Tag Archives: preferences

Day 40: The You-Diss-All System in Me

Who am I within communicating toward others? What are the immediate judgments that I create according to me reducing something/ someone to only being a picture presentation as a personality within my own mind?  What am I really allowing within myself when ‘making up my mind’ about something/ someone as to ‘who I must be’ toward them in relation to the idea that I create of others when viewing them/everything through the eyes of the mind only? What is this ‘preferential rate’ indicating about me?  This is walking through ‘who I am’ as the judge in my mind that manifests the current you-diss-all system as the judiciary that is able to contemplate whether a law applies or not according to a set of preferences/circumstances using the mind as the generator of all ‘proofs’ that are perfectly corruptible and malleable according to creating the necessary justifications/ excuses as knowledge and information that is able to suit one’s own interests in the name of power and vainglory.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an automated judge within communicating with others, wherein I stand as the ‘ultimate say’ of ‘Who I am’ toward others in a moment according to how ‘I make up my mind about them’ and in that, mimicking the same way that the judicial system interprets and applies the laws according to convenience, circumstance and context wherein the principle is corruptible to suit one’s own benefit and not really considering what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a principle of/as Equality in place ‘in words’ just like we have our constitutions wherein equal justice under law’ is ‘ensured’/ guaranteed on paper, as a statement, but when it comes to actually applying and living that statement, the leeway and backdoor of ‘interpretation’ according to my own benefit/ my own interests can be used as an excuse as to why I am not applying myself equally with all beings in my reality, which implies that I am not living yet as principle within communicating, interacting and living among others as I am still existing as the ‘judge’ in the secret mind that is able to decide another being’s ‘place’ within my own mind, and deciding ‘who I am’ toward them according to that judgments, which is only me-assessing-others wherein there is absolutely no physical relationship to what I ‘think’ of another, but I am only using knowledge and information to ‘make up my mind’ about ‘them’ and accordingly, ‘apply my law’ with its ‘amends’ so that I can still suit my preferences and dislikes toward beings/ events/ situations and not standing absolutely as one and equal as myself/ others in the moment of communicating an interacting based on physical living reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘interpretation’ as a way to suit what is being said/ conveyed in order to suit ‘my needs’ and justify  them with further knowledge and information that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and identify myself as.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own secret-mind court wherein I ‘make up my mind’ about a being in a matter of minutes according to ‘who I believe them to be’ as a set of characteristics based on  images, words, picture presentation, beliefs, mannerisms, way of expressing, voice tonality, clothes, race, gender, age and in that, reduce another being to being simply just another category that I can store in my mind as the definition of ‘who that person is’ as a reminder of ‘who I am toward them’ based on my own preferences – when in fact, it was all created/ assessed and assigned a value to within my own mind – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having ever believed that I was always ‘right’ about the assessment I could make of others wherein I completely supported and kept them ‘locked-in’ the same set of personality that they have believed themselves to be, and in that I become an accomplice  of another’s limitation of only being ‘a character’/ a personality/ a set of values, preferences, culture, gender, race, age, beliefs, ideology wherein I then become the judge in the secret mind that either praises and accepts or disses and rejects – within this  I become equal and one with the polarity-basis of a binary system that works according to positive and negative values, while dissing/ neglecting life of equality and oneness and relegate it to a non-existent and non-considered aspect within laws and regulations, wherein a principle is absolutely overlooked and deliberately ‘missed’  in the name of acceptance and rejection of another within my own mind as a positive-experience/  negative experience that I generate toward another in my mind – or as a neutral experience wherein I perceive that ‘I’m fine’ around those beings but in fact, it is still generating an experience toward them wherein a point of reference as to ‘who I am’ toward them is created in my mind as ‘being neutral with them’ and not simply being here as the impartiality of my application toward all beings in equality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a judge that either rules for yes/ no as the acceptance/ rejection of beings according to ‘how’ I want to apply a principle that stipulates Equality – which in itself implies the acceptance and allowance of corruption/ breaking our rules in the name of suiting our personal interests – yet the moment that I manipulate such principle to suit ‘my-needs’ as my preferences as the mind that seeks validation, recognition and getting compliments, I then ‘accept’ and vote in favor of that which is for my own benefit – whereas when I manipulate such principle to suit my preferences of ‘disliking’ another, I corrupt myself as principle to give more value/ worth to a set of preferences instead of the living physical principle, that is at all times revealing that equality as physical beings is here and that any point of preference and ‘inclination’ toward another is based on the mind that I have become as the judge that seeks at all times, to vote in favor of that which is best for me, as my mind, as my personality, as my set of preferences and that which I will get some personal benefit from.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge the judicial system which seems tautological now that I write about it, due to how I have accepted and allowed myself to become the very judge that is able to rule in favor of that which sustains, maintains and perpetuates the ‘positive idea/ personality’ that I have of myself – and denies, neglects, hides and tries to run away from everything that I have deemed as the ‘negative and opposite’ that won’t support my very design, which is how my mind resists facing that which I judge/ deem as a ‘dislike,’ as the mind is constantly only seeking validation, perpetuation of the same values as the confirmation of the patterns that create an ideal of worth as personality, and according to this, having become a predictable personality that seeks similar personalities wherein I as the judge in my mind can decide what is ‘worthy’ and what is not, as I have become the very corruption of life in the name of personal preferences and suiting everything/ everyone according to my own mind’s preferential rate.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to judge the judicial system as hypocrite, without realizing that I have been a hypocrite myself when it comes to proclaiming standing by a principle and still holding preferences as likes, dislikes, judgments and creating either affability as positive experience toward those that ‘suit my personality’ as preferences/ likes  and creating hostility and laconicism toward those that I seem to dislike – which are only values that I have create in my mind according to the knowledge and information that I have created and accepted as ‘who I am,’ wherein I have become my very own jail as the constrain toward the actual life that I am as a physical body that doesn’t hold preference toward anything or anyone.

