639. Reconciling with the Artistic Expression In Me

 

It’s been a while since I shared a blog. I’ve been on a ‘writing diet’ where I write at least 3 pages on a daily basis in my personal diary or notebook which is something I begun as part of a process I’m embarking myself on to reconcile myself – yes, once again and yes embracing the process – with my artistic side or artistic interests which I’ve been basically focusing on investigating and aligning throughout these past months. I’ve been realizing some of the most ‘shady’ aspects that I’ve allowed to get in the way of me continuing to express myself and I decided to write self forgiveness on these points along with some realizations and share them, since I’m aware many can be at a similar situation with any given aspect in their lives too.  

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize I created a sense of being unworthy when it comes to expressing myself through creative means simply because of being told that no one would buy that, no one would like that and that I had to do stuff that most people liked in order to be paid for it, which then became a way to constantly create a hellish experience within me while creating, having to satisfy these invisible people that I believed I had to please and within that, causing that split within me where expressing myself in a more intimate and unconditional way – as it was in the beginning when I started – became a thing of the past and I then had to ‘use my skills’ to ‘be bought’ by others, and in doing so eventually wanting to once again distance myself from doing anything creatively.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold a negative experience to the idea of my work being valued in a certain amount of money where I’ve judged such amount of money as ridiculous and just not worth the ‘thing’ that I created, which I then believed was something good or positive but slowly with time I allowed that notion to sabotage me from continuing to create because I then would be having to ‘think in money terms’ when creating, which became a departure from myself – because art for me was not intended to be a ‘product’ but it was a very personal, unconditional and dare I say innocent form of expression with and for myself that I then allowed to be influenced on ‘why I do it’ and ‘what kind of stuff’ I should do, missing out the point of it which has always and should always be Me and the process I’ve been walking, which is what any form of expression for me is really about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a silent inner war in relation to art and monetary value where I slowly but surely sabotaged myself from creating anything as a way to not have to see it as a product – instead of seeing that I could have simply realized that I was  attaching some monetary values to something that should be first of all a point of self-expression and communication, where an economic value would come only if and when I would decide to offer it for selling it and only when and if there could be any potential person interested in buying it, therefore leaving all of that as a secondary purpose to it, not ever forgetting that my main purpose and value is for myself, for my own satisfaction, expression and enjoyment – otherwise I now see I corrupt myself by thinking in ‘money terms’ other than me expressing me and sharing unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moment that there was a struggle in my head because of having others’ opinions, views or expectations of ‘what I need to create’ I should have stopped and not allow myself to go there, since that is not the reason why I signed up to do anything creative in the first place, I did it as a point of curiosity and exploration for myself, to communicate myself with myself and then it became something I would have to do as a profession to be paid for and satisfy others with it, which is not a ‘wrong’ thing to do either, but that’s not where my true passion is for in it.  I totally buried myself under those ‘expectations’ I projected upon myself even when I believed I was doing something ‘for me,’ I would still be having ideas of ‘having others liking it’ in the background and in that, I corrupted my own expression which I see has of course nothing to do with the ghostly voices in my head of ‘others eyes’ on it,  because they were entirely brought up by myself and it then became in a bundle of  fears around it that I now see I used as a justification to not continue doing anything creative for a while.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to many times create a dissonance, a split between ‘what’ I had to do instead of asking myself who do I decide to be and according to that direct myself, because of having fallen on the usual ideas where I would have to choose one thing to become ‘something’ in life– like having a certain title, career or diploma – in order to perform certain tasks which show me the extent to which I have been mostly perpetuating the same kind of labels and boxes wherein we have defined ourselves to be just ‘one thing’ and only be that ‘one thing’ throughout a lifetime, instead of opening up the endless possibilities that are in fact possible if we tap into that source of what and who we really are and so expressing that into any aspect of our lives, regardless of ‘what we do.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to split myself between the idea of supporting others and making that my living purpose and my own natural tendency an d interest on artists and artistic creations as a source of both enjoyment and understanding to me, and in doing so, I ended up creating a division from this natural expression and judging it as selfish, as a waste of time, as shallow or without any consequence in others’ lives, without realizing  that in doing so, I was cutting up, chopping off a part of myself in such judgment process wherein I then created a constant push and pull friction game towards that inclination that emerged from a very young age in me and that I judged later on as frivolous and part of my ego-creation.

I realize currently how yes from a very innocent and instinctive move to paint and draw, I then turned it into a an expectation of making it my profession and then buying into the idea of that having to be my way to ‘climb up the ladder of success’ and feed my ego with dreams and ideals of fame and recognition, where – even though I had the idea of ‘doing so to help to save the world’ – the motivation was still the aggrandizement of my own persona, which is why I then took myself to the opposite side of not wanting to show what I do, not wanting to share it around and judging others that would dare to do so as egotistical or seeking others’ approval, which only stands as my own projection of my own judgments and what I’ve done towards myself, which I realize is a product of tainting my expression with the norms and ways we have created the current system wherein art has also become an industry which is not wrong in itself since it can be considered work itself, but to me art does go beyond the ‘final product’ but I’m definitely more interested in the person that is behind the work of art which is where I see that lies my interest on the artistic field.

I forgive myself  that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to taint my expression with the ideas of ‘what I would have to do’ in order to sell or in order to have other people like what I do, which I realized has been a rather painful process considering that it doesn’t mean I have to make money out of what I decide to express in a very personal way of communicating with myself, which I can share unconditionally without having to make it ‘fit’ certain market standards or having certain ‘qualities’ which is what I’ve then come to experience an inner conflict with, because my aim is to use art as a way to communicate and to see myself, to understand and learn from myself and enjoy while making it and making that very personal and sacred moment where it’s just me expressing and communicating with myself.

I realize that the moment that I place ‘others’ or ‘the public’ as the ultimate outcome, I distance myself from myself, I move away from that very core point that got me into wanting to create art in the first place and it becomes a job, something I have ‘to do’ for money or to be able to be ‘sellable’ and in that, losing my own essence and shaping myself into whatever I am believing ‘others’ want to see and get from me, which is entirely created in my own mind and as such, there has never been ‘others’ or any form of exigencies, it’s all been me allowing my own judgments and ideas to influence and maim my own creativity over the years .

I realize that the various comments and opinions I got over the years were all standing as expressions of their own views and standards, and to me they represented moments where I would have had to fully stand as my expression – but I didn’t. And that’s why every time I would succumb to certain demands, I would feel a little more lost in it all and ended up feeling meaningless and purposeless – shallow – in the whole process of making anything related to art, even doing any form of indoor decoration because of then tainting it as shallow, superficial or non-substantial or supportive to life itself – defining ‘life’ outside of myself as ‘others’– instead of seeing that I am the source of it and the ultimate end point of it, if it exists in me – and me being part of the whole – there should not exist any limitation to this point of expression that is intended to see ‘what comes out of me’ as an individual, simply to see ‘how I am doing’ and express it in ways that I may not be able to do so through words at times, and so seeing that it has been essential for me to draw and paint things that are just inside of me and come out as an extension of myself, that are devoid of a certain ‘receptor’, which I consider is the actual essence of what any form of art is, an externalization of the creator because of the sheer will of the creator itself to have it happen or just ‘be’ for its own sake.

In my case I have decided to make of that art not something that I ‘have to do’ but something that I can decide to express as part of my self-communication, self-enjoyment, the creation of that me-time that I now know I have to give myself and create for myself since I have shaped my life and time around all of the other doings that I require to do as a way to survive and as a way to relate to others, which simply require a balancing point so that I can in fact give me and create more time to do it and stick to it the same way that I stand in a disciplined and responsible manner to any other responsibility and duty I have.

