Tag Archives: perfection

252. Self Forgiveness on UnWholeliness

Continuing from:

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live and align myself to the Law of the Physical that Governs who we are/ what we are as a complete, perfect awareness as Law and instead, having followed through with laws that have been created by/ through the mind that does not have any regard for the physical, but only use it as a resource for its own functioning and survival, which is how and why we have led us to the current problem in this world/ reality, because we have followed the mind-made laws instead of having observed the physical and aligned ourselves to it/ as part of it, as an equal-system of perfect symbiotic relationships.

Nature and Symbiosis

When left to operate naturally, the plant and animal world exist in a symbiotic relationship with each other. Symbiosis is, in essence, a giving and receiving – a form of value exchange. When all parts of nature are allowed to exist in a symbiotic way – they together exist as a massive and complex life-support system, which human beings are meant to be a part of.

A profit-driven system has altered how we view and participate in nature, where we have started to take more than we require and virtually stopped giving back, hereby disrupting the balancing effect nature requires in order to be able to perform its function as a symbiotic life-support system.

source: equalmoney.org

Text quoted in Bernard Poolman’s blog Creation’s Journey To Life  Day 252*

“The Law of the Physical that Governs the Physical – is Complete, Perfect, Awareness as Law. Thus, it Functions Equally for All in Every Way. Originally the Earth was a Planet of Sound, which means: Wholeness, which Inherently Existed as All the Laws of Wholeness.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the laws of the physical out of ignorance, wherein I adopted the way of conceiving laws and regulations based on self interest, based on a monetary system that hasn’t functioned at the best interest of all – disregarding the basic functions that have enabled fauna and flora and this entire ecosystem as the Earth to continue existing, which is the ability to freely get/ obtain the resources that are required to live, and that it is us as human beings that have violated such rules in the name of personal gain and self interest as greed, which means we violated the laws of the physical and as such, are facing the consequences of having denied equal access to all our equals in this world to have a dignified living condition.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow through with what was placed as ‘advancements’ and ‘progress’ in our reality, wherein I accepted things as ‘they are’ and believed that there was people behind such decisions ensuring they would be best for all and taking care they would not cause damage/ harm, without realizing that the moment that we created profit/ gain as a form of superiority above other living forms, we created the greatest violation to the physical laws, which is the violation of what is Here, regardless of any mind thinking about it.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to ponder the mind as a greater form of intelligence over any other life form, without realizing that the Mind’s basic functioning is to precisely regard itself as ‘more’ than any other species, which is one of the violations of the Law of the Physical that implies all life forms, all bodies of existence should be equally regarded as Life and embodying such living right in a giving and receiving symbiotic relationship as part of the same organism.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through existing as a mind consciousness system, exist only as self interest that I have believed is who I am and as such, surpassing the law of my being that is Equality and Oneness and only gave head and regard to the thoughts, feelings, emotions, internal conversations as myself, as what is the reality of myself while the world can function without a single being having to think about the world in itself.

 

“With the Introduction of the Mind to Exploit Disharmony for Self-Interest, Wholeness Constituted the Laws necessary to Return it to Harmony Inevitably.
Awareness as Wholeness do not Direct, as it Is the Directive Principle through which Those that Live, Equal and One as the Law of Wholeness – would Constitute an Equal and One Reality that will be Harmonious. And Those, that Function in Separation to the Law of Wholeness, which is the Law of Physics – would then Wholly become the Manifestation of their Unholiness, Equal and One.”

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and impose a mind’s desires, wants and needs upon the Directive Principle of the whole, which invariably leads to disharmony as the harm that we have created through the creation of money as the weapon of abuse  – without realizing that now that we are aware of the source of all our disease/ problems, we have also the key to solve the problems, create solutions and embody such solutions as my directive principle that must be reinstalled as my ability to discern at all times that which is best for all and live it, become it – Within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever serve the god of the mind as energy, as the abuse of the physical in itself, which is everything that I have defined as my personality and individual configuration that exists ‘different’ to everyone else apparently, without realizing that in such differentiation and individuality, we stopped working and functioning as a collective and became separated through all forms of ideology, dogma, religions, politics, personalities, races and languages as a form to remain divided and only looking after those that are ‘similar’ to us, surpassing the basic fundamental equality that we all exist as, which is our physical body that we all have and exists in an equal and one manner.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the inherent Evil as human nature, as the reverse of life that the mind represents, is the source of the current consequences that we are facing as humanity, wherein our un-wholeliness as the separation we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, is leading us/ we are leading ourselves to a point of potential annihilation due to having ignored the Law of the Physical as the perfection of equality and oneness – and instead, dared to create perfection standards that can only function within the mind’s drive for perfection for its own benefit individually, but never collectively.

 

I realize that the ‘battle’ we embody as our own physical body with the mind system and all its parts and platforms, represents the ultimate challenge wherein we are having to tame the individual energetic forces that would only seek for individual self interest and instead, deliberately become/ embody the Law of the Physical in all ways as an actual living form – this implies that the process I’m walking is the deliberate decision to be and become a living form that is able to coexist with other living forms as equals – and that, must be taken to a practical living system that must be man made in order to ensure we all abide to this Law of the Physical and never again experience the need to abuse within a mental disorder that leads us to want to be ‘more’ than others’ through abusing the physical for our individual self interest/ benefit.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to violate the laws of the physical in the name of my own self interest, due to a con-formism according to what I would see in reality, and within that, accept my condition of abuser and accepting and allowing to see such abuse as progress, as success and ‘superior’ to other life forms.

 

Inevitably, thus – the Disharmony would Cancel itself Out and the Physical will Return to Harmony. Therefore the Physical do not Act as a Teacher. But Those that Function – using or abusing the Laws: May Learn from it and Change Themselves. Or End-Up in the Chains they Created themselves. It is thus Perfection as a Teacher-Environment. And thus Produce Either Complete, Perfect, Awareness – or Eradicate whatever Cause Disharmony. Within this, Time is Irrelevant.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the purpose of Life is to learn how to Live in Equality/ coexisting with all other life forms and as such, this implies seeing the current ignorance we have all lived as and determine myself to become part of the solution and practically and physically embody that living change from living only as a mind of self interest and greed, to a physical living form that coexists with all other living forms in actual harmony.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to actually honor the ability to be alive and become aware of what we’ve become and have the tools and solutions to change what we have become, which is then be able to decide to live the decision to become a living-physical form that coexists with all others as equals, sharing responsibilities and also being able to receive in equality, as this is what is the actual gift of life, being able to coexist in perfect harmony with all other life forms as equals.

 

 

Thus, Realise the Gift of Physical Awareness – so that you may Become Aware. Or by your Own Hand, through Abusing the Laws of Perfection – you Will Exterminate Yourself.

 

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the gift of Physical Awareness and had deemed it as a curse, which is only me as the mind being deliberately placing ignorance as bliss instead of recognizing our physical awareness as the ability to recognize ourselves and as such decide to live according to the perfect ways in which we can coexist if we all come to the realization that it is only in Equality that we can thrive as species that are part of a greater ecosystem that must not be abused for the sake of our personal endeavors as humanity thriving in self interest, but learn how to implement rules and regulations that ensure life is lived according to the Law of the Physical.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully realize the extent of abuse that we’ve imposed the sheer moment that we continue living as individual mind-sets seeking any form of self interest whenever we only care about ourselves as individuals and disregard all living life forms that are equally here and being disregarded in the name of the mind’s self interest as who and what we all have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

 

I commit myself to align my life, my being and the entirety of who I am to the Law of the Physical, which is ensuring that everything that I use my body/ mind/ voice for is to act, do, speak in the name of what is best for all, and that anything less from this is certainly only abuse, which I commit myself to point out and direct every time that it is here as part of my awareness, and that is how awareness becomes the living-tool in order to realize, see and understand how we have gotten ourselves to this point, how to correct every single point of neglect, abuse, separation and as such, live the principle of self-responsibility as myself, as I realize that I cannot ignore the awareness of what is here and the immediate necessity to align myself to the directive principle of the Physical here.

 

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181. Waiting for the Ideal Moment to Write

Another point is how I have seen how I have this idea that If I am working on something, I have to ‘shut down’ from anything else in order to just focus on this one single task to complete, no matter how long it takes – which is an aspect of my personality linked to being rather extremist when I commit myself to do something, and within this leaving behind/ not giving attention/ not maintaining the rest of my activities with proper attention. Somehow it is as if I want to ‘redeem’ myself, my initial procrastination and getting it done all the way, in one go – which is once again based on a consideration of the mind in me wanting to ‘make up for it’ instead of simply continuing to now do it on a regular basis.