 

I realize that within me having become my very own judge toward anything and anyone, I have never in fact established actual communication toward others, as I have always just been a mind that judges/ assesses my ‘interaction’ with others based on what is worthy/ what is not, what is positive/ what is negative – what is good/ what is bad – all based in polarity games of winning and losing as the ability to ‘make myself feel better’ about myself through my own judgments and avoiding everything/ everyone that would seem like a threat to my personal vainglory and ego fortification, as the building blocks of the illusion that I have become as my own pedestal that can corrupt a principle to do things ‘my way’ and suit my needs – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have self-righteousness override my ability to see in clarity how it is that I am becoming the very judgmental and discriminatory ruler as my own mind that is able to define ‘who’s worthy/ who’s not’  – who do I like/ who do I dislike based on personal preferences, which is nothing else than knowledge and information that I have subdued my entire expression to become, wherein I have built my own walls toward people that I deemed that I could not ‘communicate effectively with,’ which was only me as my mind not wanting to establish a point of communication with the idea that I had already created about another in my mind, wherein I give up any opportunity to get to know them better just because of deeming that ‘I’ve made up my mind about them’ and in that, becoming the very judge and perpetrator of the ongoing separation in this world that has led us to the current reality we’re all living in, wherein we seclude ourselves in social groupings where personality-enhancement is all that takes place and no actual equal and one interaction occurs, as all that is fed through relationships as friendships/ comradeship is having similar minds that feed each other’s ego in the name of survival as the very spite toward life, due to such ‘positive’ experience only being able to emerge if self-definitions as ‘who I am’ as my personality/energy exists – and energy is Not Life and is actually the abuse of life in the name of personal satisfaction.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to judge the judges that have ‘the ultimate say’ within any case wherein laws are revised for an apparent ‘proper application,’ without realizing that I have become the very judge that also revises my participation toward each individual not based on the equality as life principle, but based on the preferences that ‘I’ as a mind still holds and creates toward people, justifying it with all means possible to still make it acceptable as to why I care/ prefer/ incline myself toward some beings more than others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I could actually make up ‘who another is’ in my mind in a very short period of time, which was really only me becoming the instant judge that is able to assess another according to personality as the image, the presentation, the preferences and words that a being presents themselves as, which is the lie that we all either buy or not – and in that, remaining only as a viewer/ observer of another/ others according to ‘who they are’ within/ through the eye of the mind, wherein I continue diminishing another being’s expression to being only as a preprogrammed and limited version of ‘who they are,’ which is in fact only a façade as an energetic version of themselves as an ego that is in no way the being that is in fact ‘inside,’ which exists in equality and oneness as the physical hereness – yet we have separated ourselves from each other to such an extent that we have become used to interacting with each other as pictures, ideas, beliefs, judgments and perceptions of each other wherein Life is Not considered at all, wherein Life is relegated to a ‘taken-for-granted’ background that we believe is ‘separate’ from ourselves as some elusive concept, instead of sticking to the physicality that I am able to touch and see for myself exists here as an equal conglomerate of elements that constitute the cells, the tissue, the bones and all the systems inside that make our living-moment possible as each breath that we have taken for granted, that we have abused in every moment that we seek only our personal benefit as the continuation of ‘who I am’ as a personality that seeks to only ‘get along’ with those that I