Tag Archives: self value

570. I Matter and Selflessness

Or debunking the notion that ‘I had to suffer’ in order to create a change in the world

selfless

n   adjective concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own.

 

‘I Matter’ came at a timely moment where I had been in a way ‘breaking through’ this very ingrained pattern of ‘being there more for others than myself’ at least in my mind and in my approach to every single moment of my day where, the moment that I stepped out of my usual routine, I got to experience this idea of me possibly doing something ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ because of not doing some usual things that are mostly destined – in my mind and how I would approach it – ‘to and for others’. Now, it wasn’t like I was going to stop doing them altogether, but simply taking some time ‘off’ enabled me to see what kind of fears and judgments emerged in relation to ‘my role towards others’ and seeing that idea of myself as this ‘example for others’ threatened by me not being consistent with something as simple as posting a blog and of course within this context of ‘walking process’ which then makes it more of a mandatory activity or ‘religious habit’ than an actual self-support point, which I definitely challenged throughout that time to see what ‘remains’ of me if I don’t do what I would set myself to do on a daily basis, which I had defined more as ‘doing it for others’ than ‘doing it for myself,’ which is what I am working on redefining and aligning within me.

So, what this enabled me to see is that there is/was a dimension of motivation through this ‘role’ that I took on within myself where I had to be consistent ‘at the eyes of others’ or ‘for others’ or ‘to be an example for others’ and through that, continuing validating myself, continuing to exist in ‘my place in the world’ so to speak defined by what I believe is relevant of my doings ‘towards others/ for others’ only, and that’s what I had to open up in relation to this word ‘selfless’ and how I had lived that word throughout my life.

How I noticed this pattern is also when being in the context of ‘taking some time off’ and at times not being able to fully ‘let go’ of myself and stopping judging the world as ‘unjust or unfair,’ being more concerned with the lack and suffering of others I’d see around me – or what I believe is their suffering – which invariably would affect me at some level as well, and in that going into a slight ‘sinking’ experience of me not doing anything about it which translates into a form of ‘guilt’ and at times ‘shame’ for having the opportunity to take some time off, enjoy myself and let go of my day to day routine for some time which surely enough, not everyone in this world has a luxury to have, however if I continue comparing what I have and what others don’t have every single moment of my day, I’ll only continue torturing myself to death and at the same time this comparison doesn’t sort out a thing in relation to other’s livelihood and reality.

I also got to understand that when I get to have such opportunity to ‘take some time off’ existing in guilt, embarrassment, shame, remorse or any other form of judgment is not going to change other people’s reality and context and instead, I end up affecting myself with constantly seeing ‘everything that’s wrong’ in the world which leads me nowhere in that moment, because I cannot practically ‘change’ people’s livelihood situation such as poverty, misery or suffering by me feeling ‘compassion’ towards them in a form of suffering, guilt or shame. And that’s more or less what had been a constant in my life up to this point, where I believed that I had to be selfless, to fully and totally focus on others and seeing this as a virtue – but is it really?

It is ok to consider others sure and not live only in a ‘me, me, me’ bubble all the time, but not to the extreme of allowing myself to be emotionally affected by others’ lives/experiences and having a twisted belief that ‘I should suffer’ in some way to create a form of again twisted ‘solidarity’ towards them. This practically meant in my mind and life having to avoid self-enjoyment, not giving myself ‘time off’ from my day to day routine, choosing to live at times in quite uncomfortable situations and environments within the belief that ‘If others can live like this, then I should as well’ and believing that through doing this I was being ‘more equal to’ the majority of the world, the ‘reality’ of this world – no different to people that decide to recluse themselves in a monastery and go at times without eating or enduring physical pains in order to reach some kind of ‘holiness.’

All of this is part of the same design and construct of being ‘morally upright’ and believing that I could lead a life to ‘teach others’ how to ‘consider others’ and in that, live an austere life because apparently that would make me ‘holier than thou’ lol – or in my particular construct ‘more equal to others,’ at times renouncing to points of luxury because of perceiving that I’d do more harm than good with them. Anyways, the examples could go on and on within this particular construct and no, it’s not about me going to the opposite extreme now, but surely it is about stopping my own constant judgment and comparison of everything that relates to, in essence, money and the comforts or disadvantages that lacking money brings in a person’s life or my own.

