Tag Archives: self deception

584. Walking Through the Veils of Shame

Or walking through the character weakness I created through cheating in relationships and turning it into a current self-committed strength.

In this same process of doing a bit of a ‘looking back’ in my life and the things that I’ve been most ashamed of and regret and have in essence kept as stuff that had ‘haunt’ me as my past was cheating in relationships. As I write this I look away from the screen for a moment because a part of me would not want to expose this side of myself, would prefer to keep things ‘to myself’ but I also see the benefit of not only sharing about this to ‘expose’ myself in the past, but more so to share what I considered as a very personal process that ‘I should keep to myself’, but this was mostly because of existing in shame towards it and judging that ‘tendency’ of myself as something really bad, unforgivable, that caused pain and sorrow in others.

This has been something that I have immediately linked to reviewing shame as it’s been opened up in the awesome audio support here:  Facing and Forgiving Real Shame (Part 1) – Demons in the Afterlife  and Facing and Forgiving Real Shame (Part 2) – Demons in the Afterlife  and through having such support as well as looking at and opening up the word ‘reconciliation’ within me, I saw that I had not made peace with this aspect of myself, mostly also because of keeping it as something that I should never speak of or admit about myself.

I have worked with this for myself, and even if I knew what I was doing at the time, I simply didn’t want to change my ways and would like to ‘keep my possibilities open’ which I only managed to change in the past relationship I had and I’m quite glad about that with myself in how through walking this process and from the very beginning of the relationship, I made a decision to no longer allow myself to ‘waver’ in my decision to be with that person even if we weren’t physically together right away, I made that decision to for once live that commitment to myself, to show to me that I could in fact stop having ‘affairs’ in thought, word or deed when it comes to personal relationships, and I am grateful to myself that I did this even if yes, there were surely moments that I could have defined as ‘openings’ or ‘temptations’ if you will, which surely are never ‘gone’ as such because I realize I have the ability to decide what I define as a ‘temptation’ to begin with which in a way it’s a whole word in itself to open up, which already implies a form of weakness from my perspective, where I believe that ‘I cannot help myself/cannot control/cannot direct’ myself in something and thus ‘fall’ into it, which surely I did experience in relation to cheating as such, which is why I had to yes, of course, let go of that ability within me to make it quite simple to act out on what I saw as an opportunity or potential.

To me the source of shame was more in relation to knowing what I caused in others, the consequences when this happened to be known. Shame and regret emerged within the realization that I was the cause of a lot of turmoil, depression, sadness in in someone’s life, and also how ‘shameless’ I was at the same time in doing it,  with without their awareness in my past relationships, which I have by now become aware all were motivated as with many other things in our lives, by the idea of something better, new, more exciting, or simply doing it because ‘the opportunity was here’ and taking it as an ‘innocent’ moment which was of course not living the word innocence in a supportive manner, but more through an experience to veil my responsibility at the time and the actual fear of the potential consequences, like it is explained in this other awesome supportive audio Using Innocence to Defend Fear – Quantum Physical, which I recommend to understand how this ‘misuse’ of the word innocence takes place within ourselves, that was quite helpful for me to also open up this point recently.

I could also say, yes it still was someone else’s decision to dive into such depressive experience upon becoming aware of what I had done, but my part in the whole point is having been dishonest and creating a consequence that in normal terms of course it is not something that is received in stability by most people. So, I have beaten myself up – figuratively speaking – quite a few times for this kind of situations that yes I caused and contributed to creating, while at the same time over time and over some more years after that, I still would do it and not really make a decision to change, until I did after deciding to actually change this ‘tendency’ and pattern within me that I had veiled myself off by seeing it as something that is ‘just here’ and ‘just happened’ while being fully aware that of course it always takes one’s decision to do or not do something.

 

 

I’ve also learned through communicating about this point to in a way see that we all cheat ourselves in different ways and levels. Some of us have acted on it, some others tend to only fantasize about doing it, but don’t get to actually live it. That’s how I’ve also seen that cheating as such is always a point of self-deception, where yes one is not living fidelity towards another being and instead is seeking for ‘something else’ with another person, not only at a physical level, but also at a mind level or in the form of ‘mental affairs’ too, because I saw how the sheer acceptance of ‘thinking about another’ in those partnership terms or fantasizing about having a relationship with them or having sex with another person while being in a committed relationship constitutes in essence already an act of ‘cheating’ to oneself, where one is only entertaining an idea of ‘someone else’ in our minds, while one is having an actual, physical, tangible relationship to develop, nurture and commit to, which is what I have decided to do and live from now on in my life.

I’ve been looking at what ‘led me’ to make it so easy for me to not measure consequences, to make it so easy to make a single decision in one moment and for a moment just throw out of the window any commitment to another person because ‘the opportunity presented itself’ and ‘I simply took it’ and how ‘feeble’ in a way I was when it comes to this, being very much moved by desire, lust, an idea of ‘something/someone better’ or simply because ‘it was here’ and so I moved to just do it.

Now, the details of how, when and where I did this all are not relevant to share here, but to me it’s sufficient to share how the kind of laxity towards it is what was a source of shame, which I then also walked through to create an understanding, to understand ‘who I was’ at the time so as to not just see through the eyes of morality but through seeing me and who I was at the time.

At the time I had not created any point of self-awareness or ‘barely’ creating it and developing it within myself, where I would talk to myself to create a point of ‘innocence’ about the moment, as a way to – as the previously mentioned Eqafe audio explains – it was a way for me to make things ‘alright’ within me and not truly have a blunt look at what I was accepting and allowing in having this ‘laxity’ about my commitment to my relationships and how I made it very normal to have ‘open potentials’ to other relationships while being in committed relationships or ‘somewhat’ committed relationships at the time, because they were what they were in the context that I was in at the time in my life as well, where I wasn’t really into developing a relationship of self support or self-respect yet.

One thing I noticed is that I of course suppressed a lot of these things because it was at a time in my life when I was using weed on a regular basis and it was my way to also ‘wipe out’ any immediate inner conflict and ‘shift’ within me to an ‘everything is alright’ state of mind, which I only can know of because I would write about what I was in fact experiencing, and that’s the only remembrance I have of it, because at a conscious level to me it seemed as if there was no conflict at all, but this is how I made myself ‘think’ that ‘I am perfectly fine with it, I know what I’m doing, there’s no problem at all in me, no one’s getting hurt’ as a way to create a false sense of innocence within it all to not have to have a clear view of what I was participating in.

Working on this point has become one of those examples that something that I saw as a weakness in me, I’ve worked on developing it and turning it into a strength within me for the past couple of years.

Though before going into the ‘developing it as a strength,’ I want to share about the process of walking through shame itself and in our group chat at Desteni we had a very cool discussion that led to open up this point about ‘shame’ which can be read here:  You cannot see that which you are – 12 July 2017 which opened the door along with looking at the word ‘reconciliation’ for me to do this for once and for all, to identify where and how I’ve experienced that kind of shame in my life and it has been definitely linked to cheating – and it was actually quite a gift in the way that it is explained in this audio support I mentioned at the beginning of this blog about shame, in the sense that I would probably not have gotten to see my reality this way if I had not become aware of how my actions affected another’s life, which at the time I  suppressed and just felt bad about it, guilty, remorseful. But I had not taken that step of acknowledging the profound shame I felt in relation to it and it’s probably one of those things that have ‘marked me’ in my life, yet it is and will continue to be there as a reminder of what I’ve done, what I caused when allowing myself to be moved by desire, attraction, the idea of ‘something better’ or something ‘more exciting’ or ‘new’ and all of these experiences I linked to the act of cheating, which were in fact me seeking an experience that eventually of course led to ending relationships due to not establishing that self-commitment, self-honor and self-respect for myself first of all.

