Tag Archives: negative

277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

 

Why would we require ‘Rewards’ when the solutions to this world are placed – we should conform with that as a living principle, why do we have to ‘fantasize’ with all the ‘good stuff’ to support what’s best for all?

 

I will be walking this point because it is quite an underlying and quite well masked self-experience whenever we speak about the Rewards point within our proposal to establish the Equal Money Capitalist system specifically. You can read more abut it in the Economist’s Journey To Life.

 

Let’s look at the ‘reasoning’ behind this in the form of Internal Conversations:

-We shouldn’t require to have a positive drive to do what’s best for all

– we don’t deserve this, we have abused far too much to now only expect rewards for establishing a fair economic-system

– Why is it hard for me to speak all the ‘good things’ as rewards?

– We shouldn’t expect to have something ‘in it’ for us to move, that’s just too greedy

– Why would I want rewards on top of solving the problems?

 

 

When reading all these rewards and solutions to our current problems in the world, it is simply realizing how things should have always worked, I see that they are not meant to be ‘positively driven’ as an energetic experience that can lead us to feel momentarily ‘Great’ about ourselves or ‘Happy’- instead this is all about finally creating the necessary equilibrium to live as who and what we are, as equals in this world. However, there’s this inherent ‘lock’ or ‘barrier’ wherein the sheer acceptance of ‘all the good stuff/ what’s best for all’ would be just too much of a ‘good thing’ linking this establishment of Equality to a positive experience, which is what I then resist to fully embody as myself due to reasoning how all the defined negative in this world is ‘more real’ than all this positive things that are only created through abuse. So, I can spot the problems in this world and solutions – but, when it comes to rewards, I freeze out.

 

I was listening to the interview Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 43 and point this was explained with a cool example that I could relate to in terms of identifying positivity with ‘happiness’ ‘good’ ‘love’ ‘joy’ and as such, it is as if I have placed a veto upon those words to promote them as a reward, because I have associated them with a great fallacy – however, that is within our current context wherein yes, only a few can experiment such grandeur due to having enough money to live very well and with all they need. However if everyone has such equal opportunity, then an actual happiness can emerge, an actual well being that is no longer a flickering momentary experience.

 

Self Forgiveness on the exploration around Rewards:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only feel comfortable when speaking about the problems, the bad, the negative in this world and believe that I have a ‘hard time’ speaking about the solutions and that which is best for all, simply because of within my mind linking this to a point of abuse and deception that I find it hard to live as myself because I have linked the positive/ happy/ joyful experiences to money and as such linking money to evil/abuse wherein I then go into a point of avoiding talking about the benefits simply because I have not dealt with my own polarity construct of negative/bad stuff in reality as ‘the real deal’ of our world and all the good/ happy/ beneficial aspects to the Positive-experiences in the world that I have judged within myself extensively due to myself benefitting from it while knowing that not everyone has equal access to the benefits I have.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have ‘the least’ and experience myself as more of a real-benevolent person when rejecting or refusing money/ not looking for the benefits that money brings within this current world system due to a morality aspect that I have created with regards to it being Bad to enjoy yourself if you have money thus I realize that through judging I am creating more separation toward enjoyment as a reward in itself, thus I realize that we are presenting a solution of enjoyment that will be equally accessible for all in Equality and as such, there is no point in keeping judging this benefit, but instead establish ways in which it can be a certainty for all as a given right to benefit from everything that enables us to live in this world as equals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link what’s ‘more real’ to a defined negativity and ‘bottom of the pit’ that I would deliberately go into in order to experience what I defined as that which is actually real and create an opposition toward anything that seemed ‘too good’/ ‘too benevolent’ / ‘too happy’ and within this, form and create an aversion to it, which means that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a ‘gloomy-character’ that can only look at everything that is fucked in this existence as the real-reality and as such,  wanting to stick to this side of ‘reality’ than belonging to the fluffy-artificial positivity that I was brought up in, because it seemed simply not Real, not congruent with the reality that I would see was non-existent for everyone that had no money to live, that had no support to have a ‘happy life’ either, without realizing that in this I am denying myself from actually realizing that such experience is possible for everyone if we are all equally working to create and establish a world system that works for all equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link everything that is negative of this world as ‘the real reality’ wherein yes, the real reality currently is the majority that has no money to live a happy life – though within wanting to stick to this ‘negative experience’ as ‘what’s real’ it has now become something ‘hard’ to let go of which is why when it comes to writing and speaking words that imply what’s best for all and Rewards specifically, I see them as too fake/ too ‘out there’ / too manipulative just because of having linked all the negative of our reality as what’s real, without realizing that such reality certainly has to cease to exist and actually allow ourselves to live words that can actually support us to live and enjoy life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a positive charge and experience at a mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ with a ‘moreness’ point, without realizing that this is not about being more or positive, but re-establishing an order within this world that will enable life to be finally supported as it always should have been – and this does not imply now having to define me as ‘positive’ and perceive myself to be ‘out of character’ – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being ‘out of character’ when looking at rewards and believing myself to be incapable of coming up with rewards because of believing that we don’t really deserve it, that I can only accept and implement the solutions, but no rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a plastic card of frequent visitor in a posh –line of hotels and also a money-card wherein rewards were accumulated by my father’s account and how I would use these plastic cards of ‘rewards’ in order to buy more/ consume more, which I always thought was ‘for free’ (Read the previous entry to understand this point) and as such create a positive experience within consuming/ buying with such ‘rewards’ cards.

I realize that I have in fact linked rewards to buying/ consuming and within this, judging such benefits as ‘wrong’ due to how I have dedicated myself to judge this world and reality within a negative value and self-experience wherein the moment that solutions are presented I experience as if I ‘can’t’ simply take the ‘positive outcomes’ and write them out, because of not allowing myself to first clear the word rewards from the positive charge in itself.

 

What I realize is that this is still experienced because of currently having to exist within the transition point wherein we Know what’s best for all, we understand the problem, the root cause of this inequality – yet we are the ones that currently have the money and education to do something about it, which is an excuse to feel guilty for being existing within this fortunate position and looking it through the eyes of ‘me not being real because I have money and the protection that comes with it’ – instead of looking at it from the perspective of: I have money, I have access to education, I become the one that implements the solution – which is the position I have taken at a common sensical level, but I haven’t allowed myself to fully LIVE and Realize this as myself, as an actual possibility, because I haven’t yet forgiven myself for the guilt and shame that even having money and this fortunate position has become as an experience within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the reasoning of ‘I am not being real within my decision to support a system that is best for all because I have money and always had money to live well and have a proper environment to live in, which makes me part of the Elite that exists at the expense and abuse of those that have none’ – wherein within this statement, I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist within a form of guilt and shame, which is actually an egotistical self-experience that I have held on to in order to continue this personality which is obviously an obstacle to fully stand as the solution as what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘Rewards’ with being greedy and a positive person that is only looking after self-interest, which is how I have linked this word within the consumerist society that I was born into

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why should we require rewards in this world to move’? wherein I am judging the way that I realize more people can in fact listen to a world-change process that will enable life to be supported for everyone – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the means of promoting what’s best for all, instead of looking at the actual results that can come from in fact implementing that which we all know should have always been/ existed as, thus there is no ‘positive charge’ or ‘luring’ aspect to this, this is just using our current motivational-points and triggers to support that which has never been supported which is Life in Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ to a positive resonance and as such see it as a polarity point to the negative that I have wanted to define myself as due to linking such ‘negativity’ as ‘more real’ than all the good that we can envision currently as what’s best for all, without realizing that what’s best for all is not positive or the counter act for the negative, it is simply establishing equality as physical structure to support everyone as it always should have been.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when reading some of the rewards and judge them as vain, wherein that implies that I am taking things personally with regards to what people actually want and expect in their lives as something ‘better’ for them to look a and consider what’s best for all because in my mind, people should not have to be ‘lured’ into what’s best for all, however I realize that the ‘good way’ has not worked at all in this reality to promote ‘what’s best for all’ and as such believe that ‘I have a hard time creating rewards’ simply because I have not allowed myself to consider actually embodying fully what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel righteous when declaring that ‘I don’t require any rewards if the solution is in place,’ wherein I then see myself as more ‘self-honest’ or ‘common sensical’ than anyone that would actually begin to hear what we have to say due to reading the rewards proposed, due to how I have judged myself and everyone that is not willing to take action if there’s nothing ‘in it’ for them/ myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to embody a personality of feeling ‘okay’ when looking at the bad, the negative, the problems but go into inner conflict when it comes to looking at the rewards, the solutions that I have linked to a ‘positive experience’ without realizing that in this all it is to stop feeling bad about the reality of this world and as such stop linking the rewards and benefits for all as the ‘good’ that I have linked to abuse and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a problem to actually embody or feel comfortable with speaking the words that mean that which is best for all such as enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction due to linking it to a positive-energetic experience that can only be founded through abuse. I realize that this means that I am only looking at these words based on my experience and realizations, instead of looking at the words as an actual physical expression that we can in fact embody/ become within living in a proper structure/system of support for everyone equally, wherein it will no longer be linked to a positive experience founded through abuse, but it will be a living-right – this implies that I am only judging the words as knowledge and information and not really looking at the physicality aspect and sustainability of such beneficial experiences as an actuality, a consistent support and not linked to momentary flickering experiences that money can only buy at the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word Rewards as a fucked up consumerist bullshit and within this linking it with an experience of disgust toward it because I have made myself believe that I simply want ‘justice for all’ and see all forms of Rewards as something that I refuse to participate in because of the backchat ‘Why would we want rewards on top of establishing solutions that are already best for all’? Without realizing that this Reward point is but a way to promote what’s best for all as a ‘winning’ consideration within the current mind-frame of our society, wherein we know and have realized that people won’t move unless there is something ‘in it’ for them.

 

When and as I See myself having ‘difficulty’ with coming up with actual rewards to give to each other in a world system where everyone will have equal access and equal benefit to all – I stop and I breathe – I let go of seeing this as selfish and greedy and instead look at the starting point of rewards as that actual well-functioning of a society as how things should have always been when regarding all of us with equal right to benefit from what is here.

 

I realize that I have to walk equal to everyone and the majority that is certainly currently only moved by self-interest and within this, I realize that ‘their interests’ are currently only existent within the current mind-frame of consumerism as how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be moved/ motivated by – I also realize that such self-interest is in fact not ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ if such aspirations lead a person to live a fulfilled living condition, wherein it won’t be a ‘bad thing’ any longer if we make such ability to enjoy life/ fulfill this self interest an equal ability and capacity for all – thus

 

I realize that I have only judged the ‘good’ things in life according to what I have realized throughout this process of understanding how the world is in reverse and all the ‘good/ benevolent’ was in fact founded upon abuse. However, what we are walking currently is the process of being able to propose a practical way to create a solid foundation for these benefits to be equally available and given to everyone equally as a birth-right. This means that I have to stop judging the point of Rewards according to seeing them through the Current eye of consumerism and the abuse that this represents, but instead realize that rewards are possible as a consequential outflow that comes from establishing a world system wherein we will be educated to discern what actual value is as Life, and no longer the current means/ways we have sought our ‘benefit’ and ‘happiness’ from, which is standing within the current abusive ways and means that we are currently abusing life for our personal glory. If this ‘glory’ is equally available in a sustainable non-harmful and sustainable way in an Equality system, then I accept and allow myself to live ‘glory’ and all these positive aspects as a giving and receiving point that I allow myself to give to myself and others in Equality.

