Tag Archives: pessimistic

January 19, 2013

277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

By Marlen

Why would we require ‘Rewards’ when the solutions to this world are placed – we should conform with that as a living principle, why do we have to ‘fantasize’ with all the ‘good stuff’ to support what’s best for all?

I will be walking this point because it is quite an underlying and quite well masked self-experience whenever we speak about the Rewards point within our proposal to establish the Equal Money Capitalist system specifically. You can read more abut it in the Economist’s Journey To Life.

Let’s look at the ‘reasoning’ behind this in the form of Internal Conversations:

-We shouldn’t require to have a positive drive to do what’s best for all

– we don’t deserve this, we have abused far too much to now only expect rewards for establishing a fair economic-system

– Why is it hard for me to speak all the ‘good things’ as rewards?

– We shouldn’t expect to have something ‘in it’ for us to move, that’s just too greedy

– Why would I want rewards on top of solving the problems?

When reading all these rewards and solutions to our current problems in the world, it is simply realizing how things should have always worked, I see that they are not meant to be ‘positively driven’ as an energetic experience that can lead us to feel momentarily ‘Great’ about ourselves or ‘Happy’- instead this is all about finally creating the necessary equilibrium to live as who and what we are, as equals in this world. However, there’s this inherent ‘lock’ or ‘barrier’ wherein the sheer acceptance of ‘all the good stuff/ what’s best for all’ would be just too much of a ‘good thing’ linking this establishment of Equality to a positive experience, which is what I then resist to fully embody as myself due to reasoning how all the defined negative in this world is ‘more real’ than all this positive things that are only created through abuse. So, I can spot the problems in this world and solutions – but, when it comes to rewards, I freeze out.

I was listening to the interview Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 43 and point this was explained with a cool example that I could relate to in terms of identifying positivity with ‘happiness’ ‘good’ ‘love’ ‘joy’ and as such, it is as if I have placed a veto upon those words to promote them as a reward, because I have associated them with a great fallacy – however, that is within our current context wherein yes, only a few can experiment such grandeur due to having enough money to live very well and with all they need. However if everyone has such equal opportunity, then an actual happiness can emerge, an actual well being that is no longer a flickering momentary experience.

Self Forgiveness on the exploration around Rewards:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only feel comfortable when speaking about the problems, the bad, the negative in this world and believe that I have a ‘hard time’ speaking about the solutions and that which is best for all, simply because of within my mind linking this to a point of abuse and deception that I find it hard to live as myself because I have linked the positive/ happy/ joyful experiences to money and as such linking money to evil/abuse wherein I then go into a point of avoiding talking about the benefits simply because I have not dealt with my own polarity construct of negative/bad stuff in reality as ‘the real deal’ of our world and all the good/ happy/ beneficial aspects to the Positive-experiences in the world that I have judged within myself extensively due to myself benefitting from it while knowing that not everyone has equal access to the benefits I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have ‘the least’ and experience myself as more of a real-benevolent person when rejecting or refusing money/ not looking for the benefits that money brings within this current world system due to a morality aspect that I have created with regards to it being Bad to enjoy yourself if you have money thus I realize that through judging I am creating more separation toward enjoyment as a reward in itself, thus I realize that we are presenting a solution of enjoyment that will be equally accessible for all in Equality and as such, there is no point in keeping judging this benefit, but instead establish ways in which it can be a certainty for all as a given right to benefit from everything that enables us to live in this world as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link what’s ‘more real’ to a defined negativity and ‘bottom of the pit’ that I would deliberately go into in order to experience what I defined as that which is actually real and create an opposition toward anything that seemed ‘too good’/ ‘too benevolent’ / ‘too happy’ and within this, form and create an aversion to it, which means that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a ‘gloomy-character’ that can only look at everything that is fucked in this existence as the real-reality and as such, wanting to stick to this side of ‘reality’ than belonging to the fluffy-artificial positivity that I was brought up in, because it seemed simply not Real, not congruent with the reality that I would see was non-existent for everyone that had no money to live, that had no support to have a ‘happy life’ either, without realizing that in this I am denying myself from actually realizing that such experience is possible for everyone if we are all equally working to create and establish a world system that works for all equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link everything that is negative of this world as ‘the real reality’ wherein yes, the real reality currently is the majority that has no money to live a happy life – though within wanting to stick to this ‘negative experience’ as ‘what’s real’ it has now become something ‘hard’ to let go of which is why when it comes to writing and speaking words that imply what’s best for all and Rewards specifically, I see them as too fake/ too ‘out there’ / too manipulative just because of having linked all the negative of our reality as what’s real, without realizing that such reality certainly has to cease to exist and actually allow ourselves to live words that can actually support us to live and enjoy life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a positive charge and experience at a mind level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ with a ‘moreness’ point, without realizing that this is not about being more or positive, but re-establishing an order within this world that will enable life to be finally supported as it always should have been – and this does not imply now having to define me as ‘positive’ and perceive myself to be ‘out of character’ – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being ‘out of character’ when looking at rewards and believing myself to be incapable of coming up with rewards because of believing that we don’t really deserve it, that I can only accept and implement the solutions, but no rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a plastic card of frequent visitor in a posh –line of hotels and also a money-card wherein rewards were accumulated by my father’s account and how I would use these plastic cards of ‘rewards’ in order to buy more/ consume more, which I always thought was ‘for free’ (Read the previous entry to understand this point) and as such create a positive experience within consuming/ buying with such ‘rewards’ cards.

