Tag Archives: oneness

402. Who am I within Abuse?

I’ve been looking at the word abuse for quite some time now and how we are so used on ‘calling out abuse’ but never really understanding the process as SELF-abuse at all times.

Why do I keep coming back to this topic/word or aspect of ourselves? It seems to be a point within me that I’ve explored only through reading books, using images to depict the consequences that I believe/believed we deserve for abusing ourselves, each other and the planet and how the most shocking revelations within my life came to be within the realization of every single point of abuse being in fact my own expression as well – how? through the understanding of the mind-mechanics, the processes that take place in my mind toward myself, my physical body every time that I participate in thinking, becoming emotional and essentially as we know the usual functioning of our body which also requires energy to exist. The sheer relationship of Energy and how it is created implies a process of friction in order to be created. You can imagine the creation of fire by rubbing to sticks which is essentially creating friction so that the sparks can ignite the dry wood into fire. This is a rather elementary explanation, but this is to understand how it is that the creation of energy in itself is not a self-supportive process – once you burn the twigs or wood, you consume it, it transforms into ashes. Well, the same happens with ourselves and our bodies with all the energy we create every time we participate in the mind through emotions/feelings or thoughts that are also charged with an experience in them. Essentially we create our internal ‘oil spills’ in our body, even when one can get angry for calling out abuse so, this is how it is rather necessary to understand this process of SELF-Abuse before even being willing to ‘call out on abuse’

 

Facing the Evil of OUrselves

 

 

Energy is also the motive, the driving force in our outside world and we’ve even created a structure, a belief system to represent it, it is the monetary system that we’ve used to essentially control and define power, and as such we have enslaved us through making it only available to those that work hard for it – apparently – or those that can give themselves the right to print it by their divine hand. Is that abuse? Well yes first of all because we’re using trees to create such ‘money’ but also because it is meant to precisely limit the access to our living resources. It is thus why we are so bound to it, we live in constant fear of survival and that’s for sure another way of abusing each other through this structural violence we have created as our current world system where either you work and/or cheat or die.

Isn’t that the sheer definition of abuse? Yes, it is and we collectively participate in this religion, where we have collectively decided that ‘some’ must have all the control over it, while the rest live a life of misery, struggle and suffering to get that paper that some can simply print or put in as numbers in a bank account…. Yes, you as I can breathe after saying/reading this as one can see the level of abuse that is accepted and allowed yet legitimized as ‘how things operate’ apparently, with no ‘change’ being made possible.

 

Now, what I’ve found throughout this process to be a challenge is to not create separation towards those that I’ve defined as abusive, even though one can find out and see the evidence of such abuse and can even witness with one’s own eyes – ‘they’ the ‘abusers’ are also myself. This is a humbling experience, maybe one that initially I would not want to fully embrace as it’s become such an ingrained thing to just ‘point fingers at another’ and blame them for what they’ve done, to be disgusted at ‘them’ but there is really no ‘them’ here – ‘they’ are also myself, yet at the same time each one will be individually accountable for what each one has accepted and allowed and how such point of abuse affected the totality of what is here.The shame, the guilt, the regret, the damnation upon myself and everyone else that stemmed from that moment I’ve rather turned it into a test for my stability, an opening, an awareness to get to know of and investigate any other form of abuse that I had previously neglected as part of myself as well.

 

We do it to ourselves

 

Seems we haven’t gotten sufficient consequences already in our world and reality because we haven’t changed much even with major threats of even our own extermination if we continue to live in these abusive ways.

So far, investigating the abuse, the evil, the abject of our reality is rather  of empowering too as a point where we no longer fear ourselves, our real nature but instead can – for a lack of a better expression – embrace it, understand it and within such understanding, finally be able to self-forgive it, finally be able to let go of any reaction that may emerge when taking a look at our ‘dark side’ which we’ve only feared looking at without realizing that that’s where the actual ‘truth’ of ourselves resides in, and not a truth to remain as it is and simply ‘embrace it’ as a form of acceptance – no, not at all, but as a necessary realization that will and is causing unbearable shocks and pain in this world. Maybe it is necessary to have this shock be profound or else, we will forget it all over again as we’ve done generation after generation, coming into this world and fitting ourselves into the vilest forms of coexistence while painting it with flowers and seeing it as ‘normal’ just because that is what we see and hear all around us as the way to survive, ‘the way things are’ and have believed we’ll ‘always be,’ which I am here to ensure it does not remain as such ‘status quo.’

 

Whenever I witness something that is shocking, something that I have considered to be too cruel, too vile, too sad to be truth as part of our ‘human nature,’ I tend to see it as a separate expression from myself, as if it was only ‘someone else’s twisted deeds, without realizing that it is actually part of who and what we have become as the very nature of ourselves being that of evil, as the reverse of life. Now, I understand this might sound rather pessimistic to our usual deep desires to not have to face the side of ourselves that we tend to occult/hide with positivity and ‘good thoughts’ –  but it isn’t pessimistic at all, it’s who we are and have become –  one only has to look at the actual nature of one’s thoughts to understand then the ‘nature of the system’ and our ‘human nature’ that we’ve justified and excused for far too long.

abuse
1    use to bad effect or for a bad purpose.
2    treat with cruelty or violence. Ø assault sexually.
3    address in an insulting and offensive way.

1    the improper use of something.
2    cruel and violent treatment. Ø sexual assault.
3    insulting and offensive language.

 

I could define abuse as plain evil, the reverse of life, as in acting in a way that one can understand is not honoring and respecting something or someone, doing deliberate harm in order to get some form of personal gain – this is the nature that exists within each other’s mind and we haven’t yet been fully able to admit it and take responsibility for it. The sole ability to live the word abuse in our very own thinking patterns, behaviors and relationships with one another certainly creates the general atmosphere that we all breathe in and out of, it’s what we create as our reality of disregard, self-interest, greed, wanting more, wanting to abuse another to have some more, be better and superior than, be the king of it all, do the least effort, being the winner, the master, the god…

 

God won't save the queen now

 

 

Can I imagine a world without abuse?

It’s hard to conceive because we haven’t ever actually ‘lived’ without abusing, and that makes us ponder how much of ourselves would change if we had such ‘human abusive nature’ be transformed into the principle and consideration of what is best for all. However before jumping into such ‘utopia’ that it may appear to be, I’d rather keep disclosing what I’ve realized when watching certain movies or series where abuse is rather notorious.

 

When watching bits of The Act of Killing for a second time, I realized that what I was witnessing is in fact what has existed as our sole human nature since the beginning of our time and that Anwar – the main ‘character’ of the documentary – is in fact each one of us. We can’t remember our several lifetimes we’ve been here before, doing the same, repeating the same mistakes, committing the same abuse and then coming back and believing we have never done anything wrong and believing that there can be actual innocent individuals within this, whereas I can only conceive why we are here on Earth as a result of us being the ones that have actually abused for eons on time and are here to learn a very tough lesson: to face ourselves, our nature, our – probably – irremediable consequences up until the last drop of water dries up.

 

In my experience, I could see before how any form of abuse outraged me, however I thought myself to be a pristine righteous good and ‘noble’ individual until I started deconstructing myself and was able to see my own ‘evil’ as the reverse of life and how my ‘good intentions’ were tainted with self interest all over. If anything, I am interested in getting to know more about all the ‘dark side’ of our human psyche that we’ve hid from one another as that is where the actual crème of our human nature resides in. This means being able to confront that which I many times simply deliberately avoided looking at or getting to know of.

 

My first attendance to a protest was in 2006 where our governor was accused of being a pederast upon a recording that made national or maybe even international news and so, we the ‘indignados’ marched around the city hall asking him to quit – which he never did and I can only remember how even if I was already old enough to understand what being a pederast means, I could still not fathom why could that be something ‘attractive’ or exciting to an adult. Another point is the feminicide, the Muertas de Juárez, the ladies that were kidnapped/disappeared, killed and dropped around in the city like disposable objects after being used for rather unusual purposes. I once was at a conference wherein the reality of the nature of these killings was explained and I was shocked to the core of how authorities seemed to be implicated in these crimes and that’s why no one dared to speak up – that’s the first time I realized that I had been truly living a lie when it comes to ‘authorities’ and it was closer than I thought. There were mentions of satanic rituals and sadist masochism evidence on the women’s bodies,  which has now become part of our ‘pop culture’ with books like 50 shades of gray and completely mellowing the actual core of the abuse to transform it into an ‘exciting’ new way to spark up your sex life. Well, who has heard about the muertas of Juarez being part of these ritual abuses based on the evidence on the girls’ corpses? Not many, we fear being quieted down by authorities, and so we keep quiet. And within this: would blowing the whistle on this change the entire crime networks that exist around the world related to pedophiles, pornography, snuff films, satanic rituals and secret societies? Becoming aware of something is a starting point, but in the end the actual change to prevent it will have to exist at an individual level taking responsibility for such abuses. If anything we are becoming more aware of what is possible in our world and it’s also fascinating to see that this is hitting ‘mainstream’ with series like True Detective.

My perspective of why we are so drawn and fascinated by the ‘occult’ which means that which is hidden or obscured from seeing the broad daylight is because we actually fear looking at it, and so the experience of fear is what we turn into some form of attraction which then becomes part of our morbidity to all deviances and rather ‘morbid fascinations’ as I call them, in which we also try to ‘push the boundaries’ of what is socially acceptable which is sometimes done in an attempt to ‘break the spell’ of the usual happy-go-lucky mentality that is peddled around in order to sell, buy, consume, repeat and be ignorantly happy.

 

I’m still a bit intrigued as to how a show like True Detective made it into mainstream. It apparently ends in a ‘good way’ but it only scratches the dirt of a nail of the actual problem. It does, however, make more evident what is already part of our mainstream without being fully aware of it, such as the symbolism, the ‘lifestyles’ that we have come to see as ‘part of our culture’ and no longer any form of ‘conspiracy theory,’ but it is instead a way to make evident the decay of our human nature – maybe we have to hit the rock bottom so that once we get to be aware of and understand the vilest forms of existence that we’ve become, we can start pondering how the hell we allowed ourselves to go down the spiral without awareness of the actual consequences which are measurable in, for example,  kids today learning that being bad is rather cool, isn’t it? Being vile is the new trend, being a rebel, opposing the laws and ‘doing as you will’ which is the ultimate statement of disregard of the principle that in fact governs us all: oneness and equality, which is at the moment rather far from us waking up to realize the kind of crimes we’ve been committing against life on a daily basis, every single time we are not even aware of how we are actually and literally one and equal, part of the whole.

 

Girl Interrupted by Ultra Violence

 

In our minds we have concocted our inner most twisted fantasies that we have defended as ‘our own will’ whereas in the absolute realm of the whole there is no such thing as individual will, but only the creation of personal delusions in the name of excitement, of the illusion of power, of control, of rejoicing in believing one has some form of ‘control’ or can ‘possess’ something or someone.

I also see the necessity to unveil even the most scary, cruel, filthy, shaming stories of what we have become as human beings in order to look beyond our threshold o fears and understand what it is that happens when we allow our minds to run rampant and ‘get away with murder’ in a literal manner.

As I was mentioning, witnessing our real human nature even in fiction stories implies there’s part of us being depicted of course, as it is created in another human’s mind – so, nothing is really ‘detached’ from ourselves and as such even when we ‘thank god’ that ‘I am NOT THAT criminal, that abuser, that person in power committing heinous crimes against life’ – let’s ‘think’ again and rather realize it is ourselves doing it all along, we just like to pretend we are not, so that we can feel ‘less bad’ about ourselves. But as long as we hold on to an idea of perfection and looking at all the marvelous things we can be and become Without investigating the actuality, the real nature, the nitty gritty and not so pretty nature that exists within ourselves: nothing will in fact genuinely change.

I see the unveiling, the ‘apocalypse’ as the process we are going through right now, more and more evident and  ‘seeping through the cracks’ in our daily lives as it is now everywhere: in mass media, music, our behaviors, trends, habits everything that is being pushed as part of a larger agenda that is equally lost in its aim, not realizing that any person in a current perceived ‘position of power’ is none other than part of the chess game that was laid out long before even the notion of the ‘elites’ on Earth existed. This is our masterpiece, the world-system on this Earth, the end result of our wildest fantasies, dreams and fascinations and one can only look at how we are genuinely trashing ourselves, the world and our very own bodies every time that we give into the hypnotic state of  wanting to ‘feel good,’ wanting to ‘feel happy’ and ignore reality, a reality that I am certain if I could hear it in fact would be screaming in agony and pondering why the hell we are so bubbled-up that we cannot actually SEE every single form of abuse that we create within and without ourselves as our very own nature and in turn how nature itself operates as a reflection of such mechanism of abuse too, our own conditioning.

In this, I can only point out the role of the ‘younger’ detectives in True Detective –the ones that were interrogating Rustin Cohle -as the ones that try to mislead from getting to know the most vile nature of our reality, trying to make of ritualistic abuse and other forms of human nastiness as some kind of ‘sick joke’ or a thing for ‘conspiracy theorists and loonies,’ however, it is about time this is known so that the major well-kept masks in this world can fall, but not only those of the people in ‘greater powers’ and institutions, but of ourselves, to finally be able to confront and accept the fact that the ‘abusers’ are not ‘out there’ but inside of us, each one of us and so be able to integrate some humbleness to understand how it is that we have pointed fingers outside of ourselves and created ‘fiction’ stories to be able to swallow the truth in a less ‘offensive’ or ‘embarrassing’ way, because we are still too scared to realize our responsibility for it all.

 

God Bless the Child

 

It can also start by pondering when we get excited upon witnessing violence – which does happen/still exist – such as people that like to witness bulls being bullied/harassed/abused and killed in what is called the ‘fiesta brava’ or bullfights. The same with how in pedophile circles the participants rejoice seeing a baby or a kid being sexually abused. The same with the ‘excitement’ that sexual abuse creates in the abuser, or killing/murdering others, or setting off a bomb… this is what exists today and yes it is mostly linked to the idea of ‘power’ and having some well concocted reasons to justify it. I mean, how more blind do we have to be to not see and realize this?

