Tag Archives: Self Expansion

608. Being Genuine

Or how to create the space to be real in our interactions while also working through our initial reactions or experiences in order to expand ourselves in our relationships

This word ‘genuine’ emerged as a solution to live when seeing myself in situations or moments where I was being slightly worried about the way that others would see me/perceive me and in doing so, having certain fears about what could ‘go wrong’ if I would not make or cause the ‘right impression’ upon others. That becomes a point of self compromise where one manipulates one’s expression in order to –apparently – create a better image of ourselves or a better outcome at the eyes of others. Though that usually comes with compromise because I had to realize the fears or perceived ‘missing out’ points that I was trying to avoid by trying to be seen/perceived in a particular ‘favorable light’ so to speak.

These are points that have to do with not fully trusting myself in my expression, which is cool that came up so that I could then in real time let go of any attempt to ‘hold’ a particular idea or experience within me within having ‘others’ as a starting point in my mind and instead, realize that any point of compromise I create in my expression – no matter how ‘subtle’ it might be – it would then become an unsustainable point to manage, which is what happens when we create different ‘personas’ towards different people in our lives, and one has to go ‘managing’ them and remembering ‘who we are supposed to be’ towards this or that person, and of course that’s not living.

This is how being genuine in my expression becomes the solution, where I stop the chain reactions in social relationships where we don’t ask ourselves who we are in approaching someone? What are we trying to achieve? What is our aim? Or what are our intentions or fears behind it? So that I can first clear up my hidden agendas and genuinely be able to live the word ‘genuine’ in my expression towards/with others.

In my case, I had to move in real time from believing I had to cause/create certain impression upon others, to deciding to be genuine and in a way ‘stay true to myself’ – yet this doesn’t mean being ‘righteous’ about my expression and not considering others or ‘remain exactly the same as I’ve always been’ – nope, it’s the other way around I’d say, where being genuine means walking through and working with reactions that may occur at first when meeting certain people or individuals that I may have reacted to before in my past, where I have to genuinely take a moment to see what reactions came up, what memories or experiences were triggered within me, so that I can then decide who I want to be and express myself towards such people/person.  

I recently heard in this audio  Return to Innocence – The Future of Awareness – Part 92

the following bit:

“It can even be one of those simple things of looking at feelings that we so briefly feel toward one-another where we think we’re good people because we’re nice to other people. But instead we’re lashing out a fakeness toward another person, and we might not even realize that the other is doing it to us as well and we’re picking up that fakeness and it’s resonantly leaving a mark of untrustworthiness that is spreading out in this world into the fact that we cannot trust anything of each other. So we’re lashing out and we are creating a world of distrust, and that’s if you even feel what distrust feels like, it’s a horrible experience. We’re resonantly doing that to each other. So practice the world you want to create even in those two simple moments where if you smile, genuinely smile at someone”

And it is a cool cross-reference to the solution I saw towards this reaction or point of self-manipulation as in creating a certain façade in moments to create a particular outcome. It also becomes very uncomfortable for me to ‘put on a mask’ so to speak, therefore I already know how that feels and that’s how I get to know, oh oh I’m compromising myself and get back to the writing-board to establish who I decide to be in relation to people that I might have an initial judgment towards, so that I can first clear my own bias as in judgments, opinions, memories, prejudices that I may immediately attach to a person which are usually there as a result of unresolved judgments and issues towards a particular ‘type of person’ that I haven’t worked through within myself.

I had a situation where I faced this point and what I had to do is first sort myself out so that I could understand my own reaction and experience through writing, seeing directly what was I reacting to, what were the points of fears, comparisons, judgments, prejudices so that I could take responsibility for all of that and so for my experience. So in the next moment of interaction with that person, I knew what I exactly had to work through and stop recreating all of the things that were previously preventing me to actually interact with the other person from a clear starting point.

So to me, the word genuine came up as the solution here, so that I can embrace and trust myself in being me, without pretense and without hidden agendas, which include working through any backchat/negative reactions I may create upon simply looking at and hearing another person for the first time, which is quite a common experience we all have as human beings and that I’ve faced many times where, upon looking at the judgments, ideas, initial perceptions I had about a person, I decide to deliberately get to know them more, talk to them and slowly but surely build more of a relationship with the person and yep, it turns out all of my ‘first impressions’ were ‘all in my head’ of course! as in being merely associations from my past that I was imposing onto this new person. Though if I hadn’t done that self-work to really look at why I was reacting to the person, I would have missed out the opportunity to get to know them and genuinely ‘see’ the person for who they are, rather than how I was interpreting, assuming or perceiving them to be.

With this, the tricky aspect to watch out for comes when we define our ‘being genuine’ as being ‘who we are and how we are and that’s it’ without really pushing to expand and open up to – for example – get to know different kinds of people that one would probably not directly go out and seek to start a conversation with. These are actually the most supportive moments and situations to face, because we are by design ‘programmed’ to only relate to certain kinds of people that are somewhat ‘similar’ to us, and those people that we define through personalities/ways of being as ‘too different’ or ‘the opposite’ of ourselves are usually people we would not directly approach to ‘strike  a conversation with’ or establish any form of contact with them, however that’s a cool question to ask as well, why would I regularly say ‘no’ to getting to know certain kinds of people?

