Tag Archives: sex

456. Taking Responsibility For Our Energy Fixes

(Or how to take the point back to self when becoming aware of gruesome things like in ‘Pizzagate’)

Last week I found myself pondering too much what exactly can drive certain human beings to do very vile things to children, like pedophilia and the rest of it that has emerged from the ‘pizzagate’ movement on social media. I wasn’t so amazed at the information, because I’ve been aware of this for some years now, though it is so that every time I still go into trying to understand why, because I cannot fathom ‘how’ could anyone gather the strength and nerve to do such atrocities to children.

Though here’s the point: I don’t need an answer or details of ‘why’ but I can sum it up to being just another consequential outflow of the relationship to experience that we all form toward anything/anyone in this reality. What does ‘forming a relationship to experience’ mean? It has to do with generating or creating either a positive or negative association to a particular experience that we respond to with an energetic reaction. These energetic reactions are what we call emotions and feelings which we all create and associate with things, situations, habits, doings and the rest of ways in which we relate to everything that is here, which means we create a relationship to it, an energetic experience that in our minds we tend to label as either negative or positive – yet in terms of energy creation, it is the same thing when it comes to acknowledging its consequential creation and outflows in our minds and bodies.

What we are becoming aware of now and the extent of abuse and cruelty we see in daily events in this world are based on a plethora of reasons based on how each person accepts and allows themselves to evolve this relationship to experience in many ways that ultimately are never supportive or constructive, ever. This is how someone can get to embrace cruelty and abuse as a form of excitement, sexual pleasure and other seemingly ‘good’ experiences along with it. Yet what is ignored is who/what has to be abused/used in order for anyone to get such ‘high’ or ‘pleasure’ or ‘good experience’ at the expense of something/someone, and this is an essential form of addiction that we can all be familiar in various forms as well, there is really no one person in this world that could consider themselves ‘free’ from participating in these same mechanisms in which people like pedophiles operate as well, and it is not only about sexual deviations, it has to do with the way we operate in our minds and how whether it is a seemingly ‘positive’ or negative experience, as long as we are creating an energetic experience, it is a consequential process to our very own life and physical body, which is explained in the entire series on Eqafe.com ‘Quantum Mind Self Awareness’ to understand at what level we also sacrifice physical substance and our very own life for the sake of powering experiences as emotions or feelings that we’ve come to accept as ‘normal’ or ‘what defines us as humans’ in this world.

The  bottom line here is that there’s not any point in wanting to know ‘why’ kids, or ‘the reasons’ behind the actions of people involved in these pedophile scandals, because I gain nothing from it, I do not need to know the gruesome details other than becoming aware of and understanding that who we have become in the inside of ourselves as our minds, our ‘programming’ or ‘how we run’ our bodies is in fact that evil aspect of ourselves that we need to change, and that’s all I truly ever need to focus on.

Here then I reflect on how much time, effort, focus, attention, breaths and essentially life we can waste in trying to find the ‘ultimate reasons’ for something that we simply know in common sense Needs to be stopped, needs to be changed, needs to be understood as the form of abuse to life that it is based on satisfying a particular attraction, sexual experience or ‘pleasure’ for some individuals. Do I really need to know the detail of their reasons? No, because ultimately knowing all the details could even lead others to follow through and start testing out the same ‘experience’ for themselves, and the whole supposed ‘objective investigation’ becomes a particular diving into the actual depths of addictions and circles of abuse that I’d say is best to not even know the details of if one is not entirely grounded within oneself and certain that one won’t ‘fall’ into the trap of getting to investigate too much and starting to secretly desire experiencing something like that as well, or testing it out for the sake of seeing ‘what it is all about’, which can be a double intent in the ‘mass exposure’ of all of this; after all, part of the ‘rules’ of this systematic game is that everything has to be shown/exposed to the public, so, this might be one of those ways.

This applies to everything that is generally deemed as bad, evil, wrong, ugly, despicable in reality where the most unstable individuals could dive into it in an attempt to uncover truths or investigate and end up being influenced by the whole of it and so, end up embracing it as a ‘normal’ part of our reality or something that is so ‘common’ that it becomes a ‘part of how things work’ which is essentially what we’ve done within ourselves life after life in the relationship with our minds, the relationship we have crated to experiences as emotions (negatively experienced energies) and feelings (positively associated energies) = the energy is the same, we decide HOW we define it in our minds and this relationship to energy and the very mechanics of how we function in our physical bodies is essentially the one and only reason why any form of abuse, ‘eating up’ of life is actually a mechanism that we all exist as.

