Tag Archives: sacrifice

381. Carrying the Horns of Evil

 

Within our minds, we make associations where we might attach an image with an emotion or a feeling, we start defining such image according to the context we see it in, according to the people, according to what we hear/believe in according to such event/place/people and so, start defining ourselves according to all of the knowledge and information that comes from these mental associations that we integrate as ‘who we are’ and how we ‘understand the world’ and start categorizing our reality according to that, but with this comes also the definitions of what is good, what is evil, and where I stand within it all.

So, dreams stand as this ‘creation’ of myself to see what is coming up and why I’ve been dreaming of these things that seem rather random, but in a way they are only points that I orchestrate in my mind wherein I can see how I stand in relation to the people, the symbols, the places and contexts that I may not be physically linked to, but comes up due to having ‘activated’ some thoughts around such points or images, or people lately.  So, I’ve done this exercise of looking at my dream again, which has allowed me to review a part of my background and the judgments I’ve had toward that in an undercover manner inside my mind, which came to the surface when looking at this dream.

This time it was related to what I can consider as ‘family’ or lineage, since I was in that one building owned by some relatives toward which I have crated a like/dislike relationship as a child, a property that exists as the representation of power over others in terms of how economics operated the past century in this country, wherein some ‘main houses’ would stand as the property of the landowner in which many other people would work in, demonstrating the great disparity from rich/wealthy and the poor/slaves of the town. This type of buildings represent the way to set the mark of ‘who rules in the land’ – probably no different to how a castle operates in feudalism – but at a ‘minor scale’ –  these constructions are called ‘Haciendas’ and this one was built probably around the end of the 19th century or so,  and it has been held as something we should be somehow ‘proud of’ too.

The reason why I disliked the place was mostly due to me as a little child reacting with lots of fear to the kind of parties that took place in there. I would see how lots of money would be spent on alcohol, animals were sacrificed for the food of the day, lots of people would come in, politicians and people I had to greet as ‘my family’ without having ever seen them in my life, causing then an aversion to family reunions. Also at the same time there were some rumors of the place being haunted, which as a child gave me the creeps all the way, and essentially tainting the whole experience of having to go there to family reunions, reacting with lots of fear – later on as I grew older it became something that I was a bit ‘proud of’ when understanding what such place represented, as well as indulging in the alcohol drinking that was absolutely ‘normal’ for family, even as a young child.

 

 

Well, the dream was located in that place – or at least a representation of it, I would see the people I have associated to that place – some relatives – and how I would see them as ‘evil’ somehow. Of course when I was a child I did not question how one gets to have such amount of money to buy such a place and have political positions in a small town in this country, so it simply became as ‘normalcy’ to me, even a point of pride somehow and that’s where it all converges.

 

In the dream, I had on my head horns, like a goat’s skull with its horns, and I would actually see the skull on top of my head with blood. Usually when I dream about blood it triggers something within me which I have identified as the ‘killing of life’ that we are all participating in it. However the symbolism within this is quite clear: horns in my mind association stand for ‘evil’ and me having ‘this’ on top of my head when getting to this place, indicates the associations toward the place, the people, some hidden associations I’ve held onto as well as disliking in general being there. I would see some mental patients around the place which  I have no idea what about them but they were.

 

So what comes up, first of all the fright, the shock to see such thing on top of my head and me trying to take it off, yet I wasn’t able to, which made me feel horrified. In a way we can say that we all have blood in our hands, we all carry these ‘horns’ on top of us as the result of who we are/ have been since the beginning of time: the manifestation of evil that destroy life, yet fear to face it as such. I realize that I have personally linked that particular family lineage to a relationship of both pride and honor but at the same time of resisting to get to know ‘how’ they actually got that power, how they got to that position, and how they have mismanaged the money, how they have had many children due to the money they have, how they have business related to alcohol, how there have been various accidents related to alcohol yet continue to consequent such behavior as normal. And so within this, how I was dragged along the line of ‘having respect to them’ because of being family.  And here I have to say that it’s not like I ‘dislike them’ or ‘like them’ consciously, but it is about opening up the ‘hidden layers’ that exist around this point not only for myself as an individual within this particular family-configuration, but as humanity wherein one way or another – no matter who or what were our ancestors, we have all been the consequential outflow of having been driven by our minds, a system that thrives through abuse, the abuse of life in order to ‘live.’ I see that no one really has had any ‘clean past’ in terms of what our parents, and their parents and their parents of their parents did, so we cannot claim sanctity one way or another: we’ve all been here for ever and cannot claim that we did not participate in what is here today.

I realize that subconsciously I’ve held onto such disdain for what I have deemed as ‘unacceptable behavior’ from relatives, however I realize that remaining with such ‘hidden scorn’ or ‘mixed emotions’ between honor, respect – which were mostly ‘taught’ onto me – and the unveiling of ‘what was really going on’ has made me rather keep the point ‘separate’ from me as to ‘not have to deal with it.’ So this is why I see that the whole set up was to me rather ‘shocking’ in order to realize that in my dream I was trying to hide from them, and at the same time wanting to take of this piece of skull with blood off my head, but I couldn’t, not until they found me and I had to face them, which is quite obvious in terms of how we hold onto things because of ‘not wanting to face them,’ instead of realizing that if we dare to face it, we can actually let go of the point and face the ‘over-mystification’ that happens in the mind, that takes more energy and attention than if we were to simply face it, let it go and equalize ourselves to the people, the places, the situations we have held so many resistances and reactions to.

Another point is that: I am not separate from them, and that whatever ‘sins of the fathers’ I saw myself as separate from: I am one and equal to them as well.

