Tag Archives: lie

264. All I Want to do is Feel Good

 

It’s quite easy to justify our desire to feel good, to escape, to say it is our free will and free choice to live our lives to ‘the fullest’ and call that a ‘living right to live life the way we want to’ and one should respect that, because we are not harming anyone doing so.

 

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

I used to live by these words ‘Live your life and leave me alone with mine’ and I must say it is like having to get down from a ride you are apparently really enjoying, just as we enjoy feeding our feel good experiences at all times in the mind – and within this, it is not that enjoyment is wrong or bad or we should not have a moment of fun, it is what we end up  Only focusing on when having our lives only being ridden through a desire to Just feel good all the time, to have a good time, to have fun, to entertain ourselves, to seek for new and exciting experiences. As anything, excesses or an entire life lifetime only focused on a hedonist lifestyle will certainly lead us to a certain place: death – one could say we will all ‘get there’ but the point is how we are willing to be aware and deliberate of our ‘choices in life’ to live as an hedonist being and decide to ignore reality and our ability to actually do something about it.  

The people that have crossed over can share nothing else but sheer regret for having lived lives hooked up in mind-desires and problems and ‘seekings’ that lead nowhere other than being caught up in the chasing after chasing energetic experiences of ‘fulfillment,’ but never really living.

The desire to feel good/ feel fine and the use of drugs is a common pair that can be justified in various ways, making an ‘honor’ to people in this world that recognize themselves as ‘villains’ and never ever having wanted to be the ‘good guys,’ not realizing either that this physical world and reality is not about taking a ‘side’ and painting oneself either black or white,  is not about being good or bad and feeding each other’s poles of antagonism/ protagonist we have divided our lives in, with obsolete morals that only fuel the separation as the believed sense of freedom derived from ‘doing what one likes/pleases to do,’ wherein there is no actual  inherent desire to  stand as an example of what a living-breathing human being can be, or make things better for oneself and everyone else, but simply deciding Not to live in order to create any form of change in this world – however, what I have found is that people that get to think this way are a consequence of not having been supported unconditionally to prevent them/ourselves from becoming a spitefulness act upon the Earth, and this does not necessarily harming others, but definitely being aware of neglecting reality by one’s will and fulfillment of a sense of contempt toward a world that ‘has never given a damn about you.’

 

Even if people can claim this is not the starting point for seeking such feel good experience, it is well known at Desteni how all positive experiences have a negative starting point: a constant ‘feel good’ experience actually stems from the constant self experience of living in fear, petrification, anxiety, remorse, guilt, mind trips and everything else we have defined as ‘bad/negative,’ leading ourselves to go into a quest to become the exact opposite, never quite understanding how we have lead ourselves to such a point of ‘carelessness’ and whose life we are really disregarding this way.


This is about understanding what one can also justify at all times with various excuses like deciding to simply live a life of enjoyment, having fun, having a good time, getting in touch with one’s most beloved habits, there is no ‘pursuing’ other than the energetic experience and visualization of one’s mind as something ‘better’ than reality, and then we dare to defend that as a living right, yes, a right to abuse ourselves even if the abuse is not seen at first sight: this is the real ignorance, what goes on beyond what our eyes can see is the reality that we have never ever been aware of, a reality we are trying to evade but also use as an excuse to defend ‘our right to abuse’

“Respect my Culture.
Respect my
Choices.
Respect my Faith.
Respect my Rights as a Parent.
Respect my Opinion.
Respect my Diversity.
Respect my Right of
Free Choice.
Respect my
Sexual Orientation.
All these Forms of Respect would Immediately be Gone once the Person Understand, in Detail, HOW they Create this through the Mechanics of the Mind and
See that All of these Forms of Respect are In Fact Illusions.” – Bernard Poolman *

 