Yes, in fact a post on ‘cannibalism’ (155. Are we all Cannibals?) was something I wrote long ago on how we tend to make a big deal of anything that we perceive is ‘eating up’ life and destroying it and sacrificing life, but in fact by the sheer maintenance of our minds existing in a constant generation of thoughts, feelings and emotions, we are also in need of constantly transforming physical energy (our life substance, our bodies) into mind energy to create such experiences that we’ve defined as ‘who we are.’ And this means that we have become the very ‘life eaters’ or ‘life cannibals’ the moment that we use our energy, our physical energy that we get from the earth through eating every day’s meals and transform it to power our illusions and delusions in the mind, as experiences that we believe is what pleases ‘us’ or ‘what makes us human’, when in fact, life itself does not need an experience, only in the mind do we keep going at it like addicts, seeking for any next fix – this is precisely what we need to change in relation to all things ‘experience’ in us.

Therefore by understanding this basic mechanism, we can see this same pattern of ‘eating ourselves alive’ or ‘consuming ourselves to give power to the mind’ repeating everywhere else in this reality. This is the real ‘repetition’ and ‘fractal reality’ that we are creating, where we try and excuse our existence to some ‘program’ or ‘system’ of sorts where we believe we have no say in what we do or how we are within ourselves, because we make ourselves subject to some programmed existence that we accept as ‘who we are,’ yet that is precisely the accepted and allowed existence that we have to question at the core of ourselves and not only be guided or rather ‘blinded’ by following the tracks to stories and despicable human actions as if they were truly evil and completely alien or separate from our own nature as human beings.

Now here, it’s not to make the quick assumption that ‘because all we are is evil, therefore we are doomed therefore one just steps aside from the whole world and lets it all be’. Nope, how I see these kind of events or ‘news’ if you will becoming more mainstream is also for a process to emerge in humanity to start seeing/realizing the extent of evil that exists in ourselves as human minds, to see how far we in fact can elaborate on a dysfunctional relationship to energetic experiences – in this case related to sexuality and power –  and turn it into a demonstrably abusive energy fix – through beliefs, through experiences, through traditions, through elitist circles or whatever, doesn’t matter in the end – that ends up consuming the most pure beings in the name of such experiences related to abusing infants for the sake of an experience, because that’s what it’s all about, in whichever form or opinion it is built upon= it’s all a mindfuck, literally, abusing life to satisfy the cravings we create, accept and allow in our minds.

Now that IS the point I want to get at here where we stop comfortably separating ourselves from those that we deem as ‘evil to the core’ and ‘reckless’ because here we’re going to realize how we are in fact operating in the same ways and mechanisms as the most ‘evil’ people in the world do– or that we prefer to believe and see others as such for a convenient separation of responsibility:

 If we remove the relationship to energy, and there was no ‘energetic experience’ to be obtained from anything that we do, would we still do it anyways? That’s essentially the redefinition of living that this process from consciousness to life awareness is all about, where we actually commit ourselves to understand the polarized energetic experiences – emotions, feelings – to write them down to understand them, to acknowledge them as our creation, as our responsibility and so then make a self-aware and practical day to day – continuous – commitment and practical decisions in every moment of our day to change that part of ourselves that leads to the same old ‘energetic fix’ – either positive or negative – and instead, transform it into a living experience, a word that one decides to live instead of the detrimental emotional or feeling experience, pattern or habit that led to self-destruction, to all things that are the ‘reverse of life’/’that are evil’ and so, take the actual process of being Self-Responsible and do the work it takes to correct ourselves, to acknowledge our consequence and so commit ourselves to change bit by bit every single day.

It’s easy to criticize those that we believe are ‘the worst of the worst’ for committing ‘heinous crimes against children’ while pretending one is ‘not at all that abusive’ – really? If we were to in fact stand as who we really are, as equal and one to everything and all that exists here as ourselves, would we have any face to still say ‘I am better than others?’ No, and that’s the reality of what we are currently one and equal to. We are all co-creating the mess until we decide to understand the same mechanisms that exist in each one of our minds – in all of us – and so commit ourselves to take our individual responsibility and be that 1+ person that creates self-change within oneself – challenging, it is, but this is to understand that things like ‘pedophilia’ or any other atrocity for that matter is only the extreme demon-stration of the worst that exists in every one of us by virtue of having a mind. And this is what I’d take as yet another great reason to understand the importance of ensuring that we don’t allow ourselves to feed our mind fixations and experiences more, otherwise when a person stops questioning these supposed ‘needs’ or ‘fixations’ or ‘preferences’ ends up justifying the worst of actions that maim and torn lives apart.