 

(For the reader: various ‘dimensions’ open up here so bare with me as there are various associations linked to the set-up of the dream, so it’s best for me to look at them all here so as to clear the whole point, even if it may seem like ‘jumping’ from point to point at times)

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my dream react with fear when seeing that I was holding these ‘horns in my head’ along with blood, and how I was unable to ‘take them out’ right away until I had faced the family I was ‘running away from/hiding from’ in that hacienda, wherein I realize that I haven’t wanted to face this particular part of myself, my family, my ‘forefathers’ which are people I know very little from, yet in terms of how I have judged what I have come to know of them in public sources, by being with them has made me create a certain disdain toward them that I’ve harbored in a ‘background’ manner, since I got to know more about structures of power, money, and the connections created with politics, which also was another reason why I had ‘loathed politics’ in the past, due to witnessing and knowing of how these relationships take place in what I have judged as ‘lavish’ meetings where there is a huge use (judgment: squandering) of food, and alcohol and entertainment in order to demon.strate a social-status, power, and within this, create more networks of power and influence over the majority.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in a covert manner enjoy the benefits, the experience of being part of that one family with certain ‘name’ around a certain region as this made me feel ‘important’ or with certain ‘relevance’ ‘above the majority,’ which indicates that I was the one that created the whole experience that I projected onto others as ‘what they are/what they experience’ without realizing I created this experience toward the people, toward the place by judging it, associating certain knowledge and information – and when realizing how ‘wrong’ it was to desire or enjoy the benefit of having certain position in society, I went to the complete opposite to condemning all forms of power abuse, politics and such due to the basic witnessing of how that takes place when money is ‘not a problem’ and used only for the benefit of a few, while it was rather obvious that the entire place, the people working in there were not ‘at the same level’ and so witnessing first hand how inequality ‘looked like’ when you are ‘at the top’ and have people serving for you.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sad about the people I would see working in there, witnessing the abundance of food and drinks and luxury given away for a few hours while them having to resort to only ‘being the workers’ for such place, for such people, which is how I started questioning why the hell only a few can have this kind of benefits  – and within this create an inner conflict about it in terms of what looks good, what feels good within me, but judging it as wrong and detrimental to people and as such, because I veiled myself from seeing the ‘bigger picture’ at that stage, I simply decided to ignore that realization I have had, about power, about politics, about who benefits and instead only create an avoidance to all of it, as well as a way to not want to recognize that I liked the idea of being able to have ‘such power’, but, in the mind we go into reactions as to not have to face our responsibility to it, and instead we usually become victims to our own experience.

 

I realize that I can only judge something when being separated from it, when believing that  it is ‘them’ and ‘others’ doing right/wrong things, without realizing that I am both sides of the coin, and that judging it and separating myself from it create no solution to it at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of being ‘ashamed’ in the dream for having these horns on my head with blood, and not being able to take them off, because I didn’t want to see me with such thing in my head, nor did I want others to see me with that either – which is revealing how this is something I had to face, walk through, self-forgive as to no longer be ashamed or try and deny my experiences toward positions of power, when seeing abundance of money, when being benefited in any way by any position of power, which made me then create the polarity of ‘I like it’ and ‘I enjoy it’ even if it’s only for a few hours, and then go into judgment about it, inner conflict and mostly not wanting to have anything to do with ‘them’ because of any associations with power/abuse that it may bring. Therefore I see that I created my own ‘friction and conflict’ based on memories, definition, information that I took personal an defined myself in relation to it, when in fact it only serves as a point of reaction within my mind.

Therefore, I continue to see what else is in it.

 

I realize that we have all as human beings have participated in abuse, in one way or another, and how we all in fact carry such ‘horns with blood’ in our head as the symbol of the evil nature that we all are in fact, the blood as the sacrifice of life for our benefit, and we all carry this ‘sin’ within us until we are able to self-forgive and directly create solutions that prevent these ‘sins of the fathers’ from repeating over and over again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see any family member with disgust or disdain or plainly fear them as a child, not really knowing the reason why other than hearing certain deeds that I knew were not ‘beneficial’ for themselves or others, including the massive procreation of people as a result of the power and ‘recognition’ they held, which also I have held as a relationship of disgust and shame, mostly – without realizing that that is what someone with certain power eventually ends up doing: abusing it, misdirecting it without measuring consequences, and this entire world is the result of us abusing each other in one way or another for that matter, so judging these individuals due to ‘them being related to me’ has more to do with ‘me not wanting to be associated with abuse’ and that’s the reason why I didn’t want to see me with this piece of skull with blood over my head, yet it would only ‘come off’ once I would face the people I was hiding from in the dream: the generations that have gone before us.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having wished coming from noble people that are ‘honest’ and ‘trustworthy’ not realizing that this was only for my own benefit, of being ‘immaculate’ which is impossible considering who and what we have always been as humanity in this world, wherein most likely no one has such immaculate origin, as no matter ‘where we come from’ or ‘who is our family’ we are all equally responsible for the atrocities in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be horrified, ashamed, fearful of having such ‘horns with blood’ in my head in my dream as what I have defined is a symbol to realize that I also carry that which I have judged others for, and avoided facing as myself too.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify a piece of skull and bones as horns as something ‘horrific’ along with blood, not realizing that I am composed myself of bones and blood – therefore I see the association of ‘horns’ as ‘evil’ and blood as something disgusting to look at, due to how horror films – which I don’t even watch but okay it’s part of the collective unconscious – uses blood as a symbol of horror, crime and so forth to generate fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the scenario in my mind of an experience of fear due to the place that I associated with that old hacienda where I have believed that there were ghosts or people haunting others, which is also why I held such an experience of fear about it as well, petrification in fact when it came to even thinking about having to ‘spend the night there’ which never happened, because I always threw tantrums in order to never stay there.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an extreme experience of fear when getting to this place because of knowing that there would be lots of alcohol available, therefore lots of people in a party-mode which I came to then resist due to not liking to see people becoming drunk and stubborn, as well as – on top of that – fearing the entities or ghosts I had heard of.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to dislike people that drink, and large amounts of people because of the extreme fear and even nervousness and anxiety that I would go through when getting to this specific place due to all the elements involved: lots of people, rooms filled with bottles of alcohol, lots of chatter and the myths and stories of the place being haunted.