So, this is not something to be feared or denied about ourselves as human beings, it is about understanding that even the most vile and atrocious nature of ourselves exists as a potential within each one of us, the same way that the most common sensical and benevolent potential exists within each one of us too and so, being rather willing to face our True Nature to begin self-forgiving it and redirecting it and so be self-directive within our minds, our ‘human nature’ as to stop all forms of self-abuse – which is to be understood and realized as the abuse upon myself or others, all equally affected.

 

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disgust, anger and also sadness when getting to know the extent of abuse that we can impose onto another that we haven’t recognized as ourselves and so doing so within the ignorance of who we all are as equals and how any point of abuse upon ‘another’ is in fact toward oneself.

I realize that my reactions to abuse create further abuse and as such, I have to be able to witness, get to know and realize the abuse we have created without giving into powerlessness, sadness, anger or even wanting to blame others for such abuse as reactions won’t ever solve the problem. I only can solve the problem first by stopping my own emotional experience, and then seeing who am I and where am I existing in relation to that problem myself.

I commit myself to then see what it would take for me to contribute to stopping such abuse and if it is ‘outside of my hands’ at the moment, I then focus on rather informing myself, becoming aware of how we have created such problem/point of abuse as well as supporting others to become aware of it so that through creating this awareness, we can altogether look at solutions that we can all implement – for example – through politics which implies the power of many joining toward the same outcome as one person alone cannot be ‘the one point of change’ only but it is through joining forces that we can certainly stand up and correct any point of abuse within ourselves first and then without.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disbelief when it comes to realizing what I’ve become as a human being, the extent of disregard, neglect, harm, abuse, the additive search for power and control even if it goes against the majority of the living beings in this world.

I realize instead that this is the very mechanism in which we have come to exist and function as individuals and as such, there is no way to escape the reality and the facts, and wishing that things could be different because even if things could suddenly seem ‘better,’ I would still have to see if such ‘change’ is in fact self-change or just a new positive façade so as to not worry about the actual source and core of the problem which is always existent within ourselves, as the very nature of who we have become as our own minds, as the separation of self.

 

I commit myself to be able to see things that happen in my world without creating an experience about it, without becoming emotional about it as that’s where I see one loses ground and becomes part of the problem – therefore I direct myself to understand the situation, the cause, the problem and investigate within myself how I have contributed to this, how I am equally responsible and as such simply commit myself to do my part to stop such point of abuse even at the thought level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see abuse in separation of myself, as if it was only some ‘powerful ones’ imposing it toward us/everyone else, instead of realizing myself as them as well doing all of that harm and abuse and existing as a fellow human being which I would have also hated back in an attempt to deny who I am in relation to them too, which is being also them, being one and equal to ‘them’ who I have defined as ‘being evil/bad/wrong’ in separation of myself as a denial of what exists here as myself.

I realize that denying or judging or reacting to a point of information, to someone else’s actions and words will do nothing for me to create a substantial change but that real change implies I stop, I ensure I do not react to this so that I am able to look at this point in full presence and stability so as to see the ‘full picture’ that’s entailed in any point of abuse for example, to see the ‘greater picture’ to not get fixated on a particular set of beings/people/actions but understand abuse from the greater context as who we are and have become generally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within realizing this wanting to become defensive and distrustful toward others and go back to existing in the ‘fear toward the evil of humanity’ as some ingrained pattern I had walked through before. I realize that this is just me in my mind wanting to jump on to another ‘mindset’ as a false sense of security which doesn’t make sense at all.

 

Therefore I see and realize that I have to remain as breath, to be physically present and  not get caught up in memories and reactions or experiences but ensure I am seeing the point through the eyes of the physical, which means the eyes of understanding and so realizing that the chain massacre of abuse will be stopped from the moment that I decide to no longer acknowledge abuse as a point to react to in an emotional way as that would be like being separate to that which I am creating an experience of, because in recognizing everything as myself then creating an experience is like having schizophrenia really, reacting toward myself. So,

I commit myself to live the realization of being present as breath while witnessing something that I have defined as abuse, seeing information that relates to abusing ourselves which in such case I mean, If I was fully aware of everything that goes in this reality, I would constantly be crying or angry as everything that is here is existent as this point of abuse and so, it’s rather obvious that we cannot go on like this, we have to be able to rather focus on understanding to be able to prevent the problem from its root cause.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as desensitized when not reacting any longer to the various stories and mechanisms of abuse, as if I had been ‘cured’ of creating any form of freight or disgust at the same time, but I do have to be very wary of this point so as to not be repressing my experiences and not really seeing who I am in relation to the information that I come to know of, the images, the proofs and how everything fits to the outcomes of an ‘evil plot’ in which we exist as and of which we understand its sole purpose of which was to be enslaved and generate energy for someone that we accepted and allowed to upgrade into the level of a god. This is then the consequential outflow of having had no regard toward each other as equals, of having abdicated my responsibility to it all and creating polarities where winners and losers can exist, where elites and populace can exist, where money can dictate who gets abused and in which ways as well as the ‘power’ that perpetuates such inequality, such as ‘privileges’ and ‘benefits’ that are only existent for a few while the majority gets nothing but, we also have to transcend that me vs. them mentality here if we want to truly focus on change, so

I commit myself to focus on change within and as myself and no longer contrast it or compare it toward those that ‘have nothing’ or those that ‘have all the power’ but see myself as an equal participant within this all which means, no longer seeing through the eyes of the mind but acknowledging my part and so live my part that I am responsible for such as my words, thoughts, actions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that everything was ‘fine’ in this world wherein I lived in a rather narrow view and rather brainwashed perspective of our history, the stories of our origin and believing that we were meant to be and do good, without realizing that it’s actually the exact opposite what we’ve done all along and that it is only through being able to let go of this idea of goodness or benevolence and ‘evil’ at the same time that I can see facts/actions/words for what they are and imply without judgment, without segregation or creating an experience toward them.

I commit myself to focus on rather seeing HOW we came to create such point of abuse and considering it within all the points that I realize I have to take care of when it comes to aligning my life within and as the principle of considering all parts equally as myself and doing my part as well in this life which begins by taking responsibility for myself, my actions and ensuring I consider what is best for all in what I think, do and speak

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have that inherent tendency to want to have ‘nothing to do’ with abuse and not wanting to recognize myself as part of that abuse because I have judged it as wrong along with an experience that implies that ‘I am right.’

I realize that abuse is collectively accepted and allowed, as well as understanding that abuse has become the very way we live and act, and as such rather become aware of this necessary starting point to begin questioning everything that we have also deemed we were doing for the sake of being ‘benevolent’ or ‘doing good’ as I’ve also seen throughout this process that these are the most deceptive points where the actual ‘evil’ or the actual point of harm or abuse is hidden behind a positive façade so as to justify it and excuse it.

 

I commit myself to ‘embrace’ this ‘evil’ as myself not from the point of accepting and allowing it or giving continuation to it, but as a way to no longer react to it as it is in fact myself I would be reacting to, and instead focus on what I can direct within myself which is beginning with my own mind, my own life and so my participation in this world system being based on externalizing those points of self responsibility, accountability, no harm and no abuse upon others which is the principle of doing onto others as I would like to be done onto myself.

I realize as well that even the very food/water/animals/air that I breathe I’ve come to abuse as well, so within this I have to also be willing to face the abuse that goes on at even a microscopic level within the very mechanisms of how I digest my food or how I have to use water every single day and so not react to it but understand how we came to be enslaved in essence to our own abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes hold on to this point of acknowledging abuse as a way to also prevent me from seeing ‘how things could be if this abuse is stopped’ which I have defined as being rather ‘hard’ to imagine everyone being self-responsible and acting in the best interest of everyone, but I realize that this is the kind of pessimism I have also become so used to existing as. So

I commit myself to allow myself to realize that I cannot imagine something that I haven’t been able to live by and prove for myself, so I don’t need to imagine as much as I need to focus on myself, on being that example and that point of stopping abuse within myself and so stand as it and as a pillar of support for anyone else that also decides to become a 1+ living proof and example of what it means to live in a self-supportive and considerate manner within the principle of what is best for all as equals.

 

Supportive Material:

 

  1.  Reptilians – The Key to Life Through Evil (Part 1) – Part 111

  2. Reptilians – The Key to Life Through Evil (Part 2) – Part 112

5. Deer Human

 

Investigate who we are as a group of people committed to take responsibility and prevent further abuse in this world:

 

 

 

 


369. Desteni: An Insider’s Report

Preamble

My name is Marlen Vargas Del Razo and I’m here to disclose the actual and proven truth about what many can call the greatest Cult and Scam that has existed in the history of the internet according to various sources that, just as any other biased piece of journalism, lack any real practical self-investigation to come up with a veritable result that could be identified as a genuine piece of scientific evidence and an integral attestable piece of information that could provide people with a clear and verifiable perspective of what this infamous group is all about.

Unlike many that may research about ‘Desteni’ and immediately click on the most controversial links that may pop up in the 352,000 results (0.22 seconds) Google search, I suggest you rather take my name written above and run a simple search with it + the word Desteni to see some of the words written and spoken, as well as the various images that have been produced since 2008 as a result of my direct participation in this group, which is an internet based community dedicated to a singular and certainly sui generis cause which is to Educate the Human Being about the reality we have only lived behind the veils of our consciousness/the mind, our so called education, culture, languages, political and economic systems and all the images that have dictated who we are, what we do, why we do it and within this, basing our lives upon lies that we have made real as the current world-reality that we are all experiencing as an every day hell – unless one has sufficient money to protect ourselves from the actual reality that the majority is living in.

I will be sharing the details of what is now a 5 year Journey I’ve walked along with many other people around the world – including the year I lived at the Desteni Farm in South Africa (2009-2010) – that have committed ourselves to the same living principle that we find is the correct thing to do in a world like ours today: to create and establish solutions to live in a way that is best for all as equals. I have written over 1000 posts available in this website as a direct result of my process of self investigation, this is without counting all the other hundreds walked in the individual and specialized process of Self Support: the Desteni I Process, as well as the thousands of posts at the Desteni Forum and individual vlogs in two accounts on YouTube (MarlenVargasDelRazo and MarlenLife) wherein I have documented my individual process from self-investigation at an individual level to the publication and exposure of world-system solutions that are intricately related to the process of self investigation, self education and interaction with people in my reality in order to generate a change that is created at an individual basis and shared with the world; all of this is published a result of the certainty that I have acquired when it comes to proving over time that this process of Self Honesty and Self Responsibility is in fact the key to create a change in this world that will be the foundation to establish a new world order based on Life in Equality.

 

 

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I was born in Puebla, México on September 1st, 1986 came out of the womb with a c-section due to having the umbilical cord around my neck which I blamed for a constant nagging sensation I had throughout my life as a constant emotional experience of suffering, fear, anxiety, uncertainty and definitively seeing the world as a danger rather than a genuine place to be able to live in. Till this day I am 26 years old and I became involved with the Desteni group when I was 21, and the day that changed my life forever was January 30th, 2008 when I watched the first Desteni video, yes one of those where Sunette Spies (Interdimensional Portal/ blond girl giving deep breaths at the beginning and end of the less than 10 minute YouTube videos) would have one of the hundreds of beings interviewed in to give some revealing message. In my particular case, it reminded me of all the other spiritualist-channelings and mediums I had witnessed throughout my life, it wasn’t ‘anything new’ apparently – yet the message that I heard in that 10 minute video was sufficient for me to leave the various books on spirituality, religions, esoteric agendas and any other philosophy to continue devouring the videos as I continued watching them one by one throughout the course of months until I had assured I had watched them all to get an actual understanding of what this whole ‘portalling’ was all about.

 

At that moment I was interested in obtaining some higher truth, some ultimate truth, some ultimate answer to all the questions I had accumulated throughout a lifetime of finding ‘no point’ in living in this world if all there exists is suffering, violence, wars, lies, corruption, deceptive governments, false relationships where we harm each other, hatred, self loathing and the list goes on and on… Therefore, the approach toward these videos that seemed to be ‘out of this world’ was to get a quick fix, a solution, seeking to find the recipe that contained all the necessary steps I had to follow to just ‘get it done’ and be somewhat healed, enlightened, all knowing, have the answers to the meaning of life in one go and get over my existential inquiries that had lead me to wait, hope and expect something grandiose knocking at my door to stop for once and for all seeking some kind of answer from a creator as to what I had to do with my life, or how to implement some kind of ‘divine plan’ on Earth –lol, little did I know that we were already living ‘his plan’ but that this god wasn’t precisely benevolent as we had been taught to believe.

 

Of course as many other human beings filled with fears and expectations on ‘things getting better somehow’ or having some alien/god/master/being from the universe coming here and saving us,  I only desired to create some kind of unity in this world while getting myself some kind of special connection with a creator, a god, an energy or whatever that could tell me that ‘my life had a meaning and a purpose’ so I could stop seeing the suffering that I could not make sense of. ‘God must have a reason for all of this to exist’ and that god/ energy/ all knowing one idea started slowly but surely fading away as I continued the research through the Desteni material and finding out that everything I had ever known, everything I had believed myself to be – including the persona that I was so eagerly building myself to be – was just another character that we have all created based on who we are told to be, the family we are brought up in, the amount of money we have, the country and culture we live in, the generations before us that left their genetic dynasty of a troubled self-experience existing in a world where survival defines our ability to live or die everyday, leaving little to no space to investigate the obvious truth in this reality: we are slaves in a preprogrammed reality wherein everything that we see as the current problems we all live in an experience on a daily basis is reflected upon the nature of the world as it is today.

 

Suddenly every single question, enigma, diatribe, existential anguish and any other form of ‘wonder’ about reality, the universe, human beings, the mind, spirituality, life after death, eternal life, god, demons, heaven, hell, the so called ‘end of the world’ were all concepts being explained in detail as the finite constructs they all represent within the greater construct/scheme and aspect of reality that we are aware of in which we’ve all been existing as: Consciousness. Within my limited understanding within that very first impression, my life was not going to get any easier from that moment on simply because of realizing that there was a lot of ‘truth’ in these ‘Desteni videos,’ yet I could not find what it is that I can do to fix it all now, or the opposite: what do they want of me and what is their genuine purpose of publishing this information and Why this was not part of the world news:

1. An Inter-dimensional Portal opened between Earth and the Dimensions in March 2006. This allowed access to Heaven/Dimensions by a human while being fully aware and visa versa allowed beings in Heaven/Dimension full access to Earth. This opened a journey that was not expected or could be imagined. This Portal was placed as the Grace of God.

