Tag Archives: mood

242. Overwhelmed by the Abuse upon Life?

194. Let the Mask Fall!

Human Perception is our Greatest Enemy. Because, it has Devolved into Complete Separation as Self-Interest where the Individual will do its Utmost, to Ensure its own Comfort, Luxury and Survival – No Matter What. That is Extremely Unpleasant – to Watch a World, where Not a Single Face Presented in any way, can be Trusted to be the Real Face. It is Disheartening, to be in a World where no-one really Care. No matter how much Doomsday we have every day, no matter how many Living Beings die – there is just Silence. Not even a Cry. And, no one Shed a Tear. All Accepted, and Allowed.” – Bernard Poolman+

 

Please read the previous entry 241. The EndGame Show: 2012 to get a context on the points I’ll be walking in Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the consideration of humanity being fucked, having no regard to any other human being, I cultivated a desire to have everything be wiped out/ humanity disappearing and within this, create a layer of disdain toward humanity as a whole, without realizing that in this I was simply projecting blame onto others within a stance of superiority/innocence as if I had not participated in every single point that is leading us to this current situation of being close to our own annihilation and annihilating the lives of every single particle that is also here as part of who we are, without realizing that by the sheer fact of me existing, I am equally responsible to any single point I could criticize/ judge or even be ashamed of that other human beings represent in this world.

 

When and as I see myself participating within a quiet-desire for everything to just ‘disappear’ and have humanity wiped out, I stop and I breathe. I realize that facing the reality that we have all participated in is certainly part of what we have to breathe through because I realize that my experience and my desires to ‘end it all’ have no ability to support any being for that matter. Thus I breathe and stop participating in any thoughts that contribute to separating myself from others and the responsibility we all hold as having been equal participants within the current state of humanity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disgust as ourselves, human beings, for doing what we’re doing onto each other and every single animal, plant and small particle as part of our existence that we are abusing and simply disregarding within any consideration of them all being also part of what should be regarded as equal, equally valuable, equally important to make life on Earth possible but instead, we have become so imbued in our own pursuit of happiness, of a good time that everyone is just caring after their own well being and survival, because we have all collectively accepted a system wherein one just care-after oneself only, never promoting an actual collective sense of existence/ coexisting and requiring the same points to live thus

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the evil that I judge and create emotional experiences about when witnessing it within my reality, is nothing else but the consequential outflow of a collective agreement wherein we have accepted and allowed disparity, inequality and scarcity toward fellow human beings, simply because of accepting a country’s economy, a race, a region of the world and the disparity in currencies as actually ‘acceptable’ and ‘real,’ without realizing that in this make-believe world-system, we had never questioned why we haven’t been genuinely benevolent to each other to stop all forms of political, economical and social separations in order to Grant Access to all that is required to live as natural resources and necessary tools to be able to thrive as humanity no matter where we are located in this world.  Within this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that judging the Evil in humanity is absolutely unnecessary since it is only another layer of self-preoccupation and self-experience added to the already existent selfishness that exists within/as the human mind that only caters for its own benefit individually, disregarding the collective and ecosystem that enables life to be possible on Earth.

When and as I see myself judging humanity/ a single human being’s actions as evil, nasty, spiteful, shameful or any other adjective that points out a degradation of life, I stop and I breathe. I realize that reducing myself in one single moment to assess/ participate in such judgmental activity becomes another link in the chain of self-abuse, because I am only generating yet another emotional experience that only feeds the same mind that is the very starting point of this whole problem in our reality in the first place, since who we are as the mind is the one that thrives upon friction and conflict to generate enough energy to feed itself from the actual physicality that we are here – thus within this realization and as a point of self correction in the moment: I direct myself to breathe through the surge of energy as contempt, disdain, shame and anger and follow through to apply Self-Forgiveness out loud in order to bring myself back to the physical reality wherein I can focus on supporting myself to do/ say that which will support me to Live and others to also realize the same instead of projecting and compounding yet another form of rivalry and antagonism toward others in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that every time I participate in any form of anger toward ‘humanity’ as a mass, as a group in its totality and identify ‘humanity’ as irresponsible is indicating only where I am currently standing as myself, and reacting to that which I would have also participated myself, even if it’s through actually rejoicing at watching another’s series of unfortunate events which already raises attention to see to what extent we have come to be lax about what we deem as entertaining just because of the Experience that we get from it as an energetic kick out of watching another suffering – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rejoice in watching another’s suffering which is quite a common point in our humanity, wherein because of the fear that we get from hypothetically placing ourselves in the shoes of the person, we would create the opposite experience as a positive experience through vicariously enjoying watching another going through events that are deliberately evil as a problematic situations in our so-called lives and call that entertaining, without realizing that in all of this Self-Experience we are only focusing on ourselves and our personal ‘good’ experience –  but in no way are we actually considering what is it that we are in fact laughing/ rejoicing about and become Aware of what we accept and allow to be commonly experienced as entertaining/ fulfilling without having a clue WHY we rejoice at such evil and generate a positive out of a negative.