like/ have an inclination toward, as they ‘who they are’ within my mind represent the continuation of ‘who I am as my own mind’ – whereas all those that stand as the potential fracturing and end of who I am as my mind, I deem to dislike, oppose and evade according to what they in fact represent as a potential breakthrough my own personality/ preferences, to actually stand within an equal and one stance toward all beings, wherein no positive, no negative and no neutral experience is required in order to communicate in physicality with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ruled by beliefs, preferences and face-value judgments, which is no different to our current monetary system wherein we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be ruled and bound to an arbitrary value scheme, wherein Life is not even considered as an aspect of appraisal, but only considering the preferential rate that I apply as the way to ‘make the most of/ earn the most money’ from something/ someone that I diminish from life to being a single product, a single definition as mind-value that we have created and imposed onto Life in the name of personal power and vindication our own preferences and discrimination/ exclusivity of who we are toward others as energy-personalities, and not as the physical reality that is here, constant as the matter that is fueled by each breath that we take.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to corrupt the principle of Life in equality the moment that I create a single positive experience toward another based on my preferences as ‘who I am’ and what I deemed myself to be and have an inclination/ preference toward, as this indicates that I am not yet trust worthy as a living consistency of being able to be an actual impartial being within this reality that won’t be ‘wavered’ by a single point of preference as an inclination or rejection toward another being based on ‘who I was in the past’ as a set of preferences, characteristics that I would deem as ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ others, according to the frames of values that I have created within myself, as my personal jurisdiction toward everything and everyone in my reality, which allowed me to become the very self-righteous manipulator and dictator that is able to bend, mend, break and mold a principle according to personal preferences, which in essence constitutes the corruption of life in the name of personal gratification.

This will continue…

 

I commit myself to stop being the judge in my mind in every moment that I communicate with others in my reality and dare to stand in the equality and oneness of the moment wherein I make sure that my mind stands here as equal as the breath that I am taking in and out, wherein I recognize that the ground that holds me is equally holding another as myself, wherein I make sure that I stop any point of  judgment that comes up from the mind that I have programmed to automatically do so during that interaction/ conversation/ coexistence in any given moment. I take it back to self to use it as a point to reflect myself back to myself and see ‘who I am’ being in that moment toward another, which is Not really about ‘them,’ but about that which I am accepting and allowing myself to limit others as, within a single idea, belief, perception and interpretation of another as only knowledge and information as part of the database that I then take as ‘who they are’ and in that, missing out the entire relationship as the real-actions in relation to the physical that exists here in every moment that we equally breathe-in. 

 

I commit myself to live the realization that the moment that I diminish another to a single judgment, I am in fact not doing that ‘toward another’ but is only me diminishing me to a single idea, belief and perception that limits ‘who I am’ in its totality to a single experience that I project onto others – which is not life, but only knowledge and information that creates separation from who/what we really are in any given moment as physicality.

 

I commit myself to expose who I have become as my own judge in my judiciary system that molds and shapes its preferences as voting in favor/ against of something/ someone according to what I like and dislike as preferences that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself and others to, existing only as knowledge and information, and not as and of life in equality and oneness.

