Tag Archives: past

551. Walking Through What Wasn’t Done in the Past

Something I got to see and realize today is how I have tended to look at the past and what ‘I didn’t get to do’ within a particular experience of regret or pondering ‘what could have been,’ which created certain outflows that I had deemed to be ‘manifested consequences’ considering that this is about something that I had the time and opportunity to do and walk in a particular timeframe a few years ago and I didn’t get to do so, mostly out of preferring to not go through the process it entailed and considering that I would not require to get it done at the time within my life choices and where I saw myself in the future a few years ago.

However, that was ‘then’ and now it’s a different story where I’ll be looking at walking through that process I ‘left off’ some years ago considering some potentials in the future and within walking a chat with my Desteni I Process Buddy, I realized how I was seeing it as this ‘left off’ process that I was labeling as a manifested consequence and therefore in a way seeing it as something I was partly ashamed of for not walking through it at the time that I could have done it.

I was able to realize how sometimes there are multiple factors that were present at the time that led me to take that decision and who I was at the time, and how now I’m not the same and the context is not the same at the time as it was ‘back then’ and in essence being able to embrace what’s here, what’s required to do without going into any form of guilt or regret about it, because it is so that having made such decision at the time, could have changed my life direction back then.

The realization I had was that many times we regret having ‘lost time’ in not doing something or not directing ourselves in a particular way in the past, but it is definitely so that being lamenting ourselves about our past is not something supportive at all, because there’s nothing to be done about it and carrying it around like a heavy stone is also pointless. I can only focus on what’s here, what I can work with currently and direct myself accordingly.

It was very relevant for me to see this because sometimes I do have the tendency to get ‘hung up’ on the past and in doing so, frame particular decisions as ‘bad decisions’ or ‘wasted time’ but it is so that at the time my priorities were different, my plans were different and at the time I saw no need for it, which has changed at the moment and it’s a cool thing to finally get to do, considering I see it as convenient.

Here also considering the notion of ‘having wasted time’ because I am aware I didn’t ‘waste my time’ back then, simply my priorities and focus was set on a different direction and that’s it, it’s no better or worse – life changes, priorities change, directions change and so I rather adapt accordingly to make the changes, processes and decisions that are needed for it.

It is also supportive in stopping seeing things in a very ‘black and white’ manner as in judging my decision back then, instead of realizing that now it’s a different timeframe, context, possible paths to walk for me where walking a particular process becomes relevant, but it wasn’t so before – and that’s it.

Therefore I share this also as a way to consider those things we left off, didn’t get to complete or do for a particular reason at the time, and there being a moment where the point is ‘here’ again and becomes relevant again, where it’s kind of pointless to lament oneself in relation to something that is ‘gone’ and ‘done’ in the past – it’s definitely much healthier to consider one’s current context and do what’s needed to do, without adding any layer of guilt, regret, remorse, ‘I should haves’ and lamenting oneself about it – because it is so that we change, our life and potential paths change, so I better adapt to the currents in the moment than holding on to a past, while also considering there is a future process to walk as well.

So I can keep in mind how we cannot hold ourselves captive to ‘who we were’ in the past and our decisions ‘back then’ because, if we are seeing things differently now than before it is an indication of how we’ve changed In how we are seeing things now, how as time progress we do have a different context than before within ourselves and in our external reality – so it becomes a bit futile to see our decisions isolated from these internal and external variables, because it usually only leads to seeing things through the mind, through opinions and drowning oneself in emotions ultimately, which is not needed once that one is here in the present moment realizing something that we have to do and simply proceed to do it, no need to give it adjectives or to bash ourselves for ‘what once was’ or ‘wasn’t’ – what we have is ourselves here so, why not simply act on it in the moment and give ourselves a blank slate to get our things done, it’s entirely up to us.

Thanks for reading.

 

denken2

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE

Advertisements

509. Walking From the Past or Future, Into Self-Presence

Or how to stop projecting oneself in the past or into the future and instead walk out of that alternate reality into owning one’s physical reality

 

I watched Gian’s latest vlog on a particular process he walked where it is quite astounding how something that has been generally ‘common’ in our lives can cause such physical consequences and how he was able to also heal himself from it by living out an immediate process of self-correction.

I could relate a lot to what he shared in relation to the cause of his condition, which is about not living fully in the present but ‘walking in the past’ and so in his mind constantly going back to ‘the past’ and also projecting into the future and living in alternate realities recharging the emotional aspects held within such past moments, instead of fully embracing and accepting the reality that is here for him to live and ‘own’ in a way.

I can relate having done this many times, possibly not in the emotional way he described, but certainly in the sense of giving my breath and my presence into the mind entertaining images or ‘flashbacks’ and going into a ‘pondering’ mode of ‘what if I was there instead’? This would happen in places I had settled myself in for a ‘limited time’ or being generally ‘uncertain’ of my future there, I would constantly have flashbacks of what I had defined in my mind as a ‘preferred’ place to be at, and this would be a constant experience going on in my mind, where I wasn’t fully embracing, accepting, standing fully on my ground, my reality, my environment, the people around me but still I was indulging into the myriad of possibilities I could create in my mind like ‘who would I be with right now if I had not chosen to come here?’ ‘What would I be studying if I had not left to study here?’ and all of this would constantly come up during the most practical and physical moments in my reality, a distraction of sorts that I would give attention to unfortunately.

I never really questioned this in the sense of saying to myself  ‘Ok wait a minute, why am I constantly ‘dreaming of’ being somewhere else and projecting myself as in ‘who I would be’ if I was with other people, in a different place and situation than the one I currently am in?’ – I didn’t do that, and the reality is that I am not aware if I have had any physical consequence out of participating in this kind of ‘looking into the past and into the future’ instead of embracing my reality completely here. This was though some 7-8 years ago mostly – however, it has appeared lately again, wherein out of ‘nowhere’ I start having these flashbacks and considerations about a city that I left precisely because of finding it not supportive for me to live in – so, isn’t that contradictory?

At the same time I’ve noticed how in a very ingrained manner I have spent the past almost 7 years now in a way sort of perceiving my current situation as ‘temporary’, as if there’s something that’s going to happen and I won’t be here anymore, I have been in ‘waiting mode’ for many years now and I have caused to myself a point of stagnation at the same time, because I haven’t directed myself to ‘build roots’ so to speak, because of having this ‘plan’ in the back of my head of this being ‘a temporary place’ and me not going to stay here forever.

However, the point here is that instead of hoping or projecting myself somewhere else or living in a ‘waiting mode’ all the time, I have to make a directive decision about where I would like to establish myself and look at the potential and possibilities, practicality aspects and live out that decision.  This is a very ‘deep’ aspect though because I have lived mostly in a ‘normal way’ all of this time yet, I am also aware that I haven’t really settled where I am at, and the point that prevents it is the idea of ‘why building roots here if I won’t be here forever’?

That is quite a detrimental aspect of myself and I’m glad I got to see it clearly thanks to Gian’s sharing, because in a way I have been living with ‘one foot out of the door’ while the other half of myself has been living out ‘normally’ and ‘embracing’ my reality at a very superficial level, while there’s this constant background experience of ‘this is temporary’ and in doing so, I am not fully embracing and living my reality here – but instead living it as a form of ‘temporary step’ even almost in a ‘resignation’ mode as if I had no ability to choose or make directive decisions for my life.

In this, I don’t only have to consider what I would like but what is possible, feasible, doable and then direct myself to do it. But I do see how in any case, what I allow inside my mind as a retrospection or future projection in moments where I am supposed to be Here in my physical reality, completely in it/as it and walking through it, I have been indulging too much into ‘what was’ or ‘could have been’ or the ‘potential outcomes’ and in this, I am not living myself, I am living in alternate dimensions in my mind.

I enjoyed how Gian explained the solutions to this point that he walked where he decided to be in every space he’s at and ‘own’ it in a way, completely embracing and accepting the fact that he is ‘here’ in a particular environment, and making of his responsibilities ‘his’ completely, not ‘temporary’ or ‘in the meantime’ – he stopped living in the ‘waiting’ mode as I would call it and completely embraced the reality he was in.

Interestingly enough, I consider I haven’t yet fully lived that and it is one of those things I have to create, define and establish for myself. But the trick here for myself is to not go into expectation mode of ‘finding the place, the situation, the environment’ and so ‘waiting’ for it to somehow come into my life – nope.

The point is to let go of these past and future projections and instead completely embrace my present moment, my reality in living words that I can integrate as my self-presence, who I decide to be and live – instead of the ‘mind presence’ of past and future tense –remaining aware of whenever I am diving into a ‘thought’ of the past and ‘what once was’ or indulging into a remembrance of ‘how my life used to be’ to instead become aware that I am in fact repeating myself in the past and in that, I am not living Here, I am not growing here, I am not completely embracing my current reality and owning it, standing in it completely, not having ‘other places or other people’ in my mind. I have to focus on being truly here, breath by breath, moment by moment and at the same time being directive in who I am and what I do.  

That’s what I’ll practice and work on in order to walk my present, walk my ‘hereness’ so to speak and see how this will also support myself to not be in a ‘temporary-here’ mode, otherwise I could end up ‘living’ out the rest of my life in this ‘waiting mode’ or ‘temporary-here’ mode and miss out the actual process of self-creation and expansion.

If I am to make decisive changes, it’s up to me – and if I am not yet making them, then I have to embrace where I’m at currently and live the day to the best of my ability, owning my environment – not ‘for tomorrow,’ not going into ‘the past’ either, but fully embracing my life, my responsibilities, my self-creation here, no matter ‘where’ I am, I’m always here, in the physical, today – not yesterday, not in a tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

 

Occupy the Space That You Breathe In

 

Join us in our process of Individuals standing as Equals as LIFE


424. The Importance of Resolve

 

Sometimes we embark ourselves in a decision to change something about ourselves, to stop a particular abusive pattern, to align an aspect of our behavior or to cut ties with particular relationships, however what tends to happen is that we’re not entirely successful with this endeavor if we are missing a key ingredient to make it work: resolution.

