Tag Archives: myths

381. Carrying the Horns of Evil

 

Within our minds, we make associations where we might attach an image with an emotion or a feeling, we start defining such image according to the context we see it in, according to the people, according to what we hear/believe in according to such event/place/people and so, start defining ourselves according to all of the knowledge and information that comes from these mental associations that we integrate as ‘who we are’ and how we ‘understand the world’ and start categorizing our reality according to that, but with this comes also the definitions of what is good, what is evil, and where I stand within it all.

So, dreams stand as this ‘creation’ of myself to see what is coming up and why I’ve been dreaming of these things that seem rather random, but in a way they are only points that I orchestrate in my mind wherein I can see how I stand in relation to the people, the symbols, the places and contexts that I may not be physically linked to, but comes up due to having ‘activated’ some thoughts around such points or images, or people lately.  So, I’ve done this exercise of looking at my dream again, which has allowed me to review a part of my background and the judgments I’ve had toward that in an undercover manner inside my mind, which came to the surface when looking at this dream.

This time it was related to what I can consider as ‘family’ or lineage, since I was in that one building owned by some relatives toward which I have crated a like/dislike relationship as a child, a property that exists as the representation of power over others in terms of how economics operated the past century in this country, wherein some ‘main houses’ would stand as the property of the landowner in which many other people would work in, demonstrating the great disparity from rich/wealthy and the poor/slaves of the town. This type of buildings represent the way to set the mark of ‘who rules in the land’ – probably no different to how a castle operates in feudalism – but at a ‘minor scale’ –  these constructions are called ‘Haciendas’ and this one was built probably around the end of the 19th century or so,  and it has been held as something we should be somehow ‘proud of’ too.

The reason why I disliked the place was mostly due to me as a little child reacting with lots of fear to the kind of parties that took place in there. I would see how lots of money would be spent on alcohol, animals were sacrificed for the food of the day, lots of people would come in, politicians and people I had to greet as ‘my family’ without having ever seen them in my life, causing then an aversion to family reunions. Also at the same time there were some rumors of the place being haunted, which as a child gave me the creeps all the way, and essentially tainting the whole experience of having to go there to family reunions, reacting with lots of fear – later on as I grew older it became something that I was a bit ‘proud of’ when understanding what such place represented, as well as indulging in the alcohol drinking that was absolutely ‘normal’ for family, even as a young child.

 

 

Well, the dream was located in that place – or at least a representation of it, I would see the people I have associated to that place – some relatives – and how I would see them as ‘evil’ somehow. Of course when I was a child I did not question how one gets to have such amount of money to buy such a place and have political positions in a small town in this country, so it simply became as ‘normalcy’ to me, even a point of pride somehow and that’s where it all converges.

 

In the dream, I had on my head horns, like a goat’s skull with its horns, and I would actually see the skull on top of my head with blood. Usually when I dream about blood it triggers something within me which I have identified as the ‘killing of life’ that we are all participating in it. However the symbolism within this is quite clear: horns in my mind association stand for ‘evil’ and me having ‘this’ on top of my head when getting to this place, indicates the associations toward the place, the people, some hidden associations I’ve held onto as well as disliking in general being there. I would see some mental patients around the place which  I have no idea what about them but they were.

 

So what comes up, first of all the fright, the shock to see such thing on top of my head and me trying to take it off, yet I wasn’t able to, which made me feel horrified. In a way we can say that we all have blood in our hands, we all carry these ‘horns’ on top of us as the result of who we are/ have been since the beginning of time: the manifestation of evil that destroy life, yet fear to face it as such. I realize that I have personally linked that particular family lineage to a relationship of both pride and honor but at the same time of resisting to get to know ‘how’ they actually got that power, how they got to that position, and how they have mismanaged the money, how they have had many children due to the money they have, how they have business related to alcohol, how there have been various accidents related to alcohol yet continue to consequent such behavior as normal. And so within this, how I was dragged along the line of ‘having respect to them’ because of being family.  And here I have to say that it’s not like I ‘dislike them’ or ‘like them’ consciously, but it is about opening up the ‘hidden layers’ that exist around this point not only for myself as an individual within this particular family-configuration, but as humanity wherein one way or another – no matter who or what were our ancestors, we have all been the consequential outflow of having been driven by our minds, a system that thrives through abuse, the abuse of life in order to ‘live.’ I see that no one really has had any ‘clean past’ in terms of what our parents, and their parents and their parents of their parents did, so we cannot claim sanctity one way or another: we’ve all been here for ever and cannot claim that we did not participate in what is here today.

I realize that subconsciously I’ve held onto such disdain for what I have deemed as ‘unacceptable behavior’ from relatives, however I realize that remaining with such ‘hidden scorn’ or ‘mixed emotions’ between honor, respect – which were mostly ‘taught’ onto me – and the unveiling of ‘what was really going on’ has made me rather keep the point ‘separate’ from me as to ‘not have to deal with it.’ So this is why I see that the whole set up was to me rather ‘shocking’ in order to realize that in my dream I was trying to hide from them, and at the same time wanting to take of this piece of skull with blood off my head, but I couldn’t, not until they found me and I had to face them, which is quite obvious in terms of how we hold onto things because of ‘not wanting to face them,’ instead of realizing that if we dare to face it, we can actually let go of the point and face the ‘over-mystification’ that happens in the mind, that takes more energy and attention than if we were to simply face it, let it go and equalize ourselves to the people, the places, the situations we have held so many resistances and reactions to.