This, as ‘seemingly unimportant’ as it might be, it actually constitutes one of the most used excuses and justifications to not work on this, because in my mind I have made this idea or belief that I must simply get it done in one go and not having to do ‘anything else BUT the task at hand’ – wherein things like ‘oh I won’t have time to eat’ and wanting to shut down any form of communication with others as if this was a distraction emerge, thus it is a recurrent thinking process wherein I hold this ‘ideal’ of having the time and disposition to do so. By ‘time’ I mean having an entire day or more of just having to focus on that, not having to do any other point of responsibility and essentially it’s like being secluded in order to ‘get it done,’ which is of course extremist and in separation of reality wherein if my body would for example make such drastic decisions such as ‘not wanting to digest my food for one day,’ I could have gotten ill or even died for that. Therefore, it is a mind-delusional requirement and almost a requisite that I’ve created as part of linking this particular writing to some ‘book writing’ and ‘being a writer’ as the ideal of not having to do Anything else but writing.

This is backchat that I mostly play out in a self-accepted manner in both ways: the ‘negative’ and the ‘positive’, meaning, that I’ve made it alright to simply drop a particular task for undefined amount of time and/ or go to the extreme of wanting to JUST dedicate myself absolutely and completely to that one single task to ‘get it done’ and forget about everything else, wherein I then create an experience of seeing ‘everything else’ as a nuisance and an obstacle to ‘achieve my aim’ – even within the wording we can see how there’s an energetic drive to it, wherein I am not really considering the process of writing myself as a self-supportive process, but mostly only following my own needs in relation to trying to ‘make up for it’ as the amount of time I did not regularly spent working on it – regularly being the solution here – and instead, go into the extreme of wanting to get it done as fast as possible.

However, the ‘thing’ that happens is that I end up only seeking for this ‘one whole day that I can dedicate myself to it to get it done’ and eventually not get to ‘that whole day’ as I have obviously several points to attend as my responsibility throughout the day.

The picture that came to mind is from that movie ‘the Hours’ and how the character of Virginia Wolf would spend her days in her room writing and not really having to attend anything else – or so I got that ‘idea’ from the movie of course – I remember my backchat within that was ‘How cool! She only has to focus on writing and have her cool time to go out for a walk (read the blog: 175. My Sacred Time of the Day) and just write and write and write’ awesome, I want to be like that! And so within this, I created this belief ever since then that, in order for me to focus on some ‘writing project’ I basically require the life of a ‘writer’ as I used to read about the lives of all these writers that I admired and how they would wake up really early to write and then follow throughout their day doing the same. So all of these and many more are background conditions, not to mention the ‘inspiration’ that I thought was required to write as well. So we can call these the ‘ideals for perfect writing time’ which are based on other people’s lives and conditions within what I have judged as an ‘easy life’ of simply having to indulge in writings and seemingly having others doing their responsibilities at hand, such as taking care of the house, making money or even taking care of children.

So, here I have the ‘ideal’ aspect which can form part of the imagination, however it is not that it comes up as an entire play out in itself, but more of a belief of how the external and internal conditions must be in order to write.

Self Forgiveness on the Fantasy that I’ve held as the Ideal Imaginary moment to write:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I have to shut down from anything else in order to focus on this one single task to complete it, no matter how long it takes’ wherein I am seeking to have this one ‘empty-tasked’ day to do this, and every time that I have made it as a point to myself to do it in this or that day, I end up postponing simply because I cannot simply ‘unplug’ myself from my reality in order to have this ‘extended period of time’ to just focus on this. I realize that in my desire to fulfill and make up for the time that I did not regularly work on this document, I then go into the extreme of wanting to ‘solve it at once,’ without realizing that this is mostly impossible since everything requires a process and my exigencies of wanting to redeem myself toward this task will most certainly not be able to be fulfilled as easy as just wanting to have it done/ complete in one go – thus

When and as I see myself seeking and ‘looking forward’ for the next weekend to have an entire day wherein I can work on my document, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this I am actually limiting my ability to work on the document for a fixed amount of time/ hours a day, instead of wanting to do it in one go as per mind’s exigencies and instead , proceed to work on it regularly for hours a day in order to realize that this is and will be part of the daily tasks and process that will be required until it is done – thus,

I commit myself to stop looking for an ‘empty task day’ to work on this document, as I realize that there are no such days and that I can simply direct myself to fix the hours of the day in order to work with this and within that, making it part of the daily habits that I must work on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this point ‘more’ than any other point in my every day living, wherein within this experience toward the document as it being ‘more’ than any other writing or task I have to do, I in fact ensue the separation toward actually doing it, because of believing that I require a lot of time and the proper ‘setting’ to do it, the proper ‘momentum’ which is nothing else but a mind-generated drive toward the tasks that I have at hand.

When and as I see myself going to extremes of thinking ‘Oh I won’t have time to eat today, I cannot keep myself in communication with others because they are a distraction’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that these statements and others indicating ‘stopping doing something else because of seeing it as a waste of time’ is only based on me now wanting to redeem myself, as ‘my time’ dedicated to this task that I simply put aside for a long period of time. Thus

I commit myself to not try and ‘make up for’ the time I didn’t work on something – I face the consequences within the realization that it will take the necessary time and process to get it done, while combining it with my every day tasks and responsibilities as I see and realize that the ‘ideal’ of wanting to have an entire day ‘just for that’ is simply not possible and within holding this ‘ideal’ I have mostly created my own obstacles in my mind – thus I assist and support myself to distribute my time in order to dedicate hours a day to this document and realize that I don’t have to ‘aim’ to complete it in one go, as that would be only wanting to keep myself in a positive-experience of ‘having done it,’ instead of walking the process of doing it just as any other task/ point in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having the life of ‘a writer’ wherein I had actually ‘dreamed’ and ‘fantasized’ quite a lot about being a writer and having a specific setting to ‘write’ and within this particular setting as a comfortable environment to write, I envisioned that I would require to be near nature and having no noise around me, having someone else cooking for me and doing my basic responsibilities and me simply being there, drinking coffee and writing and going for strolls around my own garden – lol – as I see and realize that even if this was a ‘made up illusion’ obviously, I do consider the point and aspect of having ‘no noise around’ as the ideal point that I have to Have in order to be able to ‘concentrate’/ focus on this task, which is why the least ‘noise’ is rather an excuse to postpone it and also because of not precisely living in ‘the country side’ but in a constantly noisy neighborhood in the city – thus,

When and as I see myself wanting to have this ‘perfect picture’ of the ideal moment, ideal place and conditions to write such as being near nature, having no noise around, having someone else doing my responsibilities, having a garden/ nature to walk around on, drinking lots of coffee and essentially having a picture-perfect room/ setting in order to write and be ‘comfortable’ within writing a particularly ‘long’ document –I stop and I breathe – I realize that these imagination pictures that I have created are based on a movie, and are based on my ‘ideals’ that in no way have a correlation to physical reality, as we all require food to eat, money to earn, relationships to attend and a world to be aware of essentially in order for that writing to be in itself even a writing, as what else could we write about if it wasn’t about our experiences and realizations within the ‘real world’ which is not always quiet, wherein one does not always live in a perfect country side, nor has someone else to pay for in order to do one’s responsibilities –thus, I stop participating within these ideals that only become a rather absurd obstacle for me to not write, as I see and realize that these conditions and ‘terms’ that I have created in order to feel ‘absolutely at ease’ to be writing this particular document, implies that I have made of this document something ‘more’ than myself and any other task and that I have created this belief that it must be ‘perfect’ and as such be written within a ‘perfect’ moment/ environment – thus

I commit myself to stop creating the beliefs that I must be in and require specific settings and inspiration in order to write, as I realize that these are just mind exigencies that I have created in my mind, which have become excuses to not get to a certain task simply because I would rather ‘wait’ for that perfect moment and setting wherein all is apparently ‘done and fine’ and so ‘I can write till I drop,’ which is obviously not realistic at all.

I commit myself to stop making an imagination point an excuse and justification for me to not work on something within the expectation of having possibly ‘in the future’ a ‘perfect moment’ to write, which doesn’t exist as I am actually able and capable of simply deciding to work on something and that is it, the work and written document is not dependent on a feeling, or an experience of ‘inspiration’ which is part of the mindfuckism that comes when thinking about writing a document that is not precisely self forgiveness or writing myself. I stop separating one writing as being more/ less than the other and focus on simply doing it.

 

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114. Being the ‘Supportive Role’ for another’s Character

 

How do we get hooked on each other’s manias by manipulating our own moment and expression in order to support another’s mind possession/ character play out wherein we compromise who we are in order to either suppress or exalt ourselves to play the ‘counter act’ as a deflective mirror of another’s expression, a form of ‘empathetic character’ that plays the role that another character orchestrates, which is part of an entire submissive character wherein I accepted and allowed others to ‘dominate’ me by my own perceived inferiority in such moments.

This is how we keep each other’s in the safe box, being ‘untouchable’ in our devious ways of being wherein in our minds, we’re always winning, without realizing what we are in fact imposing onto another being’s life as well when such being is certainly a child that absorbs this world like a sponge.

Here I walk Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements  on specific aspects/ points that I would play out with and toward my father, which became part of my ‘automated behavior’ in any other situation wherein the similar events would unfold.