Ask yourself: is this ALL that I want for myself? Have I really made the choice to only live this way? I am pretty sure that anyone defending their point will say ‘yes,’ however as one can realize, all our decisions are influenced by our ‘role in the game’ that we have called life, and I am pretty sure that at this stage from the poorest person to the richest one seeks a form to escape and evade reality in one way or another, and this is why we go back to the main point as always: we seek to evade ourselves, our mind, our past, our entire set of rotten corpses that we have believed we can only hide and run away from through using/ consuming/ buying/ chasing/ experiencing ‘something’ that can give us a different sensation in life – a sensation= a mind experience, and to understand all the choices we’re making in the name of ‘sensation’ is to understand all the motives and reasons we used to justify having lived our lives subsumed in self interest, seeking always/ all the time for the most benefit, the most enjoyment, never a dull moment when living in this constant tripping-mode as a regular drug user does.

I got to see this aspect of ourselves as human beings again, a forgotten one since it is not that easy to find people that are living relatively well, socializing, being overtly expressive yet openly willing to take drugs in order to get these experiences that become a life-style, a seeking for a ‘something,’ or at least I had forgotten what it was to be in that positive-light of mentality and optimism that would cover up quite a great despair that I could only open up after one stops draining one’s experience with any form of mind-drug, habit, addiction or definitive self-talk to believe that ‘there is nothing to worry about, everything is just fine’ and yes, that Bob Marley song comes to mind as it got stuck on sixth grade when I had to learn the lyrics to ‘three little birds’ and I felt quite dumb having to sing along to ‘Singin’: “Don’t worry about a thing, ‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!” – then got to know Marley as this music god for all weed users and developed a hatred to be honest, due to all the ‘relax and just chill’ type of mentality, it pissed me off, because I actually wanted to live that life, live in a little place outside the city, being happy painting and forgetting about the troubles and being careless about reality, how wonderful! I got a taste of that for a while, it didn’t ease the distress, it only aggravated it- why? Because drugs and anything else we induce ourselves in in order to ‘forget all our troubles and cares’ becomes a suppression, a point that we then have to face no matter what since it means we have decided to deliberately ignore such ‘bad experience’ as our own creation.

So , what I have found is that even if ‘enjoying the ride of life’ becomes an enticing point, I have just proven to myself it is Impossible I could turn my back on life and go back to my ‘old ways,’ fracking hell no. I realized that the commitment we have to live is an ‘abnormal one’ in a society wherein we are all patting our backs for being the greatest cheaters, liars, addicts and careless pieces of mind that can exist. I decided to not be that, even if I could have had all of the opportunities to do so, to become quite a great player in the realms of the ‘intangible’ and be ‘successful’ within such mind-frame, but the lie eventually gets to be too extensive to handle, the lie catches you on fire and  you either burn to ashes to reborn or allow yourself to keep fueling the fire with more airy-fairy ideas that lead you to believe that ‘feeling good’ is all that life is about – limited, very limited, but ostensibly attractive.

Is it too extreme to vow oneself to life the way that we have committed ourselves to as Destonians? No, it is really only having to live in a world of temptation and tame the forces that we have allowed ourselves to be driven by throughout our ‘lives lived’ through the mind. It is to swim against the tide – without opposing/ neglecting or antagonizing – of everything and everyone that points us out to one single thing: just relax, sit back and just chill, do not care about the ‘bad stuff’ and misery, give some charity here and there, try and make poor people’s lives a bit happy for a while, share some of your time with the unfortunate ones and the rest of the time, just ‘enjoy.’


Enjoyment cannot exist as a continues consumption of either drugs or food or sex or any other part of ourselves in our reality that we turn into ‘our new toy’  that we have linked to a ‘max’ experience within ourselves, it is unsustainable. We can only look at our ‘entertainment industries’ to understand what we are deciding to be and become: chill pill consumers in order to just ‘live our lives and never mind the rest.’ Yes, in a tunnel vision reality that makes sense, but soon reality will ‘catch up with us’ and we will most likely have to step down from the fairy-tale mountain with some rough awakenings – is this necessary? We could prevent it, but at this stage the question remains:

“What will it Take to Wake Up People from their Obsession with Respect that Do Not Place Life in Every Way, for Everyone, Always, First?” – Bernard Poolman

 

The problem is how we have definitely blinded ourselves to make it all fine in our minds – money is the primary security that enables us to have fun, to have all we want as an ‘extra’ point of enjoyment and as such, justify such ‘lifestyle’ with working, with retribution somehow to society, not realizing or fully comprehending why it is that every single act and life that is existing here is our equal and one responsibility, because all patterns that lead to the acceptance and allowance of disparity have been blindly accepted from generation to generation. It’s about time we give to each other what we have always wanted to live by, but never thought we could.

