouth’ in order to realize that we don’t have to get to the extremes of limitation that they experienced while being alive.

 

So, within this context, I realized how even with famous people in this world – that we obviously get to know through media -  I took a certain stance toward particular people, where the media assembled ‘evidence’ to make a ‘case’ out of their story and cause  sensationalism around the lives of particular beings that I now realize, I actually judged within my mind without even noticing it, without allowing me to consider the common sense that I also experienced at times which was seeing and realizing that people were only judgmental about a grown man being able to enjoy children without being a pedophile or something like that. It is absolutely disgraceful how even our ‘media’ is able to put up a knife against the wall and cause such division in the name of ‘putting up a show’ and causing enough attention to sell their adverts/ commercial space in quite juicy rates.  And I participated in it, I watched the documentaries, the cases, I would experience ‘third party embarrassment’ whenever such cases would arise within the lives of the rich and famous. I became ‘part of it’ – I didn’t fully allow myself to listen to that common sense that I could see in a moment, but allowed myself to obfuscate it with the nicely and strategically placed “evidence” directed to make a case out of it. 

That’s how I discovered that even when we think we are ‘not participating’ in some of the usual trivial realities that we see on the media, even by accepting it ‘as it is’ I am already taking a stance toward it, instead of having realized how is it that we have allowed our day to day living be constantly influenced by this ‘public opinion’ which is certainly controlled and manipulated in order to divert people’s attention from what is actually relevant in this world – and using/ abusing people’s lives to broadcast them as part of the ‘freak show’ that we have allowed media to become. Because it is common sense: if we all had enough resolve to stop consuming it, it would invariably have to adapt to a new perspective on what actual supportive Media should be, which would simply not be profit-driven and based on promoting common sense, education and an actual sharing of relevant information that can benefit the equal-understanding of ourselves as individuals and as part of reality within this ecosystem as a whole.  At Desteni we are already producing the new culture of Life, promoting common sense and reviewing history to place it as an example of all the points that must be corrected in order to Stop the patterns of the past, which were mostly based on ‘survival of the fittest’ through encouraging the desire to obtain power, recognition and a halo of success in order to ‘feel whole’ within one’s life experience.

 

We have realized that’s NOT what living is or should be – yet at the moment, we walk the process in order to direct ourselves breath by breath as we go observing in our own reality how even the seemingly ‘unimportant’ points do have an effect on what we collectively accept and allow within this world, such as our current media and their current ‘power’ to form people’s opinion, with no common sense most of the times.

 

 

2. We tend to judge people in our minds in such an immediate way based on ‘what’s logical’ and ‘what makes sense,’ based on supposed evidence that can be easily manipulated in order to suit particular interests which – as we can see in our reality – have not been in the best interest of all, but creating enough ‘noise’ for the same sake of making money, creating a case where there is non. And what’s fascinating is how obviously, if this goes into trials and further federal interventions, it makes it ‘even more believable’ eventually losing perspective that such ‘cases’ were generated not ‘on TV’ but in our own mind as the starting point for the entire system that is HERE as our self-reflection. McLuhan was right with the externalization of the mind as our reality, spot on when realizing that this entire reality works and functions according to all the points of separation that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as. I would see myself often judging and even reacting in an emotional experience when watching all the ‘junk’ that people watch on TV. However I missed the point: I was only judging what I also have accepted and allowed myself to become – big cold bucket of water when realizing this, as I had to then walk through a self-forgiving process when seeing how getting pissed off at people watching TV was only stemming from myself and my own experience of having mimicked what I saw and wanted myself to ‘be like,’ which could not have been possible without TV, magazines, books, music, etc.   So, within listening to this being in his life review, I realized how I had participated as well in such judgment and had given-into the ‘nicely presented’ evidence to build such case.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge the media and information of this world as ‘not having anything to do with me’ without realizing that in such statement, I was only considering me-myself-and-I as my own personal experience wherein I lived a life of only caring about myself, to feel ‘good’ and seek to be as far as possible from anything that seemed ‘vulgar’ for me to watch, discuss or communicate about with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge media and entertainment as ‘vulgar’ and sleazy within the context of seeing it as only being able to be ‘watched’ and ‘absorbed’ by people that ‘didn’t have anything better to do,’ without ever realizing that it was myself judging me for what I have also accepted and allowed myself to become within wanting to not be part of the ‘brainwashed society’ – without realizing that I was already brainwashing myself by believing myself to be ‘above it’ and within that, exist in a superiority mode that can only exist within my mind whenever I believe myself to be separated from everything and everyone in this reality – which I am not.

