Tag Archives: owning creation

581. Living Reconciliation

Or recognizing the silliness of our fortressed egos that create conflict toward each other and walking a process to create peace in it.

I was listening to the news this morning and heard the word ‘reconciliation’ where this is happening between some countries and what emerged within me was a form of ‘Duh! That’s what’s always been needed’ as if it was a very obvious and common sensical thing to do between countries only. So, right there I stopped myself on this ‘righteousness track’ of me being ‘the judge’ that calls out the process as a ‘duh! Taking too long, it was so obvious, why hadn’t it been done before’ as if I was in fact living the nature of reconciliation within me and towards those in my life, so I proceeded to look within me and  ask ‘Hmm wait a minute, am I existing in conflict with anyone right now or in the past that I could in fact create a ‘reconciliation’ with?’ and immediately the answer was yes, and the idea of a few people in my life came up. There’s been quite a few people that I simply cut ties with in the past in quite blunt and dare I say arrogant way where I didn’t even explain myself or give it ‘my time of day’ to actually consider ‘my reasons’ and question them, I simply walked away in a rather cold and ‘disheartening’ way to say the least.

So this is a simple example of taking a word in a moment, seeing how I related to it as if I was ‘already done with’ living the word reconciliation and kind of standing as the judge that points out ‘well duh that’s so obvious to do!’ but I had not in fact done this for myself yet in all cases and dimensions that are quite ‘here’ within me till this day.

Even more so, it’s not really about looking at reconciliation with people out there, how about first starting with living reconciliation within myself towards the patterns, ways, behaviors that I’ve gotten to be ‘secretly’ ashamed of within myself, such as for example the ways that I parted ways with people in my life before, or how I got into my high horse where I believed ‘I knew better’ and stopped such friendships from a starting point of arrogance… have I ‘made peace with’ or created a reconciliation with myself with that? Not entirely.

I have gotten to understand ‘who I was in my mind’ back then and how I was thinking and looking at things, that’s a point of understanding – but, making a full point of reconciliation it’s probably not there yet because as much as I can understand, I haven’t yet extended this explanation to others and the lingering question is: is it really relevant extend this reconciliation with others even after all of this time or is it something more to do for me? And the point is that I in fact know who I’d like to re-approach and in essence share these points and who I simply don’t see much of a point to do considering how we are on very ‘different points’ in our lives currently and for now it’s not relevant, though not saying ‘no’ to never consider it or do it, meaning I’m not in the same reluctance I was existing as some time ago towards specific people that had been in my life.

So, upon listening to the word ‘reconciliation’ lol, I started sounding it in the moment and saw the words ‘reckoning’, ‘recognizing’, ‘silly’ and it clicked! Reconciliation as the process of recognizing our reckoning, our judgments that upon seeing them it makes me realize the silliness in moments where things ‘blow up’ between two or more people, where conflict emerges because one or the other was too ‘caught up in the mind’ to talk through it, to understand better, to consider another, to understand the situation and then make an informed and stable decision of in fact deciding to part ways or ‘stop a relationship’ with someone or work things out.

This is in fact something that I haven’t lived in relation to certain people in the past and I can see that with the one person I’d like to actually live reconciliation I haven’t approached her yet because I was still existing in a reluctance to admit my own silliness, how I in fact allowed myself to get so absolutist in my experience back then that I justified the action of stopping that friendship and even saw it as some kind of ‘courageous move’ within me, which at the time sure, it was part of a how I was looking at my life and so people/everything in this world  – but looking back, I know things could have been different, even if it was in fact time for us to ‘part ways’ it could have done in a much more gentle, supportive and understanding way.

Here I look back to the point of reconciliation, where many times we want to hold ourselves ‘intact’ and ‘right’ in our assessment of things, but it takes actual humbleness to see where we became too egotistical, too righteous, too absolutist, too inflexible within ourselves not to see what we were in fact doing and acting out of certain beliefs, ideas or religion of self – and within doing so, being able to admit to oneself and see how we tend to blow things out of proportion when we are in our minds, where we want to ‘stand true’ to our egos and believe that ‘I am right, the other one is wrong and end of the story’ and how this solidifies the idea that we have of ourselves that at times takes a lot of chiseling to start ‘tearing apart’ because we become ‘rock hard’ in such definitions the longer we hold them as ‘true’ and ‘right’ and ‘honest’ over time.

