Tag Archives: maras

55: Criminals: The By-product of Rotten-Families

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring children into this world out of fear of ending up alone, instead of actually realizing the responsibility that it is entailed within making sure that such being grows up in a supportive environment wherein I can actually establish proper communication that will define the child’s relationship to themselves, their parents and the entire world as society/ the world system. Within this, making sure that I stand as an example for them to follow within the principle of what it is to be a human being that is Self-Responsible and considerate toward all other beings, within the understanding that everything and everyone in this world is Myself as well.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have the utmost care to the words I speak toward any other human being, wherein I have disregarded the long-lasting and often poignant effect that words imprint on another person, wherein instead of sharing words that are supportive for another as self-support, self-realization, self-respect and self-honesty, I have allowed myself to give suggestions, words, advices and beliefs and instilled fears. self hate and self-deprecation that limit the being’s experience and expression from the moment that such words are uttered with no self-awareness and out of a personal experience of anger, frustration and general irritation toward myself, which I hadn’t allowed myself to first sort out as the relationship with Me, and stopping myself/ placing a guard in front of my mouth every time that I see myself wanting to exert my anger, frustration and general dissatisfaction with life toward my children, animals, my neighbors and everyone in this world that comes to encounter me as a tornado that is willing to destroy everything around it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship of spitefulness, retaliation and general hatred toward my very own children, wherein instead of being able to communicate, know everything about each other – we become enemies, speaking nasty things of each other behind our backs, fearing being judged by each other, bringing up ‘our shit’ and ending up a usual interaction in never-ending spiteful acts of vengeance and blame that ensue guilt and remorse after a while, wherein after all the storm of anger, yelling, shouting, hitting and spitting waters down as tears of shame and sadness for what we have become, a human race divided by words, by thoughts, experiences that we all have accepted and allowed to exist within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utter the words ‘let the fucker do whatever he/she wants with his/her life’ as the words from a parent that indicate the dissociation of self-responsibility toward children once that they are ‘grown up’ at the eyes of a system, as the ultimate words of self-loathing and giving up to realize that my responsibility toward another being that I brought into this world begins and ends till I end or they end within a lifetime.  In this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how poisonous my words are when spoken out of fear, anger, spite, blame and justification in order to not realize that any major problem with my children indicates that I missed a step toward them, that I didn’t place enough attention to them as myself, because: I had not even cared to first establish myself as a point of Self-Responsibility toward my own life, my relationship with myself, with others and the world as a whole, simply because no one ever taught me this – and for that, I realize that the manifested consequences of generational abuse and disregard from parents to children, has been the very source and core of the current manifestation that we are living in as ‘this world’ that is obviously a mirror everywhere of every point that we missed and disregarded to take care of in Equality as Life, because we had not even considered Life or Equality ever before in our reality, but were only busy trying to ‘make a living’ and trying to ‘make our lives work’ in a world where money dictates the amount of time I have toward taking care of my children, the amount of money I have to provide proper food, education, healthcare and entertainment that is recreational and self-supportive, not numbing and ensuing further drug addictions as the child grows up in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to provide money for my children as a way to compensate for the lack of time that I spent with them, that I simply left them ‘be’ and get ‘educated’ by the school system, by the TV and other friends that were equally left alone at home, finding out ‘what the world is about’ through the internet, through TV as entertainment that is specifically designed with words, pictures and ideas-of-self that, with no reference and constant direction from the parents – install the blueprints of a wrecked generation that will consume as a synonym of living, that will want to work to buy all the products that are constantly advertised as the ‘solution to all problems/ the key to happiness’ in this world – and within that, becoming the very acceptance of a world wherein life is nowhere to be found, but only surviving, fighting, cheating and day-dreaming become a constant way to exist, always desiring to escape, to ‘get a better life’ which always – in most cases – end up in extreme conditions of licentiousness wherein lies are said in the name of money, wherein crimes are committed in the name of seeking a ‘piece of heaven’ because there was no guidance and example of the parents to explain how to live and how to ‘survive’ in a world of wolves wearing sheep clothes, where no respect toward life has ever existed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only through the use of force as hitting, screaming, punishing and verbally denigrating another will they ‘learn their lesson’ as to how to behave, what to do, what not do – without realizing that this is the basis of family violence that will only damage the relationships of all beings present in such moment, to such an extent that all participants will replay and re-enact the same acts of violence within any other realm of their reality, which is how youngsters/ the children learn how to ‘cope with reality’ in the ‘tough way,’ because ‘toughness’ is all they have ever known. Within this, joining gangs and ‘brotherhoods’ wherein the tougher and stronger you are to commit crimes, torturing and having promiscuous sex is seen as the basic initiation to become part of a ‘trustworthy’ being within such gangs, which literally mark a being for an entire lifetime dedicated to survive through the ‘harsh means’ because ‘harshness,’ ‘toughness,’ are the qualities that are imprinted as an immediate relationship of the child/ youngster toward the world, wherein marginalization as the very low-income environment they are born into permeates and defines who they will be for an entire lifetime, wherein crime is almost a certainty to be able to ‘make it’ in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an absent parent that leaves the child to ‘do as they please’ and hang out with people that are equally willing to retaliate toward ‘the world’ and ‘the system’  with no consideration at all, because they were not given any consideration at all as life, which makes us all equally responsible for having sustained an entire human-civilization based on abuse, because that is the only thing that is produced whenever there is inequality in the distribution of the resources/ money in the world, wherein it is more than obvious that everyone that is not able to get the necessary to live, will brew anger/ hatred toward their parents, family, friends and society as a whole, becoming the result of a collective negligence that is generated from the very moment that a child is born in a world wherein the parents have no proper education, no proper household, no proper income to support a child for a lifetime – hence children are born into this world and left to be ‘educated by the system’ which is equally flawed the moment that such education is only existent according to the community, state, country’s general economical standard, within this dooming entire generations because of there not being proper living-quality support at home, at school and in the general environment as society – which indicates that