 

I realize that as a child and being as usually afraid of everything as I used to, the idea of having to spend the night there was a nightmare to me, which I never did, but I would go to great lengths to make my parents leave the place so we could rather sleep at a hotel and not there, which is how I have in my mind connected all the points of fears toward that place specifically, linked to ‘the people’ in there and now I see that it’s only me in my mind how I have ‘mystified’ it all, and actually holding more energy in relation to the memory itself, how I remember it, how I defined my experience in there as a memory in itself, instead of realizing that it’s just a place, it’s just people and that the one experience of fear I had created in my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a kind of hatred toward drunk people, not realizing that I’ve been there myself as well and that I stopped because of living by a principle of doing what is best for all, but it is certain that I would have also become ‘my own worst nightmare’ if I had continued to drink, and do it as ‘normal’ as it is considered for family or the majority in society wherein alcohol is an ‘okayish’ thing to take/drink, which is absolutely unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the family business because of it being linked to alcohol and how I stand for ‘banning alcohol’,’ which had become a point of conflict when relating to my family, yet I’ve realized and actually walked the point wherein I stick to what I see is common sense and stand as it. Yet I realize I must stop any judgment that may still come through in relation to alcohol, as alcohol in itself is just a substance, it is the individuals that drink a lot of it that become a problem, and a danger to themselves and society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go from pride to shame when it comes to the relationship with this family when I got to understand power, politics, relationships and how this was closer to me in the family than I expected – and as such created an ambivalent relationship of ‘liking’ the fact of having such background but at the same time, not wanting to be associated with it due to the relationships of abuse that are formed within such positions. However I realize that I can only judge this reality and others based on my own value systems, thoughts, knowledge and information which is then what I take responsibility for, as I cannot ‘change my background’ or my relatives, their businesses or anything like that – I focus on myself and what I am, and instead work on stopping and eradicating any form of subtle judgment toward anyone in any position of power or the opposite as poverty/disempowered.

It is within me stopping this sectarianism within myself that I begin the change within me first, by stopping defining people according the structural abuse of the past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to memories of my past, and within that holding on to judgment, beliefs, ideas and perceptions as well as my own reactions as part of ‘how I see myself in relation to relatives’ from this specific family, the place and all of it becoming ‘more than what they are’ in my mind, because it’s certain how our memories become the instrument to ‘haunt us’ meaning to cause reactions and re-live the initial experiences of that moment, without realizing that we are here in the moment, physically in another space-time and that it is pointless to continue categorizing, judging, identifying and labeling people, places, circumstances according to how I reacted to them in the past – I take full responsibility for my reactions and ensure I let go of the ‘haunting’ experience which is only of benefit to my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to judgment toward others and certain relatives based on how I have deemed them to be toward each other, themselves as ‘abusive’ without realizing that within this I am only holding on to the ‘negative’ to be judged instead of rather also looking at what I can learn from others that is of benefit for everyone, as I see that I tend to be a tad extremist when it comes to painting something/someone either white or red. Within this, I see that instead of judging all that is ‘bad’ or ‘wrong,’ I rather investigate further to see what I can learn from them/others that is beneficial for myself and all, and apply it to my own life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create such a tantrum at that time with my parents just because of not wanting to stay in that place in fear of ‘having ghosts lurking around.’ I realize that as a child, I allowed fears to absolutely drive me to also lure others into doing what I wanted them to do based on my fears to, for example, not stay at a certain place due to potential ‘ghosts’ coming out at night.

 

I realize that I allowed myself to believe many stories, many ideas about spirits, ghosts and other paranormal phenomena which in turn became a constant fear within me as a child, which I held onto until the time when I got to know there were no more ghosts, spirits and so forth, which is only 6 years ago due to finding about Desteni.

 

San Bartolomé del Monte - Hacienda

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold any judgment, idea, perception toward others as family members that I could create an experience of shame or avoidance to be linked to, as this only perpetuates self definitions according to ‘who I am’ in terms of being part of a particular family, holding a particular name, which is only how we have constructed the system – yet in reality: we all are equally related to one another, as we are in fact one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for being part of humanity which has been a point that emerges from time to time when witnessing the abuse we impose toward each other and everything around us, not realizing that everything that we are is ourselves and so, every abuse that is ‘committed by others’ is in fact committed by ourselves too – we have been the evil in this world, and this is why I relate the horns upon my head as a representation of how I have also participated in this, I have also formed part of the atrocities that I associate the skull with horns upon my head as the representation of who I am in the mind, evil as the reverse of live/life, and as such the reaction to realizing ‘I am also part of it/it’s upon me’ is unnecessary yet for the dream being a way to realize that I cannot ‘separate’ myself from it.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘hide’ from consequence, hide from having to face what I first created a ‘taste’ for such as alcohol or the taste of bits of what I defined as ‘power’ and ‘social recognition’ above the majority, and create an avoidance toward it later, not wanting to see it as part of what was going to ‘shape’ me and who I am, and what I like and what I’m supposed to be proud of – not realizing that this is absolutely nothing to be taken personal, it is where I was born just as any other thing or person is defined within this system – and even if my core family wasn’t rich or having these privileges as those relatives did – at their time – the notion of ‘being recognized’ or having ‘certain power’ did create a likeness for it initially within me, which I later on veiled and covered up because of not wanting to face my own participation in the ‘taste for power’ linked to specifically higher status in society, which I have also disclosed in previous blogs extensively, the polarity of desiring power/ loathing power and how to correct it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge elitism and inequality, yet I create such conditions every time that I define people according to the amount of money/power/status they hold, and how I also participate in it in my mind when judging anyone based on money/power/status – without realizing that this that I have defined as ‘evil’ – being money, power, social status – is something I also participate in and require in order to ‘live’ within the set up in this system, therefore I stop holding judgment toward what is here, the hierarchical levels, the forms of structural violence that exist in our hierarchical society – as I realize that we will only stop these definitions once that we recognize equal value as the recognition of who we are as equals.

