167. Fearing is Not wanting to Change

Postponement Character 

 

Fear Dimension :

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my writing being rejected by the academy for lacking art references and within this, sabotaging my own completion of the document based on a future projection and expectation based on a prejudice that I have formed toward ‘Academy’ as a restrictive institution, instead of realizing that I am the one that has the ability to create a writing that is both fulfilling toward academic standards and also at a personal level within the context of the content matching my actual and initial intention of doing this work in the first place, which is getting a degree and sharing a perspective of self-creation within the art world as my own contribution and career-experience that I have decided to share.

 

I realize that the work that I am doing does not have to be separated from any of my other writings and any other responsibility that I do follow through with – and in this realizing that any resistance that I have created toward the point is based on prejudices that I have formed toward school/ academy as instances wherein

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by the academy/ professors for lacking commitment to ‘the art world’ with presenting my writing, due to it not being precisely linked to a plastic or visual art but instead, a self-creation process that is our ability to exist as human beings that have the power and ability to create themselves and a society/ world system that is supportive of life itself and not mind-system creation modes that only support separation and abuse of life.

 

I realize that I am actually postponing creating a final ‘note’ to this entire career that I see can be veered toward a self-creation process wherein the concept of art is expanded to a self-creative ability that is actually quite acceptable within the realm of the art world and also reminding myself here that I had already had a ‘good to go’ approval from my professor  – thus

 

When and as I see myself fearing getting my written document done based on fear of it not being ‘good enough’ for the standards that the academic world require, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am actually fully capable of taking on this task and project with all its requirements wherein I simply have to write and fulfill the task at hand that is a requisite for me to actually finish what I began as professional career – and I remind myself that I chose to walk this process and walk this career and get it done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my writing is judged as ‘too spiritual’ or any other pejorative term that I have feared my professors creating upon my work due to them having no reference to what Desteni is – though I realize that I do not have to fear this type of bs things when I am perfectly capable of writing out and convey a message that is common sensically based and doesn’t require any ‘gap-concepts’ that cannot be understood by academics.

When and as I see myself fearing professors judging my writing based on it being too ‘humanitarian’ instead of ‘artistic,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that the same way the concept of art has been expanded throughout the years, one can implement a new dimension to it which is actually a primary one based on the concept of art as a self-creative process wherein the being standing in and as a self-honest being, his/ her expressions will be an immediate expression/ expansion of him/herself as part of one’s own expression within the principle of what is best for all and within this, turning art into a more practical living statement other than a mind-regurgitation activity that has served little to no purpose for humanity, just as anything else in this world that requires its fine-tuning to be supportive for all beings equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confronting my writing with my professor because of not wanting to be rejected/ have my stuff done more than once, which I see stems from a previous memory of having had a ‘difficult time’ with a photography professor with me wanting to impose my ways and being intransigent toward his observations, which is how I went into defense mode before even listening to the suggestions and actually seeing how it could benefit the work – thus,

I realize that the fear toward criticism stemming from academics is that fear of not being ‘good enough’ to their standards, without realizing that I am only creating this ‘fear’ due to actually not wanting to go through all the stages of having my written work revised and within that, accepting observations and ‘criticism’ that I tend to take personally, leading myself to abruptly ‘opt myself out’ of it/ giving up because of having wanted my writing to be ‘immediately accepted/ unquestioned’ which is actually an ego point wherein I want and desire to have things working ‘my way’ at all times.

 

When and as I see myself fearing criticism toward my writing I stop and I breathe – I realize that all comments are able to be taken within common sense and in absolute humbleness as the acceptance of one’s mistakes, wherein I commit myself to take into consideration other people’s words on ‘my work’ and within this allow myself to be supple and flexible toward comments that can actually enrich the document beyond my ‘own view/ perspective’ and assist myself within that go break my own boundaries of wanting to always only do things ‘my way.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this process will be longer than expected and within this, foolishly enough, postponing it further, pushing it toward ‘more time’ which is absolutely absurd and I see how it is only when thinking about doing it and going into this fear that I somehow simply wished that I could ‘get away from doing this’ at some point, which is actually not acceptable since I have been aware I must do this no matter what.

