Tag Archives: self change

609. Courage in Self-Expression

 

I want to share about the ways in which I’ve been opening up to a new understanding of what ‘living’ is about and letting go of a stifling rigidity that I’ve kept within an idea of what I like, enjoy, the kind of person I, what I dislike, what I’m supposed to be and do and I’ve been seeing how limiting all of that has been when confronted with new people, new ways of living, behaving, talking, expressing in day to day living – and of course also related to arts and music.

Well, it’s no mystery that a lot of my life is influenced by fellow creative people, especially when they are the kind that represent a joyful expression which to me contains a pinch of innocence, they seem to be ‘boundless’ and without a care so to speak in terms of how other people might see them, perceive them – in essence being carefree in their expression, not holding themselves back with ‘second thoughts’ or ‘what others will think of them,’ and to me that’s quite a precious quality in ourselves as human beings.

I recently learned from an interesting explanation about The Jonah Complex and the Fear of Greatness how we fear being different, we fear truly expressing ourselves, we want to conform and ‘blend in’ because we fear ‘standing alone’ in our own ways of being, essentially daring to be unique and so start fearing ‘to exist’ which means to emerge, appear, stand out and this eventually creating a ‘fear of life’ or fear of living, where we don’t want to be our own creators, we don’t want to achieve our greatness – which I read more as in creating our living potential – because that would mean changing, that would mean standing outside of our comfort zone, that means doing the actual work it means to create our individuality and own our creation. Yep, that’s the paradoxical nature of ourselves as human beings in our own minds and can definitely prove that. 

I really enjoyed listening that explanation because throughout my life I’ve struggled in that polarity of realizing how much I could ‘stand out’ – which I’ve shared in a previous blog – yet because of caring too much about everyone’s feedback, I decided to step back, ‘cease to exist’ and seek for more ways to hide out, blend in, stand in the back/to not stand out, to remain limited and inevitably becoming and embodying that fear of truly standing out and being ‘me’ in whichever way I genuinely wanted and could be.  

I went through a phase of first rebelling against anything that I didn’t want to achieve based on what everyone else was doing, which still led me to a form of limitation and still defining myself based on ‘not doing what everyone else is doing’ – which is the whole antagonistic personality I’ve shared a lot about in this blog before. But, I hadn’t really stepped outside of the paradigm to genuinely ask myself: what do I want to live? What do I genuinely enjoy? What do I want to create regardless of the ‘kind of person’ I think I am supposed to be? Or the kind of topics of interest that I thought ‘I was supposed to ONLY be interested on’? And I noticed how I was slowly but surely caging myself into an idea of who I had to be, look like, dress like, care about, act like etc. even though I could see all those moments that would come up within me wanting to do something different, wanting to test out certain expressions that I would see in others and would only ‘judge them’ for daring to express something that I wanted to express deep inside myself.

One of these aspects in the sheer ability to enjoy life. I know, sounds as if I’m veering into a ‘self conceited’ topic, but I will step outside of my own projections and say nope, this is actually the one point that I had refrained myself to do in an almost religious manner – and hell, I am still getting out of my cocoon on this one! – which has nothing to do with going into extremes of ‘libertinage’ when it comes to associating enjoyment with ‘parting’ or all kinds of excesses that we usually associate ‘enjoyment’ to be about.

Nope, actually this enjoyment is more of a decision in the most simple of moments, it’s not something that will suddenly ‘take over myself’ either or come up as an energy that I have to build up into ‘enjoyment!’ – no, this that I’m talking about it is more like an opening, a decision to express, to ‘step outside of myself,’ in essence to decide to exist in moments where I knew I wanted to express myself in such ‘carefree’ ways – yet would allow my ‘idea of self’ to dictate the way I was supposed to behave and look like at the eyes of others and the rest of it. But in fact, I am discovering that I am the most content, happy and joyful with and within myself when I have zero thoughts about how someone/others might be ‘perceiving me’ and in that I’ve found the most enjoyable quietness where I can simply ‘be’. And no, this doesn’t mean sitting in a quiet place and meditating, nope and it doesn’t also come as quick and simple as just ‘letting go’ – it is also the result of all of these years of working with myself, understanding my judgments, patterns and limitations, so that I can now be more comfortable in living the words that I want to ‘be’ and make exist as myself.

A clear example of this is how I started to listen to a type of music that I never thought I would get to be quite fond of. I would randomly hear a live band in my home town and they play very upbeat and generally joyful/happy music called Klezmer. I started listening to them every now and then around town 2 years ago, and I remember standing there with my then partner and having the impulse to move my feet, my knees, to kind of dance to the beats of that music – yet, the ‘rigidity’ of my own personality would come out in ways of ‘oh no, that would not be ‘me’ liking this kind of happy, joyful music’ – yet slowly but surely, I kept creating an interest in listening to them playing it and would stand still while listening to it, yet inside myself started kind of dancing to the tunes and enjoying those moments.

Well, long story short, after many times of listening to them in my frequent trips walking downtown, it is only now that I’ve been able to move my feet and legs and head around when listening to them, and yep knowing that people are watching and sometimes ask me if I’m ‘with the band’ lol, but nope and no, I don’t put on a show either, haha! But it’s been mostly children thus far that I’ve seen moving their bodies to the sound of the music, because that’s mostly what that music is for! Yet most adults – including myself in the past – would focus on enjoying the music and maybe craving to move around or bob our heads yet we kept bound to ideas of ‘how we are supposed to be’ or ‘not knowing how to dance that kind of music’ or ‘what will others say if we start moving around? I actually enjoy standing there while the band is playing and looking at people’s facial reactions, some do move around a bit while they pass by and so I’ve made it a point to learn from those few and in between that have dared to dance along or move around, including the guys in the band which is something I also appreciate from creative people in general, being quite ‘gutsy’ – for a lack of a better word – to own their individuality, show their courage in their expression and share it in a carefree manner – and by ‘carefree’ I mean without judgment towards themselves and therefore without projected judgments coming from others.

No matter how much one walks through ‘judging oneself,’ I find that one has to find an actual way to work through it in a practical and physical manner. To me, making paintings is one, learning to own my creation no matter how it looks, no matter if I ‘like it’ or not, but see them all as part of a process to express myself, to actually live my potential and I’ve met some people in the past weeks that represent that genuine expression of enjoyment in who they are through their creative process. And in this I don’t mean that everyone has to look at artists as a source of inspiration, to me that’s just how it has usually been throughout my life. It can be any other person that in their field of expertise or interest are really good at doing something and seeing how much they enjoy doing so is a source of inspiration, because they represent that potential that we can develop for ourselves in our own ways and lives.

Many times I’ve wallowed within myself when comparing ‘me’ and ‘my creations’ to those of others, and it seems that generally this obnoxious sense of comparison is a constant judgment that I bring up to sabotage myself – therefore what do I know? I can only remind myself about the uniqueness and individuality that each individual represents, to stop seeing others as a point of measurement for my own life or creations, and always remember that there is no point in comparing or judging how I express, what I express and the ways in which I go developing such expressions, because that’s a unique process to me and myself only. And in that, I can nurture myself from the many examples that I’ve found in people’s expressions, doesn’t matter how ‘simple’ it might be, it can start with having the ‘guts’ to sing out in public or play music in the streets – anything that I would consider as something that I would probably enjoy doing yet would not ‘dare’ to do it, I can then learn to see what words these people represent that I am not living myself. And what comes up is having that courage to express myself.

Yesterday as I was listening to this band playing live, they had no fears to change places in instruments and play in front of everyone their own practice of learning a new instrument, and even if the songs didn’t come out ‘perfectly’, I definitely appreciated the fact that they had no qualms about it or keeping their ‘practice/learning process secret’ but simply did it out there in public. And also being genuine when it comes to not lying about ‘enjoying every single moment of playing,’ but being quite honest on how tiring it can be, yet at the same time being inspired by the expressions that this music brings out in people  – and kids specially – which is quite awesome to witness.

So, this kind of music and the way these guys have come to create their band is quite unique in the sense that many of them might have been professional musicians, but some others didn’t know how to play any instrument, yet they had the will and courage to learn and be part of the band, so they learned an instrument in order to be part of it. It has made me consider how many times we admire people like musicians or any other form of performers because they have gotten to do something that we have yearned to do, which is to express, create and stand out with it in the world, to dare to exist beyond one’s own 4 closed walls.

Where am I in this process of having the courage to express myself? Definitely in the beginning stages, even more so considering how much I had to shed this idea that I could not enjoy life or had to suffer or could not just ‘be happy’ because ‘the world is not a happy place,’ yet I see for myself how people daring to do this in their lives becomes a source of inspiration for everyone else to dare to do what each one of us actually wants to do, and actually do it! Have the courage to do it, dare to ‘stand out’, daring to be unique, daring to not follow the crowd – not from an antagonistic or rebellious way but based on understanding our capacity to live in a very unique way that in turn, may inspire others to do the same in their lives, and that’s who I want to be and what I want to be, to give that back to the world based on all that I’ve learned from many, many people that have inspired me in my life and that have assisted me – without them even knowing – in becoming who I am today.

So, part of what I’ve been looking at in terms of embracing myself, my looks, my physical feature as the totality of ‘me’ – which I have judged as ‘odd’ – I can embrace within that uniqueness that I decide to live as myself, and reminding myself every time that I start going into judgments about myself and projecting it towards others, I have to remind myself how present I can be when I am judgment-less, when moving my limbs a bit when listening to this music out in the public in downtown and each time that I dare to do it more often, it feels more liberating and I become the most quiet and joyful and not in an ‘overt’ manner, but in that genuine ‘hereness’ of expression, because I’m simply there with the music, moving with it and there’s no thoughts, no fears, no expectations… and it’s hard at times to have those moments in one’s day, but I found that this is one of my moments of enjoyment, to have that ‘me’ time if you will yet sharing it with others at the same time.

And! No pressure if there’s no ‘live band’ I can dance to, I’ve been also playing some music that invariably leads me to want to dance as well, which is another interesting thing based on how I had thought that ‘I don’t like dancing anymore’ but I just hadn’t found the kind of music that I genuinely and almost naturally want to move my body to, which has been a cool discovery for myself as well and letting go of ideas that I had to like a particular ‘kind of music’ to ‘dance to.’ Hell no, we are the only ones that create our limitations. So I am definitely in that phase of challenging my own expression-limitations, breaking them apart and in that discovering the little bits of self-enjoyment I had held myself back from for such a looong time.

So for anyone out there, I can only suggest to have a look at where or in what/who do you find inspiration to self-express, what it means to embrace your creative self and I am not implying this is only an ‘art creation’ thing, nope – every human being is a creator, so in that we all are creating every single moment – most of the times without awareness! – therefore, if we become self-aware creators and in that determine the ways that we want to live every moment, the ways that we want to challenge our boundaries, our personalities, our fears, we will slowly but surely go realizing the potential that has always ‘been here’ as ourselves, just covered up with our fears, memories, excuses, reasons, justifications and preferences that have limited ourselves from getting to know ourselves and enjoy ourselves in the process.

