Tag Archives: loser

403. How to Stop Living in Defense Mode

I have previously discussed how it is that we condition ourselves to create/put on a hard veneer in order to – let me be frank – not be fucked with/bullied/attacked by others and how this becomes like a second skin growth to actually make up for an initial experience of being vulnerable or having felt attacked by others words/actions. Here we can see how we condition each other to be constantly expecting the worst from one another, and so becoming the ‘fighters’ in the battlefield that we’ve created of our lives.

There are various reasons for this, one can be survival which is the way we have conditioned ourselves, our human nature to be guarding our own interest out of fear of others taking it away or abusing each other to get the most with the least effort etc. Another one is more related to that ‘attack’ that exists as a violent action toward one another, verbally/psychologically speaking while at the same time having the possibility to escalate to become physical as well. This is how I could see that we begin ‘corrupting’ ourselves0 when taking each others words personally, as a ‘personal attack’ and so create it in the form of bullying or ‘trollism’ as it exists now.

Here I’ll focus on a rather simply form in which I’ve noticed my own ‘defense-mode’ and what are the reasons for it. I’ve been actively participating in answering/interacting on YouTube and forums wherein I have had one of the most vivid evidences of how we can attack each other just for the sake of winning a ‘battle’ in our minds, just for the sake of ‘being right’ and making one another look like ‘an ass’ because ‘they are wrong’ and so in essence co-creating  just another virtual battlefield to breed human hatred or perpetuate the ‘Divide and Conquer’ mind frames which I initially would react to in an emotional way upon reading such denigrating, defaming,, spiteful, violent and even life threatening comments we would get on a daily basis as a result of what we publish, which is all about life in equality, living rights, what is best for everyone, etc.

So, looking back,  this is what I see as a cool ‘training ground’ when it comes to facing the REAL human nature and not only see the one I had believed in  – such as the good nature one – while being locked in my ‘home bubble’ and my limited environment with limited interactions, where I yes certainly did face bullying and backstabbing from ‘friends’ at an early age, prompting me into quite a ‘depression ‘ at the age of 7, 8 because of not being able to fathom such ‘harm’ imposed toward me from another at first, until I had the support from my mother to realize I did not have to take others words/actions personally – which was great support and led me to become rather independent from sheeple mentality while going through school. I did, however, become somewhat defensive in my personality, I could say that yes I had clear principles but a lot of it was also from the starting point of showing ‘others’ that ‘you can’t mess around with me,’ it worked to a certain extent – but what happens when that ‘veneer’ becomes ‘who you are’ and how one dictates one’s every interaction?

 

I see that the defense-mode that I am able to act out upon in one moment actually stems from acting once again based on past experiences/memories where I still place myself in such ‘defense mode’ meaning being ready to be ‘attacked’ from the moment that I, for example,  read a YouTube comment and so, instead of unconditionally reading the words that a person is placing, I already see where I can ‘find the point they are missing out on’ or what they are ‘defending’ or where they are trying to ‘prove me wrong, so that I can ‘point it out back’ and so this is something that I became used to do back in the day where we were certainly first becoming more aware of what each person implied in their words, which has been supportive nonetheless. But I see that I require to now and from here on step down from continuing that mechanism/way; this actually happened to me yesterday where I did thankfully get feedback from the person that I replied to on YouTube saying: “Marlen? I commented because you right on the money!  Thank You!”  The first word as my name with a question mark implying that they probably didn’t understand why I had replied in such a ‘harsh’ manner. And so I realized that I had come through toward him in the same old ‘attack-mode’ and ‘defense-mode’ instead of just seeing where the person is coming with the comment, what I can agree on as that’s our common ground and then expanding a bit on it without having the starting point of ‘proving him wrong’ or judging his very reply for not considering all points that I see but simply focusing on what I can do to assist and support to expand on the points brought up and create a conversation from there.

Assist and support here are the key points, not to ‘defend my point’ or ‘defend my cause’ because that’s what creates the battlefield on YouTube, but rather keeping it simple when answering back and inviting the person to continue the dialogue instead of wanting ‘them’ to ‘change’ all of a sudden toward Me and what I have to say, as that would be me as ego wanting validation/acceptance from others right away. The same point applies when I have deemed others as being ‘defensive’ toward me and so judging others as ‘being on defense mode’/being on attack-mode but it is really only me projecting my perception upon them because I’ve ‘been there/done that too.

 

So the key here is to then when and as I see myself reading comments, reading/hearing another’s words, I assist and support myself to not go into the predisposition of fighting/ attacking another based on the belief/assumption that ‘they are here to attack me first’ and so, instead allow me to read the comment/words unconditionally, without expectations or already ‘sharpening my knife’ to ‘get back at them,’ as I see that within this starting point I perpetuate the conflict and not allow myself to be really HERE with/as the words written/spoken and so be able to interact/reply back within the consideration of what I can learn from what the person is explaining, what I can learn from them, where I see that I agree upon to also reply back and letting the person know I also see that/agree with it.

This implies: Seeing where there is a point where I can share from my own realizations, self investigations and not only from knowledge and information, all of this within the consideration of placing myself in another’s shoes, taking into consideration the words in one YouTube comment, one email, one conversation and ‘walking with’ to expand on a point of cognitive dissonance, misinformation, belief, or an emotional reaction to the points explained, so that I can also point it out in a considerate non-defensive, non-attacking, non-aggressive manner which means explaining to another a point the same way I would want another to explain it to me: with patience, with humbleness and gentleness so as to be able to let the other person know that I do stand as these principles I talk about at all times, this is who I am and this is the consideration, care, gentleness and humbleness toward others that I commit myself to live by when interacting with them, so as to not come through as ‘me having the truth’ or ‘me having to be always right’ but being also willing to see my faults, my mistakes, where I reacted to another’s words and so take responsibility for such reactions myself.