 

When and as I see myself pushing the point for ‘some other time’ and postponing it is in fact me creating further consequence in full awareness, which is a deliberate and unacceptable action within the consideration of realizing that this is also my responsibility and priority in my world/ reality at the moment – and that I can instead manage my time to dedicate myself to my daily activities and specify a time wherein I ensure I get this done, instead of wanting to just ‘take one whole day off’ to write it out – which is one option, however not the best one as it is done under the pressure of wanting to get it all done at once, which usually leads to a point of rush that is not necessary within this –

 

I commit myself to walk this written process point by point, day by day as that is a reasonable point to do instead of ‘waiting’ for one miraculous moment when I ‘feel like doing it,’ which won’t happen as this is a point that I have to actually self-direct in all ways.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very ‘lax’ about this point of responsibility in my world due to seeing it as worthless yet at the same time, not wanting to admit that there’s an actual fear of me not getting this paper and then having an entire career being absolutely useless and as if it had never happened, which is something that I realize within the context of being in and of this world system wherein we still value each other’s abilities according to institutional paper work and titles that prove one’s credentials in certain professional fields.

 

When and as I see myself believing that it is worthless to get this piece of paper, I stop and I breathe – I realize this is a key point that I actually have placed aside due to the actual physical resistance to get things done within bureaucratic terms that I have create a resistance to – thus it is to realize that no matter what, I am the one that decides how I walk this process and that I have to get it done and postponing it is only making it ‘worse’ as a thought in my head instead of an actual doing that is physically tangibly ‘done’ – to round things up – and not thought or feared about.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to repeat the whole thing more than once and within this,  realizing that this is the main obstacle I have created within me as a fear/ thoughts in my head and it appears  in the immediate moment when I see myself wanting to ‘write it out,’ as I have allowed myself to just put it off instead of actually using the time to do –maybe – several versions and ways and find one that is the most suitable of all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Fear as an excuse to actually not do it/ not move myself and within this building like a China wall in front of me without realizing that it is not real in the sense that it is an actual impediment for me to do so, and that the wall exists as all the thoughts in my head toward this particular task and responsibility to do, wherein I am the one that can actually decide whether I simply do it and walk through all the necessary stages or not, while realizing that there is no ‘not’ option here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this all a lot worse in my mind as a task to be done than what it actually is, when thinking about it and fearing doing it for all the reasons above, without realizing that all the time spent thinking and fearing it, I could have actually given proper direction to it right away and simply get it done.

 

When and as I see myself making of this point of responsibility a task that is ‘above me’ and that is ‘too much to do’ within this seeing it as a great immovable obstacle in my head, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to decide in one single moment to move myself to open up the document and being writing it out and arranging everything that I have done so far to give it proper coherence, within the realization that I can simplify it instead of wanting to ‘cover all points’ in one go, which is rather extensive to do when it’s not even required at this stage – thus

I realize that I can also support myself to not make of this single task like a ‘will’ that I leave as a final statement that I am surely making a lot more in my mind as if I had to absolutely ‘download’ myself in one document, which I realize it is not a requirement or necessary – thus I stop myself from wanting to make this my ‘master piece of words’ which is rather pretentious and actually becoming another obstacle within me to fulfill my own expectations toward it, which is rather foolish, considering that  I am the one that sets my own value schemes of ‘importance’ within this – thus

I commit myself to equalize myself as my writing in all aspects wherein no matter ‘what’ I’m writing, I focus on the practicality and simplicity that is able to be actually understood and lived by another, instead of making it a lot ‘more’ than what it is as a single academic requirement to keep going in life and actually get to live my words written there.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see the fear of me wanting to postpone and put off the actual moment dedicated to writing the document out, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the only one that is able to push and direct myself to do this not and within this

I realize that putting it off is obviously accumulating consequence and more seemingly unnoticeable ‘stress’ that affects the rest of my activities throughout the day.

I commit myself to be congruent within all dimensions and aspects of my day to day living wherein I do not leave this one aspect/ task as a loop-hole that I am not sorting out, because I realize that If I don’t move in an equal manner within directing and correcting myself within all aspects of my world and reality, that one point that I leave behind is causing stress and worry and fears that keep me bound to a single point of procrastination as a point. Thus I get myself back to one single piece that walks all points day by day and not leaving ‘one piece behind’ any longer.