It can only do with my judgments, prejudices, perceptions and bias that I cultivated throughout many years in my life, mostly out of comparison within a sense of superiority or inferiority, leading myself to simply avoid certain ‘kinds of people’ so that I would not have to deal with these experiences of comparison, judgment and inferiority.

That’s how ‘being genuine’ also becomes a decision, it’s not simply showing ‘my true colors’ so to speak, because if that ‘me’ is still existing as a particular ‘type of person’ or personality that is disliking other ‘kinds of people’ or having certain ideas, beliefs, perceptions or opinions that stand in judgment or in conflict with others, then, that’s more like being righteous in one’s stance, which would not allow any openness towards actually getting to know another, and I have definitely been there, done that for most of my life, which is why I find this word so relevant for me.

So being genuine becomes a decision that I make in getting to know another with a clear mind so to speak, with a clear starting point, not loading my prejudices, ideas, perceptions and associations in the moment of interaction with another person and genuinely Create an interest in getting to know them, create the space to get to know them.

I emphasize the word ‘create’ there because that space or openness usually doesn’t exist when we are still walking in real time through reactions and the barriers of ‘getting along’ with people we initially ‘right off the bat’ judge – whereas deciding to create this space, deciding to interact with another and deciding to be genuine in that moment becomes a moment of expansion and acknowledgment, as well as making that decision of how we decide to express and interact, regardless of the other person’s expression or experience within themselves, which assists in not making our interactions all about ‘how we perceive others,’ but rather how I decide to genuinely express myself.

This doesn’t mean that one has to become entirely open and embracing to the other person, lol, not about extremes, but simply ensuring that one is ‘giving ourselves a chance’ to get to know the person, which is a phrase I got from Sunette in the latest public chat, where she mentioned how we can give certain actor ‘a chance’ to interpret Bruce Lee in a movie, instead of jumping into conclusions of how he is not like the real Bruce and disregarding his acting and expression altogether.

 That’s exactly how it is when deciding to be genuine – and not only to not compromise oneself as in wanting to portray ourselves in a particular ‘light’ towards others – but also being genuine in our approach to others, deciding to walk through any resistances to do so with ‘certain kinds of people’ to then realize, they are just ‘people,’ and the ‘kind’ or ‘type’ of person I thought them to be is all in my mind, my prejudice, so I take responsibility for that and proceed to be ‘empty’ within me while deciding to interact with another, and that means stopping comparing, judging, perceiving or assuming – and simply take in the words as they come, in the moment and also deciding to be genuine in my interaction in terms of how I decide to express, to be ok to maybe not show an ‘equal expression’ of say, excitement that I perceive the other person is portraying as their expression, because that can just be their way of expressing themselves, and that means me being genuine about whatever expression comes up – or doesn’t come up – during such moments.

This application of being genuine, authentic in a redefined manner as in expanding myself or making space for the new and the previously ‘unrelated’ situations in my life is what I want to continue building and creating, which comes with the trust that whatever else I may face or whatever else I may initially react to, I know that I can work through those reactions first within myself, understand my own bias, work on it to clear it up and then make that decision to be genuine and learn to interact and get to know people with this clear-head and starting point.

I recommend the above mentioned audio on Eqafe.com because this is just one point that stood out for me based on what I had been looking at when it comes to what it means to ‘expand’ myself as one of the goals that I see as part of living and this process of ‘birthing life from the physical’ which is to be genuine and creating such genuineness whenever it doesn’t exist yet within us towards others in order to learn to see, embrace, understand and acknowledge others as extensions of ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

 

Mermaid

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE

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566. Back on (the) track

Or how to decide to live a word in the small moments of our day and actually live it

Today I made a decision to ‘get back on track’ and ‘on the track’ literally speaking after ‘taking some time off’ of my usual routine during the past weeks and I found it’s sometimes a bit difficult getting ‘back on track’ after not following ‘the usual routine’. There is such a thing as ‘inertia’ where we can be naturally waking up and doing our usual stuff without a hassle, which comes as a process of walking discipline, consistency and perseverance in my case – but then after breaking the regular schedule for some time, it does require me to ‘stir the wheel’ again in the desired direction and give myself ‘the order’ to do certain things again.

Well, it all started yesterday actually where I decided to take on a little project to do some artwork for something that I never thought I would see myself doing, artwork for a kid’s story and it was fun! I realized how ‘driven’ I can be when I have ‘something to do’ as a little project, which means that I can then approach other things to do in ‘projects’ so that I can approach them in a similar manner and so use my time effectively and efficiently.

I also noticed how much I can be ‘on a roll’ and kind of procrastinate doing basic stuff like going to pee for example, so this time I had to deliberately ‘make a pause’ and take some time off for that, which is where I have to bring in common sense and physicality to not get ‘too lost’ into the ‘driven’ inertia and forget about myself, which is an interesting pattern I’ve noticed more about myself.

I’ve also decided to give that time ‘off’ for myself which I’ve usually done on a daily basis through going for a walk, but also to give myself a ‘treat’ if possible or do something different – like taking the time to do this art project for a kids story – but also taking some time ‘off’ for an hour to ‘disconnect’ from what I am doing, this is usually in the form of going out and come back to what I was doing, and yes I noticed how I could have gone ‘on and on’ with this little project, but I also set a limit in terms of having to sleep, have dinner and so forth – even deciding to watch a movie while doing the drawings which was also an ‘out of character’ thing for me to do, but managed to do it.