 

So to not go into ‘denial’ of my actions, which is what the vlog was about in fact wherein I received such comment, here I stand directive of such point which opened up yesterday and so I am directing it here, as I see that if I want to create a world of transparency, integrity and trust, I have to be doing just that myself, seeing, realizing, understanding my mistakes, my reactions, investigate where they ‘come from,’ understand them, self forgive them and most importantly, give myself a new direction as to how I am going to be living these corrections from now on whenever I interact with another.

 

 

Self Forgiveness and Self Correction

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a predisposition of ‘having to defend myself’ when replying to YouTube Comments or replying to others’ words whether written or in a conversation, instead of realizing how I perpetuate my own memories of the past and even from my childhood of how I had to be ‘wary’ of people’s words and actions toward me, which is why I became ‘edgy’ as well, not being able to trust others and as I’ve explained before, this is not about ‘trusting others’ but rather trusting me in being able to read/hear words in stability and be able to support myself unconditionally to interact, reply back within the consideration of what is self-supportive both for ‘them’ and ‘myself’ as two or more individuals establishing a communication and settling the way to create a point of communal understanding – not fighting or ‘proving each other right/wrong’

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am in fact perpetuating the current status quo in our relationships where we have focused so much on the winner/loser mentality, the ‘attacker’ and the ‘attacked,’ the bully and the bullied and where we believe that we constantly have to be ‘defending’ ourselves which can only exist if we are ‘coming from’ a starting point of ego as in seeing others as enemies, as ‘the problem,’ as ‘the ignorant ones and oneself being the ‘right one,’ through which we approach another from the vantage point of seeing another as inferior to myself and so believing that I have to ‘educate them’ with ‘what I know’ instead of being actually grateful that there are people that are still willing to reply in a comment to a YouTube video and so be able to hear/get to know what others’ perspectives on a subject and learn from it, see where we still have to ‘align’ our understanding, what are the main points where there is still a point tampering self-realization,  as well as being willing to correct ourselves if necessary and in the possible measure, being able to support and assist another to expand themselves a bit more – maybe point out some aspects they can do further investigation on, other blogs or vlogs to watch/read and so not immediately ‘showing the way out’ when the entire starting point of commenting by the other individual is to precisely establish communication and be able to continue it in the best possible way.

I realize that in our world nothing will be changing if we do not first focus on being able to get to hear /read one another, see where there is a common ground and build it from there, thus no longer existing in the ‘I’ll prove you wrong’ mentality.

 

I also realize that I have to be aware of not seeing myself as ‘the victim’ that is going to be ‘abused/attacked by others’ as in this position of victimization I then justify my ‘getting back at’ others as in ‘having to defend myself’ which is why in this world we, for example, allow the use and existence of guns, because we give into this mentality that ‘I have to protect myself, I have to be armed’ without first investigating why and what causes this abuse in the first place.

 

I realize that I have to stop projecting my past, and my ‘mind-frame’ that I had built around ‘commenting on YouTube’ as in ‘getting myself  into a battlefield’ and instead, read the comments from the starting point of being able to support myself, to learn from another, to see where I can improve my communication, identify and recognize where I wasn’t clear/what I missed and so expand through this communication instead of already wanting to ‘end’ the interaction by placing a comment that could be seen as ‘sparking up reactions’ which previously I had defined as supportive for the person to ‘face themselves’ but, we are in a different stage in our process so I now apply the point of being gentle and supportive with others, the same way that I would like a ‘stranger’ on YouTube to reply to my messages and comments as well, doing to another what I would like to be done unto in the same situation and in all cases for that matter.

 

I commit myself to use the opportunity of interacting with others either through comments on a website, on a forum, on every day conversations/interactions so that I can expand and support myself while at the same time assisting and supporting another, because it is in these seemingly ‘irrelevant’ or ‘small moments’ that actual windows of opportunity exist to ‘connect’ to others and let them also realize that there are solutions, there are people that do not fall into the usual patterns of the divide and conquer mentality, and so this is what I commit myself to living in all aspects of my everyday living and interactions with people from around the globe through the marvelous platform that the Internet is.

 

I commit myself to redirect my judgments upon others being ‘in a defense mode’ and instead be able to in such moments immediately take the point back to self and direct myself toward another in a way wherein I can apply consideration, humbleness, gentleness to place myself in their shoes so that I am able to best support them and expanding ourselves through using words or even behavior, voice tonality that indicates in stability that I am here, I hear you, I understand you, let’s clarify this/let’s expand on this/ have you considered this point about this that you mentioned here? so that it is and becomes a more ‘inviting’ way to continue interacting with another.

 

I commit myself to walk through my own ‘predisposition’ of being in this ‘defense-mode’ so that I can stand here, clear, open, available and willing to communicate and direct another’s questions and sometimes even curiosity and not fall into the ‘attacking-mode’ but to genuinely be able to consider their starting point and so walk-with, instead of walking-against others.

 

I commit my self to live the realization that ‘the enemy’ is really myself and my own assumption, my own mind, my own projections which means that in practicality I am then going to be open to read/hear words without going into reaction, without already ‘preparing’ my artillery to shoot with a barrage of points that have nothing to do with what was initially said either, but to also keep it simple and ‘grow’ the conversation from there.

 

I commit myself to only reply to comments/written and spoken interactions when I have given myself a ‘moment of clarity’ which means when I have breathed and ensured that I am in fact stable, here, that I am taking responsibility for my initial reactions or starting point toward another, and so be more open, willing and available for genuine communication, ensuring I have no interference/noise as my own reactions preventing me from hearing/reading another unconditionally.

 

I commit myself to ‘take back to self’ any judgments I may had toward ‘others’ as ‘them being the attackers’ or ‘them being in a defense-mode’ as in fact, that would mean me reacting in ego towards ego – lol – so the best way to interact with another is to work with the common sense of looking at words themselves, no assumptions, rather asking what they in fact mean if the point is not clear, but generally not jumping into assumptions, not taking my own knowledge, my own ego into consideration when interacting with others, as that’s where the shifts happen and the divide and conquer mentality is re-created, wherein I perceive that another is ‘not the same as myself’ and so I have to ‘prove them wrong’ according to me, which is where the problem exists.