First point is then to be willing to admit one’s mistakes, daring to questioning oneself is the key to start seeing ‘where’ and ‘how’ something that we are judging as ‘obvious’ towards the world out there hasn’t been lived in a very ‘obvious’ manner within self and within that, then moving to create and live the words that I now see I haven’t unconditionally lived within me.

Seeing the point further, it is not so much to live ‘reconciliation’ with another as a first step, as much as it is reconciliation ‘towards’ another within ourselves, in our minds, in our behavior, in how we decide to be towards them from now on.

The first point is to recognize this silliness,  this egotistical manners within ourselves, be able to self-forgive all of the ideas, beliefs, perceptions that we have or had about something/someone in order to create humbleness, to ‘de-armor’ ourselves, to chisel down the rock-hard ego, to step down from one’s high horse, to stop living in a haughty-position, to be willing to be vulnerable, to recognize one’s own thoughts, words, deeds as flawed or not the best ways in particular contexts where we know we created a consequence that till this day might remain as a ‘sour’ thought or memory in our heads.

Many times we also limit ourselves in establishing this reconciliation because we condition it to ‘the other person’ like ‘Ah, they are not interested in talking to me or ‘making amends’ with me anymore, so I rather not even try and just let it go’ and that’s another form of ego there as well. So, how I decide to do this is first recognize my own actions, my ‘silliness’ as the reasons I created back then to part ways, to ‘cut ties’ in quite a sudden and rather tyrannical manner to be honest. Self-forgive the guilt, the shame, the regret for doing this and then asses practically: do I want to establish a connection with this/that person or people or group that once part of my life again? And take it from there.

I’ve been ‘meaning to do this’ with a particular (ex)friend of mine and for some reason or another I had not actually done it…well this ‘reason or another’ is in fact me still existing in a judgment towards my decisions and actions ‘back then’ so, by recognizing it, self-forgiving it and instead live a decision of who I decide to be with this person from who I am currently and approach them ‘from here’ makes much more sense to me, rather than trying to approach them from ‘who I was back then’ which is not necessary either, nor is it necessary to feel ‘bad’ about it, that only creates guilt trips, all it takes is sharing what I’ve realized now and how I see the situation from my current stance and current ‘pair of eyes’ so to speak.

Living self-forgiveness means being in fact ‘in the moment’ and expressing anew, yes to a person ‘from our past’ but expressing in fact as this process of self-reconciliation that I’m doing in relation to that friendship. And! at the same time being unconditional when approaching the other person, having no expectations or fears of the outcome – well if any fears emerge, they too can be written out and self-forgiven! What’s the worst that can happen? What do I fear losing? Etc. type of questions. It is a self-decision to do so, without expecting things to ‘be the same as before’ or ‘be friends again’ or ‘fearing being rejected’ or whatever else, but instead doing it for oneself, as a decision, as an expression in the moment – no strings attached.

So, I’ll share back how this works out, but I definitely wanted to share this point about ‘recognizing the silliness’ because it is truly silly what we become in our minds as these fortressed egos that nothing can ‘tear down’ that solidify with time if we continue justifying ‘why we did it’ and not question it at all.

Recognition starts with making a couple of questions to oneself and being willing to admit one’s part in it all, being willing to admit one’s ego in it all, one’s silliness when being taken over by some personality that was not in fact who we really know we can be in relation to others – the shame or regret that comes with it is a key to then take the next step to truly create a reconciliation within oneself and so in who we decide to be from here on towards others, regardless of how others take it/perceive it or act on it. It’s always about self and who self is in relation to oneself and so in relation to others.