 

 

This came up as I was writing on a personal matter that has ‘haunted’ me in my dreams for a long time now in relation to a specific past relationship in my past,  and I have been throughout time applying self forgiveness on the various aspects that mostly come up in dreams and I have wondered: but why is this STILL coming up? Isn’t it sufficient to have walked on this point for over seven years whenever the same comes up? And so I was looking at the word that I was missing, a clue on what I wasn’t fully considering in this process applied to this particular past relationship and the word is Resolve – and as I was reading the definition of course it clicked: I require to have an unwavering, firm, absolute stand in relation to the actual closure of this point within me in my mind and the decision of who I decide to be toward this point in my reality.

What I realized is that I had probably written a lot about it and I understand the reasons why it comes up, but it’s funny that I made it a bit something ‘more than myself’ as if it was something ‘more powerful’ or ‘sticky’ in a way that made me still dream about the same point in various ways and perceive it as something that would take ‘forever’ to let go of  or give closure too, and even speculated on why this point is ‘so strong’ which is not recommended lol, well at least it brings up further points for self forgiveness on other ideas, beliefs, perceptions as the reasons we give ourselves to make the point ‘more than us.’ However, as I was reading the definition of resolution, it all clicked, the simplicity of the solution was in fact in the word resolution: I realized that I had in fact left some kind of ‘open back door’ in my mind wherein I could still in some unconscious way ‘leave a possibility open’ for me to still hold on/cherish these memories just for the ‘benefit of it’ due to the value that I had given to that relationship specifically when it comes to the starting point of such relationship and what I believe ‘it gave me’ which was related to in this case, a perception of getting ‘acceptance’ and ‘worth’ from another, which were words I hadn’t lived as myself then.

So, what am I really missing then here which is what I will now commit to live as myself around this point? Resolution, which is giving an actual closure, having the resolve means having the firm and unwavering  stand and decision to fully let go and fully stop participating in entertaining the memories around this point, which I have actually been working on these past months since I wrote the blog on: 416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients – however I do recognize that specifically on this topic, there hasn’t been like an absolute, full resolution to stop all attempts of me in my mind going back again on the subject, which even shows up in dreams at times.  This will be then a process of being fully diligent with not entertaining the same point, not ‘feeding’ it even by associating places, things, colors to that same construct of that part of my past which I’ve defined as ‘haunting’ which of course is not that it is ‘haunting me’ but rather how I have entertained it/ fed it for far too long even if the actual relationship is no longer part of my life.

I have to stand in full resolve to do this, there is no ‘middle way’ here and in a way I’ve seen this as the ‘toughest’ point thus far because it seems to ‘still be there’ no matter how much I have written about it – but I do fully see that it will take absolute discipline to stop revamping memories and experiences for my ‘personal consumption’ in a literal manner.

 

 

resolve

  verb

1  settle or find a solution to. Medicine cause (a symptom or condition) to heal or disappear.

2  a firm decision. a formal expression of opinion or intention agreed on.

3  Music cause (a discord) to pass into a concord during the course of harmonic change.

4  (resolve something into) reduce a subject or statement by mental analysis into (separate elements or a more elementary form). chiefly Chemistry separate into constituent parts or components.

5  (of something seen at a distance) turn into a different form when seen more clearly. (of optical or photographic equipment) separate or distinguish between (closely adjacent objects). technical separately distinguish (peaks in a graph or spectrum).

6  Physics analyse (a force or velocity) into components acting in particular directions.

  noun

1  firm determination.

 

 

 

ORIGIN

          Middle English (in the senses ‘dissolve, disintegrate’ and ‘solve a problem’): from Latin resolvere, from re- (expressing intensive force) + solvere ‘loosen’.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply ‘full resolve’ to some points in my life, but those toward which I had built a ‘sentimental attachment’ then believe that I can somehow ‘leave around’ in the back of my head as if they were really ‘a part of me,’ instead of realizing that it is in those points that I keep myself ‘locked’ into aspects of myself as ‘my past’ that have no space in my current reality other than in my mind – therefore, I see that the moment that I allow myself to go into one single moment of ‘acceptance and allowance’ and/or indulgence of memories, thoughts, experiences, links to that one point in my past as memories, I reactivate the whole construct once again. Thus,

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that this point was ‘more than myself’ because it had come up over and over again and even in dreams, not realizing that even if I was writing it all out, I recognize that I am not yet living this absolute resolve to change this one point specifically in ALL dimensions, including the obvious tendency to still ‘give into’ the memory in dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet be fully diligent and stand in equal resolution to who I am when awake in my dreams, because I have defined in an unconscious way dreams to be the ‘last memory bastion’ wherein I could still have ‘my enjoyment’ about things, people, experiences that are no longer here in my reality – thus I realize that I have to fully let go of this false ‘enjoyment’ in dreams and realize that every moment that I indulge even in dreams around the same point, I make it part of my reality again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still ‘indulge’ into memories and experiences around this particular point in my life through dreams and even more so to want to keep sleeping whenever this point emerges in my dreams, instead of realizing that it is because I haven’t fully made  a decision to not participate in anything that has to do with this one point that the dreams occur as the obvious reflection of my suppression around it, of the denial of myself still wanting to ‘keep’ this point in my mind and believing that ‘I got it all under control’… but this is not really about ‘control’ but being willing to absolutely stop participating in memories, links, thoughts, experiences, dreams and any sort of nostalgia of the past around this particular point.

I realize that it is not that the point has ‘kept me locked’ but that I have been the one giving all of this energy and resistance to it throughout a long time and because I haven’t been absolutely living the resolution to stop it, it’s been a recurrent dream, a recurrent point in my mind-reality which of course has nothing to do with who I am here in physical reality any longer.

 

I commit myself to fully stop all thoughts, all memories, all experiences, all yearnings around this point. This is it and I’ll be the one knowing how effective I am in this stance and resolution on this point, as I realize that I am the only one that creates the haunting , not ‘the point’ itself.

 

 

So it’s interesting that in order to give resolution to something, to ‘solve it’ is to actually loosen it, to let go of it with a firm and unwavering decision to actually do so, to live that decision in every moment that I see I slack on the same point and allow myself to ‘wander’ around it again. I realize that resolution is what I require to apply within me as an absolute stance of who I decide to be if I am already now witnessing what happens when I don’t have an absolute resolve around stopping something within me. Thus, it’s a matter of absolutely just doing it, living it – but not allow just ‘bits’ here and there as that one single ‘bit’ of indulgence reactivates the whole construct once again, I make it part of myself, of my moment here which has nothing to do with myself and my reality any longer – it’s just memories that I have given fuel and importance to, that I have fed with energy to continue defining me according to ‘my past’ which doesn’t make any sense at all because this process is not about ‘fixing my past’ but changing who I am in relation to it.

 

So hereby I establish how in order to resolve something that I haven’t been ‘solving’ in an effective manner, is to check my resolution on stopping/changing or aligning myself in relation to that particular point I want to change/stop and align in my life. So simple, yet as it is said: the devil is in the details.

 

DSC03008

 

 

Watch:

Desteni Movie Night – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Read:

Day 56: Letting Go of an Old Flame

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


380. Conditioned by Memories

to react with emotions upon receiving bad news.

Dreams are a cool place where we can still face points that might not be in our reality any longer, but that we can still test out ‘where we stand’ in relation to certain people, situations, events and so this is also within the understanding that no matter in which conditions we create the situation – either real life or dreams or else – process remains the same in one’s application, essentially in all dimensions of self.

Last night I had a dream about someone – one of the few people – I had come to consider as a ‘friend’ in high school who has been the one person I’ve met with after all these years and grew ‘fond’ of for the time we were together in school, and certainly in my mind he has remained as the ‘only one person I could care about of all those people’ as a point of separation.

In my dream, he would tell me that he had cancer and was extremely sad and the moment that he hugged me, IN MY MIND in the dream is as if I was THINKING that I should feel sad about it, that I should ‘show some emotion’ on it, that I could maybe go to the past, and bring up the nice experiences I used to have with him and so place them into context to this moment of him telling me these ‘bad news’ and now feel bad/sad about it, but it was very interesting how there was nothing, zero experience within me other than the belief that maybe I should become sad so that he knows ‘I care’ but really, that’s essentially what we have been conditioned to think.

In my dream it was very interesting how at the mind/intention level there was still this inkling of idea that ‘I must show emotion to let him know I care’ but physically I could not experience anything in the dream, nothing else but the physical embrace and being with the person that moment, even if he was decidedly sad and in tears about it.

DSC08348

 

So, why do I share this? Because since the beginning of my process, one of the first points I complained about ‘having to stop my mind’ as I had understood it at the beginning, was “Well, what the hell am I going to become without my emotions and feelings, a Robot!?? Is that what you want me to be!!??” and I was quite well under a storm in my own glass of water about it, only later realizing that such tantrum was actually performed by me as the mind, and not me as the point of self-awareness that realizes that: we are not our emotions and feelings, we are physical beings and as such, we direct ourselves in practicality and common sense.

One would then say “Well, so if you don’t become sad or show emotion to demonstrate you ‘care’ about someone, how do you do it?’ – And so I realized in the dream that the point of stability, who I was in that moment of getting the news and seeing the person cry, be the point of stability, being there as breath as there is nothing else I was able to do – my tears or emotion would do nothing to fix the problem and so, it is the same when any other circumstances come our way where we cannot physically do anything to fix/solve the problem, the most we can do is stand as the breathing pillar of support, being there for the person/being in distress whenever one can, and support with anything we are able to support with in self-honesty: meaning not trying to ‘save’ the person, but understanding also the ‘greater picture’ of how consequences manifest.

So, I found it fascinating how the ghostly mind whispers would be like a sensation of ‘I require to become emotional, I need to FEEL something right now, come on!’ lol, almost like if I didn’t feel anything then I would be a ‘dead’ person or ‘bad’ and kind of try and create the emotion in the moment out of memories and so forth… but it didn’t work, so I simply embraced the physicality of being here, with the person, breathing and not having to feel or become emotional about it, but only reiterate my support with anything I could contribute with.