So I instead commit myself to focus on directing the words, the comments, the situation for what it is, devoid of past grudges, preconditioning, preprogramming of ‘how I deal with others that I perceive are attacking me’ as I then live the realization that the ‘attack’ only exists in my mind as memories and experiences that I create when I take another’s words personally or as ‘going against me’ which is the ego-starting point of reading/hearing another, when we ‘take it personally’ instead of realizing that each one’s words relate to oneself only, and so I take self-responsibility.

 

I commit myself to in fact become a pillar of support for myself and others which means I cannot judge, I cannot avoid another or see them as ‘less than myself’ or as ‘ignorant’ but instead assist and support myself and others to transcend such limitations of the mind to work with what we have as our statements, see what we can agree upon and expand it from there, as Self Support.

 

So instead I am grateful that this point opened up so I could see what I was doing in this interaction and so be able to give it direction here for once and for all – so, thanks Tyler.

 

7.      Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

 

 

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303. Competition: War Against Each Other – Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the freedom to do whatever  we want to do onto another/ free will is a basic mechanism to justify perpetual war against each other.

 

The system is a reflection of our own mind, once that we have placed a common sense solution to competition in the previous post, I walk here the Self Forgiveness process for the competitive traits that I can see have been the basis of externalizing these desires and make it our capitalist system’s base foundation of selfish intent.

 

Continuing from :

For context on redefining capitalism, read: Day 180: The Word ‘Capitalism’ in ‘Equal Money Capitalism Redefined

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept inequality as an inherent trait existent within us all based on external considerations based on knowledge and information that has turned into positive and negative traits that make ourselves as humans greater or lesser than others, which is a mind process imposed onto physical reality wherein we’ve learned that such disparity is in fact real and a cause to justify one’s living conditions and social standards upon which we identify ‘who we are’ based on ‘what we have’ in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider wits and someone’s knowledge and information a valuable trait that conditions someone to be ‘more’ or ‘less’ than others, which then became a reason to define who gets ‘the most’ and who gets the least, based on patterns of strength and weakness, which indicates that competition in itself stems from the need for survival that we then used to define ‘who we are’ toward each other.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed a comparison point to then become the reference point for me to desire what others have and within this, realizing that the way to obtain it would be through directly competing to aim at the same outcome/ end and in this, within desiring the same thing, the competition is then forcing each one to destroy or subdue one another since no two bodies can get the same thing/ end at the same time, same goes with wanting ‘the most’ wherein such opportunity is not a given thing to everyone equally.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never realize that the one I was fighting against inimically was another part of myself that I was opposing and waging war against based on me desiring to have the most/have that which others wanted as well in order to win and remain as the one that was able to overcome all obstacles and surpass others, which is seen as  a triumph instead of seeing it as the brewing pot of inequality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed competition as a means to strengthen one’s power without realizing that such power is based on having to subjugate others in order to have such position of grandeur as a mastering in reality which is rewarded with money, meaning that the person that plays the game in the most effective way =becomes the winner, but as we have realized, such game is not based on rules that lead to Equality but can only be one is one is willing to abuse and neglect another part of self. This is the basis of the winners in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use competition as a means to aggrandize myself, setting a goal not based on a common sense aim that will make myself a better person as myself and others, but drive such competition in order to continue growing/expanding such power – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of competition a energetic drive to have more than what our general sustenance and conservation requires wherein the Experience of getting more/having more/ conquering/ winning against others was experienced as a powerful act, a powerful experience wherein we stopped seeing common sense and measure, and became a driving force to perpetuate the same powerful experience that winning against others creates.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see this competition as a legitimate way of ‘winning’ and seeing it as a ‘fair game’ without realizing that winning over others, creating is already an accepted disparity that we’ve learned to laureate and denigrate accordingly, becoming one of the inherent flawed self experiences within humanity when realizing that not everyone could be a ‘natural winner’ because we submitted ourselves to playing a game where some had to always be below for a few to be on top.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed a self experience of empowerment when winning a competition which then became an addictive experience, taking pleasure at contemplating one’s conquest and dominion and power which leads to further pursuit of power even through  the one that is already obtained is sufficient, the drive for ourselves as humanity to seek for more power is a disease that has become a pervasive economic system that is existent by default in everyone’s mind now, wherein we learn to continue winning, earning and having more and more and never consider a point of sustainability within such power and dominion, but all excesses instead are pursued, accepted and allowed.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience the contrary of this zealous experience when winning/having it all, and veering toward grief and dissatisfaction when being a ‘lower’ as in having someone else reaching and attaining that which one also desired, without realizing that such negative position is only the counter act of living in a fixed game where there would always be winners and losers based on a set of traits that were not equally existent in every being, instead of us having provided equality to all and within that no ‘goal’ would be existent outside of the common well being, but instead, we supported a minority’s ambitions and dreams and forgot about all of those that by default were not even considered to play the game.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never consider another as an equal-value to myself, but always seeing another as a potential enemy to overcome, a potential grabber of that which I am placing my eye upon which leads to an unspoken fear and rivalry that is accepted and allowed as a ‘fair game’ that has been externalized as a regular comparison and competitive interaction between beings wherein all that matters is one winning, and never really considering a common goal and a common well being.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the word competition implies fighting and rivalry, but instead learned to see it as a way to improve everyone’s living condition, when in fact competition also means the ongoing battle to continually get more and the most of that which others also want and desire, creating a point of  jealousy an justify it as ‘how things work.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify invading, conquering something that I could entitle myself to, wherein such fight or demand for obtaining the best/  the most is now embodied as a reputation that should be ‘maintained’ throughout one’s  time wherein I have lived by the statement that ‘not everyone can attain this,’ and as such, justify it with knowledge and information or physical attributes and experiences that should not take part of defining who one person is, as within this basic principle, all forms of separation then should cease to exist.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to relate wars directly related to competition wherein the ability to invade , have security and protection for my own benefit, justified any damage done onto others in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how competition when lived as a matter of life and death is violent, wherein the outcome is inequality at all times, leading to a constant war against one another, which implies that a constant competition dwindles any opportunity for real freedom and expression, since it means a constant state of survival and fear, which becomes the reality of a fearful and anxious man that we’ve become, fearing each other all the time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to function according to this constant competitive mode against other human beings as a ‘default mode’ wherein I never questioned why I would compare myself to other human beings and generate fear when it came to being ‘less than’ and create a better experience if being ‘more than’ others in my mind, never realizing how I was being the very promoter of competition according to how I learned to act and be around other people, and see them not as team members but as potential competitors that I had to measure at all times to see ‘who I am’ in relation to them. ‘