 

When and as I see myself generating any form of either positive or negative experience through judging others, I stop and I breathe within the realization that it is within the participation of myself as my mind that I will only contribute to the already existent/portrayed point of experience as ‘common’ and ‘acceptable’ within us human beings, without realizing it is within such participation that we neglect and forget about being equal living beings but only opt for rejoicing in an experience at a mind level of either a positive or a negative that is equally abusive to who we are as physical beings – and to understand this and why please, educate yourself with the Quantum Mind Self Awareness interviews, so one can make an informed decision of why we require to stop all participation in our minds of thoughts/ emotions/ feelings as positive or negative energetic reactions and to start learning how to honor each other as physical beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the disgust projected toward ‘humanity’ that I have participated in before and that emerged after watching a group of people deciding upon another being’s life to go through the worst-case scenarios, is in fact my own self-interest and selfish self-experience wherein I am placing myself as ‘above’ those that are making the decisions, as if I was absolutely innocent within such outflow and being completely responsible toward myself , my own mind and my physical reality which I am not yet – thus I see, realize and understand that I can only generate any form of contempt, disdain and disgust toward ‘humanity’ as a single concept in my mind that I have used to abdicate my own responsibility toward myself, toward within my mind and what such participation contributes with as ‘who I am’ within this world.

 

Thus I commit myself to walk absolutely diligently to establish myself as a physical living being that stops in all ways and forms contributing to the same cycles of abuse through judgment, creating emotional experiences upon such judgment and in the end doing nothing to establish solutions but remain as a single victim that adds up to the rest of the victims that believe one have no ‘power’ to change things, without realizing that we have never in fact have any form of ‘power’ upon ourselves in reality until now that we are realizing we can become self-directive beings that deliberately decide to support/ be and become the solution to establish Life in Equality.

I realize that we have never in fact have any form of actual power or control over this reality and that who we are as living beings require physical self-correction to stop participating in the mind assessing one’s performance as either evil or good – step out of any form of positive or negative energetic experience upon assessing our reality, and instead focus on physical solutions that don’t require any form of judgment, contempt, desire to retaliate others or simply ‘wipe them out,’ as that is obviously foolishly again contributing to the same patterns of separation/ abuse and neglect toward one another.

(Listen to Why it is Important to Investigate the Negative – Part 135 for further education and understanding of what we are in fact facing when we deal with the Evil in this world)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce physical beings to ‘evil characters’ in my mind in order to then create within myself an experience of/as an ‘offended character’ without realizing how in this single participation of any form of backchat or speaking to myself about how ‘fucked we are’ as humanity is only contributing to further characterization and in fact maiming our ability to stand up because within that I am accepting and allowing ourselves to be ‘fucked’ as in powerless, having no ability to self-direct ourselves and essentially within that, accept and allow myself to diminish myself to a single self-defeatism experience that is only existent in my mind – thus

 

When and as I see myself judging people for being ‘evil’ and ‘mean’ and ‘irresponsible’ in my mind, I stop and I breathe. I direct myself to Not participate in these thoughts in any way whatsoever but instead learn about how we function as humanity and see the practical ways in which I can ensure I stop the perpetual cycles of self-abuse such as opposing/ judging or ‘being ashamed’ of being a human being and instead focus on walking the solution to humanity as myself: stopping our minds of desires, wants and needs that lead us to such evil in the first place and become the example of how it is possible to simply look at humanity and have an empty mind, take the facts and propose solutions.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as judgment toward others and reacting emotionally upon another’s actions and projecting blame upon ‘them,’ instead of first taking the point back to self to see where I am in fact reacting because of me being doing the same or simply creating an emotional experience about this spitefulness toward life that I then co-create by participating in my mind of emotions and feelings. I realize that this physical reality is being physically disregarded, exploited and abused and my emotional experience toward it won’t change a thing – I rather absolutely stop, forgive myself for any reaction and continue breathing in my self-stability to be able to direct myself to create solutions, become the solution myself by stopping following my own wants, desires, needs that may in any harm one’s and another’s life.

 

When and as I see myself existing in self judgment and within any emotional experience toward others in my reality, I stop and I breathe within the realization that whatever experience, thought I create toward others in no way contributes to an actual living-solution. Thus I direct myself to instead understand the point that I am judging, see ‘who I am’ toward it, how I am participating in it and in self-awareness direct myself to establish a solution for that which I am judging, which begins by me stopping judging it/ becoming emotional about it and then focus on physical directions/ solutions that can be implemented in order to prevent such ‘evil situation’ from happening in the first place.

 

I realize that we are abusing in the name of satisfying one’s ego and entertainment in this case, wherein the worst-case scenario decisions are being made in order to have a ‘good time’ as a form of entertainment. The same happens when we exert our anger upon others as a form of vindicating our position as victims in this world which becomes nothing else but another grain added to the sack of the plethora of beings that would rather fight against the system/ oppose the government/ retaliate against corporations/ religious institutions and any other association in separation of life that are in no way envisioning a collective agreement to support each other as equals and within that, correcting the root of evil that we have all become and participated within without any form of physical awareness of who we are in fact fighting against.

