Tag Archives: schooling

418. Deschooling Ourselves: Why and How to Do it?

 

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After watching Charles Eisenstein’s Deschooling Ourselves workshop video, I realized how important it is to be aware of how much of ‘who we become’ as a person in our society and in relation to others is shaped in and by the schooling system. To this, it would also be unfair to only look at school as the only one problem there is in our society, because schools were created by us human beings in the first place so there’s a human mind behind it all; albeit for all practical purposes, the idea of ‘education’ and the blind trust that parents confer to the schooling system makes of the schooling system set up the most easy way to actually justify integrating values, beliefs, behaviors, ways of thinking reality, ways of relating to others, ways of survival among one another where we are geared to continually having to prove ourselves to be ‘the best’ or ‘the worst’ in a system of standardized marks.

School is also the place where we come to first get in contact with people of different backgrounds, where our initial social clash begins which leads us to start inherently doing a process of preference over principle, which is how we come to build our very first friendships and relationships, where we as children do not  have a full awareness of us in fact being in a closed-system where one gets to be friends with people that could or could not afford some private/public school, and so already from there, we start classifying ourselves based on our socioeconomic background.

I have to say it is also unfortunately the place where parents place their most trust on within the systemically integrated belief that ‘whatever happens in school is just fine’ and that teachers and the government system behind it as education system ‘knows best’ – while parents mostly see this as some free time from their parental duty – or are deliberately also kept busier with long hours of work which is leading to unattended children growing up in front of TV’s, computers plugged into the myriad of boundless information on the internet and learning tricks about drugs and developing sexual deviances as a way to escape the inherent anguish of living in a world where parents must work 24/7 to get money to live, and where you as a child/youngster will invariably have to end up doing the same… I mean, who would not react to that expectative of one’s ‘future’ in this broken world? Yet we dismiss it and actually have come to blame schools, blame media, blame the government, blame parents and so as you can see blaming each other for the problems we have co-created in our society of which school is one great and pivotal pillar of.

 

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There’s a complete structural problem in our society and a large part of it has to do with how we haven’t questioned our sacred institutions like schools and the way they exist nowadays, which from my perspective are more like prisons or reformatory cells, they have always been the brewing ground for behavioral conditioning, human experimentation and indoctrination which goes unnoticed within the idea that there’s always an authority that somehow has a ‘greater understanding,’ because we place our trust on systems of validation, certification and quality-proof standards placed by some organization we’ve defined as government, which are a few individuals that have unfortunately proven to be easily bribed to rather arrange laws and regulations in a way where other individuals can be benefitted from it all – either for profit, for further population control or both. All of this apparatus of authority is currently quite skewed of course and it is rather alarming since school is the spot where kids are mandated to go to every single day – yet, even if kids do not go to a school per se, the same principles of it are still embedded in the way that we organize ourselves, in the way that we related with one another, in the way that we value ourselves, in the way that we choose what we want to do with our lives, in the way that we behave with our families and friends. The sheer idea of ‘education’ as it exists now is only a reinforce and catalyzer of essential mind and behavioral patterns that have existed within us as human beings since the beginning of our species, as they are all existent in the very core programming and functioning of our minds. So, what have we done then? We have only perfected the mechanism to make it a continuous mandatory process for kids to get to like/dislike certain things and make decisions based on, well, mostly fear of survival so that we can keep the same slave system mechanism running. But is it really the system that is the enslaving one? Or is it that we haven’t really realized where the real policeman ‘in the head’ resides in? Hint, the answer is already given in that question.

 

In Charles Eisenstein’s Deschooling Ourselves, a group of people walk through and expose all the behaviors, personalities, quirks and fears that they have become throughout their schooling years, wherein either one would stick to the rules and follow or dissent and rebel in whichever way possible, one would start valuing oneself according to the kind of work you deliver to the teacher, another would seek to prove the teacher wrong, another would seek be approved by them, another just wanted to break free and rebel against all rules… this also included some other more personal aspects like  because in school we also have mostly faced some of our most embarrassing or stressing moments.

I’ve shared before about crying over getting lost during math calculation exercise and not being able to keep track of it, getting so anxious that I burst into tears. From my experience, I’ve shared before about the usual pressure one would get when being ‘on the top’ and so having some classmates trying to ‘take me down/take ‘my place’ and directly letting me know how they would win over me and how they would see me fall and be glad for it, etc. All kinds of bullying also comes when being the one that sticks to all rules and does things ‘to the T,’ which to me for example later on became a way to simply dislike being used as an example for the class, which led me to then want to hide while  still wanting to keep my sense of public recognition. This influenced the way I shaped my main personalities: I started to desire being ‘cool’ for any other reason other than getting straight A’s …  and kind of a ‘rebel’ by liking non-popular things so that I could make it clear that I wasn’t ‘the teacher’s pet’ either for example.