This is the event again of me going to the supermarket with him wherein I can now see how all decisions I made were based on some type of Fear and how I then would assess a situation in a very quick mode to ensure that I was being ‘secure’ within my self-definition while supporting my father’s self definition and walking together as the supportive roles for an entire ‘mission’ called: going to the supermarket and buying things in ‘no time,’ which means rushing all the way and doing it all just ‘perfect.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurry unfastening my seatbelt and getting out as fast as possible when being with my father, just because of believing that I always had to hurry in order to not be judged by him the same way that he’d judge my mother. I see and realize that the backchat held is ‘Hell no, I don’t want to be like my mother’ and in that, moving myself out of fear and not out of an actual point of self-movement in common sense.

When and as I see myself wanting to rush out of the car when going out with my father in his car or any other car, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can conduct myself here in every moment of breath wherein there is no need to fear being tagged as ‘slow and inefficient’ or ‘clumsy’ but simply taking the necessary time to walk out of the car and within that, also supporting myself and others to equally slow down, as I see and realize that with me rushing out of the car, I was only supporting another’s character as well which is what must be stopped unconditionally in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mother as slow, clumsy and inefficient – thus agreeing with my father that ‘I had to be and become as efficient as him’ in order to Not become like my mother.

When and as I see myself wanting to be effective in what I do and how I conduct myself in my everyday living, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am following a decision based on opposing the image/ stereotype I have caged my mother in as inefficient- thus I realize that I do not require to ‘want to be efficient,’ and instead simply direct me to walk in self-honesty wherein efficiency is a living-way of conducting myself in a particular task and in every moment of breath, without making it something to ‘attain’ like another character or personality.

I realize that any definition of what is efficient or inefficient can only stem from a self-belief based on a polarity pattern represented by each one of my parents, just to instigate the necessary conflict in my life to create myself as an antagonist toward my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having feared being judged as slow, dull and not physically common sensical due to fearing him reacting in exasperation and general annoyance toward me for slowing a certain process down, hence I realize that I would follow his way just because of creating this idea that ‘his way is always the most practical way’ which is a self-belief in my mind in order to cover up the actual fear that I experienced of fucking up things in that moment, regardless of them being actually practical or not.

When and as I see myself doing things the way that another wants me to do them from the starting point of fear, I stop and I breathe –I realize that I am in that moment not considering the actual practicality of what is best for all, but I am only doing things out of fear of doing it ‘the wrong way,’ thus I direct myself to breathe, diffuse the anxiety within and then direct myself to learn how to do things in a more common-sensical and practical way.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support my father’s anxious-character of ‘going to the supermarket in no time’ wherein we get the groceries real fast, just because of wanting him to confirm that I am ‘as efficient and accurate as he is,’ which is stemming from the opposite point I was trying to Not be which is a lagging nuisance for him just like my mother is/ or how he would complain about my mother when going with her to the supermarket, eventually becoming used to simply going by himself because of her not being able to ‘catch his pace’

I realize that I wanted to deliberately be able to ‘catch up’ with my father and his fast pace as a way for him to have a special regard toward me in contrast with my mother, as that was a rather weird pattern wherein I believed that I had to ‘out do her’ in situations, like a form of unspoken rivalry that would emerge at times.

When and as I see myself rushing through the supermarket trying to be as fast as possible, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is part of the automated rushing in the supermarket father-figure character that is supporting only the perpetuation of the ‘efficiency character’ within me, which stemmed from the fear of becoming like my mother. Thus I direct myself to walk through the aisles and supermarket taking into consideration the breath-pace and not the ‘I’m in a mad hurry’ time pace. The patterns of our parents begin and end within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to help my father to take out the stuff from the trolley with fear and anxiety to make sure I place the products in perfect alignment to the type of products that they will be packed in, which is me doing it from the starting point of fearing my father getting irritated and angry for screwing up his religious order of how to place the products on the band prior to checking out, which is coming from the belief that ‘the cashier is waiting for us and there’s more people behind us,’ which is how I became used to always rushing to do things, because of not wanting to make others wait, which is a form of unnecessary servitude type of attitude, wherein we don’t actually give ourselves our space-and-time required to perform a task as everyone’s got their opportunity to do so – but instead, I complied to the belief that I got from my father that we always had to do things as fast as possible to allow others to go through a certain process/ point of service equally as fast, which is a form of chivalry that I acquired toward ‘unknown people,’ yet from the starting point of wanting to be a ‘good person,’ which eventually becomes detrimental to one’s own practical living as this ensued an unnecessary rush and anxiety to conduct ourselves in on a daily basis.

When and as I see myself rushing to get my products on the band in the supermarket and or getting exasperated for others going ‘too slow’ through the same process, I stop and I breathe – I conduct myself to simply be here as breath whenever I see myself in the supermarket queue and ready to pay for my products, breathing, being patient and walking moment by moment within the process of checking out, which somehow had also become a point of unnoticed anxiety within me to simply rush and ‘get the hell out of the supermarket’ wherein going out through the doors would be like a ‘mission accomplished’ type of situation. LOL

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get hooked on the point of doing things ‘as fast as possible’ for the actual energetic ‘kick’ that I would get from doing that, wherein I became used to experiencing a mix of anxiety and fear that would build up through the entire supermarket experience with my father, which would be relieved the moment that our ‘mission was accomplished’ as in getting everything we required in ‘no time’ and getting all we required in an ‘efficient manner.’

– I realize that this is simply an acquired pattern from the times I would go with my father to the supermarket wherein I actually feared making others wait for my apparent inefficiency to do it as quickly as possible, wherein it seemed like a race that we would go into in order to get the products out of trolley – lol – which is quite interesting when realizing how the mix of fear and anxiety became an ‘enjoyable’ experience within me, which is how I dubbed that going to the supermarket with my father was in fact something ‘fun,’ which was only so from the starting point of the actual experience I’d get from it.

When and as I see myself believing that I had ‘fun’ with my father at the supermarket – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this was me actually saying that becoming anxious, nervous and fearful was fun because of the adrenaline experienced through the entire process of getting our groceries – thus I assist and support myself to realize how fun is just an energetic game that we can also become addicted to if we allow ourselves to do so. Therefore, I see that I don’t require to make something ‘fun’ or ‘boring’ in my reality the moment that I can simply direct myself in and as the physical at all times.

 

I commit myself to stop playing out the characters that we have kept each other caged in for the sake of maintaining a familial relationship of play-outs that we have never considered as the building blocks of this entire world system’s Lie and Delusional definition of what ‘living’ is, which has become nothing else but a perpetual sanctification of the sins of the fathers, turning them into something to be ‘proud of,’ to stand in opposition to something or someone that we had deemed to be inferior/ bad/ less than, without realizing how this has become the basis of our  nature that we have accepted and allowed as ‘who we are,’ believing that it won’t ever change or that we can’t ever get to change it. It’s false, we can, we decide who we are and what we become from here on – this is it, our creation: we face ourselves, walk the living correction and actually create a world that’s a living playground for all or we allow ourselves to rot and die in the ‘old familiar ways’ filled with fear toward a world that we spoiled in the first place.

 

I stand up to create and be an active part of  a world wherein I can ensure that the kids that can come into this world can actually learn how to be examples of what living is, as they will learn from parents that can right now take responsibility for this point: ensuring that no form of ‘positivity’ or ‘negativity’ is instigated as part of the child’s basic character formation. The sins of the fathers begin and end with ourselves here.
Time to Stop for once and for all – It is our creation: we solve it back into Equality and Oneness for the very first time in our existence.

 

“And so, I see, realise and understand that it is with the starting-point of me, to walk-through me as the Mind/Consciousness I have become as living-memories, taking the characters/personalities I have created as memories, and re-align them into and as self-aware physical-living as is walked specifically in the Desteni I Process, so that I can rebirth me into/as what I was supposed to have been birthed as, with my beingness equal-to and one-with the physical, instead of separating my beingness into a Mind that control me/my existence through/as memories. And so I walk this process in investigating the Mind/Characters/Personalities, getting to know how I created/programmed them, to in this understanding re-align those separate parts of me into/as physical equal and one living; as the process of me in fact taking responsibility for who I am in me and my living. And simultaneously walk this World-System of Money in establishing its alignment to humanity/this physical existence to contribute to the life/living of all, and so make humans aware of how changing starts within ourselves, to align our relationship to ourselves, the physical and so this physical existence, from evolving a mind that only serves itself, a world-system that only serves itself: to individuals living/contributing to the life of ourselves and all of humanity and so this physical existence; from the evil of separation reversed to the life/live of ourselves and all within/as walking this ONE DECISION – taking responsibility from the Mind to living responsibility as ourselves and so to/as all as ourselves.” Sunette Spies *

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Life Review – My Life as a Teacher
The Soul of Money – Mind Slaves to Money Authority – Part 31

96. Words that maketh murder

The moment we value knowledge and information and its expression as more than ourselves, we are enslaving ourselves even further from what we have accepted and allowed as separation existing in the form of language itself.

