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101. Communication Noise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question myself on whether what I am communicating is in fact being understood by the receptor the way that I am ‘intending’ to communicate, without realizing that words as they are currently used/ spoken are ‘open to interpretation’ which implies that everything that we are as our mind, our experiences, beliefs, perceptions, preferences and imagination exists/ acts/ performs in a different manner within each individual – hence I realize that in order for me to be able to communicate in reality with others, I first have to walk my own process of self-communication wherein I purify words in order to establish a common sensical/ self-supportive meaning to words that enables each word to become a directive principle and self-corrective statement in itself, as it is only through purifying/ clearing up the meaning of a word based on experiences and past considerations that we can in fact stand  – for the first time – as one and equal through/as the words we speak.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in conversations wherein I never questioned the ability to be understood – hence developed a judgment based on perceiving and believing that others were ‘misunderstanding me’ which creates unnecessary separation/ division according to what we agree/ disagree with, without having taken into consideration dissecting the very words that were used in order to investigate how can we practically equalize the meaning of words to establish a proper communication, which is how and why through participating in conversations wherein words are only used to express the ‘who I am’ as my mind/ communicating to others that are also replying/ participating as the ‘who they are’ in their minds, the only thing we are co-creating in that moment is further separation as the interaction of characters creating a character-like conversation that in no way represent an actual expression of self equal and one here as who we really are. This is able to be spotted the moment that we comply to each other in order to continue talking/ participating in a conversation and go interpreting/ assuming ‘what words mean,’ which clearly leads to the creation of relationships based on preferences, similar mind-connections as personalities supporting each other to remain as mind characters –

Thus I realize that in order to be able to communicate, there’s a process to walk first and that is self-communication to establish self’s equality and oneness with and as words.

 

This is a process that begins with myself, taking responsibility to first walk through the redefinition of the words I speak and ensuring that when and as I am communicating with another, I go verifying that the other person is understanding what I mean based on the premise of me being communicating from the starting point of establishing an equal and one point of communication,which implies that I must first walk my own mind, my beliefs, ideas, perceptions, judgments in order to start establishing self-honesty as myself, as the words I speak and live, so that I become in fact an ‘agent of change’ in terms of creating and establishing a point of communication in self honesty, not allowing myself to communicate from a ‘character’ perspective, but instead express myself as words that will support another being to become aware of the words we speak, how to structure a message in a way that it is clearly understood and also establishing communication form the starting point of self-expansion and self-support , so that any character possession is called out immediately, exposed, walked through self-forgiveness and as such, become the living practical change that is required in order to stop all ‘mind interference’/ misinterpretation as the ‘open for interpretation’ type of communication noise.

And within/ as this, establish agreements/ relationships between one another wherein our words are understood as clear as water, wherein no hidden intentions as secret mind are kept, as this is the way we can once again begin to establish trust between one another: ensuring that we live the words we speak, ensuring that we are in fact constant and consistent in the process of sharing/ communicating the reality of ourselves and no more the characters that we had ‘given our life to’ in a literal manner, as each character takes ‘the best of ourselves’ as consuming the very life essence that we have neglected every time that we suit words to perfect a character and not life.

 

Psychological noise

Psychological noise results from preconceived notions we bring to conversations, such as racial stereotypes, reputations, biases, and assumptions. When we come into a conversation with ideas about what the other person is going to say and why, we can easily become blinded to their original message. Most of the time psychological noise is impossible to free ourselves from, and we must simply strive to recognize that it exists and take those distractions into account when we converse with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to load a character when and as communicating to another being based on how I perceive them to be according to embodying a particular race, gender and sex, language, image presentation wherein I realize that I have communicated myself based on the images and preconceived ideas I have in my mind with regards to another being as the configurations/ stereotypes that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and project onto others, which becomes a definitive noise that does not allow unconditional self-expression here as the words in equality toward one another.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with another in a specific limited manner whenever I have a preconceived idea of ‘who the being is’ in relation to the ‘reputation’ that they have, which is nothing else but the generalized conception we create and built about ourselves/others as their ‘idea of self’ that is used in order to categorize and value beings according to how people ‘see them’ based on judgments that are created for comparative and superlative means, which implies that we assume ‘who the being is’ just by the way they look, the past they ‘hold’ as the idea of self that is sustained by intangible memories in the mind, the way they interact with others and their choice of words which I have then taken on as a way to establish ‘who I am’ toward the being in communication based on self-interest, as there can only exist a point of self-interest/ self defense to either enable an open communication or not at any given moment.