In retrospect it is ‘easier’ for me to see how I could have decided to change myself in those moments when facing this ‘temptation’, yet at the time I had not made a clear decision to change, because I still wanted to have these ‘options’ available to me. I wasn’t living a commitment to myself nor towards another. So this is to me an example where many times we make things ‘difficult’ to do or believe that ‘it’s beyond me’ to change, but in self-honesty, the reality is that I was not wanting to change or give up something that I wanted to have, experience or indulge into in my life.

The perceived benefits of ‘going for it’ are only that, a perception, a momentary experience if anything because over time, I see how every time that I ‘gave into it’ became that kind of scars that won’t go away from your mind, and one can self-forgive it, surely, to recognize the point and ensure one doesn’t repeat it again, but as it has been recently explained: self forgiveness wont’ ‘erase’ the memories. Memories will remain as part of who we are, as reminder, as a gift, a ‘cautionary tale’ as I’d like to call them of what I could put myself and others through If I give into this kind of ‘desires’ or ‘fleeting sensations’ that seemed to just ‘open up’ as ‘opportunities’ in my life – which is how I used to define them, see them.

It also had to do with how I approached life back then, where I had placed my life, my destiny in the hands of something ‘else separate from me’ where I thought that people, things, situations would ‘happen for a reason’ and so I would create an innocence point within it as well, which is of course innocence lived as deception, deliberate self-deception just to not have to see the truth and reality of myself in it.  Innocence to me now as a living word has a very much different meaning that doesn’t relate at all to ‘pretending to be delusional’ and not realize what I am doing lol, I mean, I know I can only ever deceive myself in fact and that’s where this whole point of cheating is at, not only ‘towards others’ but towards myself, my self-commitment and self-agreement that I am busy living for myself and those whose lives I am directly related to now.

Have these apparent ‘temptations’ gone away? Nope. If I would decide to see a moment, a person, a situation as such and accept it and allow it to exist in me, it would not be so much of a ‘difficult thing’ to do because it’s just like anything else when one ‘goes for it’ without questioning ‘who am I’ within doing something. And yes it can be a bit scary to think of the potentials on this which applies for anything else that we see ourselves having a propensity or tendency to do – and have done in the past – but that’s how I decide to instead of giving any attention to these ‘potentials’ rather create a solid foundation for me to walk through it and as I mentioned earlier, turn it into a strength.

So this is another aspect of our minds, our lives and process where no amount of self-forgiveness will actually remove the potential ‘triggers’ or ‘stimuli’ that we can still decide to react to or ‘act upon’ in our minds – this is why walking through our minds is a moment by moment application, daily thing, every moment thing whenever it is required.

So, how am I living this relationship to this past tendency to ‘cheat’ in relationships? Well, I can wholly say to myself that it’s been quite cool to build that decision of living self-honor, self-respect, self-commitment and consideration – not only for me but to others – when it comes to remaining committed to someone and be able to practically test myself in various times and situations to see ‘who am I’ within it all, and so far I’ve seen how every single time it’s a constant decision to ‘stick’ to my decision to live fidelity and loyalty, simply because that’s the person that I decide to be for myself and another in my life.

Thanks for reading and thanks to the beings that share their experiences at eqafe.com which surely set the example for me to open this up for myself too.

Have a listen yourself too!

Facing and Forgiving Real Shame (Part 1) – Demons in the Afterlife – …

Facing and Forgiving Real Shame (Part 2) – Demons in the Afterlife – …

 

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469.Minimizing a Point

Or how I’ve been suppressing points to change and correct within me based on judging them as ‘meaningless’ and not a big deal.

 

Today what opened up for me is how I’ve been ‘Minimizing’ something that emerges within me to look at it, as in making it a seemingly insignificant thing, a ‘no big deal’ situation  within me which means I’ve been justifying myself to remain indulging in something particularly, not questioning it and deciding to in that moment ignore asking the basic questions like ‘who am I’ in desiring to remain in this experience within me? who am I deciding to believe that this is not much of a big point to change in me? What am I trying to hide? What am I defending, justifying or fearing letting go of?

This all emerged as I saw myself once again not wanting to wake up from a particular dream that gave me a positive experience, and lately dreams have been very cool in allowing me to face points and people in my past that I haven’t actually ‘processed’ yet which keep coming back over and over again and I go into the justification of ‘ah they are long gone in my reality, no need to look at it! It’s just a remembrance that’s it!’ while I am seeing very clear and defined patterns that I am acting upon on with them and even if in the dream I know that there is a change in me to be done, I still don’t align that self-application in my dream, but still allow myself to indulge into essentially old patterns that I used to be.

It’s kind of interesting how as I wrote that I became extremely hot as if I am supposed to not be talking about this or opening this up within me which means, same as when one goes red out of embarrassment – man! There’s actually quite a relevance of opening these ‘minimized’ points or ‘maximizing them’, zooming into them and realize there’s actually stuff to process in relation to these people/places of my past, experiences I used to seek vehemently and that would in fact control me, which have been coming up in dreams in a very interesting manner, a sort of self-testing where I am presented with all of these situations and I can always decide to indulge into the ‘old me’ or decide to stand up in those moments, and I have to say that I haven’t yet fully aligned the waking life me and the dream-state me to this application in all areas – in some others I have and those are points that stop coming up in dreams – but the ones that remain in very similar scenarios are pointing out to me something I definitely need to look at, which I will do for myself.

Here then I’m looking at the pattern of how we decide to place a ‘lower value’ on certain things that we face in our lives, where we ‘conveniently ‘see them as ‘not a big deal’ so that we can keep re-living them, falling in them again, not realizing that we are only in fact fooling ourselves anyways in doing this, because the more that we push them aside, ignore and neglect them = the more they will keep coming up and so creating what we know as a ‘time loop’ where a particular pattern repeats itself endlessly until we decide to stop ourselves from participating in it/falling in it and so stand up, make a decision to change and live the correction with consistency, proving to ourselves each moment that we decide to change this point absolutely, to stand up from it every time it ‘pops up’.

This point reminds me of the revenge of the ego where we believe we are just ‘clear’ about many things but some aspects of our past ‘come like a thief in the night’ and rear their head claiming attention and if I decide to ‘minimize’ it and make it only a thing of a ‘dream’ and therefore deciding to believe ‘it has no relevance to myself’ I am in fact deceiving myself because I am aware of that pattern, I know it can still be affecting me in seemingly ‘imperceptible ways’ which if I don’t deal with, will invariably come and bite me back in the ass – really, sorry for the bluntness but that’s what it is – because deciding to not look into a point and seeing it as ‘meaningless’ or ‘too small to care for it’ is only a mechanism of self-deception = self-dishonesty.

I brought this point into a group discussion and it was really awesome to receive feedback, points of self observation and suggestions on how to approach it based on others’ personal experience and that’s what is so nurturing about this process when one is not alone in facing one’s mind, but there are always ways within the Desteni community to cross reference things, to ask for perspectives, to see if someone can relate to something and you’ll get to see that no matter how seemingly ‘odd’ something is, voilà! Someone or more than expected have actually faced that and so it proves again and again how we really are ‘no different’ when it comes to the mechanisms in which our mind operates.

Today’s message is simple as a learning point and experience from this.

