Tag Archives: self-importance

214. Creating Awareness is Not Enough–LIVING As It is

 

Understanding Reality is the key to then see how it is futile to victimize oneself within this world and then seek to revolt/ escape and judge the system, without realizing that it is OUR Responsibility at all times to be the solution – not just use knowledge and information to create ‘awareness’ without being the living example of what it is that Standing up for Equality actually means as a Self-Directive Process that we walk in order to realize, see and understand our very own participation within the world system that we have judged and criticized up to now.

Self Interest Complicates Everything in this world. Look at the problems today, they are not imposed by only one man or one single ideology, religion or group – the problem in this world is the sum total of individual survivalism created as an image and likeness of a mind as consciousness that could never ensure its survival without creating deliberate conflict and friction to get some energy and continue existing. This single aspect is imprinted in our very Atoms in our physical body and As the nature of Existence as a Whole, being unaware of this physical and mind aspect of who we are is the negligence and ignorance we have accepted and allowed the moment that we abdicated our own responsibility to ourselves by allowing us to be reduced to being a single automatized and systematized existence of emotions, feelings, thoughts that will always seek for one’s personal benefit, as ‘happiness’ and the most social recognition one can get in one way or another – this is the pattern I walk and take responsibility for.

I direct my self-interest and powerlessness act of ‘revolutionary’ and stream it here as breath to take responsibility for all that I ever sought to be and become in separation of the best interest of all and instead, live it as a genuine act of understanding how it is only in Equality that Life can thrive in this world for all.

Revolutionary –Elitist Character – Self Corrective Statements

 

Continuation of the Elite Character

The Revolutionary Character:

 

I commit myself to live the realization that we should not require suffering or any other situation of abuse to have a reason to stand up for Life in Equality. I realize that the reason why I chose to stand up entailed a form of self interest that wasn’t entirely Self Honest. Thus, I direct myself to confirm my standing up for Life in Equality as what’s Best for All from the realization of this entire world being our Responsibility and it can only be and become the world I dreamed of – where everyone gets along and is living ‘happily’ – if we commit ourselves to create it, and this is through Education. Therefore, I commit myself to be the example of what it is to Stand up for Life as a Living Principle, not motivated by external desires of attaining something/ someone outside of myself, but as the point of Self Support and Self Assistance that adds up to more people that is willing to do the same and as such, realize that the ability to establish a world system that is Livable depends on each one of us, not in some government or politician’s decision. We Are It.

 

I commit myself to realize that the responsibility we all hold toward this world system is equal and in that, all our words, thoughts and deeds are essential to align to a best for all outcome in all ways, as that is what I see and realize creates the totality of this world system and within that, it is not about opposing the government and asking It for a ‘Change’ but we take such Change in our hands and act upon it.

 

I commit myself to not participate in emotions when hearing the news about the world and become sad or feel powerless about it. I rather stand up in the moment, take a deep breath and realize that I am aligning my life to be and become part of the solution and that diminishing myself to a victim of this world has never worked, not for us not for anyone protesting about the world conditions. We have to instead, establish, promote and create awareness about the solution that exists at an individual level As each one of us, standing together being the majority that is willing to stop the current mad world we’re living in.

 

I Commit myself to live my life being a living-example and promoter of what Life can be when one is Self Responsible and dedicate one’s life to promote a solution to an overall system reform that will benefit not only ‘me’ or those directly standing up for the solution but ALL beings equally, as that is the way it should have been from the beginning and so it will be and Must be by our direct intervention to create it, as I see and realize that what is the most required aspect at the moment is Education and that is what Desteni is all about, beginning with the Desteni Lite Process that is absolutely open for everyone that is willing to start facing oneself as our mind, as we have realized that it is the Individuals that make the system not the System that shapes the individuals only.