· The Future of Heaven and Earth and the Universe Mar 19 2007

 

I knew that this was something I had to absolutely research in its totality before diving myself into it fully and completely. I kept myself at a safe distance from the Forum, not even reading it to not influence my own research through only watching the videos and reading the articles, not even knowing if there were people already applying this, which was something they were constantly mentioning to do in the videos. My research wasn’t complete until I had ensured I had read every single article in the Articles section of the website, including the parts that I had deemed as the most repetitive type of brainwashing I had ever read in my life, it was called Self Forgiveness and kept wondering who on Earth could have said that ME, I, the person that stood up for originality, uniqueness, ‘freedom of choice’ and all things ‘independent thinking’ would be suddenly reading the dribble of repetitive sentences that looked more like some serious kind of brainwashing and bizarre programming that I was supposed to write and read in order to get some kind of realization about it.. Initially,  I left the Self Forgiveness part for the very end of my investigation because it was certainly the part that most resembled any form of religious brainwashing – little did I know that I barely understood the word Forgiveness at all.

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First Written Record of the Desteni Investigation , 2008

 

Through reading all the articles, watching the videos on a daily basis for several hours before and after going to school – all of this while studying college in the career of Visual Arts as the Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México –  I realized that this was something that I was going to be dedicating my life to, it was quite an immediate realization that became a certainty the more I watched that ‘I wanted to work with these people, I have to meet them and be part of this’. Of course it wasn’t easy to come to these conclusions since every time that I would Think about it, it all seemed ‘too good to be true’ yet too vast and consistent in every single piece of writing and video that I tried to dissect to find any form of flaw I could point out and boast that it was just another lie, another trick to get something out of us –and yes I still understand why many people try to discredit Desteni right away, because no one on this Earth has ever before come up with such a genuine benevolent message on Earth – besides Jesus – along with a practical solution to essentially establish the best living condition that we as individual human beings can exist as in this world, without expecting something from us in return. I had been taught to always get to know what people’s intentions are and not take just the ‘good stuff’ at face value, but see what form of manipulation is given in order to get the gist of the ‘good deals’ we get in life. I kept watching and every single time, I failed to find an inconsistency in the coherence and narration of evens that even if they were absolutely out of the spectrum of my physical ability to discern whether ‘the portal’ was real or not, the congruence, the convergence of points that I had gotten to read about from various other sources made me realize that this message was precisely the kind of intention I was aiming at living for in my life: a message of unity, of peace, of genuine care for one another  – yet the word ‘life’ was still as death as I was due to having little to no reference to what ‘life in equality’ actually meant – yet every single article and video was aimed at placing the necessary blueprint for us to test out for ourselves, correlate, self investigate what was being explained in the material. Obviously this was then gaining its place of being rather unique and never before seen in our world, because here all the answers, the solutions to our lives, this world and reality were being given by this girl on YouTube with little to no further information than visiting a forum that I mostly avoided reading through to not deviate myself from simply watching the videos and reading the articles on the website.

 

One of the first things that came up was getting rid of ‘God’ and it was far easier than I thought which was through being educated about the creation of the concept – what it meant as the ultimate separation and hierarchical imposition in the minds of all humans in order to establish a world order that has existed till this day on the basis of masters and slaves – therefore it became a matter of understanding the construct itself. I certainly then knew that the meaning of my ‘journey to find god’ had rather turned into a journey to understand and get to know myself, the reality that I live in and how I was in fact a direct responsible actor for every single atrocity I had only managed to complain, get angry and blame others for in this world. I was about to get myself into a cul-de-sac called Self Honesty wherein the only way out was to actually apply these steps that were repeatedly mentioned video after video, article after article: write yourself to freedom, applying self forgiveness, develop self honesty, apply common sense, oneness and equality, stand up for life in Equality. For sure at the beginning it seemed liked a cool thing to be able to get dead people talking through this girl, but why were they all saying the same message and how come no one else in the world was talking about this? To me it was the greatest revelation to such an extent that I was ready to let go of my intensive research in all things spirituality, philosophy, my personal cult to the belief of who I am as part of this culture, the role I thought I had as ‘an artist’ in this world and essentially place my whole life on a scale to measure what it is that I in fact was and who I would be without this construction of myself as ‘Marlen’ as the persona formed by the environment I lived in plus everything else that I managed to adhere through my quest to become that special being that we all believe ourselves to be.

 

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But, why is it that I was into it from the first moment I watched it? Easy: words made sense, everything that was explained I could relate to. It was as if the hidden side of reality that we have all been ‘aware’ of at some level was finally placed into words, but oh dear god how uncanny it is to get to these ultimate truths in a mundane YouTube less-than-10-minute video, isn’t it? However, the more I watched the more I didn’t consider people being able to reject what was being said, yet only later on I realized the power of fear and the ability to dynamite any potential veil-breaking information that has the potential – if applied and lived individually – to de-enslave/ liberate an individual from the most profound forms of brainwashing that you and I have ever been remotely aware of. Our history of human development has come and gone and none of it in any way supported us to become better living species – it was true: knowledge without application was useless and as I continued consuming hours and hours of watching the Desteni videos, scribbling some ‘facts’ here and there, drawing while listening to a consistent message that made me ‘lose my mind’ and go into a 3 day breakdown where I began saying that ‘life doesn’t make any sense, oh my god who am I without my emotions, art is filled with emotions! and I am an emotional person! Everything I’ve done and been has been but a lie!’ and within this going into the fear that ‘these people must want to brainwash us for some ulterior purpose’ – and yes, oh was it true, that ulterior purpose is to step out of the preprogrammed mind design wherein I was on my straight way to hell and ready to become some kind of entheogen seeker of the divine and somehow save the world from an impending doom that I used to preach in order to justify why I didn’t want to live my life in the most responsible way…

 

If there’s any warning I can give to anyone stumbling upon Desteni is taking it easy to watch the material, obviously now there are thousands upon thousands of blogs, videos, articles, books, audio interviews recorded throughout these past 7 years that Desteni has been ‘live’ on the Internet. The whole world has been stripped from head to toe for us to finally understand who we are, what we are here for, what was our purpose on Earth, what is this world, why aren’t we happy, why do we seek god, why are we driving ourselves to our impending doom and a plethora of more questions and ponderings that we have consumed our lives with, going generation after generation filling books with what we believe ‘we know’ without having an inkling of idea about what the mind in itself is – of which I was quite an active participant of – and why is it that we seem to be devolving with all these wars, lies, corruption, discrimination, suffering, harm, hate-all of which I had noticed throughout my life had become a constant part of reality; no one could have ever seem to have an answer to this, not even the Jesuits at the school I studied which is the Instituto Oriente wherein I rather reinforced my heretic character and only liked and agreed with the one principle that made sense besides everything else they claimed Jesus said and did: equality and considering each other as living beings regardless of the amount of money we have, the last name we have, the amount of properties we have and so on, yet we were being trained to be part of the elite in society that would ‘ensure’ that we were ‘benevolent masters/ leaders’ to our employees/slaves. Of course no one could ever answer to me why was the Vatican the richest country in the world, why the pope would not give away his fortune in the name of ending the world hunger if he so would pray and hope god or some world leader could end it … and these are just but the ‘tip of the iceberg’ questions that lead me to confirm  that whatever speck of religious inclination I could have wanted to resort to in order to make sense of this world, was simply another mirage in my quest to find that ‘something’ in my life I had been longing for – apparently.

 

The truth is that I only wanted to have some ‘great place’ in this reality where I could be special and within that ‘make all my dreams come true’ which were as mundane as being famous, having some fortune, finding love in some kind of partnership/relationships, escape the corrupted country I live in and essentially live in a blissful state while pretending to worry about the ills of the world… This was the ‘me’ that I have to now be typing out for the purpose of this Desteni Witness Report, placing myself in the shoes of the discouraged person that I became when realizing that this world wasn’t getting any better, that everyone was lying, cheating and being corrupted and that all that I could do is… feel sorry about it, be depressed, be doomed and living in a constant gloom and cry about the many horrors that I had witnessed on daily basis here and no, it wasn’t war, it was worse because it’s become an ‘accepted’ form of crime against life: poverty, discrimination, inequality, greed and any other form of egotistical traits that I could see were doing harm and were a form of actual self-abuse.

So what on Earth did I come to realize about all of this and the ‘Me’ that I existed as up to the moment when I found Desteni?

Find out in the next entry…

Thanks for reading

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What you are in your mind does not prevail – wake up!-  2008


348. Self Honesty in Equal Money

Without Self Honesty We Cannot Create a World that is Best for All.

 

Continuing:

 

 

Problem                                                                

“Human nature is the product of preprogrammed design and those that find themselves in Elite/Privileged positions are in those positions because they were part of the deception of the preprogrammed design where they protected themselves form the reality of a finite resource based world. Preprogramming was used to deliberately create those that work and those that feast. The Elite now face the responsibility to acknowledge through Self Honesty their deceptive ways and to be in service of those less fortunate and place at a disadvantage due to genetic preprogramming until all designs are equalized to that which is best for all life.

No economic or social change is possible till we have a spiritual awakening that realize and accept the equality of all life regardless of form or preprogrammed disadvantage.

Without understanding how the human mind is designed to create an energetic consciousness as Ego personality, the human race will never be free from its own fears”


– Bernard Poolman

 

  • The nature of the system in itself has created the definition of ‘Honesty’ wherein we are supposed to act according to its rules and regulations, not questioning the system but just complying to how everything works where we protect our ‘loved ones’ only, where we ensure we don’t tell lies and stand as a ‘responsible’ person that has nothing to hide – yet little is understood on how such ‘cleanliness’ and apparent honesty is in fact possible due to the amount of money we have that enables us to have enough means and services to generate that care and have such ‘decency,’ but what about all the people that have no means to live in an ‘unacceptable manner’ according to our standards wherein only those that have ‘enough money’ can become respectable beings, because the person with no money has to resort to steal to feed their family.

 

  • People are considered to be ‘Honest’ when they are able to openly ‘express their feelings,emotions or opinions’ such as how much they  dislike something and how they are being ‘true to themselves’ as to why they don’t want to cooperate in a particular job or activity, why they dislike a particular person and how they ‘feel’ about another or a particular circumstance in our reality.

 

  • I am being honest’ is expressed as what we believe is ‘who we are’ and in that, we are placing our personal preferences, desires, views, opinions and perspectives to the level of our self-religion, our creed that we are able to expose and ‘stay true to ourselves’ without ever questioning if such ‘truth’ is in fact leading to a best for all outcome. We can look at this reality and all the people that have claimed to be honest but never questioned how it is that such honesty is just another value shaped according to the nature of this system that caters self-interest, self abuse and disregard for life in Equality. This means that we have measured this ‘honesty’ according to the Value System of this world system where life is not considered Equal, where Money decides whether you live or die and where you are able to ‘honestly earn your living’ by working and getting money without questioning what kind of damage onto others or the environment it is producing, why it is that you are not able to easily ‘get more money’ to live more comfortably,  why not everyone is able to have the same privileges you do, why you can only be supported if you have enough education to have a job and if you don’t, you starve to death along with your family. Yet no one questions why it is ‘dishonest’ for people to have to steal or sell their own organs to get money to live – all of these are aspects that correspond to our Self Responsibility  which is a key aspect to start developing Self Honesty.

 

  • We are taught to follow our dreams and be ‘honest’ about our desires, yet we never question who or what lead us to have such desires, what has caused us to believe that we have to ‘trust our feelings’ and do whatever we can to achieve a goal that we probably watched in a movie, read in a book or heard from our peers at school or the neighborhood. Yet people value ‘being honest’ to these feelings as a ‘motivation to live’ without realizing the level of brainwashing that this implies when a human being is taught to make decisions, give themselves direction based on ‘how they feel’ instead of analyzing practically and mathematically the outcomes and common sensical determinations to generate a best for all outcome.

 

  • Emotions like hatred, disgust, dislike and aversion can be ‘honestly expressed’ which then propitiates another to value the person for being ‘so honest’ about how they experience themselves, instead of questioning Why such experiences exist within themselves in the first place. ‘I am being honest with myself,’ is said when someone admits a fault and a deliberate pattern of abuse wherein the ‘honesty’ point sheds a  positive light upon it that ensures people generate another ‘cloak’ in the system which is Respect and ‘accept’ another’s experience based on how they feel without questioning the origin of it and what it is revealing about the individual themselves, how it is actually imperative that the individual takes self responsibility for their experience, because it is simply leading to a point of separation and disruption from what is best for all.

 

  • Then we have the world system wherein people are Honestly paying their debts on time, never missing a single payment, being very obedient to not commit a ‘fault’ in the system and having a belief of being ‘an honest citizen that abides to the law’ – however, do they question such laws and if they in fact abrogate what is best for all? Do they question why is it that Debt exists? Why it is that their children have to enroll themselves with over a thousand dollars of debt at the end of their career to make an ‘honest living’ in the system’? Why is it that if they have no money to pay the debt, they ‘honestly’ accept that there is no way out of it but asking for more debt, without any form of common sense indicating that getting further in debt is Not the way things should work in the system – yet, the system rewards ‘system loyalty’ and becoming a respectable and honorable person in the system is only possible if you pay your debt on time, send your children to school, support the system of profit by following all your desires and dreams to be the driving force for every work you do and never question who is actually having ‘all the power’ in the system, because you ‘honestly enjoy the benefits’ and ‘honestly feel good about yourself being successful in your business’ which is not a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ thing, it is about realizing if such security and success is available as an equal opportunity for everyone else in this planet to have an assured means of support.

 

  • ‘Honesty’ has turned into a blatant façade to hide the actual abuse that exists in every one of us accepting the system to be ‘as is,’ a system where ‘honest, respectful beings’ are in office, leading wars in the ‘honest’ regard for homeland security and being ‘honest’ in their despise for those that are apparently a threat to the honest hard working respectable people. This is how our words became shields to not see the obvious: that there is No Self Honesty and that no one has ever been a respectable being, because the moment we comply to the system ‘as is’ and use the value of money to only satisfy our needs, we forget that we are part of a world where we coexist with all other beings that Should also by virtue of being part of this ‘honest world’ should have equal access to the necessary means to live. This is not happening, because Self Honesty does not exist.

