Tag Archives: living words

482. Redefining Empathy

Or How to stop the experience of ‘misery loves company’ as system-empathy into a practical understanding directed to create solutions.

Dictionary definition:

empathy 

   noun the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

 

ORIGIN

     early 20th cent.: from Greek empatheia (from em- ‘in’ + pathos ‘feeling’) translating German Einfühlung.

(pathos meaning suffering as well)

 

USAGE

            People often confuse the words empathy and sympathy. Empathy means ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another’ (as in both authors have the skill to make you feel empathy with their heroines), whereas sympathy means ‘feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune’ (as in they had great sympathy for the flood victims).

 

I had a ‘rough’ time that I was processing last week and trying to understand certain energetic experiences that I could not consciously ‘link to’ anything other than the situation that has emerged in my country from the beginning of this year. A lot of instability in relation to oil prices has led to inflation in prices, people protesting, people looting (or being paid to do so to destabilize the country) which has affected every single person that lives in this country in one way or another. So, even if I wrote about it here 471. Self-Forgiveness on Self-Limitation to make sense of the situation we are collectively creating and so facing, there was still an experience that would emerge in me, a form of restlessness, anxiety, fear, something genuinely not common in my day to day experience for a long time now.

So, upon sharing this with my buddy/support in walking this process from consciousness to awareness, we looked at how I may be at an unconscious level creating a form of empathy towards’ people’s mental states around here. People I’ve talked in my reality have also apparently identified the ‘tension’ in the air, as if we were just ‘picking it up’ but no, this doesn’t work that way, this requires one’s participation in our minds to be creating such despair, anxiety, confusion, fears and the rest of paranoia that comes when seeing our ‘usual stability’ suddenly be gone – as an initial ‘shock doctrine’ to be honest – and for the first time I saw myself being caught up in a form of mental anguish and collective paranoia that I wasn’t entertaining too much on a conscious level, but did become an experience within me without being able to ‘pin point’ exactly ‘why’ – until I tested this approach..

What we concluded is how I was creating a form of ‘empathy’ towards people living in this country as well, and at some level allowing myself thus to experience ‘the same as everyone else’: their worries, concerns, fears, I made them my own in a twisted manner of at a deep level thinking that ‘if they are going through this, I must do so as well’ see? Makes no sense, but that’s who we are in our minds: we make no sense at all! So, I called it also a form of ‘solidarity’, of course a Twisted form of solidarity where we tolerate/feed/consent each other’s experiences at a mind level that are of no support whatsoever, yet at some level we ‘believe’ that by us experiencing ‘what others do’ then it does some kind of ‘good’ or ‘sorts things out’ or any other delusion like that, because in reality, ‘feeling’ the same as other person won’t ever be a solution.

This comes out also as a realization of who we are as our emotions and feelings, as energetic experiences that only cause us to turn life into an energetic experience where we cannot see things straight because of being blinded by an emotion or a feeling (energetic experiences that are ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ respectively) in this case, believing that ‘everything is lost’ and ‘there’s no way around’ and falling into an experience of hopelessness which I’ve been writing about before. But the key point I had missed to look at is how I came to accept such experiences as ‘my own’ based on also seeing other people fall into the same collective paranoia. This made me the consider how often do we ‘become’ others’ experiences causing more problems than any form of solution.

Another example can be when upon seeing someone being super sad or depressed, I would also want to ‘express support and solidarity’ and in ‘empathizing’ with them and so become depressed and sad myself and agree to all of their reasons, excuses and beliefs of ‘how everything sucked in life’; then I would allow myself to ‘sink with them’ as a form of ‘being there for them’, eventually becoming my own problem caused by me accepting those experiences as ‘real’ as ‘who I really am’ – in essence, becoming my own mindfuck, really, sorry for the word but that’s what it is. We all know depression, anger, anguish, panic, hopelessness, euphoria, paranoia and the plethora of emotions or feelings I could name here won’t ever be a supportive experience for ourselves as human beings.

However, in our minds, we believe that ‘feeling what another is feeling’ is a way of supporting them, of assisting them – we believe that making their suffering our own is – in some twisted way – a form of care and support for them, when it is definitely not so. This I had to learn also through eventually seeing to what extent I indulged into very consequential experiences within myself in an attempt to empathize with friends, reinforcing personalities and patterns that already existed in me that were not supportive at all and caused myself to see ‘no way out’ at times either, because in any emotional experience, that’s usually the outcome: seeing no way out other than continuing feeling bad and suffering, which becomes a ‘normal state’ for many unfortunately, even a comfort zone as well to not push through the experience and change one’s life.

Here then my own practical self-support is to remind myself that ‘standing with others’ in difficult times does Not mean I have to go through and experience what they are going through as a form of ‘empathy’ or ‘solidarity’ – instead I have to redefine what Empathy can mean in a supportive manner, considering beforehand how imitating or experiencing a feeling in itself is a mind/mental experience that is not supportive at all, therefore, how to Live Empathy in a redefined manner?

Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

 

Here I’ve crossed out the part of the definition that I don’t need to live. No longer ‘sharing’ or ‘becoming’ the feelings myself, but understanding another is definitely something much more supportive which I in fact practice quite a bit when assisting others in facing their own minds as emotions, feelings, experiences where I have to immediately ‘look up them up’ in my own memories, to bring up similar experiences I faced and walked through in self-support, so that I can practically ‘place myself in their shoes’ to understand their experience – without me ‘becoming’ the experience itself any longer – but instead simply being able to see it, understand it as the pattern it is – whether it is an emotion, behavior, fear, habit, any type of experience really – that I can redirect towards focusing on how to best support oneself to transcend, walk-through, work on and correct/align that one experience and transform it into a supportive outcome, creating solutions and living them as a correction.

This leads me to add to that dictionary redefinition and make it something much more fulfilling and supportive. Because how I had seen it is that this dictionary-definition of empathy sounds to me like ‘misery loves company’ lol, which ultimately does nothing to sort out, solve or direct an experience into a solution. I’ve seen it myself maaany times before, not supportive at all.

This also means that in being able to hypothetically place ourselves in the shoes of another, it doesn’t mean we have to justify all the reasons why someone is experiencing something in a particular way, it is about understanding those reasons and justifications as further excuses, ideas, beliefs, opinions and validation of experiences that we create in our minds in order to not change, to be ‘stuck’ in an experience and not being able to ‘get out of it.’

So here our responsibility as a person that decides to live this redefinition of empathy ‘towards others’ is precisely placing self-responsibility as a primary point of awareness in this process of ‘empathizing’ with others, where we no longer accept and allow such experiences as an actual definition of ‘who we are’ or ‘who they really are’ and therefore we have to see beyond the experience into creating, developing and laying out solutions, practical solutions that can be suggested to the person that is ‘stuck in a moment’.

I also suggest to make sure at the same time that we are entirely clear when presenting these solutions, ensuring that we are no longer demonstrating a similar ‘feelings’ or ‘emotions’ because in doing so, we also accept and allow those feelings or emotions as real, as acceptable – but in reality if we look at what’s best for all, they are not. Suffering won’t ever bring out any form of ‘solution’ by itself, we have to create solutions, we have to sort ourselves out.

Therefore empathizing with another in this case is a temporary – and rather short – moment where we can understand what another is facing – because we have also faced similar points ourselves in our process – not engage as in not becoming the experience ourselves but be able to see it, understand it and investigate it as the pattern it is, as the experience in the mind it is – and so directly focus on looking at and discussing solutions to take responsibility for the experience, for the point in matter and so step out of the suffering/experience and start walking the stability of solutions, of changing that moment for ourselves.

This is also something that can be done with more ease once that we have done our own self-investigation, our own ‘getting to know ourselves’ process which is precisely what the Desteni I Process is all about, getting to know and understand ourselves as our mind in order to then create solutions that we can live and apply to develop a new version of ourselves, the one that can honor our lives and the lives of everyone else, where we can instead become living examples towards others that could also decide to stand with us to create a new way of living as human beings in this world. It is possible! And what’s required is then no longer tolerating, feeding, participating or validating another’s experience as ‘who they really are’ either.

In this process we understand that as much as the mind is ourselves, it is still a part of ourselves that represents ‘the worse’ of us in a way that we can change through directive means and principles: through writing, self forgiveness, developing an awareness of our self-responsibility and so actively changing.

Here it is also pertinent to debunk the idea that emotions and feelings are ‘humane’ or a ‘distinctive trait’ of humanity, because they are precisely ‘human’ in the sense that no other being in this reality has the same mind consciousness system that we have that had been preprogrammed precisely for us to constantly and continuously be experiencing the highs and lows of energetic experiences, the positive ones as ‘feelings’ and the negative ones as ‘emotions’ – here then also realizing that in stopping participation in these, it doesn’t meant that we will become ‘inert’ or ‘robotic’ or ‘lifeless’ – this is only so based on our equation of energetic experiences = life, but this is not so in reality.

A real expression of ourselves emerges after we first process our emotions and feelings and we go redefining our relationship to ourselves, our body, our mind. We go proving to ourselves and realizing that life is possible in actual stability and self-direction, without the emotional clutter and overwhelming experiences if we are disciplined enough to stop participating on the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions or feelings that create these experiences, stop validating the reasons behind these experiences and decide to give one step beyond the ‘inner chaos’ that we have consented to as ‘who we are.’

This is then about living the word empathy, intending to remove the consent to the feelings and emotions per se, while understanding and acknowledging them as a part of ourselves, as our creation that is yet to be walked through/processed and redefined in order to embody and live words that are supportive, that are of living solutions.

I add then to the redefinition:

Empathy – the ability to understand the feelings and emotions of another as the mental experiences they are, so that through placing myself in their shoes I can instead immediately look at which words are supportive to live in that moment, what solutions I can share with them to assist them to see through the veil of the emotions and feelings and in doing so, anchoring ourselves back into reality, understanding our consequences and results of our participation in the mind while empowering ourselves to realize and lay out the ways to change these experiences within ourselves.

How I then in my case explained at the beginning have to live empathy is no longer accepting those experiences as something ‘I must live’ in a form of backwards solidarity with the people in this country. I have to precisely keep focusing on sharing the common sensical realizations about what we are facing as our reality, how we have all co-created these outcomes that will only change when we stop blaming the government and start looking back at the plethora of points that we have lived as ‘who we are’ in our individual lives that are not at all supportive of life, of real growth and development – at a personal and so at a collective level.

This way I can stand as a pillar of support and stability, no matter ‘what’ is going on around as a general paranoia, psychosis or plain panic attacks that we can ‘fall into’ if we are not entirely clear on how none of these experiences will ever be beneficial, they will never signify a ‘care’ for others – but instead are the sources and ingredients necessary for enforcing control and so further problems, never solutions.

Living ‘empathy’ this way becomes more of a humbling process in understanding the reactions, but not ‘re-living’ them ourselves, it is an empowering point since we can understand it and at the same time see the ways through in it, the solutions, the potential outcomes through redirecting our focus and attention from the ‘problem’ to communicating about the situation, taking self-responsibility on each side as necessary and then direct oneself towards a solution.

Sounds easy, but it does definitely require oneself to be stable and standing enough to not ‘be triggered’ by another’s experience, which if it does happen and we then ‘empathize’ in the usual system way of becoming the same emotion or feeling as the other person, what do we know then? We have to walk through our own personal relationship to those emotions or feelings ourselves first, take responsibility and change who we are in relation to those experiences if we are to stand as the redefined version of empathy that I’ve shared here today.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested interviews that explain a process of ‘empathizing’ with another’s experience and walking as a point of support to them

1.      Timeline of a Tantrum: Parents – Perfecting the Human Race – Parenting – Part 73

2.      Timeline of a Tantrum: Children – Perfecting the Human Race – Parenting – Part 74

 

We stand

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 

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481. Living Emptiness

Or how to practically create and live the word emptiness as a result of first processing the ‘mental garbage’ in us

There are times when I have experienced myself to be very busy developing a constant ‘thought’ in my mind about something and it becomes like a form of mental-mosquito that eventually can escalate to full blown experiences at an energetic level in my body that I could have prevented if I had worked on these thoughts from the get go, from the very first times they started emerging.

What do I mean with ‘working on these thoughts’? It’s a physical doing first by deciding to write out about those thoughts and experiences in order to begin a self-investigation process where I can become my own ‘personal detective’ so to speak and ask the questions that we seem to elude whenever we are only up there in our heads Thinking about something, giving it our attention but not really questioning ‘who we are’ behind these thoughts, what part of ourselves is invested in those thoughts or experiences.  

The Questions can be something like ‘What is this thought representing about myself? What is this thought that I am giving attention to leading myself? Where do I intend to get to with it or get from it? In which way is it moving me? What am I intending to gain in self-interest with it? What do I fear? What am I desiring? And then writing out the actual reality of myself in relation to these questions to see ‘who am I’ in relation to these seemingly immovable thoughts. This is also the process to find our starting point/who we are behind those thoughts or experiences.

Self-investigation is the key to create clarity whenever we see ourselves going around in circles about a particular thought or experience. However, I’ve also experienced what it is to forget about ‘The Basics’ – as in writing, writing self-forgiveness and seeing where my responsibility exists as the creator of these experiences in me – and I want to jump into a state of clarity, of ‘emptiness’ right away, as ‘per magic ‘which becomes a form of suppression really where I believe that If I am able to simply live the word ‘emptiness’ or ‘quietness’ or ‘calm’ then everything will be just fine. But, nope, it doesn’t work like that for me.

I’ve shared in a previous blog about meditation how seeking peace, calm, quiet, stability without addressing and opening up the cause that created a stir within us and see who we are in relation to these thoughts ourselves,  lead us to create a quick fix that may create a form of momentary stability, but it is not genuinely making peace with the thoughts as in understanding those thoughts or experiences as part of our creation, as a part of ourselves that we require to align and correct.

Therefore whenever I see myself desiring to be quiet, empty and wanting to just impose this word as an experience of silence, quietness, calm or stability –I’ve instead decided to see this word or the desire to be ‘empty’ as an indication word which means, whenever I desire emptiness I have to create such ‘emptiness’ myself through first sorting myself out in relation to the disturbance, the reactions, the thoughts, the constant experiences and opening it all up, writing it out, exposing and explaining these thoughts or experiences to myself to understand the reasoning behind these reactions I am having throughout my day/days – or sometimes even weeks which can happen if we don’t actually deal with something through self-investigation.

