Tag Archives: self process

481. Living Emptiness

Or how to practically create and live the word emptiness as a result of first processing the ‘mental garbage’ in us

There are times when I have experienced myself to be very busy developing a constant ‘thought’ in my mind about something and it becomes like a form of mental-mosquito that eventually can escalate to full blown experiences at an energetic level in my body that I could have prevented if I had worked on these thoughts from the get go, from the very first times they started emerging.

What do I mean with ‘working on these thoughts’? It’s a physical doing first by deciding to write out about those thoughts and experiences in order to begin a self-investigation process where I can become my own ‘personal detective’ so to speak and ask the questions that we seem to elude whenever we are only up there in our heads Thinking about something, giving it our attention but not really questioning ‘who we are’ behind these thoughts, what part of ourselves is invested in those thoughts or experiences.  

The Questions can be something like ‘What is this thought representing about myself? What is this thought that I am giving attention to leading myself? Where do I intend to get to with it or get from it? In which way is it moving me? What am I intending to gain in self-interest with it? What do I fear? What am I desiring? And then writing out the actual reality of myself in relation to these questions to see ‘who am I’ in relation to these seemingly immovable thoughts. This is also the process to find our starting point/who we are behind those thoughts or experiences.

Self-investigation is the key to create clarity whenever we see ourselves going around in circles about a particular thought or experience. However, I’ve also experienced what it is to forget about ‘The Basics’ – as in writing, writing self-forgiveness and seeing where my responsibility exists as the creator of these experiences in me – and I want to jump into a state of clarity, of ‘emptiness’ right away, as ‘per magic ‘which becomes a form of suppression really where I believe that If I am able to simply live the word ‘emptiness’ or ‘quietness’ or ‘calm’ then everything will be just fine. But, nope, it doesn’t work like that for me.

I’ve shared in a previous blog about meditation how seeking peace, calm, quiet, stability without addressing and opening up the cause that created a stir within us and see who we are in relation to these thoughts ourselves,  lead us to create a quick fix that may create a form of momentary stability, but it is not genuinely making peace with the thoughts as in understanding those thoughts or experiences as part of our creation, as a part of ourselves that we require to align and correct.

Therefore whenever I see myself desiring to be quiet, empty and wanting to just impose this word as an experience of silence, quietness, calm or stability –I’ve instead decided to see this word or the desire to be ‘empty’ as an indication word which means, whenever I desire emptiness I have to create such ‘emptiness’ myself through first sorting myself out in relation to the disturbance, the reactions, the thoughts, the constant experiences and opening it all up, writing it out, exposing and explaining these thoughts or experiences to myself to understand the reasoning behind these reactions I am having throughout my day/days – or sometimes even weeks which can happen if we don’t actually deal with something through self-investigation.

Through sitting down with myself to write about these mosquito-thoughts and experiences in order to understand how I came to create them, what they are representing for myself in this moment of my life, what they are revealing about myself as aspects that I have to process, to work on, to align within myself, I create an opportunity instead to actively decide ‘who am I’ in relation to that which my thoughts or experiences are all about, I have to decide who do I decide to be in relation to that something or someone and direct myself in relation to it. This desire to ‘be empty’ is an indication that there are points I’ve kept ‘on hold’ within me without directing them, practically dealing with them and working with them.

Therefore what creates the desire in me to be empty, is precisely having many points or one single point, but a constant one, popping into my awareness and me continuing to ‘leave it for later’ or ignore it, hoping it will go away. Nope, doesn’t work like that with our minds: if something is here for us to look at, then we have to give it attention, take it on through self-investigation and do the necessary work it takes to lay out solutions to change it within ourselves, to change that part of ourselves in order to create then an actual ‘emptiness’ within us, as in having gone through the necessary ‘processing’ in self-awareness about those thoughts or experiences.

Here then ‘emptiness’ as a living word is more of a ‘process word’ or an indication word where I have to start processing, looking at, opening up, writing about and taking responsibility for something within me that I have been accumulating for some time and requires my attention, otherwise it won’t go away by itself.

This way, becoming ‘empty’ as a point of stability, calmness, hereness/presence, comfort within ourselves emerges after we have calmed our own inner storms through the tools of writing, self forgiveness, and applying the corrective applications for those thoughts or experiences in our daily lives and then, practice living these solutions every single time from then on that the same thoughts or experience emerges again within us.