I’ve mostly been somewhat ‘driven’ my whole life and as much as this can be seen as a very ‘cool’ attribute, when it becomes a form of immovable duty and coming with a strong sense of ‘I am what I do’ it becomes something that’s more ‘for something/someone’ rather than for myself, which is something I’ll continue exploring as well. At the same time, I’ve also found that I can create a balance in how I use my time and learning to ‘take time off’ and genuinely ‘disconnect’ from certain things in our day to day routine and before I would be quite reluctant to do this and I frankly still can’t watch something and not do ‘something’ at the same time, but I’ll get there – unless I go to the movies where I have nothing else to do but sit and watch lol.

I share this because I consider many people might have the same personality/character trait, this ‘duty calls’ type of personality that at times overrides this ‘me-time’ consideration and I’m quite grateful for the past weeks that have allowed me to place things into perspective in many aspects of my current life which I’ll be sharing here as I go opening them up.

But! Back to today. So I woke up at the usual early time and I noticed that this ‘inertia’ of maybe just going back to sleep was starting to emerge in me, so I reminded myself of my own suggestion of the ‘breath-wake-up’ which is inhaling to get up from bed and exhaling while getting out of it, all in one breath and bam, one is awake. But I noticed that I required to give myself a direction this time, not a ‘reason’ or ‘purpose’ though, but rather more like what I could live in that insta-moment of waking up, and what came up in me as this ‘word to live’ was ‘Will’ and I said to myself ‘I will myself to wake up’ and actually do it, the ‘I Matter’ recording that was released recently can give an awesome perspective on this, which simplifies and clarifies a lot of what we can do to make each ‘little moment’ count in our lives and to me this was ‘the moment’ that also set the tonality for the rest of the day.

Such a simple moment of self-direction made a difference to this creeping ‘comfy’ idea of ‘possibly maybe just starting to jog again tomorrow’ and diving into the comfort zone of ‘doing it tomorrow instead’, but! through simply saying these words and actually doing what I just said I would do which is to ‘will myself’ and do what I had planned to do since yesterday, I was able to start the day as usual and get back on track with my routine which I also enjoy.

Going for a jog after some 2 weeks of not actively doing so is definitely at times a bit awkward, but with time and consistency over these past 2 years, my body gets adjusted more rapidly to it and I’ve noticed how I definitely enjoy having this ‘me-time’ point in the mornings of doing something not only for my ‘mental enjoyment’ but physical support and enjoyment. I came back and did some freestyle moves with some music which felt really nice in the whole body, like every cell taking a nice breath and yep, that was cool.

I got to finish the project that I was working on and was satisfied with the outcome of it, which again is not something I would have ‘personally chosen to do’ before as in ‘the usual marlen’ persona that would not see herself as ‘suitable for kids’ but! I challenged that with the help of my friends that gave me the opportunity and encouragement to do it, which I am quite happy about now because it’s another way for me to continue practicing my art skills and expand into new territories J

I’ll be sharing more as I go in redefining some words and learning to live them as myself, my relationship to the notion of ‘being an example’ and how I had twisted that phrase a bit in my life and other interesting words that I would not have been able to see for myself without taking this ‘time off,’ which I would also recommend doing especially for those that ‘like me’ have a particular strong sense of ‘duty’ or ‘workaholism’ that in essence it’s not so much of a ‘noble feat’ but also a way for us to hide behind a comfort zone of ‘responsibilities’ and ‘work’ and the rest of it, so! I challenge thou if you can relate to that particular pattern, because I know how it may seem like ‘I am missing out on my duty omg!’ but, from time to time it is refreshing and assists oneself in having a second look at one’s life and come ‘back’ revitalized and with a clearer head to move forward.

An awesome Eqafe recording I suggest checking out to get some clarity on this subject of ‘taking some time off’ is the following one Wanting to Get Away From it All – Quantum Systemization – Part 155, which I recommend for those that are ‘similar’ to what I’ve described in this blog.

Thanks for reading

 

Artwork018

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


562.Stepping out of Character

Or how to practically challenge the ‘I will never….’ statements

I’m currently doing things that I would not have done before, that I had said ‘I’m never going to do’ or that I was resisting to get to do not that long ago, yet upon also analyzing to what extent these beliefs were limiting me in many ways, I realized how I was sticking to certain views and ideas about myself and what I am willing to do or not as part of a religion of self, where I believed that ‘I have to stick to my words’ or ‘I have to follow through my decision’ even if these words or decisions are proven to be ineffective, rather limiting or leading myself to a form of restriction or ‘sacrifice’ within a moral view of what I believed is right or wrong to do.

An example is getting a car and learning to drive. I had been wanting to avoid doing this for such a long time and dragging this around as something I would ‘someday, maybe, eventually do’ but ultimately had not placed a time and date for it, believing that somehow I could just prolong it and leave it hanging there for indefinite time. However, I am glad that certain situations in my reality have also led me to push to get this done and saw for myself how it was rather ‘easy’ it was to give direction to these two points in terms of finding a suitable used car and scheduling the driving lessons. I had the first one today and yes of course it’s completely doing something that I had for sure feared and so resisted to do for such a long time that whatever I face as fear is only also an accumulation of all the reasons, excuses and justifications I would tell myself in order to not move and direct this point in my life, which I am definitely now aware is something that I can get to enjoy and benefit from.