This is a process of facing, understanding, walking through and yes, at times becoming aware of very gruesome realities that exist as part of what is here as well – not nice, not pretty, but it is also useless to become angry or hate back or blame back. Reacting to it, judging it is futile – and in my case I had to face the point of letting go of wanting to know ‘the reason why’ anyone could do such things, and instead focus on what needs to be changed and stop getting lost in a rabbit hole of ‘why, why, but why? Or ‘how could they?’ or ‘what is in it for them?’

See whenever being stuck in a ‘why’ and wanting to understand the ultimate reasons for stuff, if we cannot see a direct answer to it in a moment or upon basic Self-investigation, then one simply can acknowledge how this that we see is creating a negative consequence, a problem, a reaction needs to be stopped, changed, understood to the point I am able to understand what I need to change/what I need to take responsibility for within myself – and so as humanity –  without getting ‘lost in the information rabbit hole’ and then commit myself to stand as the solution and change.

This means asking myself how can I take that point back to myself to change my relationship to, for example, energetic experiences, see where am I using/abusing something in the name of an experience and only focusing on that disregarding that which I may use or abuse in the name of it. And we would be astounded to see the amount of living beings we do this too, and would this mean that I now have to bash and punish myself for realizing I am also equally creating consequence every moment that I am alive? Nope, been there and done that and it leads to further blackmailing myself into ‘depression mode’, feeling ‘bad’ or ‘disgusted’ or ‘sickened’ about the whole thing and continuing to ignore the essential fact here that I CAN take responsibility for and that is to change the relationship to energetic experiences within myself, change the relationship to my mind, to stand as the directive principle in my life, in my body and focus on the creation of myself as the person and being that I realize I want to be for myself and others in this world.

Focusing too much on the problem, trying to find the ‘ultimate causes’ is no different to recreating the same problem over and over again, because no focus, no breath of life is being given in the name of life itself, in the name of self-responsibility to one’s life and that of others, in the name of standing as the correction oneself. And this is one point that I am committing to because as many other people I’ve known, it’s easy to get lost in the information threads and forget asking ourselves ‘where do I stand in this? What can I personally do to take responsibility for this existing in myself as well?’ which is an essential set of questions that would take us all back to working with what we CAN change, which is ourselves.

We can’t change the manifested consequences of all the atrocities that we are becoming aware of now, even more so if they have existed for longer than most of our lives together and we cannot just hide in disgrace and pretend it doesn’t exist either – it’s about understanding it, becoming aware of it, but not getting ‘hooked’ in it either in an attempt to ‘do justice’ by blaming others, hating back, or ‘doing justice on our own hand’ through fighting back or hurting more beings… no, this is about self-understanding and self-realization, rather taking these vile examples of our human nature as one plus reason to change within ourselves, and that doesn’t require loads of data and information and gruesome details that may end up being more counterproductive for the masses – instead one can decide to no longer ‘fuel’ the same problem in an attempt to ‘understand it’ – but instead directly step into the creation of solutions, and that begins with each one of us to realize that punishing others doesn’t do a thing to ‘do justice’ to what is done, to that which is irreversible at this point.

We can only learn to prevent this by learning how to live with our minds and our experiences at an emotional and feeling level in a supportive manner. This is what needs to be taught at home from birth and then in schools or through parents that can be prepared enough to be parents – possibly evaluated to ensure that each child that comes into this world can be born into a sound environment, with sound of mind parents and a true understanding and living example of what it means to be living words for a betterment of humanity as a whole. As you can see, doing this will take time, but it’s not impossible, we’re starting already, don’t leave yourself behind:

Join in:

 

 

Essential self understanding and support available at Eqafe.com

 

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423. Proof that I’ve been Mind Controlled

 

Following through a bit with this ‘happiness’ redefinition, I would not have been able to be comfortable in opening up this word to redefine if I hadn’t looked at a key aspect that I’ve been noticing for quite some time in walking this process of removing/stopping past self-definitions.

This became clearer when I shared in a podcast I called Doing Good = Uncool? about how currently there is a tendency to deem everything that is rebellious and antagonistic as ‘cool’ and everything that is supportive, disciplined and orderly as ‘uncool’ – and the way I found out that this mostly was a personal perception is when I attempted to find pictures on Google images that would depict this type of construct or judgments upon what I had seen as ‘cool’ and ‘uncool,’ there were no pictures for me to depict that! So that made it obvious that I had to rather look at it from a very personal manner instead and ended up creating my own ‘picture’ to depict the kind of perception I had held within me.