Another point is that: I am not separate from them, and that whatever ‘sins of the fathers’ I saw myself as separate from: I am one and equal to them as well.

 

(For the reader: various ‘dimensions’ open up here so bare with me as there are various associations linked to the set-up of the dream, so it’s best for me to look at them all here so as to clear the whole point, even if it may seem like ‘jumping’ from point to point at times)

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my dream react with fear when seeing that I was holding these ‘horns in my head’ along with blood, and how I was unable to ‘take them out’ right away until I had faced the family I was ‘running away from/hiding from’ in that hacienda, wherein I realize that I haven’t wanted to face this particular part of myself, my family, my ‘forefathers’ which are people I know very little from, yet in terms of how I have judged what I have come to know of them in public sources, by being with them has made me create a certain disdain toward them that I’ve harbored in a ‘background’ manner, since I got to know more about structures of power, money, and the connections created with politics, which also was another reason why I had ‘loathed politics’ in the past, due to witnessing and knowing of how these relationships take place in what I have judged as ‘lavish’ meetings where there is a huge use (judgment: squandering) of food, and alcohol and entertainment in order to demon.strate a social-status, power, and within this, create more networks of power and influence over the majority.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in a covert manner enjoy the benefits, the experience of being part of that one family with certain ‘name’ around a certain region as this made me feel ‘important’ or with certain ‘relevance’ ‘above the majority,’ which indicates that I was the one that created the whole experience that I projected onto others as ‘what they are/what they experience’ without realizing I created this experience toward the people, toward the place by judging it, associating certain knowledge and information – and when realizing how ‘wrong’ it was to desire or enjoy the benefit of having certain position in society, I went to the complete opposite to condemning all forms of power abuse, politics and such due to the basic witnessing of how that takes place when money is ‘not a problem’ and used only for the benefit of a few, while it was rather obvious that the entire place, the people working in there were not ‘at the same level’ and so witnessing first hand how inequality ‘looked like’ when you are ‘at the top’ and have people serving for you.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sad about the people I would see working in there, witnessing the abundance of food and drinks and luxury given away for a few hours while them having to resort to only ‘being the workers’ for such place, for such people, which is how I started questioning why the hell only a few can have this kind of benefits  – and within this create an inner conflict about it in terms of what looks good, what feels good within me, but judging it as wrong and detrimental to people and as such, because I veiled myself from seeing the ‘bigger picture’ at that stage, I simply decided to ignore that realization I have had, about power, about politics, about who benefits and instead only create an avoidance to all of it, as well as a way to not want to recognize that I liked the idea of being able to have ‘such power’, but, in the mind we go into reactions as to not have to face our responsibility to it, and instead we usually become victims to our own experience.

 

I realize that I can only judge something when being separated from it, when believing that  it is ‘them’ and ‘others’ doing right/wrong things, without realizing that I am both sides of the coin, and that judging it and separating myself from it create no solution to it at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of being ‘ashamed’ in the dream for having these horns on my head with blood, and not being able to take them off, because I didn’t want to see me with such thing in my head, nor did I want others to see me with that either – which is revealing how this is something I had to face, walk through, self-forgive as to no longer be ashamed or try and deny my experiences toward positions of power, when seeing abundance of money, when being benefited in any way by any position of power, which made me then create the polarity of ‘I like it’ and ‘I enjoy it’ even if it’s only for a few hours, and then go into judgment about it, inner conflict and mostly not wanting to have anything to do with ‘them’ because of any associations with power/abuse that it may bring. Therefore I see that I created my own ‘friction and conflict’ based on memories, definition, information that I took personal an defined myself in relation to it, when in fact it only serves as a point of reaction within my mind.

Therefore, I continue to see what else is in it.

 

I realize that we have all as human beings have participated in abuse, in one way or another, and how we all in fact carry such ‘horns with blood’ in our head as the symbol of the evil nature that we all are in fact, the blood as the sacrifice of life for our benefit, and we all carry this ‘sin’ within us until we are able to self-forgive and directly create solutions that prevent these ‘sins of the fathers’ from repeating over and over again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see any family member with disgust or disdain or plainly fear them as a child, not really knowing the reason why other than hearing certain deeds that I knew were not ‘beneficial’ for themselves or others, including the massive procreation of people as a result of the power and ‘recognition’ they held, which also I have held as a relationship of disgust and shame, mostly – without realizing that that is what someone with certain power eventually ends up doing: abusing it, misdirecting it without measuring consequences, and this entire world is the result of us abusing each other in one way or another for that matter, so judging these individuals due to ‘them being related to me’ has more to do with ‘me not wanting to be associated with abuse’ and that’s the reason why I didn’t want to see me with this piece of skull with blood over my head, yet it would only ‘come off’ once I would face the people I was hiding from in the dream: the generations that have gone before us.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having wished coming from noble people that are ‘honest’ and ‘trustworthy’ not realizing that this was only for my own benefit, of being ‘immaculate’ which is impossible considering who and what we have always been as humanity in this world, wherein most likely no one has such immaculate origin, as no matter ‘where we come from’ or ‘who is our family’ we are all equally responsible for the atrocities in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be horrified, ashamed, fearful of having such ‘horns with blood’ in my head in my dream as what I have defined is a symbol to realize that I also carry that which I have judged others for, and avoided facing as myself too.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify a piece of skull and bones as horns as something ‘horrific’ along with blood, not realizing that I am composed myself of bones and blood – therefore I see the association of ‘horns’ as ‘evil’ and blood as something disgusting to look at, due to how horror films – which I don’t even watch but okay it’s part of the collective unconscious – uses blood as a symbol of horror, crime and so forth to generate fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the scenario in my mind of an experience of fear due to the place that I associated with that old hacienda where I have believed that there were ghosts or people haunting others, which is also why I held such an experience of fear about it as well, petrification in fact when it came to even thinking about having to ‘spend the night there’ which never happened, because I always threw tantrums in order to never stay there.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an extreme experience of fear when getting to this place because of knowing that there would be lots of alcohol available, therefore lots of people in a party-mode which I came to then resist due to not liking to see people becoming drunk and stubborn, as well as – on top of that – fearing the entities or ghosts I had heard of.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to dislike people that drink, and large amounts of people because of the extreme fear and even nervousness and anxiety that I would go through when getting to this specific place due to all the elements involved: lots of people, rooms filled with bottles of alcohol, lots of chatter and the myths and stories of the place being haunted.