Therefore, I realized how through constantly focusing on others’ needs and constantly seeking out to find the ‘suffering’ in others, the ‘lack’, seeing only ‘the problems,’ I became the problem myself to a certain extent, seeing no way out in this world, seeing only problems, becoming emotionally affected by it and all, without seeing how this is in fact self-interest, because I cannot practically change anyone’s life by suffering ‘with them,’ or by ‘feeling sorry for them’ or commiserating with them, I only keep becoming ‘the problem’ myself by only feeling ‘bad’ about it all but doing nothing for myself, for my own life and through that to that of others in a practical manner.

What does this practically imply? I have to stop recreating and existing in any form of guilt within seeing the systemic problems we have created in this world. Stop existing in a form of ‘depression’, ‘sadness’, ‘shame’ or even ‘anger’ upon witnessing the reality of those that don’t have a comfortable economic position in this world, because my emotions won’t ever sort out their position, their situation, ever. And this then at the same time means that I have to embrace what I have, what I can live, do, express, expand on for and as myself. To no longer believe that I had to ‘diminish’ myself because ‘oh others are suffering in this world’ which as ludicrous as it may sound, I was in fact functioning within such mentality, which dare I say becomes also a comfortable excuse to appear to be ‘selfless’ and ‘benevolent’ at the eyes of others or doing ‘supportive stuff’ for others, but not really doing something substantial for ourselves, our lives, our experience, our actual living potential as ‘I Matter.’

What can I instead do? Is realizing first and foremost that ‘I Matter’ and that I have to stop focusing so much on ‘the world’ and ‘others’ needs’ and trying to be Mother Theresa in whichever way I was attempting to be ‘for others’ and become a bit more selfish in a supportive manner, focusing on what I can in fact do, develop and be for and by myself, which interestingly enough I had judged to do for such a long time because ‘it doesn’t benefit others directly!’ apparently, but! I had not considered that dimension of understanding ‘I Matter’ and what this in fact means in our relationship to who we are, what we are, what we can be and become and create in our lives and world, how it is in the very relationships that we create, on our day to day actions or inactions that we in fact can create an impact in this world! Not through me believing I am ‘caring for others’ by only worrying about them and denying my own self enjoyment and self-expression through a form of guilt or shame disguised as vows of ‘austerity’ and ‘compassion’ – that’s never going to lead me anywhere but to a suppressed self-expression disguised as selflessness, benevolence, a form of ‘sainthood’ that in the long run, would have turned me into a very bitter, frustrated, envious, regretful individual that would place ‘What I’ve done for others’ as a form of spite against the world.

I’ve definitely known people like that and it is very hard to deal with them, because the whole point of ‘doing things for others’ becomes an apparent ‘benevolent excuse’ to be spiteful, to be jealous, to judge others, to compare what ‘one has done’ with what ‘others had done or haven’t done’ because it apparently creates a right to place oneself on a pedestal of ‘being good to others’ or ‘helping so many people in the world’ while actually – maybe and possibly – denying one’s own development of support, care, growth, expansion and expression within one’s own life.

So, I am at the same time grateful of having interacted with people that have such design and seeing firsthand how that ends up manifesting with decades of existing in such ‘sainthood’ or ‘selfless’ pattern at a later stage in their lives, so that I can see them as an example of what I have to change right now in my life, in my approach towards me and others, what it means to live the words ‘I Matter’ for me, as me, in what I do, what I create, who I am in supporting others’ and within that, letting go of creating a front of ‘serving others’ only as a primary definition of who I am, because as much as it might seem a ‘benevolent’ thing or beneficial for others, within this construct and not balancing it out with ‘I matter’ as self-care, self support, self recognition, self worth, doing it for me, it can become a time-bomb to create a life of dissatisfaction where one could eventually get to see that ‘all I’ve done has always been ‘for others’ and I forgot about myself in that’ which I consider would be something I’d end up regretting at the end of my life.

Therefore to me it’s time to focus on me, to learn to live the words ‘I Matter’ first and foremost, to let go of my subtle guilt trips or perceived ‘duties’ in relation to others and rather stand ‘alone’ in the sense of stopping having ‘others eyes on me’ in my mind, stand as who I am for and as myself and not within ‘who I am to others,’ which is the definition I have to now give back to myself entirely through self support, self worth, self dedication, self appreciation, living authority and leadership for and as myself – and walk the actuality of it in my day to day, to see how it works out. Who knows, maybe it is not ‘the right way,’ maybe it leads me to a ‘wrong path’ but that’s what I’ll find out for myself. So far it’s been quite liberating to see this construct within me and redefine the approach to my life, therefore I don’t claim to have any answers or ‘right paths,’ this is just what I’ll be living and testing out for myself and sharing it as part of walking this process of self-support and living words and placing the focus of purpose and what matters within my own life, within myself, as myself.