 

In the dream, I was only able to take the horns off after I had faced them, after they found me because I was deliberately wanting to hide from them. So it means that I can only take off the horns is when I have dared to face this experience that I had been harboring within me, without realizing that: the more I avoided looking at it, talking about it, writing about it and clearing myself around this point, I would only be holding on to it as the polarity of like/dislike, what I enjoyed at some point in my life and how I am correcting myself to not ever fall for what I deem is the corruption that comes along with power, and with this stop the cycles of abuse that have existed throughout our history as humanity.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that these specific relatives had to abuse in order to obtain such power – without realizing that even if it was so, me holding on to such judgment doesn’t change the facts, the past, what has been done – and also within this not to try and now hold on to this ‘myth’ of there being some kind of ‘good doer’ in the same family that was ‘stealing from the rich to give to the poor’ as a way to redeem myself and want me to be directly linked to that person because ‘oh he was a good doer and wanted to bring social justice in early 20th century’ which is just creating the polarity of wanting to be associated with the ‘good ancestors’ and avoid anything related to what in my mind I have defined as ‘evil or bad’ ancestors.

The truth and reality is that all of it were designs, were placements, were roles that had to exist to create the entirety of the system as is: of rich and poor, of abuse, of power and enslavement – and within this, I realize that I have been a product in and of this entire system, regardless of my direct lineage or family – I realize that an individual has the opportunity and the gift of self forgiveness no matter how ‘evil’ or ‘bad’ or ‘good’ they’ve been, and that’s what I see is mostly relevant: to let go of the fear to face the evil we have become, to face the crimes against ourselves and all living beings in this Earth for our self-interest, for power, for money, for status, etc. And in this we can liberate ourselves, free ourselves from ‘the sins of the fathers’ and ensure that we ourselves, myself, do not fall ever again for traits that come with the illusion of power that can only exist as abuse within the context of this system we are and live in at the moment.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements and Commitments:

 

When and as I see myself being ashamed of carrying the ‘horns of evil’ metaphorically speaking, when realizing where and how we have contributed to the problems, the abuse in this world –  I stop and I breathe – I realize that going into shame or avoidance to look at it only leaves us as victims once again of what is already done. Instead, I commit myself to stand within that realization, take into consideration the entirety of this world-system, see where and how I have directly participated in what is here, and no longer take these things personal, but instead walk through the shame, use the shame as a reminder that I can no longer re-crate the sins of the fathers, to recreate that which I came to first like and enjoy and then loathed and avoided as a polarity construct in my own mind.

 

I realize that holding on to shame based on my own memories, judgments, ideas, beliefs and perceptions around any individual that I am related to directly as ‘family’ is useless to keep, as the shame itself creates and recreates the definition that I hold toward ‘them.’

 

I commit myself to stop any form of shame and avoidance that exists within me when looking at the things, the consequences we have created as humanity as this only recreates a mind experience about it, and does nothing to solve it – therefore,

 

I commit myself to transform the shame, the avoidance of looking at something into an opportunity to equalize myself with that, so as to understand it, to place it into context, to see what can be done  in relation to preventing, correcting, aligning relationships that have enabled this abuse

 

I realize that we will face the real nature of ourselves and that being ‘horrified’ by it, by seeing our direct implication onto it makes no difference to what is already done – therefore

When and as I see myself being ever horrified at looking at the consequences we are generating as human beings on Earth, I stop and I breathe – I realize that being ‘shocked’ at what I/we create every day – directly or indirectly – does no change, creates no solution to such problems and situations. Therefore

 

I commit myself to stop participating in any emotion of shame, horror, disgust, avoidance, disdain when seeing, understanding and/or witnessing how we directly impact the world, how we directly abuse ourselves and each other – and instead commit myself to live self forgiveness, to not get ‘trapped’ in the experience and wanting to ‘run away from it’ or ‘take it off of my head’ metaphorically speaking – but instead, face it, be willing to walk through it in order to establish solutions, realizing as well that it is only when we dare to face the true nature of ourselves that we can then get to understand why we are in the condition we are in our world and reality and as such, within understanding, and no longer judging it, one can create solutions.

 

I commit myself to no longer be ashamed of or want to hide from people that I wish I was ‘not related to,’ without realizing that this would imply holding on to shame toward all of humanity and myself, as I am part of everything and everyone as well – therefore I let go of the judgment and instead walk in self-forgiveness, stopping any reactions and separation toward all that is here as myself.

 

I commit myself to stop fueling my own ‘myths’ and mystifying people and places only for the sake of entertaining past memories of certain experiences that serve no purpose to who I am here and as such, I let go any definition toward my own memories as ‘haunting’ and instead, focus on living here, every moment, being self directive.

 

I realize that it can be a bit shocking at times when we get to see how we/others behave, what we/others do in terms of creating consequence in our reality and why it is that we ‘do it’ and so the ‘shock’ comes from not being able to ‘compute’ about the crimes against we have all – equally – committed against life, against ourselves. And this is why I suggest educating oneself about the nature of who we are and have become as the mind, as these consciousness systems that in no way have considered life, the reality and the substance of who and what we really are. Therefore, every form of ‘evil’ in this world, every word, thought or deed that doesn’t benefit us all as equals, is the reality that we have created in un-awareness of who we are as one and equal, and as such, we stand up, we face it, we direct and establish solutions to prevent the problems and align what’s already here to the benefit of everyone in equality, beginning with myself.

 

DSC00638

 

To stop judging the world as ‘evil’ and start living:

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278. Judging what’s Best because not Everyone Can Have it

What’s in it for me within judging it?

 

Continuing from: 277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

 

When we speak about standing up for Equality, it is not only a common sensical decision and self agreement to affiliate ourselves with a viable solution to change the course of the future of humanity, this process of realizing what it means to stand up for equality imply a profound self-investigation to understand the patterns that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live-out that lead us to the current state of extreme inequality that we are living in in this world. We often forget or don’t consider that such inequality is not only a ‘flawed system’s result,’ but it is actually the consequential outflow of having become and embody personalities and characters that oppose each other, becoming seemingly incapable of getting to an agreement.

The fact is that within this, we will all have to work together and no matter what kind of slightest ‘out of character’ self experience exists when we are standing up for what’s best for all, it must be walked through and dissected through a process of self investigation through writing, applying Self-Forgiveness  in Self Honesty , because we understand that any discrepancy that is experienced with regards to the facts that contribute to a life for all, implies that one is playing out/ living out a certain pattern that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist-as, what’s best for all.

