“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”
― Charles Bukowski
I read some of Bukowski’s books in the past and had a great time identifying with the type of cynicism that would point out: everything is fucked, live fast and die young, enjoy life to its utmost degree of ‘fuck it all’ type of view upon my own existence. Oh man, did I get myself into my own conundrum when such self-created highs and lows started wearing out as fast as they emerged – dissatisfaction reigned over and I saw myself once again pondering about ‘God’ and this existence. Luckily enough, I found Desteni at the time right before I was about to get my ass-sent into some real lightworking behaviors that I would have most likely regretted in my life. I stopped myself before going deep into the rabbit hole, I cut all habits that kept me in such ‘li(e)fstyle’ and gave myself the opportunity to find out what it was to really live.
I found this quote in a series of comments within a picture that denotes that our educational system is a fraud, as it only creates suitable conditions to ‘succeed’ for those that have the inherent physical skills/abilities to do so, which means that we have accepted a mono-tone educational system that is mostly designed to segregate those that ‘do not fit in the profile’ of ‘making it’ in the system, as being the type of obedient servant that will do anything to obtain the ever elusive dream-like lifestyle where wealth is the god at the end of the hard long road through hell, which means: walking our current reality as the system we have spawned here.
In the past I would have mostly agreed with Bukowski’s quote whole-heartedly as it ‘makes sense’ and does have a cool input in terms of reality/ world systems and pondering where is ‘life’ in that. However the intention and resolution for what’s being realized/ observed is directed toward ‘live well (read: hedonism), drink, have a good time, laugh, be pliable and wait till you die’ and this is then from the belief that we as human beings have any ‘say’ upon ‘who we are’ and what we decide to live and do. This is reinforced and stated clearly as ‘I am my own god’ which is certainly a statement that can only be made at a mind level in the afore mentioned terms of perceived ‘free choice’ as living a life of positive-experiences and pleasures. Such godly statement requires a lot more understanding than the rightful act to ‘do as you please’ in the name of ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ which are the greatest human-made scam-concepts directed to create a righteousness that stands on the feet of any form of humbleness to realize: we have never in fact lived – therefore we’ve never had any form of actual free choice, we have only been the outflow and consequence of a primordial abdication of life to an energetic system that we’ve dubbed as ‘living.’
From here: how can any form of ‘Free Choice’ and ‘Free Will’ exist? It can’t – all our choices are ‘damned’ from the very moment that we as a whole went in for a ‘ride’ to see ‘what it would be/feel like’ to experience something’ = to ‘live’ a surrogate experience as ‘living’ instead of wholeness of/as life, as who we really are.
I am aware that this eternal longing/ yearning to ‘return to the whole’ has been a constant topic in various artistic/ literature/ sociological subjects – however, all attempts to ‘get back to the whole’ have been conducted through more knowledge and information in the form of self-indulgent philosophies, religions, practices, art statements, anthropological/ scientific postulates – yet, never ever walked as a process of Self-Forgiveness wherein knowledge and information is but a tool to recognize the point of separation, but never the answer.
Through Self Forgiveness we recognize our direct responsibility to the fuckup of creation that we have spawned as a consequence of the primordial separation that is and has become ‘all we’ve ever known.’ For that, I suggest reading the following blog from Day 1: Heaven’s Journey to Life.
We are in a crossroads point in reality wherein the only ‘choice’ that is possible is: stand up and dedicate yourself to Life/ living and becoming part of a new world that is willing to consider, respect, honor each other and every single life form as one and equal – or remain as a finite energetic system that is only pursuing happiness through ‘being your own god’ and having a good time until death comes and everything is simply gone without having ever lived. The choice seems quite obvious to me – yet reality proves that not many are willing to commit themselves to live in a world of equals.