I’ll continue expanding on redefining some of the words that I’ve used to live through this construct of ‘moral uprightness’ or ‘sainthood’ or ‘serving others’ or ‘benevolence’ or whichever other name it can have, which I now see has been there for as long as I can remember in my life and for once and for all debunk the notion or idea of people with this construct as ‘good people’ or ‘exemplar’ because if we forget about ourselves in the equation, we are in fact doing a disservice to our own lives and becoming a charitable person, a ‘selfless person’ that is neglecting one’s own wellbeing, which is the same as dishonoring the matter, the life that we are in fact as ourselves.

So, time to get ‘back to self’ for me.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

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440. What Do I Deserve?

 

There is one word that – along with the word ‘Rewards’ – I had created a particular relationship of dislike to, and that is ‘Deserve.’ As with anything that one comes to like or dislike it means that one has created a particular relationship to it, loaded with experiences, definitions and considerations that are seemingly ‘devoid of solutions’ which is also an illusion. So I considered it is time to set the record straight when it comes to this word ‘Deserve’.

It’s great to work in this process also assisting others in seeing their own minds, words and relationships created to themselves and others through them, because this word ‘Deserve’ actually emerged through a conversation with another person and so, in order to best assist and support another I realize I have to stand clear in relation to that word as well if I am to share my own example of how to walk a redefinition or re-creation of a word in a way that is supportive, and so no longer harbor a ‘dislike’ relationship to this word .

With deserve there are two ways in which I’ve identified most people use them and I can only recall using it myself in one of those ways.

The first one is in the context of personal debasement, an inferiority, an ‘unworthiness’ of sorts where we lead ourselves to say ‘I don’t deserve this/that’ when it comes to generally supportive or generally ‘good’ things in life, which is a very nice trap in our minds because, who is there to decide what we are ‘worthy of’ but ourselves? I can only assume that there can be traces of religious programming where one believes one has become a sinner with no solution at all and therefore defining oneself in the ‘lowest level of life’ from which one decides one isn’t worthy of something, as a form of punishment or also as a form of martyrdom.

This is the one I recognized I have applied before in my life, mostly in my teens where I truly considered ‘my life is not worthy at all’ so what’s the point in it? Or ‘I am not worth the food that I am eating’ or also in the context of belonging to the human race, seeing myself only as a parasite that continually feeds of everything and gives nothing back. This is a ‘common place’ I could still go into if I allow myself to flow in that pessimist tendencies I have created within me, where one only focuses on the bad, the wrong, the guilt, the shame, the remorse, the problems and sees no way out. Takes time to face all of these points but I can tell here that one is able to for the most part effectively redirect this into constructive directions.

‘I am not worthy of living’ or ‘I am not worthy of life’ is something that comes up mostly when realizing certain abusive aspect of myself towards others or life itself, as in not honoring the very breath that I am able to inhale every moment to keep myself alive. This is something that one could easily define as being ‘unsatisfied’ or ‘depressed’ or ‘demotivated’ but they are all in fact states of self-abdication where one is simply not effectively giving oneself a purpose, a direction, a reason to live for one’s own wellbeing and that of others/ the rest of life itself. When one is continually self-indulging into what may rejoice us momentarily but is truly not contributing to anything of significance to one’s own life development and that of others as well. It is in fact then when I had associated the word ‘deserve’ to being a ‘disservice to life’, not serving, not helping, not growing, not expanding, but only surviving, going by or ‘growing in greed numbers’ so to speak as in focusing on feeding our egos and that’s it. 

When I first realized about this process of self-realization and observing everything around me as an extension of myself, I had an emotional breakdown that compares to the lines I wrote above of ‘I am not worthy of living’ or ‘we are all parasites, we should just not exist’ ‘we don’t deserve all of this, we don’t deserve to live.’ It is a dark place to be in for sure, but also a necessary one to at least face once in one’s life. Why? Because it had a profound effect in my life to finally ‘open eyes’ to something I had completely suppressed or ignored or turned into some emotional conditioning within me, instead of for the first time actually realizing what we have done onto this world, onto ourselves, onto other beings, our bodies throughout this entire time, it is baffling yet it is not like there’s only the abyss and that’s it. There is a way out but one has to actively conduct oneself out of it.