 

The usual disagreements created when proposing a new living system can only exist when there are personalities as the ego coming up. This has existed within me as a judgmental experience when having to ‘sell’ what’s best for all, which is also another way that I have used to create a point of uniqueness/specialness when standing ‘outside of the majority’ and as such, when having to ‘play the game’ of the majority, this personality is threatened, because I have to play everyone’s game now, judging the majority at all times and the majority’s ways in which this world has only been motivated through positive reward – a.k.a. money. But, this is what we have limited ourselves to define as ‘rewards’ currently, because that’s all we’ve learned to place value upon.

 

Therefore I understand that one has to walk-with/at the pace of the majority in order to step by step get to a point to understand the real-rewards existent as an inherent outflow of establishing a that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. Everything that has gone before me are the direct influences of my existence in such a way: the family lineage, the ancestors and all of those who have gone before me of which I represent this current ‘version’ of a human being that sees common sense, understands world-wide organization that will be based in the physical-tangible and mathematical outcomes that can be established when stopping working on fallacy-values like our current financial system, and start working together to rehabilitate the relationship with ourselves, our own mind that is the one aspect of ourselves that we have blindly followed through with without assessing what are the actual consequential outflows from living ‘as the mind’ only, because we have never known anything else other than ‘who we are as the mind.’

 

Thus, I realize that we have to take small steps at a time when understanding the current world problem that we’re facing, wherein we all known how ‘flawed’ it is, but within understanding the origin of such flaw within ourselves, there is no longer someone left to blame other than each one of us looking within ourselves to see where and how we have in any way prevented ourselves from establishing What’s Best for All, and sometimes, bizarre stuff can come up with this.

When reviewing the point of ‘finding it hard to accept rewards’ it is something that at a conscious level people would define as ‘benevolent’ like ‘She cares so much that she cannot fathom being rewarded in any greedy way’ or at least I can see this within myself it exists as a projected judgment that I could expect to obtain as a result of my perceived ‘benevolent self’ – However, at Desteni we’re educating ourselves about how the mind works and as such, we cannot draw quick conclusions about it and keep the positive aspect of it intact. This is one single aspect of this construct, and a masquerade that it’s relatively easy to find when we understand how any point of benevolence actually stems from the negative at all times.

 

So, when finding out some of the actual origin points of this, I realized that I can only resist something if I fear letting go another, and because fearing is just an excuse to hold a certain idea of myself in this case, I can only conclude that such thing I am holding onto must be perceived as ‘positive’ within my mind, and as such when facing the threat of actually no longer having to ‘play out’ such personality, in my mind I see such personality/ego point threatened.

 

Now, in my case the ‘positive’ point was not within the realms of ‘wanting more/ seeking for more’ but instead quite the opposite and being rewarded by it. This can be read in the blog:

208. Doing Good as Positive Credit-Rewards

And this is part of an entire series of blogs wherein I described the positive experience linked to ‘doing good’ specifically when it comes to ‘changing the world,’ but in my way, which meant doing good ‘for others’ and for the ‘greatness’ of it and as such, miss out the entire point of doing it for myself first and ensure that my starting point is of actual self-equality realization not just ‘doing good.’ – in other words this means placing myself within such beneficial outflow.

 

There’s a character within this wherein I consider I am comfortable with speaking all about all the points that I have essentially judged within others and myself as bad/negative such as humanity’s inherent greed, corruption, abuse, all forms of problems and more ‘uncomfortable truths,’ and as such linked my ‘positive experience’ to this type activities of what I can call a humbleness and belittling wherein I believed that I can ‘live with the least’ and ‘refuse luxuries’ and ‘spend very little money’ and creating a positive experience out of it, to make it seem as if this is a cool thing to do, which lead me to obviously judge everyone around me that certainly have money and spend it in all forms of things that ‘make them happy’ and that I judged as vain/ hypocritical/ bad and all that negative type of connotations around that which points out greed as an abuse.  However, I have also realized how I would really not want to live with limitations due to money, it is simply not living but surviving.

 

I realize that I have in fact judged happiness, joy, enjoyment and all the positive things in this world through this Eye of the mind within our current world system, wherein Yes, the pursuit of happiness have lead us to this current unsustainable/out of proportion and touch with physical reality system. However as anything: it is not that ‘happiness’ is something ‘bad’ in itself, it is simply the Ways and Means that we have used to create it that are the problem.

 

Hereby it is to understand that I am only refusing the current idea/perception of what Rewards are according to what I have described in the previous blog as capitalist-consumerist tricks that are just pushing for further consumption/ profit and greed. However the Rewards we are talking about within the Equal Money Capitalism are actually outflows of having a system working in a mint condition, thus this would not imply that such rewards will be created to make people ‘want more’ or as a form of ‘retribution’ but instead a single outflow and outcome of giving and receiving in Equality, which is and should not be regarded as something positive or negative, but just considered within physical laws that exist without the ‘power charge’ of who we are as the mind that tends to polarize everything within a black and white scope, a positive and negative because this is what generates the opportunities to create inner conflict and as such, benefit the mind with resourcing such energy for the existence of the mind.

 

I realize that who I am as the mind has contributed to keep the definitions well in place when it comes to what’s positive and negative and as such build myself around these self-definitions, which is again only existent as knowledge and information that we eventually embody for whatever reason we can find in our minds to do that.

 

Thus, the form of self definition that I’ve grown up with in order to create a form of righteousness is like ‘I am better than others because I do see common sense/ I am not greedy/ I refuse luxuries’ – however it is truly only a self-belief and actual righteousness of the mind, because I have certainly not refused all luxuries, I cannot claim I have never been greedy in my life and I certainly wasn’t fully accepting the common sense of the rewards that we can implement to actually better the lives of all living beings in this world.

 

This righteousness is mind defined as a particular character wherein I believe myself to be ‘right’ and ‘better’ because I create some empathy with that which is Real as the actual reality/people/circumstances where real suffering exist, wherein I am almost ‘proud’ of myself of living in constant worry and concern about the world/ ecosystem/pollution which has obviously only served as a crutch for me to again feel that I am ‘more real/ on the real side of reality’ without realizing how within this ‘affiliation’ to the ‘reality’ of this world I have only remained within the aspect of pointing out the problem, wanting others to react with the same worry/ concern suffering as myself in order to instigate change, which can support to open up our eyes, yes, but it certainly cannot remain as one single aspect that I hold on to and refuse to look at the ‘brighter side’ within this. It is in fact me defining the negative as the light-less and the positive and good as the ‘light’ that is causing this current conflict, which now I see begins within myself.