 

This will continue …

Desteni

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Blogs:

Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 1): DAY 167

Day 167: After Death Communication – Part 16

 

Interviews

• The Soul of Money – High Definition Evolution of Consciousness – Part 36

• Quantum Mind Self-Awareness – STEP 13

• Reptilians – The Relationship between Sexuality and Money – Part 102

77. I Can’t Get No Satisfaction

 

Disenchantment of my Own Expectations

The disenchantment experienced within art school after the first year came up as an outflow of me having based my decision to study art from a desire to experience all the points that I have described in the previous blogs, which meant that because and due to my starting point not being that of a self-directive decision, I experienced disillusionment in every class I’d take, while holding the desire for something/ someone to fulfill this yearning to get to a point of satisfaction. This lead me to spend most of my first year extensively imbued in spirituality as a means to ‘compensate’ that which the art career was not ‘giving me’ from the get go, which is in fact my own manipulation from what I desired to get/ obtain from and through the ‘art experienced’ based on all the expectations I had formulated only in my mind about art, art school and myself being ‘in the right spot’ this time, only to realize that I was experiencing myself as in the beginning of literature wherein I started developing the same backchat to justify my ‘dissatisfaction’ with the career. (Read through 72. My Career Choice where I disclose this experience)

 

And so, here I walk one of those various moments I had while going through school and specifically the painting workshop I attended, which was supposed to be my ‘forte’ point within my ‘skills’ –

 

Pattern: talking myself into thinking that ‘this school is not good enough for me/ is not what I accepted’ which is the usual backchat I would form whenever I would simply opt to drop out and move onto something else based on not getting the ‘satisfaction’ from it that I was expecting.

 

2006

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get as early as possible to my painting workshop from the starting point of keeping this definition of myself as being ‘responsible’ and ‘attentive’ in school, yet wanting to ‘earn my right’ to leave after 3 hours exactly so that I could go to the library instead and read about the new age, esoteric books and religions that I considered were ‘more important’ than the workshop itself, which is how from the first year of being In art school, I began creating these ideas of myself not being fulfilled/ wanting something more ‘substantial’ based on the expectations I had created when deciding to study art and dropping out of literature. Within this essentially starting to repeat the same pattern of ‘dissatisfaction with my choice’ and seeking something else that would be more ‘fulfilling’ to get my positive experience, which is how I got myself into researching religions, spirituality and the occult as a result of me ‘going deeper’ into the ultimate desire of knowing it all as the mysteries of existence which I am now in fact able to hear and would have never gotten in any books in that library, lol.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to work within the painting workshop from the starting point of ‘getting things done to get a grade’ and losing all interest because of my own projections upon the teacher and fellow students as not being there with the same enthusiasm I thought I was attending school with, which in fact was a self-belief to cover up the fact that I simply was shifting my point of attention from art to spirituality/ or a mix of the two which could satisfy my desire to know.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my fellow mates in the workshop as looking ‘down’ and comparing myself to be rather positive and enthusiastic about painting, which is how I started creating backchat about the entire workshop not being ‘fulfilling’ or a ‘good environment’ to create, taking my observations upon others as ‘real’ and believing that being ‘creating’ with such people around me was not ‘beneficial’ for my ‘inspiration,’ thus beginning to loath going to such workshop and started only going to it for mere obligation to preserve my self-idea as a responsible being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my works within the starting point of competition toward others’ wherein I clearly talked myself into superiority, believing that ‘my paintings were great’ and that others’ paintings were simply bad and wrong, which is all based on my desires to fulfill this idea of myself as being an ‘innate artist’ and with ‘real talent’ which was all based on the definitions, judgments and self-belief created by and through what I would get from friends and family and others around me which I described in here 75. Bursting Dreams to Live Reality