I realize that I have in fact linked rewards to buying/ consuming and within this, judging such benefits as ‘wrong’ due to how I have dedicated myself to judge this world and reality within a negative value and self-experience wherein the moment that solutions are presented I experience as if I ‘can’t’ simply take the ‘positive outcomes’ and write them out, because of not allowing myself to first clear the word rewards from the positive charge in itself.

What I realize is that this is still experienced because of currently having to exist within the transition point wherein we Know what’s best for all, we understand the problem, the root cause of this inequality – yet we are the ones that currently have the money and education to do something about it, which is an excuse to feel guilty for being existing within this fortunate position and looking it through the eyes of ‘me not being real because I have money and the protection that comes with it’ – instead of looking at it from the perspective of: I have money, I have access to education, I become the one that implements the solution – which is the position I have taken at a common sensical level, but I haven’t allowed myself to fully LIVE and Realize this as myself, as an actual possibility, because I haven’t yet forgiven myself for the guilt and shame that even having money and this fortunate position has become as an experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the reasoning of ‘I am not being real within my decision to support a system that is best for all because I have money and always had money to live well and have a proper environment to live in, which makes me part of the Elite that exists at the expense and abuse of those that have none’ – wherein within this statement, I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist within a form of guilt and shame, which is actually an egotistical self-experience that I have held on to in order to continue this personality which is obviously an obstacle to fully stand as the solution as what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘Rewards’ with being greedy and a positive person that is only looking after self-interest, which is how I have linked this word within the consumerist society that I was born into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why should we require rewards in this world to move’? wherein I am judging the way that I realize more people can in fact listen to a world-change process that will enable life to be supported for everyone – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the means of promoting what’s best for all, instead of looking at the actual results that can come from in fact implementing that which we all know should have always been/ existed as, thus there is no ‘positive charge’ or ‘luring’ aspect to this, this is just using our current motivational-points and triggers to support that which has never been supported which is Life in Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ to a positive resonance and as such see it as a polarity point to the negative that I have wanted to define myself as due to linking such ‘negativity’ as ‘more real’ than all the good that we can envision currently as what’s best for all, without realizing that what’s best for all is not positive or the counter act for the negative, it is simply establishing equality as physical structure to support everyone as it always should have been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when reading some of the rewards and judge them as vain, wherein that implies that I am taking things personally with regards to what people actually want and expect in their lives as something ‘better’ for them to look a and consider what’s best for all because in my mind, people should not have to be ‘lured’ into what’s best for all, however I realize that the ‘good way’ has not worked at all in this reality to promote ‘what’s best for all’ and as such believe that ‘I have a hard time creating rewards’ simply because I have not allowed myself to consider actually embodying fully what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel righteous when declaring that ‘I don’t require any rewards if the solution is in place,’ wherein I then see myself as more ‘self-honest’ or ‘common sensical’ than anyone that would actually begin to hear what we have to say due to reading the rewards proposed, due to how I have judged myself and everyone that is not willing to take action if there’s nothing ‘in it’ for them/ myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to embody a personality of feeling ‘okay’ when looking at the bad, the negative, the problems but go into inner conflict when it comes to looking at the rewards, the solutions that I have linked to a ‘positive experience’ without realizing that in this all it is to stop feeling bad about the reality of this world and as such stop linking the rewards and benefits for all as the ‘good’ that I have linked to abuse and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a problem to actually embody or feel comfortable with speaking the words that mean that which is best for all such as enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction due to linking it to a positive-energetic experience that can only be founded through abuse. I realize that this means that I am only looking at these words based on my experience and realizations, instead of looking at the words as an actual physical expression that we can in fact embody/ become within living in a proper structure/system of support for everyone equally, wherein it will no longer be linked to a positive experience founded through abuse, but it will be a living-right – this implies that I am only judging the words as knowledge and information and not really looking at the physicality aspect and sustainability of such beneficial experiences as an actuality, a consistent support and not linked to momentary flickering experiences that money can only buy at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word Rewards as a fucked up consumerist bullshit and within this linking it with an experience of disgust toward it because I have made myself believe that I simply want ‘justice for all’ and see all forms of Rewards as something that I refuse to participate in because of the backchat ‘Why would we want rewards on top of establishing solutions that are already best for all’? Without realizing that this Reward point is but a way to promote what’s best for all as a ‘winning’ consideration within the current mind-frame of our society, wherein we know and have realized that people won’t move unless there is something ‘in it’ for them.

