Tag Archives: psychology

172. Creating Excuses instead of Solutions

Continuing with the Backchat point that I began walking yesterday within the procrastination character

A backchat-point that is more ingrained and let’s say ‘case specific’ is not only with regards to a sheer point of laziness/ procrastination that is physically here – yes – however the reasons behind it which all do happen at the level of backchat an internal conversations have more to do with how I have judged this particular task as useless, as a mere protocol, as meaningless within the consideration of what type of degree this is, even seeing it as a waste of time and money to get it done – all of it yes, excuses existing only in my mind that I have given value to in order to continue justifying my ‘demotivation’ to do it, however if we look at ourselves and this world, we have become so used to motivate ourselves for a specific positive-outcome or positive-experience to do things that it then becomes one of the ‘fuels’ that keep us running.

As I write this I also see how I am squandering an opportunity that many people would have liked to have, which is then absolutely unacceptable, because I am aware of the rate of individuals that are in no way able to assist to college or pay for an entire career to get to the point of graduation. I am aware that my education cost me literally cents every year, however that doesn’t mean that because it is almost ‘free’ my commitment to it must not change.

I also see another point which is how I have accepted and allowed my personal experience toward the career in itself to be a decisive factor for me to not want to ‘do this’ based on preference – once again, in my mind this was like a disenchanted romance that ended up in my mind rather ‘bad’ from the perspective of me not wanting anything to do with ‘art’ at all. Thus this is the main point for me to work with, because I see there is an attraction/ repulsion going on which can only exist as a reverend masterpiece of mindfuckism™ that I have created within this.

So – I’ll walk the most prominent backchat within this that I can see can be an ever ‘deeper’ level of excuses and justifications to not do things.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘this is something utterly useless to do’ which is based on me believing that having an art degree is useless, which is stemming from my introspection and realization of how and why I decided to study art in the first place, which became a point I judged as shallow, ‘easy way out of the system,’ and essentially avoiding to be ‘in the system’ according to my standards back then, which is how I make it all as if it had been a drag to complete my studies, simply because of not seeing myself with the enthusiasm and ‘love for art’ that I initially believed I had – thus I realize that within this ‘low’ after the great romance with art, I experienced myself demotivated to have anything to do with it, which implies that I am still holding on to my own remorse and repent for having chosen this career as a 5 year-study in my life that I won’t be dedicating myself to – and as I write this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety and a general nervousness within the area of the solar plexus due to me making time as something that has been squandered / useless within my life when studying art, without realizing that such categorization and valuation in time can only exist if I measure myself according to what ‘others’ have done in their lives/ what their careers will be/ have been which I have considered are more suitable to our current reality and projects within this world, other than having an ‘art degree.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a slight shame of myself when people ask what I studied, almost as if I wanted to hide the fact that I studied art for seeing it now as a useless piece of study and wasted time in my life, instead of actually considering that it is a career just as any other career in our current world system wherein no-career is in fact precisely supportive for human beings, as all careers and studies are currently veered toward maintaining a world system based on money/ survival wherein no life is currently being considered as THE point to support within all careers and all studies.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that no matter if I walked the ‘artist character’ I did not precisely tap into the judgments and criticism toward art itself and all the backchat I’ve held toward it which is similar to what one partner would have to say about another partner when the relationship didn’t work out – thus, I realize that my grudge toward myself for my own choices in life, are affecting me to finally do this ‘final kick’ as I am seeing myself being apparently incongruent with having to write about ‘my experience’ in school which is something that I have still judged as a ‘useless/ waste of time,’ while fearing actually hurting/ demeaning people’s activity there which is all related to art, obviously.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had a ‘real affection’ for art or ‘real love’ for art as I used to say to myself, without realizing that I simply chose this a s point to get infatuated with , as it covered my then personality requirements and satisfied me as my ego – which is how and why after walking this process almost from the beginning of my career, I had a tough time having to realize how I had fooled myself around the whole ‘art thing’ in the first place as a total character that I embodied/ became for my personal benefit and desires to be famous/ well known and have good money without having to be ‘in the system,’ which is how due to holding a judgment toward myself for such choices in life, I now don’t want ‘anything to do’ with it, without realizing that it is very convenient backchat that I have formulated in order to not do things.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people/ professors are expecting something of me – while at the same time realizing that I haven’t really built any ‘artist portfolio’ that I could present myself with, which I had created as a separate aspect of myself in relation to being a ‘visual artist’ without realizing that I am actually walking the process of creating myself which in itself, must also be an ‘art’ as a self-mastery that is not related to color or shapes or concepts other than working with the concept that I’ve become – thus there is no point to use the backchat of ‘they must be expecting something ‘great’ from me within this work’ which is only one added point of fearing not being ‘good enough’ within others’ expectations, which is then an aspect that I see myself being ‘limited by’ – wanting to in my mind create this ‘great revolutionary work’ and thinking of all the possible ways to approach it, instead of actually physically writing it out, arranging it so that it becomes an actuality instead of just a ‘great thing’ in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own standards of ‘excellence’ within me that I am eventually tampering my ability to work with myself, and this is in relation to who I am with regards to the idea of myself as ‘the great student’ and within this belief of myself, still holding it as a background and character that I must apparently ‘fulfill’ at the eyes of the academy,  which is then me as ego wanting to do a work as ego, not really benefiting anyone with it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now go into a ‘guilty experience’ due to having squandered time to get this done, and realizing that many would have wanted to be in my position which is just another way to blackmail myself into feeling ‘bad’ and thus moving myself only out of guilt and remorse instead of simply clearing my starting point to do this work.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the starting point of doing this work as a way to simply ‘get this done and over with,’ which is not entirely stemming from self-stability and decision to do it, but mostly like a ‘stone/ obstacle to get out of the way’ which is then not an equal and one participation moment to moment to do it, but mostly something that is simply done to ‘get over with it’ which contains an entire experience of my own disillusionment with the career, which is just like signing away a divorce by first having to spend one more time with the ‘ex-partner’ without really being together any longer thus –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of my entire career as a failed-decision, a failed-marriage, a failed-experience due to realizing the starting point in self honesty of me having chosen this career. Thus instead of further victimization with regards to seeing it all as a ‘wrong choice,’ I realize that this is further excuses and justifications wherein I have considered ‘how I feel’ toward art/  my career and create a relationship with it, instead of seeing it as any other systematic task that I must accomplish as part of the responsibilities I hold toward my world and reality ‘as is.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed so much bullshit to run around in my mind as backchat that I ‘pay attention to’ in order to procrastinate this point within the ‘uselessness’ category, wherein I see that in my mind I apparently would expect to ‘invest my time’ in something ‘greater’ however, this is a blatant excuse as that would be creating my own value system according to what I consider is ‘more valuable/ more worthy to spend my precious time on’ and what not, which is not so.

 

I realize that this work to be done is actually a cool opportunity to leave a whole new perspective of approaching – well not entirely/ absolutely ‘New’ but continuing where Beuys left off – the creative act and creation in itself of the individual and society as a whole.

 

I realize that all of these statements, future projections, past regrets and spiteful actions toward ‘my career’ are in fact toward myself and my choice to study art, which implies that I must first forgive myself unconditionally for the choices I’ve made in my life – which is a necessary point to not make this ‘more’ than what it is.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate my career to this ‘bad experience/ bad romance’ that ended up ‘bad’ according to the high expectations that I had held toward myself, my career and my so-called certainty to change my vocation to art instead of being a linguist, wherein I see there is a point of regret – however, there is no point in holding on to this –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for all the amount of money that my father spent on this career all for me to eventually ‘be an artist’ which I am not going to be in this life, and within this use this point of ‘feeling bad’ as another excuse to simply Not do this at all, as a way to not wanting to be facing my own decision within doing the work, not wanting to face my own career choice while doing the work – and all of these limitations have climbed up to become an obstacle that has become like a grudge within me that I have used as a justification and excuse to not do things.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience failure within me when seeing people actually enjoying themselves within the career and already moving within the artworld wherein I see myself as nowhere near that or even interested in that which has also become a point of comparison and believing that I cannot possibly write about something that I am not fully committed to – which implies that I am still seeing the starting point of doing this work as it being ‘for the academy’ instead of this work being for myself, to actually complete what I have vowed myself to do and finish from the beginning.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually hear/ pay attention and even use these mind assessments of my reality as something ‘valuable’ to consider in order to direct myself within my world and reality, which is unacceptable considering that none of them are in fact standing within the consideration of supporting and assisting myself to get things done without using any background information/ backchat to decide whether doing it or not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a way to convince me that this would not have to be done in the end and within me holding a ‘hope’ that somehow this would not have to be done, that I would be able to regain my automatic graduation point without having to do this work, without realizing that in such hope I am existing in a similar way to a faithfully deceived religious person that waits for something/ someone to fix their situation, instead of taking Self Responsibility at all times.

 

I realize that I have all the ability to stop associating this work to being the fruit of a failed decision in life and instead, align its starting point to a living decision that I’ve made to dedicate myself to what is best for all and as such, realizing that no matter for whom or for what I write, what I write as myself, my expression, no need to ‘fix myself’ to suit parameters that I have believed myself I must ‘fake’ in order to please others, this is about my own creation that stands as an extension of myself, my own realizations and as such, is no different to writing a blog, writing a post, writing myself to explain myself to any other person.

I realize that I have been the only one that has been the real obstacle within this all as the relationship of love/hate I created toward my career choice,  nothing else but another character that I made of myself – thus this stops here.

 

I commit myself to stop creating excuses and justifications as thoughts of how and why this is something useless to do and that I’d rather ‘do something else,’ without realizing that these are just blatant excuses to not do this in fact – thus, I direct myself to establish me as the starting point of this work, to establish myself as the directive principle within this task instead of still thinking that I am doing this for ‘someone else’ or only to ‘get a paper.’ I instead assist and support me to realize that I am my own starting point at all times of everything that I do, write, say and think even, wherein I can decide in one single moment to step out of character and this entire relationship toward my past and simply do this as a fresh-point that I decide to begin here.

I realize that I do not require to ‘carry’ all my past and personal experience within it, but actually be able to create a common sensical perspective upon creation/ creative process in itself in means of creating oneself as an individual that is able to become an equal part of the whole while using our self-creative abilities to do so, which is what begins with myself by writing this out and using this document as a way to also support others to realize the same.

 

More to continue.. Yes, until it is done.

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Journeys into the Afterlife – The Future Selves – Part 35

171. Self-Talk to be Lazy

How many times have talked to ourselves in a very nice and enticing way to do something instead of another? How have we accepted and allowed ourselves to make it ‘okay’ to talk to ourselves in the first place – and this is where the realization that the voices in our head/ how we talk ourselves into a point is something that MUST be walked within our process of getting to know who we are as the mind. Why? Because a single thought is the activation of an integration that we had throughout our lives as a particular way we have assessed reality according to the mind instead of assessing reality in physical terms.

Continuing with the Procrastination character.