Through sitting down with myself to write about these mosquito-thoughts and experiences in order to understand how I came to create them, what they are representing for myself in this moment of my life, what they are revealing about myself as aspects that I have to process, to work on, to align within myself, I create an opportunity instead to actively decide ‘who am I’ in relation to that which my thoughts or experiences are all about, I have to decide who do I decide to be in relation to that something or someone and direct myself in relation to it. This desire to ‘be empty’ is an indication that there are points I’ve kept ‘on hold’ within me without directing them, practically dealing with them and working with them.

Therefore what creates the desire in me to be empty, is precisely having many points or one single point, but a constant one, popping into my awareness and me continuing to ‘leave it for later’ or ignore it, hoping it will go away. Nope, doesn’t work like that with our minds: if something is here for us to look at, then we have to give it attention, take it on through self-investigation and do the necessary work it takes to lay out solutions to change it within ourselves, to change that part of ourselves in order to create then an actual ‘emptiness’ within us, as in having gone through the necessary ‘processing’ in self-awareness about those thoughts or experiences.

Here then ‘emptiness’ as a living word is more of a ‘process word’ or an indication word where I have to start processing, looking at, opening up, writing about and taking responsibility for something within me that I have been accumulating for some time and requires my attention, otherwise it won’t go away by itself.

This way, becoming ‘empty’ as a point of stability, calmness, hereness/presence, comfort within ourselves emerges after we have calmed our own inner storms through the tools of writing, self forgiveness, and applying the corrective applications for those thoughts or experiences in our daily lives and then, practice living these solutions every single time from then on that the same thoughts or experience emerges again within us.

It is about creating inner-peace through actively first dealing with, directing, taking responsibility for our thoughts and experiences that created such instability, confusion, anxiety, depression, nervousness, inner conflict or plain ‘stuffed mind’ rushing here and there with thoughts, instead of wishfully thinking that it will go away by itself. This ‘emptiness’ as a result process of doing all of this becomes something very real, palpable and completely possible the more that we stand in self-awareness within ourselves and direct our minds in common sense to direct who we are in those moments of fleeting experiences, of having these continuous mosquito-thoughts.

One could even consider that living this process and so creating this ‘emptiness’ within us can be a form of continuous meditation, where we then develop our stand in our being, in our minds and bodies to the level where we are more aware of our thoughts, our inner movements which then enables us to make decisions based on what is common sensical and self-responsible to do, no longer dictated by an energetic experience within us, but by the principles that are supportive for our lives and that of others.

There is no quick fix to ‘become empty’ as in having some memories or aspects of ourselves ‘fixed’ by a magic wand, there is no way to simply ‘click delete’ and have those experiences or continuous thoughts be gone forever, it is a constant work and redirection, it is a very real and active way to create one’s own stability, emptiness, clarity, calm or even ‘inner peace’ if you want to call it that, it’s a continuous living of corrections that anchors oneself in our physical bodies which represent that constancy and consistency that we disrupt and shake up whenever we go into our minds.

So, consider it for yourself next time that you see yourself wanting to just ‘be empty’ or ‘be calm’ or ‘be at ease and peace’ – stop for a moment and realize that only desiring a ‘peaceful experience’ is not the solution, this word ‘emptiness’ or ‘wanting peace’ is indicating there’s action required, there’s self-work to be done, so get yourself to do the necessary processing and see for yourself the results.

Thanks for reading.

 

Living Emptiness

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 


463. Redefining Hope

Or how to practically live a word that usually only means an expectation, a desire, an intent

 

I’ve challenged a fellow Destonian, Tormod, to redefine the word hope, but whenever I see within myself and I realize that I also have some redefinition to do around that word then it means: I have take my own suggestion for myself as well.

I also consider it’s timely since this year is ending, and usually what we tend to wish for one another in general is ‘hoping for better times’ in the year to come as in waiting for things to get better, to have ‘the good times/future on our side’, to be fortunate, to have all the best and no more of all ‘the bad/negative’ stuff, which is also an interesting premise first to look at in terms of how hope is usually said when things are not so well, things are going wrong or bad or not having the expected results.

I had shared before how supportive it was for me to in essence adopt the words ‘Kill all hope’ as a means to let go of that usual notion of hope as this word that almost evokes this whimsical experience where one can almost envision these ‘winds of change’ coming through from somewhere, somehow, almost with this ‘magical halo’ as if something/someone will come and fix our problems, will come and save us, sort something out for us, expecting something to get better by itself, “we’ll have better luck in coming times!” the future looking like this promising illusion that is nowhere to be found ‘here’, meaning, we are precisely just staring toward the upper right space above our heads, staring at a nothingness and imagining, fantasizing, wishing and so ‘hoping’ for good things to come our way.

So what do the words ‘killing all hope’ meant to me as a starting point to precisely correct myself in my experience that I just described above and so get back to ‘here’ to my physical reality and myself? Quite simple: stopping waiting, stopping fantasizing or weaving an illusion in our heads that we project and web into the future, someday, somehow…. Out there! So I questioned, who am I existing as within this hope? And I found that I am inaction, I am disempowerment, I am fears, I am sunk in inertia, I am depression, I am positively-thinking and fantasizing only, I am abdicating my responsibility for my self-creation to god knows what or who to do something out there for me.

Upon seeing that, I realized that surely I had to let go of all hope and so instead gear myself to not ‘wait’ but act, move, direct, create, plan and walk the first steps to achieve something, to do that something I was merely existing in ‘waiting-mode’ for. So this is more of a practical approach for changing hope into words that are the reverse of inaction or waiting.

However, I did notice at the same time that I then sort of refrained myself from using the word ‘hope’ and that would mean that I can still do some work to make it ‘my own’, to redefine it in the sense of filling that word with a meaning I can live by, stand by and so share it, speak it within the context that it may be suitable for.

 

So here I want to nail this word down within the context of communicating with others and understanding when they use the word hope as a means or way to, for example, give themselves strength, courage and motivation to keep walking through a particular difficult situation in their lives where it is common to hear ‘let’s hope for the best’. I’ll share a particular example that I want to use as a platform to redefine this word hope for.

I’ve been recently in this situation of being aware of someone being very sick and possibly dying soon, I listened to people express hope for this person’s health to get better. I must say I did get challenged in that I thought it would not get better at all, but I’ve been proven wrong, which is great, but I also considered that as with everything, even if things can go ‘better’ for some time, once that a particular diagnosis is certain, hope can only exist ‘that far’ in terms of a person’s life, and it applies to all of us really, we all have a limited timeframe in this world and if we only ‘wait’ for something better to come our way, we will certainly waste our precious time here.

I shared above how I can now ‘fill in’ the meaning within the word hope in a way that is much more substantial than just waiting or wishing or thinking positively. Developing strength, courage, self-motivation, consistency, diligence and perseverance are great ways to live hope in a way that one can give that to oneself – in whichever measure one is able to and according to the context/situation and conditions. These words are so much more ‘here’ and empowering and able to be lived by and directed entirely by ourselves, no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the tasks we are moving ourselves with, what matters is precisely having this intent, this starting point of supporting ourselves or something/someone with that vision or outcome of creating a better situation for everyone involved moment by moment, day by day.

Here also considering that once that such active support is provided for example for a person, hope applies in the sense of yes doing what is necessary to assist another, the person assisting themselves with these words that they can live for and by themselves regardless, and there comes a practical ‘waiting’ in this case, where yes there is a waiting process at the same time to see how things evolve, what works best in creating a better quality of living in such difficult situation, it’s more of a timeframe to assess, to evaluate – but definitely not a time to be ‘with arms crossed’ doing nothing  – so this is also a practical way to see ‘hope’ as a practical waiting/observing of a development or unfoldment.

It also assists me in letting go of the usual image I have associated with hope which is that of ‘long faces’ as in sad faces that are ‘hoping’ for better times, like people in war that one can have as images etched in our minds of how all of them are yearning for something better, for the war to stop, hoping for the best, but many times being incapable of ‘stopping the war’ themselves – but they, as many people in war torn situations, have demonstrated that in those worst situations the better of themselves can come through and assist them to live through day by day. They do become that courage, that strength, that diligence to face their day to day even in worst case scenarios and not giving up, and that’s a key word here as well that can nurture and substantiate the word ‘hope’: not giving up, not letting oneself be blinded by emotions, but also not fall into ‘false illusions’ but being very realistic about the work to be done, the process ahead, the amount of self-work and diligence it will take to do that and so realizing that hope is not a given thing, hope doesn’t come ‘by itself,’ Hope is created as a day to day living process where each decision we make is in fact affecting and so creating our future.

This is also another dimension as well where at least in my case I tend to associate hope with this elusive ‘future time’/ a future-tense word where one is kept in ‘tension’ and so in a ‘paralyzed’ mode in the present ‘waiting’ for that future someday… but that’s exactly the kind of ‘trap’ that we have to prevent ourselves from falling into when using the word hope and instead be able to redefine it into the realization that we are creating the future every single moment, ‘we are the future’, the future is already here for us to create, because it doesn’t exist in fact ‘out there’, that’s only an illusion. All we have is the present, and so the present is an active living, an active doing and working on that which we want to change, create, redefine, align, build and direct ourselves and others towards.

Here’s another cool dimension that this opens up! Many times hope is linked to an expected outcome or result, that is mostly suiting our interests, our desires and it’s usually something good or positive in however we see or frame things. I’ll take the example of a person with a terminal illness and them waiting and hoping to get better, or their family members. So realistically, it is probably not possible for them to live much longer, but that certain outcome as death should not define ‘who they are’ in their every moment where they are still HERE, still alive, still breathing, yes with definitive problems in the functioning of their body, but there is in fact much more that we can still live of ourselves even in those worst case scenarios, and this is something that I’ve had the luck and opportunity to become recently aware of through the recordings on Eqafe from a dear friend that is sharing with us her process through Cancer, and needless to say that it has changed so much of my perception around the notion of pain and terminal illness that in a way it has assisted me to also dispel my own fears that I projected unto her and others that I see in such terminal-diseases, and realizing that there’s so much more to each one of ourselves, regardless of the physical ailments and impairments that we might or may go through in our lifetimes.

So, hope became a very convenient word to look at in relation to a process of ‘wishing someone to be well/get better’ – but in this I see that it makes much more sense to focus on a day by day basis, not to expect that ‘desired outcome’ as in ‘full recovery’ or ‘back to 100% health’ because that would be an illusion, but instead definitely focusing on living this hope as in sticking to the best aspects of ourselves, our strength, our courage, our transcendence of fears and limitations, which means actual work, a constant being and doing in every moment that we are here breathing, breathing life into life instead of giving it away to worry, fears or empty waiting modes.

I very much appreciate the work from Sunette at SOUL – School of Ultimate Living that has opened to us a myriad of possibilities to look at words and how to practically redefine them, it’s quite a gift to give to oneself once that one is ready and willing to support oneself to change in one’s day to day reality. So, this is here my sharing in honor of what I’ve learned from her and through her in the awesome videos that have been share thus far this year at SOUL. Please check them out!

If you reading this have other points open up for you in relation to hope, please share them! I’d like to read and expand more on possible aspects contained in this word ‘hope.’

And so I take these words I’ve written also to place into context the usual expectations on the new year, and how so whenever hearing or reading the word ‘hope’ one can use it as a ‘flag point’, a reminder that there are actual ‘doings’ attached to that word: it’s up to us to create it, to stand as that which we want to live by and create for ourselves. And so also here realizing that no matter how challenging, harsh and difficult situations might be –because let’s face it, that’s how reality is for the most part – we can decide who we are in those moments, and not allowing ‘the bad/the difficulties’ to define us, but rather decide who we are within ourselves while facing and walking through such moments, challenging ourselves to get past the wishful thinking mode and instead go straight into the actions that stand as solutions, as a clear determination of us deciding to live the best for ourselves and practically do it.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended series that will certainly assist you in those difficult times in one’s life and health, but not limited to that either, gift yourself:

1.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 1

2.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 2

3.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 3

4.      Cancer Becoming Emotional – Death Research

5.      Getting Yourself in Tune – Death Research

 

 Hope

 

I leave the post with a picture that is used by one of my favorite bands and it happens to be that, lol, I never quite got ‘the point’ with this image until now! Throughout the years I actually found myself more like judging or reacting to the fact that they usually have this word ‘hope’ as a constant in their presentations and related images to their music. However, now that I finished this blog and have grounded myself in this redefinition of the word ‘Hope’ I can see that the hammer in this illustration can be a representation of ‘the work to do’, the actual actions to live in order to create such hope in a supportive, realistic and sustainable manner, scaring away the ‘wishful whimsical thinking’ lol.

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


460. American Pastoral: My Reflection

I recently watched the movie ‘American Pastoral’ and I can say it became a very interesting reflection to myself and my past in the role of a teenage daughter within a family. In fact, I wanted to catch this movie in the theatres because I watched the trailer and saw the plot related to a ‘typical American family’ that sees the only child  – female – involved in extremist political groups that started shaping her character to a point of becoming a terrorist.

There were moments of her ‘early stages’ of rebellion at home that reminded me so much of myself, like how this girl is screaming at the television news and calling them ‘fuckers’ and just becoming insta-angry at what’s being said on TV. Yep, been there, done that many times, creating a constant battle with the point of ‘having the TV on’ and the news themselves, getting pissed and worried about everything that was happening, blaming the corporations, the politicians the ‘unaware people’ etc. – as I’ve written many times in these blogs already.

But this is not the only point, in the whole history I was able to see the extremes of what happens when there’s a child within a family where the parents are the epitome of ‘perfection’ as in ‘model individuals’ according to the usual social standards – the father being the popular American football player in school that becomes successful in his business/life, marrying a lady that had been a beauty queen and essentially having all the ingredients to be the ‘perfect family.’ Yet, their child from a very early age starts to react to that, desiring the opposite of what her parents consider to be a mark of success and tradition. She starts doing the opposite like affiliating herself with ‘political groups’ that want to essentially disrupt any sense of ‘American Dream’ or ‘normalcy’ at that time – 1960’s, 1970’s in America – starts talking about being anti war, anti capitalism and being constantly pissed off at the world, at the system and at her parents for being ‘so perfect.’

I could relate to that so much based on how I was back then. I didn’t take it that far into becoming an extremist, but I very well know I could have gone into some sort of extremes to antagonize – and that’s the keyword here – whatever is considered as ‘normal’ or ‘mainstream’ or ‘moral’ to any society. My way of challenging this was through the way I behaved, talked, dressed, my preferences, my relationship preferences, the ways in which I had ‘fun’ all of what I built as myself was precisely a way to ‘unconsciously’ rebel and set myself aside from the rest of my family, a way to make myself the ‘black sheep’ and ‘show them’ that I wasn’t going to be like them, which means I was existing in judgment of them, their ways/behaviors, preferences, traditions and the rest of ‘who they are’ in an attempt to ‘change them,’ to ‘make others care’, to ‘have them open their eyes!’– wrong way of course! But I thought that was the way back then.