 

I realize that as a child and being as usually afraid of everything as I used to, the idea of having to spend the night there was a nightmare to me, which I never did, but I would go to great lengths to make my parents leave the place so we could rather sleep at a hotel and not there, which is how I have in my mind connected all the points of fears toward that place specifically, linked to ‘the people’ in there and now I see that it’s only me in my mind how I have ‘mystified’ it all, and actually holding more energy in relation to the memory itself, how I remember it, how I defined my experience in there as a memory in itself, instead of realizing that it’s just a place, it’s just people and that the one experience of fear I had created in my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a kind of hatred toward drunk people, not realizing that I’ve been there myself as well and that I stopped because of living by a principle of doing what is best for all, but it is certain that I would have also become ‘my own worst nightmare’ if I had continued to drink, and do it as ‘normal’ as it is considered for family or the majority in society wherein alcohol is an ‘okayish’ thing to take/drink, which is absolutely unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the family business because of it being linked to alcohol and how I stand for ‘banning alcohol’,’ which had become a point of conflict when relating to my family, yet I’ve realized and actually walked the point wherein I stick to what I see is common sense and stand as it. Yet I realize I must stop any judgment that may still come through in relation to alcohol, as alcohol in itself is just a substance, it is the individuals that drink a lot of it that become a problem, and a danger to themselves and society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go from pride to shame when it comes to the relationship with this family when I got to understand power, politics, relationships and how this was closer to me in the family than I expected – and as such created an ambivalent relationship of ‘liking’ the fact of having such background but at the same time, not wanting to be associated with it due to the relationships of abuse that are formed within such positions. However I realize that I can only judge this reality and others based on my own value systems, thoughts, knowledge and information which is then what I take responsibility for, as I cannot ‘change my background’ or my relatives, their businesses or anything like that – I focus on myself and what I am, and instead work on stopping and eradicating any form of subtle judgment toward anyone in any position of power or the opposite as poverty/disempowered.

It is within me stopping this sectarianism within myself that I begin the change within me first, by stopping defining people according the structural abuse of the past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to memories of my past, and within that holding on to judgment, beliefs, ideas and perceptions as well as my own reactions as part of ‘how I see myself in relation to relatives’ from this specific family, the place and all of it becoming ‘more than what they are’ in my mind, because it’s certain how our memories become the instrument to ‘haunt us’ meaning to cause reactions and re-live the initial experiences of that moment, without realizing that we are here in the moment, physically in another space-time and that it is pointless to continue categorizing, judging, identifying and labeling people, places, circumstances according to how I reacted to them in the past – I take full responsibility for my reactions and ensure I let go of the ‘haunting’ experience which is only of benefit to my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to judgment toward others and certain relatives based on how I have deemed them to be toward each other, themselves as ‘abusive’ without realizing that within this I am only holding on to the ‘negative’ to be judged instead of rather also looking at what I can learn from others that is of benefit for everyone, as I see that I tend to be a tad extremist when it comes to painting something/someone either white or red. Within this, I see that instead of judging all that is ‘bad’ or ‘wrong,’ I rather investigate further to see what I can learn from them/others that is beneficial for myself and all, and apply it to my own life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create such a tantrum at that time with my parents just because of not wanting to stay in that place in fear of ‘having ghosts lurking around.’ I realize that as a child, I allowed fears to absolutely drive me to also lure others into doing what I wanted them to do based on my fears to, for example, not stay at a certain place due to potential ‘ghosts’ coming out at night.

 

I realize that I allowed myself to believe many stories, many ideas about spirits, ghosts and other paranormal phenomena which in turn became a constant fear within me as a child, which I held onto until the time when I got to know there were no more ghosts, spirits and so forth, which is only 6 years ago due to finding about Desteni.