I realize that If I cut out this limb of mine, this part of me that has continued to be a relevant aspect of my life, I’ll end up feeling forever frustrated for not having had the guts to give myself the time and courage to do it, to make it actually OK and acceptable that I create time for me to continue developing any form of creative expression that satisfies that self-communication and self-understanding beyond the usual self-writings, because that stands as something that can break the mold of what I regularly do on a daily basis and what I dare to say to myself through words only.

I also understand the importance of creativity, it is that ‘creative germ’ that is needed in all of us if we truly want to ‘break the mold’ and create a better world because otherwise, as I’ve seen for myself, we can just fall into the comfort of how things usually are and have been and not having any new things or challenges coming our way and getting too complacent and obedient to whatever we have all collectively come to believe is how ‘we should live our lives.’ And I know that it takes courage and a real sense of authority and will to decide to not fall into such expectations and categories and live differently, which then doesn’t become a constant ‘against the flow’ rebellious type of process as I used to do it before, but it becomes simply living the realization that this is the actuality of myself that is no longer seeking to be liked, appreciated or conform or fit in, but embraces that individuality devoid of judgment and expectations, and simply decides to get back in tune with myself, to be ‘here’ rather than seeking to be somewhere else or be accepted by others here or there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to maim my own authenticity whenever I allowed others’ comments, opinions – or the lack thereof – about what I do creatively to affect and define the way that I relate to my works of art, where I then stepped into the realm of valuing opinions and judgments and forgot to look at myself, asking myself why is this important or relevant for me to do, what it means to me and why it satisfies me or not to do it.  

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become too concerned with monetary values and I realize that it is not about saying that selling my art is wrong or an act of self-interest, but that should come as a byproduct of me first standing fully in absolute congruence with my creation, where I can be sure there isn’t any noise implied in its creation while having thoughts about possibly selling it or thinking what colors would be liked more by ‘the majority’ of people, or what kind of stuff would be ‘easy to appreciate and like’ and hang on a wall or have around – and instead focus on simply being me, expressing me because I can see how I have been living that within myself and I have stood up when realizing I’m about to enter into a ‘shaping’ process that doesn’t respect me – but I haven’t done that with my own artistic expression.

I realize how easy it is for me to get into that shady space of not sharing or showing myself, all having to do with holding ideas about ‘who I am and have been’ in relation to a particular ‘personality system’ of having been placed in the spotlight at a certain time in my life, creating and building expectations upon myself that I then couldn’t fulfill because they, of course, came from a place of separation, of arrogance, of superiority and idealism that can’t be in fact satisfied because it’s not coming from the truth of who I am and who I want to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to people’s opinions and values given towards me, where they all in fact felt phony to me ever since being a child and receiving accolades, it became a great nuisance to be told all of these good things and being praised where I eventually wanted to ‘not be singled out’ and hide in the background, to not stand out and in doing so,  I ended up diminishing myself because of having created a negative experience to being the source of opinions and critics, even if they were favorable, it seemed unfair and unreal for me to be able to define someone based on numeric characters or only a few characteristics that were ‘worthy’ within a particular system, like in schools.

That’s also why I wanted to do something that could enable me to see myself outside of values and titles that we are supposed to get in society, that define ‘who we are’ and that’s why I started doing what I did within an artistic expression – that I later on ‘vandalized’ with adding all kinds of judgments, opinions  and expectations to it and I perverted it and turned it into just another ‘thing’ that one ‘does’ in the ‘system’ and that’s it, it’s like taking the life out of myself by turning that which was once very personal and unconditional and a point of enjoyment to me and turning it into a show ‘for others’ and to find ‘my value and worth’ in society, which I then failed to do as I should, because it would have led me down to another rabbit hole if I had been successful at that.

I also realize that it’s not that ‘others’ are the problem in fact, since they are me. In any case each person stands as a good mirror where I can look back at myself and see what I can learn from it to either expand  myself or try out new things, without any longer seeking to be liked, accepted, valued or appreciated that way, because I realize that such values are in fact standing only in the eye of the mind and can only serve a way to ‘see’ things, but it’s only me that will ultimately know WHO I am behind WHAT I decide to do, whatever it is.

I realize that we lose ourselves many times in the eyes of others and allow ourselves to get quietly and deeply hurt and don’t dare to speak it out in the moment, because of fearing to come through as sensitive or immature – but opening up about those aspects that were impactful for us is the first point, to realize that many times there have been assumptions, misunderstandings and a general projection of who each person is in relation to their opinions and comments. I realize that I also have been able to consider certain constructive aspects from what others say about my work, but even with that, I realize I have to define what I will accept and allow as feedback and what I won’t because to me, artistic expression is that one sacred place where no others’ ‘laws’ or ‘ways’ apply and where I can in fact transcend myself and my limited views, beliefs and morals. I desecrate that space, that part of myself every time that I use someone else’s words as a reason or justification of why I should do something a certain way or why I should just give up trying to do anything creative.

I also realize that in my mind I have been the only one that has decided to give such amount of focus and attention to what others may or may not say – critically and constructively – and that I am the only one that can allow that to affect me in a negative or emotional way.  I realize that as one goes strengthening that sense of self-worth, self appreciation and being congruent with the expression of ‘who I am’ and ‘who I decide to be’ and what I focus on continuing to create and express no matter what may come my way, it should not change who I decide to be in that expression.

I can use the feedback  to make myself grow and expand and consider other perspectives, but reacting negatively towards it is entirely a self-created decision that I now realize I have the total capacity to work through and release myself from, which can leave me with a better understanding of who the other person is in their words and their way of seeing things and their relationship to what I do, but ultimately to not take it personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my own expression, the unique actions and movements and expressions that I have to any other human beings’, which has led me within a never ending unfulfilled experience where I became the outflow of my own judgments and allowing that to maim my creative expression by giving up on it.

I realize we all – each one of us – is part of the whole that expresses in a unique way, which doesn’t make it more or less than or ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than – it is about embracing the multiplicity and learning to see it as that unique expression that it is, where I realize that I have made and turned myself into my own worst enemy when constantly deciding what is ‘good’ or not in my own eyes and then ending up projecting those judgments towards my own creations, which results in self-sabotage.

Currently I realize looking back how what I’ve done just IS and they are all testimonies and registry of the various phases in my life that I don’t have to feel ashamed of, since they were a relevant and important aspect of who I was at the time, a part of me, a reflection of me in that space and time and if I don’t embrace and accept myself and decide that such expression had its right to be at the time and represent me, who else will? No one.

I realize that my curiosity and general inclination towards some artistic expressions like music and visual arts have been a form of food for my beingness, which at some point I tried to simply distance myself from within the belief that they were just distractions or my own way to ‘escape’ from my reality. And I realize that at times, it might have been so in the past, but I surely realize that is not my starting point at the moment but the other way around.

I now see the potential in art and artists as part of what’s worth living for in this world, because I’ve gone from loathing humanity to appreciating every person that I get to know more about and seeing a lot of valuable things that I can learn from which I’ve come to do through watching documentaries, reading about artists lives and any creative genius, which I ultimately see as one of the reasons why I want to continue being me and developing my expression,  not only to support others but to get to contribute back in the ‘creative pool’ from where I’ve been nurturing myself from as well, because that’s how I’ve gotten to appreciate the life that is in each one of us and that manifests in all of these multiple ways that are worth getting to see and appreciate for who and what they are.

My starting point is not to feel ‘original’ since we are ALL original since we all come from the same and one origin point that we all express in a variety of ways that actually makes this life worth living and so, it’s absolutely worth getting to know one another and getting to connect with those that may be walking a similar path and living purpose to the one I have, which I’ve seen is quite feasible as well.

My current starting point to develop myself in relation to any form of artistic creation and developing communication and comradeship with fellow artists is because it’s proven to me how this particular sector of people in the world that, according to how I see it, dares to live ‘outside of the norm’ within their minds and so in their lives and dare to share that in any way that reflects their inside world, that reflects their particular inner experience are the front runners of changing the way life is lived and how new structures and ways can be created that benefit more of humanity and life in general.