 

Another aspect is how within only ‘pointing out the problem’ we remain within the same constrains of ourselves as the mind and the system in general and that’s it, that’s how the real challenge is proposing solutions and the rewards that are not an ‘extra’ thing but a simple outflow of beginning to do what’s best for all. It can only be a mind possession to refuse or create any form of dissonance toward creating real solutions in this world, lol, a real mental-problem for sure that I have existed as without being able to See it, because to me this was ‘right’ and the ‘correct way’ to exist.

 

Why? because within this, it is the ‘compassionate/righteous’ character I’ve become that would lose this point of specialty as the ‘considerate one’ toward those that suffer that would have to cease to exist when there is no one else to feel compassionate for in a world wherein everyone is equally supported. Here we can also spot how charity-makers become addicted to ‘giving charity’ as a self-definition wherein if no one else requires ‘charity’ because everyone gets equal access to what they require to live = we stop requiring ‘charity givers’ that have usually created a positive experience within themselves through ‘giving to the needy ones’ which requires the existence of ‘needy ones’ to exist in the first place = absolute cycle of abuse sugar coated as benevolence.

 

So obviously, I could only create a resistance at a mind-level toward that which is best for all in the physical, as the physical conditions and rewards that we can give to each other , an actual possession I’d say, because it is certainly not common sensical to create a resistance or rejection toward that which will better living beings’ lives – thus, it is only the ‘who I am’ as the idea/belief of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be can create such negative experiences toward rewards.

 

This is the actual cool self-exploration to finally open up a point and investigate it in its totality, because this was certainly only existent like this ‘experience’ within me that I described as a ‘lock’ and resistance which can only exist if our self-definition is threatened in one way or another.

 

This is probably something that happens to many people, which is becoming hooked on misery/ negativity/ pessimism as self definition, wherein we don’t dare to actually see how life can in fact be if everyone is equally supported because of various factors that I will continue sharing within these blogs. These include patterns of humbleness as an experience of sacrifice in the mind, martyrdom, belittling, punishment, guilt, unworthiness and so forth. I see that this underlying experience is what is preventing me from truly embodying what’s best for all, because in this self-diminishment and affiliation toward the problem, one ‘cannot see the solutions’ just because that would imply stopping the personality that thrives in that constant self destruction/ impossibilities/ negativity that is not even existent at a thought level that could be spotted as ‘negative,’ but as an experience that becomes like a ‘lock’ for us to actually not see and realize that we can In Fact be and become what’s best for all within ourselves, accepting our Living-Equality within is the first aspect. And that is a process.

To be continued…

 

 

too much thinking

Blogs:

Mind Value System = Money Value System: DAY 275

Interviews:


Desteni and Equal Money–WTF?

This is a supportive read for anyone that may have second thoughts or still guessing what we’re all about.  It’s also meant to debunk some of the ubiquitous misinformation about us around the web. So here it is, coming from someone that has walked this process for almost 4 years and enjoying every single day that we walk together as this.

How can Desteni be linked to the Illuminati if we promote world Equality – which is the total opposite of what the so-called ‘elite’ stand for – how can a message of Self Honesty and Self Responsibility can be tweaked to then be something evil and detrimental to humanity? How is it that the current reality we live in which doesn’t make sense at all is still not even questioned by the majority?

What must exist in a human being to ignore common sense? To ignore the actual truth not as some fancy words but as the reality we live in which is able to be seen by everyone.

How could ‘shaving heads’ shock anyone more than having people using chemicals upon their heads to make their hair look in different colors? How can one or the other be any different as to any other style or modification – how come gathering around a table to eat and give each other products bought with overloaded credit cards isn’t viewed as cultish human behavior? How come praying to a god isn’t seen as potential delirium that may end up in absolute insanity? How is ‘believing in something greater’ that hasn’t ever shown up on Earth still held as something valuable in someone’s mind, while the world reveals that the current detrimental experience is the consequence of all human actions that haven’t been stopped, thus leading to an imminent destruction if not stopped and corrected right now.

How is talking to people from a dimensional existence talking through the portal, communicating absolute and irrefutable common sense seen as absolutely fantastic while we tend to hear and do what our own ‘voices in the head’ say which is often detrimental to ourselves and others and! No one else can see it/ them? How come that’s accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ – how come we cannot expand our ability to conceive something beyond everything we’ve ever thought possible just because ‘it wasn’t taught in school’.

We’d like to have many people listening to the message of Equality as Life yes, loving thy neighbor as thyself not in the rosy type of way wherein you actually utter such words in some form of lightworking calamity, but actually work to create a world that’s best for all. Though it’s futile to have millions ‘following’ without grasping that such change won’t only come from voting for it, but it actually means vowing oneself to become a Self Responsible being, someone that cares for life, for each other, that cares to create a suitable environment for all involved in the same biosphere – that’s being one vote for world equality, less than that would only be following the herd of which the current political parties and churches are full of.

People seek to ‘believe in something’ or ‘someone’ to make a change for them = still delegating power. Some others do not want to ‘jump in the boat’ unless it’s got a well established foundation which in this current system translates to proper funds to ‘settle’ something, which proves that we are no illuminati or elite or any other super-power, otherwise we would already be making mind blowing movies and hiring artists to promote our solution.

We actually don’t have to convince anyone either. What we present is common sense and should be embraced as such, as part of Self-Realization and not just a nice-sounding proposal that may only bail us out of the current turmoil –No. Equal Money represents the way things should have always been but never was due to the inherent human nature that we’ve accepted as a ‘factor’ that determined the entire outcome and structure of the system we accepted and allowed and perceived as ‘unchangeable’, which is certainly Not in Equality and it’s NOT supporting any point of actual Self Realization.