Here then for example, some of the reasons, excuses and justifications I used to not learn to drive is not wanting to pollute more the world with one more car, opting to walk around for the most part, take uber rides or public transportation which I have defined also as ‘grounding moments’ which sure I can still do whenever it’s practical do so, but it’s of course cool to have an option that is a more independent form of transportation. I also got to take pride on walking long distances, to the point where I could walk to places without even taking public transportation, which is still something enjoyable for sure and great exercise, though sometimes road to get somewhere is not always walkable, weather conditions are not always suitable and this also becomes a determining factor to go out to places that are mostly nearby, which has actually been then a limitation for me to not go to places where public transportation doesn’t get to or private rides would be too expensive. So, with having a car I can then circumvent these limitations and get around easier.

In terms of seeking a car, it was also quite a time consuming situation, something that I had to not give up on and be patient about as well, it’s not so ‘easy’ to buy a used car and be satisfied in most aspects about it, so I am glad I found the one I ended up buying right when I said ‘ok I’m done, this is the last number I’m calling to’ – and a part of me also wants to diminish all of this as petty situations, nothing too ‘transformative’ or these are things that people do on a daily basis, but here I also have to consider my context and my particular beliefs that I had to essentially breakthrough – or step out of character – in order to do all of this, so I have to not go into a projection about how this might be read, because here I share the direction that’s needed to do things that I had postponed for a long time until realizing the benefit that it creates.

Another thing I decided to do is get into a short running race for amateurs on Sunday, it’s essentially a 3 km jog that I regularly do, and I managed to get a second place in it lol, it was funny because to me it ended up being a lot more considering I jogged all the way back and forth to the start of the race, so I also discovered that I can in fact jog more than what I usually do and my body didn’t get strained at all, which means that whenever I feel like I can barely complete one loop around the track it means I am most likely listening to my mind and not really being here with and as my body. Of course this wasn’t among ‘professional’ so I’m not bragging about the position here, but rather seeing how this was easy for me to do because of having been consistently jogging.

This is again something I would not have at all considered I would do in my life based on how much I would suffer to give a jog around a smaller track when being in junior high school and saying words like ‘I’m never going to run again in my life.’ For this race, I had to make a decision to participate in it, get myself inscribed which is by all means something I would not have dreamed of doing over 2 years ago when I would probably run 100 meters and start panting… it may seem easy to say to be part of a race, but again taking my context into consideration, I would always only fume about how I ‘sucked at running’ and ‘loathed physical exercise’ many years ago. However with consistency I’m about to do some 2 years of being regularly jogging without having any problems in my body with it, being very gentle as well and not over doing it, as well as continuing walking on a regular basis which I’ve done for some 10 years or so, which has also been very assisting to me, my grounding ‘get away from computer’ moment as well, a ‘me time’ walk towards downtown and yes for sure also doing it for the exercise it is. Here I also place a disclosure that many people consider jogging is not good for the body, and so it might not but that’s where I’m at right now with it and enjoying a lot the fact that I can do something I would not have dreamed of being able to do before – of course starting with small steps, practicing, just like with everything, which I now remind myself of now that I got quite into the ‘new zone’ of learning to drive, and reminding myself to be patient about these new things to learn, expansion it is!

I’ve also been painting something that I sincerely would not have done 10 years ago when I started my career, and it is funny how I am remembering more about the classes  I decided to skip many times because of how I deemed my teacher was ‘too conservative’ and that I was ‘never going to paint the stuff he wanted us to paint’ and even had verbal arguments with him where I got into one of those arrogant positions of me being all about abstract art and ‘could not care less for painting a self-portrait.’ And I just realized I kind of just painted that lol! And I am actually blushing right now in embarrassment while remembering that moment with that teacher where I almost let everybody know how much I disliked his ways and creating a belief that I also was not precisely appreciated by him, which I actually later on had to debunk for the assumption it was on my side, and also up till this day, I do regret not having gotten some basics from him, because they are in fact the kind of apprenticeship that you don’t get anywhere else, so I share this as a cautionary tale to ‘never say never’ and realize that any skills are always welcomed to be learned, because we never know when we might need them.

But in my case that’s done and now all I can do is learn those skills myself. Here simply sharing as part of those things that I said I would ‘never do’ and have kind of just ended up doing it anyways because I am also exploring different things to do and challenging what comes ‘natural’ to me and doing things I would usually definitely not do when it comes to painting.

I’ve discovered how painting or doing art is where most of my self doubt can emerge because there is not set ‘right or wrong’ ‘finished or unfinished’ type of task that I am good at – when it comes to self-creation it is a process in itself and that’s also how I’m realizing that it goes beyond the ‘final product’ as well, it also has to do with how one goes shaping one’s expression every brush of the way so to speak. And yes I also have to eat my words as well when I said I wasn’t going to paint again and do art again… well, here I am, one more to the list of things that I’ve gotten to ‘get back to’ or start learning to do or continue integrating in my life, which I am definitely enjoying because it is one of those things I do for myself and discovering new starting points for it becomes a nurturing hand in hand process with the Desteni Process as well.

Same with travelling to a particular country that I said ‘I won’t ever step foot into it again!’ and ranting about it… well, yep I can never know what opportunities may open up in relation to that country as well so, I can only eat humble pie and take my words back, self-forgive my absolutism/self-fascism that I now realize I have kept as a form of limitation which I am now very much willing to and ready to expand from.

With these few examples and others in my day to day, I am seeing more clearly how ‘tight-viewed’ I have kept myself in relation to many things in my life just because of believing that I am comfortable the way I am, but in reality it might not be so and the only way to get to know where one is actually limiting oneself or in fact doing something out sheer preference, is by testing things out and realizing that nothing is lost by testing something out, giving it a go, doing something ‘out of the normal’ which I am definitely eager to continue doing in various ways as well. It definitely seems like I am shedding an old skin so to speak and opening my horizons to something beyond what has become very normal and regular to me.

The overall point as a reminder for myself is: never say never, because we won’t ever in fact know what is ‘around the corner’ in our lives and creating these statements like ‘I’ll never drive a car’ ‘I dislike jogging’ or ‘I hate painting self-portraits’ or ‘I am never going to buy a car’ or ‘I won’t ever grow my hair back again’ are statements I made at a certain point in my life, but I’m learning to not keep myself captive within my own sentences and instead challenging myself, because to me many times it felt as if I was ‘betraying myself’ by doing all of these things, but all I’ve seen is the betrayal of opinions, beliefs, morals – ultimately a religion of self where I was not really considering all the potential situations or outcomes in life that I have to in fact be flexible about, so this is also another practical way to live the word flexibility.

All of this is of course part of walking this Desteni process where these decisions to do something and actually ‘move’ in our reality  – even more so when they are ‘out of the comfort zone’ situations – are quite supportive to transcend our fears, our limitations, our beliefs, our morals, our ‘religion of self’ and continue challenging myself this way, which is then again going hand in hand with my previous blog on ‘provocation’ and provoking myself to ‘loosen up’ some of the tight and rigid fixed ‘norms’ I had set for myself throughout my life in the past – or up to fairly recently – because hey, every day can be an opportunity to challenge these limitations.

Ok, let’s continue walking.

Thanks for reading.

 

Leave Behind

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


Adequate

This word has come up twice in different contexts and for one part I got to correct the fact that it’s not a verb in English but an adjective, so a quality of being instead of the action of being adequate.

See the origin of this word:

Latin adaequat-, adaequare ‘make equal to’, from ad- ‘to’ + aequus ‘equal’.

It’s weird that it’s not a verb, but we’ll stick then to our verb ‘equalize’ which is a more direct way of saying the same thing. In spanish it is a verb,  so it’s cool to know that ‘adecuar’ comes from ‘make equal to’ as it is adding (or it’s opposite subtracting in some cases) that which will create equality.

Whenever we get to ‘feel inadequate’ what are we in fact saying? I am Not Equal, I am accepting and allowing myself to perceive myself as being ‘flawed’ wherein a ‘flaw’ can only exist in separation of who I am as Equality as Life, it can only exist as a self-created belief of who I am in the mind to remain as that point of limitation. It’s fucked up when it even becomes ‘our c®ap’, as ‘our thing’, ‘our flaw’ in some kind of reversed pride for it as if such point of separation was something that we could use as a justification to not take self responsibility or in some cases also victimize ourselves as not being able to transcend our own limits.

The experience of ‘feeling inadequate’ is then taken on through various forms of self abuse, separation and belittlement as not being capable to do something, having something inherently ‘wrong’ and the only thing that can possibly exist as such is knowledge and information that we’ve layered upon ourselves as  ourselves wherein we end up losing the sense of physicality, getting ourselves lost in our own creation while in fact we’re just equally Here.

That’s what we’re here to stop as we realize we have created this merry-go-round of beliefs that keep us circling in the same spot, and instead we can get out of the maze by writing ourselves, by seeing in specificity how I’ve created myself within and as this, how I have built my own caps and flaws at the level of an idea that I then live out believing is ‘who I am’. For that Self Forgiveness is the tool and it’s the way we take Self Responsibility for our creation.

 

What I’ve seen is that it almost becomes an automated way of ‘excusing ourselves’ within any situation, like ‘oh no I’m not good enough for that’, ‘I cannot possibly conceive myself being that’ or ‘I’ve always had this fucked up way of being’ – or ‘I’ve never been good at this or that’. These and many other similar statements are self limitations that we can certainly direct ourselves to correct and walk through in Equality, within realizing that if someone else can do it, we can stand one and equal to that as part of a learning process, an application process wherein we walk first writing out our limitations, then we forgive ourselves to acknowledge our creation and then we’re ready to walk through the necessary corrective application in the real world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be inadequate for taking particular tasks in this world wherein I had perceived myself as having a ‘weakness’ to express myself and in that realizing that I simply can direct myself to create of such apparent ‘weakness’ a point to practically work upon to equalize myself to. In this being and accepting myself as adequate to perform a particular task in my world once that I’ve let go of such self created limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I was ‘inherently flawed’ and inept to perform such task because of having accepted a single belief of me as ‘not being good enough’/ ‘not being good at it’, creating myself according to these beliefs wherein I didn’t see and realize that I am the creator of all my limitations.