 

  • Honesty is the ‘good doer’ joker card developed in the system to make believe there is goodness and benevolence in humanity, but we know that this is not so otherwise we would not be writing today about having to take self responsibility for the world and become Self honest to change it.

 

So, what is Self Honesty?

Solution                                                                

 

  • Self Honesty is becoming an individual human being willing to take Self Responsibility for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, being willing to see ourselves first as who we are, what our thoughts, emotions and feelings reveal of our own nature and measure what is it that requires to go through a process of Self Correction in order to become individuals that are able to be trusted with Life and being willing to Live as Equals which means: becoming the creators and participants of a world that is Best for All where everyone is granted access to that which we require to eat in order to live in the most dignified sustainable condition.

 

  • Self Honesty is not nice nor beautiful, this is the ‘ugly truth’ of ourselves that has been hidden behind nice words of grandeur that painted a great picture of our lives without realizing it is blood that we were using to paint it with. This means that Self Honesty implies being willing to look at the reality of this world in its mechanics, how it functions, how are relationships existent, questioning why poverty exists, why do people starve to death, why is our money based on debt, why and how it is that only a minority have all the money in the world? How it is that we have only always cared for our own interests and disregarded everyone else’s? Why can’t we change the mechanisms in which our food is produced? Why can’t we give free health support to everyone’? and the list goes on and on.

 

  • Beginning to write ourselves, to look within who we are, what we like, what we have participated in is what enables us to get a glimpse of what we self honestly have participated in as all the aspects we rather kept secret and not expose of ourselves, because in common sense we know that such attitudes are in fact Not what is best for all, but we did it anyways because we felt good about it, we didn’t think that our thoughts, words and deeds could have outcomes in our reality that would affect everyone equally, but they do and this is the time when we come to face this reality as our world that is the mirror of our individual actions which we can all agree, have become our very own hell to exist in. This is why we first have to walk this process of Self Honesty to realize what we have been and become to later on begin to understand the responsibility we hold toward every single outcome that exists within this reality as everything we are only currently angry, ashamed, desperate, frustrated and depressed about without looking at how it is all our creation from beginning to end. Then we  want to ‘change the world’ overnight, without understanding how it is that our very own thoughts, words and deeds have contributed to this absolute global crisis that isn’t a ‘curse’ imposed onto us: we have created it, we are it.

 

  • Self honesty implies realizing and becoming aware of everything that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become in disregard of everyone else’s’ well being and equality to ourselves – this means having acted and existed only based on Self Interest wherein ‘who we are’ as ‘honest people’ lead us to blind ourselves from the crimes against life that we have perpetuated every time that we simply comply to ‘how the system works’ and do nothing to change it. The system is ourselves which means that all its ‘ugly truth’ is in fact the mirror of who we are and have become as individuals in our own minds. When living in Self-Honestly one is wiling to look at all of these aspects of ourselves in detail that have lead us to only care about satisfying our personal interests without caring about another as equal and one as ourselves.

 

  • Self Honesty is being willing to question every single thing we have been and become, what we believe, what we have ‘lived for’ and the purpose we have created toward our own life. It is about daring to see who we are beyond the ‘idea of self’ and all our ‘good traits’ and ‘bad traits’ and see how they all stem from the inherent configuration of the system we are born into wherein No Self Honesty exists, because  life is sold and abused and never honored – this should then place the foundation to understand how no word that we are currently using can be in fact Self Honest, because all our Value Systems have been based upon words that support the abuse, that hide the self interest and glorify the ‘success’ of what it means to disregard everyone else and only care accumulating to cater for your very own self at the expense of others. This is what capitalism represents as the ‘blueprint’ of our personal interests externalized as an economic system, this is precisely why we say: we have to take Self Responsibility for the system, we cannot just complain about Capitalism because it is our actual inherent nature: it is who we are and have become.

 

  • Self Honesty means investigating everything of this world, looking at and understanding how we intervened to bring the whole system to abuse and massive failures to then understand that our collective responsibility resides in taking part of this system ‘as is’ and walking the necessary processes to correct it from within – not destroying it, not opposing it, not ignoring it or allowing it to just’ fall apart’ but actively create the necessary means such as political processes and economic reforms to ensure that the world system we have created by our individual participation is lead through a process of correction determined by us, the individuals, that first have to begin this process at an individual level to realize who and what we are and have become as our minds, seeking after our self interest. Instead we become the living principle of what it is to become an example of acting, thinking and doing that which is best for all in Equality.

 

  • Self honesty is not Morality of right or wrong, it is the living principle that guides our every breath, every single moment that we decide to live according to that which will support everyone equally and lead to a best for all outcome wherein we can gauge the outcome and consequential outflows of our actions through mathematical and empirical means where we can ensure that the way we conduct our lives is in fact leading to creating that which is best for all. This means that each individual as a self responsible being is able to stand as the solution of this system by becoming the living example of what it is to act in the best interest of all and work with stopping, correcting and aligning one’s ‘personal interests’ that lead to segregation, disregard, neglect, self importance and superiority or inferiority complexes that have created the current psychological problems in our society that absorb much of our lifetime due to focusing on sorting out ‘how we feel’ instead of ‘how the world is being created according to what we want and how we feel.’

 

  • Equality is thus not only a quality of being, but the quality of words that we live in consideration, honor and regard for one another as equals. This is the foundation of the Equal Money System and Equal Money Capitalism, where we have realized that unless the individual takes self responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds as the building blocks of our current global crisis at all levels of our existence, we will remain seeking for ‘change’ outside of ourselves instead of within.

 

For Examples of How to Walk Self Honesty read  the 7 Year Journey To Life blogs

“Self-Honesty is the process to finding the “Key” to “See” to live/be the change of self and this existence as self.” – Sunette Spies 

 

“Only with self honesty do the potential become available to birth yourself as life.” – Bernard Poolman

 

Rewards                                                   

  •  Establishing Self Honesty as our Principled Living is the first step to ensure that everything we create in order to ‘change this world’ stands in fact as a reliable and trustworthy solution that can be proven to be in fact producing that which is best for all.

 

  • The ultimate reward is being able to trust each other as life, with life to the extent that we will be able to ensure that no matter whose life I am living, it will always be a dignified life, living in the best way possible, in the best living environment where everyone can enjoy life at last and for once and for all get past all the fears and limitations that we are currently living in. It will be the absolute renaissance of humanity as it never has existed before, an actual rebirth by virtue of our own words which means: it is in our hands to actually make this happen.

 

 

Change by Matti

 

Artwork by Matti Freeman

 

Blogs:

 

Hear:

 

Vlogs:


331. What is Best for All in Equal Money Capitalism

“Can you Walk Alone as That which is Best for All Life – Giving without Wanting to Receive? Giving, because you Understand: when All have Enough – you will also have Enough. That is the Principles of Equal Money Capitalism and the Foundation of Desteni. Bernard Poolman 

 

Continuing from:

307. CapitalismUS: Pursuit of Happiness

308. Might Makes Right: CapitalismUS

 

 

 

Problem                                                                 

 

  • Why is it that we speak about What’s Best for All instead of Power and Wealth or Happiness for all? Words contain an entire history of relationships of abuse wherein the polarities of winning and losing, master and slaves are embedded as the impositions that have been accepted as the order in our world: some win and some lose – this has been the world order throughout time, but we never questioned why such inequality was existent as ‘how things are’ without any other reason or justification other than because they are stronger, because they are wiser, because they are more, because they were born that way, because god says so. All of these excuses have been acceptable throughout various stages of our history, yet it doesn’t seem to be different now where some people believe that poverty is just ‘what we’re born into,’ as if it was a genetic condition that would by default deny you the ability to have sufficient money to live – however, we have all become gods to limit such basic right to the majority of the people.

 

  • The problem comes when we propose what’s best for all as a universal law and principle that guides all other rules and regulations, yet we can be called out for having a god complex in doing so, without realizing that there has been no god or emperor that has established such common well being in Equality ever, actually as humanity we have already done such a move when deciding who are the ones that should be enslaved and who should be ‘the rich and powerful ones.’

 

  • But we never questioned such wealth and power and look at How such wealth and power was created and sustained in the first place.  The problem is thus a matter of concepts with which we have generated our own condition to fear anyone that wants to implement a ‘new order’ such as a principle, a law and right for everyone without exception to be supported to live in the best condition – what happens is that what’s ‘Best for All Equally’ is not understood, because it has never been given as a living right, because everyone’s ‘needs and desires’ are believed to be different and special, but it is really not so when we consider we are all physical beings coexisting in the same planet. These are the physical facts upon which we’ll consider our Best for All definition.
  • We have to realize that we already have a society that runs in an efficient manner – the problem is that: not everyone has access to a well developed society or living condition,  because of our acceptance of ‘how things are’ without ever questioning inequality, which is the same as accepting ‘power’ and ‘control’ as some form of immovable order that no one can challenge, that has been our demise.

 

  • There’s also the psychological conditioning wherein we have learned to fear each other from having More than ourselves, fear being robbed, betrayed, deceived and ultimately killed – but we haven’t really established how we generated such conditions of constant fear between each other, which is through the accepted and allowed belief of ‘lack’ and ‘scarcity,’ along with the survival of the fittest mentality. This has been the psychological separation between one another fighting to ‘have the power’/ get at the top/ be the best and have the most without questioning  – but why haven’t we just given to each other the same access to what we all know we want and make peace on Earth?

 

 

 

Solution                                                                

 

  • We all have basic needs which are the fundamental points for survival: food, water, clothing, health care, education, housing which entails all public services like electricity, sewage, waste management and all the furniture in it, education, a job or means of getting money. Those are the very Basic requirements to sustain ourselves in a decent manner – however we propose that this is not yet enough to make our lives the Best way possible, but only keeping everything within a limited framework.

 

  • The  considerations that will make our lives the ‘Best’ imply that which makes our lives be comfortable, practical, secure and enjoyable using technological advancements and any other innovation for it. This is how we can add means of communication like computer, cellphone or any other personal gadget, transportation, child care, shopping centers, time for traveling, sports clubs, entertainment and recreational centers, well preserved public areas, free universities,  best public services like banks, government, data collectors, press, media, family education centers, behavioral skills development, sustainable farms and agriculture, self-managed companies, trade of goods and services with equal profit share, production that doesn’t harm the environment nor exploits the laborer, having access to the best quality products, general security, special support for people that require it, cultural and artistic activities – all o this as part of a living right and responsibility for everyone equally.

 

  • These elements will generate the physical and infrastructural support to propitiate our individual psychological needs and satisfaction such as security, self-certainty, confidence, financial stability, conviviality with other members of your society, mutual honor, being able to develop self-expression, natural enjoyment, being able to spend quality and sufficient time with your partner/family, respecting each other as equals and in essence live in a constant physical environment that provides a sense of happiness that is not only a sporadic ‘positive experience,’ or something that must be bought or sold, but a given-fact for everyone as a human right and responsibility.

 

How to implement ‘What’s Best for All’ ?

  • Equal Money Capitalism is the key to adapt and change the current political and economic structures of our corrupted form of capitalism, take its basic principles of serving individual rights to have all of the necessary means to satisfy our physiological and psychological needs, and improve our social relationships. This means that with every individual having their rights guarded and their needs fulfilled, the well being of our society will be generated by default, by virtue of each one’s responsibilities within our personal activities to generate money or educate ourselves to eventually earn money, and as such ensure that each one is well prepared to function as an individual member of society. This ensures that everyone’s best interest is created by the collective participation with equal support.

  • No one will have to be sacrificed to create a general well being, instead each one will be a competitive person in order to excel as a living consideration of ‘what is best’ as an individual effort,  and make of the product of these achievements each one’s contribution to the common good as the sum of self responsible individuals.

    We won’t only have ‘1’ great doctor, but everyone will be able to equalize to the best quality possible if we as a society decide that everyone must have the same tools, education and support to reach our optimum condition of skills and abilities that generate the goods and services for trade.


  • Our self-interest as a common well being interest is to have a fulfilling living condition as in having all our basic and ‘extra’ needs met, therefore in an Equal implementation of these capacities, we require to give access to such benefits in an equitable manner – how to do this? Through distributing profit for every participant in a business/ organization/ institution/ corporation in an equal manner. This is the way in which we can ensure that everyone’s right to be happy, to be healthy and enjoy life is guaranteed by virtue of their own work and effort. These are all physical reality plausible living conditions wherein no other philosophical or ideological terms are required. No one will be allowed to get any less than their best living condition, this means no suffering and no misery, no marginalization, no poverty, no famine, no crime.


  • By covering everyone’s best for all condition, we ensure that no one goes to war to have ‘more than others’ or seek to deliberately abuse them to create a relationship of power and control. This ensures an actual freedom between individuals, which is only able to exist if Everyone is Equally supported to live in a Free condition – not being bound by other’s imposed rules and regulations, but living by a universal principle: Equality as Life, translated as ‘give as you would like to receive,’ ‘love your neighbor as yourself, ‘ ‘investigate all things and keep what’s best,’ ‘do onto others as you would like them to do onto you,’ which are the pillars of our morality and ethics of Life in Equality.


  • No one will be ever again a a slave, meaning, someone that is forced and coerced to perform jobs or activities that he/she does not want to do but has no other option because of needing money in a desperate manner. Within this, we will consider that all those ‘shitty jobs’ that no one wants to do will have to be done by ourselves, taking responsibility for what we used to enslave others to do for us, this is only fair if we want to create true freedom for all. No one will be sacrificed for the greater good, since sacrifices imply abuse and abuse cannot exist if everyone is always living in the best condition possible.


  • Equal Money Capitalism is based on practical physical reality: what you give is what you receive, you get money to live according to the work you do in equal remuneration to everyone else. The motivation is the realization that we require everyone participating to keep living in such a sustainable and comfortable condition that benefits all. And, just as any other organism, if it stops working to obtain the necessary means to live, it dies – so we all have to ensure that we keep the system alive by our individual participation, that’s a physical organic consideration at a social level, being a vital organ of the ecosystem and coexisting in symbiotic relationships within it.