We’re the average ‘Joes’ that have opened their eyes to common sense. We’ll require funds, a lot of funds to make this work and by publishing this as part of the realization of what it’ll take to change the world, we can see it is part of the points that have to be walked as a group. There is no hidden agenda as it’s simply realizing that everything moves in this world if there’s money in it and currently, we have to be in the system, work from within it to eventually create the solution so that all can step out of it equally.

We cannot use ‘world leaders’ for this as Equal Money may stand in their personal interests rooted in power and their pursue of greedy happiness.

The only point that we’re living right now as simile process to the one lived in the dimensions is linked to demons and how demons became the point of change in the dimensions. As above, so below and that’s how it should be done. We cannot magically make Equality be the living principle as it must be a self-realized ‘move’ so to speak, not only a program that is now implanted without any actual self realization of why we must walk through a process of self correction wherein we see and fully understand why Equality is the way to go in this world. Otherwise, we’d be prone to repeat this nonsense yet once again – we cannot afford doing this all over again.

The systems in this world run quite deep and are ingrained as the entirety of ourselves in all aspects, yet it is possible to stand as the point of change that we now see must be lived and conducted if we are up for creating a world that’s best for all. It would be deliberate spitefulness to not stand up for this solution once that we see the common sense in it, it would be like a double fuck up as it wouldn’t be coming from a point of being ignorant about the entire situation, but as something that is ‘already known’ yet not acted upon because of how ‘impossible’ it may seem like. In fact the way Equal Money is usually received is a cool indicator that we are on the right track as all revolutionary ideas are first ridiculed, then opposed only to be embraced at the end. So we’re in between the first two wherein more and more people are getting to expand the current narrow and limited ways of perceiving this reality wherein we can only create a change in the moment that we take on the challenge as ourselves. That way ‘change’ is who I am, self-correction, self responsibility, it is then not dependent on some pollutitian to expel an order to ‘change the world’, but I begin and walk it as myself.

What drove me to become part of Desteni and now the Equal Money System action team – lol – is because it makes complete sense. I didn’t have to think twice about it, it was immediate, it resonated with the entirety of what I had already seen and realized about this world. The money aspect was certainly something that I got to educate myself about as I was pretty much a money-detractor in terms of not wanting to do much with it, yet criticizing the system and everyone else within it. Ludicrous that I didn’t see myself as a part of it as well, but it doesn’t matter here, I’m already aware, directing and standing up for a solution so all past negligence has been self forgiven.

o
This will take time, yes – as the saying goes ‘Rome wasn’t built in one day’ and not that we want to build any mighty ego-driven cities, but it’ll take time to educate people about the principle – from parents to children – and then create the external change as a structure that will enable people to have more time to spend on education. It is definitely true that not many have a lot of spare time in their hands to research this as everyone is living in a fast-food mode, trying to make the most money to live in a decent way. Though to understand the basic principle we don’t require much time – it’s very clear and simple how all the Desteni material can be considered as various specific and detailed ways of explaining how giving to each other what we want for ourselves as the recognition of everyone and everything being equal as Life is the solution for this world. So we take self responsibility and create ourselves and the system as something that works for all equally.

o

o See, I don’t have a problem spending my lifetime dedicating myself to Desteni and the Equal Money System solution because it’s the only thing that makes sense in this world, it’s the only group of people that I’ve found on Earth that see things in a holistic and common sense way. We realize how fucked up this reality is and how it cannot possibly continue the same way. Any idea of us ‘doing something futile’ or running for an elusive ideal is simply part of the limitations and brainwashing we’ve accepted as humans to think ‘no change can be done, it’s impossible to do something about it’ which is reinforced by and within the current system to maintain people in the beloved submissive status quo. This is for the sake of keeping everyone fully subdued to a system that benefits from those that aspire to ‘someday’ obtain such powerful position that will lead them to the ever elusive ‘ultimate happiness and freedom’, while those in power have arranged the entire system so that there is never an actual possibility to get a hold of such pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yes, it was never real.

Even if my mind goes haywire at times thinking about ‘changing the world’ I stop and realize that this is not about ‘changing the world’ as that would be a literal crazy idea, it’s about being the change I want to see in this world in common sense, becoming the living proof that it is possible to do so. For this I cannot say I’m ‘done’ at all, no way – we’re all walking this and day by day we realize and see for ourselves what is possible to do once we stand as a group that promotes what’s best for all through our own lives.

o Ultimately, this is not only for the sake of ‘Desteni’ or ‘Equal Money’ which are only but synonyms to living life in dignity for all, for actual freedom of expression and freedom to choose what we want to be and do once that we are part of a world where everyone will be having the same ability to choose. I have no problem if I spend my lifetime walking the implementation of it and only get to see one single stone placed as an ‘Equal World’ – there is nothing else I would rather be doing in my life, this process has become my life, it is my life, my everyday breathing as there is nothing that requires more attention than caring for the very world we live in, caring for the way other fellow living beings are going through their days in this same Earth. Stepping out of my bubble has been the healthiest thing I could’ve ever done and that’s how I am such a militant for life in Equality and this process of Self Honesty, because I’ve seen and realized how supportive life can be when you live, share, co-work and stand with beings that are in equal understanding of what’s best for all and join forces to make it a living reality.

o At last but not at least, I wouldn’t be able to be doing this alone, no way. I often speak as ‘we’ because I consider everyone standing as Desteni as part of myself that is opening eyes, as one voice that shares about what is required to do and conduct in this world, ‘what we do’ is who we are and I’m always grateful for having found Desteni, having found people that are daring to be real and it’s quite an honor to stand along with every one of them around the globe – even if it’s not in a ‘physical way’, we’re always here and working together.

o Being a Destonian, standing up for Life, supporting an Equal Money System – all are but tags and ways to proclaim: I am a human being that has opened eyes to the reality we’ve created in absolute negligence of life, now we see and take self responsibility doing what is required to be done to create a world that’s best for all.

o We have a single goal and we’re already walking the way to get there – protesting and rioting the streets creating more violence won’t do a thing. Therefore we simply continue focusing on a single life principle which is and will be the only outcome that can prevail in this world.


And God created ‘His Creation’!