 

One of the points I had valued as ‘more than myself’ is the ability people have to express themselves, within that comparing my own ability to express toward others, without ever really stopping for a moment to realize: how can I praise an ‘ornamented’ way of writing without looking at the actual content thereof? Meaning, what do the words in fact mean? which is what is relevant at all times when working with words, it’s not about ‘sounding good’ and such ability will certainly be an inherent process related to being able to express words as self-here –

 

Therefore, it’s plain to see how we tend to glorify, for example, these ‘great writers’ that in essence paint a perfect picture that we complete in our minds and as such, end up believing that they are ‘valuable/ worthy’ for the quality of pictures we are able to imagine of ourselves in our minds, just for the sake of it. While at the same time, the same words can be sentencing an entire country to remain in perpetual poverty – we cannot dissociate the fact that words as imposed values onto reality is then linked to money itself – as this is about numbers and symbols that we have created relationships toward in separation of who we are as one and equal.

 

The moment that we place value on the point of expression in separation of ourselves = we are being victims of our won beauty schemes toward words. I am speaking obviously form my experience wherein I would ‘fall in love’ with books just because of the nice picture that I could get from reading them – a book worm as an imagination addict that would devour the words in order to remain in my little comfortable bubble of la-la-land. While at the same time, in the same world and reality, words were used to declare war toward an entire nation, words were being used to threaten someone to death, words were used to create a ‘burning memory’ within someone for the rest of their lives, words were being used to sentence someone to die in poverty as laws and regulations that dictate who lives and who dies. Words that maketh murder

 

I am grateful for having the ability to listen the origins of language and, I have been able to ratify that which I had realized about words, only to now realize the importance of redefining our words to a best for all – equal and one consideration at all times of who/ what we are as such words. It is impossible to even try and ‘stop wars’ if the very words that lead to create it are not understood as the very acceptance and allowance of self-separation that leads to such conflicts that eventually become a consequential outflow as wars and chronic conflicts linked to a system that we have accepted and allowed to be ‘more’ than ourselves.

 

Equalizing ourselves as words is a vital point here – more than ever these two interviews that I suggest listening to

have clarified for myself that point of imposition we have essentially violated ourselves with, words that we have accepted as the way to define a point of obvious abuse, neglect, disregard and condition of separation toward one another wherein we only focused on ‘how we feel’ instead of who we are AS such experience or definition that can be formulated as words – and as such, be able to recognize the ways we have created a ‘world’ in separation of who we are as one an equal.

The very first moment that we accept the association of a part of reality toward a word and we file it in our archive of ‘values’ as meanings/ knowledge and information categorization = mind controlled is exerted. Thus, we have to grasp the importance of the process we are walking here which is essentially facing ourselves as our words, as our sentences, our judgments, our dictation as the dictatorship of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind. Unacceptable – this world is the proof of the dictatorship of the zombie-words, the dead-words we have become because of  simply having copied them and ‘lived them out’ in means of survival. Let’s face the truth: we did not know any other way, however that does not mean in any way that there is ‘no other way either,’ and at Desteni we are revealing and proving to ourselves there IS definitely a way to do this. If one man could, we all can.

 

Just by looking at one single word, we can get a glimpse of what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as. It is our decision: do we remain as characters copying characters on flat screens and buying all the accessories to embody the ‘picture perfect HDMI presentation or do we dare to step out of this virtual insanity?

The sanity comes when we stop relating to each other as characters, as pictures, as memories – that’s the ‘real freedom’ and it’s fascinating that freedom is sought ‘outside’ of self when the keys are held by each one to finally heal that in-jury of the past as judges of the whole. The reign is over, it is our duty and responsibility for we cannot possibly remain being enslaved to our own dictation.

 

No wonder the word ‘word’ is almost identical to ‘world’ as each word contains a part of ourselves we have separated ourselves to from the whole = it is our duty to purify our vocabulary and this can only be done through walking the basic process that enables such understanding to be acquired with proper assistance and that’s the Desteni I Process. There is no doubt that we have to do this process with the tools and support that is being provided by and as Desteni – it is the only way that education – the real education – is taking place on Earth.

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Letras

 

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This is a continuation to:

Day 61: Anxiety Character


Day 5–Judging Self as Words

Communicating ourselves through and as words requires creating and directing a necessary identification first on how we exist as words. For that we require to create a direct and comfortable relationship with who and how we are and live as words. As we go establishing this point for ourselves, we can expand such self-understanding and communication toward others in an equal and reciprocate manner.

The following is part of the  support within  Scott’s Self-Forgiveness thread at the forum, which I have walked within the consideration of placing myself in the shoes of another and walking the pattern that is seen through the words shared, and applying Self Forgiveness as if it was my own experience – yet it is when we realize that we are all living currently as different dimensions of one self, therefore I take the point and walk it within the principle of equality and oneness by also taking responsibility for it to ensure that any points that emerge here are a direct construction of myself as well. 

I’ll quote the writing so that one can have a direct perspective of how the self forgiveness is constructed in relation to the writing itself.

 

The tendency to remain silent has been a delayed response when I’m listening or reading, then trying to reciprocate with something clear and coherent usually seems like something I’m pressured into, and the result would often be an inaccurate choice of words or what my mind calls nonsense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief on how I must reply to another while listening or reading and feeling/ experiencing myself as ‘being pressured into it,’ without realizing that I am the only one that is creating such pressure by having created an ideal standard of how I want to reciprocate others based on what I hear/ read.

I realize that I must first take the necessary steps to see How I have lived reciprocity toward myself as the self-agreement that I am here to establish wherein, by doing so, I am able to extend the same reciprocity toward others as I will have established for myself first the necessary self-communication wherein I use words to disentangle myself from my mind, and direct me out of the ‘ideal’ of ‘how I must reciprocate’ and instead, hear and read unconditionally without automatically participating in the idea that I have to ‘reciprocate’ which is where I am setting my own ‘standard’ of ‘how I must reply,’ and if I don’t ‘reach’ such standard, I judge myself and my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘pressure’ when communicating, when reading and interacting with others in my reality wherein I am existing in the predisposition of ‘having to reciprocate’ according to the standards that I have set for myself, wherein if I don’t ‘meet’ such standards, I judge my choice of words and expression within the belief that I cannot place into words the actual common sense that I see I am able and capable of replying-with if there is a point to share, exchange and add-to as self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set a standard as a belief-system of ‘how I must always reciprocate’ within the belief of having to be ‘clear and coherent,’ without realizing that if I still judge my expression as nonsensical/ scattered/ inaccurate choice of words, I am still having a starting point of believing that no matter what I say, it will be ‘inaccurate’ in the moment. Thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my expression according to suiting a particular ideal of expression being coherent and clear, without first allowing me to forgive myself for having accepted and allowed to judge words as who I am, wherein I am trying to reach a certain ‘ideal’ in my mind, instead of first walking the point of establishing unconditional expression of myself here, as words, without the initial condition of it having to be ‘clear’ and ‘coherent.’

I realize that writing is an exercise in itself that will enable me to establish such clarity and coherence without me trying to ‘achieve it’ as something separate from myself. I allow myself to direct myself as words, becoming aware of the words that I speak wherein I can communicate and express in a simple form without creating an over-wrought idea of ‘how it must be.’

I realize that having participated in an extended application of self-judgment toward my words has created an actual physical experience of ‘feeling’ inaccurate with communication, which is then a point that I realize I am able to direct myself to establish by not wanting to first ‘meet a standard’ of ‘how it must be.’ I let go of prefabricated ideas I have created and imprinted onto words as myself/ words within communication wherein I instead allow myself to learn from scratch, to become aware of what each word is implying as I write for myself how I am willing to live and direct my life from here on by and through words

 

 

The experience is of being constantly fed up with this pattern in writing along with as speaking, as well as the entire feedback cycle in relation to this point, and I would use it as a reinforcement and justification for remaining silent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience such as constantly being fed up with a pattern as an ‘inability to write/ communicate’ without realizing how I can only create such experience with words and participation in my mind that I can instead direct through self-forgiveness on the exact points that I am seeing and realizing I am judging ‘by default’ as a pre-existent condition I have created unto writing and speaking.

I allow myself to open up the experience of ‘being fed up’ as a constant self-experience that can only be created by myself through an accumulation of backchat as self-judgment toward my words based on how I have compared my expression to an ‘ideal’ that I try to ‘meet,’ without first establishing for myself that ability to write without judging my expression as in wanting to meet a certain ‘standard’ and going into self-sabotage the moment that I Believe that I am unable and incapable of being coherent and clear within my communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘fed up’ with having feedback upon what I write and say from the starting point of fearing to be judged, without realizing that I am and have been the only one that has created such cycle of self-judgment toward my own expression, without realizing that resisting to read/ hear others’ perspectives is in fact a mechanism that I am using in order to not have the self-created judgment I have imprinted toward myself and my expression.

I realize that no one is able to judge myself other than myself – therefore, I stop projecting onto others that which I see I can commit myself to stop, which is the participation in self-judgment toward myself as words, my expression, my beingness in any moment. I allow myself to hear, read and get feedback as a way to support myself to walk out of my ego and into a physical reality wherein any judgment has no place to ‘exist in’ other than in my own mind.