 

As for drugs, how can any mind-induced experience become the ‘savior’ to our experiences if it is the very physical body that is being consumed everything we ‘think’ we are ‘making it.’

 

This is about time to be willing to see how unsustainable it is to chase after our implanted dreams or actually be and become the living-dedication of ourselves to LIVE a life of actual enjoyment, which I have defined as a breathing-physically here point of awareness with regards to comfort-ability, and knowing that any justification for ‘how things are’ and believe there was something about us that was unable to be changed – well, it’s time to drive ourselves as consciousness down the road of self-introspection, self investigation leading toward self forgiveness, writing, developing self honesty and common sense to have a perspective of what is real and sound in our reality and who is not.

 

This will continue

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136. Relax and Just Chill: Everything is Just Fine

This world is the result of our knowledge – are we proud of what we have become? No.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in an attempt to ‘live life, ’separated myself into a surrogate player as the entirety of who and what I have become when only playing out defined and preprogrammed patterns that I created in order to sustain myself as the ‘stability’ I believed myself to be, without ever realizing that such stability was only based on knowledge and information that in no way stands one and equal as life, as such knowledge and information can only exist through and as the mind that sucks life out of the physical in order to create such sense of ‘stability’ as the mind, as the personalities that we define ourselves, daring to even create a sense of pride and superiority as such ‘knowledge’ believing ourselves to ‘know it all/ have it all under control’ within particular personalities that in no way can stand the test of time as life.

When and as I see myself playing out a sense of stability and even superiority within the perceived ‘who I am’ as my mind of knowledge and information creating this sense of ‘everything is fine,’ I stop and I breathe –  I realize that I am in fact keeping a very systematic point of self-abuse as ‘stability’ that exists as knowledge and information that I have created as a way to cope with reality, stemming from an actual fear of losing myself As that personality that I have fed and sustained with the very physicality that I embody as my own human physical body.

I realize that everything that I have kept as ‘who I am’ was never real as all the knowledge and information ‘reputation’ is but mere programs that I believed were ‘superior’ to other programs and in that, continuing abusing myself and others as life due to playing and participating within an actual point of self-abuse, wherein Life was nowhere to be found as Knowledge is not life.

I commit myself to stop playing the character of the stability as ‘who I am’ based on knowledge and information of ‘who I am,’ ‘what I’ve been,’ ‘what I’ve done,’ – it is thus to expose how this stability stems from the money belief-system that gives us such sense of security and that we built our personalities around it in order to keep ourselves in a ‘peace of mind’ where everything is fine. Within this, creating a point of support for us to stand one and equal as our mind, as this reality in order to understand why and how an Equal Money System can be the only way in which we can in fact LIVE in this reality, as money as it currently exist is also nothing else but knowledge and information to keep ourselves ‘safe’ from reality that is of actual poverty and abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever hold this ‘stability’ as ‘who I am’ as real, as the ‘who I am in fact’ and believing that because I experienced this certainty of ‘who I am,’ I am in fact here and ‘fine,’ without realizing that the moment that we have to THINK ourselves into ‘being fine and alright’ it is then in fact an indication of us talking to Believe that ‘we are in control, we are stable,’ which is how we exist as the current world system wherein money acts as such thoughts in the head, as the backchat that is ‘sweetly talking’ to us to continue believing that ‘everything is fine’ and that there is no problem at all in the world, without realizing that it is just like placing a movie within our own minds as positive thinking that doesn’t allow us to face the actual fear that we exist as whenever we only seek the positive and to have ‘control’ over ourselves and others, while using knowledge and information to do so.