When and as I See myself having ‘difficulty’ with coming up with actual rewards to give to each other in a world system where everyone will have equal access and equal benefit to all – I stop and I breathe – I let go of seeing this as selfish and greedy and instead look at the starting point of rewards as that actual well-functioning of a society as how things should have always been when regarding all of us with equal right to benefit from what is here.

I realize that I have to walk equal to everyone and the majority that is certainly currently only moved by self-interest and within this, I realize that ‘their interests’ are currently only existent within the current mind-frame of consumerism as how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be moved/ motivated by – I also realize that such self-interest is in fact not ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ if such aspirations lead a person to live a fulfilled living condition, wherein it won’t be a ‘bad thing’ any longer if we make such ability to enjoy life/ fulfill this self interest an equal ability and capacity for all – thus

I realize that I have only judged the ‘good’ things in life according to what I have realized throughout this process of understanding how the world is in reverse and all the ‘good/ benevolent’ was in fact founded upon abuse. However, what we are walking currently is the process of being able to propose a practical way to create a solid foundation for these benefits to be equally available and given to everyone equally as a birth-right. This means that I have to stop judging the point of Rewards according to seeing them through the Current eye of consumerism and the abuse that this represents, but instead realize that rewards are possible as a consequential outflow that comes from establishing a world system wherein we will be educated to discern what actual value is as Life, and no longer the current means/ways we have sought our ‘benefit’ and ‘happiness’ from, which is standing within the current abusive ways and means that we are currently abusing life for our personal glory. If this ‘glory’ is equally available in a sustainable non-harmful and sustainable way in an Equality system, then I accept and allow myself to live ‘glory’ and all these positive aspects as a giving and receiving point that I allow myself to give to myself and others in Equality.

I commit myself to continue exploring the current discomfort experienced when speaking about Rewards and as such focus on the reality and viability of such outcomes to be established within the proposal of Equal Money Capitalism.

This will continue

Blogs:

Interviews:

5 Comments | tags: acceptance, allowance, benevolent, Equal Money, equal money capitalism., everyone will suffer now, gloomy character, good stuff, heaven on earth, judging enjoyment, judging money as bad, money, negative, pessimistic, reward points, rewards | posted in belief, benefits, capitalism, catchpenny girl, Desteni, Desteni I Process, doomsday character, equal money system, Equal Rights = Equal Responsibilities, Equality, equality consideration, Evil, Global movement, Human Egolution, human nature, Journey To Life, liberation, Life, Life in Equality, light and love, Mindfuckism, Money Limitation, opposition, Politics, psychology, Revolutionary, rewards, self interest, self-honesty, sociology, thinking, thoughts, victimization, world equality, world system, world values

November 3, 2012

202. Optimism as a Sign of Success

By Marlen

Continuing with the Elitist Character – word of the day: Hypocrisy

Also suggest exploring my previous approach to Day 39: Hypocrisy which is the precise word I woke up with this morning, which taps into the ‘good person’ character tied to the Elitist character.