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moment there is no common sense in our living conditions, as in working together as equals to live in a sustainable manner, competition was the way with which we accepted injustice, disparity and inequality as a usual social condition of man comparing himself onto others and generating a secretive war to win against others, which means that we have never lived in a state of actual peace and common weal when a single man competes against another inimically.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that private property has made competition a  possibility between men in society, wherein everyone fights against one another for the same property, dominion, power over something or someone to get the most and have such ownership define the person as to ‘who he/he is,’ never considering how there cannot be such real entitlement of a piece of land and resources to a single being, since the Earth is of the Earth and we can only adjust ourselves to use it the most convenient and self-supportive manner wherein everyone is equally supported.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire for peace resides in the fear of death, which is what drives all competition ultimately, a desire embodied by positive experiences, a desire to obtain the most, the best not as a self-directive outcome, but the single stance of competition already implies fear to be out of the game/lose the game in this constant war against one another.

 

 

Solution:

I commit myself to live equality as myself as an individual that stops seeing others as enemies and people to surpass in any way, stopping seeing people as enemies and rivals since that indicates an inherent self interest to be ‘more’ than others.

 

I commit myself to live the understanding that a real state of freedom and power can only exist in equality where no men desires what the other has, and to make this statement possible in our current society, we require to establish a state of law that supports this realization of Equality wherein every being is equally supported with money to live as a result of their contribution to maintain and sustain our current system.

 

I commit myself to reform the educational system that includes parenting and school-systems wherein we stop promoting competition based on winning and losing and as such, establish competitions as a constructive self-reference to improve ourselves, our living skills by becoming our own standard of what is best for all.

 

I commit myself to live the realization that as long as I fear another human being, I am recreating fear and as such competition and its extreme which I wars – I direct myself to instead consider common sense as what’s best for all at all times

 

I commit myself to stop the desire to have what another has, since competition i s currently fueled by desires toward that which we don’t have.

 

Rewards:

I realize that the moment that we establish a common ground for all human beings of equal support and equal consideration as a basic living right and law, we will be able to stop fearing each other, stop fighting against each other and stop seeing each other as enemies and this is the only way in which true freedom and peace can exist:when no man fears another based on a state of survival, but instead come to the realization that we can only operate in a functional and sustainable manner if we support each other as equals.

I realize that the moment that we don’t have to ‘sell ourselves’ in order to get the necessary to live, but change the definition of work as a contribution in equality to make of our lives a sustainable system wherein everyone is equally supported the same way that we will support to make of our lives sustainable.

Giving and receiving in Equality means that the only competition available is only toward ourselves in order to better our conditions, to become efficient in our use of the resources, of ourselves as work force and intent in our principled living in common sense.

There is enough for everyone, eradicating scarcity and other beliefs of necessary limitation should be considered only as a remedy to make ourselves aware of what we in fact require to live and what we don’t, in this removing the ‘power’ in itself to own and possess, and instead focus on mutual support to live as equals, a real state of freedom.

Quod tibi fieri non vis, alteri ne feceris: do not do unto others what you do not want done to yourself

 

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

 

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Day 45: Rejoice when Others Fall

How come we haven’t asked ourselves: why do we enjoy and rejoice in seeing others fall?

What’s with our human nature wherein we expect others to fall, in the first place – being waiting for the moment when someone will finally give up and quit whatever point they had committed themselves to and get a ‘good feeling’ out of it, even if you are only an outside spectator of it all. And there’s the other side of the coin when we  as the ‘expected to fall’ individual actually create such ‘fall’ by accepted and allowed thoughts wherein we believe ourselves to be in a quandary, not knowing how to follow, what to do because of having ‘all eyes on you’ = in essence, listening to our voices in the head, the mind as thoughts which will always look for its own ways to continue creating conflict and perpetuating fear.

 

Conflict creates further uncertainty as the experience of ‘fearing to fall,’ which translates to a general unstable experience of ‘losing one’s ground.’  It’s like taking a thread of yarn and knitting it: one single thread suddenly becomes this thick patterned conglomeration that is no longer simple single thread: it becomes something ‘bigger’ – apparently – yet it is still a thread – it would only take walking backwards that knitting until the thread can go back to be rolled up into the one ball of yarn again. Is the knitting more special or more important than the single thread of yarn coming out of the yarn ball? Point to ponder for how we see – reality and how we add ‘value’ to matter according to the work that’s been put to it.

 

From the observer’s perspective, as this single thread gets knitted into being ‘more’ and becoming more intricate and with no apparent way out of it: we are only expecting for the moment for such thread to continue getting further into the maze and have no support to ‘come back’ to the single-thread it was, and instead of anyone caring to say: ‘hey, you are making a mess/maze of yourself, you are over-complicating yourself, it’s the other way around,’ we remain idle even when and while looking at the obvious consequences that can pull anyone to a deep end if there is no support available to make another realize: you are going the wrong way! – where is our neighborism when realizing someone is about to ‘hit the ground’ and not do anything to let them know about it? Careless-ness and actual expectation of seeing another fall to make ourselves ‘better’ by being the ones that ‘remain standing.’ This is what adds up to the mess that we believe some one else ‘staged’ for us – really? Let’s just ask ourselves: who are we within such constant expectation and secret mind desire of seeing someone falling, someone losing, someone being kicked out of some place?