 

Cool vs uncool

 

My previous attempt in life was to become what I defined and believed to be a ‘cool’ person, so just because I had gotten so much bashing/criticism from my peers while growing up for always being ‘the straight A’ person in school and so being defined as nerdy for that and ‘tight’ or ‘uncool,’ I focused on finding ways to shake those definitions off by being very specific in the type of ‘person/personality’ I would become. This is how I decided to pick and integrate aspects that I could deem were going ‘against the grain,’ so to speak, against the expectations that I perceived everyone had around me. This influenced everything of me, the way I would dress/look, act, speak, the topics I would bring up, the kind of books I read, the kind of music I’d listen to, the way I would relate to people, to my family etc.  And TV was a great source of ‘inspiration’/dormant brainwashing for that, as I have shared here previously that I mostly grew up watching MTV and so there I shaped all my preferences toward everything and everyone that seemed to ‘challenge’ the status quo, to go against the flow and step out of the ‘schemes’ in one way or another, or be intimidating toward others, as a way to ‘challenge the establishment’ or being in a constant ‘defense mode,’ which is a ‘trendy’ way to actually hide the fear that instigates these ‘hardass’ personalities.

Little did I know that this was part of a greater scheme of social engineering to have kids grow up aspiring to be ‘rockstars’ or ‘artists’ and had nothing to do or no sense of responsibility to this world, but instead define all things ‘rebellious’ and ‘antagonistic to the system’ as being super cool.

So, this is how I then became what I could define as a disciplined rebel, because it’s not like I started slacking at school, I actually proved that I could still ‘pull out a straight A’ without even studying at times, just by being very attentive in class and so using my ‘wits’ to challenge professors and classmates alike – lol, I was really in for being like a typical dissident in many ways and deem that as cool, even if for others it wasn’t, to ‘me’ that was the definition of ‘being an outcast’ and enjoying myself within that because of seeing myself as ‘special,’ as having ‘no trend’ without realizing it was a trend and it was becoming more and more common in order to get people reacting, being angry and antagonistic against everything and everyone, just to remain in perpetual conflict and never looking at solutions.

Of course nowadays doing this type of ‘dissidence’ has become like the norm and it’s no longer as ‘shocking’ as it was some 10 years ago, which is how I’ve seen a fascinating shift in the perception of ‘values’ and the role that the media/TV has had on twisting people’s ideas of ‘what they want to do with their lives’ and what they find as ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’ by imposing a ‘new’ morality that claims openness, sexual liberation and ‘independence’ but it’s all just a false idea of empowerment through antagonism – been there, done that, doesn’t work!

So this is why I then saw that everything I deemed as ‘uncool’ was in fact that which was in fact supportive: to be self-responsible, to be disciplined, to be non-antagonistic, to have a ‘clean’ presentation of oneself, to not be destructive, to not bash or blame others, etc. This included a very key aspect that had prevented me from realizing I could live the word ‘happiness’ in fact, because I had associated happiness with people being fully blind and not seeing reality, I deemed it as a dirty word that could only be used to define an ever elusive utopia that we were too far away from or impossible of ever creating even. I deemed that anyone that could call themselves ‘happy’ were absolutely disingenuous and blinded from reality. So it is in this judgment that I then prevented me from even considering looking at this word ‘happiness’ for myself, meaning investigating ‘who I was’ toward this world, how I could live it in a self-honest manner; I was in a way still holding on to the ‘image’ or ‘idea’ of myself as still ‘challenging the system’ and being cool in that, but in no way wanting to get to what I had defined as ‘being a positive thinker’ of sorts by talking about things like ‘being happy,’ or creating a ‘happy future for everyone’ lol.

 

 

 

All of these are just judgments and perceptions wherein I was in fact denying to myself being able to expand my living into seeing the word happiness and not link it to some nerdy-good-doer type of personality as my own mind construct, as my own past definitions that came through ‘judgments’ that I refused to be or become at others’ eyes. In fact now that I can speak about it and define me in the process of creating happiness within myself and my world, I no longer see something pulling out inside me as a ‘NOOO what the hell are you talking about!!?’ type of reluctant backchat that would come within me whenever anyone talked about ‘being happy’ or aiming at being happy in this world. A part of me really, really rejoiced experiencing and living in misery, gloom and doom which is a whole construct that I’ve been debunking throughout the years in this process, and along with that discovering what I was preventing me from acknowledging as part of my living potential, just because I had defined it as ‘uncool’ lol, and going ‘against my personality.’