I commit myself to stop myself from judging my expression as words within the terms of being inaccurate and nonsensical, and instead direct myself to write unconditionally from the starting point of supporting me to first stop these preconceived ideas of How I must communicate and/or convey a message, within the realization that I can only free myself from such constrain of trying to fit into an idea of how to reply and reciprocate to others, if I allow myself to first give me the opportunity to let go of the standards I’ve set for myself that I realize, takes actual time and space and practice to establish myself as writing myself to freedom, as righting myself to be unconditional within my own expression and letting go of wanting to meet certain standards at this stage.

I commit myself to establish myself as comfortable while writing and speaking, which implies that I accept and allow myself to see how I have created any discomfort with myself through my own words.

Thus I direct myself to become aware of how a single word as a belief of ‘how my expression is’ can in fact create an entire experience of myself toward writing/ communicating. Thus, I walk the necessary process to dig further and investigate to the core of each word that I have accepted and allowed to judge my expression as words with.

I commit myself to allow me to get to know ‘who I am’ within the words that I express myself as, I realize that I am able to change and give myself a direction that stands within the context of what’s best for all, wherein simplicity is the key to let go of any overwrought and ideals upon my own expression.

 

 

Being apparently unable to reciprocate in certain moments when it seems appropriate has been a perceived impediment along with the experience of detachment. In noticing the suppression and detachment within myself I want to be the first to criticize myself as if to deprive anyone else of the ‘right’ to do the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I have a certain ‘impediment’ that prevents me from being able to communicate and express myself in the moment, even when realizing that I am able and capable of seeing that I am in fact able to give/ share a perspective in common sense, that is self-supportive without having to create an initial self-judgment to the ‘choice of words,’ which is how I have capped my expression as in giving ‘value’ to the words I speak – I allow myself to investigate the values I have imprinted onto ‘expression’ in itself as accuracy, coherency and clarity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words as another form of self-image wherein the single fixation on how words sound become a separate point from actual expression development, wherein I allow myself to get obsessed with it having to be perfect at all times, and within this, because of fearing not meeting the standard, refraining from even trying, in fear of not being able to equalize that which I can only deem as an acceptable way of expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within the belief that ‘I must reciprocate’ as an act of mutual benefit wherein I realize that I cannot do so if I haven’t first established a self-reciprocity wherein I support me to stop receiving from myself an automated judgment implemented onto the words that I speak as myself. I realize that I create myself as words – therefore, I am able and capable of investigating the words that I see hold a certain ‘value’ as an aura of specialness that I have desired myself to equalize myself to, without first taking the steps of taking each word that I have deemed as a limitation within myself and opening it up to see the values I have created and placed in separation of myself.

I see and realize that the moment that I can clarify for myself the starting point as self-supportive within writing and communicating, any judgment that may still come through such process of self-support must be scrutinized to stop the judgments toward my own self-supportive writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of ‘detachment’ which can only exist when I am in my mind trying to defend myself from having to face the truth and reality that I have become, wherein it is safer to ‘detach’ than to engage and actively participate to debunk my own fortress of words as experiences that I see and realize I have created for myself, in separation of ‘who I am’ as the living word – this implies that I must investigate ‘detachment’ as a way to not face myself as my mind, as my own words and see what caused me to create a mind-experience of detachment, without realizing that in this physical reality, I cannot be ‘detached’ from anything as all is here as myself. Thus I investigate the mechanisms that lead me to create ‘detachment’ as a way to believe that I can be separate from the consequence and reality of this world that is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to exist within a self-righteous act of first being able to judge/ criticize myself before others/ someone else does it, without realizing that such judgment can only exist within me and that taking the vantage point of judging myself first is stemming from a belief that anyone can judge myself and have ‘power over me’ while doing so.

I see and realize the self-righteousness that I have allowed myself to exist as when it comes to defending my own self-limitation, which is certainly not acceptable and I realize I can stop in order to become humble as in grounding myself to walk a process of self support, wherein any feedback and interactions within my every day living are points that I am able to gift to myself as opportunities to face myself and correct myself within the consideration and principle of what is best for all as equals, as I realize that existing in perpetual self-judgment is only remaining bound to a singled-I perspective of myself as my mind, wherein I am not in fact taking myself into consideration as the realization of who and what I am exists as a physical body that doesn’t require to be judged in order to exist.

 

 

I notice that I’m basically expecting to be misinterpreted through choice of words and overall expression, including silence, bracing and suppressing myself through the maintenance of the whole cycle, while fixating on the perception of it as a problem that I apparently can’t solve, which is essentially trying to limit communication based on the pattern formed from past memories and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a future projection of expecting to be misinterpreted while communicating/ interacting with others due to how I have allowed myself to judge my own expression, choice of words which is a self-sabotage mechanism wherein remaining silent is a way to keep myself ‘safe’ from being able to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a fortress that I have built throughout space and time as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own belief and/or fear of being misinterpreted for being silent, when this is something that I can only allow myself to exist as if I have judged my own silence as a mechanism to suppress my ability to communicate and interact in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of silence a comfortable space in my mind wherein I don’t have to expose myself in fear of being judged by others as the words that I speak.

 

I realize that it will take space and time and specificity to dedicate myself to deconstruct the fortress that I have built toward myself and my own expression as the ability to replace such bricks of self-recrimination, self-judgment and self-sabotage with bricks as the input of self-support, self-acceptance and self-direction that I am able to give to myself in every moment that I stop from participating in the usual patterns of self-judgment in my mind toward myself and my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of communication and interaction a moment and event wherein I have to be in a defense-mode from ‘being judged by others,’ without realizing that such judgment is stemming from myself only, thus projecting it onto others as a belief that what I see within myself as judgments is ‘who I am’ – I realize that it is my responsibility for having allowed myself to be affected by the words that others may say or think about me , and that I can only participate in such cycles of judgment within the belief that who I am can be ‘judged by others’ which can only happen if I allow such judgment to exist within me first.

I commit myself to take responsibility to not project onto others that which I have judged within my self – I realize that this is able to be walked as I walk myself out of any inkling of judgment that I have created toward myself as the expression and choice of words, which I realize I am the directive principle of in every moment that I am able to stop any point of self-judgment, apply self forgiveness for it and give it a new input/ direction that will stand as a constructive direction that I realize I am able and capable of giving myself to in every moment that I am here as breath, directing myself and not being directed by my own mind, which is the epitome of imitation.

I equalize myself as self-direction in order to direct my mind a myself within the starting point of what’s best for all to express and live as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create words as problems, as experiences within me that I realize I have created through the accumulation of participating in my mind as fears, judgments and any other limitation wherein I then believe that such words that I have adopted as ‘who I am’ are in fact a ‘reality’ of myself, without realizing how I created such ‘problems’ for myself by my direct participation in allowing me to be diminished, judged, criticized and limit myself by becoming words that are not supportive to live.

Thus I realize that I can direct myself to stop the fixation of a problem and instead, fixing it by taking the necessary steps of self-correction which will require me going into the core of the words that I see I am living as a ‘problem’ and walking the necessary process to disengage from such limitation while giving myself practical direction to support myself as one and equal, as the ability to express without any limitation created in my own mind.

I realize that I am the only one that is able to solve the experiences that I have defined as an impediment or a problem within myself, as I realize that I created them in the first place.

I take self responsibility to correct the patterns that I have allowed myself to limit myself with, wherein I become the directive principle of the life that I am here writing in order to structure myself to live the words that are self-supportive for myself – in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take memories and experiences of the past as a precondition to any given moment that I am able to communicate, wherein I am then sabotaging my stance according to How I experienced myself in moments of communicating in the past as memories that I have kept ‘as who I am,’ which have only limited myself to remain bound to an ‘idea’ of ‘who I am while communicating.’ Thus, I direct myself to open up and disclose for myself all the experiences that I’ve held and kept as myself in similar situations to unconditionally let go of all limitations that I have created as an inability to communicate/ interact/ reply in a moment of interaction.

I see that reciprocity can only exist while and when I have in fact established myself as the self-agreement of support to make sure I stop all judgments as ‘who I am’ and commit myself to root out the embedded beliefs of limitation that are only existent as words that I have allowed myself to create as the idea of ‘who I am.’

I commit myself to investigate the words that I have created myself as within the terms of self-limitation and self-judgment, as I see and realize that it is within the memories and the past that I have kept as ‘who I am’ that all the keys to ‘what I am’ now exist. Thus, I direct myself to dig into the words I’ve lived as self-limitation and self-judgment in order to understand how I am responsible for my own experience, and how I am able to give myself proper direction to stand one and equal to the words I speak which means, scripting myself to live words that are self-supportive within the consideration of what’s best for all.

I realize that any experience that I have created toward ‘others’ in the moment of communication is only my own reflection and mirror of who I am within and as my mind, which is then what I work with instead of believing that I can be judged by others without my consent to do so. I realize that in order for me to establish a process of self-agreement of self-support, I have to let go of defending myself as my mind and arguing for my limitations, which is simply an indication that the moment that I see such limitations coming up, I am able to Stop, breathe and find the practical direct-solution to such limiting judgment and direct myself in the moment that the thought arrives to investigate how I have accepted and allowed myself to become such word I speak/ write/ communicate as ‘who I am.’