 

I see, realize and understand that within sticking to the physical reality, all that I am practically able to see and verify is that I am speaking toward another human being that I am able to hear through my ears and decode a message from. Thus I stick to hearing to the words in the moment instead of creating an expectation toward ‘who the being is’ as a pre-text to hold a prejudice toward the point of communication with another.

 

I see, realize and understand that sectarianism and elitism based on the idea I’ve held of ‘who the being is’ exists in every moment that I am faced to communicate with a being wherein I load their picture, their reputation, their mannerisms, an entire history triggered by their image presentation as a way to assess ‘who/how I will be’ communicating with/ toward them, which implies that I am limiting my expression toward another based on the beliefs, ideas and perceptions that I create of someone in my mind, which are the cages/ prefab forms/ cookie cutter  stereotypes that we use to define one another as a character with specific interests, preferences and ‘ways of being’ – which is in essence allowing ourselves as characters to communicate with others through seeing them as characters which is how real actual communication is not existent, but only a a general back and forth forms of complacency and tolerance takes place between one another to keep the characters in place, ensuring that no one ‘provokes’ the other enough to step out of the safe bounds of the idea of self/ character in play.

 

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the predictability of characters to my perceived/ believed advantage wherein I thought that because of ‘how predictable others are,’ I am in fact a superior character that is able to then use such characterization to my benefit wherein I know how to ‘treat them’ to agree with me, which is wanting them to agree with the character that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as well – thus I see how communication becomes an application of myself as a character that I have adjusted to according to the beings I will be talking to, wherein I would transform myself as the character that can speak words and present myself in a specific way as to facilitate the relationship with specific characters, just because of realizing how relationships can only exist between similar characters and as such, realizing that I could only  be and become an effective ‘social being’ if I was able to equalize myself to the characters I wanted to get along with – which means that I suppressed my expression in order to make it fit a particular characterization in means of being accepted by others/ socializing with others to establish relationships that I believed were ‘real,’ never wanting to see that I had in fact only suited myself to be part of such relationships just because of the value/ worth I had given to such characters in the first place as ‘more’ than me – thus

 

I realize that unconditional communication can only exist whenever I hold no reputation of another/ nor do I seek to become a specific character perceived as ‘more than myself’ in order to satisfy a point of self-interest. I realize that what is real  is the ability to express ourselves as the reality we are existing-as in the moment – this means that communication in itself is not to be seen as a way to ‘comply’ to each other’s characters, but to be and become the example of how it is possible to establish communication with another being based on common sense and not character-agreements wherein we tip-toe around anything that is self honest as that would break the bubble, the illusion of self that is kept as a silent agreement between one another, as we are all in fact aware of how our ego/ personality/ idea of self is ‘our precious’ that we fear letting go of, simply because of realizing that when and as we step out of character = the truth of ourselves is exposed  – and within this, the inevitable realization of self-responsibility steps forth IF the being is willing to stand in self honesty and let go of the masquerade/ character played toward self and others in means of communication/ establishing relationships that actually stand in equality and oneness to assist and support ourselves to actually live.

 

When and as I see myself complying to the character of another being in order to keep our bubbles/ characters in place  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have to be and become the example of what it is to be here,speaking, sharing and communicating in self honesty which means: I breathe and I allow myself to share who I am in that moment, the practical realizations I’ve had in relation to a particular point and how I have supported myself to practically step out of character, as I see and realize that this is the type of communication that is in fact beneficial for any being= how to support ourselves/ how to step out of character and realize who we really are and what can be possible if we all do this, as it is the characterization that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become the detrimental aspect that we have kept ‘intact’ because of not wanting to ‘touch on sensitive parts’ within the illusion of respecting one another while/ during communication, without realizing that respect in such situations is nothing else but keeping our characters/ masquerades intact/ untouched due to each one knowing and realizing that the moment that we expose our characters for what they are, we cannot keep hiding the truth of ourselves behind it.