Within having this writing/document to be written,  a physical way of approaching this in the most simple and suitable manner is: I have to do this writing, I simply take my computer, do the necessary readings/ research in it and write the document out. However, what have I accepted and allowed within me to accumulate layer after layer of procrastination to not just do it? Several enticing words, sentences or entire inner-conversations/ backchat in order to look at this physical task in a way that is MORE than myself in the moment – things like

    • I require more time to do this, not now
    • I rather get to this later on in the day, when there is no noise around me
    • I would like to get it done, but first I go out for a walk
    • I would want to get that book First before I even intend writing
    • It’s going to take me too long today, rather do it tomorrow /DIT syndrome

 

Now these are only a few examples here, within investigating throughout the various dimensions within this character, I’ve seen how there are many points that factor into this particular point of not doing it which is related to confronting the written document with others, having to re-write it several times, wanting to place it ALL within one single document, my backchat about the career itself, etc. So, the points above are only a fraction and more like an immediate example of the points that indicate a direct postponement of the writing itself; however I have seen myself always going into the imagination and future projection aspects that lead to pushing the point even further into the future in order to ‘instead do this’ / do that – which is an aspect I had discussed as well, how I tend to make it as if I am being a ‘better person’ because of taking other tasks to complete or because I am rather taking responsibility for OTHER points instead of the main one that is here to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk to myself within my mind in order to place a ‘better thing to do’ instead of actually giving direction to my task at hand, which is how I have disregarded the physical reality and responsibility in order to place a more ‘suitable’ point in front of me in my mind that I then direct myself to do, as an ‘acceptable way’ of postponing/ leaving for later the task that I was about to do, which indicates how I have been listening to/ following the voices in my head in order to Not immediately do things, but instead allow myself to go into self-interest mode, search for something that I would ‘rather do’ and within this, create a seemingly ‘fine’ moment in my day because ‘I am doing something’ and ‘I am taking care of other responsibilities’ but the one that I was in the moment ‘going to do’ but literally talked myself out of it.

When and as I see myself talking myself out of doing a task, I stop and I breathe. I realize that talking myself to not do things is the same as thinking positive in hopes of something ‘great’ happening and me not having to do it at all, which is similar to praying and hoping something else will come along so that I don’t have to do this, which is self-talk in self-interest to only do what ‘I like doing’ and leave aside all that which I don’t really ‘wanna do’ but Have to do anyways – thus

I commit myself to stop the chatter and seemingly enticing ‘other things to do’ that I create as thoughts in my head to not do things, and instead of following my self interest, I direct myself to work on what is required to be done, ensuring that I am directing myself according to what I realize I won’t probably ever WANT o Desire to do to, but simply must be done as part of my responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with internal conversations/ backchat in my mind in order to not have to do things,, which is no different to hearing a god/ hearing voices in my head which is considered a delusional aspect of humanity which has definitely become the same point we have all been responsible for when it comes to delegating the things that must be walked/ corrected/ self directed within physical reality and leaving them for some ‘external force/ source/ god’ to do it for us, which is delusional – yet I realize that I am doing exactly the same thing whenever I am expecting me to ‘eventually do it’ without any immediate self-direction at the physical level to In fact do it.

When and as I see myself chatting myself up for doing something else/ waiting for the ‘right moment’ to do this, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can make a thousand excuses in order to Not do it,  within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see how I even go to the extent of creating my own justifications as to why ‘what I decide to do instead of the task at hand is much better to do it now than later’ – in this implying that I make myself remain in ‘good standing’  at all times within my mind wherein the point of procrastination is then left as a ‘future point’ that I simply apparently make the ‘informed decision to leave for later’ which is an evolved character point of thinking that because I am deciding to do something else instead of the task at hand, I remain ‘in control’ of the situation, which is not so at all, since we realize in common sense that the actual Self-directive decision implies simply doing it, instead of finding necessary knowledge and information to formulate an excuse as to why I am not doing it.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I am still ‘in control of myself’ due to me making the decision to not do it at the moment – I stop and I breathe, I realize that this false sense of stability upon ‘deciding to not do it’ is in fact the result of extensive self-brainwashing/ backchatting myself into thinking why it is pertinent to ‘do it later, not now,’ which exists as further thoughts in my head that I have given attention to in order to see them as ‘plausible’ for me to use as a way to get myself out of the task at hand while remaining in ‘good standing’ within my mind – not realizing that all of this takes place ONLY in my mind and that it is in fact even complicated having to make up all of these nonsensical excuses and justifications to not do it, while all that is required is simply doing it.

 

I commit myself to realize that backchatting/ brainwashing myself to not do things and believing that it is an ‘informed decision I’m making’ is obviously pointing out a great point of deception that must be stopped, as common sense as the physical doing and taking responsibility for the points to do is non-existent within all the series of excuses/justifications to not do things.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat words and sentences that are not even long enough to try and ‘convince me’ of doing something else, but it is rather an already made decision to simply not do it, which indicates how laziness as a deliberate point of not doing it is allowing ourselves to simply follow our ‘greatest excitement’ as that ‘something’ that we’d rather do instead of committing ourselves to get a task/ project done.

Within this I realize that what must be integrated within me is the realization of who and what I am doing this for? And this is where the point of separation emerges: am I doing this for my parents? am I doing this for others to see that I have a career? am I doing this for ‘art’s sake’ ? Am I doing this to finally ‘get myself out the loop’? Am I doing this to get a piece of paper only? And how I have judged all of these points which have become then the actual obstacle to do it, as the starting point is not yet here aligned with and as myself as a decision I made, but something that I am still seeing as a MUST DO without aligning myself to it as a point of responsibility, but sill as some gnawing thing that I have to ‘get myself into’ for a reason in separation of myself.

This clarifies another aspect that I wasn’t clearly seeing yet if it wasn’t for writing this out and placing in front of me how it is that backchat is really foolish and how there is something ‘deeper’ than just single sentences of ‘not wanting to do it,’ but the reasons WHY I am not doing it is what must be faced.

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘do something’ that I see as a burden to do, I stop and I breathe – I investigate How I have separated myself from this single task and how it is that I have not become the starting point of such task/ job/ work/ writing to do but instead deviated it into doing it for someone else/ for some other cause in separation of me, myself directing myself to respond to the actions I have committed myself to complete, which also implies realizing it is within these points that I actually push-through  – and not necessarily ‘like them’ at the beginning – that I can support myself the most with, as it is breaking through my own views, perspectives and preferences toward parts of my reality that I had held a judgment toward, otherwise how else would I be resisting/ avoiding doing something if it wasn’t because I am holding a judgment toward it that becomes a seemingly ‘great obstacle’ within it all.

It is all self-talk that must be directed and disclosed in order for me to ensure I stop making things ‘more’ than what they are in my head through a mind-assessment of physical reality, instead of remaining here as breath and simply directing myself to do this at the physical level it requires so.

to be continued.

 

“I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to use the resistance as an excuse, reason or justification to give into energy and give up on me, as I see, realise and understand that it’s again another form of mind-manipulation to sabotage/compromise my responsibility to me and my living/application in reality.” – Sunette Spies*

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I am the only one that can stop my own mind control 

Blogs:

Out of the Interdimensional Portal’s Oven!

  • Quantum Mind Self-Awareness – STEP 14

  • The Consciousness of the Fly – Part 1 : this is a series that will blow your mind to what extent we get mesmerized by our backchat, internal conversations to judge an apparent/ seemingly ‘great civilization’ while we’re not even aware of how other organisms interact with the earth, how we came to be a physical design that exists as the merging of energy and substance and why we have come to destroy our creation instead of having used for further self-support, expansion and LIVING.  A must hear overall.


169. Imagination as a Distraction to Not Do things

When it comes to walking the procrastination character in relation to imagination, I could see myself having both positive and negative projections wherein within ‘playing’ with both, I would end up simply being entertained in the mind by either/or with no physical / tangible doing that would mean a single decision to get things done, such as just writing it out.

Thus as much as imagination would be linked to facing a point of fear in relation to the task at hand, the positive imagination would be me convincing myself of what I could instead do to not have to face the point of actually just doing it.

 

A specific thought among others is when I think of me being at the office of my professor and waiting for a verdict on my paper wherein such single image of the office is linked with a negative energy experience that I have created a resistance toward due to thinking and believing that the word ‘revision’ means doing it all over again several times. I explained the thought of ‘the office’ in the previous blog linked to fear of having to confront my ideas with another person – hence the thought would become an actual play out of events in my mind which is more in the realm of imagination of how it would go finally facing the point and how I would direct myself in the situation:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to actually doing the written document due to this single thought of me sitting in front of my professor’s chair at his office and waiting for a verdict on the current state of the work, hoping for it to go well without realizing that with me creating this single thought and going into the imagination of him telling me that it is either ‘done’ or ‘requires a lot of re-writing to be done,’ I create an actual resistance to do anything at all – this means that whether my imagination is positive or negative about it, I remain entertained only in my mind about it instead of actually physically doing it.

 

When and as I see myself entertaining myself in my mind with regards to a positive or negative feedback upon my work, I stop and I breathe – I realize that what is being created in my mind is of no substance other than my own thoughts that are built upon a future projection of me having ‘finished the work,’ which is precisely what needs to be directed by me in physical reality.

 

I realize that I will invariably have to face such imagination-point as an actual event of going for revisions and that in no way do I require to create an expectation about it being good or bad – I assist and support myself to remain here as breath when and as I approach the office/ the person and take things as breath, ensuring that I do not try to make things only ‘my way’ but am open to perspectives/ constructive criticism that can in fact assist and support me to expand my current view/ perspective on the point.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘revision’ to a negative experience wherein I believe that I will have to re-do everything again and link this ‘re-doing’ to the ‘worst case scenario’ that I participate in within my mind, without realizing that this fear is actually me preventing me from actually doing anything at all.

 

Thus, when and as I see myself imagining the moment of revision of my work and being anxious and nervous while having him reading the whole thing, expecting for the worst to happen, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able and capable of supporting myself to remain here as breath, realize that I can only hear and be willing to co-operate within going through the written document as many times as required in order to have everything done in a suitable manner, without creating any stress or anger for having to repeat the whole thing/ repeat some parts as I see and realize that this is part of doing this work thus

I commit myself to stop any fear and imaginary play outs of the worst case scenario as having to repeat myself several times, which I see is a possibility within the nature of the current task at hand – and that in no way do I require to create a negative experience toward it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a future projection of be expecting ‘the worst’ within the imagination-rolling of this thought of the office wherein I play out a hypothetical situation of me having to re-do the whole thing over and over and over again, getting frustrated about it and this is so without realizing that with me simply giving Into this thinking and imagination processes, I am in fact giving permission for me to eventually really go through this,  as I am being the creator of myself and my reality, believing that I somehow had to ‘face’ such points in order to see ‘who I am’ within them, which is absolutely Not necessary as I can simply decide to stop all future projections in the negative realm of it all ‘going wrong,’ stop all resistances and fears in one single moment and actually do the doing as an actual doing as point of Self Movement that must take place by my own physical decision to type and write it out.

When and as I see myself rolling the thought of the office into an imaginary moment of having to confront my work with another being, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me sabotaging myself with no substance to it other than entertaining myself in the mind instead of actually doing – thus

I commit myself to stop going into imagination about future projecting the confrontation/ presentation of my work with other beings and as such, assist and support myself to be here as breath throughout the entire process, as I see and realize that going into nervousness, anxiety or frustration leads nowhere but having to eventually do it all over again no matter what, as I realize that this has to be done and there is no other way around it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the imagination of being in the room of examination with all professors and having them asking the question ‘what does this all have to do with your career’? which is a primary imagination play out due to my own backchat toward my career choice and my belief that I am betraying ‘my vocation’ by now being dedicated more to the study of the human mind and not so much in the creative process of visual arts, without realizing that we use our mind to create and as such there is no possibility to dissociate a physical externalization as an ‘expression’ of ourselves without making use of the mind.

Thus I realize that this self-creation process is of course as relevant as any other aspect/ consideration within any expression, as it is an externalization of who we are/ how we are existing as the mind.

When and as I see myself going into imagination of that moment of having to confront my work and receive criticism for it not being ‘visual arts related,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that there’s no sense of going into this thoughts and participate within it as it is only based on fear and further backchat that I’ve had toward my own career and current interests in life, which can be certainly equally supported by both activities, as both points are related to who we are as humans and as such, there’s no need to create a dissonance around this in my mind any further.

 

I commit myself to stick to the physical, common-sense reality that is here for me to walk and direct myself in, wherein I do not require to imagine the whole thing ‘being done’ as I can only stick to writing it and working on it as a physical action in the moment, as I see and realize that imagining possible outcomes with it serves no purpose but distraction in relation to the actual work that requires to be done.

