Continuing with Procrastination Character
As I had mentioned in the previous entry, whenever I had the ‘negative imagination’ such as the point of confronting my writings with my professor, I immediately create a rather positive point of imagination that is related then to, instead of dedicating myself to my writing, I would decide to rather ‘do some small things here and there’ and then go outside for a walk, for example.
I have made no excuse to not go outside for a walk as it’s been a very supportive point, however I see how within this same process of planning my day to ensure I do make some time to go out for a walk, I apply and implement the same for all my other tasks. This means that the seemingly ‘innocent’ moment of imagining the walk outside becomes another point of distraction.
Now, what I have realized as well is that this positive imagination does not ‘roll out’ much so to speak, meaning I am not fantasizing all the way about ‘walking’ or else, it’s simply a thought that rolls into the imagination of the air/ breeze, the view of the sun going down, clouds covering the sun, and having something to buy in the vegetable and fruit store/ getting milk – all which are also points that in my mind I make as ‘priority’ and something that ‘must be done no matter what’ which is yes, necessary – however the point is how I use these seemingly common sensical aspects to then simply place everything aside to ‘go get it.’ This means that I have ‘evolved’ somehow my own parameters of tricking myself into simply ‘leaving everything for a moment and going outside’ – which is how I then spend more than an hour out, come back to then see it as ‘too late to write.’
There are also future-projection points of imagination, wherein I am mostly waiting for the moment when it is all done and I simply can finally leave and be ‘free’ according to my expectations, which is probably the point of imagination that creates the most ‘noise’ as it is only within these thinking processes and imagination that I see it as ‘too far to get there’ and in that moment, instead of making the decision to walk it through in the moment and get it done, I go into the DIT (Do It Tomorrow) state wherein I simply give up any possibility of even approaching the document – thus, here another imagination with a negative charge comes in within this ‘battle’ between the positive and the negative: I go into the imagination of having to read through all these scattered bits of information and trains of thought that I had poured into that paper, aside from criticizing my Spanish for having too many ‘weird sentence constructions’ which I see I can simply stop judging and re-write in a more suitable manner.
Thus this imagination of having to ‘go through the document’ comes as it is: me sitting in front of my laptop and reading through the information, having to go creating the necessary cites and becoming quite specific within it all which in my mind has become part of an ‘undesired nightmare’ which is only me as my mind making of this task the boogey monster just by this image of me scrolling down all the writing and trying to ‘make sense of it all.’
I stop and I breathe as I see how there is even an anxiety linked to this imagination as I write it out here. It’s fascinating how within this simple example I see and realize how the seemingly ‘positive’ does not emerge from ‘nowhere,’ it’s actually stemming from the negative initial imagination of having to write/ having to fix/amend my writing/ having to actually do it and instead, covering it up with my personal version of love-and-light which is walking outside, having a ‘cool time’ and talking myself into it which I’ll disclose later in the backchat dimension. Thus it is plain to see how we cannot claim that the positive is ‘what it’s meant to be,’ as its very origin is actually a defense mechanism/ a distraction that we create in order to not have to face an actual point of responsibility. I also see and realize that I cannot have the single audacity of judging ‘love and light’ as long as I am creating my own ‘love and light’ through my positive imagination rolling in a seemingly ‘innocent/ harmless’ manner, which has actually become an accumulation of a ‘good/ positive experience’ to cover up the actual procrastination/ negative experience that I have accepted and allowed within me.
So, let’s roll with Self Forgiveness these points:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a positive imagination point of me going outside, seeing the weather as perfect for a walk and in that moment imagine myself strolling around, experiencing the chilly breeze of air, the streets, the moment of walking in order to convince myself that I should rather go out for a walk instead of writing and leaving the writing for ‘later,’ without realizing that this single occurrence that I have made ‘okay’ to be disciplined about in my day to day living – such as doing it on a daily basis no matter what – has become one of the primary factors to kind of ‘make my day’ to in my mind create a positive experience toward it, instead of facing the point of responsibility that I am ‘saving for later’ due to choosing to go and do that which makes me feel ‘good’ and ‘fine’ about myself/ my day.
When and as I see myself being in the moment of the day wherein I see that it is time for me to write/ tap into the writing itself and get the image rolling of me walking in the street, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is the moment wherein I make the commitment to not just follow the ‘positive image’ and instead commit myself to do what I require to do, which implies that I can instead schedule my day to ensure that I get to do all my tasks, including my walk, and instead of seeking to have ‘long hours for my writing’ only, I make it a point to work on it in a consistent manner, as this is the only way I see I can ensure that I do not continue postponing and ‘saving for later.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind make it ‘okay’ to imagine for a moment me walking outside/ going out for a walk and use that single point of imagination as enough of a reason to go outside and actually do it, leaving aside everything else because ‘it’s my time and my moment for myself,’ – thus within this positive backchatting creating an acceptable reason for me to do that instead of actually focusing on making it a point to write before I go to the walk, and this is a more suitable way to actually direct my day instead of being ‘waiting’ for the apparent ‘right moment’ that is actually subsumed by all other tasks and bits that I instead go into, leaving aside once again this primary task that must be done.