 

However, I do see there’s more to it within questioning why the hell was it that one person in my world that I dreamed of, what was the particular relationship set up? How did he become ‘special’ in terms of my past and relationships? And that’s what I’ll begin looking at here:

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the idea of who A is as ‘someone special from school’ which has caused me to then in the dream bring up the idea of himself as this ‘special person getting sick’ so that in my mind, I could have a ‘reason’ to become sad because apparently ‘he’s a special person to me,’ without realizing that in keeping him as a memory of all the ‘good times’ and the ability to communicate that we had, I had created a ‘good/positive’ experience toward him, as someone that I ‘specially care for’ and in this, still existing as the perception that I created over time about him, which separates him from the rest of the people and myself as being one and equal, because in equality, there can be no special bonds, or special friendships or relationships that we ponder above others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to at some level in my dream, attempt to lure myself into ‘becoming emotional’ because that’s what apparently he deserved after having been a ‘special person/friend’ in my life, and so believing that ‘I should demonstrate my ‘care’ for him by becoming sad or cry and be emotional about his condition,’ without realizing that it is precisely this type of self-manipulation wherein we give into the mind just because of accepting the conditioning of ‘how we have to behave when we get ‘bad news’ or when something ‘bad’/unfortunate happens to another, without realizing that this is the same form of trap that we create in terms of relationships, and caring MORE for one individual or a few individuals than the rest of the world.

I see and realize that if I was to become sad about ‘bad things happening to others’, I would be sad all day long since this world is nothing but a consequential chain reaction of unfortunate events, and manifested consequences that lead to suffering and pain, and nothing will change unless we first understand how we create our own sickness, our own misfortune, how we contribute to the pain and abuse in this world by us precisely giving into the mind, which does Nothing to solve the problem but further compound the problem, since in the mind, working with energy: there is no solution at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the dream want to ‘reason’ his cancer sickness trying to grab memories of ‘who he is’ and how I had believed him to be very ‘conceited’ at first and how i had in fact gone form hate to ‘love’ with this person, and how I tried to ‘make sense’ of his sickness due to the manifested consequences of the time when I had defined that he was an ‘a-hole.’

I realize that what I created in my dream was exactly what I have been witnessing around me when it comes to seeing people with certain power or certain air of grandeur being humbled by loss, suffering, pain, sickness and so forth and so in my dream reasoning that this is why he had ‘cancer’ and trying to ‘make sense’ of the problem by all the judgments that I in fact created toward him at the very beginning of getting to know him, which later on turned into the exact opposite and so, in the dream I am being shown how I had created the pattern of ‘from hate to love’ toward another, love as the appreciation of someone, of ‘specialness’ and ‘care’ without realizing that it had been a mechanism of the mind to be able to actually ‘cope’ with the person and be better as ‘friends’ than ‘enemies’ lol, which is kind of interesting then, because I realize that I had also many times wished him to ‘go f… himself’ and so when seeing that point of vulnerability and seeing that he was no longer the ‘almighty person’ I had perceived him to be, that he was ‘at last’ being ‘grounded by consequence,’ without realizing that I created and generated all of this situation in the mind to realize that the ‘hold’ that I had kept toward this particular person is existent because I wanted to hold on to this ‘special relationship’ that we had as friends and colleagues mostly, and so giving it value within ‘who I am’ and ‘what I came to be for him and what he came to be for me’ as this ‘great lesson’ of how we could talk through our initial rivalry and antagonism and get to be ‘good friends.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to these ideas, perceptions, memories of people in my past as something ‘great’ and holding on to the positivity of it, because of believing that I/we had done a ‘great job’ to ‘teach others how to go from hate to love/appreciation’ which I see that it remained as this ‘special relationship’ due to the actual struggle that it represented at first with him, in this

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge A extensively at the very beginning of knowing him for the amount of money that he had, considering him as arrogant and an asshole all the way, which is why within this judgment I would usually confront him and deliberately want to ‘prove him wrong’ which would lead us to this ‘enemy relationship’ that later on due to my own deliberate explanation to our teachers how ‘I could not stand him,’ lol, he remained in the same class as I did for the rest of the 3 years of high school, which is funny and I’m grateful how teachers asked me about this point because I had difficulty relating myself to people, and so they knew that this guy ‘A’ was one of the main problems and so, they deliberately kept us in the same class, until we started becoming ‘friends’ once that we were able to communicate about topics that others would not usually engage in.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘good experience’ while ‘remembering the time when I became friends with A’ because in the mind it was the turnover from the absolute ‘hate’ or disdain that I had formed toward him, to the positive as the ‘nice experience’ it became to be friends with him and to have someone to talk to about stuff I ‘cared’ for, and so, within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a ‘good memory’ with ‘positive experiences’ about the relationships I’ve formed with people that I considered as a ‘challenge,’ without realizing that such ‘challenge’ implies that i had first seen the person within the scope of ‘negative experience toward them’ which is how I created them as a ‘challenge to deal with’ and so when being able to establish a relationship with them, they stopped being ‘a challenge’ and instead became the normalcy of ‘good experience’ toward him for ‘having achieved the ‘good from the bad’ – all the polarity design implied at a mind-energetic level of having first defined ‘A’ as a ‘bad person’ as a negative point in my reality, and then turning that ‘negative point’ into a positive point, which later on became like a ‘trophy’ that I would want to hold on to, as in having ‘conquered’ that ‘a-hole’ and turned him into a ‘better person’ which is quite the pattern I have repeated throughout my life in terms of my relationships – in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to the memories of how I perceive and believe that ‘I changed people to become a better person’ not realizing that all that I did, was changing the ‘charge’ that I had judged them initially with – which in all cases remains a judgment, an assessment in the mind – and so in fact I did Not change the individual, they did it for themselves, and it’s up to each individual to then assess the starting point of their change.

I realize that in interactions and relationships, I would tend to want to always ‘change’ the person and want them to become ‘better’ within what I had defined as ‘better’ and so believing that ‘I had something to do with their change of behavior from ‘bad/negative person’ to ‘good person’ which is only the idea and belief that I have wanted to hold on to within myself to create the idea that ‘I was a positive influence in the lives of others.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to and believe that ‘I have been a positive influence in the lives of others’ and make myself be the ‘good person’ of the tale that ‘changes lives’ without realizing that this is merely then who I have been in terms of ego wanting to change people, want them to become a ‘better person’ but for this point of self-interest when it comes to getting ‘challenges’ or ‘difficult people to deal with’ in order to prove that ‘I can get around anything or anyone’ and believe I have this ‘ability’ or ‘skill’ to make things change, not realizing that at that point in the past, it was me also changing myself, wanting to fit into those relationships, changing my behavior to ‘be around’ those people for the ‘convenience’ I believed they represented, and so created and remained with this idea of ‘fondness’ toward others, without realizing how I had come to create such ‘specialness’ over such individual in the first place, and so understand why it was that particular person coming with the sickness in the dream.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever add credit or value to myself for having been able to ‘deal with – who I perceived – were ‘difficult people’ and getting them to ‘get along with me’ for the sake of proving that ‘I could deal with them and change them’ without realizing that I in fact cannot change anyone, I cannot directly prove that I have influenced anyone, nor do I have to prove such things as only who I am as ego would want to gauge the ‘results’ to see whether I was able to ‘change someone’ or not, and that’s obviously not the point of our relationships or interactions in terms of ‘change.’

I realize that I can only stand as an example of support, of stability, of realizations that I have come through my own process of self-change and in this, I realize that wanting to hold on to this idea of ‘having changed others’ and then creating this special bond with them due to ‘having seen them change from negative to positive’ is nothing else but a trait in the mind to remain in separation from the person themselves, and realizing that in terms of the dream, the positive feeling that i wanted to initially create toward him was not real as it always had been created in the mind as the result of the hate-to-love relationship we created, wherein now in the mind when seeing such ‘special person’ being sick, I was ‘supposed to feel bad’ but only based on ‘uploading’ all of the past and memories with him as ‘positive’ to then have a reason to ‘feel bad/sad’ about his situation based on my own reaction to my own memories.

 

Self Commitments:

So, I commit myself to remain in stability and breath at all times and not ‘give head’ to the whispers in the mind about ‘me having to become emotional’ about a situation in order to ‘show I care,’ as I realize that this is how we trap each other in special bonds and feelings, and memories, and patterns based on memories of the past, of who the person was, who we were to them and so cage each other in the same patterns again.

I commit myself to remain standing in stability no matter how I may have even the slightest doubt in terms of my stability and believe that ‘I should show some emotion’ because I realize that emotions is not who I decide to be in such moments, but instead remain physically, breathing in stability, grounded and directive, so as to also be able to be the example of how remaining in stability is the best point of support instead of giving into emotions that lead to no solution.

I commit myself to view A as any other person and let go of this ‘special relationship’ which involves the whole pattern of ‘hate-to-love’ and me apparently having influenced who I had defined as a ‘difficult person’ to change, without realizing that this is only assumptions that I made myself believe in to feel ‘good’ about it all and cherish this relationship as special.

Now in this, it doesn’t mean that I have to now completely ‘forget’ about the person or whatnot, but simply be very aware of how I ‘remember’ them, whether any reactions come up when having the thought of him in my mind as this will be supportive to then see what else comes up, and why I have held such ‘special niche’ to him in my mind, separated from everyone else – which I now see is mostly due to this from hate-to-love relationship that I gave ‘value’ to, due to the ‘challenge’ it represented in my mind.

I commit myself to let go of all the judgments I have held toward A based on his past, our relationship and who I believe him to be, and in this realize that I can only trust the physical, the actions lived and the moment that is here whenever we get to meet again

I commit myself to no longer feel the ‘need’ to ‘act out some emotions’ according to defining people as ‘special’ in my world and as such creating ‘feelings’ about them because of them being considered as ‘special’ which I realize is not at all who they really are, as who we are is one and equal and so, we stand as one and equal breathing, directive, stable – since only emotions and feelings emerge when we act based on memories.

 

I trust myself in and as physical stability at all times, as I realize that becoming emotional is of the mind and so, I commit myself to being here,  breathing and self directive at all times – no special strings attached.