What are personalities really but locks and cells wherein we believe we would ‘get out of character’ if we challenge such self-definitions and preferences and dare to think outside of our box – it’s really all a mind job wherein we hold on to ‘past definitions’ of who we are and in that we lock ourselves in one way or another from being able to fully embrace our living potential, which is not at all about being a ‘good person’ now instead of an ‘evil one,’ not at all –  it’s about recognizing words for the expression they are and can be when lived in self-honesty, and no longer about words that hold relationships to pictures, ideas, personalities or preferences as they exist in the world system.

 

In this, I realize that if we are to genuinely become the living word, we have to expunge ourselves from any limitation, any self-delimitation/definition that keeps us locked into a phoney idea of ‘who we are,’ which becomes a constricted character that is still defined by attitudes, behaviors, preferences, personality traits and so forth which are all part of the egos we believe we are. So it’s always a matter of asking oneself: what do I accept and allow to define me and my every moment in this world? What am I still holding on to with preventing me from living this word – such as ‘happiness’- as myself? Why had I defined this word as uncool and a pure sham? What am I missing out when dismissing living a world that is actually able to be lived and constructed in a self-honest manner?

Seems that self-sabotage is the only answer as to why we prevent us from digging out the corpses that prevent us from give ourselves a real blank-slate to create our lives, free from the past, I mean why would I want to hold on to an idea of ‘who I should be’? To be liked by ‘certain kinds of people’ only? Because I wanted to get along and ‘attract’ similar people – but would I then be even ‘attracting’ real and genuine people or only other similar characters that focus on getting along with similar characters in their lives to remain locked in the same characters forevermore?

Time to break the shell of one’s personality in all ways and challenge it further, and to me having to be speaking of solutions, focusing on looking at practical reality outcomes and how I can be a living example of doing this would have been like an ‘uncool’ thing to do in the past, because I was following the bashing/ rebelling trend, lol, not considering that I was really on my way to be a self-defined pariah that wanted to be special and ‘cool’ through abdicating all responsibility to myself and my world, because ‘oh it was ‘so cool’ to only bash the world and do nothing about it.’ ´

My suggestion is to watch out for this kind of thinking construct, even more so when this kind of ‘attitude’ is shaping lots of youngsters mindsets with ‘life mottos’ such as Y.O.L.O You Only Live Once and ‘living life on the fast lane,’ being the most ‘rebel’ and ‘darky’ and ‘antagonistic’ to precisely avoid youngsters genuine awareness of how they can contribute to creating life, a better future for all – and instead remain in an abysmal and gloomy outlook on life, because in that way you get discouraged from ‘doing something about it’ and so, it’s most profitable to seek ‘happiness’ or fulfillment through trends, drugs, partying and sex than doing anything genuinely supportive in one’s life.

And so, this is then a general self-awareness point wherein this ‘live fast, die young , don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone, do drugs, have sex with as many as you can and enjoy the rock and roll’ type of mentality is seen as ‘the ultimate cool’: It is not, and that’s why there’s such a vast amount of disarray and mental/physical problems in young adults that follow this ‘trends’ that actually start from TV, from so called ‘alternative books’ as well as it happened in my case.

 

Here’s an invitation to look at yourself, where is it that you are still a product of social-engineering brainwashing through the media and ‘culture’ in terms of personalities, likes-dislikes, preferences, the ‘type of people’ you’ve perceived yourself to be and all the points that go ‘against your character’ that you have refrained yourself from openly investigating. I would not have been able to get to this conclusion if I hadn’t walked the process of deconstructing ‘me’ as a personality and so link the dots to see why I had a slight reaction to even talk about ‘happiness’ before.

 

Life is not about becoming a character that seeks to be the ultimate cool and ‘rebellious,’ that’s the illusion of freedom SOLD as an EXPERIENCE.

Genuine and real freedom from mind control is to take responsibility for oneself, to actually not allow oneself to be brainwashed into ‘trends’ or following what the masses think is ‘cool’ which at the moment is ‘the masses think being a rebel is cool’ which is then of course not at all an actual ‘threat’ any longer, lol, it never has been! Think of the punk movement as being part of social engineering in Britain to exacerbate youngster’s addictions and dissociation from taking responsibility in their society, because drug addicts and an impaired society is more easy to control than healthy, self-aware and ‘unbrainwashable’ individuals, which is what we have to now focus on being and becoming – mind control is only possible if we accept it and allow it.

So, are you mind controlled?

 

Unhooking Past Definitions

 

Cool blog to read on re-approaching Happiness:

Why I First Resisted The Relationship of Happiness to Money – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 653

 

Oldie:

2012 Destonians Take Over the World: The New Culture of LIFE

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities – including the redefinition of happiness – in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


422. What is Happiness to me?

Is happiness only a state of mind? Is it something that lasts for a few moments only? Is it only embedded in the image of someone smiling, people jumping with their hands up in the air? is it the image of a peaceful and pristine paradise? is it a work in progress?