 

I commit myself to continue exploring the current discomfort experienced when speaking about Rewards and as such focus on the reality and viability of such outcomes to be established within the proposal of Equal Money Capitalism.

 

This will continue

 

No More Human Drama- Equal Money System

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182.Feeling-Good will Not Solve the Problems in this World

 

And this same point applies to whenever we talk ourselves ‘positively’ in our minds wanting to only focus on that which will take us ‘out of the dumpster’ of that initial negative reaction toward the realization of having Things-To-Do and creating  an entire act of mindfuckism in order to pretend that it can be done later, that it must be ‘pushed aside’ as it is probably just ‘not a good time now,’ or requiring certain conditions such as a particular scenario, a particular ‘moment of the day,’ weather conditions, even mood for that matter to do something – all of these conditions actually stemming from our limited configuration that we have created toward this physical reality relying on a positive and a negative in order to make decisions in our lives to do or not do things.

I walked the negative reactions in the blogs 174. Sinking in Reactions after Thinking and Not Doing and 176.Imagining the worst case scenario: Obstacles to Protect Self Interest wherein the immediate desire to go for the things that ‘I want to do’ manifest as a thought – such as going out for a walk for example or doing some other task that I prefer doing – and within that single allowance of dimensional shift from me first of all, going into the imagination, future projection and backchatting about the ‘negative’ and all the ‘bad things’ that may come from me doing this or not doing it, we then go into the positive to step out of all the uncomfortable experiences that manifest in a physical manner such as reacting in apathy and sinking in our own mind bubble in an apparent inability to write in that moment, without realizing that writing is just a process of placing the fingers on the keyboard, pressing them in order to make words and that’s it. Any other resistance to do it, we investigate ourselves in our minds and the relationship created toward that physical action based on memories, pictures, future projections, beliefs, all of them self-limitations that we have created based on what? Not having obtained a particular ‘desired outcome’ before in such activity – such as writing and getting a ‘desired result’ out of it – which becomes this belief that we are not ‘good enough’ or we ‘lack’ something in order to accomplish this particular task.

In this I’ll take an example of me working with tools and doing activities that I had defined and limited only to be done by a male, and not ‘any’ male, but specialized people in construction. So, when I was at the farm without a thought I said I would collaborate in building rooms – I could see the thoughts of me doing a job that ‘only males could do’ and that I should rather keep myself to a more ‘gentle work’ – however, I decided to equalize myself within the consideration obviously of what I was able to carry and do based on physical conditions, but I’m talking about using tools such as a drill or sawing machines that I had simply kept in an aura of ‘male work’ and would not get anywhere near by it. Once I simply Did it and physically learned how to operate the tools and machine, I got quite comfortable in working equally within that project, eventually enjoying the expansion of my physical abilities that I had tampered based on a single belief of ‘construction’ being a male-thing type of activity. And so within this single example I can have a reference for myself how typing/ writing cannot be any different to me having proven to myself how I am able to in fact do things when I have no judgment toward the activity in itself, or when I move through the initial judgment/ backchat and simply direct myself to physically do it. Within that action, I broke my own ‘commandment’ of a self-religious belief that I would never see myself working in construction – well, there you go: all it takes is one breath, one decision and it’s done.

So, this is how within any point of procrastination we have to actually see all the background we have formed toward the point we are holding ourselves back from doing and placing a parallel for ourselves such as me and construction and how I was able to move through the belief in one go – and transposing this same action to writing: what is preventing me to write this particular task/ document? And within that, we’ve been walking here so far all the thoughts, imaginations, fantasies, future play outs and the reactions toward such mental activity, which becomes the accumulated experience at a physical level of the participation within all those excuses and beliefs as ‘who I am toward this particular task/ assignment’ and as such, create my own jail nicely locked with beliefs and even hope to somehow not have to get it done.

Therefore, getting back to the point I’m going to discuss now is how from the moment I created a negative reaction toward these self-created beliefs of me not being good enough to do this writing, not being satisfying other’s requirements within this particular task, I submit myself to a negative reaction of apathy and pessimism wherein I simply get ‘stuck’ and not move – all of this discussed in the blogs 179. Apathy as result of High Expectations and 180. Half way done.

Thus, I go immediately seeking to create my positive experience by pushing aside the negative with something that I have programmed myself to react with joy and enthusiasm toward, which in such chases can be me going out for a walk or doing any other ‘task’ at hand that is in no way related to this particular writing/ document that must be done – I mean in terms of computer point, it’s not even that I simply decide to go ‘partying’ instead of working on the document, but a single avoidance of opening the file in the same computer that I will still continue to be working on.

Thus, within the enthusiasm I pull out toward going out for a walk – which is more noticeable as a reaction other than just ‘shifting’ from responsibilities in the computer – I generate this experience of expectation of being out, experiencing the wind, seeing the environment, people, going to get something that I like –e.g. going to the store to buy peanuts, fruits, vegetables or milk – and then having this cool experience of listening to Eqafe interviews on my way back and forth and it’s like the ‘Me’ time of the day, which as I have explained I had created into a religion which doesn’t have to be if I am able to balance my time throughout the day to get to ‘all responsibilities’ without having to now refrain from going out for a walk as that would be separation of course.

So – the positive experience exists as a something ‘better to do’ than the task that we Have to do but have attached to a negative experience wherein we then believe that us actually doing that task will be a ‘bad experience/ unpleasant experience’ which is nothing else but a self-created relationship based on an energetic experience that we have imposed onto a physical-action to do – here it is very clear the relationship between mind over matter and how we have conditioned/ limited and defined everything that we do based on How We Feel About it.

Thus within this reaction of and toward a positive experience when thinking of that other something else we have defined and programmed ourselves to react positively to – with enthusiasm, joy, relaxation etc.-  we backchat ourselves to eventually move ourselves to fulfill that positive experience, stepping over and deliberately neglecting that which we realized had to be done and instead, allow ourselves to be directed by energy as this ‘positive experience’ in order to make it ‘alright’ within ourselves to better do that which we feel ‘good’ about and leave that which we dislike – by self-deluded conclusion – to do it some other time, placing an undefined ‘time’ for it, which can extend for as long as we can continue holding on this diatribe within ourselves of realizing that there’s this ‘something’ as a task/ assignment/ project that must be completed but instead, talk ourselves out of it every single time with pulling out something ‘else’ to do as a ‘better experience.’

And this is how we manipulate our reality – we don’t require ‘super powers’ for it, just the belief that a feel good experience is actually ‘real’ in itself, when we are only making it real based on our own definitions and judgments added to an activity, a something or someone in our reality based on the experience that we created toward ‘them’ in fact, which is then not about the thing/ person or activity in itself, but how we have created a relationship toward that person/ reality/ activity as a feel-good experience within us. This is how it is not to blame for example the ‘walking outside’ in itself, but it’s about the relationship that I have created within my mind of that single physical action of walking outside – which is rather cool and beneficial at a physical level – and instead made it an entire action drenched in positive experience which serves My purpose and My demand for a positive experience every time that I step into the moment wherein I realize that I have a particular task that I have been procrastinating and is required to be done.

 

In this if we look at our entire world system that is not functioning properly as an equal point of benefit for all, instead of realizing that a solution is required in order to support all bodies of existence equally through redefining the means to acquire – money – no longer being a point of power/ positive energy in itself, but as a single rights document to have all the necessary points to live, we continue using the very representation of our decision to ‘opt for the good feeling’ remedy, which in this case is using money to have that which satisfies us which, even though we realize it is being a point of harm and abuse as the current relationship that such money represents within this physical reality is not of equality as in not everyone being given money to live, which means that it only serves a minority’s desires and living necessities. We are essentially using money to get trapped in the belief of ‘well being’ that is being provided by a tool that has become the very instrument of extortion and abuse in order to fulfill a minority’s positive experience such as having a fulfilling life which should Not be even defined as a ‘positive experience’ if we could simply remove the negative aspect created of such positivity by distributing money to all beings equally. This is how every time that I participate in a feel bad experience as ‘the negative,’ I am accepting and allowing the very existence of this world in its ‘negative aspect’ such as all the problems that ‘lacking money’ signify in this world that is created as consequential outflow from the desire to have a positive experience in life which is translated at all times to ‘having money’ to do so.

Therefore, from a greater perspective, would I have the ability to create a positive experience in my mind and actually have the means and opportunity to ‘play it out’ if I was a slave-worker in the Chinese Factories that manufacture high-tech devices that only a minority can acquire and have a positive experience with? Could I in such a position of being mostly in a ‘prison-factory’ be able to decide not to work that day? No, I would most likely be fired and or simply left to starve that day for not having ‘earned’ my money to sustain myself – and this is actually the reality that people are really going through on a daily basis. Now, this is something that places every minute bullshit excuse that I may have into perspective, as I see that the motivation for me to do any task at all times is to do and be and act and create everything required to manifest a world wherein people will no longer be striving to make a living or be high-on ‘positive experiences’ built, for example, with the slave-work badly paid to people that have no option but to work in such a compulsive manner in order to satisfy what should be given-unconditional support for them to LIVE a life and not just ‘strive’ to remain breathing and selling themselves a workforce that sustains someone else’s positive experience, which is us.

 

Thus the responsibility in all aspects and dimensions of ourselves are ‘in our hands’ obviously, us people that can have a computer to write and have an education and get prepared to create and manifest a world that is in fact just and supportive in all aspects wherein we won’t have to deceive ourselves with positive or negative energies as there will be no ‘balancing act’ to play out if everyone is equally supported, which will obviously transform the very way we ‘think’ our reality – hence the way we Live our reality.

This is a self-note then, every time that I indulge into a positive experience or a feel better, I am the very motor of this world that perpetuates someone else’s enslavement to a job that exists to sustain this ‘positive and progressive civilization’ and to realize that I am squandering an opportunity to stand up for life as well within this – because it is in the very decisions  we make throughout our day that we are able to make a change which is focusing on what we require to do, be and become to stand as an example of how it is possible to be self directive at a physical level, and no longer serve the mind of energy as all the positivity that we have indulged in and is no different to thinking ‘positive’ to solve the problems in this world. The moment we ‘act’ from and of positive thinking, we are supporting and recreating and manifesting the separation and absurd inequality in this world wherein I actually have the ability to ‘chose’ what to do while others are inevitably bound to doing one thing repeatedly for 18 hours a day to barely make a living – and I am not willing to remain as a part of this chain that bounds all equally to the same drain – hence the Importance of studying and supporting the implementation of the Equal Money System

 

Time to Wake up

This will continue within the procrastination character and the responsibility toward the physical reality as the consequences that I manifest within myself as the whole whenever I allow myself to not be consistent, constant and diligent in all aspects of my reality.