I commit myself to investigate myself as the words that I speak, to become specific in scripting myself to give myself practical and tangible solutions to every point that I see I have diminished myself to – therefore it is a process of self-support wherein I walk self-forgiveness to expose the patterns that I have lived as fears, limitations, judgments that tamper my ability to express – and direct myself to give a proper input once that the ‘old’ is self-forgiven.

 

I realize that I must do this in order to not let the points only be ‘exposed’ yet without having any proper direction, as that is equal to empty statements that are ‘gone with the wind’ as the mind will only be temporarily ‘exposed’ but not given full correction, which gives space for the same pattern to re-emerge. Thus I commit myself to give myself practical corrections that I see and realize I can live and apply in the immediacy of the context and events wherein I identify I experience such judgments and suppressions.

I let go of the idea of my writings having to be done in a perfect manner, I allow myself to see that perfection is not built and created ‘overnight’ as it has taken us time and space within an existential process of having detached from such perfection by our own acceptance and allowance of separation form ourselves as our own mind.

I see and realize that the experiences that I am facing at the moment are the direct result of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become in separation of ‘who I am’ as life.

Life is at this moment for myself being able to express, communicate, interact and participate in my physical reality without limitations and self-imposed boundaries, which is then recognizing my ability to give myself structure to establish a world as words of self-support that I vow myself to live as ‘who I am,’ through physically stopping and correcting/ directing the patterns that I have limited and reduced myself to within my mind.

I allow myself to expand my ability to express without holding any preconceived idea of ‘how’ and ‘who’ I must be while doing so, I allow myself to give myself that moment of innocence while and when I write myself to recognize my own creation and direct myself to correct it in Self-Responsibility for one’s own experience and for all in equality.

 

“In the BEGINNING was the the Word and the Word was God and the Word was With God, = See — we are Living Words, The Word made Flesh, The selF. Only one Problem. Where there is a Beginning there is an END. Only through ENDING what we have become as the Living Word will we be Able to recreate ourselves as Words and a WORLD that is Best for Life and for this we Must Become Life or end as a FILE in the Annals of History — just a Memory. Join the forum at Desteni.” – Bernard Poolman

 

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2012 Sculpting in Time: Patience

 

Redefining self-creation within using the term ‘sculpting’ is suitable here within the understanding that we cannot in fact ‘create’ something anew, as everything is already here – we can stand one and equal to what is already Here as ourselves, and form/ shape/ mold ourselves within a self-directive process within the realization and recognition of who I am as one and equal as this totality and reality that is Here.

 

I can use the word manipulation wherein I re-define it as the ability to practically and physically stand one and equal as myself, my physical body to practically align myself within the consideration that, to create/ mold/ shape a world that’s in fact best for all, I must first consider aligning and correcting my own starting point within my existence here. Manos = hands in Spanish so that makes sense to consider the physical-process ‘at hand’ in a tangible way wherein we ‘intervene’ ourselves as the pattern/ shape that we have become. This implies the process that we walk wherein our mind is a direct reflection of the essence of who we are as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become in separation of life.

 

What is Life? I have only lived according to that limited reflection of self as a mind that works according to preordained patterns and habits, fears and limitations that have kept me bound to a particular mind-frame, that I created for myself. Thus, self-creation, self-sculpting to stand one and equal as who I really am implies taking definitive steps to correct myself to become the actual and full expression of life. This is thus a point wherein self as creator cannot take a ‘self-mastery’ position until self has actually walked and realized in totality what I created as myself, why and how I allowed myself to live in a limited scope dictated by my own choice to live only as a mind that thinks itself, living in a custom-made pursuit of happiness which, doesn’t matter how much I denied it or created it in opposition of the ‘usual’ pursuit of happiness, became the driving force of my life, neglecting the fact that I don’t have anything to ‘win’ or ‘attain’ or ‘achieve’ here other than self-equalization wherein all value-schemes are finally dissolved to remain as the physical reality that has always been Here, that doesn’t require me to ‘think it’ to exist.

 

This is a Process – and it is walked through space and time. This is me equalizing myself as the physical reality that I realize I exist as in space and time. Within this , I see and realize that I have existed as a perpetual pattern of rushing, of self-righteous positioning within the context of wanting to and desiring to always be in control of myself, to be ahead of my own standards which manifests as a rushing within my being, my thoughts, my actions, my very walking in this world.

 

I could call this an anxiety to ‘get somewhere’ – but even when realizing that there is nothing to attain, but only to Self-Realize as Self one and equal here, I continue perceiving a rush existing as an ingrained aspect of myself, physically and mentally lived within every action, every impulse, every moment that I miss breathing myself here, and allow myself to give into thoughts as that energetic relationship that I have created toward my own personality. I defended it because of seeing it as a ‘positive attitude’ defined within the context of this world system as ‘efficiency’ and ‘accuracy,’ which I will walk within this process of me allowing myself to establish the necessary practical and physical platform to establish patience as the consideration of the physical space and time within this process of self realization.

 

Patience sounds like ‘pace’ – I have defined physical pace as the point of self-direction in every moment that I allow myself to breathe, here, stable, constant and consistently wherein space and time is considered, wherein I am no longer existing as the rush of the mind, trying to perpetuate an idea of having to ‘do everything as fast as possible’ and recharging the self-belief and self-definition of competing against time, against myself, against others within the perception that I must always be on the top of the spear.

 

Patience is then allowing myself to equalize myself as the physical, as breath wherein I stop any rush of the mind to ‘get things done’ in separation of the moment that I am here, practically and physically doing it, directing myself within it/ as it- instead of projecting/ ejecting myself as a lightning bolt into the future wherein I ‘win’ and I then add it to the self-kept score of lifetime achievements.

 

Who I am is not an accumulation of points that can make me ‘more’ that what I am here. I am the accumulation of the thoughts, words and deeds that I correct, self forgive and direct within establishing a certain outcome that is best for all. I allow myself to walk in the moment, as there is nowhere to ‘get to’ or nothing to ‘attain’/ gain here – it is the reintegration of myself as the physical moment and stopping the energetic rush that comes as a spear ahead of me, charged with anxiety and a self-created chasing-after survival mode as my own mind, doing everything ‘the quickest possible way’ which is how I would tend to take short cuts and eventually having to go back and walk the ‘long run’ so to speak.

 

Hence the process here is to get ourselves back to ourselves to stand one and equal with no dimensional shifts of delusions like ‘having to be there’ and ‘attaining’ something, but walking self-equality and oneness within the ability to stand one and equal as the points that I see are supportive for me to accept and live within the consideration of self-creation in every moment that I live Patience as physically breathing and walking every moment here, remaining within the consideration of space and time reality to live the process of self-correction in every moment as breath, as the physical – instead of projecting it as an idea in my own mind that ‘must be done’ but simply live it.

 

How to walk this? Through practically writing out myself and Self-Forgiving the relationship I built with the idea of ‘who I must be,’ which cannot be sustained and doesn’t have-to either, as it was never built within the consideration of what’s best for all, but wrought within the desire to always be ‘on top’ and ‘winning’ and remaining as a ‘special person’ according to my own value-schemes, reinforced and self-induced by my own thoughts and judgments toward myself, others and this reality.

 

So I take these points and walk the correction to stop participating in these energetic movements of the mind, and direct myself within the understanding that this process, which is self-equalization as life here, is and will be walked within space and time. A literal slowing down to consider space and time is then the practical application to stop the automated impulse that comes up – sometimes without even ‘words’ per se – as a physically integrated aspect of myself as a energetic movement of the mind, which is what we can call personality/ ego.

 

“…whether passive or active the point is to assert ones ego as superior as winner in the end. Each has the same end goal – Domination.” Andrew Gable

 

And it is true – even if I have criticized/ judged people that have run a competition against themselves, I have done the exact same thing without wanting to allow it because of ego. And this competition was built upon my own ‘ideal’ of who I am and what I have to portray myself as at all times to remain within the same idea/ personality I built for myself in the first place. In the end it became this ‘eternal cycle’ of battling against myself – it’s always about ourselves. I mean, part of the jaw-dropping points I’ve learned in the past weeks through the what is sex interviews is that all relationships have always been toward our own mind and within understanding all the details that come with it, I realized how we have all been living as mirrors of each other, yet always missed then the point of ‘taking it back to self.’

This is how when encountering people in our reality with similar traits, quirks and personality, we develop a relationship toward ‘them’ in our own mind which is only ourselves using another as a trigger point/ cause and excuse to reinforce our self-accepted patterns and habits as our personality wherein we believe that whatever we experience is about ‘them,’ never realizing it’s always been about ourselves living in a mirror-mirror reality that we are now aware of, must stop with and within ourselves here.

Till this day, I can see that it is an actual ‘abnormal human effort’ to develop such practical common sense within us. It really does – and it is a process walked in space-time as part of the ‘gist’ of it is walking through space and time within the consideration of every thread that we accepted and allowed to separate ourselves from.