Self responsibility for our inherently flawed belief systems is such a cool thing to do as we have many ‘duh!’ moments when realizing ‘I actually did this to myself so I can actually create the solution as well!’ or ‘Why is it that I never even tried it before?’  – and the ultimate ‘Why is it that I’ve been hearing to the voice in my head at all?’

This way whenever we ‘feel’ we have to create a remark about our limitations, we’ll be able to Spot-it-out and Stop us from expressing it as ‘who we are’ in the moment and in that, walk through any self created limitation to then input the correction as saying ‘I am here directing myself to do that as I realize I can stand one and equal to that which I had perceived I couldn’t do before’ – or ‘I direct myself to embrace this aspect/part of myself which I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be and become one and equal to due to the accepted ideas of being ‘flawed’ as a self-belief that I had held as ‘who I am’.

 

From here we’ve opened the window of opportunity for us to physically walk through the correction and dare to see what’s ‘on our plate’ as we’ve opened up the possibility of self-creation: be/become that which you see is best for all, that which will enable you to be adequate as Life, as the reality that I am here wherein I become aware that I create my own limitations, that I can stop them and that I am equally capable of walking a process of learning, applying and living the correction as myself.

Within that I stop ‘banning’ myself from my expression or limiting my own ability to stand equal to and one with anyone else whom I’ve perceived as separate from me, yet seen as something I’d like to get to be like because of the qualities they represent which I see are cool and can benefit all. This is also how equalizing ourselves will lead to self perfection, as we can stand equal and one to everything that we see is effective, is best for all and functions within common sense.

 

We have to also look at how it is that Money has  determined our experience in this world wherein such inability to stand equal to something has been part of the restrictions that we’ve created within this current system. Thus creating adequate conditions for all will enable us to have no excuse left for self limitation, and will only have to work with that which we have to sort out within ourselves as all of the beliefs and ideas explained above. That way we create an adequate world within and without to get over our invisible fears and flaws and stick to the physical reality.

Self support in this is very cool and we can all do that through sharing our writings and giving feedback that will allow us to see that which we probably haven’t seen for ourselves before, this is what the Desteni Forum is for.

ThankS

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Self expansion–reinventing yourself as one and equal.

Wanting to perpetuate and preserve this world as it currently is can only place the cherry on top of the cake as the result of a meticulous self destructive process that we’ve all been equal participants in – yes, it doesn’t matter if you’re homeless, if you’re rich, if you are locked up in your house : we’re ALL equally responsible.

Part of the not so popular message that Desteni presents is how each event that we face in our world is self-created, it is the direct result of what we’ve accepted and allowed as ‘part of our world’ – wouldn’t this mean that by the single fact of allowing poverty and starvation to exist, we should all walk the same conditions in Equality? This is what being One and Equal actually means, in fact it’s realizing that we are ‘them’ as the people that are currently enduring such living conditions, yet we’re all nicely packaged and wrapped up with bubble plastic to never realize what is going on and how we’ve come to accept the world as it currently is. Within this, Self Honesty is not bright and beautiful, it is actually daring to see how we must be held accountable for what we’ve created, affecting all life forms while only regarding ‘humanity’ as the masters of this reality, implying that the rest was either dead or inferior in some way.

It is then obvious how this all must stop: the problem is human, it can only exist as the human itself – hence we either stop or cease to exist for the sake of stopping this perpetual abuse we’ve inflicted upon everyone and everything in this world. I have no problem with this, in fact it’s the solution that can be the saving grace for all abuse to have a final last breath.

 

It is not nice to hear that all the shit we’re facing and will be facing is actually our own creation – yes, though it is only through this realization that we can then get that bucket of cold water to realize: “I cannot possible go on as I am – I cannot continue existing this way” and if even after having gone through whatever consequences we are or might face in our reality, we fail to see the necessary changes we’ve got to take on and commit ourselves to stop – it’s only obvious that self-abuse has become the actual trade mark of the human kind.

The law of stupidity would e doing again that which we know beforehand won’t be supporting ourselves, it would be committing the same mistakes that we should’ve learned from previously. The extent of how we victimize ourselves within such cycling is quite revealing in terms of blackmail and ensuring that we in the end justify the ways we lived and get away with murder so to speak. It’s very easy to shun away all the problems, it’s more difficult to face and correct them.

 

I spoke to people today about art, about money, about selling yourself, about us being currently bound to this current system wherein it doesn’t’ matter if you’ve got the brightest idea to create a magazine for example, if you don’t have sufficient money it is most likely it will fail. This reveals how cold-blooded this system is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the most creative idea, if you’ve got the determination and self-commitment to take on a project, without money being in place all of this potential is simply turned off due to not having enough fuel to keep running.

 

I heard other people’s perspectives on this, trying to be ‘supportive’ to the enterprising person, implanting hope and optimism which I then had to shut down by allowing this person to be aware of the condition of the system and how the reality of this world must be considered when running an art business that has no immediate customers and it’s not a product of first necessity in our current world.  I saw how this might’ve been a ‘downer’ for the person that we were ‘supporting’ with this though I stop any form of self-condemnation on what I said because I am simply speaking about the reality as it is, it’s not about being pessimist or negative, we’d rather ask ourselves how we’ve accepted and allowed this world to exist within such a constrictive and abusive system that tampers the initial drive and joy that any young adult could have to run a business wherein art is the main product to sell – it sucks that we have to see colleagues running down misery lane when facing the actuality of this world – yet, I won’t spread a message of positivity, I rather make sure they become aware of how it is possible to make things work through continuous dedication as a life commitment to that which they want to invest themselves on.

