Tag Archives: pessimism

423. Proof that I’ve been Mind Controlled


Following through a bit with this ‘happiness’ redefinition, I would not have been able to be comfortable in opening up this word to redefine if I hadn’t looked at a key aspect that I’ve been noticing for quite some time in walking this process of removing/stopping past self-definitions.

This became clearer when I shared in a podcast I called Doing Good = Uncool? about how currently there is a tendency to deem everything that is rebellious and antagonistic as ‘cool’ and everything that is supportive, disciplined and orderly as ‘uncool’ – and the way I found out that this mostly was a personal perception is when I attempted to find pictures on Google images that would depict this type of construct or judgments upon what I had seen as ‘cool’ and ‘uncool,’ there were no pictures for me to depict that! So that made it obvious that I had to rather look at it from a very personal manner instead and ended up creating my own ‘picture’ to depict the kind of perception I had held within me.


Cool vs uncool


My previous attempt in life was to become what I defined and believed to be a ‘cool’ person, so just because I had gotten so much bashing/criticism from my peers while growing up for always being ‘the straight A’ person in school and so being defined as nerdy for that and ‘tight’ or ‘uncool,’ I focused on finding ways to shake those definitions off by being very specific in the type of ‘person/personality’ I would become. This is how I decided to pick and integrate aspects that I could deem were going ‘against the grain,’ so to speak, against the expectations that I perceived everyone had around me. This influenced everything of me, the way I would dress/look, act, speak, the topics I would bring up, the kind of books I read, the kind of music I’d listen to, the way I would relate to people, to my family etc.  And TV was a great source of ‘inspiration’/dormant brainwashing for that, as I have shared here previously that I mostly grew up watching MTV and so there I shaped all my preferences toward everything and everyone that seemed to ‘challenge’ the status quo, to go against the flow and step out of the ‘schemes’ in one way or another, or be intimidating toward others, as a way to ‘challenge the establishment’ or being in a constant ‘defense mode,’ which is a ‘trendy’ way to actually hide the fear that instigates these ‘hardass’ personalities.

Little did I know that this was part of a greater scheme of social engineering to have kids grow up aspiring to be ‘rockstars’ or ‘artists’ and had nothing to do or no sense of responsibility to this world, but instead define all things ‘rebellious’ and ‘antagonistic to the system’ as being super cool.

So, this is how I then became what I could define as a disciplined rebel, because it’s not like I started slacking at school, I actually proved that I could still ‘pull out a straight A’ without even studying at times, just by being very attentive in class and so using my ‘wits’ to challenge professors and classmates alike – lol, I was really in for being like a typical dissident in many ways and deem that as cool, even if for others it wasn’t, to ‘me’ that was the definition of ‘being an outcast’ and enjoying myself within that because of seeing myself as ‘special,’ as having ‘no trend’ without realizing it was a trend and it was becoming more and more common in order to get people reacting, being angry and antagonistic against everything and everyone, just to remain in perpetual conflict and never looking at solutions.

Of course nowadays doing this type of ‘dissidence’ has become like the norm and it’s no longer as ‘shocking’ as it was some 10 years ago, which is how I’ve seen a fascinating shift in the perception of ‘values’ and the role that the media/TV has had on twisting people’s ideas of ‘what they want to do with their lives’ and what they find as ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’ by imposing a ‘new’ morality that claims openness, sexual liberation and ‘independence’ but it’s all just a false idea of empowerment through antagonism – been there, done that, doesn’t work!