 

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Supportive series to understand how what we do / don’t do at an individual level affect the whole in actual physical reality:

 

Vlogs in response to a positive thinking promoter:

Matti
Sandy MacJones
Gabriel Zamora Moreno
Kim Kline
Maya Harel
Marlen Vargas Del Razo
Julieta Zochi

157. Wishing Well as Self Interest

Prayer as the Good doer character.

And the word in relation to ‘Good’ and ‘doing good’ is impair. And the first memory that popped up was how from the first day of school, we – my mother, my sisters and I, would pray ‘Our Father’ on our way to school which was the one and only daily approach I had toward the particular idea of ‘god’ as ‘our father.’ What’s peculiar about this is that we would add a few more verses wherein we would specially thank ‘god’ for taking care of ourselves and giving us food to eat – and the very last line was something along the lines of ‘and we specially ask you to take care of fill in the blank with impaired person/ problematic situation’ and this was usually the ‘awareness’ point of the day with regards to for example, some family member that was sick or having financial difficulties, mostly health problems and at the very end: ‘and for the children that have nothing to eat.’ And this is quite shocking now that I see it, how after thanking and praying/ honoring this almighty force at the very end we would pray for poor people, sick people, starving children = the impaired ones. And the feeling that I remember of this was a constant ‘ingrained’ sadness whenever we would remember about ‘the impaired ones’ in our prayers, while seeing such reality on the streets and once again, me just sitting comfortably next to my mother on her car and having a ‘cool life’ while believing that I was somehow a Good person because ‘Hey, at least I pray every day for Everyone’s well being, including those that have no money and no bread to eat every day.’

And within this, I can see the conflict toward poor people as a negative experience within me toward them – meaning experiencing sadness, sorrow and powerlessness – yet, I would also create an experience of compassion as a way to pretend that I care, but as we know: feeling bad, sorry and praying for ‘poor people’ changes nothing at all in this world. It in fact only exists as a ‘good-doer’ personality wherein we believe that we are somehow reaching ‘god’ through giving a shout out for people that have no money to live well, instead of ever pondering how it is that such people are deliberately left to starve or live on the streets and even worse, they have become part of the statistics that measure the economical development of a country.

 

Yes, I was probably only 4-5 years old when this routine began and probably ended when I was probably 11 or so. It was ‘the’  prayer, the only prayer we would do as that was given by Jesus and not the rest of the ‘blatant liars’ that  I was taught the church as institution was. So, I’d probably have to walk my relationship to Jesus at some point, and all the absolute draining experiences I would get whenever the ‘holy week’ would come and all these movies about his life simply saddened me a lot, while at the same time astonishing me in a way that was quite peculiar to relate to.  I guess that the relationship toward ‘those that killed Jesus’ as evil was realized in such movies, to what extent humans could be so vile to do all of that, and at that age one cannot really ‘fathom’ the whole thing – and it is certainly only now that we realize how we have ALL been the ones that crucified Jesus as the representation of the physical being nailed by the mind that drains the physical to live. A shocking story? Yes, more than any horror movie flick, really, because we’ve lived this/ embodied this without ever even been able to see/ realize or understand how we have always been silently killing us ‘softly’.

 

how such prayers can actually be conducted in a way wherein it becomes like a broken record, even though I used to imprint what I mimicked from my parents as  ‘faith and devotion’ toward that moment of the day which was ‘solemn’ in all ways – it was just 2 minutes of our day dedicated to ‘god,’ and that was the closest I got to religion throughout childhood, at least the catholic one – teenage years, another story as I went into a Jesuit school where the ‘good doer’ character will be very interesting to walk now that I see. For now, let’s walk the initial imprint of prayer as ‘doing good.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that praying as in saying words to wish for another’s ‘well being’ was in fact doing something ‘good’ to them, instead of realizing how within praying I was only creating a positive experience in relation to ‘thinking of others’ which is precisely what prayer is, just thinking, wishing and hoping for something or someone to ‘fix the problem’ toward and for those that we ‘include in our prayers,’ without ever questioning why it is that if there was ‘benevolent god,’ there was no ability to create solutions for those ‘in need’/ impaired ones, instead of having to be speaking out loud pleads to a non visible entity to do it for them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I was closer to god/ heaven and ultimately a ‘good kid’ because of taking 2 minutes of our day to ‘pray for the well being of everyone’ including our family members, people that starve and have no money to live, without ever actually questioning why it is that we only care about ‘our family’ and why it is that the poor/ starving/ abused ones have no solution provided by ourselves as society, and instead only deviate the point to a non-existent/ invisible force to apparently do it for us.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that I was in fact a ‘good person’ because of praying, without ever realizing or even considering how manipulative it is to create an experience of benevolence at the expense of those that in fact suffer and are in pain, with no money/ no support, no care from anyone within the same society wherein a vast majority would rather pray like me, and learn how to ‘ask god’ to solve the problems instead of seeing the common sense of how it is possible for us to exist within this comfortable blindfold of prayer without seeing any result from it at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever feel that I was a ‘good kid’ when becoming sad or feel ‘powerless’ about people that had no money, wherein I believed then that it was ‘a gift from god’ the fact that I was able to have a family, food, school, and essentially money from my parents to live, without ever really questioning the point further and taking parental answers as ‘truth’ to ‘make sense’ of the world, wherein I believed that people with ‘bad luck/ bad life’ were in fact ‘paying’ some sort of sin/ wrong doings in their life, which is how I accepted the law of karma as a way to justify poverty, abuse and ‘all the evil’ in the world in separation of myself, while proudly and modestly believing/ inferring that ‘I’ then was a ‘good person’ and had been a good person in past lives because I was having a good life in this life.

And it’s even the belief in past lives having an actual ‘weight/ meaning’ upon who I am today, which was also part of the belief system of spiritualism which I was more familiar with/ accepted more as a ‘truth’ due to familial relationships and acquiring such belief as ‘THE Truth’ as opposed to catholic church and any other belief that would indicate that I had to feel ‘guilty’ for my sins. I instead would embrace this ‘benevolence’ when/while ‘dedicating’ some time of my day to pray for those that have no money.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to pray as a credit/ credo/ belief added to myself in order to accumulate ‘benevolent points’ so that I could possibly get to a ‘heaven’ in the afterlife and then, possibly get a ‘better life experience in my next life,’ which is basically me acting in absolute self interest to only pray for ‘those in need’ in order to make myself feel good, feel like ‘I care’ and within that, feel good at the expense of those that actually suffer and that till this day, we hold the absolute responsibility to create a world system that is in fact able to Respond to their needs as a living right that must be given at birth, to support all beings equally as one – and this is not only a word-principle, but must begin within myself, to equalize myself as the life that I thought I could only ‘ask’ / pray or ‘wish good’ for instead of realizing that life is a physical aspect of living wherein no thought, no positive thinking, no ‘good wishing’ can in fact change the current situation of neglect, abuse and sorrow that is lived in the flesh of everyone in this world that is currently bound to money to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within this belief o doing good through praying/ wishing well to others, create a fluffy nice positive experience after the immediate shame/ guilt/ compassion would come when realizing that there were beings that had no food to eat, no school to go to, no parents, no house, no water and as such, thinking and accepting the belief that ‘god’ would somehow support them and take them out of the misery, which is a crime against life to abdicate our responsibility toward the impaired beings in society through believing that ‘they will be supported by a god, and somehow their problems would be fixed, without ever actually understanding, investigating or realizing how it is our responsibility as humans as co-creators of this world to ensure that all beings are supported, as there will be no need to pray for a god to save that which is physically here and able to be supported within a system that ensures All beings are equally supported, as the actual message of Jesus and Equality that has been crucified for so long in fact.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never ask why it is that I was able to be comfortably praying and asking things to a god for those in need and what it is that made me different to them and that prevented them/ the impaired ones from having my comfort, my position, my money/parents to live as I do and instead, blindly accepted the belief that I simply had to ‘do good/ wish them well’ and the problem would be apparently sorted out.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see prayer as something solemn and of great respect, without realizing how the entire prayer was a plea of self interest to only care for me/ my loved ones, that which ‘I care’ and that which ‘I am aware of,’ while wearing a suit of being a ‘good girl that cares for others,’ while in fact my actions, words and deeds throughout the day were of competition, rivalry, spitefulness and blatant self interest to always win no matter what, which are the behavioral patterns that are simply placed aside whenever wearing the ‘good doer’ personality. And within this also shoving aside the awareness of what I was doing in fact, as I became pretty aware of me being ‘double headed’ in terms of believing myself to be good and then seeing the absolute opposite existent within me, but somehow accept it because : everyone else was doing the same, and so I stopped questioning my own ‘two-faced value’ and neglected the reality that is here as myself, in every moment throughout my entire days.

 

I commit myself to Stop within me any sensation of ‘feeling good’ and even creating an entire benevolent character of myself whenever I see myself supporting someone o something to get done, as I realize that it is effective to at all times see these points as my responsibility, my self-commitment to life as one and equal, instead of doing it ‘for someone/ something’ in separation of myself.

 

I commit myself to see where and how even now, even if there are no more prayers or beliefs in some ‘outer source,’ the belief of doing good has become a ‘positive experience’ within me whenever I am looking for/ after my self interest instead of realizing that all that I do and that I don’t do has an effect and consequence for the whole to which I am equally a part of – hence, self responsibility implies no more creating experiences at a mind level within the ‘good doer’ character that only cares about its own ‘goodness’ and ‘inner peace’ while the world is in chaos, created by ourselves.

 

I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System as the commitment to live, work and do what we all were supposed to have done, been and lived by which is the law of Life in Equality in all ways, wherein there will be obviously no way to ‘gain points’ of ‘good doing’ through praying, there will be no positive experiences done from giving money/ charity to the impaired ones, there will be no need to hope and wish for something/ some benevolent force to solve the problems of the world as we will ensure that WE take responsibility for such problems in the world system, because we have accepted them, we have allowed them and as such, it is impossible now to turn a blind eye and pretend that thinking positive/praying/ asking the universe for things can in any way give food, water, shelter, clothes, education to those that have non.