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be absolutely responsible for every single criminal in this world due to not having considered that a criminal can only exist if I don’t provide the necessary resources and services that can dignify every single being’s life on Earth, which implies that we are all equally responsible for every being that is currently in jail, as they are there for several reasons that stem from improper family education, no school/ poor incentives to go to school, no proper food/ health care, no safe environment to live in, no living support from any ‘authority’ within a system because such marginalized areas in society are the byproduct of a society that has thrived upon the deliberate maiming the development of large amounts of population that will have little to no-access to money to provide proper support for themselves, their children, their environment – which will push them to be willing to do/ perform any type of job in the name of survival, with no other way to survive other than resorting to such low-end jobs and some others, resorting to criminal activities that are not only driven by a definitive ‘need’ but also by and through the accumulation of spite, anger, resentment and a sense of vindicating their right to ‘be spiteful’ toward the system that has Not taken care of them unconditionally and equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear criminals that are actually the exact mirror and reflection of myself as all the aspects wherein I have neglected unconditional living support in all areas that we know and realize can create a human being that is willing to support each other as life. Within this I realize that criminals are not ‘bad’ people but the result of my own evil that has deliberately denied any form of support that can teach them how to live, provide them with enough money/ resources as a physical demonstration of actual care given to all in Equality.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that sending ‘criminals’ to prison is simply shoving away the problem that is My responsibility, My creation in all ways the moment that I had done Nothing to support all beings equally, as I see and realize that ‘they’ are the result of my own negligence to support beings to develop in safe, healthy and supportive environments which begins with the parents that are usually Not ready, not even considering what it will actually entail to bring a child into this world that is existent only in a survival mode –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that prisons are ‘reforming people,’ without actually realizing that it only reinforces the sense of detachment and rejection within themselves toward a system, wherein they join together as a group that is marginalized in society, as a criminal record is a life-long stigma that is impossible to erase, just as a scar that they will have to bear with their entire lifetime, no matter how much they want to change and support themselves – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue accepting a system that is willing to place ‘the mark of the beast’ onto beings that have been ‘reckless’ and ‘violent’ and ‘disobedient’ toward a world-system based on lies, abuse, corruption and the  abuse of the deliberately crafted ‘disempowered ones’ which is nothing else but the result of accepting a system of inequality as ‘myself,’ as ‘who I am’ and have become – never realizing that all that they are actually wanting and needing is proper self-support as they all have that equal inherent desire to Live and ‘make it’ in this world, which implies that within the Equal Money System we will be able to finally give to all beings a reason to support themselves, as life, as they will be unconditionally supported as well for the very first time in this civilization’s history.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moment that I condemn any criminal is in fact condemning myself and all the extensive amount of factors that shape the various types of criminals that we are facing in our world in an ever growing rate nowadays, until we all realize what we are doing to ourselves and actually Stop, forgive ourselves and us that are in relatively comfortable and ‘steady’ positions within this world, take the responsibility to restore a common-sensical way of living wherein All beings are equally supported as Life.