So this is why I then saw that everything I deemed as ‘uncool’ was in fact that which was in fact supportive: to be self-responsible, to be disciplined, to be non-antagonistic, to have a ‘clean’ presentation of oneself, to not be destructive, to not bash or blame others, etc. This included a very key aspect that had prevented me from realizing I could live the word ‘happiness’ in fact, because I had associated happiness with people being fully blind and not seeing reality, I deemed it as a dirty word that could only be used to define an ever elusive utopia that we were too far away from or impossible of ever creating even. I deemed that anyone that could call themselves ‘happy’ were absolutely disingenuous and blinded from reality. So it is in this judgment that I then prevented me from even considering looking at this word ‘happiness’ for myself, meaning investigating ‘who I was’ toward this world, how I could live it in a self-honest manner; I was in a way still holding on to the ‘image’ or ‘idea’ of myself as still ‘challenging the system’ and being cool in that, but in no way wanting to get to what I had defined as ‘being a positive thinker’ of sorts by talking about things like ‘being happy,’ or creating a ‘happy future for everyone’ lol.




All of these are just judgments and perceptions wherein I was in fact denying to myself being able to expand my living into seeing the word happiness and not link it to some nerdy-good-doer type of personality as my own mind construct, as my own past definitions that came through ‘judgments’ that I refused to be or become at others’ eyes. In fact now that I can speak about it and define me in the process of creating happiness within myself and my world, I no longer see something pulling out inside me as a ‘NOOO what the hell are you talking about!!?’ type of reluctant backchat that would come within me whenever anyone talked about ‘being happy’ or aiming at being happy in this world. A part of me really, really rejoiced experiencing and living in misery, gloom and doom which is a whole construct that I’ve been debunking throughout the years in this process, and along with that discovering what I was preventing me from acknowledging as part of my living potential, just because I had defined it as ‘uncool’ lol, and going ‘against my personality.’

What are personalities really but locks and cells wherein we believe we would ‘get out of character’ if we challenge such self-definitions and preferences and dare to think outside of our box – it’s really all a mind job wherein we hold on to ‘past definitions’ of who we are and in that we lock ourselves in one way or another from being able to fully embrace our living potential, which is not at all about being a ‘good person’ now instead of an ‘evil one,’ not at all –  it’s about recognizing words for the expression they are and can be when lived in self-honesty, and no longer about words that hold relationships to pictures, ideas, personalities or preferences as they exist in the world system.


In this, I realize that if we are to genuinely become the living word, we have to expunge ourselves from any limitation, any self-delimitation/definition that keeps us locked into a phoney idea of ‘who we are,’ which becomes a constricted character that is still defined by attitudes, behaviors, preferences, personality traits and so forth which are all part of the egos we believe we are. So it’s always a matter of asking oneself: what do I accept and allow to define me and my every moment in this world? What am I still holding on to with preventing me from living this word – such as ‘happiness’- as myself? Why had I defined this word as uncool and a pure sham? What am I missing out when dismissing living a world that is actually able to be lived and constructed in a self-honest manner?

Seems that self-sabotage is the only answer as to why we prevent us from digging out the corpses that prevent us from give ourselves a real blank-slate to create our lives, free from the past, I mean why would I want to hold on to an idea of ‘who I should be’? To be liked by ‘certain kinds of people’ only? Because I wanted to get along and ‘attract’ similar people – but would I then be even ‘attracting’ real and genuine people or only other similar characters that focus on getting along with similar characters in their lives to remain locked in the same characters forevermore?

Time to break the shell of one’s personality in all ways and challenge it further, and to me having to be speaking of solutions, focusing on looking at practical reality outcomes and how I can be a living example of doing this would have been like an ‘uncool’ thing to do in the past, because I was following the bashing/ rebelling trend, lol, not considering that I was really on my way to be a self-defined pariah that wanted to be special and ‘cool’ through abdicating all responsibility to myself and my world, because ‘oh it was ‘so cool’ to only bash the world and do nothing about it.’ ´

My suggestion is to watch out for this kind of thinking construct, even more so when this kind of ‘attitude’ is shaping lots of youngsters mindsets with ‘life mottos’ such as Y.O.L.O You Only Live Once and ‘living life on the fast lane,’ being the most ‘rebel’ and ‘darky’ and ‘antagonistic’ to precisely avoid youngsters genuine awareness of how they can contribute to creating life, a better future for all – and instead remain in an abysmal and gloomy outlook on life, because in that way you get discouraged from ‘doing something about it’ and so, it’s most profitable to seek ‘happiness’ or fulfillment through trends, drugs, partying and sex than doing anything genuinely supportive in one’s life.