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately choose a workshop that I knew was not that ‘popular based on my idea of then having ‘less competition’ there and so ensuring in my mind that I could ‘stand above others’ with my work/ paintings, wherein I actually sabotaged my opportunity to learn just because of starting participating in such workshop from the desire to be recognized and ‘stand above others’ works’ which all crumbled down due to and because of not getting such ‘satisfaction’ I was seeking from my teacher and fellow mates, which lead me to add another point to the entire disillusion because I was not being equally-praised as people in my world – such as friends/ family – had expressed toward ‘my work.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto the teacher when seeing him doing his own artwork while and during the ‘class’ or workshop-time, based on the expectation I had of teachers showing you/ sharing their painting secrets and techniques and everything else which I expected, and because I didn’t get that, I started believing that I was in the wrong workshop and that I had completely failed at choosing teacher – but in fact, it all stemmed from this immediate dissatisfaction that I started experiencing toward ‘studying art’ overall, after the first year and being in the beginning of the second year wherein my fulfillment started veering toward spirituality, once again repeating the pattern of thinking I had made the ‘wrong choice’ again.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my teacher did not care about what I was doing and not giving a fuck about anyone else there, without realizing that I was simply expecting to be directed and get the feedback that I wanted based on expectations of him toward my work, which was all ego based as in only considering my own work as something ‘already great’ and having only to ‘perfect it’ in school, which was all a belief and never really Real, therefore whenever I did not get my desires fulfilled in the workshop, I started building disillusionment toward the entire career overall, giving up and just going there because ‘I had to’ and not as a self-directive decision of living my ‘choice’ in fact.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start backchatting about ‘art school’ altogether and thinking that I could instead just be at home, painting by my own and seeing no point in going to art school if I was not in fact going to get any direct guidance by the teacher, which is how I would then compound the judgments toward people not caring at all and starting to absorb such ideas about others into myself as ‘depression,’ blaming the environment as being Not-supportive at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start building regret about my career choice – yet again – when seeing that I was only going there to ‘fill in the assistance list’ and being there 3 hours only to then immediately go to the library or home to read that which was ‘calling my attention’ the most which was spirituality, religions, philosophy and the occult, and in this starting to go to school with no actual disposition to learn and stay there enough to develop skills, but simply ‘passing through the classes’ because I simply knew I could not now repent and say that I did not want to study art any longer.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into regret when thinking ‘painting used to be my thing and the most enjoyable time in my life and now, it’s so sad’ based on my self-created experience in this workshop, wherein I see and realize that I started blaming ‘the academy’ for ‘killing inspiration’ and feeling just like another robot in the ford-t production line based on my initial ideals of what art school would be like, seeking to fulfill my ego’s desire to immediately be recognized as this ‘great artist’ and get all the props for my ego to then be able to say that ‘art school is great!’ – but because I did not get it, I simply started losing interest.

 

This is part of the pattern of ‘dissing’ that which is not feeling me enough energy any longer thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start dissing art school, the teachers, the workshop mates, school mates and the entire art school scenario as lame and sad and depressing, simply because it was not giving Me what I had expected as this constant fulfillment of compliments and judgments that could ‘highlight my work’ above others’ and in this, starting to think and justify my experience with thoughts like ‘No wonder academy fucks all creativity and true passion to create’ which is a self-belief according to expectations and my usual way of blaming others for what I would be creating and experiencing within myself – thus it had Nothing to do with art school itself, people or the teacher but it was all myself not getting the necessary energy for me to continue being ‘happy’ within it, which is actually cool because if I had gotten my ego-nurturing, I would have probably elevated myself to a semi-god status wherein I would have only been moved by ‘desire for fame and fortune’ and not sought another way which is how in the middle of that first year in painting workshop, I found Desteni.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was a waste of time going to such workshop/ school in general, wherein I started going and leaving just exactly on the minimum of 3 hour stay there, and then rushing back to my house to ‘do my thing’ and continue studying and getting deep into spirituality, devouring books and anything that I could deem as ‘superior’ and of ‘utmost importance’ in comparison to art, which shows how I was only energetically driven to study one thing and another after another based on the amount of satisfaction as positive-energy experience that I could get from ‘my studies/ my religion/ my desires’ being fulfilled or not.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be counting the minutes till it was ‘safe to leave’ and place my name on the list and say goodbye with such excitement, as if I was attending some community work given after you’ve been in prison and only paying your sentence somehow, which became a very uncomfortable situation until I simply stopped that year in the painting workshop, which I see and realize that was simply the cannon fodder I used in that time of absolute and extreme self-dissatisfaction, lostness, disillusionment, depression and self suppression through weed to the utmost degree, that I can barely remember myself back then, and that if it wasn’t for all the pictures I took that time and the writings, I would have no remembrance of myself and my experience in that time, which was absolutely self-created hell.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start seeking my ‘own fame and fortune’ by taking photographs by myself, deliberately ‘spiting’ the art school point by not taking photography workshop in the belief that ‘I can do this by myself/ on my own, I don’t require school’ – which was absolutely conceited from myself – and eventually ‘hitting the jackpot’ wherein all the dissatisfaction in ‘school’ was even more enhanced and perceived as a ‘waste of time,’ when being invited to exhibit my ‘independent photography works’ in another country, which was a sudden rush of self-importance and fame that was fulfilling ‘at last’ the dreams that I’ve had with regards to someone suddenly ‘knocking on my door and asking me to show my work somewhere else in the world’ – which did happen and lead me to have my short-lived experience of fame and art-world experience that I had dreamed of for a long time.