 

We had a two day workshop on Redefining Happiness, and what came up was an interesting and self-supportive array of points to consider within ourselves, to re-look at what one had previously defined as ‘happiness’ and so then walking those points within self-honesty,  collecting considerations and looking at practical aspects that are required within the creative and living process of happiness in a self-honest and self supportive manner. So here’s my self-investigation that culminates with the integration of realizations that came through during our group chat on this topic.

 

 

Happiness

 

Not long ago I would have defined happiness as something that is just ‘bollocks,’ an easy way to sell products, a blatant way to sugar coat self interest or else, but as with all words in our reality, due to the resistance that I had to even look at it, I decided it was rather best to start redefining words and walking a collective process to align our definitions to a common sensical outcome and creation. So, I’ll start here by disclosing my past-relationship with the word happiness.

What I had defined as happiness had to do with what I had learned I should ‘aim to live’ in my life, that ultimate goal that would make me absolutely blissful, content and fulfilled with myself. I definitely had trouble at times pondering what this could be because I could feel ‘happy’ for example before and while I would go to a music concert from my favorite bands when I was a teenager; as a pre-teen I could feel ‘happy’ after having binged in rollercoaster rides, and maybe happy as the experience I had when I first flew in an airplane when I was some 6 years old, also skating, jumping in an elastic bed or swimming were part of my happiness during childhood. Later on I started defining happiness according to being with certain people and in certain relationships, which has also to do with the ‘grown-up’ idea of ‘being happy when having relationships’ for example as a common goal in life.

Also, my idea of happiness was linked to ‘who I wanted to be’ as an artist for example, or a writer at times. I would picture myself being alone and living in some big city and being famous/recognized, earning good money and so being able to travel around the world and having the kind of ‘bohemian’ type of life where I would not have to worry about money and I would only have to pursue my personal satisfaction of fame and glory, lol. I thought that happiness was precisely getting to travel the world, showing my art in such places and having nice dinners with famous people or something, to be ‘in that circle’ of intellectuals and artists and so forth. Fascinatingly enough – and glad about it as well – I got to have a bit of a taste of this last early on as I was ‘sharpening my knife’ to be part of the art world and got to travel to another country and exhibit my photographs and hang around people that everyone would recognize on the streets. So I ‘luckily’ got to see what kind of agenda/day to day living they have, what is it like to be a genuine public figure, what happens to your ‘private life’ and family etc. It was very interesting that my whole expectation of happiness slowly but surely fell down the drain, because I could not feel happy about doing what I thought was going to make me happy, and so with that came what I call a ‘breakdown’ wherein I felt very lost/sad/depressed for a couple of months after having done that trip/exhibit, because I did not know if I wanted to ‘be an artist’ anymore or if that was genuinely ‘my idea of happiness’ any longer.

 

Right away after that, I started seeking other ‘spiritual’ ways to fulfill this longing for an apparent ‘happiness’ without getting anywhere really, mostly aiming at ‘helping others’ without having the least intention to first focus on supporting me. I kind of knew in the back of my head that it wasn’t ‘it’ and that it wasn’t going to work for real either. So, after this one trip I had, which was almost/exactly 7 years ago, I spent months really looking at whether these ideas I had built around happiness were in fact MY idea of happiness, and it was only 3 months after that when I discovered Desteni and so my perception of everything I had ever desired, wanted or deemed myself to ‘be’ changed almost completely. This is where I started to ponder my previous ideas around happiness as ‘the goal in life’ and got to understand happiness mostly as an energetic experience that one gets as the result of some input, like for example when taking drugs and getting ‘high’ and ‘feeling good’ and associating that with happiness – that type of experience, which is all a mind job of course.

I saw that my idea of happiness had to go through a process of purification if I can call it that, I realize that I had only aimed at benefitting me in pursuing MY dreams and in that, I was in fact forgetting and not considering everything and everyone in that equation.  Once that I had a bit of the taste of the ‘personal happiness’ or what I had defined as such, I realized that it actually made me feel emptier and more depressed than ever, because I saw it as meaningless = not doing something that I was yearning to do as in creating a ‘greater change’ or ‘saving the world’ out there.

So, it has only been through walking this process of self-support and self change and having the ability to self-forgive all past ideas, perspectives, illusions and desires for energetic experiences that I have been able to now trust myself in the ability to redefine the word ‘happiness’ so that it doesn’t become this fleeting and flimsy experience in my mind and body, something that ‘comes and goes’ but becomes an actual living word not only for ‘me’ but for everyone as well.

