Walking Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Commitments from the previous post 147. Hissy Fit: Cleaning Demonic Possession
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘one of my greatest fears’ finding a house absolutely dirty after I leave for a while, which means that I actually allowed myself to exist as a predictable reaction to seeing ‘a very messy/ dirty house’ even though I ‘believed’ that I was ‘over with it,’ without realizing that the moment that I allowed a point of reaction in that very thought just prior to entering the house about ‘finding a mess,’ I was already preparing myself to react in anger If I did find such a mess – and I did thus
When and as I see myself actually fearing leaving the house for a while and within this fearing getting back because of finding a potential mess, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within allowing such fears as future projections, I am in fact giving permission for the event to take place as I am in fact the creator of everything and all that I experience – thus it is to see, realize and understand how I have defined ‘who I am’ as this fear of ‘finding a messy house’ wherein I realize I can only breathe, and Ensure that I do not participate in the anger that is predictable to emerge.
I see and realize that the anger must be transcended, which is something that I realize now, as I do agree that being angry is only throwing a tantrum toward myself alone, attempting to get any attention in a futile manner, as I was all alone when I got to see the mess – thus even if there was people, it is to realize that getting angry won’t change them, getting angry won’t actually create a point of awareness toward others about ‘them missing their responsibilities at home.’ This is about myself and my own participation in what I had feared to experience as myself which is anger.
I commit myself to walk the process of transcending/ breathing through any attempt to create anger as an experience upon seeing dirt/ a dirty house and within this, stopping any thoughts that point out toward a fear of finding a dirty house. Within this, it is to assist and support myself to ground myself as the moment to face whatever is here, and as such, immediately just direct myself to do what I did anyways which is cleaning – I realize I can do it without adding the extra layer of anger to make it more cheesy – lol.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house,’ as this is quite a justification for me to get angry because ‘THEY’ are Not considering that they live with ‘OTHERS’ which mostly imply myself as the primary person that gets ‘pissed off’ at dirtiness – thus
When and as I see myself thinking ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am thinking thoughts to justify a coming experience of anger toward others, instead of assisting and supporting myself to actually say No, I won’t participate in anger and the usual marlenesque reactions of actually exerting y anger onto the stuff around me which is absolutely unacceptable and a clear mind possession. Thus
I commit myself to STOP every time that I see myself thinking that ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house’ as I realize that this is the prelude to throwing a tantrum and as such, the primary ‘convincing self-talk’ in order to become possessed in anger for real. I realize It’s not necessary to get angry if the things are done and furthermore, thinking to myself is simply making myself the victim of the situation and as such righteous when it comes to reacting, which is in all cases, a mind experience that I see and realize I must walk through/ as breath to Deliberately stop it – and this is the commitment to walk as self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imagination point of my plans going ‘smoothly’ wherein I pictured myself getting back early at home and immediately ‘jumping’ to do all my tasks and stuff, but instead encountering a very dirty kitchen and as such upon deciding that it cannot remain one more second like that, I pushed my plans aside to dedicate hours to clean it up, which is what pissed me off within the belief that ‘Why would I have to disrupt my plans for this? Why do I have to clean up someone else’s mess?’ – and within this, only creating further justifications and excuses as to why I can simply be pissed off at ‘the world’ in that moment because My routine was broken and my plans as the future projection of my ‘perfect schedule’ was tampered with this eventuality,
When and as I see myself getting pissed off at some eventuality disrupting my future plans , I stop and I breathe – I realize that I live in a world wherein we can ‘plan’ the perfect schedule, however we are subject to eventualities and points that one cannot control – thus, I assist and support myself to simply breathe and decide in that moment to take the time to clean up if I see and realize it is absolutely necessary to do so, and support myself to breathe through it, ensuring that I am aware of what I am using to clean, what and how I am moving things around, considering that I cannot just exert my anger upon the stuff around me as they are clearly not to blame, and certainly I cannot blame either but simply bring the point to the responsible people’s awareness in order for them to be aware of what they did, and the responsibility we all hold within living together.