 

In the next post I will share my ‘fame and fortune’ experience lol and how it changed my life to the realization of what it Really meant to be ‘in’ the artworld and how I started experiencing myself being simply ‘in the wrong profession’ yet again… lol

 

2006

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself talking to me in my mind about ‘being in the wrong place/ having made the wrong decisions’ I stop and I breathe – I recognize the stupidity loop for what it is as me starting to diss something based on the expectations that I had built around something/ someone without taking the necessary time and space to actually walk it in a self-supportive manner, which means: not building backchat about my decision and my choices, but instead working through with it practically with no judgment wherein I can actually assess what is supportive, what is not supportive and then, make decisions based on this practical living experience, instead of just giving up at the least ‘drop of energy’ as me not getting the necessary ‘positivity’ around a point to keep going.

 

When and as I see myself being in a place, walking my decision and starting to think that ‘I’ve made the wrong choices’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a pattern of me beginning to see everything through the ‘I want to drop out ‘ filter wherein when starting to criticize and judge others as depressive and not good enough for me, indicates that I am in fact creating a negativity based on me not getting my ‘initial fix’ from the beginning as a positive energy experience that I always sought to get, at all times from and of everything I participated in.

 

When and as I see myself projecting my own judgments upon people/ the environment as it ‘not being supportive’ for me to develop my abilities, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is one Huge excuse that I’ve used to drop out from studies, not following through because of believing that ‘everyone else is too slow in comparison to me,’ which is how within my impatience I have dropped out from studies such as learning languages, dancing and guitar lessons wherein I thought that having to ‘wait’ for an entire group to ‘catch up’ was a waste of time and money – thus dropping out and eventually only learning things half way, always being dissatisfied with any form of education, due to how I had lived in a school with only 6 classmates in elementary school at the very end, which allowed us to go into topics and material that was supposed to be learned in the following two years of junior high school, which is why I developed this constant desire to ‘consume knowledge’ in order to be ‘ahead’ of the rest, never considering what being a part of the group implies, but simply wanting to ‘get it all done fast and first,’ all of it being a primary mechanism to fulfill and support my ego.

 

When and as I see myself backchatting about others and judging them as ‘too slow to understand/ to act’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I have been impatient my entire life and that building such backchat toward others only lead me to drop out and end up nowhere when believing that people are not ‘moving as fast as they should,’ according to my mind’s standards of learning/ working and ‘doing’ in the system, which is how I became displeased with living in this country with what I judged as extremely lazy people, never taking such judgment back to myself to see where in my world I was doing the same.

 

When and as I see myself placing me in a position wherein I am not ‘competing’ against what I deem as ‘strong people’/ ‘potential rivals,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize how I have deliberately sabotaged my opportunities of self-expansion and growth every time that I would make decisions based on seeing ‘where I can remain on top/ being the best’ and ensuring I would have no ‘strong opponents’ or ‘rivals’ based on the superiority and desire for recognition that I lived through and by in my life, wherein I would ‘watch out the field’ for competition and within that existing only to ‘remain’ on top, and never daring to actually see how within such stance I would only in fact exist as fear of loss of an apparent ‘special place/ position’ in my world, which is unacceptable when we look at how this entire world is essentially propagating and promoting competition as survival mode, which is how the entire world is able to continue going: through instigating competition, comparison, rivalry as eventual wars and the ultimate separation between who we are as one and equal, all because of just one point wanting to be ‘above everyone else,’ which became the way that we have divided and separated ourselves into a hierarchy that is not supporting or regarding all beings as equals, which translates currently to a monetary system that is Not supporting all beings equally.