 I’ve seen how easy it is to connect to that same common sensical level with people that are working or have experience in any cultural or artistic field, we just can click in one moment because there’s that same or similar understanding of who we really are and what’s worth working and living for in this life.

I was discussing with my friend about art in itself and it got me to think how I don’t have a particular fondness for certain works of art based on taste, but I surely get to appreciate the ‘who’ is behind that work that got to master themselves to put in the practice, effort, dedication and willingness to do something that perhaps was completely ‘out of their norm’ and did what they had to do in order to get it out of themselves and manifest it as a creation in reality; some others might have done it from a more natural talent that they just could effortlessly express, but in either case, there is a willingness to express and to me that is implying that there is an awareness of the creative potential we all have and can use to benefit our lives. How?

To me it is a primordial and basic point of nurturing your being, of expressing and so sharing it if one’s up for it. They are all bits and ways in which we go stepping out of the ‘usual patterns’ and dare to cross our own limitations and in sharing them, we assist others to do so as well. I also had to let go of the ideas of wanting to share or inspire others or wanting it to be ‘seen’ or ‘liked’ by others. It’s very similar to this process and writing where, whenever I place myself in a position of wanting to ‘share with others’ I miss out myself as being my own point, my own source, my own end of such creation. So now, If I find it supportive, then sharing becomes simply an extension of that self-support being in fact something that I see could benefit others because it is benefitting me.

This is where I can decide to own me and my every step of the way in my own creation, which I also relate to the way I’ve been able to own my decisions and choices in life and all the mistakes I’ve made, because they now make me who I am and I can look back and see that they are all part of the building blocks that I can now constructively use as part of the experience that makes me who I am today that may become stories of support to share to others as a way to learn from my own doings and wrongdoings and get to express the better version of ourselves.

 

Thanks for reading

I absolutely recommend listening to this series to anyone that’s interested in this kind of topics and specifically feeling meaningless, purposeless or feeling like there’s something yet to satisfy within oneself as a living purpose

1. 
   

   Meaningless: The Undefined Self – Atlanteans – Part 346

2. Meaningless: Searching for Meaning – Atlanteans – Part 347

3. Meaningless: Redefinition – Atlanteans – Part 348

4. Meaningless: Self Forgiveness Challenge – Atlanteans – Part 349

5. Meaningless: Standing as a Self Directive Principle – Atlanteans – Part 350

6. Meaningless: Giving Yourself Meaning – Atlanteans – Part 351

7. Meaningless: Fulfillment – Atlanteans – Part 352

8. 
   

   Meaning: Finding Meaning in a Cruel World – Atlanteans – Part 353

 

 

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612. Self Appreciation and Self Acceptance

 

One of the gifts from walking through the specifics to see what is behind the pattern of assuming and projecting what I am thinking and experiencing onto others is being able to see what I am still thinking, perceiving or believing about myself. The overall character within these assumptions has to do with ideas of me not being good enough for certain standards that I believe others have upon me, not being able to fully embrace me and particularly my creations and instead cowering up and preferring to not show anything because of still giving into all of these ideas of others being able to determine how good or bad something that I do is.

This is so particularly in the realm of showing artworks, and it’s similar to what other people that perform would experience as stage fright, that moment where one fears what others will say, how it will be criticized, judged, but never realizing all of that is self-created, it exists within me as all the thoughts, judgments, beliefs, ideals I’ve imposed onto what I create.

It has taken me some time to start breaking through it, and it also required this point of inner conflict for me to see to what extent I was holding myself captive with these beliefs about it. I also knew that just writing about it won’t sort it out, because I understand in theory what self acceptance is, what embracing myself means – but in terms of doing and living that in relation to my art, it had to do with actually taking the steps to show it. Art is meant to be seen and shown – yeah some people might say it’s not true, but here I focus on my current relationship to it – it’s a visual thing, it’s something that’s meant to be shown and so by preventing me from showing paintings for example, I had to confront the truth of why I wasn’t doing so, and that has to do with insecurities, ideas of my stuff not being good enough or creative enough or expressive enough – interestingly enough doing this within the realm that has very subjective and movable standards though.

This year has marked the return to creating art in general and that means painting for me, and walking through the plethora of judgments that I had imposed onto the process of creativity over years which led me to stop and give up on it for some time, holding a conflictive relationship with it all because of the judgments, the limitation, the standards, the ideas I projected about ‘how it must look’ and also trying to please people with it, within the consideration of also being able to sell it.

That’s a whole different point as well though where you have to make stuff that others can like in a particular market, but I’m sure that there can be different kinds of people for different kinds of expressions, which means that the real problem isn’t about ‘having others liking it to buy it,’ but it still had to do with me being able to embrace my creations.

I’ve spent many hours listening to creative individuals, mostly movie directors and artists that have gotten to a point of success because of standing behind their creations, completely embracing them as themselves, ‘sticking to their gut’ as they say and with that being able to persevere, not give up, embrace their mistakes and not be afraid of showing their creations to the world even if to them were ‘aberrations’ at first. I laughed at myself a few times while listening to them, it assisted a lot to know how it’s not easy to embrace something you create even for very successful people in the business and how everyone goes through this trial and error and dissatisfaction phase – even in a constant manner throughout their career – with their creations and how all that it requires is to keep at it, to keep moving, to keep testing.

Something I did differently this time around is to not say ‘no’ to doing commercial paintings involving themes I would have ‘never’ dared to paint before because of thinking it would go against my personal preferences. However it is through having said ‘yes’ to those things I resisted doing that I started breaking through some of my core limitations when it comes to creation and self-beliefs, which has been quite supportive.

Also on the practical realm, it assists with practicing stuff, being able to test out techniques and ways of painting I’ve never done because I had always only done ‘stuff I like’ which I’ve been able to still do and test out, but I’ve been mostly spending my time with fixed commissions which has assisted me to get comfortable and back into the practice, into the actual ‘doing’ that painting entails.

As part of walking the process of correction for these fears of judgments and comparison, I decided to start sharing and posting my paintings online on my Instagram page, because I had refrained myself from doing so throughout most of the year, so now I’m sharing some of the ones I made this year.

It is now the moment for me to test who I am within sharing: am I looking for recognition? Am I looking to be accepted by others or have positive feedback from others? And in that I decide to make it about sharing, unconditionally showing because that’s the key point I had been struggling with, showing my stuff. And yes it’s crazy because as simple as it can be for many to share stuff on Instagram or Facebook, to me it’s become a source of nervousness that I have to step into and simply direct myself to share and walk through the nervousness and insecurity in a moment before posting and then it’s done, it’s out in the open.

I realize that I have to continue developing the habit of sharing and walking through those moments that to me feel like taking ‘leaps of faith’ where all that exists is trusting me, being able to stand behind my work and let go of ‘what ifs’, it’s there, nothing more and nothing less. 

So the overall outcome of this is realizing how I can only be the one that can stop me from creating judgments, standards, ideas or beliefs of how something must look, I simply have to be there every step of the way it takes to create something and that then becomes the accumulation of me being able to stand behind my creation in whichever way it results.

This reminds me of how unconditional I used to be when it came to art creation before, I was unable to destroy or get rid of anything that wasn’t ‘good enough’ because I understood it as part of my creation process, a part of me. That might sound a bit ‘too much’ but in principle it assisted me to be much more unconditional when it comes to sharing/showing my stuff, I didn’t hold a ‘high regard’ on it or anything, I had no standards and that’s what I want to go back to again.

I also recognize how preposterous it is to compare ourselves to someone else’s expression. I definitely agree how the process of comparison is one main distractor that keeps us from genuinely focusing on our own expression, weaknesses, talents, strengths and the rest of it.  So this is an active process for me, it’s probably one of the most ingrained things along with judgment, and that means that I also have to realize that what I do as art or creativity is not all that I am as a person, it’s a part, an expression – but at the same time realizing there’s much more to share, give and express as myself beyond creative expressions, which to me has a lot to do with being able to share, coexist with others and that’s basically one of the points where this self-acceptance and embracing myself has become a more settled aspect of me, and getting to enjoy that individuality that I represent, just like anyone else does.