And that’s how whatever we see in the world ‘out there’ as ‘things to do to create world peace’ can start being lived first and foremost in our day to day living, in our relationship towards others, even if people are dead/gone and can no longer be ‘relived’ as relationships, we can in fact correct those relationships within ourselves, through understanding who we were at the time, recognizing our ego at the time, what patterns were being lived in it and seeing what we can change in our memory towards them and why not, considering to now live such corrections and new ways of living towards others with whoever is now in our lives and in relationships to come. That’s what’s great about this process, there’s a timelessness to it because it’s not about ‘making peace’ with others, but it’s about making peace and solving things first and foremost within ourselves and so towards ‘the world’ as a result.

Thanks for reading

Check out these supportive audios at Eqafe.com without which I would not be able to draw these conclusions and live this self-support

 

 

 Reconciliation

 

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501. Taking Responsibility Sets Us Free

Or how to Own our Creation, Learn from it and Stand up from it as a process of self-empowerment

 

This morning I noticed how we have the ability to wake up in stability but at the least movement of my mind assessing my current reality and a process of change and consequence I am facing, I experienced the movement of what I can define as energy in the form of anxiety and nervousness, also accessing imagination as future projections, outflows and potential situations where I would be facing and owning my creation, taking responsibility for a consequence I have co-created.

In these moments I also saw how in my mind, what I was doing is in fact bringing up the same anxiety or nervousness I had experienced in the past, long time ago when having to confront a situation, when I would mostly go into fear, anxiety, nervousness and worry while playing out these future moments in my mind where I would be confronting a situation, walking through the process it will involve and making it a worst case scenario in my mind through participating in these emotions charged to potential outcomes that I have associated with ‘worst case scenarios’ in my life before.

Therefore I had to stop and ask ‘what am I creating in this moment?’ because I could see this experience is here more as a memory of my past experience when facing somewhat similar consequences, yet I was re-enacting them again, exactly ‘feeling’ or ‘experiencing’ myself as who I was in those precise moments of imagining the worst and making of a situation that yes will involve changes, adaptations, walking through consequences yet in that moment I also actively decided to ask myself: why do I have to be the exact same memory of myself ‘back then’ when I am not the same person anymore that I was back then?

Here a very interesting point of awareness emerged which is noticing the conditioning of ‘who we are’ based on memories and past experiences wherein in my mind I learned to associate this kind of ‘problem’ or ‘conflict’ with a particular set of responses at an emotional level, which I was recreating to the T this time around.

So I saw how it is my decision to not play out those same experiences anymore – and what emerged was a bunch of justifications, how it is ‘normal’ to have this kind of emotions in situations like this and how it is kind of ‘expected’ for me to feel overwhelmed in this anxiety and nervousness – I decided to stop that again and instead focused on reminding me that those experiences I have self-forgiven, I have walked and understood as patterns that I have created before to ‘face’ things, but I had to now integrate within myself the realization that I don’t have to live through this consequence and situation just like every other time before when I had a ‘worst case scenario’ or what I’ve defined even as ‘worst case scenario’.

This also means that I realized it is up to me how I decide to See and Perceive things, which started from me stopping from the get to my ‘usual’ past ways of dealing with situations like this, feeling like a victim, feeling ‘worthless’ or feeling like I had done something utterly and completely wrong and that I was cursed for life – lol. So, yeah that was me facing a point that I created in my life and when it would not work out ‘the expected way’ I would yes, usually go into blame, victimization, not wanting to admit my role in the problem and consequences. All of that was disempowering as hell, because one can feed up those experiences as emotions up to the brim, and no result will ever come out of that, I can guarantee you, that’s how people spend years and years hooked on a kind of worst-past-case-scenario situation and existing in guilt, blame, remorse, what ifs, victimization, etc.. that’s definitely not who I decide to be this time in my life.

So, what is empowering is that I was able to make a clear decision to not judge others, to not hold it up ‘against’ anyone here, but entirely focus on my own responsibility in creating this situation/outflow as a problem, conflict or what I usually would define as ‘worst case scenario’ in my life, which is also something I am deciding now that I am writing it out to not see it that way, because that’s also how we condition ourselves to ‘label’ things in our minds and accordingly already prepare our ‘armor’ of emotions that usually go attached to ‘worst case scenarios’ and I decide to not do it any longer either.

Up to this time of the day, the anxiety or nervousness attached to future projections has come up several times, but I keep standing in that moment in my body and breathing and not even allowing the first ‘spike’ of the nervousness to ‘flourish’ but breathing it in, while realizing this is not what I decide to feed and letting it go.