 

If Karma Existed – as a Real Law of Consequence and Man had to Pay for What has been Allowed on Earth: there would be No End to Suffering for All on Earth, Virtually for Eternity Now. Many Hope to Escape the Consequence, by Finding all kinds of Saviors. How can anyone Save you from yourself – If you are not Willing to do it for yourself? If you are not Willing to Change you, Why must someone else Change you? Because that is your Greatest Fear, that you Claim that anyone else that try and change you, is Brainwashing you… it is Such a Conundrum, the Perfect Trap.”Bernard Poolman+

 

 

When and I see myself wanting to blame and project a single experience of disdain toward human beings for the acts they are perpetrating as any form of abuse toward life  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that such abuse is happening all the time in our reality and that my experience contributes to such abuse. Thus I stop, I breathe, I become aware of the abuse, I trace the point to see how such abuse is created in order to ensure that such root-cause of the abuse is self-corrected within me at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can only generate an experience upon that which I have participated/ been/ become myself  – thus any form of externalization of judgment is only a key point that I can direct myself to immediately take it back to self, investigate where and how I have become that which I am judging in others and take self responsibility for it. Such as ever rejoicing in watching another’s pain and suffering which we can condemn as ‘evil,’ however we are all inflicting such pain and suffering by the single acceptance of Money as a system to obtain that which we require to live, and such money is not readily available to all human beings equally, that is the real reverse of life that we are All blindly accepting and allowing in this world-system.

 

I realize that if I was aware of the abuse that we are All Collectively directly inflicting upon each other, upon each animal, insect, plant, life particle in this reality, I would have been consumed by my own anger, shame and remorse about it. Thus existing in guilt, shame, remorse, anger and sadness about what we are Doing upon this world is actually self interest – and within that, wanting to ‘wipe out humanity’ is simply in fact just opting to ‘get a quick fix’ to not have to face the consequences we have all co-created in/as this world we’re living in. This is our Doomsday, this is what we participate in on a daily basis beginning with ourselves in our own minds – thus

 

I commit myself to stop participating within my own Mood-change as my self-doom by creating emotional experiences upon the abuse, evil and neglect upon life and walk my physical process to actually become Life / Live as the reverse of all that evil that I can simply then become aware of, establish the root-cause of such evil, plan a solution that I can live and implement as what’s best for all and as such, promote solutions, promote and become the way that we can practically correct the patterns that have we tend to simply judge or become overwhelmed by in self interest as a personal experience.

 

I realize that my responsibility toward this world cannot be possibly corrected or ‘washed away’ with any form of immediate self destruction, as that would be similar to simply ascending/dying as in leaving our consequence behind as this physical world/ the Earth that is holding all our evil deeds as proof of how we can neglect each other and life with such an ease that should be a focus of attention to start creating a sense of self-responsibility and self-worth as life as equals, because as long as I expect consequence to ‘hit others’ and place myself out of the equation, I am still existing in such self interest as in seeing myself as ‘superior’ to those that I believe are the ‘evil ones,’ without realizing that we’re All in this together and we have Always been together in this co-creative process in existence, therefore there is no way out of facing ourselves, no matter what.

 

I commit myself to live the realization how within any form of desire/want and need to only satisfy my self experience as either in a positive or negative experience about another’s thoughts/words/deeds, I am equally contributing to perpetuating this system of abuse, as the system is founded upon satisfying our wants/ needs and desires through making them available through a monetary system that is already set to only benefit some – within this it is to realize how delusional it is that we have all collectively agreed to only benefit ‘some’ and disregard the majority using reasoning, logic, beliefs and ‘laws’ even to protect such elitist granting of ‘living rights and guarantees’ that have become the reflection of how our own minds function: care for yourself and nevermind the rest –

 

Therefore I take the point of self responsibility toward myself, my own mind and become  a physical living example of how it is possible to become a contribution to Life/ Living and sharing myself, my process within this with others so that more can become aware of another way of living as equals, wherein we can in fact then establish an actual self-awareness to see what we are rejoicing with, to become aware of how it is through our desire/want and need to have certain positive experiences that we overlook the abuse that lies beneath it. And this is existent virtually everywhere since this world and reality has become the epitome of evil and everything that is the reverse of life.

 

Thus, I commit myself to continue living a process of physical integrity as life wherein my thoughts/words/deeds speak and express that which I realize we are, that which I realize has to be done and implemented in this world in order to no more support and cater for the abuse toward fellow living species/beings and become life myself, as that is the actual living-example that can propitiate and place in motion the necessary changes that are urgent in this world, such as establishing the Equal Money System that will certainly enable people to be relieved from having to exist in an endless payroll and survival mode, competing to ‘make a living,’ and instead, have enough time to support themselves, to learn about how our mind works, how to support oneself to become a living-self aware being that is self-responsible through the tools of self-support that are the only ones that will enable us to realize our responsibility within this reality, which are writing, Self-Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application, Breathing and sharing because acting alone is futile in this Journey to Life wherein the outcome will always affect the whole.