Since I walked that point of hypocrisy, it becomes blatantly evident the moment that I pull out a smile just to be representing a form of optimism and within that, obtain a point of benefit with other people. It happened yesterday actually with another lady that smiled at me and I one split second I decided to smile back just to create a form of ‘warmth’ in the moment, which is part of the belief system that is quite ingrained here, not so much openly talking to each other and being ‘overtly expressive’ but just a smile on the face says it all, and I learned this and the memory that comes to mind – lol – is about my mother and she’s aware of this how I would observe her and as she was interacting with other people like in social situations, friends and so forth, she would act in a complete different way and this always concerned me, because she acted so differently toward other beings whereas she would be less ‘docile’ and ‘gentle’ when talking to us, her daughters and at home let’s say. And so because I would observe her doing this, I pointed it out to her even from a very early age like: hey have you noticed how you keep a very tight smile on your face when you’re talking to people, and then I’m talking to you and you don’t pay any attention to me?’ And she was seemingly unaware of this going on, which kind of concern me how ‘off’ she seemed every time that we were with people that we were supposed to have to behave toward them with a certain ‘class’ and ‘etiquette’ and ‘mannerisms’ that we learn almost by osmosis. I mean, I didn’t get much instructions to do that, I simply knew how things worked wherein if we were with any form of elitist/ important people – and not that I hung out with many, lol – but what I perceived people of ‘respect’ according to this system which implied someone that would do business with my father or some other important family connection – and in this, I learned ‘la politesse’ which was mostly linked to behaving in a very adamant way toward my parents when being in front of these people and looking for ways to present myself in a more candid and jocose expression BUT moderated, because whenever I would begin feeling ‘at ease’ my mother would start making gestures for me to keep it down/ tone it down/ keep quiet or not speak openly about certain topics, which I was a specialist for, I mean I’m talking about being 5-6 years old and very much living out the pattern of wanting all the attention from people in a not so direct manner, but slowly but surely seeking their attention.

These ingredients were basic foundation of the elitist character which would come up whenever I was the ‘small girl of the house’ and there was no other girl that I could compare myself to – but only be the ‘star of the night’ and end up having people liking me, adoring me at the end of the day, which is what caused me a sense of acceptance within society – therefore, I had learned the ‘recipe’ which was smiling, being docile and gentle and optimistic and funny and all of these aspects that would make people laugh and like me. However all of this was learned from the context of relationships = the key to success in our reality. All these people we’ve met through my father’s business people which became like a second family to me and learned their ways of how to handle myself in such situations and even more so later on when having to play out other roles within the same context due to my father’s two year leadership position in a certain association, which I will also walk through because as I’ve been writing, I can see that a lot of myself got imprinted from that time wherein I would go to these national conventions and meet all of these people and learn how to handle myself in greeting many unknown beings that I was supposed to be ‘glad to meet,’ lol – I mean it’s quite hectic to do this when you’re 6 years old, 9- 10 and having to present this one ‘nice side’ of you the whole time, just because ‘that’s how things work.’ And all these people were also part of the group of people from which this memory that I’ve been walking in the past blogs stem from.

From all of these events and situations I was ‘put through’ at an early age, I learned how to ‘behave’ in society and create this immaculate image of myself which I later on realize even influenced my decisions in life and relationships to the extent of becoming spiteful to it all when raging against ‘the elite’ and ‘society’ in my older years – but for now, I am speaking about the first 7 years of my life and a bit older up to the puberty phase wherein I still desired to be part of the so called ‘elite’ within society. Even the way that I dressed obviously gave a 180 degree turn when I decided I would no longer be wanting to study to become some ‘financial advisor’/ actuary and earn lots of money to travel around the world, and choosing that ‘ideal career’ just because of how I was told I would be able to ‘handle it’ and make lots of money with it, which obviously moved my interest to be part of the elite and held such desire of becoming it until my early teens.