Therefore I realize that whenever I see myself judging the media and pointing fingers at people watching a particular type of entertainment shows, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can only judge that which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as in the first place, which begins with looking at my own mind wherein I created categories according to who and what I would like to experience in my reality – always having disregarded the totality of this world as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I knew better’ than people, and that allowing themselves to be ‘brainwashed by media’ I was in fact taking the ‘right path’ to be non-brainwashed, without realizing that the media is already the product of our very own nature as the mind that seeks to get attention, to seek experiences to generate feelings and emotions and a continuous idea and belief of ‘being living’ through the mind only – which is how I see and realize the media is the portrayal of our mind with colors, pictures designed by ourselves to experience through images, pictures, colors, characters and stories that keep us diverted from being actually HERE and Living our own lives in physical reality.

Therefore I realize that as longa s I am existing as the mind that seeks energetic experiences as quick energetic fixes through feelings, participating in emotions or directing myself from the starting point of ‘wanting to experience’ I am existing as the creator of what the media is now existing as. For this world to change, I must stop and change myself – there is no way that we can stop this ongoing industry that we have made of ‘life’ in this world, other than stopping each one of us from participating in our own minds, to eventually live in a physical common sensical reality wherein we will be able to decide how we want to experience ourselves, what we can enjoy ourselves with based on Living-  not only experiencing vicariously through pictures and stories that we see through the media.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘judge the media’ as ‘the system’ that manipulates, controls and molds people’s opinion, without realizing that we can only be influenced and directed in such a way if we haven’t allowed ourselves to develop common sense and an actual practical living understanding of what living as equals implies in terms of using the media to support life and better our living conditions, such as being informed, educated and having the ability to communicate about points that pertain all equally.

 

I see and realize that as long as this world is based on profit, whatever we can get through the media will still be biased and side-viewed according to the interests at play, which we are not yet fully aware of which is how within developing common sense, we are able to stop easily following the ways that we have been taught to think, believe and perceive ourselves as, not only ‘the world’ but our very own life within the schemes that we have accepted and allowed, such as valuing ourselves according to how we look, where we live, how much money do we have, how educated we are and all of the various points that are currently determining an entire beings’ experience in this world, which is NOT based in Equality as what’s best for all – hence our living-commitment to become the culture of life that promotes self-support, equality and the realization that: we are able to in fact live in a best for all way if each one of us does their part.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build opinions and judgments about the information that I take from the media based on how I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘trust’ and ‘believe’ in certain information if ‘enough evidence is existent’ – without realizing that I have been equally brainwashed to believe things based on presenting supposed “facts” and “evidence” wherein I then allow my perspectives be molded and shaped according to how the media presents it in front of my eyes to read/ watch.

I realized that any idea that I could have of myself being ‘above’ the media-brainwashing process, I was in fact deliberately being oblivious to my own participation within it, as what the media presents is the reflection of ourselves in all ways: our desires, dreams, judgments, discrimination, fascinations, yearnings, hopes, criticisms toward the world, beliefs, etc. It is our mirror and our own trap to keep us well occupied while neglecting the reality as we serve the money-god with the eternal motivational factors like seeking to experience ‘heaven’ with no regard to whomever had to suffer the consequences of such ‘acceptable desire.’