Here, I know that many might have gone through something similar to this in their teenage years, which is kind of common at some point in everyone’s life, though here the key is looking at creating a healthy balance between awareness and ignorance, between considering ‘the world out there’ and one’s own life and doings.  Therefore I share this so as to not follow through the ways of the people in the movie where they start reprimanding and preventing the girl from having contact with others, only causing the inevitability of her running away from home – but instead, be able to understand that phase of ‘awakening’ of sorts that many teenagers might go through and so, making it that phase where parents can be understanding and considerate of that phase, not jumping into antagonizing it or fearing it or attempting to curb it with ‘locking them up’ either – in a school or their room or ‘away from home’, but creating a space of comprehension of what this desire to ‘show the bad and the ugly’ of the world and being interested in acknowledging it in fact means, which is also why as parents one would have to first and foremost have already gone through that phase of also developing some introspection to be willing to face and see all those things that we usually hide away from in the idea of ‘ignorance is bliss’.

 

american pastoral

 

In the movie the daughter becomes that embodiment of ‘becoming aware of all the things that the parents were oblivious of’ or simply not caring much about – yet she took it to an extreme in order to make a statement, in order to ‘rebel’ against the status-quo. Yet she would eventually find out that becoming an ‘extremist’ is not the way forward and it gets to a situation where it compromises her own health and stability for the sake of ‘caring for the world or others’ and turning it into a religion, which is what happened to her.

But without going into the movie itself so much, bringing it back to myself I could see how I could have gone into certain extremes in my life in some similar ways as Merry in the movie, and I am so thankful that I found the Desteni message relatively early on in my life to prevent myself from going further down the rabbit hole and till this day, still walk my process of ‘stopping antagonizing’ the world, stopping my anger and sadness in relation to all things that we usually go blissfully unaware of, realizing that becoming emotional and a ‘fighter’ myself against everyone is not the way, will not show to people an answer but only will endorse fighting and blaming endlessly, which is pointless, absolutely pointless to the objective of learning self-responsibility and actually doing something about it to stand as that solution we usually only get ‘pissed’ about others not doing so for themselves or ‘the world.’

Here then I can stand as proof that no matter how much one gets angry/pissed at ‘the world’ or attempts to do certain extreme ways to ‘get people’s attention’ it one won’t actually change anything, it won’t get a message through either, one won’t actually in fact contribute to anything but only enhance the usual ‘war mentality’ when we go ‘fighting against everything that we define is wrong!’ and becoming of a belligerent nature that is ‘non-stopping’ for all the wrong reasons. I can see myself in that diligence and belligerence that Merry – the daughter – had in so many ways, but I’ve learned to redirect that diligence to my own self-support, to supporting others to learn how to also stand and live by principles that we can absolutely then prove to ourselves and show to ourselves what it means to ‘be the solution’ in this world, instead of going fighting and blaming and even inflicting damage upon others in order to ‘make a statement.’

It’s really silly how the protesting nature exists in us which has its origins in our tantrums as children and making it a point to ‘possess’ ourselves with anger and create a whole drama to get what we want – well at least that’s what happened in my case and even if I didn’t get what I wanted, I developed a relationship to anger from a very early age and later on suppressed it in so many ways, only to later on have to re-open it through this process of knowing myself, taking responsibility for my mind, my body, my everyday living and this thus becoming a point that I have been walking for some years now in order to Stop the fight within myself and ‘towards others in the world’ – but instead understand my reactions, decide to stop them in the realization that: my anger, my rage won’t do anything in this world of substantial change, it doesn’t nurture anything, it only feeds the war mentality.

So I instead self-forgive these emotional experiences as the ‘habitual me’ I had become, and direct myself to focus on my own self-creation which practically means going changing, aligning, redirecting every bit of myself that may want to ‘slip through the cracks’ into the old patterns of ‘blame’ and ‘anger’, then I make it a point to rather change that which I judge ‘outside’ in the inside of myself, learning to live words that are supportive and dedicating my life to do this with myself and those that I come to interact and support on a daily basis.

This then prevents any ‘extremist’ behavior, this then prevents ‘terrorists’ as well, this then prevents sects, cults and religious extremism where people get so diligent and belligerent with a set of beliefs that they are willing to ‘walk over others’ – harm, abuse, discriminate, hate – in order to ‘make a point’ that stands in a morality point of what’s good or bad, missing out the equality equation: what’s best for all, what’s the common sense solution, what’s our common/one and equal responsibility for what exists in this world, what’s humbleness in considering others?

And these set of principles and questions above has assisted me a lot whenever my ‘belligerent and extremist mindset’ wants to pop out, fueled with some righteousness which usually becomes a way to justify our anger or hatred, which is once again only self-interest, only believing it will ‘make a point’ but it doesn’t, it only alienates people, it only makes us walking ‘angry fits’ that show no solution at all.

Instead  I’ve found and proven that actually developing humbleness, consideration, embracing others as myself is a much more self-challenging process because then I don’t pose myself as ‘superior’ and ‘more aware’ than others believing ‘I know what’s right and wrong’ –  but instead have to challenge myself to find ways to talk to any person, about any topic, understand ‘where they are’ in their life/process of awareness and recognize that the best way to assist anything or anyone in this world, is by first focusing on changing me, stopping my belligerent nature and instead becoming an embracing one, one that understands what ‘living as equals’ in fact means, and this is then the process here which has actually supportive results that emerge as ripples here and there, without me even having to ‘push’ for it, because we simply become the ‘living words,’ we just are being the living examples and that’s as far as we can go when it comes to ‘changing the world’ really, doing so with one’s words, thoughts and deeds in every  moment that we are alive… but wanting to change ‘others’ and ‘fighting them’ is definitely not the way at all.

So, I suggest checking out this movie also for parents because the relationship between them and toward the child is quite an interesting one, if anything one that can leave aspects to learn how to prevent to the extremes in the story, and rather focusing on channeling/redirecting a teenager’s ‘awakening’ into one of self-creation and self-support  

Enjoy 🙂

 

American Pastoral Merry

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


456. Taking Responsibility For Our Energy Fixes

(Or how to take the point back to self when becoming aware of gruesome things like in ‘Pizzagate’)

Last week I found myself pondering too much what exactly can drive certain human beings to do very vile things to children, like pedophilia and the rest of it that has emerged from the ‘pizzagate’ movement on social media. I wasn’t so amazed at the information, because I’ve been aware of this for some years now, though it is so that every time I still go into trying to understand why, because I cannot fathom ‘how’ could anyone gather the strength and nerve to do such atrocities to children.

Though here’s the point: I don’t need an answer or details of ‘why’ but I can sum it up to being just another consequential outflow of the relationship to experience that we all form toward anything/anyone in this reality. What does ‘forming a relationship to experience’ mean? It has to do with generating or creating either a positive or negative association to a particular experience that we respond to with an energetic reaction. These energetic reactions are what we call emotions and feelings which we all create and associate with things, situations, habits, doings and the rest of ways in which we relate to everything that is here, which means we create a relationship to it, an energetic experience that in our minds we tend to label as either negative or positive – yet in terms of energy creation, it is the same thing when it comes to acknowledging its consequential creation and outflows in our minds and bodies.

What we are becoming aware of now and the extent of abuse and cruelty we see in daily events in this world are based on a plethora of reasons based on how each person accepts and allows themselves to evolve this relationship to experience in many ways that ultimately are never supportive or constructive, ever. This is how someone can get to embrace cruelty and abuse as a form of excitement, sexual pleasure and other seemingly ‘good’ experiences along with it. Yet what is ignored is who/what has to be abused/used in order for anyone to get such ‘high’ or ‘pleasure’ or ‘good experience’ at the expense of something/someone, and this is an essential form of addiction that we can all be familiar in various forms as well, there is really no one person in this world that could consider themselves ‘free’ from participating in these same mechanisms in which people like pedophiles operate as well, and it is not only about sexual deviations, it has to do with the way we operate in our minds and how whether it is a seemingly ‘positive’ or negative experience, as long as we are creating an energetic experience, it is a consequential process to our very own life and physical body, which is explained in the entire series on Eqafe.com ‘Quantum Mind Self Awareness’ to understand at what level we also sacrifice physical substance and our very own life for the sake of powering experiences as emotions or feelings that we’ve come to accept as ‘normal’ or ‘what defines us as humans’ in this world.

The  bottom line here is that there’s not any point in wanting to know ‘why’ kids, or ‘the reasons’ behind the actions of people involved in these pedophile scandals, because I gain nothing from it, I do not need to know the gruesome details other than becoming aware of and understanding that who we have become in the inside of ourselves as our minds, our ‘programming’ or ‘how we run’ our bodies is in fact that evil aspect of ourselves that we need to change, and that’s all I truly ever need to focus on.

Here then I reflect on how much time, effort, focus, attention, breaths and essentially life we can waste in trying to find the ‘ultimate reasons’ for something that we simply know in common sense Needs to be stopped, needs to be changed, needs to be understood as the form of abuse to life that it is based on satisfying a particular attraction, sexual experience or ‘pleasure’ for some individuals. Do I really need to know the detail of their reasons? No, because ultimately knowing all the details could even lead others to follow through and start testing out the same ‘experience’ for themselves, and the whole supposed ‘objective investigation’ becomes a particular diving into the actual depths of addictions and circles of abuse that I’d say is best to not even know the details of if one is not entirely grounded within oneself and certain that one won’t ‘fall’ into the trap of getting to investigate too much and starting to secretly desire experiencing something like that as well, or testing it out for the sake of seeing ‘what it is all about’, which can be a double intent in the ‘mass exposure’ of all of this; after all, part of the ‘rules’ of this systematic game is that everything has to be shown/exposed to the public, so, this might be one of those ways.

This applies to everything that is generally deemed as bad, evil, wrong, ugly, despicable in reality where the most unstable individuals could dive into it in an attempt to uncover truths or investigate and end up being influenced by the whole of it and so, end up embracing it as a ‘normal’ part of our reality or something that is so ‘common’ that it becomes a ‘part of how things work’ which is essentially what we’ve done within ourselves life after life in the relationship with our minds, the relationship we have crated to experiences as emotions (negatively experienced energies) and feelings (positively associated energies) = the energy is the same, we decide HOW we define it in our minds and this relationship to energy and the very mechanics of how we function in our physical bodies is essentially the one and only reason why any form of abuse, ‘eating up’ of life is actually a mechanism that we all exist as.

Yes, in fact a post on ‘cannibalism’ (155. Are we all Cannibals?) was something I wrote long ago on how we tend to make a big deal of anything that we perceive is ‘eating up’ life and destroying it and sacrificing life, but in fact by the sheer maintenance of our minds existing in a constant generation of thoughts, feelings and emotions, we are also in need of constantly transforming physical energy (our life substance, our bodies) into mind energy to create such experiences that we’ve defined as ‘who we are.’ And this means that we have become the very ‘life eaters’ or ‘life cannibals’ the moment that we use our energy, our physical energy that we get from the earth through eating every day’s meals and transform it to power our illusions and delusions in the mind, as experiences that we believe is what pleases ‘us’ or ‘what makes us human’, when in fact, life itself does not need an experience, only in the mind do we keep going at it like addicts, seeking for any next fix – this is precisely what we need to change in relation to all things ‘experience’ in us.

Therefore by understanding this basic mechanism, we can see this same pattern of ‘eating ourselves alive’ or ‘consuming ourselves to give power to the mind’ repeating everywhere else in this reality. This is the real ‘repetition’ and ‘fractal reality’ that we are creating, where we try and excuse our existence to some ‘program’ or ‘system’ of sorts where we believe we have no say in what we do or how we are within ourselves, because we make ourselves subject to some programmed existence that we accept as ‘who we are,’ yet that is precisely the accepted and allowed existence that we have to question at the core of ourselves and not only be guided or rather ‘blinded’ by following the tracks to stories and despicable human actions as if they were truly evil and completely alien or separate from our own nature as human beings.

Now here, it’s not to make the quick assumption that ‘because all we are is evil, therefore we are doomed therefore one just steps aside from the whole world and lets it all be’. Nope, how I see these kind of events or ‘news’ if you will becoming more mainstream is also for a process to emerge in humanity to start seeing/realizing the extent of evil that exists in ourselves as human minds, to see how far we in fact can elaborate on a dysfunctional relationship to energetic experiences – in this case related to sexuality and power –  and turn it into a demonstrably abusive energy fix – through beliefs, through experiences, through traditions, through elitist circles or whatever, doesn’t matter in the end – that ends up consuming the most pure beings in the name of such experiences related to abusing infants for the sake of an experience, because that’s what it’s all about, in whichever form or opinion it is built upon= it’s all a mindfuck, literally, abusing life to satisfy the cravings we create, accept and allow in our minds.

Now that IS the point I want to get at here where we stop comfortably separating ourselves from those that we deem as ‘evil to the core’ and ‘reckless’ because here we’re going to realize how we are in fact operating in the same ways and mechanisms as the most ‘evil’ people in the world do– or that we prefer to believe and see others as such for a convenient separation of responsibility:

 If we remove the relationship to energy, and there was no ‘energetic experience’ to be obtained from anything that we do, would we still do it anyways? That’s essentially the redefinition of living that this process from consciousness to life awareness is all about, where we actually commit ourselves to understand the polarized energetic experiences – emotions, feelings – to write them down to understand them, to acknowledge them as our creation, as our responsibility and so then make a self-aware and practical day to day – continuous – commitment and practical decisions in every moment of our day to change that part of ourselves that leads to the same old ‘energetic fix’ – either positive or negative – and instead, transform it into a living experience, a word that one decides to live instead of the detrimental emotional or feeling experience, pattern or habit that led to self-destruction, to all things that are the ‘reverse of life’/’that are evil’ and so, take the actual process of being Self-Responsible and do the work it takes to correct ourselves, to acknowledge our consequence and so commit ourselves to change bit by bit every single day.

It’s easy to criticize those that we believe are ‘the worst of the worst’ for committing ‘heinous crimes against children’ while pretending one is ‘not at all that abusive’ – really? If we were to in fact stand as who we really are, as equal and one to everything and all that exists here as ourselves, would we have any face to still say ‘I am better than others?’ No, and that’s the reality of what we are currently one and equal to. We are all co-creating the mess until we decide to understand the same mechanisms that exist in each one of our minds – in all of us – and so commit ourselves to take our individual responsibility and be that 1+ person that creates self-change within oneself – challenging, it is, but this is to understand that things like ‘pedophilia’ or any other atrocity for that matter is only the extreme demon-stration of the worst that exists in every one of us by virtue of having a mind. And this is what I’d take as yet another great reason to understand the importance of ensuring that we don’t allow ourselves to feed our mind fixations and experiences more, otherwise when a person stops questioning these supposed ‘needs’ or ‘fixations’ or ‘preferences’ ends up justifying the worst of actions that maim and torn lives apart.