 

‘All I want in life is to be happy’ is a common goal in our lives, but this also means that we have been defining happiness with as many different meanings as there are minds in this world, some common aspects are linked like money, good relationships, good sex life, being the best at something, having good health and such, but do we ponder then why have these become desires instead of ways in which one actually lives the construction of such happiness? Why have we made of happiness an ideal, an ever elusive ‘goal’ in itself instead of practically assessing: what do I require to do to build a general stability in my life, a personal and collective wellbeing, a point of financial stability, what can I do to develop supportive relationships? How can I nurture myself in a way that is beneficial for my body? How can I stop worrying about this/that situation in my life? How can I change the world system so that it benefits all instead of preventing ourselves to live our fullest potential? How can I develop my expression and support myself and others with it?

 

See, happiness usually comes with a desire to ‘have no worries’ or be completely devoid of responsibility, without realizing that if one simply places oneself swimming forever in a beach at the Caribbean and do nothing about oneself or ‘the world,’ man, one could end as the richest yet most disgraceful person in the world – why? Because happiness is definitely something that entails us LIVING in a full manner in this world – and within this, what does it mean to live fully? To be a point, a person that lives and creates one’s personal well-being while at the same time contributing to the collective well being.

The problem that we have at the moment is that our general ideas of happiness have become very varied, very personal, even linked with products to buy or so – how can that be? This is why here we propose looking at happiness as the ways in which we can practically empower ourselves and each other to fully live in this world.

Within the documentary called Happy, many definitions and ways to live happiness are shared, and it’s interesting to see of course, to have a look at how personalized this idea of happiness has become whereas in other cultures/parts of the world, the idea of happiness is embedded within a collective wellbeing. There they define 2 aspects of happiness the intrinsic and extrinsic aspects, which I will share here now as parts that I have come to realize within walking this process.

 

We got the intrinsic aspects which have to do with

– Personal growth: which is precisely what I have seen is and has been absolutely life changing from 7 years ago, to walk this process of self-support, to develop self-honesty, to develop common sense which is the consideration of what’s best for all; to realize that I can change myself, that I have the tools, that I can trust myself in being able to walk through any point in my life to get to a point of stability within and without. This is definitely essential as an overall self-process that I can attest here is a genuine source of wellbeing, because one is also no longer defined by emotions or feelings to define myself, so I rather focus on supporting me, my mind, my body to live in a general stability.

– Close Relationships and the feeling of living in community: developing relationships with people even if they are not in your immediate environment, but relationships where self-support is the starting point is within my life and experience one of the most gratifying things, to be able to support me and support others, and work with people that are equally walking a process of taking responsibility for themselves, living day by day within the commitment of supporting and changing themselves to within that, also change the world is one of the most satisfying things as well. It would have been very tough to do this process of personal support alone, maybe impossible – so I definitely recognize the power of walking with a group of people – physically or non-physically around – to support oneself in this process of self-change and self-support. These relationships go beyond a ‘friendship’ or a feeling, they are genuine bonds of co-creation that will surely be long lasting.

 

The Extrinsic goals:

– Money is something that is definitely needed to create a financial stability for oneself. It is definitely something to question if a poor person claims to be absolutely happy, how can that be if happiness is about living up to our utmost potential? That means then requiring at this moment in this world money to be able to obtain the necessary resources on this. So, this is a genuine point that one does require to be ‘happy’ at this stage, to have a dignified living – which is definitely different from only desiring money as an ultimate goal – nope, money is a means to create such support and to nurture/sustain ourselves properly, but ultimately, greed is of course also a point to debunk within self-honesty, because no amount of money can create ‘wealth’ in itself if we weren’t living in our awareness of the interdependence we hold to each other individual and part of this reality.

 

– They claim that Image, personality and status or popularity is something that also gives happiness. I question this as a sense of ‘ego’ creation, though in a redefined manner, this can comes by default when one works on oneself and one starts focusing one’s life to support oneself and so be an active agent of change in the world. One’s words, thoughts, deeds start speaking for themselves and so this ‘recognition’ is not then a popularity game of sorts one participates in, I’d rather place it as the ability and potential we all have to stand as an example of what is possible to live and become when establishing living principles of what’s best for all in our lives.  This is then a point where one can simply recognize and acknowledge one’s living day to day actions and see the benefit of them for what they create as a consequence, and develop a sense of honor to oneself and all life around us which is definitely what I can also link to a sense of happiness, of fulfillment, of genuine stability and way to prosperity.