All of these patterns are part of a lengthy self-investigative process that is contained in the pages of this blog as I’ve seen that most of the times when investigating any mind pattern, word or behavior, it invariably goes back to one of those ‘memories of schooling days’ and how some of the most ingrained fight or flight patterns, behaviors, attitudes, self-definitions like qualities and virtues, likes and dislikes as well as career choice a.k.a. who I wanted to be and become as a person, were shaped based on the same education system. To me it also involved a process of sharing a room with either 6 other kids in my first school and then moving onto being with over 35 in the following schools and universities, which is already quite a challenge when it comes to seeing how it is virtually impossible for teachers to be truly aware of students in large classes.

School becomes ‘the place’ where we are supposed to ‘find our ground in life’ and so, it’s quite obvious that we only become copies of the copies of stereotypes that we also acquire from the usual imprinting of professions we are supposed to go veering toward from an early age as part of the social-structure – however along with that, we got movies, TV shows imprinting a whole different set of values with which we believe we are in fact ‘making a free choice’ to do what we want, but we have never even questioned whether what ‘we want’ is in fact something we truly developed for ourselves or something we learned from school or saw on TV or internet.

In essence, we have never really been genuinely ‘ourselves’ as all we have become is copy of the copy of the coping and survival mechanisms we’ve shaped as personalities or professions, and that’s what I mostly have realized also when it comes to investigating myself and my ‘core personalities’ and how everything that I developed as ‘my personality’ was a collection of bits and pieces of popular counter-culture aspects along with a decision to antagonize the system no matter what, while remaining ‘safely’ in it at the same time since I would still like to be the obedient straight A person in school, lol, even if I tried to ‘rebel’ at the end… it just would not work as I couldn’t simply fathom myself being irresponsible at school which involved a sense of responsibility of ‘school being the one thing that I had to do as my main activity’ throughout the years.

What is behind that, for example? Fear of being punished, fear of being left behind, fear of losing my self-value and definition? Fear of losing my ‘throne’ as the first one in the class? Well, these points are definitely something that come to define ‘who one is’ based on a particular setting like school, where we actually acquire this way of thinking based on achievements, values, marks, behaviors and responsibilities that lie not within a common sensical practical outcome, but according to doing things the way they are asked to be done and according to a ranking system that is in no way based on the particular skills and abilities that are unique to each child, that is simply not part of our school system.

At the end of that Deschooling workshop by Eisenstein, the ultimate question remains: how to Deschool ourselves? And I simply realized that actually walking this process of self-investigation, of writing oneself to freedom, of developing self-honesty wherein we investigate our core patterns within ourselves is the best way to deschool ourselves, because in investigating our behaviors, our personalities, our fears, our manias, our weaknesses and strengths, our relationships, our friendships, our first traumas, our first embarrassments, our bullying experiences, our relationship to authority, our ability to learn, our qualities and deficiencies, comparison and judgment toward others, our discriminatory or empathic behaviors, our friendships, our enemies… all of these aspects that one actually gets to first live in school – most of the times – are part of what one can write out for oneself, investigating each pattern within the awareness of writing the experience out to identify how is it that one has limited oneself in such pattern.

So for example, if I had continued to only value myself according to what marks I would get in school, and feel ‘bad’ for getting a lower mark, then I would have continued to seek to get some ‘straight A’s’ or the equivalent way to get such ‘superiority validation’ somewhere else in my world, just because of not wanting to get to the opposite side of that and so lose my self-validation/recognition. So I had to work with understanding ‘who am I as recognition’ and the desire thereof, where am I not valuing myself, how have I accepted and allowed myself to only value myself according to achievements at school? Or how have I believed myself to only be a brain that thinks well? Where am I not actually seeing myself beyond this limited valuing perspective and really seeing through a broader potential that I had probably and most likely would not have developed if I had continued to only stick to my personality and personal desires.

So, deschooling ourselves involves a practical and continuous application of walking a process to self-forgive and let go of all the plethora of perceived flaws, definitions, beliefs, limitations, fears and rather work with developing real self-value, real self-acceptance and skills to develop ourselves to our utmost potential. In this, for example, I had to stop the desire to be recognized by others, while at the same time also walking the opposite polarity – because, as one walks one pattern you also get to understand how the mind works in polarities. And so I realized that along with my desire to be recognized, I also got to fear being recognized and so actually sought to ‘hide’ or become a rather ‘low-key’ individual while still holding on this ‘recognition’ point in place, so essentially I would create my own inner conflict which I even externalized in the way that I would dress in a rather extravagant manner while  at the same time using my body’s posture to indicate that I didn’t want to be seen, so I would hunch while walking because I believed that standing straight was ‘showing off’ and only able to be done by good looking girls for example, lol, yes all of this is a fine example of how we pollute our minds in fact.

So, this is just a tip of the iceberg example that one is actually able to investigate for oneself when looking at all the patterns we’ve become in our lives, not only from school but acquired from parents, from people we watch on TV, from the books we read, from the people we admire, from our friends and people around us, etc. As I’ve mentioned, we’ve become the copies of the copies and so the schooling system, the social system has become nothing but a reflection of these categories and identities existent and developed in our minds wherein we get lost in comparison, judgment and the idea of value in relation to ‘who we are’ within the system, all of which actually enables us to coexist within our current dog-eat-dog mentality, where all that matters is achieving personal glory regardless of who or what is abused and affected by it, or ‘collaterally damaged.’

 

I am a product of this society and I’ve had to walk this rather astounding process of deschooling myself,  of deprogramming myself in my mind while at the same time walking a process of self-creation, which is a continued process of self-investigation of every single moment, every single day wherein one continues to assert oneself as the new integration of common sense, of living principles, of a sense of commonality, of a consideration of what’s best for all, of not following an experience as to ‘how I feel’ or how I believe ‘I should feel/be like/act like/talk like’ to dictate who I am in the moment,  wherein it is a continuous process of letting go of any constrains and limitations that I have previously identified through writing, and have released through the process of self-forgiving behaviors, emotions, feelings, thinking patterns, ideas about myself so that I could then practically and actively work on stopping myself from running-through the same old programmed ‘me.’

Now I place my focus on attention on this self-creation process which is truly a first-timer for us all to be able to walk and do, because it is now that we are for the first time becoming more and more aware of things that were deeply rooted in the unconscious before. Now we are able to slowly but surely as humanity able to spot these patterns and behaviors with greater ease, and I have to say that this then a great opportunity and it does rejoice me to see more and more people starting to question themselves, and the overall world-system, which indicates there’s in fact a great opportunity existent here to change the direction of our lives if more and more people start waking up and smelling reality for what it is so that we can work together to correct and align it.

I must also say that when I speak of this process, it isn’t something I do ‘by myself’ nope, it would have been mostly more difficult I’d say – I walk with a group of people networked through the internet – around the globe – with whom we’ve shared our lives,  our writings for over 7 years now, keeping in constant processes of developing and strengthening our communication and feedback processes to ensure that we don’t get lost in this re-educational process we’re walking, which has to do little to nothing to any regular ‘schooling system,’ but we are all more than certain that more individuals must recognize the vital importance of implementing this self-investigation process as part of our schooling system, learning how to work with our minds as our thoughts, feelings, emotions, to learn how to effectively write them out and communicate about them while integrating a sense of self-support through developing common sense: the consideration of what is best for all. 

It is about time we realize that it makes complete sense to actually focus on empowering each other to learn how to best coexist as human beings rather than focusing on being liked by the teacher, or beating our classmates, or planning ways to get into a group of friends to ‘fit in,’ or planning our greatest success where we disregard another’s life of lack of opportunities and suffering that is and has become our collateral damage in this zero sum reality.

It is thus in our greatest and most common interest that we could all walk this self-education process of self-honesty which is a process of self-creation according to living principles to get to develop ourselves to our fullest potential, and so make it part of our educational programs in whichever way they take shape in the (near) future once that we more and more realize how detrimental and even harmful our current standardized type of educational systems are which actually stems from the skewed and misconstrued value systems in our minds.  

So, the best way to deschool ourselves, which is the same as saying the best way to change ourselves is definitely walking the Desteni I Process. There’s no greater set of tools in this world, nor greater group of people that commit themselves to support one another throughout this Journey to Life, to live in dignity and equality. And I can only encourage everyone to try it out for yourself, because if I had aimed at simply wanting to ‘change’ but not really investigating my mind and living patterns to the utmost degree, to really learn how to sweep behind the rug of my memories, my past, my experiences, to understand who am I within my mind and how to practically apply and establish solutions in my day to day living, I would have been equally lost in a constant yearning ‘for change’ but not really knowing how or where to start.

This isn’t an easy thing to do either, it’s probably the greatest commitment we’ll ever make in our lives, which is our commitment to actually learn how to live in the benefit of ourselves and all life considered. However, it will for sure be the most rewarding and long lasting for future generations as well.  

 

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93. “No need to explain, I got it”

A pattern that has been prominent within me is when having to go through things twice in order to ‘get them.’ It is an button pushed for my ego when I believe that I am  able to ‘get things’ with one single explanation, and reacts when being ‘misunderstood’ in terms of me explaining something that in my mind makes sense while taking a another point into consideration – however because of my rush to explain, I do not take the time to give a proper context and as such, I end up getting pissed off because of ‘being misunderstood,’ without first realizing how in my rush to explain things, I did not say things specifically – hence beings cannot ‘guess’ what the hell I’m talking about and in that, friction/ conflict is created as in my mind. I blame the person for misunderstanding while I believe that ‘I know better/ I know that I got it, they just don’t get  what I get’ lol – and as such just become this self-inflated knowledgeable ego that becomes rather nasty to the point of shutting someone off for being too repetitive when explaining themselves – ‘No need to explain, I get it’ is the backchat that covers up the: ‘I know I am right, I know I understand me, I don’t require to understand you in equality’ – which is fucked up to say the least – this is a realization, not a judgment point.

 

So, this is also coming from the ego that believes ‘I don’t require any help to understand’ as if I had it all perfectly figured out in my  mind, which is obviously ego as well.

 

And it is because of this ‘rush’ and general almost like anxiety to get past things that I dropped out of courses, for example, to learn another language just because I would see everyone else as ‘too slow’ – hence the course being ‘too repetitive for my taste’ because of being redundant about points that in my mind, we could have already gotten. Within this character, I became an island as I was unable to work in team effectively, which is a point that I have been re-learning since I have been walking with/ participating with/as Desteni.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react the moment that I envision myself having to go through something ‘once again’ which is a reaction that I have created based on my desire to get things done ‘asap,’ which comes along with an experience of anxiety and general rush wherein because of not wanting to ‘wait,’ I want to get things done ‘in one go’ as in only listening/ reading/ doing something only once and as such, be able to ‘advance’ and go further, faster – thus

I realize that this emerged when I was in school and I would always finish everything first/ faster than the class and would thus get a nice feeling as in ‘being very fast’ meaning a positive experience such as having‘extra time’ to just wander around while others worked, which is a sense of superiority that I would recognize as something special and great within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as superior within the idea, belief and perception that I am ‘fast and accurate’ wherein while being in class/ learning something and having to go through it more than once to ‘get it,’ I would react in exasperation and irritation because within my mind this would mean ‘retroceding’ and ‘wasting time’ – believing that I could have just instead  ‘go to the next level/ the next point’ which indicates the usual ‘racing/ competition’ programming that I would play-out throughout my life when it comes to knowledge and information within the schooling system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind hold the backchat ‘I am able to ‘get things’ with one single explanation,’ which is a ego treat as a form of pride because of apparently having this super-ability to understand, and it all making ‘perfect sense’ within my mind. However when I communicate my understanding toward another and not being accurately explaining the point and the other person gets the idea/belief that ‘I didn’t get it,’ I go into frustration because of me not wanting Them to believe that ‘I didn’t understand what they were teaching/ showing me’ – and so it is a reaction in the form of  ‘not wanting to be seen as ‘me not getting it’ because in my mind ‘I did get it’ –thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into blaming the being that gave an explanation that I considered as ‘very clear’ initially, but when the clarification/ second explanation comes after the feedback I have given in relation to ‘what I understood’ – I take it personal within the belief of me having been misinterpreted and thinking that ‘they believe I didn’t get it, when in my mind ‘I did’ which is an entire unnecessary egotistical cycle to go through to try and defend my ego/ my position/ the idea of myself as ‘always understanding everything properly’ -which has been a constant aspect in my secret mind, wherein I think or believe that ‘I am understanding everything that is being said’ somehow, without realizing that this is my mind attempting and trying to ‘always be right’ and ‘always get it right away.’

 

When and as I see myself reading through explanations, hearing information and making up my mind quickly as to assess that ‘I got it,’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that my relationship with knowledge has been that of an added value to ‘who I am’ wherein I believed myself to be able to understand ‘more’ than others and a such, when getting a second explanation on a point, is then received with a judgment toward such person believing that ‘I didn’t get it’ which I have judged as me not wanting to seem like stupid or retarded because of thinking that ‘now I, at the eyes of others, apparently ‘didn’t get it’ which I see is  the point that ‘really bothered me’ as in me being judged by others as ‘not getting it,’ which is the essence of defending ‘who I am’ as knowledgeable ego –thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated, frustrated and angry when I believe that people believe that ‘I didn’t get it’ because that means that I am now ‘less than’ others at their eyes and that I have then ‘not gotten it’ from the get-to/beginning, which is as if I was being measured by my ability to understand the fastest/ quickest/ most accurate way at all times, wherein the conflict then comes when going through the second explanation and already existing in a precondition/default self-belief/ experience of taking it personal wherein I believe that ‘this is being said/explained again because of ‘me not getting it,’ and as such in an absurd way take the blame and judgment as if I had ‘failed’ to understand in one go – wherein in my mind, I still try and make up excuses as to ‘why I did get it,’ wherein I then want to simply clarify myself to others as to defend my posture/my ego that ‘I always get it,  you misunderstood me’

 

Thus I see and realize that I can only experience a conflict within me when the idea of who I am as the ability to understand something in ‘one go’ is questioned and exposed, wherein I then judge me for not communicating properly, I judge the being for ‘misunderstanding me’ and I judge then the entire second explanation because of believing that going through something ‘twice’ makes me ‘slower’ and ‘unintelligent,’ which is the personality that is attacked when having to go through something twice in order to get it.

 

I realize that any point of inner conflict stems from wanting to guard a specific personality/ self interest that has been deeply rooted within me as ‘intelligence’ and ‘being able to get things right away’ wherein it is through me talking myself into ‘I got it, it’s very clear, no need to explain more’ as a backchat and then having to go through a second explanation, to me is a ‘punch to the ego’ that would want to simply go through the points as fast as possible because ‘I am able to get it in one go,’ which is a knowledgeable egotistical trap of me wherein sometimes I would even ‘swallow’/ignore my own understanding gaps and believing that I could figure it out later as we go, wherein because of this rush to get things done as fast as possible, within the rush of wanting to ‘advance’/take advantage in something and ‘get it all done,’ I miss the actual learning and integration of knowledge and information process in practical terms, wherein I realize that the backchat of ‘I got it’ is only a way to satisfy the same ego pattern of ‘I am able to understand things with one single explanation, ’ which in itself is not something that ‘is not possible’ but it is the entire background that is implied within me speaking/thinking such words as the result of a  lifetime of experiences based on ‘getting things fast and with just one explanation,’ which is not true at all and it’s a self-belief that I have taken on as pride and as an automated response in my mind.

 

Thus, when and as I see myself believing that I do not require a ‘second explanation’ and that the person got it all wrong with me not getting it, I stop and I breathe. I direct myself to listen again/ read again being here, breathing, without trying to understand in my mind and having it all ‘sorted out’ in one go, which is ego and most likely pointing out to a timeloop that I am able to stop if walking with/ as patience, realizing that there is No Race to win, nothing to attain by wanting to ‘go fast’ through knowledge and information, as I see and realize that knowledge and information is Useless if not lived, applied, walked in actual physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then secretly blame and even ‘diss’ in my mind another for giving me a second explanation to something that ‘in my mind’ I have apparently understood to the T, wherein I take the second explanation as a blow to my ego because I apparently have been misunderstood as in ‘not getting it,’ which is actually also stemming from me wanting to answer things fast without giving proper and detailed context of what it is that I have understood – and this is also linked to the ‘fast and accurate’ personality that I have cultivated from the very first years of schooling, wherein this ‘fast and accurate’ ways of doing things became a ‘prop’ for my development in school, in comparison to others – hence I see and realize that superiority/ desire to be special is ingrained within ‘wanting to do things fast and accurate all the time’ – which is a multi-layered point in relation to knowledge and information.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to give fast answers as to what I understood I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can take my time to write out myself and communicate effectively in detail what I have understood, what is in context of what I have understood in order to ensure that I am not providing only ‘one-liner feedbacks’ but actually take the space and time to explain myself sufficiently to enable an effective communication / mutual understanding of a point.

 

I realize that this rush to answer as fast as possible is linked to schooling activities wherein you have answer questions by the teacher and the first one that raises their hand, ‘wins’ to give the answer, which is how knowledge and information becomes a competition game instead of an actual step by step, moment by moment learning process.

 

I see and realize that the rush linked to learning is then stemming from having lived knowledge and information as a point to compete with/ as in relation to others. Therefore I ensure that when and as I am here reading, hearing, watching something that I am learning from – including my own writing – I assist and support myself to slow down, take the necessary time to go through it, to ensure I am covering the points that I see are relevant to communicate myself effectively as I realize that there is no need to ‘rush’ to get somewhere else.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost ‘get offended’ whenever someone believes/ perceives that ‘I didn’t get it,’ because at my eyes and in my mind ‘I always get it right/ I always get it with one single explanation’ which is me existing in the mind from the starting point of being ‘in a race’ wherein I am used to always ‘being first’ and always ‘winning’ in contrast and in comparison to others – which is a mechanism I have used in order to place myself as ‘superior’ intellectually, nothing else but an egotistical treat to make of knowledge and information as something that makes me ‘more’ than myself here as the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I know better/ I know that I got it, they just don’t get what I get’ wherein I try to always make myself as ‘better than’ and ‘right’ at all times, because accepting the fact that I did not in reality understand the whole thing in one go is a ‘no-no’ to my ego as the mind – thus I realize that

 

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of ‘I know better/ I know that I got it, they just don’t get what I get’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a validation, justification for my self-belief as always ‘being right’ in everything I do/ say/ think and understand, – In that moment I stop and actually hear what another is explaining/ saying unconditionally without assessing it based on a past moment of me ‘having gotten it and now having to go through it again,’ and instead walk through the point in the moment as a ‘new moment’ in every breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘: ‘I know I am right, I know I understand me, I don’t require your second hand explanation’ wherein I am in fact lashing out to another being the fact that I have been ‘bothered’ by having to go through something twice to get it, which is the knowledge system demon that believes it is always ‘getting it’ with just one single explanation, considering that I am diminished if having to go through something twice – thus I see and realize that within this

 

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of : ‘I know I am right, I know I understand me, I don’t require your second hand explanation’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am validating and making an excuse for me to not hear unconditionally another, but act from memory based on the value I have given to that past moment of me ‘getting it’ right away and as such, realizing that I can only judge if I have something to defend within me, which is the knowledgeable-ego character seeking to remain in the self-belief of ‘always being right/ always getting it right’ in order to remain as superior. Thus I stop participating in all backchat that goes confirming or denying my ability to understand.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having considered that I was ‘special’ because of being able to understand things ‘right away,’ which became an ingrained ego point in relation to others, wherein I then stand as this secretly self-belief superior shit compared to others, without realizing that knowledge will never be life and as such, no matter how much I engulf as knowledge, it cannot possibly make myself more than others – I stop racing against myself/ others as knowledge and information.

 

When and as I see myself going into the backchat ‘No need to explain more, I get it’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in fact avoiding having to ‘go through it twice’ based on the memories and experiences of the I am always right’ ego point. Thus I allow myself to hear the explanation as I realize in practicality that going through things more than once assures and ensures that I do understand/ confirm what I have understood and as such, ensure no gaps are left open within a point of communication and learning process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that ‘I don’t require any help to understand’ which is in fact ego trying to make myself ‘capable enough’ to do it by myself/ on my own, this being the pillar of the ‘I work better alone/ I am capable enough’ as a defense mechanism when I perceive that another offering support is directly implying that ‘I do not get it’ or that ‘I have problems with understanding properly,’ which is the point of ego that I react that I see and realize comes from caring how others perceive in relation to being a ‘knowledgeable person.’

 

When and as I see myself judging another for explaining to me something twice/ being redundant, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me reacting from the knowledgeable character – an that it is a matter of ensuring that we are all ‘on the same page’ understanding all points, and that this i in no way implying that we are stupid or ‘do not get it,’ but is simply a way to walk each point with proper context and understanding

 

I commit myself to stop thinking that ‘I get it’ and instead walk the understanding through practically placing it into application.

 

I commit myself to slow down when learning/ walking through knowledge and information to ensure that I am understanding point by point and not jumping into conclusions that point out ‘I am right/ I got it right away’ immediately.

 

“I commit myself to show, that ‘fear of change’ – cannot exist within and as the full absolute trust and standing of who self is within the principle of and as what’s best for all/equality and oneness in an equal and one within and without living of ‘who I am’. Where self is the TRUST that stand here with and as self, and will within this – assess all knowledge and information within the starting-point of what is/will be best for all, and so for self; assessing knowledge and information with regards to how it can contribute to the life of all as with mine. And so, thus, where ‘fear of change’ and resistance to ‘new knowledge and information’ can only exist when/as we have a solidified/cemented character/personality within our Minds, that serves ONLY ourselves within particular-specific wants, needs and desires. And so will essentially only meet with new knowledge and information in fear of change/resistance, when there is in fact a hidden/secret want, need and desire within and behind that Character/Personality self is protecting/defending that serve only self’s interests.” – Sunette Spies +

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W(h)inning and Losing Game in Education and Patience for Processors

Patience is one point that I am taking as myself because of having existed throughout my entire life as someone that wants to get things done right away, to go on to the ‘next thing’ as soon as possible and almost always ending up asking – what’s next?

 

The memory that comes up is from when I was quite young in school and I would be a ‘fast writer’ when were were taking group dictation and so as the teacher was dictating, I would write it out and would usually have to wait and stare at the window or stare at others to ‘make time’ so that  we would be able to continue later – this developed as ‘myself’ as always wanting to get it done as fast and accurate as possible and thus I got used to finishing my work first, to always be delivering things first wherein it was an automated-way of existing. Just get it done, deliver – next one.

 

Though! as I once have mentioned probably there was a time in 2nd grade when having ‘mental calculation’ and the teacher was dictating, in one moment I simply got lost, couldn’t keep track of the entire exercise and so the moment I saw myself ‘lost’ the only thing I did was breaking into tears because of me seeing myself as unable to catch up

 

I forgive myself for experiencing any self judgment towards myself for remembering myself in that moment.

 

Quite fascinating because I had already written about this moment but not within the context of seeing ‘who I am’ within a similar situation now – which is simply moments where we feel we ‘can’t keep up’ or there’s ‘too much going on’ or when it’s an entire new paradigm of thinking and existing which is basically let’s say getting to Desteni and going into a complete shock of existence – and then within that having to challenge ourselves to keep up with that stream of new information, of material released, of writings, reading, watching, sharing, reflecting upon the points – all of that requires ourselves to slow down and not ‘break into tears’ so to speak the moment that we see ourselves desiring to ‘get it done’ and simply seeing it as tasks to accomplish or something like that, just like in the ‘school mode’ because then we see how it would be just another task-reward system game that’s mostly existent and ingrained within the context of school system for example – then later on it’s the basis of all jobs: you do, you are paid for and thus everyone gets to learn the ways of surviving: if you don’t do = you don’t get money = you don’t survive – so it’s fear of death, fear of losing, fear of not ‘getting it’ what drives a person moving in this world –

 

What the fuck eh? Being existing in constant fear of death is what might be behind all of what we do and a serious point to consider is if even deciding to place ourselves in this process is driven by a point of Fear of Death – lol – which is something that I constantly ‘check’ with myself in terms of asking me at random moments: can I die I this moment and that’s it? and the answer is in that moment yes I mean what else could I do – but obviously we know the point is not to create that as myself but to amalgamate myself as life so, lol it’s a cool way to test out ‘where am I’ with regards to fearing death and this is something I placed directly linked to ‘fear of losing good memories’ so

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only ‘fear death’ because that would imply having to give up all ‘good memories’ of my childhood, of my past as everything ‘I was’ which is indicating me that I still place value/specialness to ‘who I was in the past’ without realizing that all of that is non existent HERE but only as myself as the accumulation of everything I’ve done, everything I haven’t done and thus I let go of such memories to simply focus on myself HERE as what is walking and breathing as myself here.

 

Okay so, after seeing how kids are then trained within the survival ways within the system to then always push themselves otherwise having to face a ‘bad grade, being kicked out of school, being rejected by peers as one point that could be equated to ‘fear of death’ within the system which then obviously if not supported specifically in time, these small points and experiences can develop onto other type of mental situations that are nothing else but the accumulation of experiences within a particular point as ourselves that we go trying to suppress and not ‘face’ yet are existent within us which will eventually have to be faced and! that’s when the entire shit comes out – and it is ludicrous to see how within the current Education System there is no actual SELF SUPPORT given to people – like there are no actual subjects that give tools of self support for kids to realize the trickery of the mind obviously or how to correct themselves within a more emotional/feeling perspective – sure there are psychologists in school but obviously not in every school, certainly not in public schools which as always, the places and institutions with more deficient personnel and resources are the ones that require the most due to the entire set-up of such low-class or low-middle-class schools are then doomed to ‘educate’ people in a very precarious  way which then within the ‘pyramid’ of the current system already places them at the bottom of the entire thing because of being determined/conditioned by default by the amount of resources they’ve had their entire life which conditions their entire education process, determines the relationships they create, the partner they choose and thus the job they will have and the family that they will then re-create as the same system and environment they’ve grown and lived in-  very very few nowadays have an actual opportunity to step out of that conditioning and ‘make it’ within the system – 

 

There ARE hardworking people seeking for opportunities to excel in this world, but the world doesn’t have such opportunities as available for everyone – how fucked up is that and thus we see how the entire system is doomed by default wherein it cannot exist without having a broad amount of people as resources to keep the top of the food-chain-or pyramid – in place – it’s an abusive system in its intrinsic nature and structure and, to think ‘there is no other way’ is what drives people crazy in fact, because it forces everyone to think that ‘there’s no other way’ and ‘we can’t do anything about it’ when in fact we can obviously – but here we go full circle – we require work, we require actual will to change ourselves and patience – because even if we are walking with ourselves only, we still have to face the entirety of what we’ve become as the accumulation of everything we’ve ever been and done and time-looped around in all our lives which is here as ourselves as this entire world as the accumulation and result of all points – thus the ‘intensity’, the ‘overwhelming experience’ that can exist when realizing or seeing the ‘bigger picture’ of the entire enslavement/conditioning points that we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, never really doing anything to change – only probably questioning and trying to challenge it not from its foundation but from a mere superficial-perspective as only criticism and debate with no actual solutions as the solution – as we know – comes from a change in the entire way life is lived, the entire way life is Valued which if we see polarity is the game, we change the rules into Equality and with that end all games possible as no one will be supporting then a system of winners and losers – lol so typically ingrained for example in American culture – but an actual society/humanity that values everyone as equals as Life as Themselves.

 

That brings the word ‘bullying’ which has been a prominent problem for so long an intensifying as the nature of man reveals itself in the youngest ones in a more radical way, we see that if basic understanding of Equality as Everyone and Everything as Life, we would be seeing a significant change with kids and how they’d treat others because what I see is how that type of considerations is seen – within males specifically – as something too ‘sensitive for a boy’ and ‘too considerate’ and thus forming from that young age the ‘bully profile’ which is nothing else but the grounds of the male ego that is seeking to develop itself as ‘the winner’ as the one that ‘beats others’ as the one that is ‘superior’ and ‘best of all’ instead of living by what’s ‘best for all’ –

 

So, we can see how it’s all educational and  how schools – at least here in the third world lol –have no actual ways of teaching system integrity at all – everyone only sees at the consequences, the manifested consequences and trying to find solutions on that level without ever seeing what’s the core problem – just as with any other situation in this world wherein we see how people are trying to ‘fix the money problem’ with rescue-packages and trying to cover the sun with one finger – none of which is actually ‘the’ solution to the entire problem as we know, but it’s time to open up our eyes and investigate, educate and apply ourselves to become that actual living change as human beings that are no longer robotized to work and live in the ways that only benefit the stability of an abusive system –and that beings with self, that begins at home, that takes dedication, that takes constant dedication and! the point that triggered all of this Patience – to be patient with ourselves when dealing with the entirety of the points that we are facing and we’ll be facing as we go discovering ourselves, as ‘the truth’ of what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to become starts popping up everywhere and this is to not give-up, to not give-in into any mind created turmoil and allow ourselves to have a single thought of ‘oh man! I can’t do this anymore’ or ‘oh! this is just so much’! because that ‘hard’ point is simply a mind-created experience due to it simply not being preprogramed to be able to grasp and/or integrate these type of Self Corrections as it’s like wanting Microsoft to work in the code of Linux so to speak, and creating a transition from one to another would obviously take time and dedication and a constant application to not get ourselves lost in the way.

 

So hereby I suggest we support ourselves to stop ourselves when having any of these thoughts and simply realize that this has to be done, that we have to direct ourselves, that we are here to get this done not from the perspective of another task, another ‘quest’ or another something to obtain or accomplish, but as an ultimate action of self-liberation from all restrictions we’ve ever existed as – and thus we realize that this reality is bound to space and TIME – so we breathe through this time to walk step by step, developing patience to deal with ourselves, with the things that must be done, to push ourselves to transcend perceived ‘inabilities’ to do something like saying ‘I’m not good at’ or ‘I’ve never liked this/that’ – or ‘I can’t do…’ but instead break through that mind-veil and see what we are actually capable of

 

We are here to realize ourselves as the full capacity of what we exist as – please take an hour of your time today to listen to this interview if you haven’t – it’s once again one of these encompassing key points within this process and it is of great support to realize the full context/bigger picture view of what’s going on here in existence:

Radical Relationships & The God System

 

Thanks for reading

To Re-Educate yourself, visit the Desteni I Process


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