 

Thus I assist and support myself to be self-honest within and toward myself to in every moment that I am communicating with another, ensuring that I am clear as in being communicating in common sense = considering what is self-supportive/ best for all and stopping myself from going into character-play outs in means of establishing a relationship with another being as a character and not as an equal and one being that I can relate-to by the mere fact of being able to talk and reciprocate each other through using words that make us feel good/ important or special – all self deception must be called out if self-honesty is here to be established between two or more beings in self-honesty.

 

I realize that any idea of me having to ‘have something in common’ with another being in order to communicate is simply a prejudice that must be understood as a limitation that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, simply because of actually fearing breaking the point of specialness that we hold toward ourselves as our characters and within that, fearing realizing that everything we had previously perceived ourselves to be a in being more special than/ unique and ‘authentic’ as a character is debunked within the realization that we are human beings that are equal in all ways, including the mechanisms each one of us use to cover up our reality here in self-honesty through characterization.

 

When and as I see myself ‘choosing my words’ based on who I believe the other person is – such as level of education, race, gender, nationality, social stratus – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I had allowed myself to be and become pliable/malleable and morph myself into various characters in order to be accepted/ ‘have it easy’ to communicate with different characters – wherein instead of having placed the example of not standing in/as self-deception in terms of characterization and actually supporting myself and others to set the tone of communication in self honesty – one has to pave the way.

 

I realize that we have an inherent ability to communicate with one another by the mere fact of being human beings, yet I had accepted and allowed myself to conform/ morph myself according to event/ situation / moment and ‘who the person is’ as a character, wherein I then gave up self-honesty to mimic the same coping-mechanisms as ‘communication’ in an attempt to be liked/ accepted by another in such attempts of communication in order to  get a positive experience out of the idea of ‘having communicated with another’ but in fact, it was only me rubbing the communication the right way according to the characters I would identify the being was ‘playing out,’ wherein I would suit my expression to be ‘like them’ and as such, be ‘liked by them,’ ensuring only the perpetuation of characters as ‘who we are’ instead of being the example and placing the starting point of an equal and one self-communication that is in fact self-supportive for both/ all parties involved.

 

“Most of the time psychological noise is impossible to free ourselves from, and we must simply strive to recognize that it exists and take those distractions into account when we converse with others.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that it would be impossible to free ourselves from the cages that we have created and manifested toward one another as the characterization we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, according communication with one another based on each one being a character with a set of beliefs, ideas, perceptions about themselves/ reality that I had to apparently ‘respect’ and ‘beat around the bush’ whenever it came to communicate about something that could possibly lead them to realize that they were playing a character, because that would imply that I would also have to step out of character and in this reality, because of how we have only defined ourselves to be only ‘characters’ = we feared losing that which we believe is ‘all we are,’ without realizing that stepping out of character is the first point of self-correction that must be understood in order to ensure that we are willing to let go of the illusion of self that we have wrought as words, pictures, images, memories based on who and what we ‘wanted to be/ become’ toward others in our environment/ reality, which means that everything we have ever believed ourselves to be becomes the words that we communicate, which is how no communication has ever been real as we have never been real with and toward ourselves in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I had to ‘tolerate’ such character differences when and as communicating with others, wherein I tacitly agreed to keep myself as ‘my character’ that would have problems and / or ‘strive’ to communicate effectively toward other characters, without realizing that it is in this very self-belief that I caged myself and others to remain within the same characterization that prevents the reality of ourselves from being expressed and exposed, to realize and recognize to what extent we have become complacent and obliged ourselves to ‘follow through’ with the lies we created ourselves as and how we have threatened each other to keep our characters intact, wherein the moment one dares to step out of character = attack ensues, as one character stepping out of line will inevitably force the other characters to evaluate themselves and reconsider ‘who they are’ as well – thus, it is to see and realize how we require to be the example of how it is absolutely possible to establish equal and one communication with others once that we have established such self-communication as ourselves, developing self honesty to ensure that the words we express as ourselves are in fact standing in an equal and one self-agreement of what we are willing ourselves to be/ become: living beings that are here to equalize a reality that has never existed In/as equality in fact.  Thus I see and realize the task at hand and the work that comes when understanding that the key to change this reality exists within us, as the very words that we speak – as words are the foundation of how we have built our current world system.