At times, I have to take a moment to just breathe and let go, because of realizing to what extent we have separated ourselves from the simplicity that we actually are, here, physically and how we could have stopped all this avalanche of consequence if we had all heard to that inner self-honest voice of doing what’s best for all, considering each other as equals wherein no winners or losers can exist.

However what’s done is done, and it’s here for us to walk, assisting and supporting ourselves to ensure that all separation begins and ends within each one of us here.

This will continue.

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to manipulate myself and using myself and what I exist as to suit a self-interest based personality of wanting to always be accomplishing, winning, being and remaining on top, which is how I realize I have used my mind in order to orchestrate and lay out strategies wherein I could be always in a ‘safe spot’ within the self-definition of being ‘unique’ and ‘special’ –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use myself, my physical body and my mind in order to continue fueling an idea of ‘having to become something more’ which lead me to continually chase-after anything that could allow me to continue residing within the ‘safe spot’ of being on top, ahead of others and of myself as a dimensional separation from the physical reality that is here.

I realize that I created a delusional reality of having to ‘upkeep’ the idea of myself, without ever realizing that any personality-feed that I created for myself, was in fact only existent in my own mind, externalized as ‘who I am’ to the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant pattern of rushing within the self-righteous idea of wanting and desiring to be ‘ahead’ of myself and others, within existing as a constant projection of ‘having everything done quickly’ which has manifested as my physical self-experience wherein rushing at a mind level ensues a level of anxiety wherein there is a perceived idea of ‘getting something done’ in separation of myself

I realize that I am able and capable of moving myself at the physical pace, slowing down from my current application wherein breath becomes the pace to establish patience within the process of self correction that is here, as myself, when I realize that I am able to live the words that I place as a platform and blueprint of self-sculpting/ self-creation through space and time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define efficiency and accuracy as fast-speeding and hurrying/ rushing to get things done throughout my life. This is how I allowed myself to live only at a mind-level of pursuing to ‘accomplish tasks’ to continue adding points to my personal-score.

I realize that all mind-projections and energetic-ejections of rushing and hasting was only to upkeep this idea of myself that I see has been one of the prominent dimensional shifts from the physical reality that is here, as every breath, that must be walked in self-awareness in every moment to ensure that I stop following any lightning bolt thought of wanting to do things ‘as fast as possible’ which only leads me to miss out the actual process of self-realization As the moment that is here as breath.

I see and realize that life is not about ‘becoming something/ someone’ or ‘achieving’ anything – or keeping up a certain idea of ‘who I am,’ it is about actual living and understanding of self-creation as the decision and direction of how I can practically walk myself at a physical level, within the consideration of what is best for all. Within this point of self-honesty I realize that no more, no less, no behind and no ahead can exist, as all dimensions of past, present and future exist here, as myself, as the physical moment of breathing.

Walking at the physical pace is nor slow or fast, it is the pace that is walked as the consideration of space and time, as the reality that we are and create in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss breathing myself here every time that I access the self-created pattern of ‘having to rush’ whenever I have to accomplish a particular task, and defending it as a ‘positive trait’ within me as ‘efficiency’ and ‘accuracy’

I realize that I adopted this patterns within the belief that I could then become like the ‘ideal’ that I perceived others in my reality to be-like, never realizing that I copied the ‘most effective’ survival mechanism in order to prevail as the ‘constantly winning’ personality that I fed as myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having considered being ‘fast’ and ‘accurate’ as a positive trait within myself, because of how I would get rewarded and awarded for doing things as ‘fast as I could’ – thus building this idea that there is always something to ‘achieve’, some ‘score to brake’ within myself, not realizing that all that I fed was the idea, belief and perception I created of myself as ‘the ever-conquering winner’ toward others.

And it’s fascinating because I see and realize that this became ‘so much who I am’ that I continued existing as this, which is a surreptitious and prevailing superiority toward others.

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the underlying self-belief of superiority toward others in my world within the belief that such ‘superiority’ is ‘who I am’ and that I am now ‘diminishing myself’ by having to walk at a ‘slower pace’ – which is only a perceptual consideration and mechanism of my own mind to defend the regular desire to intake as much ‘rush’ as possible to ‘upkeep’ the idea of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always see this trait of being ‘fast’ and ‘accurate’ within a positive scope, which veiled it from me walking it through self-forgiveness in fear of actually losing that idea of myself, which became a pillar to the entire personality based on superiority and inferiority of and as my own mind toward myself and others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to recharge the self-belief and self-definition of having to be constantly ‘competing against time’ without realizing that I was only competing against myself and in doing that, keeping myself busy as the mind, directing me only from that energetic drive and impulse within the starting point of rushing, instead of realizing that whatever I do, say and think must be a self-directed action in every moment that I am living and existing at the physical pace wherein I become the directive principle of my words, thoughts and actions, in self-awareness of each moment being the moment of self-correction to live patience as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ‘must’ always remain ‘at the top of the spear’ wherein there is an energetic input in order to make the spear move, as that energetic drive within ‘rushing’ that I see and realize is an energetic charge that I am able to stop in every moment of breath wherein I allow myself to take the necessary time and space to walk the point breath-by-breath, moment-by-moment.

I realize that self-creation is not a matter of producing ‘products’ that I can get a certain ‘reward’ from – it is about self-understanding who I am, what I have become and walking the actual corrections in space and time, which can only then be seen and proven as I walk within space and time, wherein what I have in every moment is the ability to direct and correct myself to make sure the starting point of everything I do, say, think is based in the moment, and not acting out of an accumulation of backchat as self-talk to continue existing as the personality and ego of the mind within ‘rushing’ and competing against time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having used time as my ‘enemy’ and my excuse and an ally when it came to being a constant factor within the self-definition as ‘rushing’ within my life experience.

I realize that I have been the only obstacle and ‘fuel’ to drive myself as this constant rushing-experience within me. I also realize that I have claimed to ‘not have enough time’ without realizing that within rushing I am in fact missing the moment that is here wherein no time is required to be considered, but only self-movement breath-by-breath and moment-by-moment wherein the accumulation of such moments as breath directed toward a specific outcome, will inevitably lead to the certainty of that outcome as I have then placed myself in full-awareness within this self-directed process of self-creation – it is no longer a mind-creation and ‘idea’ of myself getting somewhere/ becoming something. It is myself here walking As that self-realization in space and time, as breath, as the moment, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having sought to take ‘short cuts’ to ‘get it all done as fast as possible’ which means that I am in fact not living self-correction as the moment, but creating an idea of getting myself ‘somewhere else,’ instead of realizing that short-cutting myself is only a mind-loop that will inevitably have to be walked within space and time as that’s the only point of self-creation that exist in this physical reality.

I realize that I have lived as the ‘quantum version’ of myself, as that idea of myself ‘getting somewhere’ and ‘becoming something’ within no-time, which is neglecting the very physical and actual reality that is here. Thus I realize that the only way to establish self equality and oneness is living here as the physical pace of breath, as the moment wherein I assess what is required to be done and live it As the moment – not to ‘get it done’ but live it as myself moment by moment until it is actually done in space-and-time as the physical reality that I then live as ‘who I am’ not as an idea that I have created of ‘who I am.’

That’s how ‘self-definition’ dissolves when the integration through space and time is no longer an energetic addiction or subtraction of points within an ego/ personality construction, but a self-equalization that is lived as ‘who I am’ as the physical reality – it is no longer bound or defined as a mind-reality, but lived as self in every moment wherein there are no longer any ‘scores’ to keep.

I realize that self-equality and oneness is a physical integration of myself out of the mind and into the physical through living the words that I have laid out here for me to consider in every moment that I am here, wherein when and as I see myself wanting to ‘rush’ and ‘speed up’ my pace and general activities within my reality, I stop and I breathe. I realize that walking patience as myself is the consideration of me walking within space and time as the actual integration of self-correction lived breath-by-breath and moment-by-moment wherein there is ‘nowhere to get to’ other than Here, grounding myself as the physical body that is self-directive within every thought and every breath. This is the space-time process to walk as self, here.

 

“Just slow down and breathe before you write and look at your words through the eyes of life and through the eyes of others and LIVE them to life, regardless – and with that you will lift yourself to life. It is in the service as the written word that we design ourselves as life. You are ready to grasp this. Breathe and accept it.” Bernard Poolman

 

“Moment M-o-(me)nt – Moment is the manifestation/physical living of Me (M) and how I decide/direct as live (nt) this Me practically in this world/reality, as a constant/consistent expression/standing/living (o) of ‘who I am’ (me), with me, the manifestation of me (the physical) and the living of me being an infactness that stand eternal because this Me is ALL, in/as equality and oneness and thus the Moment is Me, HERE– is the hereness of me as I am Moment, which is the very physical lived expression of equality and oneness always. Moment is HERE. Moment is always HERE as I am always Here – and therefore, self-realisation, the opportunity of rebirth to self-awareness is always HERE, open, waiting – in every moment of breath…” Sunette Spies

 

I occupy the space that I breathe in

 

Interview that allowed me to realize this:

Reptilians – The Quantum Time Illusion – Part 11

Perfectionism is an Inside Job!