There can be no heaven on Earth unless it is equally available for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take part of the sides and factions that are created within presenting a ‘case’ and having people supporting one side or the other – which is only creating enough fuzz and buzz that has one single outcome: creating enough waves in order to make the most money out of people being watching/ reading from the media, which allows them to sell publicity for a lot of money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a being that can ‘trust upon evidence’ without ever realizing that such evidence can obviously be manipulated in order to get a particular outcome – and within that, allowing me to take and create a particular side and make opinions/ judgments upon the subject of the news/ event in our world, without having allowed myself to give enough space to develop the common sense perspective and Self Honesty that we all have, yet suppressed when listening to our thoughts within our mind, instead of considering any other way based on an actual understanding of how reality works.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having believed myself to be able to ‘discern’ and be judicious, prudent, mature and clear sighted when watching the news and information through the media, without realizing that even while believing myself to be that, I was only generating further judgments within my mind about the separation and ‘ridiculousness’ of it all. I see and realize that whenever I see myself being ‘out of the game’ and taking a particular ‘side’ to it, I am in fact still playing the game – I realize that I am able to support myself through watching what is currently being broadcasted and information and discern it within the starting point and constant reference of ‘what is best for all. ‘

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge a man as being a potential pedophile just because of what I perceived was an ‘unusual enjoyment with kids,’ without realizing that I was then  also becoming that which I have judged about others and fearing others believing about myself as well when being around kids. I realize that I have also become part of the products that media has ‘profiled’ as a ‘critical beings’ yet within the bounds of the information that I receive, instead of having allowed myself to develop common sense to not only take a certain ‘side’ when watching the news, but always considering what is best for all and thinking out of the box wherein no sides are taken but rather seen from another angle and perspective that is usually not portrayed within the usual biased way of presenting information within the media, which is specifically portrayed in such a way to divide people and conquer through making loads of money out of it.

I realize that this is in no way judging the media itself, as I’ve explained it’s our direct reflection of how the starting point of what we do has become ‘profit’ in all ways, and how human integrity is surpassed when money is the point that’s the aim within ‘making a story’ instead of sharing stories within common sense that act as educative tools for ourselves as human beings walking similar lives to the lives of others or those that have gone before us.

That’s how the Desteni material is in fact the type of education  – and why not-  enjoyment that comes when being able to get ‘real life stories’ that don’t require any pictures for us to identify ourselves within it and get the opportunity to live the correction while we are still here on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a system wherein we have bound each other to not be able to trust anything or anyone, just because anything can be easily manipulated and  anyone can be easily corrupted for money, wherein we have accepted and allowed money to become the actual ‘main role’ within this reality wherein all living beings and all our relationships are relegated to a second plane, wherein they are tainted by and through the very point that money represents: your ability to live and die, your success or failure within this system.

I realize that there is no current support being promoted in this world due to the starting point of that which is ‘popular’ being made out of the greed for profit making that is still doable and feasible in this world. Hence I see that only through stopping myself from participating in the same cycles of motivation through and by energy, I can start living the equality-process as myself, wherein I stop my own energetic dependencies in a desire to ‘live’ – and instead focus and direct myself to walk within the consideration of the actual reforms and processes that are required in order to LIVE and not survive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a capitalist in the very thoughts that I have projected onto reality according to the ‘evidence’ that I am presented with, which means that I am only seeing through the same eye of the mind that I have trained myself-as to invariable take one of the two sides that are existent within the presentation of a story – and even remaining ‘neutral’ is also a position that is mostly comfortable and safe, which is further evasion of reality while believing that such points ‘do not have anything to do with ourselves’ which is an egotistical-perspective wherein I am only considering ‘my experience’ instead of realizing that these are points that exist in this reality = therefore, they are also part of who and what I have become.

I realize that in order to ‘change the media’ that we are currently getting, it is a process of self-education first, developing common sense and having Self-Honesty as the key that we all walk individually, to realize how we have fooled ourselves and manipulated our very reality in order to suit a delusional system of power games and values that were imposed onto the physical reality that is HERE as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having dared to partake in the general rejoice that we as human beings within society get when being sarcastic, judgmental and making a mockery out of ‘public figures,’ tending to forget that they are also beings that are as real as you and I and that only got to be in a certain position wherein they become part of the ‘eyes of the world’ without ever stopping myself to question why I am validating myself being ‘opinionated’ about anyone, really – regardless of knowing them or not knowing them.