This is a process of facing, understanding, walking through and yes, at times becoming aware of very gruesome realities that exist as part of what is here as well – not nice, not pretty, but it is also useless to become angry or hate back or blame back. Reacting to it, judging it is futile – and in my case I had to face the point of letting go of wanting to know ‘the reason why’ anyone could do such things, and instead focus on what needs to be changed and stop getting lost in a rabbit hole of ‘why, why, but why? Or ‘how could they?’ or ‘what is in it for them?’

See whenever being stuck in a ‘why’ and wanting to understand the ultimate reasons for stuff, if we cannot see a direct answer to it in a moment or upon basic Self-investigation, then one simply can acknowledge how this that we see is creating a negative consequence, a problem, a reaction needs to be stopped, changed, understood to the point I am able to understand what I need to change/what I need to take responsibility for within myself – and so as humanity –  without getting ‘lost in the information rabbit hole’ and then commit myself to stand as the solution and change.

This means asking myself how can I take that point back to myself to change my relationship to, for example, energetic experiences, see where am I using/abusing something in the name of an experience and only focusing on that disregarding that which I may use or abuse in the name of it. And we would be astounded to see the amount of living beings we do this too, and would this mean that I now have to bash and punish myself for realizing I am also equally creating consequence every moment that I am alive? Nope, been there and done that and it leads to further blackmailing myself into ‘depression mode’, feeling ‘bad’ or ‘disgusted’ or ‘sickened’ about the whole thing and continuing to ignore the essential fact here that I CAN take responsibility for and that is to change the relationship to energetic experiences within myself, change the relationship to my mind, to stand as the directive principle in my life, in my body and focus on the creation of myself as the person and being that I realize I want to be for myself and others in this world.

Focusing too much on the problem, trying to find the ‘ultimate causes’ is no different to recreating the same problem over and over again, because no focus, no breath of life is being given in the name of life itself, in the name of self-responsibility to one’s life and that of others, in the name of standing as the correction oneself. And this is one point that I am committing to because as many other people I’ve known, it’s easy to get lost in the information threads and forget asking ourselves ‘where do I stand in this? What can I personally do to take responsibility for this existing in myself as well?’ which is an essential set of questions that would take us all back to working with what we CAN change, which is ourselves.

We can’t change the manifested consequences of all the atrocities that we are becoming aware of now, even more so if they have existed for longer than most of our lives together and we cannot just hide in disgrace and pretend it doesn’t exist either – it’s about understanding it, becoming aware of it, but not getting ‘hooked’ in it either in an attempt to ‘do justice’ by blaming others, hating back, or ‘doing justice on our own hand’ through fighting back or hurting more beings… no, this is about self-understanding and self-realization, rather taking these vile examples of our human nature as one plus reason to change within ourselves, and that doesn’t require loads of data and information and gruesome details that may end up being more counterproductive for the masses – instead one can decide to no longer ‘fuel’ the same problem in an attempt to ‘understand it’ – but instead directly step into the creation of solutions, and that begins with each one of us to realize that punishing others doesn’t do a thing to ‘do justice’ to what is done, to that which is irreversible at this point.

We can only learn to prevent this by learning how to live with our minds and our experiences at an emotional and feeling level in a supportive manner. This is what needs to be taught at home from birth and then in schools or through parents that can be prepared enough to be parents – possibly evaluated to ensure that each child that comes into this world can be born into a sound environment, with sound of mind parents and a true understanding and living example of what it means to be living words for a betterment of humanity as a whole. As you can see, doing this will take time, but it’s not impossible, we’re starting already, don’t leave yourself behind:

Join in:

 

 

Essential self understanding and support available at Eqafe.com

 

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449. How to Face Consequence: Defrosting Nightmare

I’ll share a moment where I have been able to change my ‘usual reactions’ into a supportive outcome.

I own a fridge that still creates walls of ice in the freezer. For over a month, we had not eaten stuff that was in there and I kept procrastinating the process of getting to defrost because of how I knew that it would have to be entirely empty to fully defrost several centimeters of this thick crust of ice. What happens here is that this freezer is a perfect example of how we operate in our minds when we just allow the ‘layers of ice’ in this case to pile up, and we don’t do ‘clean ups’ regularly instead – say once a week for this freezer – but we let it all just ‘pack up’ until it becomes this really tough thing to handle when finally deciding to ‘do the tough job’ of getting all that ice out.

So throughout the week we cooked the stuff to be eaten and empty the freezer, then it was the time to actually get it to defrost mode. Took over one day for it to fully defrost. But halfway the process, there were moments where a huge chunk of ice could not be taken out, it was just stuck, there was accumulated water and the tray that holds it was stuck with this big chunk of ice. I understood that if I let that piece there, once the fridge comes ‘on’ again, it would only recreate the same problem, it would be frozen and would not be let loose. So, there were moments where I was having my hands frozen, having to be ‘sponging’ the water out (because of the tray being stuck) and trying to get the ice stuff out. I almost wanted to give up, thinking there is no way I’m going to get this stuff out. But, I knew that it’s just not common sensical to ‘leave it for later’ because this is a matter of ‘now or never’ – so, kept pushing, moving around the tray, doing some forceful movements until finally the big chunk of ice came loose and we were able to finally take the water tray out.

Here, ‘the usual old me’ would have gotten pissed, would have tried to blame ‘the fridge’ for being so old that it still forms ice, would have blamed ‘my partner’ for not telling me to do this earlier or for not eating stuff earlier or ‘reminding me’ of doing the defrost… but nope, I didn’t do any of these things, I entirely assumed my responsibility related to this, and so breathed through my own desperation at times of wanting to say ‘fuck it, I give up’  – I refrained myself from doing this, deliberately, and instead kept pushing, deliberately breathing, deliberately knowing that what I was facing was nothing else but ‘piled up consequence’ of all the weeks I left this to come to this outcome, now I had to ‘pull up my non existent pants’ and take care of this, or it would simply cause havoc/consequence and possibly damage the thing.

So, I’ve been working with the word ‘embracing’ in these moments, an acceptance where we come to realize what we’ve ‘compounded’ in any either ‘physical outcome’ – such as the fridge situation – or internally where we get to a point of feeling entirely stuck, piled up with tons of ‘frozen stuff’ that we think it’s absolutely hard to remove, hard to self-forgive, impossible to take out – but what it takes is diligence, is not giving up, is walking the process with its necessary time – bit by bit – to get the stuff out and not ‘lose it’ half way, because in this freezer example I knew I could only pile up more consequence if I didn’t do it, and frankly yes I am fed up with me causing this same consequence over the years (been having the same fridge for 10 years now!) So I asked myself, hmm why haven’t I actually created an effective routine of defrosting more regularly? Why have I allowed myself to just ‘let it go by’ expecting it to ‘do it on its own’ and instead have mostly always waited until it is too difficult, too thick to just ‘turn off’ the fridge for a couple of hours and instead, it becomes this 24 + hours of keeping an eye on this or else, everything in the fridge would get warm and flooded with water….

This very much became a perfect example of how we operate in our minds unfortunately, where I from now on will consider how much of a consequence is created if there’s no regular ‘self-check’ through writings, through introspection, through focusing on what I need to take care of within myself and so without, because we are experts in procrastination and leaving things ‘up to the last moment’ where the consequence is huge and becomes really tough to handle, yet at the same time, if we are already there at that ‘stage’ of consequence, really there’s no other way but ‘take the bull by the horns’ and stand up, woman-up/man-up to our creation and take it bit by bit, yet taking this process as a cautionary tale to learn from, not to do as I’ve done with this fridge where time and time again I seemingly ‘forget’ the past SAME scenarios I’ve caused because of my lack of diligence in taking care of something that just keeps ‘piling up’ as the snow in the fridge. Same goes for my mind, our minds, no need to get to these piles of emotions over time, reactions, or even worse! React and throw a tantrum while we are taking care of our consequence, because I’ve done that actually every time I have had to run this same ‘defrost operation’ in the past. And this is what I became aware of yesterday, how I usually would start picking on the ice to get it out but it’s not only a physical movement, it comes with some anger, frustration, a blame of sorts to the poor ice that forms by itself and by default as per ‘freezer function’ lol – and there I would usually be the angry monkey that gets angry at her own consequences…. Really? Do I need to rehash the same consequence every single time?No, I could now laugh at replaying for myself this same scenario, really lol – and it’s no different to how we KNOW what consequences we create with certain experience inside us, how we don’t deal with things or understand things any better with ‘emotions’ yet we still bring it up! It’s like law of stupidity really and this is nothing else but what I declare as the last time I allow this to happen within and without me.

So yesterday was the time that I deliberately said, fuck no, here I am not focusing on these seemingly ‘justifiable moments’ of desperation, anger and just wanting to give up and instead keep moving, keep breathing, not blaming anything but entirely embracing the situation as My Creation.

Lol it was even funny how I knew that ‘it would eventually come off’ this large chunk of ice, and I knew that the more I ‘fought it’ the worse it would be, and yes…. That’s how it went. I left it for a moment, to warm up my hands and then gave it a second try, some more brusque movements and it came off. I just had to ‘cool down’ in my intent (figuratively, because I was actually very cold in that moment lol) and then give it a second go.

Well, the whole process yes took some 24 hours but at last now the fridge is free from thick layers of ice and I was able to change a very long pattern of me usually ending up angry and frustrated after this ‘clean up the compound freezer mess’ project that emerges periodically, because I haven’t yet made a clear decision to schedule a regular defrost of it and so prevent consequence.

So, lesson learned and the words to live by: consistency and diligence in both taking care of the consequence as one goes through the ‘piles’ that we’ve accumulated, while at the same time realizing that I can prevent these consequences by regular ‘defrost’ that is shorter in time and of course much simpler to take care of.  Patience with myself when finally deciding to ‘deal with the consequence’ and taking care of the situation, to not go into ‘hissy fits’ when seeing my own creation at the door of my fridge lol. Perseverance: not giving up on the project and believing that it’s ok to leave things ‘half way done’ – nope, keep breathing, keep ‘pushing’ until it is done. Embracing and acceptance of what I have created, Understanding how I came to procrastinate a clean up and so voilá! Here I create my own master piece of ice to deal with.

The next point will be to effectively remember to defrost it, and not use the stuff inside as an excuse to not do so, because practically speaking, it would not make much of a difference to have 3 hours of no ‘freezing mode’ for the food inside, as opposed to having to eat everything and leaving the whole thing to defrost for 24 hours… This is where Prevention as a living word comes: doing  the defrost regularly, and prevent the fuckup.

I commit myself to do the same with my mind, as points emerge, to not even allow them to ‘pile up’ but In the Moment, change, decide to breathe, decide to Prevent consequence – and if it is ‘too late’ and I’ve created consequence, to stand up to my creation, to deal with it in a directive manner which means, not throwing fits, not ‘thinking what I should have and should have not done’ or attempting to throw blames at the thing or others…. But entirely embrace the situation as my creation and deal with it the best and most effective way.

This might be a seemingly ‘uninteresting’ point but, it actually reflects a lot as to how I can be very diligent in many things, but there are ‘simple things’ that I have left just ‘slip out of my awareness’ and cause this mess every month or two months – or more, it has happened! – so, for once and for all to integrate all of these points within myself, to learn also from a better way to deal with consequence, but even better: to learn how to prevent it, within and without of myself.

Regular defrosting sessions with myself mean: writing, speaking self forgiveness in the moment as I know and experience that I am diving into a reaction, and do regular writings from my day to day to see what have I changed, what can I learn from the day, where did I see I was challenged in my stability and so establishing ways to continue assisting myself to improve, to stand up to things in a more apt manner.

Emotions, just like the stuck piles of frozen eyes in my freezer, are nothing else but these seemingly unnoticeable consequences that we create day by day, moment by moment in our lives and if we don’t do regular ‘defrosts’, man, it piles up to the point of ‘exploding’ – or in my freezer case, become icebergs – around a point and then sometimes we believe it’s too hard or difficult to face our creation, our experience, our consequences… but, it really is nothing else but our creation, so we need to stand up to it and be HERE in every moment, which means deciding to apply that moment to moment change, it is a decision, a deliberate decision that won’t emerge naturally from within ourselves. This is what I see change means to me, and nothing/no one else can do this for me, I owe it to myself. It’s a decision to live words instead of rehashing the same old ‘throwing a tantrum me’

Thanks for reading.

 

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442. Back To Self: My Current Story

Today I’d like to share some things that I have been realizing for quite some time in relation to the process I’ve walked thus far in terms of, to put it simply, focusing a lot more on what’s happening ‘out there’ as the world, the problems outside of us, investigating and educating myself on how the systems in this world work and who we are as individuals within it all. I’ve spent a fair amount of time researching solutions, alternatives, groups, information, talking to people promoting and creating these solutions, a lot of it having to do with me having this drive to ‘find some way, somehow, to create a solution for humanity, for all the reasons we all know of course.

Here I begin by stating how I see that this is a relevant thing to do for each of us as human beings, to really put our time and effort to learn, educate ourselves on things one won’t ever get taught in schools/universities, like in my case even now getting to know that the people that were set as these ‘great figures’ in literature and art have been essential individuals in precisely creating and configuring also many of the cultural – excuse the word – fuckups we are living in right now, to place it mildly as mind control and behavioral entrainment. This is just one example based on what I studied in school only, though the same applies for all things related to politics, economy, sociology, culture, entertainment, sports… the list goes on, everywhere one can spot the exact same patterns ‘polluting’ the expression of something that we all could be living in this world if we were entirely self-aware and self-directive individuals.

Well, I just made the whole story short right there. For a long time I considered the focus on the ‘internal change’ as something of less importance or rather considering that some were ‘petty’ things or ‘meaningless’ when comparing them to and considering the ‘greater things’ that I conceived to be more relevant in (my) life, like un-convering the truths about money or getting to know who is who in the world of corporate ruling, the ins and outs of corruption in politics and so forth… again I still don’t see this as entirely irrelevant either, but I do see that in my mind I definitely had placed more emphasis on that ‘side’ a lot more while seeing ‘who I am within it,’ but at the same time also expecting that if any ‘real’ solution would emerge in this world, it would be implemented through a new money system, new political system, something ‘new’ or improved version of our current reality imposed ‘from the outside’ which is kind of funny now to see it that way – but hey, it takes also time/space to get to this understanding – of how essentially the world outside of ourselves is as fucked up as each one of us inside is. Surely, won’t apologize for the big words, because that is the stark reality of things in this world. I noticed time and time again whenever one uncovers any ‘solution’ or ‘alternative’ of some kind, or even general information on understanding ‘the problems’ of the world, the same old patterns of blaming some ‘they/them’  arise everywhere, placing this finger onto some kind of greedy/elitist/oligarchy and royal creators of the fuckup – not ever seeing any ‘me’ included in all of that information – and essentially also seeing how getting a little too much information creates this separate entity where one becomes maybe a bit too ‘knowledgeable’ about things, but, how much of it can one directly apply in one’s life today to make our day to day living better? And here I’m talking about very basic considerations like the way we relate with people in our environment, our decisions in what we eat, how we care for our bodies, how we communicate with others…. Etc. Simple ‘day to day’ stuff.

