Day 22: Wax and Wane – Attention Seeker Spoiler

Who we are as positive/ negative feedback received upon us deliberately seeking attention reveals to what extent we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be constantly seeking an energetic reward as a feeling or emotion. Both imply self definition at a mind level wherein we become a constant bolt that goes from cathode to anode and seeking to trigger the next reaction as ‘attention from others’ in order to continue existing as a self-definition that enhances every time that any form of attention is given to self as an idea, self as a set of traits that can be either categorized as positive or negative.

 

This comes from the realization that any desire to seek attention/ obtain attention became a ‘normal’ way of living for me as a child, wherein ‘who I am’ was built and crafted according to feedback that I would assess as points wherein I could fine tune the eventual ‘idea of self’ that I wanted to fully embody for the sake of my own personal glory. I realize that at the moment we can stand equal and one to our own mind to live out the traits that we can develop/adjust/ perfect in order to fine tune ourselves within this process of equalization wherein we are in a world that we can practically assist and support with becoming the living example of how we can use or mind in order to create and implement what’s best for all, instead of using the mind to strategize ways to always win and get our positive feedback upon it, maintaining the belief that ‘who I am’ can be ‘more’ or ‘less than’ accordingly.

 

This begins with notorious points throughout childhood of how I became an attention seeker, to the opposite pole of not wanting to be recognized/ seen for the same particular traits as I had in the past and onto the point where we are here wherein attention given by others to self is only acceptable within the context of assistance and support to reference ‘who I am’ within such feedback and how I can get to see points that I might be missing out within my own application, which is how it is important to always share who we are in any given moment – if experiencing anything as ourselves in order to walk through the process of seeing its origin and walking the necessary self-correction.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always want to be part of ‘the action’ wherever it was taking place wherein as a child I would get pissed off and mostly feel ‘left out’ if I found out I was not informed about certain activities that were going to take place, wherein anger and irritation would ensue as a form of manipulation toward my parents/ family for not letting me know about it.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘the world was against me’ whenever I could not have my way and in that, justify anger as away to make my parents feel guilty and eventually try and ‘compensate Me’ for having ‘forgotten’ that I existed – which is how my mind would see the point to reinforce any perception of being unwanted, undesired and a constant nuisance for others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to annoy my parents/ sisters to get their attention as I would find this as something ‘funny to do’ without realizing that I was seeking to be constantly getting an energetic experience of positivity through negative response – this means that the more they would get annoyed by me, the better ‘kick’ out of it I would receive. Within this I realize that who I was as an attention seeker was a deliberate game that I would instigate within my environment with family members in order to feel ‘good’ upon annoying them.

 

Who am I within this deliberate desire to annoy others to feel good? It is simply a desire to be constantly experiencing myself as someone that had the power to annoy another – and in that, get a positive reward for it as an energetic experience that I became defined by in order to constantly ‘keep’ this perceived spotlight upon myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel good whenever people in my environment would applaud anything that I had to say because it was apparently very ‘sensate’ and ‘mature’ for a child

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to learn that getting compliments would make me someone apparently ‘special’ and ‘unique’ as a child, wherein I would then constantly seek adult’s attention to get my positive reinforcement that would make up the sense of ‘confidence’ that was mostly built up by accumulating these positive feedback as bricks that built the ‘who I am at the eyes of others,’ which eventually had to fall as I grew up and went below zero from where I had to then put the pieces back together again after going through the exact opposite feedback upon ‘who I am within my life/ life choices’ which makes me realize that:

Every aspect that entails an energetic experience as a reinforcement toward the idea of myself as either a positive or negative way, eventually created a false idea of who I am as such positive feedback or negative feedback, that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘embody’ as ‘who I am’ wherein I got lost in the character and lost all sense of being simply here, as a physical living human being that doesn’t require a constant confirmation of ‘who I am’ as an idea, a belief, a character and persona at the eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately extroverted as a child in order to get people – mostly adults’ attention – as I knew that this would make me ‘stand out’ from the rest and make me special, wherein everyone’s positive feedback upon my attitude, my skills, my abilities and hobbies would build up this elevated idea of ‘who I am’ as a ‘wunderkind’ wherein I then became an early inflated-ego while being around at home and within family, as opposed to the reserved, contained and sensate being that I portrayed myself to be at school during the same ages – from 5-10 more or less.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy being around adults more than kids during my childhood, because I became aware of how adults would mostly ‘praise’ the perceived maturity that I deliberately presented in order to get such positive reinforcement as the idea of ‘who I am,’ whereas with kids I was simply ‘another one’ which would not satisfy me at the level of getting this constant ‘kick’ as energy obtained from adults when receiving compliments and ‘positive feedback’ toward ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in my mind believe that all I was and had to ‘be’ was this amusing persona that would always have to be entertaining others to get their attention and in that, get my positive reward similar to the rush that one gets when eating candy and then eventually wanting more of it soon after the effect is gone.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek a positive experience as in feeling ‘more’ than who I was every time that I would want to show something that I had made/ drawn/ crafted/ done toward my parents as a means to get their attention and reward, wherein I would get specifically irritated whenever I ‘felt’ that they were merely condescending and not really paying attention/ giving ME the attention I desired – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate low end from the expected ‘positive reward’ in my mind upon showing something to my father/ mother, wherein when I perceived they were only giving positive feedback in an automated way, out of condescending and only to ‘shut me off’ to keep doing what they were doing, I would wallow in an immediate ‘low’ which would be interpreted as ‘they don’t want to see what I did/ I rather not show them what I do ever again’ which became an actual living statement wherein I stopped sharing ‘my creations’ in such an open manner out of expecting them to only give a ‘light answer’ as positive reinforcement without giving the attention that I sought from them as an actual ‘thoughtful feedback’ upon ‘what I do.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek to do art/ crafts in order to, in my mind, stop getting the attention as what had become a rather ‘annoying feedback’ in my mind after years of accumulating this positive feedback wherein I wanted to get rid of the ‘positive feedback’ through being able to be recognized for being more than a ‘brain that thinks,’ and in that, seeking to create art as a way to not have to articulate myself in such a thoughtful manner that could be directly judged as positive/ negative – but instead use images as another form of expanding the desire for attention without having this ‘smart/ intelligent’ suit on, as creating art could not entail a right or wrong, but only appreciating an individual expression that could not be graded the same way that words/ statements were. In this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see and realize that I merely went from positive to a negative/ alternative way of getting the same feedback that would still be absorbed by me as a positive/ negative reinforcement toward my ego – this means that ‘who I am’ has always been at the expense of ideas, perceptions and beliefs that I have sought to obtain for others in means of asserting ‘who I am’ as a personality/ ego which is the same game we have all agreed to collectively play, giving each other ‘props’ within the belief that ‘who we are’ can be bettered/ uplifted and/or battered/down-rated by others’ words and opinions which include my own self-talk whenever I allow such words to influence myself in any way – either positively or negatively.

 

I realize that who I am has been an energetic mind game that merely sought attention as a constant drive-thru the gas station wherein the fuel I would get from others was not really about ‘others’ but about me creating an experience upon deliberately triggering reactions from others in means of asserting and creating/ recreating the idea that I made of myself in order to have a ‘special spot’ within a dog eat dog as the eternal battle and survivalism that we have existed within the current social context that we have created within this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to later on seek attention through ‘opposition’ and creating a certain ‘shock’ within my reality through using an image and specific personality in order to ‘stand out from the crowd,’ which was a different dimension from the initial childhood desire to gain attention through ‘positive means.’ This time during my teenage years, I created a personality that would draw attention in an attempt to create a ‘rift’ within a ‘perfected world’ wherein my cautiously crafted ‘disruption’ could get any form of negative reaction/ remark that would function in a similar way to getting a kick out of any positive feedback.

 

Within this I realize how I have gone from pole-to-pole to essentially live out the same energy that I created from assessing others’ reactions, words, feedback upon myself as a constant confirmation that ‘I’ exist as a specific personality, which is and has become an essential human-mind trait in order to keep ourselves ‘enhancing’ our ego through either positive or negative feedback, without realizing that who we really are is neither of both.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever feel ‘good’ about getting positive feedback and feel ‘bad’ about getting negative feedback without realizing that with me taking others words as a positive/ negative reinforcement to ‘who I am’ as a personality is only me accepting and allowing myself to be a set of positive and negative traits, instead of taking the words as points or considerations that I can take on as mere assistance and support to see where I can align myself to a best for all scenario wherein no ‘feeling good/ superior’ is ensued by positive feedback and not ‘feeling low/ inferior’ is ensued by negative feedback. I realize that feedback is simply a point of referencing me through others wherein there is no right and wrong, but only point that I can be missing to see within myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire ‘asserting’ myself as existing within others’ lives/ worlds as a point of positive-incentive to ‘keep going’ within my life throughout the years, without realizing that within living as the constant expectation of getting the attention as the ‘reward’ for everything I do/say is only existing as an idea waiting to be uplifted or opposed to generate an equally fool-filling experience at a mind level to remain as the constricted version of ‘who I am’ as a set of values within words/ judgments, ideas, beliefs and perceptions of ‘who I am at the eyes of others,’ which implies separating myself from being such other eyes and realizing that I cannot possibly wax and wane according to words, I can only assert myself as living words that I and everyone else can live as a realization of who we really are and what is in fact supportive to adopt and implement in a practical way within our reality.