 

this will continue…

 

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69. Change is in the Meaning of Money

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that changing the monetary system implies a Change in the Meaning/ Signification of the word ‘Money’ itself, wherein the sign is no longer passed on from generation to generation as the medium of exchange in the form of coins, bills and banknotes based on rules and regulations imposed by a minority that Makes the money/ decides How it is distributed/ given and traded, and instead realize that for an actual Social, Political change we require an Economic change wherein we as human beings agree that the ‘balance’ required in money at the moment to stop the Inequality is through Equalizing Money to a physical tangible reality and principle, which is Life in Equality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the current implications of the meaning/signification of money in our societies is implying suffering, abuse, power, over consumption, division of classes, greed, envy, comparison, competition, success as a positive quality, survivalism amongst any other form of separation that stems from the basic realization that: not everyone in the world has access to this ‘means of exchange’ as money – which implies that not everyone is able to give/ receive that which is required to live, signifying that we have accepted the ‘money tradition’ as a word/ meaning that is signifying the enslavement of man to an arbitrarily made system that is only benefitting a few, while the majority does not get to see ‘the light’ as money as energy/ power to acquire that which is needed to live. Furthermore, instilling the desire for ‘More’ within those that have the basics to live – middle class – but learn to not be satisfied with the necessary as the glorified ‘example’ of the ‘wealthy’ implies that one can get to have all that power as well, wherein the ‘rich and famous’ become just like a carrot on a stick that keeps everyone circling around/ working/ doing all that is possible in order to someday ‘attain’ that amount of wealth as a synonym of protection, happiness, ultimate satisfaction, and ‘worth’ completely oblivious to the actual abuse that goes on with the mere acceptance of money as a separate meaning from ourselves as Life, which implies by default that abuse is existent in its meaning over Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the basic required shift and change in the meaning of money can be established as a social convention based on the firm-ground and principle of Life in Equality, wherein All can be equally benefited by such change/ shift within the relationship we have with money itself: from a meaning of power that is only achieved through work – for the majority – or inheritance,  to a readily given tool as a means of giving and receiving equal access and distribution of the resources of the Earth that we use for consumption and construction of our society, of which its members must equally stand – one by one – as the understanding of what giving and receiving as Equals means: Equal-Money will be the consequence and outflow of us deciding and agreeing in a New Meaning to Money which can benefit All in an Equal-way, which implies that the relationship between the human and money won’t be that of power, lack, desire/ lust as greed and a constant survivalism to get it, but will become an Equal Living Word as a simple tool to manage resources and ensure everyone is equally supported, by mere virtue of being a living being in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to perpetuate an unspoken social convention over money as a current means of control of the Earth’s resources distribution, which implies that it is in our absolute power and ability to re-unite again to agree that within the principle of one man, one vote, we can establish a new system that can benefit all beings Equally, wherein those in the elite and those starving are finally equalized by having equal power of acquisition along with the rest of humanity, which will dissolve the eternal class-struggle and avoid the need to ‘take down the power’ by force/ revolutions/ battles/ wars – I see and realize that through giving a New Meaning to Money as an equally give-distributed tool, I can prevent a tumultuous process of shift/ change within the monetary system, as I see and realize that wars, revolutions and coup d’état only separate the individuals within a society further, which is precisely why Equal Money System is the most pacific way in which we can all agree to give to each other as we want to receive the right to Live a dignified living, without resorting to further violence, death, crimes and revolting in spitefulness, but instead recognize our actual Neighborism  if we agree to Live as Equals.

 

I realize that the responsibility for how money currently exists resides in each and every single person that has accepted the meaning of ‘money’ as it currently exists in absolute means of separation, division, power and competition, which implies that the solution will also mean a new social convention to give a New Meaning to Money that will imply a process of change through Education, just like learning a New Word and its Meaning, which must be first lived within the individual as the realization of who and what we are as Life is Equal and One = hence, making of money the representation of that realization made a system that is socially agreed upon through democratic means, as the real power that each one hold by virtue of being a participant within society as part of the entire ecosystem as the Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Equal-Money becomes an imposition as a new meaning to Money-itself, without realizing that fear is only a means of control that have kept us believing that the meaning/ value of money could not be changed/ transformed/ shifted in its functionality, which implies that we cannot fear implementing a Living Principle that is and will benefit All beings equally.

 

I realize that we have kept ourselves living in a generational inertia, never questioning money and its meaning, but simply accepting it ‘as is,’ which implies that it is now that more and more people are being affected and directly influenced by the inequality inherently schemed as Money at the moment, that we start questioning how money was created, when/ how did we accept this, which is the actual imposition and forced-acceptance that we all complied-to by the very first moment that we used money in our lives without further questioning its existence and the ‘rules’ behind it.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the ‘free choice’ that is implied in the arbitrary meaning of Money at the moment, was not established and promulgated in the best interest of all, but only considering the benefit of those that made the rules of its meaning in the first place, which means that we have followed the ‘tradition’ of such meaning as a ‘word of god’ without really questioning how come we have delegated the same abusive system from generation to generation without pondering the need for a change in its meaning and power over life itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Money is a mere abstraction/ concept, and Not a full sign as a direct meaning of  what Money should be as linked to a physical-tangible object/ part of the physical world – but instead accepting its ‘value’ within the belief of ‘power’ in an abstract form represented by metal, paper, coins with no physical relationship to an actual physicality of/as life itself in this world, but became a meaning to ‘power’ as the ability to simply deny / allow the access of money to other beings, the quantity of it and the rules within which it would function-as, implying that it is Not a meaning/signification that is Real in any way whatsoever, but a socially deliberately ‘flawed’ convention representing the absolute separation of humanity toward the world itself and each other, creating the basis of Inequality by and through a single meaning in separation of ourselves as Equals as Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that money in itself as paper, bank notes, plastic, metals cannot in any way be a ‘meaning of power’ in itself, it is the social convention as a Belief-System that we have agreed upon that decides how it works,  which reduces money to a psychological object rather than an actual meaning in function of the physical reality as the tangible resources that can be given/ exchanged with one another – this means that the word ‘wealth’ is the solidification of this intangible ‘power’ above others as a mere social-convention/ belief-system that is only made real through the acceptance of such money having the ability to buy/ consume all that which the value of such money is accepted and allowed to have/‘mean,’ which is, once again, a mere belief-system wherein there are no real values attached to the physical reality, but are all man-made conventions/beliefs. H

Hence, I realize that the problem and solution resides within the ability of us as humanity coming together to create a New Agreement as a New Constitution to declare the value of Money as Life, as a tool to support each other as equals with no ability to generate the illusion of profit/ gain/ power over others as ‘wealth’ any longer.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how we have conditioned and controlled ourselves through the acceptance of habit and tradition as a pattern followed to perpetuate a system of abuse, wherein we only came to understand the effect of having/ not having money once we experience the detrimental consequences as being poor, middle class or positive consequences as being wealthy/rich as the basic conditioning within a human being’s life, without first asking how it is that such Inequality is able to be accepted as ‘normal’ in our world-system.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that we are all one and equal as part of this physical world – and that money as words became the separators between ourselves as life through the imposition of meaning/ value as worth that can be more or less according to a social convention/ belief-system that was not based upon Life in Equality, which means that we only gave and acquired such meanings through establishing comparison, differentiating one from another as separate entities that could be then assessed as being ‘more’ or ‘less’ than others, which implies an obvious problem of Meaning and Signification within words themselves and Money as a a product of such social conventions/ belief-system in separation of the consideration/ value of ourselves being one and equal as Life. Within this

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the ‘injury’/ split/ incision manifested within this world system as and through Money stems from the very decision of giving words a particular meaning and value within a make-believe system called ‘social convention’ where not every single being was able to vote upon the meaning/ value and worth of words, which implies that the most common sensical way of establishing a new system, a definitive reform in the system stands within the agreement of giving to each other that which is best for all, as the realization that it is only through arbitrarily placed separations as words/ values upon Life itself that we came to create the current system that we are existing as and suffering the consequences of, wherein we have made ourselves subject to our own imposed cages as money upon life itself that is unconditionally given by the Earth as part of who we are in this same Ecosystem.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the substance of and as Life is here indistinctly, however we have as words and language created separate forms of it as different meanings that acquire ‘different values’ according to the relationships that we form with it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that value in itself is but a consideration given to things/ people/ the environment in separation of ourselves, which becomes a meaning of worth as more or less than in a fixed-system as a social convention to agree that some things are ‘more’ than others, and in that simple and primordial separation, accepting money as a ‘moreness’ and ‘lack’ at the same time, which is how and why money is a function of abuse.

 

I commit myself to establish the New meaning and signification of Money as the correspondence between the word Money/ Equal-Money to Life itself, as the physicality and substantiality that is here as the Earth’s resources that can be given and obtained in equal agreement and equal availability for All participants within this ecosystem of Earth, which implies that Money in itself has no power other than the ability to be a counting tool to administrate the resources, the provision of services and any other means of giving and receiving in equal terms. This is then establishing the real meaning of Economics as the administration/ management of the house’s resources/Earth’s resources, which is an absolute physical logistical processes and Not schemes to make more profit/ wealth based on unsubstantiated values as abstract meanings Over life itself.

(Read the blog an Economist’s Journey to Life for further support.)

 

I commit myself to equalize the signification and value of Money as one and equal as Life, as the value implying the relationships established between human beings as the social agreement and understanding that we had created a distinction/ separation and differentiation from the one and only real value that is Life itself, which will have to be equally extended to all words, concepts an aspects in our reality wherein we no longer create separation through/ as words that can imply a ‘moreness’ or ‘lesser’ value of things/ people/ the environment itself, but it is all turned into a simple tool to communicate, just as we communicate using words that must be then Equalized as who we are, as actual Living Words that can stand within the new Equal-Money System as the Equal-Value of Life System where the relationships that we establish with one another, can only be interdependent and symbiotic in nature – just like an actual social organism that is able to distribute its resources in an equal way, learning from the functioning of our own physical body that maintains the homeostasis of the organism in place through ensuring that all parts are equally supported with the nutrients required to Live.

 

I commit myself to explain that the difference we agreed to impose upon things and ourselves is a mere linguistic ‘problem’ as meaning/ signification that Must be re-evaluated within the consideration of the current consequences that such ‘flaw’ in the meaning of Money itself and the relationships we have created toward it/ as-it, have manifested a world in absolute separation, where only constant survival and competition is keeping the system alive, as that seeking for ‘more’ as an ideal of fulfillment, without realizing that such fulfillment could be actually readily given at birth by mere virtue of being alive in this world, and that it only takes a social convention and agreement to establish a New Monetary System based upon Life in Equality as the one and only value given to All as the realization of who and what we are as One and Equals as Life.

 

This means that Language in itself will cease to only be a ‘form’ imposed onto life, and instead become an actual Substance as each one of us realize, see and understand the separation that we have created within our world and reality through and as words – wherein we recognize that we are all made of the same substance that is Life itself, and that all words must be equalized as such realization – wherein Living Words implies recognizing the substance of who and what we are as One and equal in every single sound/ word that we express as a constant living-application/ externalization and expression of ourselves as Life.

 

For that, it is an entire process of Re-Education now that we see that the key to change ourselves and our reality exists and resides in the introspection, realization and investigation of who we are as words and how we have to equalize ourselves as such words within the principle of what’s best for all life to Live as Words that are in support of the new meaning and function of Money as Equal-Money = Life in Equality and Oneness.

 

Equal Money System 

Desteni

 

We are a group of people walking a process to redefine words as Life through a process of Self-Correction that entails All Aspects of our lives – where no part is more or less important to review, but equally important as the understanding that this world and reality is the consequential outflow of the separation as words we have ‘lived’ and perpetuated in our lives, and only now being reviewed to see and understand what it takes to Change the World beginning with Ourselves.