 

I commit myself to stop any form of criticism toward the system from the vantage point of getting an experience of victimization and as such superiority about it, I realize that when we are simply committing ourselves to establish a solution, the points that are flawed within this system can be addressed to show the problem and Then explain the solution and How to walk the solution, because I see and realize that there are far too many documentaries and videos, books and information about everything that is Wrong in this world, but few or only a minority get to the point of showing the solution and exemplifying how it can practically be sustainable and established. Thus

 

I commit myself to always place a solution to every single problem that I address as part of the information and education required in our world, to no longer feed the same ‘opposition personality’ that we have all become every time that we complain about ‘the world’ without proposing any solutions. The most viable solution is the implementation of the Equal Money System wherein people will be able to have the ‘survival-mode’ placed on a definitive Stop and as such, have enough time to work with ourselves, with our minds, to walk our individual processes of Standing up for Life and within that, realizing that it is only through our own decision to work with ourselves, taking Self Responsibility for ourselves to direct and align our lives within the principle of what is Best for All as equals, that we can understand the imperative requirement for each one of us to assist and support other beings to realize the same point for themselves as well: there won’t be any change coming from ‘the clouds’ or the government or a savior as a revolutionary in this world, it must come from each one of us living the words that we speak within the consideration of what is best for all, and within that, realizing that there won’t even be a need or requirement for a ‘leader’ to do this if we can all Will ourselves to Lead ourselves to a best for all outcome. This is what Real Democracy is all about: being the 1 Vote for Equality as one’s life/ living and self-corrected process to finally create an awareness that a world divided cannot ever be a Living World.

 

I commit myself to expose the reality of our media, our economy, our politics as mere obstacles to real solutions, because everything that is currently being massively promoted is only being so from the starting point of obtaining some form of benefit about it. This implies that our Self Movement toward a World in Equality cannot have the same motivations that lead to the same abuse and within this, I realize that there cannot be and exist a desire for change within Self Interest – as Change will imply in this context the eradication of all forms of abuse in any possible way.

 

I commit myself to continue educating myself about how this world functions to no longer aspire to get a position in the system wherein I ‘know it all’ form the desire to be a knowledgeable ego, as I see and realize that knowledge without application is utterly useless and that when one is being the living word, we don’t require to THINK about it, we just express what is Common Sense to the realization of what is best for all, and that is simplicity, never complexity.

 

I commit myself to continue establishing myself as my own starting point to move me within this process, wherein the matters of the world are not reduced to simple points I can ‘speak about’ but actually understand the reason and origin point of what caused it and within that, see and look at the solutions that will be required in the long run to support that aspect of the world. This is within the realization that it is part of our education to always see the problem and investigate and project the solutions – otherwise, we remain asking for ‘solutions’ toward government/ authorities, instead of realizing how we have created it ourselves and so, each one of us will be the solution to it as well.

 

I commit myself to watch the news from the starting point of looking at what is going on in this world, be informed about the reality that is HERE and not from the vantage point of already wanting to blame others as the government, parents or any other form of ‘authority’ that could be the culprit in my mind. I realize that everything that goes on in this world is our direct responsibility and that point does not envision or separate people according to hierarchies and Roles we all play in society – we are all equal and one within our consequential outflow of everything that we have accepted and allowed to exist within ourselves.

 

I commit myself to use all the knowledge and information that may be useful to expose a reality and see it only as that: data that is here represented in numbers and pictures that can be used to represent a reality that we have to all take  Self Responsibility for individually – thus it is not to seek to ‘make money’ out of knowledge and information or further manipulate for only a few people’s interests, but use what is here to show and expose our reality, while presenting a solution accordingly.

 

I commit myself to plan out/ project my life destined toward a position wherein I can support the most beings in this world as that is what I have vowed myself to be and become. A point that stands As the example as the walking-realization of what is possible to be and become once that we commit ourselves to Live in Equality. This means that all Selfish-Interest has no room in a Self-Interest that considers what is Best and Equal for All – Self being the totality of who and what we are as human beings, as this world and existence as a whole. That is what is required to be realized in order to understand that any form of opposition is only a war against Self.

 

I commit myself to use my abilities and skills toward a best for all outcome, wherein I ensure that whatever I do, say, speak stands in alignment to that which I realize is best for all in every single moment and movement. This implies that Breathing is the key to always slow myself down before making a decision of how to approach a situation, a particular piece of information, ensuring I am not only seeking to oppose/ expose without understanding as that is the actual key to stop all further division in this world – to expose the reality that has been accepted and allowed while directing it to an equality solution.