— to be continued

 

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Blogs:

Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

Day 169: After Death Communication – Part 18

 

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Eye Twitching – The Body as Teacher


162. Either Do it or DIE

I had a dream wherein I had applied for a job at a record store, and I was given a certain schedule that I of course had to cover. However I was rather entertained in my reality with something else, I remember I was interacting or moving around with people and as such when the time came for me to go cover my job schedule, I simply decided not to go and the reason in this case was because ‘I didn’t require the money,’ thus I experienced this absolute laxity toward the point of responsibility simply because I was not being guided by survival to do it, which is something that I can see is related to the motivation/ motive-factor as that energetic point that acts like a crutch for me to move.

The stagnation and deliberate shoving away of responsibilities is part of this point. I’ve lost the ‘fear’ to not do things and within this, I have self sabotaged myself extensively, simply because all the ‘discipline’ that I had lived was in fact only based on fear and keeping up a reputation that in my mind, I could not ‘afford’ to spoil for one second.

When the characters were identified, in my mind I created this point of laxity toward responsibilities, like literally only doing it at the last moment and essentially justifying it – foolishly enough – with me no longer acting out of fear to get things done, but ‘testing my waters’ in relation to my own ‘self-movement’ once that such fear is apparently non existent. And I say ‘apparently’ because it is quite obvious how I actually only turned the tables and went to the opposite of being the ‘on time responsible one’ to be a deliberate procrastinator one. This was all done consciously/ me being aware of it, and the only point that I can see has factored into it is this ‘force’ wherein I have opted to simply give myself away to it and continue placing things aside, postponing it all simply because I don’t perceive such points getting done within a matter of life or death. This reveals to what extent we have only moved when there is either a positive or negative reward and in my case, in the dream, the ‘record store job’ I had always kept in the past as this ‘dream like job’ – even if I am now aware it is not ‘dream-like’ at all – as something that I would do out of pleasure and that was going to apparently only be like an extended hobby. So, in the dream when it came to actually cover my hours, I decided to simply not go and take it as lightly as possible, simply because there was no point ‘behind’ it that was pushing me to do it, to move.

 

The same has happened in many ways within my reality wherein I actually dislike the fact that we have to be threatened in one way or another to move, however even after knowing this, we simply don’t do it.  The words ‘What’s the benefit in it?’ is what comes to mind when looking at ‘points I have to do’ which implies that within such cases I am still ‘expecting’ something good or even something bad coming out of it, and this ‘jaded’ attitude toward consequences is actually another way to not take responsibility for the points that are simply not being done/ not given direction, wherein it is obviously a non-doing situation that cannot possibly be without ‘an experience’ as it is perceived in my mind. I see and realize that it actually has taken quite a hold of myself due to my own deliberate shoving-aside of things that I know I have to do, but I am not doing.

So, the dream revealed to me this aspect of ‘necessity’ to do things out of survival – such as a job- while also deliberately neglecting the compromise I had made to actually do the job, which is something that is ‘so unlike me’ in terms of how I used to function in the past as the character of being a responsible person, whereas now that such point is not so automated or triggered out of fear, I see that it is definitely a point of ‘If I don’t change and if  I don’t move, nothing will change and nothing will move.’

We got it all in words, I got all the tools, I realize and see the point – so what is this deliberate mindfuck that I’m playing onto myself? Not doing something out of thinking of the future consequences of it, of the actual time that it would take, of the reviews and criticism that it will take, of the several bureaucratic processes that I am supposed to go through, of all the times that I would have to re-write the damn thing, and within that I see how I have in fact squandered more time when deliberately pushing aside this whole thing believing that somehow it could magically be ‘overlooked’ which is ludicrous and fantastic to my awareness at this very moment, how far I have deluded myself.

For all actions and inactions there’s a consequence – in my dream I did not get to see the point of not showing up for my job, but I can see how as long as ‘my life didn’t depend on it,’ I would unlikely take it serious, which is absolutely unacceptable, as I had made a contract/ commitment to actually do it, regardless of the money-made and my actual need for it, as well as it being supposed to be this ‘job’ that I liked/ wanted to get at some point early on in my life, which also indicates how we can brainwash ourselves to the utmost degree and believe that we ‘got it all covered,’ and when the seemingly petty points emerge, we can in fact realize that such seemingly ‘small decisions’ turn into massive balls of snow that grow and grow the more time keeps rolling.

And this point of consequence can also be observed within the relationship with time and procrastination, how we literally enslave ourselves to this ‘time frame’ wherein actual fear is being built toward the point, unnecessarily so, but because of the amount of energy as resistance/ procrastination that’s been created, we in fact develop it all into this massive ball that is nothing else but our own creation. And this is where in my mind, as the ego, would have wanted to blame it onto everyone else but myself, which is obviously something that cannot possibly exist any further within me.

 

Postponement:  this Force as ourselves as the Mind operate – where in a moment, our habitual Personality would activate and then this Force would be that “physical experience” within oneself of REALLY not WANTING to push through the Personality pattern/habit, but rather continue following the habitually patterned thoughts/internal conversations and behaviour – essentially in that moment the Mind/Consciousness as ourselves as the accepted and allowed self-defined Personality we’ve become, force ourselves into and as Mind-Submission, giving up on ourselves and the opportunity we would have had in that moment if one had simply taken a breath and committed self to the decision of change/realisation and physically, practically completed/done the task/assignment/responsibility.” – Sunette Spies on

The FORCE: DAY 161

 

 

And the nail I have hit my head with today:

for example, can look at contexts of:

“Postponing with School/University Assignments/Tasks – compromising one’s future and survival in this world system that is, unfortunately at this stage really dependent on establishing a profession/having an education. Obviously yes even though this may not be guaranteed, it should still not be an excuse, reason, justification to not utilize the opportunity you have in this moment to complete your education. You do not know what the Future may bring, and therefore, rather utilize the opportunity you have with education, commit yourself to get it done, so as to not have to face the regret of not utilizing this opportunity you have, later in life. It is here in your life/world, therefore – do it, get it done.” – Sunette Spies

Character Dimensions – Practical Application (Part 1): DAY 163

 

This last bit was enough to say Oh mein Gott it is so obviously blatantly here and how it has been deliberately brushed off in order to make it seem like, you know, it’s not relevant, you know I’ll do it later, I’ll Eventually get onto it, I’ll obviously have to get it done. Hence the title wherein it is interesting to see how I can give a dribble and a plethora of excuses as to why I was not doing so, however in the end it is a simple point of choosing to be/become the mind that seeks for a point of comfort/ no ‘problem solving’ type of situation instead of actually realizing how enjoyable it even was to expand myself within getting into academic stuff, this is also related to any habit that was for example supportive and when we stop doing it for an extended period of time, we tend to simply ‘forget’ how we would actually enjoy ourselves writing/ doing/ saying something that we then created a negative-charge to in order to create this infamous procrastination loop.

 

And what’s fascinating is that somehow I managed to procrastinate reading Heaven’s Journey To Life this entire week, and as I re-read this I realized that this is a timeloop obviously otherwise it would not be HERE for me to look at, walk with such blatant and obvious timing support – and self forgiveness for the clear judgmental aspect that arises as I write this out:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing any form of reputation as being a ‘responsible being,’ without realizing that such character was also driven by fear and this is the time wherein I am in fact realizing what self-movement actually is and implies for the very first time and that judging myself for it, won’t do any ‘better’ for it – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be judged by ‘others’ for not having been consistent within my application, without realizing that I was perfectly aware of it and the deliberateness of it linked to this single point of allowing myself to be ‘driven’ by the force and believing that ‘I had it all sorted out’ which is actually the same point of ‘ignorance is bliss’ that many people may create as positive thinking, without realizing that I was doing exactly the same thing when talking myself out of taking responsibility for a single point that is here as my responsibility to be done, and within this, believe that there is ‘no consequence to it for others, but only myself’ which is also a point of self interest and deliberately shoving aside the fact that I am actually aware of how everything that we do/ don’t do does not only create a consequence for myself, but creates a consequence at the level of the whole  – and within this,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘lose my ground’ and actually having deliberately created this stance of ‘all is well’ within me wherein apparently I was ‘not caring about it/ about getting something done,’ without actually seeing that the masquerade of ‘all is well’ was stemming from actually seeing the actual fear that created it as the realization of time as consequence being directly proportional to the amount of time I’ve shoved aside this point which is time-looping at a maniac-rate –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not even dare to be honest toward myself in relation to actually taking this point ‘by the horns’ because of not wanting to ‘expose’ myself to myself for the actual stupidity that it is to leave a task/ assignment/ evaluation aside believing that somehow it could not be ‘relevant’ to my reality any longer, which is quite the excuse to actually not take responsibility for myself and my creation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now that I am writing it out, actually experience a constriction in my chest and experience the heaviness as an energetic experience of fear in relation to seeing how long I have in fact excused myself out of this point and not given proper direction to it within the belief that I would ‘someday’ eventually do it and manage to get it all ‘perfectly done’ as I had done in the past, without considering that the past is not here as myself and that I cannot rely on ‘past patterns’ that require an actual DOING and giving direction to it within my reality, whereas before I would see them as an extension of who I am as such point of taking on a responsibility and committing myself to it.

 

When and as I see myself going into fear/ petrification when realizing the consequences of everything that I’ve done/ haven’t done, I stop and I breathe – I instead direct myself to not over-think about it and create yet another experience toward the pattern of procrastination but instead commit myself to do it, and this is not for the sake of keeping or sustaining an ‘idea’ of myself, but it is in fact part of what I had committed myself to be/ do/ become in my reality, wherein I am in fact then aware that it is a physical point to do within the current system that we live in and that it doesn’t matter if it’s required or not, it is a point for me to take on and ‘get it done’ no matter what, as I see and am aware that it cannot be pushed any further away in time than this.

 

So, I commit myself to get this done and I see and realize that breathing is the point to diffuse the experience within me which is a mix of fear and anxiety that I had managed to cover up with this seemingly ‘stable’ experience within me, while neglecting that it was not really a stable point of who I am but a make-believe stability because of knowing that I had been dragging one single point or various points around for an extended period of time without giving it direction and actually using other points in my reality to distract myself from taking responsibility for it – so another note here:

 

“Distraction – deliberately distracting ourselves with/as the Force of/as the Mind/a Personality, distracting us from/of ourselves, the physical to in/as that moment sabotage an opportunity for/as self-change/self-realisation within ourselves and our worlds. That we’d rather distract ourselves with and as the Mind/Personality, and attempt/try to validate/justify that distraction through and as the extent to which we can talk ourselves/convince ourselves in/as that moment from actually moving ourselves into and as a moment of change/realisation. All of which simply exemplify the nature of/as ourselves as human beings; that we’re deliberately utilizing ourselves as the Mind to not in fact really change, but conveniently only pay attention to our ‘comfort zones’ in the Mind to maintain separation and abdication of responsibility from/of ourselves and our worlds/realities.” – Sunette Spies  on The Force

 

So this entire point that came up in the dream wherein deciding to do the ‘fun thing/ that which I like/ that which made me feel ‘cool’  instead of  actually attending my schedule at the job and taking the point of Self Responsibility. So this is ‘my creations’ within the mindfuckism category, as Scott Cook has accurately coined the term – and it’s something I am definitely aware it’s not cool at all to perpetuate due to the actual extensive amount of energy it takes to keep shoving it aside, without actually ‘tapping’ on to it in the moment and just typing it out.

Okay, so this is the beginning of the end of me as the patriotic inhabitant of Procrasti-Nation – and this time it’s either I get it done or I swallow the already created consequences in the moment.