The second form of the use of the word ‘deserve’ has to do with more of an egotistical or as I call ‘haughty position’ within oneself where one believes that ‘one deserves the best’ or ‘one deserves the most of this/that’ or ‘I deserve life’ and things like that, which have made me cringe from time to time because to me it sounds more like a demanding statement, a positive thinking statement, one of those programmed in by repetitions of the likes of Law of Attraction and that sort of stuff that puts  you in a nice trance of ‘imagining all the best and saying I deserve it to the universe’ doing nothing at all to actually create such wonderful things in one’s life. So, this is of course not the way to go either, this is just the polarity of ‘I don’t deserve this/that’ into a self-fulfilled prophecy of ‘I deserve this/that,’ both ways just don’t sound right to me.

 

 

I have walked quite a process with the word ‘reward’ as a cause and effect process so that assisted me in then seeing that I could so the same with deserve, I leave some links here for reference:

277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

279. My Ambivalent Relationship with Rewards

281.The Benefits of Redefining Rewards in Equality

 

So I brought up this word into a group discussion where many of us could discuss these aspects of ‘deserving’ and ‘not deserving’ and how it has been lived by us and how it may still exist in us.  This time upon checking the definition on a standard dictionary:

deserve

n   verb do something or show qualities worthy of (a reward or punishment as appropriate).

 

It is definitely a conditioning word in the sense that it makes one be motivated by an external source for an outcome to ‘get something’ or ‘make oneself worthy of’ or punish oneself for doing or not doing something, when in fact this can be looked at in a much more self-responsible way where one can just acknowledge or realize there’s cause and effect in things we do or don’t do.

Therefore things won’t be a matter of ‘deserving’ anything as a thought in our minds, that is really just like wishful thinking. If one says, for example, I deserve to live a successful and healthy life, well, I’d rather not say it but live it, do what is necessary to have effective ways to accomplish what one is aiming to do or become in one’s life and also investigate which ways of eating, exercise and mental support are best to keep one in ‘good health.’ That’s a doing and there is no one else that will ‘serve us’ that on our plates but ourselves, one has to actually ‘do it.’

So here the word ‘serves’ come which is contained in ‘deserve’ wherein one can consider what would everyone in this world deserve to have as a form of support: we all know there’s the basic nourishment required, house, money, education, healthy minds, etc. So if that is what we all deserve, then why not instead of just saying ‘I deserve’ it only, rather working on co-creating such wellbeing for each other, serving oneself and others back so that we can in fact be able to give to another as one would like to receive = that is what deserve means to me in a principled manner. Nothing can really always only ‘come to me’ if I am not cooperating in the relationships that enable life, where one can ‘give back’ as well and enable the feedback process that creates life, that contributes to a better life for myself and others.  Here the process of ‘deserving’ then stops being just one of asking, demanding or debasing oneself with as a statement, it is more of a doing that one decides to create and live for oneself in whichever direction or purpose that one decides to do.

In this process of self-creation in a way that is best for all, if I had to define how I can live the words ‘I deserve to live/ I deserve life,’ then I can turn these words into ‘I can serve me/my life and that of others to make it something that is genuinely better for me and others as well.’ That comes with deciding to become a better human being in all aspects of one’s life and also if one decides to dedicate one’s time and actions to assist others in any ways we can and are able to. 

Some might have a relationship of dislike toward the word ‘serve’ and that is something that I could only say one can work with, because surely there is the whole conditioning around ‘serve’ when it comes to ‘masters and servants’ and that whole enslavement relationship we’ve called our ‘jobs’ and other ways to condition our livelihood with serving with something to get something in return, like money or other benefits. Yet, this is only understood as such ‘enforcement’ or obligation mode if one has really ‘bad pay’ in a job or has the worst conditions in such activity or any other injustice that is unfortunately existing in this world where most of us are currently slaves to money, even if one is in the path to eventually create solutions: there’s still billions of people under the same regime, and that will take time to sort out but the best way is to definitely realize that creating further antagonism or rebellion against the ‘oppressors’ is not going to get us anywhere better really, so if one is in this kind of experience, best to not keep feeding this kind of disempowerment on a daily basis, it will only make one sick in the long run and wont’ change a thing in reality. And this is where the statement of ‘I don’t deserve this’ can emerge as well, and this might be a tough one because surely no one really wants suffering and a hellish experience for anyone in their lives. But there is also a ‘greater picture’ that we often forget about, how it is not only ‘me’ that may go through that, but everyone else on earth, all beings – not just humans – are existent within such unjust, unfair, unequal relationships and that’s mostly because we have allowed this to exist ‘as is’ for a long time.