Here of course understanding that I have worked on these emotions in relation to this situation real time when I saw the emotions becoming overwhelming, and from there living out the correction which is to not fuel, to not ‘go there’ and try and find anything in projecting these future moments – instead I have been reminding myself of ‘stick to the moment’ so as to not lay out my coming future in front of me as a series of unfortunate events, because surely, that’s how we doom ourselves in our day to day if we focus on all the ‘pile of things’ that we will face, but rather take it moment by moment, breath by breath and this has been a very supportive way to face this conflictive situations.

Another point then and as a title to this blog is owning my creation and realizing that taking responsibility for my part in the creation of this whole outflow comes from the moment that I stepped into the creation of this situation, and all the way through to what is now one of the outflows that I had also considered before, yet ‘went into it’ because I went into hope that it could function and work out for the best, but here again then reminding myself to not hold on to a potential so much if actions are demonstrating more than intentions the reality of things.

So, in my case then it is about reminding myself, actively, in every moment that an experience of sadness, sorrow, an experience of failure emerges in me, I remind myself that I have created this outcome, therefore there is no point in experiencing more about it, I can only focus on the next steps to create solutions.

Thus in owning my creation, my consequence I also empower myself in not depending on something or someone for me to stand up and be directive in my experience, because I don’t blame others or I don’t go into only seeing ‘the problem’ only and keep myself reacting to it – instead I understand that I can change my experience through it, that it doesn’t’ have to be as how ‘everyone faces conflicts’ in their lives and that this is again supportive in my life as I can only ever learn from my creation and take responsibility for it, to again consider these play outs and consequences for my life and what I decide to create for myself.

Here also then as I write that, a slight anxiety comes as changes are ahead, however again that is only based on a memory of how I used to always ‘face’ situations of change, of the unknown, or stepping out of a comfort zone, yet what do I know? I create my future in every moment that I am living here, there is no ‘future’ in fact guaranteed out there so in fact it is a series of decisions of what I do or don’t do on every moment.  I am also aware that no matter what, I have my self-trust, my self-awareness, my ability to discern and expand myself as it may be required.

Here then a very cool suggestion I got is to not only see the problems, conflicts or loss as ‘all the negative’ that we are having to change, correct, align and let go of, but also at the opportunities that emerge from it, what I gain as a process of growth with it because nothing in our lives, not even those ‘mistakes’ that we could hold us captive in blame for ages, are ‘in vain’ – we decide to make them ‘in vain’ if we don’t learn and grow from experiences, and we repeat the same and same and same over again.

Therefore I decide to also learn from my creation, to own it, to walk through it from its beginning to its end, and at the same time go walking through the challenges it will bring and see these challenges not as ‘difficulties’ but as opportunities to grow as well.

This is then what also ‘sets us free’ in owning our creation, in taking responsibility for what we’ve done and become, that we at the same time recognize our ability to change, to adapt, to expand, to grow and ultimately that’s what life is really about, whether we happen to like it or not, lol, the only thing that is certain is constant change and we can decide whether that change is for the best or for the worst, up to us yet, I also see that whenever ‘big’ consequences hit our doors, it is also an opportunity for growth.

So, I’d say it’s time for us to learn to approach problems, conflicts, consequences or so-called ‘worst case scenarios’ in absolute self-responsibility, willingness to learn from it and stand up from it. That’s the kind of decisions that I know! First hand, we are not ‘naturally’ doing or ‘comfortable’ with, and I noticed a load of memory baggage as reasons why I should be in a very bad emotional experience right now, but I decided to challenge that and at the same time work with whatever it is still coming out in my mind and so physical experience, because it also just won’t stop coming out, but I can definitely change who I am in relation to what ‘pops out’ and remain directive, take it breath by breath, moment by moment, and that’s how we can liberate ourselves from ‘the burden’ while at the same time not escaping or evading the consequence or point to change and walk itself, but remaining self-directive as one walks the consequence and at the same time seeing it as a point of self-change and self-growth.

Thanks for reading.

 

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Azul


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