I commit myself to be flexible/ pliable in terms of my routine/ schedule and plans wherein I breathe through any eventuality that may push the plans back, as I see and realize that getting angry won’t solve the problem, getting angry won’t make someone do the job for me, and instead I support myself to remind me how detrimental to my physical body it is to get angry, wherein pain is a certain thing after getting angry.
I realize that any beliefs of being ‘over anger’ are certainly bogus, this is a process and as such, it will be walked in space and time and in such case I can instead see this event as a way to measure where I am within my process of facing anger as myself, and this time realizing that I must get to a point of being able to stop all participation in anger in a constant and consistent manner, as this is the only way that I can ensure I am really here in the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse ‘I am wasting time’ as a way to justify my anger for having to clean up/ use time to clean up something out of my schedule, without realizing that I haven’t actually been that ‘strict’ with myself and my schedule and that even if I was, once again, I am living in a world wherein there’s a thousand factors that have factored for us to be and become who and what we are now, which is placing into perspective my desire to ‘be in control of my environment, my time, my plans,’ as an actual point of ego, as within these thoughts there is no consideration of what is best for all, how can I assist and support myself to walk through actual events in reality that must be corrected – and instead, have focused only on ‘wasting time’ without realizing that this point was part of ‘my time’ to face anger as myself and as such see where and how I still react to it and what points require further consistency in application to eventually be able to stand in any given situation and not get angry at it, but simply use that driving force to give proper direction and self-support.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat: ‘I leave and everyone just stops giving a fuck about cleaning at all,’ wherein I am placing myself as the necessary ‘ogre’ to keep a relative order within the house, without realizing that I am in fact only reinforcing the idea of myself as the ‘order maker’ and as such, believing that ‘I’ and my absence is the only cause for such mess to exist, without realizing it is actually factoring and stemming from the habits of other beings, thus
When and as I see myself thinking that everything falls apart here when I’m not home, I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is not about me, it is not about blaming others but instead walking the practical solutions in the moment to later on be able to communicate the point within practical considerations instead of wanting to blame or even scold others for not doing their point of responsibility, as I see and realize that within believing that it is ‘their fault,’ I take a self-righteous position to not support them – thus it is to keep it simple.
I commit myself to stop making myself the ‘order maker’ and as such embodying that ‘authority’ as a character that certainly dislikes mess/ dirty environments, thus it is to simply let go of any reaction in the moment, breathe, assist and support myself to focus on the physical activities and that’s it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to do what I thought they would, without realizing that within this I am wanting them to be ‘changed’ after 2 years of living together, and them at all times ‘considering me,’ without realizing how I cannot claim any righteousness to be angry upon others, as I see that anger is that point of self interest and even more so when projected onto others. Thus
When and as I see myself creating anger upon a point of disappointment because of not having been able to find a clean house, I stop and I breathe – I assist and support myself to realize that within this I am still trying to control others and as such, I realize that I cannot possibly try and control my environment when I am not even fully aware of myself, my entire body that I am in fact abusing every moment that I participate in thoughts, emotions and feelings, all the beings that have to ‘endure’ my anger as I push/throw things around and yell as if doing all of that could make any difference to the actuality of the physical reality and events.
I commit myself to stop expecting people changing, stop expecting things to ‘get better’ as I see and realize this was the ‘hope’ that I held toward others and as such, meeting my maker when realizing and coming to see how things have not changed and as such, realizing that we won’t change from overnight or a couple of years as we have lived for several lifetimes within the same mind frame without ever actually changing who we are, thus I cannot expect others to change/ do what I ‘think/ assume’ they would – Instead, I assist and support myself to take responsibility for what goes on Within my own mind, what I decide to participate in or not and within this, walk my own process of self-change wherein I can in fact stop re-creating the ‘cleanliness’ character and anger upon ‘dirtiness’ as the positive and negative experience existent within and as me at a mind level.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘why can’t THEY take Responsibility for cleaning up after ALL THIS TIME’ wherein I was expecting them to ‘already know/ change/ act’ upon that which I thought was ‘very clear’ by now, without realizing that it will actually take time for ourselves and our world to change and actually align ourselves to be self responsible at all times. I also see and realize how I diverted my attention from ME to THEM/ THEY as a way to not see and realize that the point of focus and attention should be here as myself within and as breath to not react and justify the reaction with further thinking as self-interest to make myself the ‘victim’ of it all.