– Whenever I see myself minimizing a point as in thinking of it as ‘not an important thing to look at,’ saying ‘ah it’s not that relevant for me any longer, it’s a thing of the past’ or ‘ah but it’s only a nice experience for a moment in a dream, it shall pass!’ or ‘But I’ve worked on similar points before, it should not matter that much to focus so much on this petty one here’ – or ‘it’s just a small bit of myself, I take care of everything else anyways, why should it matter that much?’ I have to stop myself to remind myself that these are excuses, justifications and reasons I am making up within/as my mind in an attempt to conceal actually very relevant aspects of myself that are probably holding/keeping myself in a particular self-definition or fears/desires or holding on to an aspect of ‘me’ that I have believed I have ‘worked on or let go of’.

Therefore I have to make sure I don’t ignore this point but actually decide to open it up in the moment or make a note of it to work later on it in the day, instead of minimizing it, I have to maximize it/zooming into it, aggrandizing it to see the details and equalize the value of it to every other point that I face in my life, considering all of them as aspects and parts of me that I have to equally take responsibility for.

This ‘minimization’ particularly is indicating this seemingly innocent and subtle way in which I create awareness of something yet ‘make it something little’ so as to ‘not bother with it’  – but I’ve proven myself how these are in fact things we relegate and make ‘smaller’ because of the actual ‘hold’ they have of ourselves in our minds, which means there’s actually quite a lot of ourselves still ‘hiding’ in that one aspect and so it at the same time represents an equal gift that we can give back to ourselves with self-forgiveness, so as to not keep ourselves captive with it.

In this I have to remind myself that I don’t have to fear looking at it, I don’t have to fear ‘losing’ this energetic experience because it was never something of ‘the real me’ anyways, it wasn’t a genuine expression or self-creation – they are but remnants of my experiences in the past that I have to now make a clear decision to self-forgive and let go of. I  realize that I am not ‘missing out’ on anything within doing so, because I’ve seen how a lot of what I used to be and do really became this energy-bubble within myself that was unsustainable anyways, so getting to a point of self-honesty should not be seen as a ‘loss’ of sorts – how can we lose something that wasn’t real in the first place?

These are all reminders and points to indicate myself to do, ask and start processing whenever I see myself minimizing something again, relegating it to ‘a second priority’ when in fact, they are here, they came up in the moment, they are priority, they are gifts for me to open up as I ‘receive’ them so to speak, as they come up in my awareness, regardless of it being during my awake or sleeping mode.

– Whenever I go into manipulating myself to see a point as still not relevant to look at or too insignificant – I can do what was suggested today by Sylvia G to do which is to create a projection of how this one seemingly ‘minimal’ point could potentially affect myself, my life and that of others around me based on my continued participation and indulgence on it.

I can see that this in my case would lead me to create the worst kind of situations of self-deception that I in fact have faced in my life before and that I definitely would not want me to repeat the same once more. And upon doing this with the point I’ll be working on, I can see how absolutely relevant it is for me to dig into it, investigate it, fully open it to see it for what it is and disengage the energetic relationship I have linked to it, so that I no longer go participating in these seemingly ‘meaningless’ moments that are actually letting me know I still have several energetic connections to aspects of myself, my past that I have to fully correct within myself, by principle and awareness of who I decide to be and create as myself currently.

– Here’s then another reminder for me to not see dreams as ‘just dreams’ because they have proven to me many times that they can reveal very key and on the spot aspects for me to face where I actually know I am aware of having to apply myself, but when I deliberately don’t do so because of ‘minimizing’ an experience, it simply means I am deciding to continue my self-dishonesty, and that’s of course an indication of points I require to work with in my reality as soon as possible.

– Therefore I can use the ‘minimizing’ experience as a flag-word, an alert of making myself aware that I have to now make a decision to actually take the point as equally relevant as any other and to not procrastinate on them, but to be diligent in opening it up, not giving way into ‘fears’ about discovering myself, or giving way to ‘fears of letting go’ of something that is not even substantial, that is not of life– and so make a clear decision to not deceive myself in the face of those moments where I am clearly having to rev up my self-honesty, which means I know when I am deliberately not wanting to see something = I have to stop lying to myself that it is not important and make all things equally relevant and important to look at.

Here then realizing that the act of ‘minimizing’ something is already looking at it through ourselves as the mind, as the mind that doesn’t want to debunk itself. So the suggestions are to move oneself to deliberately see it for what it is, to not play ‘dumb’ so to speak in relation to it, to not wait for consequences to grow and show us how ‘big’ in fact of a point it is.

And it also was shared how these seemingly ‘minimal’ points can be in fact the tip of an iceberg that we haven’t faced/opened up within ourselves. These points that we create a relationship of resistance to, indicate at the same time a potential to liberate aspects of ourselves that we’ve trapped in secrecy, in denial, in shame, in regret, in guilt, in a relationship of desire and fear… any relationship of energy that we hold toward something will eventually ‘catch up with us’ to the point where it becomes inevitable to not see it, face it, deal with it and walk it through to a point of correction and so, get to a point of no return with it into self-honesty.

Also very relevant to remind myself what does it say about myself when I deliberately decide to make something seemingly insignificant to not look at it? It’s no different to wanting to run away from self-responsibility, no different to taking a quick fix, no different to preferring to remain limited in the mind to not really live – I do it to myself! Therefore I have to make a clear decision to stand clear in all aspects of myself, in actual self-honesty and not miss any bit of me that I become aware of to process from consciousness into awareness and self-honesty.

 

Thanks for reading

 

 Minimizing Self Dishonesty

 

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462. ‘Fake News’ Crackdown Starts Within Ourselves

Or how to take an external problem and start changing it from within first.

It’s been interesting to look at the developments in relation to the media and how there’s been a mainstream media attempt to ‘black out’ alternative media or any kind of news/media that is not coming from ‘the establishment’ and making campaigns to flag it as ‘fake news,’ which is supposed to discredit and now ‘filter out’ news from appearing in social media places like Facebook based on supposed (paid by same establishment, lol) ‘third party’ fact-checkers that will have the power to decide what you get to see on your news feed as ‘real news’ and discard all things that usually represents a threat to the current system as ‘fake news’. So, that’s the latest ‘crackdown’ on people that have conducted investigative journalism in an independent and most of the times crowd-funded manner.

However upon looking at this censorship attempt by ‘the establishment’, I also took it back to myself to see what the word ‘censorship’ means in the without and so in the within of myself. It wasn’t so difficult to realize how it is directly in line with what us, people, tend to usually do whenever we see ‘the truth’ of ourselves coming through as that kind of truth that makes us ‘uncomfortable’, those aspects of ourselves that keep us in a never-ending inner conflict that we constantly try and suppress, shift aside, run away from, shove aside, leave for later to look at – while opting to keep pushing our own actual ‘made-up’ news as the ‘controlled news’ the ‘positive side only’ as our on agenda to keep an idea of ourselves in our minds and believe ‘it’s who we really are’ which is usually – but not always – a ‘better, noble, good’ representation that we like to believe is who we are, that we in fact create about ourselves as ‘our truth’ with which we interact and go with the flow in our reality.

The question is: isn’t this exactly what we see is happening ‘outside’ or in the exterior reality as this ‘alternative media crackdown’ that represents – in some aspects – that truth and real facts that we are usually supposed to remain oblivious of? Because getting to know ‘the truth’ could, in more than one way, start undermining the whole ‘empire’ of control from particular ‘factions’ that run this reality show we are living in. Here, it makes a lot of sense to me to first look within myself before I start judging how ‘bad’ it is that there’s this crackdown on alternative media, and how much ‘deception’ is going on against ‘truthers’ and people that create their own media with a seemingly honest approach.