 

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144. Obsessive and Possessive Patterns: My belongings

I had a dream wherein I was going to the farm with someone and realized that we had arrived without baggage. I saw how the other person seemed to not care at all about it, however I saw myself manipulating the moment by becoming anxious, desperate, talking in an acute voice tonality and moving around in a fast pace from side to side in an attempt to actually make others to ‘get the point’ and take us back to the airport to get our luggage.  It seemed that I was really possessed with the entire point of ‘getting my bag,’ feeling like ‘unprotected’ without it, and I questioned how it was that the other person was not really caring much about having no bag with himself.

And in that dream I can recognize a pattern of myself, which is how I tend to not Live in the moment whenever there’s something that is absolutely occupying my entire attention: I ‘forget’ about breathing and with that, everything else in the environment. In the dream I forgot to enjoy the arrival to the place and actually enjoying being there again – Instead, I was moving around, rushing and finding any and all ways to get back to the airport to get my stuff, literally being possessed to get a cab, find someone to get us/ me back to the airport. So, here some points walked in Self Forgiveness wherein I decided to hold and create the backchat and obsession of ‘wanting to get all my stuff right fucking now,’ projecting blame to other beings and as such, even missing out the actual cool moment to see everyone again as I was too busy throwing a fit about our bags not being with us, while deliberately hiding the fact that I had ‘forgotten’ about the baggage because of also getting caught in the entire point of meeting another person, which is also the subtle moments wherein I also tend to ‘lose sight of the moment’ and go into an absolute possession of ‘being meeting someone’ and creating an entire  experience about it in my mind, eventually forgetting about things/ losing things due to my attention being diverted to another one single point – quite a pattern. It was also interesting how the other person’s ‘unattached’ stance toward ‘belongings/ ownerships’ was in my face and making a point with it, yet I would react to it with further backchat instead of actually taking a moment to breathe and actually let go of the possession/ learn from his reaction to support myself that way.

 

So, within this blog I’ll walk the first dimension of the dreams as obsession wherein I was absolutely moving based on my self-interest, which seems like it’s  been the only way we have ever always ‘moved’ ourselves as humanity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ‘possessed’ by the stuff that I have defined as ‘my belongings’ wherein I simply became absolutely focused on ‘getting my stuff back no matter what,’ missing out each and every single moment of  breath, being spending my time with another/others for the very first time and ‘enjoying’ the entire moment, just because of wanting to ‘have all my shit together’ before settling down.

When and as I see myself being absolutely possessed by ‘my belongings’ the moment that for one reason or another I am not able to have it all together, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot ‘change’ the events by becoming anxious and desperate to go back to get them – instead I simply direct myself to explain the point to someone else so that we can eventually get ourselves to ‘get our stuff back,’ instead of making such fuss and a big deal out of ‘not having my stuff,’ worrying and throwing a tantrum, fearing ending up without anything, which indicates the actual pattern wherein I see I can ‘lose myself’ from being here as breath: when missing out my belongings and ‘losing everything I have,’ which is actually related to how money is our security/ safety bubble, which is a point I opened up a couple of days ago.

I commit myself to actually realize the unnecessary distress and worry that I create in my mind as thoughts when wanting to ‘get what I want’ right away which is stemming from an actual fear of losing it all as well as my ‘happiness point’ wherein I got used to ‘having all I want’ right away, without realizing that who I am is here and that all I can lose is stuff that I have become possessed by as my belongings and turning them into my ‘point of stability’ in separation of myself here as breath –thus I realize that they are not ‘attached’ to my body and that I cannot define myself and my moment according to having them or not having them. I realize that use I give to all I have, however, it is not ‘the end of the world’ if I see myself without them all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the thought of not having my bags with me, I immediately go into fear of loss as all the money invested on clothes and ‘personal belongings’ along with stuff that I had some type of ‘attachment’ toward, which indicates there is a point of possession that I am feeding as things = money that I can earn or lose in one go, within this not yet equalizing myself as everything that I have wherein I realize the current means and ways that one can get money being not ‘readily available,’ however, becoming possessed by ‘our belongings’ is definitely a mind-defined relationship instead of an actual realization of self-equality and oneness.

When and as I see myself reacting to seeing the thought of ‘my bag with all my belongings’ as a point of potential loss, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this attachment I have programmed through the value I have separated myself from and as money, which implies that there is no actual ‘loss’ as the who I really am in this reality, and that the loss is only a point of losing that which I had ‘made my own’ through the same means in which we have kid each other as apparent ‘owners’ of something – and even someone as well at times – that we can in fact ‘lose’ –

I realize I cannot lose myself as I am already here – and that all points of separation as ‘value’ upon a piece of what’s here that I had made/named ‘my belongings’ must be reviewed in order to realize in common sense this is how we currently exist as with regards to ‘things’ outside of ourselves, yet this in no way can define who I really am as the physical being that uses what’s here to live.

I commit myself to let go of the specific attachments I have created throughout time toward ‘that which is mine,’ and instead equalize myself to it, so that I do not hold this ‘strong definition’ based on what I see and believe is ‘important’ to me as belongings –this is an actual point to walk due to how I had defined the ‘who I am’ based on the stuff that I see and have a constant relationship with on a daily basis in my reality – being it clothes, computer, stuff in my room, artwork, ‘things’ that I have defined as ‘indispensable’ in my mind – yet never really seeing what is really indispensable and what is only keeping a certain dimension of self-possession in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the other being’s parsimony and nonchalant attitude toward the realization that ‘we had missed our bags/ left them at the airport,’ in which I saw the image of the being just laying on bed almost not ‘caring at all,’ while I was with my nerves all spiked up wanting to go to the airport ‘as fast as possible’ to get our stuff back – within this judging the being’s attitude as careless, lazy, complacent and passive, just because of the being showing little to no interest to be concerned the same what that I was with regards to ‘my belongings.’

When and as I see myself judging another being as ‘too passive’ and ‘nonchalant’ to deal with situations that I have defined as ‘emergencies’ wherein immediate action is required – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have to actually slow down to see how reacting to another’s attitude of patience and parsimony is a way for me to complain about them not supporting my mind fuck.

I realize that I had in fact been judgmental and at the same time jealous of beings’ attitude toward loss, wherein I believe that they would have to be ‘going up in flames’ as well, but instead seeing them act and taking it all ‘without a care’, which is what I have taken as a crutch for me to react even more toward them and blaming them for ‘not giving a fuck/ not caring about the whole thing ‘the same way I do,’ and in this, actually taking a self-righteous position of me being the ‘good person’ because of caring ‘too much’ about the event, which is absolute self-manipulation to make myself ‘the winner/ the caring one’ within this entire event,  in this

I commit myself to actually stop always aiming to be the one with the ‘right judgment’ at all times, wanting to impose my view as ‘that which is right,’ which is the way that I still want to hold on to my mind in a self-righteous mode, instead I support myself to learn from others in fact, to see how it is possible to exist without an actual attachment toward ‘things’ in my reality and still manage to live.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a person that ‘truly cares’ shows emotions of worry and preoccupation, rushing and ‘moving around in a fast pace’ as if such attitudes were in fact necessary when giving direction to a point that requires immediate to short term solutions. I realize that I have only created such belief in my mind based on parental patterns of rushing, preoccupying/ worrying about things and creating attachment toward things ‘of my own,’ without realizing that I cannot own, I cannot have ‘control’ over my reality and that any point of fear of loss must be confronted/ faced as the actual point of possession it represents: fearing losing ‘my belongings’ as ‘my stuff’ as a way to justify me being pissed off, exalted and rushing to get things ‘back to me,’ wherein I am only caring about me-me-me, my time, my stuff and moving everything and everyone I can to get my stuff back as a synonym of getting ‘my comfort, peace and security back’ which is unacceptable, as it’s mind possession.

When and as I see myself wanting to become emotional in anger or anxiety and distress when things are ‘not going my way,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is just a mind fit that in no way assists and support ourselves to get things done, it is only a mind-driven reaction that serves no one. Thus

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself through emotions of anxiousness despair, worry and concern whenever I want things to get done the way that I want it, how I want it, as fast as I want it and in the moment that I want it which is precisely what I have lived as in my reality: subtly moving people around in a way wherein I can get a benefit and/or support to ‘do what I want/ get what I want,’ which is then the point to expose toward myself and eradicate, as I see and realize that it is in this seemingly ‘petty reaction’ that a great ‘chunk’ of my personality resides: moving and directing things as fast as possible when and where there is an immediate point of self interest to cover, while creating a negative reaction and backchat toward those that are ‘in the same situation,’ yet do not approve/ support my reaction/mindfuck the way that ‘I’ expected them to do, in this

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seek for at least 1 other person to ‘backup’ my mindfuck, wherein I am still wanting to get things done ‘my way,’ even if I know that ‘my way’ is absolute self interest and actual obsession in that moment. It is unacceptable to want to get at least one other person to ‘agree’ with my mind possession as a way to validate it as real and ‘a good reason’ to get what I want. In this

When and as I see myself deciding to act as a point of mind-possession wherein I am moving the earth and mountains to get my point of desire/ want and need done, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am actually being possessed in this moment by the entire situation wherein I am not considering anything or anyone else BUT My point of happiness which is being obsessed with  become ‘getting it,’/ making it/ going somewhere and essentially, not stopping the mindfuck till it is satisfied/ done/ achieved– thus

I commit myself to stop supporting my own wants/ needs and desires that come up in a cyclic manner in my mind, and instead breathe and realize that if the point is in fact relevant to give direction to in common sense and placing self interest aside, I can direct myself to see the viable options –here as breath – to give direction to the point. However if it is only a point of ‘immediacy’ just because I say so, it’s absolutely unacceptable and as such must be stopped by myself immediately, as I see and realize that I am also involving others in ‘move’ that I have to also take into consideration at all times to make a decision that’s best for all. This way I ensure myself to not be immediately caught manipulating and controlling others to ‘get things done,’ but I instead take such points and walk them myself first in self honesty to ensure I am not possessed by my own interest to give direction to something/ someone

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider my obsessive-compulsive behavior as a curse and a virtue wherein the curse arises when becoming dependent on a particular pattern, getting things done and a virtue as this ‘gets me moving,’ without realizing that both starting points are equally fucked as they are stemming from an actual fear – of loss/ lacking/ being unprotected in this case – instead of being actual points of self-movement in the moment within common sense.

When and as I see myself becoming compulsive with regards to depending on a particular habit of extreme lack/ need in an urgent manner to immediately move, I stop and I breathe – I realize that there’s no need to create a situation of ‘extreme lack’ and ‘rush’ to get things done, no matter how it has worked ‘in the past,’ who I am cannot be repeating the same ‘effective formulas’ of myself in the past – thus I ensure that I actually walk a point without having to take it o the very last consequences before losing all time to move, and in this actually create a habit of distributing enough time and consideration to check all points required when and while moving, directing, doing something in our reality.

I realize that the ‘obsessive point’ of not stopping doing something until it is done can be a ‘cool thing’ if the starting point is clearly self-supportive at all times and it doesn’t become a one point to procrastinate and eventually do ‘all at once’ in the least amount of time possible – I realize that I have created this pattern throughout time wherein I had even involved ‘luck’ as a factor to determine things always ‘turning out well’ at the end when taking on a project, task or a single point to ‘move’ and direct, as I see and realize that this is hope here acting and not actual self movement at all times.

I commit myself to slow myself down to breath when the mind is rushing wanting and trying/ attempting to get something done. Instead I walk at the breathing pace to establish solutions according to the actual need and practical requirements of the solution.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become thoughts as an experience wherein even in my dreams, and knowing beforehand that I can just breathe and exist ‘here,’ I allowed myself to be possessed by the worry and concern of ‘losing money’ through losing my bag, representing that attachment/ value that I have given to possessions that are in fact an imposition of property over that which is here from and of the Earth, transformed into ‘products’ that we buy and sell to ‘make a living’ within a delusional system wherein we created a big lie as monetary system in order to support the mind’s desire of power as an illusion that can only be ‘made real’ through imposing private property as ownership upon the Earth in the name of personal benefit and personal interest.