So I have to essentially apply the same process to my creative process and results thereof, where I have to be the first one that has to stop nullifying myself by fearing showing myself to others in whichever form or way. What’s the worst that can happen?  If any criticism, judgments, dislikes come my way, that’s then a cool aspect for me to face and confront in my life, which would only allow me to know where I am still fearing to not have a ‘spot’ in someone’s preferences, where I still as a weakness, where I am still defining myself based on others’ preferences or judgments or where I would be measuring myself only according to certain traits or characteristics and diminishing myself to only that one aspect, while neglecting the rest of the person that I am.

What I mean is that it is also totally possible that even if we embrace our creations and stand by them, If we want to make a business out of it and people are simply not buying it, it doesn’t mean that everything I am is ‘lost’ or ‘a failure’ either. It would mean that I have to keep testing out ways to see what works with others in terms of selling it. And if not, I also realize this is not the one and only thing I’m able and willing to do in my life, so in this it also points out where I have to expand my horizons and not get fixated only in the idea of ‘having to be a selling artist’ in order to survive and develop myself in this world. This is something I’ve also been considering and yes, it exists as a point of awareness and consideration, yet in practicality for now, I am dedicating myself to it, because it is only through doing this that I can face many points I had neglected to look at before because of fears.

This is also how I’ve been able to stop judging doing artworks as something ‘menial’ or ‘unimportant’ for the world, because I stopped wanting to save the world or change other people’s lives. I want to focus on developing myself in whichever shape or form I can when it comes to art, relationships, work and in relation to how I interact with other people in my reality and see where I can give the most of myself, where I can contribute the most to make something work or be taken to the next step of functionality and success.

That’s also been a major shift for a while in my life, which in turn doesn’t mean I become inconsiderate towards the world or others, it simply means I stop neglecting my life, my creation, my potential and instead of trying to sort ‘everything and everyone else out’, I now focus on creating and developing myself, because through doing that and being the best for me, I am best for all at the same time.

So, I’ll keep focusing on these aspects in my day to day

I recommend listening to these series which was also supportive to walk through these points of comparison and stepping into self-creation and self-acceptance in it.

Monsters Born From Comparison

Stopping the Comparison Monster

 

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559. “I should be done with this by now”

Or how to let go of control and rigidity while doing some self-investigation

 

This is the reaction that I got when having to look at a particular word that was placed within my attention to look at, and the word is ‘miss’ as in missing. When first looking at it, I considered that I had already worked through many dimensions of ‘missing’ because that’s been quite a common thing in my experience when it comes to any form of relationship, where missing becomes a life-draining situation and so here I have to also look at the starting point of working through the process of ‘letting go’ of something or someone in order to simply not have to ‘experience more pain’ which can be a conditioning factor where I am then ‘working on it’ to make myself feel better or not feel ‘worse’ or ‘feel any pain or sorrow’- instead of fully making it as a realization of who I am, what I can learn and stand up from in my life.

 

Therefore when I looked at the word ‘missing’ I believed that I was in a way ‘safe from harm’ which means not holding any grudges, sorrow, pain, loss and the rest of it that comes with parting ways with someone, which usually results in ‘missing’ a person, the relationship formed with them or a part of ourselves that we are no longer living since the person is no longer with us.

 

As much as I can work through this pattern, I saw that part of my reaction upon having to run a self-examination to see who am I in relation to the word ‘miss’ and having to look at something or someone I am missing, a barrier came up within me wherein I was standing almost like a guard in front of any possible memory about myself, my past relationships that could rear their head upon being triggered by the word ‘missing’, where I would stand with a baton kind of being ready to ‘whack it back to its place’ in order to ensure that I am in fact ‘done and over’ missing anything or anyone in my life, in essence already wanting to suppress whatever would come up while placing myself in ‘investigation’ or ‘look within’ mode.

 

The interesting thing is how it was very hard for me to admit I can STILL be ‘missing’ something or someone, because to me ‘I should be done with that by now’ which then causes a point of righteousness, rigidity and idealism in terms of ‘being over and done walking something’ – yet the very fact that I reacted to having to investigate on this word is proving that I STILL have unresolved aspects and issues with the word ‘missing’, wherein after I let go of me standing as the ‘guardian’ ready to whack ideas or thoughts of people, situations or a time in my past, I realized that I had not admitted to myself that I in fact was missing certain people in my life and that I had only made it all ‘ok’ to me in a form of creating a closure with it- but not really a closure – it was more like a veil placed upon having ‘processed’ some stuff and with that believing I am no longer affected by it, while ultimately in fact knowing that there are so many factors and dimensions to who we are, the relationships that we create, the phases we go through and even the way in which we look back at our lives and such relationships changes as we also change within ourselves.

 

Therefore the point within me that I have to let go of is this rigidity and point of control within me as the belief that ‘I am done with missing’ or ‘I have worked in all the aspects I could possibly work in relation to missing, I should be done with it by now’ and ultimately ‘I miss nothing’ yet! Knowing there are actual motions going on in my body which indicates: there ARE things to look at, I just have to be willing to look at it and admit it. Upon looking at it these past two days, I am grateful that I can now see how I am having my core shaken by having a look at a word that I frankly didn’t even notice how much I was avoiding to look at, because of precisely still not having fully resolved my relationship to ‘missing’ people, relationships or parts of myself that I came to live through and within certain relationships, and all of this was in order to make myself ‘stronger,’ but here I see how actual strength emerges by having the courage to admit to oneself one’s truth, what still comes up and emerges in a moment, instead of wanting to create a ‘strong’ façade as if nothing can ‘hurt’ me anymore, but that would only result in further suppressions and denials that I would have to invariably get through at some point = what goes around, comes around.

 

I here then remind myself to not get into a righteousness and tightness in relation to what I believe I am ‘done’ working with, because I can’t really know until there is in fact nothing ‘moving’ within me when opening up memories or discussing about the topic of ‘missing’ people or situations in my life, and be humble as well within myself to recognize that no matter how much I can believe I am ‘taking on a point’ and opening it up in all possible dimensions, there will always be aspects, parts, dimensions that I have probably not worked through and that I can instead be grateful they open up and emerge upon something or someone in my reality mentioning words, memories that could be triggering reactions within me.

 

That’s also another way to approach my reactions in a supportive manner, instead of getting into an egotistical position of ‘I should have been done and over with it by now’ which is quite inflexible and limiting when it comes to walking this process because it only makes the process of accepting reality unnecessarily difficult. And this is in fact where I have to remind myself of self-honesty, where it’s not about being right or wrong, but being open in what I see and how I see things as they emerge, to let go of wanting to stand as the guard in front of my memories, ready to whack them back into their passive existence within me, because ultimately whatever I was trying to hide within myself is just out of ego really, the whole point here is to be willing and open to see oneself in all depths and crevasses and uncomfortable spots where it is actually an awesome thing that something or someone can get us out of our comfort zone just by opening up one word to look at, that’s quite amazing and that’s how it is also quite impossible to believe one can walk ‘through one’s mind’ all alone, nope.

 

The best thing is ultimately being able to be ok with opening it up, being vulnerable within accepting what is still bothering me, no matter how much I have written it out or ‘processed’ it over the years or even understood it at an intellectual level. This process certainly doesn’t ‘function’ the same way that one would prepare for an exam or test, where you know exactly what you have to study, practice and then get it done with a ‘good result’. Our lives don’t work that way.

 

I have to be therefore willing and open to see what really came up in relation to the word ‘missing’ and instead of seeing this word with discomfort, pressure, evasion or any similar reaction, I can instead work with it, see it as a gift I can open up to get to know myself better, to see where else I can ‘dig’ and align, correct, walk through or even ‘heal’ in a way within myself – to no longer hide it or suppress it – considering that as with everything: if it is ‘bothering’ me at any level, it means there’s processing to do for me and I can therefore assist myself in doing so with the tools I got to write myself,  open up in self-honesty, forgive myself and lay out the corrections which are always going to be ways to expand, grow and change and in this context of missing, being able to give back to myself aspects, words that I have ‘missed’ living as myself and that have remained ‘locked out’ in certain relationships of my past.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

For further support on understanding and walking through Avoidance, please check out: these series at eqafe.com

1. Avoidance: Introduction – Atlanteans – Part 277
2. Avoidance: Not So Honest, Actually – Atlanteans – Part 278
3. Avoidance: Guilt and Responsibility – Atlanteans – Part 279
4. Avoidance: How You Change – Atlanteans – Part 280
5. Avoidance: Face Yourself – Atlanteans – Part 281
6. Avoidance: I’m Right, You’re Wrong – Atlanteans – Part 282
7. Avoidance: Support – Atlanteans – Part 283
8. Avoidance: Recognition – Atlanteans – Part 284

 

 

 

 

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527. Deception: Where does it Really Start?

The other day I read and participated on an interesting thread at the Desteni Forum about the theory of the Earth being flat and it caught my attention because I have been part of the people that have investigated some of it in order to spend some time pondering whether we are truly living in the shape of the Earth we have believed it to be thus far… however what I brought myself to realize is how ultimately irrelevant the subject is, but more so than that how we are already perceiving reality in a very limited view and the very fact that we cannot even be aware of how every single cell and organ of our body functions all the time and how every single thought or experience that we allow ourselves to have impacts our body. Therefore how can be so ‘sure’ of anything in this reality based on what science or ‘counter-scientists’ can explain based on an apparent ‘authority’ that they have adjudicated to themselves to define what’s ‘real’ and ‘what’s not’ – yet all of it being knowledge coming from a limited self-awareness as life, which is what we currently are all living as human beings.

What was pointed out in the whole discussion is that deception is something that exists from the beginning of our existence and is definitely not limited to a ‘conspiracy theory’ type of thing about the Earth’s shape only, but it is existent from the earliest moment of our existence when we separated ourselves from being a ‘one’ single being, ‘a wholeness’ and in such movement of ‘dividing’ ourselves, we forgot that who we are seeing as ‘other beings’ were in fact ourselves as well and from that moment of deception or making ourselves Believe that ‘what we see is separate from us,’ the rest of separation, lies, division, deception emerged up to where we are existing now as humanity in this world.

One of the paths that I have walked in the past years is that of trying to understand ‘everything’ from various perspectives and got myself into the rabbit hole of much of the information that runs around easily on YouTube and in general on the internet nowadays, which seems endless and a lot of it being really useless information that we cannot apply for ourselves in our lives for anything supportive or substantial like improving our personal lives or ways of being – here speaking about the usually dubbed ‘conspiracy theories.’ And unfortunately we are not taught common sense in schools to be able to discern what information is useful for our lives, that is worthwhile giving our attention to for the sake of bettering life in this world – but instead we are taught to discern through ‘logic’ and rest of thinking-processes that revolve around using only the mind and limited senses to then create conclusions about realities ‘out there’ that we cannot possibly go and measure for ourselves.

A point to question is how one bases such ‘trust’ on referencing others saying the same thing or looking at cited material coming from so-called ‘authorities’ and in all of that, it’s kind of laughable how we’ve come to create our own ‘trustworthy’ sources and types of information that are invariably coming from the same source: the human mind. And for anyone that is aware of what that implies, it does mean it comes from a limited source with limited awareness that is trying to understand the world ‘out there’ while not even being aware of our very basic self-functioning at a physical and mind level, let alone how we as beings interact with the whole of this reality.

What I am getting at here is that searching for ‘truths’ or information to apparently have more awareness in this world or that we are getting to know ‘facts’ that no one else has had access to before, or seeking to ‘no longer be deceived by elites or ‘world controllers’ etc. is in fact part of the distraction that exists in order to keep a lot of individuals that could be actually ‘breaking through’ their own mind and changing who they are in their personal lives with all of this amount of information that is designed to entertain and divert people’s attention from sorting out their very own lives.

Of course TV and general ‘news’ would not work to people that like to ‘question more’ so that’s how a mechanism had to be developed to entertain people discovering further apparent ‘truths’ that are practically useless for the most part, and so keep everyone believing they are getting ‘somewhere’ or ‘becoming more intelligent’ or ‘more aware’ just by reading about certain information. Really, it does take a willingness to let go of hope and illusions in order to really question what is it that we are investing our time and breath of life on. It takes self-honesty and that’s unfortunately a really difficult thing it seems for all of us to do, because it is about stopping following that which makes us feel ‘good’ or ‘more knowledgeable’ or ‘more in control’ even if it’s through information that we have no direct awareness of or way to reference it with our very limited senses anyways.

This is of course not done by ‘others’ so that we can ‘blame them’ for ‘enslaving us’ to this kind of information.  It is in fact self-created from our very conscious desire of getting to have access to something apparently ‘greater than us’ awaiting to be revealed, that there will be ‘life in other planets’ or that there are great amounts of money about to be delivered by the hands of a few elites to the whole world, or that there are people from the elites being captured and so the whole world is about to be freed!’ All of this kind of information is abundant in the internet and what I’ve realized is that it’s there for a purpose: to entertain and get people hooked on a belief that there is something ‘awaiting’ for us or that we have ‘been deceived’ by other beings that ‘want to control us’ and that there’s information being ‘suppressed’ that could in fact ‘change our lives’ and whatnot… ehm.. nope.

Isn’t it interesting that all of such so called ‘undisclosed information’ is precisely directed to people that could have directed their time, focus, attention and awareness to actually break through their own mind-control and instead, easily fall-allow (follow) information presented as ‘occult knowledge’ that somehow – apparently – will suddenly change the way that we live in this world, or that will open up possibilities for us to go and live somewhere else in the solar system and be happily forever after in abundance!…

Bottom line is that this question isn’t really about whether this information is true or not, but who we are within ourselves to be following all of that information in the ‘Hope’ of something better coming our way, something, somehow having this planet as an external heaven aside from earth that we can go to once that we’ve devastated, scavenged and trashed this Earth completely.

What does it say about ourselves when we are diligently living the word ‘dedication’ to focus on knowledge and information that is an attempt to ‘find a cure’, ‘find a habitable planet,’ ‘find a savior’ or ‘expecting great changes from the world system soon!’ and be left waiting for years and years while remaining completely inactive to even dare to actively work on dare even question one’s own very thinking processes that have led to the creation of the Problems in the first place, that we are trying to ‘sort out’ with all kinds of magical solutions and ‘occult knowledge’ that we believe has been ‘suppressed’ to ‘save humanity…’

The real question is who are we within our starting point of seeking all kinds of knowledge, cures, solutions ‘out there’ for the problems that we have created by our own thoughts, with our own hands and lives throughout generations? Who are we in perceiving that ‘we are being deceived’ because of not having the full disclosure of the shape of the Earth or ‘life in other planets’ I mean… how relevant is it, really, for who we are on a daily basis in our lives here on Earth?

 

The whole starting point of this ‘search’ and focus on this kind of information reveals ‘who we are’ in such dedication isn’t it? That I leave to each one to reveal to themselves –  however it does take a decision within oneself to stop indulging in all kinds of information from the starting point of finding ‘a solution’ out there, somewhere, separate from ourselves yet suddenly being ‘uncovered’ for us to just step into it and live happily ever after. Really?