I looked at how easily we go into victimizing ourselves, always immediately jump into looking for culprits/who to blame and join a pity-party with those that are victimized (and apparently disempowered) about the situation. But, rarely do we ever take that phenomena, that situation happening ‘outside’ of ourselves and look at it from the within.

Here then I can spot ‘censorship’ as self-suppression, self-censorship, hiding and shifting away responsibility, where we hide ourselves from our ‘true facts’ and our ‘real news’ in seeing exactly what’s going on within ourselves and to what extents we can go to sink down to the bottom all of those actual day to day experiences we’re going through as all those emotions, judgments, fears, reactions, destructive behaviors and patterns that we just refuse to look at, refuse to even attempt to change them – we usually don’t want to face them and so we pull out the card of ‘fearing’ all of it as a way to not actually face the truth of ourselves.

Well, this censoring of ourselves is exactly us in our minds, being and body playing our own ‘establishment’ crackdown on all things that represent our truth, our current actual ‘state of affairs’ that we have to work on, open up, face, confront.

What do we do instead? We put up the actual inner fake news as the ‘ideal’ state of being that we play on as a character and in various personalities with which we cover-up the actual – usually – bad experiences, problems, fears, manias, addictions, discomforts we are going through – we keep telling ourselves that ‘we’re alright, that all is under control, that there’s nothing to worry about, that we are happy and joyful’ and repeat it like a mantra attempting to numb down the actual conflictive experiences that in fact seem to grow and grow the more we broadcast our fake news within us… leading us then to a plethora of ‘mental problems’ that are more and more common these days, a lot of them I’d say based on this constant denial of what is HERE as ourselves.

Who is the ‘establishment’ in the within of ourselves in this analogy? One may ask. It is ourselves as our minds, our ‘ego’ if you will which is that part of ourselves in which we have automated our lives to be a ‘never-changing’ and ‘always conflictive’ type of persona that is always juggling with consequences, always going down the ‘downward spiral,’ always giving up to any sort of self-support, always seeking for short cuts/easy fixes and quick ways out of anything that would actually mean getting to know the (uncomfortable) truth of ourselves, to recognize, face and be willing to work with/process through all of those aspects of ourselves that we can in fact face, confront, embrace and (very important!) take responsibility for as parts of ourselves that we can then direct ourselves to actually, genuinely change.

 

See, what is the main factor driving the mainstream media crackdown against so-called ‘fake news’= alternative media/independent media & journalism? Fear of losing control, fear of losing ‘people’s minds’ and guiding everyone to a certain type of information and ‘awareness’ in order to keep the masses following as ‘intended.’

Now let’s go into the ‘within’ of ourselves, what is driving ourselves to suppress/hide/block ourselves from seeing and facing our inner reality in our minds and in our day to day experience? It’s also fear, which is nothing else but a mind/mental defense mechanism that prevents actually ‘cracking down’ our own lies and deception. Fear is nothing else but an experience that can be stopped and transcended once that we realize that there’s no point in holding on to a comfortable (lie) idea of ‘control’ over something that is not genuinely supportive in our lives!

What does this mean? Why do we hide and fear facing the actual truth of ourselves, that nasty, not nice at all, ugly aspects of ourselves and our experiences that we actually know ‘are there’ because it is causing us constant conflict, constant anger, constant depression, constant need for this or that drug or way to ‘ease the pain’? Why do we try and ‘control’ it and ‘ease the pain’ and ‘numb’ ourselves with doing anything and all we can – from drugs, to obsessive compulsive behaviors, to creating destructive relationships, to addictions to entertainment, porn, sports, food and a big ETC. – in order to keep ourselves from actually opening ourselves up, removing the self-censorship to then make a decision, a self-honest decision to Embrace, Understand, Investigate and get to know what we’ve become and so, accept and face our consequences while knowing that we can actually change from it all, how to do this? Self-Forgiveness.

There is nothing else that I’ve found as supportive and all-encompassing as our ability to self-forgive every and all aspects of ourselves that we have in fact created within ourselves, that we have continued to accept, allow and feed in various ways, that we have continued to hide from and ‘fear facing’ when in fact, there’s really no place to hide for real. It’s the same as what the ‘mainstream media’ is facing when it comes to the internet and all the ways in which regular people are building ways to continue propagating the real news, the real facts and push forward ways and means for people to be genuinely informed.

As within, so without. Same has to also happen within ourselves, and I see it happening in fact within many of us where we are no longer that fearful of seeing ‘the truth’ of ourselves and sharing it out, we are becoming more and more open to face that ‘nasty self’ if you will that we don’t have to go into guilt and shame about, but directly and straightforward push ourselves into the process of self-forgiving those points, recognizing our responsibility to our creations and acknowledge the consequences of this massive self-suppression, so that we can then start changing those thoughts, emotions, fears, destructive habits and patterns into self-supportive ways to live, learning how to effectively walk through the plethora of ‘fake news’ we’ve told to ourselves in our minds, all the lies, all the deception, the self-manipulation that each one of us has done to ourselves – and so toward others in our lives – in an attempt to represent ourselves as a ‘fake news’/better version of our reality that is no longer able to be sustained, but is now bursting at the seams so to speak which in other words means: the time is here for all of us to start pulling off that veil from our eyes, from our very own personal reality. This is the real ‘apocalypse’.

And here then is also a note on this necessity to focus more on ourselves, because we loooooove to keep ourselves in the sensationalism manufactured by the elites/establishment or however else we are calling them these days as the ‘controllers’ of it all and see ‘them’ as the problem… lol, the joke is on ourselves of course.

It’s so easy to distract ourselves, dissing the track that we can create to take us back into ourselves, our very own lives that we have to change and take responsibility, instead of keeping participating in the fear and sensationalism that is created precisely on the news to keep ourselves in our minds ‘out there’ entertained, mesmerized, feeling ‘powerless’ to do anything ‘out there’ to change anything …. Really?

That’s why the key is to look within ourselves, and that’s where the real ‘meat’ of this whole process of self-awareness is, because as long as we believe that all that matters is to be ‘well informed’ about the ‘truths out there’, we are still being caught by the balls – sorry but that’s what it is – when it comes to generating actual, real, substantial, long lasting, rooted and self-empowering change.

Therefore, change starts within ourselves for real. It starts when we actually make a firm decision to develop and integrate the principles that we are seeking ‘our media’ to do for us ‘out there’ within our lives first of all. Aren’t we quite hypocritical then when we go asking ‘others’ to do for ourselves something we haven’t even done within ourselves first?

In order to stop feeling ‘powerless’ to change things out there, let’s start with ourselves which is to be honest, even more so developing SELF-honesty as to understand how we create our own experiences, how we are the sole creators of everything we are, have become and will create in the future as well and understand this not as a ‘burden’ or ‘something too big to carry on with’ as a realization, but as an actual point of self-empowerment through taking self-responsibility of it, because it then means we have the actual ability to change things, because it’s about  doing it ourselves to ourselves!

How? Developing self-integrity, self-honesty, self-vulnerability, courage, lots of courage really to let go of the so called ‘fears’ and be willing to grab our own bull by the horns, because: it’s us! There’s really nothing to ‘fear’ except if we wanted to keep a good image of ourselves in our minds (our fake news broadcast) and fear looking at ‘all the bad’ … but, all of that ‘bad’ and ‘negative’ is ourselves in fact! We have to embrace it, we have to face it, we have to dive into ourselves and understand it so as to no further judge ourselves for it, not to go into guilt, regret, shame, remorse and create another ‘trap’ seeing no way out from there either, that’s what this process of Self Awareness at Desteni is for, is here for all of us in humanity to finally ‘wake up’ but not in the form of information and knowledge ‘out there’ to consume every day and then believe that ‘we are informed.’ Nope.