 

This implies that in order to establish an equal and one communication, an equal and one understanding is required. This is thus established through each one of us participants of the creation of/as the new world, committing ourselves to walk our individual processes of writing, applying self-forgiveness to develop self-honesty and walk the necessary self-correction to ensure that from here on, we become the living example of what ‘change’ as an actual process is implied, as it is not only a change of attitude or perspective toward one another – but it implies an entire process of education wherein we finally get to understand who we are within the ‘greater picture’ as a reality that is no greater than ourselves, as we are in fact one and equal to all that is here.

 

A word in separation of self became the cell that we ostracized ourselves in, forgetting that we were in fact living cells of one single body that cannot function properly unless all parts are intercommunicated through a set of systems that ensure life is able to thrive within the organism.

 

Thus I see and realize that it is within the understanding of who and what I am as a living cell within this living body that must take responsibility to establish proper communication to realize the interdependence we hold to one another as all cells that conform the body that is currently facing the cancer of greed and individualism as the religion of self. Proper communication means proper functioning of the organism, means  establishing the responsibility to each part which will ensure a proper conduction of the flow of blood to irrigate the body with a new understanding: Equality as Life is the only way we can thrive – the healing process comes when we understand how we manifested the illness.

 

What are systems in our body but structures and manifestations that enable the interconnection of one single body as one organism, signals are sent from one part of the body to another in order to function properly = there Is Self-Communication existing in/ as our physical body – the question is: why haven’t we considered this basic living-principle and externalized it in an equal manner as the relationships established with one another?

 

We now understand that the principle of Equality implies as within= so without. Who I am as words must reveal the points that I must correct as me for me to finally be real and here – this thus implies that who I am willing to testify myself-as is my responsibility as the words hold the key to self-creation – and I understand that in order to make the body function as one, communication as words expressed in self honesty and common sense are the key to create a new way to walk the current consequences of our primordial separation that has gotten to the current state we are in as this world = our reality, as whatever we have created as separation holds a point of self deception that must be brought back to life through understanding how we created and manifested the point that enabled separation.

 

This is how our mind is a tool as it shows and reveals that which we have separated ourselves from = my mind holds the key that must be equalized in order to step into the reality of me here, that’s always been here – yet separated from my very awareness as I had only intellectualized reality, communicated through words that would make myself/ others more or less than self here when in fact: who we are is equal and one – hence words that support this realization is the new declaration of life that must be brought to application one by one, word by word, correction by correction until it is done.

 

Instead of defining conversation as the coming and going of character scripts, I commit myself to establish a universation  wherein the words I speak are equal and one as the expression of ourselves in Equality as Life; where the con is no more a fixed Version of the character that is not standing as equal and one – it is within this realization that life will be born in the physical as we take back our point of authority for once and for all, the authority that was lost from the moment we were born from the darkness into the light.

 

Time to wake up – clock is ticking and words await to be lived.

 

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1oo. Communication

We write to share ourselves as the realizations we go walking day by day, moment by moment as we walk the process to be and become the living word, the expression of who and what we are as one and equals.

Within this, we understand the importance of words and how one single misunderstanding can lead to wars  – literally – just because we had never taken the task in itself to redefine words, to ensure that each one is in fact having an equal and one understanding of the words we speak.

We have been living thus in a schizophrenic world because: we had never in fact lived the words we speak, we never questioned the existence of words that in no way support life but only sounded ‘powerful’ in separation of myself. We never bothered to ask ourselves how it is that through the words we speak, we have constructed, built and apparently ‘evolved’ in a world-system that is clearly sustained by the same flawed nature of our language based on illusions – and not upon the physical reality.

 

Communication is sharing the expression of who we realize we are as one and equal in order to expand ourselves within the realization that whatever we say/ do and live by in this world, pertains to every single being in an equal manner. Communication is the interaction between two or more beings directed to establish a point of understanding about ourselves, our reality and as such, direct ourselves to be and become an actual equal and one expression of/ as who we really are – pointing out/ making a point of separation evident within walking and living the correction necessary as words themselves.