Therefore here we go back to the point of ‘cause and effect.’ It is not like anyone on Earth right now deserves the hideous situations that most people are going through, but unfortunately it is the result of our own abdication of self-responsibility, of allowing ourselves to be handled by a few or just be blinded by the benefits that one can personally obtain in self-interest, devoid of any reason and consideration for others/ the whole we are an equal part of. In fact,  a way in which I have been able to not get so down and depressed when watching say some news or documentary that depicts really bad situations people are going through, is the realization that I am them as well, it is only my personal or ‘individualized’ experience that prevents me from experiencing what others are, and that eventually we will all have to do something about it, face ourselves in different ways so that we can altogether come to the conclusion that we must do something in our lives, in this world if we are to change the ongoing trends. That’s where instead of only thinking ‘I don’t deserve this life’ of abuse, suffering, pain in its multiple ways, we will rather stand up to say I don’t deserve this life, I don’t continue ‘disserving’ life, I rather do what I am able and capable of to change the ways in which most humanity is going to. And this truly begins with oneself, observing one’s thoughts, experiences, patterns whenever we are simply not contributing in a supportive manner to our lives or that of others, where we are too focused on our lives only that we lose the ‘greater picture’ we belong to as well. Only then does one start gearing one’s life and existence to something that is truly supportive and of service to others which at the same time, creates a rewarding process because in helping oneself or others, we uplift each other to do and become our best we can, which means that whatever we then do or create ‘out there’ will contain this self-corrected version of ourselves, we will no longer accept abuse, suffering, debasement ‘out there in the world’ if we work with these aspects first of all within ourselves, within our minds, starting with something as simple as stopping ‘hating’ one word and deciding to live it in a way that is supportive, such as this process with the word ‘deserve.’

Plus it makes the word much more ‘tangible’ as actions, doings, day to day creations instead of only airy-fairy self-righteous statements of ‘I deserve’ this or that, who the hell is there to say what ‘we deserve’ or not? There’s no one, only ourselves and saying it does or changes nothing: if one thinks that one deserves something, not just think it but do something about it.

An example ‘I deserve attention’ then equally give attention, engage with others from whom you are seeking attention or focus from, be that which you are expecting others to give to you.

Some may say ‘I deserve to be loved’ – well, nothing comes magically so how about rather redefining the word love to a practical care and consideration, an actual doing that entails doing that which is supportive for your life and that of others, to grow as individuals, to become better beings day by day, to have a regard for our own lives and bodies and so, toward the entire environment as the physical reality that is here. ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’ well this is currently not being lived because we haven’t even learned to love ourselves practically, not a ‘feeling’ based thing but a series of doings, of actions, of supportive behaviors and decisions that one can live to become a better human being and so in realizing the benefit that brings to oneself, to do the same in whichever measure one is able to toward others.

‘I don’t deserve to live’ can then become a statement that doesn’t lead oneself into an abyss of depression, tears and sadness which I realized was mostly a comfortable spot of self-manipulation and inaction really, where one believes ‘one can’t’ because if one says ‘one can’ in fact, there’s actual work to do and that’s usually resisted in the mind. So, rather my suggestion and here if in any moment this sentence comes up within me again of ‘I don’t deserve to live’ or ‘I don’t deserve life’ then rather use it as a ‘flag point’ to look at where and how am I not living up to my potential, where am I not honoring my own life, where have I harmed or abused others in a way that I believe has no forgiveness, when in fact there is only self-forgiveness and a commitment process to change/correct myself, where am I not living in integrity, where am I becoming demotivated where I can realize I have to be the one moving and motivating myself, where have I become ‘disillusioned’ where I can remind myself that being in an ‘illusion’ is not practical and rather plan out new ways and things to direct my life and purpose to live for, where have I become too ‘angry’ at everything to say ‘they don’t deserve to live/ they don’t deserve life’ or ‘I don’t deserve life’ wherein I can remind myself I am just in a momentary emotional experience, there is no ‘deserving’ needing but only facing of consequences that one can use to grow, to learn from it, to ensure one doesn’t repeat the same fuckups again and instead learn to continue standing up, every time.

