Tag Archives: moving

179. Apathy as result of High Expectations


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate anxiety and fear when thinking and backchatting myself about the possible outcomes of having to present my work to other people and them assessing that it is not ‘good enough’/ that it is not suitable for this career, that it has nothing to do with what I am supposed to be writing about – without realizing that these thoughts are actually quite absurd when considering how it is that I have created these judgments within me as backchat that I would use in order to convince me that there is ‘no point’ in doing it, within it hitting the excuse and justification of uselessness as a reaction of apathy leading to the cycle of procrastination.


Within this I realize that my reaction of apathy and immediate neglect to what is required to be done is in fact me not having been Here as Breath – but instead talking to myself in my mind as all the negative reasons why I would Not want to get this work done due to having to actually Do It. I breathe and go into the next self forgiveness as a reaction to this realization:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in shame and regret as a form of now feeling ‘bad’ about everything that I did and I didn’t do, without realizing that in this, I am only creating yet another experience to cover up the immediate responsibility at hand, which is part of the reactions that I used to justify my inaction and commitment to do things – due to, instead of realizing that it must be done, going into further thinking/ backchat of all the future play outs and the supposed ‘validity’ of the work in itself, without realizing that any writing in itself will be supportive to se me, no matter in which ‘sphere’ of my reality it takes place in.


When and as I see myself going into shame and regret for all the time wasted and not lived to give proper direction to myself and my work to be done – I stop and I breathe I realize that facing the consequences of what I accepted and allowed is inevitable – however, going into an experience over it in no way supports and assists me to physically move – thus I stop any point of further self-manipulation to find reasons, excuses and justifications as to why I didn’t move – without realizing that such reasons, justifications and excuses only stand as a further deviation of the physical task at hand.

I realize that I have often used this same mechanism when realizing the points that must be done and instead of simply breathing, stabilizing myself physically here, I go into further judgment and justification as all the reasons, excuses, explanations that I try to ‘give a meaning/ value to’ in my mind, which only stand as a defense to protect my own self interest of ‘not wanting to accept having made a mistake/ having fucked it up’ – as that goes ‘against my idea of self,’ which is precisely what we are walking this process for: to see, realize and expose to ourselves to what extent we are able to lie ourselves continuously in order to protect a mechanism of self interest wherein the ‘who we are’ as the perfect/ ideal I have of myself in my mind, is always ‘spotless’


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to place myself as a ‘considerate person’ whenever I would go into the negative backchat and within this considering that my reactions such as immediate fear and anxiety could not remain ‘within me’ as ‘who I am’ which is how I would immediately seek for another point to keep me ‘balanced out’ in my mind, wherein ‘my score’ would remain untainted by this one task I was not directing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within reacting in fear and anxiety to face one single aspect and task of my life, generate a complete callous experience toward it, of seemingly it not being ‘important’ and prioritizing other things in my mind, because within doing this, I would keep myself in a ‘safe spot’ of doing things right, properly, without realizing that even the input/ drive to do other things Instead of physically directing me to get this task done was motivated by my own desire to ‘even myself out’ in my mind, wherein even if I knew that I was not getting this task done, I would then create another task/ activity as a supplement to ‘even out’ my sense of remaining a ‘responsible being’ because of ‘doing this other thing/ taking this other responsibility’ – without realizing how I was in fact being selective within this process in order to suit my needs of self interest, to remain with a positive reputation in my mind at the eyes of other and myself, while deliberately knowing that there is this ‘chunk of things’ to direct and do, and that it won’t certainly just ‘go away’ by wishing it so or positively thinking.


When and as I see myself reacting with fear of losing my reputation as a responsible being when realizing I am Not directing myself appropriately – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is stemming from a defense of my ‘ego’ as this precious thing that I’ve created for myself to remain with a ‘positive stance’ toward people in my world and within myself in my mind, wherein it is no different to talking myself positively in order to create a positive experience for taking other responsibilities and neglecting others that are also important and priority in my reality.


When and as I see myself thinking ‘But! Instead of doing this work, I am doing that other work which is Also important’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that me doing the ‘balancing out’ wherein I try to even points in order to compensate for what I realize I am not doing, is another trick of the ego to always keeps itself ‘winning’ and ‘on top’ and ‘stable’ and even with a false sense of ‘calmness’ that is like a pill taken to soothe the initial shot of anxiety and fear experienced every time that the backchat ‘I am not doing this’ would be manifested not even as thoughts but as a physical doing of just side sweeping it right away, not giving any ‘second thought’ to actually do it, but simply get on to the rest of the things to do which I have defined myself to be ‘comfortable’ in doing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an experience of apathy and general dullness when thinking about doing this written work, as the result of the backchat such as ‘what’s the point for this?’ wherein I realize that I am placing a condition to my movement to do things based on the outcome/ result which is an expectation created according to what I would ‘want’ to get from it.

When and as I see myself thinking the backchat ‘what’s the point for this’ and going into apathy and idleness in that moment, I stop and I breathe  – I realize that seeking for a particular outcome that could satisfy my desire for positive experience is another way to sabotage my self-movement as an unconditional one, as a self-willed realization that this must be done regardless of any result or outcome.