And so, this is then a general self-awareness point wherein this ‘live fast, die young , don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone, do drugs, have sex with as many as you can and enjoy the rock and roll’ type of mentality is seen as ‘the ultimate cool’: It is not, and that’s why there’s such a vast amount of disarray and mental/physical problems in young adults that follow this ‘trends’ that actually start from TV, from so called ‘alternative books’ as well as it happened in my case.


Here’s an invitation to look at yourself, where is it that you are still a product of social-engineering brainwashing through the media and ‘culture’ in terms of personalities, likes-dislikes, preferences, the ‘type of people’ you’ve perceived yourself to be and all the points that go ‘against your character’ that you have refrained yourself from openly investigating. I would not have been able to get to this conclusion if I hadn’t walked the process of deconstructing ‘me’ as a personality and so link the dots to see why I had a slight reaction to even talk about ‘happiness’ before.


Life is not about becoming a character that seeks to be the ultimate cool and ‘rebellious,’ that’s the illusion of freedom SOLD as an EXPERIENCE.

Genuine and real freedom from mind control is to take responsibility for oneself, to actually not allow oneself to be brainwashed into ‘trends’ or following what the masses think is ‘cool’ which at the moment is ‘the masses think being a rebel is cool’ which is then of course not at all an actual ‘threat’ any longer, lol, it never has been! Think of the punk movement as being part of social engineering in Britain to exacerbate youngster’s addictions and dissociation from taking responsibility in their society, because drug addicts and an impaired society is more easy to control than healthy, self-aware and ‘unbrainwashable’ individuals, which is what we have to now focus on being and becoming – mind control is only possible if we accept it and allow it.

So, are you mind controlled?


Unhooking Past Definitions


Cool blog to read on re-approaching Happiness:

Why I First Resisted The Relationship of Happiness to Money – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 653



2012 Destonians Take Over the World: The New Culture of LIFE


Read people recognizing their self creation abilities – including the redefinition of happiness – in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.



Lately I’ve gotten feedback in comments from people pointing out the message that I give through vlogs as pessimist and how I lack tolerance. I’ve exposed in a vlog recently “Getting back to the Source = LOTS of Money” how humans will certainly buy spirituality, ‘good news’ and anything that supports the idea of ‘happiness’ or the false belief that ‘we are inherently happy and blissful we just don’t know it’ and within this, enticing people to buy a state of mind through nice words, pictures and ideas that certainly can’t meet the reality that we live in – then we wonder why people go mad and blame anything or anyone instead of looking within ourselves how we’ve polarized ourselves through dissecting, tagging and categorizing this reality in a hierarchical way.

This is how when we present a message that is nothing else but the description of facts and how things function in our society, anything that doesn’t match such optimistic rosy idea of what reality apparently is, is then labeled as negative, pessimistic, intolerant. This is because we’ve already accepted and allowed ourselves to live in the falseness of it as a nice make-believe world that we’re usually presented with either on TV or any media on the streets for that matter – which is obviously linked to capitalism as the ‘buy more and be happy’ type of living credo.


It’s also clear to see how this current system will obviously support the bright side of the brainwashing because that will lead people to equate buying certain products, certain lifestyle to ‘being happy’, being ‘at ease’ – therefore, when we say how buying a personality, buying a god and buying drugs supports the current system of abuse and is in fact Self Abuse, we’re attacked from all fronts – not to mention the discussions on Equal Money wherein everyone goes one step into the future assuring it won’t work – things work awkwardly in reverse here.