I can only say that through understanding the problems, one can also spot and trace the solutions as I have shared some of that throughout the years in these blogs that were also more related to the world ‘out there’ and I’m grateful that I’ve walked that point too. But more so than ever now, right now,  I am convinced that as much as it is important to continue seeing what changes happen ‘out there’ in politics or economics and so forth, as long as the self, the I, the ‘me’ in all human creations and equations is not changed = nothing will ever truly really change.

I gave to someone the example of how sometimes we focus so much on creating this super nice system ‘out there’ that is like a brand new pair of shoes, very nicely brushed and polished and brand new laces ready to be placed on a pair of feet. But, if that pair of feet has grown completely crooked because of having had an entire lifetime of having no shoes, shifting more to an enlarged proportion because of not ever having such structure – or being somewhat crooked for having no specific support while developing/growth process – then, fitting such shoes will be quite a push, a conflictive situation most likely because as a saying goes in Spanish ‘a  la fuerza ni los zapatos entran’ which means with force, not even the shoes really fit. This brings back to the point of how I was probably expecting this greatly aligned structure or societal system that could suddenly be voted on and implemented to just get ourselves to a ‘better place’ as humanity, surely not as a magic fix but as a starting point… I still can keep this idea as a nice hope if anything, but time and time again and upon seeing the actual process of time/space any change takes, I’ve decided to conclude that of course this won’t happen in my lifetime most likely and even if it does, I’m sure as hell there will be LOTS of work to do to focus on the self, the ‘personal education’ if you want to call it that which is essentially learning how to live as a real human-kindness.

On another aspect upon being myself part of a group and organization that is aiming at doing this at the best way of our ability, it is equally challenging when having the same principles or considerations to entirely put aside any personal patterns/limitations toward one another and individually to make something work, this is just the reality of things and it takes real effort and support from each other to keep standing and walking together, takes a real empathy and consideration each one of us to do so.  At the same time, I’ve seen how some great ideas, groups, political and social movements, associations for world change eventually stumble upon problems, obstacles, inner fights and struggles due to – mostly – personal egos clashing, differences between one another, power trips, greed, righteousness, individualism, resentments, comparisons, envies, control-freakism …. The list really does not end here. Some other problems are not all ‘negative’ but also implying ‘lacks’ like lack of trust with other human beings to create and develop something, lack of proper communication, lack of commitment, lack of considering responsibility in long term, lack of self-respect, lack of care, lack of humbleness, lack of motivation…. And the list also goes on.

So, throughout these past months and upon reflecting this, I realize that we definitely got a massive task at hand when it comes to considering ‘change’ in humanity and this world, and that is precisely starting within ourselves. I have been time and time again investigating things, seeing potentials and then only later on finding out the ‘nitty gritty’ details of some personal dispute in an organization, a lack of commitment, greed, self-sabotage, plain anger, depression, desire for only getting a pleasurable lifestyle being some of the obstacles to make something really work. And this was actually quite cool to see and realize, in spite of what it means in terms of ‘things not working out’, because I then saw how those organizations and solutions that truly work ‘to the T,’ are those that are currently running most of the ways in the world, and every person motivated there is being so because of money, huge profits, huge benefits, ‘great lifestyles’, power, control… yet when something truly implies working on an almost volunteer basis or simply doing what could be considered as ‘giving your time’ to something that is not immediately pleasurable or ‘nice’ in experiential value, it mostly doesn’t work because we simply haven’t learned to prioritize what really matters to be and do in our world.

So, this is how I saw the need to shift my focus and attention Back To Self, back to the very patterns at a mind level which of course become behaviors, patterns, ‘ways’ in which we interact with others and ‘who we are’ within ourselves that is really THE point that we have to turn our heads back to focus on. I enjoy having discussions with my partner about this/that system or solution or proposal here/there that could apparently ‘sort out the world’  and how eventually making it work would really, truly, depend on each one of us to make it work, to live according to the principles intended to be lived/applied in some of these solutions.  Time and time again we just end up saying the exact same words of ‘the lack of self honesty ruins this/that’ or ‘really, it all goes back to ourselves again’ ‘it’s about human nature change!’ or ‘any system will only be as good as the people in it’ wherein it IS human nature that – from my perspective and after all of these years of looking mostly ‘outside’ of myself and creating a form of ‘hope’ in that – we should focus on changing: ourselves.

Remember that saying of ‘be the change you want to see in this world?’ I consider I didn’t entirely get it before, I was more like considering it as in ‘investigate all that you can to find the solution out there, do your part in it!’ which surely, again, it’s cool and honorable as well to care at that level… but over and over again I see the lack of common sensical considerations which are embedded in principles like doing and considering what is best for everyone, considering everyone as equals in living substance, doing, sharing, assisting others as I would like to be shared with, assisted with and done unto, loving/caring for others as I am learning to love/care for myself, to develop effective relationships with those that are in our immediacy, learning how to be a supportive parent, to learn how to become a better person that stands with self-awareness, integrity, self-respect, self-care, self-honesty, dedication, commitment, discipline, humbleness, perseverance and a great determination to truly become an example in this world of what it means to become a living breathing human being.

These are truly ‘great words’ and I surely got a long way to get these words lived as ‘who I am’ meaning as the new ‘nature of me’ I am willing to create for myself – but I will say it until I give my last breath as I learned also from Bernard Poolman: unless we focus on ourselves, to align every bit of our being to stop the ‘sabotage’ or ‘mind patterns’ that exist within us that we reflect on the nature of ‘the outside’ as world system: nothing will ever change. Here it can sound too ‘radical’ for some, but I rather share it than keep it ‘brewing’ in my insides. I rather leave it here as a declaration and statement of where I stand, what I am mostly interested on and so focused on, having in a way gone all around just to get back to this core point, which is cool because now it stands as a proven fact, nor only a statement or theory I got.

Here I’ve also taken my time to write this out because I’ve been deliberately almost wanting to ‘prove myself wrong’ in such declaration, in the sense of wanting to actually find something that truly works because every person is in fact embodying the principles and alignments that are intended as a form of solution or aid for the world. It is hard to find one, dare I say it is non-existent as of yet. Why? Because it is only fairly recently that we have ‘woken up’ from the slumber of being these programs running around seeking self-interest only and caring little to nothing about ‘the world out there’, dare I say even question the kind of ‘motivations’ we use to wake up every day. And even if there’s been people that have spent their lives trying to make a change or have lived in a principled and considerate manner for their entire lives – just as it happened with Jesus – just ‘listening to them’ and seeing how ‘nice’ it all sounds does nothing, because unless one actively ‘gets the point’ and commits to be that living change within oneself, it all becomes futile when it comes to creating a great impact ‘out there’ for a greater change.

Here also I reflect on how it’s a bit funny when I look back at how I wanted to see this kind of change in some form of ‘same movement’ or ‘en masse’ in some kind of sudden and empowering life changing event, lol. Nope! Most likely won’t ever happen like that. Instead it will be this individual process of actual evolution/revolution/change if you will, where each one that decides to ‘get the point’ of what it means to ‘be the change in the world’ will genuinely be and live so by substantiating our day to day lives with words, attitudes, behaviors, ‘ways of being’ toward ourselves and others and everything that we do in a way that we go day by day becoming a better person, in the considerations of the principles mentioned above. This way, I am quite certain, we can truly change the world. Because the more and more people realize what kind of atrocities exist within our minds, in our personal relationships with those around us – yes, those that we are supposed to ‘care for and love for’ but might be struggling to have a decent communication with – are in fact THE problems to focus on and sort out first of all, if we are to ever create a healthy path and way for the coming generations to step in a more self-responsible type of culture and society in general.

What I also like about this approach is that you don’t need to have a particular ‘affiliation’ with anything either, unless you can/want to do so, but it is simply a set of principles and considerations that one can live and apply no matter where you are in the world, how alone or how accompanied you live, what ideologies you may have, what systems or projects you might be involved in = doesn’t matter! These are all universal considerations so that no matter ‘what’ or ‘where’ one is, one can apply these points and be part of the change in this world, just by deciding to make some changes in one’s life and actually doing so.

In this I’ve also proven that one can understand many things about the world out there, trace all problems back to money, which is really the way we have created, accepted and allowed money to exist and behind it lies the rest of the human ways that are in fact the root and cause of the problems in this world, and that is where I realize time and time again the focus should be on as well and in this, doesn’t matter how well one can understand the theory: if we are not really seeing within ourselves the ‘qualities’ that we’ve given to money itself, if we are not seeing ourselves as the origin of the problem and so realizing ourselves as the origin of the solution = it will be quite hard to get us all to the ‘next step’ for this process of self-responsible living change, which is really not only a matter of intellectually realizing it and getting an ‘aha’ realization, it’s an actual challenging day to day ‘doing’ which is where the ‘proof of the pudding’ is… knowing the ingredients and ‘way to make’ is one thing, surely important part but! What matters is really the ‘making’ of it.

It’s good to get informed, get to know the intricacies of our reality, get to know essentially what one has accepted and allowed without any awareness, and to continue to be aware of the actual purposes of most of the stuff we get to see on ‘mainstream’ waves and in our common realities – but I’d recommend to also at the same time do the personal self-check of always tracing those points/patterns that lead to a general human/systemic sabotage back to self, whether they are greed, deception/lies, self-interest, self-indulgence, perversion, dishonesty, laziness, racism, a slave mentality, doing the least effort, seeking personal satisfaction only, despotism, selfishness, fighting, punishing, keeping grudges, comparing…. Etc. all of these points can be traced ‘back to self’ and see well where do I stand in relation to all of these principles, how can I truly stand as a self-responsible individual, how can I also learn to actually live, how can I expand and grow as a person and assist others in doing the same? And when looking at this, I can say that I’ve barely started, which is great! Because then it is all pointed back to myself, I have the key to change these aspects for me by me and within me no matter ‘where I am’ in the world, or ‘what I do’ – this is about changing the nature of who I am in my own personal work, my own day to day living wherein every moment is either an opportunity to change, live and prove a way to better oneself, to become creative in simple things in our lives – or it becomes another day of re-living the past, the tormented mind, the depression, the ‘struggle’ and or the ‘hopeful’ and self-saboteur  character expecting something/somehow to suddenly – faithfully, hopefully – fix the world?

 

For now where I stand is actually probably for the first time in this entire self-support process, focusing more on the ‘me’ here, the ‘little things’ in myself and my personal life and in doing this also extending it to whoever I can and am able to, doing as I would like to be done unto.

For example, I can say I am for the first time developing a supportive relationship. Sounds simple, for some might sound as too selfish or self-interested or losing ‘ground’ when it comes to my previous approach also to this blog, which are in fact my own thoughts of the past too in considering ‘there are more relevant things in life than my petty life’ but! I’ve proven myself wrong: the more I focused on the ‘outside’ or what I perceived as ‘greater’ or perceived ‘more important things’ the more I escaped or avoided myself from looking within and actually facing oneself in a situation such as a relationship where a LOT of patterns, behaviors, selfishness, righteousness, greed, emotional reactions, forms of control can come up and emerge to be faced within oneself, which can either become a nightmare or a ‘blessing’, depending of where one is in one’s personal process as well. And here again tracing the line back to how these same ‘ingrained ways’ have become the ways/methods and the nature of the ‘systems’ that we are currently accepting and allowing ourselves to be ruled and governed by in the outside, well why? Of course because they are human creations! J

I am entirely willing to walk this point and for first time learn to trust myself in a relationship for example, for the first time be willing to challenge ‘my ways’ – which oh boy are they ‘ingrained’ and in all little subtleties or seemingly ‘menial’ things that us human beings tend to simply little by little ‘brush aside’ to focus on ‘the greater’ – and dare to embrace another person in my life and what that in fact means in a dedicated manner.  And this extends to other areas like focusing on developing a supportive relationship with my body, with the people around me, my family, to give the best of myself in my work and the support I can provide to others, to commit to apply myself even in the most ‘routinely’ moments that we don’t question much yet reveal a lot of ‘what is ruling inside us’ as well, to not give into the least effort, but to genuinely see what expression of myself do I want to create today that is beneficial for me and so others as well.

 

Someone may consider or say I am missing the point of walking both points simultaneously, within and without, and surely that’s a great approach, but It would be mostly awesome if that ‘within’ approach is equally emphasized as the outside process that sometimes, might be perceived as the only point that needs change or as a ‘short cut’ for self or personal change, which I consider it will be really difficult to happen unless! It happens and I am entirely proven wrong, which would be actually very awesome at the same time and then I would be able to expand my current perspective. But for now, I simply share here how we/us human beings can end up wrecking up the smartest and best solutions that can exist as a plan/project or ‘on paper’ idea due to not having been in fact living the actual principles embedded within these beneficial ideas… so I place back the finger to us and our human nature to focus on.   

The single decision to do personal changes in our day to day whether it is a particular experience of fears, depressions, anguish, blame, discomfort in ‘one’s own skin’ that one might be facing, an addiction, a lack of will to care for one’s body, a disregard for another in our lives, a ‘bad relationship’ … just by taking this one point and walking it through to a point of change and alignment to what is best for all might take some time, can’t tell ‘how long’ but who cares really!? It is a matter of self-respect to decide to do so, it is the decision to do so and live such decision that which matters the most from my perspective, to not only ‘try’ and give up next day, but actually ‘doing it’ fully with the whole intent of truly becoming ‘a new person’ that can then be the example, the ‘first stone in the flesh’ of creating a new society, a new world where everyone is truly caring and loving each other.

It is for those genuine decisions to gather courage to face the real ‘evil’ within oneself, to get out of one’s comfort zone and commit oneself to change, to focus on ‘bettering oneself’ or ‘working on oneself,’ being diligent in letting go of one’s ‘mind patterns’ or ‘ego’ – for a lack of better word – that I actually take my hat off for, because this is what takes the actual courage and most challenging situations to do, where the actual day to day and moment to moment ‘tests’ exist that truly can change our ‘wood’ so to speak, the nature of what ‘we’re made of’ and have been up to now if we decide so. Doing this would, as a result, be reflected in the world we create, which at the moment and how we stand as ‘creators of our reality’ I am sure you also consider it is a disgrace and a shame to call ourselves the creators of it all.