 

Within this it was inevitable to not talk about how I apply it myself and what I’m committed as my life – I shared with him how if I am going to be living this life to do something that I can say ‘this is me’ I rather stand for and support that which is engaged in social reforms, in actual life-consideration and not only investing my time and effort to perpetuate ‘my name’ as someone that makes nice pictures – no. It’s clear that what we’re busy walking as Desteni transcends ‘who we are’ as individuals and can only stand as a group effort, because there is nothing else really. I’ve tried and sought ways to fulfill myself through only doing art, it’s futile. Once you see the system for what it is, once you start becoming self honest it is damn hard to fool yourself into pretending everything is fine and not do anything about it  – this doesn’t mean that we’re bound to be sad and blaming ourselves for it all the time either. It is about ensuring that in any opportunity you have, you share yourself, you share how you support you into living in this world and making decisions that consider what’s best for all instead of creating all of them based on flickering desires to be famous or recognized or earn heaps of money without even looking at how money is actually existent and created in the first place.

 

Then talking on art with a photography teacher. I once again had to explain how I cannot view the world in a ‘nice way’ at all – I must share that since we are now openly accepting – even though this was openly published since 2007 – that this is our last life, all the drawings that I made came back to make sense, I stopped judging myself from being a pessimist or having this gloomy self destructive view of the world that I depicted on these paintings and drawings because it is actually how things are and there is no other way I could be expressing myself. I’ve been actually drawing a bit more as I trust myself as that point of expression, call it a way of healing and supporting myself I make it whatever I can make of it yet, even though it might be perceived as stark, it is the reality I am depicting there, nothing else.

When talking on ‘what I am compromised with’ in terms of my artwork and current creations I placed back the cards on the table for me to see. I’m glad I have to present this last lost credit at school and facing that ‘one teacher’ that I had so vehemently attacked in my mind before, I’m glad I’m able to now speak and share with him and speak not from the high heeled ego that I was before towards him, but got to speak in an equanimous way on how I see the world, what I am doing with these images and within that how I cannot go on sharing shallow pictures that mean fuck all but look nice. If I am here to leave words and images or any message, I make sue that the message doesn’t stand only as the ‘me’ that I believe and perceive myself to be – if I am here to place a message that might be read or heard by others I must make sure such words will enable them to realize the same for themselves. If I get to talk to any given person in my reality, I make sure that I do not only ‘pat their back’ telling them what they want to hear or stroke their ego – no, that’d be self compromise. I speak and keep myself congruent and consistent within what I stand for and that is obviously common sense and principle of Equality, ensuring you don’t support others to remain in the constrains of the mind but show them what they are capable of being and becoming once you are realizing that for yourself.

 

I realized how I actually enjoy communicating to people, sitting with another and literally talk face to face as an equal and support in any way I can – it’s only in that moment wherein you stop your mind from creating an image o idea of someone and simply communicate that you’re able to get to support another even if it’s for a single moment and never again in your life, it’s that ‘portal’ or connection point wherein you are able to open up a door in another that they hadn’t considered possible before. Within this, I make sure that they understand that there must be a single consideration of placing our effort and time into doing something that will not just ‘go by’ as another trophy for humanity’s witty self-centered sense of existence, but will actually challenge and dare to cut the cake that’s been held intact for so long – you might get rejected by people around you at first,  yet as you remain constant and congruent with your words and actions, you eventually reveal to another that which is actually possible to exist and what we’re able to be and become.

 

The ‘how’ we stand within this is then the reason why we form a group, why even with the distance we walk together and make sure we do this till it’s done. I can’t be anything else but grateful for being part of Desteni, there is nothing else in this world that I’d rather be, truly as it is only through being a Destonian that I’ve realized that I must stop the delusion I had fueled for so long, that I can actually vow myself to stop my own ego and start working as a group which, in retrospective, I thought I would never ever accomplish. I was a real selfish being, always avoiding to work with others in teams, always wanting to be ‘alone’ and be literally ‘left alone’ for the sake of not having to deal with another one ‘opposing me’ – hence I created some type of hostility specifically around the fact of working in/as a team. This is one part wherein I have literally seen that I’ve stopped and definitely changed, considering everyone when taking an action, when writing something becomes then an ever-present presence that can’t be denied or neglected once we realize it is in this initial disregard that we’ve forgotten who and what we really are.

 

I’ve written far too much but it is somewhat cool to be able to write about what I experienced throughout the day and how events that I would’ve previously prevented at all cost – such as talking to someone ‘I didn’t know before’ and actually care to support him in that moment, or presenting that photography credit with that particular teacher – have now been great opportunities to expand myself, to forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to banter and gossip about the teacher, specifically bashing him for his apparent ‘great ego’ without even looking at myself and how it was me as this huge-wannabe-ego that approached him in the first place before creating only a duel of titanic egos lol – it is only through me forgiving myself for the past, and even the recent past of having had an altercation of sorts with him, I was able to face the point again and this time stop all the general hostility I would experience towards him and get to communicate quite well –  I won’t say I ‘enjoyed’ it, I simply stopped all judgment towards him and only took the moment as the communication went on. I would notice my mind/ego wanting to get exalted by his remarks, this ego-defensiveness that comes out whenever ‘my views’ have been questioned – this self righteousness that I once cultivated and fed through buying myself into the role of ‘an anti-establishment and non-conformist artist that takes no shit’ yet not within the common sense perspective of not allowing any form of self-abuse or diminishing, but as a way to defend my ego that was on the way to be willing to ran over anyone for the sake of my own personal glory and using the ‘art excuse’ to do so. I am glad I am stopping that or have stopped it for the most part.

