Tag Archives: self sabotage

189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination

Consequences – Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and irritation toward myself and ‘the world’ because of my own procrastination and within this, having ‘wasted’ the time that I had when I had it to do this properly and instead, having to now rush things to make them ‘work’  – however I see and realize that I must be very aware of not going into a rushing state wherein I end up doing things just to ‘get them done’ and forgetting about realizing that each thing that I commit myself to do  requires the exact same amount of self-awareness here as breath to do it, and within this, committing myself to not just ‘get things done’ and get the ‘obstacle’ out of the way – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate my life to ‘getting things done’ and seeing the tasks and points that require direction as simple ‘points’ that I have to simply ‘get done and over with it’ without realizing that in this attitude toward my tasks and projects, I am in fact missing out the entire point of the task/ project in itself, which is actually an opportunity for me to slow down, stop seeing life as this series of projects and assignments and instead support me to realize that each and every single task I commit myself to I can take on as long as I am here as breath directing myself in every moment and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the consequential outflow of me now having more tasks to do and having ‘wasted the time’ before, I will have to simply be more strict with myself and my time frames, as I see and realize that if there is this ‘extra thing’ that I have been procrastinating to do, it must be done as soon as possible – and within this equate all things that I have to do appropriately.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear of ‘oh fuck I’ll be stuck here for another half year’ without realizing that I am not stuck and I created this for myself – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that any point of pressure and rush is created by me and the relationship I created toward moving to another place and finishing school but at the same time not wanting to simply get the whole thing done with the final paper, which I see and realize that the sabotage is only toward myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger toward myself and within this go into a pessimistic attitude toward it because I will not apparently be able to move in another half year, without realizing that if any consequences have to be faced, I will simply have to face them as they are and as long as it takes because there is no other way within this when one is subject to processes that I have no control over other than doing my part which is getting this document done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pissed off when things go out of what I have initially considered they would go through/ as,  which implies having created a time frame for some other particular task, without realizing that I should have actually done this one written document long time ago and that it is my responsibility to now ensure that I use every bit of time to get to everything that I have to do, instead of wasting my time getting pissed off and irritated at everything and everyone because of my own dead corpse of procrastination.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience over procrastination as this further anxiety because ‘things are accumulating’ without realizing that I am the only one that is accumulating them as thoughts of what I have to do, instead of just doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame others for the decisions made and try and project my own anger and frustration toward me due to not having done the things that I had agreed to do a long time ago.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated because of having had music again the whole fucking day yesterday, wherein I go into a powerless mode because of not being able to go and shut people up so that I can have my peace and quietness to be able to write.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste another day and not write because of considering that the music/ noise from neighbors is absolutely irritating and impossible to write when having that constant sound.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated at someone arriving home earlier today and within this fearing that the noise will come through the interview and believe that ‘they should not fucking be here’ which is plain control-freak that wants peace and silence in order to please me and my ideals of having a quiet weekend.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with a bad mood today because of things not going as I expected and within this, get irritated at everything, and everyone without considering that I am only acting out and lashing out my own energetic experience of anger and frustration for the accumulated procrastination toward points in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of things not being done according to how they were planned and agreed to be done, within this becoming inflexible and irritated because ‘things are not going the way that we decided and agreed to do them,’ without realizing that I am simply using this as an excuse to lash out and project my own irritation because of not having planed my life with my reality-responsibilities in order to be prepared and have everything done by now to then be absolutely ready and steadfast for anything that is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately neglect the consequences that I would have to face in real-time reality based on my procrastination to not get this particular scholar task done and within this, having to postpone everything else that I wanted to do for undefined time in order for me to ensure that I can in fact leave with having everything sorted out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my own departure based on my own procrastination due to me wanting to leave but at the same time creating deliberate obstacles in my reality that make it impossible for me to leave, even thought everything else is ready and the one that I am only waiting for is myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at my own deliberate self-sabotage because ‘I knew what I was doing all the way’ and I didn’t stop, which places into perspective the actual Evil that we are and do to ourselves in order to make our lives more complicated simply because of accepting and allowing dishonesty from our side.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss breathing the moment that I simply get knowledge and information as having to ‘rush’ something without considering that any ‘rush’ can only exist as an energetic starting point to do things, which obviously always will carry out a consequences – thus

When and as I see myself rushing to do something and wanting to get it done as fast as possible – I stop and I breathe until I see that I am in fact being here stable and the movement within my physical body is not that of an anxious movement and strain, but is in fact a self-movement here as breath. Within this, realizing that I can only direct one point at a time and that I require to establish a routine that makes it practical and physically possible for me to do every single point every single day – and within this, also not accepting and allowing further manipulation to want to stop doing something to do that other thing, based on preferences or specific values given to one or another task, as I see and realize that that which will become part of my daily schedule, is all equally relevant and important.