It is about creating inner-peace through actively first dealing with, directing, taking responsibility for our thoughts and experiences that created such instability, confusion, anxiety, depression, nervousness, inner conflict or plain ‘stuffed mind’ rushing here and there with thoughts, instead of wishfully thinking that it will go away by itself. This ‘emptiness’ as a result process of doing all of this becomes something very real, palpable and completely possible the more that we stand in self-awareness within ourselves and direct our minds in common sense to direct who we are in those moments of fleeting experiences, of having these continuous mosquito-thoughts.

One could even consider that living this process and so creating this ‘emptiness’ within us can be a form of continuous meditation, where we then develop our stand in our being, in our minds and bodies to the level where we are more aware of our thoughts, our inner movements which then enables us to make decisions based on what is common sensical and self-responsible to do, no longer dictated by an energetic experience within us, but by the principles that are supportive for our lives and that of others.

There is no quick fix to ‘become empty’ as in having some memories or aspects of ourselves ‘fixed’ by a magic wand, there is no way to simply ‘click delete’ and have those experiences or continuous thoughts be gone forever, it is a constant work and redirection, it is a very real and active way to create one’s own stability, emptiness, clarity, calm or even ‘inner peace’ if you want to call it that, it’s a continuous living of corrections that anchors oneself in our physical bodies which represent that constancy and consistency that we disrupt and shake up whenever we go into our minds.

So, consider it for yourself next time that you see yourself wanting to just ‘be empty’ or ‘be calm’ or ‘be at ease and peace’ – stop for a moment and realize that only desiring a ‘peaceful experience’ is not the solution, this word ‘emptiness’ or ‘wanting peace’ is indicating there’s action required, there’s self-work to be done, so get yourself to do the necessary processing and see for yourself the results.

Thanks for reading.

 

Living Emptiness

 

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424. The Importance of Resolve

 

Sometimes we embark ourselves in a decision to change something about ourselves, to stop a particular abusive pattern, to align an aspect of our behavior or to cut ties with particular relationships, however what tends to happen is that we’re not entirely successful with this endeavor if we are missing a key ingredient to make it work: resolution.

 

 

This came up as I was writing on a personal matter that has ‘haunted’ me in my dreams for a long time now in relation to a specific past relationship in my past,  and I have been throughout time applying self forgiveness on the various aspects that mostly come up in dreams and I have wondered: but why is this STILL coming up? Isn’t it sufficient to have walked on this point for over seven years whenever the same comes up? And so I was looking at the word that I was missing, a clue on what I wasn’t fully considering in this process applied to this particular past relationship and the word is Resolve – and as I was reading the definition of course it clicked: I require to have an unwavering, firm, absolute stand in relation to the actual closure of this point within me in my mind and the decision of who I decide to be toward this point in my reality.

What I realized is that I had probably written a lot about it and I understand the reasons why it comes up, but it’s funny that I made it a bit something ‘more than myself’ as if it was something ‘more powerful’ or ‘sticky’ in a way that made me still dream about the same point in various ways and perceive it as something that would take ‘forever’ to let go of  or give closure too, and even speculated on why this point is ‘so strong’ which is not recommended lol, well at least it brings up further points for self forgiveness on other ideas, beliefs, perceptions as the reasons we give ourselves to make the point ‘more than us.’ However, as I was reading the definition of resolution, it all clicked, the simplicity of the solution was in fact in the word resolution: I realized that I had in fact left some kind of ‘open back door’ in my mind wherein I could still in some unconscious way ‘leave a possibility open’ for me to still hold on/cherish these memories just for the ‘benefit of it’ due to the value that I had given to that relationship specifically when it comes to the starting point of such relationship and what I believe ‘it gave me’ which was related to in this case, a perception of getting ‘acceptance’ and ‘worth’ from another, which were words I hadn’t lived as myself then.

So, what am I really missing then here which is what I will now commit to live as myself around this point? Resolution, which is giving an actual closure, having the resolve means having the firm and unwavering  stand and decision to fully let go and fully stop participating in entertaining the memories around this point, which I have actually been working on these past months since I wrote the blog on: 416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients – however I do recognize that specifically on this topic, there hasn’t been like an absolute, full resolution to stop all attempts of me in my mind going back again on the subject, which even shows up in dreams at times.  This will be then a process of being fully diligent with not entertaining the same point, not ‘feeding’ it even by associating places, things, colors to that same construct of that part of my past which I’ve defined as ‘haunting’ which of course is not that it is ‘haunting me’ but rather how I have entertained it/ fed it for far too long even if the actual relationship is no longer part of my life.

I have to stand in full resolve to do this, there is no ‘middle way’ here and in a way I’ve seen this as the ‘toughest’ point thus far because it seems to ‘still be there’ no matter how much I have written about it – but I do fully see that it will take absolute discipline to stop revamping memories and experiences for my ‘personal consumption’ in a literal manner.