So, to no longer wallow in all that we know is ‘wrong’ out there and all the corruption, greed and torturous nature of the system out there… I rather ask each one of us to take the finger of blame, anger, discord, apathy and vengefulness back to self and this is where I see that we can all, together, without exception – one by one – genuinely discover all the potential we hold within ourselves, if we just dare to truly focus on ourselves to ‘be the change that we want to see in this world.’

 

Thanks for reading

 

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439. Perfectionist? Me?

 

1. Caos

Where and how have I lived the words perfect, perfectionist and perfectionism in my life?

 

This is an interesting thing to ask because for the most part in my conscious thoughts, I have regarded the ‘craving’ for perfection as something that ‘most people do’ – read: ‘this is what I grew up with in my environment of course’ – therefore in my decision/condition and pattern of going ‘against the tide’ – read ‘against the family patterns’ – that I developed throughout my younger years, I tried to do things in an almost deliberately flawed manner when it came to how I express myself, what would make me ‘unique’ so to speak. In art school for example, the more I would see others strived for drawing the most perfect lines of a human body, I simply continued doing my quirky curvy lines almost in a statement of ‘I don’t care about perfection’ – again the ‘rebel’ mode – which was a way to also hide the fact that I acknowledged the actual work, focus, practice that it would take to do something actually ‘perfect’ which would mean flawless, looking exactly like the person in front of me – in the case of the drawing. Did I challenge myself to do it? Yes I did, but still regarded that it was not my ‘style’ or ‘aim’ to make things perfect, there’s too much of that in the world, I said, so I kept doing it ‘my way’. I actually instead used the traditional techniques in some of my work literally ‘screw them’ to a point of mistake or accidents that could create more unpredictable and rather messy results… so, it was a controlled process of course – can’t fool too much around when working with metal plates and acids and big machines – but! still I wasn’t ever really aiming for the normal perception of ‘perfection’ in that, but the opposite.

Same with how I have my immediate surroundings. Some 10 years ago I was about to become a control freak in relation to cleanliness and basically wanting everything around me to always be spotless and in order. I have definitely slowed down on that and accepted that my life is not meant to be a ‘museum’ of sorts, it also assisted me to lower my ‘visual viciousness’ I had wherein I would get a kick out of everything that would look in some perfect arrangement, specific colors, specific objects around me etc. I guess that moving to various places to live and also going to live in a farm for one year made me reconsider what kind of ‘traits’ I had which were not of a practical purpose and moderated that to a manageable trait. I care not if I have a mess around me even though I still know – for the most part – where things are.  With my clothes, I also don’t seek perfection either, rather comfort, simplicity and sure some ‘style’ but again has nothing to do with ‘no wrinkles’ on clothes or stuff like that…. Some specificity sure but not an ‘ideal image’ in place.

I can instead also recognize the ‘aversion’ I had toward the word perfect mostly stemming from what I would see around me at home, always the desire for everything to look arranged, perfect, coming out well or with the best outcomes in anything, almost in an anxious manner… so that’s why in my pattern of ‘rebelling’ against all things, I mostly would be the one that caused some reactions in my family because of having things just all over the place most of the time. When I started living alone some 10 years ago, that’s when I went into the opposite side of now becoming more like people in my family – striving for perfection at home – yet scaled it up to an almost frightening notch, flirting a bit with obsessive compulsive attitudes. This I was able to ‘control’ in relation to me, myself, my things, my cleanliness and so forth, but! There is an aspect that I certainly have lived it in and this has been pointed out to me lately precisely by my mother in our every now and then interactions.

This is living the word ‘perfect’ as an expectation of how things ( I think ‘should’ be) can be in interactions with people in the outside world. Within the consideration of ‘how things would work best for everyone’ I am constantly in the lookout for doing things as efficiently as possible when it comes to doing something for someone else, something related to work, something related to how I interact or behave in a public space, can be on the streets, at the shop, transportation, in any given situation where I can see a possibility of me doing something to better the situation, to make things run smoothly, to give space to others… at times yes a bit of sacrificing myself is applied in order to give to others or benefit others, even though I’ve been working as well on myself for the past couple of years precisely to not go too much on that side of ‘serving’ only and forget about myself.

Maybe upon reading this I consider “well! That’s how everyone should do and be and we would have a great functional and smooth-coexisting world/society/reality!” But the reality is that when this need to create a ‘perfect’ situation or the most ‘optimal’ and ‘efficient’ situation for others and myself comes with a pinch of anxiety or need to ‘control’ something in order to achieve a desired outcome that comes up with this sense of ‘urgency’ of doing it as fast as possible to not bother others or to ‘benefit’ others or to create a smooth transition of anything for others, then I am in fact not being here as breath and considering the same efficiency or best possible outcomes within stability, there is this experience behind it which surely has become automated for the most part which means: I don’t need to ‘think’ about it, it’s become a ‘natural’ thing to do. I have also seen how this pattern particularly kicks in with double strength when I am around people that I have considered – or assess after some short time of being around them – that they are ‘slow’ or ‘not so efficient’ or a bit ‘clumsy’ or see that they are not entirely ‘considerate of others’ therefore I step in almost pushing too much the point of ‘being an example’ to them in certain moments, or being that ‘awareness’ that I see they might be lacking in a moment, which comes with a tension, an extra ‘strength’ that can have adverse effects.

Here I will use the case of me towards my mother wherein she is quite lax about things and I tend to go into this ‘drive’ of doing things in a very specific, efficient, yet ‘smooth’ way in order to – in my perception – contribute to making things better in general. However what has happened is that, for example, if she is driving and suddenly she’s about to go into a parking spot, and realizes that’s not the entrance, I immediately go into seeing the rest of the cars behind and tell her with a loud voice that she’s causing a mess of traffic now, that she must just get into the wrong spot so that she can let others pass!… all of this in a rushed manner only thinking about ‘the problem’ that she must be causing To others. But in that split of a moment, I didn’t at all consider how I actually caused her to get nervous and panicky about the situation, because I got in such a state in one single moment when looking at how we could immediately ‘sort out the problem for others behind us.’ So my mother said that they must wait, because she wanted to get to the right entrance. After she got it right and we parked, she said how I immediately went into this exalted state just because of caring too much about the ones behind us, without realizing how tense she got because of my reaction, which could have caused more consequences if she would have acted in a rush and getting into an edgy spot with the car.

Afterward that day at the supermarket, same thing happened with the trolley where she would leave it wherever and I would get slightly annoyed or preoccupied about the trolley becoming an obstacle for other shoppers, and in that almost coming through toward my mother with a reclamation of ‘why did you leave it there, don’t you see others want to pass through the aisle as well?’ and so this was a second time in that day; but it had happened before where I have gone into recriminating her and others whenever something is not exactly as I expected it to be, even if upon assessing ‘the problem’ it was in fact a lack of communication, misunderstanding, assumption and general ‘rush’ that I tend to go into.

This has to do mostly with ‘doings’ as in things that relate to processes, environments, services that pertain to ‘giving a service to others’, cleaning, cooking, team work, walking in the street as a pedestrian which is a relationship of myself and the cars, etc. Which means it is ‘there’ in every day situations yet not every time do I get equally exalted, because there is a ‘sameness’ as well existent in this consideration with the person I live with – but, it does come up with others that are not in the same ‘stance’ in relation to these things and I definitely should not judge them either, but be flexible and considerate of their perspective/view and way of living things, as long as they are not entirely wrecking themselves or others’ lives and I can suggest something to correct about it, but in essence: can’t ever change another, that’s a fact.

It also seems to come from the need to ‘control’ the situation wherein I tend to get a point of satisfaction or ‘completion’ within me when schedules are fulfilled as I expected them, when things are done in the way that I planned them, when my interaction with others in the world can lead to a more efficient or better outcome = all of this I have actually charged with a positive value, and it has a lot to do with how ‘others can benefit from it’ as well, but not always. There are also my own ‘pet peeves’ where I seek to have control over certain ‘ways to do things’ wherein I forget to be flexible, yet I have been working with this word ‘flexibility’ in order to precisely not turn into a control freak, but according to feedback I get from my partner, it seems it still is there as a set of ‘unspoken rules’ that I tend to react to if not done in that manner. I realize this and continue to work on it, which means I need to apply more awareness in those ‘auto-mode’ moments, be more attentive.

So, as I can see, probably living with me and being with me in a constant manner can be quite a challenge where I can end up stressing people around me if things are not done in a particular way or if there’s just too much of a mess that I cannot control or keep track of, and this doesn’t happen much at home since I live with someone that is actually quite similar and specific to my traits, so it is something that comes up mostly when interacting with someone like my mother that is definitely the contrast point in our family where my sisters, father and I seem to have the same ‘perfectionist’ relationship toward everything around us. She does have it as well but mostly when it comes to reunions/parties where there’s many others to receive at home, but that’s about it.

This is a tricky point because I have rationalized as in ‘realized’ that I cannot control things, that I require to be flexible, that I don’t have to get all flustered by mistakes or ‘things’ that don’t come up as expected in my day to day, or when I don’t get the expected result of something where others are meant to ‘do their part’ – and this is where I’ve kept the word ‘flexibility’ in mind and it has gotten ‘better,’ but there’s always room for improvement for sure as my reality has demonstrated to me.

So, what is the solution? It’s certainly Not to say ‘Ah I should just stop caring about it all and do my own thing in whichever way I can and let everything just ‘fall’ by itself’ because that would be going into an extreme or polarity. Here it is mostly to investigate what lies behind my desire to have certain things be ‘perfect’ in my life/reality when it comes to ‘doings’ that are related to others in my environment. It has to do with the previously mentioned ‘satisfaction’ or sense of security that I’d get from ‘getting things done in the most apt/perfect possible way’, that ‘kick’ that I developed probably from doing things the way my father expected me to do and when he would approve with words like ‘That’s right, good’ it was like being less of an obstacle or a nuisance in how I knew that he wanted things to be done around the house for example. The opposite polarity or outcome of not doing so? Anxiousness, nervousness, tension and general fear from not doing things ‘perfectly’ or to the T as he would expect, or messing things up which I actually at a later stage learned to be ‘ok’ with in his presence, but these kind of reactions did certainly get recorded or engraved in the way that I deal with things, mostly remembering the sounds he would make when things would ‘fit’ just perfectly in the food cupboard after coming from supermarket, or when I would go with him to supermarket and he would always move accurately, fast and efficiently getting all the stuff in no time and so being just ‘precise’ in how he does things,  that kind of father that would get you the stuff that you were about to empty up because he was aware of it and bought one just so that you don’t have to go ‘without any’!

So, these points I have linked with security, comfort, even enjoyment when things just ‘go right’ and ‘fit perfectly’ and are ‘solved in no time’ – but! The thing is I never really pondered “Hmm, well if I get a kick out of getting things right, perfect, efficiently and accurately, then what is the opposite polarity of it, what kind of fears are hidden behind this?” No! I never really have questioned that because in my mind, this is ‘the way’ that everyone should be and this way the world would be just ‘best for everyone’! and surely, I still see that If I remove my fears of fucking things up, being an obstacle to others, being a nuisance, messing things that were previously ‘right’ or not giving to others the expected service/result, and instead do things in an apt and efficient manner as I know I can do, without fearing making mistakes, without fearing making others ‘wait’ or have the experience of ‘extra energy’ to it, without getting essentially angry or flustered about it, or ‘panicky’ about things, it surely can be a way in which one can be considerate of oneself and others around, generally assessing potentials for improvements, seeing efficiency as a process in which things can be done with reasonable effort, in stability and considering all parts involved, with a leeway or flexibility for trial and errors as well.

This would mean that in the example of me telling my mother to ‘get off the way’ to let others pass behind her in this exalted manner, this would can be now turned into a realization that: Ok we are in a ‘catch 22’ she cannot go further or she crashes the car, therefore she does have to take some time to go back and then drive into the right entrance, which means that surely the drivers behind might not be able to advance for a few seconds, they might not be ‘happy’ about it but, it could also happen to them and I’m sure that my mother would be understanding of that…. In theory – lol – because the pattern is that most people get very anxious and flustered whenever someone makes us ‘waste time’ when driving somewhere. However, this is then something that can be brought up in response to ‘asking for others time’ when being in a tricky situation, and so be flexible and considerate when others are in the same ‘catch 22’ situation.

Most of my reactions have to do with time in fact, and linking efficiency with doing things in ‘no time’ or the ‘fastest possible’ and if possible, leaving ‘no trace’ at all, not being a ‘bother’ to others, or making others ‘do what I should have done’ – which again, makes sense in a certain way but when it becomes almost a constant paranoia when being around others or in particular environments or responsibilities that affect others, it can come through with some of that fear behind it that is expressed in tension, in a rush that can at the same time be perceived by others as this ‘extra charge’ and so get equally tense or anxious and stressed out which is then not at all the way to actually ‘be efficient’ and care for others’ wellbeing.

Therefore there is a balance needed where I realize that the ‘efficiency’ I can get most of the times has to do with a few seconds to a couple of minutes of doing things, sometimes hours and that is ok because we live in a world where we can’t control everything and everyone else to ‘get things right’ or ‘fast’ all the time; to realize that not everyone is in the ‘same rush’ as I perceive they are – or to realize that I am in fact the ‘rushy’ one all the time – and to realize that many times solutions – even if considering the whole situation – might not always come out in a way that makes ‘everyone happy’ as in realizing that I cannot always ‘please’ or ‘benefit’ others the way I would like to, which comes from a genuine spot in me of actually wanting the world/things to work the best way for everyone. I truly no longer do it for the sake of ‘being recognized’ in an ego manner, but more in that sense of sure, being an example of how things can work or be done, but this can still be coming through with a ‘pushy’ manner which can lead to opposite results, like the arguments I had with my mother when coming to realize what I was doing and wasn’t aware of, and kept doing while she was explaining this pattern to me, such as quickly pointing out to her that ‘hey the green is on, go!’ just because of having the consideration in the background of ‘we’re making others waste their time if you don’t step on gas!” as if hell was going to break lose for those seconds lost, which doesn’t make sense, but it also as to do with preventing honking and people from calling you names for being slow in such situations so yeah, a fear there as well on ‘affecting others’ but also preventing some further conflicts or ‘name callings’ and such. Better be ‘slow’ in these situations as a precaution, instead of rushing and ending up squashed on the car on the front.

