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128. Who am I as Control?

In the last blog I placed a series of moments wherein I would create a point of control in my mind toward others, wanting to impose my own ways and views onto how the environment, people in their words and deeds would have to act/ be like in order for me to create an idea of safety/ protection within the ‘known’ and the ‘familiar’ aspects upon which we base our day to day living upon. What does this mean? That we are in essence always FEARING ourselves and each other – and this is confirmed throughout the entire explanation within Heaven’s Journey to Life blog wherein our very beginning as existence is in fact stemming from FEAR:


“the mind/consciousness as a relationship between energy and substance, that has now become the relationship between the mind and the physical, is a creation/manifestation of consequence from the beginning of our existence that originated from/of fear and separation[…]With the very presence, nature and substance of the mind existent in/as/of fear as the extent to which we exist in fear even towards our own minds, physical bodies and so the rest of this existence: an entire creation of fear and of separation, because of the decision, acceptance and allowance of “who we are” from/of the beginning of our emergence into/as existence that came to manifest as fear and separation. So, this is what we created – fear and separation, and now we exist in separation from ourselves as what the Mind is/has become.” – Sunette Spies


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in fact not see and realize that who am I within control is in fact fear of realizing that I have in fact never ever been in control of myself as my own mind, as I have only always been occupied by a mind that is what we accepted and allowed ourselves to delegate our beingness to, giving ourselves into the illusion of a configured relationship of energy as ‘who we are’ which is what we currently exist as, nothing else but relationships of separation that we created from the very emergence of ourselves into this existence, stemming from fear as the reason and cause for our primordial separation.

Within this I realize that the manifestation and experience of the desire to  control is in fact the fear of realizing that I have never been in fact self-directive equal and one as my physical , the mind and the totality of who I am here, and that everything that I have ever been is just separated unit from the whole identified as a few relationships of and as energy that I defined/ limited myself into/ as, which means that


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist only as one single point of awareness of / as fear within/as the relationship of control that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become, wherein I never really questioned ‘who am I within wanting to control others?’ because I saw it as normal for me to want to impose my will onto others, imposing my ‘way of being’ simply because of believing that my way is always the best way. Within this, I see, realize and understand the relationship of separation as an idea of superiority wherein I am not considering myself as one and equal, but only desiring to exist as one single illusion of control over myself and others, without realizing it was actually stemming from the lack of self-awareness and self-direction as one and equal, which is how and why we are driven to want to control others, the environment and ourselves through out own minds, just because we have never considered who we are as breath here in equality and oneness as our physical, because we are not even in control of every single process that goes on within our physical body.


I realize that instead of having created a relationship toward ourselves to be able to stand as a self-directive being, we became abusers through/as standing within a relationship of abuse wherein only the illusion of being superior/ better than others is created to create a false-sense of power, control and as such a sense of order/ stability which is stemming as an energetic experience that is sustained and emerging from/ as fear itself.


This is how I am able to realize the point of correction toward the mere application of control in a simplistic manner:

When and as I see myself wanting to control something/ someone/ the physical environment that I am in the presence of and with, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in fact one and equal to that which I am trying to impose an illusion of ‘power’ toward wherein I am in fact fearing such point not being able to be controlled – I see and realize that a desire to control only exist, if we are fearing such point/ person wherein any point of fear can only exist if I am separated from that something/ someone as an energetic relationship toward wherein through words I have scripted myself to believe that I can be more/ less than something or someone.


“how can it be “who we are” when there is no “we” / “self” that in fact in absolute self-awareness direct/create thoughts, internal conversations, fantasies/imaginations and the reactions we experience in moments in interactions with others. There exist no control over what thoughts we have, why we have them, what conversations we have in the head, what reactions of emotions/feelings manifest within us – all of which accordingly determine our physical-behaviour which we thus do not have control over/of, cause what determines our behaviour is the interactions within and between thoughts, internal conversations and reactions.” – Sunette Spies, Heaven’s Journey To Life blog  Character Time Resonance Dimensions – Part 2 (Self-Commitments): DAY 128


Thus in order for fear to cease to exist, I require to establish myself as one and equal within and without so that no fear/ no desire to control emerges as I see and realize I would be abusing myself in doing so through an idea/belief/perception of ‘control’ and ‘power,’ which can only exist as a relationship of abuse through and as energy as the separation of ourselves from being one and equal.

I realize that in every moment, walking the desire of control implies looking at the fear that I am trying to suppress through exerting ‘power’ upon something/ someone and as such, assist and support myself where I am fearing the unpredictability of myself as the expression of what is here that I cannot control. I see, realize and understand that the way to establish myself as control is an actual self-equality and oneness as self-direction in every moment, wherein I begin standing as the physical, aware of my every thought and as such taking responsibility for my every thought, word and deed in order to direct it to establish an equality and oneness within and without myself.


I commit myself to realize that the only imposition that is allowed is the equality and oneness of and as life –thus when and as I see myself wanting to ‘control’ something/ someone, I stop and I breathe. I allow myself to recognize that through me supporting myself to walk my own delusions of control as illusion, I must in fact equalize the relationship of abuse formed as control into an equal and one point of support to in fact be and become the directive principle of myself here as every single breath and moment that I am here.


This way, control is redefined as an equal and one self-direction wherein I ensure that every relationship that I create, every point that I participate in is in fact supportive to realize our equality and oneness wherein power and control are but illusions stemming from and as the separation that we have emerged from, and the experience that we are now here to take self responsibility for, to in fact become self-directive beings in our every moment of every breath and beingness here as the physical, so that we are able to express as life in an absolute realization of being able to trust ourselves as equals.


“Thus, this process is in fact establishing the ‘who I am’ as what we were supposed to have been from the beginning as equality and oneness, and not the consequence of fear and separation we exist as today.” – Sunette Spies


Desteni Forum

Equal Money System

Desteni I Process

Eqafe to Educate yourself As Life for Life

Get Loose


Blogs for Quantum Self-Awareness


Awesome Interview that explains the point of separation from the whole and the relationships formed within the absurdity of our separation from being aware of who we are as one and equal:

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