 

San Bartolomé del Monte - Hacienda

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold any judgment, idea, perception toward others as family members that I could create an experience of shame or avoidance to be linked to, as this only perpetuates self definitions according to ‘who I am’ in terms of being part of a particular family, holding a particular name, which is only how we have constructed the system – yet in reality: we all are equally related to one another, as we are in fact one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for being part of humanity which has been a point that emerges from time to time when witnessing the abuse we impose toward each other and everything around us, not realizing that everything that we are is ourselves and so, every abuse that is ‘committed by others’ is in fact committed by ourselves too – we have been the evil in this world, and this is why I relate the horns upon my head as a representation of how I have also participated in this, I have also formed part of the atrocities that I associate the skull with horns upon my head as the representation of who I am in the mind, evil as the reverse of live/life, and as such the reaction to realizing ‘I am also part of it/it’s upon me’ is unnecessary yet for the dream being a way to realize that I cannot ‘separate’ myself from it.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘hide’ from consequence, hide from having to face what I first created a ‘taste’ for such as alcohol or the taste of bits of what I defined as ‘power’ and ‘social recognition’ above the majority, and create an avoidance toward it later, not wanting to see it as part of what was going to ‘shape’ me and who I am, and what I like and what I’m supposed to be proud of – not realizing that this is absolutely nothing to be taken personal, it is where I was born just as any other thing or person is defined within this system – and even if my core family wasn’t rich or having these privileges as those relatives did – at their time – the notion of ‘being recognized’ or having ‘certain power’ did create a likeness for it initially within me, which I later on veiled and covered up because of not wanting to face my own participation in the ‘taste for power’ linked to specifically higher status in society, which I have also disclosed in previous blogs extensively, the polarity of desiring power/ loathing power and how to correct it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge elitism and inequality, yet I create such conditions every time that I define people according to the amount of money/power/status they hold, and how I also participate in it in my mind when judging anyone based on money/power/status – without realizing that this that I have defined as ‘evil’ – being money, power, social status – is something I also participate in and require in order to ‘live’ within the set up in this system, therefore I stop holding judgment toward what is here, the hierarchical levels, the forms of structural violence that exist in our hierarchical society – as I realize that we will only stop these definitions once that we recognize equal value as the recognition of who we are as equals.

 

In the dream, I was only able to take the horns off after I had faced them, after they found me because I was deliberately wanting to hide from them. So it means that I can only take off the horns is when I have dared to face this experience that I had been harboring within me, without realizing that: the more I avoided looking at it, talking about it, writing about it and clearing myself around this point, I would only be holding on to it as the polarity of like/dislike, what I enjoyed at some point in my life and how I am correcting myself to not ever fall for what I deem is the corruption that comes along with power, and with this stop the cycles of abuse that have existed throughout our history as humanity.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that these specific relatives had to abuse in order to obtain such power – without realizing that even if it was so, me holding on to such judgment doesn’t change the facts, the past, what has been done – and also within this not to try and now hold on to this ‘myth’ of there being some kind of ‘good doer’ in the same family that was ‘stealing from the rich to give to the poor’ as a way to redeem myself and want me to be directly linked to that person because ‘oh he was a good doer and wanted to bring social justice in early 20th century’ which is just creating the polarity of wanting to be associated with the ‘good ancestors’ and avoid anything related to what in my mind I have defined as ‘evil or bad’ ancestors.

The truth and reality is that all of it were designs, were placements, were roles that had to exist to create the entirety of the system as is: of rich and poor, of abuse, of power and enslavement – and within this, I realize that I have been a product in and of this entire system, regardless of my direct lineage or family – I realize that an individual has the opportunity and the gift of self forgiveness no matter how ‘evil’ or ‘bad’ or ‘good’ they’ve been, and that’s what I see is mostly relevant: to let go of the fear to face the evil we have become, to face the crimes against ourselves and all living beings in this Earth for our self-interest, for power, for money, for status, etc. And in this we can liberate ourselves, free ourselves from ‘the sins of the fathers’ and ensure that we ourselves, myself, do not fall ever again for traits that come with the illusion of power that can only exist as abuse within the context of this system we are and live in at the moment.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements and Commitments:

 

When and as I see myself being ashamed of carrying the ‘horns of evil’ metaphorically speaking, when realizing where and how we have contributed to the problems, the abuse in this world –  I stop and I breathe – I realize that going into shame or avoidance to look at it only leaves us as victims once again of what is already done. Instead, I commit myself to stand within that realization, take into consideration the entirety of this world-system, see where and how I have directly participated in what is here, and no longer take these things personal, but instead walk through the shame, use the shame as a reminder that I can no longer re-crate the sins of the fathers, to recreate that which I came to first like and enjoy and then loathed and avoided as a polarity construct in my own mind.

 

I realize that holding on to shame based on my own memories, judgments, ideas, beliefs and perceptions around any individual that I am related to directly as ‘family’ is useless to keep, as the shame itself creates and recreates the definition that I hold toward ‘them.’

 

I commit myself to stop any form of shame and avoidance that exists within me when looking at the things, the consequences we have created as humanity as this only recreates a mind experience about it, and does nothing to solve it – therefore,

 

I commit myself to transform the shame, the avoidance of looking at something into an opportunity to equalize myself with that, so as to understand it, to place it into context, to see what can be done  in relation to preventing, correcting, aligning relationships that have enabled this abuse

 

I realize that we will face the real nature of ourselves and that being ‘horrified’ by it, by seeing our direct implication onto it makes no difference to what is already done – therefore

When and as I see myself being ever horrified at looking at the consequences we are generating as human beings on Earth, I stop and I breathe – I realize that being ‘shocked’ at what I/we create every day – directly or indirectly – does no change, creates no solution to such problems and situations. Therefore

 

I commit myself to stop participating in any emotion of shame, horror, disgust, avoidance, disdain when seeing, understanding and/or witnessing how we directly impact the world, how we directly abuse ourselves and each other – and instead commit myself to live self forgiveness, to not get ‘trapped’ in the experience and wanting to ‘run away from it’ or ‘take it off of my head’ metaphorically speaking – but instead, face it, be willing to walk through it in order to establish solutions, realizing as well that it is only when we dare to face the true nature of ourselves that we can then get to understand why we are in the condition we are in our world and reality and as such, within understanding, and no longer judging it, one can create solutions.