I deserve a second chance, that’s what I would mostly say, I give myself a second chance to change, to correct, to do the right thing once realized the mistake or fault. I deserve forgiveness = no one, no god, no nothing can give it to me but myself, therefore I deserve self-forgiveness, I serve/ give to myself that forgiveness to realize and recognize the problem, the fault, the misrepresentation, the dishonor, the dishonesty and so make a clear stand and commitment to change this within myself, to live that ‘second chance’ every time and not give up/ give into the ideas that ‘I am not worthy of it’ as this is only a mind trick to not continue doing the actual work, constancy and dedication that creating anything in this world entails.

 

Ok so, I’ve walked through the main points/ways in which I have related to the word ‘deserve’ either through personal means or through interaction with others, it is mostly about giving and receiving, co-operating, contributing, creating along with, assisting others to do the same, to learn how to become better human beings, to contribute to life in any way that is possible to us, individually first and foremost and then toward others/ the world system as a whole. If we all learn to enjoy the benefits of our shared creations and principled lives, there will be no need to ask for ‘rewards’ or say statements of ‘I deserve’ this or that, we will simply live it, be it, create it, and that’s definitely what I want to live myself and be a part of, a person that no longer measures oneself and others through fictional values of ‘worth’ but rather lives this worth through actions and one’s own quality of life to assist and enable life to exist in its best possible form.  It really all begins with oneself.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

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411. Do Good and Evil Really Exist?

We tend to want to hold on to the idea of ourselves being ‘good people’ or there being really ‘good people’ out there without questioning what the origin or starting point of such goodness exists.  With this it’s not to imply that there’s no ‘good’ at all but certainly it is a cool point to investigate all the aspects that one has defined as ‘good’ within oneself and simply check the starting point for it: am I genuinely being assistive and supportive toward others because I see that it makes sense to support and assist others the way I would want to be assisted by other individuals as well and so make it the principles by which we all coexist in  – OR am I doing it for the sake of how others will see me, how I believe I can be rewarded for ‘being good’ or ‘doing good’ and using it as a form of ‘good credit’ for oneself in relation to others.

First point to realize here is that we can all change the starting point of what we have defined as ‘good’ based on that which is beneficial and supportive to ourselves and one another. Maybe we just haven’t yet considered how certain acts of kindness, generosity or wanting to be a good person/ ‘being a good person’ can in fact be a counter act/ a clean-up/contrition act from past experiences that could have been the exact opposite to everything perceived as good or benevolent, such as having been very selfish, authoritarian, careless toward others and so one then feels like ‘we have to make up for it all’ through becoming the opposite polarity as a ‘good person.’ In this we have the absolute ability to decide we want to change this because we see that doing ‘bad’/harmful and abusive things to oneself and others is not the way to go, and so one makes the decision to change and commits oneself to practically live it – but! If after realizing one is actually using the ‘bad/evil’ as a memory or starting point to ‘do good’ and we only go to the opposite polarity as in now wanting to do good and be good and almost push it so much in an expectation to gain ‘the grace of god’ so to speak as in seeking to feel good/positively within oneself for ‘cleaning one’s acts’ with ‘good/positive deeds’ or for example to be seen with ‘good eyes’ by others/ get the approval from others or be recognized as a form of good-doer or any other ‘high moral standard’ we may have within ourselves – such as the driving force behind altruism and charitable acts – then the starting point is rather misaligned and further destructive than constructive.

 

Why? Because doing ‘good’ based on the cleaning-up act for the ‘evil/bad’ past is merely believing that the answer is doing the opposite. What I’ve realized in this process is that merely opting for ‘the opposite’ is not a suggested way to go because in this we recreate the pattern of the ‘good’ vs. the ‘bad’ or evil – which is a definition, a charged experience toward something that could be simply supportive/non supportive. What usually happens is that one creates one’s own trap within the good vs. bad morality polarity enslavement which is the foundation of, for example, the church/religious systems that play on in this good vs. evil principle to manipulate people to ‘do good’ based on fearing being punished for ‘all the bad.’  The same is ingrained in a secular person that perceives the law/government as the authority in a society and so, that person will still ‘do good’ based on fearing to be punished/standing in bad credit against law/government/financial systems or any other authority as well as peers in society as well. So here we become subject to our own constructs, to our own punishment-reward mentality to which we give a negative and positive value respectively where we then either feel good or bad about something, instead of rather asking oneself: well, am I being supportive to myself and others? am I considering living principles in my thoughts, words and deeds as a principle of who I decide to be?  OR am I only acting in either a ‘good’ manner to get an energy fix from it, to get acceptance, validation, recognition and better living positions in many occasions where ‘doing good’ is linked to being rewarded for it in an economic manner as well? One can then ponder: is there any genuine ‘good’ then or are we only acting out on either looking for a ‘good feeling’/positive experience within ourselves or escaping from/making up for past ‘bad’/evil deeds that one felt ‘bad’ about and wanting to ‘do good’ now to not FEEL or hide within self all the perceived evil/bad without first understanding it?