Ok that’s it! Have fun

Here I share some of the music including this live band that I am speaking of here, which I actually got to record because I’ve become friends with the band J

Colectivo Klezmorino – Festival Rodarte

 

And! a taste of the other band I’ve been enjoying to move around to

DakhaBrakha: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

 

 

And this painting I made within the starting point of expressing me, having fun, while being inspired by the music represented in the image of the band itself Sonrisa 

 

Klezmorinos

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


608. Being Genuine

Or how to create the space to be real in our interactions while also working through our initial reactions or experiences in order to expand ourselves in our relationships

This word ‘genuine’ emerged as a solution to live when seeing myself in situations or moments where I was being slightly worried about the way that others would see me/perceive me and in doing so, having certain fears about what could ‘go wrong’ if I would not make or cause the ‘right impression’ upon others. That becomes a point of self compromise where one manipulates one’s expression in order to –apparently – create a better image of ourselves or a better outcome at the eyes of others. Though that usually comes with compromise because I had to realize the fears or perceived ‘missing out’ points that I was trying to avoid by trying to be seen/perceived in a particular ‘favorable light’ so to speak.

These are points that have to do with not fully trusting myself in my expression, which is cool that came up so that I could then in real time let go of any attempt to ‘hold’ a particular idea or experience within me within having ‘others’ as a starting point in my mind and instead, realize that any point of compromise I create in my expression – no matter how ‘subtle’ it might be – it would then become an unsustainable point to manage, which is what happens when we create different ‘personas’ towards different people in our lives, and one has to go ‘managing’ them and remembering ‘who we are supposed to be’ towards this or that person, and of course that’s not living.

This is how being genuine in my expression becomes the solution, where I stop the chain reactions in social relationships where we don’t ask ourselves who we are in approaching someone? What are we trying to achieve? What is our aim? Or what are our intentions or fears behind it? So that I can first clear up my hidden agendas and genuinely be able to live the word ‘genuine’ in my expression towards/with others.

In my case, I had to move in real time from believing I had to cause/create certain impression upon others, to deciding to be genuine and in a way ‘stay true to myself’ – yet this doesn’t mean being ‘righteous’ about my expression and not considering others or ‘remain exactly the same as I’ve always been’ – nope, it’s the other way around I’d say, where being genuine means walking through and working with reactions that may occur at first when meeting certain people or individuals that I may have reacted to before in my past, where I have to genuinely take a moment to see what reactions came up, what memories or experiences were triggered within me, so that I can then decide who I want to be and express myself towards such people/person.  

I recently heard in this audio  Return to Innocence – The Future of Awareness – Part 92

the following bit:

“It can even be one of those simple things of looking at feelings that we so briefly feel toward one-another where we think we’re good people because we’re nice to other people. But instead we’re lashing out a fakeness toward another person, and we might not even realize that the other is doing it to us as well and we’re picking up that fakeness and it’s resonantly leaving a mark of untrustworthiness that is spreading out in this world into the fact that we cannot trust anything of each other. So we’re lashing out and we are creating a world of distrust, and that’s if you even feel what distrust feels like, it’s a horrible experience. We’re resonantly doing that to each other. So practice the world you want to create even in those two simple moments where if you smile, genuinely smile at someone”

And it is a cool cross-reference to the solution I saw towards this reaction or point of self-manipulation as in creating a certain façade in moments to create a particular outcome. It also becomes very uncomfortable for me to ‘put on a mask’ so to speak, therefore I already know how that feels and that’s how I get to know, oh oh I’m compromising myself and get back to the writing-board to establish who I decide to be in relation to people that I might have an initial judgment towards, so that I can first clear my own bias as in judgments, opinions, memories, prejudices that I may immediately attach to a person which are usually there as a result of unresolved judgments and issues towards a particular ‘type of person’ that I haven’t worked through within myself.

I had a situation where I faced this point and what I had to do is first sort myself out so that I could understand my own reaction and experience through writing, seeing directly what was I reacting to, what were the points of fears, comparisons, judgments, prejudices so that I could take responsibility for all of that and so for my experience. So in the next moment of interaction with that person, I knew what I exactly had to work through and stop recreating all of the things that were previously preventing me to actually interact with the other person from a clear starting point.

So to me, the word genuine came up as the solution here, so that I can embrace and trust myself in being me, without pretense and without hidden agendas, which include working through any backchat/negative reactions I may create upon simply looking at and hearing another person for the first time, which is quite a common experience we all have as human beings and that I’ve faced many times where, upon looking at the judgments, ideas, initial perceptions I had about a person, I decide to deliberately get to know them more, talk to them and slowly but surely build more of a relationship with the person and yep, it turns out all of my ‘first impressions’ were ‘all in my head’ of course! as in being merely associations from my past that I was imposing onto this new person. Though if I hadn’t done that self-work to really look at why I was reacting to the person, I would have missed out the opportunity to get to know them and genuinely ‘see’ the person for who they are, rather than how I was interpreting, assuming or perceiving them to be.

With this, the tricky aspect to watch out for comes when we define our ‘being genuine’ as being ‘who we are and how we are and that’s it’ without really pushing to expand and open up to – for example – get to know different kinds of people that one would probably not directly go out and seek to start a conversation with. These are actually the most supportive moments and situations to face, because we are by design ‘programmed’ to only relate to certain kinds of people that are somewhat ‘similar’ to us, and those people that we define through personalities/ways of being as ‘too different’ or ‘the opposite’ of ourselves are usually people we would not directly approach to ‘strike  a conversation with’ or establish any form of contact with them, however that’s a cool question to ask as well, why would I regularly say ‘no’ to getting to know certain kinds of people?

It can only do with my judgments, prejudices, perceptions and bias that I cultivated throughout many years in my life, mostly out of comparison within a sense of superiority or inferiority, leading myself to simply avoid certain ‘kinds of people’ so that I would not have to deal with these experiences of comparison, judgment and inferiority.

That’s how ‘being genuine’ also becomes a decision, it’s not simply showing ‘my true colors’ so to speak, because if that ‘me’ is still existing as a particular ‘type of person’ or personality that is disliking other ‘kinds of people’ or having certain ideas, beliefs, perceptions or opinions that stand in judgment or in conflict with others, then, that’s more like being righteous in one’s stance, which would not allow any openness towards actually getting to know another, and I have definitely been there, done that for most of my life, which is why I find this word so relevant for me.

So being genuine becomes a decision that I make in getting to know another with a clear mind so to speak, with a clear starting point, not loading my prejudices, ideas, perceptions and associations in the moment of interaction with another person and genuinely Create an interest in getting to know them, create the space to get to know them.

I emphasize the word ‘create’ there because that space or openness usually doesn’t exist when we are still walking in real time through reactions and the barriers of ‘getting along’ with people we initially ‘right off the bat’ judge – whereas deciding to create this space, deciding to interact with another and deciding to be genuine in that moment becomes a moment of expansion and acknowledgment, as well as making that decision of how we decide to express and interact, regardless of the other person’s expression or experience within themselves, which assists in not making our interactions all about ‘how we perceive others,’ but rather how I decide to genuinely express myself.

This doesn’t mean that one has to become entirely open and embracing to the other person, lol, not about extremes, but simply ensuring that one is ‘giving ourselves a chance’ to get to know the person, which is a phrase I got from Sunette in the latest public chat, where she mentioned how we can give certain actor ‘a chance’ to interpret Bruce Lee in a movie, instead of jumping into conclusions of how he is not like the real Bruce and disregarding his acting and expression altogether.

 That’s exactly how it is when deciding to be genuine – and not only to not compromise oneself as in wanting to portray ourselves in a particular ‘light’ towards others – but also being genuine in our approach to others, deciding to walk through any resistances to do so with ‘certain kinds of people’ to then realize, they are just ‘people,’ and the ‘kind’ or ‘type’ of person I thought them to be is all in my mind, my prejudice, so I take responsibility for that and proceed to be ‘empty’ within me while deciding to interact with another, and that means stopping comparing, judging, perceiving or assuming – and simply take in the words as they come, in the moment and also deciding to be genuine in my interaction in terms of how I decide to express, to be ok to maybe not show an ‘equal expression’ of say, excitement that I perceive the other person is portraying as their expression, because that can just be their way of expressing themselves, and that means me being genuine about whatever expression comes up – or doesn’t come up – during such moments.

This application of being genuine, authentic in a redefined manner as in expanding myself or making space for the new and the previously ‘unrelated’ situations in my life is what I want to continue building and creating, which comes with the trust that whatever else I may face or whatever else I may initially react to, I know that I can work through those reactions first within myself, understand my own bias, work on it to clear it up and then make that decision to be genuine and learn to interact and get to know people with this clear-head and starting point.

I recommend the above mentioned audio on Eqafe.com because this is just one point that stood out for me based on what I had been looking at when it comes to what it means to ‘expand’ myself as one of the goals that I see as part of living and this process of ‘birthing life from the physical’ which is to be genuine and creating such genuineness whenever it doesn’t exist yet within us towards others in order to learn to see, embrace, understand and acknowledge others as extensions of ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

 

Mermaid

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


578. Shedding the Past and Creating the New

Or sharing some of the process involved in giving myself authority to create the new version of me that I can be proud of living in

Something that I’ve become aware of is a hindrance to creating the new within us is keeping ourselves captive to our own words, thoughts, emotions, feelings as memories of ‘who we have been’ and believing that we don’t have the authority to step out of that and create for ourselves a fresh start every day. As simple as it might sound, it seems that we create our own limitations based on ‘who we have been’ and ‘how we’ve always done things’ and ‘how we’ve always behaved’ and believe that there’s no way around this, that this is ‘it’ and we have to carry our burdens for a lifetime. That’s definitely not so.

 I’ve discovered through walking this process with Desteni that I have been able to reinvent myself and slowly but surely give myself the authority to actually become the person I many times envisioned I would ‘like to be’ but, somehow in my mind, had believed ‘I didn’t have it in me’ to become the kind of person I would mostly admire when it comes to women or be attracted to when it comes to males, because that’s the way that I was identifying all the aspects/words/potentials that I saw others living in their lives. Yet at the same time, I would think of myself as ‘not having what it takes’ to ‘pull that off’ so to speak… who decides? I was, in my mind existing in fears, ideas, limitations, thinking what will ‘others say about this/that,’ ‘that would be so out of character for me to do’ and all other kinds of ideas, beliefs and justifications adorning fears to actually give myself an opportunity to reinvent myself, to create myself anew.

This sounds like a ‘transcendental’ process in fact and it might be to a certain extent, but it isn’t really something that complex when one realizes the ability we have to ‘step out of the preprogrammed ways’ in every moment of our lives, it is as simple as that, we just sometimes or ‘usually’ fear ‘the unknown’ that comes with it instead of realizing that we can trust ourselves to become the new, test it out, live it out and see if it is in fact supportive and beneficial for oneself or not and go back to the drawing board to test out something different instead.

I was chatting with a friend yesterday and we were talking about our past as ‘the Grinch kind of people’ that would be ‘anti’ everything: anti-capitalists, anti-consumerism, anti-social, anti-government, anti-politics and the rest of it, which was interesting to see how much we could relate to seeing how many doors we closed in our lives because of standing in such position of ‘this is who I am, it is the right way, it is the just way/the right way and whatever I say will help you to wake up!’ which interestingly enough he also mentioned this could have assisted some to ‘open eyes’ to investigate reality – which surely, can be so to a certain extent – but I also shared how in my process, I had to ask myself ‘who am I’ within such stance/what’s my starting point in it within such criticism and ‘awakened’ type of mentality I was carrying as myself, and how I had found a lot of antagonism, criticism, rebelliousness, superiority, righteousness and in essence creating a ‘fight against the world’ that led me to become a misanthrope at times, which all comes from an arrogant superiority believing myself to be ‘corrected’ already, instead of seeing that I was still then being part of the problem, being only criticizing, judging but not really proposing any ways to change things, starting within myself.

“How did you manage to change?” he asked and I shared that it was part of this same process of self-support with Desteni, getting to understand my responsibility to it all to no longer stand ‘against’ everything and everyone, but to apply understanding, to rather find ways to better relate to each other, to find the common ground even in our plethora of disparities and opinions/judgments/beliefs and all of those things that have come to separate us even if they only exist in our minds.

That’s how I shared that even though I had focused a lot on possible changes at a political and economic level, the ball kept falling back again and again on the front of individual self-change, and how the nature of the system is nothing else but the nature of the relationships we have forged ‘against’ – currently – one another, and how with people taking responsibility for that self-change first, then the idea of a ‘new system’ becomes more plausible. He agreed with that, even though in his own path he’s also contributing within the economic realm at a local level, he considered again how relevant it is for us to yes, be informed, educate ourselves about the nature of the systems, the potential solutions and the rest of it – but not to forget about that inner/self-change, a change of mind, a change of consciousness so to speak which to him is more in the sense of ‘getting more in touch with yourself’ which surely is a growing trend I’d say, and it’s great in whichever ways people find it supportive.

There’s this song that starts saying ‘to change the world is to change personal perspective’ and it is so, I’ve been seeing for myself what it is to stop seeing the eyes through the ‘giving up on myself/humanity’ eyes where everything seemed gloomy, dismal, pointless, depressed, angry, antagonistic… because I was projecting my own experience onto everyone else and I wasn’t even aware of it. Whereas now through having walked my own experiences related to only seeing ‘the bad’ in the world, all the problems, all that’s ‘out of place’ according to me, the actual change emerged when I was able to give myself this openness, this opportunity to change me, to breakthrough, to create myself ‘anew’, to create and work on my potential and to stop holding myself as a victim to my own past, but instead embrace the potentials I can forge in my life.

This is also why self-forgiveness comes into play as a key tool to do this, because no one will give us this permission, no one else will give us ‘the green light’ we keep waiting for, but ourselves. We have to stand as that authority itself. I’ve been testing this out for myself and breaking my own ‘oaths’ that I thought I could not ever step back from in my absolutist mindset. Like saying ‘I will shave my head for the rest of my life’ and breaking that set of words that to me was something I had to stick to because ‘I said so and I cannot backup from that!’ and in that become an absolutist by my own will, instead of being self-honest about what would be most practical and ‘normal’ thing to do for me… that was a huge part of creating this new phase within me as well, of letting go of my own dictatorship and break my own rules so to speak, to decide to ‘create the next phase’ of self-creation and no one else was going to do it for me! I had to decide and do it for myself.

The same with saying ‘I won’t ever do this/that,’ well I’ve found myself doing it and testing who I am within it and then assess what is best for me or not, but no longer create an ‘unbreakable’ idea of myself that became so rigid, so authoritarian and absolutist that became my own invisible cage in which I thought I was comfortably living in. Might be a point of a comfort zone indeed, there’s a false sense of security when sticking to ‘the good old’ apparently, but I’ve found that this is a great lie we tell ourselves. With time this becomes a hindrance, a great limitation and a great source of bitterness and dissatisfaction because deep within ourselves we are aware we could live in an enjoyable manner, we could do things differently, we could Live differently altogether and be the way that we ‘dreamed’ ourselves of living as, and when we don’t dare to do it, we go day by day cementing all the reasons, justifications, fears and excuses of why we apparently ‘can’t do it’ – that’s the illusion to break through, to push through and give ourselves that creative authority to create the new.

So, to answer to my friend, I said that the most significant change emerged when I changed within myself and so started seeing people/humanity/the world and its potential. This was not such an ‘easy’ thing to do initially due to how ingrained all of my personalities, perspectives, ‘ways of being’ were all attached to me holding this defeatism as myself and so projecting it towards the world, to the point of having preferred everything to just ‘be gone’ in one moment than me giving myself a chance to see and work with the potentials, which is what I am focusing on now. Also, making it simple, not trying to engulf the whole world in my own hands and try and do ‘everything’ or try to ‘change the world out there’ – but take my own life, walk through my own limitations, expand myself and what I’ve been ‘doing’ and going breaking my own barriers that way, little by little, one step at a time as it is said.

The benefits of doing this for myself is the definition of actual freedom, which is interestingly enough related to push through wanting to ‘go through the easy way out’ or through ‘the route of less effort’ and instead, see the benefits that come with actually dedicating ourselves to get to know who we are, seeing our flaws, our problems, our ‘weaknesses’ and start deciding and working on how can we start changing all of those aspects that we dislike about ourselves that are holding us captive to a decadent past.

There are many ways to do this, I can only speak of and recommend the one that I’ve walked and continue applying in my day to day living, which is the Desteni I Process and the community of support that we are all as Desteni, supporting, sharing, learning from each other to expand and grow together as years go by, to walk this process that -even if being apart by long distances – know that we got each other to share what we go through, to assist each other in understanding the practical ways to walk through this, because let’s be honest: doing this process of change is not a ‘common thing’ in this world as of yet – it’s sort of getting there but not yet – so being part of a supportive community makes a complete difference to it, in essence,  you know you’re not alone in doing it no matter how ‘far’ we are from each other and that’s comforting as well, a sense of brotherhood is created and knowing that from the ‘few’ we might be right now, there are the many to awaken to this potential in all of us and join in, in whichever way or form they decide to do so. It’s happening, this is the new way of living, and we are the only ones that can decide to start doing so for ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

And! Watch this hangout that I had with Garb as well, it was very cool to share our perspectives on redefining and living words, all of it based on the great source of support that Eqafe.com is

Eqafe Hangout: How to Stop Overcomplicating Redefining & Living Words.

Also this series to learn how to support ourselves/each other, learning to see the potential in each other rather than bringing us down constantly

Perspective Vs Interpretation – Reptilians – Part 565

Perspective Versus Interpretation (Part 2) – Reptilians – Part 566

The As Is Glasses – Reptilians – Part 567

 Artwork022

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


577. Creative Expansion

Or reflecting on the nature of absolutism and how to learn from others to transform it into a supportive expression

I had a laugh with myself while listening to this audio here My Life of Absolutism (Part 3) – Life Review because I tend to do so when something or someone reflects me back to myself in such an accurate way, and it also can be a temporary way to cope with the blunt image of myself through someone else’s words to then take it through an actual assimilation of what that description of this person as being an ‘absolutist’ means and the consequences it created in his life. I could see myself in his shoes and even wondered that if I had been a male, I would have probably taken it even one step further just like he did towards people.

An interesting thing that has also been quite present for the past month or so is my relationship with people that to me represent the opposite of ‘absolutism,’ people that are more ‘free flowing’ or have learned to stand in the system yet ‘twist it from within’ and not in an antagonistic manner, but more like being able to stand within it/as it and change it from within or assist in reflecting back the nature of the system in a fun way evidencing that there is something we have to change about it within ourselves.

I’m talking about artists for the most part and how there are times when I create specific ‘fixations’ towards certain artists/people/individuals that appear ‘attractive’ to me but not in a physical attraction mode only, but more in the sense of looking at the words they rare living and expressing in how they live/who they are, at least in anything that I have access to at the moment.

I noticed that I created this same experience towards an artist called Morten Traavik, who to me initially appeared to be quite the ‘absolutist’ kind, very frank, direct, diplomatic yet almost ‘militant’ in how he approaches things but not within the context of aligning to ‘how things are’ but in the context of transgressing the system, without opposing it but ‘hacking it from within’ with a lot of finesse so to speak. He’s managed to create artistic projects with North Korea who are supposed to be this very closed-up and censoring nation, and has managed to create artistic events between his country Norway and North Korea, all of it through him creating relationships of trust over time with the people there. He said something quite interesting in one of his talks “if real dialogue is what you want, then you have to be prepared to learn from people you don’t like” and

“If you really want to test your own limits of tolerance and to try something new and something fresh, deal with somebody you would not like to deal with”

A lot of what absolutism represents to me is a unilateral perspective on what I’ve believed is ‘my way’ as ‘the right way’ and ‘how things have to be’ where I’ve invariably created a counter-part that I’ve then by default defined as ‘the opposite’ of everything I’ve stood for, and I didn’t realize how I was ‘by default’ again creating this separation by becoming absolutist in my ways.

The reason why I didn’t question this before is because I judged the things I stood for as ‘the right ones’ as the ‘noble ones’ and the principles that ‘everyone should stand by and live for’ which made it difficult for me to realize how I was in fact at the same time becoming rigid, unilateral, constricted and limited within such militant stance – not that the word ‘militant’ is ‘bad’ either because I found there is a way to live it without the ‘absolutism’ in it, which at the same time leads me to say that it’s not that absolutism cannot be redefined either, both words can be lived in a supportive manner which I’ll get to explain later on.

So, what does that ‘attraction’ represented to me in this time of my life? And I have to here outline that it’s not the usual kind of attraction as it’s usually experienced, but it’s more of a curiosity to want to know more about the person, how they got to be ‘who they are’ and express/live the way they do, which to me is a representation of self-trust through having had a lot of experiences of ‘going for it’ to create things and finding out what works, what doesn’t work, but overall Daring to do so, which is something I’ve been writing about. But I find it very useful to take on examples from other people living certain words in their lives to see how they ‘got to do so’ in practical terms. That’s how I’ve transformed a merely superficial experience of ‘attraction’ into actually getting to see what words that person that I am creating this experience towards is living that I can integrate and live for myself as well.

I wanted to share about Morten because in the way that he works and how he relates to people, he’s quite political in nature and I can see myself having similar stance and ways, yet he is not standing within the ‘current system’ of politics as is, but has taken his current position from within the system to hack it, to use it to expand its horizons, to expose it, to transgress it and to me that is quite innovative and takes a lot of guts.  

I would very much like to do something like that, maybe not in ‘the same way’ he’s managed to do at those political and diplomatic levels, but in my own context and current living situation, while also considering potentials for the future in it.

I got to know of him through watching the Laibach documentary going to play in North Korea called ‘Liberation Day’ which I definitely enjoyed, more so from the perspective of what this whole event represents ‘for the world’ in politics and culture and seeing the role that the film’s director had in it all, which is Morten in this case.

The band in itself represents an artistic mirror for fascism by becoming it, not going ‘against it’ but fully embodying it to then make art within/as it and expose it to itself. I consider that’s been quite a unique way of doing art and that’s how I’ve also looked at words like absolutism and militant which somehow I can resonate with a lot, but not within the context of the actual control they imply to limit, to exist in fear, to dictate, but more as expressions I can use to stand as that resolve, that rotund expression of life, of ‘this is who I am and what I stand for’ without standing ‘against’ anything or anyone, but learning to embrace and be flexible in it all at the same time, which may sound contradictory in theory, but that’s where the challenge begins, to stop seeing things ‘black or white’ and instead live words, aspects of words, what’s best for the words within a supportive starting point. It’s like learning to transcend those limitations created through those words/concepts by using them at the same time. I can live those words in a supportive manner as well.

What this artist represents to me is the courage to do what no one else would have maybe dared to do, to transcend limits that have been imposed through politics and cultural definitions and directly work with the people, establishing relationships with ‘the unthinkable’ which is represented in the quotes I placed from him above.

To me those are key words because I’ve become so used to ‘follow my own lines’ that I know I am limiting myself in my self-creation process if I only think in those ‘usual terms’ and that’s definitely the challenge here for me: to step out of ‘myself’ and see reality with a different pair of eyes, which means, stopping living in an absolutist manner where I think that ‘where I am and how I am is the right way and with the right principles and there’s nothing else to look at discovering or changing’ which of course also makes my life boring, because I am creating my own stagnation if I don’t dare to challenge even those tenets that I believe are ‘who I am and will always be’ by now… now that’s really pushing the envelope to me and even writing about it a little bit of an experience wants to emerge in the sense of saying ‘”Nooo! you can’t do that!” But who decides, really, who’s the real policeman in my head?

I have learned from innovative and ‘ahead of our time’ people – mostly artists – that in order to get anywhere, one has to dare to do things that would have been conceived as impossible or ‘out of the norm’ or ‘going against the tide’ by most – but without the antagonism in itself, because it’s not about fighting the system, not about just criticizing it – but having the cunning ways and skills to be entirely and fully into it to step into that self-authority of being in it but not of it, which is what I’ve seen Morten has managed to do with his art and projects, getting to speak  to certain ‘authorities’ in events about politics and culture and stand in the podium and make everyone question if the term ‘cultural diplomacy’ is in fact a paradox lol – that’s the kind of people that from my perspective we all need in all areas/spheres of our lives and this world, daring to have some guts to stand in those ‘echelons’ and speak things as they are, and that involves some words like courage, understanding, confidence, self-trust, frankness to express that, without holding his own views as ‘the right ones’ but in fact mentioning the importance of learning from each other for growth and expansion – his own words there.

I’ve never stopped referencing people that I’ve come to ‘admire’ or ‘be attracted to’ in order to see what words are they living that I can integrate into my own life and live it as myself. And most of them are artists or creative people in the formal sense of the world, which confirms that I am at the right place in what I choose to continue forming myself as and being within the realm of arts, and understanding art as self-creation from the individual to the existential sense, and I am rather grateful there are human beings I get to know and have relationships with that have challenged myself over the years to step out of my own cocoon, because every time it has pushed me to see life differently.

I’d find it very difficult if not impossible to do that if I was ‘a man living on an island’ so to speak, being alone and this is when I am grateful for every person that dares to put themselves out there, their creations, their experiences that I can reference and learn from, be it through artistic expressions like arts, music, films, documentaries or sharing their own writings in walking through their minds and day to day experience. To me that’s one way where I go opening myself up from this absolutism and rigid ways in which I’ve come to exist and go embracing more ways, more perspectives that can assist me to expand, grow and develop myself to where I definitely want to be living in and expressing as in my life, which I have no finite or settled outcome for, because I will precisely be flexible in testing out various ways while having a ‘settled direction’ which is to support myself, to push my own limits, to find out ‘who I am’ in my decisions and choices, learn from mistakes and  live life that way in the best way I can create for me and so for others at the same time – no longer having this finite ‘idea’ about myself or ‘who I should be’ because that is absolutist in nature, it is restrictive – but have an open floor from which I can allow myself to flow with it, to learn to trust myself in it, to dare to do things, to not ‘fear’ and be scared of stepping out of my eggshell and really live life without fear, because that’s the point that absolutism represents to me ultimately, a dimension of fear as control that I ultimately have to let go of in order to really grow.

 What does living in an absolutist and militant manner mean to me currently? Being absolute in my resolution, self-trust and capacity to walk through/ live through something and find who I am in it, in a holistic way – not half-assed, but testing out something fully, to live fully in a way which can only be done from my perspective if letting go of fear. To persevere, to stick to what I plan on doing, to be focused and determined in creating something and getting to see the result of it as my creation and be responsible in it, to own it as ‘my creation’ for the better or to learn from it as a mistake. To be efficient and patient at the same time acknowledging the work and dedication anything in this creation requires, so that’s a way in which I can be absolute and militant in my stance, without the morals, the fears, the judgments and self-imposed limitations I had lived as before.

And how do I eventually walk out of this ‘fixation’ towards a particular person? Once that I start living those words/aspects I see them living and integrate them into my own life, so, that’s what I’ll do from here on within my own life, living context and capacity.

Thanks for reading and, definitely have a listen to these supportive audios to reflect back on one’s own absolutism and so see where and how one can start creating the first steps to expand and grow out from it into a supportive manner.

My Life of Absolutism – Life Review

My Life of Absolutism (Part 2) – Life Review

My Life of Absolutism (Part 3) – Life Review

 

 If you don't try nothing will ever happen

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


565. Comfort in Expression

Or looking back at my expression towards others before and where I’m at currently with it thanks to the Desteni Process 

One of the benefits of walking this process is the ability to realize to what extent our relationship to something or someone ‘outside of ourselves’ is entirely dependent on the kind of ‘self-work’ that one has walked. For example upon meeting new people or getting to be in contact with someone I met quite a few years ago for the first time, I saw how comfortable I was in the whole situation and I looked at the point of taking this ‘comfort’ for granted or in a way kind of ‘forgetting about the process’ that I’ve walked to get to this point of what I can define as ‘relatability’ towards other people, whereas before I definitely was the kind of person that would first analyze all the knots and bolts of the person and carefully assess ‘who I should be’ in relation to them and start molding or acting (manipulating myself) accordingly, usually in an attempt to be liked, accepted by them or sometimes to actually ‘shut down’ all forms of possible interaction, which I definitely had done in the past towards certain people as well in my ‘pickiness’ towards others.

I looked at how through understanding and walking the process of self-acceptance, self-expression, taking judgments back to myself and learning to consider others I’ve been able to be quite comfortable in what I deem would have otherwise been a somewhat ‘uncomfortable’ situation in the past, as in being too ‘unpredictable’ to the point where I have no ‘control’ over it and therefore being caught up in a series of fears and ‘what ifs.’ And that’s how I realized that this is not the case ‘this time around’ in my life and I even check myself to see if I am suppressing something or if I am kind of putting up a front or something but nope, there’s no ‘noise’ within me as I would call it, which I would have definitely experienced many times before when interacting with people in a close manner.

That’s how I got to see that through me having been working – and still continue to do so – with my judgments, ideas, beliefs, personalities, characters, suppressions, expressions and essentially ‘everything’ that I had lived as ‘me’ in the past and working on redefining and living the version of myself that I want to be, I’ve been able to definitely change the way that I relate to others and that it definitely stands as the person that in a way I always wanted to be, but I had ‘clogged’ that with a lot of patterns, fears, limitations before, which are all the points that I’ve been walking through these nine years of walking the Desteni Process.

I have simplified and made things like new relationships so much easier in my life, because there are no fears in the background or ‘noise’ related to judgments and even if they appear, I write them out, see them for what they are, establish who I decide to be instead of ‘judgments’ and live the expression, test it out and then see, ah it works! And keep walking to rather focus on living that which is here, it’s me expressing, comfortable, embracing yet continuing to observe myself in relation to other people and being aware of which other points I can look at, change, open up and also communicate to cross-reference my own experience.

I know this might sound a bit abstract for some, but it all has to do with the continued application of the Desteni tools of writing, developing self-honesty, giving myself the gift of self-forgiveness and the actual ‘second chance’ to live life in a different manner through establishing living words.  I’ve been able to see how cool and beneficial it’s been to be working on all the ‘nitty-gritty’ details of myself in order to pave the way for points of self-creation that I can face and work on now with relative ease.

I don’t want to make it all sound ‘too simple’ because what I am currently living and sharing is more like the result of several years of self-dedicated personal investigation, exploration, trial and error situations that I’ve actually learned a lot from and that I am very grateful for, because otherwise I would not be where I am ‘at’ right now.

In any case I share this as well for anyone that may experience walking this process as something that seems to have ‘no end’ or where one cannot get to ‘taste the fruits of the labor’ just yet, and I can say that yes it takes time, it’s not easy at first, it’s very challenging at times in terms of fears, emotions and the rest of ‘growing pains’ that come with it. But one thing is certain: one does get to see the results and reap what one has sown. This is nothing else but action and reactions, cause and consequence, input and output mechanics of this process which is also why I want to share how all the dedication, the consistency, the perseverance, the discipline and self-work that one inputs on oneself is a substantiation process that one may not immediately see in terms of ‘big changes’ right away; as with everything, it is a process and it takes time to even have a point of reference to ‘look back’ and see how one has in fact changed here and there.

I’m quite satisfied with myself at the moment in relation to that ability to be comfortable, stable, embracing regardless of ‘others’ or ‘the contexts’ and at the same time continuing to expand upon meeting new people or establishing new relationships, whereas I can see how ‘tortuous’ that was for me in the past. All I can say is that this comfort, ease and enjoyment is the way I’d definitely would like every person to be able to experience life and themselves as, because it’s so much simpler and even enjoyable. Though, of course, we cannot ‘jump right into the self-perfected version’, it’s all a process and that’s got a great reason for it as well: to understand and so take responsibility on how we created our limitations, our fears, our ‘flaws’ and the rest of obstacles for our self-expression in order to get to see and practice living in a different way, creating different habits and patterns instead the ones that we had been deterred by before.

I am also aware that I would not be the kind of person that would say ‘I’m quite satisfied with myself’ before, because of considering that it sounds a bit too self-glorifying, but I’ve also learned to appreciate and recognize myself, my own process walked here and being ok with sharing more of the practical results than only the problems, which I sure will continue to share as they emerge in my life experience. But for now this is a self-appreciation note and an encouragement for anyone that might be reading this and might be caught up in a very emotional or turbulent time in their lives where it all seems like having ‘no way out’ or being about to ‘give up’ on yourselves. Hold on, there is a way through, keep at it, be consistent, don’t allow your fears to deter you, push through it and you will eventually see the benefits of developing that self-will to keep walking this process and continuing expanding and developing self-honesty. As it has been said many times, it isn’t easy, nice, fun, pretty or beautiful at first, but what emerges from that ‘gruesome’ process is definitely worth-living completely.

What comes next though is expanding my ability to continue sharing more of this process and assisting every other person I can to get to realize this for themselves as well, so if you’re interested, check out the Desteni Process, it’s the best life investment you can ever give to yourself.

Thanks for reading.  

 

Relatability

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


562.Stepping out of Character

Or how to practically challenge the ‘I will never….’ statements

I’m currently doing things that I would not have done before, that I had said ‘I’m never going to do’ or that I was resisting to get to do not that long ago, yet upon also analyzing to what extent these beliefs were limiting me in many ways, I realized how I was sticking to certain views and ideas about myself and what I am willing to do or not as part of a religion of self, where I believed that ‘I have to stick to my words’ or ‘I have to follow through my decision’ even if these words or decisions are proven to be ineffective, rather limiting or leading myself to a form of restriction or ‘sacrifice’ within a moral view of what I believed is right or wrong to do.

An example is getting a car and learning to drive. I had been wanting to avoid doing this for such a long time and dragging this around as something I would ‘someday, maybe, eventually do’ but ultimately had not placed a time and date for it, believing that somehow I could just prolong it and leave it hanging there for indefinite time. However, I am glad that certain situations in my reality have also led me to push to get this done and saw for myself how it was rather ‘easy’ it was to give direction to these two points in terms of finding a suitable used car and scheduling the driving lessons. I had the first one today and yes of course it’s completely doing something that I had for sure feared and so resisted to do for such a long time that whatever I face as fear is only also an accumulation of all the reasons, excuses and justifications I would tell myself in order to not move and direct this point in my life, which I am definitely now aware is something that I can get to enjoy and benefit from.

Here then for example, some of the reasons, excuses and justifications I used to not learn to drive is not wanting to pollute more the world with one more car, opting to walk around for the most part, take uber rides or public transportation which I have defined also as ‘grounding moments’ which sure I can still do whenever it’s practical do so, but it’s of course cool to have an option that is a more independent form of transportation. I also got to take pride on walking long distances, to the point where I could walk to places without even taking public transportation, which is still something enjoyable for sure and great exercise, though sometimes road to get somewhere is not always walkable, weather conditions are not always suitable and this also becomes a determining factor to go out to places that are mostly nearby, which has actually been then a limitation for me to not go to places where public transportation doesn’t get to or private rides would be too expensive. So, with having a car I can then circumvent these limitations and get around easier.

In terms of seeking a car, it was also quite a time consuming situation, something that I had to not give up on and be patient about as well, it’s not so ‘easy’ to buy a used car and be satisfied in most aspects about it, so I am glad I found the one I ended up buying right when I said ‘ok I’m done, this is the last number I’m calling to’ – and a part of me also wants to diminish all of this as petty situations, nothing too ‘transformative’ or these are things that people do on a daily basis, but here I also have to consider my context and my particular beliefs that I had to essentially breakthrough – or step out of character – in order to do all of this, so I have to not go into a projection about how this might be read, because here I share the direction that’s needed to do things that I had postponed for a long time until realizing the benefit that it creates.

Another thing I decided to do is get into a short running race for amateurs on Sunday, it’s essentially a 3 km jog that I regularly do, and I managed to get a second place in it lol, it was funny because to me it ended up being a lot more considering I jogged all the way back and forth to the start of the race, so I also discovered that I can in fact jog more than what I usually do and my body didn’t get strained at all, which means that whenever I feel like I can barely complete one loop around the track it means I am most likely listening to my mind and not really being here with and as my body. Of course this wasn’t among ‘professional’ so I’m not bragging about the position here, but rather seeing how this was easy for me to do because of having been consistently jogging.

This is again something I would not have at all considered I would do in my life based on how much I would suffer to give a jog around a smaller track when being in junior high school and saying words like ‘I’m never going to run again in my life.’ For this race, I had to make a decision to participate in it, get myself inscribed which is by all means something I would not have dreamed of doing over 2 years ago when I would probably run 100 meters and start panting… it may seem easy to say to be part of a race, but again taking my context into consideration, I would always only fume about how I ‘sucked at running’ and ‘loathed physical exercise’ many years ago. However with consistency I’m about to do some 2 years of being regularly jogging without having any problems in my body with it, being very gentle as well and not over doing it, as well as continuing walking on a regular basis which I’ve done for some 10 years or so, which has also been very assisting to me, my grounding ‘get away from computer’ moment as well, a ‘me time’ walk towards downtown and yes for sure also doing it for the exercise it is. Here I also place a disclosure that many people consider jogging is not good for the body, and so it might not but that’s where I’m at right now with it and enjoying a lot the fact that I can do something I would not have dreamed of being able to do before – of course starting with small steps, practicing, just like with everything, which I now remind myself of now that I got quite into the ‘new zone’ of learning to drive, and reminding myself to be patient about these new things to learn, expansion it is!

I’ve also been painting something that I sincerely would not have done 10 years ago when I started my career, and it is funny how I am remembering more about the classes  I decided to skip many times because of how I deemed my teacher was ‘too conservative’ and that I was ‘never going to paint the stuff he wanted us to paint’ and even had verbal arguments with him where I got into one of those arrogant positions of me being all about abstract art and ‘could not care less for painting a self-portrait.’ And I just realized I kind of just painted that lol! And I am actually blushing right now in embarrassment while remembering that moment with that teacher where I almost let everybody know how much I disliked his ways and creating a belief that I also was not precisely appreciated by him, which I actually later on had to debunk for the assumption it was on my side, and also up till this day, I do regret not having gotten some basics from him, because they are in fact the kind of apprenticeship that you don’t get anywhere else, so I share this as a cautionary tale to ‘never say never’ and realize that any skills are always welcomed to be learned, because we never know when we might need them.

But in my case that’s done and now all I can do is learn those skills myself. Here simply sharing as part of those things that I said I would ‘never do’ and have kind of just ended up doing it anyways because I am also exploring different things to do and challenging what comes ‘natural’ to me and doing things I would usually definitely not do when it comes to painting.

I’ve discovered how painting or doing art is where most of my self doubt can emerge because there is not set ‘right or wrong’ ‘finished or unfinished’ type of task that I am good at – when it comes to self-creation it is a process in itself and that’s also how I’m realizing that it goes beyond the ‘final product’ as well, it also has to do with how one goes shaping one’s expression every brush of the way so to speak. And yes I also have to eat my words as well when I said I wasn’t going to paint again and do art again… well, here I am, one more to the list of things that I’ve gotten to ‘get back to’ or start learning to do or continue integrating in my life, which I am definitely enjoying because it is one of those things I do for myself and discovering new starting points for it becomes a nurturing hand in hand process with the Desteni Process as well.

Same with travelling to a particular country that I said ‘I won’t ever step foot into it again!’ and ranting about it… well, yep I can never know what opportunities may open up in relation to that country as well so, I can only eat humble pie and take my words back, self-forgive my absolutism/self-fascism that I now realize I have kept as a form of limitation which I am now very much willing to and ready to expand from.

With these few examples and others in my day to day, I am seeing more clearly how ‘tight-viewed’ I have kept myself in relation to many things in my life just because of believing that I am comfortable the way I am, but in reality it might not be so and the only way to get to know where one is actually limiting oneself or in fact doing something out sheer preference, is by testing things out and realizing that nothing is lost by testing something out, giving it a go, doing something ‘out of the normal’ which I am definitely eager to continue doing in various ways as well. It definitely seems like I am shedding an old skin so to speak and opening my horizons to something beyond what has become very normal and regular to me.

The overall point as a reminder for myself is: never say never, because we won’t ever in fact know what is ‘around the corner’ in our lives and creating these statements like ‘I’ll never drive a car’ ‘I dislike jogging’ or ‘I hate painting self-portraits’ or ‘I am never going to buy a car’ or ‘I won’t ever grow my hair back again’ are statements I made at a certain point in my life, but I’m learning to not keep myself captive within my own sentences and instead challenging myself, because to me many times it felt as if I was ‘betraying myself’ by doing all of these things, but all I’ve seen is the betrayal of opinions, beliefs, morals – ultimately a religion of self where I was not really considering all the potential situations or outcomes in life that I have to in fact be flexible about, so this is also another practical way to live the word flexibility.

All of this is of course part of walking this Desteni process where these decisions to do something and actually ‘move’ in our reality  – even more so when they are ‘out of the comfort zone’ situations – are quite supportive to transcend our fears, our limitations, our beliefs, our morals, our ‘religion of self’ and continue challenging myself this way, which is then again going hand in hand with my previous blog on ‘provocation’ and provoking myself to ‘loosen up’ some of the tight and rigid fixed ‘norms’ I had set for myself throughout my life in the past – or up to fairly recently – because hey, every day can be an opportunity to challenge these limitations.

Ok, let’s continue walking.

Thanks for reading.

 

Leave Behind

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


525. Living Dedication

Or how to apply this word in different contexts and situations within this process of self-change and self-creation

This word has come up as a solution to apply when it comes to walking this process from consciousness to awareness. One thing that’s required is self-dedication, making time for ourselves to write, to reflect on our day, to be observant throughout the whole day in fact of our every movement, every experience, every choice – that’s how this process is not just a separate ‘thing’ we do every now and then, but it becomes a way of living, a learning-to-live process.

Dedication means being devoted to a task or purpose and focusing on it completely, doing it ‘all the way’. I discussed this word with a friend the other day and we looked at how we have lived this word ‘dedication’ in various ways and times throughout our lives, we just haven’t lived it in the most supportive ways fully yet.

For example, in the past when discovering some spiritual practices or studying certain knowledge that I got quite ‘hooked’ on to search for what I used to define as ‘higher truths’ or a ‘spiritual path’, I would be very diligent and dedicated to get to do all my responsibilities in the university and then spend the time in the library reading books about various philosophies, spiritual practices, cultures etc. I was truly dedicated in taking notes, borrowing books and finding all of the bits and pieces that I wanted to integrate to my life to study further or get to apply at a certain time. Sure, over the years I really can’t remember any of that except for a few principles that are common sensical and I may have forgotten and lost all of what I wrote out, but here even if the whole lot of knowledge ended up being quite useless or pointless for my current life, I did get to see my ability to live that word ‘dedication’, which means I can then live this word but directed in a genuinely practical supportive way.

Same with some art fields that were more of an apprenticeship experience for me, a set of meticulous processes to get a certain result, such as in metal etching which even if I am not doing that at the moment or dedicating my life to it, I am quite grateful that I took that workshop because it taught me the importance of discipline, of following steps and being dedicated to it, which I would very much be considering I would spend 6 to 7 hours three times a week – sometimes more – to it and I got to be quite good at handling the processes. So, regardless of the ‘outcomes’ or final results, I got to know myself in that kind of tasks and processes that I had initially deemed as ‘too complex’ or ‘too slow’ for me to take on, but it assisted me to develop patience, dedication, consistency and discipline as well.

Another less ‘obvious’ example and showing how we can get to live words in a less ‘seen’ way is the following one. I was very dedicated as a child to study in school while at the same time being very dedicated at watching MTV all of the afternoon and still make both ends meet in me being responsible and have my entertainment on most of the time while studying and doing homework, lol. I was truly dedicated to watching music videos throughout my childhood and early teens, I would keep a record of every single music video I would watch in a notebook ordered in alphabetical order – no joke, this is true!

And I can name other things that I would do almost in a ‘religious’ manner like being very dedicated to thinking about certain people or desired outcomes in my life and how much time I would take of my day to fantasize about that, without realizing I wasn’t actually moving myself to create any of that at all in my life for real, nor even ponder if that was genuinely supportive. And if I look at the outcome of it all, sure the result of that was not something ‘useful’ for my life – yet, I still can recognize I lived the word dedication, therefore I simply now can direct that aspect of myself as dedication to supporting myself in this process of self-change and self-creation.

What I am trying to share here is that whenever we hear about ‘living words’ we have to remember that it’s not like this is something unknown or ‘new’ to us, we all have been living words, just not in the supportive way or in other aspects of our lives that we mostly tend to ‘automate’ creating compromising outcomes in our lives.

So here, it’s about seeing that we can review our lives and see how we’ve lived or have been living a certain word thus far and so in common sense decide how we can live that word in a constructive and genuinely supportive manner.

An example with dedication in my life, instead of being a dedicated ‘over-analyzer’ or ‘truth seeker’ or ‘information junky’ trying to get to the ‘bottom of things’ that ultimately doesn’t really assist me/support me in changing who I am in my everyday living or in my relationship with others, I can instead dedicate myself to know myself, to work with correcting my own habits and patterns that I know are a distraction and a deviation from the person I’d like to be and become.

If I see that I’m too quick to ‘give up’ on something based on a first few attempts of doing it, then I can apply dedication in terms of being more focused on practicing something, testing it out throughout more time, making the time for myself to do it and not allow excuses, reasons or justifications as to why I am so quick to give up upon trying something out a few times. Everything and every relationship requires much more time to assess ‘who we are’ in relation to something or someone and also get to know that something or someone better.

If I see that I am too quick to judge other people based on first-impressions and am too quick to create an ‘assessment’ of how I see myself in relation to the other person over a five minute conversation – then I can apply this word ‘dedication’ to genuinely dedicate some time to being with the person, getting to know them, giving myself the space over time to see who the person is in reality, beyond my immediate judgments, opinions or prejudices based on a ‘first glance’ towards someone that I meet for first time in my life.

If I am painting after over a year of not doing so at all and I dislike the outcome of it from the get go and wallow into an experience of ‘this is pointless, this is going nowhere, I should just not do it anymore, what’s the use?’ type of experience, I have to stop and instead dedicate myself to continue practicing it over time, not engulf myself completely in it, but rather dose this activity throughout the days and not attempt to get a perceived ‘successful result’ from the get go – I have to develop patience, consistency, diversification and dedication to get the outcomes I am aiming at.

If I see I am too dedicated to checking out news and general ‘world gossip’ every day and I haven’t actually given myself the time to focus on my own process, my own day, my own responsibilities and activities, If I am not dedicating myself to seeing myself in my own experience, checking where I am and how I can direct my time more effectively, I can apply this word ‘dedication’ to doing what I know it’s most supportive to myself, rather than wasting my time away in distractions that end up being wasted time of my life.

If I am picking up an instrument after years of not playing it at all and I see that I go into the experience of ‘what’s the use, it’s pointless, I’ve lost all practice, I should just give up’ I have to apply the word dedication and to understand that it will take time, patience and practice to get back on track with it, and that I can instead make sure I give some time of the day to it, rather than creating a resistance to it or seeing it entirely as ‘pointless’ because of not seeing any ‘visible results’ from it – I have to remind myself about how I once learned and how gradual the whole process was, which applies to any point of acquiring skills, learning something new or changing any habit, pattern or behavior within our lives as well.

So, as a recap, I’ve proven myself to be a dedicated person, just not all the time towards the supportive actions and things that I could genuinely benefit myself and others from. So it’s about adapting this word and living it in a way that I can apply that same devotion, focus and consistency I have lived to many other things in my life, and now use it towards a supportive outcome.

Thanks for reading

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


520. Self-Accountability and Tough Love

Or understanding and realizing the necessary nature of applying ‘tough love’ in order to honor our own lives and that of others in the name of what’s best for all.

Many times while being in relationships we lose track of our personal self-agreement and where we stand in personal principles and self-support because of perceiving that a relationship is an entity created between ‘two individuals’ – and yes in normal relationships this is how it goes where a lot of compromise and fears as well as positive experiences can be defined through the sum of two individuals existing ‘for each other’ and depending ‘on each other’ completely at an emotional or feeling level – which means at a mind level. However within this process from consciousness to self-awareness the notion of ‘relationships’ is redefined as the creation of an agreement where one or more people agree to support themselves to be the best version of themselves and do whatever is necessary to align themselves to the principles of life, of equality and oneness, of self-honesty and self-support.

Therefore it is about ‘who we are as individuals’ in a relationship where it doesn’t matter if one in the relationship isn’t aware of this process from consciousness to awareness, one can establish a self-agreement with ourselves in honoring these principles and ensuring that we work with our self-change and self-responsibility, honoring one’s life first and foremost.

This means that one’s personal point of focus should not be on what the other person does or doesn’t do to support themselves but instead, what defines us as individuals in the relationship is where we stand all the way in it, who we are in our lives, our principles,  how we work through our own patterns, how we apply our points of change, how we confront situations of conflict, how we are willing to let go of a righteousness and ego in order to recognize and so change one’s own faults and problems. And yes, at the same time decide for ourselves if one is willing to and is able to stand in a relationship where one knows the other person is not supporting themselves or standing in a principle of self-support at the very least – that decision and choice becomes part of our self-honesty as in seeing what we accept and allow ourselves to live with or not.

Here focusing on myself within the creation of a relationship, I found this point of personal accountability or ‘self-accountability’ to be quite supportive as in ‘keeping track’ of myself, who we are, what I’ve done or haven’t done in my self-relationship of self-support.  

In past relationships I would condition ‘me changing’ according to ‘others changing too’ or others showing or demonstrating that they were also doing their part, which becomes the perfect recipe for spite and developing an extremely conditional nature in our minds where the focus is on ‘others’ and not on oneself at all. Therefore this time I decided to not condition myself according to ‘another one’ and instead stick to my self-agreement where I can be able to recognize where I am reacting, where I am not defining me and my change in relation to ‘the relationship with another’ only or re-enacting past relationship patterns; and in general where I am conditioning my own point of change in relation to others changing as well or others looking into ‘their own problems or faults’ too, which is also a covert point of blame and ‘focusing on another’ only instead of entirely focusing on oneself.

Here I share this as a cautionary tale so that one takes into consideration not creating this kind of spite and expectations within a relationship where if one is holding the other accountable first and focusing on what another does or doesn’t do to then decide to change or not change,  the whole point of self-accountability and self-responsibility becomes null within oneself, because then we turn our focus and attention into blaming others for not doing their part, for not changing, for not living up to our expectations, and that’s definitely a point of self-dishonesty for the person that is keeping the finger pointed ‘at others’ only, but is not focusing or even willing to look back to self first.

What I’ve learned to do is to focus on myself entirely – and no, this is not ‘selfishness’ as it might be perceived, but a basic aspect of self-responsibility and accountability within a self-agreement within which I decided to step into the creation of a relationship with another. Therefore this allowed me to work every time on letting go of my expectations of what I wanted the other person to do or be for myself – yet also speaking up whenever something was very obvious to be opened up for their own awareness and self-work. At the same time, I had to also be considerate of another’s life, mind, characters and ‘ways of being’ that I learned to adjust in quite an effective manner – though also of course being ready and willing to draw a line whenever something is out of the agreed best for all and self-supportive habits and ways in our shared living.

This latter point of ‘drawing a line’ whenever one sees that a basic principle of committing to self-support in a relationship that is established at the beginning of a relationship is not being followed through, is what might be defined as ‘tough love’ where one is willing to be first of all accountable to oneself and so another in the sense that: in self-honesty and within the consideration of what’s best for all, allowing the other person to face for example the breakup of a relationship as the best way for them to realize what each one is doing to themselves and how not following through a self-agreement leads to consequences or results that are compromising for all individuals involved.

This outcome of applying ‘tough love’ is a necessity and an aspect of establishing an agreement – either with another or alone within oneself as self-agreement – where if the basic points of self-responsibility, self-honesty and self-support are not being lived in thought, word and deed and is causing consequences for each other’s lives, then one has to honor the starting point of the relationship redefined as an ‘agreement’ between two or more – and so all parts can agree how it is best to let go of the relationship in order to assist each other to face the points, the aspects where we didn’t stand up in it all.

It’s just like any contract or creation of a society as well or ‘team’ that exist to create, build, direct, expand, work on something – and if the basic functionality of this is not existent then it simply makes sense to dissolve the union and work on an individual basis to strengthen and change the points that led to the failure or inconsistency in the joint process.

This might seem like a harsh move or ‘insensible’ because of not considering people’s feelings but that’s exactly what we have to stop blinding ourselves with if we are to truly honor our lives. It might also sound like not being considerate, not being patient or not being lenient enough– but that’s also where self-accountability is a great way to measure ‘who we’ve been’ within the whole relationship or point of creation in our lives.

For example in my case realizing that I have in fact developed patience, consideration, flexibility, unconditional support, doing to another what I would like another to be an do for themselves, working to stop my own expectations, stopping being so exigent, being less controlling (yep still working on that one!) and be able to reference all of it with another who also in self-honesty would be able to recognize what has been done or hasn’t been done by each one in the relationship.

Therefore what I’ve realized is that what might be initially perceived as ‘tough love’ is from my perspective a very necessary measure to apply to allow another person to understand the nature of self-creation, to understand the consequences of not living up to one’s utmost potential and that includes of course myself first of all, where I can also see and become aware of my own points of compromise, my choices, my decisions, assessing ‘where I am’ and ‘where I am going next’ which yes would be directed to a supportive outcome and potential within a relationship. However this is precisely what I have to leave clear for myself and so share here as a general reminder for anyone reading: there is a vast and visible difference between seeing a ‘potential’ in a relationship and in one another and living such potential or actively working to become that potential and having physical reality proof of that in thought, word and deed as the nature of who we are at all times.

This is how in personal accountability, we can establish our own clarity to see who we are, what we have done or haven’t done, who we’ve been within an entire point of self-creation and hold ourselves accountable for it. This ability to ‘see ourselves’ and recognize our pros and cons to self-creation and be determined to acknowledge them is the essence of truly loving ourselves, caring for ourselves and so another – so that we can acknowledge it, face it, understand it and commit ourselves to work on it. This is the essence of this process and the essence of living in self-agreement within a relationship.

Based on these principles, whenever we see that reality is not ‘adding up’ to the self-agreements established at the beginning of a relationship, where the relationship itself can become a comfort zone for both individuals to not genuinely change and step out of the recurring patterns of self-diminishment in our minds and lives, then it is necessary to end such relationship in order to honor our lives, our individual processes and potentials, to be of more ‘good than harm’ in having to face ourselves individually rather than together which is an outcome that varies from context to context and all based on each one’s decision – and I’m here sharing it to have the courage to do so whenever it is needed and consequences are knocking at the door.

What is the benefit? What does one ‘gain’ or ‘gifts’ oneself from holding oneself accountable and so another in that agreement or ‘redefined relationship’? The gift of responsibility, of acknowledging our creation, of owning our creation, of developing integrity, self-respect, honoring each other’s lives even if that means having to separate to precisely understand the consequences we create for oneself and another if we don’t stand by our self-commitment to change.

This becomes a living statement, making it clear to one another that what’s best for all is to continue working on such self-agreement as self-support yet no longer within a relationship.

This is where one has to step beyond the self-interest of ‘keeping a relationship’ where compromise exists and where we might ‘hold it all up’ based on fears of letting go or settling to a point of ‘least effort’ in oneself in order to truly stand in that absolute self-agreement within oneself and so in relationship to others.

This is how then within Self-Accountability – which implies being able to take responsibility for one’s life, in self-honesty from beginning to end of our lives – one has to make decisions, to take charge of one’s ‘destiny’ and not leave it to the hands of hope or fate or even ‘potential change’, but directly act and do what’s needed to truly own our creation, to understand the consequences we are creating for ourselves and others in our lifetime and be able to stand in a position where it’s only ourselves, individually, that can decide if we fall or if we stand up – but not any longer ‘trapping’ oneself and others into consequential outcomes, such as it happens in any relationship or joint project, work situation or anything else where instead, each individual can assess their situation and therefore understand when it is best to ‘go back to the drawing board’ in order to be most effective in working, living, sharing oneself with another and standing in that self-commitment to be the best version of ourselves and so to each other in this lifetime.  

Here it is also where one’s personal self-interest is overridden to living principles, where a relationship or partnership, friendship, any ‘joint effort’ with others that is not resulting in a best for all outcome can be assessed and either worked on individually or cease to exist as such if the proof in physical reality is showing that it is not leading to a visible and tangible point of change in who we are in thought, word and deed.

Ultimately how I see it is that each one of us will have to walk through ‘tests’ of who we are in our lives: are we life or are we in the mind? Do we decide to settle in for a point of compromise and self-limitation and eventual destructive consequences or do we decide to stand in self-honesty even if it means having to ‘give up’ something that we find very comfortable and supportive in ‘some’ aspects  of our lives? That’s what I defined as the eye of the needle in my case, that one ‘point’ that we have defined as our weakness, our ‘tough points’ to walk through where we face a seemingly difficult choice: our mind or life, our personal interest or what is best for all?

What I’ve found is that even if it means having to cause some perceived ‘undesirable outcomes’ for my self-interest, what prevails in me and what I decide to always stand for is life, and life takes no ‘middle ways,’ because I know for myself how ‘full-fledged’ one has to be in terms of taking life seriously and living as such in thought, word and deed. Not about knowledge and information here or ‘pledging alliance to life’ as an ideological orientation – that’s what the world is filled with and shows no change at all. Nope.

This is about demonstrating with our whole being where we decide to stand in our lives, who we decide to be in every moment of our lives and yes, I know it sounds very challenging or even absolutist, but it is only common sensical to set the bar so ‘high’ for oneself considering how long we’ve been living in personal recycling processes of doing the least effort, repeating the same mistakes, leading ourselves to a path of self-destruction, of irresponsibility, dishonor and plain inconsideration towards our very own life.

I have expressed many times in my life how I want to change the world, how I cannot accept the ways in which we’ve existed in this world because it’s quite evident where we’ve gotten ourselves to in such repetitive patterns, habits and ‘ways’ of our human nature. Therefore life itself embedded in ourselves and our very creations leads us to find ‘who we truly are’ in our choices, in our decisions, in our stance – and I am quite committed to continue being accountable to myself because at the end of the day, it’s not about ‘fulfilling my mind’s desires’, it’s about the person I can live with for the rest of my life, the person that I can fully stand with every single breath of the way and that’s precisely the one person I can only ever truly change and take responsibility for: myself.

This is the marvel as well of this process where even if we would like to assist others, to give an ‘opportunity’ of self-change for another, to provide the necessary tools and environment to ‘give themselves a chance,’ it can only ever be supportive if the person decides to do all of this entirely for themselves as well and take it seriously all the way. Otherwise it won’t stand and one will be left as the ‘person that tried to save another that wasn’t willing to do it for themselves.’ I’ve definitely have had enough of this pattern so: till here no further.

Some ‘tough love’ is necessary for me to integrate in my ways of supporting others, not only in relationships as ‘partnerships’ or ‘agreements’ as defined within this process, but with every person that I am in contact with through familial bonds, friendships and relationships of self-support within this process as well. That’s the best I can do to honor myself, what I’ve figured out I am able to do and stand as for and as myself which means: if I can, others can do it too.

Thanks for reading.

Lastly a great quote from an audio I’ll cite here:

 

“…so many of us face in so many different dimensions of (being) afraid of speaking up, afraid of saying what we see, afraid of really being direct and sometimes knowing you have to be hard and intense and show some tough love but not be afraid to lose the person. Because I think, actually you know what happens if you don’t do that? You do actually lose the person, and you lose yourself because you’re losing them to the mind and you’re losing a part of yourself because you’re not being honest.” Sunette,  Compromising for Love (Part 2) – Relationship Success Support

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


489. Doomsday Closer to Midnight? We Decide

Scientists have moved the time of the Doomsday Clock counting down humanity’s dying days closer to midnight, with the dials now set at two and a half minutes to 12am – the highest danger level facing the planet since 1953.” – Doomsday Clock ticks closer to midnight – RT News

 

There’s two ways of deciding to interact with news like this: jumping into the fear and paranoia bandwagon and drinking up to your last days to numb the fears (essentially giving up from the get go and sabotaging your life with fears and paranoia) – or, deciding to actually consider the moment we’re living in at a global level and do some self-reflection for Self-Change because, hello! The world is not something ‘out there’ that we have to change ‘out there’, it’s about who each one of us and how we decide to live and interact in very day of our lives.

Usually this kind of announcements only focus on what certain presidents/world leaders and people in ‘high positions’ get to decide on and how they relate to each other, which becomes a comfortable spot for the rest of the population to keep ‘blaming them’ for how ‘bad’ things have gotten thus far, but here thus I of course would like to take the point back to ourselves and our potential to change.

We might not have the ‘nuclear codes’ and ultimate decision to launch nuclear weapons or not, but we obviously have our ability to stop our inner wars as inner conflicts and projected blames and conflicts toward others, wherein as the commission that gave this change in the clock stated: the greatest problem is miscommunication, words taken at face value and taken into actions that lead to hostility, fear, retaliation, defense and the rest of it which also exists in our day to day living in our interactions with each other.

The point I’d like to focus thus is the emphasis made on words,  on this escalation being based on ‘verbal attacks’ which can only exist if there’s an ego that can accept and allow to take offense on words – which would not exist if such ‘world leaders’ had walked their process to understand that any form of verbal diarrhea as an attack, threat, intention of harm and abuse only defines the one that expresses it, but cannot affect the other one when receiving it if he/she stands in self-responsibility for their own reactions.

However these words and threats can be acted out in various ways that can indeed become a point of no return  in humanity, which is what we can at least make our own part to prevent if we genuinely care for our own lives and the lives of everyone in this world as equals – all life, not only humans.

This also proves something I’ve written a few blogs ago about the ‘Trump’s administration’ Let’s Make Us F.O.O.L. Again! and what it means to ourselves in this existential process, it can serve as a catalyst to either wake up or prompt our way into self-destruction. The choice is entirely our own, individually, not as ‘nations’ or ‘presidents’ only.

The solution is in realizing that we may see things escalating everywhere and this is not based on someone’s policy or technology or armament development, or tyrant people in presidential positions – these are only manifested consequences that we might not be able to stop or change by our own hand, but we surely can decide to change who we are in the midst of it all: do we go into doomsday mentality and fatalism, seeing ‘no way out’? Or do we decide to actually realize that our lives in a very individual manner are entirely up to us and we can only disempower ourselves if we keep blaming, fighting and pointing fingers outside of ourselves demanding change, instead of focusing in rather becoming aware of the kind of intentions as words, as backchat (mind conversations) that intend any point of harm, blame, abuse, vengeance or are plain derogatory towards others, because this is where we actually have control of and reign in within ourselves: our minds, our bodies, which is why we have to stop ‘focusing out there’ for solutions, but make sure we are giving our breaths of life to become the solution in and as ourselves, individually one by one, and stop projecting solutions coming from ‘higher powers’ out there. We are the solution, we have to live as it.

So how can we use this type of announcements in a constructive manner? To not give into fear at all or potential ‘worst case scenarios’ playing in our minds, causing fear and paranoia. But instead Focus on our Lives, focus on our personal internal and external reality, to live words and so actions and attitudes that are supportive to ourselves first and so invariably they will be supportive for others at the same time.

We have stop the blame, stop desires of revenge towards anything or anyone, stop being ‘angry at the world’ and rather ask and investigate within what this anger represents within us, where are we abdicating our responsibility to stop the very thoughts that apparently ‘no one else sees’ in our minds, yet affect the core and essence of who we are, because each time we ‘give into our minds’ we become more trapped in our own ‘mind control’ in our own delusional self that is this energetic egotistical experience that we call ‘ourselves’, which is in fact the origin and cause of this ‘escalation’ happening around the world, and it’s here as consequences for all of us to Wake UP – or give into the lower version of ourselves that hides in fear, blame, disempowerment or delusional hope for change coming from out there.

I choose to keep focusing on my own life, on the change that I can affect, direct and create every day, because it is also a decision to keep feeding ourselves with all kinds of ‘gloom and doom’ that is available in the media every single day, feeding only ‘worst case scenarios’ to keep people controlled and in fear/ inferior to the situation when in fact, we have more power than we ‘think’ by actually developing our own revolution in our minds, where we stop succumbing to what the ‘airwaves’ are telling us to think and do, and in doing so not allow mind control within ourselves; because ‘Mind Control’ is not something that it is ‘imposed’ onto ourselves, we make it real by accepting it, allowing it within us as ‘how we think’ and making it real by acting upon what one is ‘fed’ as ideas, opinions, beliefs and perceptions that divide and conquer us on a daily basis.

Let’s instead focus on living and redefining words, this is the prime tool for self-creation upon understanding our ability to live words in a supportive way for oneself and for all. This takes however a decision and practical application to decide to become a human being that stands as life, as equality, as oneness, as the potential that we all are yet have buried deeper and deeper inside ourselves every single moment that we gave into an experience of anger, rage, violence, hatred, vengeance or blame towards ‘others’ instead of standing up and owning our actions and the responsibility to it all.

This is yet another opportunity wherein even if facing manifested consequences that may seem inevitable, unable to be changed, we can still decide ‘who we are’ in the face of those situations: do we give into fear and paranoia or do we stand up in self-responsibility and stability, realizing our ability to not be altered or changed ‘by others’ in how we experience ourselves, in the decisions we make.

Who we are in the mind is by now the key to actual change in this world, and what is in the mind but words, images, pictures that we use to create habits and patterns that rule our lives every single moment. Therefore, we cannot focus on what ‘world leaders’ are doing to ‘lead the world to self-destruction’, we have to focus back to ourselves, stop fooling ourselves trying to find culprits for everything that is wrong and instead dare to look within ourselves, live the words: focus on changing our own lives. That’s the key here and not only will be become then ‘immune’ to all kinds of attempts to stir fear and control, but we can also then determine the outcomes of our lives wherein we will know that ‘no matter what’ we can stand and support ourselves, instead of being ‘dragged down’ by the various consequences that are inevitably showing up as our reality individually and collectively.

It’s best to acknowledge it, stop hiding from consequences and be clear in our words and living intent to create and be what’s best for all. That’s a source of stability and self-commitment that I’d recommend anyone to do, to consider walking this process of self-creation in self-responsibility and self-awareness with the Desteni Lite Process , since it is that kind of support and personal investment that no one can ‘take away’ from you, and no ‘thought police’ can remove from your awareness. It’s about learning how to genuinely stand in self-independence while considering the whole, it’s a way to stand in freedom in our minds while at the same time learning how to live in this world system and the consequences we’ve collectively manifested as our reality.

There is no doubt that 1984 has risen to the top of book sales for a reason lately, and Orwell’s intent was to precisely show the importance of who we are in our minds that gives power to all kinds of mechanisms of control out there. So let’s keep in mind that mind control can only exist as such if we accept and allow it within ourselves.

It’s time to stop blaming the news, media, presidents, music, entertainment, videogames, foods, institutions,  governments, god, parents, your wife, your husband, your kids, your body for everything that is wrong in our lives, and start focusing on establishing principles and values that we want to live by in our own lives. That’s the power that we have, let’s use it wisely and see what we can in fact do and become if everyone stands in this same intent, in equality, around the world.

I then choose to see this ‘massive warning’ as an opportunity, a catalyst for self-change and self-investigation, and actually Do the changes that are necessary within us, so:

Let’s do it, clock is ticking.

Thanks for reading

 

Very supportive and timely audios for self-support in self-change upon facing consequences that are not ‘nice’ to face:

Nowhere to Run, Nowhere to Hide – Reptilians – Part 558

Nowhere? Oh Here! – Reptilians – Part 559

 

What am I Creating

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


479. Making an Impression

Or how to redefine the process of desiring to make an impression in self-interest to making an impression as an expression of what’s best for all

 

There was a very supportive audio that brought up a relevant word for me to look at and that’s ‘impress’ and impression, where the question was brought up of investigating who we are and where we stand in relation to this word.

I’ve realized that there is this existent undercurrent and constant intent within me of wanting to leave an impression, a ‘mark’ on a person no matter how menial or profound our paths or interactions are. That’s me then looking at creating an impression upon them, which nowadays relates more to in any possible way create an opening for others to see things a little bit more different in life, where I can possibly plant a seed to question ourselves more, to desire to learn more about ourselves as human beings – this is based on the kind of person I am creating as myself, a person that can actually have something meaningful to always share whether through words, actions, or sheer presence, that’s the kind of ‘impression’ I’d like to develop as an expression of myself. I have to admit it can become a ‘drive’ in me that likes to dig into the deeper dimensions within individuals whenever I get the chance to do so, and be vulnerable myself because I also see that ‘masking’ ourselves through pretension in wanting to be accepted or liked through lies/deception/masks is doing nothing more than recreating the false-sense of ‘individualities’ that we’ve taken as a normal human trait, which are all based on preferences, likes, personalities, cultural influences and the rest of it that are nothing else but disguises, ‘tags’ that we’ve adopted in order to ‘differentiate’ ourselves from one another.

But even if this ‘drive’ seems supportive, I also have to be prudent and moderate because sometimes I can get a bit out of hand with being a bit too unconventional in situations where others might not be entirely understanding ‘where I am coming from ‘and that can cause a ‘wrong impression’ that would take some time to walk through with others, and sometimes there are no possibilities or ‘second opportunities’ to do so – therefore, I have to remind myself of moderating myself, my expression, being patient in considering others as well, yet without compromising myself either, but developing the real me as an expression that stands in support of myself and so possibly stand as an inspiration or example for others to consider doing the same as well.

I’d like to make a case of looking at the possibilities and ability we have of leaving an impression on others that is more meaningful in the sense of ‘who we are’ as human beings, our substance – not our disguise, our masks, what we look like or wear or what we ‘carry around’ with us – but allow our own thoughts, words and actions speak for themselves. That’s the kind of person that I’ve been working on creating as myself, but this wasn’t always ‘the way’ it’s been.

I also have had and still walk through the other programming in the word ‘impress’ where there was almost an inherent experience in me where I saw myself also as having a potential to ‘impress’ or ‘be naturally charming’ which would then create a form of benefit with other people – but even as subtle as it was, it became also a reason to deliberately challenge my own image and do something a bit more ‘radical’ that could put to test this aspect of myself based on image. I shaved my head and then have tested out who I am when I am not relying on a sense of ‘beauty’ to present myself to others – or any other artifices – but keep it as simple and natural as can be. This is not me making a statement that it is superficial to have hair or do makeup or anything like that, I did believe some of that at some point but I have decided to not compare or judge others, this is about me and a particular path I am walking in a very personal way when it comes to how I have decided to present myself, which in my starting point and view is a way to ‘get past’ the appearance –even if we can’t ever get ‘rid’ of an appearance per se, we can decide to challenge it in ways that are not harmful or hurtful ‘towards others’ but a way to test oneself, and to me shaving my head has been one of them, plus letting go of a desire for recognition at the same time at an egotistical level, but more in constantly letting go of any pretense and just be, which is quite a challenge at times and it’s more of a fine balance between all of these points that becomes a constant practice.

Talking about ‘desiring to impress’ others from a point of inferiority in my past. I tried to impress people that I was interested on having a particular relationship with, which meant my whole starting point toward them was of desire, of seeing or comparing myself to them and assessing I was ‘inferior’ therefore, I had to ‘impress’ others through – in my case – knowledge and information in order to be liked or accepted by particular people. This includes personality traits that I believed would be able to ‘be liked’ by males particularly and of course this led me to live more for ‘others’ than for myself. There were times where I got so ‘sucked into’ a relationship where I lost my sense of individuality and my own life, as I was living for others, upgrading my personality ‘based on others’ preferences’ and desirable traits. This is definitely Not the way to live, it becomes an experience of being ‘racing’ towards something all the time, fearing losing that one person or ‘thing’ that one is getting/obtaining through constantly having to ‘impress’ or ‘keep impressing’ to maintain a particular relationship.

This was exhausting, not only for me but because I’d see the other person would also fall into the same game and I pondered why we were believing that we just ‘weren’t enough’ for each other… that’s the kind of relationships that of course have to come to an end because we are not being self-honest with oneself in who we really are and being vulnerable in rather acknowledging each one’s flaws and weaknesses in order to strengthen them in each other as a form of support or natural outflow of being in a supportive relationship. That becomes a richer process and it is definitely liberating to create relationships where we share ourselves as we are, without any pretense, without trying to be something that we are not, because what do we know if we transform ourselves for the sake of ‘a relationship’ with a particular person? We are not living for ourselves, we are entirely existing in a constant inferiority spot that becomes a constant experience of fear, of jealousy, of comparison if one is not yet valuing oneself as an equal to that other individual.

Therefore the whole desire to ‘impress’ in itself already rings an alarm that we can use as a flag-point to instead ask ourselves: where am I perceiving myself as ‘not good enough’? Where and toward who am I comparing myself when believing that I must ‘impress them’ and beat other competition, so that I can be the ‘chosen one’ in this situation or within a certain relationship? Why am I allowing myself to compromise who I am for the sake of creating a relationship with a person? And then, pushing oneself to be self-honest to see how if we tolerate this starting point of inferiority and wanting to impress others through presenting ourselves as something that we are not, we eventually get caught up in our own lies and the deception eventually catches upon us.

It reminds me of a movie that I watched last year called ‘A Perfect Man’ where this aspiring writer sees himself as incapable of writing a good story that could get published, so he finds the manuscript of a dead person and turns it into ‘his first novel’, which gives him the fame and recognition he was looking for, eventually leading him to have ‘the perfect life’ and his ‘perfect relationship’; but all of the pretense and lies eventually catch up to him as reality knocks the door. That movie precisely left me considering how far we can take ourselves in order to be ‘living’ a lie, and how much of a burden this pretension becomes just because one wasn’t wise enough to rather develop oneself, practice and create the necessary skills in order to eventually master something or get to be ‘good at’ doing or being something as an actual process of self-creation, instead of jumping into a ‘quick fix’ based on self-deception and lies, because of believing that one wasn’t good enough without ‘extra magic’ which in this case I’d refer to magic as all the characters, personalities, ‘extra traits’ that we might act out/fake in order to impress others.

So what I did to walk through from this ‘desire to impress’ from a starting point of self-interest – like acquiring a particular relationship – to the ability to make an impression on others in a natural way or as an expression of who I am is precisely linked to walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness. It is about letting go of one’s self-judgment, fears or insecurities and so desires based on a rather unfortunate common perception of seeing ourselves as inferior, seeing ourselves as ‘not good enough’ – which leads us to constantly devalue who we are and seek ways to be accepted, to be liked, to be loved, to be ‘irreplaceable’ in a relationship – yet, it actually gets oneself in very tricky situations where we may become ‘the perfect fit’ that we’ve modeled ourselves to according to someone’s desires, and in doing so not only do we trap ourselves to ‘always be all of that’ for that one person, but we also cage themselves in becoming entirely dependent on us and believing that all of those ‘desires’ they aspired to obtain are real traits or are ‘realistic’ in the way that one is compromising oneself to portray or act like ‘for another’. This probably happens more often than I am aware of, and what happens is that it turns into an unsustainable relationship – as it was in any case – where one eventually can’t keep up with the ‘act,’ because it’s no different to being inflating a bubble until it pops – and all bubbles have to burst! That’s a fact of life and a very necessary one, because all that ‘inflates’ those bubbles is everything that we fuel within our minds as ideas, beliefs, perceptions, judgments, comparisons, fears, desires that we impose onto ourselves as ‘who we are’ and ‘what defines us.’

So, once that one walks through a process of dropping or shedding these layers of self-compromise, what is left is ‘the real me’ that I can then focus on redefining, on nurturing, growing, expanding as a myself, as the real being that I am that goes beyond a particular image or façade created ‘for others’. In this I have in fact found my own skin and a sense of individuality that I can then honor as myself because it does change everything about oneself when we decide to no longer feed one’s ego in every step that we take in our lives, and instead decide to change ‘what we are all about’ as the kind of person that rather stands as a point of change in relation to what has been accepted as ‘normal’ or ‘normal-lies’ (normalized) that in my particular life and experience, I have definitely taken on the point of ‘rattling the cages of the caged’ as in deciding to physically as a ‘first impression’ have an unusual presentation which is that of shaving my head which I’ve been doing up to this month for 7 years now and it’s been quite assisting to me to be honest considering how much I had also debased myself according to beliefs on my appearance and so challenging myself further with removing one aspect that people would usually associate with ‘beauty’ or ‘sexuality’, I then present myself in a way where I make a clear statement of what I am about, of what I am ‘into.’ This has become a source of conversations throughout the  years that open up different ways to explain why I do it and what is it that I work on or explain my ‘views’ to random people in various contexts. That has been cool but it’s after all not so much about how it is received upon others, because I am also aware that it sometimes might alienate people that might be in their particular process and position a bit judgmental about appearance, but that’s entirely up to each one and it’s understandable as well based on how ingrained our parameters of beauty or presentation extend to.

But beyond making it about facing my image towards people, after all of these years of having worked on various reactions and upon seeing the plethora of reactions it might cause, I’ve learned to let go of focusing on ‘how others see me’ and instead make it my own, see it as my own physical representation of the principles I am dedicating my life to embody and continue expanding on.

I’ve also questioned myself if this makes me too ‘image driven’ at the same time as I know it does create a particular ‘impact’ or ‘impression’ on people at a first glance level, but it is still then only an image – what I however have liked over the years is how this particular self-created difference as a ‘haircut’ or the lack thereof can open up conversations that I would have to get to in a longer period of time with people, sometimes it becomes a catalyst to jump straight to explaining about this process and set of principles if the person is willing to hear the reasoning behind it, but ultimately I do it as myself.

 If we can make an impression or ‘stand out’ in the crowd then, let’s stand out for all the good reasons like being acknowledged as an individual that can be an example of a different way of living, not only in the ‘external ways’ but most importantly in the internal ways, to leave a mark and create an impression that can assist other people in possibly discovering more about ourselves as individuals beyond ‘first impressions’ and facades and the rest of cover-ups we create through our minds that become like layers that we then have to get rid of – one by one – in order to eventually get to the core of ourselves and from there, be able to decide who we really want to be, what kind of person do I want to create as myself based on what is best for all and considering self-honesty.

This is then a much more meaningful and honorable process that in itself is already ‘making a stand’ and requires no particular emphasis to ‘create a good impression’ on others, because our thoughts, words and deeds will speak by themselves, by ourselves, and that’s the kind of expression that will create an impression by default, an expression that I have to keep fine tuning, working on, deconstructing and reconstructing, which is my own impression or imprinting of words, attitudes and actions that are beneficial for me, so that I can stand as the better version of the that can in turn assist many others more to break out of the pretense and inferiority in order to discover the genuine self that exists in all of us as a potential yet to be discovered and developed.

Thanks for reading

 

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