 

 

resolve

  verb

1  settle or find a solution to. Medicine cause (a symptom or condition) to heal or disappear.

2  a firm decision. a formal expression of opinion or intention agreed on.

3  Music cause (a discord) to pass into a concord during the course of harmonic change.

4  (resolve something into) reduce a subject or statement by mental analysis into (separate elements or a more elementary form). chiefly Chemistry separate into constituent parts or components.

5  (of something seen at a distance) turn into a different form when seen more clearly. (of optical or photographic equipment) separate or distinguish between (closely adjacent objects). technical separately distinguish (peaks in a graph or spectrum).

6  Physics analyse (a force or velocity) into components acting in particular directions.

  noun

1  firm determination.

 

 

 

ORIGIN

          Middle English (in the senses ‘dissolve, disintegrate’ and ‘solve a problem’): from Latin resolvere, from re- (expressing intensive force) + solvere ‘loosen’.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply ‘full resolve’ to some points in my life, but those toward which I had built a ‘sentimental attachment’ then believe that I can somehow ‘leave around’ in the back of my head as if they were really ‘a part of me,’ instead of realizing that it is in those points that I keep myself ‘locked’ into aspects of myself as ‘my past’ that have no space in my current reality other than in my mind – therefore, I see that the moment that I allow myself to go into one single moment of ‘acceptance and allowance’ and/or indulgence of memories, thoughts, experiences, links to that one point in my past as memories, I reactivate the whole construct once again. Thus,

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that this point was ‘more than myself’ because it had come up over and over again and even in dreams, not realizing that even if I was writing it all out, I recognize that I am not yet living this absolute resolve to change this one point specifically in ALL dimensions, including the obvious tendency to still ‘give into’ the memory in dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet be fully diligent and stand in equal resolution to who I am when awake in my dreams, because I have defined in an unconscious way dreams to be the ‘last memory bastion’ wherein I could still have ‘my enjoyment’ about things, people, experiences that are no longer here in my reality – thus I realize that I have to fully let go of this false ‘enjoyment’ in dreams and realize that every moment that I indulge even in dreams around the same point, I make it part of my reality again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still ‘indulge’ into memories and experiences around this particular point in my life through dreams and even more so to want to keep sleeping whenever this point emerges in my dreams, instead of realizing that it is because I haven’t fully made  a decision to not participate in anything that has to do with this one point that the dreams occur as the obvious reflection of my suppression around it, of the denial of myself still wanting to ‘keep’ this point in my mind and believing that ‘I got it all under control’… but this is not really about ‘control’ but being willing to absolutely stop participating in memories, links, thoughts, experiences, dreams and any sort of nostalgia of the past around this particular point.

I realize that it is not that the point has ‘kept me locked’ but that I have been the one giving all of this energy and resistance to it throughout a long time and because I haven’t been absolutely living the resolution to stop it, it’s been a recurrent dream, a recurrent point in my mind-reality which of course has nothing to do with who I am here in physical reality any longer.

 

I commit myself to fully stop all thoughts, all memories, all experiences, all yearnings around this point. This is it and I’ll be the one knowing how effective I am in this stance and resolution on this point, as I realize that I am the only one that creates the haunting , not ‘the point’ itself.

 

 

So it’s interesting that in order to give resolution to something, to ‘solve it’ is to actually loosen it, to let go of it with a firm and unwavering decision to actually do so, to live that decision in every moment that I see I slack on the same point and allow myself to ‘wander’ around it again. I realize that resolution is what I require to apply within me as an absolute stance of who I decide to be if I am already now witnessing what happens when I don’t have an absolute resolve around stopping something within me. Thus, it’s a matter of absolutely just doing it, living it – but not allow just ‘bits’ here and there as that one single ‘bit’ of indulgence reactivates the whole construct once again, I make it part of myself, of my moment here which has nothing to do with myself and my reality any longer – it’s just memories that I have given fuel and importance to, that I have fed with energy to continue defining me according to ‘my past’ which doesn’t make any sense at all because this process is not about ‘fixing my past’ but changing who I am in relation to it.

 

So hereby I establish how in order to resolve something that I haven’t been ‘solving’ in an effective manner, is to check my resolution on stopping/changing or aligning myself in relation to that particular point I want to change/stop and align in my life. So simple, yet as it is said: the devil is in the details.

 

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Watch:

Desteni Movie Night – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Read:

Day 56: Letting Go of an Old Flame

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


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