 

I commit myself to no longer be ashamed of or want to hide from people that I wish I was ‘not related to,’ without realizing that this would imply holding on to shame toward all of humanity and myself, as I am part of everything and everyone as well – therefore I let go of the judgment and instead walk in self-forgiveness, stopping any reactions and separation toward all that is here as myself.

 

I commit myself to stop fueling my own ‘myths’ and mystifying people and places only for the sake of entertaining past memories of certain experiences that serve no purpose to who I am here and as such, I let go any definition toward my own memories as ‘haunting’ and instead, focus on living here, every moment, being self directive.

 

I realize that it can be a bit shocking at times when we get to see how we/others behave, what we/others do in terms of creating consequence in our reality and why it is that we ‘do it’ and so the ‘shock’ comes from not being able to ‘compute’ about the crimes against we have all – equally – committed against life, against ourselves. And this is why I suggest educating oneself about the nature of who we are and have become as the mind, as these consciousness systems that in no way have considered life, the reality and the substance of who and what we really are. Therefore, every form of ‘evil’ in this world, every word, thought or deed that doesn’t benefit us all as equals, is the reality that we have created in un-awareness of who we are as one and equal, and as such, we stand up, we face it, we direct and establish solutions to prevent the problems and align what’s already here to the benefit of everyone in equality, beginning with myself.

 

DSC00638

 

To stop judging the world as ‘evil’ and start living:

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Day 60: Femme Fatale

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a gender definition have power over life through participating in self-definitions based on being a ‘female’ or ‘male’ and perpetuating the games of self-interest that both females and males participate in, wherein all that matters is ‘winning’ as the strongest sex/ gender, and in this neglecting everything and everyone else in reality that is suffering the consequences of us, human beings, being very busy and preoccupied only satisfying our power-games which create a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ experience within ourselves, which is in fact a spiteful game against life.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to take ‘pride’ in being a female due to recognizing this ‘energetic power’ over males  (Read ‘supervixen’ for further context on that.)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘femininity’ with power over males

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I am a woman, I must be desired by all males

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to be a woman that uses her ‘power’ in order to lure men into a point of attraction due to the power that this implies as an experience within me

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see women as powerful for the ‘energetic presence’ that they impose anywhere they are, without ever realizing that with me complying to this belief, I was giving permission – accepting and allowing – the existence of the energetic presence that a female expression and a male expression have, wherein the female is the ‘positive’ energetic manifestation and the male is the ‘negative’ energetic manifestation, which is how I now realize that the power that I saw myself endowed with was in fact nothing else but an energetic presence that I diminished myself to as a form of power within me, within the realization that males would be usually following behind females like ‘dogs behind bones,’ which implies a very specific way of defining the relationship that I defined between males and females

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep males as ‘followers of a female’s flesh’ and nothing else, which is a despicable way to generalize human beings according to a particular gender, wherein I was confirming their energetic-stance and the apparent ‘power’ that females had as such ‘vibrant expression’ and ‘glowing aura’ which was actually and in fact part of the manifestation of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become as males an females in this reality. To understand this, read the Heaven’s Journey To Life blog  The Energy of Adam and Eve: DAY 58

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘shape’ my personality according to the stereotypes of women that could be tagged as ‘femme fatale’ due to the power that I saw they had toward males, wherein they were able to have males ‘at their feet’ and treat them like scum and still ‘have them at their feet,’ within this, creating an absolute point of inequality and abuse that stems from actual vindication of the perceived ‘weakness’ that is commonly associated with women, without ever questioning why both weakness and strength had to define a gender in the first place and why could they not be equal.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately play games to tantalize men and get a kick out of it, meaning, getting a sense of empowerment every time that I knew I could simply vex them and bother them,  even piss them off deliberately but they could not hit me back or offend me back because ‘I am a woman and cannot be hit/ offended’ because of the stereotypes in society that I used to my benefit, wherein I would feel offended and even angry whenever women were portrayed as ‘weak’ and ‘powerless’ and ‘delicate’ – yet use this delicacy and inferiority in order to protect me from being at the same level of males and within that, protecting me from being done the same onto me that I would do onto males, just for fun.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create a stance toward males of strength and superiority due to being covering up and making-up for the usual perceived idea of the feeble, sensitive and weak females as the concepts that are usually accepted and allowed in society, wherein I would then equalize myself to the ‘male stance’ Yet, wanting to keep my privilege of ‘being  a female that can’t be touched/ hit back’ by males.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be a feminist for a while in my life, just because of me perceiving that we were in fact ‘more powerful’ than males and that we had been deliberately disempowered throughout history, satanized and even burnt like witches whenever this ‘charm’ would tantalize too many males, which means that my stance of ‘strength’ as a female, was not in any way who I really am, but just a cover up to the history of women/ females in history and me trying to make up for it by creating the opposite polarity within me, without considering that in doing this, I was in fact simply confirming that we were in fact either weak or more powerful, both points equally defined by ‘who we are’ as energy, and not as the physicality and physical reality that we are as females and males as physical bodies.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my personality, myself, my self-experience as a mind that is perceiving herself to be ‘more than males’ and having ‘power over males’ and equally powerful to males, which is in its overall starting point a defense mechanism to the historical prejudices that have been adjudicated toward females as weak, powerless, voice less, submissive and ‘behind the male,’ of which I saw myself as the ‘savior’ from continuing such image of females within that past stereotype of inferiority against the males.