Read our blogs: Destonians and Journey to Life blogs 

 

words

Read the previous entries for the complete exploration of the separation created through and as the word Money

 

Blogs that explain the Value/ Relationships created through/ as Money as the separation that exists as an energetic system, which is devaluing substance/life itself into meanings/ words/ relationships between each other that have placed a Cap on life itself.

Creation’s Journey to Life 

Heaven’s Journey to Life 

 

Bernard Poolman – FAQ Equal Money System – Science and Language


Day 23: E-cummulation

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become a being that will only ‘accept myself’ / my ‘who I am’ based on the extent/amount of energy-experience I accumulate/manifest as consume within/as myself”

Sunette Spies Accept and Allow – the Contract with Death: DAY 22

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself and my beingness as a limitation, a caging of self-expression into a confinement called experience wherein who I am was reduced to being a single word as the name of an experience that I could identify as ‘who I am,’ in order to think, believe and perceive that ‘this is who I am’ and according to such definition, thinking ‘I am alive’ –

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never question or even ponder about the experiences that I became so automated to seek, such as a sense of satisfaction, a single thrill from going to places, meeting people, hearing music, watching/ observing the world wherein I created relationships as experiences wherein all that I would ever experience is myself as my own programmed energetic reactions as the definitions that I created in order to make me feel ‘good’ or ‘bad’ about myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with anything/ anyone in my world in order to keep myself occupied in a constant experience that I created about something/ someone as that constant fueling ‘toward’/ in the expectation of an experience within a certain event, within consuming something, within meeting someone, within going to a certain place, within buying something wherein it would always feel better to exists in such anticipation that would eventually wane once that such expectation was fulfilled in either a positive or negative result, and within this experience the ups and downs of my self created patterns of experiences that I defined myself as ‘living for.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always seek a crutch to keep living/ keep going in my reality – whether it was waiting for school to end, waiting for vacations, waiting for a concert, wanting to meet someone, waiting to ‘be older’ and always future projecting these events that I would accumulate energy toward and when such events would be gone/ fulfilled/ completed, I would go just like a vampire seeking for another ‘energy source’ for my next high to accumulate energy to eventually have it dissipate once that the ‘target was met’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a moment/ experience builder wherein through giving meaning and values to everything and everyone around me, I crafted my own networks of energetic resources to ‘sip from’ – and within this it is to be understood how we have not in fact ever lived, because we have only sought to get high from energy and energetic experiences in either a positive, negative or neutral spectrum wherein we are constantly feeding a ‘state of mind’ that is kept as a constant thinking in our heads and in that, not being aware of what is it that I am in fact doing to myself, because I cannot see how thoughts that I create require energy to exist and such energy is sipped from the food that I consume as the physical resources in order to keep my ‘personal mind-heaven’ going as a constant experience-seeker.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the relationships that I had formed toward people/ things/ places/ past and present because of thinking that I would be ‘dead’ as a ‘vegetable,’ without realizing that who I am as Life doesn’t require and in fact is violated/ abused the moment that we use it and denigrate its wholeness as substance into a single energetic experience wherein I am defining myself as that experience that I believe is ‘fulfilling’ and ‘satisfactorily’ which is how  I accepted and allowed to continue ‘building up experiences’ as memories that I could keep in my mind to continue my dreams and desires going, believing that I was doing ‘no harm’ in following these experiences, even though I was aware of how the effect of such highs would lead me to a low that I would seek to get back on top again, and in that allow myself to exist in this vicious cycle of ups and downs and believing that when I was in a ‘neutral’ state, I was ‘stable’ no realizing that I was still simply waiting in the middle ground to have some positive or negative experience to wind up my energetic self-experience again.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to judge the point of ‘stopping the mind’ as being dead and being ‘idle’ without realizing that the idleness that I would experience was self-created through thinking patterns of not getting ‘enough’ positive experiences and not being able to take me down to the bottom of the extreme negative out of fear of who I would become-  therefore idleness was a constant state of seeking and fearing myself as experiences, that I would cover up or maintain in a perceived ‘nothingness’ status quo, without realizing that I was in fact thinking myself into it, and still only defining myself as that experience of ‘nothingness’ without realizing that I was not really Here, breathing as my physical body – I was simply in a limbo position wherein self-direction was non existent.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self direction and self-will to the will of who I am as what I have defined myself within the context of experiences as positive, negative and evidently neutral experiences wherein my beingness became a ‘state of being,’ wherein ‘who I am’ became a single definition according to ‘how I am experiencing myself’ and in this, never really considering that the physicality that I am and exist as is in fact the reality of myself – simply because of having accepted these energetic experiences as ‘who I am,’ and within this perceiving breathing, being here as being dead. The world is in reverse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into moments of yearning to ‘experience’ something which is just like a drug addict that yearns to have another fix, just because of realizing to what extent we have defined who we are according to an experience, a rush, an ‘elevation’ that can only last for so long wherein the rest of this reality is absolutely side viewed and disregarded, because I accepted and allowed myself to only care about me, my satisfaction and this becoming part of the army of egotism as a ‘lifestyle’ wherein we as human being compete against each other, create deliberate conflict in order to be on top of others, deliberate cheat and lie to become ‘better’ than others in our own minds – and i f such results are not fulfilled, we veer to a negative reinforcement wherein the opposite experiences are embraced in order to get the same energetic experience yet within a not so popular way of creating our own personal heaven, which is how paraphilias and so called mental fetishisms are created, as such ‘special relationships’ that are not broadly accepted as ways to trigger out emotions/ feelings just the same way that light and love is broadly accepted as an energy trigger.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could not be ‘someone’ unless  I was valued, worthy, recognized, appraised by others which meant that without the experiences that I would get from such relationships, I would perceive myself as non-existent, just because of the extent that I had delegated everything that I am as a physical breathing human body to only be running on energetic experiences at a mind level, wherein suffering or any perceived depression was equally satisfactory in a reversed manner, wherein I would get a kick out of that which is gloomy and depressive and sad/ dismal/ lugubrious/ obscure – without ever considering that I was living just the opposite side of seeking happiness, bliss, love, light and all the positive aspects that I deemed as ‘socially acceptable,’ which meant that my energetic-drive was a constant opposition toward that which was socially acceptable as good/ benevolent, which came from me designing myself a deliberate disruption to a perceived perfect world and stable environment, which means that

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always want to get an energetic experience the moment that I perceived that ‘nothing was going on,’ which asserted me as only being ‘existent’ and ‘alive’ if I was desiring, looking forward to, expecting, seeking, wanting, desiring, as these energetic hooks that I would extend to something/ someone in order to keep that mind-relationship in place that I could use at any given moment to trigger a positive or negative experience out of, without ever realizing that I was merely confirming that negative experienced that ensued the moment that I separated myself form the whole in this individualization of ‘who I am’ as only a definition, an idea of self, a set of preferences and dislikes that can only exists as a particular configuration of ‘who I am’ wherein all actions, thoughts, deeds had a calculated outcome/ effect according to my input/ placing myself as the cause to obtain a result, which is what lead me to become like a hunter or a vampire in my reality wherein everything that I would say/ do/ think and live out would be in order to get an experience out of what I perceived others would do/ say/ convey as a result of my input, wherein I became an actual energy-hunter with strategies and energy-triggers that I embodied as ‘who I am,’ in order to get people’s attention and at the same time, be rejecting such attention which is the typical love-hate polarity game that we play in order to keep our poles as energetic devices that run on energy, which is what I used my physical body to do, just an energy transformer to fulfill my mind-elations.

 

 

“we’ve become beings within existence, that only exist for as long as we can power/empower ourselves from/of the transforming of our beingness substance into/as Energy – limiting the ‘time’ of our existence to the equation of the relationship between our substance and the consuming of that substance into energy. Where in the very nature/manifestation within ourselves as manifested-singularities in the beginning, we’d come into being as an individualized part/expression of/as substance, but immediately proceed with the processes of consuming our own substance/life and transforming it into energy. And as we continue within that process, we’re consuming our own ‘life’.” Sunette Spies [a]

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to get used to being constantly seeking and experiencing ‘something’ as giving name to that self-created and maintained experience at a mind level toward my reality and people wherein within this self-idealization as separate from the rest, all that was left for me to do is giving names, categorizing, assessing, valuing, devaluing this reality into a way that I could claim was ‘my own life’ as ‘my opinion’ about the world, as ‘my perspective’ as ‘my mind’ that I sought to have people ‘respect’ because I had taken the time to dissociate myself in specific elitist manners wherein not everything/ everyone could be part of my ‘specialized world’ in my mind wherein only ‘special beings’ and ‘special people’ and ‘special traits’ would be regarded as worthy of being in my mind-trophy wall of points that would make me feel good about myself/ others and the world as a point of relationship/ separation from who I really am, wherein I was making the statement of ‘I am an individual that exists as this specific configuration of separation as relationships that trigger a positive or negative experience within me, wherein I am nothing else but these experiences that I get from naming, identifying, judging, valuing, assessing others and everything in separation of myself, which is how I had lived as a knowledge and information robot that disregarded the very life essence that would allow such thoughts, such schemes, such experiences to continue as thoughts  in my head that would turn into experiences that would turn into ‘who I am’ in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to live for and drive myself to seek the most ‘original ways’ as usually understood as that desire to be as ‘singular/ special/ unique’ as possible wherein deliberate fascinations as relationships to what which wasn’t ‘socially acceptable/ embraced’ became ‘my point of fascination’ wherein I believed that I was ‘unlike anyone else’ because no one that I knew would have the same likes and preferences, and in this, I felt ‘special’ and ‘rivalry-safe’ wherein anyone that could seemingly present a similar pattern of likes/ preferences in my world, I would immediately identify as a potential rival/ enemy that I had to overcome and out-do in any possible way, which implied I had to go a notch higher to identify myself with a more ‘extreme’ version of that which defined ‘who I am’ in order to always be able to remain as a ‘winner’ within the idea of who I am toward my environment and others in it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always put all effort, time and money to make of any experience within my life something that I could call ‘memorable’ as the creation and energy-input that I would give in order to get the most ‘fulfilling effect’ out of it, as a memory that I could keep/ cherish for further ‘remembrance’ as in being able to re-live that energy as ‘who I am’ in any given moment, just like the mechanism of revamping experiences through memories and get the same ‘experience’ that I had initially decided I would imprint such memory with, wherein my memories became ‘my life,’ the definition of me as events, people, places, words, things as the e-ccumulation of myself as this energized personality as my ego, as ‘my precious’ that I had carefully crafted in order to eventually, someday, be ‘proud of who I am’ as a lifetime achievement of these positive experiences that could make me feel like ‘more’ than who I am as the simplicity of a physical body here, that I never ever regarded as the actuality of who I really am, and instead having lived the exact opposite wherein ‘all that I was’ was this collection of memories, events, experiences that I could re-live/ re-vamp through bringing the memory here and getting the same energetic experience out of it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that ‘who I am’ is this accumulation of energy as memories, experiences and ideas of myself in order to eventually be able to judge my life as successful, miserable or plain/ dull according to the expectations as dreams that I had set up for myself while growing up, wherein the pursuit of happiness was reinforced in school when having to write about our future and ‘where would we see ourselves in’ wherein if one would not achieve such dreams, I would deem my life as a failure; without realizing that it is within these future projections to ‘fulfill my dreams’ that I accepted and allowed myself to continue supporting the same system of incentives and rewards as ‘living’ wherein the accumulation of ‘who I am’ can be eventually considered as a successful living or not within my own mind and at the eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘miss out on life’ because of constantly talking myself into an experience and seeking for some experience deliberately either positive or negative but ‘experiencing’ something as I feared my non-thinking and non-existence as not being experiencing something, which is the exact opposite of what is actually real, wherein being here breathing, moment by moment is living and any diversion from the physical moment as breathing, is indicating me a point of relationship as an experience that I have created within myself in separation of who I am.