I’ve chosen Life – however it has nothing to do with ‘having a good time’ – it’s actually quite the opposite in terms of stopping any feel-good experience for the mind. It is stopping the mind as in stopping myself from being a single organic robot that is constantly bouncing from highs and lows in life, being a perpetual addict for energy, which is using the Earth’s life, transforming it into energy that we give different names/ categories as experiences through accepting emotions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, and perceptions as ‘who I am.’ Now, I have realized all of the above is everything that I am not – meaning: everything that I had deemed as part of ‘my own control’ upon my so-called ‘life’ – which includes having ‘chosen’ and made ‘decisions’ on who/what/how/ with whom/ where I want to experience myself in – have only been a consequential outflow that has always been dictated by the condition we all emerged from– and this is not only in terms of family/ society/ current world system – but seen from the initial existential emergence as who/ what we are now, which is only the manifested consequence of separation.
That ‘One Choice’ was subordinating our wholeness to an energetic system of perpetual enslavement – and for that, all that has been considered as ‘godly’ in the earthly realms of a hedonist lifestyle, must be debunked and exposed for the false-creation of ‘freedom’ as one of the pivotal points that encouraged a desensitized society that couldn’t care-less about reality other than satisfying one’s own idea of life, which has nothing to do with an actual living reality that is simply here, self breathing oxygen, nurturing our physical body and learning how to walk through directing ourselves as our own two feet – it does get that ‘simple’ in terms of having always only taken our mind for a ride, but never our body – and in that, we learn how to start walking on our own two feet while developing awareness of our physical body as we do so. This can be both literal and metaphorically speaking – however I am speaking in the more literal sense here.
The ‘path’ of self forgiveness may seem of absolute asceticism for many from the perspective of not indulging in the usual earthly desires and fixes that the majority of the population with enough money can afford – be it drugs, food/drinks, sex, entertainment, spirituality, religions, clubs and any other form of evasion of reality that can be bought in this world. Learning how to live means that we start regarding what it is to stop being a single factotum to the mind. I can say that I’ve never been so ‘whole’ in my life-experience, not having this constant ‘urge’ to go outside and ‘seek something’ anything and all that could allow me to not ‘be here’ with myself, facing the who I am. And this process is explained in great and supportive detail within the interview The Split between two words. The choice then becomes more evident as one proves the ability to live in simplicity rather than being a constant bundle of joy, sadness, madness, anger, depression and suppression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had ‘free choice’
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was about ‘doing as I please’ and choosing to live ‘my way’ based on preferences, ideals, beliefs that I had accepted as ‘who I am’ as a mind system that only sought its own replenishment as an energetic machine that requires to be constantly fed in the name of personal satisfaction as the ‘idea of self,’ but never considering Life in Equality as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite life in the name of ‘free choice’
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my free choice through intellectualizing reality and believing that ‘I was free to choose what’s best for me,’ without realizing that I had not even in fact understood myself, who I am and what I am doing here – hence all specs of ‘certainty’ could only exist as the certainty of who I am as energy/ mind an idea that has established definitive ways to constantly feed itself/ replenish itself without ever actually considering Life in that equation as who/what I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself toe ever believe myself to have made ‘the right choices’ in my life in order to ‘escape the system,’ through using art as a way to sublimate (separate) myself from my reality, which I am now taking the directive principle to reintegrate back to myself as the physical body that I ignored while trying to be something ‘more’ than myself as a physical body that breaths, eats, shits, exists and interacts with everything else in relationships that must now be equalized/ walked in a self-directive principle of equality.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my choice was ‘to not believe in God’ and give-up ‘God’ to become ‘my own God’ as a way to exert what I deemed was my ‘free choice’ and ‘free will’ which can only mean: doing everything that will please my ego/ senses and neglect the actual life that allows such pleasures to exist. This means that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘Free Choice’ as an excuse to split myself between serving two gods: the mind and its pleasures and an apparent respect for life through deeming this ‘free choice’ as any form of ‘liberation,’ without ever realizing or considering that all my choices were damned from the get go, and that any ideal of freedom based on experiences, was only me reinforcing the initial separation and enslavement of who I am as a single experience that seeks for ‘more’ once that the effect runs out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could ever be free through creating an ‘alternate path’ within wanting to be ‘outside of the system’ and ‘contradicting the system’ as the mainstream popular culture and opposing political regimes and creating alternate versions of ‘freedom’ through self-sustainable living, which was only caring about my own life/ my own experience instead of ever considering myself as the whole that had to create a solution for the whole and based on practical living reality, which implies that No Solution can be created upon the current monetary system that is standing as the image and likeness of that primordial choice of living in separation of ourselves as one and equal, and denigrated life into an energetic system that seeks to constantly add-up onto itself to generate an apparent ‘moreness’ of self through experiences, which is and has become our very doom of civilization – see-evil-I-zation wherein the actual evil nature as the effect and consequence of our separation has been made ‘acceptable’ as attitudes, preferences, likes, opinions, beliefs that stand against what’s best for all life – yet we’ve neglected this because: it makes us feel good – in this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate life to a single ‘feel good experience’ that comes and goes and call that ‘free choice,’ while taking the vantage and conceited attitude of being ‘my own god’ by ‘following my own rules,’ without ever questioning who/ what was actually dictating me to seek pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, joy and all the ‘good positive things,’ and what is it that I was actually creating and generating within myself and this entire world system while doing so, which implies that I gave up my ability to Live in/ as oneness and equality as real-Life, and became only a surrogate experience of energetic symptoms that sought to be alleviated by creating further chemical reactions and experiences = adding fuel to the ongoing fire that had emerged from one single spark of friction as the initial/ primordial separation of who I am as one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘my choice to live’ was based on opposing the system and instead, ‘opting’ to live a life of seeking my own satisfaction as what I believed were my intentions/ desire as dreams, hopes and illusions that I could accumulate throughout my lifetime in order to be able to say ‘I have lived’ and ‘I have made the ‘right’ choices in life’ – deeming ‘right’ as opposing the system through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ that I would then seek to obtain benefits from, as we realize that no one can really be ‘out of the system.’ Yet, vaingloriously proclaim that ‘we do oppose the system/ regime.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was the ability to laugh at weakness/ the ability to laugh at our own human-oddity and absurdity, which I accepted as a ‘way of living’ wherein I could create an alternate version of reality in my mind wherein I could always have a good laugh about reality, write about, gossip about it with others in order to continue to satisfy our believed ‘alternate living’ as ‘free choice,’ which I used as a way to ‘empower’ myself and see me ‘above others’ that I deemed as ‘less aware’ of what was going on in the world, without realizing that such apparent ‘opting out of the system’ through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ was only a tantrum and conceited ignorant rebellious act as I was never in fact aware of what we have been as humanity, as creation and taking into consideration all of the outflows that such separation would entail – thus
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify ‘free choice’ with knowledge and information that suited my own configuration/ personality as preferences and opinions that I deemed to be ‘correct’ – obviously, as we are all ‘gods’ in our own heads always thinking that we are always right and everyone else is just ‘deluded’ and ‘ignorant,’ without ever pondering: why don’t I then walk a process to support others to see what I see? And instead justifying my inaction and deliberate separation through thinking that ‘there is no solution now, we can all just consume, extract the most of it all to ‘be happy’ and die’ which has become a usual statement/ declaration of ‘free choice’ in the world, while neglecting the actual facts of what allows such exertion of ‘free will’ wherein all that is consumed is life and all that has been supported was systems of energy/ separation of who we are as the mind – but never life in/of equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I choose to live the life of a rebel’ without realizing that in such decision I was simply declaring a perpetual war against myself only, as energy is all that’s created from any form of conflict – hence all that I cared for was replenishing me as energy/mind/ ego personality, without having cared to actually investigate how this world-system functions and how instead of declaring war against it as a personality-choice, seeing how I could practically become a participant in the system in order to change it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take proud on any form of free choice that ignored the entirety of this world system that exists under the siege of capitalism as a system that ensures that everyone ‘seeks their dreams’ as all those dreams entail supporting the same machinery that generates money of which only a few can get the most benefits of/ from.