 

Unplugged

 

To stop being a past-based memory robot and live here:

 

Interview on Dreams:

The Meanings in Dreams – Life Review

 

Today’s the 6th anniversary of having found Desteni and as such, of the beginning of changing my life for the best, for all.

Desteni Process – New World – 30/January/2008

 

Join us!


Day 43: Careless

‘I couldn’t care less’ and ‘I don’t care’ – who am I within this as a thought pattern that makes me care-less? This is been an ongoing pattern for over a year, actually almost two years now wherein due to not being having and having slowed myself down within participating in the usual pressures to ‘do excel’ in school and existing in such survival mode in terms of consequences in numerical values if work was not delivered or not done at all, I went into the opposite and became rather careless in a way wherein I would not really ‘fear’ the consequences any longer which would still manifest quite an accumulation of tasks. such as the ones I have at the moment.

 

The word carelessness represents this specific relationship that I had lived as before in relation to all points of responsibility, wherein I would mostly do things out of self-created pressure – ultimately fear of not making it/ survival mode – and once I started becoming more and more ‘lax’ in school and everything as the nature of my studies became more lax themselves, I created this carelessness point wherein I stopped pushing myself to direct myself as effectively as I used to do before when my motivation was fear, which proves the point that we read today on how we have all become addicted to fear as a movement instigator, which is how we have turned it into a positive thing when saying that Money moves us – but in fact it is the fear of Not having money the one that moves us – yet, as always, we rather look at the ‘positive side’ and not seeing the actual reality for what it is.

 

It is fascinating how I simply cannot lie to myself when developing a self-honest communication wherein the word is pointing me out exactly what I have been trying to suppress and apparently saw as ‘not important’ to write about, yet it is consuming my being and keeping me in the conscious mind as points accumulate and then there’s this laxity and ‘carelessness’ wherein I have gone to an extreme opposite of how I used to live in the past, wherein I would be in constant strain and anxiety to ‘get things done.’ Now I’m in the middle unacceptable road as whenever I place myself to do something within a self-directive manner, I get it done until it is done – yet whenever I allow myself to walk the middle-road = I don’t do things, I leave them hanging by the half and go into this ‘carelessness’ mode wherein I simply cover up the remaining ‘task to be done’ as some form of idleness in laxity, meaning, it is still there but masked/ shifted in a way wherein the thought of anxiety is transmuted as an ‘everything’s gonna be alright’ – no wonder I’ve held such backchat toward Bob Marley and that three little birds song that I had to learn when I was in primary school, it sounded so ridiculously optimistic to me that I developed this aversion toward the single sentence ‘Don’t worry about a thing, ‘cause every little thing’s gonna be alright’ or something around there – not realizing that this has become an actual mantra in my head whenever I allow things to just go by and in my journey to step down from this hyper-apprehensive person I created within myself this point of extreme ‘confidence’ that is merely intention and knowledge based, without any actual substance/ work  to be so sure about it.

 

So,   I masked this carelessness point to think that ‘is alright,’ when I am in fact accumulating work without getting it done, wherein I justify the fact that I have been able to always ‘pull everything out alright’ in the past and becoming too apprehensive, stressed, nervous and in a constant state of fear to do so, thus using the past a a way to move myself here, which is in no way acceptable, I cannot direct myself according to ‘who I was in the past’ as a way to reference myself here.  I see that’s been the most ‘clash’ wherein because I had tried to let go of this apprehensive personality, I went into another personality as laxity, just wanting to test out what it was to just not do the homework and see what would happen – fucked up self-sabotage, as it’s not about now stopping being responsible due to the extensive self-definition I had lived as an energetic personality, but to become self-directive which I have proven to myself I am able to be and become when decisions are made – however when I accept and allow any form of ‘leeway’ within me, that’s when ‘shit hits the fan’ as I stand in a quicksand middle ground of no self-direction and only allowing the days go by and leaving points half-way done. Yikes

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past as an excuse to not move, wherein I simply become part of the old world that is perpetuated in our every day living actions within this world, which are exactly the type of attitudes that have driven ourselves to the current experiences that we have in relation to being in an absolute zombie mode and only being driven by that which entails highly-rewarded activities and only moving when there is energy-reward/ compensation/ remuneration involved, instead of realizing that within a world in equality the only point of motivation is self-here as breath, wherein within that realization I see and understand that everything I do is as a self-willed movement is one plus point to the creation go a world that is no longer profit/ energy driven, but self-willed at al times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘carelessness’ as an actual state of being wherein I apparently ‘don’t care’ about consequences and outflows of my own procrastination, when in fact, it is just another way to mask it as it all being ‘alright’ while compounding actual stress, fears and anxiety that I simply wash down through going into the carelessness-mode where I am not in fact being self directive, but only using a no-reaction mode in order to believe that ‘everything will be just fine’ and that I will be able to pull-through it based on the past and my experiences to always ‘get it done’ without realizing that I cannot possibly base the who I am in every moment based on the past of having just walked through the points that must be done, and ‘get away with it’ as in everything turning out ‘alright,’ while in fact this indicates that I am conditioning myself based on the ‘who I was’ in the past which is in no way a self-directive decision, at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having created a pattern of going to the opposite after having lived a life of extreme apprehension to ‘get things done/ get assignments done’ and always having to excel and be on time, whereas from the past years that this energetic drive has receded, I have now gone to the extreme opposite of apparently ‘not caring’ to excel and always be ‘perfect,’ which is just another self-sabotage mechanism as I am not being self-directive at all within this, but only justifying my previous energetic drive to always ‘have everything done on time’ and always doing works and projects and label myself as a responsible person, to the point where I have now that I am not apparently ‘fearing’ I have only transmuted that fear of the consequences for me not being diligent in my tasks and have made it ‘alright’ as an excuse that ‘I had been so apprehensive my entire life that I required a break’ – yet that ‘break’ is not going into the opposite and stop caring to continue being responsible and use bullshit justifications as to why I am not moving, and instead realize that Because I am stopping self-motivation through energy/ mostly fear of getting a bad grade/ not being able to have proper credits in my school, it doesn’t imply that I then have ‘no motivation’ to do it, as this is now all about Self-Movement wherein I have seen the result of there being ‘no drive’ as an energetic drive – thus believing that something/ someone will push me to do it, which is absolutely unacceptable and a total victimization wherein I am trying to justify actual procrastination in the name of ‘healing myself from the past’ of worry, anxiety and apprehension toward all assignments and work to do, without realizing that it is only a mind justification that is in no way valid as there is no excuse that is valid when it comes to Self-Movement, as I am the only one that bears the consequences and the only one that is able to change that pattern.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consuming my being without actually Caring enough to see that I am simply making it all ‘alright’ and creating a point of extreme laxity wherein because I am no longer driven by the effect of fear of not getting something done, there is simply ‘nothing’ threatening me which is exactly the type of conditioning that I have accepted and allowed in this world as a point of motivation wherein

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be playing out precisely the point of ‘Lack of Self-Motivation’ that most people complain about within the Equal Money System presentation, wherein because there is no Fear as Fear of Survival that drives the human being to act, work to be part of a giving and receiving society/group as humanity, everyone asks ‘what will be the point of motivation within the Equal Money System?’ and in that, realizing that the motivation given by earning money/ making profit out of any activity is in fact the fear of survival/ not having enough money that is driving everyone currently to keep going within this system – this implies that in my case, as I am not being threatened to life to do what I have to do, I am in fact only allowing myself to confirm that I have been an organic robot that can only function based on fear as a crutch to move and use it as a motivation, which is unacceptable as I am in fact recreating the patterns of the old world wherein nothing moves if there is no money/ energy incentive as motivation.

 

I realize that in this point in my process, there will be Nothing moving if I don’t move and this has been the starting point of me having continued writing after a long hiatus – or intermittent participation in writing – in the past wherein the very act of writing had become the same point of ‘idleness’ wherein If I didn’t move, I obviously would remain in that comfort of ‘nothing happens,’ when in fact I actually simply let it all go-by and not take the moment to write myself because I believed that it was all ‘just fine’ – which is one of the greatest lies that we have all, collectively as humanity, accepted and allowed as a way to avoid facing the real responsibility that is required to take on in this world, and I realize that if I continue in this laxity and apparent ‘carelessness’ in this aspect of my direct participation in an outcome that is part of a collective effort, I am being the one point that along with many other points add up to the queues of ‘carelessness’ wherein we rather focus on something else and outside of ourselves, instead of absolutely giving myself the time to focus on my own process of self directive and self willed movement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only make everything within my world being ‘alright’ because there is no fear involved driving me to do things – but that it is thus the specific moment wherein I must step outside of ‘the zone’ that I had been specifically warned about, and realizing that Nothing will truly move if I don’t move’ – and this applies to every single aspect that I move myself in, wherein I am not being as self-directive in all areas of my every day living.

 

When and as I see myself going into the thinking pattern of ‘it’s fine, I’ve got time, there’s no need to rush, take it easy, everything will turn out to be fine’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is exactly the type of thinking patterns that I have used as a justification to not move and remain in idleness while holding a belief that somehow I will do it eventually which is an absolute time-trap that I have built within myself, wherein I am only procrastinating my own correction within self-movement as an equally-applied point in my reality

 

I direct myself to stop creating differences of my application according to what the task is and what is the task for, wherein I stop valuing my self-movement and direction and placing toward that which I have placed as ‘more important’ in my mind, yet not realizing that all points that I have directed myself to participate in are equally important. Thus, what we are here to do is realizing that the reality that I have built for myself as my own life and my world has been that of ‘waiting’ and ‘hoping’ that something will ‘move me’ and only moving if fear of survival/ fear of loss is involved – which implies that I have been proving myself to be a conditioned organic robot to only function based on fear and the stress of a life-threatening application, which is the base foundation of the entire current system wherein we are all just moving and chasing after because we have accepted and allowed the fact that if you don’t work = you don’t earn money – therefore you die as the fuzzy logic system that instills fear and a life-threat in order to cause movement. This implies that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my life I had never in fact being a Self-responsible person and actually moving by my own will, as I have simply driven myself through and by energy as fear, life-threats that are not ‘spoken’ but simply known and accepted as such, because of believing that ‘this is how the world works.’ Thus, the moment that I accepted and allow myself to require a point of motivation I can see that I am not being self-directive and self-willed at all, but that I am only adding one point to the entire fear-fueled reality that only moves according to the amount of life threats that we can receive in order to get things done.