 

I commit myself to expand this common sensical awareness wherein we can begin to see ‘criminals’ and ‘criminal activities’ not as spawns of hell, but as spawns of our very own nature as the Evil that has always existed in and as ourselves, that has been the starting point of ourselves living in a system wherein Life is turned into money, a survival system of separation, wherein the only brotherhoods stand together in means of defense against others, instead of actually standing as the brotherhood of man, the unification of man that we are here to show and reveal is possible once that we remove the survival system as our current capitalist system and eradicate poverty in this world through providing equal support for all.

 

I commit myself to show how human beings that are deemed and tagged as criminals are in fact able to be supported and reformed once that unconditional support is given through establishing a Basic Income Grant and later on, an Equal Money System wherein once that survivalism is not the modus vivendi of beings, we can focus on educating ourselves, preparing ourselves to become the pillars that will stand as support for the time when there is a population to re-educate to learn how to live in Equality, to remove the fears that endless generations have endured as a way to survive and ‘make it through’ in a system that never regarded life, but only money.

 

I commit myself to prove to anyone that is deliberately neglecting and judging the Equal Money System how it is through such spitefulness and egotistical assessment that we are keeping a rotten society in place, deliberately extending the time of suffering and absolute abuse toward all beings that are the byproduct of a unequal system that is not supporting them unconditionally.

 

I commit myself to reveal how it is possible to stop all criminal activities once that everyone is supported with money to live, have a dignified living from birth to death

 

Read and vote on our proposals at the Equal Money System website, learn to care about others’ lives through supporting you first, through studying reality and daring to hear those that we have conveniently banned from our reality, without realizing the context from which they are stemming.

 

I commit myself to support beings that have been deliberately marginalized in society out of fear of ‘who they are’ and show that ‘who they are’ is the result of who we have become as a whole in a world-rotten-system that has turned life into money and survival.

 

For Self Support:

Desteni 

Desteni Forum

Demonology 

Desteni I Process to Educate yourself to be an example of what Living in Equality implies.

 

Featured Blog:

Crime’s Journey to Life

 

Blogs:

 

Becoming Aware of the Words we Speak and Parental education:

 

Life Review: the reflection of who we have become in this world:

 

Understanding the World System of Money and How we are all directly responsible for the poverty, starvation and ‘criminals’ in this world:


2012 The hard and soft veneers

While listening to Life Review: Keeping Quiet I saw how I was tensing my body, and my muscles were contracting and certain memories passed through my mind, specifically when he mentioned the point of  fearing conflict which was one of the reasons why I played-out and created a ‘nice person’ personality so that I could be the ‘neutral’/ stand in the middle road in all situations and be in a ‘safe zone’, be accepted which means not being opposed/contradicted, not to create any ‘enemies’ which I developed a fear for in terms of having being sort of bullied early on at school and not knowing what to do/ how to react to that, suppressing an entire shock and pretending that I didn’t care.