This is actually cool to see how I was able to step down of my horse and be humble while talking to him yet sticking to my ground – takes quite a measure to do so. Last time I tried to do this with him – and this was only a few months ago – I lost my inner battle to face this person because I had already pre-defined my starting point as that of ‘having to fight this person’s ego’ and or defining the moment as ‘him being in a bad mood, therefore ‘I’m fucked’ which could only imply I had to be acting ‘from my ego’ as well to topple it – all a merry-go-round cycle of self abuse which is very common to exist in this world. I literally saw how within me only speaking here as myself with no emotional attachment or memory,  I am able to talk effectively and simply walk the points that must be walked, regardless of ‘who’ I am communicating with.

 

So, this once again allowed me to see how it is possible to stop and change ourselves and how we can support ourselves to face one of our greatest resistances and walk through any point that we’ve regarded as a ‘no-go’ within our lives.  Self honesty also implies that we’ve got to see how everything that we don’t like about a person is definitely reflecting ourselves back – this is a point that is known by everyone at a subconscious level yet hidden and shun away from realizing it consciously as that would imply having to take all points back to ourselves and thus equate ourselves with that which we ‘loathe’ and despise or hate or whatever – that’s quite a slap on our faces with a white soft glove –

 

I saw again today how it takes guts to acknowledge the damage we’ve done on to ourselves, that it takes courage to be willing to face it and that it takes actual self-trust in realizing that no matter what I am here and I can’t possibly escape from myself ever, hence I walk and do what’s best for all because there is nothing else that could be possibly be done in this world.

 

I saw and realized how it is practically possible to be able to talk and communicate and share with a seemingly ‘unknown person’ about common sense, I actually see the nonsense of  what a ‘known’ person is considered as which is basically having a set of information as the knowledge that I could have of a person that would only then create a special bond/ consideration as a relationship formation wherein I would apparently then be conditioned to ‘feel at ease’ or ‘safe’ around such person due to ‘knowing them’ – I’ve gotten to see how this point of ‘knowing people’ works for some years now and wondered how I had held such point as such a relevant and a determining factor to my general considerations to establish relationships in my reality. There is no need to ‘know’ but only letting go and breaking through imposed barriers to communicate and share – the common factor we have with another we can communicate with  is being living physical beings and this should be the basis for all interaction to be essentially possible – it is only when communicating through/as the ego of the mind that we can shun away a point of communication, that we can start picking on someone, that we can create backchat when facing another, that we can get annoyed or angry at someone’s words – it’s as easy as that.

When you are simply here communicating, nothing or no one can affect you but by your own acceptance and allowance, and once that is demonstrated as the way we can be, we show as living example to others how it can be done – this is a constant walk, it comes with actual living application and it takes time and a  general self-drive to do so which won’t come from a mental motivation that’s for sure. My mind was trying to cringe at every possible comment that would be made upon ‘my art’ from this teacher, but instead placed my guard away, accepted the comments and/or criticism and then gave feedback as to how I stand for a particular view and/or how I am and will consider what another propose for the sake of allowing self-expansion and not only encapsulating myself in my ‘own views’ and sticking to ‘that which comes easy’ to me which represents that I stick to a status quo instead of daring to reinvent myself as a process of self expansion.  On the contrary, if I would’ve stopped myself in any way from communicating or sharing or getting angry with this particular person, it would’ve been an indication of me still participating as ego and not as a physical being that speaks in the moment with no past or future to hold but the moment.

 

This is how once again, the Desteni support available for all is the most relevant stuff to get to understand and know in this world because we can’t possible continue without understanding how we are all responsible even if we don’t remember, even if we don’t care – we’re all here and equally-responsible and it is only through establishing this basic communication as ourselves once again that we can start re-living the necessary realization of us having to do something more than just buying, eating and dying.

As human beings, if  willing to remain living, it will and can only be possible through living as principle, not ego – to fully let go of anything that we’ve held as a reason to be mad at this world, as a reason to be ‘the way I am’, as a reason to why I held myself in my own high-horse wherein I wanted to only ‘be successful’ and ‘seek to fool-fill my dreams’ while disregarding this entire world within a self-constructed dummy of reality wherein I could control and be the ruler of ‘my world’, to only see a pretty picture of it, to only seek to be apart from everything and everyone else without realizing that it was actually out of fear that I did so  – Stopping the malarkey begins with myself.

We’re all tired of it all being ‘shit’ so why don’t we begin with ourselves? We’ve all sought happiness but why didn’t we dare to see that such happiness can only exist at the expense of another? Rage and anger are only ways in which we’ve victimized ourselves in believing that we have no ‘will or say’ in this world, without remembering how it is that we agreed upon it all.

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