Continuing with 132. EgoMania: Narcissism
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I know more than everyone else’ as a way to always create an idea of myself being special, unique and having this sense of self-importance due to me believing that ‘no one else is getting this but me/ I am the only one that is able to understand this to the T’ –
I realize that this is nothing else but a knowledgeable ego that in no way considers life in equality, but only a mind that foams itself into superiority.
When and as I see myself believing that ‘I am the only one getting this/ I bet no one else is understanding this as I do’ – I Stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the narcissist character kicking which implies that I must investigate the actual point of fearing not getting it and/or being perceived as ‘not understanding it,’ which is a blow for one’s ego – thus
I commit myself to stop all backchat related to making myself ‘more’ than others in terms of knowing better/ understanding everything to the T and instead, assist and support myself to ensure that I can in fact place into practical living application that which I have understood in order to Live the words that I’ve read, and not only store them for the sake of growing my own database of useless knowledge and information seen as power.
Also read: 71. Knowledge is $ Power
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry myself with a flair of ‘grandiosity’ as I walk past other being wherein I believe myself to be superior to them in my mind, without realizing how this general tense presentation and self-portrayal of invincibility, strength and toughness is in fact stemming from an actual fear of being violated, abused, threatened or directly attacked by others
Thus I realize that the way that I carry myself as a portrayal of strength, confidence and security is in fact a cover-up of an actual fear toward others that I have believed is ‘who I am,’ as a constant thought in my mind directed toward other human beings, without realizing to what extent I had built a shield/ defense-mode presenting myself as secure, strong and invincible in my mind just because of fearing the actual self-experience of me as vulnerable, insecure and feeble.
When and as I see myself walking down the street with a stance of toughness, invincibility and ‘strength’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am becoming the embodiment of the cover up the fears that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, such as fearing being judged/ criticized or diminished in another’s mind.
I commit myself to become aware of how I experience myself in the presence of unknown people in the streets and how I walk past them in order to not create any cover-up experience to the actual fears that may exist in such moments, thus I instead direct myself to investigate what are the fears toward unknown people that I still hold and that I have embodied thus far, so that who am I within and without is the living realization of being in fact one and equal to my mind wherein there are no more judgments in my mind, but only physical considerations to equalize ourselves as a worlds system that regards everyone’s right to be supported, so that no more fears of being abused for having/being something/ someone that others desire to have/ be like are existent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge other beings as clumsy and inaccurate within my mind, as a way to portray myself by default as superior in my mind and having this special ability to point flaws in others, without realizing that I was in fact only judging myself and as such becoming my own mirror that I didn’t’ want to face as I was always only talking to myself when judging ‘another.’
When and as I see myself judging others in the name of my own superiority in the mind wherein I believe I am ‘always right’ in relation to how I judge other beings in my reality, I stop and I breathe – I realize I can only be speaking about myself as judgments, and that in such moments, I am in fact in no way supporting myself or another to live here as the physical moment, but in fact go into an alternate reality in my mind wherein I see myself as superior when compared to another being, which is the foundation of inequality in this world – thus
I commit myself to stop judging anyone in my mind and instead of Thinking about someone’s activities/ words/ thoughts, I direct myself to participate and interact in the moment with them, wherein if there is a point of support that I can provide, I can do so as long as the context allows it. This means, that I turn the point of judgment into a point of support for another – and if the point is not relevant in the moment, I realize that it is not My Duty to make it ‘visible’ as not all social interaction enable such point of feedback and communication toward one another – and this is part of the practical application consideration at the moment within our process
Also read: Day 28: I’m Always Right « MarlenLife’s Blog
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to associate/ hang out with equally perceived ‘special/superior people’ wherein I can then feel ‘secure’ that my equally-special self-belief of ‘who I am’ is protected, as within this character/role of self-importance one is seeking to be equally recognized and praised as a participant within other relationships that stand in an equal position – which is how this world system operates in terms of relationships that create the necessary reputation to make enough money through joining forces to do so.
When and as I see myself only wanting to relate to people that in my world are important and/or greatly recognized in order to keep my own ‘profile’ safe and secured, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a desire to preserve the same elitist mechanisms that we have fed and fueled in order to only care about ‘how we look/ how others see us’ within the consideration of being ‘special/ cool’ by association, as a desire of being admired/ recognized/ praised and imitated simply because we haven’ yet given ourselves that unconditional support as a living-recognition of each other as living flesh equals.