Interesting, this just came up as I am writing here, I hadn’t even considered that I have in fact played out both characters out of the same ‘fear of conflict.’ I created a ‘strong hold’ personality as well out of fear. This just came up as I remembered stuff like one girl wanting to asphyxiate me in the classroom, it was sort of in a ‘playing mode’ but still it affected me at the level of not knowing how to react/ what to do in such moments. She was one of my ‘best friends’ at the time. Events like these and being picked at for being a ‘smart ass’ early on in elementary school lead me to have my personal-support  coaching to ‘stand up and be stronger,’ which were words mostly provided by my mother which were ‘cool’ at the time to create a defensive mechanism of ‘I am not affected by others words toward myself’ – yet never getting an actual understanding of how or why they would react in such a way and how I simply didn’t have to participate within such judgments allowing that to obfuscate myself and create an entire experience within me.

That’s when I started developing a personality of being ‘tough’ or keeping a certain stance wherein I made sure ‘no one was able to fuck with me’ and this developed as early as elementary school into puberty.  A point that I played out in certain situations – standing within this same ‘tough/ superiority’ role is that I would deliberately test myself getting involved in opinionated conversations in school, just to prove my point right and within that, inflate my ego as this personality, which turned into superiority wherein I would then ‘not give a fuck about anyone else in this world’ because I was apparently ‘above that’/ not able to be affected. 

Now that I look at it, I’ve actually walked both polarities on and off.
One was the personality that I lived earlier in my life which is the one I have described as ‘being above it all,’ staring  at everyone with a blank-face in an ‘I don’t give a reverend fuck’ type of mode. This was also linked to what I’ve shared these past posts of believing myself to be a victim of this world, ‘not belonging here’ and having to deal with ‘stupid humans’ (playing out the superiority complex)– because that is exactly the type of thoughts I had to create in order to not exist ‘in fear’ toward other human beings. This is how I would judge and automatically ‘see’ everyone around me, wherein only those that shared the same views upon people/ this world would be the people I would hang out with – which were about 2, lol.

And as I’ve been walking this point, I can say that this is part of the physical corrections I am still walking I mean, it’s become quite a ‘way of carrying myself in this world’ wherein I would get feedback from others in how I seem to be a grumpy person all the fucking time, when I don’t ‘see’ myself as it, yet this personality has been recorded at such a physical level that I have to be completely Here, aware of myself as my breath to see how I am walking, how I am experiencing my physical body, how I am either frowning or tensing my jaw line when and while walking in the  street, stopping all instant-judgments that I would generate to virtually anyone, all in the same type of ‘shade’ as in belittling others while pretending to be ‘above that’ – yet living such belittling point within myself as an actual ‘nature’ that lead me to develop a ‘strong hold’ as a personality, a ‘hard veneer’ to present to this world, to not be vulnerable, to avoid being hurt = to avoid conflict at all cost.

The other side of the coin was later on becoming the ‘nice personality.’ It’s fascinating to look back at these two faces/ phases of my life which were clearly marked by the type of people I held as friends. Actually now that I see those two friends represented both poles – oh was it such a bomb when they lived together, it was like merging heaven and hell and me stuck in limbo. Eventually I could not keep up with both and had to ‘leave’ the friendship that supported this first aspect of playing out the strong-hold superior type of personality, the gloomy-dark times of absolute pessimism, depression and self judgment wherein I definitely resorted to paint, write and read a lot of books that would equally support this personality.  I can relate to what the man tells in this life review in terms of guarding his books like a treasure, I did the same and I was so ‘content’ with my little bubble of books, cd’s and paintings.

Back to ‘the other side of the coin’ aspect, the ‘glowing’ façade  I experienced in my late teens when having some sort of ‘spiritual awakening’ lol, changing my all black wardrobe to absolute flamboyant pieces of clothing that matched a ‘new perspective’ on life which I deemed to be ‘healthier’ and ‘full of positivity’ – I really thought of myself having ‘found the way’ while seeking some form of ‘higher purpose/ mission in life’ and presenting myself to people with this ever lasting smile, being servile, being ‘loyal’, being ‘positive’ about life, having a ‘good time’ apparently while smoking the hell away to suppress what I was in fact experiencing and still existing-as, without having had any actual direction to see how I was only creating the exact opposite of my past to apparently ‘wipe it out’ only keeping the same point in place but with a new mask that had to eventually blow out as well.