This process is an actual self-investigative journalism that can then become the new ‘media’ as these blogs sharing the keys and support on how to do it yourself. And that is definitely life changing to the point where surely, you will still be able to identify ‘fake’ and ‘real’ news because once one has identified the deception, the lies, the dishonesty within oneself makes it very easy to spot the same ‘on the outside’ – but the most important part is that this reality that we uncover within ourselves and we then take through a process of personal change, growth and expansion becomes something that cannot be banned or ‘removed’ from us, unless we decide to ‘go back into hiding’; it cannot be ‘censored’ by anyone or anything ‘outside of ourselves’ because we are standing as full authors of ourselves in our every thought, word and deed in ways that we realize is best for ourselves and so best for all in equality. That is what real power means to me really, and that’s what I call real change as well, where that simple decision to not ‘follow through’ our usual experiences, our ‘usual thoughts’, our selfishness, our emotions in fact becomes the real ‘revolution’ if you will, one that no ‘elite’ or no ‘media establishment’ can ever get to censor or ‘black out’, because it is within ourselves! We will then become our real, self-honest, integral self as our new nature that will in turn – with time and new generations to come – create the new media that we all know is most beneficial to have, no longer existing as ‘fringe or alternative’ but as the ‘new normal’.

And that’s how we take one problem manifesting in the ‘outside’, take it back to ourselves to ‘fix’ it and correct it, align it and take responsibility for within ourselves, so that then it becomes – as we go and in a parallel mode – the new creation, the new expression that we can collectively create once that more and more people start living this inner-process of change at the same time.

I invite you to start this process today, it takes writing, it takes your absolute will and decision to investigate your fake news and real news, it takes dedication to change yourself, to help yourself, to be that one point that no longer feels satisfied with ‘getting truths’ out there, but that sees there’s some inner-work to do in order to change the without.

Join in!

 

My favorite supportive audio to understand self-suppression and a MUST Hear:

 

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Control


444. Self-Corruption: Jesus Calls!

Some months ago I had a dream where from afar I would see the book by Thomas Piketty ‘The Economics of Inequality’ on a table, and when getting closer to it, it sort of morphed into or became a book with quotes and principles said or provided by Jesus. This was somehow indicated as my ‘new project’ or point of focus. My reaction was that of ‘what? Jesus? Is it about Religion? No way!’ and woke up considering ‘the meaning’ of this dream without seeing much around it. Later on with a clearer mind I considered that maybe I should in fact get more back into the basic living principles that are the ‘building blocks’ of a new human kind-ness, instead of getting a bit too much into theories and knowledge of all the reasons why for example, our economy is not working and inequality is so prevalent… to name but one aspect of our reality that is spiraling into decay. At the time I didn’t give any further thought to it other than mentioning it to some of my friends/colleagues before we had a live hangout, and I let it pass.

But this same point came up today as I have been writing lately about this ‘greater picture’ approach and now it makes more sense to me. After the process I have described in the recent posts when it comes to diving into certain information about the world system and understanding the main patterns of the problems – often getting a bit stuck on the point of how ‘to make it work, it is the human being that has to change’ – I’ve come to realize the importance to focus more or emphasize revising and so making of the living principles or ‘golden rules’ – as they are usually called – more of a practical living ‘philosophy’ for a lack of a better word,  and see how through applying those principles/words in my own life and sharing that process can encourage others to consider these same principles as the ways, methods and solutions to sort out/correct or align the consequential outflows or problems in our reality.

This comes through following the patterns and the ‘human imprint’ in all of the problems existent ‘out there in the world system’ which are very much created and perpetuated by our daily actions – or inactions – individually and so collectively, considering that each one of us one thread in the entire fabric of this reality. This implies acknowledging and recognizing the need for each one of us to focus on our self-change through living these principles of doing to others as we’d like to be done onto, learn to love ourselves and so love/care for others as an extension of ourselves, give to others as we’d like to receive as well, seeing this interdependence that exists between one another where each one of us holds that potential to be a ‘life changer’ and essentially that ‘change’ we have been waiting for as a form of miracle: it won’t ever come if we don’t actively work on it.

So instead of creating a specialization or emphasizing just ‘one aspect’ of our reality, like for example money and economics and all its theory, problems and seemingly ‘unfixable’ current state of affairs –  which is a consequential outflow from the principles we haven’t yet lived within our lives and toward one another – we can start practicing tracing money/economics/politics back to self, which means to follow the creational lines of a particular system, structure, mechanism that ‘rules our lives’ as ‘the system’ back to the very human thinking process and behavior that led to its creation and laws.

An example is how the current theory known as ‘economics’ and its flawed existence that has proven to not be of any real service to the benefit of life, is in fact a mirror of everything that we have all neglected in our very own minds, bodies, lives, relationships between one another and toward the environment and precisely depicts the ‘nature’ that we’ve all mostly become: self interested, greedy, looking for the least effort and maximum profits, competing to ‘be at the highest level’ at the expense of others… and the list goes on. Economics currently exist as the reflection of everything that we have not changed or decided to live up to in order to coexist in harmony, in real recognition of our equality as life – instead each one of us when living in such self-interest and survival mode have co-created our current economic systems that are not meant to fulfill everyone’s necessities and capabilities, but maintaining some above others = which is precisely reflecting how we think, act, behave and decide to do in our lives, always looking for a personal benefit, something to take advantage of, something to control, which are traits we all have within our minds.

In approaching our reality within this ‘greater picture’ perspective, we no longer diminish ourselves into this tunnel vision fixated on ‘everything that is wrong with politics or economics or wall street’ but start broadening the spectrum to see that those very same ‘qualities’ that those systems represent and have become, are existent in all of us in varying degrees, which makes us all invariably the source and origin of the problems in the world. Now this is not actually something to get really sad or depressed about either, lol, but it is in fact great news and I’ll continue to explain why with an example.

One of the most common words or problems we single out as the reason why ‘politics’ or ‘economics’ or just ‘anything in the world’ don’t work as it could or should is Corruption, which curiously enough was pronounced by the pope today as  ‘more addictive than drugs’ and so one of the ‘greatest crimes’ as well… but, do we usually question ourselves how corruption exists within us?

The other day I placed this idea to one of my family members, about  how we tend to focus so much on ‘corruption’ out there embedded ‘by default’ in the name of our president, or the bankers, or the corporate executives … really, making of ‘them’ the ‘human piñatas’ to kick and blame for everything that we haven’t dare to take responsibility for and in doing so, we get away with murder by avoid seeing how corruption Does exist within each one of us, regardless of being or not being part of such ‘elites’.

So when I mentioned to this person how corruption has its origin within ourselves, he simply placed a serious face as if I was in fact making a bit of an insult to him, because this person may perceive himself to be a regular honest and hard working person. I noticed that sharing these ideas to try and all of a sudden open up deeper layers of understanding of how ‘what exists within ourselves creates our without,’ is not such an effective process in ‘making others see what this practically means.’ And as I continued the conversation I mentioned how we all have our false-self-consciousness where we like to regard ourselves in this ‘goody-two-shoes’ light where: we do nothing wrong, we are exemplar individuals or at least we like to believe ‘we do not harm others’ and ‘we work hard and honestly for what we have’ which one would then accordingly conceive as yes, an integral person that has no participation in corruption. But! This is also still a limited understanding of what corruption in fact means as a trait that we’ve all applied and lived in our lives.

corrupt

n   adjective

1   willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain. Øevil or morally depraved.