 

Yes, evil in the possession of our very own unconditional flesh. Have a look at entertainment where any form of competition is made a TV reality show and the audience eventually gets more excited about seeing who will lose than who wins or develop and better themselves. We seek tragedy, we like seeing people suffer and be able to judge that from a ‘good standing position.’ Spitefulness toward life that is, carelessness, selfishness as the desire to remain ‘over others,’ wherein we secretly think: great, one mouth less to feed/ one less to fight against in this competition of a dog-eat-dog world.

 

See how far we’ve driven ourselves wherein instead of caring to promote an answer to the problems in this world that WE created, as to point out why and how we are all co-‘manifestators’ of this reality,  we prefer to spread separation and retaliation even further with no solution at all – and no public opinion is prepared to actually carry enough understanding to propitiate actual education about the functioning of our world/ reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience within me as ‘being powerful/ being more than others’ when seeing others fall/ lose/ get lost as this implies that they are ‘les capable/ able/ stable/ committed/ prepared/ enthusiastic/ hard working’ than me – which is then implying that I am seeing everyone as a potential competitor that I must ‘beat’ in order to feel at ease and feel like being ‘winning’ all the time, which is the experience that comes through blame, spite and abuse toward others in other for me to prevail and remain ‘standing’ in contrast to others, which means that I have reduced myself, my life to being only a comparative conglomeration of knowledge and information that has defined its ‘beingness’ according to others’ as reference point, instead of me being my own reference point as to what it is to stand in Self Honesty where our own thoughts, words and deeds demonstrate our own commitment to life – and allow such thoughts, thoughts and deeds to reveal the ‘true nature’ of what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as the mind only, which means that any form of experience gotten from seeing/ realizing how others are living their own lives is simply spitefulness as the ego seeking to get its positive-energy fix in order to remain within the self-created idea of ‘winning.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of expecting someone to fall in order to prove ‘my point’ which is always that of diminishing others to a single pattern of self-defeatism and preprogrammed flaws wherein I have become the very perpetrator and equal abuse when participating in such hideous backchat that is at all times, seeking to win no matter what, seeking to ‘remain on top’ and ‘beat any enemy,’ which means that I have made of myself my own greatest enemy as I am only competing against myself and expecting myself to fall, which implies that the starting point of my beingness is not here as self equal and one – moment by moment – standing a self-willed, but compromised to being defined according to others and using others as a measurable point to see ‘who I am,’ which is absolute self-deception and self-sabotage as there is nothing and no-one I am actually directing such thoughtful experience of ‘expecting others to fall’ but toward myself only.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘who I am’ is able to fall and lose any form of actuals substance in that, wherein all that can be ‘lost’ is the idea that I’ve kept of myself and others in my mind, wherein self-determination in every moment of breath to be here cannot be ‘more’ or ‘less than’ – I realize that I have lived a life wherein a thread of yarn is seen as ‘less than’ an entire sweater, even if the physicality of it is the same, I have placed more value onto the ‘over-wrought’ idea of who I am, while neglecting the fact that the only physicality of it is a single thread of yarn. Within this I realize that I have participated in the value-system that separates life into energy that can be either positive, negative or neutral according always seeking to be ‘the best/ the unbeatable’ as that ultimate positive experience that can only stem from this initial point of conflict as the separation accepted and allowed toward others, and seeing ‘others’ as separate from self, which is only the mind’s ego asserting its specialness in the name of self-glorification as the illusion of ‘winning.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe and be conditioned by the thought ‘all eyes are on me’ wherein I allow myself to compromise myself, my own standing here as it being ‘something’ for others, instead of realizing that with me standing in self-trust and supporting me in the most optimum way, I am simply able to expand that point of support for others in equality, wherein there is no special-generation of satisfaction ‘toward’ others, but remain self-honest in supporting me and share as to extend that same realization in equality.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to victimize me within thinking that ‘all eyes are expecting me to fall’ wherein I eventually would retreat and ‘get away’ from the spotlight because of believing that ‘I was not able to keep up with it,’ and in that sabotaging myself by having actually heard the voices in my head that were constantly threatening me/ me threatening myself to exist in constant fear, anxiety and paranoia of not being able to follow my schedules, routine and doing things ‘my way,’ wherein I instead allow me to go to the extreme opposite of apparently ‘not caring/ being careless’ which is just a mind’s justification to make my own insecurity, my own self doubt as an experience that was triggered ‘by others’ instead of taking self-responsibility for my own creation at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of ‘falling’ and projecting that onto others when ‘expecting others to fall’ in order to only prove ‘who I am’ as being ‘always right/ being self righteous’ which allows me to then feel better/ more than/ positive about ‘me remaining standing’ which means that any form of competition, rivalry, comparison is just another ingrained aspect of our human behavior in order to survive and participate in the survival of the fittest to make sure that we ‘make our space’ in the dog eat world, wherein we are taught from a very early age that we will be competing and striving to ‘make a living’ for an entire lifetime, without realizing that if we are able to give this to ourselves unconditionally, our entire starting point of human relationships will change as there will be no more energetic dependence as money, actual resources and competition of ideas of self, as all will have an ability to live in dignity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the value-system imposed onto life, wherein I am able to compare myself against others, without realizing that each one’s lives are determined by specific aspects/ contexts that cannot possibly be ‘the same’ in two beings – therefore I realize that any thought related to a positive or negative polarity projected onto another, is simply me as ego, as personality seeking to survive and thrive upon bashing/ diminishing/ proving others wrongs as a way to prove ‘to others’ and myself that ‘I am better/ I can adapt quicker’ which implies that I have reduced my beingness, the physicality of who I am to a single idea that competes and opposes others for the sake of creating enough friction/ conflict in spite, blame and justification in order for me to be able to say: ‘I told you so, I was right’ which is just another egotistical confirmation that ‘I am my mind only’ which is the very brick of self-abuse that must be stopped at all times within myself, and stop projecting such ideas upon others in a constant manner as to be able to ‘have things working my way’ instead of always considering what is best for all life to live and stand as, wherein all beings are equally committed to develop themselves to their utmost potential and no more accept and allow seeds of anger, blame, retaliation and competition to exist.