Now, I mention this ‘positive façade’ because in my mind I became very aware how I didn’t want people to antagonize me, I sought for their approval and the only way was making sure that they liked me/ accepted me = they weren’t able to tease me/ oppose me and that’s how I created a rather ‘happy’ person as a presentation of myself,  which ensured that I got everyone’s ‘appreciation’ and no one would dare to become an ‘enemy’ = fearing conflict. I can see how whenever I deemed someone to not like me, I would immediately react toward such being, which was only me projecting the inner fears that I never dealt-with in fact, because I was just covering-up all the fear with a nice benevolent and meek personality, suppressing the hell that I realized later on I had absolutely ‘blacked out’ from my experience through using weed. Yes, this I only got to know of because of all the writings I’ve kept for over 10 years now, wherein the mind-experience would come out, only to eventually forget about it all the next day. It was quite a shock for me to see how in my mind I link that time of my life as ‘glowing happy years,’ yet in fact they were also hell as I continued experiencing a constant inner-struggle and discomfort in my own skin that I simply managed to  suppress more and more all the time. This became unsustainable and it all burnt out to ashes the moment I found Desteni – thank Anu for that, otherwise fuck knows where and what I would be doing now.

The latter personality is still able to be spotted in my first vlogs wherein a bubbly personality comes-through while letting through at times the actual ‘inner experience’ that I was only covering up, which was exactly the  type of walking contradictions we have become as human beings when fighting against ourselves in our mind, and living a double life within ourselves and toward the world. Yes, complete schizophrenics, but we’re here walking our corrective process.

 

So, this point of the ‘nice person’ is still playing out at times, yet asserting myself as I go. When I was at the farm I would react whenever I would see/ hear conflict. This became so obvious to me at some point and it was so cool to face it in one definitive scenario wherein Bernard just spotted it like that:  ‘You Fear Conflict!’ – and yes I was, my entire body was in this constricted state while presenting myself to be ‘cool with it,’ yet being actually fearing to be ‘in the middle of conflict’ even if it wasn’t ‘directed’ toward myself.  Hence I had to walk through the point of realizing that I will be dealing with these situations and having to direct myself to face  reality and stopping the ‘I’m over it all’ and ‘I’m such a nice person you can’t oppose me’ personas which were created as defense mechanisms to not have to stand up in moments of perceived conflict or create any form of  perceived rivalry/ opposition/ antagonism.

What triggered both personality creations was fear and seeing ways to ‘cope’ with the fear of being vulnerable, fear of being hurt, fear of having to take responsibility for myself, fear of having to confront another, fear realizing that I was still belittling myself toward others. It becomes quite clear to see how we develop coping mechanisms to not have to stand up in common sense, which is ludicrous to even place out like this because it doesn’t make any sense to create excuses to not stand up for what we see is common sense, what we see is required to be done, lived, spoken-up about. Instead of using coping mechanisms, we have to create practical ways to face reality, that’s essentially what we’ve learned through walking this process: how to practically direct ourselves in any given situation that we would have previously simply ran away from/ shut down to not face it.

After I became aware of this fear of conflict once that it was ‘in my face,’   I’ve been walking the process of deliberately taking on points of speaking out, commenting, pressing-myself as common sense regardless of what ‘reactions’ it may trigger, because I see and realize that this is the only way to see and test who am I within those situations.  I am able to direct the point within common sense instead of just wanting to get rid of it and not having to face it at all, or having ‘others’ to do it for me, or eventually just pretending that ‘I don’t care’ which is what I saw was quite the nihilist type of defense mechanism, yet dealing with quite extensive inferiority/ in fear of others which lead to a constant requirement to ‘uplift myself’ to ‘keep up with the pressure.’ We were just discussing how it is really energy-draining to keep-up these ideals of ourselves as personalities, while living here in self honesty, as life, is actually very very simple and effortless as it only requires us breathing here.