 

I see, realize and understand that an ‘attention seeker’ is only a dimension of self-created desire to continue asserting myself as an idea, which is deliberately instigating positive or negative feedback in order to get the necessary reinforcement at an ego-level, which is the entire mind construction that I have to walk to understand How I have created myself as these patterns that have not supported me to live effectively and coexist with other beings in a particular environment.

I see and realize that I can direct such attention back to myself whenever I see myself having any desire to get attention from others in order to see where and how I am still seeking for validation from others’ in order to continue assenting the ‘who I am’ as an ego, instead of actually stopping in the moment and letting go of the desire to get my ‘quick energetic fix’ by getting any positive or negative feedback which results in an experience within myself.

 

I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see myself deliberately wording myself out in order to get the attention that I see and realize I must give back to myself to see the relationship that I have created in such moment toward the person/ environment in which such desire and/or reaction emerges within my world.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is that a child becomes a rather constant attention seeker if being overloaded with positive reinforcement, no different to inflating balloons with hot air that eventually have to descend down to earth due to such ‘flying high’ not being sustainable as a living, constant reality of who I am.

 

When and as I see myself seeking validation from others toward what I say/ do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that only an ego can seek validation from another mind as egos feeding each other, instead of unconditionally taking another’s words as points of support to allow myself to expand beyond ‘feeing the idea of self’ wherein expansion ensues a point of self-realization to see where and how I have created a relationship toward such point of reaction in either  positive or negative way, in order to equalize myself as all that is here to no longer require to exist as an energetic-feedback requiring machine, but as a living-breathing-walking human being that can simply coexist in a physical way wherein feedback can only be a means to perfect and optimize our living application.

 

“Incentive – Inner sense initiative – transforming incentive into a living self-directive principled action, where one’s inner sense / commonsense initiate oneself into immediate action/change/living of self in a moment when commonsense is realised – and so incentive becomes like a momentary blast of life that sets one off into an explosion of commonsense living action – no more waiting/postponing living, and getting it done – so, get the incentive of self as life – get to commonsense living through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application – no more waiting for change, but in fact living the change as self” Sunette Spies

 

 

Further support:

• Day 21: Success and Reward

• God’s Creation-Software Revealed: DAY 21

• The Inversion of Purpose and Diversion of Life

Allegory of the Cave: our excuse to remain as slaves

 

The fact is that we come into this world without having any idea of ‘Why on Earth are we here’ becomes our drive in this reality. We then equate living to achieving goals, having a family, becoming successful (rich) – becoming a ‘winner’ in everything we do, following a single ‘dream’ without really questioning if such ‘missions’ or goals in life are actually what we are here for.

 

The accepted idea of us coming from a state of ‘forgetfulness’ and coming here to get back to ‘remembering’ something is already placing a massive condition to ‘who’ and ‘what we are’ from the get-go. This ‘forgetfulness’ must not be understood as ‘getting to complete ourselves’ here on Earth, but getting to realize how it was a deliberate plan to enslave man to always want to KNOW and Never Live.

That’s the key point of this here and I had to drive around in circles to get to the following: Life is Not Knowledge

 

Man Know Thyself

 

Getting to know yourself implies getting to see how we function within ourselves – the relationship toward our own mind – as well as the relationships we have formed that we have called ‘Life.’ If we have a look at it, the law of our being is currently compromised by money and the delusion of ‘power’ – we have then created our own cave wherein we have delegated our power to play only with shadows, believing that those that cast them are ‘more than ourselves’ and even separate from who we really are.