I realize that within being here as a whole, I don’t require to ‘accept’ myself as something as I am it, – therefore I see the importance of walking all past relationships as the very manifestation of separation-codes that I created toward ‘others’ in my reality as a reference of my relationships toward everything/ everyone to keep my ‘personality’ in place, wherein I had to ‘have an opinion’ have an experience toward everything and everyone in order to be able to ‘relate to them,’ which was diminishing ‘who I am’ as a character seeking to establish relationships of acceptance/ rejection of others in separation of self, a complete cycle of segregation from the wholeness that I have neglected as who I really am.

 

I commit myself to walk my relationships as the point of responsibility that I hold toward myself as the whole as the points that I have created and deliberately participated in ensuing separation within the acceptance of me as a character/ personality/ ego that ‘had to’ have an experience toward reality, otherwise I would be seen as ‘character-less’ and ‘bland’ and ‘dead’ which is how I accepted to play the games of society to always be either in a positive or a negative experience for the sake of complying to what we have socially accepted as ‘living’ as being either happy/ fulfilled/positive experience or miserable/ depressed/negative experience, as the polarities that would invariably go up and down in each being’s life in order to maintain a polarized reality that would generate enough energy to keep our ‘heaven’ in place as a custom-made paradise that would apparently fulfill our dreams/ our lives as a reward of living an accumulation of good deeds within the score-kept to eventually believe that I could be ‘more’ at the end of my life than who I really am, which is ludicrous in nature – yet as real as the consequences/ effect of my initial belief within this energetic system as ‘who I am.’

 

I commit myself to walk the necessary writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to walk my relationships as points of separation into ‘giving back to myself’ as the reintegration of myself as who I really am wherein all reactions created toward ‘another’ are recognized as self and as such, given-back to finally stop participating in generating energy to continue living as a e-ccumulation of experiences as ‘who I am,’ which is correcting my living from ego/ as energy experiences into an earthing-grounding-birthing myself as a physical being that does not require to thrive on energy to exist – but only establish equal agreements toward everything and everyone within the necessary relationships that we are currently existing as Life in this reality.

 

That implies that a practical way to stop all friction, all positive reinforcement and negative devaluing is through equalizing Money in this reality to finally recognize each other as equal-parts of who I am, as equal-cells of the body that I exist as wherein I realize within common sense how it is the only way that we can continue living in this world, otherwise cancer is created as an over-growth that indicates negligence toward the whole as who I am. For this the Equal Money System is the solution that will equalizing the playing field within humanity to start acknowledging each other as equals, while walking our individual processes of re-educating ourselves to grasp, understand and live the law of our being as equality as a living realization of who we really are.

 

 

I realize that keeping myself within the existence of ‘who I am’ as energy, I am ensuring my own depletion as keeping my ego in place implies I must consume the earth to exist as I am defining the ‘who I am’ in separation of the whole, which is how this reality has become the egofication as the fixations that we created and accepted as ourselves within our minds as experiences toward all in separation of ourselves. Thus for me to establish an equal and one recognition, I set agreements wherein no abuse is possible as such separation will recede as I walk a process of self-forgiveness to give myself back to myself, reintegrating myself to all the parts that I have defined myself in separation of.

 

 

Last Man on Earth

Last Man on Earth 2009

“The World-System of Money is consuming the very life of/as this physical existence, only because it’s on an existential scale it takes longer than what we do within ourselves and our own human physical bodies, where instead of this existence being manifested within the equal and one support of life and living – the World-System of Money is consuming this physical existence to its slow, sure but certain death. Rotting ourselves away from the inside and out, as we have become the very enzymes within our relationship to substance/physical as our relationships creations of energy that deteriorate and break-down substance/physical-tissue for our own survival as Energy-Consuming machines: Rotting ourselves away within and without – instead of standing equal-to and one with substance/physicality to produce life/living…” Accept and Allow – the Contract with Death: DAY 22

 

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Day 22: Wax and Wane – Attention Seeker Spoiler

Who we are as positive/ negative feedback received upon us deliberately seeking attention reveals to what extent we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be constantly seeking an energetic reward as a feeling or emotion. Both imply self definition at a mind level wherein we become a constant bolt that goes from cathode to anode and seeking to trigger the next reaction as ‘attention from others’ in order to continue existing as a self-definition that enhances every time that any form of attention is given to self as an idea, self as a set of traits that can be either categorized as positive or negative.

 

This comes from the realization that any desire to seek attention/ obtain attention became a ‘normal’ way of living for me as a child, wherein ‘who I am’ was built and crafted according to feedback that I would assess as points wherein I could fine tune the eventual ‘idea of self’ that I wanted to fully embody for the sake of my own personal glory. I realize that at the moment we can stand equal and one to our own mind to live out the traits that we can develop/adjust/ perfect in order to fine tune ourselves within this process of equalization wherein we are in a world that we can practically assist and support with becoming the living example of how we can use or mind in order to create and implement what’s best for all, instead of using the mind to strategize ways to always win and get our positive feedback upon it, maintaining the belief that ‘who I am’ can be ‘more’ or ‘less than’ accordingly.

 

This begins with notorious points throughout childhood of how I became an attention seeker, to the opposite pole of not wanting to be recognized/ seen for the same particular traits as I had in the past and onto the point where we are here wherein attention given by others to self is only acceptable within the context of assistance and support to reference ‘who I am’ within such feedback and how I can get to see points that I might be missing out within my own application, which is how it is important to always share who we are in any given moment – if experiencing anything as ourselves in order to walk through the process of seeing its origin and walking the necessary self-correction.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always want to be part of ‘the action’ wherever it was taking place wherein as a child I would get pissed off and mostly feel ‘left out’ if I found out I was not informed about certain activities that were going to take place, wherein anger and irritation would ensue as a form of manipulation toward my parents/ family for not letting me know about it.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘the world was against me’ whenever I could not have my way and in that, justify anger as away to make my parents feel guilty and eventually try and ‘compensate Me’ for having ‘forgotten’ that I existed – which is how my mind would see the point to reinforce any perception of being unwanted, undesired and a constant nuisance for others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to annoy my parents/ sisters to get their attention as I would find this as something ‘funny to do’ without realizing that I was seeking to be constantly getting an energetic experience of positivity through negative response – this means that the more they would get annoyed by me, the better ‘kick’ out of it I would receive. Within this I realize that who I was as an attention seeker was a deliberate game that I would instigate within my environment with family members in order to feel ‘good’ upon annoying them.

 

Who am I within this deliberate desire to annoy others to feel good? It is simply a desire to be constantly experiencing myself as someone that had the power to annoy another – and in that, get a positive reward for it as an energetic experience that I became defined by in order to constantly ‘keep’ this perceived spotlight upon myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel good whenever people in my environment would applaud anything that I had to say because it was apparently very ‘sensate’ and ‘mature’ for a child

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to learn that getting compliments would make me someone apparently ‘special’ and ‘unique’ as a child, wherein I would then constantly seek adult’s attention to get my positive reinforcement that would make up the sense of ‘confidence’ that was mostly built up by accumulating these positive feedback as bricks that built the ‘who I am at the eyes of others,’ which eventually had to fall as I grew up and went below zero from where I had to then put the pieces back together again after going through the exact opposite feedback upon ‘who I am within my life/ life choices’ which makes me realize that:

Every aspect that entails an energetic experience as a reinforcement toward the idea of myself as either a positive or negative way, eventually created a false idea of who I am as such positive feedback or negative feedback, that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘embody’ as ‘who I am’ wherein I got lost in the character and lost all sense of being simply here, as a physical living human being that doesn’t require a constant confirmation of ‘who I am’ as an idea, a belief, a character and persona at the eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately extroverted as a child in order to get people – mostly adults’ attention – as I knew that this would make me ‘stand out’ from the rest and make me special, wherein everyone’s positive feedback upon my attitude, my skills, my abilities and hobbies would build up this elevated idea of ‘who I am’ as a ‘wunderkind’ wherein I then became an early inflated-ego while being around at home and within family, as opposed to the reserved, contained and sensate being that I portrayed myself to be at school during the same ages – from 5-10 more or less.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy being around adults more than kids during my childhood, because I became aware of how adults would mostly ‘praise’ the perceived maturity that I deliberately presented in order to get such positive reinforcement as the idea of ‘who I am,’ whereas with kids I was simply ‘another one’ which would not satisfy me at the level of getting this constant ‘kick’ as energy obtained from adults when receiving compliments and ‘positive feedback’ toward ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in my mind believe that all I was and had to ‘be’ was this amusing persona that would always have to be entertaining others to get their attention and in that, get my positive reward similar to the rush that one gets when eating candy and then eventually wanting more of it soon after the effect is gone.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek a positive experience as in feeling ‘more’ than who I was every time that I would want to show something that I had made/ drawn/ crafted/ done toward my parents as a means to get their attention and reward, wherein I would get specifically irritated whenever I ‘felt’ that they were merely condescending and not really paying attention/ giving ME the attention I desired – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate low end from the expected ‘positive reward’ in my mind upon showing something to my father/ mother, wherein when I perceived they were only giving positive feedback in an automated way, out of condescending and only to ‘shut me off’ to keep doing what they were doing, I would wallow in an immediate ‘low’ which would be interpreted as ‘they don’t want to see what I did/ I rather not show them what I do ever again’ which became an actual living statement wherein I stopped sharing ‘my creations’ in such an open manner out of expecting them to only give a ‘light answer’ as positive reinforcement without giving the attention that I sought from them as an actual ‘thoughtful feedback’ upon ‘what I do.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek to do art/ crafts in order to, in my mind, stop getting the attention as what had become a rather ‘annoying feedback’ in my mind after years of accumulating this positive feedback wherein I wanted to get rid of the ‘positive feedback’ through being able to be recognized for being more than a ‘brain that thinks,’ and in that, seeking to create art as a way to not have to articulate myself in such a thoughtful manner that could be directly judged as positive/ negative – but instead use images as another form of expanding the desire for attention without having this ‘smart/ intelligent’ suit on, as creating art could not entail a right or wrong, but only appreciating an individual expression that could not be graded the same way that words/ statements were. In this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see and realize that I merely went from positive to a negative/ alternative way of getting the same feedback that would still be absorbed by me as a positive/ negative reinforcement toward my ego – this means that ‘who I am’ has always been at the expense of ideas, perceptions and beliefs that I have sought to obtain for others in means of asserting ‘who I am’ as a personality/ ego which is the same game we have all agreed to collectively play, giving each other ‘props’ within the belief that ‘who we are’ can be bettered/ uplifted and/or battered/down-rated by others’ words and opinions which include my own self-talk whenever I allow such words to influence myself in any way – either positively or negatively.