 

For more details suggest reading the series:

Redefining Capitalism

 

 

Rewards                                                   

  • Only in Equality will we be able to Live in Freedom understood as the ability and capacity to coexist in peace and harmonious relationships with one another,
  • Pursuing our own Happiness in accordance to Respecting and Honoring each other as Equals.
  • The ability to Choose our profession and vocation in life based in skills and passion instead of the old profit-motive.
  • Developing ourselves to our utmost potential where money is not a limitation to our expression, but a tool to ensure that everyone can have equal support to enhance our living skills and social conviviality.
  • Living in a constant stability and prosperity, in Equality we can keep the system functioning in a perfect condition by all realizing that it is only in Equality that we can all be abuse-free and slave-free – no harm and no abuse.
  • Peace and Joy on Earth, all of it created by our collective yet individual effort and labor, each one contributing to ensure that our rights are guarded by our own mutual support as society – no need to have a Leviathan to ensure we act in the best interest of all.
  • Self determination means: we decide by direct democratic vote what’s best for all, and we make it a living statement by the fruition of our own work.

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

 

 
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152. Human Race Embarrassment: Shame on Us

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use embarrassment as an emotion and thinking pattern to dissociate myself from that which I see and create an experience toward it in an attempt to separate myself from others and deny that ‘I am them as well,’ which has been a pattern throughout my life to do ‘everything I can’ to be unlinked to anyone that I have deemed as too embarrassing and barbaric to even realize they are a part of that which is here as humanity, the race of beings that I am also a part of.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional experience toward the actions, thoughts, words and deeds of fellow human beings as points of abuse toward oneself/ another/ the animal kingdom/ the Earth itself, without realizing how with me thinking and judging ourselves as humanity I am in fact only reinforcing the same systematic abuse wherein ‘who we are’ is reduced to only knowledge and information that I have separated myself from as pictures, images, thoughts, attitudes, habits that we have diminished ourselves when acting out/ living through a limited ‘frame of reality’ that we have established as ‘who we are,’ daring to even compare/ rate/ value/ regard everyone and everything in separation of ourselves.

 

When and as  I see myself experiencing embarrassment upon viewing/ hearing/ reading/ witnessing a human beings’ actions and words in/ as a point of abuse toward oneself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that me judging another through my mind is an equally abusive point that in no way assists and supports the being to realize the point of separation that’s being created and acted upon through the dictatorship of the mind that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

 

I realize that as long as I continue reinforcing an experience toward witnessing/ viewing/ hearing/ getting to know of a point of abuse that we as human beings have perpetrated against fellow human beings, the animal kingdom and our reality, it means that I haven’t unconditionally let go/ forgiven myself for what I have accepted and allowed to exist as ourselves, as individuals  that have used the mind to separate ourselves further and further from the actuality of who we are, from any relationship of ourselves toward ourselves, fellow beings, as we can only exist within the mind-frame of embarrassment/ shame as judgment that can only exist if I also reduce myself to only being and becoming an emotional experience of embarrassments as ‘who I am’ in the moment.

Thus, I commit myself to stop supporting any form of judgment/backchat/ gossip about and toward any being that is acting out/ living a point of self-abuse, as I see and realize that me judging makes no difference to ‘them’ and instead, only reinforces ‘my’ individual perspective as a point of separation in the form of an experience created through thoughts in my mind of shame and embarrassment, which can only exist if one exists as thoughts, emotions and feelings to create an idea of myself being ‘correct’ as in being superior/ better than the other part that is being judged – I instead assist and support myself to self forgive the point of separation and walk as breath to ensure that I stop supporting any form of separation through assessing ‘who I am’ as the mind and instead, equalize myself as the physicality that is here through breathing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand shame as a point that I can use as a way to see how unconditional self forgiveness is the point wherein I can absolutely let go of the judgment toward any and all parts that I have separated myself from and instead, assist and support myself to ensure stopping patterns of recrimination and inferiority exerted toward others within/ through thinking, which is in itself an activity that we have accepted and allowed as ‘normal’ without realizing that: as long as we think, here are not Here as the physical moment of breath and instead we’re only separating ourselves from each other as the actuality of who we really are.

(Read Heaven’s Journey To Life blog for more: Thought Designs – Introduction: DAY 152)

 

When and as I see myself existing as shame and embarrassment toward ourselves as human beings upon hearing, watching, witnessing or reading about the abuse that we have imposed and inflicted upon ourselves and this entire existence – I stop and I breathe – I realize the experiences of shame and embarrassment as ways to only care about ‘how I think others/ how I ‘feel’ about something and someone,’ which is only existent within Me at a thought level, which leads to further laxity toward our own thinking when viewing it as a ‘normal reaction upon abuse,’ and within this missing the actual point which is how through thinking we create our own possessions upon the physical as a continued form of self-abuse.

I realize that as long as I participate in any form of thinking and judging others in separation of myself, I am in fact not supporting them/ myself to realize a point of self-correction, but only deviate the point of responsibility that I hold toward myself as my own accepted and allowed participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions – thus

I commit myself to stop any emotional experience of embarrassment as an emotional experience created upon witnessing/ reading/ viewing a point of abuse toward oneself/ others in order to take responsibility for my own thoughts, my own participation in the mind as that is what I in fact am able to change/ direct and align to what is best for all. I realize that I cannot change another’s actions, thoughts, words, but I can only remain standing as an example of what is possible to be and become when we do not allow ourselves to be ‘driven’ by an experience in our minds and as such, unconditionally also let go of any point of judgment exerted toward others that triggered the experience within me, as I see and realize I am the starting point of such experience, not ‘them.’

 

Furthermore it is to realize how this embarrassment toward all the points we read in the news and in our day to day living experiences in reality when becoming aware of a point of abuse can instead be directed to ensure that we do not only remain as ‘victims’ and ‘judges’ of our reality, but instead take such points as demon.strations that we ensure we stop and take self responsibility for in any away within ourselves, as we see/ realize and understand that as long as we continue thinking, becoming emotional and creating further thoughts about something/ someone, we are only standing in an equal-manner to the mind possession/ point of abuse that is being judged; within this we can see how we as humanity tend to judge each other for the atrocities that are committed without understanding the source and origin of such abuse being one and the same within all individuals/ human beings that currently exist as the dissociation of the mind in relation to the physical, which once again brings the importance of getting to know ourselves as our mind, as the physical and as such, create a point of reference to see where and how we have separated ourselves from every part that is here through us ‘thinking’ reality instead of standing one and equal as it to actually see in fact and understand any point of abuse that is existent at the seemingly ‘innocent’ level of a thought.

It is time for us to look into ourselves at all times to see if what we say, think, act and participate in is an expression that we are willing to stand as for eternity – we are actively and practically walking our mind to establish a final directive point within ourselves within the principle of what is best for all, which cannot contain a point of judgment/ projected blame toward others as ‘the abusers’ for we would understand how any point of abuse is in fact self abuse as the mechanisms that allow such abuse are existent in each one of us as well, thus we are all equally responsible and that responsibility begins toward ourselves as our own mind.

 

Self Respect as the Living Realization of what this Process is about can be walked with individualized assistance and support to ensure that one in fact acts upon one’s own Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application in one’s world and reality:

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150. Meeting my Mirror = Equalizing the Reflection

Continuing with 149. Meeting my Mirror = My Error

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to face myself as another in my reality playing out character that I used to live-as in order to equalize our application within common sensical/ practical living considerations that are physically based and not mind-obsessive based

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an immediate kinship toward someone that I perceive is ‘similar to me’ in terms of my old habits about cleaning which I had regarded as ‘unique’ or ‘not so common,’ thus when finding someone that presents the ‘same symptoms,’ I create an immediate understanding of their experience and expression stemming from the ‘who I am’ as such character – thus

When and as I see myself immediately ‘liking’ someone because they represent an aspect of myself that I had considered being a virtue, I stop and I breathe. I realize that we are able to communicate and establish a cool point of communication without now creating a point of separation toward ‘others’ as ‘those that do not commune with our cleanliness’ and within that, instigating separation between the members of the house. .

I realize that I am able to establish a point of support for ourselves through communicating/ interacting without reinforcing any point of separation based on the ‘who we are’ as cleanliness characters.

I commit myself to communicate and develop a relationship that is not based on ‘being similar characters’  – we’ve represented within being the ‘clean’ persons, but instead assist and support myself to be open to communicate with everyone here without creating a point of separation within my mind now that ‘I’ve got someone to communicate with that’s similar to me,’ as that would be reinforcing a point of separation that is not necessary to ‘embody’ as I realize that if the actions and patterns can be directed within a common sensical point of application that’s best for all, then we do so, as that is in the best interest of all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience within me for having someone to ‘backup my cleanliness’ and thinking that ‘I am not alone anymore’ within my cleaning habits in the house, instead of realizing that I have actually worked with becoming more flexible and establishing a point of laxity in terms of being ‘too picky’ when it comes to cleanliness – thus

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I am now not alone in my cleaning habits/ patters as someone else is now supporting them with the same zeal, I stop and I breathe. I consider the process that I have walked in order to not be ‘that’ obsessed about cleaning and the time that I have actually walked to – bit by bit – stop reacting to patterns of ‘uncleanliness’ which I then take into consideration to within this new acquaintance not reinforce them to ‘get back to the obsessive-compulsive behavior of cleaning all the time – thus

 

I commit myself to become an example of how one can be and become less ‘concerned’ about dirtiness the whole time and also take into consideration the practicality of keeping a space as clean as possible when living with other people that do not subscribe to ‘cleanliness perfection,’ – thus it is to establish a point of balance wherein only common sensical measures with a proper  ‘leeway’ to ensure that no polarity of cleanliness/ uncleanliness is the directive starting point, but simple common sensical sustenance of our environment in common areas that we live in.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘good’ about finding someone that is ‘as clean as myself/ even cleaner than me’ as that indicates that ‘I am not the only one crazy here,’ which would be reinforcing the cleanliness character that I have assisted and supported myself to slowly but surely become more supple on, to not be as rigid as I used to in terms of reacting in anger and contempt when finding dirt/ not seeing everything ‘sparkling clean.’ Thus

When and as I see myself creating a point of resort in another for ‘supporting my patterns of cleanliness’ to then reinforce my application, I stop and I breathe. I realize that creating this point of separation would be like going back to an obsessive-compulsive aspect of myself that I have worked with to stop and correct within an equal and one consideration of others living in the same environment, and within this, becoming more flexible when it comes to cleaning habits.

 

I commit myself to remain walking my process of establishing a point of common sense of when to direct someone to clean/ when to be flexible and not react/ demand immediate action, as I realize that I have to consider others within this process of understanding that a habit that’s best for all/ supportive such as marinating an environment the best way possible is an actual practical living-educational aspect that won’t be established overnight as I have to consider other people’s contexts and life experiences wherein I cannot ‘change them’ to immediately apply/do/ act as I say, but instead have to create a point of understanding within the consideration of what is best for all living in the house at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to create a cleanliness character of ‘compulsive purity’ wherein I would become possessed in anger and contempt every time that a single ‘dirt footstep’ was impressed on my immaculate white tiling,’ which became a constant point of worry and concern that I did not see as an exaggeration at times, but something that was in accordance to me wanting to exist in a ‘perfect picture presentation’ of myself as the external world, while actually existing with a lot of shit inside myself – which is something that I had not considered how I tried to ‘wash myself’ from the outside and have this perfect-picture presentation, but not daring to actually see what patterns I was living as, what experiences I was going through and feeding through other addictive patterns and relationships at the time that I would actually ‘shove away’ through this compulsive outside cleaning.

When and as I see myself cleaning in a compulsive manner again, I stop and I breathe – I can see and understand that this is a pattern that I actually created as a ‘coping mechanism’ toward a point in my reality that I would try to suppress and cover up with compulsively cleaning and being constantly ‘watchful’ of cleanliness, which I recognize becomes a constant point of preoccupation and concern in the mind, instead of being here as breath.

I commit myself to instead walk the process of ‘cleaning’ myself from the inside to see how and why I externalized that process as a way to ‘entertain’ myself with the Idea of cleanliness while existing within a point of suppression to see ‘what’s inside me.’ Thus I assist and support myself to remind myself of this pattern being an actual mind-driven compulsive behavior instead of an actual common sensical consideration, and within this, also assist and support others to see the same points as factors that support us all to live in a way that’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to become ‘self righteous’ about my cleaning habits and creating a point of separation to the extent of liking/ disliking people according to ‘how clean they were,’ which has actually been a measuring point within me toward others in a silent/ unspoken and ‘unaware’ manner, wherein I create a point of preference toward anyone that presents a ‘cleanliness’ pattern to which I immediately create a kinship toward and identify such person as someone that ‘I like’ just because it represents an aspect of me that I have believed to be ‘rare’ and ‘special’ and ‘unique,’ which is actually stemming from what I learned from my father in terms of not many people being ‘comfortable’ with cleaning and creating cleaning habits ‘for a lifetime.’

When and as I see myself creating a point of preference, righteousness and specialness toward people that present a similar ‘trait’ to the character I played as ‘the compulsive cleaner,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that identifying people according to the similar characters they play in relation to the points that I’ve considered as ‘unique’ and ‘special’ within me, creates a point of immediate specialness and uniqueness toward such person as a character. thus

I commit myself to be able to recognize similar patterns within others as myself, to assist and support me and others to step out of character to a common sensical application of – in this case – cleaning habits, wherein we do not only consider our ‘point of view’ and living-application, but also others that are not ‘too keen on cleaning’ on the same basis that we do. Thus, it is to establish a point of communication at all times in terms of the points that must be reinforced within taking care of the common areas we share, our assigned duties and as such, ensure that we do not create ‘two teams’ opposing each other within the cleaning habits of the house.

 

It is also a cool point to support others as myself by being an example of an equilibrated application of cleaning habits so that there is no point of judgment and blaming others for dirtiness, but instead consider a practical consideration of cleaning on a regular basis without it being a time consuming and mind-consuming activity that is considered as a ‘must do’ at all times, though becoming aware of any exigencies that are stemming from a character-request and which exigencies are actual common sensical considerations that are based on what is best for all to live in/ as within the common areas we share in the house.