I commit myself to be unconditional in my self movement in the physical regardless of the task I have at hand, as I realize that equalizing myself as the physical is not judging the task to be done as either ‘good for me’ or ‘more valuable’ or ‘less important,’ as I realize that within the assessment in common sense of what I have to do and what must get done, implies a physical consideration of it to be done as part of a responsibility or a practical functionality for myself and others in my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in apathy and even defeatism whenever having the backchat ‘ I’m not good enough within this career/ what difference will it make to others what I have to say here?’  which is rather a product of self manipulation wherein I am giving into ‘thinking’ my doing based on how it will be received/ viewed and valued/assessed by others, making of this future backchat projection ( lol ) a single obstacle in my mind to simply then turn my back on this work, because of me secretly wanting and desiring and still keeping this belief of me having to ‘change other people’s minds about themselves’ through this particular work/ task that I have to complete. Within this it is seeing how I have created my own condition of ‘If I can be praised/ glorified’ within my mind based on the reception this work will get, then I gladly do it’ – but when there is no certainty of this, I then go into a negative experience toward it in order to  create an experience of being ‘not good enough’ and backchatting myself about it, simply because of expecting a reward that satisfies my ego within this all.


When and as I see myself thinking ‘I’m not good enough within this career/ what difference will it make to others to read/ hear what I have to say here?’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this I am placing a condition to my self-writing, my own physical process of doing things based on a future projection and assumption of how it will be received by others, instead of realizing that I have the absolute ability to simply write within the direction that I already see and realize I am capable of giving myself as the simplicity of opening the document and continuing writing – instead of allowing imagination, future projections, backchat and an overall reaction of uselessness and defeatism to be ‘more’ than myself and my will to move and direct me here.


I commit myself to stop going into future projections about the reception and how will ‘others’ read my words and what they will ‘think’ of my work and instead, simply direct myself to physically do it in the moment, as myself – directing-me to do it, regardless of expecting a positive or negative outcome of it, as I see and realize that within trapping myself in these two polarities, I condition my very physical to energy instead of realizing and living out the understanding of how the physical is able to move itself by simply the ‘force’ that I can redefine as self-movement instead of mind-energetic conditions to move that I had imposed onto the physical’s unconditional self movement.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I’m wasting my time with this’ as an excuse to instead veer toward doing ‘something else’ – without realizing that the actual wasting of breath-time is whenever I am finding excuses and justifications to not do it, wherein I then create a positive experience of me not doing something based on the belief that ‘there is no use to it’ – thus creating and placing conditions to my self movement according to what I have defined as valuable and what I have defined as ‘not valuable’ and within this separation, actually missing the point of it all wherein I am waiting for something to be ‘productive’ for me to do instead of me doing and directing myself to ‘do it’/ be productive in the moment.

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I am wasting my time on a task’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this stems from the inner value-system I have created toward tasks/ points that I have to do based on the experience that they create within me as either satisfying a positive experience in my mind or not, wherein I thus realize that anything that is generating a sense of ‘lack’ or wanting to do ‘something else’ instead, is already indicating that I am at the right place where there is no energy ‘flow’ within the doing of it, and as such, that all the points that come to my mind as something that I would ‘rather do’ are identified as mind-triggers for positive experience, which I must then debunk in order to see how my own value system of ‘preferred activities and tasks’ stems from the energetic experience I get of it , indicating that it is the mind that is seeking itself to have ‘time’ to satisfy itself instead of me as a self directive being directing myself to do things that will not cause me a positive or negative experience, but simply have to be done.


When and as I see myself then now attempting to go into a positive experience for ‘moving’ through this procrastination point, I stop and I breathe – I realize that making it a positive experience because ‘yay I am moving!’ is also a mind experience to still create positive energy within this – thus I commit myself to be absolutely clear and stable within me every moment that I go into the positive experience of stopping the procrastination character, as it would be rather futile to now make this stopping another mind experience – lol.


I commit myself to live Self Responsibility not only as a physical realization of having to ‘get things done’ but also within the understanding that every time that I give into energy – either positive or negative – to do/ not do things, I am abdicating my self-directive principle to move unconditionally and I am in fact abusing my physical body as every time that I create either a negative or a positive experience through thoughts manifesting either a positive or a negative experience, I am subjecting my physical body to be consumed by the mind that requires always to have an energetic fix which comes through the very physical-consumption of my physical body that is transformed into any of these experiences that I then believe is ‘who I am,’ which is unacceptable within the realization that physical movement is here as breath, therefore, as I breathe and simply make the decision to get the writing done/ to work on it I realize that there is no experience required within me, no judgment toward the task in itself, no future projection or conditional ‘result’ of it required, as I see and realize that all of these are mind-created obstacles wanting to get a positive outcome of it all which create a conflict upon that which can be simply physically done and directed.


I realize that the apathy experienced and deliberate ‘not doing’ a task stems from – within various other dimensions that I have probably yet to discover – having a future projection of a positive outcome within it, and within me generating this belief that there is no point to it/ not being good enough/ wasting my time to this. To understand more why thinking exists, listen to these two interviews that are vital in order to understand who we are within these ‘obstacles’ and what we are accepting and allow ourselves to be and have become within it all:

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175. My Sacred Time of the Day

The Positive-Thought and Reactions that have chained me to see everything else as a ‘lesser time’ of the day.

When we have a negative thought, in our mind we immediately want to jump again to the ‘feel good’ experience as that is essentially when we consider that we feel ‘fine’ and ‘great’ and create this sense of ‘everything is alright.’

Today I’m going to walk the Positive Thoughts’ Reaction in relation to the procrastination character. These particular thoughts are in essence like one single picture-frame that I see in my mind whenever I am ‘thinking’ about getting this document done and after going through the negative thoughts of all the tediousness and apathy experienced toward simply ‘doing the task’ as the memories discussed yesterday, I create immediately the ‘positive experience’ as that which I talk myself into rather doing because it is simply something that I enjoy doing.