I realize how the networks of ‘favoritism’ between people have become the pillars of the current elitist mechanisms in which the world functions/ works, wherein one seeks to be equally admired/ recognized ‘by association,’ which is still wanting to exist only as this ‘valuable ego’ that exists within another hierarchical process of ‘valuing ego’ instead of actually supporting ourselves to treat each other as equals.
I realize that money is actually the key factor for any so-called ‘narcissist’ to play around such ‘power games,’ due to how we have become used to having a polarized society by association, by arbitrary preferences and conditions that we impose onto ourselves for the sake of ending up looking being perceived as special, unique and powerful which in this world translates to having a superior position of money in this world system I order to only ‘get the best’ based on inequality.
I commit myself to stop the social associations in order to empower ourselves as egos and instead, support all associations and social relationships that will enable us to expand our point of influence in the world to establish networks of support, wherein we can in fact stand in directive positions to implement a world system based in equality, wherein no more elitist associations will be required in order to ‘make it’ in this world, but where everyone will be equally endowed with a living-support from birth to death, which is how it will be in the Equal Money System.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be seeking for recognition, validation and as such linking this point to ‘acceptance’ of others toward myself, wherein I learned that I only would be ‘worthy’ if I would do something/be someone that could be ‘more’ than the rest in the hierarchical scheme of how we exist in society wherein those that have the most money, stand as the most special/ unique ones and powerful, and those that have little to no money at all stand as inferior/ unimportant and replaceable – thus
I realize that every point of deliberate interaction with perceived ‘superior beings’ in particular was a way to create a positive association and with that, generating a positive experience created only in my mind imposed onto the actual physicality wherein no favoritism or convenient alliances are required if we all agree to support each others as equals.
When and as I see myself seeking to be recognized by others by association with so-called ‘special people’ or through becoming something that is perceived as ‘worthy’ such as having a lot of money in this world system, I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is in this very dream of superiority that we re-create the same polarized system of inequality, wherein who we are is diminished to a single more than/ less than stance with no disposition to create a world of equals – thus
I commit myself to establish a world system wherein one will not require to create an entire backchat personality of seeking to be ‘great’ all the time, as there will be no other way to be ‘more’ than others than in a delusional state of a mind that seeks to impose any form of ‘superiority’ as an attitude toward others, which will become a single indication of such people getting specialized treatment to see where the point of self-separation and inequality exists, as there will be no actual need/ requirement to want ‘more’ than others when all are equally supported from birth to death, such as how it will be in the Equal Money System.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my thoughts, words and deeds to be immediately accepted as alright, as favorable by all, and everyone agreeing with me – and if such point of agreement is not reached right away, I go into a defensive mode wherein I see a point of discrepancy as an ‘anomaly’ within my plans, which is how hostility ensues when expecting everyone to always comply to what is being shared/ shown as ‘my words’ and ‘my perspective,’ taking an authoritative position and ego-position as words, instead of realizing words as the expression of self in equality.
I realize that expecting always everyone agreeing with me has become and automated experience that I must stop myself from participating in, and instead using that point of discrepancy to assist and support all to consider another’s perspective which is actually always supporting and enriching within a particular point that is being worked with in the moment.
When and as I see myself expecting everyone to agree with me from the starting point of seeing ‘MY’ point of view as ‘The’ point of view that is right, that should be by all means implemented –I stop and I breathe. I realize that remaining here as breath while interacting with others is the way to stop any reactions to compliance and/or ‘opposition’ toward one’s perspective.
I commit myself to be and become aware of who I am within the words that I speak when presenting a solution toward others to be implemented and voted upon, wherein I ensure that I am in fact considering what’s best for all and not only that which will make me look like a ‘winner’ and a ‘know-it-all’ with no other practical purpose for an actual implementation that is self-supportive.
This is how when and while we are interacting with others and we communicate a perspective or point of view upon a particular point of action/ topic, it is to ensure that words are really expressed in means of taking them into living action and not just to glorify one’s intellectual ego that serves nothing and no one other than the mind that thinks itself to be ‘more’ than others for saying so.
This is how we can walk the correction of knowledge and information as a point of superiority into an actual living-consideration that can be implemented to support all beings equally.