 

I commit myself to realize that there cannot be any ‘superiority’ or ‘inferiority’ position in society when establishing a world in Equality – thus any desire to ‘stand on top’ must be breathed out of myself and realizing that there are no ‘protagonists’ here that will end up in a superior position – it is about an equal and one leadership that we all have to take on wherein we can eventually realize that we do not Require to ‘push ourselves’ to do things by some form of authority/ control through fear, but that we can simply direct ourselves to do it within understanding.

 

I commit myself to walk in humbleness this process and to ensure that any inkling of egotistical desires to be or become ‘more’ than who and what I am are simply breathed out in every single moment they may pop up in my mind, as I see and realize that this is just part of the consciousness desires that I had participated in for my entire life – thus, I take responsibility for my creation as Myself as my own backchat and energetic experiential desires and within this, ensure that I stand always here as breath, realizing that what I really and and the only real power I exist as is in every moment that I have the ability to breathe – stand here and be a living example of the very process of equalizing oneself as Life, until it is done.

 

I commit myself to expose how the revolution begins within each one of us, educating ourselves, taking Self Responsibility and within this, ensuring that no matter how ‘bad’ things may get in reality, the solution will NEVER be to oppose the system or retaliate or fight against each other – but to Always present a solution, to Always speak, communicate and be the living example of the solutions that can exist when self interest is equalized for all in Common Sense and Self Responsibility, realizing that we have only created such problems and turmoil in society because of Self Interest, Greed and the desire to be ‘more’ than what we already are – this all part of the Education we must be directly sharing in order to step out of the mind control we’ve accepted and allowed individually, and within this, start seeing the reality that is here behind all survival fears and retaliation desires to ‘make a better world’ – It is only through education and informed decisions that will lead to an invariable best for all outcome that we can thrive in this world. And this is what Desteni and the Equal Money System are for.

 

www.equalmoney.org

 

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86. Ego Trip

Ego Trip: n    noun informal something done to increase one’s sense of self-importance.

an action undertaken to enhance one’s own reputation

 

I had begun writing Self-Forgiveness on this ‘Ego Trip’ word that came up today in the dictionary early on today. However I left it because I was not looking into the word in its totality. I went out for my daily walk while listening to the latest The Secret History of the Universe interviews – it was yet again as with many other Eqafe interviews, a realization of many, many, many points that have always been HERE as ourselves yet missed in the absolute conceptual fuckup that we have lived as ‘our lives.’ As I was hearing, I realized ‘the point:’ our entire history, our entire ‘lives’ on Earth, the entire so-called evolution and everything that we have been can be called as an ‘Ego Trip’ – (to understand this ‘enhancement’ as energy, please read Heaven’s Journey to Life blog) – this Ego trip begun by the moment that thought emerged, the moment that we begun defining points in separation of myself.

 

 

And again! I have to write this out for myself because – I can again say I was not damn crazy! I have walked/written out before the moment I realized what a word did/does as in naming everything in separation of ourselves when I was in linguistics school. I pictured what Saussure called ‘the nebulae of thought’ as ‘the wholeness’/ the totality of what is here – substance/ life/ energy in Desteni terms – existing as one single mass, and suddenly ‘something/ someone’ deciding to separate itself and starting Giving Names/ Naming things in separation of itself, arbitrarily, giving words to Define/ Limit the wholeness, the ‘reality’ into concepts – the infamous ‘cookie-cutter analogy – THAT in itself to me was the most hideous and conceited act we could have ever done as ‘species,’ as I was definitely not ‘thinking’ in existential terms, but simply the moment that the human took a part of reality and defined one single part of what is here as a ‘word,’ and how such word would exist in contraposition to other parts of reality as words, cutting out, leaving other bits with no meaning, placing more value to some things and not others –  and so we went on naming the entirety of what is here as we pleased. (read 69. Change is in the Meaning of Money for more examples on this)

 