2   (of a text or a computer database or program) made unreliable by errors or alterations.

3    rotten or putrid.

 

Now that we are aware of this meaning, I’d like to ask if we willingly and voluntarily ever dare to and direct ourselves to dig into those ‘dark corridors’ within ourselves where we in fact keep a hold of certain desires, fantasies, ideas of what is good for ourselves only – and here I can expand it to not only focus on this  personal gain as a monetary or experiential ‘good stuff’ – but I bet that we all can relate to also keeping ourselves trapped in cycles of self-deception, like maintaining a particular experience of disempowerment, depression, sadness or anger which is also a form of self-dishonesty where we limit ourselves and our potential as well, because we are corrupting our individual and so collective potential by holding on to a particular experience of disempowerment, of blame, of anger, of making others the ‘bad guys’, instead of focusing on what we can do and become to benefit ourselves and so others around us too.

Here doesn’t matter if we hold on to a positive or negative experience or idea of ourselves, the point to understand here is that we have all corrupted ourselves in the name of some personal gain or interest, no matter how ‘big’ or how many ‘millions’ or no millions are involved in it, because we tend to only associate the word ‘corruption’ with politicians, bankers, corporate people, leaders of any sort which usually leads to ‘blaming others’ and that story is a bit of a broken record for us all by now, really.

Here I’d like to entirely focus on the corruption of self, or ‘self-corruption’ that is essentially any form of acts, words, deeds in self-dishonesty, meaning where we are willing to compromise ourselves and others in the name of some form of personal gain or self-interest, even if those thoughts/words and deeds are detrimental to our lives. Let’s not forget that the word ‘evil’ is the reverse of ‘live.’

 

Here I’ll place an example I can share which relates to not taking the point ‘back to myself’ when it comes to precisely standing in my ‘goody two shoes’ stance of ‘seeing the corruption only outside of myself’ in the form of ‘the corrupt politicians,’ the ‘corrupt elites,’ the ‘corrupt CEO’s’ and the rest of it, with which I would in fact stand in this apparent ‘purity’ of sorts believing myself to ‘not be like them at all!’ and even having the guts to insult some of them, just because I felt that I could due to ‘what they were doing onto us!’  (blame character) while perceiving that I was in fact the most honest and transparent person I could ever know.

Well, this is that kind of ‘false-self-consciousness’ where we love to veil the truth of ourselves in order to keep kicking the same ‘human piñatas’ we’ve made to blame for all things going wrong or not working out. Little did I dare at that time to ever take the finger back to myself and see how by becoming angry, by calling names, by believing that I had to be the one ‘pointing their problems out’ through becoming a sort of ‘intellectual’ around certain topics to ‘expose’ ‘all the flaws’ I was not in fact creating any form of solutions at all, I in fact was doing it in this self-interest which is the mechanism of ‘trumping others’, of seeing myself ‘knowledgeable’ enough to ‘have a say’ on everything that is ‘wrong’, and so using this knowledge or awareness of things as a way to place myself on my own ‘purity’ and ‘clarity’ self-built pedestal where I comfortably blinded myself from recognizing that I, in fact, was as much of a participant in all those things I have criticized in ‘those’ that I have pointed fingers at as ‘the problem.’

 

In other words, I didn’t acknowledge that I was by default and almost by ‘virtue’ of having a human mind already self-dishonest. And that I continued to corrupt myself, my potential when standing in that ‘self-created pedestal’ of apparent honesty and purity or ‘positive light’ as in ‘not being part of the problem’ or even perceiving myself as ‘being part of the solution’ for being aware of the problems in the world, yet never, ever willing to take it one step further and recognize how it was in fact myself in how I ‘operate’ in my own mind that I had lived in a corrupt manner all my life, always – if not openly, secretly or in a veiled form, seeking to blame and point the finger ‘outside’ of myself, never daring to question my own fears, my own desires, my own ‘traits’ and ways of manipulating others, controlling, seeking my personal benefit, cheating, seeking recognition or importance or ‘just getting angry’ about things as a form of righteousness and so, a form of self-corruption, because! When one has this false-consciousness of ‘others are all wrong and I am right’ one in fact becomes a righteous person that is really difficult to get out of the ‘vicious cycle’ from, because one can justify being right all the time with really good structures of words and ideas and knowledge here and there to keep this ‘idea of self’ in an ‘uncorrupted manner’ or ‘in a good intentions light’ – but, I must say that this leads nowhere but to inflate an ego that is hard to pop and would most likely lead to a very rough landing, yet a very necessary one if we are to recognize what it means that ‘them’ are ‘us’ to and that the ‘mess’ of the world is our very own mirror = my-error too.

I’ve described myself having this ‘haughty position’ which is the same as being righteous, inflexible, intolerant, very critical and judgmental specially towards what is commonly named as ‘the system,’ I almost would rejoice myself in being able to – excuse me but it is so – talk shit about others as politicians or world leaders or religious leaders and ‘their ways’ in which one creates this superiority construct that emerges from in fact having felt disempowered toward ‘them’ too, but that’s another story and layer of personality where we place ourselves ‘above’ others through insulting/taking revenge and the rest of forms of violence for a particular pseudo-empowerment.

Here in this example, my self-corruption can be described as this personal veil of ‘goodness’ in the guise of being apparently ‘knowledgeable’ enough to see the problems and how they were caused by x, y and z but! Never by myself, ever… well here I was in fact perpetuating the corruption in the world where one is not willing to recognize one’s own personal desires for certain ‘gain’ – material or not –  for a personal interest in the form of an experience, a fantasy, a dream of grandeur which can even be disguised in certain seemingly ‘good ways,’ like wanting to do ‘good to the world’ while secretly wishing to also sink the ones I had defined as ‘the bad guys’ in the worst of prisons or ‘hells on Earth’ possible as a way to ‘trump’ them so to speak, and rejoice in the thought of that. Yikes! Isn’t that actually quite the ‘evil’ in me that I was really blind to see and acknowledge because I was holding on to this ‘goody two shoes’ person that ‘wants to fight for justice and equality’? Yes, it is, it’s the ‘evil’ that we rarely – if at all – dare to see within ourselves, and this is precisely the kind of corruption I am here to open up and also dare each one of you reading this to also start doing for yourself.

It was only when I dared to open up this ‘secret mind’ of mine where I held all of these laudable self-indulgences as ‘dreams’ for myself, disguised as ‘good causes’ where yes, I did may have wanted to ‘do good’ and even portray myself as some kind of ‘liberator for the people’ lol! But, at the same time, hide the fact that I would mostly rejoice at ‘trumping’ or ‘vexing’ and ‘ripping apart’ the plans of those that I was blaming for ‘all the bad in the world’ and so, seeing them suffer which equals taking revenge.

But! If someone would have asked me: hey are you full of hate and desire for revenge to those that you see as the problem in the world? I would have most likely said “Noooo, I just want to focus on doing good stuff!” And here! Ladies and gentleman is where the self-corruption begins, where we are not really daring to see the truth of ourselves.  See how this all was very nicely packaged, I’ll use Sunette’s recently used words: ‘like swords disguised as flowers’ where I veiled off my own ‘evil’ with seemingly ‘good intentions.’ I guess this is partly why it is said that ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’ for one of these reasons where if one is not entirely clear, stable, without a single judgment or desire or fantasy achievement ‘for oneself’ as one’s ego, we are prone to simply recreate or become/take the place of those that we have criticized or have wanted to debunk the most.