When and as I see myself making the point of walking an okay thing to do in the moment, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can in fact continue having that moment within my day, however instead of using the time as a ticking clock for the time to go outside, I use that time to go into my writing. I see and realize that I have created this idea of me having to be in a particular ‘moment/ point of experience’ to be able to write about this, this which is bullshit and a blatant excuse disguised with characters to actually not do what I have to do.
Thus I commit myself to not leave the writing for ‘the end of the day’ as I realize that such moment is not the most ‘suitable moment’ to do so, as that is when I instead go into any other point that requires direction or even another distraction wherein I then waste time that I could have used to do whatever I did before going out for a walk.
In this I see that it is more suitable for me to write during the day than waiting at night to do so, as the night comes and then the ‘Do it tomorrow’ mode becomes another way to justify not getting to it today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the imagination as a remembrance of me deciding to write my document and having to go through these endless pages of scattered information that I have equated to a point and experience of anxiety and frustration and irritation, due to me having had no regard to go placing the necessary data to be able to identify the information appropriately.
When and as I see myself using the imagination of me scrolling down the entire document and reading through it as a negative experience within me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have kept this memory as a point to re-enact whenever I am ‘apparently’ making a decision to just do it, and that I have repeated and integrated at the level of a physical habit in order to Not do things which is unacceptable, as I then pull out the imagination point of ‘walking outside’ as a positive experience and make it ‘okay’ to just leave everything else for later.
I commit myself to stop fooling myself within my own mind with all types of images and excuses and justifications to not move and not do this – it is even quite a joke to see how I have committed myself to write on a daily basis for a while now and how I have been able to do that without major problem, however when it comes to another writing point that I have separated from my current writing, I judge it as a burden/ as a point of resistance which simply allows me to see where and how I have created separation within my own value system of what type of writing is ‘more important to do’ instead of actually realizing that if I am able to write here, I am able to write in just another word document as well – it is a single physical aspect/ point to walk through, committing myself to remain here as breath to not allow any negative experience such as anxiety or fear itself as a single point that prevents me from simply doing it.
I commit myself to walk through the resistance to write and stop all positive imagination to not do it in that moment, and instead direct myself to open the document, start reading/ looking at points that require to be re-written, re-arranged and give it the same point of dedication that I have committed myself to in my daily writings, as it is then a single point to extend my responsibility to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own ‘temptations’ through my own participation in imagination, wherein I then become a ‘victim’ of my own positive-imagination to lure me into doing something that I ‘enjoy’ instead of doing that which must be done no matter what.
When and as I see myself creating my own ‘temptations’ of luring myself into doing something that I would ‘rather do’ and ‘enjoy more’ doing/ participating in, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is my point of responsibility and I see how it is just like a foolish point to continue giving my power away to this, as I realize that no matter how much I ‘think of doing it,’ it won’t make me more or less responsible about it, this is about being physically moving here wherein I stop all assessments, judgments, time calculations, positive imagination thinking and future projecting about the task at hand – instead, I bring myself back to breath and simply do it.
I commit myself to not use a positive image of me doing anything else BUT going into the actual physical opening of the document and working on it which I realize is just an action of Doing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by my own imagination as a positive and or negative experience that in both cases, becomes an obstacle for me to not do it, within this
When and as I see myself going into my own imagination as an excuse to not do things, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have made it ‘okay’ for me to ‘follow my desire to have a positive experience’ during the day instead of realizing that it is not about giving up ‘walking’ altogether, but simply not using it as an excuse or reason in my mind to do this instead of ‘that.’
I commit myself to stop participating in my mind in imagination in order to actually get REAL and physical with what is required to be done.
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166
Character Dimensions – REACTION Dimension (Part 1): DAY 170
Day 170: After Death Communication – Part 19
173. The Shocking Truth of Thinking
What one can realize within reacting over our own thoughts, backchat and imagination is how the moment that we generate an experience about our own mind-creations, we are in fact asserting that ‘this is who I am’/ this is how I feel about this situation, which is then giving full permission to in such moments abdicate any common sense and simply allow ourselves to be flaunted with that feel good/ feel bad experience wherein, as we have realized, none of them are supportive in order for us to actually physically move and direct ourselves to complete the task. The moment we are enthralled within our own backchat, busy making excuses and further imagination points, we are already stating this is ‘who I am’ at the moment: just these thoughts wherein I am busy trying to get myself to the positive experience again wherein, even if I realize that I am procrastinating acting upon something, I am doing ‘my greatest effort’ to continue kidding myself and finding ‘good reasons’/ excuses/ justifications to not do so.