The moment I was in that class, realizing this all I thought that ‘it had to be a joke, right?’ – I was expecting some type of mysterious ‘divine’ source of language – then I went into judging it all – and by all I mean our entire ‘knowledge and science’ as absolutely absurd, I realized then how everything had to be only a joke, a staged lie as our so-called ‘human civilization,’ because: who/ what could verify that such a thing was in fact ‘that’ which was being named by a single word? Same thing got me into an ‘unexplainable’ situation when trying to talk to my science teacher about Objectivity and Subjectivity,’ because I had pondered how on earth we could ensure that what we see and how we define it is ‘objective’ if we ourselves are already subjects of that same situation.   It is  all just an intellectual ego trip called  ‘social convention,’ a mere ‘name-tagging’ that ensued the ‘reality’ that we now are able to spot as words, definitions, ideas, beliefs, opinions and the list goes on and on: nothing else but a blatant intellectualization of reality. I mean, how come we only learn this basic understanding in ‘specialized careers’ such as linguistics, when words are what we are currently existing as, words separated from self as one and equal. And not even there, because this primary question that I am now understanding through the Desteni material of course, had been such a blatant ‘mystery’ to myself, never realizing I was only looking in separation of myself, l-o-o-king Light observation/ illusion of separation as the superior/ supreme being that is able to ‘name things’ and call that ‘awareness,’ which is nothing else but ‘intellect/ rationalization = a name tagging game that we gave ourselves into and following an entire civilization founded with lies upon lies upon lies until the point that we are at today, absolutely blinded by such lies, believing that we are separate – but are we? And for that those interviews quench the ‘thirst’ for the knowledge and information I had devoured books for. Obviously to no avail as this is only being released TODAY for the entire world to hear – and you cannot possibly miss it.

 

Obviously – one and equal would only require one single expression As Itself. But what did we do? We started defining what we were able to see in separation of ourselves- never Into Ourselves – and there, the beginning of thought, the beginning of ‘creation’ itself: the Illusion of Separation.

I can only recall experiencing myself as a ‘mad person’ because no one seemed to have a problem with realizing that this entire world was a fallacy – oh but, Marlen, what did she do? ‘Oh this is it for words/ this fucked up life/lie/system, now I want to create images!’ and so the rest was the history of the character I became in spite of myself only (you can read the various blogs from 72. My Career Choice till 85. Death to the artist–Bearthing Life for more context)

 

I definitely realize that there is no more knowledge to obtain as knowledge can Never be life, how can it be if it was the very first point that we used to define each other in separation of ourselves!? However at the same time in the ever-lasting dichotomy: it is still ‘our creation’ and is life as nothing is really ever separate from self.

Hence the process of Self-Realization, the realization that comes in bits like a puzzle that we can certainly handle one point at a time, otherwise – I agree with Bernard – our brains would fry! lol.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word separation as something ‘real’ in itself,  without realizing that this word is what we have used as an excuse to make of our entire existence and current reality nothing else but an ego-trip wherein we ‘forgot’ who we are as one and equal, and begun intellectualizing reality and believing that such definitions, names, words given to parts of ourselves were in fact ‘separate’ from self, instead of realizing that separation is but a concept and that it is not real in any way whatsoever.’

We are the SEAparation – seeing only the appearances as divided/ separate from Self here as one and equal as one sea. We can take drops from the sea, that we can SEE with our eyes, as we are LOOKING for ourselves: Light observation in superiority of self-here as equality. And within that, getting lost in the maze of concepts, definitions, separation as the illusion of self – illusion is nothing else but a ‘fancy’ way to call  a Lie- and as the Lieght that we blinded ourselves with which we equated as ‘knowledge is power,’ we have enslaved ourselves to our own creation: the illusion as separation by the word of god.

 

I breathe – I realize I can only take what I can understand in the moment – yet I see, realize and understand that the fallacy of this world and reality that we have manifested as a consequences of this initial point of separation is our entire responsibility, as the ego-trip that we all accepted and allowed ourselves to become, in the delusion and illusion of being able to see others as separate from ourselves – never realizing we were always only staring back at ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to miss the fact that I have only used words in separation of myself and that I had only created further separation within stating ‘who I am’ in opposition toward everything/ everyone  that I saw with my eyes as being ‘separate from myself’ – I realize that even in the definition of myself as a some-one in opposition to a some-thing already gives more value to a mind that is able to think itself, without realizing that in that I became the ‘god’ that says who’s more/ who’s less – and deciding to create an entire hierarchical wording system to ensure that the mind that created it, would somehow remain as ‘the king of the hill,’ without realizing that the joke as always by ourselves upon ourselves only. Thus, we are facing the consequences of the absurdity of trying to play ‘gods’ in existence, missing out the obvious abuse that we can only exert upon ourselves and no one else, as there is no ‘them/ they’ in this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this entire delusion of separation is not who I really am, and that I have only been fighting against myself as there is no other ‘me’ in separation of myself. This is how we can only apply SELF-Forgiveness, as Forgiveness ‘to another’ can only exist if I exist as a character that is able to ‘endow’ another with ‘forgiveness’ in separation of self. There is only Self and any ego-trip wherein I sought to be more than others, seeing something/ someone as less than me is this existential ego trip that we’ll walking here as words, equalizing ourselves as words for the very first time, to ensure that never again we use words to define each other in separation of ourselves as one and equal – and within that, once the very basics is grasped: the actual application of this realization is walked breath by breathe, moment by moment – as I realize that everything that we have done is the complication of knowledge and information, opinions, beliefs, judgments as a staged reality that we believed is ‘who we are’ as individuals separated from each other – never realizing that we are living in an existential schizophrenia: separated by the words that we spoke as a way to spite ourselves as life in equality.

Thus, it is to no more judge, recriminate or resort to call this all absurd as that is also reinforcing the ego, blame and even shame or anger that comes up when realizing what we have done and what we have become in separation of ourselves.

 

I commit myself to establish myself here as the physical as I realize that the intellectualization of reality is what has lead us to the current fuckup we are in. As we go establishing ourselves in the physical, we go establishing ourselves that we can ensure will not create any further separation from ourselves as one and equal, but only exist as an expression of that which we are willing to live as.

 

I commit myself to expose how knowledge is and has become the very tool to create the illusion of separation in our reality, and that it is our responsibility to re-establish common sense as living words that we can all stand by for eternity. This is not to be taken ‘lightly’ as the light is what we followed in an ideal of there being something ‘more’ than who we are as one and equal.

 

I commit myself to call out my own characters, and any other character that I can realize is part of the illusion and delusional separation of self-as-one and equal here.

 

  This will continue, because otherwise it will turn into a long long long blog.

PLEASE: Give yourself the gift to understand what the hell we are doing in this world, who and what we really are: we can only do this All Together – this is my passion, this is my will, the will to open the eyes of all that are willing to see and to share myself as my words as I go realizing who we really are as one and equal – to not make it ‘more’ than a simple realization that can be established here as self- bit by bit – word by word – ensuring that the who and what we really are is recognized as the realization and process we are walking here.

 

All I can say is that any point of self-diminishment, any point of superiority, any point of abuse toward any single part of this world is a point against myself – and our duty is to call it out, to allow it to see itself for what it has become, as a mirror is that which we missed throughout time, to realize we have always been only looking at ourselves.

It’s time to decide and realize who we really are.

 

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Rewards and the gore of Glory

reward
n    noun a thing given in recognition of service, effort, or achievement.
a fair return for good or bad behavior.
a sum offered for the detection of a criminal, the restoration of lost property, etc.
n    verb give a reward to. show one’s appreciation of (an action or quality) by making a gift.
(be rewarded) receive what one deserves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as a system of rewards wherein all actions, thoughts and spoken words that I expressed have been exerted from the starting point of seeking a reaction, seeking a reward as that fulfilling experience that ‘makes me feel good’ which is nothing else but a confirmation of existing as the mind and ego wherein we then give into valuing and worthing ourselves according to such such reactions and responses within the justification and curse of action of ‘reaping what you sow’ with an added self interest and not only within the single realization of being contributing to what creates what’s best for all – I stop from supporting and existing within/as a system that doesn’t know how to move without getting something in exchange.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and measure myself according to what others say and react to in relation to what I place as a point of stimuli seeking reactions within words, images, actions – within this being part of the machinery that runs in this system wherein we follow adds and beliefs that will give us the ‘most reward’, the ‘greatest feeling/experience’ which only focuses on enhancing an ego-experience instead of supporting self movement without seeking something in exchange –