We have accepted and allowed ourselves to cage each other in this world ‘keeping up’ nice pictures of ourselves as being affable and smiley as well as creating a tough-rough presentation out of fear. This became quite evident when interacting with people that would seem like absolutely ‘tough’ and ‘rough’ and with a haughty way of carrying themselves and getting to see how they were in fact these ‘sensitive, vulnerable beings’ that had developed such image/ presentation as a defense mechanism toward ‘others/ the world, which is then standing as an ‘inferiority’ point in fact, though we require Equal stance in all ways.

If we look at this point it is essentially how gangs are formed and why they exist the way they do. Look at the Maras, they create such self image to portray this literal ‘fearless image’  as beings that are able to provoke fear in others to protect themselves – why? because they are mostly beings that have been born into circumstances of extreme poverty and abuse that they eventually seek a way out of. That’s how they run away from home and become part of gangs that become ‘their family’ = their security, their way of developing an entire self-image that ‘cannot be fucked with’ using the ‘power of unity’ at its max– all because of fear and probably resenting the fact that they are not being considered as equals in this world. Surviving through using these defense mechanisms becomes part of their being, as their full-blown personality and lifestyle that justifies their actions like committing crimes out of that inner experience of having been disregarded within this system from birth. A usual mindset would be ‘Why would they ‘care’ to not ‘harm others’ without considering how they have been neglected/disenfranchised from birth?’

See how in such gangs, striking up confrontations is  actually part of the rites of initiation for 11, 12 year olds that want to become a part of such gangs. They have to endure all of  the pain and fear to ‘become a man,’ to be ‘over it’ – eventually becoming beings that are in fact only walking with a hard veneer out of fear, fear of others, fear of death, fear of anyone that could have more ‘power’ than them in this world, which translates to once again economical disparity wherein the Maras are usually coming from poverty backgrounds.

 

I realize how I have feared conflict, I see how I have created personalities based solely on ‘fearing others,’ developing a stance of being ‘over this world’ or ‘knowing better’ –  yet the point that differs from what we heard on the interview is how I didn’t remain silent. 

Now that I remember, I deliberately decided to start speaking up because I would see my mind filling the gaps in terms of, for example, seeing two people getting into a form of conflict and I would see the common sense of the point – yet because of seeing myself as not wanting to stir up anything and not wanting to ‘lose my friends’ or not wanting to ‘come across as fill in the gap,’ I would remain like the silent person that pretended to be ‘over such conflicts,’ being neutral, feeling/ portraying myself as some wise person that would only speak if enough ‘wisdom’ was at hand to share – quite a deluded position; and as I bring the point here, as I write and rewind on the points in my life wherein I would ‘feel’ this very same way, it is almost like having to keep up with the character, having to ‘sustain’ such silent frame of mind, such ‘wise person’ and ‘peaceful’ type of being – yet the internal conflict was still there, it only grew and grew – the more fear grew, the more I started compounding this experience wherein the only valve of escape was smoking weed and drawing and ‘listening to music,’ while experiencing myself in perpetual annoyance and irritation toward myself, this world and  everything, because of not seeing a ‘way out’ and it was all because of not having dared to face myself, to walk through that which I was gladly just covering up in an ‘everything is fine’ personality wherein the abuse and the gory aspects of this world had been ‘left behind’ to seek for ‘new healthier horizons.’

From this I can see how having being into spirituality, seeking a god and seeking some form of ‘remedy’ to myself and my “reality” were only ways to mitigate the fear and inner conflict that I experienced within me. It is fascinating that no one never really got to ‘know’ what the hell was actually going on inside me as I moved myself throughout my life, only ‘I’ knew, only I could see how while being with others I could create this ‘everything is fine’ personality, literally like a guru that believes that all conflict is just a mind problem and it can just be ‘sorted out’ by remaining in a perpetual resistance to think, speaking the least possible and ‘simply ‘stopping thinking’ which is and would be equal to trying to ‘stop breathing,’ because we see and understand now in our process how it is not about ‘shutting off our mind’ and our thoughts, but to walk a process of self-correction stand one and equal as our mind = being self-directive through actually participating and interacting with others in our world, instead of being taken by a ride by our own thoughts. This is taking self responsibility for ourselves.