 

Vocabulary  works just like our monetary system – it is words that became the key holders of separation: each word is  a packaged division / definition awaiting to be redefined and aligned in a way that is best for all.

 

Hence in order to communicate effectively with others, I begin with myself.

We had never taken the very first consideration of equalizing the meaning of the words in a way that is best for all, so that no matter who speaks the word: the word is understood as an expression of who self is/ exists as in and as equals.

 

100 days of sharing on a daily basis – cool. I can only say that I’ve been learning how to communicate and correct my expression through my participation in the Desteni I Process , within the interaction and living realization of what words imply when lived as a point of self-correction, which then make of words actual parts of reality as ourselves, and no longer having words with no life-value position, which makes them irrelevant to even consider when realizing who we go creating a world that is best for all as we walk.

I commit myself to walk this process of redefining ‘who I am’ as words until it is done, which means that I can practically live day by day communicating with myself as the process of understanding, self-correction and self-realization that are always HERE as ourselves, the moment we allow ourselves to walk the process of redefining, clearing the memories and experiences attached towards another part of yourself is  then learning how to live the word as one and equal to, eventually, fully embody each word we speak as ourselves.

 

And this will continue…

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Reality Check: Sharing Desteni

 

I was listening to the video  2012: The Family Tree System vs. Tree of Life and I noticed how my current experience toward Family has changed throughout this process.

Last December that I spent time with them, I saw how I was no longer playing the ‘antagonist’ or ‘the black sheep’ as I used to throughout my time with them before and at the beginning of this process. It’s been quite a walk to say the least from the times when I literally fed them all up with me only talking about ‘Desteni’ as all knowledge and information that I simply got very excited about, but wasn’t applying/ living it at all. The same can be applied to all ‘friends’ that I simply ‘left’ because they weren’t apparently able to ‘catch up’ with ‘where I was’ which was only watching and reading the material without having any substantial process to share as my own application. 

A cool indication about this is when I was sharing about Desteni back in 2008 with an ex-partner and even though he had some background on stuff like Lovecraft and other dimensions, the entire ‘portal’ thing simply seemed as bizarre as it could get. Imagine, this is now the ‘apparently’ open people and within that I simply became quite fixated on the idea of having to explain Desteni from the perspective of ‘the portal’ and all of that aspect which is not what’s really relevant, but the message itself. I would stumble upon my own words and eventually ‘gave up’ in trying to explain it. I later on probably got to know that friends/ people that knew me were a bit ‘concerned’ about me because I had simply detached and talking only about Desteni, wanting to simply speak out the knowledge without any practical reference to it. These type of situations became prominent with my family as well, until I realized through the support given while walking this process that was about us applying the process and not trying to change the world with knowledge and information.

From that moment I began slowing down and looking at the point of living-the-words instead of speaking the words and trying to make people understand from the starting point of this ‘being the truth’ or any other vantage point like that.

 

I learned ‘the hard way’ how sharing Desteni is not to share only knowledge and information to friends/ family as I lead myself to then walk an entire phase wherein I created this extreme uncomfortable experience for myself, feeling once again like ‘I didn’t belong here’ and using this as an excuse to single myself-out within the entire structure, as if I had already ‘overcome’ it somehow.  I didn’t want to see that I was only creating myself as something/ someone ‘superior’ because of all of this ‘knowledge’ that I had, yet wasn’t living fully as myself which was quite obvious because the moment that we begin grasping what living as Equals implies, we see and understand how any form of stance/ consideration that we place onto others – family, friends or anyone else in this world – is only ‘speaking’ / reflecting what is existent within us.

I can see that how most of the points that I have been able to ‘discover’ as ingrained treats and quirks have been mostly what I could point out in my parents for example, which came as a bucket of cold water in that moment because of how we as ‘the children’ (I’ve asked if there is a word in English that can explain sons/ daughters in one word to indicate the name for the people that have the same father and mother, if anyone knows leave a comment, children sounds too childish) tend to create this general conflict and opposition toward our parents. It’s clear to me how we have to walk through these family relationships first as it is in essence walking the core-relationships in our world that have shaped us in a literal way through the DNA, but also as the most immediate environment wherein our entire conception and general understanding of the world is created.

 

In the beginning of this process, I neglected this point and went into an entire seclusion and shifted my entire participation with them.  I did have a ‘hard time’ walking through this for the most part, simply because I would exist in a constant observer-mode wherein I thought that because of being profiling them and ‘understanding how their mind worked’ gave me some sort of ability to now judge them or point out shit in them without ever first taking the point back to myself.

I can also say that I have now asserted myself in my family in terms of everyone being aware of what I stand for, how and why I stand for life in Equality. It’s been a process of me stopping all reactions to the various words, judgments and general reactions that any other person could express and made sure that I simply establish myself as that point that supports myself before continuing trying to ‘change my family’ or anyone else. I mean, it was quite a drag when trying/ attempting to change them and preach all that I would learn from the Desteni videos back then and almost exhort them to ‘do as I said or they will be fucked for life’ – That was not the way and all that I got out of that was simply being almost ‘feared,’ wherein they would mostly not speak when I was around because of me immediately jumping into the conversation with judgments and pointing fingers at them or about the topic that was discussed, judging what they were watching on the TV (still walking that point that still comes at times.)  I’ve learned how to slow down and listen – and this is part of an ongoing process as I tend to round the points and create conclusions in a rather rushed manner, wanting to immediately reply to avoid what I’ve judged as the chit-chat, which is part of me having been a rather ‘anxious’ person that wants everything to be solved and directed immediately, without living/ applying that as myself in everything I do yet. So, it’s cool how every single bit is able to show/ reveal us where we have to equalize ourselves and our starting point of everything we do and share.

 

It is also true that not living with my family for the past 5  and a half years seem like an appropriate thing to do in terms of being able to face myself alone. But visiting and talking to them from time to time is also cool as my own reality-check. I actually got to enjoy the time that I spent with them at home last December. I allowed myself to stop judging them, allow myself to sit on the table and talk, share, just spend time with them which is something that I hadn’t done before because I had regarded it as a waste of time, simply because my starting point was already that of opposing them/ disliking them which then became my entire experience around them. Took a while to get to this point of now being able to sit and talk and share openly without fearing to be judged or being in a defensive mode with my superiority stance of ‘I know better/ I know how it all really works’ which becomes quite a drag in general.

 

What’s interesting is that for the most part they have communicated how they would not be able to ‘see themselves’ doing what I’m doing – they still consider that walking this process is something really hard and they still consider that walking this process is something ‘really hard’ and they have expressed how it is mostly something that they would not do. Yet they are supportive with their due ‘reserves’ in terms of me having a life that doesn’t follow the usual family patterns. They have gotten used to that for now or getting used to the idea of it and what it implies.

 

What I see is that I am not currently having any constant ‘relationships’ other than bits of interaction with the people that I live with and coworkers in school which has been a cool point to test myself in terms of stopping profiling people and actually being open and willing to learn from them all. I mean, they’re all males in their late 20’s, 30’s and 40’s lol so I’ve been able to learn more about those different phases in their lives and see what they’re all about. That phase is about to be over as well and I’m also grateful that I was able to have that experience because I know they are people that I wouldn’t have deliberately placed myself to be around with everyday for 6 months. I guess this is what we can call ‘walking the matrix’ wherein we stand as what/ who we are no matter where we are, being in the system but not OF the system and in the meantime, share, communicate enough to be able to expand a bit on people’s perspective about reality/ this world. I definitely enjoyed any moment that I was able to support another to see some aspect in common sense not previously seen or understood. 

I also had long discussions with them on how self responsibility is created by the single fact of living in this world and using money.  That became quite a big point point of discussion wherein they simply refused to open up about it, I saw that I couldn’t go further into it. So within these situations it’s not like a YouTube platform wherein you can just stop replying or decide to not approve their comments because of not getting it, it’s not like you can just walk out of the job because of not agreeing with the people there, that would be a rather foolish thing to do. So we learn how to walk in the system that way.