 

We live in fear because we realize our ability to judge and live in eternal comparison and power games within wanting to ‘be the winner’ – which in this case is the belief that I could be ‘out of the loop’ of what I judged as ridiculous and vulgar such as what the media would portray, without realizing that in doing so I was in fact taking an arrogant position toward the reality that I am living in, that is here as myself and my creation, no mater how much I perceived myself to be ‘outside of it.’

 

 

3. Eventually we end up fearing being judged because of what we know within ourselves we are able and capable to do within our secret mind when judging someone and ‘get away with it,’ believing that there is no consequence to it. Well, the time is here to face our own reality based on how we believed that ‘thinking’ and ‘judging’ caused ‘no harm’ to anyone, and believing it to be ‘our personal affair’ or even ‘right’ to do so, wherein we develop a vicarious relationship toward the world within our secret mind wherein we are always ‘above it all’ apparently, being able to even get a kick out of confabulating stories and judgments upon others without ever daring to see that none of it is about ‘them’ and that such judgment can only be revealing what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become individually. It’s our own Mirror of Flesh.

 

The same point goes with judging people that apparently ‘had it all’ yet realizing that even with ‘all the money and fame of the world’ if their inner experience was not able to be sorted out by themselves, they would eventually live out in a self-deprecating way the same that a person living on the streets would. And even from a broader perspective, I realized that it doesn’t matter how much money a person may have, the single fact of having to live  in this world wherein there is an obvious inequality and abuse, makes such fame and fortune something that should be rather regarded as self-abuse other than praising it as the ‘grandiosity’ that we tend to veil such people with, accepting and allowing such fortune as ‘mere luck’ or even ‘hard work’ without taking into consideration that such luck and hard work is not even a possibility for someone that is born in a condition of extreme poverty by default.

 

Another point is how we also tend to apply judgments generally toward a particular sector of the people in this world – specifically in these cases ‘famous people’ as artists or politicians and anyone else ‘in the spotlight.’ I realize how all of such judgments were based on the information that I would get ‘about them’ based on how media manipulates it to suit their interests – which, once again – are profit-driven and even often politically driven in order to manipulate society in a particular direction for purposes that might not even be directly related to the person in the spotlight.

Now, if we apply the same point onto not only other people, but laws, the nature of institutions, how money system works, our social considerations, education, human relationships – we can start considering that we have in fact never been self-directive beings but only conditioned to live in a drone-mode that complies to consume and believe that fearing each other and having to defend yourself from others is ‘normal,’ that seeking for only the well being of ‘your loved ones’ is only ‘natural predisposition’ and that caring only about your own interests is part of being a ‘clever human being.’ Nice tags that we’ve used to disguise the absolute abuse, fear and greed that we have all participated in –in an open and blatant way or in a silent and reserved manner.

 

 

4. In terms of media manipulation, I watched a documentary two weeks ago wherein the production and presentation of the material is leading you to understand that people that dare to actually inform of the harsh reality within society, exposing the actual ‘arrangements’ that are built within the ‘power spheres’ in our society -such as politics, media, religion – they are immediately banned and shut down, making it virtually impossible to keep going unless they ‘find their own way’ within the system, having no support from the official “authorities” to expand their journalism.

However, as much as these people were committed to expose drug cartels and even had members of their staff killed as part of the vengefulness from the people that were exposed in their newspaper, it is also just another side of the coin within the game. I realized at the end of it that you go out of the movie believing that ‘what  they do is ‘right’ and that they are being victimized within this country’ as in being censored to the point of not having any paper to produce their weekly journal, which forces them to produce it outside of the country across the northern border in the U.S. Well, the reality is that even in exposing the worst cases of drug cartels and  killings and hostages that take place, it has not made a difference in this world, no matter how many of the newspaper staff had to die, it still has not made any difference, because it remains only as a point that merely reports/ exposes yet, doesn’t propose an actual point of support within understanding how the money system works and how everything that exist – as it exist-  is the direct result of our accepted and allowed structure as our world system based on profit-making, as the only way to survive.