 

I see and realize that all of these personalities and overall power-games that I played in my mind were based on polarities of being over and below the male figure as either strong/ weak according to how I wanted to place myself ‘as a female’ in a position of power over males, which means that I gave permission and continuation to the current state that we are living in/ as humanity where both genders signify the basic point of separation between human beings that should regard the physical equality and oneness and stop any form of power-games at energetic levels, that only perpetuate the mind system’s energy outflows that we cannot even see or be aware of the consequences we are creating every time that we accept and allow ourselves to play either the weak or strong sex/ gender in society as either male or female.

 

I realize that even though I have been aware of the point of Equality and Oneness, there are points that are embedded at a physical level due to how I have programmed myself throughout my teenage years, watching females on TV and in the music industry that represented ‘all that I wanted to be’ which is the woman having power over males but from the starting point of having felt subject to ‘the male dominance’ in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with lyrics, books and anything that would speak about females being these magnificent beings that had nothing to do with the more mechanical and savage males that only sought females for flesh, without realizing that in such identification, I was becoming part of the usual separation between genders as a way to perpetuate the power games that are currently escalating toward the empowerment of females by making males ‘inferior’ and using sex as a way to reinforce the patterns of dominance and submission that escalate to the current hierarchical state of the world in absolute inequality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually get trapped in power games and having to keep this personality as self-definition based on the gender that I am, without actually being aware of how this only kept myself occupied within my mind, ensuing separation from the realization that who I really am is and exists here as the physical, that doesn’t require to be constantly fighting against/ outdoing the ‘counterpart’ as the male, in means of perpetuating a sense of power and superiority, which would create a ‘good experience’ within myself, in this forgetting about the rest of the world that is in fact the consequence of us having accepted and allowed energy as a point of self-definition/ self-limitation within hierarchical values that are used only to perpetuate the system of abuse of Life, and in that: we are all responsible just by playing out the usual female-male power games of attraction, seduction and eventual engagement as energetic relationships that were in no way based on the consideration of Life in Equality, as the physicality that we are in fact as human beings.

 

I commit myself to stop any inner-experience of ‘being a female’ and equating this to ‘feeling powerful’ and ‘having power over males’ specifically, as this is only playing out the counter act to what I had perceived as female weakness and feebleness that in no way consider the stability and physicality of who we are as physical beings, but only regard the energetic presence that is the very system that has transformed life into a mere energetic fix that we have all been participants of throughout human history.

 

I commit myself to stop the personalities that I acquired from people in popular cultures, specifically women that portrayed themselves as ‘femme fatale’ and in that, debunking my own ‘superiority stance’ toward males to equalize myself as any living being in the consideration of life and physicality, and not gender and energetic power-games that would define a relationship between a male and a female.

 

I realize that this is the primordial point of physical separation as human beings that we exist as, due to our physical bodies being different – however, this does not mean that one is ‘more’ than the other and it is thus our responsibility to, for once and for all, stop all attempts to vindicate females as ‘more’ or ‘less’ than males – and vice versa – in order to establish one single principle that guides the lives of not only human beings, but all living beings in the consideration of Life in and as Equality and Oneness, wherein this Equality wherein this Oneness is not a mind-experience based on the fusion of the ‘poles’ as chemical marriage, but an actual physical one plus one relationship and agreement to work together to live as equals on Earth, honoring Life for the first time which we had neglected to a mere background where no Self-Respect as Equality existed.

 

I commit myself to expose feminism as the counter-act of machismo, which stems from the ‘outdoing’ and trumping of the power-game played by both genders when defined according to energy and not the obvious physicality that is equally composed by the same cells, organs, tissues, bones and brain that requires the same nutrients to live, that develops the same way in physical reality wherein no ‘superiority’ or ‘inferiority’ is visible, but it only exists in the mind of human beings as an excuse to perpetuate the conflict and rivalry between males and females, which is unacceptable, unnecessary and must be stopped.

 

I commit myself to walk my Self-Agreement wherein I ensure that who I am as the relationship with myself is not defined by a ‘gender’ but instead as a physical being that is able to stand in and as Equality with the totality that is here as Self, where no genders define what is life and what’s not life or ‘less than’ as  all is existent in an equal stance in the measure of life – thus we stop the power-play between males and females in the name of Life in Equality.

 

Desteni I Process Relationships  to learn how to remove the conditions we’ve learned from our past as human beings that were existing in self-definitions of power-control and energetic-luring as the base foundation of ‘human relationships’

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2012 Meet your maker

In the back of my head – backchat – there is this thought ‘why am I once again having to talk about ‘God!’ as a resistance to go again into this topic. However, throughout the past years walking the Desteni material I came to realize how I could not side-view this concept – aside from the various beliefs I held about it in the past – thus I see it as a relevant point because it has become our chronic state of dementia, forgetting that initial moment of separation that lead ourselves to who and what we are currently living in.