 

I forgive myself that I have abdicated my power to move in every moment of breath to the mind as the pattern of ‘carelessness’ wherein I am constantly shifting myself to ‘do something else’ instead of focusing on my own tasks and assignments that must get done by me-moving-myself as a self-willed movement that I realize, see and understand won’t come by ‘a magic wand’ but require actual self-movement, self-direction and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in ‘all places’ at all times, pushing for a point of moving ‘faster’ yet missing out the point that this existence moves at the pace of breath, wherein rushing and trying to speed up any form of process is just a waste of time, actually, as this process won’t get ‘done faster’ unless I become that point that proves to myself that the actual way to walk this is in every moment of breath that I Direct myself to a best for all outcome, which implies also dedicating myself to Move myself, to see for myself and actually create a point within my living pattern of Not requiring energy to move – in this, being an actual part of the solution that understands what it means to will ourselves to move without requiring threats and/or emotional blackmail to move myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the point of others promoting ‘positivity’ as laxity and carelessness while believing that ‘everything will be alright’ while in fact, I am living by that which I ‘loathe’ which is washing it all down as ‘there’s not a problem, it should be fine’ instead of actually investigating in the moment what is it that I am in fact suppressing and making it ‘alright’ to not have to face the actual point of change as self-movement, which implies that we only project onto others that which is deeply ingrained within ourselves. Therefore, I take self responsibility to ensure that I stop all forms of delusional expectations on something ‘working out just fine’ after a while out of nowhere, instead of seeing and realizing that this process requires my every-breath direct participation in the construction of a world that is certainly self-directive and self-willed wherein we can prove that we can stop being slaves to become equal self-directive free beings, that do not require a shackle and whipping to move, but that we can simply direct ourselves to just do it.

 

I commit myself to become the self-directive point in every moment that I see myself deviating into doing ‘something else’ other than what I see is priority within my own process, which implies that I must establish the point of self-movement as self-motivation without any form of fear or life threat as an instigator for such movement, but I realize that nothing will change and nothing will move If I don’t change and if I don’t move – which I now realize are the most important aspects that I have to direct within my every day living, to prove that we as human beings can actually motivate ourselves and move ourselves in the name of our own self-support as life, wherein we stop seeking for an energetic ‘high’ of getting something done, accomplishing something in separation of ourselves, but instead walk the necessary actual application to get things done for/ by / as a Living Principle – which is living life in a self-directive mode instead of being fueled by positive and negative experience as a motivation, which resulted in the current world where we live in extreme greed and extreme fears alike.

 

I commit myself to get my shit together and establish and actual self-direction in my world wherein I stop wavering and riding the waves of ‘It’s alright, it’s okay, I’ll get it done somehow and someway’ which is a constant point as ‘carelessness’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, wherein I am in fact delegating my power away, the power that exists here as every breath, and using my time and space to divert my attention from what requires to be directed, which means that I have to stop the patterns of procrastination by masking it with ‘overcoming a previous life pattern of apprehension, worry and concern’ to always get things done, which is in fact self-manipulation to excuse my actual lack of self-movement, which I then become rather cynical about in terms of realizing that ‘yes, I didn’t move’ and not walking a practical solution to Move and Direct myself to get my tasks/ work done.

 

I commit myself to stop every moment that I go into the same laxity and carelessness and making something ‘alright’ without further investigation if there is actually something hiding behind that ‘carelessness’ due to washing down the energetic movement that arises and that I simply transmute into another experience which is also energetically based as ‘laxity’ and ‘carelessness’ – which implies that I must stop and breathe in every moment to see where I am allowing myself to ‘flow toward’ and not be self-directive in every moment, as I see and realize that it is in these seemingly ‘small fleeting moments’ that I actually walk away from self-direction and enter into ‘the zone’ of riding the waves of going into any point that ‘comes to me’ and ‘emerges’ instead of me directing myself toward it as a self-directive move and principle.

 

I commit myself to stop the ‘carelessness’ attitude and laxity and instead, move myself as self-care wherein I make sure I walk my own process instead of being constantly shifting myself out of HERE in order to go and ‘do something else’ other than the obvious points that require direction which can be directed in a single moment of breath and actual physical move wherein I see myself as the only point of motivation required to do so, as an actual motility instead of only thinking about it – I move myself as an actual physical movement to do so and in that, stop procrastinating self-movement into an energetic-driven reality.

 

“If I don’t change, If I don’t move

Nothing will change and Nothing will move”
Anu from the Hereness of reality.[*]

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interview support:

[*]Reptilians – How Hope Creates Hell – Part 38
Reptilians – Patience, and how to Live it – Part 43  
Reptilians – Where is Life – Part 28

Day 13: The Mind as Self-Creation Buddy

When removing this entire attachment/ hold toward my personality, what remains is aspects that I can live as who I am without keeping it as something that I manifest through an energetic relationship toward. An example can be how most – if not all – have something that we want to ‘hide’ because of all the memories and past experiences that lead us to shape and create ‘who I am’ as a personality that has a particular set of preferences, habits, behavior and experience toward the world. So, instead of continuing defining me as such differences and categorization as an individual in contrast to others, I can potentiate the words/ aspects that I see and realize I am able to expand and implement as ‘who I am’ by correcting the starting point of such relationships in a self-supportive manner.

 

“I commit myself to – practically utilize my Mind Consciousness System  in/as my processes of/as writing/self-forgiveness and self corrective application, to assist/support me with identifying/exposing/revealing my accepted and allowed self-separation from/of all as me, as I see/realise/understand that the Mind has become the embodiment of/as all the relationships I had created/manifested in/as separation of/as me.” [1] Sunette Spies

 

This is a key-point here as the Mind is our direct and explicit in-detail map to see where and how we have directly separated ourselves from within this physical reality, it’s like your Google Earth wherein we can actually use it to become really specific in our creation process as an equalized being.

 

Each one of us walks a different ‘path of separation,’ and in that, we are all equally and one walking the process of correcting the relationships of separation toward ‘the whole,’ which means that each one is walking different aspects of self that we have separated ourselves from, according to the energetic experiences a definitions we have imprinted to everything and everyone that we have deemed as separated from self.

 

A quick example when I realized this in the past – yet in a very rudimentary mode – is how when we established words to ‘name’ everything and everyone in separation of ourselves, we immediately differentiate ourselves ‘from that which we name.’ The moment we have a tag/ label/ name toward something/ someone it became a relationship that creates an experience that is different/ unique to each person, as each person has only ever really experienced ‘themselves’/ ourselves as our mind, never really ever ‘felt another,’ or ‘experienced’ the same as others do, because we all have lived words through different experiences and moments that builds up ‘who we are.’

We can’t possibly experience the same or associate words toward the same energetic experiences – it is because of this that we have all in fact been ‘lost in translation,’ trying to establish ‘connection’ as relationships toward people/ things/ places because that’s all we have ever known ourselves to be: an individual that is separate from the whole = seeks to connect/ create relationships all the time, which can only exist at a mind level. So it doesn’t even matter if you are with another or not, as long as we had our mind as the faithful companion, we agreed to remain subservient to any physical reality that was obviously of separation and energy-sucking from one another, as well as the entire Earth and its resources.

 

So – what the hell are we doing here? Healing/ repairing/ correcting/ mending the primordial separation from each other as the whole. That is by each one taking on their mind as their ‘set of separations’ that is ‘unique’ as a configuration within each one – yet equal to all within the mechanisms that generated such relationships, which are energy-based and generators at all times. Hence, what each one of us in this process is walking is the manifested separation through our accepted and allowed ‘living’ of words in separation of who we have become As such words in separation of self as one and equal. This is all of what we gave-a-name to as something ‘outside’ of ourselves.

There might have even been a moment in your life that you saw yourself thinking ‘what if this is all that I am? What if I am only thinking this reality’? Well, we were and still are only thinking the reality that is simply here, manifested and doesn’t require us to think about it to exist. This means that the only way to equalize ourselves is to stop thinking and creating further relationships as experiences ‘toward’ this reality, but instead live and experience the actual physicality that is here as myself, as my body, as the environment that I can simply direct myself within and without, minus the constant generation of experiences about it.

 

I represent a set of points of separation – you represent another set of points of separation – we all together walk our sets of points of separation and in that, our part is contributing to the whole correction that is required within this world to establish best for all living-relationships that will enable each other to finally enjoy, express, be boundless yet living by equal and one principles – that’s the point here. And through correcting such relationships – because the only correction possible is equality and oneness as life – we will have as an inevitable outflow from such application, an physical change in the way that we interact, communicate, establish relationships as the new way to live/ exist in this world. The way that we see each other is changing already – if you have been duly aware of this – we are becoming aware of, for example, to what extent we would dare to project our own self-created mind-maze of relationships and self-depreciation onto others – unacceptable, yet we thank ourselves for being able to walk Self Forgiveness for all that which we have used and abused in the name of a personal delusional – and abusive – self-glorification.

 

So this is self-support for me to see how the points I had realized in a rather vague way did make sense and that I wasn’t only divagating. And this comes from the direct experience that I would get when becoming a bit ecstatic about these realizations during school mostly, and would share them with others and people would mostly stare back with what I judged being a ‘yeah-right’ type of attitude, not really caring or probably understanding what I was trying to say – such as the cookie theory and this point of primordial separation of who we are as words. Again, I’m not going into the elusive ‘god’ creation that is believed to be superior, this is about self-realization of who we are as god, an equal and one meaning as the only definition/word/value/experience that can exist: Life in Equality.

 

Equality is the main correction to implement within the definition of Life as what’s always been here, equal and one – yet our experiences toward life and everything had not been of equality, which is why we are now walking this process to equalize ourselves as life.