Within this, there were Several dimensions added to what I am explaining, such as ways to behave, to interact with others, the clothes that I’d wear, the gestures, mannerisms, sometimes even the lies I had to learn how to disguise when learning ‘how things work ‘ in what is called a ‘political manner’ wherein two people can be talking bullshit about each other all the time but, when being in official meetings be smiling in photographs and standing next to each other as if nothing happened – and the same with the families that had to get along even if there was a massive massacre of gossip and lies going on behind. From there I became very reserved about ‘my private life’ lol toward people, till this day – and also I can see some grandfather influence on that based on my entire mother’s family being mostly people that relate to ‘people in power’ and me learning about all of that and carrying some ‘flair’ even if I never really get to see a single penny of that, lol.

Now, this is not for the purpose of exposing anything of my family or myself – this happens really every single day and it is nothing else but the reality that we have become wherein all that is kept ‘untouched’ is a reputation that can ensure money is always on your pocket/ bank account, and how even if I questioned such ‘conditions’ of people being hypocrite to each other, I was told that that’s how it works and that coming up with the truth or creating a disruption based on disagreeing with others could lead to a rupture in the entire association – and within that I learned that people had to keep a mask on in order to succeed, to survive whatever situation they were in. This was though in terms of handling situations/ businesses and associations at national level, which was of great pressure for my father which I took personal and actually developed quite an anxious personality when having to behave myself in such moments/ events when being participating along in these reunions – and I’m talking about being 9.- 10 years old and I would take the whole thing too seriously I’d say, wherein I knew exactly what was being spoken about this and that person, yet we had to sit with them and share the table while having to put up a smile on my face all the time, even though we all knew we could not really ‘bear our guts’ due to the unspoken problems and situations going ‘underneath the current’ which were not being confronted between families and were kept as a ‘thing of males’ that had to be sorted out in secret meetings/ in private.

So, this is a basic layout of an aspect of my life that I had side viewed for quite some time and within that also being permanently used to having some form of benefit that lead us to have a ‘piece of heaven’ every now and then, which made the whole act of pretending quite worth it according to the morals I had learned throughout these years of course – there was no consideration of any form of equality or ‘giving to all’ implied other than my father teaching me how to administrate money and make the economy ‘roll’ by consuming/ buying and within that, not hoarding the money but supporting others through you buying them.

I realize that this became an important aspect for me to consider due to the age that I was when I got to be exposed to ‘the ways of the world of success’ and essentially learning with great ease how I could just present myself in a definitive positive way as a happy educated considerate respectful girl that would be ‘accepted’ everywhere due to that, eventually learning quite well how to manipulate people to my own benefit of course and in all of this, was I even considering why only ‘I’ had the opportunity of having such moments of ‘bliss’ and ‘nice life’ even indirect experiences wherein just by ‘association’ I was able to get a good treatment, a point of favoritism or preference, which became a constant point that I sought to maintain, not being ‘part of the mass’ but standing out one way or another, which became my inherent desire to be apparently –lol – original and unique and all of that which became quite strong when being my teens and even rebelling to all of these ‘treats’ in order to ‘stand out’ even from the patterns and expectations that I believed I was being expected to fulfill within my family.

And so that also ended when I realized that not the good or the opposite antagonist character was actually me, obviously, but that I simply had to stop acting out a character only for the sake of my own benefit in any/ all areas of my life, and dare to see who I am without me supporting such characters. Obviously I am speaking about getting to Desteni and beginning to see what I had become – and in this realizing that it is not about not smiling or not having relationships or not wanting to participate in the system – no, it is all about the starting point of what I decide to be and become within the consideration at all times of that which I participate in being what is best for all in all ways.