Here the first point I suggest considering is that a process of self change involves realizing and understanding that one will not ‘feel good’ as in having to create a positive experience every time you simply decide to correct/align yourself to the best possible supportive and sustainable outcome.  It is to realize that deciding to change oneself, to be self-supportive toward oneself and others is not in itself a ‘good’ deed that stands in contrast to doing ‘bad’ because in that, even by considering the solution to be ‘positive’ we re-create and trap ourselves again in the good vs. bad mentality/mind construct which is how we then believe that if we do ‘good’ = we can FEEL great/good/superior/better etc. and feel like being at the top of the world with all this glory – which is an energetic experience. Here we can consider some physical laws: what goes up must go down and so we perceive that the ‘down’ experience is negative, while it is only getting down from the ride way up high.

To prevent this up and ride experience between the ‘good vs. bad/evil’ and the experiences one gets through them is to then focus on realizing that doing what is best for all is not something that one should create a ‘good experience’ about, or that it should be rewarded, receive recognition or get some sense of validation for now being a ‘good person’ and doing ‘good deeds’ – nope. It is to realize that what one is doing in this decision to change one’s destructive/harmful/abusive acts is simply directing oneself to live in an alignment with how things/life/our minds should have always work: considering what is best for all, assessing one’s participation in thought word and deed in every moment within oneself and toward others/the environment so that we ensure that every single moment we are aligning to these principles and within doing so, we integrate this reference as the new human nature we want to become and see in this world – it implies simply aligning ourselves to how things should have always been which is not less or more than what currently exists, we don’t have coin sluts to gain value for doing good or get some kind of physical body or substance extraction for doing ‘bad’ things either…

Within this then one removes the ‘charges’ to any positive or negative value to the perceived ‘good’ and the perceived ‘bad’ and so be able to understand bad/evil as the reverse of life, as a mistaken road one took that requires to be corrected/realigned so that it can be functional/supportive with what is best for all by walking a process of self-directive correction. This then prevents the whole ‘fallen’ experience, the guilt trip-traps and the whole mentality that one is ‘done’ or ‘never will get it right’ as we all tend to give up so easily in our minds when believing that we are just evil and have no remedy – which is also another self-victimization pattern to not actually take the time, effort and dedication that it takes to change oneself, which is mostly a decision to let go of the energy high linked to doing good and the guilt/bad experience when doing all the perceived ‘bad.’

With this also comes the necessary realization that: we’ve never dedicated our lives to direct this realignment to how we should have always ‘functioned’ in our minds and in our world – if things were just ‘fine’ in this world and anything had really been genuinely ‘good’ or ‘supportive’ we would not be seeking to change ourselves and this world all over, as we would be living such change as a new living principle for ourselves as humanity = this hasn’t happened and that’s why we have to realize that it is a process, it takes active participation and self-awareness in every moment we are alive to be continually living/applying this re-direction within oneself to in every moment assess one’s words, thoughts deeds to create/contribute to the change we see is beneficial for oneself and all parts in an equally supportive manner – that can also be understood as no harm, no abuse toward oneself and others – and instead doing what is constructive, supportive for oneself and others who are also ‘ourselves’ in fact.

Therefore one can also be more aware next time when we perceive that one wants to hold onto this ‘goodness’ within self or the perceived ‘goodness’ in others and Really investigate what such ‘good’ consists of, why we perceive it as ‘good’, what is the starting point of such thing we perceive as good and so consider the following: because our minds and this entire world system was built within the foundation of a non-supportive/abusive and non-equal basis, we cannot genuinely expect a supportive principle to exist as a general ‘trait’ or inherent property/inherent nature of human beings, of who we are as the mind – including the way that we have built this world system based on our own mind-constructs where it is evident it is not benefiting everyone the way it should –which is why I suggest to re-evaluate whenever one perceives someone to be ‘naturally good’ and get to know how such person ‘became’ a good person and what their story is. From that we can also learn why we tend to hold on to ‘the good’ so much and fear the evil/bad.