Per-fact working with what is here to be created/ directed within the principle of what’s best for all – Working in specificity, living in ways that are taking into consideration an outcome that will benefit myself and all equally – there are no inner-guidelines according to my own value schemes based on comparison or fears within that. This is how we can transform our current participation in ‘perfectionism’ to self perfection.

Perfectionism – system word and the familiar imprint.

I read the word perfectionism and remembered the usual talks my parents would have with their friends around the table and how my father would boast about his peculiar traits of being methodic and a perfectionist. He’s cool from the system perspective and I’ve learned heaps from such specificity and efficiency within taking into consideration aspects that make our day to day living more practical – yet a lot is definitely based on fear and an underlying desire for control. Now that I look at the word I see that looking at the ‘driving force’ of this experience is having everything working the way ‘he wants it to be’ and this aspect can consume him the moment things don’t go as expected.

That’s when anger would ignite within him right away – it was a ‘known’ fact that if something didn’t work out the way it was expected, we would have to deal with his bad temper. It’s been cool actually because this past year  I’ve gotten to be more open in talking about how to support ourselves with my parents/ family in general, so I’ve been able to point out in the exact moment when he’s going into anger and frustration for things not resulting the way he wanted them. This has been supportive for him to snap out of it and realize that all the fuzz is absolutely unnecessary and that things have to simply be physically directed without adding any other ‘charge’ to it.

The reason why I’m writing about my father is because I require to apply the exact same points for myself.  I can see myself in him in terms of how we have lived ‘perfectionism’ as literal cage wherein we want everything to be ‘under control,’ wherein we don’t want to make any mistakes which is essentially out of fear, fear of not keeping up with this ideal that we’ve created of ourselves, our ‘reputation.’ I now remembered asking my father in one of these events ‘well, what is it that worries you the most if this doesn’t work out?’ and he replied something along the lines of ‘what everyone will say about it.’ And then he goes into his petulant mode wherein he’s just like a little kid that has been caught in the nitty gritty of what is actually ‘mattering’ within our mind, it’s actually funny because there is no place to hide once we reveal and expose ourselves. 

So, it is about fearing others’ judgments, fearing not being ‘up to the expectations’ which is just an overall fuckup since we then will try and make everything fit our imaginary idea – not a pleonasm but a required redundancy to realize how we cannot become an ‘idea’ that is only existent in our mind unless we actually live it in fact. When living in comparison and caring too much about our general ‘presentation’ toward others, we start hindering our expression and placing a lock to our expression to not get out of the ‘known-safe bounds’ and in that, giving up the ability to express, share, being, speak and act because of caring too much about what others have to say about it.

 

How I have experienced perfectionism.

It started when I was a little girl – kindergarten to be precise and I wanted to be the perfect girl that did everything I was told to do. The moment I deviated from it like grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting some boy’s hair, getting scolded and resenting such action coming from the ‘teacher,’ I got ‘stuck’ within the point of never wanting to create such ‘harm’ on to another, the kid started crying after it all seemed like ‘fun’ to me.  That’s the first imprint of ‘being mean’ at school and being reprehended for it. From there fear kicked in and made sure I was doing everything I was told to do out of fear of having to go through that ‘humiliating experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having experienced humiliation out of being scolded without anyone taking into consideration the inner-workings and intentions behind the actions – in this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to move from self-expression into fear because of not wanting to be ‘scolded’ again ‘in public’ and experiencing such humiliation which I didn’t know existed at the time, creating a general imprint of ‘fear’ which then became the driving force to ‘do as I’m told’ and be an obedient sheep in class.

In fact, from that moment on any ‘fuck up’ that I made during the elementary school years – like being kicked out of the class for talking too much which only happened once – I felt like the scum of the Earth, I feared to be expelled from the honorable wall of fame at school – losing the grace all teachers and others had – the ‘reputation’ point became quite prominent when being the ‘perfect system’ that does ‘everything perfect.’ In fact now that I see the latest points wherein that word has come up in my reality, I get this icky feeling like fuck that’s just not cool, it’s all ego based – how could ‘accomplishing tasks’ be related to ‘being perfect?’ It all was part of getting to know how to score in the system of rewards – nothing else.

I can only accept Self Perfection as myself and in that, we all have to stand equal and one to it – that would be principles and self-will to be efficient, practical, specific in terms of what will create an outcome that’s best for all. I speak of ‘creation’ because that’s what we are doing here with ourselves and the world. Therefore, now that we understand that all points within creation must be equally responsible, we can see how within being self responsible, correcting ourselves and accumulating words and deeds that co-operate to create a best for all outcome is walking the process of Self Perfection. This then cannot be a mind/ ego-driven move, but a best-for-all consideration that anyone can apply in an equal manner.

The reason why we have become so hooked on ‘perfectionism’ is due to the current system wherein one has to be absolutely ‘fit’ and aligned to its rules to keep going – this is just another survival-mechanism point because the main motive is fear once again. Whether it is fear of judgment, of not having money, fear of loss, etc. we have to take such fears to see where we have placed our value/worth upon.

Walking in this process has allowed me learn how to work as a team for the first time as I used to ‘loathe’ to work in teams, because it would usually mean having other 4 people wanting to be in my team because they knew and I knew I would do it all – yes I would create such a situation for myself and accept to do it all most of the times just so that I could make sure it was done ‘the right way.’ Once again we see that the motivation was fearing it would be a fuckup and believing that ‘my way’ is the ‘best way.’ I have stunned myself whenever I see how cool it is to brainstorm about points to the extent that I can see how funneling everything within the principle of equality can create an actual diversity of perspectives that lead to the same point – yet using different ways and expressions to get there, that’s the cool part.

It’s probably been over a  decade since I started letting go much of the initial hardcore perfectionism I experienced as a child – I mean, when I was around 8 years old if things didn’t go out the way I wanted, I would become frustrated and angry and bottle myself in it only getting to see some ‘light out of the tunnel’ with some support that I would get from my mother at that time, allowing me to see how I was simply able to do the things without having to be so strict and ‘hard on myself.’ I see how I would take such comments like ‘quick fixes’ that she could say in order for me to have like a spoon fed of honey to get past the bitterness, I would not really consider what she was saying. It did support to snap out of it and learn to be more flexible with my own religion. Like if I would say: I go to bed at 9:15 I had to be in bed at that time, no matter where I was I would have to be in bed because otherwise I was breaking my own rules and that was equal to what missing Sunday’s mass is for a hardcore christian.

I created for myself an overly-apprehensive childhood, no one was putting a gun to my head to have set such standards of ‘being the best’ all the time, it was like literal preprogramming running itself wherein my parents never had to bother in asking if I had done my homework or doing exhaustive reviews on my homework. My mother would support me with tools to learn useless data and create questionnaires to enhance the understanding of what I was learning –  that was it.   The drive that I would experience in an almost automated way to ‘be the best one in the class’ was driven by fear of losing my reputation and image toward others.

After these initial years at school I learned ‘the ways of the system’ wherein I simply got to know the ‘rules’ and started manipulating the points to get the desired outcome, extenuating the effort as well.  This is Not Self Perfection at all! Yet from a system perspective it was regarded as such – it was me becoming part of the ones that are able to manipulate things to suit my reputation/ ego. It actually sucks when people build a certain ‘idea of yourself’ and then create all types of expectations of ‘who you are’ and when finally getting to meet you, they eventually see you are just another mortal that is not self perfected – yet.

 

I can also now pinpoint the times in the past wherein I would create this ‘lower standard’ of something I had created even though it was ‘well done’ just to create a ‘safe zone,’ like a margin of error wherein if people thought it wasn’t ‘good enough,’ they would have my initial input of the work ‘not being good enough’ so that they could then measure the end result according to their judgment and my input and create an ‘acceptable average’ from it all. All fucked up complicated value systems – the mind complicates everything and it’s all done just for the sake of keeping up an imaginary standard that apparently can uplift of diminish who we are – it’s not real!

 

From Perfectionism to Self Perfection – the process.

The way to go every time from here on that I experience any perfection-demon kick I  stop for a moment and become aware of what is the driving force within this – what is it that I am actually supporting here and if common sense is not able to be found, we’ll know it’s being an ego-driven task directed to fulfill a certain patterned-idea of myself that is not self-supportive, that will not be applicable for all equally and will only stand as a general bluff within my experience.

Self-perfection is taking all into consideration to the best outcome possible – perfectionism is just ego-driven desires and fears which are the same but just in opposition to each other. It implies then stopping the desire to be ‘the best’ or beating my own standards and self-created ‘records’ to simply continue living in a way that is supportive for myself and everyone equally. That way we let go of measuring ourselves against ourselves and others and feeling ‘good’ or ‘bad’ about it.

“Perfectionism is based in fear – self perfection is based in self creation” – Bernard Poolman

And with that we can see how we’re all walking the process of self creation wherein self perfection is the accumulation of consistent self-application directed toward a best for all outcome.

 

Learn more at: Desteni 

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