I’m glad I have been able to see this with such clarity now because I was on my way to becoming that kind of person that would stand in continuous ‘defiance’ toward the system, in an angry manner yet possibly feeling very disempowered and most probable very lost in my own personal life. In this, I’ve also found how we tend to create a false-sense of ‘empowerment’ with knowledge, information, anger toward ‘those that we point the fingers at to blame for everything that is wrong’- according to us – and perceive that we are ‘above’ them in our minds by doing so… inflating the knowledgeable ego and in fact not realizing that this is the perfect recipe to keep ourselves all divided and conquered, because we recreate the same division where we don’t think of all of humanity as oneself, as Self, as equals in fact in living substance, but we like to keep fighting against oneself disguised as ‘others’ and this way, we won’t ever, ever get anywhere.

What did it take to unveil the ‘self-corruption’? Courage, it takes courage to be self-honest, and realizing that what I was holding on to was my own ego, delusions of power, delusions of superiority that kept me also quite fearful, sad and depressed at the same time, always thinking in those ‘greater realms’ of reality and not really focusing on the living-breathing-me that is here: my life, my mind, my body, my day to day activities, my relationships, my living purpose.

I’d say this is one of the layers of self-corruption where we neglect so much of ourselves when focusing more on the outside as a form of distraction to not ‘focus on self’ first of all, and that is self-corruption as well, neglecting our own self-responsibility to our own minds and life trying to ‘fix it all’ out there and not daring to have a good honest look at our lives, the ways we live, the kind of relationships we have, what we decide to buy/eat, how we relate to others, how we do our jobs, what motivates us every day to wake up… The same goes if one focuses too much on one’s ‘internal’ dreams and desires and neglects the outside, same story, it’s self-corruption because we go pursuing everything that we have believed will ‘fulfill our lives,’ not realizing that we won’t ever genuinely ‘be happy’ in this world as long as there are other beings having the worst ‘living’ experiences and having no support at all to overcome their position, because! We haven’t regarded them as our equals and given them what we want for ourselves too. See again how the ‘problems’ reflect back our very own ways of thinking and currently interacting in our reality?

I understand that this might be a seemingly disempowering point, where we can get to see the core and origin of all the problems ‘out there’ existing within ourselves, as ourselves, but it is in fact not at all so. If anything now we know it is us that have to develop such self transparency, self integrity, self honesty, self investigation, diligence, dedication to change at an individual level to live and recognize this potential and ‘power’ as a capacity and ability that we all have in our lives if we dare to truly work on our inherent self-corruption and align ourselves to live by principles to in essence, consider what is best for our lives and that of others, how we can become the example of everything that we preach and say ‘should be the new nature of the world’ out there. This takes time, takes effort, takes walking through our minds and all its challenges which I must be honest here: won’t be easy, but it has to be done if we are genuinely wanting to change this ‘corrupted’ world starting with ourselves.

My last suggestion is thus to start with investigating where corruption exists within you/self, instead of perceiving that corruption only exists ‘out there’ or in the form of some ‘manipulative and controlling evil people’ and in doing so, challenging this tendency we all have of keeping seeing ourselves under this ‘good light’ all the time, which if one actually dares to see, whenever we want to focus on the good only and not dare to or want to see the actual ‘dishonesty’, the actual ‘dirt’ that exists within us so to speak = indicates we are mostly existing in fear, which is probably also what leads to corruption in the first place, existing in fear of others, in fear of ‘not getting any’, fearing lack, fearing betrayal and so not trusting ourselves or others.

We recreate the same corruption over and over again by fearing seeing the truth of ourselves, that’s the first layer of self-corruption that is necessary to look at, where we deny or neglect seeing ‘the unpleasant’ stuff, the ‘dirty laundry’ that sometimes we even don’t dare to open up for ourselves. And let me tell you that it is actually really liberating and self-empowering to start opening up these ‘dark corridors’ and ‘hidden spots’ in our minds to first take all of those judgments we’ve spitted out toward others back to ourselves, asking oneself: where have I sought my own personal interest? Where and how have I lied to remain in a particular seemingly ‘comfortable position’ to not change myself? Where have I pretended to care about something and not really ‘caring’ but wanting to see myself in a ‘good light’ all the time? Where do I perceive that I am the only one that is ‘right’ about things? Where do I want to do good and at the same time ‘punish’ others for the ‘bad things’ they have done? Where do I want to ‘gain the most’ with the ‘least effort’? And the list goes on.

It is certain that one can only get to see this ‘clarity’ of ourselves by walking our minds and that means learning to see ourselves, to learn how to function without being controlled by our seemingly ‘uncontrollable emotions and feelings’ and dare to face and change the really self-corrupted ways that we have veiled off as ‘normal’ or ‘good parts’ within ourselves. We All have to do this if we want to truly stop the current usual ways of pretending change comes from this or that thing/person ‘out there’ only, it is about ourselves, one by one, so let’s get to wash some dirty laundry at home first.

This then goes back to how focusing on living principles, the golden rules, basic principles of self-honesty and – very important – self forgiveness is the way to fix ‘the greatest problems in the world’ such as corruption in our ‘economy’ or ‘inequality’ and so forth… now I consider that maybe that dream did have a point after all, where it is in fact so that we have to stop the delusional ‘cartoon’ image of Jesus and all the rest of nice stories and focus on the living principles, what they imply, how to live them.

Thanks for reading

 

Economics of Inequality - Living Principles

 

Learn more about Jesus and the living process of living principles:

 – The Crucifixion of Jesus

 

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281.The Benefits of Redefining Rewards in Equality

 

Positive experiences linked to the word reward – are they Really positive in nature?

When looking at the Positive reactions toward Rewards in the point I am walking with in relation to getting rewards for ‘being a good student’ throughout my school years, I begun to associate it with incentives and as such it is supposed to be a motivation factor for the person to continue doing their job in such an effective way which I associated to ‘selling myself’ and as such, losing my ‘honor’ if I would get any reward for doing something that was solely my point of responsibility.

Continuing from:

 

If we have a look at the word reward obviously in itself is a gifting that can be equalized to giving/ receiving in equality – but the problem is when there are hidden agendas and intentions behind such giving that makes it Not unconditional, but openly conditional and with a point of interest that is mostly driven by money, a point of benefit that will be ‘rewarded back’ by the person that originally gives. What are we looking at here? That the giving is not unconditional, but expecting something in return, which is what creates the building blocks of self-interest wherein one will not act from the starting point of self honesty and self responsibility, but always looking forward to ‘get something out of it,’ and this is what I have seen as ‘wrong’ just because of how money currently is earned and how it exists within the world system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a positive charge to the moment of receiving a reward as money from my father because that meant I would be able to buy that which would make me happy such as cd’s and books, and as such, allow myself to create a positive experience in conflict with a negative experience based on what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ to accept according to the ‘honor’ and ‘dignity’ that I perceive was being violated the moment someone would want to reward me for doing something that I regarded as my responsibility, as well as the morals that I learned in order to be a ‘good humble person.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an inner conflict of feeling good for desiring money to buy things because of judging the act of buying ‘non indispensable things’ as a luxury, wherein I would constantly realize that ‘not everyone has access to such luxuries’ and as such, feeling guilty for having the ability to earn rewards from doing something that was my responsibility only, and in this rejecting the opportunity to have a cool moment of enjoyment with my rewards, going into an ‘I don’t deserve it’ mode due to linking this reward point to a discrimination, because not everyone could have equal access to the rewards I would get.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate a positive experience toward the idea of ‘what I can buy with rewards’ wherein the word reward became only a synonym of money/ buying, which is then why I have tainted the word with such a limited spectrum of definition, because of me being the only one that created this construct of  rewards = consuming something that will make you happy, which proves to what extent we have diminished our ability to understand giving and receiving in a world where happiness is linked to money and buying.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link rewards to a positive experience that I would not allow myself to experience because of thinking and believing that me enjoying something at the expense of money was ‘wrong,’ without realizing that this only existed because of how our current monetary system exists and within that, creating a general denial toward money and creating a rift of my relationship to money because of no wanting to be a ‘self-interested person,’ without realizing how within this I further separated myself from money without fully understanding it, and as such it is only now that we can establish a solution through and with using money to create a system that works for everyone equally, that I realize how I was in fact only denying a point of enjoyment due to such enjoyment being bought with/ by money.