 

Back to my family/ parents I discovered that I enjoy talking to them when it comes to sharing our human-experiences. Through this process and after quite a while, I can say that I’ve gotten to a point wherein I can talk to them about what we do at Desteni, what I’ve understood, what I’ve realized and they also ask me for perspectives on stuff they are facing or cases from their friends/ other family members experiences. My mother shared the other day that what I had shared with her in relation to being able to stop her preoccupation thoughts,  linked to fears and general absurd/ out of place ‘worrying’ thoughts was quite supportive. It’s been cool opening up and speaking about reality and topics that they are also able to see/ understand no matter how ‘harsh’ it may seem. I mean, as far as ‘god’ it’s been mostly like only a ghost they still like to still cling on to out of habit only, because they realize that there is no way that it can possibly exist in this world because in common sense they can now see that the extent of abuse and suffering cannot possibly be part a ‘divine plan’ for Earth. I’ve been quite ‘outspoken’ after I stopped silencing myself around them and only holding eternal judgments and resentment for past situations toward them.

I am also aware that probably after a while of me speaking and sharing about some points, they might have heard something here and there and applied it for themselves.  I have stopped pushing them to apply Self Forgiveness or kill their god completely. I’ve learned how to measure myself in terms of sharing wherein I would go quite up in flames trying to prove my point and prove myself right without having actually walked the point myself, at least to be able to talk about it in a more relaxed manner and not out of anger, irritation and judgment. I am still ‘getting here’ in terms of not reacting immediately as a form of saying ‘I told you so!’ in terms of what they share and the experiences that could have been prevented if listening before. I also accept that each one is walking/ facing their process and me wanting to prevent their fuckups will still be coming from the ‘savior syndrome.’

I’m just glad I’m able to speak and share about how things are and push the envelope every time wherein we can discuss about the life-long patterns they’ve lived wherein I am obviously also facing myself as well. I’ve shared here in terms of seeing patterns with my father and myself for example and being able to discuss the points directly with him which is cool. I cannot possibly deny I am both of them and when talking with them about their quirks, patterns, thoughts and experiences, it is undeniable to not see myself in that. So, it’s been supportive for me to communicate and get to know a bit more about them speaking not from the ‘daughter’ perspective, but as another human being.

 

I mostly like breaking that initial ‘mirage’ that family roles-characters create wherein the ‘children’ are not supposed to talk about certain things or question their parents or ‘support them’ in anything in terms of facing themselves. One would usually think that because children are younger, they are not supposed to be ‘wise enough’ to support another – this is now the language used by them to define that ‘support’ as ‘being wise’ but it’s really just common sense that anyone can educate themselves to live and apply.

 

As much as this process has also been ‘painful’ for them in terms of me having been quite a ‘rebel’ through my teens in terms of ‘not fitting in the family scheme,’ and then having this 180 degree shift within this process wherein they certainly thought that it was just ‘another phase’ in my life, it is now  ‘acceptable’ for them to support me because they are aware of what I stand for, how I live it and share it. They are aware and supporting me in my future plans even if it is ‘not so cool’ for them in terms of not seeing me that much, but they are aware that my plans in life will not follow the patterns walked so far  in terms of my sisters having a settled life with kids and forming their own families. It’s cool that I have been able to witness  how people get married and settle down, have kids and dedicate themselves to that. I cannot possibly see myself in that, I’ve got the whole world here as the opportunity to walk and support myself first and become a point of support for others. I told my parents last time that I saw them how this is what I will be doing for life and this is all I can see myself doing for life which in essence means: I’m dedicating myself to live, to realize what Life actually is and support others in such process as well. I’ve seen how they’ve walked the process of questioning me and my starting point to simply having to agree as they see/ realize and can witness that what I say, I actually do and walk as myself full-on.

 

For now I am aware that I’m still here and willing to walk the process of equalizing myself as family members – this is definitely not done, but for the most part I can definitely say that after all these years there are considerable changes in our interactions wherein I have stopped antagonizing or holding a grudge toward my mother, that’s part of the points that have been walked with here also supporting herself within writing ‘in her own way’ as she never participated in Desteni, but what she learns and applies has supported her to let go of some points which has benefited our relationship/ interaction as well. It’s also cool because she ‘knows’ me very well from that mother-daughter perspective, hence all the ‘changes’ that she would have never expected are also a cool confirmation in terms of stepping out of the predictability – as well as her being able to point out any minor shift like irritation/ frustration/ me raising my voice as a result of this and being able to point it out right away. That’s also part of the points that not many people are able to do because we haven’t spent that much time with other beings in our reality other than our family – well, that’s been my case at least.