What I have realized within this all is that we waste so much time and breaths trying to elaborate a con.vincing story in order for us to make it ‘alright’ to simply not do something. I mean, who are we then just fooling within that? Ourselves, no one else. It is fascinating how sometimes we even dare to think that by doing something/ not doing something we are ‘taking our power back’ over something/ someone when in fact it is not, at all, how can we ‘spite’ something or ‘make a statement’ with points that we are simply not doing while we are aware it is our absolute responsibility to do so?
Furthermore if we look at integrity – I have realized how within the single point of accepting myself to BE these excuses and justifications and actually ‘Think’ that ‘I have a point there’ – I simply continue to listen to the same thoughts in my mind wherein I loop myself around the same over and over and over again with no actual physical movement to do so, which would practically imply what? I stop listening to my thoughts, backchat, internal conversations, endless excuses and going into imagination to either a positive or a negative aspect toward it and instead simply take a deep breath and WORK on it.
How ‘difficult’ is that? Well, the realization here is that the moment that we create a pattern to not move and keep ourselves in a single point of stagnation/ inertia, we become Subject-to these conjures up in our minds. Where is Self Direction there? Nowhere to be found, as we abdicated it the very first moment that we give into one single THOUGHT to not do a particular task, one single imagination point that leads us to a ‘feel good’ experience in an alternate reality in our minds, all of it covering up the initial trigger point for these plethora of mind-creations based on a single belief and idea of ourselves apparently not having something/ not being ‘suitable’ to take on a particular task, which most of the time involves the realization that: this world is not moved by the power of our thoughts, but by the physical direction that we are able to give ourselves as physical beings to complete/ do a particular task.
So, within going into the reaction point, this is the nitty gritty aspect of our reality, the moment that we are absolutely Not aware of what is going on at a physical level, the level of abuse that we are inflicting ourselves by reacting over our own thoughts, backchat and imagination. Within the systematic aspect and perspective of our lives, we have been so used to only considering that we were ‘really alive’ if we experience ourselves at a physical level in any energetic experience – whether ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ – same thing and the point here is that we have never been in fact aware of how it is that one single thought means our aging, our own slow but sure death – yes, this is the Shocking Truth and the way this actually happens is able to be understood in absolute detail within the Quantum Mind Series available at Eqafe, and I’m glad to share that they are being translated into Spanish. I consider this, among any other material available at Eqafe, a pivotal point to study in relation to the Physical Psychology that’s being investigated, explained in detailed and published by Desteni for over 5 years now.
Thus, there is an absolute in-detail process that is being walked within us taking on basic points we are facing in our reality – such as procrastination – and for the very first time in our reality as humanity become aware/ have the tools and information of what it is that we are in fact supporting every time that we THINK reality, every time that we abdicate our physical self-movement to a thought to ‘leave it for later’ or believing ourselves to not be ‘good enough’ to do it right away or simply lacking a point of ‘motivation’ as a positive-experience created as a reward in order to then MOVE ourselves based on getting a positive experience out of it.
What I’ve realized at this point is that it all begins with a thought, as shocking as it is and within this what I continue doing with participating in procrastination is feeding my own mind through depleting my own body to do so – believing that I a in fact opting for ‘what’s Good for me’ without having ever had an idea of how these ‘good’ experiences are in fact generated from utilizing my own resources as my own physical body – and within the single acceptance and compliance to a thought as who I am, I am in fact stating: ‘go ahead, consume my physical body so that I can have a fleeting moment of a positive experience.’
And this, my fellow droogs, is the reality that we have been blinded from up to this point. Now that we understand – which is what we missed all the way – now that we have the tools of Self Support such as writing, applying Self-Forgiveness in Self Honesty and Self Corrective Application we have No Excuse whatsoever to continue doing this – as all excuses, as we have seen so far, are part of the same entanglement to continue looping up there in our minds comfortably so while being oblivious to the shocking-truth of the reality that is being consumed for us to keep the ‘dream-making machine’ running, yes the mind.
This will continue, but Self Abuse Stops HERE.
Desteni I Process
Equal Money System
‘This world as it exist as multiple countries, societies is exactly the same as it exist inside the human where you have characters based on memories, events that form parts of a personality which is like a global society which then interacts with other planets or humans, similarly this is happening right here, right now on Earth where every child when they’re born through Quantum Mechanics of the mind and the physical as one would Develop and Integrate everything that is already Here preparing themselves to approximately 70% of what they will know in their lifetime, all of this happens in the 7 first years of the child’s life –” (Listen Interview below) – Bernard Poolman
Interview by Bernard Poolman :
Consciousness is a System of Government
Character Dimensions – REACTION Dimension (Part 4): DAY 173
A History with Life After Death – Part 7
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