 

Within this, I see and realize that the rush that I experienced this morning was because of having an unexpected notice and within this, having my little plans ruined because of believing that I would ‘still have time’ to work on this written project that I have been procrastinating, without realizing that such project should have been done by now and that the only way I will get this done is through simply doing it and stop whining about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of this task this ‘huge’ obstacle in my reality based on and directly proportional to the amount of time I didn’t direct it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the consequences are for myself yes, but also toward everything and all – and that this is actually depending on me and how I am able to stop the energetic experience toward my own procrastination and simply focus on what is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience toward things going ‘out of plan’ without realizing that If I had in fact lived my life according to doing things in the time that I had also ‘planned’ to do, I would not be existing in such an energetic rush and anxiety because this is only the consequential outflow of my own procrastination and deliberate postponement to do things – the consequence is thus me having to simply do all things required without making an experience about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thinking ‘I don’t want to see anyone today’ wherein I am simply wanting to lash out onto people in my reality what I am experiencing within me due to having to face the consequences of what I’ve done, which is unacceptable since that is how I have criticized people as well, when they behave in absolute anger and irritation to people without the other people they are communicating with having anything to do with the person’s mood and personal frustration/ anger/ irritation thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out and be irritated at people in my environment as a way to show and reveal that ‘I am pissed off at myself’ I stop  and I breathe – I realize that this is actually rather foolish and stupid to do since who we are is already the accumulated and manifested consequence of having wasted our lives and time in entertainment and the feel good experiences of the mind which are now here to be faced as the time that I could have used to work on my task/project/ document, instead of now existing as an energetic experience of anger toward ‘the world’ as a way for me to blame and exert my reactions instead of taking responsibility for them, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated by the presence of someone at home when it is supposed to be ‘all quiet and empty’ in order to satisfy my desires to have no noise around me, which has become a rather constant point of desire that I will surely have to get to, because it’s being also the source of anger and irritation because of people constantly playing music in the house or in the neighborhood, which makes it impossible for me to record interviews, but at the same time, I see that it is a point of me wanting to control my environment instead of realizing that I have no possibility of doing that, and that if I want absolute silence I then have to wake up in the middle of the night to have a relative silence around.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at someone cleaning in the house which reveals the absolute nonsensical way of existing as the mind, since I would get pissed off if people do not clean and now I get pissed off because someone is cleaning and ‘making too much noise’ – within this I realize to what extent one can utilize anything, virtually ‘anything’ outside of oneself to blame and project anger toward without a cause but our own self-created experience of anger and irritation that is only existent within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am becoming my father when it comes to being constantly irritated and angry when things are not working ‘my way’ and be an absolute ‘sweet and loving person’ when things are going my way, which reveals the absolute disparity that I am allowing within myself based on the external environment and how it suits my preferences and desires/needs, instead of seeing and realizing how I have to take responsibility for myself and what I have created within me also as these energetic experiences of anger and irritation according to wanting to control my world and having things always working ‘my way’ and within my desired ‘time frame,’ without realizing that I have already imposed too much of myself as self interest toward my day to day living.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another person as a reflection of myself to justify the anger and irritation as something ‘genetic’ without realizing that I also learned from looking at my father how he would go into anger and frustration and further retaliation toward others whenever things would not go his way, within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration as that surge of energy that I am just waiting to lash out on others, so that others can be aware of me being angry and somehow seek some misery-is-company type of words and attitude as a confirmation to me being ‘right’ in getting angry

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my physical body throughout all of this and that I have not been diligent enough with myself in order to be breathing and Here as I direct points and situations, and that missing out on breath and missing out time and space that I could have used to work on my project is simply no longer here and that the only point I can do is giving it direction along with any other commitment  I have agreed upon doing. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get very sleepy as I write this and want to just shut down and go to sleep, without realizing that this is a defense mechanism in order for me to simply not continue realizing that this has been a key-aspect within my reality: how I have become this replica of what I would see my father do and that would actually bother me quite a bit, which is lashing out anger upon others and not taking self-responsibility for it. Thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out my anger toward others and not take responsibility for this single moment of preparing myself to ‘present’ myself in a particular way toward another being – I stop and I breathe  I realize that this is the moment wherein I have to ensure that I sort out and deal with my own reactions through self forgiveness and self corrective application as this is the only way wherein I ensure that I stop the abuse that I’ve imposed on myself as my reactions being passed onto others that certainly have nothing to do with it – and even if they did, I realize that I have to work on the point of not getting angry at them as an energetic experience, but simply point out something in common sense and at all times considering not only my own preferences and considerations, but what is best for all and within this, I realize that I cannot ‘know’ what’s best for all when I am existing in an energetic experience in my mind as within that I will only continue doing that which satisfies my energetic experience which  – as evil as it sounds – is wanting to intimidate and make other feel guilty for whatever reason, without realizing that this is certainly not the way to go, as I am only projecting onto others that which I am doing to myself /as myself.

I breathe – here and walk the points as required within Self Responsibility – I stop the blame and anger projected onto anything and anyone in my reality and assist and support myself instead to realize that there is only one solution to this all: just doing what is required to be done.

 

Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments in the following post.

 

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141. Making it or Breaking it

Stopping the conditions we have imposed to everything that we do, say and think as either positive or negative through aligning ourselves to always do, act, say, think that which is best for all, leading to an equal and one successful outcome not as a positive experience, but as the certainty of what is functional, viable and livable in a consistent and trust worthy manner as a practical system to implement on Earth that benefits all beings equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define everything I do within the polarity of making it or breaking it, where I am reducing what I am in every moment to a chain of events that can only accumulate to create an experience in my mind of being ‘correct’ and ‘incorrect’ as the winning and losing that I I had imposed to that which I do as an automatic thinking of reality and what I do. 

When and as I see myself defining what I do  according to projecting an outcome as either success or failure, winning/losing, being acclaimed/booed, being liked/disliked, praised/abhorred I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment that I immediately create the making it or breaking it projection upon the moment of actually walking a point, is an imposition that can only exist as thoughts in my mind that I can immediately stop –

I commit myself to live the realization that supporting the ideology of making it or breaking as an invisible inherent pattern upon everything that I do, is in fact a dictatorship upon the expression and living realization of something that we decide to practically live and do based on the principles of what is best for all, wherein all that we are will be defined according to an accumulation of thoughts, words and deeds directed to create, be and do that which is best for all at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate beginning with a certain task because of already projecting myself within an outcome of either making it or breaking it, already going as far as thinking that I will fail and that it will be a tedious process to ‘get back up again,’ or ‘making it’ and then feeling a pressure to ‘keep myself up on the top,’ without realizing that both points as the negative and positive are equally deceptive and self-sabotaging, as I see and realize that both standards can only exist in a hierarchical make-believe value that exists because of how we have configured our world and society based on the ‘who we are’ as our mind, valuing knowledge and information, reducing ourselves to only thinking-machines instead of considering life within everything that we do, which means we would not require to even have such standards as ‘making it or breaking it’ – but simply directing/ doing something and walking it into completion, with all its necessary fine-tunings, try outs, ‘mistakes’ as ways to see what is functional, what suggested to do/follow through and its improvements directed to an actual general living-improvement for all beings equally.

 

When and as I see myself seeking to get a result in a particular task I am beginning and already future projecting onto a certain outcome as either ‘making it or breaking it,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that both polarities stand as points of conflict in and as the parameters of a mind within winning and losing as positive and negative experiences. Thus I direct myself to stop all polarities as expectations of making it or breaking it when working on a particular project, as I realize that working within the starting point of what is best for all implies that there cannot be a success or a failure but simply effective and non effective/ not practical ways to do something. Within this

 

I commit myself to stop all polarities imprinted within the very words as values that indicate a success or a failure as these are words that support the creation of an experience as positivity and negativity upon our words, thoughts and deeds as things that accumulate to either make us a winner or a loser. I realize that when living through and as the principle of what is best for all, one cannot define what we do within the same old parameters that have created this entire world as a winning and losing arena, but instead look at thoughts, words and deeds as the reflection of ourselves and how we are able to direct ourselves to create, develop and promote what is best for all, which is how all can equally benefit from everyone’s thoughts, words and deeds and as such, create an actual living ground for all other living beings on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I had created a measuring point of winning and losing/ being successful or a failure within everything that I do, going into a point of frustration as negativity if things ‘don’t go my way’ and generating the opposite experience as positivity if I am able to ‘do things my way,’ which means that I had defined my own mind-dictatorship upon reality as something that I could manipulate to suit me or not at mind level, without realizing that: when working, living, breathing and existing from/ as the starting point of equality and oneness here as Life, there is no need to create either a positive or negative experience out of an outcome/ result of an application based on the principle of what’s best for all, as I see that a positive experience supports the same hierarchical system of values as this world system wherein for something to be successful in the current terms of how this word exists, others have to deliberately lose/ have a negative experience and not ‘making it’ – thus

 

When and as I see myself measuring myself as my activities and projects according to winning and losing, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am imposing  a mind hierarchy upon my every-day living participation, which is in fact being a dictator upon my reality which is what must be realized as such in order to understand that I do not require to Think or create an experience upon my daily tasks, projects and future practical planning, instead of going into suppression of the positive and negative through only wanting to expect to ‘win’ at all times.

 

I commit myself to change the starting point of everything that I do/make, say, think to always consider what is best for all, wherein the necessary actions and decisions are made to ensure that such principle is lived and is practically functional within such projects/ future plans, as I see and realize that it is only through setting an equal value to all and everything that we do as equally ‘important’ that we can stop looking at our own thoughts, words and deeds as tools to earn money/ lose money as winning or losing, as the positive and negative experience that we have conditioned ourselves to when living in a world where life is not unconditionally supported, but instead made a business that we all ‘strive to’ be a part of for our own personal benefit – instead, we change the starting point so that we are always educating ourselves, doing, thinking and projecting only that which is best for all, as there will be no more ‘rewards’ that can create a sense of success above others, but only create at all times that which will have an impact to better the lives of all beings on Earth.

 

I realize that in an equality system, everything will be measured according to the ability and capability of a point being practical, livable, trustworthy in its application as that which will produce a result that is constantly and continuously best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that creating an experience out of a basic practical activities is enslaving ourselves to always expect either a reward as the positive experience or a ‘loss’ as negative experience wherein we instead act out of fear of losing instead of acting as the self-directed living principle to support ourselves and others in common sense as doing, saying and living what will be supportive for all life in equality.

When and as I see myself wanting to immediately assess a point of failure and success as an experience to either feel good about myself or bad about what I’ve done, I stop and I breathe, I realize that I was only then considering MY point of satisfaction/ dissatisfaction instead of always ‘keeping in mind’ that I am here to be,do, say and speak that which is best for all beings in Equality.

I realize that the fear of failure and fear to ‘lose’ any position of success stand as the polarity of fear fueling the desire to obtain that ‘glorious’/ positive experience as an external point of motivation to keep going/continue existing just as a mind-pattern that in no way supports Life on Earth, but is only a system of survival wherein no physical-equality measures exist yet, as products, jobs, activities are currently being measured according to the ability to create ‘quality products’ that equate ‘great profit’ – wherein such great quality might stem from an actual job of slave labor.

Thus I commit myself to ensure that as we go creating, building, manufacturing and venturing ourselves to create an equal and one supportive standard for all activities and points to do in this world,  to ensure that all activities/ projects are in fact done through and by the standard of what is best for all, wherein no more useless homework, tasks, projects are wasted time and effort upon, but to actually consider educating children – and adults at this stage as well – to recognize our ability to create/ do/ generate what’s best for all as the inherent starting point of everything we do,  depending on what is available, sustainable and supportive to do and direct, having a best for all impact upon the community/ people/ environment/ beings that will be affected by such decisions and choices made.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having defined all that I’ve done as being living ‘for something’/ to get ‘something/ someone’ as a positive experience in separation of myself, instead of first focusing on me equalizing all activities, all tasks that I do in an equal manner, wherein no task is immediately labeled as either prone to be a ‘winner’ or a ‘loser,’ a ‘success’ or a failure.’

 

When and as I see myself only living to ‘get a result,’ to aim at an objective, to only ‘be productive,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that these are ingrained patterns that I exist as, and as such it is to really be here grounded as breath to not allow ourselves to waver and thinking that something is immediately a success or a failure as a positive or negative outcome  from the get-go, which is actually a self-sabotage point that I stop here to realize that every practical point that we venture ourselves to implement will have its points to correct, its initial flaws and corrections/ fine tunings to make, as this is the first time that we are doing this self-realization living-decision in an existential level in the physical –thus it is to be aware of ourselves not immediately giving up or going ‘overboard’ when having a point that works/ is successful and the same with something that doesn’t initially work/ fails initially, as I see and realize that one could only give up upon these results if one is only interested in winning7 getting something out of it for personal benefit immediately, instead of actually being committed to live and created what is best for all.

 

I see and realize that this is the actual practical way and path required to walk through in order to get something done, wherein everything that we do is not result-driven, and instead considering the actual process of doing so being equally important, as I realize that when we equalize everything and all within who we are and what we do as what’s best for all, there is no need to judge any point or activity as being more/ less than, being a success or a failure as all will be measured according to that which is best for all, that which supports life and within that, only that which is harmful and deliberately detrimental to life will be discontinued as a deliberate decision that is common sensical at all times.

I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System as the basic foundation to create a world in equality, wherein everyone will be supported unconditionally so that we as human beings can focus on developing the best ways and systems that can be implemented on Earth to support life in equality, thus there will be no success or failure, as such points were based mostly on winning/ losing money to live – thus Equal Money is the key to ensure that there is no more positive or negative experiences required from our self-movement in our world, but instead simply focus at all times on doing what is best for all.

 

Join us to walk the process of equalizing ourselves as life in the physical, wherein all conflict/ success created at a mind level is stopped, self forgiven and self-directed to an equal and one outcome wherein life is ensured to be equalized for all beings on Earth.

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