 

More to come…

 

Further Self Support:

 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that with parent-child, teacher-classroom, Money-humanity relationships being based on Elitism of/as “the One / Chosen One”, has become platforms within humanity that propagate Competition for Survival – put Man against Man, Man against the Physical/Earth, as all compete for/as their Survival, their Elitism, their “specialness, uniqueness, importance” energy experiences, that we would within such relationships – not consider: a solution to this physical existence where we ensure that each parent is equipped to have children, that each child is ensured a life from birth to death, that all children are ensured an equal and one education, that each human being co-exist within a World System that contribute to life on earth. But, we’ve conditioned/submitted ourselves, our Minds to the systems of this world, in ‘how life has always been’ – instead of standing up, and changing, and taking responsibility for ourselves, for those that have gone before us, with what ‘life on earth’ has become.” – Sunette Spies *

 

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Blogs:

 

Interviews that support oneself to understand how to walk our process within the perspective of consequence and informed decisions:

 

Vlog:

2012 Doomsday Character: Sick of Humanity? – YouTube
2012: Overwhelmed with Tears by Media – YouTube
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104. Anger Intimidation in Communication

 
This point is exploring how our ability to communicate is influenced when and as we are in the presence of a person that is clearly possessed by anger and/or in a bad mood, wherein we then mirror the person’s experience as if it was our own and take ‘our position’ within the game/ situation, playing out a character that will most likely in our minds lead us to believe that we were the ones to blame/ we were the cause of the problem, as that ensues a process of becoming the ‘victim’ of another’s mood/ mind possession in order to remain in a ‘good stand’ within our mind, justifying why we didn’t speak up and remain constant and consistent within our application to not participate in any form of emotional blackmail, but instead lead the moment with communicating here as breath, ensuring that we present a solution to the situation/ problem instead of becoming part of the problem by reacting in an emotional manner toward another’s experience.

 

Here I describe a memory of being in the kitchen with my mother and my father getting home to have lunch – the moment I would realize he was in a ‘bad mood,’ I would immediately go into fear and petrification, not wanting to be the ‘target’ of his anger by picking on anything he could to complain about me in any way – this means, taking it personal and becoming influenced by another’s mind possession/ mood in the form of anger in this case.

In such event I eventually spoke to get what I wanted, after having feared speaking and trying to find the ‘right moment to interject,’ while being consumed with anxiety and fear – hence the correction will unfold to point out how the moment we ‘mirror’ another’s experience = we become part of the mind-game and as such, we miss our ability to be self-directive no matter what.