Having said this, it is more to realize that the construct of morality as the polarity of ‘good vs. evil’ is a definition, a construction we create in order to trap ourselves in the problem without focusing on the practical solutions required to align our thoughts, words and deeds to a supportive outcome. The potential to go ‘either way’ exists within each one of us in every moment that we are living here, which is why I see it as important to share some practical ways to rather use the morality construct as another tool of self-assessment to see ‘who am I’ toward the good vs. evil mentality.

 

One can then use the words ‘good’ and ‘bad’ in the following constructive manner:

–  If I perceive a ‘good’ aspect within me, something I’ve defined as ‘good’ within myself (or others) then I have to ask myself: what is motivating me to do/think this which I’ve defined as good? What is my starting point? Am I expecting something in return to this? Am I wanting to be seen as a good person by others? What experience as a feeling do I get when I believe myself to be good or am told by others that I am a ‘good person’? And so apply self-forgiveness for all the energy charges around these ‘good deeds/thoughts/experiences’ as all the positively-charged definitions so that what’s left is only the raw-living actions that are genuinely supportive, that are and can become part of one’s new natural/inherent expression of living by principles, by actions, by living words instead of being moved through/by energy all the time where we play the reward/punishment type of assessment or ‘equation’ in our minds based on energetic highs and lows, instead of just seeing the benefit for oneself and all if we think/say/act in a way that is best for all and vice versa if we don’t do/act/think based on what is best for all.

– If I observe some ‘bad’ aspect within me then I have to ask myself: why have I defined this as bad? Who, what and how am I affecting myself and others with these defined bad/evil thoughts, words and deeds? If I realize that I am genuinely harming or abusing myself and others then how can I correct/align this point that I’ve defined as bad? And so use this assessment to rather create a practical plan to correct and align in a directive manner this ‘bad/evil’ aspect within oneself to a supportive and constructive outcome. This is how then making mistakes or creating the perceived ‘fall’ is simply an opportunity to evaluate: ok where did I miss a point of direction, why we did that which we knew was not supportive or where did we miss a point of self-awareness where we acted upon past patterns, upon the ingrained non-supportive thoughts/deeds that lead us to a known path which is that of non-constructive/self-destructive choices and consequential outflows. We all then can constantly learn from our perceived ‘bad/evil’ mind construct while at the same time, applying self-forgiveness for acting out on such thoughts that are detrimental to oneself and others after which one can then make a firm assessment and decisive plan to support oneself to correct/align this point within oneself from here on as a Living Principle.

 

This is a way I can see one can go ‘shedding’ the moral construct of good vs. bad, to ensure there’s no positive or negative charge to either side but only assess the words said, the actions taken, the consequences that ensue and then see what is required to be changed to align it to living principles and what does one practically require to do to live this plan of corrective action. This is how the tools of writing, applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application become our constant tools of self-investigation and our do-it-yourself evaluation foundation to get to know ourselves and for example investigate who am I within the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ construct, how does this exist within me and if such words still create an experience either positive or negative within myself.

 

There’s no point in wanting to hold on to something ‘good’ of which we don’t exactly yet know its origin and starting point of, and mostly I would actually suggest to practically doubt anything that’s apparently ‘good’ or ‘positive’ in nature as then we have to assess what motivates it, what ‘funds’ it ($), what are the interest behind it, is there any past ‘evil’ that’s being used as a starting point for oneself or others to do now ‘good’ as an energetic experience or ‘reward’ process in self-interest? And so we take off the mask of ourselves as our mind – which is in itself not at all ‘good’ or benevolent – and so rather learn how not to react to discovering self-honesty as in seeing what might be in fact a ‘real ugly truth’ of ourselves, which I could visualize like realizing one has a detuned guitar, or having a broken engine: we have to understand how we got them detuned/broken and so place our time, effort and knowledge in application to fix it = we do the same with ourselves and our minds/lives and so stop thinking within the ‘good vs. evil’ frame of mind and just consider practical reality.

 

For further reference:

Good vs Evil     Learn more about supporting yourself as your mind, how to deal with energy, one’s ego and how we can actively change ourselves here:


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