 

I realize that who I am has been an energetic mind game that merely sought attention as a constant drive-thru the gas station wherein the fuel I would get from others was not really about ‘others’ but about me creating an experience upon deliberately triggering reactions from others in means of asserting and creating/ recreating the idea that I made of myself in order to have a ‘special spot’ within a dog eat dog as the eternal battle and survivalism that we have existed within the current social context that we have created within this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to later on seek attention through ‘opposition’ and creating a certain ‘shock’ within my reality through using an image and specific personality in order to ‘stand out from the crowd,’ which was a different dimension from the initial childhood desire to gain attention through ‘positive means.’ This time during my teenage years, I created a personality that would draw attention in an attempt to create a ‘rift’ within a ‘perfected world’ wherein my cautiously crafted ‘disruption’ could get any form of negative reaction/ remark that would function in a similar way to getting a kick out of any positive feedback.

 

Within this I realize how I have gone from pole-to-pole to essentially live out the same energy that I created from assessing others’ reactions, words, feedback upon myself as a constant confirmation that ‘I’ exist as a specific personality, which is and has become an essential human-mind trait in order to keep ourselves ‘enhancing’ our ego through either positive or negative feedback, without realizing that who we really are is neither of both.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever feel ‘good’ about getting positive feedback and feel ‘bad’ about getting negative feedback without realizing that with me taking others words as a positive/ negative reinforcement to ‘who I am’ as a personality is only me accepting and allowing myself to be a set of positive and negative traits, instead of taking the words as points or considerations that I can take on as mere assistance and support to see where I can align myself to a best for all scenario wherein no ‘feeling good/ superior’ is ensued by positive feedback and not ‘feeling low/ inferior’ is ensued by negative feedback. I realize that feedback is simply a point of referencing me through others wherein there is no right and wrong, but only point that I can be missing to see within myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire ‘asserting’ myself as existing within others’ lives/ worlds as a point of positive-incentive to ‘keep going’ within my life throughout the years, without realizing that within living as the constant expectation of getting the attention as the ‘reward’ for everything I do/say is only existing as an idea waiting to be uplifted or opposed to generate an equally fool-filling experience at a mind level to remain as the constricted version of ‘who I am’ as a set of values within words/ judgments, ideas, beliefs and perceptions of ‘who I am at the eyes of others,’ which implies separating myself from being such other eyes and realizing that I cannot possibly wax and wane according to words, I can only assert myself as living words that I and everyone else can live as a realization of who we really are and what is in fact supportive to adopt and implement in a practical way within our reality.

 

I see, realize and understand that an ‘attention seeker’ is only a dimension of self-created desire to continue asserting myself as an idea, which is deliberately instigating positive or negative feedback in order to get the necessary reinforcement at an ego-level, which is the entire mind construction that I have to walk to understand How I have created myself as these patterns that have not supported me to live effectively and coexist with other beings in a particular environment.

I see and realize that I can direct such attention back to myself whenever I see myself having any desire to get attention from others in order to see where and how I am still seeking for validation from others’ in order to continue assenting the ‘who I am’ as an ego, instead of actually stopping in the moment and letting go of the desire to get my ‘quick energetic fix’ by getting any positive or negative feedback which results in an experience within myself.

 

I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see myself deliberately wording myself out in order to get the attention that I see and realize I must give back to myself to see the relationship that I have created in such moment toward the person/ environment in which such desire and/or reaction emerges within my world.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is that a child becomes a rather constant attention seeker if being overloaded with positive reinforcement, no different to inflating balloons with hot air that eventually have to descend down to earth due to such ‘flying high’ not being sustainable as a living, constant reality of who I am.

 

When and as I see myself seeking validation from others toward what I say/ do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that only an ego can seek validation from another mind as egos feeding each other, instead of unconditionally taking another’s words as points of support to allow myself to expand beyond ‘feeing the idea of self’ wherein expansion ensues a point of self-realization to see where and how I have created a relationship toward such point of reaction in either  positive or negative way, in order to equalize myself as all that is here to no longer require to exist as an energetic-feedback requiring machine, but as a living-breathing-walking human being that can simply coexist in a physical way wherein feedback can only be a means to perfect and optimize our living application.

 

“Incentive – Inner sense initiative – transforming incentive into a living self-directive principled action, where one’s inner sense / commonsense initiate oneself into immediate action/change/living of self in a moment when commonsense is realised – and so incentive becomes like a momentary blast of life that sets one off into an explosion of commonsense living action – no more waiting/postponing living, and getting it done – so, get the incentive of self as life – get to commonsense living through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application – no more waiting for change, but in fact living the change as self” Sunette Spies

 

 

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Day 9: Politeness

I’ve been having in the back of my head how I developed the survival system of behaving politely/ in a socially acceptable manner since I was a little child. This is mostly to how I was raised by my parents and other socioeconomical factors that have created definitive ‘marks’ on who I am as my behavior.

 

The image that comes to my mind is a picture that I saw once in my photo album from my first years alive and I am placing a napkin hanging from the collar of my t-shirt with a rather righteous/haughty/ fancy look and my mother is next to me looking at the camera. Another one is a picture of me with a paper-made crown sitting on a sofa, like a ‘throne’ for a queen when I was just 2 and a half years old; there’s another one of me sinking my hands in a bucket of water while my then nanny is crouching down and looking at me, probably warning me about getting all wet and that I should not sink all my arms into the bucket of water that was probably as tall as my waist line. My father’s car is in the background which means I wanted to clean it just the way he does, I was only 3 years old then. There’s also pictures of me having these huge headphones and sitting next to a tape recorder while having my mouth open, which means I was singing. Well, all those points developed into defined personalities such as being always holding a napkin on my hand while eating as a symbol of ‘proper manners’ and eating behavior, being a cleanliness freak, being a ‘music lover’ and being a self-righteous ego on two feet within a sense of having some domain or specialness in me. And I was only 2 to 3 years old in all of those photos.

 

So this point came up as something to write about when listening to some interviews today in relation to observing behavior, which is one dimension that I have not fully delved into looking myself as behavior linked to the personalities that I developed throughout the years. I tested out a word to write about today and ‘manners’ came up which is then how this whole point opened up.

 

Being polite is one of the main ‘characteristics’ and behavior that I play out when being with people and ‘in public,’ and the image of my father playing to be a polite soldier comes up, actually my mother would call me something like little tin soldier when I was a little girl, which probably explains a lot as well. Okay but not to deviate from the point. My father would always let us know to ‘be still!’ and basically both my parents educated us in such a way that we would act like little grown up people.

 

This politeness got imprinted ‘heavily’ later on from when I was 6-7 years when socializing with my parents friends whom I perceived as ‘more than’ because of essentially having quite a lot of money and having these huge houses and living in cool residential areas that I would enjoy going to play to. In that, I would perceive such world as everyone being ‘polite’ – which is how I’ve linked it to being ‘political’ in the character/way of being that politicians act like, which is basically focusing on presenting a particular façade to play safe all the time when being in public.

 

‘Keeping a good image’ was something also induced by my mother, hers was mostly in the ‘expressive’ aspect of watching my mouth and not being ‘impertinent’ when speaking to people –my father focused on the physical behavior, like telling us to sit properly and crouching down to always pull up my socks and ensuring my shoes are clean. I’m laughing because of how much I simply accepted that as ‘normal’ and that’s why I had such a hard time interacting with other kids because they didn’t give a fuck about manners and being polite or getting their clothes dirty – so I developed a judgmental experience toward anyone that ‘would not be polite’ = being a regular human being, really.

 

Till this day I’ve caught myself going into a reaction the moment that I perceive that someone is Not being polite as in ‘taking advantage of a position’ – like someone wanting to win a place in the queue for something – or getting one step ahead of me to have a better place while waiting for the train, seemingly ‘unnoticeable events’ wherein I have automated responses of criticizing and judging people because of them not being polite.

 

The points that I’ll be walking and opening up are aspects of myself that I had not opened up for having them as ingrained belief systems that I deemed as ‘positive’ and in that, thinking that I should not bother to look at them, without realizing that there is actually a great part of myself ‘hidden’ behind these seemingly cool attributes that I’ve lived so far. As long as there is an entire indoctrination system behind it, I must investigate it, which means that no matter how ‘cool’ I perceive a point that I’m living to be, I must investigate it to make sure that whatever I am building/ creating and establishing myself here as, is based on actual self-understanding of How I got to be ‘who I am’ at the moment – in such case, how ‘manners’ exist as a belief system charged with a positive experience wherein the ‘negative’ is created the moment that I, through my politeness-filter of reality, judge and criticize everyone that I believe are Not polite and within that Not ‘humanly’ enough to interact with.

 

This means that I’ve created of my ‘politeness’ an elitist system wherein I believe that a well-educated being will have certain attributes that make them consider others before them, a way of perpetual altruism that often evokes a ‘good feeling’ out of it, which means it is an energetic-based personality and not an unconditional expression of self, as a sense of neighborism that is acquired within the basic principle and understanding of What’s Best for All as Equals.