I’ve been there and done that when it comes to diving into all kinds of information that I believed had some relevance to my life, only to now confirm that it doesn’t, you are only aware of many levels of deception and that’s it, lol, still it’s all a bunch of lies that becomes pointless to find ‘truths’ in, from my perspective. It can be never ending to get to ‘know it all’ when it comes to this kind of information out there and the reality is that it’s worked really, really well for the people that actually want to maintain a certain form of control over many individuals by grasping people’s attention with this kind of ‘hidden information’ and keeping everyone hoping for some saving-solution to just be delivered on Earth. Of course no responsibility whatsoever is existent in this equation

The reality is that whatever makes it ‘out there’ and becomes popular, what do you know? It’s not really threatening the system, it’s there for a reason and a lot of people fall for it believing they are getting ‘somewhere’ in completing the puzzle that has been deliberately created to scatter ‘bits of truth’ mixed with a whole lot of myths and voilà, there you have an endless pit of ‘truths’ for people to investigate and cross-reference with, again, a limited view, from a limited tool to understand reality, which is our mind as it currently exists in our physical bodies.

What I had to get honest with myself and realize in terms of being ‘hooked’ on all of this information is that I wasn’t really living ‘my life’ and focusing on myself, my own self-awareness of my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, my own self-creation, I was only focused on watching or rather spending time binging on videos non-stop believing I was getting some kind of ‘greater than life’ awareness on something that I thought at the time could lead somewhere, could be relevant in any way – only to then have to realize the obvious: I was using all of that information as a distraction from myself, a way to hide from focusing on who I was creating myself in my life, what I was in fact going to be doing, living, expanding on and developing for myself as a being, as well as continuing to investigate myself, my mind in order to change all of the things that I’ve known have been compromising myself, including this particular time, attention and breaths of life given to endless hours  of information that truly can be resumed in one sentence: there’s deception Everywhere! And the sources is… Ourselves.

So, the last point here is then, why are we then focusing on trying to find ‘truths’ out there believing that something or someone is ‘suppressing’ such information because it holds a ‘key’ to people’s liberation or betterment or ‘infinite happiness’ forevermore? It only indicates one thing about ourselves: we are very dedicated, very quick to be diligent in absorbing all kinds of information – including the Desteni material – but are we actually willing to apply it, test it out for ourselves, live it on a daily basis and see how it actually works for the intended purpose of actual living-change?

There’s one proof of where one can be in one’s process: if one is still very concerned with seeking ‘truths out there’ about alien life, ‘newly discovered planets’ or waiting for some so-called ‘elite families’ to suddenly release some gazillion dollars to each person in this world…. It only indicates the kind of person we are being within following the carrot on the stick and falling for it completely. It says a lot about ourselves when our starting point to get informed is in fact coming from wanting to ‘find a cure’, ‘be saved,’ be economically relieved in one go,’ or ‘seek punishment’ to those that we believe ‘are the problem’ in this world – like the elites, governments and whatnot. Come on, we really have to grow up from this conspiracy-theory phase and I include myself in this because I do check out information by some people that explain a lot of ‘unknown facts’ about the very ‘culture’ that we have been living in, that I grew up on and shaped a lot of my personality, which I’ve written a blog about in order to not get hooked on an ‘intellectual arrogance’ instead of investigating all things and keep what’s useful and best.

The outcome of that was being honest with me and realizing ‘how can I be so amazed by this information considering that I have been aware of self-deception since the beginning of existence, so how can I assume that there has been anything ‘genuine’ in this world to begin with!? Not a single thought is a ‘genuine’ expression of ourselves, yet we follow them, we believe them, we don’t even know how it manifests in our heads but we are so quick to believe it and trust it.

The same we do of course to anything out there that we’ve created as ‘an authority’ of sorts in our heads – and that’s what’s completely questionable about ourselves, where we go into blindly following and believing and making conclusions based on these limited resources obtained through a limited perception of another human being in their own minds, yet we make those truths as ‘completely real’ because ‘many people are saying the same, therefore it must be real, it must be true!’

I definitely suggest to question that conclusion, completely, and rather take of knowledge that which you can prove, live, test, try out, ‘repeat and rinse’ for yourself in your everyday living without any further tools other than yourself in your own body, your mind, your awareness and your daily responsibilities and self-creation process, that’s our truth, that’s what’s here for us to develop our own science of change and actually apply everything that we get to hear from any source, any person, any ‘media outlet’ or ‘authority’ that we have designated some sort of omni-power in our minds.

That’s how deception starts and ends within ourselves, because the moment that we make knowledge something applicable, it ceases to be only knowledge and information, it becomes a practical realization for our lives, our bodies, our doings in our everyday living. Ultimately it’s all about self-responsibility and we are the only ones that can define this for ourselves: do we invest our time, breath of life and awareness in investigating so-called ‘truths’ that are apparently a million light years away or do we first begin to understand the very basic ‘traits’ and personalities and reactions and emotions and habits and memories that we are existing as and keeping ourselves in fact separate from life because of not being willing to start focusing on investigating ourselves, our own minds, our own lives!?

I would finally suggest to anyone that can be investigating things ‘out there’ and diving into the rabbit hole of endless information, to ask yourself if you’ve invested the same amount of time, attention, focus and dedication to investigate yourself, your life, how your memories have an impact on you, what makes you react, why you react, to what do you react, what are you fearing to do in your life, what is stopping you from doing what is most supportive for your life? And the list could go on and on… all that is required is a will to focus ‘back to self’ instead of diverting our attention into gazillion of ‘truths’ out there, up to each one, I stand with the basics of course: self-honesty, self-awareness, self-responsibility and practical application of what I become aware of on a daily basis.

Ultimately always can ask yourself how this information can assist you in taking responsibility for yourself and your life, ask yourself if what you are getting to know about has any actual impact on you to become a person of integrity, to develop self-honesty and common sense?

‘The truth will set you free’ it is said, but no one indicated that this ‘truth’ wasn’t necessarily to be sought ‘out there,’ but instead getting to see and know the truth within ourselves, who we really are and what we can in fact do to change our lives to honor life and take responsibility of our thoughts, words and deeds as our creations in this world – it’s all here, as ourselves, we decide.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested series to assist yourself in clarifying the starting point of a lot of ‘truth seeking’:

•  Heart of Matter Series

• Untold Story of Heaven and Earth

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE

• Free Online DIP Lite Course

• School Of Ultimate Living | Facebook

• EQAFE.Com : SELF Education and SELF Awareness Store

• 7 Year Journey To Life Process : People Sharing their Processes of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction

• Get Real with Cerise & Joe

• Desteni Radio

• Desteni Articles

• Destonians

• Desteni I Process

• Agreement/Redefining Relationship Course

• Desteni Forum : Discuss and share with us

• Desteni Wiki

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399. What is Missing in this World for Real Change?

The Necessity of Living by Principles

Throughout these past 6 and a half years I have embarked myself to understand more about the reality that I live in and that I most certainly was blinded from to be able to understand. Looking back and ‘putting the pieces together’ many of us – if not everyone and some simply don’t like to give ‘much thought’ into it – actually KNOW there is something profoundly wrong or ‘missing’ in our lives and this world. Yes, I also sought answers in some greater purpose, even in some divine and rather metaphysical concepts that I would simply hold on to because it remained as a comfortable lie that I ‘made sense of’ because it was comfortable and really not that challenging either, it was all about waiting and hoping in fact. But, the reality is that this was all the knowledge trap covered at all ‘fronts’ in the reality we live in to not EVER look in the most obvious place, the one that has always been here and that we have blatantly missed while ‘seeking truths’ or ‘seeking ourselves’ out there somewhere else: ourselves.

We are in fact living in a crucial time in our lives where the truth is being revealed behind the Veils to genuinely see the principle that has ruled us all thus far: Evil as the reverse of LIFE. I understand this might be rather an uncomfortable truth but for me it was actually the most supporting thing I could ever do, to be willing to understand that our actual nature as human beings is not that of benevolence, dignity, integrity, solidarity, love or else – and we have the blatant proof of that which is our world which we tend to reduce to a power-hunger game missing out the clue of where it all started in the first place, which is within ourselves, our very nature from which the rest of the world-system as we know it and the way we have enslaved each other to be masters and slaves has in fact emerged from: our own necessity to be controlled and to have such controllers, just because we have abdicated our power all along.