The fact is that we have forgotten to ‘know ourselves’ as the understanding that: we have set the rules of the game, we have cheated ourselves into believing it was never our ‘creation’ and that we could blame some ‘God’ for it.  It is now our turn to establish some basic living-conditions that will enable Life to flourish where there has been none, previously.

 

“God is really all people know and then this is called Man know thyself –that should be Man know thyself as Life” – Bernard Poolman

 

What Plato described as ‘Real Knowledge’ within this context would be knowledge that can be lived as living-words that stand within a practical realization of what Life is and can be lived-as in this world. This is now re-defining the usual philosophical rhetoric that never lead to a tangible and useful ‘use of words.’

We have lived ‘knowledge’ in a separate realm within our reality.

Equating enlightenment to the ability that some ‘privileged ones’ have, as passing on knowledge to the ‘ignorant ones’ already places an unequal starting point within the game. The Lie that is accepted and allowed is that the world of ‘ideas’ is what is real, when in fact we words not lived have been a primordial separation from what is here as the physical reality.

 

If we take the Allegory of the Cave as an example to illustrate this, the Prisoners of are set ‘by default’ as the natural-condition we are born into – yet we invariably created at some point that is ‘not remembered.’ We get to this reality wherein we are placed to race within this ‘game of life’ to attain nothing else but Knowledge that will apparently ‘set us free’ and give us an actual realization of what ‘Reality’ is.

 

Who are then those that solace themselves casting the shadows of a make-believe reality for the prisoners? We all are.  Even before that! Why on Earth did we allow ourselves to place us in such a position as  ‘prisoners’ wherein some others would be casting the theatre of shadows ?

We did – in our attempt to be ‘more’ than the rest – self interest which later on was capitalized as seeing everything with eyes of ‘personal power’ and a strong desire to obtain anything and all that could fulfill a sense of ‘freedom.’

Once we start asking the pertinent questions to everything we’ve bought as our ‘reality,’ we’ll start really taking the illusion of the shadows and the light of knowledge for what it is: our own knowledge trap that would perpetuate ourselves as prisoners wanting to ‘get out of the cave’ through attaining this ‘ultimate knowledge’ which leads to a perpetual state of ‘happiness’ and ‘everlasting grace.’

Nowadays we call this process the pursuit of happiness.

 

The fire is specific – light as enlightenment that only a few can achieve if having enough money for it.

 

Anything that could have bound us to keep facing the wall of shadows as some invisible force as the White Light as God, as Consciousness, has been debunked. 

 

What is left then? The ingrained idea that what we are doing here as humanity is seeking ‘God,’ seeking Knowledge, seeking ‘The Truth’ that will ‘Set us Free.’

 

So, we direct such myths to explain our current reality to a point of support.

 

 

We Cast the Shadows

“So what we see and experience is not necessarily real, yet we give existence to anything from actual structures to thoughts, concepts, ideas anything possible by our human mind. Existence is that which we give existence to and as – becoming that which we experience ourselves within and as..”[6]

 

The reality of the prisoners was depending on the shadows casted by those set as the shadow-creators behind the prisoners. In our reality that role is performed by those with enough money in the world to dictate the rules and the reality: politicians, corporations, bankers, elites as families and sects that were deliberately placed in this reality in order to maintain ‘God’s order.’ The fact is that till this day, they are seen as the ones to blame for our current status of the world – we never realized that they are also part of the game and that in fact, we have all accepted and allowed it in an equal manner.

 

This makes us all responsible because, what is money but knowledge imposed onto this reality as an ‘unchangeable’ and ‘unchallengeable truth’ – it is our own deliberate system of separation to make some remain facing a wall with shadows while others had the light to cast the show. This is allowing some to remain as the directors of the game – apparently – as ‘more’ than those who remained ‘tied and bound’ to facing a wall as prisoners – they never could realize each other as equals. We have accepted the shadows to be as real the same way that those that were deliberately and placed in the position of ‘casting the shadows’ believed themselves to be in control of this existence. The fact is that not even the creators were actually ‘in control’ of what is here – Life is directing now.

 

 

At an individual level we create this ‘wall’ in front of us as well, whenever we keep believing that the shadow we see in front of us is ‘everything we are,’ we see ourselves trapped and enslaved by this self-image/ self-idea, without ever questioning why on Earth are we even bound to this cave-reality with shackles that can definitely be taken off if we all agree it IS what’s best for all to Live.