This is going  beyond any usual idea/ belief or concept of a Christian or Muslim or Jewish idea of ‘god’; this is about the single acceptance and allowance of ‘god’ as a primordial separation from being one and equal – this is that basic make-believe IDEA of anything/ anyone being able to be ‘more’ than who we are.

Back in 2008 when the Reptilian interviews came out on YouTube, I was immediately ‘hooked on’ to them. I understood that any reaction that I could get toward their presentation was only a reaction to the  inherent ‘nature’ that resides within us all – I understood what the infamous ‘image and likeness’ meant as the ‘human nature’ that sought to be god at all times – we are still living that, certainly, look at this system, it is a dog eat dog world wherein controlling, manipulating and having ‘power’ over others is still an alluring idea that many have defined as a point of ‘fear’ – who would we be if we had all the money in the world? What would this world be if everyone allowed themselves to step upon anything and anyone in order to ‘get to the top’? However, the point here is looking at how such ‘power’ and ‘top’ has been in fact an induced belief, a fantasy created upon what is here which we can see now manifested as the cruel reality wherein because of some striving and fighting to be ‘on top,’ some have to be invariably existing ‘below’ and in the worst conditions that we might not even be able to outline here. And this is our creation.

 

It is within this point that we place ourselves in the shoes of the contemporary gods which can be ‘rich people’ that are able to ‘do as they will’  because of such godly-power that money represents. But, let’s rewind a bit: how on Earth have we gotten from Anu the mythological god that is often seen as ‘malevolent’ and the punching-bag for how fucked up this reality turned out to be, into this current reality?

 

In the interview that was released 2 days ago [1] he declares how he had only used what was already HERE within a basic realization: he is one and equal as that ‘source’ that everyone would deem themselves as coming from instead of being one and equal-to it.  Once again, the use of words is precise here – we must distinguish to what extent a refractional-shift in meaning can mean the whole world going into enslavement. Yes, this is the moment when we would all have to go quiet for a second to re-consider how much shit we can talk with no awareness whatsoever, which is what we have manifested and poured-out as this half-baked reality wherein the raw nature of this creation could not be essentially ‘someone’s creation’ only, but was astutely recognized and used by a single being in order to be ‘god,’ to be that point that has ‘the whole world in his hands.’

 

What we often miss is that: it takes two to tango.

I’ve received probably hundreds now of angry comments on the reptilian interviews, trying to blame Anu for how this reality exist now, yet having no understanding of creator and creation being in fact one and equal. It became quite obvious early on that having the reptilian gods presenting themselves to ‘their creation’ was yet another opportunity in a golden platter to realize ourselves, to understand that they had merely used what was already here as a preprogrammed system and manipulated it into a specific energetic functionality that became an ongoing enslavement. Anu reveals his true-intentions in part 2 with specific details about the energetic system that we are still living out – fascinating stuff to place into perspective everything that we had deemed as ‘who we are’ without ever having been able to realize and understand what was it that it was all actually for.

 

As I went hearing them I kept having this immediate clicks on what is it that he was actually revealing here: he had been nothing else but part of the same game, he merely played the role in this reality of ‘god’ – we have missed the fact that it is still ‘us’ as a separate point playing the character that would show us to what extent we could be blinded by the illusion of the ‘physical experience’ and all its pleasures and divinities. These divine-ties is what we accepted then as a life on Earth, a life filled with both your greatest misery and your ‘greatest excitement’ – all of these back and forth rides for the sheer purpose of using the Earth’s energy, human beings going from cathode to anode and create enough energy to produce the white-light that we then, foolishly, sought to ‘go to,’ always missing that we were in fact the ones generating it.

Duh.

 

It is ludicrous  and I even experience that I am missing a word here in order to explain this ‘forgetfulness’ – yet self-created and self-indulgent deception of the human within this accepted and allowed self-enslavement within an automated system. This is about words in separation of ourselves that became beliefs, that became make-believe systems such as the one we have now with our god-money system.

 

The revelation that Anu brings forth is that he merely played his part within this entire scheme that is self-created. And the truth is that I see this as a very long and tumultuous process to realize who and what we really are, a system that has been agreed and placed by all of us, always forgetting about it because we had to see to what extent we would abuse each other in the name of a God. Who’s been the dishonest ones all the way? We all have.

 

This sounds absolutely abhorring – however it is real, as real as having more than half of the world still suffering this primordial separation. This idea becomes suffocating for me at the moment – this is the actual moment when we see what we have done onto ourselves – everything becomes so clear and it seems like the most vile yet perfect plan for us to get caught in our own bite of the apple, stuck within the same point forever: we all wanted to be god, we all wanted to have the same power that Anu was able to simply acknowledge as one and equal as himself and use it, play along with it.

 

This was the ‘key’ point and decisive factor: while everyone else was believing to ‘come from source,’ he could realize himself as one and equal as everything that is here. However, the fact that he acknowledges that he wasn’t a self-directive consciousness implies that there is yet a lot more to understand and follow through in his interviews. There’s a ‘desire to know’ which comes from a curiosity point that arises – but it’s also from the basic god-debunking factor that re-draws the map of what this reality is, who we are, what we are, where we come from, how is it that we accepted and allowed ourselves to exist here as we are now.