We are able to support another by not participating in their mind-game/ not playing the victim and or try and ‘fight their possession,’ but instead remain here in constancy and consistency in and as breath, creating and establishing solutions instead of adding up to the list of retaliation and further grudge-creation over time.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition my entire communication with another based on the mood they are presenting in the moment, wherein if they are in an angry mode, I would go into immediate fear and quietness in order to not disturb the angry person further, which is how I wrought this idea of myself as being a nuisance because of being the blank in my mind of ‘the angry person exerting it all out on me,’ which is part of how I have manipulated myself throughout my life to not take responsibility for my own suppression and hesitation to express and be self directive – but instead would allow me to simply be a victim of the situation and using it as a form of self pity in order to feel like I had been ‘wronged’ by others, when in fact it was only we reacting to someone else’s anger and fearing anger itself as something that is more than me in the moment, playing the ‘victimized’ character that ‘bears’ the angry person.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the experience that others are presenting in a moment in my reality, such as if a person was angry or depressed, I would go into self suppressed anger and depression as well, which is how I would immediately give into the character presented in front of me instead of ever standing up in the moment and realizing that I do not have to participate in the same emotional game, but can instead be and remain self-directive at all times with and as myself, understanding that if others exert their anger onto others, it is not to be taken personal, but rather see what is being said and establish a practical solution for the point of irritation, realizing that anger and any other emotion will not change in any way the reality and the points that are being faced in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go immediately go into tension the moment that I perceive that my father is angry and that I am ‘on his way’ which means that I can be yelled at for being a nuisance/ an obstacle on his way, which is a metaphorical way to also see how I have played out the pattern of when and as facing the anger/ bad mood of another, I would go into immediate submission and fear instead of standing up in the moment and not allowing myself to be affected by it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sarcasm with my mother about my father’s mood which became a way to speak out the backchat that would in a way ‘smooth out the moment’ as the actual tension that I would experience when having to be in the presence of my father being angry, as well as the projection I’d made toward my mother of being equally tense, but smoothing it out with jokes/ sarcasm as to make ourselves above the situation, when in fact within doing so, we were giving actual ‘power to it’ fully and completely.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in sarcasm whenever I see myself facing an uncomfortable situation such as facing someone’s anger, which is a pattern that I have copied from my mother from the situations and moments when we would ‘make fun’ of my father’s hissy fits and laugh about it, which would make him even more angry and silent, which is how I came to fear silence because of not knowing if he would just explode in any given moment or not – yet laughed about the sarcasm as a way to cope with the actual stress and tension in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ‘quiet mode’ and not communicating at all with my father when and I would perceive and see that he is absolutely angry / in a bad mood, which would make me ‘afraid’ of even speaking to him just because of not wanting to be cursed at or yelled at or replied in some angry manner, because of knowing how when he’d be angry, he’s use any point as any ‘flaw’ within me in order to exert his anger onto everyone around him – hence I would keep quiet.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a point of fear and petrification whenever my father was angry at lunch time, because that would mean that any thing that I required to ask him – such as money to buy books/ things I required for school – would be received as a ‘give me give me’ attitude that I knew would be replied with an angry negative answer to my request.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from the fear of asking something to my father, I would remain instead quiet building up the tension and anxiety doubting every single moment whether I’d be courageous enough to speak to him or not, which would consume my very moment instead of ever considering breathing and simply speaking out, not taking it personal if he did eventually exert his anger onto me.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to ‘find the right moment to interject,’ without realizing that there were Not going to be any ‘right moment,’ as all such moment was simply going to remain in a tense status quo that I simply had to break-through in the moment by actually voicing myself and my request toward him.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my entire beingness according to being in the presence of an angry person, such as my father, and as such mimic the person’s experience and make it my own, wherein I then became just a supporter of the mind possession by actually fearing to interact with another that is and was clearly mind possessed in anger and frustration.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I felt ‘helpless’ within a situation, turn to my mother for answers, simply because I could not see myself as having equal authority toward myself and my own life, wherein I wanted her to ‘soothe out’ the moment with my father instead of me simply directing my request to him and talking without any fear about what I required in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to remain silent and quiet whenever there was a situation of ‘anger’ within another, which is how I became submissive toward people that would go into anger with great ease, simply because of fearing that such anger would be exerted toward me with ‘rough words’ that I would immediately react to in sadness and anger within myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt whenever I had to ask my father for money when I knew that he had not have a good day at work, because that would make me feel like a nuisance that had to be ‘paid for,’ and as such remaining quiet and not wanting to complain and be as ‘cooperative’ as possible by going into absolute silence and conforming to not speak – which I would only breakthrough if the need was absolutely necessary in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a load toward my father, and believing that because I was asking him for money I was in fact adding myself up to his ‘problems,’ which I used as a a justification and excuse to think and believe that it would be better for me to not exist/ not wanting others to spend money on my living, which is a pattern that I took as a form of ‘austerity’ in a self-deprecating way.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in everything I would do simply because of the fear of not wanting to be an economical nuisance to my father since I was a child, thus becoming overtly self-conscious about my expenses and being extremely aware of how to spend my money and handling it with fear as if it was ‘more’ than myself, simply because of how I would see that the lack of money would create a lot of stress in my father, and I simply didn’t’ want to be part of the problem – thus I would refrain and abstain myself from asking more than whatever I really needed, which I didn’t take in common sense but as a form of repression and fear, which became my relationship toward money and the relationship toward my father as the ‘financial supporter’ in my life.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself going into suppression because of how I perceive another to be angry or in a bad mood and ready to burst it out onto others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I do not have to mimic another’s mind possession but instead direct myself to communicate here as breath if it is ultimately necessary to speak and as such, be able to support another indirectly to see that there is no point in keeping oneself in anger as there can be no solutions in anger to solve/ fix that which one is angry about

 

When and as I see myself deciding not to speak to another due to how I see they are mind possessed in anger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this decision is being made out of fear of being shouted/ yelled at which is just a point of fear that I created for myself in order to stand then as a victim, which was getting into another character to not face the fact that I had in fact become another’s emotional reaction as well- thus I support myself to speak whenever I require to do so, not giving more ‘power away’ to the person that is angry, but directing myself in common sense at all times, as I see that within me stopping playing out the counter act character, I am in fact assisting and supporting another/ others to see that it is unnecessary to react in anger if there is an actual solution that can be walked and implemented by all participants in common sense.

 

When and as I see myself taking another’s anger as something personal/ directed toward me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all emotions and feelings are in fact self created – thus it is always about the creator and their responsibility over their own experiences, which is then how I realize that in no way do I have to ‘follow the game’ of anger and emotional blackmail in order to conduct a particular situation as that only leads to further character creation.

 

Therefore, I assist myself to simply speak and communicate as usual and not give into another’s negative expression/ reactions in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself immediately going into a physical tension and self-suppression when facing someone that is angry, I stop and I breathe, I realize that in me reacting physically toward another’s mood/ anger in this case is just supporting the character and in no way enabling the other person to actually see the character for what it is and eventually, step out of the possession if they are willing to take responsibility for themselves as I take responsibility for me not acting-along with the moody character

 

When and as I see myself going into victimization according to how I have believed and perceived that I am ‘standing on someone’s feet’ as in being a nuisance, an obstacle or plain annoying in another’s presence while and during their mind possession I stop and I breathe – I realize that any form of suppression I would use as a way to then justify my own self-victimization and further spitefulness toward those that I had victimized myself from – therefore I see and realize that there is no point in participating in anger and sadness and further fear with others possessed by such emotions, but instead direct me to keep my application practical at all times without following an emotional drift toward it.

 

When and as I see myself being sarcastic about another’s angry mood as a means to smooth the tension and self-suppression, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I would do this in order to feel good about myself, as if I was ‘over the anger’ by being able to make fun of it, without realizing that in this I simply developed yet another character in order to cope with others and their reality of becoming absolutely angry/ pissed off in a given moment.

 

When and as I see myself fearing to speak and communicate out fear of making another even more angry or ‘blowing things up,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that within me fearing, I give absolute space for another’s mind possession to fully take place as I am then suppressing me and becoming ‘the victim’ that will then find ways to ‘out do’ such repression, which can only come as just another form of abuse wherein life is still not considered, because the moment we allow ourselves to carry anger as a constant experience within ourselves and toward others, we can only expect such anger to consume the being until the being is no more, as the being can only continue if taking responsibility for the words being said and communicated.

 

When and as I see myself conditioning my expression based on how I perceive another’s mood in the moment, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I refrain and suppress myself from expressing based on ‘how I perceive them’ in the moment is me only giving into the character play outs that support each other in order to maintain a point of conflict with no solution, instead of actually being a point of support and example of how it is perfectly possible to solve a problem and situation by giving it proper direction in common sense, instead of becoming another player in the game – this implies at all times sticking to common sense and practical solutions to show and reveal how no anger will make any difference to a situation or event that requires a solution, but that it is only through stopping the emotional reaction that one can in fact establish practical directions to walk and create solutions to the problems.

 

When and as I see myself trying to find the ‘right moment to interject’ in a communication, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is another excuse to remain in the victimized state wherein I believe that another must ‘give me the right moment to speak,’ which is allowing another’s possession and character to be ‘more’ than myself in any given moment/ situation. Thus I direct myself to speak and communicate in the moment whatever I require to say as I make the space for myself to be heard in the moment – within this I also see and realize that I am able to be indirectly supporting another to see how throwing tantrums, getting angry and being irritated/ in a bad mood does not solve any situation and that it all can instead be walked in a normal chat wherein solutions can be practically established and placed into action.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to give up a point of communication due to fearing that someone will exert their anger on me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within me suppressing and ‘saving my expression for later’ is an act of giving into the mind and the fear experienced to communicate with someone that is anger, in fear of being the target of such extreme anger which is just another excuse used to not stand up in the moment and make myself heard and be clear and direct within the point of communication that is absolutely possible breath by breath and not giving into any form of emotional blackmail through the ‘possessed in anger’ person.

 

When and as I see myself feeling ‘helpless’ in a situation wherein I am in the presence of a person that is possessed in anger or in a bad mood, I stop and I breathe – I realize that me deciding not to speak or hesitate in my expression is accepting another’s possession as real and such, I become part of the game wherein the one in anger has the most ‘positive experience’ as an ability to control the environment over those that only usually ‘react’ in fear toward such anger – which implies that within me stopping existing as anger when participating with a person that is angry or in a bad mood, I allow myself to become part of the solution in the moment wherein words, communication in common sense is able to be expressed without the requirement of any emotional or feeling input.

 

When and as I see myself victimizing myself toward others based on them being ‘angry’ and seeing myself indirectly as the cause of such anger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is part of the self-victimization pattern that I have played out wherein I could simply play the victim in order to not have to actually stand up and direct myself to speak and communicate – but instead remain in a subservient mode toward another in order to apparently ‘not cause any further problems,’ without realizing that all problems have a beginning and an end within ourselves, as ourselves. Thus I stop playing out the same pattern and direct myself to see how I can direct the point in simplicity and common sense, presenting solutions at all times instead of reacting and adding myself up to ‘the problematic situation’ perceived and played out only by characters in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself creating a relationship of fear toward money and fearing making others angry because of the amount of money spent on me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the victimization character wherein I would give into being the ‘oppressed’ and ‘victim’ in order to not actually take self responsibility for myself and do what is required to support me effectively, which is how any form of possession can instead be called out, communicated in common sense and establish proper communication, instead of numbing and covering up such communication with anger and hissy fits that support no one.

 

I commit myself to always establish myself as the voice that is able to point out common sense and give practical solutions without participating in any emotional or feeling reaction in any given situation, as this is the type of stability and common sense that is required to embody at all times in a world where conflict is and has been that which feeds ourselves as minds submerged in conflict and problems, which is how when and as presenting solutions as ourselves, we start taking responsibility for our own experiences and actions to see how it is possible to in fact live in a completely new way wherein we are in fact supporting each other to become more effective in our day to day living, instead of just reacting about it and blowing a problem out of proportion as it usually goes on in the mind.

 

Thus I stop all mirror neuron activity of becoming empathic about another’s mood and as such, commit myself to remain here as breath as the sanity required in a world of madness, which begins and stops within myself.

 

Desteni 

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62. ‘I just want to Do Nothing’

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not voice, not think, but simply remain idle and ‘not do anything’ because of being in ‘that time of the month’ wherein I access a rather spiteful mode toward ‘having to go through this’ and believing that I have the ‘right’ to ‘not do anything because I don’t feel well’ which is unacceptable considering that my body doesn’t take vacations to stop digesting the food that I eat or stop the intake of oxygen just because it gets ‘fed up’ of doing so for a while, which means that I have not yet learned what it is to stand equal and one as my physical body, regardless of any ‘feeling’ or experience that is only created at a mind level within me Upon an actual physical process that I already know  simply have to breathe through-it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access my desire to create some form of friction within me toward others, and because I have no one to ‘fight against’ I simply give up on myself and rather go to sleep and ‘forget about it all’ which is like throwing a tantrum as the ‘menstruation personality’ as a child that wants to be spoiled and have benefits because ‘oh I am in my periods, I am sensitive, I am in pain, I don’t want to do anything’  which is unacceptable considering the billions of women that go through the same process I go through every single month and having to work or else, they die.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obfuscated by this seemingly ‘uncomfortable’ experience which means that I give it too much attention as the mind, and that I am not effectively breathing, here, wherein I make sure that any bit or trace of the menstruation-personality is stopped, as I see, realize and have proven to myself that I am able to work and function as usual when being in my period, which means that this time I am using it as an excuse to hide something else that I have been storing and only use this point as a valve of escape to ventilate my own unsorted points of self-direction and justifying them with ‘being in my period.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience grievance when having my periods wherein I feel that ‘I have the right to not do anything if I don’t want to’ because this is something that ‘happens to me’ without me wanting it to happen, which had been a physical process that I have deemed as a curse and a used as a justification to not breathe, not move and rather remain just idle within my self-infatuation as to ‘why’ I have the right to ‘not do anything’ linked to being in my periods.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spiteful toward myself and everything because ‘I just don’t feel like doing anything today’ which clearly indicates I am giving permission to my mind to direct myself, manifesting such thoughts a deliberate shunning away of everything that I had planned to do and become rather stagnant and giving too much attention to pain,  just watching the ceiling like the old times which is pointing out: red flag, red flag, you’re accessing that ‘zone’ again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so ‘out of control’ of myself whenever I have my periods in ‘this way’ wherein it is obvious that it exacerbates any point that I’ve accumulated as that sense of ‘fogbound’ and procrastination when seeing ‘oh it is too much that I have to do,’ which I then use as an obviously fuckedup excuse to not do it at all and instead, justify my inaction with and because of physical discomfort based on ‘how I feel,’ wherein the moment there is a ‘how I feel’ justification I realize I must investigate what is behind it, instead of just blaming menstruation and hormones for it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience contempt toward hormones themselves and chemicals and my own thoughts doing ‘this to me’ which is obviously irresponsible because I realize and have proven to myself before that I can remain stable during ‘these days’ and that any other experience that emerges, has to do with how I am directing myself in my day to day living and it’s got nothing to do with ‘menstruation’ itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I have the right to have a day or two off because I don’t feel like doing anything’ while I realize that if I allow this deliberate spitefulness toward life, why should life support me unconditionally 24/7 without Ever complaining or wanting to ‘take a day or two off’- such as the body deciding to stop working, which would obviously mean I would die.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own self-irritation toward ‘my period’ and only become more ‘fed up’ with all without realizing it is only me as my mind creating this experience wherein the moment I give in to ‘go to sleep’ I am in fact saying ‘my mind wins, she wants to rest, let her be.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to just lay on the ground facing the ceiling and do nothing, just breathing, without realizing that this is just another form of laziness based on procrastination and the accumulation of having lots to do and instead of moving, I decide ‘oh I need some time because, you know, I don’t ‘feel’ that well today’ – which is using my period and the days before that as an excuse to not move, which is not acceptable because the obvious example that comes is all women that must work over 12 hours a day, with only a few minutes to rest in between, working as a slave in a factory and I wonder: what the fucking hell am I complaining about, really

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain about ‘me not wanting to do anything’ wherein there is people that if they don’t move, they don’t eat that day, and that if they ever would want a ‘day to rest’ it would mean the end of their life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to time frames and believe that it will be an eternity to get something/ somewhere without realizing that, I won’t be going anywhere or going ‘somewhere else’ but here as myself, which implies that no matter what ideas may come up in my head in relation to the future, I am here, I have to walk my day by day and moment by moment here with absolute certainty of myself as my physical body – everything else is just mind distraction.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use experience and physical discomfort/ pain as an excuse to not move.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that complaining is just whining, is just arguing for my limitations instead of actually moving and doing and remaining stable within self-movement, not allowing a physical process to tamper my hereness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use menstruation as an excuse to make males feel ‘bad’ in the past because through us women being the only ones experiencing ‘this’ I could then justify my mood, my anger, my irritation projected onto them, because they would not know ‘what it feels like to be a woman while menstruating’ and the pains the body goes through, which is then used as an excuse to have people spoil me, do whatever I want as a way for ‘them’ to compensate for ‘me being a woman’ (which is ridiculous thinking, but it did happen that way) – and if this doesn’t happen because I am alone, I spoil myself through not doing anything and just shutting everything off and sleeping, justifying it as my ‘way to spoil myself’ because ‘I deserve it, I am in pain, I am a woman’ which is plain-sight self-victimization as an excuse to not move.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful toward all beings that are here as myself in every moment that I ‘give up’ the self-direction and justify it with knowledge and information as a way to validate why I don’t ‘feel’ like doing something today, wherein in the past, I’d seek the comfort of someone spoiling me to ‘feel better about myself’ and because there is no one to do that, I ‘give it to myself’ yet without any actual realization of what impact this has overall as a single acceptance and allowance in my world, as a point of giving up self-direction to self-manipulation, justification and spitefulness toward myself, my own process, and life itself with my stagnant and idle behavior, which is truly unacceptable.

 

I have realized idleness is a great experience temptation in my world, it’s been an actual pattern that I have even taken for granted, wherein I can just remain still doing nothing for quite some time as form of ‘zoning out’ and not thinking as a way to not ‘face myself,’ but also creating this belief that it will take ‘extra effort’ for me to move, which is just another justification and idea in my mind – I see and realize that it only takes self-direction and the actual physical self-impulse to do so, without energy, but self-movement in itself, which won’t be based by this energetic surge as I was used to move myself before, but it is now really self-movement in the most  raw possible way: I move – or  I don’t move and nothing and no one else determines that but myself.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be fully self-directive in all moments, because I am allowing a justification of a physical process to be a way to shut myself down from everything for a while and not really wanting to participate, move or interact because of just wanting to remain idle and sleep away the experience both physically and mentally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be accessing this energetic experience of annoyance toward myself as the physical experience, wherein it is the same surge of desire to just punch something to exert out anger for anything to anyone as an outlet to what I have accepted and allowed to compound within myself, as this bits of lack of self movement, dissatisfaction with myself as energetic ‘lack’ to move, and use anger or irritation as a way to ‘get myself back on track’ because they imply negative energetic experiences that I had become also used to experiencing as a way to ‘feel alive.’

 

I realize that the only reason why I had neglected being an angry person was because of judging anger as ‘bad’ and I didn’t want to be a ‘bad person’ which  lead me to become angry – lol – at anyone that would point out that ‘I was angry or moody’, wherein ‘moody’ meant that they were aware I was in my period and me just being über pissed off for them being aware of my mood being because of having my periods and in that, fuel my own experience due to not wanting people to notice that I was being ‘a victim’ of my own hormones.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-directive in every moment of breath Even More So when I ‘know’ beforehand that whenever I am in my periods, I become a victim of hormones – therefore,

 

When and as I see myself being a victim of my own ‘hormones’ and blaming something ‘in separation of myself’ for my own experience,  justifying that with ‘oh but I’m in my periods, I’m allowed to be pissed off and not wanting to do anything, because it’s this ‘obnoxious thing’ happening to me, I am not responsible for that’ – which are plain justifications to not act, not move and be self directive. I realize that in me saying ‘oh well, let’s just let it be for a day’ I am in fact spiting myself and that everything just falls apart with one single allowance of me saying ‘oh but …’ and justification streaming along, which is the moment that I must breathe and stop and I realize it does take physical visible and tangible self movement to MOVE – otherwise: nothing will change and nothing will move.

 

I realize that the only way to dissipate this energy is through breathing, because becoming stagnant and or extremely angry are but polarities of the same point which is energy only, accumulated and wanting to be exerted either through the positive way or negative way, both equally harmful and unnecessary if I realize the extent of harm that my body goes through with every single experience and reaction that I generate through thinking instead of just doing it.

 

I realize that I simply require to become more directive within myself and my physical body experiences, supporting it with ‘extra-attention’ toward breathing itself, and not giving extra-attention to the physical experience while going through periods as I realize that there is nothing and no one to blame for that, there is no way to make it stop from happening every single month and that the only way I can support myself is through ensuring I don’t participate in the ‘mood swings’ and giving all my attention to the physical discomfort, but simply continue breathing and walking, no matter what my mind says as ‘Oh but that’s not enough!’ and trying to throw a tantrum about there not being any physical solution to not have a way to stop the periods from coming month after month.

It is the same way as I had complained in the past about having to eat, there is nothing I can do about it: I eat, I stop the experiences toward having to eat, having to shit, having to live on a day to day basis within a routine that I know that If I don’t follow through I die –thus, I stop creating any experience toward bodily functions that I realize I can simply breathe through, move and stabilize myself if any thought wants to add some ‘spice’ to these physical processes.

 

Wasting Time is not a cool point at all considering it is a mind-decision spiting the physical that is always unconditionally taking air in, breathing, transporting blood throughout our veins – and what do we do? we create tantrums to not move, unacceptable. 

I stand up for life which means, I learn from my own physical body’s unconditional Self-Movement which I must equalize myself as with no excuse or justification to not do so.

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