Now, what’s interesting within this is that I’ve made of walking outside my every day ‘moment to self’ however if I applied the same rigorous immovable decision to ‘go out for a walk’ in all aspects of my day to get to all my responsibilities, I am sure that I’d be definitely more effective.

So first – I’ll walk the positive experience linked to this thought, then see how I can practically create a schedule in order to consider that I can place the same ‘drive’ that I have to go outside and walk toward any other task that I require to get done.

This ‘drive’ won’t be based then in having a positive experience, nor a ‘positive attitude’ toward it, but a single process of moving myself physically to do it – just like what walking implies – an effortless activity wherein I am simply giving myself physical direction to move and go somewhere and back.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the positive thought of the view of the street that I walk through with a golden like light shining on the pavement, with some clouds half way covering the sun as this moment that I would rather ‘walk outside for to experience’ instead of working with the task that I have at hand, which came up as the thought of ‘I must get to work on this today’ and immediately participate in the previous two thoughts or any other point of fear and unpleasant reaction such as tediousness, apathy, fear and general avoidance to it, wherein I then switch into the positive thought of ‘walking outside’ as one excuse to simply ‘leave it for later’ in order to go out and experience the thought that I have created in order to tempt myself to go outside, wherein I feel more at ease and ‘good’ about myself due to all the physical experience that I enjoy participating in.


When and as I see myself creating the thought of the street that I walk through as a temptation to not do what I have to do in the moment, and leave it for later – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the mechanism in my mind that I have submitted to in order to always ‘give in’ to what I have made part of my routine and an ‘alright’/ enjoyable point that I have never questioned due to it being part of physical activity and movement during my day, yet when it becomes a point of self manipulation it is clear that I must stop and realize that I cannot follow the ‘positive experience’ and drop/ leave the responsibilities aside, as I have made a habit of making it ‘alright’ to go for a walk and do what I enjoy doing regardless of any other point that requires immediate direction.


I see and realize that I have made of this point of walking a religious-point that I have made immovable in my every day routine, which indicates that because it is a positive experience of feeling ‘free’ as in moving and not doing something in particular, I have made it ‘my time of the day’ which I have respected as such during my every day living. Thus I realize that if I implement the same to get other points done in my reality, and making my responsibilities also an immovable and unbreakable point of my routine, then I can get to still have that time for me to go out for a walk and have the certainty of having worked with that which I must work with myself no matter what.Therefore,

I commit myself to implement the time throughout the day to get this writing done as an every day point that I get into for at least 2 hours of my day, which implies that I have to choose a moment every day according to my already existent schedule to get to this point and do it no matter what, to equalize the same drive that I have for going out for a walk, into this point wherein I make no excuses or justifications as to why I could not get to it today. This implies that within the rest of the activities that I had for the day, I can go also assessing which ones I can move around/ set proper times to do them instead of doing a little bit of all at once without really dedicating proper time to each task, as I see and realize that this can also be a supportive point to go into as I walk this alignment of myself to that which is priority in my reality to get done.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive thought as the image of the streets that I walk through with even the sensation of the slightly cold breeze with the sun coming down and several clouds as the enticing and temptation point that I ‘give into’ because of believing that this is something that ‘I’d rather do instead of remaining at home during sunset time,’which I have linked to a sense of depression and isolation and a feeling of seclusion, due to having created the habit for many years now to be outside walking during sunset time regardless of any excuse – unless it is raining/pouring heavily outside – and within this, create a positive experience of my day that leads to this one moment of going outside for a walk and even plan my day in such a way that I ensure I have time to go out for this walk.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I implemented this point of walking at that particular time of the day ‘back in the day’ wherein I would be experiencing myself as ‘isolated’ at home and making of this time of the day my religious moment to ‘be free’ and create an entire positive experience of the sightings and the weather, the pictures I’d see as my ‘high’ moment of the day, wherein this became a habit to simply not be inside my house when the shift from daylight to nighttime goes on, as I have created this sensation of sadness and dread to being at home and seeing the daylight go and night coming in, which then reveals how this positive experience exists as the opposite to this sensation of depression that I would go into at the time when I would not go out of my house at all –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get the memory at the moment of me being reading in my ‘old house’ when I was a young teenager and being immersed in the reading and looking up outside the window and seeing that there was still some daylight – then the next moment after a while looking up and realizing that it is already night time, wherein I would create this sensation of ‘having missed the sunset/ having squandered another day’ which created this negative experience of depression and dullness and dissatisfaction within me, due to realizing that I had seen ‘another day gone by and not doing something in particular but reading,’ which I knew was a distraction from actually going outside and interacting with reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then use walking as that positive experience that I created in my mind as a ‘personal improvement’ aspect which means that I have tainted the walking point with a positive experience from that time when I used to not go out for a walk/ remain at home and link that to a ‘dull time/ bad time/ depressive time’ of my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program this point of ‘going out for a walk’ as a remedy to me ‘hitting the low’ as a depressive or dull moment in my day wherein the cheering up moment comes up as ‘going out for a walk’ as the ‘always effective method’ to get myself into a ‘high’ and positive experience even if it is as slight as having this impetus and driving force in a positive manner to go outside, which indicates that I have in fact used this point of ‘going out for a walk’ as a way to ‘escape from myself’ and the responsibilities that are usually existent ‘at home’/ in my room. Thus I realize how I have used the excuse of MY MOMENT of the day as this immovable/ sacred moment that I cannot put down for something else/ to do something else such as writing my document, which actually happened –thus the memory.