 

How have I supported myself to stop fearing conflict? Through writing, applying and living Self Forgiveness, walking a deliberate process of placing myself in the ‘eye of the storm’ not for the sake of ‘proving myself better,’ but to see who am I within the face of such perceived conflicts/ confrontation and seeing who I am within it: am I able to ‘cope’ with it, am I able to stand fully and not fear speaking up, am I still fearing compromising any ‘idea’ of integrity I may have of myself, which can only exist at the ego level that we are here to stop and correct to stand in common sense as equals. This requires me to deliberately ‘push’ myself to participate, how else would I have known that I feared conflict? I mean, even the reason why I had initially created a blog in a service that wasn’t ‘well known’ was part of keeping myself in a safe zone out of ‘creating conflict’ with people in my reality reading my blogs and eventually having any form of reaction toward myself/ my words. I’m glad to say that I found a way today to bring all my blogs into this domain which is awesome. Yet I could still see the thoughts related to fear coming up in terms of ‘this being a well known domain now and people having more of a direct access to my stuff’ – which is yet again ‘fearing conflict’, ‘fearing exposure.’

It is a matter of walking the correction now because I’ve seen and realized for myself what such apparent ‘superiority’ as  in not speaking/ not participating because of seeing everything and everyone just so ‘out there’ and not having anything to do with me, and keeping myself in a fantasy land feeling like the incomprehensible human being that has this ‘sensitive side,’ yet portraying and carrying myself as the exact opposite to not have to explain myself all the time. It was almost a way of having others ‘fearing me’ to protect myself. This has remained as a point that even people walking this process have expressed having as an ‘idea’ of how I am based on the pictures they see, based on one single point of expression that vlogs are, until getting the actual experience of talking face to face and living together, which enables us to really tear down any beliefs created about each other. I saw then how ‘instilling fear’ is a protection mechanism as well as a form of creating an idea of power based on ‘being above others,’ a way to generate an idea of myself that people can ‘respect’ instead of being someone that is easily ‘picked on.’

Having said this, we can see once again how any form of fear is an actual limitation lived out as ‘who we are’ while remaining as the faithful followers of our personal religions wherein common sense is neglected while sticking to our “safe ways” of existing to not have to face ourselves. It takes a while to fully stop this,  it is only after four years that I am beginning to see how I have created myself in terms of creating positive and negative personalities from the starting point of fear.  From this we can see how this entire world is built upon fear! This must stop here, that’s how all polarity must be eradicated as any reason to be opposing anything or anyone is only separation, a point that we’ve neglected exist within ourselves as well.

We are here to create a world that’s’ best for all and that cannot be ‘questioned’ but simply realized and walked as that principle.

This blog is über lengthy now, but let’s say that the main point here is how stopping fear is the first point to be able to take on our own lives and the world through this process of walking the consequences. The moment we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the reality we are creating within and without, we become ‘less’ than that which we are creating, which is like a reversed-god complex if we can call it that, making ourselves less than our creation yet portraying a ‘superiority’ image at the same time. Quite unnecessary if we can stop it all by simply walking here as breath.

For this, writing is the tool, self forgiveness implies the self corrective process to walk the correction as we go living every single day. Simplicity is the key, we can just see through these experiences how I complicated my reality by trying to ‘cover up’ fear, instead of seeing fear for what it is: a self created limitation that comes in the form of thoughts that I can work with through writing, applying self forgiveness and directing myself in common sense.

That’s it.

Thanks for reading and suggest you listen to that interview because it was the point that triggered all of this here.

 

polarity as me

 

 

 

 


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