 

I realize that within me being the point that stops ‘thinking’ about myself as an ‘ideal’ to uphold in relation to others, this point of survivalism as constant competition ends.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to perpetuate this monetary system that exists as imposed values onto ourselves/ who we are as one and equal in the name of our personal positive experience wherein our very nature is revealed as that of spite, abuse and constant competition in order for me to obtain my glory, attention and deification of who I am as personality/ energy/ ego as the mind through values that are translated into being successful/ surviving in this system wherein life is neglected and all that remains is money for one’s own personal power and glorification.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself t deny support to another just because of wanting to ‘see them fall’ and get my positive experience out of it, which is plain evil yet this is how the mind actually operates wherein we would rather see someone hanging from a cliff and get a kick out of it instead of unconditionally moving ourselves as equals wherein such extreme would not even exist as we would prevent at all times another from even getting close to the cliff, as I realize that the only one that I am spiting, abusing and excusing is myself as my own ego – thus, at all times when and I see myself waiting to see someone fall, I realize that I am only exerting the evil nature that I am here to correct, in the name of who we are as one and equal wherein all ego, all desires to win and be ‘above others’ is stopped at the very insinuation that implies seeing another fall for our own benefit and ‘position,’ rather than unconditionally supporting to walk as equals and realize that anything that leads us to ‘fall’ is self-created at a mind level = it is not who we really are and are able to stop, self forgive, correct it and make sure we do not allow ourselves to be defeated by our own participation in the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to believe that we were born to compete and strive to get ‘the most of the cake’ within this world, wherein the ‘fall’ from another would signify one more chance for me to ‘make it’ and ‘be on top’ and ‘be the winner,’ which is only the consequence and outflow of our current monetary system that is implying that we cannot possibly exist as equals as that would imply the very death of our ideal of specialness, superiority, power and control over others, which is precisely what must be stopped in order for life in equality to be established as a living principle at all times toward all living beings in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see competition as a form of entertainment wherein I haven’t realized that I actually enjoy and get a positive experience out of seeing someone fall and get kicked-out/ lose as a way to vicariously experience the triumph in an imaginary way which is what the media’s purpose is about: generating experiences within the mind at the safety of your own couch.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that who I am in this very desire of seeing someone fall is the absolute possession of evil as the evil nature of my own mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, wherein all that mattered is my own survival as ‘the winner’ as the one that is ‘always right’ and in this, seeing another’s fall as another triumph of my own expectations and prejudices toward others being ‘confirmed’ as ‘real,’ because of deeming the mind as something predictable and people as predictable patterns, without realizing that I am obviously within them mind also a predictable pattern that is only seeking to continue existing as that ‘self-righteous winner’ personality at the expense of the suffering and discomfort and actual disgrace that any fall may entail within a being’s life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate the fall/ the death of someone as ‘more space for me’ within the world, which is implying the ultimate self interest wherein I create only a mind relationship toward those that ‘fall’ and ‘who I am’ as one and equal is nowhere to be found, otherwise I would realize that only one that I have been spiting and separating myself from is: myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever consume myself within having constant thoughts of competition, rivalry, jealousy toward others wherein I am only ‘expecting them to fall’ so that I can finally get over with the constant conflict and be ‘alright’ again, ‘safe’ in my mind-throne, instead of realizing that I am able to stand as equal to anyone in this reality without having to create any form of rivalry, as this is only indicating that myself as the ego of the mind is wanting to exert its influence and abuse over life, which is unacceptable and I realize that it is in my hands and will the ability to stop this and any other form of separation that emerges and originates at  a through level – therefore

 

When and as I see myself participating in the very initial thoughts of comparison, jealousy, competition,  judgment toward others’ words, deeds, actions and already implying that they are ‘wrong’ and ‘I do it better,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this pattern leads to the self-righteous spiteful act of rejoicing when others fall, which is part of the building blocks of this current monetary system that is standing as the image and likeness of who we are as survivors, as constant opponents that only seek to ‘win’ to ‘thrive’ in this world, while neglecting the actual oneness and equality of life that we actually exist as. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a world wherein the reflection of y own desire to survive, win, be on top and in control of all is manifested as public opinion wherein rejoicing in another’s fall is a usual way of ‘having fun’ and gaining some power over others within our minds by the ability to laugh at their mistakes, falls and personal life problems – which is what political gossip, entertainment industries and any other form of media thrives upon. This implies that I have created an entire industry out of my own evil nature that is seeking to see others fall, ridicule themselves, make mistakes, reveal their ‘true nature’ – while ignoring that the only ‘true nature’ is the one that is able to pay for/ buy/ consume such type of entertainment as a way to make ourselves feel ‘good’ for a moment in the safety of our own room.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to proliferate an industry based on sensationalism wherein the reader is voyeuristically entertaining themselves through the stories/ images that depict the fall, the ridicule, the abject depiction of reality and create a ‘good experience’ of it by deeming it as entertainment, which is and has become one of the most profitable and abusive industries within entertainment, which reveals what makes the masses content is seeing another fall/ fail and ridicule themselves which proves that: this world is the undeniable creation of every single thought, backchat, spitefulness, judgment, comparison and competition that we form as Added Values to a reality that is simply physical and that should Not be subject of any form of lucre – yet it exists as a lucrative business due to the nature that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as. Therefore, all abuse begins and ends with ourselves.