 

 

5. I got a similar realization when watching Anna’s vlog on ‘Are single people more depressed? – Fear in the Media Exposed’ which is another proof of how all of these articles that are promoted to ‘test yourself’ are in fact leading you to instigate a question within you, that you will then be curious enough to see if what they are proposing as elements to identify yourself-with equate to a particular tag that could define in fact ‘who you are.’ And if you identify yourself with such judgments/ tags and self-beliefs, you are then invariably lead to accept the rest of the content as ‘the explanation of who you are,’ which in this case is making people believe that: if you are single, you are more prone to feeling depressed and lonely and in that, creating a direct ‘hint’ saying ‘Hello, you have a ‘problem’ and you require a solution’ wherein one would then ‘seek solutions’ to the perceived ‘emotional instability’ which leads to the usual answers given within our wondrous pharmaceutical reality wherein Prozac knocks at your door whenever the word ‘depression’ is placed in front of your eyes. Isn’t this the ultimate brainwashing to create unnecessary illnesses and mental ‘problems’ only to make a quick and perpetual buck out of it? It is – yet we accept it and allow it. That’s how a ‘medical voice’ can suggest taking Prozac for the sake of stopping feeling miserable while being lonely? Never realizing that the people that created such ‘tests’ got some money out of it, the people that sell you the drugs, get some money out of it and the people that will continue supplying with such drugs will love you for the rest of your life for the same reason. Who’s the one that bought into the game? You/ I / we did.

 

We have become so used to ‘linking the dots’ according to how we ‘learn through the media’ which is how we become – and accept our inherent propensity- as predictable systems that, if we believe ourselves to have some type of mental disorder or ‘unbalance,’ we will then ‘seek for help’ because we fear being sick and eventually dying – that’s how we are always seeking to be as ‘hell-thee’ as possible without actually understanding what physical support really is, which is once again not based on the multivitamins and additives that are put on your food and promoted as ‘health food.’ It’s about developing common sense to first see how we have bought into an industry of ‘life’ instead of even figuring out what LIVING actually is.

 

This is not from a judgmental point, because we realize that we have all been equally participating in this system of money-making lives and for that, we can place ourselves in the shoes of those with such fortunes and ‘power’ and we would probably have done the exact same thing. Hence this is to clarify that there are no energetic strings attached to this exposure, it is about placing out what I have seen and realized today as the accumulation of hearing these interviews by people that allow me to realize what a tyrant I was when becoming a walking sack of judgments toward the world that is myself.

 

6. there is one clear example that has changed my perspective toward myself and ‘how I see the world’ this year, which was the interview done by  Gadhafi of course which I have Vlogged about as well – I’ll leave the links below – wherein I realized that I had never questioned my own brainwashing about it, and  that I have judged indiscriminately people that I didn’t ever get to meet or actually talk to, yet accepted it because that’s what apparently ‘famous people’ are entitled to go through, being the bait for all our human scorn to be projected onto them, forgetting about the fact that: they are also human beings!

When you get to hear ‘from their own voice’ their actual inner experience in contrast to what was presented in the media  – which is ‘how’ we ‘get to know them,’ it is inevitable to not react in  embarrassment and even regret for having participated in such judgments based on the opinion-building abilities that media has right now, of which we can only support ourselves to stop believing that ‘evidence builds a case’ and taking everything on a ‘face value’ instead of allowing ourselves to develop common sense, focus on becoming the point that stops all judgment, that stops building any ideas about others, and instead becomes the constant and consistent example of how we can coexist as human beings that support each other to live, not to gossip, judge and stigmatize people based on what causes enough sensationalism to make money out of it.

The me.die and enter.tamement industry begins and ends with us stopping our own mind from seeking useless diversions to not face ourselves and take self responsibility for our own lives. We begin with ourselves here.

 

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