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of reward/ seeking recognition/ seeking personal-glory the single motif to move instead of having made myself the single starting point and end point of my thoughts, words, deeds as part of the self-creative process in equality, wherein there is nothing to earn, noting to lose, no superlatives to create as I realize that it is the very system of values that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as that perpetuates the current world system that lives in separation of self-worth, self-value as LIFE itself. I stop from participating within this continuous search and quest for obtaining a reward, a confirmation that feeds only the ego of the mind and not all that is here in equality as common sense.

 

I place myself in the position of being the cause and end of whatever I say, do and speak meaning, this will be an accumulative process for all equally and not to feed my ego/mind/ idea of self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having been motivated to excel in school for the sake of ‘feeling good’ for ‘having done well in school’ which would then place me in a place of honor wherein everyone wanted to be in ‘my place’ and within this, tacitly accepting that there would be those ‘below me’, those that hadn’t been ‘good enough’ to be next to me which developed a sense of injustice that I could not understand at that time yet within this accepting and allowing  the system of winning and losing as if it was something that I had to accept to be ‘proud ‘of conquering.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of this life an eternal game of winning and losing, of fighting to ‘keep my place’, of creating endless rivalries towards others for the sake of keeping myself ‘on top’ wherein there would then be those that were below and within this, accepting and allowing to trigger reactions within me and others due to the segregation and discrimination that such ‘honors’ create when being in school.  This must stop as part of the schooling system and must be seen for what it is: a harmful way of creating ‘incentives’ for kids to learn and excel in school.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept any form of reward as a child for ‘getting good grades’ wherein I accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel good’ for having obtained such first places which ‘made me happy’ because it made my parents happy and I would be able to obtain stuff from it which then would make this the point of motivation in separation of myself, even if I would deny the ‘reward’ at times, in the back of my head it felt good.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to walk in zig-zag going back and forth between wanting to be recognized and then being embarrassed or not wanting to be ‘seen’ and thus hide or pretend to be humble while in fact, the thought and experience that would come with the multiple recognitions became part of ‘who I was’ which even if I denied to a certain extent, it became part of the self-worth and how I would perceive myself as a human being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever feel ‘bad’ about getting recognitions because of going into thoughts of what others/those that didn’t ‘win’ would be thinking about me and my position and within this, fearing being envied and fearing being later on ‘hated for being perfect’ as this is in fact what I had to walk through when going to school.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny such rewards later on yet secretly rejoicing and feeling good about having created a ‘good impression’ within people according to being someone that would always get ‘the first places’ wherein I would then give into the polarity of feeling bad for those that couldn’t have it easy in school – within this never actually questioning why there had to be such obnoxious ‘displays of ego’ as honor-spots for getting ‘good grades’ wherein I learned what it is to envy, what it is to be envied and within this allowing myself to be extremely hurt when people around me would desire to be in my spot and I would then become ‘ashamed’ of having such distinction/separation which led me to rejecting being in such a  conflictive position which I then developed into closing myself off due to fearing ‘overshadowing others’.

It is now clear how this single point developed as a form of desire/rejection of being recognized / seeking recognition wherein in this attempt to ‘equalize’ myself to those that I was taught were ‘less fortunate’ than myself, I engaged in relationships with people that were mostly the opposite of what I was in school which is the ‘me’ that I sought to escape away from, resulting in the creation of a more radical personality, not knowing how to direct my inconformity with the world that would value and worth you according to how obedient you were towards the system. All of this caused extensive inner conflict which I then translated into seeking spirituality, drugs or relationships wherein I could apparently worth/value myself for ‘who I really am’ which was mostly the idea that I created of myself in opposition to the one personality that stood as an ‘A’ Student and an ‘example for all’ to follow’, which bred the same system of comparison instead of simply supporting each other to become equal in potential to be/become what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of rewards and punishment as schooling system wherein you get a point of ‘distinction’ that instead of encouraging someone to ‘become better’ it might turn the other way around when not being supported effectively to become equal to our fullest potential – within this instead of motivating kids/ people, we seclude ourselves into eternal comparison and constant rivalry of winning and losing that only feeds the ego of the mind .