Now, this is not saying ‘all is fine’ but simply sharing how I see/ realize that we’re able to communicate with our family in equality, seeing how anything   that I could be backchatting about them can be taken back to myself directly. Now I almost ‘freeze’ myself whenever I  go into immediate projection about ‘something’ that I could point out to them without having first pointed it out in myself.

A clear example is how I can share with my father points of irrational anger and how I would sometimes want to go and exert that anger to someone or even being physically aggressive – he’s had the same throughout his life, so we’ve walked point by point how to breathe through it and stop the anger possession and the imagination of actually going and hitting the person because of any possible reason. We have also shared these extreme ways of having everything done ‘our way’ and if something doesn’t work out as we expected, we burst out in anger and get all desperate and wanting to just blame others/ the entire world for the consequences that we have created. These are points that have been part of his entire lifetime and that I can see I’m able to develop as ‘the information is there’ – yet as I am walking, I share with him how I can stop from going into the entire hissy-fit by breathing and applying self forgiveness.  It’s interesting that I can say  that I ‘know’ what he goes through because: I am his copy – hence I share what I’ve done to walk through these points in common sense and that’s it. It’s up to him to apply it or not, I won’t try to save him or ‘change him’ because I’ve understood how each one has to make the decision for themselves.

Same point with my mother mostly in relation to a constant state or ‘preoccupation’ and ‘worry’ which also comes from my grandmother and mostly linked to that ‘idleness’ when not having something physically here to do, and it’s also linked to irrational fears that are automated – same points: sharing how to take the trigger point of the entire reaction as the thoughts, walking through each through, applying self forgiveness in the moment and then stopping participation. That’s the point wherein she shared how that was supportive and how she was applying it whenever the thoughts would come up again. That’s cool.

In terms of my sisters now raising children, I can’t say much because I’m not interacting with them. For the most part it seems hard for parents to grasp the fact that kids must be regarded as equals and not making them ‘special’ as that creates further separation in this world. I don’t have an actual ‘say’ on that because both my niece and nephew are still babies, although I can say I am fond of the girl because I have been able to play with her a bit and I enjoy making her laugh and play along. My sisters often joke on how they will ‘send their kids to me’ so that they can learn about life, which I guess is a cool compliment at the moment, for the fact that a human being is able to recognize that the principle we’re living in is in fact beneficial for all and would be willing to allow you to share with them what can be regarded as an actual life-education.

So, these past times that I spent with them I was able to enjoy the hours that I got to talk to them on a one-on-one basis. I am aware that I mostly don’t like going to events wherein there are no actual spaces/ moments to REALLY communicate with people, which is what I enjoy. I’ve learned to open up and not only be willing to listen to ‘some’ – of course not everyone is open for this, so I’ve mostly shared and spoken with those that are willing to share equally, that includes my cousins for the most part, which I also enjoyed.

 

As a tentative final point to this is realizing how within one standing up and creating that equal stance toward everything/ everyone, family becomes part of that basic interaction wherein we are able to ‘test’ ourselves in the most casual ways. It is not necessary to create such resistance toward them as it is common sense that it will have to inevitably be walked-through within this process. Being able to share and spend time with people without having extensive backchat and generating an entire inner experience out of our own thoughts projected toward them, is quite a cool point worth placing oneself to walk through. I see that the key point is integrating this process as ‘who we are’ and not only taking ‘Desteni’ as some external entity that we try to make others see/ understand, but we rather allow the beings to get to know about it through ourselves, through our very ways in which we participate. Just as you and I have learned and copied ways of talking/ walking/ carrying oneself around from others, we are able to become the type of people that others can also see they’re able to live and apply equally as ourselves. Being living examples of what self is able to be and become once that we step out of our preprogrammed cocoon.

Thanks for reading and here’s the vlog that I recorded about this topic as well:

2012 Sharing Desteni with Family/ Friends: a Living Process

And also suggest watching Marek’s video response to that video which is a cool practical walking and expansion on this point.

 

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