 

When and as I see myself getting concerned about ‘losing my belongings’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that ‘my belongings’ is but an imposition I have beLieved myself to be real in order to justify my point of control/ imposition over life for my own benefit. Thus, it is to see that it is the relationship created with money that which is to be reviewed the moment that we allow ourselves to be mind possessed/ obsessed with thoughts that indicate fear of loss while creating a point of need, desire and want to satisfy that ‘fear of loss’ – this indicates already the type of conflict that we create only in our minds while abusing the very physical reality that has allowed ourselves to ‘bear’ the mindfucks that we indulge in, the moment that we use the mind to create a point of worry, concern, going into obsession and thinking possession out of fearing losing something that was never ‘mine’ in the first place, which places into context how it is that I have accepted and allowed myself to be still regarding material possessions as ‘the point’ of possession even in the slightest /sly-test situations.

 

I commit myself to actually let go of the value, regard that I have imprinted onto ‘everything that I own’ as ‘my belongings’ to ensure that I in fact stop defining ‘who I am’ according to ‘what I own’ and as such, commit myself to review the attachments I have created toward my ‘material possessions’ as it is not even a matter of ‘how much money I have’ or how ‘expensive’ my belongings are, but the value and worth that I have given them in my mind as the ‘who I am’ being defined by such belongings.

 

This will continue…

 

Support yourself to get to see the ‘seemingly unnoticeable’ of how we live and act like on a daily basis, to finally ensure we are in fact able to stand as beings that live and do what’s best for  all at all times, no matter what – Desteni I Process 

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143. Only the Privileged Ones get to Live

Does this sound elitist to you? Well, this is implied in the laws under which we’ve been all living in and by: Money is a privilege that is only granted to 1/4 of the Earth’s population, and us people behind our computers are part of it – ‘Noooo!’ Yesss, we are, clearly so, otherwise we would not be able to read, have a computer, have a sound body that is nurtured with the Earth’s resources that Should be Unconditionally Given to All Beings to Live – yet, what have we done? We have created a set of arbitrary ‘rules’ to dictate who lives and who dies, this implies that we could recognize each other as the ultimate criminals: we are all responsible for the killings of billions of human beings, animals, the Earths resources in the name of profit as that illusion of power and control that Our delusional monetary system enables in our reality.

What does this make us all? A bunch of thieves, elitists and selfish beings. However what I have realized throughout the years of having lived for a long time on the ‘leftist/ judgmental’ type of personality, I saw that the plethora of judgments toward the world system, people and essentially everyone in this world lead me nowhere and instead became just another excuse and justification to Not realize how it is that I was simply adding my 2 kg of dirt to an ever-growing empire of shit – yes, high jacking Reznor here – and never even daring to see HOW I was only judging me, really, how every single flaw I could get pissed of about in our reality made by so-called ‘Nasty beings’ was only a way to make myself seem ‘superior’ in my mind against those that I haughtily judged as despicable, nasty and absolutely abhorring in this world, in which I would obviously place politicians for the most part in such category.

I had an interesting experience today meeting one – whether it was real or not – most likely not however for what it was, it played a cool character to confront for a moment. There was this idea of ‘the privileged ones’ came up when speaking about the NASA’s endeavors  to ‘save humanity’ through going to explore another planet -and I saw that it ‘pissed me off’ the most as he was clearly indicating that ‘finding life in mars could mean the ability to send human beings there to ‘save the race’ – I pointed out how that could only be just another selfish act and that we should instead just focus on Earth to support all beings equally here – he said, well, it’s clear that not everyone will be saved, and only the privileged ones will remain. And I cringed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pissed off at words that imply that ‘only the privileged ones on Earth’ will remain alive after ‘all the trials and tribulations,’ which is actually a statement based on Fear wherein money acts as the idea of ‘security’ that money has existed as and provided for those that can ‘assure’ their lives through money.

When and as I see myself getting pissed off at people speaking about how there are ‘privileged ones’ on Earth that will ‘deserve’ to continue living as an example of the human race, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the punitive judgment that I have inflicted upon another’s words is actually anger toward myself and all for having accepted and allowed the belief of there being ‘special beings’ in this world and that in any way such ‘privileged ones’ could be ‘saved’ on Earth, without realizing that we are actually living by/ as this punitive system wherein Life is only awarded/ given/ offered to those that hold the point of current ‘power and control’ as money, while the rest of humanity that do not have such ‘power’ as money are left to die in starvation or abused in the most horrid ways ‘just to make a living,’ in essence becoming the ‘modern day slaves’ for a consumerist apocalyptic world.

I commit myself to make of this world a privileged place to live in, wherein I can ensure that I am able to face each being and say I have in fact done what I can in order to honor life, to establish an Equality System wherein we can ensure that who we are stands as Life for eternity. And within this, realizing that there is no magic wand in this statement as it is an actual decision that I commit myself to live till the day that I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge anyone that lives as the perfect example of ‘only the privileged ones get to live’ wherein I would immediately associate the word privilege as a special, superior position of ‘power’ as money/ wealth, without realizing how it is that just by the fact of having money, I am part of the ‘privileged ones’ on Earth that can already have a ‘privileged life’ when compared to those other beings that have no money to live and as such, ignoring the fact that it is ourselves we judge at all times when ‘judging the system,’ ‘judging the corrupt and filthy rich politicians,’ without realizing that it is ourselves that exist as an actual point of abuse toward other living beings that are equally here, yet we have disregarded them the moment that we aGreed to create a monetary system that could ensure only a few could have money and the rest ‘strive to live’ or have no money at all, which would ensure a finite death/dead end to a living being’s life,

When and as I see myself judging people for so-called ‘elitist comments,’ I stop and I breathe – I take the point back to self to see where it is that I am in fact judging, getting angry at and reacting to words that are actually showing me where I have contributed to the abuse, elitism and segregation in this world based on the belief that money is in fact real and that money is that which ‘enables us to live,’ a Major misconception and general ‘saying’ without awareness wherein we do not see and realize how it is the Earth itself that enables us to live – the air we breathe, the foods we eat, the relationships we establish with the environment is what Living is – thus

I realize that diminishing ‘living’ to having lots of money to experience the ultimate ‘pleasure of success’ in one’s life is part of the brainwashing and indoctrination moves wherein we reduced ‘living’ to consumption, living to satisfying make-believe needs that could only support an entire ‘lifestyle’ that we all aspired to get to live, as ‘privileged ones’ that would not have to ‘deal’ with the ‘Earthly problems,’ placing ourselves in a comfortable bubble of money so that we would not have to ‘wake up’ to reality, but built a make-believe reality upon the fallacy that money has always been.

I realize that whenever I see myself judging something/ someone it is in fact me only considering Me-me-me at all times within a point of specialness as the money that creates in our lives and that I can certainly assist and support myself to walk in Self Forgiveness to see how the separation exists and how it all begun.

I commit myself to expose how we create separation, elitism as the desire to be ‘more’ than others based only on knowledge and information, such as the current money-experience we have in our every day living, which is all that we have become: beings reducing life to a single experience which is the actual point to be corrected in fact: to realize we are here as life and that it is only in Equality that life can thrive.

to be continued…

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135. ‘The Secret’ CULTivates Narcissists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the pursuit of happiness as a normal human being’s purpose in life wherein one’s empowerment as money – more than the necessary one enabling relationships, properties, top executive jobs and all sorts of benefits in society – is actually revered and venerated as if it was an actual God that we are praying to and praising, making of money our god – yet we disguise this blatant cult with words like success, fame, fortune, dream life and roles/conditions within society such as nobility, royalty, presidency, top sports players, magnates, riches and ‘influential people’ that can only exist in such titles as an example for billions of human beings that seek to be in such a position as well, without realizing how ludicrous it would be to in fact sustain a life of ‘the rich and famous’ for 7 billion human beings.

Thus, I realize that what is required is an actual wake up call to expose how such ideal ‘happiness’ and ‘well being’ based on the standards of what a rich/ famous person is, is in fact unsustainable and the actual glorification of abuse, as if we were able to in one single moment become aware of how many people have suffered, been killed, abused, chronically suffered through the creation, manufacturing and production of our entire ‘civilization,’ we would probably start regarding wealth and fortune as an actual point of abuse instead of blindly and foolishly praising it in separation of ourselves as life.

When and as I see myself wandering off to the life of the rich and the famous and start wondering how ‘great’ it would be to have all that money – I stop and I breathe – I realize that such images and stories of having all the money are actually systematically conveniently propagated and are specific/ strategic ways to imprint desires, wants and needs within regular slaves/human beings so that we continue working ‘as much as possible’ to someday eventually (in our dreams only) get to such a position of power and fame, glory as all the money that we believe is the actual point of ‘happiness’ in our world.

I commit myself to expose how the lives of the rich and famous are actual strategic points of propaganda to keep capitalism and our current life-style of seeking fame, fortune and glory in place as the ultimate bliss, which is then recognizing the point of abuse it represents to present a life that is in no way LIVING but only consumerism equated to fulfillment unattainable by all human beings equally and that it is thus in fact an insult to present such outrageous fortune while blindly believing that all beings can ‘climb the ladder of success’ toward such fame and fortune within the current monetary system.

I see and realize that it is only through looking at the ‘reality’ of our desires, wants and needs that we become aware of how we have participated in creating desires, wants and needs that in no way represent an actual Living Condition that Supports Life/ living, but that are only make-believe realities as the products and activities that are related to us aspiring to be and become part of ‘the elite’ that we see on TV, that we see on magazines and that we are enthralled with within our current societies wherein media is telling us what to do, what to eat, what to wear, who we should date, what to vote for, what to diss, what to suppress, what to embody, what to think and what Not to think through imprinting fear toward the most basic questions that every human being should ask themselves, such as HOW it is that we have created the current monetary system as a god that is not readily available for all to dignify all beings’ lives?

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question the seeKing and Chase-ing of positivity in this world as a point of abuse, due to it being perfectly ‘normal’ for any being to seek self’s own ‘well being’ through asking to an energy/god/saint/the universe for that which could mean happiness/ joy point, which is actually using money as a point of abuse to acquire yet another point that can only be conceded/ given if it is taken from others in fact, which is how the Law of Attraction actually works like.

I realize that the sheer acceptance of only a fraction of human beings existing in this acceptance of their ‘pursuit of happiness’ as an actual living-purpose is what must be exposed as the popular accepted and allowed abuse within humanity, as this is the way that we have made of narcissism an apparent disorder that can be named individual self interest due to the extreme care for one’s own well-being actually existing as a  ‘normal thing,’ in our society, being entertained with all things positive that one can consume in order to ‘feel great’ while 3/4 of the Earth starve to death every single day.

When and as I see myself accepting positivity and positive thinking as a ‘normal thing’ in our reality wherein it’s seen as ‘something ordinary’ that people want to succeed in what they do and what they dedicate their lives to – I stop and I breathe –  I bring myself here to realize that such attitude is actually the building blocks of a delusional world system, wherein any positive experience cannot exist without abusing thousands of beings, which includes everything that we virtually have as a commodity in this world system at the moment, simply because we have not yet become an actual living being that cares for life in equality, but only seeks one’s own benefit at all times, regardless of who has to suffer the consequences.