When and as I see myself talking myself to believing that ‘everything is fine, I am stable,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that having to talk myself into a positive experience of ‘all is fine’ is in fact a deliberate way to cover up the actual fear experienced in the moment instead of actually breathing to direct myself in the physical reality as the responsibilities, tasks and points that I have to direct myself within.

I realize that I in fact have never been in control of myself as I do not have an idea of how I am creating myself in every moment and how my thoughts have become automated and programmed by me throughout a life that I lived only through seeking happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, following the feel good energy that I enslaved myself to, becoming ever oblivious to everything and all that was real here on this Earth as the physical reality, but only living within an alternate dimension in my reality, justifying my own stability and ‘alrightness’ with further knowledge and information to make it all ‘just fine.’

I commit myself to expose to myself how within the extreme desire of ‘wanting to have control’ over myself and others, I am in fact fearing others and myself within the realization that we in fact have no control over ourselves and reality at the moment and that everything that we have become is nothing else but puppets of our own programming that we believed ourselves so fervently to be,  wanting to defend such knowledge and information at all cost, even if such cost means the lives of human beings, animals, the Earth itself as what we have denominated ‘resources’ that in no way stand as a point of Self-Support as Life.

 

Who and what we are as living beings cannot continue as knowledge as it is plain to see that all wars, all disagreements, all fights, all separation stands within a point of knowledge that each one takes ‘pride’ of and as such, become an actual leech to the physicality that is unconditionally allowing us to live, while we transform such life into lethal weapons and bullets to kill and consume each other.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the very existence of ourselves as knowledge and information creates a point of separation by default, as knowledge in itself stands as the elitist-mark for everyone, defining in this world who lives and who dies according to the knowledge  and ‘preparation’ as information to be able to survive in the world, which implies that we’ve built our own prison of knowledge and information that we believed ourselves to be, losing ground of that which is real to glorify that which apparently could make us more than others, and in that, by default accepting inequality as an inherent aspect of humanity, without questioning how such inequality can only exist as a mind that thinks and asses reality in absolute disregard of the one and only value, which is Life itself and that we are all capable and able of equalizing ourselves to, if we make the decision to do so.

When and as I see myself assessing myself, others and this reality through knowledge and information for the purpose of comparing, judging as more or less than – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the very use of knowledge with the purpose of defining something/ someone as more or less than others, is the actual point of abuse that must be exposed in all ways, in order to ensure that we in fact realize  how it is only when and while being here in the physical consideration of each other as equals that we can direct ourselves effectively in our world and that we can in fact work together to create and construct a new way of living wherein knowledge and information is no longer regarded as something ‘more’ than the being themselves, but becomes only a practical point to be used to actually build, create and design a better way to live in Equality.

I realize that as long as we do not realize that everything that has been built upon knowledge and information is a lie and a belief system, we’ll continue recreating the same patterns and habits of the past, wherein words that are separated from physicality become world-rulers, such as money that has become a language in itself.

I commit myself to stop living as the ‘stability’ that knowledge and information in my mind creates, and also stopping creating any good feeling out of having enough money in my pocket to eat every day, as these are the small building blocks of this world-system that stands as the justification and excuse of abusing life on Earth for our own personal benefit. 

 

Within this, it is to finally understand that there is no way we can sustain a world based on knowledge as this world is the proof that no knowledge has done any equal and one ‘good’ to humanity, and that Life is calling for us to Stop and Forgive ourselves, to then be willing to walk a process of Self-Realization wherein all castles in the air built as knowledge are demolished to from and as such dust, ground ourselves back on Earth, as I see and realize that we have used knowledge to abuse the physical reality – it is thus to use now words to Live them in Equality, to move and support ourselves/others within to see and realize that it is only in an Equal World that we will truly be able to finally Live, instead of sustaining surrogate characters maintaining only a cycle of self-abuse.

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