 

See, this premise of the ‘prisoners’ in reality is that “original sin” that we have believed we must ‘pay for’ and this is something that could not have been understood until now that we get to hear from our Real ‘forefathers’ where and how and why we are here on Earth. ^[2]

 

 

Within identifying the shadows as knowledge, as all the ideas and systems imposed onto this reality, we get to see how we are directly responsible for perpetuating and accepting this reality ‘as is,’ because it was all we had ever known.

 

We just ‘can’t’ remember that we created such forgetfulness in the first place, and this is where the importance of studying the Desteni material exists. We would not be able to tell the ‘truth’ of reality as is without having the ability to ‘know’ beyond our own mind as that only instrument of cognition within this reality. That is through the Interdimensional Portal which should already be regarded as a once in a lifetime opportunity for humanity to see and understand what we have become, why are we here on Earth, how is it that we have created this world in separation and from there, while being able to understand and educate ourselves about the actual process of Creation. We have been the Gods we have blamed for our current situation in the world: we have set the rules all along.

 

 

Out of the Cave into Reality

because we created it in the first place

We are all responsible because we all accepted and allowed even the creation of allegories and mythologies as plausible and ‘credible’  explanations to our own deliberate separation, to justify our beliefs, our spitefulness toward each other in disregard of the whole. We created our own demise through accepted and allowed separation from each other as words– we tried to make sense of this world through knowledge and information and forgetting about the reality that has and always remained here.  ^[2]

 

Without understanding HOW we created ourselves as the reality that each one of us is constantly living and playing-out within the context of replaying the past, present and future, we will remain holding on to this shadow-like reality wherein we can only complain, feel miserable about the idea that we accepted and allowed ourselves to actually become.  It is through our very own participation in the constant and continuous thinking and communication based on this idea of being ‘separated from source/ left by God,’ that we began creating these words as ‘who we are,’ as prisoners that have been forever cast out from the realization and living experience of being one and equal.^[3]

 

What are beliefs but words that are taken as ‘truths’ that eventually become part of our self-definition, it becomes ‘who we are’ without questioning it further.

 

“We are as real as what we have allowed ourselves to become as this world– the world being a system expression equal to our minds –we use our minds to create all the machines and technology–our minds interdimensionally actual looks exactly like the systems and machines and TV’s and computers we have in this world–that is our apparent evolution — the externalization of the mind into form — the next stage is the mind becoming actual physical form — this will be really tough to live through — prepare yourself effectively as all sentient life will face this in all ways” – Bernard Poolman

 

 

This is how we are walking a process of placing out the ‘truth’ of ourselves as thoughts, ideas, beliefs and perceptions of who we are, what we have become through our own accepted and allowed thoughts as patterns that we have continued playing out as ‘who we are.’ This goes from the micro to the macro – each self-belief as the self-religion that we have bound ourselves-to has become our own self-created cage that we feel we are betraying every time that we dare to equalize ourselves as God, as everything that is Here. How ludicrous! And some of us have gone to the extent of blaming a ‘god’ or some other beings in apparent  ‘higher positions’ for this separation, without ever actually realizing that: we did this to ourselves, I did this to myself, by a single belief in Separation.

 

 

Knowledge is ‘God’ and ‘God’ became an excuse

The words that created such separation as a belief became ‘our law,’ it became almost like ‘the word of God’ that no one ever dared to question again.

Knowledge is separation, words not lived are all lies told to justify our irresponsibility – we’ve knitted our own blindfold to remain in a victimized state within this world, feeling like the prisoners seeking to get out of the cave at any cost – even if that means enslaving our lives to menial jobs that could at least ‘shed some light’ to our day to day experience as temporary energetic fixes like fixating on love, happiness, bliss, light, money… Is this Living? No! Absolutely not – can we stop and change the current accepted reality? Of course we can.

Knowledge has  become our very own trap as the elaboration of words that could justify our deliberate belief on separation from what is Here. Knowledge became the words that we speak, the words that we have perpetuated as ‘who we are’ which is what is currently being taught as our philosophy, religion, morals, cultural values and mythologies wherein the role of ‘God’ is the utmost separation toward all humans^[4].

 

‎”Spreading the word of God is equivalent to spreading a message of terror – the fear it creates makes humans blind to reality.” 
– Bernard Poolman

 

It is madness to see how a single be-LIE-f has separated ourselves from Li(E)Fe through believing that only through a process of enLIEtenment we could ‘attain’ the truth of ourselves once again. Knowledge and information as God, as the ‘law of our being’ in absolute discordance to the reality that is HERE and has always been here.