This is how parents, teachers literally supported my delusion of being special, of being quite a ‘unique student’ and thus as a result triggering extensive envy and rejection from my fellow school mates which then lead me to go through extensive suffering for having being bullied as a ‘smart ass’ and suffering the envy of those that I deemed my ‘best friends’. It was quite harsh at that time, being 6/7 years old and realizing that your so called best friends could literally turn their back against you in one moment, I just couldn’t understand it. Later on the same people would simply be fed up by the recognition I’d get which lead to further comparisons that made me wonder why on Earth isn’t everyone able to just ‘be a s good in school’ – you know, sometimes we only see the one ‘fucked up side of the coin’ without pondering on how it obviously also gets to affect those who are seemingly ‘on top’ – it did create quite an inner conflict, yet I didn’t give that up because I still held myself as that requirement to ‘excel’.

Sustaining an ‘ego-status’ in this world is linked to money = sustaining the system of greed as ourselves. 

When we are in school we are taught to compete against each other for the ‘first place’, for being ‘the best in our class’ as this will ensure that, as we grow up, we enter the system living out the point of ‘I must beat the other to get the best job/place in society wherein I can make the most money’ and within this competitiveness is bred, ensuring a false sense of improvement that only provides fresh never ending energy placed into the attainment process of such ‘powerful/ superior’ position. I forgive myself that I have accepted this very single act of separation and value over Life itself to become the single mechanism of how this world operates, disregarding Life and everyone as equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my classmates that would tell me how they wanted to get my cardex to show it off to their parents so they could get awesome stuff as a reward for them getting excellent grades in school without realizing that within me having accepted such rewards in any form – either money stuff or single remarks of ‘achievement’ I was in essence complying to creating my self-worth and value according to such rewards obtained by others.

This entire pedestal position bothered me as much as I would react when not getting such recognition – This entire conflict here was implanted at an early age by the single acceptance of giving value to myself according to how obedient and how ‘well’ I did in school which I was taught would be the ‘value of my life/ who I am’ which I accepted as real and thus, continued placing effort into being a ‘good student’ for the sake of maintaining a reputation and a certain status that as much as I said I loathed, I would also enjoy due to then being able to stand as a ‘special person’, being acknowledged by others within that and enhancing a sense of popularity  – this encouraged my beliefs and ideas of being someone ‘unique’ yet remaining within the same conflict of ‘why can’t everyone have it as easy as well?’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always had to get a reward for anything I did or say towards others and basing my existence on the quality and nature of such rewards wherein I could confirm that ‘I am accepted/worthy/ valuable person’ or ‘Rejected/ unworthy/ invaluable’ based on what others could assess and say about me according to the system standards that I have tacitly accepted and allowed my the single allowance of identifying myself as such attributes and qualifications.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to delegate such power to others without realizing that this is the very way I learned to ‘exist’ in this world from an early age wherein every time I didn’t get the recognition I wanted, whenever I didn’t get the attention required, I would resort into further seclusion and hostility, a form of anger for having delegated who I am as only being this ‘excellent student’ which lead me to retreat and seek other ways of recognition wherein the apparent ‘intelligence/smartness’ I had would take no place in defining ‘who I am’ – within this seeking the studies and careers wherein I could essentially deviate as much as possible from using what I understood then as intelligence and my ‘natural abilities’ which were part of the preprogrammed assets that create extensive inequality in this world.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by preprogramming and limit/ seclude myself further by wanting to oppose such programming yet never actually realizing I did as I was meant to do which was the single point of conflict that would ensure I would remain in eternal conflict towards myself, my position and the world instead of focusing on creating me from a new-starting point wherein I can take what I am effective at and optimize myself in all other points wherein I perceived myself to be flawed.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play such a role of always being ‘on top’ and ‘recognized’ to the point of creating myself as the type of affable personality wherein I could then seek to be worthy and recognized according to my personality, likes and dislikes. This lead me to then seeking the opposite as in seeking to create a ‘new me’ based not on these previous self-definitions but instead seeking worth and value  by people that were not familiar with ‘who I was’ in school. Within this I didn’t realize how in my attempt to spite the system, to spite my family and everyone around that held this idea of myself as intelligent/good person/ responsible, I spited myself wherein I allowed myself to indulge into things that I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t been driven by an ego that sought to redeem itself from an early accepted and allowed position. Within this creating conflict only for myself and seeking to go ‘against the tide’ for the sake of redeeming myself as the other side of the coin.