 

I commit myself to stop all forms of thinking/ backchatting in relation to expecting others to fall in order to prove myself ‘right’ and feel good about it, as I realize that this is the very nature of a system that we have accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ which is promoting the principle of divide and conquer as the way to perpetuate the illusion of power and control over others – I realize that it is only through each one of us committing ourselves to stop as this constant projection of self-interest as the desire to always  win, be on top, be powerful and  in control of others that we can establish an equal and one relationship from the realization that who we are as physical beings can coexist in  equality without requiring to fight against each other to live – within this

 

I commit myself to create and establish a world system wherein Life is the only value that exists wherein no more survivalism will perpetuate the constant strive to live, fight to be ‘on top’ and exist in any form of self-righteous ‘power over others,’ as this will be proven to be the illusion and delusion of our mind as ‘our nature’ that sought to be always ‘more’ than who and what we already are as one and equal. This implies that reality as a living-physicality does not require to fight against each other to thrive, it is only the mind that seeks constant conflict in order to gain the most energy from it to continue existing and perpetuating itself as the occupier of this physical reality – which only implies that I commit myself to give myself back to myself all the relationships of separation that I have created as my mind, as the nature of ‘who I am’ as the result of the initial separation that I chose to ‘live’ within my exertion of self-righteousness over matter, over the physical – of which the consequences are now being visibly realized by all participants in this world.

 

I commit myself to reveal how it is that it is absolutely possible to exist as equals the moment that all forms of separation is stopped within our own minds, which implies that I walk the process to first stop me as my own backchat and participation in any form of comparison and projected superiority/ inferiority toward others in order to be able to stand in equality with other human beings walking the same process in order to finally stand as the new human nature that we all want to be and exist as, once that we have freed ourselves from our own cage that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as in/ as our own minds.

 

I commit myself to expose the evil nature of our beingness that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become that rejoices in seeing others fall, in ridiculing and mocking others in the name of personal power wherein the only statement that is being presented is ‘I only feel good about myself when seeing others’ misery within falling’  and exposing the great profit that such vicarious entertainment is generating in this world, which proves that we would rather enjoy seeing others’ misery than walking a process to stop such evil nature and dare ourselves to become the point that stops any form of abuse toward another in the name of ‘personal power’ that can only exist as a form of abuse using the very life that keeps us breathing/ alive in the name of a mindfuck that gives a temporary kick as pleasure, as an addiction that we have all been consumed with/ and gotten money from.

 

I realize that the mind is able to be re-programmed, re-educated in order to serve life, serve all as equals wherein we act, speak and do that which is at all times considering life in equality – who am I as one and equal, which implies that there is no way to further continue our own separation if we are only directing ourselves according to the physical reality that is here to work with in tangible and physical matters that pertain all in this reality.

Thus, to stop the con-fusion and self-doubt that is experienced within a world wherein everything is just lies to make money, we have to make ourselves our own point of self-direction through developing common sense in a proper structure of self-support,  such as walking the Desteni I Process  as a lifetime commitment to Learn How to Live and start stopping the usual nastiness that comes when seeing others as ‘more’ than ourselves and waiting them to fall so that we, in our secret mind – can always end up winning against others. The only way to stop seeing your fellow human as an enemy is through walking the opposition and discord existent within ourselves, individually toward ourselves  through writing, applying self forgiveness and developing self-honesty to finally start living in consideration of who we are as one and equal.

Dare to expose the real evil in you as it is only through revealing to each other the very ‘secrets’ in our minds, that we can stop that binding bondage to our own damnation that emerges from a single thought that we accept in the name of personal power and identification – thus, through making ourselves aware of this, we are able to start getting to know ‘who we are’ within seeing others fall, who we are within participating in gossip, who we are within watching media/ news that make fun of politicians – who we are within bashing others in the name of personal glorification as ‘knowing better,’ while neglecting the fact that life has no preference, life has no value, life is not knowledge and life will never exist in a mind that believes itself to be superior to anything or anyone in this reality.

 

It’s Life’s way now.

 

Desteni

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2012 Instant Gratification

This is part of the stuff that we share and walk at the Desteni forum, which is how we support each other to open up points that we can cross-reference in relation to ‘how we function as individuals’ within this reality, within a system that we have created as a reward-system wherein we sometimes get to experience ourselves within a ‘game’ of sorts wherein you must struggle in order to merely survive and ‘thrive’ within it, which is the entire pursuit of happiness mechanism that we are induced to by our parents, teachers, school systems, media, friends, society in general as a reflection of how we have equated ‘living’ to ‘experiences’ – commonly associated with ‘buying an experience’ and being instantly satisfied with it, only to seek for more after a while. That’s feeding only the mind’s cravings there.

 

So the following belongs to Cam Mantia in his writings within the forum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a quick fix to bringing about a change in myself to stand as equality and oneness – I realize that the mind moves quickly and jumps from time to time and does not remain here; I have gotten so used to the immediate gratification of the mind that I had forgotten that this reality is currently time based and requires time to play and out and to be lived here in breath.

 

That point of Self Forgiveness opened up the ‘instant gratification points here’ where we have equated this process to something that will be giving us some ‘bliss’ or ‘glory’ as having and experiencing an instant change or have a drive-thru fulfilling experience of stopping a particular pattern or habit. Within this consumerist society, we have forgotten that doing things actually takes space, time and effort to get something done. We’ve become so used to only handing out money in order to get what’s available in the store – and in that, we definitely alienate ourselves from the production process that is behind that ‘finished product.’

 

 

So the mind moving quickly and wanting to get things done asap, is a definitive pattern I have walked and I am currently working with as well, though I had not linked it to a sense of gratification or ‘props’ for my ego until  I started writing about it within a mind construct wherein I have linked ‘effectiveness’ to rushing, wanting to get things done in an almost anxious manner wherein I have not allowed myself to step down a notch from my usual ‘drive’ – which is energetic in nature – instead of walking point by point in the physical, here, at the physical breath pace.

 

The interesting thing is that I tend to judge capitalism and its production mechanisms wherein the fastest something is produced = the better, the quicker, the more satisfying and ‘ultimately fulfilling’ something is, as that is translated to profit and ‘power’ for whoever holds it in such case. At a personal mind-level, I work the same way, wherein being and perceiving myself as ‘fast and accurate’ is translated to feeling instantly and ‘inadvertently’ gratified with having accomplished something.