 

I commit myself to reveal to what extent we have externalized our very own secret mind as our judicial system of laws that we are all currently being governed by, and in this explaining how we have externalized constant judgment as an actual ruling system that neglects  life and ponders self-interest as that which is ‘ruled in favor of’ while masking it with the word ‘justice’/ just’ – wherein what is best for all is not actually being considered, but only considering how to perpetuate the same value-system that is currently keeping the world-system of money in place as our very own trap of knowledge and information wherein life is being ‘sucked dry’ and not honored, respected as who we really are as living beings.

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Self Interest

Within walking this process there are times when there is a perceived ‘conflict of interest’ wherein our personal preferences/interests collide with that which we know is best for all.

See how in essence the only way that we’re able to create such conflict is if we’re considering this process as something ‘separate’ from ourselves, as a separate application which I recognize it will most likely ‘feel’ as such, and be as ‘icky’ as such because we’ve never have walked anything similar to this process of Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness and Self Correction as human beings – ever. It’s only through us amalgamating ourselves as process that such barrier is then erased as the mental-limitation it exists as.

The point to consider here is how within walking the process and as we go realizing what Self Honesty is and how to live in a Common-Sensical manner, the remains of that which stood as self-interest within the context of egotistical traits will simply become part of that which we’ll walk through/as Self Forgiveness in Self Honesty.  Eventually, Self Interest becomes the living consideration of ourselves as the whole within the principle of what’s best for all. This way, there’ll be no collision existent within ourselves as our ‘personal traits’ as habits/interests or anything else, as we’ll be living in a common sensical way wherein anything that stood as a potential point of harm or abuse or negligence towards ourselves or another will be sorted out as we sort out ourselves from our personality/ego as the mind and start directing ourselves equal and one as it.

Then Self Interest will only exist and be lived as that which is best for all within the Equality Equation as best for me equal and one.

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Don’t Turn your Back on Life (2008)


‘Oh, but I’m only a Human (Failure)’

One of the points that I struggled with to actually accept as a point to stand equal and one with was the word ‘Perfection’ wherein when that point of Self-Perfection came out I first saw it as a point wherein we allow that ‘flawed nature’ as humans within a ‘flawed system’ wherein the best justification available for all fuckups when not taking self responsibility is ‘oh but we’re only human’ or ‘I’m not perfect, I am a human’ and within that allowing ourselves to diminish ourselves as our the potential that we are actually capable and able to stand equal and one with.

We can see within that ‘flawed nature’ we diminish ourselves, it is that single back door existent in all of us when we tend to say ‘oh fuck it I don’t see myself getting to this/that point’ and it’s like a form of giving up before even starting and seeing it as ‘normal’ within is when it is not, it’s part of that which we’ve allowed ourselves to become through our participation in society, in the education system.

So when understanding Self-Perfection I realized that we’ve simply accepted perfection as something that is apparently ‘more than us’ because we’ve been used to believe that ‘perfection doesn’t exist’ which is what I told Bernard at the farm when this point was opened up and then he replied ‘Yes, perfection doesn’t exist, we create it’ and that made complete and full sense as that ‘click’ in the moment on how I was by-default giving up to actually realize that it is possible to create ourselves as self-perfection as life – obviously throughout a process that we begin with ourselves, point by point yet aligning ourselves within this very point of self perfection as what’s best for all – cool isn’t it? Being able to re-design ourselves as human beings simply because we are able to do so, it’s a matter of understanding why it’s best for all, why we require to live as equals to the fullest potential and then simply being the actual steps into applying this as ourselves.

See, before in my life when looking at solutions to this world, I would always end up saying that this world would have to be changed from its root/starting from scratch and applying that as ourselves in this moment is us re-educating ourselves at this stage paving the way for future generations – This begins with for example re-educating the now to be parents so that the same patterns and cycles of ignorance and disregard of life are able to be stopped with everyone realizing ourselves as Self-Perfection. And, when we talk about re-education it means the entire education system has to be modified within the starting point of supporting an Equality System and not a Capitalist ruthless competitive system which in itself will change the way ‘buildings are built’ so to speak – thus if we see ourselves as capable of building and creating in this world already at the level that we are doing now, we simply veer all of that to an equality starting point wherein Self-Perfection as the ability to give the best of ourselves for everyone equally is actually created, to realize that optimum level of existence as an individual and collectively is actually possible –

And this point of ‘Perfection not existing’ is something that I saw in this movie called ‘Tron’ wherein they imply how people end up going all nuts and sick of power when seeking perfection – so at the end they state that clearly on how they cannot go looking for perfection, creating a perfect system which they equate to almost a fantastic-like equivalent to fascism. So we can see how within your movies nowadays – which is a Disney movie btw for kids and all general public – we get the idea of people giving up to be able to live in an actual Perfect world – heaven on earth – wherein from a young age they are then indoctrinated to thin ‘Seeking perfection will make us mad, we can’t be perfect, perfection doesn’t exist’ and within that accepting the flawed ‘nature’ of ourselves as humans and the reflection of ourselves as the current system as ‘how things are’ not being able to be changed apparently – so that’s quite a fucked up point that is being imprinted in kids through that movie.

So, we do have to clarify the point of how when standing as Equals as Life, we we will be then actually living as Self Perfection as that which should’ve always been the actual ‘nature’ of ourselves within this world which never has been in fact due to us accepting the single fact of ‘human error/nature’ as ‘how we are’ and thus giving into failure by default – within that we can see how we are used to seeing things breaking apart – lol from agreements/relationships/marriages/families/associates/partners etc to electric appliances and all other technology designed to not last on purpose to have clients buying every year yet deliberately using this tactic because of the pre-existent belief in people that ‘nothing is perfect = things are able to break down’ or ‘ it is actually how things are and can’t be changed’ – and within that single acceptance and the proliferation of it as ‘who we are’ we have our own creation as this world wherein self perfection is placed as a crazy person’s unattainable dream.

Hear us well, we are here to get ourselves to realize ourselves as that Self Perfection that we’ve never known due to our own limitations towards this point – we are here to remove all threads of self-imposed limitation, capping ourselves, placing a lampshade to not allow ourselves to give the totality of our potential – and thus because seeing everyone else accepting that point of ‘failure’, we accept that as ourselves, as the world and entire system with everyone participating within an ingrained acceptance of ‘we are able to fail and fuck it all up, it’s our nature’ which is what must stop in all ways. Thus the importance of having to remove that inherent flawed idea of ourselves to no longer re-create that at the greater-picture level which is the current world system wherein the greatest atrocities and crimes against life are then justified and covered up with the excuse ‘Oh but I’m only human, we are not perfect’

No more excuses to be One and Equal as Life –


Associates & Co.

Pointers on people ‘in my world’ that I created and esatblished relationships-with in any way outside of the basic-establishment of the ‘Family-System’ wherein you simply step-into a pre-ordained scenario with pre-defined set of conditions – in a particular country, a particular language, a particular economical-status – that determines ‘who you are’ within the world system and accordingly, pre-establishes the people you will be forming relationships with that go hand-in-hand related to the environment you exist-in.

Now, this implies that people in my world as the relationships that I’ve formed in and as my ‘past’ that are here and that I’ve been facing are simply also part of the whole definition of ‘who I am’ as another system that got to be around specific people, specific places according to a specific self-definition that I carried and wore as ‘who I am’ that would almost by ‘default’ pre-define the types of people I would be seeking as a counter-act to my self-definition of for example, being an ‘outsider’ within my own family-structure and so, seeking for counter-acts to what they defined as ‘acceptable’, ‘recommendable relationships’ for myself.