 

I’ll be continuing opening up different aspects and dimensions of this ‘manner’ point as the behaviors ingrained with personalities throughout different stages of my life, which I had not opened up in fear of them being almost ‘self-glorifying’ yet suppressed and still existent within me, which means that every time I suppress it, I am recreating it and accepting it as ‘part of myself/ who I am’ without even noticing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as ‘politeness’ as a behavioral pattern that I had deemed to be ‘positive’ and ‘good’ for myself within the belief that being polite is an attribute that all people should live by, as that would make our coexistence ‘easier’ in this world, without considering that it is actually only an experience that I have created based on survival as the improved acceptance that a polite person gets within society and certain socieconomical stratus wherein money dictates the education that a person has, and in that, the behavioral patterns that denote a person’s ‘quality of living’ and parental values at home.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give continuation to a behavioral pattern such as ‘having good manners’ from the starting point of revealing/ showing that ‘I am well educated’ and in that, creating an ideal of who I am as ‘my education’ as ‘my family’ and ‘values’ that I have given to a certain behavior wherein I then judge/ criticize anyone that cannot fit into a category of being well-educated/ polite, without realizing how this is a belief system that I have adopted and continued in the name of representing ‘who I am’ as a configuration based on how my parents wanted us to ‘be’ within the social context wherein high-education, manners and ‘values’ are highly regarded, which would ensure our survival and positioning in the world system within a high-stratus in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a person with ‘good manners’ is well educate as a synonym of being ‘a good neighbor’/ good person which implies that I have created my own elitist value schemes toward people according to how I see them through my politeness-filter personality, which implies that I will only ‘mingle’ with those that I perceive as educated, well mannered and polite according to how I was taught I should be/ behave as a little child at home.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a superiority experience within me whenever I see myself being ‘polite’ toward people and getting an ‘instant-gratification’ reward such as being thanked for doing something for another which is then implying that my ‘politeness’ is not an unconditional common sensical expression of and as self, but still an energetic personality that I try to keep up to, without realizing that in this, anything that steps out of my ‘politeness schemes’ I judge and criticize as lower/ inept/ rascal/ savage, without realizing that this is how I have had such an immediate judgmental behavior toward people while interacting in reality, due to how I have been conditioned to believe that polite people are ‘worthy’ and the opposite are ‘unworthy,’ in this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how politeness/ well mannered people is linked within my belief system to having enough money and in a certain social position that I have been taught is ‘more valuable’ than someone that is uneducated/impolite/ rascal/ savage according to the judgments that I learned as the way to denote someone that would probably not have enough money to be ‘well educated’ and in that, accepting the point of discriminating people according to the amount of money they would have, while absolutely neglecting and not even considering why on Earth such polarities even exist.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having regarded my parent’s imprinting onto myself as ‘good manners’ as something that I had to be grateful for, without realizing the actual belief system as elitism that I accepted and allowed to exist within me when linking good manners to ‘affluent people’ and bad manners/ impolite people to ‘lower class/ moneyless people’ and in that, creating a positive experience toward ‘fellow polite people’ and a negative experience toward ‘impolite people,’ as well as a neutral experience to people that I would perceive as expression-less within not being decidedly polite or impolite, which would be then linked to undefined within my schemes of human categorization according to education and money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a sense of comfort and openness as an experience created upon interacting with someone that I perceive and profile as being ‘well educated/ polite’ within the identification of that which I was taught I should be like and aspire to become, which I accepted as a valuable aspect within human beings which lead me to create a positive experience within myself whenever I behave in a ‘polite manner,’ while creating the exact opposite as a negative experience as the immediate profiling of people that I perceive to be savage/ uneducated/ impolite, which I have accepted to discriminate/ judge in my mind while believing that I didn’t want anything to do with such people, creating the ultimate elitist experience based on manners.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘How I behave’ is who I really am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still perpetuate the ‘ingrained values’ that I acquired at home, that I have kept due to them being seemingly ‘positive attributes’ within my personality, without realizing that it is in these ‘values’ that I have perpetuated the existence of good/ bad, positive and negative as well as neutral experiences toward people according to How I deem them to be within my polite/ impolite schemes, as the manners they present on face value when interacting with people in any given moment.

 

When and as I see myself categorizing someone as polite and creating a positive experience within me toward them, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am accessing my politeness-filter wherein I am valuing and regarding the people as ‘good’ and ‘benevolent’ based on the attitudes and manners that they present. Therefore I realize that I must treat every person equally regardless of how they ‘present’ themselves, as I realize that such manners are a survival-masquerade to remain as ‘worthy’/ ‘valuable’ within a system where money decides who is ‘worthy’ and who is not and seeing good manners as the direct consequences of having money to be well educated, in this creating a positive experience toward people with money.

 

When and as I see myself judging a person as being ‘impolite’/ presenting bad behavior such as ‘bad manners’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am accessing the politeness-personality wherein I am then adjusting my experience to be negative and derogatory toward such being for being seemingly ‘uneducated’ and a ‘rascal’ without considering at all that I am creating such separation based on the link that I’ve created in my mind as ‘bad manners = poor education’ as a symbol to represent lack of money/ being poor, which I have created and associated a negative experience toward.

 

I realize that with me stopping the polite/ impolite judgments toward myself and others, I stop perpetuating the current money system wherein rich/ wealthy creates a positive experience while poverty/ lack of money represents and creates a negative experience, as well as the non-expressive people that I have judged as ‘mediocre’ which are all values I have separated myself from in relation to the same values we have separated ourselves from life through/ as money.

More to come…

 

Blogs of the day:

 

Interview support:

2012: The Secrets of Competition

 

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Witnessing: You’re Equally Responsible

 

It’s easier to expect a ‘better life once you’re dead’ than taking the necessary actions to LIVE in this world through supporting/creating solutions that can enable Life on Earth for all as Equals.

People seek ‘peace of mind’ and ‘tranquility’ which are part of the teachings that ‘masters’ such as Buddha  left on this world: ‘you’re not your body, just relax and chill’

Following some feedback on the video that I talked about yesterday, I’ve been called out for having ‘no faith’, for being ‘negative’ and ‘soulless’ – I can say I have no faith, yes and I am definitely soulless as everyone else in this world now. This person also speaks about daydreaming people that are walking for the same ‘common outcome’ that I am speaking about there as Equality, a dignified living for all –

Though, the obvious question is: how on Earth could I create a world that’s best for all only by wishing, hoping, witnessing, admiring, ‘thinking positive’ and hopping on chanting songs around a bonfire? Okay, that’s quite a cliché I admit, though it’s certainly the type of ‘relax and just chill’ attitude that spiritualists/ light&lovers/ general daydreamers and fantasy people talk about. They will most likely have some type of spiritual-agenda behind their enlightened ideas of ‘do nothing, let it all just ‘be’, smoke of this and be at peace’.

 

Now, what this particular person claimed is that I’m speaking from ‘Reason’ while they pretend/claim to be speaking from ‘the soul’ as in considering all the fuzzy feelings and emotions that make the infamous human, a ‘human’.  It’s obvious that this is not about reason or not, but words and sentences that can simply describe the actuality of this reality and the actual physical points that require to be taken into consideration if one is actually willing to/ interested in creating a world wherein Life is actually existent for all in/as Equality.

 

I’ve also just now read another comment pointing out how such human nature is existent at a genetic level and can’t be changed. Welly-well we’ve got a situation here, we got people justifying the current ways we’re living in because of our DNA and genetic predisposition, without even daring to question such programming, let’s not even say ‘daring to challenge it and change it’ because according to this person’s reasoning, it would be most likely impossible to do such a thing.

 

With these two examples on accepting spirituality/daydreaming/wishing and hoping as ‘means of change’ in this world and accepting the ‘human nature’ as immovable/ unchangeable  we can have a clear perspective on how it is through

 

Buddha was the ultimate ‘witness’ of this world and left this idea that bliss was created through detaching from everything of this world as yourself –

 

Just one quality of the Buddha has to be remembered. He consists only of one quality, witnessing. This small word witnessing contains the whole of spirituality. Witness that you are not the body. Witness that you are not the mind. Witness that you are only a witness. As the witnessing deepens, you start becoming drunk with the divine. That is what is called ecstasy.
– Osho

By passing this as ‘truth’ as usually accepted and venerated by people that follow the so-called ‘masters’, we then have a greater view on what people that have posted such comments/perspectives can be considering as part of their ‘views on the world’: be a witness, you’re only passing the Earth by, go sit down a tree and let go of the world, be at ease, chill out.

[No wonder such Buddha bar cd’s are made for getting drunk and literally chilling out while pretending everything is fine in this world… ]

 

“Becoming drunk with the divine!” Isn’t that what we’ve all done while being immersed in our thoughts and being self absorbed not considering at all the reality as this world that we live in and how ‘god’s master plan’ was to simply keep us entertained with things like ‘our thoughts’/feelings/emotions’ and spirituality to cultivate such bullshit as a way to simply not take an actual look at this world and question the current establishment/functionality and inner-workings of this entire reality – now who’s been duped here?

 

Osho/Buddha and most likely any other ‘master’ talk about following an experience – this is obviously what people that commented also defend: human nature/ humanity as an experience that seeks to be perpetuated without having to actually take on the necessary steps to do so.  By focusing on the ‘invisible side’ tagged as ‘spirituality’, all atrocities, the matter-dystopia in which we are currently living in is then ‘accepted as it is’, is ‘only witnessed’ not to be questioned or bothered by – what a load of crap we have indulged in as humanity. Having people till this day claiming that these characters were ‘enlightened’ and ‘all knowing’ is simply proof of how deluded we are/ have been.

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In contrast or the pole-effect of such ‘blissful’ characters usually praised and hailed by white-robbed people, we have characters of this same reality such as Hitler.

When reading and watching Hitler’s series through the Interdimensional  portal within  the Desteni material, it all made sense and became clear on how Forgiveness is the key. Though an initial barrier of fears and brainwashing had to be stopped to do so and the realization also was: if Hitler has forgiven himself then everyone/everything can.

Such ‘barrier’ is the extensive brainwashing we’ve all been subject to through our “education” that is proposed by those that keep the entire system in place.

Ironically, Hitler’s being the point used as bait for banning purposes upon the Desteni message – that says it all in relation to humans being easily brainwashed and holding grudges as ideas/beliefs according to the history that’s being told without even daring to see the current holocaust that we’re creating through several means towards all life. This is also linked to that ever-convenient attitude of only ‘being a witness’ and not actually daring to face the consequences of this world and create a change that will stop the abuse towards life/ourselves and ensure that we create and place a world that’s best for all for all time to come.

Opposing self forgiveness is in fact denying life and our ability to create a second-chance for all to live within this world. By saying we ‘can’t change our nature, we’re opposing Self Forgiveness, by saying that ‘we must allow it all to be’ we are opposing self forgiveness as it can only result in inaction and negligence towards Self Responsibility as actually taking care of the current problems we’ve created within this world beginning with ourselves.

 

We require as humanity to STOP seeking out a ‘blissful experience’ by all means, to stop seeking a ‘peace of mind’ because it’s obvious that it’d be like wanting to keep yourself in a clean bubble while the outside is filled with dirt and scum.

We’re all in this together now and we’ve got to open eyes to see that this is Not about ‘negativity’ but realism – this is not about being ‘soulless’ but having the entire understanding of how we had been conditioned by such soul/preprogrammed lives of endless cycles wherein we’ve disregarded ourselves as the perpetrators of the current abuse of life wherein people such as Hitler have been satanized forevermore, without even daring to question how people are nowadays waging wars for decades and are not being equally regarded as criminals and placed under the same scrutiny that has been inflicted upon others.

 

All of this malarkey has a single solution: Self Forgiveness because the madness of this world can be stopped from continuing and being perpetrated within each one of us.

We can only be held back by memory – if there is no memory but actual allowance of Self-Forgiveness to start clear from the moment on, we can create a new world based on a constant self-forgiveness application until Equality and Oneness is Here as a reality in this world.

This sounds nice – though to create it, will take you and I and many +1’s  more to do so, so let’s do it – this means, we’ve got to stop being all sorts of ‘witnesses’ that can be completely aware of how this works yet do nothing about it and instead, become the change that we have to create in this world.


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