The relevance of this material is not for mere ‘mystery solving’ purposes – no, absolutely not. This can be applied in virtually everything that we do in this reality till this day, as it is understanding the very ‘driving force’ that we live-by in every moment when existing as a mind-system.

Look at politics and ‘the system’ – we believe that there is this ‘system entity = god’ that is ‘more than ourselves,’ that cannot be questioned, that cannot be changed – and if I learned something today was understanding how it is the actual fear of challenging such ‘untouchable entities’ not from the perspective of ‘winning’ over them or boycotting them – as it is usual to approach such ‘entities’ for example within activism – but to actually debunk the embroidery they represent as a single self-created over-wrought presentation that we deemed as ‘superior,’ separate from ourselves instead of realizing who and what we are as one and equal as it. This is where the ‘as’ particle throughout the Desteni material represents such a key-word within the acknowledgement of everything and all being ‘it’ as well. As = we are it as well.

 

All of the grammatical categories become a single way of creating different shades of the same color – it’s always been us as one and equal  – yet in separation of ourselves we have fucked each other into oblivion, always forgetting that anything and anyone that we ‘fought against’ has been only ourselves.

It is not only saying ‘I am a part of you’ but ‘I am one and equal as you’ – man, imagine all the fucked up relationships we’ve created with ourselves beginning with our own mind, then toward our family, then toward this ‘god’ idea as that supernatural being or any other form of ‘god’ as anything that we could deem as ‘powerful’ or ‘superior’ to ourselves – the most commonly known god at the moment is money, for sure, a make believe system that we have endowed with the power of giving life and death – which also were points introduced by Anu, he’ll go into it within the following interviews he’s placed out for our de-light.

The relevance within this is seeing how the so-called and self-proclaimed ‘God’ is now talking to us in a rather modest manner once that he is willing to share how he’s just ‘played his part’ and has not been in fact a ‘creator’ but only a great manipulator of what was already here.

Hence, it is not that the nature of ourselves as humanity comes specifically ‘from him’ – common sense is: it’s always been part of ‘who we are,’ probably from that very first moment of separation. He just had to become that role of ‘superiority’ and extrapolate it to an extent wherein ‘his manipulation’ upon this this creation went out of control, wherein he even got himself out of the game because of not realizing what he was actually ‘dealing-with’ which is life, substance, what is HERE and has always been here.

 

As long as there is polarity, there is ego – as long as there is a lived-perception of ‘high and low’ ‘good and bad’ ‘up and down’ ‘rich and poor’ ‘winner and loser,’ the idea of god is still existent. It is just like people wanting to ‘crack capitalism’ which is no different to wanting to ‘cease the existent as god’ yet becoming oblivious to ‘how to do it.’ Common sense is: stop participating in going from the cathode to the anode generating the same polarity-experiences. But the point is not to ‘eradicate god’ only as a concept/ idea/ belief – it is about actually understanding how the fuck we created IT in the first place! What is it that god represents? Is it the extrapolated epitome of our communal desires to be ‘above all’? Is such god actually the image and likeness and mirror of ‘our inherent nature’ that we then turned our backs on, pretending that ‘someone else did it to ourselves?’

If we understand this, how ‘evil’ can we be to claim amnesia and label only ‘him’ as evil for daring to play out such a character in our reality – it takes two to tango and in that we are all equally responsible for abdicating self-responsibility, for going the easy way out to fulfill our individual yearnings in separation of ourselves.

Is this all going to be about the promise of an outrageous physical experience on Earth? Have we all fallen for the same points over and over and over again without being able to remember why we created such recycling system in the first place?

Were we always desiring to ‘experience’ something, hence the primordial point of separation, labeling him or any other ‘godly character’ as ‘evil’ for daring to epitomize our inherent secret desire to be ‘god,’ to be ‘above it all’?

These questions place into perspective what we have always missed which is ourselves – it is only now pertinent that we face the consequences of having allowed such separation – there is no other way to do it as we all know how easy it is to pretend that ‘everything is fine’ and do nothing about it. Using love and lies as a self-talk that is ‘positive’ is like trying really hard to avoid seeing/ realizing who and what we really are.

I also realize that I am sharing what I have realized at the moment – but this can only be realized by-you if you give yourself the opportunity to actually walk the process which is walking ourselves as this process of self-realization, understanding our own mind and how this reality function so that we can take on the wheel again and become self-directive beings that ensure no other fuckup is perpetuated ever again in this existence – no matter ‘how’ the future looks like – we focus at the moment in this lifetime, we have this one-opportunity to realize ourselves as one and equal and actually take responsibility for this reality. There are no more ‘future moments’ for that, we direct and dedicate ourselves to be and become that which we always should have been: living as one and equal – the implication of doing that, the necessary changes and transformation is already here and explained as this entire process of Self-Honesty wherein we get to understand How it is that the mind is not who we really are and how it is that we must focus on the physical reality that is the direct consequence of having imposed a value-system as a hierarchical-godly system to enslave each other in order to be ‘more’ than another.

So, we continue walking and integrating this understanding so that we’re able to finally correct such ‘inherent nature’ for once and for all.

Anu’s interviews are able to be found at Eqafe

                                                                

Listen to the First interview:

[1] Anu the Reptilian God in 2012


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