 

When and as I see myself projecting blame onto teachers/ people that I had placed as ‘authority’ to give me the tools to work with/ give me the fulfillment of what I want as the ideal of proper education, I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is my responsibility to support myself to ensure that I am expanding myself to learn and cooperate within the group wherein I do not wait for orders/ feedback to do what I am required to be done, but that I become my directive principle at all times in common sense = considering what is best for all – and if I require further support, ensure that I speak up and communicate about it, instead of just remaining quiet and festering about it in my own mind without daring to actually confront the situation, directing it to a best for all outcome at all times.

 

I realize that I have always ‘waited ‘for the authority to ‘let me know what to do’ in schools and studies, which is how I became the ‘obedient’ system person that is usually praised because of not being willing to stand up to the authority and thus, remain properly happily enslaved to ‘waiting for others to let me know what to do,’ instead of me taking the initiative to do it for and by myself, now within the consideration of what is best for all and the impact/ outflow consequence that my decisions will have upon myself, my own life and that of others in equality.

 

When and as I see myself starting to feel ‘uncomfortable’ in a particular place/ scenario, I stop and I breathe – before giving head to my own backchat to diss everything and everyone around me, I ensure I walk the point within myself to see where and how I am in fact uncomfortable and not satisfied with myself and my application, instead of projecting as blame onto and toward others wherein I remain as the ‘victim’ of it all, which is unacceptable. Thus I take responsibility for my experience at all times, ensuring that I cross reference the point with at least another being as to share how it is that I am experiencing and what I have seen and realized as ‘my creation’ – as to ensure that if there are actual changes to be directed in the ‘outside’ of myself as the event / situation I am in, we can then directly work to establish a more proper way of directing a point instead of only remaining as individual islands backchatting about it and not speaking up to direct the point to a best for all outcome.

 

When and as I see myself being deliberately attempting to ‘do things my way’ as a way to spite that which is no longer giving me the ‘satisfaction ‘that I want/ need and require in my experience, I stop and I breathe – I realize that whatever decision and direction I take from this starting point is prone to fail, as the starting of it is that of reacting to a point that I just swept aside and jump onto another point as ‘the solution,’ without having first investigated Why and How I lead myself to ‘diss’ one point, wherein I ensure that I have in fact done all I can to ‘make the point work’ before deciding to part ways/ stop participating in something/ with someone in any given event/ situation, and this way, ensuring that the decisions taken to ‘move on’ to another point are in fact well informed, tested, tried out to all its various possibilities and also referenced by at least another 2 human beings to ensure that I have at least 2 other perspectives on ‘where I am’ in my world and what I am looking at doing/ proceeding with, to ensure that I no longer exist in the ego of ‘I can do it by myself, my way will always be the ‘right way,’ which is learning to consider others in my decisions at all times, walking a self-directive point to not only take ‘me’ into consideration within decisions, but also what is best for all at all times.

 

I commit myself to continue debunking the very basic patterns that have marked my participation in this world as an ego that sought a constant fulfillment of and as the positive energy experience and within this, ensuring that all decisions I make in my life are not based on energy / from the starting point of a positive energetic experience, but are in fact the result of me having assessed an studied the practicality of the decision, the possible outcomes and reality-consequences that can be seen through writing, applying Self Forgiveness and Self-Corrective statements to remove the basic conditions such as ‘getting a positive energy experience’ from the decisions I make and take in my life. This can allow me to stop only acting/ moving based on the expectation of a positive energy experience and instead, learn what Self-movement and a self-directive decision actually implies, wherein positive energetic experiences are no longer the ‘god’ I am looking for in my life, but instead walk here honoring life in and as myself as the physical body that I am.

 

For further support on how to walk your process of Self-Forgiveness:

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Read the articles at Desteni website

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thanks for reading

 

Blah! 2006

 

Blogs:

• Day 77: Stopping the Mind in the Flesh – Part 3

• The Nakedness of the Forbidden Fruit: DAY 77

Interview!

Reptilian – The Mind is the Artist and the Physical its Canvas – Part 62