Tag Archives: self-addicted

267. The Greatest Addiction Ever: The Mind

 

“Energy is a by-product of life, it is not alive – we became addicted to our creation as energy and in this way we abdicated life ending up as just the light produced by energy – like a shadow of what we really are. At Desteni I Process this self deception is corrected through a self help process. Do it – before the lights go out for the final time.” – Bernard Poolman

 

Here I share some feedback in relation to my own process and how I have walked this point so far. Since I began my process of Self-Forgiveness, Self Honesty through writing, developing Common Sense and essentially taking the decision to support myself to actually Live for the very first time, I have dedicated myself to work with every single point that has occupied my mind in quite an astounding manner. I mean, this goes from memories, pictures, sounds, wants, needs, desires.. the way I can describe it is like when you are constantly hungry and no matter how much you eat, you are always wanting ‘something more,’ that’s how I have seen the parasitical nature that the mind exists as.  As Humans we have never learned ‘what to do’ with these experiences, we only learn/ are told to ‘cope with them’ or seek the opposite experience in order to be ‘happy/ well/ good’ again – this is quite a problem and a general result of the ignorance we had toward the actual functioning of the mind and its grip on the physical body, wherein no matter How  you define experiences to be as either ‘positive or negative,’ energy is energy and the effects on the physical body that is consumed in order to power up this mind-system does not care how you define such experiences as long as one Remains in such constant self-experiences.

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

Throughout these blogs we have also realized that there is more to addictions than just getting a positive experience due to the inherent instability that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as from the moment that we allow the integration of the mind as ‘who we are’ and start defining our beingness according to mood, ‘states of being,’ emotions, feelings and allow the thoughts to direct who we are.

 

I was talking to my mother this morning and explained how this process has been for me like placing myself into rehab and going through actual withdrawal symptoms that are in fact experienced at a physical level the moment that we no longer feed our usual ‘inner turmoil’ that would ensure we remain locked within predefined patterns of existence that we had believed were ‘unchangeable,’ unable to let go of, unable to correct, unable to stop. This Process in essence means the most intensive mind-rehab program you’ll ever walk, because it is not only about stopping participation in your regular drug-addictions or self destructive behaviors, but it is in fact placing ourselves in a total rehabilitation program to finally align the absolute nature of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind.

 

Okay, but What or who am I as the mind? – you might wonder  – well, it is in essence every single self-definition that we have participated in that gives us either a negative experience or a positive experience as emotions and feelings respectively – every single memory, thought, physical movement, experiences as feelings, emotions, sounds, words that defines ‘who we are,’ what we like, what is ‘in character’ and what is ‘out of character,’ it is everything that we have accepted as our ‘true nature’ that is constantly wanting, needing, desiring, hoping, yearning, dreaming, seeking to escape from itself, seeking to get more, be greater, faster, be ‘whole and complete’ and all of this obtained through doing/ consuming anything or anyone that we can get an experience from.

 

“I commit myself to show that the MIND has NO Power and that MIND Power only developed as another CONSUMER PRODUCT where the Human feeds off the Program of Self-Interest without ANY AWARENESS that Life as the LIVING FLESH is being Abused just for Producing Feelings that act like a DRUG to which the Personality and the Flesh is ADDICTED.”  – Bernard Poolman

 

When one deliberately stops this point of ‘getting an experience in life,’ one becomes essentially more stable, there is no longer this constant ‘hunger’ for more, there is no constant inadequacy experienced, there is no longer this constant self-loathing/ hatred toward oneself and the world which leads to a constant desire to just ‘make it all stop,’ there is no longer the being uncomfortable in one’s own skin, there is no longer the constant judgmental thinking toward everything and everyone outside of ourselves – which by the way, it’s never about ‘them’ but always about ourselves –  there is no feeling of being ‘less’ become you expect to become more and more each day – but at the same time it is not a blissful experience either, as that would be self deception again: using our physical body to get a Mind-experience of apparent ‘well-being’ which cannot be defined as an energetic high, but must be rather considered as a constant stability that must be granted from one to another as an equality system wherein we can all get the necessary support to Live and genuinely enjoy life.

 

As one goes stopping the constant gnawing regular thoughts, what comes up is the ingrained physical patterns that represent the actual nature of ourselves – meaning, once we stop victimizing ourselves in our constant complains, judgments, self pity, self loathing thinking, what emerges is becoming more aware of the actual factors that make us decide ‘who we are’ and why we do what we do and what governs our every single move – this is where I see that Self Will is of utmost importance, to actually let go of wanting to ‘dive into’ the mind and any form of energetic experience and instead, will oneself to act/do/be and become a stable breathing living being that does not require to think, get emotional or experience feelings to live, but simply Is and exists here as the physical body.

 

Being in the physical: this is an important consideration for anyone that is willing to work and walk through any form of addiction, doesn’t necessarily have to be giving up drugs or alcohol or any other chemical stimulant, but also the addiction to our personality, our habits, our manias that We Already Know are Not Self Supportive, but keep on doing it just because ‘that’s all we know ourselves to be capable and able of being/ doing’/ ‘we don’t know anything better,’ which is the most common form of self mind-control that we have realized exists within each one of us: we fear giving up our self religion/ personality/ ego/ mind even if we are aware that it has never supported ourselves to actually Live.

 

I could write about how there is a definitive grounding experience that one is able to become and integrate as oneself when an actual dedication to this process, to get to know ourselves as our minds and living/applying the corrective process is self-directed in every moment – however I would mostly suggest you take this opportunity and suggestion to do this for yourself. The addictions/ cravings have mostly been reduced to physical movements that indicate a form of suppression that I am trying to ‘cope with’ and it becomes so in my face that pushing it aside only compounds it until I have to sit down and write the hell out of it.  So what I have also realized is how I obviously have used anything, any activity to not face the actual ‘problem’ which is mostly having to do with something wherein I am not directing myself effectively. One can only continue fooling oneself for so long, and once self honesty is being integrated as the main platform in which we decide to run ourselves on, it becomes quite unbearable to keep up with lies/ self deception, the shit eventually catches up on you – so to speak.

 

What is an addiction but a desire to live a lie, a temporary fix to escape the made-up self-belief of who we are as the mind, because I am here to say that the physical body is Not the one seeking to ‘get a high,’ it is only the mind that does and who we have become as an integral compound of the body and mind, the mind has run its course on the physical and this is why we are on so many drugs and self-destructive behaviors, because we are Not considering the physical body at all.

 

It is much easier to breathe and be here, stable and constant instead of continuing endless battles within ourselves toward the invisible forces that we have accepted as ‘who we are.’ I mean, we are talking about the addiction toward the mind, and how that is and will be the most ingrained addiction Every single human being has participated in, we cannot judge or claim that drug-addicts only exist in shooting up crack and heroin or smoking weed and taking prescription pills – the moment we accepted and allowed our well-being and stability to be defined through a positive experience, such as love, vitality, a sense of bliss, belonging and any other self-experience that we believe is ‘who we are,’ we agreed to separate ourselves from the constancy and consistency of who we are as the physical, breath, here, stable and give the wheel of our lives to the mind that runs on preprogrammed patterns of energy that will generate any form of mind-activity as a way to engage ourselves into thinking, feeling, becoming emotional and give our focus, attention to such mind-activity without realizing we are in such moments already feeding the addiction to the mind.

 

There is no need for the mind to do what should be actual vital functions as they currently exist in this world: breathing, eating, directing yourself in your regular responsibilities to make money to live in this world, relating yourself to all other living beings and dedicating oneself to become part of the examples that demonstrate that it IS possible to stop being directed by a mind that constantly seeks experiences and it IS possible to become a more stable, self directive, grounded, common sensical and in the process of becoming self honest human being. This is the most difficult task ever, I agree, because we have become so addicted to thinking, feeling, seeking for emotions, conflict, turmoil, defining everything we do and have become according to emotions and feelings to such an extent that we believe that: not participating in our mind is equal to being Dead/ Inert, lifeless – that’s a BIG misconception that must be debunked here if one is willing to walk this process wherein you will certainly not get any energetic churnings, on the contrary, I can say that such stability is we all have been seeking/ looking for and it only takes a sound and constant every moment decision to Not Give Into the constant ‘high’ that disables us from seeing who we have become in this constant seeking/ wanting/ needing/ desiring of who we have become as the mind.

 

I can remember when I was a child and I would get too much sugar with chocolates at times, and I would be like a rat in an enclosed space, literally walking around the kitchen table endless times and driving myself to believing that I was ‘going crazy’ when in fact it was me beginning to define such experiences as ‘who I am’ as this ‘uncontrollable rush’ induced through sugar in this case, and accept it as ‘normal’ because that’s what everybody else does, apparently.

Later on, I began participating in a constant self experience of anxiety, worry, concern, nervousness, inadequacy, feeling like I just want to ‘shut myself up’ due to the anxiety and exaltation that I copied/integrated from my environment – what did I seek for later on in life? Yes, getting out of myself and my mind, smoking weed is one single example as the outcome of that, without understanding that my ‘seeking’ for a way to relax has always been here as myself, breathing – no need for any drug to do that, and this is one key aspect in our society that runs on stress and self abuse.  According to what I wrote yesterday, we can see how stressful parents would imprint this same stress on their children, which is why later on children would seek drugs to generate the sense of ‘stress control’ and ‘impulse control’ which is what I can spot was my case, since I accepted and allowed myself to adopt a nervous/ anxious/ stressful manner of being, linked to patterns of desiring to be in absolute control and perfectionism adopted from parental patterns, which is also what we are understanding in relation to the influence of parents on children on the first seven years of age – I specifically recommend listening to Reptilians – The Reptilian’s Master Mind behind Memory Control (Part 1) – Part 117 to get a clear perspective on this.

 

Now there are multiple factors that lead to addictions and I’ll continue to walk them in order for us to be able to see and spot where and how we are accepting and allowing ourselves to be influenced/ directed by such factors without giving it a proper self-aware direction to ensure we are not continuing a point of abuse. Again, this is not only in relation to drugs, drugs are only the externalization and most common way to live out this constant desire to get a ‘fix’ – but we can become addicted to anything or anyone and that includes our own thoughts, without having ever been aware of WHAT is it that Powers such thoughts, which is what must be broadly understood and known: it is the physical substance, the tissue/ the fabric of the physical body that which powers up the mind, and that is the basic form of self-abuse that all of us human beings are subject to, and this is why it is so important to become aware of these ‘forces’ in order to become self directive as them, because they are who we have become, we gave them lodging and constant nurturing, the mind is our creation and who we have become as such creation can also be remodeled/ re-sculpted by ourselves and the extent of such remodeling depends on our dedication to actually will ourselves to live without the mind as our boss and decision-maker and instead install ourselves as the directive principle that considers what’s best for ourselves as all and live the principle of life in Equality.

 

The tools that I am assisting and supporting myself with are walked within the Desteni I Process , the Desteni Material, all the blogs and vlogs that all of us walking this process share at our current Journey to Life self-writing process, the Desteni Forum where interaction takes place with regards to How to walk this process or particular points one is working with in our writings, there’s also all the various groups at Facebook such as Capitalism vs. Equal Money wherein we get to know how it is that his humind-nature is affecting our reality at a world-system level and as such, become aware of our responsibility we hold individually to ensure that we all become aware of what we are collectively generating due to deciding to only ‘live’ through the mind, instead of practically considering the actual corrective processes and solutions that must be implemented and walked within the consideration of ourselves being the creators of the mess we try and ‘escape from’ through drugs/ habits/ and any other mind-experience – see the conundrum?

This is the actual mind control that we all exist as and we are here to ensure that humanity is aware of the practical self-applicable solutions that we are being the proof of, Do work when one commits oneself to no longer feed the mind but begin learning how to honor ourselves as physical living beings.  It is the most important process you’ll ever commit yourself to, it is the self-relationship that we have never established and it is here, the moment where we have all the support necessary to do so, to walk this process and ensure that no form of self abuse remains standing in this world.

Study the principles of Self-Creation and Self-Equality and Oneness within every single investigation published at Eqafe, as well as the blogs that are daily published here such as Creation’s Journey to Life, Heaven’s Journey to Life and an Economist’s Journey to Life.

 

“Actual Prosperity is where Every Living Being in this World Prosper and Live to their Full Potential. Full Potential Being: Living in an Environment that Support All Life Equally, that Ensures Happiness, that Prevents Fear and Addiction to the Mind, that Ensures that Each Child Born Understand EXACTLY where every Thought come from so that they can Prevent Mind Control and Abuse from all kinds of Faith-based Ideologies – whether it be Religious, Political, Educational, Psychological, Economical. Whenever Faith Exist: the Ideology will Promote Ideals of Inequality, because – What’s Best for All do Not Exist in Faith, it Exist as the Action each one Must Take to Ensure that there is Never Anything Unknown that could Cause harm to Another and All basic Essentials must be Available as a basic Human Right.
The Very Moment you have Basic Essentials and Claim that Others can’t have it, because it is the Will of some ‘Greater Power’ – you are
Abusing your Greater Power which is based in Money, Wealth and Greed.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

This will continue

 

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229. Not Understanding the Mind leads to Insanity

Self-Addiction to Emotions and Feelings as ‘Who We Are’ = Self Interest

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

“the Mind/Energy will ‘fight’ for its Polarities, its relationships, its For/Against definitions, because in this process – it maintains friction/conflict, which is what fuel the existence of the Mind, which is what fuels the existence of this very World System, which fuels the attention-diversion/distraction of the Majority of Humanity to be preoccupied in Polarities, Polarity definitions, fuelling separation “divide and conquer” – while the Minority Elite take the reins of Humanity/life on earth – cause no-one is willing to give-up/let go of their Polarity, their Personality Definitions and actually UNDERSTAND ALL THINGS and align them into and as equal and one Solutions for ALL.” – Sunette Spies*

 

Self Forgiveness on who I shaped myself to be as my emotions and feelings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the energy of friction and conflict as ‘who I am’ within my mind without realizing that it was a part of me that I believed I had a ‘right’ to exist as, because: it is coming from me, it must be me – and in this abdicate my very first awareness to the thoughts in my mind as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am,’ and from that moment on, losing any perspective to question my thoughts and experiences coming up in the mind and felt in my physical body, but instead simply continued to believe that this inner experience of friction and conflict had a reason’ to be inside me and such, begin defining ‘who I am’ according to my mind, the nature of my thoughts, how I experienced myself as thoughts, emotions and feelings wherein my attention then centralized and focused on Me, My Mind, How I feel, beginning to neglect the rest of the beings and reality in itself just because of being focused on ‘who I am as the mind,’ missing out even the reality of myself as my own physical body within this mind-mode.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually use and fuel my own self conversations as a form of entertainment and re-assuring that ‘I am this mind,’ because the process of identifying myself ‘as my mind’ became solid as a child and as such, having this be confirmed by people around me when they started to identify me with a certain character like being ‘angry’ or ‘too aloof’ or ‘too conflictive’ or spoiled, which lead me to continue growing up believing that there was a ‘problem’ within me and that I was not normal/ not as other kids because of having this inner-conflict within me of any kind really,  that I could not ‘sort out’ but believe that ‘this is who I am/ I was born like this/ there is no solution’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that this friction and conflict is something that defines me and that I would have to bear with the rest of my life, that there was no questions about it and that I would most likely end up like the adults, being able to ignite in extreme anger in one moment and not be able to stop, which indicates how I became aware of emotions as the aspect I resonated more with, which became a point of identification just because of what I had been exposed to in my reality as a child, which then defined ‘who I am’ according to these surges of anger  and distress that I would experience but was not able to solve within myself, therefore accepting these surges of energy as incontrollable/ unstoppable and ‘who I am,’ which is how I have come to accept the totality of the mind as myself without a question.

 

I realize that yes, the mind represents everything that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from as ‘our nature’ as humanity which is not of harmony or completion or stability or benevolence, but, of actual evil as the reverse of life as all aspects of separation that we accepted and allowed ourselves to become. This is how I realize that I accepted conflict as a ‘problem’ within myself – just as any other human being – and that due to not knowing how others would also experience themselves, I created a point of specialness as in having some form of ‘anomaly’ for having these ups and down experiences which I identified as being actions that only ‘crazy people’ would have/ experience, eventually wearing the tag as a way to justify my inner conflict and even take proud of that because in one way or another, I was justifying my own personality as ‘special’ and ‘unique’ for having this ways of being which I actually fooled/ kid myself to believe I had no control of, when in fact as I review  such moments, I realize I absolutely was aware of what I was doing and how what I did was a deliberate point of causing and instigating conflict within myself as entertainment and others, because it just felt ‘good.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use friction and conflict within me as a point of self-infatuation and entertainment wherein I began only focusing on ‘How I felt’ in every moment wherein I was given the option to ‘feel good’ or ‘feel bad’ and define everything in my life according to likes and dislikes that became points/  aspects of self identification by people in my environment as ‘who I am,’ and within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that because people were okay with having things that they like and dislike or specific characteristics/ moods/ preferences, I was able to then do the same and seek the most unique ways to exist in comparison to them, which is how everything that I perceived as ‘normal’ around me, became my standing point to define myself as everything that I would be ‘against’ to, without realizing that it was never ‘Me’ as a physical being living at all, but just existing as a mind that would lead to define oneself according to standing ‘against’ the majority, standing against/ opposing one’s “normal-environment,” only for the purpose to have a way to stand as a ‘different’ or ‘authentic’ personality defined in opposition to others, and in this only fueling and supporting the separation, the friction and conflict that ensued from that moment on in my life,  wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this identification of who I am as the mind, I defined ‘who I am’ according to being ‘the opposite’ to what my family and peers at school represented, and as such, build  my own specialness and security within these definitions at a mind level, which only lead me to every time seek to upgrade my ‘personality’ and preferences, characteristics as a way to not only then antagonize my family or people at school, but the world system in itself in a spiteful mode that I took on toward everything and everyone, without realizing that everything that I spiting at all times was only myself when and while neglecting my very own physical body and the substance that I am as life, using it to power and fuel my  mindfucks, literally, which is unacceptable – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept this culture of ‘personality cultivation’ and creation based on defining me as a particular character with preferences and temperament as all the thoughts, beliefs, ideas and opinions I started creating as ‘my point of view’/ my way of being, without realizing that every single definition that I took on as myself became just another way to define myself As something that would invariably stand within one pole that would create friction/ conflict/ react to the opposite pole as another definition to which I would invariably react to, as I had to somehow ‘defend’ myself as My definition whenever the opposite would present itself in my reality.

I realize that I always had one moment before reacting wherein I would actually decide to ‘role play’ my part and react to that which I was supposed to react to based on my preferences, my personality and that which I defined would make me ‘angry’ or ‘mad’ or happy or sad or excited based on the preferences and personality that I began cultivating as a child as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘fill the character’ that I became by my own apparent ‘will’ to do so, and do, react, say and speak the way that I had built myself to be, do, act and speak like, within this complying to the social norm of becoming a character that is predictable and would react against/ oppose or like that which is defined as the oppostite polarity of myself. Within this also,

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through’ with my own script throughout the years and continue fulfilling the reactive character every time that I was almost expected to ‘fulfill the character,’ which is how I realized that the personalities that I created were mostly  ‘a show’ for others, a way to stand in self-importance, specialness, uniqueness and in that learned to only focus on my self, fulfill myself, react when I was expect to do and never question again this as something that could be stopped, because, I had already ‘gotten married’ with the idea of myself/ gotten too much into character, which then became a Lie I had to follow through with and eventually it integrated fully as ‘who I am’ over the years and that was it. I believed that I could not ‘change me’ and stop participating in the character because of the fear of ‘who would I be without it,’ not realizing that the only thing that fears stopping self definitions is the mind, not who we really as as a physical body that is actually being abused and neglected throughout our developmental processes in the mind wherein we are only focused on cultivating our characters and self-experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the inner conflict experienced would always be with me and that I would grow up to be as angry/ neurotic as the adults I was aware of in the family, and that I would end up being somehow sick and with some form of mental problem or disorder as well as an emotional problem – such as chronic depression or constant worry and stress – without ever really having investigated how this all was just part of me having identified myself with my thoughts, feelings and emotions as ‘who I am’ as well as adopting the ‘ways of being’ from the characters around me in the family/ society, and as such, believing that I had something ‘wrong’ within me because the inner conflict would not go away – hence believing that I was invariably going to have a ‘disease/ sickness/ mental problem’ at a later stage in life – hence

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize to what extent there is ignorance in humanity with regards to the nature of how the mind works, wherein one single energetic experience was perceived as something utterly ‘wrong,’ or a malfunction, anomaly or disease because of how we’ve programmed ourselves to believe that what we see on TV or as the façade of each other as ‘harmonious,’ ‘happy’ and naturally joyful beings was in fact ‘real’ and had to be ‘who we are,’ without realizing it is a masquerade to hide the actual fear, stress, depression that is experienced within, as that is the nature we have all accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind, fueling this constant belief that we have to ‘keep up with the positive’ while all the time we experience this inner-conflict when participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that veered toward the opposite and no matter how we categorize our experiences as positive or negative, they all represent a point of conflict which indicates energy which is of the mind and as such, able to be stopped and self corrected as a point of Self Responsibility.

 

I realize that this  ‘incongruence’ of my inner experience and the outer experience I was supposed to present, created a rift within myself believing that ‘there was something wrong with me,’ and this mostly being talked about in the media as mental disorders and being depressed or having low self esteem, being addicted to a form of self-abuse, belittlement and all of that which was considered as a mental problem/ a Grave problem, which I then kept quiet about and kept a well placed façade of ‘everything is fine, I am perfectly normal,’ even within my dissident/ antagonist characters, but ‘normal,’ and such, veering toward other ways to ‘make sense’ of my inner conflict, leading me nowhere but further confusion and relationships that supported this inner conflict, which became the focus on my life, trying to make sense of it through others, through living the lives of others and avoiding looking at my own, becoming friends with and having relationships that I thought I could use as a way to sort out my own inner conflict through others, instead of focusing on my own and within this, only aggravating the inner conflict that I kept for myself all the time, out of fear of actually having to ‘ask for help.’  Within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to label these energetic experiences as ‘mental disorders’ to that are in fact the ‘normal’ workings of the mind within how it  operates and understanding that for that matter, all human beings could be labeled as having some ‘mental disorder’ because The Mind in itself works through friction and conflict that we perceive as our emotions and feelings and thoughts, inner conversations, backchat – therefore there was not going to be in any way a ‘mental health’ or stability possible as long as we would seek only to make people ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ and get their ‘motivation’ back up, which is why and how I always resisted having any support because it seemed to phony to just veer to the positive and ‘be happy’ while the reality that I was witnessing, was nothing but happy for everyone, was nothing but harmonious wherein I would witness a world that was existing in constant fights and problems with money, politicians, poverty, wars and all of this only meaning to me one thing: this world is crazy and so am I, within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of ‘the state of the world’ as a way to justify my experience as being ad hoc to the state of the world – madness, instability, depressio, crisis – hence the entire characterization of ‘the sensitive being’ that reacts to what others apparently would not see, and in this becoming even more self absorbed in my own emotional experiences about the world, linking that to ‘art’ and ending up victimizing myself, believing that ‘there is no way out, it’s the devil’s way now’ which is how I see obviously even the music that I would hear would support this entire ‘depressed’ character not because I was not being supported to live – that’s why it is the elitist character, because I was not suffering a physical life of Lack of money/ health/ poverty or abuse – but I was only focusing on cultivating these emotions and ‘sensitivity’ to the world as a point of self interest, because of having learned how ‘artists were sensible beings’ and I actually made people accept me as ‘different’ due to this so-called ‘sensitivity’ and ‘specialness’ that I built in within myself, getting completely in this character that was probably even ‘allowed’ to be alone, isolated, depressed because of the same character of which I also expected to make a ‘name’ of myself for,  and justify my non-compliance to the system as well as defending my ‘point of view’ to not even attempt to create a change within the system itself – in essence: the ultimate justification to Not stand up for my life and the life of this world in equality.

 

All the time that I only cultivated my personality, my inner conflict, my dissatisfaction with life, my helplessness, my worry, my concern, my sadness toward the world, my depression, my confusion about people, my judgmental experiences of opposition toward ‘the world system,’ my desires to just ‘fly away’ and be out of the system, desires to expose the ‘ugly through something beautiful’ in some form of expression were again only actions, words cultivating a character within me, wherein I was not actually willing to investigate my self-experience, my mind and How I had created it, but only ‘get the most of it’ and making it into an acceptable character in society which is why I veered toward arts/ humanitarian studies and ‘dissed’ my apparent potential to become something else because of getting into this ‘sentimental character’ that was apparently my ‘humane’ aspect to cultivate as ‘my real personality’ – thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to cultivate my emotions  in order to be on the side of those that were ‘alive’ and could see the world and be sad about it and depressed and feel ‘misunderstood,’ which became really just another self-interest game where I would only remain as a victim, living in constant drama and this belief of there being something ‘wrong’ within me because of not being ‘happy’ and ‘joyful’ naturally – without realizing that:

I had never in fact understood how the mind functioned and how even if I was addicted to feeling sad, sorry for myself, depressed and victimized all the way, is still the same as fixating on everything that is positive, happy and joyful that I criticized extensively in the past, which proves the ignorance toward our own mind wherein we believe that we are somehow being more ‘responsible’ for being sad/ gloomy/ angry at the world when it is just another way to focus on our own experience and not really at all looking at the world and realizing that there are solutions required that will not be solved with us ‘feeling bad’ about it, that’s just blatant self-interest and an actual defense mechanism to not become a sound being that can stand in the face of reality and take absolute self responsibility for ourselves/ the world here as breath, which is what I have realized within this process: we cannot sustain this self-interested experiences of ups and downs and seeking happiness or being subsumed in depressions- which is the same thing – but actually stop participating in all forms of energetic experiences and focus on integrating ourselves to our physical body here as breath, that does Not require to have a particular ‘stance’ toward the world as an experiencing ourselves to do, be, say and act toward what’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to expose how our energetic fixations of the mind as desires, wants and needs – as well as rejections, denials, suppressions – represent the ‘who we are’ as the mind that functions through energy, which is who we have become as consciousness and within this, exposing how we have diminished ourselves in the physical to these limited characters that fight and define one against the other with no ability to actually create solutions, stand up for that which matters, because we are so busy trying to sort out our inner experiences, without even looking at the consequences that are ensuing from such self-experience as a drug of the mind. And so

 

I commit myself to stop any mind fixation within me either perceived as positive or negative and any participation in the self-definition of who I have been as a point of  preference or habit in order to finally be able to stand as  a sound stable physical being that can be effective to be self directive, self-motivated to establish solutions in this world and stop wallowing in any form of self experience as the result of seeing ‘the state of the world’ as that is only but a mechanism of defense to continue existing as a mind that ‘feels’ and ‘becomes emotional’ but establishes no solutions to the problems we’ve created, which is our responsibility at all times.

 

I commit myself to expose how our ‘mental instability’ is nothing ‘out of this world,’ but the mechanism of how the mind works and for this, realizing that reducing ourselves to have some form of ‘mental instability’ is the ultimate self-incapacitation in order to believe that we are not ‘strong enough’ or ‘good enough’ or ‘capable enough’ to stand up to create solutions in this world.

 

I realize that the moment we focus on our mind problems/ inner experience, we absolutely miss out the reality that is here and this is how it is imperative for all of us to get to a point of constancy and consistency as the stability that we are able to all live by here as Breath, as life in the physical, so that we no longer get distracted by our energy fixes of the mind as ‘problems’ and ‘instabilities’ that are self created just as another attention diversion aspect within our worlds.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is only possible for us people that have enough food to eat, a place to live and education to be focusing on this ‘inner experience’ due to having ‘more time’ to spend wondering in the mind instead of being physically working and participating in activities that are related to actually contributing to life on Earth. This is how depression and any other form of mental instability that can be identified as ‘mental disorder’ hence an apparent  “drug-required disease,” is just another way to make money for the pharmaceutical companies that use this ‘weakness’ within the human mind in a capitalist world to believe that emotions and feelings are a disease that can be controlled or healed with chemicals/drugs, instead of actually investigating one’s life to see how these ‘disorders’ were entirely self created, accepted and allowed and as such take responsibility for them, in order to not only correct oneself in one’s living and physical stability, but also to support establishing conditions in this world through education and the necessary changes in the entire system so that whichever system-deficiency is able to be identified as a problem that propitiates this mental problems, we create a solution for, which implies the implementation of the Equal Money System to ensure that people are no longer subject to a survival mode that feeds this inner conflict of the mind, but instead we are able to focus on re-establishing our living conditions to that which is optimal and supportive to be Living in this world as physical beings and no longer existing of/ as friction and conflict in the mind, feeding each other’s mind-realities and instead, support each other to ground ourselves as the physical, stop living as characters and work together to create a world that is based on life in equality.

 

— I will continue with looking at how these energetic experiences of the mind as emotions and feelings causing inner conflict, were reduced to being ‘mental disorders’ of the mind wherein we made an illness of something that is each individual’s point of self responsibility to correct, stop and align to the physical living wherein the focus must always be to stand as beings that support life in Equality with All – and within this, for once and for all, stop supporting each other’s inner-instabilities as ‘who we are’ and dare to call that a human crisis instead of a human problem caused by ourselves and resolved by ourselves individually.

Desteni Forum 

Desteni Lite ProcessFree Course of Self Support

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Desteni 

Journey to Life Blogs

 

 

Emotions and Feelings are Self Interest – Stop the Self-Addiction

 

Educate Yourself about How your Mind Operates:

Blogs:

 

Interviews to Step out of the Mind and realize the opportunity and responsibility we hold toward ourselves/ each other to create a world that is livable for all:


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