So, what I will continue debunking specifically after this ‘refresher’ for myself and what I had accepted and allowed within this façade of optimism/ positivity and general character of being a ‘good person’ in order to fit in the ‘higher society’ became part of ‘who I am’ as a constant character that would always be measuring myself and others according to the ‘level of success’ we had within the system, obviously seeing myself as ‘successful’ and expecting probably a lot from myself that was all directly linked to money – and this is part of the points that I haven’t faced within myself, how I would picture myself 10 years ago being this successful writer or working in some publication as an editor in chief or being a financial advisor – lol – I mean, it is plain to see that we are always taught to ‘aim high’ in society, but we never question why we were even only being trained to have such leadership positions while going on ‘missions to support the poor’ – I’m talking about junior high and high school in Jesuit school – and never even pondering WHY poverty exists and WHY we had to be come this type of benevolent dictators within society that would ‘manage’ and ‘administrate’ a point in our society BUT with a pinch of humanitarianism in the Jesus’ style which is more like a Jesuit style wherein money obviously plays great role in it.

It is fascinating how one believes that we were not influenced by seemingly ‘unimportant moments/ situations’ in life, but we were and to a great extent. Now, all of this is me ‘laying it all out’ not for the sake of exposing any organization or my family or anything else but just the patterns that we have become as society, wherein we have learned how to lie, how to keep a smile upon our face in order to be liked, accepted and within that, follow the lines of this optimistic/ positive type of approach in this capitalist world wherein it’s all about how you Present yourself as an image to others in order to get a job, get a promotion, be successful in whatever you do, learning that in order to create relationships you have to be cordial and moderately jocose toward them and keeping this ‘puffed up’ stance in order to equate yourself to a Belief of what power should ‘Feel like’ – all based on the idea of money that I have discussed and walked within Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements in order to equalize myself to my physical and the postures that I decide to implement within myself for physical support, instead of linking them to a sense of superiority/ money / power that can only exist in our minds and the entire generations we’ve lived in this world with Royals and Elite beings that we’ve learned to mimic and copycat in order to apparently ‘attain’ the same success and power they represent, which is part of the whole consumerist society trick that is in no way acceptable, since all we have been doing is chasing the carrot on the stick with a Great Smile on our face while neglecting the reality that is HERE and being lived with billions not having anything to eat – I mean, all of this proves how we are essentially tunneled vision to disregard anyone ‘below you’ and only look ‘up and above you’ to aim to get near/ close to or equal to people in power and control in society, which is simply being and becoming part of the Elite.

This also obviously created a huge dissonance within me, even more so when us people from ‘the city’ would be placed to live with poor people in remote locations for a few days to learn how they live and within that, apparently gain some form of understanding and consideration toward those ‘unfortunate ones,’ but it was actually us just interrupting them in their day to day living conditions, just because of wanting to get a ‘close view’ to them as if they were specimens to be explored and studied and investigated in order to later on simply write an essay for our ‘human values’ class, and report how much we’ve learned to ‘value what we had at home’ and how we would want to ‘change their situation’ someday, but never in fact even being fully aware of how their condition is directly created by the ‘higher positions’ in society, and how without their work in the fields we would have nothing to eat, and how all the money they lacked was probably spent in order to spiff up some part of the city to attract more capital and more investment to become what my home city has become now, quite the epitome of elitism to the max, to a point wherein there are capitals stemming from drug cartels being directly poured into infrastructure, which is actually becoming a mined field, wherein criminals are now resorting to hide there in great mansions and places that are being newly built, which reveals how far we’ve gone in our world in order to continue this idea of wealth and power wherein nowadays, trafficking guns and drugs is part of the ‘normal riches’ in society, having no scrutiny or any form of regard toward knowing where does all the money come from, which is obviously money laundry and criminal activities. All of this coming from the sheer desire to be part of the elite, to be able to survive with comfort in our reality. Are any of the 40 million poor people (or more) in this country even looked at within all of this that I just explained? – Not at all. And this is the context for the ‘big cities’ that can afford having a ‘great life’ here in a country that also has one of the richest man in the world, which implies that the highest level of slavery also exists here in an ‘unspoken manner’ just because of essentially allowing only a few to become extra rich out of companies that obviously should be part of the basic services that – as any other service for that matter – should be free and equally available for all, which is communication.

Right now, I am only able to communicate and use the internet and my phone thanks to that rich elite person – hence it is not to want to ‘oppose’ them, it is about seeing how such services must be equalized and available for all within a system that stops promoting the ‘growth’ of power/ capital for only a few that own the entire business/ infrastructure/ industry – but are taken to the point of considering how Life can thrive only in equality and how not only in this country but everywhere in the world, we can become the best living beings we were always meant to be if we stop seeking and hunting preys only for our own benefit – that is stopping viewing life with only a positive attitude of winning and instead, direct our effort to create solutions that can benefit all individuals equally.