In essence this is us showing/ revealing to ourselves how it is that blaming and projecting our own misery, feeling ‘enslaved’ to this world is a self-created belief that we then formed as ourselves as the physical reality we live in now, creating the idea of the ‘original sin’ that we then would have to redeem ourselves from.

 

“We are the Living-Words that has become Contaminated by the Knowledge we have Accepted.” Bernard Poolman ^[5]

 

We are here to establish the living principle we have neglected while following knowledge. We have been ‘separated’ from reality, never realizing that such separation has been self-created and never inflicted by a higher-being. We must now as a matter of self-responsibility make sure we dissect all possible separation that is now ingrained at the systematic level of our reality – as our laws, policies and values that are embedded on to anything as a price tag.

We have justified suffering and abuse through our own elaborate words as knowledge. Who is the real ‘evil’ in this word then?

It’s time to take Self Responsibility for our creation, it cannot be ‘clearer’ than this that it is us the ones that have played the joke on this existence.

 

“Seek life–dump knowledge–who you really are created knowledge–let your creation not be the controller of you as creator”   Bernard Poolman

 

 

Sources:

[2] ‘The Cross’ – Atlantean Interviews through the Interdimensional Portal. Desteni,  2012

[3] ‘The Decision’ – Atlantean Interviews through the Interdimensional Portal. Desteni, 2012

[4] ‘The Friction’ – Atlantean Interviews through the Interdimensional Portal. Desteni, 2012

[5] Poolman, Bernard. “Knowledge.” Bernard Poolman Quotes. Desteni, 01 Mar 2012. Web. 1 Mar 2012. <http://bernardpoolmanquotes.wordpress.com/2012/03/01/knowledge/>.

[6]  “What is existence?.” Desteni. Desteni, n.d. Web. 1 Mar 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/questions-and-perspectives-what-is-existence>.

 

Suggested Read:

Poolman, Bernard. ” The Age of Knowledge – The Point of Consciousness and The Power of Now.” Desteni. Desteni, 21 Aug 09. Web. 1 Mar 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/interviews-from-the-farm-23-the-age-of-knowledge-the-point-of-consciousness-and-the-power-of-now>.

Poolman, Bernard. “’The Secret Knowledge of God’.” Desteni. Desteni, 18 Dec 09. Web. 1 Mar 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/interviews-from-the-farm-42-the-secret-knowledge-of-god>.

“What was the White Light and why did it exist?.” Desteni. Desteni, 2007. Web. 1 Mar 2012. http://desteni.org/a/questions-and-perspectives-what-was-the-white-light-and-why-did-it-exist.

2012 What’s your Mark?

What has ‘marked you’ in your life? If you ask yourself this question you might come up with a memory, a moment in your life that ‘changed it all’ for you. Does that define who you are? Another answer would be having physical marks that could indicate the walk in time-space wherein our physical body starts to deteriorate according to the current experience of ‘getting older’ – does that define your current experience in any way? Marks are also qualifications, standards, requirements, symbols, representations, points of reference – setting up marks as goals can also be applied the same way, competing against ourselves. In essence, we could say they are imprints that we create and regard as a reminder of something, someone, identifying ourselves with a particular something/ someone for the sake of keeping track of ourselves.

There’s also a general desire to ‘leave a mark’ in this world – that’s almost the type of purposes we all had, whether it is going toward the usual success and pursuit of happiness associated with fame and glory, or the opposite polarity as becoming that point that leaves a mark as a reminder of everything that is wrong in society; that’s for example how serial killers have remained as transcendental beings for showing/ revealing the extremes of the accepted and allowed ‘human nature,’ they played out the reality that we have secluded and kept ‘secret’ within ourselves – they became the manifestation of what has existed in every single being’s mind as the idea of harm, abuse and violence toward ourselves/another. Such beings have tainted/ left a mark in human history that can be regarded as ‘negative’ – however we have all been the creators of such actions, regardless of the initial point of denial to take Self Responsibility for this that may come up while reading these words.

Some others seek to leave a ‘great mark’ in their lifetime, becoming someone ‘outstanding’ and influencing this reality in a  ‘positive’ way – these are people that are usually honored/ reminded in society as benevolent beings. From here all the delusional stages of light and bliss, god, angels, positivity, good vibes and the divine stem from, never ever questioning how it is that we have created of ourselves heroes and villains just to maintain a fuckedup status quo of ‘good vs. evil’ that apparently keeps everything in ‘balance’ which implies that the friction is not eradicated.