 

So, what does this all mean then? That I have to walk each tidbit of association that I created an energetic experience toward, beginning with how engaged and/or compromised I became toward the experience of myself ‘as myself,’ as a personality/ego and ‘my precious’ creation that I was directing to fulfill my personal wishes and desires that could only stand in separation of the common sensical realization that: I can only be fully happy, living in absolute self-realized self-expression IF standing one and equal as everything and everyone that is equally here as myself- there is no other way.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live a life wherein I sought to create relationships toward others in separation of myself, in the name of creating me an experience that I could call ‘life/living.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having lived a life of self-interest wherein I didn’t realize that the only driving-factor for everything that I did, was always seeking an energetic experience that I could keep as ‘memories’ that I could later on utilize to satisfy my memory-needs of identifying myself a my past, as my friends/ family/ partners/ living places that I have defined as ‘pieces of me,’ that I have kept for the sake of the usual memorabilia that I was looking forward to keep until I was very old and I could use such memories to generate the same experiences that would have led me to ensure I ‘keep this moment as a memory’ in order to satisfy my mind’s desire to remain ‘alive,’ within myself, missing the obvious common sense wherein: who I am cannot be only a memory kept throughout the years, that is gone in one moment and can be distorted to suit my personal needs, wants, desires. Who I am cannot possibly be a memory or an experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever seek creating, forming and establishing relationships to people, places according to my self-created configuration that determined how I viewed/ saw ‘my life’ as an accumulation of memories, data, knowledge that I could later on use to enhance my value, my worth and my own experiences b keeping/ freezing such moments as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself to being a single memory rolling and repeating itself aimlessly, I realize that I had become a memory-collector in order to continue ‘identifying’ and building myself as a personality that I wanted to eventually be able to be proud of.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of self interest wherein every person I sought to ‘connect with,’ every place that I created an attachment toward and every thought as an experience that I believed was ‘me,’ were in fact only in the name of creating me a nice and apparently fulfilling experience as a record-keeping that I could be satisfied with at the end of my days.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish my lifetime to a single memory-collector, specifically being aware of imprinting/ keeping/ saving the moments that I had decided was the way that I want to ‘remember myself,’ and in that I developed such an emotional attachment to it, with a definitive conscious participation to deliberately do so, that It’s taken me a while to go actually disengaging from the memories as the experiences that I created toward others, which is revealing in itself how much effort, time and consistency I lived toward the idea of myself as my personality, of others, of places, or events in my life that I had deemed as ‘valuable.’

 

I realize that it is only through me stopping valuing things, people, places in separation of myself can be actually begin to understand what living a principle of equality would actually mean.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even become proud of myself as my creation, as my personality because of the amount of time I had ‘invested upon myself’ which lead me to then fear losing it, which would have meant the obvious: I have brainwashed myself all this time. I see how we all have this ‘voice in the head’ that comes and allows you to know and realize what is it that we are in fact existing as, believing ourselves to be, and that it is such voice that I must bring here as words, to assist and support me to get to know myself, to learn how I created, built and connected such dots as words that have defined my individual experience here toward myself and others – and through applying self forgiveness on it, walking the self corrective application, we can actually make of this process something that is simply what it is, having to withdraw from the main platonic relationship we have created which is: the relationship with our own mind.

 

Once that is walked, debunked, Self-Forgiven, Self-corrected, we will be able to understand what such separation actually revealed of ourselves.

 

All in all, what I suggest is to make of this process not a tortuous process wherein we see the point of letting go of ‘who we are’ as our mind as standing underneath the scaffold all the time, which is and can only be painful if we are always at the expectancy of the blade running down all of a sudden, when in fact, such egocide can be as painless, as simple and as gentle as we make decide it to be. In the end, this is about Self-Creation, isn’t it? What type of God would want to continue self-flagellation in the name of purification? None.

 

So – we walk, here as breath, unconditionally letting go and re-establishing that primordial separation is the only answer to Life Here: Ourselves. We require to create a new system that can enable the possibility for all beings to walk this process, as that is what we would like others to do for ourselves in such positions. That’s how we require to establish the Equal Money System to ensure that all Life’s needs are guaranteed for all human beings and in that, take the first move to deconstruct the system of illusion and delusional values that we have created in the name of keeping our mind-bubbles alive. We are here to burst our bubbles.

Support yourself, Support Life

self creation - tree of life

Check out the Journey To Life Reddit Community

Blogs of the day:

[1] As Within = So Without: DAY 12
Day 12: BrainWashing and Mind Control

 

Recommended Book:

Virus Free Mind by Bernard Poolman


2012 Wake up, Character: Life is not a Play!

“Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much longer. But all are necessary, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the play. Embrace them all, and move on to the next act.” Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

 

The reality is that the moment that we accepted and allowed ourselves to believe that ‘life is but a play-out of events’ and ‘people the characters in our play,’ we define and reduce our living-physical reality to a  single –and often looping – story-to-tell and cherish for a future, where we can ‘look back’ and get a kick-out of re-experiencing such memories in our minds. Is it that we are only predictable characters in a story that we apparently only ‘find ourselves walking into’? ‘When,who, what and how am I generating these experiences and events in my reality?’ – ‘How on Earth have I gotten myself to this current experience?’ ‘Why am I torturing myself with self-deprecating thoughts?’ ‘Why can’t I stop thinking about the past!’

These are common sense questions that we tend to shove under the rug in one single moment, and it is in such moments that we have ‘skipped’ in our reality that we blindly accept that such experiences as thoughts, feelings and emotions are ‘Real’ – the blasphemy that comes when saying: it was all in your mind’ often crushes the gist that some have defined as an energetic kick gotten from a ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ experience in our reality – yet it was never actually REAL, but only generated within our own minds. Who we are here is the accumulation of the past, present  – and certainly if we continue the same way, the future as well – thus Time is only a nice elusive trap to believe that we have actually moved – yet we haven’t – we are here, we remain here and the only thing that will move is self as the establishment of being and becoming a living-moment of breath, of self directing self in such simple moments wherein we are Here or only perpetuating the past.

Have we exchanged this living moment of breath for a limited rush of experiences that eventually wither and decay? Who are the ones enslaving ourselves to such mental relationship? We are – and ‘moving on’ won’t be as easy as just saying so.

 

Who created and manifested such ‘hurts’ in our life? We did – what Dr. Wyer suggests is only using a band-aid solution to any accumulated backchat and reactions toward a particular person or event in our life that we fed in a direct way through our own thoughts, emotions and feelings. It is easy to say ‘embrace it all and move on’ as if the human mind was so ‘detachable’ from everything that we have linked ourselves to in specific relationships, we become our relationships and it’s clear that in our current reality, all relationships have been based on being self-interest driven characters that sought personal drama and glory all the time. How limited, to be dead honest.

 

These nice theatrical statements lead us to believe that ‘we must seek characters for our play!’ lol – and then go through life yearning to establish a point of connection with people to have some drama in our life. And I speak for myself in this – I was so imbued in storytelling and living through books that I only yearned and desire to live some of the experiences that the Characters of the books had. We called this ‘series of events’ as ‘life’ – experiences that we lead ourselves-to within the accepted and allowed belief that living is going through this rollercoaster of highs and lows – just like how sugar and love create a chemical reaction within our minds, wherein the moment we are ‘on a low,’ we seek the next rush in one way or another. In my case even the pit of depression would feel ‘good,’ because it was still a miserable energetic experience, eventually becoming a constant dependency that must be kept ‘down’ as a constant mental-state that I would feed with words, pictures, ideas and beliefs about the world, people, etc… Ehm-hem: it was all in my head!

 

Whether being the tormented or a cheerful positive person, both poles lead us to believe that life is a high end of a low and vice versa – lol – is it, really? Sounds more like the mechanism of a rollercoaster ride. Are we only these experience-seeking beings going up and down, bouncing off one moment then dozing off, then waking up to seek the next greatest energetic experience?

 

Move on to the next act’ – again, another play, another story to tell, another sequence of events that must have an ‘extra layer of adrenaline’ to make it better than the last one, more ‘extreme’ and ‘outrageous’ – just for the sake of gaining props in our personal scores. The next act we create with other people that apparently ‘leave a mark’ on us, never realizing that all experiences we created toward ‘them’ have always only existed in our own minds.

 

Is life – better said- should life be reduced to such feeble mind acts? No, that’s definitely dishonoring the very breath that holds all our mindfucks alive. Is it that we have never realized it? I’d say it’s more a point of not having allowed us to stop for a moment to see ‘who am I within seeking the next greatest ‘fix’ in my life? – ‘Is seeking to create events an actual way of Living?’ – What is Living?

 

Being here as breath, being absolutely self-directive in everything we do, think, say and how we interact with others is the base foundation of a life based in and as a sequence of breaths and not ‘events’ that hold the entire novel-like development, taking us on a ride up until the never quenching moment of climax/ orgasm that can only last for a moment to inevitably – by Newton’s law – fall back into a low, leaving us like addicts seeking for one more ‘ticket to ride.’ LOL

The power of equality is the gravity that bounds us to the Earth, to that which is real and applies to all. It is only the helium that we pump into our minds as thoughts and feelings that make us believe we can fly.

 

Oh god, all our songs, our culture, our behavior, our personalities, our characters defined according to playing a role in this entire play that we have called life – is it REALLY this in-and-out reality all that we are? Are we supposed to only be these storytellers that must always have a happy-glowing end or a tragically absurd type of human misery that leaves us Also craving for more?

No – who we are as Life must not be defined by energetic experiences that are self-created and induced as chemical reactions that we eventually become addicted to. No one can blame another for being an addict, because we all are as long as we are seeking for our next big score.

 

We are more than capable of scripting a reality that is constantly based on a living-physical experience that is satisfactorily for ALL as Equals – no need to create fluffy-puffy experiences to believe that ‘we’ve made it’ somehow. Lol! This is about Life!  Not a race! How can it be? We have trapped-ourselves into but an illusion of winning and losing – loving and hating – wanting and rejecting – all existent in our own minds.