When and as I see myself diverting the point of responsibility of change toward others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I am backchatting about ‘they’ is actually a flag point wherein I must immediately realize that I am talking myself into a righteous-anger mode, which won’t ever change the situation, it won’t change ‘them’ or myself, it is in fact an unnecessary and actually physically damaging experience to go through anger as a way to apparently make myself ‘righteous’ to get angry at the point of abuse. I realize that within this all that exists is me and my thoughts and a messy kitchen – thus, I realize that if I have taken the decision to clean up, I can do so while slowing myself down to breathe through it, realizing and understanding that getting angry does not change others or myself in that moment, it is only a plain tantrum thrown around whenever we would want things to ‘go our way,’ without considering the actual physical reality but only our wishes/ desires of How we want to see the world/ reality around us.
I commit myself to actually take responsibility for myself first as this is where I am responsible and this is where I can actually see where and how I am still reacting to a point that I am diverting my responsibility toward, wherein I see and realize that reacting in anger does not support life at all, and it is only the predictable counter act to ‘fall’ into participating in the mind – thus I stop and realize that to take Self Responsibility means self toward self as one’s own thoughts, reactions and backchat in order to Live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘It is impossibly that at this stage they are STILL doing this even though they know it is unacceptable’ wherein I allow myself to think this in order to be righteous about my anger, without realizing how I ‘know’ and ‘they know’ only as this point of past experiences of similar events wherein further conflict ensued when not supporting/ collaborating to take responsibility properly for what we do/ don’t do in our reality. I realize that I cannot focus on wanting others to change but instead assist and support me to stop reacting to my own point of change which implies stopping at all the anger, transcending anger breath by breath within the realization that it is unacceptable to drain my physical body when getting angry .
When and as I see myself thinking about others STILL making the same mistakes/ repeating the same patterns and using this as fuel for the conflagration, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within these words I am victimizing myself in my mind and actually diverting my attention and responsibility outside of myself, judging others instead of taking the point back to self to see where I am STILL also repeating the same predictable patterns of ‘anger upon messiness/dirtiness’ and within that, assist and support me to first stop me here as breath to then realize the backchat as the mind possession that it represents.
I commit myself to live as the example of what it is to ‘know’ one’s mind and patterns and what it is to Live/ apply the corrective statements to in order and in fact stop reacting to ‘dirtiness/ messiness’ as all the points that I have defined as ‘an obstacle’ to live, without realizing that cleaning does not obstruct life, and it is in fact the other way around how I disrupt life every time that I only consider me and only me within my own tantrums. Thus I realize it is unacceptable to divert blame onto others and instead focus on my own application at all times.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘why can’t they have a bit of consideration’ wherein I am diverting all responsibility toward them ‘considering me’ and my special needs, without realizing that in doing so, I am victimizing myself in my mind in order to justify the anger that I then exert onto things and in the moment cursing all I can in order to ‘relieve’ myself, without realizing that such ‘relief’ and entire anger was actually the accumulation of my own backchat and reactions from previous events, wherein this event was the ‘drop of water that made the glass spill’ as they say here. Thus
When and as I see myself victimizing myself toward others and pleading them to ‘have a bit of consideration’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this all, I was only considering myself as my mind and that’s it – because I was in fact abusing my physical body when creating such point of anger – thus it is to first consider Me and have full consideration of myself as my physical that is the one that is abused every time that I only seek to validate my ‘anger’ and justify it through my own backchat, which is me as the mind justifying its means and ways to direct myself instead of me being self aware here as breath, wherein I can instead simply direct myself in the moment within common sense, which is cleaning while breathing to support myself to not react at all.
I commit myself to consider my physical body first here as breath before accepting and allowing myself to be and become any mind pattern that is self-destructive and detrimental – I realize that the first consideration is toward our physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘cursing’ as a way to justify why I feel so ‘damned’ by others, without realizing that cursing in such moments is only fueling my anger and as such, it is not supportive at all as cursing won’t make me a better person/ nor will it change someone upon hearing such words – thus
When and as I see myself wanting to curse to justify my anger toward someone, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am aware of what I am doing in such moments and as such, it is to take on the deliberate action of stopping, as I see and realize that getting angry only drains me as my physical body and cursing only adds ‘fuel to the fire’ – thus, it is to instead assist and support myself to breathe and remain here as the physical, breathing, stopping all backchat and internal conversations about others – Instead I focus on myself as the physical.