Thus, I commit myself to expose positivity as an actual abusive thinking pattern that has been blindly accepted, followed and bought within society because of the amount of money it also produces for the world system – thus it is to expose what a closed system of wealth it represents when only a few can aspire to get to/ obtain such point of success wherein education, money, and having at least a middle-class position is what enables you to seek after things like ‘The Secret’ and any other wishful positive thinking, without considering how everything that one asks is in fact manufactured, produced, distributed and sold within a world system wherein Money in itself as the current monetary system is the actual structure of abuse of which there cannot be in any way a possibility to ‘succeed’ without abusing others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the ultimate self-importance and individualism as an actual ‘self-care’ wherein in fact I only cared about ME-me-me and my position within this world system being secured through money as long as My-Needs are fulfilled, without realizing how this apparent ‘self-improvement’ of the individual through wishful thinking, positive attitude and a ‘clear vision to the future’ is nothing but white-light rubbish as words that rub the ego the right way in order to create an imaginary sense of well being, wherein the very backchat/ thoughts in the head as internal conversations become also part of the character that sustains this positive-beingness of only seeking to get the rewards, only seeking to be granted with ‘the most cake,’ granted with the ‘most important position’ in a job, granted with all the money in the world with which we can ‘make our dreams come true,’ never questioning how this ‘may your dreams come true’ attitude represents doing just that: manifesting an imaginary dimension of our minds, using an also imaginary point like money to in fact create a righteous ‘right’ to use the resources of the earth, the people and the entire structure in order to Only satisfy ourselves –

I realize that this makes us ALL Equally Responsible for what is existent in this world, just by the fact that we have all sometime wished something ‘good’ for ourselves while neglecting the rest of the world and its actual situation of absolute lack, famine, violence, abuse and extortion that reality is currently existing as, wherein money became our security veil that will certainly not be sustainable for a long time now.

I commit myself to expose self-improvement as the search for success, positive thinking and positive attitude as the most EVIL tools ever provided to humanity further separate ourselves from one another, creating the ultimate competition to get the jackpot within following ‘The Secret’ that we foolishly accepted as ‘real’ without pondering how it is that people in the Elite would actually allow this point to come-through with such as if it was in any way real – Thus, it is to expose this ‘get rich quick’ lifestyle propaganda as the totalitarianism propaganda hitting human’s buttons that read ‘searching for happiness,’ in order to accept the current monetary system wherein ‘all dreams can come true’ through maintaining and sustaining a system of abuse such as capitalism, wherein the platform to only support/ grant such ‘big prize’ is available for a few only, which means that The Secret as the Law of Attraction is in fact like a light that attracts the moths to their death, as there is no way in which such happiness as ‘all the money, fame, glory’ is able to exist for all within the current configuration of the world-system as money – yet there is another way

The solution stands clear: we must create a world-system wherein Everyone’s Lives can be in fact glorified, dignified and enjoyed through a monetary system that ensures the access to the Earth’s unconditional resources in an equal manner, as that is the actual way in which True Happiness can emerge in this world, where all men regard each other as equals, wherein all beings can finally live and experience the ever longed-for Heaven on Earth that has been broadly promoted, while it is the ultimate Scam in religious and New Age movements with the infamous name of ‘ascension,’ without realizing that such Heaven is no more and that all that is Left is Life on Earth to be equalized through an actual political and economical reform, wherein all that is here of the Earth is given and distributed equally to all beings in it.

 

This is then the real Law of our Being that must be realized and understood as the Only way in which Our lives can continue existing – thus it is to transform that selfish narcissistic Self-Care/ Self-Importance to an actual SELF that considers/ regards all beings as one and equal.

I commit myself to be the example of how Life can only thrive if living in Equality beginning with ourselves

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132. EgoMania: Narcissism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that because I exist within/as a sense of self importance, believing that the entire world revolves around me and label it as Narcissistic Disorder Personality, which is simply a name that has been given in this world to an enhanced sense of ‘self’ in our world, wherein we are simply existing as this augmented idea of self in our mind, as the ego which is everything that we have created of ourselves as a mental configuration in order to have something to define ourselves as, without realizing how every point of self-importance and definition is in fact a limitation to who I really am as one and equal, wherein there cannot exist any form of ‘superiority’ or inferiority’ as we are all physical beings of flesh and bones that cannot possibly exist as ‘more’ than others that are also flesh and bones.

I realize that within this world we have created names for so-called mental disorders without really having a clue of how the mind works and how we could all be labeled narcissistic as we are all only looking after our own survival and self-importance that can only exist as an enhanced ego/ idea of self that we then believe is ‘who we really are,’ without realizing it is only a set of thoughts that we have integrated as ‘who we are,’ eventually becoming those thoughts as words that exist only as a limited configuration of self as a personality/ character without ever pondering if this is in fact what ‘self-importance’ must be/ should be –

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am in fact superior to any other being and that the world revolves around me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am only existing as this limited mind frame of self interest wherein I have made myself ‘more’ than others as my own ego. Thus I take responsibility for such belief within the understanding that it is only in my mind that I can create something ‘more’ or ‘less’ than other – thus I direct myself to walk the perceived point of superiority/ inferiority toward others in specificity, ensuring that I align my thoughts and deeds to the realization of us being equal beings that require to establish physical agreements to live as such.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the belief that ‘the world revolves around me,’ wherein I had definitely placed myself as the center of my reality in my world and believing that it is ‘normal’ to always seek to win, to always seek to be the best, to always be aiming at eliminating any form of rivalry, which is only the ego of the mind that I have become and that I am here to walk as the process of realizing who am I and what I have become as my own thoughts, backchats internal conversations that I have embodied, without having ever considered how it is in these very thoughts that I came to separate myself from everything and everyone else in an ‘superiority’ state that I have accepted as ‘who am I’ by default/ automatically.

I see, realize and understand that any ‘need’ to make myself ‘more’ than others was in fact stemming from the fear of being less than others, and fear of not being ‘good enough’ and a such, fear of standing on the spotlight to which I then created an opposite experience as rejection to being in a ‘visible position,’ which is just another polarity game wherein in my mind where I kept myself low-profile while deeply inside still wanting to be seen/ recognized or admired for what I believe in my mind was ‘special’ about me.

When and as I see myself existing within the default character of ‘the world revolves around me,’ I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to within the consideration of that which I am thinking only relates to me, to expand it to others as one and equal and in that, immediately realize that that which I am only linking to ‘me’ is in fact related to all as one and equal. Thus I direct myself to consider everything and all as one and equal and within this consideration, take the necessary steps to ensure that the world revolves around the principle of life in Equality and not around a principle of self-interest that benefits only a few.

I commit myself to create a world system wherein the realization of being one and equal can actually be lived as an entire social,  political and economical framework wherein all that will be able to exist is life in equality and any other ‘delusion’ such as the exacerbated self-importance that any point of ‘narcissism’ creates, is walked through a process of self-correction to eventually equalize this aspect to an equal and one realization of who we are in reality/ in fact in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having spent a lifetime only concerned with Me-me-me all the time, always seeking to satisfy me-me-me and manipulating, controlling and doing everything that I was able and capable to do, so that I in my mind could remain as ‘the winner’ and the ultimate ‘champion’ that could ‘do it all’ and as such, developing a sense of confidence after having realized to what extent I actually feared everything and everyone and in this, realizing that the only way to ‘cope’ with reality is becoming the imposition of fear upon others as an image of being ‘invincible’ while in fact, such image of strength, courage and bravery is a cover-up for the actual fears that I accepted and allowed to exist within ad as me, without being able to understand why –

It is only now that we are able to understand the beginning of ourselves as creation, I can see and realize that it is in fact important to understand the beginning of our creation in order to ‘make sense’ of what we have become, otherwise, it is plain ludicrous that we have gotten ourselves this far,  without having ever considered to what extent we were oblivious of our own physical body, of each other, of this world and only accepting things ‘as they are’ with no incentive to find out ‘more’ about ourselves, but only remaining as obedient servants to ‘how things work’ and ‘what’s always been like this.’ Thus I realize that through understanding fear as part of the origin of ourselves as this creation, any characters that exist as an apparent positive attribute and ‘strength’ is and can only exist as a compensating mechanism/making-up for past characters that stood/ existed as the exact opposite of what is now presented and projected as confidence/ strength, which is how all we currently exist as is nothing but characters – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see and realize and understand that any projection of strength, security, certainty and grandiosity can only exist as a character that covers up for the fears, the inadequate experiences and the belittling of myself that I had become, wherein we are only now realizing to what extent the starting point of everything we are and create must be corrected as we are already the direct consequence of stemming from fear as creation– thus it is quite ludicrous to even believe that someone that presents themselves as superior can be in fact so without seeing the actual fear and inFEARiority that exists in such portrayal as characters that make up for other characters in order to not have to sort out the initial fear, face it and walk the necessary self correction.

When and as I see myself creating an idea of self importance in relation to everything and everyone else, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am possessing myself with my own thoughts and that in such split moment that I went up thinking about the ‘who I am’ toward/ comparing myself to others, trying to place myself in a ‘superior position’ to give such an answer, is already an indication of existing as knowledge and information that seeks to validate itself as such, instead of immediately breathing, and recognizing that we are in fact only divided by our own god as the mind that thinks, that believes and perceives what is here through the eye of the mind, the limited perception that we have become due to our own acceptance and allowance to Only be the mind, forgetting about the entirety of the physicality that we breathe in/as  in every moment.

I commit myself to equalize myself as my mind to and as the physical in order to ensure that my life as a physical being is directed to honor life in equality and to create in fact a world wherein there I no piece of ‘ego’ left to create inequality between the living words as flesh that we are here, ready to walk and to in fact create a world wherein self-honesty and self-equalization as life is our new living reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a default-mode of protecting myself against criticism and/or being corrected, wherein such point of being pointed out a flaw/ a misalignment indicates that my stance as ‘a perfect being’ in my mind is threatened by another, thus I see and realize that any attempt to react in anger toward those that are pointing out something to see and correct for myself’ is only me as the ego of the mind trying to defend myself –

When and as I see myself reacting to any form of criticism and correction, I stop and I breathe – I take responsibility for myself to in that moment breathe and realize that only an ego can react whenever another is pointing out something to correct and walk as part of a self-corrective process that I am in fact actually grateful for, as it is only through my participation and interaction/ communication with others that we can face ourselves in self-honesty. For further expansion on this point, read  93. “No need to explain, I got it”

I commit myself to remain here as breath in every moment that I receive constructive criticism wherein I instead realize that it is to be grateful to have the ability of receiving feedback upon myself and my ‘doings’ in life, as we had become so used to only ‘caring for ourselves’ that another’s flaw was seen as an opportunity for us to get ‘past’ such person with such flaw, instead of actually stopping and assisting and supporting them to see and realize the point that is being missed within ourselves/ our reality within the consideration of how we can only thrive through living as equals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind having judged people that I believed were arrogant, self-centered and egotistical to the utmost degree, without realizing that every time that I thought this and believed myself to be judging them ‘fairly,’ was in fact me mirroring myself back to myself, wherein I had not seen and realized how that which I experience in my mind as judgment is in fact only about me, using others as a mirror to see who and what I have become – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own reflection as the personalities and ‘ego’ that others presented in my reality, that I only judged in a critical manner, without ever realizing that I was always only in fact judging myself as the mirror of who and what I have become in fact.

When and as I see myself judging other people that I perceived as narcissistic, egotistical, arrogant and selfish I stop and I breathe – I realize that these judgments are in fact related to me, thus I take the point to ensure that I walk through the prominent patterns wherein such labeled ‘narcissism’ exists, so that others can also have a look at how the Desteni I Process in fact is a pivotal point of supporting ourselves/ one another to face who we are and have become as our mind, with the assistance of a buddy that is essential to begin ‘trapping’ ourselves in our own believed and perceived ‘stability’ as ego and superiority that we tend to create in our minds.

I commit myself to live the realization that all judgment that I create in my mind is always about myself – thus within this, I see and realize that any judgment upon anyone and any aspect of this reality can in fact be exposed to make it evident, yet walked through a process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to ensure that we in fact take responsibility for the point of separation of which the judgment stems from. This way we ensure that every ‘spot’ we encounter within/ as ourselves is taken self-responsibility for.