I forgive myself that I ever claimed to be ‘my own god’ without even being aware of what breathing does within my physical body, without being aware of every single movement that I make, of every single thought that goes through my head, of every single reaction that I exert as my own creation as a being that has only regarded itself according to being a thinking mind – but never an actual living-being.
I realize, see and understand that ‘being god’ would imply being aware of self as one and equal here, as the totality of ourselves from the very beginning to the very end of who/what we are, which implies that any godly statements have only served as a way to proclaim that I had ‘free choice’ in life, while neglecting the actual physical reality that is here and that I have little to no clue on how it actually operates.
I commit myself to expose free choice as the actual abuse of life in the name of personal interest wherein everything else is simply neglected, deliberately ignored because when existing in such free-choice righteousness, we can only seek to perpetuate our own free-choice as righteousness without questioning ‘too much’ as the mind does not like to reveal itself as the actual-nature of having to be consuming/ depleting/ extracting and sucking dry life in order to continue existing – which is and would be the ‘raw’ truth that is required to explain in order to realize how we are currently the real ‘gods’ in this reality that are causing the current problems in reality of absolute extermination and depletion of life-substances as the Earth’s resources that we live and thrive on.
I commit myself to stop any form of idea of having ‘free choice’ within myself, my life as this has never been my ‘real’ self as one an equal, nor has it been a ‘real life’ but only surviving as a constant system that seeks its own satisfaction. I then stop all forms of seeking this constant satisfaction through experiences, as I see and realize that all choices made from that apparent righteousness can only derive into further separation, further obsession, further enslavement of who I am as mind, as energy.
I commit myself to expose how the world is in reverse and everything that we had deemed as ‘our freedom’ has actually been our own ‘doom’ and demise, therefore explaining and proving how it is only through stopping ourselves from being deliberate energy-seeking drones that we can truly begin to see what living actually is, which entails no conflict, inner friction, fear or any other form of detrimental experience as there can be no experience when being here as life, breathing, living, directing self in and as equality and oneness.
I commit myself to expose the lies that we have bought as ‘living’ and ‘free choice’ as the arrogant instrument with which we have justified the spitefulness and abuse toward life as a way of being ‘righteous’ while accepting and allowing the current state of the world ‘as is’ without ever pondering who we are as active participants within it.
I commit myself to believe that I have any right to ‘my free choice’ and realizing every time that I ‘think’ of having ‘free choice,’ asking myself If my organs have any free choice to decide not to ‘work’ today, or take themselves for a fleeting ride for a moment – which implies that I have only been considering an energetic limitation as ‘who I am,’ instead of standing one and equal as the physical that certainly doesn’t require any ‘free choice’ to exist, as it only Is, lives and expresses as an equal part of the great organism that is this ecosystem, thus
I commit myself to support and become part of the creation of a world in Equality wherein my choices are only what’s best for all and that everything that I do, say, think is based on exerting the will of life and never more serving the god of energy of power/ greed/ desire for money as a way to ‘be free’ in reality, as no one is and will be free unless ALL beings are living free within an Equal Money System wherein Life will be finally respected, honored and acknowledged as an expression and not a choice.
“I commit myself to show, how – giving up ‘Choice’ as ‘Free Choice’, as the process of stopping Consciousness/Mind/Energy-Authority and becoming an equal and one living being as Living Words in and as and with the human physical body, and eventually this physical-existence in and as standing as The Decision for and as Life: is the process of giving up one’s enslavement as Consciousness/Mind/Energy, is the process of giving up one’s enslavement to Fear/Fear of Loss, is the process of giving up the One Choice that has eternally damned/enslaved self and all as self within and as existence – and is thus, in this – the process of gifting self, and eventually all Freedom within the context of in fact living in absolute equality and oneness with self as all, and in fact manifest Heaven on Earth as ourselves.” Sunette Spies [*]
Desteni I Process to learn how to really choose life
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