We can see that it is such desire for peace/ balance/ harmony that we are  not supporting ourselves to consider the root and cause of everything that goes on in our reality that is currently not supporting life, not supporting our expression, but only existing as beings that are always apparently subject to experiencing the highs and lows of ‘reality.’

As much as we would like to neglect the following, it must be said: it is within our little bubble (mind) wherein we walk a lifetime trying to ‘leave a mark’ in this world. We become so self-absorbed in our own realm of oddities and stories as the personal mythology that we neglect the world that is here, physically revealing to ourselves what happens when we stop watering a plant: it dies. This is a single example of how this reality had been specifically designed to keep us all well entertained with our own mind – and the relationships we have formed in it – as a form of never questioning or even having the least consideration to look at other beings’ life-experiences in this same world. Opening our eyes to see how it is that we spent our lives trying to create an effigy of ourselves in the name of whatever we believed in – and wanted to be ‘reminded’ for –  is only another mindfuck that reveals to what extent we as humanity have neglected reality while seeking to outdo our personal scores, to leave our mark.

Winning, competing, striving, fighting, outdoing, overcoming are actions that imply a necessary effort to accept a starting point of ‘adversities’ that we have accepted and allowed as ‘how life is.’ Isn’t this world now looking like a rat race in a labyrinth wherein each one is only trying to find the most ‘outrageous’ way to get through it? This comes to mind as I see the usual world that billions are immersed into: entertainment, TV, music industry, fashion, glory, big business, pursuing happiness, being Special.

To me leaving a ‘mark’ is wanting to be Special and exist in any possible way wherein we make ourselves ‘more’ than the rest, become ‘different’ by any possible means wherein we can make sure that we ‘leave a statement’ which is usually  linked to a single belief, a single character we decided to play in our life. Some dedicate their lives to be benevolent, others to play out the villain, others to simply seek happiness regardless of anything that may come on their way.

We have all played out these roles and, at the moment, all of this bs is what’s stepping on top of the lives that have no desire to be ‘special’ or even enough energy to think what type of ‘mark’ they would want to leave in this world, simply because they have no food, no water, they have no house to live in, they have no proper education and they are mostly used to living in constant fight or flight mode, merely surviving or even having to mitigate their daily struggle to live in the physical level using any form of drug – not for ‘recreational processes’ but to stop thinking about being hungry and having no means to feed themselves. The same goes for all the slave workers that dream of ever being able to leave such hideous jobs while having no possibility to do so, leading them to now leave a mark that is mostly a reflection of the consequences we can create in a world that doesn’t support all beings equally: they commit suicide.

I am watching a news report on Homs, the Syrian city that has been extensively terrorized the past weeks with as much as 4 detonations every 5 minutes, a conflict where thousands of people have already died including civilians of course, the usual ‘casualties’ wherein kids have their brains blown off by bombs, wherein people have lost their family and friends already – “Where is the UN?” is the question they ask themselves, where are the so-called ‘Human Rights’ organizations?– We all know that such ‘unity’ is non existent in this world as long as there are interests behind the gears that move this reality. It is obvious that such consistent war is financed for ‘higher purposes’ of control and conquering the territory to have access to the resources, that is also a statement of ‘creating a mark’ in means of showing ‘who’s the boss’ now.  CNN has placed this ‘warning’ sign at the beginning of each segment saying that ‘the graphic nature of the content may not be suitable for all viewers’ – how come this reality is censored when it comes to seeing/ witnessing in a voyeuristic manner the outflows of the human ego trying to take control an entire territory for the sake of money? How could we neglect these events while entertaining ourselves with our personal lifestyles seeking glory and power?

We have accepted such war scenes as ‘normal,’ as ‘part of the necessarily evil in this world’ as some dare to call it.  Yet on the other side of the coin, people mourn the ‘loss of a star’ in the entertainment industry while celebrating with pompous awards wherein people carry thousands of dollars on top of themselves to look ‘great,’ to leave and set a mark in the world, to win something. This is the type of madness we are living in – yet all I see is that who I am in this world as part of it all is linked to such entertainment industry, because I consume it one way or another  – I am not apparently linked to anything that goes on in the middle East, yet I use the same money and resources  that are the ‘hidden causes’ of such wars.