I experience this as if I had exposed some part of my ‘secret religion’ lol which is interesting because of how we tend to brush aside or ‘leave out of the picture’ aspects that defined quite a lot of ‘who we are’ at the moment and how we stand within our world at the moment, which I will go explaining as I walk and continue the elitist character until it is done with implies all the hidden desire for money, for success and power that got suppressed and transformed into a retaliation toward the system, only to then realize that it is not about opposing the system, nor about seeking to ‘become a better person’ – but about transforming the system into a structure that supports all beings equally, and that is what we are proposing as the Equal Money System.

I realize I will also have to clear up my starting point of any form of wanting to ‘clear up my past’ toward standing for equality now, having now seen that all that I obviously initially wanted was to be part of a select few that could ‘remain having it all,’ So I realize that no guilt and no ‘clearing up act’ can be the starting point of supporting the Equal Money System – that is how radically self honest we must be in order to be able to stand in the face of everyone and be able to walk our past, our entire lives and see where and how we were only existing for that ‘piece of heaven’ that money enabled for only a few. Time to burst all the bubbles and elitist dreams – this world can only ‘afford’ Equality now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep these memories of my past and those ‘bits of heaven’ as something positive and ‘good’ that happened in my life early on, wherein I never questioned further how the motivation of me moving toward a position of money and ‘power’ in this world was not something ‘natural’ or stemming from my ‘inherent impulse’ to become part of the elite/ people with lots of money in this world, but was based on the entire process of being exposed to the benefits and reality that people with lots of money experience, which became a part of my ‘operative system’ without me being fully aware of it, wherein I would have an immediate assessment of my reality according to money/ power/ benefits that I could get from a relationship, a situation and accordingly act and behave in order to obtain it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to brush aside seemingly ‘unimportant aspects of my life’ that are directly linked to how I was educated and what I was exposed in terms of money and the benefits that such money brings which became part of the desire that I held throughout my life – either in a conscious or an unconscious manner – as a form of not only surviving in this world, but making ‘lots of money’ in order to have the most comfortable lifestyle that I had become aware of by the people that I would hang out with through my life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adopt the optimistic way of being as way to succeed in this world and within this, becoming a sociable person in my early years wherein I knew that ‘success was guaranteed’ if one satisfies another person by standing as a positive individual that has a positive stance such as smiling and speaking in the most ‘adequate’ manners, ensuring within that my acceptance or even appraisal from other beings/ mostly grown ups which made me feel like I was already paving my way to success in my future, and this was only me as a child, which also contributed to me not being used to hanging out with lots of children, but mostly being wanting to form part of the ‘adult world’ at an early age – all of this because of having learned the ways of entertainment and enjoyment that grown ups had – all of this due to being exposed to it at an early age, which lead me to ‘aim high’ within the first phase of my life to become equally successful and rich to be part of that circle of people for real, and not just ‘sporadically.’

When and as I see myself wanting to present myself in a positive attitude and optimistic expression from the starting point of covering up my desire to be part of an elite and or be successful by creating relationships wherein I am regarded as this positive/ responsible being, I stop and I breathe – I realize that everything that I have become is the direct outflow of learning how to survive and ‘make it’ in this world based on money – and that all that I require to do is re-direct these aspects to a best for all outcome wherein I see that it is not about now opposing the system or ‘retaliating’ about it – as I’ve done in the past – but simply insert myself within the system with this acquired points in order to benefit the most people possible in my reality as that Is what I really want to be and become, a spokesperson that can deal with all types of people in order to educate ourselves to understand how it is only through working together as Equals that we can bring forth and sustain a system that supports everyone equally, wherein no more ‘social statuses’ will exist, but only that which is best for all and for that, we have the absolute power to decide to do so now that we see and realize how detrimental to our world and reality it is to keep a system based on profit and self interest for only a few, just because of life not being regarded as equal in all ways.

Self Forgiveness will continue as well as Self Corrective Statement to Align myself to that which is Best for All.

Desteni

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