I forgive myself that I have linked the experience of being inside the classroom during the afternoon/ evening and seeing outside the window how the sun would be going down and wishing and hoping that I was ‘free’ to be able to go out for a walk, creating a positive experience toward the sole ability of going out for a walk during sunset – within this (okay this is seriously shocking the marlen programming here) I breathe  – lol –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link being in school or reading or writing or doing anything else BUT being outside walking during sunset as a negative experience within my day, which is how and why I have used this image as a positively charged thought in my mind that I have used to manipulate myself to ‘get out no matter what’ in order to not experience the negative as the dullness/ depression/ tediousness/ apathy that is linked to me being at home ‘secluded’ in my room, being at school attending class instead of being outside and being with the horses at the stables – which is ‘outside’ yet not walking/ doing what I want in that moment and use these points as an excuse to define al of those activities as a negative point that I do not want to do based on my self interest as the positive experience of ‘going out for a walk to make my day.’

Therefore, when and as I see myself getting this anxiety when seeing the sun coming down already and not being outside already in my daily walk – I stop and I breathe – I realize that what is driving me to hurry is that ‘negative experience’ that I have gotten from that memory wherein I would remain at home during ‘sunset time’ and be depressed just by seeing another day go by without doing ‘anything’ but reading/ being at school during class time and only being sitting close to the window or simply looking outside with ‘wonder’ as to manipulate myself to make of that moment something dull/ bad/ negative based on my desire to be outside/ being with the horses and supporting them before night time and not being outside walking, but being outside supporting another being during sunset time –  and as such, I realize that I have imprinted within me my own beliefs of what is positive and negative onto activities/ actions/ moments in my life based on different contexts and situations that cannot in any way continue defining ‘who I am’ within reading, who I am within attending class, who I am within supporting another being, who I am within walking, who I am within the particular time of the day – specifically sunset’ – which I have charged as this almost ‘sacred’ time of the day that I Must experience while walking, and whenever I was not able to fulfill this point of being outside walking throughout this time, I would also get frustrated or irritated for not doing what ‘I like doing’ – within this


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of working with horses at the farm during sunset, wherein I would take much earlier than sunset since horses come into the stables at sunset, and as such have the experience of ‘missing out on life’/ missing out ‘my moment’ wherein I would simply be walking outside during sunset instead of taking care of another, which is also what I see factored into my entire experience of working with horses as a point that would ‘take my time’ as a ‘personal time’ that I had created as something untouchable and immovable such as going outside for a walk during sunset.

I see and realize that even the thought of not being able to do this once I am at the farm, has factored into ‘not wanting to leave my religious walk’ of the day and as such, how I have mind—controlled myself into this single limited perspective of my experience within walking wherein I am essentially revolving around this moment of the day, to get to this moment of the day, making it my ‘ultimate experience’ instead of actually seeing walking as that moment that yes, I can listen to interviews and ‘get out in the world,’ however not to make it an entire experience that is ‘positive’ in nature and that overrides any other point of responsibility within me, as I see and realize that this is the ‘problem’ that we create within ourselves every time that we only want to do that which we have programmed as a positive experience in order to avoid the negative experience linked to it.

When and as I see myself believing that I am ‘missing out on life’ because of being working with horses instead of being ‘outside walking by myself’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that such thoughts are what creates also a negative experience toward working with horses in that particular time of the day, based on the positive experience that I have imprinted throughout time to ‘my time’ as being alone, walking during sunset time as this precious time that I don’t even want to share with another  – as I have been so inflexible and rigid with my own self-religion when it comes to doing things the way that I am used-to/ ‘want them to be done’ which are all aspects that only sustain this rigid and immovable and closed-minded version of myself, wherein I see and realize that it takes a physical ‘effort’ to do something different within this walk in itself, like going out for a walk with another and being listening to another while walking instead of being all by myself, or spending longer time indoors when getting to a particular place during my walk, wherein the moment that I go out and the sun is down I believe that I have ‘missed the entire gist of my walk’ because I was not able to fully ‘presence’ the sun going down, lol, which is really ludicrous now that I write it out and funny, but that is essentially how I have been my own ‘clockwise’ in relation to my day, my doing, my ‘climatic moment of the day’ as being outside going for a walk and not wanting to miss ‘that’ moment of the sun going down.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see me spending more time within a particular task in the computer and see that it is already ‘being late’ to go out for a walk, I look up at the sky and if it’s already going ‘darker’ than usual, I create this experience of anxiety to move right away and cut/ stop whatever I’m doing, and rushing to putting my boots on and going out for a walk, simply because of not wanting to miss this particular moment of the day outside. Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dominated and controlled by a single experience that I have considered is a positive experience within my day such as ‘being outside walking during sunset’ without realizing to what extent I have made this a ‘cannot miss’ point wherein I manipulate myself, my doings, my tasks and even others so that I can always ensure I have this time for myself in order to have the day ‘complete’ and experience  ‘satisfaction’ from it as a positive experience – and the other way around, creating a negative experience wherein for whatever reason I cannot be outside going for a walk during sunset, wherein a slight irritation and dissatisfaction emerges, due to believing that I have missed out on life today.

I realize that Life is not defined by a positive experience, nor defined by the pictures I see of a sun going down and setting my reality into ‘night time,’ nor is it this special moment that I must experience always being walking outside, alone, with earphones on and creating this whole ‘my time’ experience as I see and realize that within having created this point as ‘THE moment of my day’ everything else then comes in a ‘second place’ wherein my drive to do it is partially based also on ‘getting to the moment of going out for a walk’ instead of equalizing such impetus/ driving force as a physical breathing in every moment point that I commit myself to live in a stable and consistent manner.