Throughout this process I have worked with – and continue to work on – being able to uncover/dis-cover my true potential that I had sedated and suppressed within personalities, ideas, beliefs of myself of which now I can look back and understand why so many of us still fear to ‘come to the front’ and speak up. Well, for reference of that you can read this blog site you’re on at the moment, I can only briefly say that there’s a massive de-brainwashing to be done in order for us to genuinely start recognizing the Power we all have and yes, ‘power’ as in our ABILITY and CAPACITY to direct ourselves to precisely ‘be the change that we want to see in the world’ which is not a positive-thinking mentality, this IS the Actual Process that it will take for us to genuinely change the foundation of the current ‘world-system’ that we see so ‘far’ from ourselves, not realizing that its very foundation exists/relies and solely exists in the intricacy of every single Though, Emotion and Feeling participation wherein we Allow ourselves to be Governed by the MIND, which is a preprogrammed Consciousness system in which we have only existed as fuzzy-logic survival-mode organic robots from which we have always only learned how to equate our OWN benefit and survival – but never ever learned how to genuinely start consider HOW we affect others with our decisions, our actions, our thoughts.

 

We have beseeched for ‘clues’ for ‘saviors,’ for a ‘good president’ to come and be our MESSiah, well, yes we have gotten ourselves only further down the rabbit hole because we haven’t yet understood one very basic principle: this world wasn’t founded upon the mercy of any god, it is actually ruled by our collective irresponsible ways that have created the reverse of life and as such it is to understand that: Nothing will change unless, I Change, unless We All make a stand and Change within ourselves and so the change in the without will be an outflow of this starting point which is Self-Change.

This is how we bring it all Back to Self and see, ok so what have we been Missing all along? What have we been Dissing all along? Living Principles – look at our culture! It’s plagued with vices, violence, revering death and destruction, consumerism, laziness, apathy, insanity, greed, power, sexual depravity, psychological abuse and the initiation of children to this great Consumerist CULTure wherein we have done everything but learning and fomenting ways of how to Honor ourselves as Living Beings –  that is Nowhere to be found!  not within parental education, in schools, in media, in arts, in politics, in religion, nowhere! Everywhere we have tainted ourselves with the same ILLusions of feelings as benevolence, feeling ‘good’ for doing some charities or believing that to Love Humanity means to ‘wish well’ for everyone, without even realizing why we have had the need to create such words as Love that imply only a fluttering experience in your stomach as a sign that Energy is all that we have in fact become within ourselves and toward another – but not life.

Everywhere I have researched and sought for answers, for a genuine structure of change I only have found further polarized solutions like thinking positively all day and deny ‘all the bad’ in your mind, seeking revenge to ‘the powers that be,’ changing personalities, doing some charity work here and there, be all nice and smiley and hope for better times to come or accept reality ‘as is’…. well, seriously, where are we pretending to get ourselves with that? Nowhere, of course as it’s all based on characters, ideas, self-presentations of ‘who we are’ toward OTHERS and so once again, missing out Who? Ourselves.

We require to have the actual guts and courage to develop some self-honesty along with having a directive structure and understanding of how it is that through one individual making a decision to stand AS and be Consistent and Congruent on the decision to Live by Principles, we become an Actual Revolution in this world, one that has Never existed before because we have always sought ‘solutions’ in the pre-fabricated Hegelian mentality of Thesis-Antithesis and creating the marvelous polarized and prefabricated upgrade of Synthesis. This has been our problem, still thinking within the same MIND-Construct and framework with which we have Created the problems in the same place.

Time to get OUT of the BOX as that’s where the illusion exists, that’s where we are governed by ideas, beliefs, fears, feelings and emotions, history, world-system constructs that we have obediently followed to the T out of fear.

Thinking OUT of the Box implies Living by Principles, doing exactly what you won’t see advertised on the TV, what Isn’t a ‘fashionable trend’ in the media and entertainment,, what would make you feel deeply uncomfortable in the first phases of implementing this as it IS in fact about getting out of our comfort zone, out of the comfort of fears, of resistance to change, or fearing to actually have to step Out of the Box  where we have become obedient slaves and have come to adore as our prison, our own mind – Nothing and no one else but ourselves will cure our Stockholm Syndrome but ourselves.

So, this is why I have decided to walk the process of Living by Principles, where I have come to realize that I must ‘search no further’ for answers, but that the answer exists and resides within me, within the volition to actually become the point of change I sought outside of myself.

Hereby I commit myself to live by the following principles that represent me and many more around the world that have taken this oath to themselves in Equality, as the necessity of recognizing our actual power and so living it for the benefit of everyone in this world and existence, in Equality AS Life.

 

Join us if you agree it’s about time we Think Outside The Box

 

 

The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

1.       Realizing and living my utmost potential

2.       Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3.       Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4.       Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realizing I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I Take Responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5.       Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realizing only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6.       Realizing that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7.       Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be Self Honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8.       With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as I would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9.       Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honor and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10.    Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11.    No one can save you, save yourself – the realization that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12.    Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realize I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realization that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13.    Honoring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of Earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14.    Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15.    Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honor, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16.    Realizing that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17.    I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my Living Actions, become a Living Example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realize how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18.    I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this Living World.

19.    Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realizing it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20.    Realizing that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honor, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21.    We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realize this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22.    The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23.    The realization that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

 

 

Investigate who we are as a group of people committed to take responsibility for ourselves and so become the foundation for a new world in Equality.

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278. Judging what’s Best because not Everyone Can Have it

What’s in it for me within judging it?

 

Continuing from: 277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

 

When we speak about standing up for Equality, it is not only a common sensical decision and self agreement to affiliate ourselves with a viable solution to change the course of the future of humanity, this process of realizing what it means to stand up for equality imply a profound self-investigation to understand the patterns that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live-out that lead us to the current state of extreme inequality that we are living in in this world. We often forget or don’t consider that such inequality is not only a ‘flawed system’s result,’ but it is actually the consequential outflow of having become and embody personalities and characters that oppose each other, becoming seemingly incapable of getting to an agreement.

The fact is that within this, we will all have to work together and no matter what kind of slightest ‘out of character’ self experience exists when we are standing up for what’s best for all, it must be walked through and dissected through a process of self investigation through writing, applying Self-Forgiveness  in Self Honesty , because we understand that any discrepancy that is experienced with regards to the facts that contribute to a life for all, implies that one is playing out/ living out a certain pattern that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist-as, what’s best for all.

 

The usual disagreements created when proposing a new living system can only exist when there are personalities as the ego coming up. This has existed within me as a judgmental experience when having to ‘sell’ what’s best for all, which is also another way that I have used to create a point of uniqueness/specialness when standing ‘outside of the majority’ and as such, when having to ‘play the game’ of the majority, this personality is threatened, because I have to play everyone’s game now, judging the majority at all times and the majority’s ways in which this world has only been motivated through positive reward – a.k.a. money. But, this is what we have limited ourselves to define as ‘rewards’ currently, because that’s all we’ve learned to place value upon.

 

Therefore I understand that one has to walk-with/at the pace of the majority in order to step by step get to a point to understand the real-rewards existent as an inherent outflow of establishing a that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. Everything that has gone before me are the direct influences of my existence in such a way: the family lineage, the ancestors and all of those who have gone before me of which I represent this current ‘version’ of a human being that sees common sense, understands world-wide organization that will be based in the physical-tangible and mathematical outcomes that can be established when stopping working on fallacy-values like our current financial system, and start working together to rehabilitate the relationship with ourselves, our own mind that is the one aspect of ourselves that we have blindly followed through with without assessing what are the actual consequential outflows from living ‘as the mind’ only, because we have never known anything else other than ‘who we are as the mind.’