 

I realize that in the past, creating a compulsive behavior toward cleaning lead me to end up living alone because of people not being able to stand ‘walking at my pace’ within my mind-driven obsession. Thus it is to remain within my application of a certain laxity and suppleness when it comes to cleaning, and as such, assist and support others to establish this point of equilibrium as well wherein what is best for all is reinforced and talked through/ communicated about in order to have no excuses/ justifications to not do the necessary work or being ‘over board.’ Thus a point of moderation can be established as practical considerations instead of character-needs that create friction between the two poles leading to eventual conflict and separation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually create a point of ‘shock’ within seeing myself in another in such a clear way wherein the specific use of words, mannerisms and expression reminded me of ‘who I was’ some years ago, which I had not found before and is also a cool point to see how characters work/ manifest in a way wherein

When and as I ‘see myself’ in another presenting a specific pattern that used to define ‘who I am,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is not to create now a point of identification based on such similar old patterns, as that would be ‘stepping back’ to the who I was as such character in the past, which for the most part is slowly but surely being debunked – However,  in the cleanliness point I see  and realize how easy it is to ‘reactivate it’ as a point of possession/ obsession if someone else is also reinforcing such pattern within me.

Thus I commit myself to realize that allowing myself to be influenced by another’s application that reinforces similar characters within me is ‘stepping back’ to the old ways which I am busy walking a process of self-equality and oneness of – thus I it is to be and become supportive toward myself and others to establish an equilibrium within our application, and instead focus on working with ‘cleaning ourselves’ and facing the points that require purging/ cleaning within in order to make the outside cleaning an equal and one application of what we do within ourselves as our mind, which will then become not a point of obsession or compulsive behavior, but a practical consideration of what’s best for all to live in/ as – as within so without.

For further support and assistance to get to know ‘who we are’ as ‘characters’ and as such, walk a process to equalize our ‘special needs’ to common sensical considerations in the best interest of all, visit:

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149. Meeting my Mirror = My Error

Something very interesting has happened in my reality and with a particular timing that is going according to the topics I’ve walked the past two blogs.  A new girl came to live to my house and after all the ‘odd ways’ in which she eventually came to live here – besides the sudden ‘availability’ of space after two people decided to live – she’s been already a cool point of support to almost in a literal way ‘face myself’ even in the couple of hours I have barely interacted with her.

The specific point is that she’s aware of being ‘a tad’ obsessive-compulsive with cleaning, lol. She actually hugged me for having cleaned up the kitchen after I explained how I had cleaned up the kitchen – the whole event that I described in the previous two blogs – which was certainly something that ‘in my mind’ I could not compute, as I had not faced someone as ‘picky’ as I thought myself to be with cleanliness. It brought me back to the memories of ‘who I was’ when I first began living alone – well with another person – in my first apartment, which was before  I began process and pretty much living out what I had ‘downloaded’ as obsessive compulsive patterns from partner and parental habits. 

Back then I was obsessed with cleaning for hours every single Monday on a religious basis. The entire apartment was white so it all was just ‘perfect’ for my then ‘purity’ and ‘spirituality’ that I sought at all times. It was really a luxury for me to have the opportunity to live in such a place and I did ‘make the best of it, however I knew that it could only be sustainable as long as I lived alone, as I would simply ‘maintain’ it clean other than having to clean up someone else’s mess.  That came to and end when I left school for one year to go to the farm.

Today I was recalling and actually telling her my stories about the support I got at the farm in terms of living with several beings – both human and animals. And yes, the stupor as well because I really had a hard time getting used to not living in an immaculate/ museum like place and actually letting go of my absolute obsession with cleaning and fearing germs, etc. I had been aware of being a very picky person, and I probably still would be reserved about being picky in such terms, however it is all part of the Ms. cleanliness character.

So, facing this girl living out the same patterns was quite a cool thing for me, to see where I can support myself as her to go ‘balancing out’ such habits now that I can actually see how someone with the same behavior behaves and does – fascinating. I even saw myself as rather ‘messy’ and ‘dirty’ when it came to seeing how I have in fact become ‘less concerned’ about everything being immaculate when comparing myself to her current stance toward cleaning, and as such, it was quite cool to see who I am when facing another ‘me’ that is quite similar in terms of the backchat/ frontchat about others. I see myself thinking that ‘there will be an appropriate time to begin addressing these points,’ as this is just the beginning of interacting with her.

I also realized the point of ‘liking her’ because I can ‘talk to her’/ ‘have more in common’ as I see myself reflected within the same point and way of thinking that I probably existed as in a very ingrained manner some years ago. In a way I see that I have been able to let go of my religious cleanliness in the past couple of years with more people not being ‘cleaning religious people.’ I realize that I also created a point of laxity about cleanliness due to ‘fearing getting angry’ when things weren’t clean – and so, I see that the starting point of it all in my application was more of tolerance based on personal preferences than actual environmental considerations within applying ‘what’s best for all,’ which is a cool point to also take into consideration.

What’s also interesting is that when talking about forgiveness, she replied about her understanding of it as the exact process of having to – in other words – ‘face your demons’ and taking responsibility to change, which is quite an accurate approximation to this process. However, it is to realize that the positive and the negative are actually patterns of the same coin just seen from different perspectives and angles as the starting point of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ will always be the mind – thus it is to transform the good and bad to a common sensical perspective wherein we can be sure there are no personal considerations/ self interest that can interfere to implement what is best for all.

So, quite a cool coin.cidence and almost like an oddity to get to meet someone that is playing out the character I used to hold oh so proudly about cleaning. The general backchat was ‘we’ll be working through the points as we go’ which means that I have to become aware of not wanting to ‘change’ her, but instead be an example of a way wherein we simply can deal with things without having to judge others for doing what ‘they’ are doing, which is at all times ourselves, because I did notice a general detachment from being the perpetrator of abuse on Earth with sentences like ‘They are doing it, one is not willing to participate in that/ I don’t do that’ which is a general way to abdicate responsibility, even if there is a common sensical consideration of being ‘one and equal,’ which is a common misconception when this oneness is seen as a ‘spiritual’ thing like ‘being one with the universe,’ but step out of such ‘oneness’ when it implies some ‘negative/ bad’ aspect of ourselves as humanity.

Will continue in the next post with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application to face myself as another in my reality playing out character that I used to play out in an effusive manner as well, which is going into an empathetic character due to mind-associations and within that, assisting and supporting myself to not create a point of separation from others now that there is ‘someone’ that backs me up/ that I can ‘relate’ to, which would be relationship creation and separation.

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86. Ego Trip

Ego Trip: n    noun informal something done to increase one’s sense of self-importance.

an action undertaken to enhance one’s own reputation

 

I had begun writing Self-Forgiveness on this ‘Ego Trip’ word that came up today in the dictionary early on today. However I left it because I was not looking into the word in its totality. I went out for my daily walk while listening to the latest The Secret History of the Universe interviews – it was yet again as with many other Eqafe interviews, a realization of many, many, many points that have always been HERE as ourselves yet missed in the absolute conceptual fuckup that we have lived as ‘our lives.’ As I was hearing, I realized ‘the point:’ our entire history, our entire ‘lives’ on Earth, the entire so-called evolution and everything that we have been can be called as an ‘Ego Trip’ – (to understand this ‘enhancement’ as energy, please read Heaven’s Journey to Life blog) – this Ego trip begun by the moment that thought emerged, the moment that we begun defining points in separation of myself.

 

 

And again! I have to write this out for myself because – I can again say I was not damn crazy! I have walked/written out before the moment I realized what a word did/does as in naming everything in separation of ourselves when I was in linguistics school. I pictured what Saussure called ‘the nebulae of thought’ as ‘the wholeness’/ the totality of what is here – substance/ life/ energy in Desteni terms – existing as one single mass, and suddenly ‘something/ someone’ deciding to separate itself and starting Giving Names/ Naming things in separation of itself, arbitrarily, giving words to Define/ Limit the wholeness, the ‘reality’ into concepts – the infamous ‘cookie-cutter analogy – THAT in itself to me was the most hideous and conceited act we could have ever done as ‘species,’ as I was definitely not ‘thinking’ in existential terms, but simply the moment that the human took a part of reality and defined one single part of what is here as a ‘word,’ and how such word would exist in contraposition to other parts of reality as words, cutting out, leaving other bits with no meaning, placing more value to some things and not others –  and so we went on naming the entirety of what is here as we pleased. (read 69. Change is in the Meaning of Money for more examples on this)

 

The moment I was in that class, realizing this all I thought that ‘it had to be a joke, right?’ – I was expecting some type of mysterious ‘divine’ source of language – then I went into judging it all – and by all I mean our entire ‘knowledge and science’ as absolutely absurd, I realized then how everything had to be only a joke, a staged lie as our so-called ‘human civilization,’ because: who/ what could verify that such a thing was in fact ‘that’ which was being named by a single word? Same thing got me into an ‘unexplainable’ situation when trying to talk to my science teacher about Objectivity and Subjectivity,’ because I had pondered how on earth we could ensure that what we see and how we define it is ‘objective’ if we ourselves are already subjects of that same situation.   It is  all just an intellectual ego trip called  ‘social convention,’ a mere ‘name-tagging’ that ensued the ‘reality’ that we now are able to spot as words, definitions, ideas, beliefs, opinions and the list goes on and on: nothing else but a blatant intellectualization of reality. I mean, how come we only learn this basic understanding in ‘specialized careers’ such as linguistics, when words are what we are currently existing as, words separated from self as one and equal. And not even there, because this primary question that I am now understanding through the Desteni material of course, had been such a blatant ‘mystery’ to myself, never realizing I was only looking in separation of myself, l-o-o-king Light observation/ illusion of separation as the superior/ supreme being that is able to ‘name things’ and call that ‘awareness,’ which is nothing else but ‘intellect/ rationalization = a name tagging game that we gave ourselves into and following an entire civilization founded with lies upon lies upon lies until the point that we are at today, absolutely blinded by such lies, believing that we are separate – but are we? And for that those interviews quench the ‘thirst’ for the knowledge and information I had devoured books for. Obviously to no avail as this is only being released TODAY for the entire world to hear – and you cannot possibly miss it.

 

Obviously – one and equal would only require one single expression As Itself. But what did we do? We started defining what we were able to see in separation of ourselves- never Into Ourselves – and there, the beginning of thought, the beginning of ‘creation’ itself: the Illusion of Separation.

I can only recall experiencing myself as a ‘mad person’ because no one seemed to have a problem with realizing that this entire world was a fallacy – oh but, Marlen, what did she do? ‘Oh this is it for words/ this fucked up life/lie/system, now I want to create images!’ and so the rest was the history of the character I became in spite of myself only (you can read the various blogs from 72. My Career Choice till 85. Death to the artist–Bearthing Life for more context)

 

I definitely realize that there is no more knowledge to obtain as knowledge can Never be life, how can it be if it was the very first point that we used to define each other in separation of ourselves!? However at the same time in the ever-lasting dichotomy: it is still ‘our creation’ and is life as nothing is really ever separate from self.

Hence the process of Self-Realization, the realization that comes in bits like a puzzle that we can certainly handle one point at a time, otherwise – I agree with Bernard – our brains would fry! lol.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word separation as something ‘real’ in itself,  without realizing that this word is what we have used as an excuse to make of our entire existence and current reality nothing else but an ego-trip wherein we ‘forgot’ who we are as one and equal, and begun intellectualizing reality and believing that such definitions, names, words given to parts of ourselves were in fact ‘separate’ from self, instead of realizing that separation is but a concept and that it is not real in any way whatsoever.’

We are the SEAparation – seeing only the appearances as divided/ separate from Self here as one and equal as one sea. We can take drops from the sea, that we can SEE with our eyes, as we are LOOKING for ourselves: Light observation in superiority of self-here as equality. And within that, getting lost in the maze of concepts, definitions, separation as the illusion of self – illusion is nothing else but a ‘fancy’ way to call  a Lie- and as the Lieght that we blinded ourselves with which we equated as ‘knowledge is power,’ we have enslaved ourselves to our own creation: the illusion as separation by the word of god.

 

I breathe – I realize I can only take what I can understand in the moment – yet I see, realize and understand that the fallacy of this world and reality that we have manifested as a consequences of this initial point of separation is our entire responsibility, as the ego-trip that we all accepted and allowed ourselves to become, in the delusion and illusion of being able to see others as separate from ourselves – never realizing we were always only staring back at ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to miss the fact that I have only used words in separation of myself and that I had only created further separation within stating ‘who I am’ in opposition toward everything/ everyone  that I saw with my eyes as being ‘separate from myself’ – I realize that even in the definition of myself as a some-one in opposition to a some-thing already gives more value to a mind that is able to think itself, without realizing that in that I became the ‘god’ that says who’s more/ who’s less – and deciding to create an entire hierarchical wording system to ensure that the mind that created it, would somehow remain as ‘the king of the hill,’ without realizing that the joke as always by ourselves upon ourselves only. Thus, we are facing the consequences of the absurdity of trying to play ‘gods’ in existence, missing out the obvious abuse that we can only exert upon ourselves and no one else, as there is no ‘them/ they’ in this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this entire delusion of separation is not who I really am, and that I have only been fighting against myself as there is no other ‘me’ in separation of myself. This is how we can only apply SELF-Forgiveness, as Forgiveness ‘to another’ can only exist if I exist as a character that is able to ‘endow’ another with ‘forgiveness’ in separation of self. There is only Self and any ego-trip wherein I sought to be more than others, seeing something/ someone as less than me is this existential ego trip that we’ll walking here as words, equalizing ourselves as words for the very first time, to ensure that never again we use words to define each other in separation of ourselves as one and equal – and within that, once the very basics is grasped: the actual application of this realization is walked breath by breathe, moment by moment – as I realize that everything that we have done is the complication of knowledge and information, opinions, beliefs, judgments as a staged reality that we believed is ‘who we are’ as individuals separated from each other – never realizing that we are living in an existential schizophrenia: separated by the words that we spoke as a way to spite ourselves as life in equality.

Thus, it is to no more judge, recriminate or resort to call this all absurd as that is also reinforcing the ego, blame and even shame or anger that comes up when realizing what we have done and what we have become in separation of ourselves.

 

I commit myself to establish myself here as the physical as I realize that the intellectualization of reality is what has lead us to the current fuckup we are in. As we go establishing ourselves in the physical, we go establishing ourselves that we can ensure will not create any further separation from ourselves as one and equal, but only exist as an expression of that which we are willing to live as.