I recognize that I have deliberately applied myself in stopping any feeling as a the fluffy ego-props this point of ‘efficiency’ can be equated to –  as it is within the application of humbleness wherein anything we do/ say/ accomplish is not taken as a trophy, but seen and realized for the practicality of it.  I had a history of reacting when getting public recognition as in getting embarrassed about it – later on realizing that I was playing in fact the opposite role as well within seeking recognition, which I have written about in the past and how it was the first aspect that Bernard pointed out to me the day I got to the farm, lol that was cool. Since then, I have realized that I can acknowledge these points that I have walked-through and applied, recognize them for what they are and stopping ‘adding on’ to the personal record. This is then living each moment with its realization and moving on – clear- no keeping track of the personal record.

 

How did I get to that realization? Well, we don’ require to keep a record of ourselves as that would be in essence having to ‘load’ an entire lifetime-achievement and keeping it as ‘who we are’ in every moment – which is how the ego is formed – instead of realizing that if there is an actual self-realization, we integrate it as ourselves in the moment, without having to boast about it or make ourselves feel ‘better’ or ‘bad’ for having done or realized something – thus we understand that through self-forgiveness we give ourselves back to ourselves wherein no ‘more or less than’ exist, wherein we equalize ourselves to the points that we walk as our very own living application, which is seeing and realizing that we cannot possibly get somewhere/ become more or ‘achieve’ something in separation of ourselves – there is nothing to ‘earn’ or ‘lose’ – only points to realize and align within the principle of what is best for all.

 

That’s how I realized I was ‘keeping a record/ score’ of lifetime achievements and ‘loading that up’ as the idea of myself – once we stop defining ourselves according to ‘what we have done/ who we were/ how we have lived’ as the past, we give ourselves a blank slate to remain with the basic and supportive points that we have integrated as part of us integrating self-direction as a living-decision.

I also  discovered this when writing out a mind construct – I share some self corrective statements that contain the exposed above:

 

When and as I see myself rushing within my world in an idea of rushing = ‘being efficient’ I stop, I breathe. I realize that this is a copied-pattern within the belief that through rushing I will feel ‘good’ about having done something in the fastest and most accurate way when in reality, I am only ‘playing a game’ against time, against others wherein I perceive ‘the rest’ as ‘slow’ and ‘inefficient.’ I stop following this self-belief of having to rush through everything I do as a point of self-definition that makes me feel ‘good’ about myself/ feel ‘more than’ which are experiences created as a positive thinking within my personal record of lifetime achievements. Lol

 

When and as I see myself doing things from the starting point of ‘rushing’ and ‘getting it done as fast as possible’ – I stop and I breathe. I realize that doing things the fastest way is not an actual way of living here as breath at the physical pace, but existing as a constant energetic rush at a mind level. Thus, I direct myself to do things at the pace that it is required wherein I am aware of my movements being self-directive and not out of ‘rushing’ – the same with my breathing-pace wherein there is nothing to ‘compete’ or ‘achieve’ within buying groceries, but simply getting what’s required and that’s it.


Just in case you were wondering about the ‘buying groceries’ point, that’s part of a mind construct on going to the supermarket experience and getting  ‘as fast as I can’ in and out of it in order to achieve the ultimate task of buying groceries in the most ‘fast and accurate way’ lol! There’s a LOT more than what meets the eye when walking a single event through writing in such specific ways as we do within doing mind constructs, it’s fascinating. And this point is definitely related to some of this instant gratification point which becomes our current ‘living in the fast lane’ type of lifestyles, wherein some people have dared to say ‘we barely have time to think’ – but I would say that it is the other way around, we think too much, we consume too much, we rush too much within the almost embedded idea that ‘time is money.’ And just to give another perspective on the self corrective statements, the ‘acquired pattern’ is in relation to taking my father as a reference from whom I have copied this pattern/ habit, which makes it fascinating to see how we acquire all our ‘personal quirks’ from seemingly mundane events like ‘going to the supermarket with my father’ – fascinating stuff that you get to walk through the Desteni I Process.

 

I’ll leave it up to here for now, there’s many cool points that open up when looking at ‘instant gratification’ as the mind’s tendency to seek for quick fixes to fulfill the very programming that we have created for ourselves, to keep ourselves busy ‘up there’ while perceiving that breathing and being here is ‘wasting time’ or that we should be ‘doing something’ – it’s time to walk a process of balancing our day wherein we give ourselves time for ourselves, to write, to reflect on who we are every day, what we participate in and also remaining effective and directive within any physical work/ task that we require to give direction to as part of our daily reality.

 

There’s an entire aspect of the instant gratification based on our consumerist society, wherein we have all become addicts seeking the next fix – and we have to be quite aware that within this process there is certainly nothing to ‘earn’ or ‘accomplish’ that can make us ‘more’ in any way whatsoever. It is essentially only adjusting ourselves to the reality and living-principle that we should have always existed as, and it is only now that we are able to walk ourselves through our writings and Self-Forgiveness in Self Honesty in order to demystify our eternal ego-competition toward ourselves and everyone else that has a mind in this world – within this, we hold the actual power to stop an entire system of profit that is based on satisfying these very ideas of getting experiences as props for our personal score/ ego, as a lifetime achievement of experiences that we can then hold on as ‘who we are.’ We are the creators = we are able to correct chasing after experiences and ‘points’ to add to our board, and within that, stopping the cog wheels that are keeping the current system alive.

 

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If 'Survival of the Fittest' is true, is is the Marketer who is King - Selling the belief that the Freedom to pursue Self-Interest is not Enslavement to Consumerism

This time I feature Jeanne’s creation because it suits our current ‘living mentality’– lol – and the instant gratification point as the fuel that keeps this current system of zombies that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become. The quote says it all

 

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