I commit myself to transcend anger and as such only speak words that I realize are an actual expression of myself in the moment, that are self directed and not just reactions stemming from a self-righteous point of anger as myself –
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my own mind wherein I believe myself to be a ‘prisoner’ of my reactions as something that I ‘have a right to experience’ without realizing how in such ‘righteousness’ I am in fact deciding to diminish myself to only be a fraction of a point of awareness in my mind as that anger possession, forgetting about everything and all that is here as the physical and as such, becoming a consequence of my own thoughts as a reaction, instead of remaining here within and as breath.
When and as I see myself simply seeing myself as a ‘prisoner’ and a ‘victim’ of my own anger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I absolutely have all the power to stop in one single breath, as I see and realize how it is that it is actually a deliberate action that I must take on in order to stop our reactions and experiences, and that anger won’t change a thing within ourselves, thus instead we have to focus on aligning ourselves to consider what to do practically in the moment and direct such practical solutions breath by breath, deliberately making a stand to stop reacting in an emotional way toward a point of what I have called ‘abuse.’
I commit myself to realize that it takes time to change and that getting angry won’t change a thing, and that I am the only one that is able to determine myself as my own point of change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually experience a point of powerlessness when facing a point of abuse and instead of going into that ‘helplessness’ I bring up ‘anger’ as way to victimize myself within the situation and justify my reaction as something that ‘I have the right to do,’ without realizing that anger won’t ever solve the point of abuse itself.
When and as I see myself wanting to immediately get angry upon a point of abuse, I see and realize that the actual experience is that of powerlessness and that there is actually nothing I can do to change the point in the moment, as we have lived entire lifetimes within endless points of abuse toward ourselves, each other and the Earth itself. Thus
I commit myself to walk this process without judging myself for ‘falling’ into anger and thinking that ‘I should have transcended this by now,’ without realizing that it will take time to change the points that cause the anger in the first place and as such, focus on myself and my own reactions absolutely so that I do not allow anger to lead me to powerlessness and as such, diminishing myself to only be this ‘one’ limited point as anger-possession over something that is in fact something rather trivial.
I realize that if I would be aware of all the things and points that go on in the world, I would be ‘dead by anger’ from reacting to all of them – thus I realize that in order to face myself and face the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in, I establish myself here as breath to no longer create a point of possession in my mind upon something that is already done, that is already taking place wherein anger as such won’t ‘change a thing’ anyways – thus, I support myself to stand as the realization that changing who we are, changing our reactions, changing ourselves in fact requires an actual process to walk, thus it is futile to get angry and possessed by a point that won’t be solved overnight. Yet I assist and support myself to stop the unnecessary experiences within me toward/ as anger itself.
I realize that I ‘knew’ what I was doing and did it anyways which implies that:
“…every time I say ‘I know’ – I am in fact justifying ‘who I am’ as only this observer/presence/knowledge in and as my relationship to the Mind and so essentially every single time, reiterating and validating my limitation, victimization and powerlessness to/as the Mind as me.” – Sunette Spies
Thus, I commit myself to get to in fact know me so that I no longer stand as a victim within a deliberate participation in anger and saying ‘I know’ that I did and did it anyways, as this implies an actual point of ignorance toward the abuse that we inflict upon ourselves and the whole whenever we take on a self-righteous position of ‘I know’ without really knowing how in fact this statement is a way out to not face ourselves – I face myself and commit myself to live the words here.
Walk with us, learning about ourselves: who we are as the Mind, as the Physical and the relationship that we have Missed all this time seeking for ourselves ‘outside’ of ourselves instead of realizing ourselves here as the life that has always been here. It is a matter of realizing: We are here, we are not going anywhere, thus we stand up and walk any point of conflict/ problem within our coexistence by assisting and supporting ourselves individually to stand as a collective that is able to live by the principle of what is best for all life.
– Life Review – A Doomsday Activist
– Life Review – My Life with being Cursed
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