 

I realize that it is thus my own responsibility for creating a point of desiring rewards but at the same judging them because I never considered the giving and receiving aspect that can be possible in this world if we all agree to stop making of rewards another ‘hook’ to keep one moving oneself or buying a certain product and as such, creating a consumerist loyalty for the benefit it represents.

 

Here I also have the aspect of being rewarded for being a loyal costumer.  Within this I realized that there are no Real ‘Positive Experiences’ because they in fact stem from the negative aspect as any energy for that matter that is  used as a ‘bait’ to keep the person going/ buying – the point thus is conditional movement.

 

 

Within this, such aspect would also bother me, because then I would thinkmy responsibility and achievements are now being rewarded as if I required something to motivate me outside of myself to keep doing what I do, the way that I do it’ and as I’ve mentioned, taking a point of pride to refuse these ‘positive incentives’ to make it clear that ‘I do not require rewards to move myself.’ However, in the end, I would accept them and enjoy what I would be able to buy with such money – such as cd’s, books mostly which is something that we should all have access to through a giving and receiving wherein through giving it is not to expect something in return, but to realize that it is our right to be able to enjoy what is existent here the same way that we contribute to the functionality of the system that enables such rights and benefits. This means that: if I remove the pride/ ego/ superiority aspect of ‘I do not require rewards to motivate me’ – I would accept and allow myself to receive such reward as a gift, as an equal giving and receiving without making a problem out of it according to morals and personality.

 

If we look at the money aspect,  the corporations/ companies/ businesses that provide rewards to their ‘faithful costumers’ are using such gifts to ensure that they have a returning costumer to such an extent that we create a bond/ affiliation with certain brand/ store / business and eventually becomes part of our identity: what we consume and our rewards for consuming it creates our ‘trust bonds’ which is the very-limited understanding of rewards I had existent as part of my understanding within this word, for the most part only linked to money and buying. In this ‘reward giving’ of the corporations/ businesses, they get the profit back through you being a continuous loyal customer, you get your product, and everyone’s happy – apparently. But what happens when such profit is only earned by the ‘heads’ of the corporation while you have an ‘army’ of laborers that earn very little to actually create / produce/ manufacture the produce one is consuming, and hardly see any of that ‘loyal consumer profit’ hitting their pocket? Well, then the whole reward apparatus to get more profit entails a point of abuse because what is earned is not equally distributed, and the only reason for giving rewards is to maintain a certain market due to the competition that we currently have of  different  brands/ companies, constantly pushing themselves to get the most costumers for their own benefit and reward – this is how growth and development of a corporation is rather abusive as well.

 

What does all of this entail? Deception, having to lie  and corrupt each other in order to ‘lure’ ourselves to do something/ consume something, which is all based on the self interest of wanting to ‘get the most,’ be the one that ‘wins’ and become ‘successful’ according to the standards that we’ve allowed to exist in the current system configuration, wherein only a few can enjoy the pleasures of having a great amount of money.This is what ‘turns me down’ about rewards and why I turned ‘against the system,’ because of identifying how our human relationships have turned into a point of convenience and self-interest to win ‘above all’

It all became just another self-interest/ greed game of fixed casino jackpots and within that, we accepted and allowed ourselves to found our lives upon abuse.  Within this starting point, no matter how ‘great’/ positive/ beneficial something may sound like, it would always entail a form of abuse, as it currently works in our world system where there is No actual positivity in the rewards obtained, simply because: as long as one single being is not getting such rewards = we are missing one part of the equation and such reward is an elitist benefit upon those that have none.

 

 

 

  • Redefining Rewards

 

We can learn how to give and receive through supporting and honoring each other within the understanding and acceptance of our equal right to live in dignity, a point of having equal rights and equal responsibilities. We can build this way a real integrity wherein we will act based on principles and understanding of a physical giving and receiving as a way of relating ourselves to each other: in and out just as we breathe, inhaling and exhaling as a constant symbiotic relationship that makes our lives possible. Within this, rewards is a gifting and an outcome of giving – a physical movement consideration instead of it being a mind-driven deception.

 

And rewards does not only extend to the point of being ‘directly receiving’ something tangible, it is also the reward of living in a common sensical and principle based society and government wherein all record keeping, all our laws and decisions made that affect the whole would be visible to all, and voted by all as a real democracy and as such, realize that we are the ones that have the power to decide how we live our lives. We have to develop a sense of Neighborism to the extent of truly ‘loving thy neighbor as thyself’ and as such, create a network of relationships as a world system of actual care –  

This is thus why and how  there can be no actual ‘success’ and ‘real rewards’ in the self-honest meaning of the word in a world-system wherein for some to have such rewards, others are left without any form of money to  live, and here is thus quite clear how we can only truly be free from such deception, corruption and bigotry of rewards/ building up a positive consumerist profiles when there is no longer competition between companies/ corporations to lure the most clientele to their businesses, there is no more need to give incentives in means of maintaining something/ someone in a ‘preferred’ position, because it means ‘winning’ over others; one will not require a positive energetic experience of expecting to be rewarded, but one will learn to act by/ as principle, to follow an actual behavioral code wherein the only principle that will guide it is what’s best for all – no more personality play-outs of superiority/ inferiority, but focusing on the physical enjoyment and retribution that we can give to ourselves as a recognition point of being equally working to create and maintain a functional system that’s best for all, which gives us equal rights to enjoy and have fun.

 

All of this will be possible within the implementation of the Equal Money Capitalism, the biggest reward would be to see no human being suffering hunger, poverty, disease, war, abuse, violence, mental diseases, drug addictions and everything that we can currently understand have become our self-annihilation activities that have stemmed from each one of us abdicating our point of responsibility to create a world that we are truly proud and happy to live in. This enables me to then embrace words such as joy, happiness and pride for contributing and working for a system wherein we will learn to live caring for each other, as a real intention without any hidden agendas.

 

All of this entails a radical change in our Human Mind, it requires Self Honesty to develop common sense wherein we understand that the biggest reward we can get is not money/ objects/ luxury and any other form of ‘pleasure’ that comes and goes in one moment, but the satisfaction of being able to wake up every single day in a world that you Really want to live in, in a world where your life will no longer be subject to earning money to live, but instead changing the equation of working to be rewarded with life back in an unconditional way, never again having the access to resources denied or abused/hoarded only by some – this is how I have envisioned that we will truly and openly live the word Reward in Self-Honesty, a complete renewal of the relationships we’ve built with each other, changing them from a point of convenience, abuse, neglect, parasitism, greed and desperate need to physical interdependence, cooperation, equal support and consideration of all bodies of existence being able to live in dignity as equals.

 

The best reward is establishing  Equal Money Capitalism:

“where the Capital is Life/physical resources and All Profit within/as being given an equal and one opportunity to practical physical survival/living in this physical existence; and the Humans manage/live this system through their contribution to making this system work not only for themselves, but for all” – Sunette Spies 

 

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