I have also seen how this same point comes up when being in someone else’s car and if they are not the ‘fast and accurate’ drivers, then I start getting tense for them going with low speed in the high-speed lane, or for not realizing that there’s people behind them that need some space to cross and things like that. What happens is that because I create an idea of ‘what I would do’ in such situations and so because of not getting the ‘expected result,’ I go into this tension because of seeing that others are not considering others the same way I would, and pondering if I should bring it up or not as a point to become aware of, or if I’ll come off as too demanding or bossy or intransigent or plain neurotic.

These are all things I’ll for sure keep working on to create a balance in it. A practical solution I’ve been applying since this point was brought forth to my attention some 2-3 weeks ago is to deliberately ‘let it be’ or ‘let it pass’ in times when I in that moment assess that ‘me bringing up this ‘desired outcome’ is only a point of personal preference’ or if I see that there can be some flexibility applied in the situation. Some other times I have still brought up the ‘old’ pattern of getting a short-fuse temper situation toward cars while walking such as them not stopping to allow me to cross or going to fast in a yellow light and so forth, it’s at times baffling how automated my behavior can be, but it is that, just an automated aspect that requires a notch up of slowing down and living attention which I just see I can apply as ‘a-tension’ or ‘a=without tension’ which allows me to create attention – as in being stable – observing the situation, surely continuing to see what are best ways to ‘follow through’ with something but making sure I am not ‘tensing up’ about it, but being considerate, flexible and add a pinch of ‘letting be’ to it, which is more aligned with the ‘flow of life’ like the series about Perfectionism from Eqafe explained, which are a real gift to someone like me that had not entirely investigated what was behind this need for ‘perfection’ or had even identified this ‘knack’ for perfectionism in a form of control, yet having some extra ‘energy’ there disguised as an efficient/perfect outcome for myself and others.

So, I conclude that there is a requirement for a balance within this. I realize that I have automated almost this ‘holistic observer’ mode where I am constantly aware of things not only in my immediate surroundings but in general on the ‘outside of myself’ as well, almost in a natural manner if I can call it that, aiming at things being efficiently done, getting them done, consider others, consider best for all outcomes and so forth. But! I can certainly turn a notch down in the ‘how’ I live this, which is without the fear of ‘losing control’, without going into short-fuse temper or anger, or irritation if something goes wrong or if mistakes are made, or if others are not as considerate as I see the potential could be, but to understand that I can only be the example of this myself and live it in equanimity. This implies as well to not be so exigent toward others to ‘learn from me and do it!’ but to realize it’s been an entire process for me to, till this day, to change behaviors, patterns and reactions in me. I still keep working on many ingrained patterns that I was most likely going to become in a ‘full-fledged’ manner if following the patterns acquired from family and so forth, which is why I am always grateful for when it comes to walking this process of self change for some 8 years now and it’s awesome to keep discovering points like this one on ‘perfectionism’ that had to be brought to my attention, which I am usually grateful for as I’ve expressed in these blogs throughout time.

 

Will keep an eye on how I continue developing my moderation on this point, and will share if new dimensions open up around this one.

Thanks for reading

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Perfection: The (un)Holy Trinity

 

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435. From Control to Flexibility

 

Being a control-freak or wanting to impose a form of control is definitely an underlying pattern that I played out in the previous situation I shared on ‘hissy-fit’ and transcending it. In essence a cool question that comes up is ‘what am I fearing?’ when seeing that we try and control something. Example, when thinking or being scheming what someone should say, how a situation should develop, how others must behave, what the weather should be like, what someone can/can’t eat or drink, what ‘must’ be done and what ‘must not’ be done… all of these points seem quite exhausting to deal with on a constant basis, and the thing is that it exists as a point of control ‘outside of ourselves’ without realizing it’s in fact first a point of control within ourselves as the mind that is dictating what we are supposed to want/look out for or be careful with. Every time I see this pattern unfolding, it reminds me of certain family members again, wanting to keep a certain image in an almost political way where there is constant PR processes going on, where one would want to control situations and events to what one considers is appropriate and generates no disturbance to our status quo – all entirely fear based.

This point of control is definitely rooted in fear, where we want to keep a certain idea, state or condition of something to please – again – certain idea or belief of oneself, or what others should become to please oneself, how an environment should be to please oneself. I faced a lot of these patterns when living with roommates in a house and having quite a lot of ongoing irritation, anger and frustration for things simply being out of my control at all times, which means: me not being able to impose my will and how I thought things should look like and function around in all ways. I am aware I tend to be dominant, and there is no point in now going into feeling bad about it. There can be constructive ways to use this ability to be in a constant ‘overseeing’ mode of reality in order to be more present, more aware of what’s going on, yet without wanting to control the environment or a situation. Though in this also realizing that me trying to have things work entirely ‘my way’ or have little to no inconveniences is definitely not a possibility in this world where multiple variables are constantly interacting with each other. Hell, not even a ‘god’ could have ultimate control on reality.

So, what word have I been using and practicing to letting go of or managing this pattern of wanting to control? Flexibility and consideration. Flexibility is being able to adapt to whichever outcome emerges that is unforeseen, unpredictable or ‘out of the plans’ and so being able to adapt, move, change in order to integrate such situations while being directive. Otherwise, when fixating to how something ‘must’ go, we are prone to constantly be fighting against reality, constantly creating the most unnecessary frictions and conflicts. So it is better to rather make it a point to make peace with it anyways, with whatever ‘out of the plan’ conditions emerge instead of fighting it or trying to have something or someone work in a particular way. So for example yesterday I said I would not complain for how hot the day was. In the end I was able to do this for the most part, except for the very end when I said that it was a very damn hot day, and started scheming the ways to avoid going out at the same time of the day under the same heat.

Is that the way to go through life? It’s like a constant fighting. Also I see that when others do this ‘PR’ process or ‘damage control’ in a way of ‘everything is fine’ it has bothered me, because I see the flaws behind that but it happens to be that I have done exactly the same, it is another form of control instead of facing the music for what it is and work with it bit by bit.  The question is then what is there to ‘save’ or ‘rescue’ from a mind that thrives of judgments, superiority and inferiority traits, delusional beliefs….? Nothing really.

Whenever I then see myself wanting to control something within an environment or toward another, I rather ask myself what do I fear losing or experimenting or exposing and why? Is it really relevant?

 It is true that not everyone in this world is ready to be fully honest and have this marvelous openness right away, but if one does the little bit of enabling things to unfold as they usually do, without trying to control, we will realize that this is where the actual ‘self-test’ emerges, where we can act and live according to what we face in the moment, challenging or not = it is our reality, we can only arm ourselves with the tools of self-support to develop self-trust over time, realizing that no matter ‘what’ or ‘who’ comes my way, I know I can support me to walk through it and get to a resolution or create solutions that can be supportive in both or more ways.

Sometimes instead of wanting to immediately ‘control’ someone as in preventing them from doing something, it’s a matter of rather communicating the potential outflows or consequential development of something, sometimes even finding third party accounts or stories that can assist a person to consider the same point and so, open up the conversation in common sense to that everyone is aware of the points of responsibility to it all. This is then turning the point of control based on fear – just like parents do with their children when preventing them to do something out of fear, instead of explaining to them how things work, the consequences and so having the child decide and go through it all to learn from it – that’s how you build a sense of responsibility. There the point of control as in preventing others sometimes from ‘fuck ups’ is then turned into a learning process for everyone involved, where even if ‘mistakes’ are made, at least each person would know ‘I did it to myself’ or ‘I created this and I knew what the outcomes would be.’ This way one is instead of controlling, providing certain perspectives or input into something, so that each one can still make their own decisions while one can remain ‘at peace’ because of having explained the reasoning behind one’s attempt to control – or if already prevented – to explain or give a perspective as to why one would or would not do a certain thing with arguments that can be understandable in practical reality terms.

 

I consider that it is best to make some choices being aware of the uncertainty they entail – we cannot predict or control what is going to happen in something – rather than preventing oneself from moving at all because of wanting to control reality, to wait for a better moment to act, to have the perfect conditions for something –that possibly won’t ever arrive by the way – one can instead embrace the unpredictability, while remaining aware of the developments, potential consequences and make decisions based on common sense – considering what is best for all involved – that can lead to the most supportive and potentially effective outcome.

Being flexible there implies not trying to impose oneself onto others, not trying to control their lives, but rather making sure that I can instead share my perspective

 

Control

 

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401. How to Live a ‘Change in Consciousness’?

You’ve probably heard how there is a ‘change in consciousness’ required in order to start ‘waking up’ to the reality and so be able to begin changing ourselves and our reality. The problem is when we only believe that changing consciousness means just changing ‘how we think and so how we conceive reality, getting to know how it functions and so no longer be fooled by everything we have up to now taken as ‘how things are and have always been’ without questioning this order any further.

The point here that is missing is the very meaning of what consciousness implies, which is in fact who we are and have become as our mind and our mind is a rather complex system through which we have been living through all this time, where fear is born, where greed exists, where desires, hopes, dreams, ideas, beliefs are existent, it is the very tool with which we are able to interact/function in reality, while also being the ‘filter’ through which we essentially conceive everything and everyone too. So, saying that we require a ‘change in consciousness’ does make sense from the perspective of changing the way that this ‘filter’ works, but unfortunately there aren’t many people around the world that understand how the mind in fact works and operates to make of this change an actual consistent and congruent process that can manifest a change that is substantial and based on the principle of what is best for all as living physical beings interacting with one another.

 

 

Get to know thyself as your mind/consciousness

The importance of Desteni and the Desteni Material resides in this ability to understand our mind at a level that we had not been able to do so before. Through walking it and applying it myself, I have been able to understand that we in fact don’t require to Evolve consciousness any further but instead, how it is that I actually first require to understand How my mind operates, what behavioral patterns  I am existing as, what fears do I have, what desires, beliefs, emotions, feelings, the construction of myself as my personality based on my environmental influence, etc. – in essence is getting to know and understand my nature through the self-investigative process where we focus on getting to know ourselves as our mind and face the actual problem: in our minds we have never in fact lived according to the consideration of what’s best for everyone as Equals as Life – we have always only existed as the self-interested version of our preprogrammed self, constantly seeking to feel good, to seek more power, more importance, more control over others and be ‘at the top’ in every aspect of our lives, to spite back, to take revenge, to ‘take the most’ regardless of who we leave out of the equation, to only care about what makes ME feel good – one way or another where we always see ourselves as the winners, the ones that trump the rest.

This divide and conquer mentality is who we have become as our mind, as consciousness. So a change in consciousness for the purpose of bettering ourselves, our lives and coexistence would imply a change in the way of how I perceive and consider myself as part of the whole and how my words, my actions and thoughts affect everything and everyone as well – this can be done through the practical self-questioning of who am I toward others? what purpose am I living by in this life? how do I perceive my responsibility toward this world system, toward each other? Do I hold any personal quarries toward others? Do I believe myself to be better or inferior than others? Do I see others as less capable or more capable than me? Do I feel disempowered? Where do I see myself unfit, incapable of or having any form of limitation to be and become my utmost potential?

 

Our mind is a construct, it is invisible to any physician’s eyes and as such that is the ‘veil’ we can’t see and where the actual Prison exists: it is and exists as Consciousness, our ‘software’ that doesn’t have a specific hardware but is and exists in our entire physical body at an interdimensional level – which means, it’s not visible to our naked eye. However, wanting to now ‘unplug’ ourselves from Consciousness as if this was the Matrix is rather impossible to do. See, we Cannot separate ourselves from who we are and have become as our own nature, our own enslavement because We ALL have created, accepted and allowed it – it’s who we are now in fact. It should be obvious by now why nothing that we have ever attempted to do in terms of ‘changing the world’ with revolutions or placing some people in prisons or thinking positively or ‘wanting to do good’ has ever worked, because we have always functioned in the polarized systematic paradigms where we seek to ‘do the opposite’ to the problem we identify at first, not realizing we simply create an apparent ‘solution’ without taking into consideration the origin thereof.

 

Loq ue soy es más allá del infinito

 

Who or what is the origin of the problem?

The origin of this entire mess is ourselves. Even if there was a ‘creator’ – lol – that ‘creator’/god or self proclaimed ‘superior’ being is one and equal to ourselves, meaning: it always, always has been ourselves only and so this is a vital first point to grasp and so to stop projecting BLAME upon others and pointing fingers at them as the culprits of how ‘the world system operates’ or the reason why ‘we are slaves’ or else.

A Change of Consciousness would in fact presuppose an initial self-investigation process to understand WHO and What have I become as consciousness? From my own investigations and what is self-evident in this world as the reflection of who am I as consciousness and who we are as consciousness is nothing else but EVIL as the reverse of Life. Just observe your thoughts, your internal conversations, what keeps  you occupied, what you’re addicted to,  your desires, your fears – all self interest based and even the reactions to acknowledge this – meaning reacting to our own consciousness – is Still self-interest, it is reacting to our own mess, our own spawn and creation.

 

I’ve found that one of the most difficult things to digest within this consideration of being in fact ‘One and Equal’ is the realization that there are really no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ sides, we are just recreating the same paradigm and equation where we balance this reality out in a mathematical equation based on how energy-systems operate within ourselves as our mind, and so how we have externalized such energy-systems as our world system.

Therefore, the realization is that the ‘evil’ structures, the ‘evil people,’ the ‘evil doers’ are in fact nothing else but the sheer reflection of ourselves as consciousness, of each one’s mind and as such I won’t ever get tired of saying this: we are all Equally Responsible and have to be Accountable for EVERYTHING that exists in this world as ourselves and our creation. Unless we are able to self forgive each word, each part of our reality and world system that exists in our own mind and equalize this playing field as in becoming aware of this shared responsibility and stop fearing to acknowledge our current ‘Evil’ Nature, we will continue to enslave each other with the same reactions toward ‘others’ as culprits – whether it is government, politicians, your neighbor, an institution, your own mind, laws, entertainment, education systems – doesn’t matter: we are ALL of it as it is All formed and conceived first of all within our own minds.

Therefore we have to realize that to face our mind is to face the nature of the words we live, think and speak to then in fact genuinely  be able to ‘change our consciousness’ which is becoming the directive principle of who we are as consciousness, and by ‘Directive Principle’ this means: deciding to change the starting point of everything we think, do and say to always consider within our own decisions what is best for ALL, what will do no harm and no abuse to oneself/others.