 

I commit myself to expose how knowledge is and has become the very tool to create the illusion of separation in our reality, and that it is our responsibility to re-establish common sense as living words that we can all stand by for eternity. This is not to be taken ‘lightly’ as the light is what we followed in an ideal of there being something ‘more’ than who we are as one and equal.

 

I commit myself to call out my own characters, and any other character that I can realize is part of the illusion and delusional separation of self-as-one and equal here.

 

  This will continue, because otherwise it will turn into a long long long blog.

PLEASE: Give yourself the gift to understand what the hell we are doing in this world, who and what we really are: we can only do this All Together – this is my passion, this is my will, the will to open the eyes of all that are willing to see and to share myself as my words as I go realizing who we really are as one and equal – to not make it ‘more’ than a simple realization that can be established here as self- bit by bit – word by word – ensuring that the who and what we really are is recognized as the realization and process we are walking here.

 

All I can say is that any point of self-diminishment, any point of superiority, any point of abuse toward any single part of this world is a point against myself – and our duty is to call it out, to allow it to see itself for what it has become, as a mirror is that which we missed throughout time, to realize we have always been only looking at ourselves.

It’s time to decide and realize who we really are.

 

Desteni Forum for further support

 

Must Hear:

 

Vital Interviews for Every-One that has been following the Desteni material:

 

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80. Seeking for a Meaningful Li(e)fe

“This is even better!” Is a constant way to talk ourselves into thinking that whatever we had perceived as a failure/ fall is now ‘overcome’ and the ‘new me’ is even better, so as to always remain like the ‘winner in the story’ wherein the character that suffered some great fall/ disillusionment finds something ‘greater’ than before, something that is ‘the real shit,’ the ‘real deal’ and absolutely ‘truthful to oneself.’ Can you recognize the gibberish? Yes, it is sponsored by the most common spiritual positive type of self-talk to always remain like a ‘winner’ in your mind, no matter what.

 

This is a continuation of:

Pattern:

  1. “I did not get what I wanted; I seek for something else to ‘truly’ fulfill me”
  2. Wanting to escape from the ‘capitalist world’ and rebel by boing to an ‘unexpected extreme’

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Anything taken Personally is Just a Defense Mechanism to Protect a Character from being Diminished in its Role of Competing for Validation, and Influence and Happiness in the World of Illusion as Character to keep the Illusion going, because in the Illusion the Character makes all the Rules and is a Law unto itself, Regardless of what Harm it Bring to the Natural Living World” – Bernard Poolman*

 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I do not get what I want, I drop it, diss it and ‘move on’ by spitefulness to seek something – once again – that will ‘fulfill me’ in a more ‘truthful manner,’ which is what is usually linked to escaping the world of money that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge extensively.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw psychological tantrums wherein through allowing myself to remain in a particular ‘emotional mode,’ I make decisions based on that emotional-spitefulness, without considering at all what is it that I initially reacted to and how I was absolutely self-responsible for that which I deemed was ‘done onto me,’ which I allowed myself to use to become ‘the victim,’ instead of taking responsibility for all the stages of the event/ moment/ situations that took place before I go into an emotional-breakdown wherein I ‘revamp’ myself by doing something ‘radical’ for a change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be against something/ someone that I had initially sought to attain and that, because I didn’t get my satisfaction from it, I then turn against it, diss it/ criticize it and judge everyone involved wherein I turn into a spiteful person that ‘does not want anything to do with that/ them’ in an emotional state, without being able to consider a solution simply because of allowing me to be self-righteous about my emotional experience, believing that ‘I had the right to be pissed off/ sad/ disillusioned.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and I would go into disillusionment, an ‘emotional breakdown’ and seeing my entire ‘world’ falling apart, I would do the next most radical thing that I could pursue in my own value and moral schemes, wherein I would then take me to the opposite extreme just to spite the previous situation, to not have to face my responsibility toward everything that I judged, but instead, become self-righteous about it and believe that ‘it is my right to do whatever I want and say whatever I want to say, I don’t give a fuck about anything’

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life while being possessed by anger and spitefulness, believing myself to be ‘right’ about being angry and this being backed up by friends that would agree with me, just because of how I would tell the story which was obviously to my benefit, to make me look like ‘the victim’ so that I could get their commiseration and have them backing up my ‘new plans’ for life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create ‘friendships’ based on how much they could agree with the character I was aiming at being/ becoming.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately become spiteful toward the people involved in an event that I projected blame toward, without ever realizing how I had accepted and allowed myself to just ‘trust’ without any form of actual communication and understanding of what I was in fact participating in and cooperating with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use people to validate my perspectives, points of view upon the entire event so that I could feel like I was ‘cheated’ and remain as a ‘victim’ that had all the right to simply cut all ties with them and ‘do things my way,’ which is a recurrent pattern whenever I experience myself as ‘the victim’ in the world, gathering enough ‘votes to my favor’ so that I could feel good in my misery.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use ‘disillusionment’ from ‘the artworld’ as an excuse for me to seek new ways to create wherein I use people to validate my ‘new aims’ based on wanting to create a more ‘meaningful’ art that would not be sold in art galleries.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start a project based on spitefulness, a desire for revenge and an apparent ‘healing process’ to what I perceived was ‘done onto me,’ which was nothing else but 100% pure drama that I created in order to validate my own way out of having to face my responsibility, not realizing that any anger that I allowed myself to exist as was in fact anger toward myself for not getting my dream and instead facing reality, which was then me thinking that ‘I had made the wrong choice,’ which all boils down to me realizing that I simply was not alright toward myself at all and that my discomfort, anger and frustration was not even about the entire art event, but a general dissatisfaction with myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek to now turn into spirituality even further as a way to finally declare my dissociation from ‘mainstream arts,’ and seeking to ‘find the truth’ in that which I had been reading/ investigating which was in the vein of entheogens and spiritual awakenings through the use of acid.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to turn further into spirituality as a way to escape what I judged as the evil capitalist world that would ‘suck artists dry of their pure inspiration,’ which was nothing but blatant self manipulation to get things my way and remain as a ‘winner’ in my world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I used spirituality as way to spite the world as in spite-you-all that is also existent in the word spiritual. I realize that my search for ‘god’ or a transcendental experience was based on knowledge and information that I sought to ‘make real’ in my world through following a ‘divine path’ that I was creating for myself, wherein all signs and symbols and events that I started connecting would ‘match’ a pattern of me having to apparently become this enlightened being that could create a new form of art that could heal the masses.

 

This was the moment in my life when I was rapidly hitting rock bottom – this was December and I found Desteni the last day of the last month, where everything that went on for these two months was nothing but me drowning myself into my own ‘tormented soul’ and not getting any other satisfaction but the one that I was busy building as the ‘spiritual search,’ dedicating my entire days to research more and learn about conspiracy theories and everything that I could use to redefine my career.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to seek the truth behind the veil of money and success’ wherein I was aiming at becoming some type of ascetic that is only seeking for a ‘divine truth’ by detaching from all worldly things and pursuing my ‘spiritual awakening’ even further – never realizing or considering at all what I was in fact doing and proclaiming as an overall desire to ‘detach from the system,’ which was plain ignorant as I had no idea nor did I consider how no one is able to really in fact be ‘out of the system,’ yet I proclaimed I would do it in the name of ‘the truth’ and ‘my mission in life,’ which started blending more with my artistic-endeavors and I was busy shaping my ‘new religion’ based on spirituality, art and a guru-like personality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seek ‘the truth’ through the use of drugs as a means to ‘speed up my awakening’ which proves to what extent I manipulated myself to ‘spite the system’ in what I deemed was ‘the key’ out of the system, seeking spiritual enlightenment so that I would not have to be ‘bound by the claws of the system,’ which was very naïve of myself and plain ignorant, because I never considered how everything that I consume had to be paid for, including the drugs.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘seek for something to give me the answer to my life’ and ‘seeking to create meaningful art’ as a point of self-definition based on spitefulness due to/ because of the previous event wherein my dreams of fame/ success we’re not fulfilled as I wanted them to be, throwing a tantrum and seeing everything as being ‘not good enough for me,’ believing myself to be ‘more special than that,’ which is how I lead myself to pursue an spiritual awakening and being predicating overzealously about it, which was me driving myself into my own religion wherein I could finally ‘do things my way’ and apparently ‘free myself from the system.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself at the moment of writing this because of seeing it as absolutely tantrum-based, typical emotional breakdown wherein overcoming the situation implies doing something ‘more rebellious’ than what was done in the past, wherein I simply would have continued trying something out and when being dissatisfied by it, dumping it and going for the next big hit in my life – over and over and over again moving from one spot to another seeking for a ‘truth’ outside of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as plain stupid for having done what I’ve done, and regret having existed with such self-righteousness in the past wherein I could not see anything else but what I deemed was ‘right’ and believing that what I was doing was ‘my right to do so,’ in absolute spitefulness and vengeful ways that I covered up in a positive manner through and by spirituality, believing that I had to go through such ‘tormented situations’ to give up my ‘earthly desires’ and pursuit a more ‘divine-relationship with god.’

 

So this is the moment that I was ready to go fully into the rabbit hole of spirituality and religions and, if it had not been because of finding Desteni and finally supporting myself to stop all my mindfucks, I would have probably continued that way for the remainder of my life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had to seek ‘beyond myself’ and my ‘limited mind’ to create some type of transcendental art, wanting to ‘establish awareness with the divine in this world,’ which is how I justified all my endeavors in separation of myself, seeking for a ‘truth’ that I could defend zealously, because of thinking that ‘this time, what I was pursuing was ‘above it all’ as it had to do with the idea of god and the ‘whole’ as myself. I realize that this is the ‘oneness’ preached in spirituality, wherein I would only seek to fulfill myself and my dreams/ ideals based on ‘the positive’ while being absolutely oblivious to the entire world and Reality, where no bliss or happiness exists if you have no money to eat.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘change the world’ through art mixing it with spiritual practices, so that I could fulfill my spiritual ego and endeavors of something ‘greater than myself,’ which is the basic and primordial fuck that lead us to the point that we are now facing in our reality, wherein everything that we have ever sought is this ‘moreness’ of ourselves outside of ourselves, in separation of who we are as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to validate my ‘pursuit’ by taking other artistic characters as examples, wherein I ‘knew’ that by creating this specialness about my life and turning into this ‘misunderstood misfit’ I could justify my work as even more ‘meaningful’ within the art world, due to how ‘drama’ was accepted as a key ingredient to ‘make any real art.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my abdication of responsibility toward myself, my word and reality by pursuing ‘spiritual realms’ wherein I could apparently only establish a relationship with something divine and somehow be magically ‘saved from this evil world,’ without even taking a moment to look at reality and see how I was the very +1 point added to the entire mess wherein we only care about ourselves, our own pursuit of happiness which I translated to an apparent ‘superior’ stage such as spirituality, never realizing it is no different to pursuing being a millionaire and having ‘all the power in the world,’ as I translated such power to light, bliss and ultimate wholeness that spiritual teachings claimed.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I don’t want anything to do with this reality any longer’ which was just another character script line so that I could justify my ‘eccentricity’ as a special being in this ‘fucked up world’ that seeks for something ‘greater’ that not everyone pursues, fueling my own mindfuck by the perspectives and opinions given by people around me which were all relationships backing up my character, my self-belief and within this thinking that I was ‘on the right path’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the thought ‘I just want to be at peace with myself’ wherein I implied that all that I cared was me-myself-and-I and the rest could go down the drain, because of believing that I was not my body, that this world was an illusion and that I had nothing to do with this ‘realm’ of earthly desires. Within this manipulating myself to be and become this spiritual-artist character that is ‘more special’ than everyone else in my own mind only.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge, criticize, diss and diminish the ‘glamorous art realms’ due to and because of me believing and perceiving that I had been ‘cheated’ within it, and that I was ‘too noble’ for such businesses, which became my excuse to not pursue anything ‘real’ within my career but only follow through my spiritual endeavors and beginning to start thinking again that I had made the wrong career choice, and that I should dedicate myself fully to spirituality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make an ‘oath’ with myself to only make art that ‘matters’ and not just take nice pictures, which was me making myself ‘more’ than before just so that I could not feel like I had failed in my dreams and endeavors to become famous and ‘well known’ in the artworld.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘I don’t want to sell myself out this time,’ which is when I started judging money even more as something evil and corrupt that would ‘taint noble young souls’ and ruining the ‘true artist’ which I deemed myself to be, based on all the stories I had read of other artistic characters that I took as a bible to follow

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that this time, I was going to create something ‘real’ and ‘meaningful’ which was just creating my self-religion based on past experiences wherein I was still trying to spite everything that could point out to earning lots of money/ being famous just because I had not achieved my satisfaction within that point, not realizing that if it had in fact ‘satisfied me,’ I would have continued walking my endeavors to escalate more and more in the artworld and continue defending ‘art’ the way that I did before.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and perceive myself to being establishing a relationship with ‘the divine’ and wanting to express ‘god’ through my work, getting lost in meanings, symbols, knowledge and information that I consumed in order to create this ‘unique’ self-religion so that I could make of art and spirituality ‘my life,’ all in separation of myself, not even regarding how everything that allowed me to continue living was money to buy food and pay my rent and continue existing in this world, which is how I deliberately shun away the actual planning and the practical steps to be taken in order to establish myself as being able to earn money from art.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think ‘god is not money and fame, and it is here for everyone,’ wherein I deluded myself into thinking that I could escape from reality somehow if I established a real devotion toward ‘the divine,’ which is nothing more but pure fanaticism that I was busy building and feeding through knowledge and information that I would quickly embrace because ‘it sounded good to my eyes,’ which proves how anything that eventually shattered my world was seen as something ‘of doubtful precedence’ and ‘not trust worthy’ just because of how I had become so used to thinking that life was about beauty, art and ‘the divine’ that I had to somehow embrace as a constant ‘state of being, ‘ as eternally blissful even if I was in this world – which is the ultimate declaration of separation, as I was willing to pursue this eternal satisfaction, feeling untouchable by the world while the world could fall apart in pieces because I would be protected, because of being a ‘good divine follower’ to some god/ energy/ superior being that I was busy trying to create a relationship to- never ever taking the point back to myself to see how I was only seeking me in separation of myself here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I would not sell my artwork to ‘stay true to myself, ‘ which was nothing else but a tantrum-based declaration due to the past events of which I remain a victim of for a long time, due to me deliberately seeing how I was absolutely responsible for it all.