 

Thus, I realize that we have to take small steps at a time when understanding the current world problem that we’re facing, wherein we all known how ‘flawed’ it is, but within understanding the origin of such flaw within ourselves, there is no longer someone left to blame other than each one of us looking within ourselves to see where and how we have in any way prevented ourselves from establishing What’s Best for All, and sometimes, bizarre stuff can come up with this.

When reviewing the point of ‘finding it hard to accept rewards’ it is something that at a conscious level people would define as ‘benevolent’ like ‘She cares so much that she cannot fathom being rewarded in any greedy way’ or at least I can see this within myself it exists as a projected judgment that I could expect to obtain as a result of my perceived ‘benevolent self’ – However, at Desteni we’re educating ourselves about how the mind works and as such, we cannot draw quick conclusions about it and keep the positive aspect of it intact. This is one single aspect of this construct, and a masquerade that it’s relatively easy to find when we understand how any point of benevolence actually stems from the negative at all times.

 

So, when finding out some of the actual origin points of this, I realized that I can only resist something if I fear letting go another, and because fearing is just an excuse to hold a certain idea of myself in this case, I can only conclude that such thing I am holding onto must be perceived as ‘positive’ within my mind, and as such when facing the threat of actually no longer having to ‘play out’ such personality, in my mind I see such personality/ego point threatened.

 

Now, in my case the ‘positive’ point was not within the realms of ‘wanting more/ seeking for more’ but instead quite the opposite and being rewarded by it. This can be read in the blog:

208. Doing Good as Positive Credit-Rewards

And this is part of an entire series of blogs wherein I described the positive experience linked to ‘doing good’ specifically when it comes to ‘changing the world,’ but in my way, which meant doing good ‘for others’ and for the ‘greatness’ of it and as such, miss out the entire point of doing it for myself first and ensure that my starting point is of actual self-equality realization not just ‘doing good.’ – in other words this means placing myself within such beneficial outflow.

 

There’s a character within this wherein I consider I am comfortable with speaking all about all the points that I have essentially judged within others and myself as bad/negative such as humanity’s inherent greed, corruption, abuse, all forms of problems and more ‘uncomfortable truths,’ and as such linked my ‘positive experience’ to this type activities of what I can call a humbleness and belittling wherein I believed that I can ‘live with the least’ and ‘refuse luxuries’ and ‘spend very little money’ and creating a positive experience out of it, to make it seem as if this is a cool thing to do, which lead me to obviously judge everyone around me that certainly have money and spend it in all forms of things that ‘make them happy’ and that I judged as vain/ hypocritical/ bad and all that negative type of connotations around that which points out greed as an abuse.  However, I have also realized how I would really not want to live with limitations due to money, it is simply not living but surviving.

 

I realize that I have in fact judged happiness, joy, enjoyment and all the positive things in this world through this Eye of the mind within our current world system, wherein Yes, the pursuit of happiness have lead us to this current unsustainable/out of proportion and touch with physical reality system. However as anything: it is not that ‘happiness’ is something ‘bad’ in itself, it is simply the Ways and Means that we have used to create it that are the problem.

 

Hereby it is to understand that I am only refusing the current idea/perception of what Rewards are according to what I have described in the previous blog as capitalist-consumerist tricks that are just pushing for further consumption/ profit and greed. However the Rewards we are talking about within the Equal Money Capitalism are actually outflows of having a system working in a mint condition, thus this would not imply that such rewards will be created to make people ‘want more’ or as a form of ‘retribution’ but instead a single outflow and outcome of giving and receiving in Equality, which is and should not be regarded as something positive or negative, but just considered within physical laws that exist without the ‘power charge’ of who we are as the mind that tends to polarize everything within a black and white scope, a positive and negative because this is what generates the opportunities to create inner conflict and as such, benefit the mind with resourcing such energy for the existence of the mind.

 

I realize that who I am as the mind has contributed to keep the definitions well in place when it comes to what’s positive and negative and as such build myself around these self-definitions, which is again only existent as knowledge and information that we eventually embody for whatever reason we can find in our minds to do that.

 

Thus, the form of self definition that I’ve grown up with in order to create a form of righteousness is like ‘I am better than others because I do see common sense/ I am not greedy/ I refuse luxuries’ – however it is truly only a self-belief and actual righteousness of the mind, because I have certainly not refused all luxuries, I cannot claim I have never been greedy in my life and I certainly wasn’t fully accepting the common sense of the rewards that we can implement to actually better the lives of all living beings in this world.

 

This righteousness is mind defined as a particular character wherein I believe myself to be ‘right’ and ‘better’ because I create some empathy with that which is Real as the actual reality/people/circumstances where real suffering exist, wherein I am almost ‘proud’ of myself of living in constant worry and concern about the world/ ecosystem/pollution which has obviously only served as a crutch for me to again feel that I am ‘more real/ on the real side of reality’ without realizing how within this ‘affiliation’ to the ‘reality’ of this world I have only remained within the aspect of pointing out the problem, wanting others to react with the same worry/ concern suffering as myself in order to instigate change, which can support to open up our eyes, yes, but it certainly cannot remain as one single aspect that I hold on to and refuse to look at the ‘brighter side’ within this. It is in fact me defining the negative as the light-less and the positive and good as the ‘light’ that is causing this current conflict, which now I see begins within myself.

 

Another aspect is how within only ‘pointing out the problem’ we remain within the same constrains of ourselves as the mind and the system in general and that’s it, that’s how the real challenge is proposing solutions and the rewards that are not an ‘extra’ thing but a simple outflow of beginning to do what’s best for all. It can only be a mind possession to refuse or create any form of dissonance toward creating real solutions in this world, lol, a real mental-problem for sure that I have existed as without being able to See it, because to me this was ‘right’ and the ‘correct way’ to exist.

 

Why? because within this, it is the ‘compassionate/righteous’ character I’ve become that would lose this point of specialty as the ‘considerate one’ toward those that suffer that would have to cease to exist when there is no one else to feel compassionate for in a world wherein everyone is equally supported. Here we can also spot how charity-makers become addicted to ‘giving charity’ as a self-definition wherein if no one else requires ‘charity’ because everyone gets equal access to what they require to live = we stop requiring ‘charity givers’ that have usually created a positive experience within themselves through ‘giving to the needy ones’ which requires the existence of ‘needy ones’ to exist in the first place = absolute cycle of abuse sugar coated as benevolence.

 

So obviously, I could only create a resistance at a mind-level toward that which is best for all in the physical, as the physical conditions and rewards that we can give to each other , an actual possession I’d say, because it is certainly not common sensical to create a resistance or rejection toward that which will better living beings’ lives – thus, it is only the ‘who I am’ as the idea/belief of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be can create such negative experiences toward rewards.

 

This is the actual cool self-exploration to finally open up a point and investigate it in its totality, because this was certainly only existent like this ‘experience’ within me that I described as a ‘lock’ and resistance which can only exist if our self-definition is threatened in one way or another.

 

This is probably something that happens to many people, which is becoming hooked on misery/ negativity/ pessimism as self definition, wherein we don’t dare to actually see how life can in fact be if everyone is equally supported because of various factors that I will continue sharing within these blogs. These include patterns of humbleness as an experience of sacrifice in the mind, martyrdom, belittling, punishment, guilt, unworthiness and so forth. I see that this underlying experience is what is preventing me from truly embodying what’s best for all, because in this self-diminishment and affiliation toward the problem, one ‘cannot see the solutions’ just because that would imply stopping the personality that thrives in that constant self destruction/ impossibilities/ negativity that is not even existent at a thought level that could be spotted as ‘negative,’ but as an experience that becomes like a ‘lock’ for us to actually not see and realize that we can In Fact be and become what’s best for all within ourselves, accepting our Living-Equality within is the first aspect. And that is a process.

To be continued…

 

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