 

So, the point is quite clear now: we require to stand as the principle that writes a script to LIVE, to enjoy and express for the sake of actually experiencing our physical bodies and sharing ourselves with others as well – allowing all to see that any mystical idea of being in a tragic comedy is only a game played to keep us busy in our minds, to then seek for a remedy to our own self-created misery – neglecting  the actual reality that certainly requires our full attention to see that what others are physically enduring is not only a ‘role in the play’ but the consequence of us living in fairy tales and missing out on ReALLity – we have become real ET’s on this earth, living up in our minds while missing hearing the grass grow.

 

So, we’re here to become the actual Characters that Live, the care-takers of the Earth = the Living Words that are not only a flickering result of lights that go on and off in a binary mode. I suggest that you give yourself a chance to take your life by the hand, and walk yourself out of these squared lines to finally hold the pen and script the life that you are willing to live for eternity as All, as One and Equal.

Support for that is here

 

“Love and Feeling must be understood to stop the abuse that is allowed in its name as Biochemistry. What is Real? man know thyself!!!”
Bernard Poolman 

 

No more strings attached to the past, the future or the present – no more Tie-me’s that exist only as the mind. We exist here in every breath that we take in and out – moment by moment wherein we establish who we are as Life or a character that lives through the eyes of the mind. What do you choose to be?


Fluffy-sparkly li(v)es

We all are here for some special purpose so STOP
STOP being prisoner of past
AND become the architect of your future
DO the things u fear… – spiritual proverb

If we were here for some special purpose, don’t you think we are way overdue in accomplishing it? Or that we should be getting some clear indication of what it might possibly be about? We have gone through the same cycles over and over again throughout thousands of years with no possible answer to ‘fulfill our mission’ – could this be an indication that there was no mission at all? What would it be like if we got to understand that we’ve been a cosmic joke? Would there by any ego-enhancement within that?

The relevancy of the Desteni material is to realize that all sweetened justifications and ideas of us being here for some ‘supreme reason’ have been  blatant lies to keep the entire belief system of ‘god’ and the holy trini.ties in place. In other words, keeping ‘good faith’ and believing that we would eventually ascend to a ‘higher status’ once we brake the ‘chains of the past’ has been another form of control to keep everyone seeking for the ultimate blissful experience and never ever questioning how dysfunctional the system is and how we’ve managed to live life after life without any actual progress.

Evolution anyone?

Here we are, more ‘human’ than ever, not even able to recognize ourselves as the creators of this entire existence and take self responsibility for it, not able to see the blatant lies we’ve believed in for such a long time beginning with the current monetary system, not being able to stop such basic problems like terminal diseases, poverty and starvation regardless of having enough technology to get to Mars and explore the nice pictures of the universe far far away; not being able to stop the constant thinking which is the very same chatter that makes us believe that there is something ‘magnificent’ yet to be unveiled as our living purpose. It’s all been fluffy sparkling lies to make us feel better = less miserable when realizing that there is no such purpose in this world other than realizing what self creation is – and that hasn’t been understood within all its implications.

False self-empowerment can only uplift someone through pre-accepted and allowed beliefs of grandeur and magnificence as our ‘true nature’ wherein self then tries to ‘overcome the past’ and the ‘limitations’ through doing that which you believe will ‘break you free,’ apparently becoming ‘more’ through beating yourself against the odds – lol. It is really ludicrous to have this idea that becoming a ‘better being’ entails only considering your own experience, your own beliefs, your own reality without even questioning what type of ‘fear’ can someone that is starving  overcome to become the architects of their future? Hmm, I bet that their greatest fear just as any other human being’s would be linked to dying and currently, not even if they could use the law of attraction and visualize themselves as ‘god’ itself could they manifest food to eat and clean water to drink. How narrow minded do we have to be to believe in such ‘uplifting statements’ of there being a god, a something/someone that is having it all ‘under control’ while there are beings that cannot clearly even conceive that the suffering they endure every single day could possibly have any ‘higher purpose’ other than being a sick joke from a non-existent god that solaces in watching people starve wherein they can’t even uplift their condition to a living one. If there is no god, then who are the ones allowing such atrocities to remain as a constant aspect of our reality without doing anything to stop it? No one else but ourselves.

All things god, all things light, all things love, all things happiness, all things enlightenment, all things spirituality, all things bliss, all things that can be ‘exciting’ have but one single purpose: keeping everyone with a fake smile in place making themselves believe that human life is inherently benevolent  – how can we possibly even pretend everything is ‘fine’ and feel ‘blessed’ and ‘loved’ when there is but a single person in this world that is you and me as well that is being abused, that is starving, that is suffering some terminal disease, that is being raped, that is being fired after serving as a loyal slave for a lifetime – all events designed by an apparent benevolent force according to all those that preach some form of godhead exist. How come that we’ve kept ourselves perfectly occupied within our minds, not being able to see the forest for the trees, yet always seeking the next biggest excitement, the next uplifting energetic experience that can keep us ‘going,’ putting on the same show everyday until there is eventually no more artificial power to keep it running.

This is how Self Honesty is the most difficult thing we’ll ever walk in this world as there can be no other point of motivation outside of ourselves but ourselves – being the point of our existence is something that we’ve never realized and in that, self-acceptance, self-will and creating an actual consideration toward ourselves as this reality are points that must be cultivated for the very first time in our human existence. Self Honesty means that we move by principle, we realize ourselves as the creators of this reality simply to take self responsibility for it, stopping any form of personal ‘upliftment’ to make us then feel better and special, just to have something to ‘strive’ for and accept the enslavement that exists as a tricky aspect of our existence and that’s it.

Well, there are thousands of quotes like the one at the beginning of this post polluting cyberspace – I say ‘polluting’ because they are like temporary kicks of sugar to our brain wherein we believe that we can ‘do it all’ and feel better about ourselves which is already accepting a form of ‘positivity’ and ‘brightness’ added to an existence that we’ve accepted as inherently flawed in the first place – that’s the only reason why we would stick to the ‘positive side,’ just to hide the actual facts and self-experience that I suggest: must be exposed for what it is. The more we keep our demons trapped, the more difficult it will get to face ourselves as such experiences to stop and correct them. Living in denial is living in such false sense of self-empowerment, it is definitely  yet another crime against humanity as one is certainly missing out the entire reality of this world that is certainly NOT blissful, not great, not special in any way whatsoever.

The moment we dare to step down from our high horse, we will be able to walk in humbleness, understanding how reality operates and walking the necessary steps to become the solution that has never existed within this world directed and created to benefit all equally.

Overcome your fears.

Okay so by following such advices like the one in the quote, I could jump down from the top of a skyscraper and apparently that would be creating my future and being ‘my architect’ – I bet that wouldn’t change a thing other than experiencing major fractures or injuries or even death – this reality is certainly not exactly the same as the matrix movie.  We can all see how this is the type of energetic ‘uplift’ that anyone can obtain in some form of spiritual exorcism wherein you feel completely ‘great’ and apparently liberated in the moment, only having to wait for a while until the effect runs out and the actual bullshit starts hitting the fan – just like any other drug really. This leaves us with the realization that such words can only feel like ‘sweets’ that dissolve very quickly and end up leaving a bitter taste which won’t be corrected unless we start taking actual self responsibility to Stop the Past, and be the actual creators of a reality that isn’t based on fears, limitations and polarities of good and evil as the memories of abuse and negligence lived out toward ourselves. For that, Self Forgiveness is the way.

The fact that in such statement self creation is only existing as a way to ‘overcome one’s fears’ and feeling great about it is revealing to what extent we’ve limited self creation to. ‘Overcoming fears’ can only be an initial point to start debunking the lies and limitations we’ve accepted as ‘who we are,’ but it cannot possibly be ‘all there is’ to this reality, not at all.

Real self-empowerment begins when we consider the ability to create a world that’s best for all – this has nothing to do with becoming ‘more’ than or ‘better’ or ‘supreme beings’ – No, it is simply establishing the way that things should have always been in this reality, it is a matter of aligning with the principles of life, the life that has been absolutely disregarded while getting ourselves lost in the ideas of being/becoming nothing more than some type of super hero that runs on batteries, eventually having to step down from the cloud to face the actual process of creating a world that is best for all.

Let’s stop being prisoners of our mind and start learning how we can direct ourselves to finally live, for real and not just think about it.

‎”Gratitude when half the world starve is not based on love or oneness or light, It has its roots in survival. To feel love and gratitude in spite of the evidence of suffering in this world confirms that good feelings are also demonic possessions and purely the result of trained methods with which to turn a blind eye to actual truth as reality. All masters and Gurus should be seen for what they are, send to deceive and distract you from being the dominion on earth that produce a reality that is best for all. What excuse are you going to have for not attending to the suffering when you are able to?”-Bernard Poolman

Learn more about the very basic steps to start supporting yourself in this process of Self Honesty, correcting ourselves to eventually live.


Wording myself to Worth

Breaking through my own religion –that is the ‘Marlen’ religion – was the expansion that I required for the sake of realizing that I didn’t have to be bound to a single idea that I had built of myself around others – once that fear of ‘getting out of my parameters’ is gone, one can simply express and live and BE for the very first fucking time without projecting on to ‘how others are seeing me’

 

This I can link to self-acceptance. I had a hard time trying to fit to that which I knew was considered acceptable by others – therefore I played out the opposite because I knew that the ‘pretty’ was also fake so, became that polarity point which was also image based, pretending to not care yet I did, extensively – and within that I justified myself and considered that I didn’t want to create myself as the perfect picture that others want me to be. See how it was always ‘others see me/ others want me to be’ and within that, I enslaved myself to these ideas of who I am, who I must be, what I must look like for such person to like me – all about being accepted by outside points instead of having ever looked at myself as Self-Acceptance.

 

This is  a point that I walked and faced extensively at the farm. Physically walking through the point of realizing the constant self judgment in relation to my physical body, finally opening up the point to make it inevitably obvious and thus start embracing myself. That’s been like a constant throughout my life and it was also pretty much based on the pictures we see in our world, how we basically get bombarded to be a certain way to be ‘the coolest looking people on Earth’ – within this, because of belittling myself, not being ‘good enough’ and even considering my design to be extremely fucked up, I allowed myself to simply seek for acceptance from another within relationships and within that, basically enslaving myself to that point of acceptance outside of myself. I couldn’t bare the idea of being left out of the game, I got to see how I’d be petrified by these ideas – this is the ‘true nature’ an obsessive,  possessive being that could not stand on her own two feet without being defined by another in a relationship of any kind.