When and as I see myself believing that being doing something else that is not walking outside during sunset time, is a reason for me to believe that I am ‘missing out on life’ and that ‘I have ‘just missed My Time of the day’ wherein an entire experience of dissatisfaction and even slight irritation comes up – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have created and made of this walking time an ‘immovable’ aspect within my life in separation of the rest of my daily tasks and activities and simple ‘being here’  that also require an equal commitment to get them done and to equalize myself as breath no matter where I am, with whom, with whatever I am doing – therefore

I commit myself to equalize this impetus/ driving force that I have created and lived-out in relation to ‘going out for a walk’ toward all activities during my day wherein this driving force is no longer linked to a positive experience of ‘enjoying the movement’ and the view of the world while walking while avoiding re-creating the dullness/ sadness/ depression that I would go into in the memory of myself remaining ‘at home’ through sunset time –  and instead direct myself to physically move to get all points done within my day wherein I can still go out for a walk without making it a ‘moreness’ moment within my day, wherein I have made everything else of the day as the ‘downfall’ compared to such momentum that I get from the moment I decide to go out for a walk, up to the moment when I come back and it’s already dark and within this, having the background thought of ‘I’ve made my day’ because of having had this positive experience fulfilled within me, which indicates that I have not equalized my daily routine to be an equal and one self-movement, but still held this particular time of the day as ‘more’ and ‘positive experience’ within me, which is unacceptable as then in my mind, I have created of the seemingly ‘tedious’ tasks which require my focus and attention as negative experiences when compared to my self-created positive experience of going out for a walk.

What I have realized within this is that it is absolutely necessary to go in depth to that which we have charged as the positive experience as this entire made-up positive experience overrides common sense and self direction to in fact direct ourselves to do that which we have deemed as ‘negative’ in our world and reality – it is all based on How we have imprinted such moments in our reality – thus we have the ability to re-define such moments as an equal impetus/ driving force at a physical level that we are able to exist as simply being breathing and equalizing our activities to breathing instead of ‘thinking’ and going into experiences upon thinking about reality and our actions.

Furthermore I can see how I have made of my ‘positive experience’ something that would seem quite ‘usual’ or ‘normal’ for any other person, however due to how I have specifically ‘conjured up’ this every day action within my day, it is definitely not something that I hold as ‘normal’ within my day, but have made it ‘more’ than any other moment of my day – thus I commit myself to stop holding any ‘moreness’ value to sunset time, to walking and to within this realize that I cannot accept and allow myself to be motivated by pictures and and a positive experience to move as all that I require to move is here as my physical body, breath and my will and decision to do what is required to be done and within this actually Live the entire day instead of ‘being living for’ only a particular moment within my day.

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Equality Must be Created–it’s not there yet.

Equality has never existed as a consideration of the ‘nature’ or ‘beingness’ of who and what we are as Life.

The fact that this process may seem something elusive at times is because the vantage point of knowledge of Equality through direct proof of what is Equality is non existent in our world. At the moment we are aware that we have to literally ‘pave the way’ for Equality as Life to be HERE as our reality, because not many even consider that we could give to each other what is here in/as this world just by mere fact of existing.

We have been so indoctrinating to believe we must ‘earn a living’ that it becomes our entire beingness wherein we go striving to make a living, to earn enough to live here – that’s in the money aspect – and striving to be accepted, to be recognized, to be of any ‘worth or value’ which is once again the nonsense of capitalism imprinted as psychological conditions. All in all we can see the evident separation from ourselves as All that is here.

One and Equal = there can be no actual separation as it is the whole that we haven’t recognized ourselves as.

Though, once that we recognize this point it is not as easy as saying ‘great! we are one and equal and we’re done!’ – No.

When walking this process we all get to a point wherein, no matter how much we may understand the implications of being in this world and creating our own consequences through our actions and how we must direct ourselves in common sense – a.k.a. ‘what’s best for all’ – and being self honest – a.k.a. moving ourselves here as breath taking the whole into consideration within our thoughts, words and deeds in our reality – we hit a certain point, a blank spot wherein we get apparently ‘stuck.’

What I realized is that if one remains in such ‘stuck like jam’ situation, we remain stagnant as nothing moves if I don’t move. So this is the point where we now have to create ourselves.

I was explaining it the other day as the following experience. Getting to the edge of a mountain (point A) which is where we have always been at and seeing that point which we realize we have to get-to, which is another mountain (point B) that stands as self-realization, equality as life and the actual walking as a self-created being in Equality. Though, because we’ve only been existent in/as a certain mindset, we cannot possibly see ‘how-to’ get to the other side. It seems almost impossible, we hold back or sometimes recoil into the ‘old fucked up known’ because of ‘fears’ of what may happen if we dare to actually step outside of the old known comfortable mountain we’ve existed in all our lifetimes.

It’s clear we haven’t ‘lived’ Equality because we haven’t even lived as ourselves, as self directive and self responsible beings; therefore, we’re literally stepping into ‘unknown territory’ which is the point wherein it is now our turn to be and stand as that point of self-creation: we must build the bridge that will take us from A to B point. To the Being Point.

Now – this is an entire figuratively speaking point of course, it shouldn’t be seen as something to ‘attain’ per se or actually having to ‘suffer’ to create it or anything like that – it’s a way of ‘picturing’ how it is that we may experience ourselves in such freezing, blank-out point where there are no lines drawn to step on = we have to simply draw that which is who we are as the transition from A to B = self realizing ourselves as creators, as able to stand and live as equals. The bridge is not elusive, but constantly here every moment that we are Here as Breath and walking our process of recognizing ourselves as what we’ve become – a.k.a. the mind and its preordained treats – and stop participating in the old known ways which are certainly only preventing me from realizing that I can actually leave this point A for once and for all – which is stopping the participation in the personality, the thoughts, the feelings and emotions that I’ve known myself for – and dare to stand here as past-free, guilt-free, regret-less and create myself here in every moment of breath that I stop believing myself to be that which has only existed as a limitation within myself.

I suggest embracing innocence as well within this point, letting go of any knowledge point that may tamper our ability to simply walk in self trust as we go building ourselves as the way to be HERE, which is walking the road, being it and creating it at the same time. We’ll have to become like a child again, one that hasn’t been tainted by this current system of such madness, harm and abuse – we must embrace in ourselves the ability to learn how to stumble and fall only to get back up again, we learn how to care for ourselves, to really ‘embrace ourselves’ and accept the fact of what we’ve been and done only to realize what is the way to go to stand as a living-point and not as a memory-trashed programmed that’s only limiting our expression. Daring to be childlike in the sense of holding no prejudice upon the past or future, but being willing to dis-cover what is here, what has always existed here as myself yet has remained over-shadowed by that which I ‘thought’ was me, literally letting go of all the years we’ve lived and only stand as the here point where we can create ourselves, now in self honesty.

From this I must deliberately move, I must deliberately cease to participate in the old patterns and create corrective actions that will be best for all – I must learn how to create ‘me’ as that which I am willing to stand as for the rest of my existence here. We literally have a blank slate in front of us each moment that we are here, breathing, walking, self forgiving and seeing the necessary points that are required to be lived now in order for us to go walking and building such bridge that is the process of amalgamating ourselves as the only outcome that is ahead of us: Equality as Life.

The potential to do so exists here as all our power that is in each and every single breath that we stand up for life – meaning that we cease to participate in the thoughts and the rest of mind-created experiences and start deliberately moving and creating ourselves in the moment from scratch – nothing is pre-laid for us to ‘stand upon’ but the self trust as that which we really are which is Life, non realized yet therefore: we must create it. This process is all about self creation, learning how we can coexist in ways that are best for all forevermore.

From this point that is us, no matter what we know we will always have ‘this point’ as ourselves –  alone – yet walking as all one as equals within the same world and process to finally realize who we’ve become as creators and what we are required to do to get to a point of living in Equality within our own creation. This requires that we debunk our personal totems and glorifications to stand on real terms that will be sustainable, physical and all encompassing to make sure we don’t fuck with each other ever again.

To learn more about Equality and Oneness as well as sharing more perspectives on these points, visit us at  the Desteni website and forums.

Go to Destonians.com for more on these topics written by many other beings realizing that we are here in this world and must take self responsibility for it.

Self Creation -Desteni

Why Fear Feels Different to Different People

“Paradise Cities are Not the Solution”–1. Feedback Received

I’ll be taking some time to go through the comments posted in this livejournal blog reached by members of the Zeitgeist Movement which I see it as cool to create a point of clarity and understanding without having to ‘oppose’ and fight – that’s the first thing I find cool about all of them which I’ll be replying here as another blog-entry as livejournal does suck at managing comments and having proper information of people when commenting –except for those that left their names and emails for further contact – thanks, accountability starts with speaking in one’s own name.


Okay so here’s the first reply:

(Anonymous) ( wrote:
Feb. 1st, 2011 04:32 pm (local)


Subject: Zeitgeist Movement
“Every problem you have stated in the opinion above is addressed by the
ZM, not as fixed or dogmatic but as an ongoing conversation about those
subjects. The ZM has as its primary goal the education of the population
of the world into a sustainable future, by the realization that existing
systems do not work and in fact cause most of the unsustainable factors,
and science has already discovered means to create a sustainable future.
It’s all about how people think. 
We choose to go with science, because it seems to give the most reliable
working data. After all, Science is the study of Nature, and that is the
direction of human survival.”

Peter Josephs’ approach to the application of the scientific method as ourselves – meaning outside of the regular contrived ways of ‘science’ itself, is cool as a way to get to know ourselves- though the starting point has to be re-evaluated – we suggest Self Honesty as we realize that as you say “It’s all about how people think” and thoughts driven into actions is what has created this entire reality as it is. Human Survival is systematic, meaning there’s more to it than simple human observation – an actual understanding would imply getting to know how this reality has been created, how we’ve been existing as Mind Consciousness Systems within this reality and how we’ve created the current Money System as that Energetic-Enslavement which has defined the entire ‘relationship’ that we have and create with anything/anyone in this world – thus it’s a bit more than just observing, but getting to know the core of how and why we have as human race never actually evolved but just shifted through pictures – without ever actually in essence changing the infamous ‘human nature’ which is the core point we’re looking at and directing-towards in this post.

Such ‘reliable working data’ as science is subject to the observer as the mind that hasn’t actually been able to see itself outside of the mind – thus the relevance of getting to know the facts of this reality to understand how the entire system was deliberately set up to fail to live in a balanced-harmonious way. This is why Re-Education as a deliberate repetition of self-willed actions is an active way of changing such human nature to start developing common sense – as always thinking, speaking, writing and communicating what’s best for all and live by such ways through a Process of Self Honesty – and thus to actually implement it in each one’s lives as actual-actions, deeds, words that are lived that can definitely create a better understanding of this reality as our own creation – hence realizing the focus for now, must be the individual itself –before thinking ‘out of the box’ from that perspective. First things first – focusing on self is the primary point as starting point to be the actual change.

“We consider almost everything else to be irrelevant. There are people of
all religions in the ZM.

Religions imply separation of people – religions have lead to wars – wars are obviously Not best for all as they end up in conflicts of harm and abuse towards fellow man when standing within a self-created identification as part of a group/culture/race above all human basic equality-points. Thus, we don’t support them, we don’t allow them as they are in itself a tampering point to realize Equality and Self Responsibility fully – as the moment you believe in something, you must know you are delegating a part of yourself onto something/someone else –be it greater or not – the single allowance of anything separate from ourselves is indeed separation.

“The first movie Peter made, Zeitgeist: The Movie, was his personal art
project before he met Jacque Fresco and the Zeitgeist Movement started.
The movies after that gives data as to why we have come to the
conclusions we have. But the movies are only a tiny part of the Movement,
with the ongoing conversation being far more important.”


Sticking to simplicity it’s what works best in terms of ‘coming to terms’ with anything – this reality requires simple solutions, simple actions that can be taken by any individual human being that’s simply willing to start caring to bring about a solution to this world. Thus this ‘task’ isn’t taken out of self, but it is instead Embraced AS Self First as we understand how opinions are the building blocks of illusion and opinions create differences that stand in the way of common sense = what’s best for all Life in Equality – that’s the principle all living beings should consider before engaging in any con.versation about changing the world. 

“We are not about cities… that is just showing what is technologically
possible for everyone on the planet, if they choose to live in cities…
if they don’t, that’s fine too, and what we are about is making it
possible for everyone on the planet to have vastly better than their
survival necessities, and do it without even wage slavery, AND do it
without ecological destruction. No livingry is discounted or ignored.
Weaponry, on the other hand is absolutely rejected.”


Technology is a great tool indeed, though it is just that – a tool, a medium to propagate this ideas for now and unite people through the internet. We stick with what’s here – of course much can be ‘projected’ on to the future if one is able to do it, but as I stated in my original post-entry, how is that relevant to this current state of the world, take a look at third world countries – they first require food to have sufficient energy to be able to attend school and not be malnourished and incapable of engaging in any learning activities. Thus the importance of first Equalizing Energy for All as that basic ‘fuel’ to live- which is then Equal Money and the solution we are presenting.

We are both standing for environmental care as ourselves, as an all inclusive system – caring for animals, plants, nature as ourselves and taking on the stand as Life-custodians on earth as how it should’ve always been –

Once again, Money is not the problem –we simply have to change the rules that are guiding the ways money exists and the ways it’s being used.

So, that’s a point to re-consider –again, simply to point it out as what we stand for not in means of creating any opposition at all – just pointing out what’s being missed.

“We are all about the basic causes that are starving a billion people on
this planet. We are all about changing the human behavior that is causing
the ecology, which is our common outer body, to disintegrate. And we are
all about people choosing to self-educate to understand how humanity can
live on this planet with a freedom and prosperity which exceeds all past


Such ‘freedom’ cannot exist as long as the actual mind-patterns that have been transmitted through and as DNA as how the entire human race exists now is what first must be taken on which is the result of the entire acceptance and allowance of ‘who we are’ as the mind. We can’t really be free until All are Free and even there, that freedom is still subject to our basic requirements to actually even consider in making such ‘freedom’ as a possibility in this world. It’s mostly a nice concept that uplifts the human into an ‘Ideal’ – not an actuality which is what very few people are really willing to see and understand = that’s self honesty and thus it is only through knowing our bounds and limitations, through living them, through working with them to transcend them that we can only then get to an actual living solution as ourselves – as individuals changing themselves. So far this has been a very tough point to take on as human nature is systematic in its functioning thus one has to really will oneself to change – caring doesn’t come naturally – and we make sure that we do really stand as what’s best for all without seeking any forms of ‘stepping outside of the box’ without first having taken Self-Responsibility for the entire creation as it is ourselves.

Thus, solutions won’t come that easy – long tough road as hard work is required to do this. By everyone, by each one.

“We are not about Utopia, which cannot exist, or forcing people in any
way, or causing or supporting revolution… we are not about arguing,
either, because we really don’t have to do that. The planetary situation
does our arguing for us. The survival impulse is a paradigm shift that is
global and includes everyone. We are a result of that, and all we have is
a set of ideas and information that is one option for human survival. It
is certainly not the only option although we can see that violence and
revolution will never produce the change we want to see.”


That clarifies the point that I saw through the movie as inciting for a ‘revolution’ as they state which involves dropping money in front of banks and revolting that way.

Yes, what’s best for all is non debatable – we simply all have to agree on basic terms that must be considered to create any actual change in this world and they are based upon all of the above.

Now, here’s the nitty gritty – ideas/knowledge without being placed into action result in simple idealism and inaction and thus just another pipe-dream= useless. And because we realize how this things take time, planning, resources as money, as people getting to understand how important this point is to get to create an actual standing –constant and consistent change, we are taking the first steps and working with ourselves as individuals within the process of learning and understanding how it is that all our actions affect the entire world – understanding how we’ve accepted and allowed this world as it is and thus taking self responsibility for our individual worlds to then be stable and HERE enough to start taking on our environment as ourselves – once again we cannot go trying to ‘fix the world’ without focusing on ourselves first – one must take care of the root of it all before wanting any fruition.

Thus, we have an actual walking step by step process going from the individual into the group, learning how we have to stop such type of mental individualism as ego that separates ourselves, that pushes everyone to think for themselves and their own ‘survival’ instead of being directing ourselves by what’s best for all – within this we direct, live, act, speak, write and share with the world as who we are as human beings observing themselves in self honesty, to expose the delusions that we create as the mind = creating the world as an exact replica of the mind. If we understand this point then it’s obvious we have to start taking on ourselves as our mind first to only then start considering on going any step further.

“And we are not monolithic, or following a dogma or the leadership of
anyone. Jacque Fresco is a 94 year old visionary who we respect and
listen to, but there is no ‘power’ in that since we will not force or
intimidate anyone. Peter is a talented filmmaker with a gift of
explaining complex subjects and a loving heart, and he ‘owns’ the main
zeitgeist site, but he is simply another respected voice in the movement,
he is not ‘leader’ to anyone in the movement who fully understand what we
are about.”


Equality within a group must be represented by an Equal participation of all participants –each one becoming an equal-leader – that’s what we are walking as and definitely learning a lot from each other, to recognizing ourselves in fellow human beings that probably in other times we would’ve feared and judged – so we’re stopping that and simply taking things within common sense so that we can stop our individual-races to become one single race, the human race that finally meets its goal: Equality as Life.

“Going from a few people to 500,000 people all over the planet in about
two years means we are growing fast, and members are at all levels of
understanding. This means that we have a wide diversity of opinions and
ideas which people develop and run with, within our basic understanding
of ‘Do No Harm’. We are trying to bring about a change of mind, and
therefore action, for a world with 6+ billion people and we want to have
that change be as peaceful as the maturing of any human being going from
childhood into adulthood, and since only a good means can create a good
result, it must be peaceful, through voluntary self-education.”


Wanting stays in just that: a ‘want’, a ‘desire’ that doesn’t have any practical living-action plan to take on that want into a reality as a living-process of each one participating and joining the movement. I’d encourage those 500,000 people to start exposing themselves in Self Honesty as to how they exist within the deepest-chambers of their mind and thus having actual real introspection and insight upon how it is that we as individuals are creating this reality as ourselves – thus once again, everything is still remaining at an idealism level with no practical living application – which is what we are here certainly busy with, you can do proper research just in this livejournal blog which I began when getting to Desteni and see how one is actually able to start getting out of one’s own mind bubble into self-direction to care about this reality as a whole. Lots of Self Forgiveness required to make that ‘change’ a reality and most importantly, sticking to that Living Decision of doing what’s Best for All in all ways, always acting in accordance to Life and not ego.


We are actually realistic and we know that 6 billion people – almost 7 now – won’t be walking this process in Self Honesty because it takes an actual understanding to then get ourselves through this process in the most important life-commitment we can ever take within our existence – and this we are walking diligently, each day as ourselves, sharing with the world for all to see – and this, everyone that is able to self-reflect upon one’s world, that is able to communicate and write is suited with the basics to start this process of Self Honesty = actual Living Practical Application of the Principle of Equality as All to then re-educate ourselves not only as having more knowledge and information, but placing it into action as that which is relevant for all equally, practically.


“While many think that is impossible, science seems to show that it is,
and we can do it. We know it is a long term project, which might take
more than one generation, but it must be done right or the result will
not be good.”


Yes, taking the point here is vital – and yes it will take time though once again look at how ‘science’ is taking a major role in that – just plain observation from how it’s been written in your response here.

Best is to simply rely on the basics first as explained above within the ‘basic points’ of understanding ourselves as individuals, as our mind.

“We cannot live with the knowledge that our civilization is starving
billions, slaughtering thousands, and obliterating our ecology when we,
along with all the other people in the world conscious of that, have some
idea of what to do about it.”


We are Certain about what must be done, though it’s not the most ‘flashy’ solution out there as it’s not sugar for the ears of anyone – it is actually quite the opposite as for now the true-nature of the human must be revealed, exposed and thus dissected for everyone to see, to identify ourselves and to get to an actual understanding of our role as creators in this reality. ‘Civilization’ is simply the externalization of our mind in means of creating a septic environment to pretend to be ‘civilized’ monkeys which we know is not actually so and it stays within a single picture being presented as the mask of being ‘more evolved’ and ‘more techno-savvy’ but! The essence of the human being remains the same which is the very first point that needs to be taken on –once again, that in itself will take quite a lengthy amount of time as we have to make sure that this is then created as an educational-foundation for all human beings as without that, any other way of implementing a solution is doomed to fall as the basic foundation of it must be laid upon an overall understanding of us within this world as the units/cells of the entire body that must learn how to co-exist without harming, killing, abusing each other or of the resources as energy that’s being pumped for everyone – though yet not equally distributed – which is causing the cancer in this world. That is what must stop: ourselves from being such cancer in this whole that is ourselves.

Thanks for the reply and expanding upon the points exposed in the entry – it clarifies some – though seems there is still no definitive ways established on how to take that care and consideration into practical-living within a structured way that will lead to a solution that will be consider everyone as to have the same starting point to actually be able to Live and be Supported Equally by the single fact of being a living being in this world.

“You are always welcome to check into us more at
We also have a Teamspeak server so we
can have voice conversations about the ZM and it’s goals and methods.”


Cool, I also suggest you check out the website http://www.equalmoney.org

There’s ONE single goal that must be certain for ALL those that are wanting to create a change in this world: Equality – and that’s not debatable and the ways to get it must have a single easy simple starting point: Self.

Visit http://www.desteni.co.za, visit the forums where we share ourselves as the process and insights we live by when starting to take us individually to create a change within ourselves as part of taking Self Responsibility to then, become life-changing agents, life-coaching people that are able to support themselves and others as Equals. That’s real living practical day to day care.

Check it out – Thanks.


….next replies later –


thanks for reading.

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