I had a YouTube partnership for a short period of time – lol maybe a week or so – short-lived fleeting moment because the first thing I did was place a huge Equal Money System logo – I guess when they saw it or actually listened to my videos they cancelled it. This is obviously because they probably realized I was not an interesting product to invest their money on and I’d place YT’s sponsors ‘at risk’ – so in essence it was quite a slippery move  from YouTube to give me a partnership considering what I mostly speak about is debunking this entire system lol. Then we all now know the rest of the story with Desteni Productions channels so, it’s quite clear and obvious to us how being labeled as ‘negative’ and ‘pessimist’ is part of the survival-system defenses to perpetuate the system of buy-more and be-happy.

When one investigates a bit on the background of the person’s context – meaning the people that immediately tag our message as pessimist/ negative/ intolerant, we usually find profiles filled with gods, extremists, porn/ soft porn promoters, light and lovers, spiritual/ enlightened gurus, hard core christians, hard core capitalists/ communists, trolls and the usual vegetarian/ zeitgeister defending their ideals – to name but a few. 

The point to ponder here is HOW can Equality be ‘pessimist’, how can speaking of ‘what’s best for all’ and exposing the lies we’ve bought in this world be immediately labeled and rejected as negative. I even got to read today in one of my comments that what I was saying could even ‘harm people’s evolution process’ lol I mean, what the fuck! There’s also those that call you retard out of having nothing better to say to exert a point of superiority and hide the actual fear that was triggered under the rug while getting to hear something of what’s being said – not to worry at all on any of the above scenarios, they’re actually cool indicators that the message is tantalizing the inner-depths of their self.

What this also demonstrates and proves is how this is indeed part of what we have accepted and allowed as ourselves – fearing our reality, fearing self realization because that would in essence mean having to take self responsibility, to let go of everything that we’ve been, letting go of any form of value and worth we’ve placed in separation of ourselves, letting go of talking ourselves into ‘positivity’ and ultimately secretly relying  in the nice fluffy idea of god because ‘at least’ we would not feel so ‘alone’  – but all of that can certainly be stopped when we start taking ‘the bull by the horns’ and simplify our reality to this physical tangible reality, wherein I don’t need to assess something as good or bad or positive and negative to move myself. I simply take anything that I have to walk through, apply myself with and live according to immediate common sense practical solutions – this is within the consideration that “life” creates ‘problems’ lol.

Seriously, if there is something that I have walked through is this type of tags that I would use quite a lot myself to see ‘in which waters would I dare to dive myself into’ or not. From the moment of embracing a common sensical way of living in practical physical reality, I’ve let go of many superstitious ideas and beliefs on good and evil, vibes, energies that could ‘affect’ me in one way or another, destiny, predestination, intuition and any forms of mental self talk that I’d take into consideration to assess virtually everything in my world, I mean, it was really unnecessary to go through all of that yet I’d live it out in an almost compulsive manner – all of that has gone through the drain now that I’ve simplified my life to the physical tangible reality, realizing that every mindfuck is just that – and so I  focus on what’s here as myself, stopping thoughts that have no direct reference to what is here – that’s the process being walked.

Within that, there can be no pessimism but only the reality I breathe in the moment, there can be no positivity as I realize there is no self talk that will ‘support me’ other than me actually directing myself to just do it – and that’s how we go educating ourselves to live physically.

Reality which is this world, cannot be neglected and filtered with nice thick layers of caramel anymore,  reality is now bit by bit being exposed for what it is and cannot be denied anymore. Even if we don’t endorse protesting, the fact that people are now opening eyes to realizing the current system is not working for everyone is but a small step that will have to take place at a global level with massive wake up calls to see and LOOK at what we’ve disregarded in this world, now there cannot be anything ‘pessimist’ in that, but actually speaking with ‘the truth’ which is no nice words or picture but the reality that is here, that’s what we’ve become, that is the truth of ourselves.

I don’t like our current truth so I stand up to change the system truth into a living truth that is devoid of abuse, harm and separation from Life.

Thanks for reading.



We cannot continue as we are now

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