‎”If suffering were payment for karma, the elite would be in hell in every breath. The system of money as it now exist proves that karma is not functional in this world at all at the moment.” – Bernard Poolman

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: we are living in a bi-polar world. I cannot still fathom how anyone that is willing to pay over a 1000 dollars for a pair of shoes can neglect this entire reality wherein people are starving and could eat for several months with such amount of money – how low can we go? The same can be applied to someone that could only seek to harm and abuse others to make evident the already accepted and allowed abuse, yet only wanting to perpetuate themselves as a character that did this in order to ‘make a statement,’ which is how the regular terrorist organizations work and function like. Either poles and all the stages in between, are not supporting ways wherein all beings could actually unite for the very first time within a single principle to establish equal possibilities to Live,  having a constant and consistent form of support that could place all in an equal ground to LIVE.

I mean, come on! All our system of ‘leaving a mark’ just to be reminded in a certain person’s mind, in a history book, in a certain piece of reality for the sake of exalting ourselves as the ego that we have only existed within/ as our minds, must cease to exist, because it is in this very pursuit of a goal that we end up forgetting about anyone and everything in this world. This is how we turn ‘the world’ into a me-myself-and-I situation within a limited scope of reality comprised in our mind.

What would be the ‘mark’ that I would like to create in this world? Leaving a mark that would ‘taint’ everyone with a self-honest realization of having to live by the principle of what’s best for all in order to stop the current accepted madness in this world. The mark would be living as the example of what is possible if we set a single goal for humanity: Walking a lifetime dedicating myself to create a world that’s best for all, a world wherein the future generations can come and finally stop the recrimination and projection of blame to the ‘ones that came before them,’ because of not having done anything to stop the cycles of abuse and disregard of life in this reality.

I’m looking at and being part of a very strange phenomena that is already leaving a ‘trace/ mark’ in this world and this is what we are doing as Destonians, as people that are  paving a non-existent road in this world which is walking the way to establish Self-Equality in all forms/ ways in this reality.

How to transform the world from this manic-driven self-inflicted ego possessions of importance, competition, rivalry, superiority and general madness wherein we have made ourselves to accept inequality, injustice and wars in the name of progress? We place and create ourselves as the solution: we stop within ourselves existing as that constant coming and going between poles of right and wrong, good and bad, as that friction and struggle that we create at a mind level and stand as the point that allows the world to see that: we don’t have to seek answers and solutions outside of ourselves, we must become the point that stops and corrects the current ‘human nature’ we are still playing out.

If we look at the marks in the bodies of people  from having to experience war and be part of the set of ‘casualties’ within a careless money-driven conflict, such marks can only remind us one single thing: we cannot perpetuate a world that is biased in nature, that is bipolar and has lost all sense of regarding any other being as oneself, losing a sense of reality while being indoctrinated with what media, society, educational systems have  told us that ‘we should be’ which is not based or even pointing at the necessary implementation of an Equal World  – at all.

Do people that have no money have an option to ‘leave a mark’ in this world’? As harsh as it may sound, they do – only as part of a number in a statistic of people that are living in poverty, that are starving, have no means to aspire for a better living condition or have died in a war.

Turn your TV on, glance through all the channels, see the variety of realities that are fictional and real that we are creating as a reflection of ourselves in this world. We don’t have to go that far to look ‘outside’ for that madness and general chaos – we just have to look within ourselves in our minds: that’s where the chaos begins. This is how we begin a process of Self Honesty to investigate how and why we are participating in the current reality in such selfless manners until we become the point that Stops.

The one and only mark as the final goal of each one of us is one and equal = establish Life in Equality for all, self-forgiving all our personal-scores to create and leave the ‘best mark of it all,’  the best mark that could ever and should only exist is: Equality as Life – right now, we only carry the mark of having accepted and allowed a world of abuse.

Time to open our eyes, time to start looking at what we accept and allow in our world, what do we occupy our mind with, how much do we actually ‘care’ about our own personal-marks as the constant competition to become someone ‘better,’ instead of simply vowing ourselves to live a lifetime of self-support for ourselves and for the rest of this existence that is now crying out for ‘help,’ which can only come if we all work together and stand up for Life.

We are all responsible, it is impossible to deny this any longer.

Choose Life.

Burst the bubble @ desteni.org