 

I commit myself to expose the so-called mental disorders as labels that only serve to entertain ourselves with apparent ‘dysfunctional minds,’ without understanding who and what we are as the mind.  Thus the commitment lies upon educating myself and others to understand how the mind works in detail and in doing so, ensuring that we in fact create a point of self-stability and self-direction standing one and equal as the mind, the physical, energy and substance within the consideration of what is best for all.

 

I commit myself to exist as a being that regards life in equality within/as everything and all that is here, which sounds ‘cool’ yet requires an actual physical system to implement such ‘view’ and realization of who we are as Life in/ as a new political, economical and social system that will enable beings to realize equality as the only value that is Life, which is how the Equal Money System is the essential platform to live and coexist as equals.

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131. Stop Yourself with Self Forgiveness before You Kill someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely unaware of myself here as breath whenever I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat ‘I want to kill you/him/her/them or myself’ without being absolutely aware of what it is that I am in fact implying with this very sentence as an absolute statement of who I am in such a moment, which we have taken so ‘lightly’ in our reality, without actually considering how every single thought, word and deed that we give ‘life’ to, creates and manifests a consequence for all as equals – within this it is in the best interest of myself and everyone to investigate how we have become the words we created in order to have the ability to take someone/ one’s own life based on a mind-created retaliation process wherein who we are as life as one and equals is Not being considered at all.

 

When and as I see myself thinking, pondering and speaking the words ‘I want to kill you/them/ he/she or myself’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that to get to this point wherein we are able to exist as such backchat, there has been an actual accumulation of words that I have thought, spoken and acted upon without considering a single speck of the physicality that I am in fact abusing when existing as a self-created possession that can only exist if we give permission for it to exist as ourselves in any given moment.

 

I see, realize and understand that speaking words without awareness is an obvious result of never having lived the words we speak, but only THINK them and believe that they hold no effect upon oneself or others in any way whatsoever, without ever pondering how it is that our world is currently the construction of the words we think, speak and create in separation of ourselves, which implies that words and expressions of decisive violence against others are to be reviewed for the intention and starting point they hold as the accumulative effect of thoughts, backchat, internal conversations that we have believed it is ‘who we are’ in fact, without ever questioning WHO we are being and what we are accepting and allowing when existing as words that imply abuse, harm and violence against others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  harbor the backchatI want to kill you/he/she/them’ as the result of me not getting what I wanted from something/someone, leading me to the absolute opposite of that extreme desire I experienced to initially seek to get what I want/ needed/ required/ desired, which implies that I am in fact willing to harm/ abuse others within the desire to match my positive experience in the mind, to a reality that in no way will ever match my inner fantasies of ultimate positive experience, as such positive experience can only exist if there is a point of abuse behind it within the current configuration of our world system wherein not everyone is being equally supported to Live.

I realize that who am I within the wordsI want to kill you/him/her/myself’ I am in fact existing as the ultimate abuser that can be existent within ourselves as thoughts in our minds, the ultimate possession wherein who we are is reduced to one single point of self-destruction that is apparently ‘righteous’ in nature, and ‘makes sense’ without realizing that we in fact require to STOP, take a Deep Breath in order to realize what is it that we are in fact giving ourselves away to within a thinking pattern such as ‘I want to Kill you/ myself/ them’  – I realize that this is an absolute red flag wherein I must see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my own mind as the accumulation of time that I must take Self Responsibility for.

To do this, I Stop myself from participating or adding more thoughts to that single thinking pattern – then look back at the entire event/ points that I lead myself to get to this point of creating and holding the backchat such as ‘I want to kill you/her/he/them/myself’ in order to take Self Responsibility for oneself and one’s own thoughts, instead of using such backchat for further manipulation toward oneself and others in means of getting the problem solved, the ‘desired attention’ that we simply were not able to give to ourselves from the very first moment that we were seeking happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in separation of ourselves through something or someone as the point of desire.

(This is why and how the previous posts explaining the polarity created upon Hate and Love are relevant to read, please do so in order to understand how the desire to Kill someone stems from a perceived point of loss/ lack that is then projected onto others as the absolute opposite, as that is how the mind operates)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat  ‘I want to kill you/them/he/she/myself’ as the result of an accumulated backchat that I allowed to compound within myself without having a look at What is it that I accepted and allowed to exist within my world as a point of obsession and possession without giving it proper self-direction, which means that I allowed myself to get to the point of wanting to end someone’s life/ my own in order to ‘get away with murder’ wherein the implication of ‘killing someone’ is the ultimate apparent imposition of power and control over someone’s life – including one’s own – which is frequently seen as something ‘honorable’ to redeems one’s pride and position without ever understanding what real Honor implies as life.

Thus I see realize and understand that any belief about the thoughts ‘I want to kill him/her/them/myself’ being the ultimate free choice and free will decision to end someone’s/one’s own life is nothing but an ultimate self-medicated brainwash wherein I am in fact declaring that I am being possessed by my own self-created thoughts, leading me to create an inner experience of dissatisfaction, disbelief and or depression through relationship problems which I decide to make as something ‘grave’ enough to retaliate against another that I have taken as the ‘cause’ and ‘reason’ for my experience in the form of wanting to kill them/oneself in order to vindicate any sense of ‘pride’ and ‘honor’ when one’s ego has been hurt.

When and as I see myself wanting to Kill Someone in my mind, I stop immediately and I breathe, I realize that whatever I am seeing in something/ someone that is leading me to want to end another’ life/ my own life is simply a escapism distraction to not look at where and how I am absolutely responsible for my own creation in that moment – thus I take responsibility for myself to ensure that I in fact investigate within me, my life where I have created this particular pattern of anger, content and a desire to retaliate against others for something that I have directly created within and as my own mind.

I realize that throwing a tantrum about my own self-created obsession is the ultimate stupidity loop wherein I created and manifested a point of obsession based on all the positive experiences such as love, fulfillment, satisfying desires, needs, wants, dreams and the moment that I cannot fulfill these positive experiences in my physical reality the way that ‘I’ envisioned it in my mind, I then take it out on those that I believe and perceive were the reason why my dream/ point of desire and obsession was not able to be fulfilled – thus,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually be throwing a tantrum in my mind thinking about ‘killing myself/ another’ just because I could not get what I wanted, which became a self-created point of possession turning it deliberately into another form of Self-Victimization so that I could be labeled as ‘being mentally instable’ and s such, abdicate responsibility upon my own creation of which I am in fact able to be aware of from the very first moment of creating such a point of obsession/ desire as a possession, as I see and realize that anything that I created as a positive dream/ desire to fulfill, must eventually meet its downfall as the opposite negative point, which is how I believe I could ‘not take it’ to ‘lose’ my dream/ desire/ obsession, turning myself into an actual threat to myself and others’ lives just because of following my own thoughts to kill someone/ myself as a point to victimize myself and others as part of my own self-created obsession and delusion, that I see and realize ends where it began: within myself as my mind through taking responsibility for all that I have talked/ thought/ envisioned in my own mind toward that someone/ something that I allowed myself to become possessed by, losing all perspective of who I am as a physical being that only requires oxygen, food, water, shelter and basic relationships to continue existing and that anything else, is mind infatuation that I must take self responsibility for.

I see, realize and Understand that creating an ultimate desire for love, peace, joy and bliss as MY pursuit of happiness is what lead me to then experience all the opposite as hate, inner battles within my mind, dissatisfaction, dullness and self-hatred as the ultimate negative experience, that I then seek to ‘cure’ through exerting such anger stemming from ‘frustrated dreams’ against others, instead of actually stopping in one single cold moment to see what the hell it is that I am in fact using my physical body for, to think and scheme ways to kill others or myself just to ‘get away with murder’ within the love/hate relationship that I formed in my mind only.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take revenge toward others/ myself for not being able to obtain/get what I wanted, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am the one that must take absolute responsibility for the entire point of possession and understand to what extent I have allowed myself to be possessed by these seemingly ‘innocent thoughts’ like saying ‘I want to kill you/her/him/them or myself’ as an apparent quick fix and solution to a problem that was created Only within my mind, thus I take absolute Self-Responsibility for every single experience that I created toward others in order to vindicate myself and always consider as if I had won after a perceived loss.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize to what extent I am abusing all and every single cell of my physical body and dishonoring every single particle that I exist as, the air I breathe, the beings I eat in order to continue living whenever I use life to create thoughts of self-deprecation, self-hatred and hateful self-manipulative rants wherein I believe that ‘I can get my control back by hating/ loathing something/someone,’ without realizing to what extent I am in fact depleting the very life that I  consist of every time that I participate in thoughts of any kind – whether positive as love, light, bliss, excitement and negative such as hatred, violence and absolute desire to control and abuse others as a way to feel better about myself.

 

I see, realize and understand that who I am as the thinking pattern ‘I want to kill them all/ myself’ is an absolute threat to oneself and others that I must immediately Stop and take responsibility for through immediate self forgiveness in order to actually See and Realize what is it in fact that I am participating in, what type of experience it is that I am creating when and while having these thoughts of killing another/myself in my head, what is it that I in fact perceive I lost that I am now wanting to take revenge of due to my own apparent inability to realize and see how any positive experience that I desire as an absolute point of possession that is not ‘doable’ and ‘livable’ in this physical reality, becomes the exact opposite as the ultimate disillusionment and hatred that is then sought to be compensated with exerting a point of power/ control such as killing others in order to satisfy one’s own ‘game’ in the mind wherein after the perceived loss of the happiness-point, one retaliates against the perceived point of loss in order to be the one that ‘has the ultimate say’ as the perceived ‘winning’-experience within a game that I only created within my own mind, as it was never in fact real.

 

When and as I see myself using the thinking pattern of ‘I want to kill him/her/them or myself’ as a way to feel powerful and ‘in control’ of the situation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in fact wanting to make up for an apparent and believed loss/ disillusionment that I must then take self responsibility for, as I am not going to solve anything within my life just by exerting this point of apparent ‘power’ over another’s life – or my own – by desiring to end it, but that I am in fact only hiding myself from the actual responsibility that I hold toward my own self-created obsession/ desire and fantasy that only existed in my mind through and by my own creation and participation in it.

 

I see and realize that I could only ‘give head’ to thoughts about killing another if I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give to myself that which I perceive I lack, that which I perceive I desire and cannot obtain, which is how and why the nature of the desire as a point of possession is what one must take self responsibility for, to see where and how we have in fact brainwashed ourselves to believe that we must have a relationship, that we must be rich, that we must be experiencing ‘happiness’ all the time, that we must be ‘successful’ and ‘gracious’ 24/7, without realizing how it is in this very accepted and allowed brainwash that I have created my own obsessions and desires as a perceived ‘lack’ without understanding how they have been deliberately created by each one of us individually and collectively as the ultimate ‘happiness’ that everyone is now seeking and busy ‘buying in this world,’ without actually stopping to see how false and unreal such satisfaction actually is, as it has never ever been considered within the base foundation of what is best for all life

 

Thus I see and realize that everything that I would want to take revenge of, retaliate against due to my perceived dissatisfaction and ‘unfulfilled dreams’ are points that I must take self responsibility for to see, realize and understand to what extent I have accepted all the ‘positive’ as love, bliss, happiness, sex, money, fame and glory as everything that is ‘normal’ to desire, without understanding how the entirety and totality of the world system is based upon these self-created ‘needs’ that function at a cultural level of imprinting/ programming desires/ wishes/ obsession points in order to keep us entertained within our minds within a believed ‘lack’ and ‘loss’ that we experience as a ‘negativity’ within ourselves, seeking to get to the ‘positive’ all the time, which is what keeps us all recreating and reinforcing the entire Money System of abuse wherein all points of attainment are based on supporting the entire machinery of money as the current function abuse upon life.