 

The point of self acceptance came in various ways and I realized that I could not possibly be ‘supporting myself’ for real if I didn’t have this point in place. Within this, I got great support from resonances to see how I hadn’t allowed myself to recognize and worth myself by what I’ve actually been and done and accepting that self-respect that is actually able to be embraced once we stop wanting to be this ‘ideal’ that we have of ourselves, once we stop ourselves from merely seeking recognition and validation from outside sources and start accepting ourselves for ourselves. Only minds require external validation to continue existing – this is how we go through that withdrawal of getting that constant ego-feed by others to validate our existence which is how we get to be literally addicted to each other, just because we haven’t allowed ourselves to be with ourselves, to accept and care for ourselves alone.

 

Once this point of accepting ourselves is in place, then standing with another or not becomes more of an extra point of support than a constant need, yearning, desire or requirement. The first relationship must be with ourselves – I’ve certainly experienced that ability to stand alone and it’s been quite cool yet, also have to realize that no man’s an island and we cannot remain in our comfort zone alone.

 

So the starting point for any relationship won’t be that of wanting or seeking validation, but actually supporting myself to walk with another in facing the points that are still existent within me yet not seeing them because of not having such buttons being pushed – I breathe and realize that I may still be reluctant to this point though, as long as I hold on to an ideal, I’ll never be satisfied with myself – so self acceptance is the first point to then stand one and equal as ourselves first, like integrating ourselves back to ourselves which is something that no one will do for ourselves, we’ve got to actually for the very first time start appreciating and caring ourselves for ourselves – only then can we see what we’ve missed all this time by going looking for validation and recognition outside of ourselves and within that, simply getting locked into relationships wherein only validation and worth is sought through another without ever realizing it was me first accepting and caring for myself for what I am because this is who we are, this is who we walk as in this world.

 

Self Acceptance didn’t come overnight and still any other day that the point comes up or I’m confronted with it, I have to continue applying myself, bringing myself back here to common sense and not go into the back-past usual patterns of wanting recognition, seeking validation from others because I hadn’t allowed myself to accept myself in the first place.

 

It’s very cool to see how this is a process that I’ve walked and that I’m certainly stable within, it comes up at times of course but I am able to redirect myself and not allow myself to go into it that much re-creating the past experiences of ‘longing’ for another mind system to value me – I’m here and I’m the only one that can fully care for myself hence the importance of establishing ourselves as our starting point, of doing it all for ourselves – the moment we do it for something/ someone separate from ourselves we’ll eventually have to face the point and let go of it because it’s not real anyways.

 

What’s real is here as ourselves, as the truth of ourselves and within that, there is no way we can depend on anything to validate our existence – we simply have to realize ourselves as what’s here and thus first begin by supporting ourselves and from there, we can only continue working through the rest of the points in this reality –See, I realize that this is not a cool world we’re living in, nor am I trying to be optimistic about it – yet, we’re not going anyway and what I’ve realized is we can’t simply continue existing in such self hatred, self-rejection and self sabotage that only contributes to the current fuckedupness in this world. Like I would be very depressed about this world before yet never realized that by me being the embodiment of that as myself I was actually contributing to such mind-state that’s so common in the world.

 

When I allowed myself to stop participating in it, I saw how it’s much cooler to start actually exploring our expression, to let go of our patterns and get to live – to be with others as an expansion of ourselves, not wanting or needing or requiring anything, but simply expressing and sharing within walking a process of realizing: we are here as Equals and we can actually get to accept and care for ourselves if we actually allow us to do so.

 

Misery loves company – so I no longer seek such type of company – I can only be grateful with myself and anyone that has allowed me to see that I require to be my starting point, that I’ve gotta do this for myself because no one else will, that I have to create this care that I never even considered I didn’t have towards myself – we’ve missed ourselves our entire lives, we’ve missed that ability to live and so we’re here because we have a chance, we simply have to do it, to actually stop acting from the program and get ourselves moving.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to belittle myself, for believing that I’m not ‘good enough’, that I’m not ‘worthy’ enough and within this I realize that I can only worth myself as life according to that which I practically live and apply as myself to actually stand as that life-worth that I am as what’s here as that which I’ve tampered though thoughts of belittling and self-deprecation.

I accept and care for myself as the realization of who I am as life

 I see and realize that there is no other ‘value’ that I can give to myself but I can only worth myself as life through practically living a life that is  worth-while living in, that which I can see is best for myself and best for all as Equals as I realize how we’ve enslaved each other within seeking for validation, recognition within the ideas of ourselves instead of simply accepting ourselves as equals to then start exploring what self expression can be.

I work and walk through the past as the patterns I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as yet I make sure I stop defining myself as them because I see and realize that they only stood for the limitation that I believed myself to be.

I no longer require to be validated by anyone as I realize that I can only exist as life, as the worth that we’re all one and equal as – I no longer allow myself to compare or think of myself as ‘inherently flawed’ but instead work through strengthening my resolve to stand and stop the recurring patterns as I continue walking breathing, facing myself and making sure I don’t become the engine that runs the self-deprecation pattern ever again.

This is an ongoing process, and here we walk.


‘Oh, but I’m only a Human (Failure)’

One of the points that I struggled with to actually accept as a point to stand equal and one with was the word ‘Perfection’ wherein when that point of Self-Perfection came out I first saw it as a point wherein we allow that ‘flawed nature’ as humans within a ‘flawed system’ wherein the best justification available for all fuckups when not taking self responsibility is ‘oh but we’re only human’ or ‘I’m not perfect, I am a human’ and within that allowing ourselves to diminish ourselves as our the potential that we are actually capable and able to stand equal and one with.

We can see within that ‘flawed nature’ we diminish ourselves, it is that single back door existent in all of us when we tend to say ‘oh fuck it I don’t see myself getting to this/that point’ and it’s like a form of giving up before even starting and seeing it as ‘normal’ within is when it is not, it’s part of that which we’ve allowed ourselves to become through our participation in society, in the education system.

So when understanding Self-Perfection I realized that we’ve simply accepted perfection as something that is apparently ‘more than us’ because we’ve been used to believe that ‘perfection doesn’t exist’ which is what I told Bernard at the farm when this point was opened up and then he replied ‘Yes, perfection doesn’t exist, we create it’ and that made complete and full sense as that ‘click’ in the moment on how I was by-default giving up to actually realize that it is possible to create ourselves as self-perfection as life – obviously throughout a process that we begin with ourselves, point by point yet aligning ourselves within this very point of self perfection as what’s best for all – cool isn’t it? Being able to re-design ourselves as human beings simply because we are able to do so, it’s a matter of understanding why it’s best for all, why we require to live as equals to the fullest potential and then simply being the actual steps into applying this as ourselves.

See, before in my life when looking at solutions to this world, I would always end up saying that this world would have to be changed from its root/starting from scratch and applying that as ourselves in this moment is us re-educating ourselves at this stage paving the way for future generations – This begins with for example re-educating the now to be parents so that the same patterns and cycles of ignorance and disregard of life are able to be stopped with everyone realizing ourselves as Self-Perfection. And, when we talk about re-education it means the entire education system has to be modified within the starting point of supporting an Equality System and not a Capitalist ruthless competitive system which in itself will change the way ‘buildings are built’ so to speak – thus if we see ourselves as capable of building and creating in this world already at the level that we are doing now, we simply veer all of that to an equality starting point wherein Self-Perfection as the ability to give the best of ourselves for everyone equally is actually created, to realize that optimum level of existence as an individual and collectively is actually possible –

And this point of ‘Perfection not existing’ is something that I saw in this movie called ‘Tron’ wherein they imply how people end up going all nuts and sick of power when seeking perfection – so at the end they state that clearly on how they cannot go looking for perfection, creating a perfect system which they equate to almost a fantastic-like equivalent to fascism. So we can see how within your movies nowadays – which is a Disney movie btw for kids and all general public – we get the idea of people giving up to be able to live in an actual Perfect world – heaven on earth – wherein from a young age they are then indoctrinated to thin ‘Seeking perfection will make us mad, we can’t be perfect, perfection doesn’t exist’ and within that accepting the flawed ‘nature’ of ourselves as humans and the reflection of ourselves as the current system as ‘how things are’ not being able to be changed apparently – so that’s quite a fucked up point that is being imprinted in kids through that movie.

So, we do have to clarify the point of how when standing as Equals as Life, we we will be then actually living as Self Perfection as that which should’ve always been the actual ‘nature’ of ourselves within this world which never has been in fact due to us accepting the single fact of ‘human error/nature’ as ‘how we are’ and thus giving into failure by default – within that we can see how we are used to seeing things breaking apart – lol from agreements/relationships/marriages/families/associates/partners etc to electric appliances and all other technology designed to not last on purpose to have clients buying every year yet deliberately using this tactic because of the pre-existent belief in people that ‘nothing is perfect = things are able to break down’ or ‘ it is actually how things are and can’t be changed’ – and within that single acceptance and the proliferation of it as ‘who we are’ we have our own creation as this world wherein self perfection is placed as a crazy person’s unattainable dream.

Hear us well, we are here to get ourselves to realize ourselves as that Self Perfection that we’ve never known due to our own limitations towards this point – we are here to remove all threads of self-imposed limitation, capping ourselves, placing a lampshade to not allow ourselves to give the totality of our potential – and thus because seeing everyone else accepting that point of ‘failure’, we accept that as ourselves, as the world and entire system with everyone participating within an ingrained acceptance of ‘we are able to fail and fuck it all up, it’s our nature’ which is what must stop in all ways. Thus the importance of having to remove that inherent flawed idea of ourselves to no longer re-create that at the greater-picture level which is the current world system wherein the greatest atrocities and crimes against life are then justified and covered up with the excuse ‘Oh but I’m only human, we are not perfect’

No more excuses to be One and Equal as Life –


%d bloggers like this: