Tag Archives: Process of Self Change

632.#EqafeDiscovery:Do We Fear Living?

 

During the process of translating Eqafe material to Spanish, I come to rediscover stuff that perhaps I didn’t ‘hear’ the same way that I do now. This is also how even if I have listened to most of the material in there, I keep revisiting it every day and now I get to hear many different things that I didn’t grasp back when they were first published. At times I have also seen how I can be discriminatory in relation to some of the recordings based on the title, believing that ‘it has nothing to do with me’ or that ‘I can’t relate to it’ or that ‘it’s just not of my interest’, but over the years I’ve proven this immediate-mind-response to be just part of the many limitations and distractions that may still come up within me that at times prevent me from expanding myself. So what do I do? If some of these words come up in me? I go for it, I click and listen to it J hehe

When it comes to recordings in Eqafe, a guideline that I suggest for everyone is to listen to all of the stuff there even if it ‘seemingly’ doesn’t relate to you. For example, I could say ‘well I am not a parent therefore, I don’t have to listen to the parenting series’ or if I was single then saying ‘well I don’t have to listen to the relationships series, for I am single’ – but! We truly miss out on very supportive stuff if we go through life only choosing to hear that which we ‘feel resonates more with us’, because I’ve seen how this is mostly resonating yes, to the most prominent personalities I am living out at a certain point in my life. So, that’s why upon listening to it with an open mind and an open heart to see ‘what can I learn from it?’ No matter what the title, topic or series it is coming from, I can guarantee you that if you are really willing to listen, learn and apply something in your life that you get from those recordings, you will surely benefit from it in your life in many noticeable ways.

So one of those interviews that at first I dismissed because of having a ‘blah, I already know that fear of death is the ultimate fear and so what?’ type of thought, was one Life Review called ‘Fear of Death’ – so that’s why I decided to click on it and translate it.  Upon listening to this short yet substantial message from this lady here, I realized how I had been considering this ‘fear of living’ when it comes to a process of healing and so changing in relation to something that I had defined as being ‘my problem’ that is currently ‘holding me back’ in life. I had suddenly gotten to a ‘bottle neck’ in my inner experience where I needed to process things that I was merely shoving aside and not really working – processing them as we say. It’s been worth it as I’ve been sharing in my past blogs, but the obvious point emerged of how once that the main problem ‘in the head’ is being sorted, solved, ‘healed’ if you will and then changes emerge, there’s now the next step of self-creation to take.

I’ve also been reading a book about healing that a friend of mine recommended and I realized how much we tend to get ‘stuck’ in our minds about all the things that are seemingly ‘not working out’ and we focus on all the flaws, and all the fears and I’ve seen for myself how easy it is to build your stance and experience in life around all that garbage that we allow ourselves to think and believe ‘it’s all that we are,’ which then becomes the way that we see our life, the world, others in our lives and…. it’s no wonder at all how we’ve come to create the current reality we are living in, if we have allowed ourselves to play out the worst of us and let that rule our lives every-single-day and every-single-moment of our waking life – and hell at times we even torture ourselves in our dreams, yep.

The process that I have been walking with Desteni, the process I am learning to integrate day by day of becoming more directive within me and my mind, and now more in contact with my body is aided by the material that I get from Eqafe.com, and I also assure you that it might sound like stuff we somehow ‘already knew’ at the depth of our being, but we have somehow forgotten or gotten lost in translation as they say, taken over by the busy-ness of our lives and distractions to the point where we have forgotten that we have IT all, we have and we are all that we need to take those steps to get out of whatever ‘mental hole’ we might find ourselves in.

Sure, at times it might be difficult to go through certain situations or phases in life, all I can say is: reach out, communicate, speak it out loud with someone because I know how ‘blinded’ one can become if one remains in isolation and/or in fear of opening up with someone what one is going through. To me this is an essential aspect and also why Eqafe.com as part of the Desteni group, is not an isolated type of ‘source’ that you just go and listen and that’s it. It involves self-work, it involves practical application and a sharing, a referencing back of how one is supporting oneself to actually change based on the support that we get through the audios/interviews/recordings. For that, there’s the awesome community Destonians.com where you can also join in weekly chats to share, open up whatever you are working with and walking through in your life. A one of a kind community we are for sure.

Back to the topic! When listening to the audio/video called ‘Fear of Death’ I considered that it could be renamed to ‘Fear of Living’ but! of course, at least in my case I could have perhaps ‘jumped the gun’ and say ‘blah! I don’t’ fear living’ but…. The reality is quite different as you actually walk through certain points, like actually getting to overcome certain ‘obstacles’ or ‘difficulties’ or transcend major problems or addictions in life and then what opens up is: the many possibilities in which we can direct our lives, and so the actual possibility to choose, test out and walk through any of the options and dare to actually live, dare to learn to live in a different and new way and continue learning to live because I very much see that this is what I am here for.

So, as much as it might sound ‘off’ that one can ‘fear living,’ this audio will perhaps assist you in realizing WHY that very fear might be existing in you right now and HOW it plays out in seemingly ‘not so important’ moments in our day to day living. It is those small moments where I’ve seen that I can substantiate my life the most, in all those ‘little moments’ that I believed ‘didn’t matter’ because I wasn’t ‘producing’ something or I wasn’t necessarily creating an ‘impact’ on someone else… yet, I see that those moments that I am dedicating to live the best of me, to express me and so focusing on looking at what are the directions, talents, skills and abilities that I would like to now give direction to, there’s like a new opening to life and living that in fact has always been there, I had just sort of used the excuse of a mental-mindfuck (sorry for the language, but that’s what it is) to create a justification of why I had to kind of ‘place my life on hold’ and focus too much on ‘sorting issues out’ and place my self-creation on pause. Now, I don’t judge this as a waste of time or as something bad either, I now see it as part of the things that I had to confront and understand about myself and how I in fact create my experience and my life.

It is now up to me to take the steps to actually stop living in the habit that I gave my energy and breaths to that took me down to a bit of a rabbit hole in my personal experience, to learn from it, to see what I have to self-forgive and so to decide my next steps. Even though I see this direction, it is so that in our minds, the tendency of the ‘old habits’ to live in fear essentially will still come up. I know it is possible to live without the constant ‘fear’ and believe me, I THOUGHT that I was a fearless person…… yep! Well, it’s cool to get humble and realize ‘Nope! I definitely see I was many times acting out of fear!’ so that’s how I’m also glad I got to hear this through the audio so that I can become aware of the ‘little habits’ that have taken me to that inner experience, which sure may come and go, but now I can identify it better, give it a name and so decide in that moment what I decide to live.

So to me this is one simple, simple example of how listening to an Eqafe recording can confirm an entire process that I’ve been walking and how it can assist one even further to ‘take the next steps’ we might be missing out on or not giving the proper attention, relevance and importance they require, which are in fact the building blocks of our self-creation, the actuality of LIVING the best of ourselves, the actuality of BEING the best of ourselves – yes, acknowledging the downfalls, the ‘off’ moments, but somehow this audio assists with realizing what those OFF moments really are and so, be able to grasp it, identify them and so be able to DO something about it.

I’m more than glad I have this awesome source of support, every time I see scientists, psychologists, sociologists or any other person that still have some certain ‘big questions’ such as how was the universe created? what is consciousness in fact? How do animals think or communicate? How do our bodies relate to our minds? Is there life after death? Etc. I kind of go back to my senses in realizing that Eqafe is not yet broadly known in humanity, yet the information is here. So, I can’t even consider where I would be if I wasn’t aware of all of these things already to get the ‘curiosity’ out of my bag around those topics and focus on things that are right ‘here’ for me to work with.

All I can say is be part of this opportunity and take that step forward not only in getting educated about all-things-life and living, but also dare to take the steps to Live and Apply all the practical support that one can gather from every recording, to be the example of what it means to break free from the ‘programming,’ and! With that, assist not only yourself, but the rest of who we are as life to give a continued expansion to this process of self-awareness, to actually be, become and birth life from the physical.

Ok! I leave this one for you then to ponder about J Sign up for the Eqafe Unlimited  Plan which is an incredible offer to have access to this audio I mentioned and more than 4,000 other titles that you can benefit from learning in virtually every aspect of what it means to be a living being in this existence. So, don’t’ wait any longer! Be part of the real evolution that is very much needed in our world.

 

Thanks for reading

 

breathing being

 

Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty


569. On Sacrifice and Virtuousness

Or understanding the ‘Morally Upright’ construct I’ve been living as in relation to living a process of self-change

Continuing with this underlying ‘imprint’ within my personal process of self-change and the relationship to the words ‘being an example’ that can be read in my previous blog, I’ve seen lately the kind of words embodied within this idea of ‘being an example for others’ coming with a dose of morally upright stance. What does that mean? That part of what was motivating me to do things is to ‘demonstrate to others how things are done’ and in a way taking the high horse of experiencing it as a form of ‘noble path’ that separates me from the rest, that I am someone that is virtuous, commendable, proper, giving myself a ‘greater worth’ in separation of others, being dignified, dutiful… and some other words may emerge as I go opening this up, which don’t mean that the words in themselves are the problem, but how I have imprinted them all within this construct of ‘morally upright’ which will then require me to redefine those words to live them without the ‘experience’ of them separating me from the rest.

Here the relationship to being an authority to myself extended to becoming an ‘idea of authority towards others’ where leadership or being a ‘leading example’ is tainted with a righteousness, a stubbornness at times and an idea of virtue upon myself that is very similar to what some ‘religious authorities’ would impose onto themselves, separating themselves ‘from the rest’, being ‘more worthy of god’ etc. lol yet! At the same time claiming sainthood in wanting to help or save others, appearing as selfless and modest.

Now, this is a very subtle yet existent aspect of how I have been living thus far my relationship to this process of self-change, where there is – or was – an experience defining me in relation to ‘what I do’ as being virtuous, doing ‘the right thing’ in a moral stance that invariably came with an air of superiority, of ‘lifting myself above others’ in a very subtle way within myself and this invariably becomes part of the ‘process character’ where one believes oneself to be ‘better than others’ because of walking this process of self-change, which is nothing else but another personality as an ego that leads us back to being in our minds and recreating separation through the inferiority/superiority construct.

My experience of this wasn’t ‘visible’ to others for the most part – or so I think! – but I’ve been in it/as it all the way and it’s a very sneaky one because one becomes the ‘benevolent character’ that seeks an egotistical pride or honor through becoming ‘something more’ than others through doing what is believed to be ‘the right thing,’ the ‘good deeds,’ ‘being there for others’ all the time – and within this falling within a morality construct where it can appear that I am focusing on all the ‘good stuff,’ the ‘supportive stuff,’ but! The problem is that this benevolent construct of ‘goodness’ cannot exist without the opposite or its polarity, which translated in my case to existing in a constant judgment – and denial – of everything that is just not going along the lines of what I see is ‘the right thing to be/do/thing,’ the ‘truth,’ or ‘what is best for all’ and so forth, which invariably leads one to become this morality driven personality that claims doing what is most beneficial, what is most supportive – and may in fact get to ‘do it’ – but, in my secret mind what is fueled is a constant judgment to everything and everyone else that stands as the opposite of all of these words I described above, all that is ‘corrupted’ at the eyes of what I see as my principles and ways of living, all that is ‘impure’ so to speak such as lacking virtues, honor, respect, lack of principles, lack of awareness and in essence kind of placing myself in a very subtle experience of me vs. ‘the mortals’ that aren’t aware of themselves, that are still ‘weak in character’ type of thing, while covering that up with a façade of nobility, kindness and benevolence.

This is a very deceitful aspect to debunk because it is easy to say ‘well, you’re doing what’s beneficial, what’s right, what’s of beneficence to others, what’s wrong with that?’ or getting ‘compliments’ like ‘More people should be like you!’ type of thing which I’ve actually heard over the years in my case,  and again the problem is not about all of those deeds/actions and decisions to support oneself or others, but about how these decisions, actions and at times ‘self-sacrifice’ to ‘be there for others’ unconditionally fed this particular construct of the ‘morally upright’ character, where in my own mind I’d then compare, judge and go into denial of my own personal experiences and personal desires/needs/wants because of judging them all as too shallow, too ‘mundane,’ or lacking any genuine ‘impact for the rest of the world.’

This led me to constantly having ‘others eyes’ upon me in my mind where I placed myself with the ‘duty’ of ‘being an example to others’ of what ‘sacrificing yourself for the greater good means,’ and in doing so, I was in fact on my way to live a life of limitation and fears, which is ‘nobly’ said to be “of sacrifice and selflessness”, of “giving myself to others, “of “serving a greater cause/ a greater good” while actually neglecting myself in the form of denying to myself the possibility to genuinely enjoy myself, actually get to do what I’ve been denying to myself to do because of judging it as a ‘too shallow to dedicate myself to it, because it doesn’t benefit others directly’ or rather it doesn’t fit this ‘benevolent sainthood’ construct I’ve been living as – and within that, limiting my possibilities of being in a position where I could actually be of most benefit to myself and eventually others in doing so.

The bottom line is that what I just explained as this personality construct of sacrifice and virtuousness in a form of religious experience is really not at all the way to understand walking this process of self-change and I am entirely sure this is not the point of the Desteni Process at all to make ourselves into egotistical morally upright individuals that separate ourselves from all the ‘mundane filth’ lol and place ourselves in these pedestals of virtue and piousness. Not at all!

It’s quite interesting how I had become that in a very ingrained manner, not even questioning it at all if it wasn’t because of getting direct feedback on this through another’s eyes – of which I am quite grateful for because I tend to lack this kind of feedback – and this proves again that we cannot do this process ‘alone,’ but require to be in check with others that are also walking their process and can give us an ‘outsider’s view’ upon something that we’ve become so much to our eyes, that has become the very mindset through which we function on a daily basis that it takes some external point of view to see this with clarity, and in my case this also was shared from someone that had a similar design to my own so, that was a direct feedback of someone that has walked this point as well, which is what makes the Desteni community so awesome and supportive in walking this process as well.

I am also aware that the emphasis within this process is placed on ‘doing what’s best for all’ and how this can be twisted into only focusing ‘on others’ out there and forgetting about oneself in people’s minds like my own, where we tend to remove ourselves from the equation. So a simple reminder is to understand it as ‘being the best for oneself and so best for all’ as a result of that, so that ‘I matter’ is included in this starting point of everything we do, are, change and decide to implement in our lives within this context of self-change to benefit ourselves and in doing so, stand as our matter, as life to the potential that we see is possible and that we can practically live and develop in our lives, self change! In short.

I’ll keep sharing more on how this ‘denial’ of my own aspirations and desires within a stance of ‘selflessness’ led me to create comparison and jealousy towards others that I viewed as being ‘too selfish’ in their lives, enjoying themselves ‘too much’ while I was in the mindfuck and belief that ‘we should all suffer at the same pace of the rest of the world’ – or the majority of the world – and so, living in denial of me possibly being able to actually create the life that I want, that I see is benefic, supportive and enjoyable for myself because of considering that I had to live almost like a monk if possible, ‘detached from earthly pleasures’ lol!

And I do see that I turned this process of self-change into this ‘moral standard’ within myself rather than an actual practical consideration of myself, my life, my location, my skills, my context, my abilities, the person I am and want to in fact be and express and take it from there – instead of turning it into a moral semi-religious sainthood that would have led me to frustration, jealousy, bitterness, dissatisfaction and eventually becoming a fascist in my life towards myself and others, which is something that ‘resonates’ a lot with me in that personality context. An example is whenever I see military people like sergeants in movies, I can totally relate to them and almost see those characters as ‘kindred spirits’ lol! Where this notion of ‘the noble path’ makes one honorable, respectable and virtuous, better than others, superior, powerful, all of it lived as a character within a fake authority of fear that we sure have to change and step out of in our own minds and in the systems within this world in order to actually live equality in all aspects within ourselves, starting with ‘who we are in our minds’ and within me, this translates in ensuring that I don’t recreate this mindfuck of the ‘virtuousness’ and ‘morally upright’ experience in relation to walking this process of self-change.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


483. Standing Our Ground in the Physical

Or how to practically apply the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ in our physical process.

Sharing here some of what we opened up in an Eqafe hangout today with Garbrielle, where we could look at a practical way of understanding what it means to decide ‘Who I Am’ in every moment based on the two ‘options’ that we exist as and ‘have’ as a potential of self creation: for the bettering of ourselves, or for the worse or remaining stuck in a status quo in our minds.

The premise is that we are existing as a triad of parts/aspects that conform who we are as human beings: we have the mind, a being/beingness and physical body.

The mind exists as all the points of separation as the relationships to energy that we have formed and existed as which is everything that leads us to create or recreate the worst aspects of ourselves: self-sabotage, compromise, addictive patterns, destructive behaviors, only seeing problems, creating notions of polarities like inferiority and superiority, morality and the rest of our ‘mind subjects’ that are in no way physical per se, but that we end up making physical when we act upon them.

We have our physical body which is the element of substance, of life manifested, that exists as the living and physical example of what it means to be in stability, consistency, resilience, flexibility, adaptability, self-regulation and even autonomy dare I say because we have no idea all of the processes that our bodies go through in order to keep itself alive and adapting to all of the challenges in the environment, processing what we eat but also most importantly having to assimilate, digest and buffer all the experiences, the energetic experiences that we impose onto it through our participation in our minds.

Then we have the beingness or being which is that ‘spark of life’ – some people call it the spirit or our essence – which exists as that potential in all of us to either go on the way of life or go on the way of our minds.  As the word says, it is a Potential, it is not something ‘given’ but we have to directly develop it – it is not something that has been only ‘trapped in our mind’ or anything like that. It is that life within all of us that can go either way, to support the mind – which happens when we for example cannot reason or see a way out in a moment and can be stuck in an experience of anger for example, or an experience of love – different ‘charge’ but same effect – we get blinded by our experience without being able to step out of it in self-awareness. That’s the way that we have been mostly living as, dominated by energies, experiences, desires, fears and not establishing a directive principle in really looking at what would be most supportive for us to live, to decide to do or be. 

This implies that in the same way that this potential can be used for all things that are not supportive, we can also decide to take the other road of actually directing ourselves to self-creation, self-growth, self development as human beings, as life, which becomes a very real choice and so decision in every moment that we are alive in our day.

 

In the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ the point is recognizing that we have these three parts that we are ‘made of’ or composed of, which are now completely merged and fused, which means that it is not like we can just ‘turn off’ the mind and get rid of that ‘problematic’ aspect of ourselves and suddenly – magically – expect our beingness to come through and be ‘liberated.’ Nope, our mind is ourselves, it is that part of ourselves that we have to get to know, understand, investigate and learn how to ‘walk through it’ with the tools provided within the Desteni I Process: self-writing, self forgiveness, developing self-honesty and walking a practical corrective process that is entirely intended for us to start shifting away from the usual dominance of ‘who we are’ in our minds, into the uncovering, development and expansion that we can create when we decide to stand as and in that potential within our beingness and as our physical body in the name of life, in the name of common sense and what is best for us and so for all.

In that, how I see it, is that we have the two basic elements that will create the possibility for something to be created, something to exist. If we stand as our physical and as our beingness, then that in itself is us making a decision to stand as life, to live life, to direct ourselves in a supportive manner which in turn, becomes a decision and a ‘reasoning’ as well as a practical laying out of solutions that we plan and write out using our mind now as a tool, standing as the directive principle in our mind to no longer ‘fall into the same old patterns’ but now instead we can use our ability to reason, to write, to make assessments, to communicate, to direct ourselves to live the corrections laid out through writing where the mind then becomes this supportive part of ourselves that enables us to also walk through our mind itself and so, start practically changing the ‘dominant’ aspect of ourselves: from the mind as consciousness – with all the energetic experiences, memories, habits that usually lead to a non-supportive outcome  – to life in self-awareness as the physical.

This means we make a decision in our beingness to stand up, to see beyond the ‘usual patterns’ in our mind and instead, tap into the possibilities and potential that exists as our physical body and that aspect of ourselves that can be geared to support ourselves – for example, developing self-awareness, directing ourselves to do things differently and in a more supportive manner, trying out new ways and methods to create solutions to our problems, test out the consequences and outcomes, investigate ways in which we can expand our daily routines and interactions.  

Therefore what is always a decision for us is who do we decide to be: do we decide to go through the way of the mind, of energies, of conflict, of problems without seeing solutions – or do we decide to in a moment stand our ground, decide to do what will assist us and others, do the actual practical work and walking through initial resistances to do that which is ‘out of our script’, stepping out of self-limitations and instead develop the potential of who we can be once that we go stopping and so correcting our ‘usual ways’ of following our minds as energetic experiences.

‘Two or more in my name and I AM there’ – is an equation, two or more elements with the same purpose and intent and the outcome or result is that which each element in that 1+1 is intended to be and do.

This ‘I AM’ in the equation is what we have the ability to define as the decision of ‘who we are’ or ‘who do we decide to be’ in every moment of our days.

An example, if I stand in a moment with a decision to remain in some kind of anger experience or infatuation towards something, in that moment I am allowing myself to be directed through my experience in the mind, affecting the way my physical body feels and consequently, in my beingness as the core of myself, I am seeing ‘no way out’, I am not pushing for solutions or seeing possible ways to work with those experiences and overcome it. That ‘I AM’ that I am creating is that of consciousness, of the mind, of energies, of self-sabotage, of self-destruction and in essence becoming the ‘I AM’ as the lesser version of ourselves, less than our potential.

But if in that same moment where I see myself in the experience of anger and instead I make a decision to no longer drown in the experience but help myself out, like for example: I decide to write about the experience, the inner conflict that led to the anger, understand the experience as my creation, recognize my responsibility to it so that I can then proceed to self forgive it, understand that experience of anger as a part of myself that I have to correct and deal with, to see it as my creation that is here, waiting for me to take a supportive action to correct it and so create a preventive measure and solution to it.

In that moment I as my beingness along with the physical body decide to take the path of integrity, of self-honesty, of self-responsibility, of challenging ourselves to change that experience within us through actively investigating it, finding out the ways in which one can practically live the solution in, through and as our physical bodies that – along with ourselves standing up as our beingness in that decision of do what’s best for all, what’s supportive, of growth and expansion – we live the words and expressions as actions that signify “I AM supporting myself, I AM standing up, I AM taking responsibility, I AM creating life in a supportive manner” here it’s not about just making nice declarations – no, it’s about living these words through actually making the changes that would lead us to truly stand up, to truly live as self-responsible individuals. This is what creates a clear difference between the choice of living in the mind, in the illusions or delusions – or deciding to live in the physical process of self-responsibility, of self-support.

In making a decision to assist ourselves – the beingness/being standing as and with the physical body – enables ourselves to then see the mind as the aspect of ourselves that now has to accept our core decision and so, who we are and what we live through the mind will be directed/guided by us making and living that decision to live life, create life, change ourselves for the better.

What is left then is no other option or function for our mind other than becoming the aspect or part of us that rationalizes the process, that can process it as a living decision and in doing so, the mind is no longer this ‘thing’ that represents and brings up the worst in ourselves, but instead we use it to direct ourselves, to write, to communicate, to interact, to assess, to plan – etc. if we are to create a solid foundation to our lives, we have to decide ‘who we are’ in this ‘I AM’: do we take the road of the mind, energies, consciousness or do we take the road of self-creation, of living, of self-responsibility, self awareness and self honesty?

The choice is always ours, the choice is always existent in every moment where every interaction, every experience becomes an opportunity to live in a better way, in a self-honest and honorable way. It’s about deciding to see and live life differently which is a genuinely empowering and supportive decision and a living process that has changed my life for the best, there’s no doubt about it.

So, how about becoming aware of this basic decision in every moment of our days: can I push to become the better version of me in this moment? What do I have to practically do to achieve this? What limitations do I have to transform into a supportive outcome, one that can truly change our nature that we have tolerated for the worse for so long?

We decide! And that’s empowering

Thanks for reading and if you’d like to watch the hangout, here’s the link:

Atlanteans – The First Encounter with Anu – Part 21

As Garb said: Do I want to be part of the problem or do I want to be part of the solution?

I stand with the latter 🙂

 

Thanks for reading and watching

Two or More in My Name

Learn how to live your potential:


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