 

spiritual mindfuck

 

 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself wanting to get rid of something/ someone based on a past event wherein I see myself as the victim – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this point will not have to even be existent if I stop the victimization process from the get go every time that I believe and perceive that ‘something is being done onto me.’ Thus I take the point back to myself, take responsibility for what I have created, said/done and within that, stop the cycles of spitefulness, revenge and retaliation toward anything or anyone that I have blamed for my experience.

 

When and as I see myself going into a tantrum of feeling misunderstood and building up emotions and feelings with it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that every time that I see myself going into a ‘down’ experience is linked to me not fulfilling an expectation that I envisioned in separation of myself. Thus I take responsibility to ensure that whatever I do is based on the benefit of all and not just pursuing my personal-life of seeking any form of desire as something/ someone in separation of myself. I realize I am here, breathing, and complete. I do not require anyone or anything to make me ‘more’ than who and what I already am here.

 

When and as I see myself seeking for a ‘radical change’ in my life, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such ‘radical’ and ‘extreme’ moves are based on wanting to spite something/ someone, wanting to make myself ‘more’ again based on a previous perceived fall leading to the belief of me ‘lacking’ something to make myself feel better again, which is all mind-state based/ experience based which is not who and what I really am. Who and what I exist as is the simplicity of breath here that is self directive and does not require to experience something ‘more’ based on a previous memory of a perceived fall. All I require is to stop participating in thoughts leading to a ‘more’ or ‘less’ experience of myself and continue breathing, doing and directing myself to be an do that which is best for all.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am right at being/ becoming angry at someone/ the world and people agree about this experience within me. I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is not a point to trust as I am manipulating myself to become the victimized character that seeks company and commiseration in order to justify my own experience as ‘real,’ which is not. I direct myself to take responsibility for any thought implying that I am being done something ‘onto me,’ instead I take responsibility for my thoughts, stop, breathe and continue directing myself within the practicality required in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself projecting blame onto others, thinking or believing that ‘they are doing something onto me deliberately,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is the victimized character mechanism to ensure that I continue seeking ways to ‘make myself feel better’ by opposing, creating further conflict to regain my ‘positive experience.’ I realize that who I am here as breath does not require to exist as a constant experience.

 

When and as I see myself using spitefulness and a deliberate self-deprecated sate of being as a ‘healing process’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I used this ‘state of being’ to manipulate people around me, to ‘have mercy on me’ and continue fueling my character of the ‘suffered and misunderstood one’ which is unacceptable, as it is nothing else but emotional blackmail that I am able to stop the very moment that I see myself feeling ‘down’ and ‘low’ as a deliberate expression presented onto and toward others.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘spite the system’ by doing something that is ‘against the law’ and against ‘morals’ I stop and I breathe – I realize the little game for what it is as a means to make myself be ‘more’ than/ more clever/ more ‘cunning’ in the system based on doing that which is ‘forbidden,’ which is just a tantrum and mind-game of self-importance that I ensure I don’t ever participate in by establishing myself here as breath wherein I take responsibility for everything I do, say and think.

 

When and as I see myself seeking for something to give me the answer to life, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the answer to life by directing myself in common sense, stopping all useless participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings and realize that there is actual work to be done within myself and in my reality to be the solution required in this world. This implies nothing else but common sensical living, moment by moment, breath by breath, taking responsibility for all the mind-games that I’ve placed and ensuring I stop them here as myself in every moment that I breathe and stop participating in the mind.

 

When and as I see myself whining about wanting to experience something, I stop and I breathe – I realize I am creating an unnecessary friction in my mind to eventually become possessed by that whining and get it by all means possible, which is unacceptable. I remain the directive principle of myself here in every moment that I breathe and direct myself in common sense.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the pattern of ‘I don’t want to do this any longer’ I stop and I breathe. I check the point wherein I have missed the point of myself and how I am creating a ‘better experience’ in mind. I apply self forgiveness for the desire of a ‘moreness of myself’ in separation of who I am here as simplicity of breath. Within this I ensure that I remain in the simplicity, stability and consistency of myself in breath day by day, moment by moment without defining myself according to the past or any other desire, want and need that may emerge in the mind.

 

When and as I see myself seeking to create, be and become something ‘meaningful’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am separating myself in the desire of ‘meaningfulness’ as something more than myself here in simplicity as breath.

 

When and as I see myself judging selling my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such judgment comes from the self-righteous spitefulness toward the perceived ‘evil world system,’ which means that it is all judgment based on making myself feel ‘less corrupt’ than everyone else, which is a lie to see myself as ‘better than.’ Thus, I direct myself to if and the opportunity is here to do so, go for it and use the money to support myself in what I require to consume to continue living. Simple.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I have to ‘stay true to myself,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this ‘truth’ as myself has been a personality that has believed itself to always be right as a character/ personality based on always seeing myself as the winner, the one that is right and always ‘on the right path.’ Thus I direct myself to simply stay here as breath wherein I see, realize and understand that I do not require to make myself as a ‘truth’ and ‘honest’ person based on a self-belief of ‘being right’ about my decisions and actions – instead I continue breathing and moving myself moment by moment without holding an ‘idea’ or belief of ‘who I am’ moment by moment.

 

“I commit myself to show that as Long as One Create Self as a Character in the Mind, one is a Criminal that Abuses Life for Self-Interest of the Self Created as Character.” – Bernard Poolman

 

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“I commit myself to show that Self-Honesty will be Tough, as the Characters of the Life of Self have Multiple Diversions and know all the Lies – and thus will Do Everything in thought Backchat to Invalidate Self-Honesty. Discipline Self, Breath by Breath, in Self-Honesty to Return to the Physical Body and to Stop all thought, as Thought Only Creates Characters of Illusion that Lie.” – Bernard Poolman

 

Blogs for de-characterization:

This is a continuation to:


61: The Stoned Philosopher

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that Alchemy was ‘the real deal’ within reality to obtain the ultimate knowledge wherein I could finally obtain ‘the truth’ and be enlightened through knowledge and information.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify the lives of suffering and ‘misfortune’ as ‘lessons to be learned’ wherein we had to first reach our lowest bottom to then rebirth from the ashes like a phoenix, and in this allowing me to use all knowledge and information as myths and gnostic meanings in order to make sense of life, without ever pondering that life has always been here as myself, as my physical body that I used and abused in order to obtain some ‘higher knowledge’ that could lead me to ‘the ultimate power’ as eternal life, which I now see, realize and understand cannot in any way exist as a piece of information at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to indulge in the ‘spiritual entheogen exploration’ wherein I believed that seeing the patterns on everything and dancing on the walls was really being seeing life moving and dancing for me, which I had kept as a memory that I didn’t want to ‘let go of’ because of how wonderful if was.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was special because I could see all of these patterns, figures and energetic experiences that I have defined as ‘blissful,’ while having no idea whatsoever to what it actually implies to Live, which has nothing to do with any symbol, any pattern, any thought, any feeling or emotion – but self, here, stable as the I that stands aligned as a physical being that is no longer crucified by knowledge and information as the mind’s experience seeking ‘life’ in knowledge and information generating experiences that are finite and induced just like any other drug-related enlightenment.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that the truth of reality could only be accessed through knowledge, information or chemically induced experiences wherein everything that I saw was only myself, my own mind and in no way was I actually ‘being here’ as the actual realization of who I am as one and equal as life, but it was only a temporary mind-experience that lead me to seek further into knowledge and information, missing out the basic point which is: not having to ‘seek’ something outside of myself to live, but rather stopping the constant thinking, believing, perceiving, mind chatter and be here, breathing, being still yet self directive which is what I always overlooked when it came to seeking ‘enlightenment,’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek enlightenment as a way to evade taking Responsibility for myself, my world, my reality because I thought that through my own purification,  I would have an ‘easy-access’ to life, eternity and all the blissful experiences I sought – never taking into consideration the totality that is self-here as one and equal, but only minding my own business, only being concerned about ‘my’ experience only, which is the ultimate form of selfishness and self-interest that all-seeking spiritual people are currently perpetuating and feeding as themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with alchemy, its symbols, its illustrations and the depiction of the ‘majesty’ of life after walking a process of self-purification from the nigredo, to the albedo to the rubedo which is what I sought to be and become ‘no matter what,’ wherein I neglected at all times the actuality of the world that is here, wherein billions are having no means to eat – yet there I was, wanting to ‘ascend’ and be a super-consciousness being that could ‘the pattern of life’ which was only the patterns of consciousness itself as my own mind, reminding me that I have enslaved life to a pair of figures and symbols in an attempt to live.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become infatuated with knowledge, believing that ‘I was on to something’ and I was ‘this close’ to ‘get it’ wherein the chemical marriage implied that I had to fulfill a ‘journey’ in my life that was related to higher knowledge, higher understanding that made ‘me’ special and ‘unique’ because I felt as if it was ‘calling me,’ when in fact, it was all self induced and learned from examples in popular culture, just like from Jodorowsky and other ‘masters’ that I would read in order to make ‘my own religion’ based on personal self-interest to ‘be one with God’

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to seek God in patterns that I could see with my physical eyes, seeking god in the ‘abject,’ seeking god in Hebrew words, symbols, alchemical terms and trying to find a meaning to life, without ever realizing that life has no meaning but is and exists in itself –

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deposit my attention to ‘wonderful words’ that would mean something ‘too cryptic’ for me to understand, which made me want to understand and study more to be this ‘erudite’ in the matter, which would apparently make me ‘more’ than myself which is how intellectualism operates: the more you store as knowledge and information, the more ‘valuable’ you are in a system where life has been sold in the name of money, which provides enough ‘power’ that creates self-importance.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life was being ‘tested’ by life itself to see whether I could find and get all the clues to ‘get to god/ life/ eternal life’ which is how I became rather obsessed with numbers, religions, alchemy, gnosticism, tarot and anything that could ‘guide me’ to understand who I was and what I was doing here, following a self-importance journey to ‘enlightenment’ that only existed in my own head, feeling like John Nash having an entire conspiracy in the head, watching Pi and the Holy Mountain wherein I thought I could find ‘the meaning’ to it all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the symmetry and composition in a work of art was pointing out that I was trying to ‘give myself messages through images/ drawings’ which is nothing but the ultimate mindfuck that I participated in and created for myself, wherein I believed that I was drawing out my past lives and pointing out to me ‘the road to follow’ in this lifetime, which is nothing else but the product of knowledge and information that I used in order to make myself special, ‘unique’ and somehow more ‘powerful’ than the rest of the mortals because of having this ‘unique’ fascination with ‘all things divine’ which was only me in my mind seeking some grand entertainment to evade my responsibility in the world, evade actually planning a physical tangible practical living plan that I could use in order to LIVE in this physical reality, but instead being planning ‘who I would be’ once that ‘I’ve reached the ultimate step of enlightenment’ on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that smoking weed in any way was ‘opening consciousness’ and allowing me to ‘see more of reality’ which is one of the justifications I used to not give it up at the time.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that all bits of experience, all people, all events had a meaning in the puzzle I was busy building as my ‘spiritual journey,’ without realizing or even wanting to accept that I had created it in my mind all the way, and I was just giving more attention to that which ‘fascinated me,’ rather than toward that which represented facing myself, facing my own responsibility and getting to know my own mind as the real creator of this extensive mindfuck.

 

I realize that I used and abused my physical body in the name of seeking ‘life’ outside of itself as knowledge and information, which proves to what extent we have never even questioned the fact that we are not even aware of every breath that we take, of every single piece of the Earth that we consume in order to continue living and the processes it goes through in ourselves, IN our own physical body – it is ludicrous, yet we are here and walking the process to stop all mind-curiosity toward ‘elevated/ higher/ drugged knowledge’ that has had In No Way any consequence to life.

 

I realize that my initial ‘Love for Knowledge’ as philosophy, as the desire to ‘know more’ was merely self interest, and that my knowledge became my own cross to bear of which I now take Self-Responsibility for, because I am realizing the simplicity of who I really am here as the physical body that breathes and is able to exist without experiences.

 

I commit myself to share my process with anyone that is currently ‘in the journey’ to enlightenment or any other form of spiritual endeavor, to share with them how I have realized the mindfuck that it all was while abusing the physical body, the physical reality and neglecting the actual problems on Earth while seeking my personal satisfaction fueled by chemicals, thoughts and experiences that only made ‘one’ special, while disregarding the rest of the world as equally HERE as ourselves.

 

I commit myself to establish myself as the physical body to ensure that I am no longer bound to the memories of that which I perceived as blissful as all the experiences induced by chemical reactions that I equated to ‘god’ and ‘enlightenment,’ which would have been rather addictive if I had not stopped right away – thanks to Desteni because that’s the only way I realized what I was in fact doing to myself.

 

I commit myself to expose the fact that no knowledge, no special gnostic information,  no alchemic process will create LIFE as Life is already HERE as each one of us, wherein all that we have done is veiled it through further knowledge and information, instead of realizing it as who we are, here as our very physical body that is not bound to the mind’s processes to exist.

 

I commit myself to expose the desire for enlightenment as self interest as that continual desire to be ‘more than’ who we already are here as physical beings.

 

I commit myself to continue walking my process of writing, applying Self Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application to ensure that all knowledge that I had used to define life is purified and equalized as Self, wherein there is no trace of greatness or ‘grandeur’ existent within and as myself, but actually walk the process to let go of this energetic fascinations that I had been so keen toward.

 

I commit myself to reveal how no enlightenment or spiritual endeavor creates an actual physical change in the world that is visible to ALL or creating any form of best for all outcome, but is merely self interest linked to money as that state of ‘happiness’ and ‘bliss’ that can only be obtained as an experience whenever your stomach has enough food, your body is properly hydrated and your environment is safe and secure from ‘the evil’ in this world that is created ever moment that positivity is sought and pursued in this world.

 

We Must Stop.

 

Desteni

Desteni I Process 

Journey to Life Blogs to walk the process in all aspects of our day to day living into a real tangible understanding of who we are as life.

 

 

The Doors of Perception - 07

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