  • Got the following comment in one of my videos:

  •  

    • Delusional. You can’t redeem yourself, you didn’t create yourself. You were created by God out of his good pleasure. He provided the perfect sacrifice, Jesus, the unspotted lamb. Satan comes as a spirit of light. Tickling your ears with a lie, anything to lead you to deny Christ and loose salvation that is full and free and not of yourself. Leading others weaker than you into falsehood. If the blind lead the blind they will both fall into a pit. It appears money becomes your god.

      imrnlil

This depicts the mind of a god follower in the following disturbing ways:

1. “Delusional. You can’t redeem yourself, you didn’t create yourself.” 
According to this, I must assume and/or imply that I am not to be blamed for anything that’s currently existent in this world because it is apparently ‘god’s creation’ which is then ‘god’s will’ which must be untouchable, undenied and not judged which is then indicating how people literally ‘turn a blind eye’ on reality because ‘we can’t redeem ourselves’ anyways. This also then points out that  God is the one to blame for this creation and us being but innocent puppets that didn’t have any common sense to not see god moving the strings – though I wonder how delusional such people have to be to not even question how this world is existing in such a fucked-up system without getting any straight answer from GOD, isn’t it?

2.”You were created by God out of his good pleasure.” Oh yes, totally!  A filthy nasty pleasure called ‘benevolence’ equated to cloning itself to have power over other entities which he then could call ‘their creation’ which is nothing else but denigrating anything/anyone to being inferior while building yourself a pedestal on top of them – ehm ehm yes God didn’t take his Equality 101 lesson before creating. Now we know how the ‘godly pleasures’ came to be – being a sybarite fucker that must deceive and cheat on anyone to make more of himself, being nothing but a hedonist that doesn’t give a fuck about creating eternally screwed up people with no opportunity to live in a ‘godly manner’.

Thank you, sir, now I know why I have been built as the ‘image and likeness’ as God’s filthy pleasures which gives me a clear view on how I was created the way I am and how this world is certainly ‘God’s creation’, what  a wonderful view of it. 

3.”He provided the perfect sacrifice, Jesus, the unspotted lamb. “

So this is saying that we required a sacrifice in order to kind of say ‘oh man, there’s a God because Jesus died on the cross! he did it for us!’ and within that accepting roman torture as a form of sacrificing an ‘immaculate lamb’ which implies that someone innocent had to die as proof of God being existent? What the fuck? What kind of sense could that make –  The ‘immaculate lamb’ has to do with some weird symbolism that the buybill uses to keep people generating images that will haunt and taunt people until now. Who’s the real sadist here anyways?

Now, look at the ‘he provided’ point – so: God’s a criminal, a killer, a sniper shooter that wants his sadistic traits to be ennobled as ‘perfect’ acts of commiserating to an enslaved creation. Wow! he certainly had fun.

I mean, if someone can place these two words in one single sentence, you must know there is something perfectly deranged in that person: “perfect sacrifice”.

Need I say more? No – self-evident in all its angles.

 

4.”Satan comes as a spirit of light. Tickling your ears with a lie, anything to lead you to deny Christ and lose salvation that is full and free and not of yourself. “

Well, I wonder why am I to hear this because it seems that such process takes place with people that actually follow the light into believing that by ‘accepting Christ’ they’ve saved their asses and will ass-Send to Heaven when they die. If it is free then I ask thee, dear oh God, why is there money in this world if salvation is free!? Why do churches and all of the plethora of sacraments cost money, how come I am required to be a Christian to be ‘saved’, isn’t ALL in your creation equal, dear God?

Who’s the one menacing to deny me something? the christian god or Satan? Seems the christian god here is the one blackmailing people to keep his followers in place lol, what an absolute bastard yet it’s such a perfect trap that they can’t even see it. This is how they deny themselves the ability to forgive themselves because it is apparently ‘not of yourself’ so why god, oh why did he/she/it create a creation that is eternally flawed and depending on his rule of thumb to be saved or not – wow, who’s the prick here then? God? Satan? At least Satan in the nice fictional stories wanted to prove himself equal to God instead of following an obscene hierarchical system.

5. “Leading others weaker than you into falsehood. If the blind lead the blind they will both fall into a pit. It appears money becomes your god.”

Ok so there’s people that are apparently ‘weaker’ which implies that this God created inherently flawed weak people and inherently pumped-up ‘strong people’ to keep its perfect balance in creation, how cool of you God! Gee I wonder if the same applies to those that were born ‘Rich’ and those that were born ‘Poor’ – awesome God, thanks for sharing with us your fantastic fucked up creation that’s never ending!

I wonder then how this person can’t ask a pertinent question like: ‘Why would all-mighty-perfect-stud god create blind people? why would he create people with retardation, malformations, perpetual diseases that certainly can’t allow people to enjoy ‘god’s kingdoom’ as he apparently ‘intended’ to do, at some point or in some story, maybe –

I can’t deny his last sentence as that’s the most sense this person made in the entire comment: “It appears money becomes your god.” It isn’t an ‘appearance’ though, money has become our god, at least a god that isn’t vaingloriously praising his creation or is personified as a blue eyed guy that women then deny having a crush on – yet it mercilessly decides on who lives and who dies – but OH now I get it! God created money so in fact money is just the image and likeness of God which fool-fills everyone’s tummies and “souls” with God’s spirit, fantastic. This person then is missing a key point of his religion with judging others and not realizing it all has been made as the ‘image and likeness of god’, our beloved creator.

 

Oh dear god what have we done to deserve such brainless followers of yours?

To top and wrap up this christian burrito , I never asked for god’s perspective on my video, I never asked for being saved, I didn’t ask for a christian to come and show me the ‘good holy ways’ in life – so I ask: what is it within these christians and god suckers that leads them to try and convert anyone into a god-jesus groupie being that joins them in their mass rites that exalt the idea of a spiteful god that ‘must be right’ in all ways and must never be questioned?

This is in-fact the holy-grail which keeps the churches treasury nice and healthy. Keep it up god followers! You’re almost done paying for your first row ticket to heaven.

For those that can open their eyes about god being an ever elusive idea of superman, visit Desteni for further support in taking off the blindfold.

 

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