 

 

Facing the Nature of our Words

It’s been quite a shocking process at times understanding the words we have come to live and to what extent we have existed as self-abuse/abusing each other without realizing that every single bit of blame, accusations, fear of certain words, reacting to each other’s words and personalities enslaves us even further and preventing any sort of realization as long as we keep ourselves well wrought in fear and competing against each other – this is the ‘law’ we have lived as thus far: the divide and conquer mentality. What have we missed? Well realizing that we are Creating this reality based on the nature of the words we think, speak and act upon of course.

Before being able to accept that the actual nature of who we are as consciousness is evil as our ‘human nature’ I had a real problem trying to ‘fathom’ or come to terms with the ‘evil’ that I perceived in separation of myself. I would only get really angry, sad, helpless, hopeless and desperate not knowing what to do – whether seeking a ‘way out of the system’ or to seek an ‘alternative way to make it through’ or seeking to be ignorant about it again – none of these are the solutions as that would be only creating a separated bubble where ‘I’ can ‘feel free’ or feel like ‘I am NOT the one doing the mess! Look! I’m Out of it! It’s only THEM!’ Oh, but I didn’t of course realize there is no way ‘out’ of this system even if I write it in my own words right now and sign my exit with my very name on a piece of paper. There is no ‘system’ that we can create in order to save us either, why? Because just like in the movie the Matrix: the Prison exists within and as our own Mind. Voilà! perfect self-enslavement isn’t it? We can’t just ‘sign out’ of it, we can’t just deny our past in reality and believe that ‘it’s someone else’s fault and someone else has to sort it out’ – We are here to In Fact take responsibility for all the damage we’ve done to ourselves and every living being that is here also as ourselves.

See, we even would have to first begin learning how to integrate the full meaning of what the word SELF implies here. It is not only ‘me’ myself as the individual writing here, it is about SELF as All as One and Equal. This self that I am that is an equal part of it all and I cannot therefore create a bubble of separation where I can only feel ‘at ease’ within the belief of ‘being changed’ because ‘I have changed MY consciousness and as such I am no longer to blame, I am taking responsibility.’ But have we really sat down and considered what this ‘change’ implies in reality? I bet we haven’t.

 

The enslavement we have lived in and as thus far is coded and encrypted in the very words we speak and how we live them. Words are innocent, it is the Nature of how we live those words, how we individually define them and charge them either in a positive or negative manner that creates the ‘nature’ of what we live through such words and as such, the result of doing this is this world and reality where we believe we can communicate with each other, but we in fact can’t as we would most likely would want to – why? because we have all tainted, perverted, contorted words with our own meanings, our own self-interest, our own desires, our own emotions and feelings, our own memories – how can we then expect to have an ‘easy way out’ if we haven’t even yet truly seen, realized and understood what we recreate every time that we speak a word with a personal intention behind it, with self-interest behind it, with fear, with rejection toward others words at the same time? We simply recreate the same separation, especially when it comes to reacting the words that already exist as the epitome of abuse, to how we function in our minds, to realize that we have never in fact truly LIVED and that any word even if we see it as a ‘positive’, it will most likely also require to be aligned to not exist as a positive experience, but as a physical action that anyone can live by without having to be experiencing a particular feeling or ‘mood’ for it to exist.

This process of ‘change’ is actually to stop the evolution of consciousness and so stopping the recreation of further polarities that we believe are meant to ‘do good’ without even understanding and getting to see/realize the root and cause of the ‘problems,’ all the ‘bad’ that seems to be the primordial point of our existence here – hence our continuous effort and even struggle to ‘make things better’ without first focusing on understanding why we have Never simply focused on living in a way that prevents the current mess we live in, what have we missed thus far??

 

Nothing will be better/get better unless we individually walk this process of self-change, self awareness of the thoughts we speak, write, act upon and how we define the world around us through words,  to spot the point of separation, to identify the energy charges we have toward such words, to see how can I take this word, purify it within myself through a written process of Self Forgiveness in Self Honesty be able to live it in a self-supportive manner.

 

Of course there are words that simply represent the absolute reverse of life ,absolute abuse and as such we cannot ‘redefine them’ other than spotting the harm and abuse they imply such as ‘abuse’ itself or ‘rape’ or ‘murder’ – but we certainly CAN take the opportunity to redefine words that we have used for the interest of a few, for the benefit of a few. That is, for example, the word ‘interest.’

 

When I was in elementary school and learning the basics of financing, how the debt system operated and specifically loans provided by banks, I learned that I = C · i · t where Interest equals the initial Capital by the interest rate by the time frame of that loan for example. So I pondered, okay but who or what decided what such interest rate’ is? Who made these rules of having to gain money from giving money that is supposed to support people to live? Why do we have to stick to these rules? Why does the time-frame matter? And so I was given a set of answers that entailed – more or less – the fact that ‘The National Bank’ sets up those rules along with governmental regulation and so it becomes a law, a fact, ‘how things are’ and so I kept quiet and accepted it as ‘how the world works.’ This is the point of brainwashing that only later on I realized is the entire scam and the pyramid scheme that all banking systems are founded upon, as well as central banks that issue money out of thin air – well made of actual trees, thank you – and actually Charge money for it, from which their actual fortune comes from.

This is how consciousness as a system operates where we create our own belief systems of hierarchical structures, where we give value to things/people as if they were endowed with ‘more power’ than ourselves, which we then accept as ‘law’ and ‘how things are’ – as if it was inherently dictated as such by the Earth itself, which is of course not so. And so we then accept the enslavement to these ‘formulas’ and knowledge that we don’t question any further other than ‘what it is’ as the ability to gain such interest exists for ‘the benefit’ of you as an investor or for the bank as the lender. Someone’s got to win and someone’s got to lose type of situation that I also accepted as ‘how things operate.’

 

So, when confronting this and only later on getting to understand how money actually works, how the banks have no divine-power to just print money but they simply do so upon our collective faith and belief that ‘such money is legit’ – I also came to realize how it is that we’ve done the same when placing value upon metals like silver or gold and we believe that ‘that is more valuable than any other material because….. well because it’s always been so!’  So one starts opening up Pandora’s box of cognitive dissonance or in simpler words, the mind control or brainwashing that we indoctrinate each other with everywhere in our environment.

So, if we react to a word like ‘Interest’ and seeing it already tainted with this banking scam and so want to eradicate the word from our vocabulary, we are in fact only recreating our own enslavement through not taking responsibility for such word too. Sometimes I get to see hideous acts created in the name of power and control and if I only react in fear, disgust, shame blame, helplessness of what we have created as our very ‘laws,’ and how we have decided to live and coexist, then the question would be:  Is my reaction to such word in fear, awe, disgust, shame or stigmatizing the words and banning them from my reality going to assist me to find out HOW I have to take responsibility for such word? Not at all, I would only be procrastinating why I would eventually have to face anyways.

 

What I’ve seen constantly in the now very well established ‘Alternative Media’ for example, is that there is this belief that those that research and understand how the world-functions are ‘the good guys’ and that those that thrive the most upon lies are ‘the bad guys.’ This is the problem here, and the reason why they as alternative source of information – and very valuable education source, no doubt about that – are also missing themselves out of the equation within the corrections required. Yes, some do point out that it’s about us taking the wheel of our lives, but as long as there is any inkling of antagonism, of blame, of seeking for culprits, of judging ‘others’ as the problem, as the only ones possessed with greed and the only ‘dysfunctional’ or ‘psychopaths’ in our reality, we will remain trapped by our own denial of realizing that THEM/ THEY are also ourselves too.

I have probably said this maaany times but I will continue to say it as long as it’s necessary as this is the key to actually genuinely have a SHIFT in consciousness which is more of a SHIFT in who we are in relation to our own minds and how we perceive reality and others in it through words: We have to start considering that this reality, this world system as is, with all our hideous most horrendous abuses and faults and the very real devastation at a physical level that exists now, the personal ‘breakdowns’ that are more and more common these days upon our absolute failure to live in a supportive manner are nothing else but our collective creation, and as such our collective responsibility.

 

So any change would actually require to identify ourselves as our consciousness first, to understand which words we have come to live, for what purposes and so seeing the consequences we have created when it comes to the ‘living’ or application of such word in separation of ourselves, which means how the word/term/concept has been used for self-abuse instead of life/ living support. This in itself is a process of self-investigation that will lead us to understand the inherent (read preprogrammed) ‘drive’ that we have existed as human beings thus far which is, as I mentioned earlier, nothing else but the very personal-interested drive to be superior, have control/power, have the most, be secured etc. – all survivalism stemming from the primordial fear that emerged when we separated each other from ourselves as life, as one and equal. 

 

To understand this won’t be as easy as just trying to ‘grasp it’ – even though it would be most ideal  to be able to ‘wake up faster,’ but unfortunately to actually implement the solutions in physical reality won’t come as easy within the consideration that we have walked thousands of years within these abusive mind-frames/consciousness to get to this point where it is now impossible to deny the obvious and rather unfortunately awful consequences we have co-created when living through the mind only, through consciousness as the actual enslavement we have all accepted to exist as even before we came to be human beings and signing a contract to be part of this world system, which in fact exists through/as the reflection of the mind through which we perceive ourselves with, and so everything and everyone outside of ourselves. The problem is thus Not the ‘world system’ but who we are in our minds and how we have lived the words.

 

It takes quite some time to first walk one’s own mind, to understand how we function and operate as consciousness to THEN, within a self-stability and self-consistency in and as such change that is lived and directed to apply/live by the words as Living Principles that create/generate what is best for all, then one can start looking at the world system outside of ourselves – not as someone’s ‘evil plot’ as that’s where most people miss the point – but as an actual self created and preprogrammed system that was aimed to exist within such hierarchical structures that we would come to Accept and Allow to exist as ‘how things are/how things always have been’ to have the system work and function for the benefit of those that set it up, who at the end also ended up enslaving themselves too, because they also missed out their equality and oneness with it all. In fact, no one is able to control another, no one is able to be ‘free’ in fact, no one is actually physically able to have ‘have power’ upon another but only through the systems, the words, the actions that we generate in this consciousness system which currently exists as separation, as domination, as control, as power/abuse over others – this is NOT how the physical world in fact operates and these ‘laws’ are not written out in the consideration of what is best for all as the physical. These ‘laws’ are nothing else but consciousness based excuses, reasons, justifications to continue perpetuating the abuse.

 

 

So, where should we begin to look at change then?

I would recommend working on yourself first so that as you go understanding your own mind and getting yourself to a point of stability and realization as to how such ‘evil’ mentality has led you to feel disempowered, to feel at disadvantage, to not get to your fullest potential and so how that is exploited by the organizations/structures/systems that we have created as well to be benefited by our own Abdication of responsibility, wherein  we sign-up for our own enslavement as it means renouncing to the recognition of who we are as equals in this world and reality. To Abdicate Responsibility to it all is to enslave oneself to consciousness, to the mentality of a few being in such ‘special places’ and ‘in charge’ which is the very same reason why we have created the ideas of gods, monarchs, the rich, superiors, governments, politicians or any other figure we see as ‘more’ than ourselves and having ‘more power’ than we do – this is the brainwashing and the mentality we have to in fact align and correct, so that we no longer deny and ignore the actual power we have to change ourselves,which is through taking responsibility for who we are and have become as ourselves and this world system in its entirety.

 

In our example of ‘Interest’ if we look at the meaning of the word ‘Interest’ we have

interest
1    the feeling of wanting to know about something or someone. Ø a quality exciting curiosity or holding the attention: a tale full of interest. Ø a subject which one enjoys doing or studying.
2    money paid for the use of money lent, or for delaying the repayment of a debt.
3    the advantage or benefit of someone. Ø archaic self-interest.
4    a share or involvement in an undertaking. Ø a legal concern, title, or right in property.
5    a group having a common concern, especially in politics or business.

 

Meaning number 2 is what we would want to change in terms of the world system, where interest is no longer a tool for massive speculation where only a few can benefit, to ‘take advantage of others’ which is in how self-interest emerges as well.

But we can also see the other meaning such as number 1, 4 and 5

1    the feeling of wanting to know about something or someone. Øa quality exciting curiosity or holding the attention: a tale full of interest. Øa subject which one enjoys doing or studying.

4    a share or involvement in an undertaking. Øa legal concern, title, or right in property.

 

5    a group having a common concern, especially in politics or business.

 

So we can Live interest within a meaning that can be self-supportive within the consideration of what is best for all, without being all ‘hyped up’ in energy either, but as a physical process.

Here are my takes on how I can Live the word ‘Interest’

Interest as the decision to get involved, cooperate and participate in a point that one sees one has a potential to develop or has a particular skill to develop as well as enjoying oneself within it

SELF-Interest as a redefined term, how I can Live an aligned version of it is the common or shared involvement and benefit within a particular task/endeavor/aspect of our shared reality. Whether it is how we live our lives in communities, how we live as societies, how we feed ourselves, how we educate ourselves, how we entertain ourselves, how we project changes, what requires to be changed, innovate, etc. – all points of interest that lead to a betterment of ourselves and in our societies/groups where we decide to live in.

And so the 1+1 accumulation as an ‘accrued interest’ of living this new conception of interest and self-interest can certainly lead us to accumulate that CARE, that participation, that consistency in getting involved within what is going on in ourselves, our lives, our relationships, our world-systems and the reality that we share and of which we certainly cannot escape or neglect any further.

 

This is how this ‘change of consciousness’ in fact requires observing words, coming to understand what we have created or rather destroyed, abused or harmed with our very own words which we think and act upon – and how it is that most of the times we do not actually observe and come to realize what we in fact do through such words, who we affect, how we affect ourselves and others and what of ourselves are we abusing or neglecting when living the abusive meaning of a word.

So as you and I can see, this is a process where the very ‘change’ exists in the way I/we can redefine words, purify words while at the same time realizing what must be STOPPED, Self-Forgiven, Self Corrected and Aligned so as to stop enslaving each other and the generations to come within the old-paradigm that we are here to understand, deconstruct and stop for once and for all.

 

We can benefit ourselves/each other greatly if we start considering who we really are as consciousness, our equality and oneness as it and so being willing to live through and apply what it will take to actually change our nature through the very consciousness and words that we exist as.

 

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

 

Principled Living:
6.       Realizing that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

Read more at: https://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/the-desteni-of-living-my-declaration-of-principle/

 

 

 

Essential self-study

 

  1. You think you’re Living? – Reptilians – Part 181
  2. The Human Mind as a Computer – Reptilians – Part 182
  3. The Nature of Words – Reptilians – Part 183
  4.  From Mind Words to Living Words – Reptilians – Part 184
  5.  Which came First: the Word or the World? – Reptilians – Part 185
  6.  How to Live Words (Part 1) – Reptilians – Part 186

  7. How to Live Words (Part 2) – Reptilians – Part 187

Quantum Mind Self Awareness

 

For further education on what Consciousness is and the Process I mentioned:


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