Okay – so it is inevitable to look at this when realizing that I don’t have ‘friends’ as such, that the very last friend I have I met through the one that was my ‘best-friend’ at some point and then that relationship ended and we ‘his’ friend and I became friends and have been so for several years now, probably 5 or so – fuck, I can’t believe it’s been so long! anyways. He met me as a rebellious rather ‘fun’ girl that would drink, smoke, spend hours on coffee shops with this constant desire to seek for something to fulfill my ‘whole’-ness lol, having this ‘hidden agenda’ from family members with a sense of being anitpathetic yet affable to those that I deemed as deserving ‘my respect’ who were equally depressive, sociopaths and antipathetic beings that would delve in books, seeking a meaning of life – etc. etc. etc. Well, to ‘shorten’ the story, now that I see this friend again it’s cool to see that one principle binds us and that is the inherent understanding of Equality, of Human Rights, Human Dignity in living – he’s a sociologist so, he knows his field of study as himself quite well – and so he’s very cool for that, and for what he’s currently doing which is working with kids and within that being able to combine his artistic ‘vein’ by using his sociologist resources – So, with him I can see we’ve ‘remained’ being ‘friends’ or together because beyond it all, beyond the ‘personality’ that I was and embodied when I met him, this essence of who I am, who we are as self is what actually made the ‘relationship’ and so it’s quite cool – it is the only relationship that has lasted from ‘before process’ and on to now – yes we definitely had our ‘lows’ and stopped seeing each other for some periods of time, but it’s been quite cool to be part of his own process, even though he doesn’t ‘apply’ himself as such, he’s made some definitive statements in his life which has supported him to establish his ground in what he does, so that’s cool.

There are other beings from my past that want to ‘see me’ and If I see them, meet up with them they simply probably realize there is no ‘concordance’ to ‘who I was’ before, that’s quite interesting – because the simple ‘grasping’ points within the mind as to ‘why’ they wanna see me, what they could probably ‘enjoy’ about me as a personality-treat is most-likely no longer there – it is only this relationship that I explained as a ‘friendship’ based on this common-ground as human beings, understanding our own ‘existence’ is what actually kept this only relationship working –

I got a message from some guys that were my ‘friends’ in the past – lol all of them seem to be cut by the same pair of scissors, and thus they all reflect that which I ‘was’ and it’s pretty interested to look-at, lol it’s as if I knew I am going to ‘disappoint’ them because of not being playing ‘my part’ again, but hey, that’s the only way I will know if they are actually up to stand as equals or they were seeking something more of energetic-possession as personality-treats. Lol – oh god, really fascinating the people I surrounded or sought-to have around in my life.

I looked at that one relationship in my life, then at the one after that, then at the other guy that I liked, then at the other friend, then at my old friend – lol all these males that had some self-destructive vein going on – I’ve read this before, someone told me this not long ago, but I can’t remember.

Anyways – This probably was also triggered by Cenk’s video on alcohol and how he stopped the physical social-interaction with people because he stopped drinking – so just by looking at that basic ‘bond’ point of
me + alcohol + people that dig ‘alcohol’ = ‘friends’ and removing the factor ‘alcohol’ from that equation and not getting the end result as ‘friends’ or ‘acquaintances’ or anything else simply shows to what extent conditioning exists, mind control and just plain dishonesty as using a self-destructive factor to ‘get along’ with others, to stop fearing others, to stop inhibiting oneself with others – quite fucked up.
But yeah, in this case I can relate to myself when doing the same equation by replacing ‘alcohol’ factor with weed, or with my ‘tastes in music’ or any other personality-treat that lead me to be part of certain beings’ life.

This also probably comes from seeing that I have the curiosity to see my old friend/neighbor as my sister asked me about him and judging the fact that year after year goes by and he still does the same thing – to which I didn’t answer int he moment without pointing out the obvious that we as human beings do the same shit over and over again every single day and year and that she was only seeing from her ‘eye’ of what’s ‘productive’ and ‘what’s not productive’. Anyways… yeah the deal is that if I’d see him I know I wouldn’t be able to spend hours just contemplating him playing guitar or taking pictures or whatever or talking about music or beings or going out or … nope – yet the ‘link’ exists as all the time that I spent to which I can definitely look back at many times and situations and say: wow, where was I when i did that? And I can see that even if I tried ‘hard’ I wouldn’t be able to simply ‘go back’ to the ‘old me’ – the point of no-return has long-been drawn and well, it’s just like the remains of something that once was that still knock on my mind’s door and want to extract some ‘energy’ out of creating friction with it to see if some ‘fire’ can emerge again – but self-honestly there is no way -everytime I see myself going to the thought of ‘would be cool to meet him’ comes from a specific desire to get ‘something’ out of it – that is what I’ve been observing in the random desires to go out mostly – so, quite interesting – just looking at it, placing ‘who I was’ into perspective now. 


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