 

It is only now that my preprogramming is challenged that I can see how fear was an obvious drive to do and be what I was, even if I talked myself into believing I was doing it for myself, it was also for the sake of keeping that ego wherein as much as I believed myself to ‘not care’ about such positions, I would and within this create a sense of acceptance or rejection by others.

 

I had almost forgotten how this single point of being accepted/ rejected was so draining, we literally spent our lives trying to be accepted, acknowledge and get a certain position as a ‘reward’ to our application, to our effort, doing it for all and everything else but ourselves – or even if the ‘I do it for myself part’ it was never truly unconditional.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to only act based on ‘what I will earn’ instead of every having actually directed myself to do and be something – I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be unconditional in my expression but always expecting a single point of confirmation that I exist, fulfilling within this the sense of  the ‘me’ that exists as a a mind consciousness system that is constantly seeking to feed itself to keep existing.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea of a heaven wherein I would be rewarded for having been a ‘good person’ in this life – with this single belief accepting the soul-system as the determining factor of my good or bad karma as the ability to decide whether I had been ‘good’ or ‘bad ‘ and decide accordingly the type of experience I’d get after I died which implied I believed in an afterlife wherein all my actions, words and deeds would be reviewed by a ‘superior’ and then give me the ‘eternal life’ accordingly.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to shape and mold myself according to ‘how the system works’ and accepting that for everything and anything I do I must obtain something back in ‘equal worth/value’ to that which I am giving away hence never actually being unconditional within what I said, did, wrote.

This idea created yet another conflict because apparently I learned that not asking for anything in return was something actually ‘stupid’ to do – then if asking ‘too much’I’d feel ‘guilty’  due to the same acceptance of the current system wherein everything I’ve got has a certain value which is all linked ultimately to money.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live in a system of compensation and punishment which stand as the polarity of judging our actions as ‘good/worthy’ or ‘bad/ inadequate’ which we then accepted as ‘who we are’ and allowed myself to be defined accordingly within the world system that stands as a hierarchical system wherein the more you comply to god/ the system, the better position and compensations you have – and instead accepting and approving the fact that those that stood outside of the norm should get punished and eventually denied any sense of self-worth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stand in one side of the pole that ensured that the rest could virtually not obtain the same results I had as no two bodies could occupy the same space and within this, accepting the fact that another had to be on top and another below.

 

I can say that I continued with such application of ‘being a good student’ throughout my latest studies in art school – though the starting point changed, it wasn’t for the sake of obtaining a number but simply doing what I required to do as part of school, taking responsibility for what needs to be done. This is something that I would explain to people when they would ask ‘how do you do it’? I saw that many were motivated by getting some reward by teachers, parents and the system, I would simply reply that this was the single point of responsibility I had and so I simply did what had to be done.

So, acting from the starting point of ourselves is one challenge in a world built-up as a system of rewards, yet this can be changed within ourselves in allowing us to see the starting point of why we speak, write, share, do and direct ourselves in everything we do from a common-sense starting point of being a single supportive point for self-realization, for self-equalization as Life in all ways. This can be done so, let’s walk as it.

 

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                  Stopping the hierarchy within the system begins with ourselves


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