To understand this points further, please listen to:

 

Within this, it is to see and realize how we have all been participants and directly responsible for anyone having thoughts of wanting to ‘kill’ in the name of an apparent positive experience upon a process of disillusionment/ disbelief and dissatisfaction, which is in fact only demonstrating how everything that we have judged in our reality as so called ‘bad people’ and ‘mind possessed’ people are in fact no different to everything that we have become as our own mind, as the same thinking pattern that I can create in one single moment of anger upon not getting what I wanted, is exactly the same thinking pattern that accumulated within a killer’s mind that lead him to actually act upon those same thoughts.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge into the desires to love, have the ultimate bliss and happiness as a relationships to money, sex, success and anything that I created in my mind as a point of possession wherein I see myself in the ultimate ‘throne of glory’ as I realize that the process of realizing how the entire accumulation of the positive energy toward all those ‘good things’ comes inevitably to a downfall in a direct opposite manner to the absolute negative when seeing and realizing how unattainable my dreams/ wishes/ point of desire become, which is where I must investigate what type of fantasies, illusions and dreams which are only formulated in my mind did I give myself away to, did I allow myself to participate in just to get a positive experience out of it, deliberately ignoring how ‘unrealistic’ and ‘non-doable’ such dreams are, which implies that I must take responsibility for all my deliberate participation in all things positive to then see and realize that any perceived lack, loss or disillusion is only that, losing the illusion that I created in my mind as the ultimate positive imaginary experience leading me to the absolute negative when coming to the final realization that any point I seek to fulfill myself and my desires eventually devolves into a downfall as a negative experience – thus

I see, realize and understand that participating in the physical world does not require for me to create a positive or negative experience about it.

 

When and as I see myself participating in desires of happiness, fulfillment through relationships, getting the ultimate job and success in this world and reality, having all the money in the world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the starting point of creating an entire cycle of self-abuse wherein we indulge into the positive experience that participating in all these ‘good feelings’ creates, however I see, realize and understand that such initial positive input must meet It’s opposite energetic output as the negative, the same way that the light is generated through friction and conflict as I see that I am allowing myself to be blinded by the delightful light, without considering the actual opposite as ‘the negative’ that is the foundation and starting point for any of my dreams and desires, which is to experience the positive and the ‘moreness’ of myself. Thus I ensure that I remain here in and as the physical body wherein I do not require to desire/want/need to obtain something/ someone in order to ‘feel better about myself,’ as I recognize and embrace myself as the totality of who I really am as myself in this physical body and in this physical existence that I have separated myself from through desire in my mind only.

 

I take self responsibility for every point of obsession and infatuation that I have created toward a positive experience, in order to stop the entire cycle of self abuse that seeking happiness entails and ending up in absolute despair and self-deprecation toward oneself and others just because of realizing that in this physical reality, all our dreams are just that: illusions/ fantasies/ thoughts in our mind that cannot be practically achieved without creating the absolute opposite within a world of consequence due to how we have created a foundation of ‘life’ based upon abuse. It is to investigate then the starting point of such want, need and desire and see where and how self is not giving oneself that which we seek/ desire from and as something/ someone in separation of ourselves.

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Thus it is to see, realize and understand to what extent we are all collectively responsible for creating the ultimate polarity of love and light in opposition to get away from the perceived ‘lack’ as a negative experience, keeping ourselves always valuing everything outside of  as ‘more’ than ourselves, which is visibly existent currently as our monetary system –

It is to understand then that all killers, all mind possessed people are no different to you or me as we are currently ALL Mind Possessed. Thus through the living and application of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application  to start becoming aware of how every single thought that we have in a seemingly ‘fleeting moment’ of flinching and throwing a tantrum against others, does in fact create consequential outflows within everything and everyone equally.

This is our oneness and equality, wherein we have abused ourselves, the Earth, the animals that we are in fact Killing  slowly but surely every time that we give head to the directions that we created and programmed in my own mind, without taking responsibility for them and realizing what are we in fact stating within this action of wanting to be ‘more’ than others, to ‘have it all,’ to have the ‘ultimate happiness’ that cannot exist in this world currently without abusing something and someone.

 

More so than ever, I cannot see myself detached from any person that has ever been labeled as crazy or mind possessed as we are ALL currently mind possessed and as long as we try and hide this, we will continue blaming everything and everyone for what is going on on a daily basis as all forms of wars, abuse, violence and direct personal-life retaliation processes that originated from exactly the same place that you and I Also exist as, which is the mind that we are now here in the process of equalizing to and as our physical to finally ensure that everything we think, say and act upon is in fact standing in the Best interest of All Life in Equality.

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

Stop participating in those thoughts before it’s too late – there’s specific support for these thinking patterns available at:

 

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Interview to realize what it  is to Really in fact Experience that point of being trained to KILL others due to problems in our world that we have accepted and allowed with apparent no solution, without realizing that all wars stem from the inner wars we have created within ourselves as the mind.

Know Thyself:

130. Killing the Loved Ones

 

‘I’ll kill you/her/she/them!’

Continuation from: 129. Will Love and Lighters end up Killing People?

This is one of the backchat points that can be found within the desire  to control someone, which is wanting to manipulate another for the sake of acting/ doing things our way/ getting our point of Happiness. Whenever the person does Not recede to our point of control, backchat may emerge in an insulting, denigrating manner toward the unsubordinated person and one of the ‘most negatively charged’ type of backchat exists in the form of ‘I HATE YOU/HER/HIM’ or ‘I WANT TO KILL HER/HIM/THEM ALL’

 

Now, what does all the positive thinking on ‘light, love, bliss’ has to do with the point of negative backchat such as ‘I want to kill you/he/she/them?’ It is an extreme bouncing off from the positive experience, it is the extreme polarity once that someone ‘had it all’ and then ‘lost’ it as a point of self definition, unleashing then the opposite-directly proportional input of positivity back into negativity – that’s when we can identify our ‘downfalls’ and ‘depressions’ and whatnot that can escalate through our own participation up to a point of absolute mind possession labeled as ‘mental instability’ by the psychiatrists that do want to make the most for their pockets out of a seemingly neuronal-hormonal dysfunction.

In other words, this can only happen if we give too much head to such negative experience, eventually becoming nothing else but the absolute opposite of the initial all-positive input of loving someone for example – there’s even a saying ‘from love to hate there’s only one step’ – and it is so, because the starting point of love is not an equal and one standing as physical beings of flesh and bones that care for themselves = care for one another in physical well being considerations – no, love means in our colloquial vocabulary just passion, energy, bubbles in the stomach that become an absolute life-hijacking obsession that is specifically directed to a point of possession a.k.a. wanting to control the other being, wanting to feel special with that something or someone, wanting to ‘fulfill the dreams’ that only existed as a positive experience in our minds.

 

This is how we can see MANY demonic-possessions today – which are MIND-possessions and should be understood as synonyms nowadays, wherein boyfriends attack their girlfriends – or vice versa – ending up slitting their throats, killing them, hitting them to ‘make them look ugly’ and one cannot possibly fathom: ‘but wait, I was sharing my life this man, I had sex with this man, how could it possibly be that the next day he’s trying to kill me!’ – and this is precisely where the role of the mind as a literal entity occupying our physical must be understood: the problem is thinking, the moment we think, we are already existing in an alternate dimension in our minds – and in that, hell is not far away. You may say: well, then we’re all living in hell, because we All all the time, and that is correct and that is what apparently makes us these ‘supreme beings’ that can THINK – but is it really so? Who invented this type of judgment but ourselves as human beings that deep inside actually fear NOT being in control of Anything or anyone that exists here.

 

In past blogs when revising words as the imposition of man’s mind upon the physical reality, this relationship of control was seen, which later on became the money language that we are currently living with and by, it is to understand who/ what do we have to accept and allow ourselves to exist as in order to voice/think a sentence like ‘I want to Kill Him/Her/them’ and in other cases ‘Me’ as well. Here is the deal: not many people can deny that this sentence has crossed their minds in an absolute moment of an absolute negative experience which within the understanding of how the positive and negative exist, means a ‘Fall from Heaven’ to the absolute opposite – why? Because of all the expectations we built in our MINDS only – reading again, yes only in our minds – about getting/ being with/ experiencing ourselves with something or someone ‘for the rest of our lives’ which is the usual bullshit peddled in our media about these everlasting relationships for example. And this is primarily focused on wanting to Kill the Loved One, which for all cases should be the most shocking and extreme type of betrayal toward one’s conception – meaning creation of the concept – of what love is/ should be, it is as ‘frightening’ as can be, because every single bit of relationship that exists now as ‘our society’ is apparently founded (or found dead) upon love – have a look at the promotion of these experiences as something marvelous and real: having a partner, getting married, having kids, creating a family, having pets, your relationship to god,  your job, your neighbor – everything is promoted as these bubbly stages of your life wherein you are supposed to be ‘Luvin’ it’ all the way – and it’s actually quite fascinating how we can find a note in the news on a daily basis about apparent ‘loved ones’ killing each other, people hating their jobs, people bugging their neighbors ‘just because,’ people eating their children, people killing themselves or others because of their relationship with god, men killing their ex-wife and children because of a marital break-up, and the list goes on and on and frightfully on.

 

“The moment we make that decision, acceptance and allowance in the trust that whatever the mind present to us is ‘who we are’ and we continue participating in the backchats and energies, with participating as the more and more we continue talking in our minds and experiencing the energies without stopping them/investigating them: what one will find is that they become more and more intense in the mind, the more and more one remain in the energy reaction and so the backchat/thoughts/behaviours that it substantiate in the character/personality possession.” – Sunette Spies*

 

What is Wrong with this picture? The Mind 

Who we are as physical living beings in no way stand as something ‘alien’ to this physical existence as the Earth – the animal kingdom, the plants, the environment, everything functions as a whole and one single organism. Then, who is the real Problem here? The mind, the who we have become as this machine that thinks reality only to scheme one’s own survival and personal benefit, because WE programmed ourselves to only create a world system that could Only benefit ‘some’ in our reality. Now, that is seriously messed up to say the least, who are the real schizophrenic instead? Who are the real killers that are willing to maim any life left in this world in the name of a ‘thriving society’ that can look like the most outrageous façade you’ll ever see – but it’s just that, a facade, a sugar coating enamored view of reality behind which we all hide the Reality of who and what we have become as The Secret Mind

 

Once we pass through the initial disconcertion of realizing how EVIL we have become in fact to the extent of not being able to trust your apparent ‘Loved ones,’ we can start then realizing that there is a Seriously Important Task that each one of us must Take Self Responsibility for, and that’s not something ‘out of our hands’ to do, it is taking responsibility for our own minds, realizing that we all have to ensure that we STOP and Self-Forgive any single inch of hatred and Love toward another being – You might say: wait a minute, you say ‘Self Forgive every point of Loving another as well, but that’s not bad!’ yet, understanding how the existence of Hatred actually stems from Love must have left this point quite clear to you how any positive or negative input upon something or someone, will eventually go to its opposite as an experience that we then act upon, blinded by our own backchat and internal conversations that we are seldom aware of.

 

This is then to put all ‘Love and Light’ as any positive thinking ‘on the table’ from the perspective of realizing how we are all responsible for whatever we see as ‘BAD’ and ‘Negative’ in our society, it is Our Mirror and we have been denying this for far too long now. The thoughts that a serial killer or a bad tempered ex boyfriend that gets to stab her girlfriend are in no way different to Any other thought we may have in our heads.

 

Thus, it is definitely a bucket of cold water to realize that that which we always wanted to ‘ostracize’ in our society to not have to SEE what we had become, is in fact ourselves.

 

We’ll continue with the process of realizing the correction is not ‘out there’ in some bloody policy awaiting to be approved by the government to ‘Stop the madness!’ It is here within and as ourselves that the correction potentially exists: we just have to live it.

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