 

There was also a point wherein I simply denied all happiness to exist, and yes just as love defined as a slight or overwhelming churning of energies within ourselves, as an energy experience it is definitely not something that I could ‘forever experience,’ because it’s only momentary which indicates: it’s a mind job. Thus happiness had to become a word that I can mostly live through the consideration of how can I build, create this point of self-support, self-stability in my life and reality, how can I cooperate and co-work with others in order to create a change in this world. So, what’s interesting here is that me desiring to ‘change the world’ would have been also a point I would link to happiness, but little did I know that if I had only sought to ‘change the word out there’ I would have missed first my personal point of self-responsibility: changing myself, first supporting myself.

So I do say here that happiness as a word to live by does imply first self-responsibility: taking care of ourselves, ensuring one has sufficient money to live in dignity, where one has the ability and continues to improve one’s life, to challenge ourselves further, to develop ourselves to our utmost potential, to live by the law of placing the extra effort to get things done in a way wherein I can genuinely say ‘this is my creation, this is my expression and I am satisfied with it.’ Within this of course comes the consideration of how within me living by these principles, what I do in the ‘outside world’ will thus be the constant and continuous expression of what I live within and as me – this is thus how I have defined my ability to live happiness within giving myself, my life, my day to day a purpose which is to make of this world a place wherein we call all live actually happily, so that happiness stops being a ‘desire’ in our minds, but instead becomes a genuine and feasible practical method, a way and series of actions and steps that involve each one’s participation to co-create such happiness in reality.

This is how I see that in order to create and live happiness = the whole must be contained, everyone must be considered, because if we leave one person outside of this consideration, then that one point will make us all miserable again, because this life is about learning how to coexist as equals and so within this, I see that happiness in its FULL expression is not yet ‘here’ as the definition of all living parts in this world having a dignified and satisfying existence.  I see that happiness is a ‘work in progress’ when it comes to genuinely Living it at a global level – however, it is possible to work on creating a general stability and support for oneself to live in a responsible manner, which I’ve found to be actually a great source of satisfaction and fulfillment.

In fact, living this process of self-support with the Desteni tools is an awesome practical way to create and build this happiness for oneself, it won’t definitely make you all tingly within yourself, nor would it come with ease either, it does take actual work, dedication, discipline, consistency, self-will, determination, self-leadership and creativity to do this, but these are all aspects that are definitely worth investing one’s life and time on. Having said this, it does make sense to say that aiming to be ‘happy’ within this context and consideration, to create happiness for everyone in this world is a cool thing to aim at, because it will enable us all to create a general well-being wherein we can actively and continuously create and make of this world a system of support, of living-life instead of merely surviving or having to strive to ‘make a living,’ where our relationships become necessary pillars for us to thrive instead of obstacles to achieve personal gain and self-interest.

If happiness is a common goal in each one’s life, it’s best to then recognize it as something that can only genuinely exist if we all first place the consideration of creating this happiness, this stability, this self-support, self-care, and self-honesty within each one of us individually, so that then we become a +1 person that becomes a pillar to build this happiness in the world, no matter where you are: our lives, how we live/what we do in each moment, how we walk our day to day defines what we create collectively. So, it’s about time we stop seeking for happiness ‘out there’ and instead focus on creating it within and without.

What I can share as the practical way to do this is by walking this process of self-support, I hadn’t ever been satisfied with my life or even would dare to call myself as ‘being happy’ because I was a Grinch, so unhappy about life /the world and blaming everything and everyone for why my life wasn’t ‘working,’ instead of realizing that I do not have to ‘seek happiness’ out there, I have to actually recognize my ability to create it, to become it and to establish it/share it with others in this world. Sounds nice, yep, but it takes actual work and dedication to genuinely live it, it takes guts to also be able to let go of previous definitions of ‘happiness’ by testing it out, seeing if what one had defined as happiness is really a constant and continuous point I can live within my life that is Best for All for eternity – and there, first steps of self-honesty will emerge.

It’s surely enjoyable to take the wheel of your life, and this is precisely what we learn to do in this process, so I recommend it 100% percent.

 

I commit myself to any time and all time required to bring this world back to that which is life, regardless of what it will take and I commit myself not to allow the values the mind  as me have become to determine what is real value. Until this is done. – Bernard Poolman 

 

Living Principles

 

Suggested blog:

Day 2: Happiness and Me

 

I dare you to start questioning what happiness is for you and if you’re ready to live genuine happiness, join us here:

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


405. Culture: the Clockwork of our Psychosphere

 We may not change culture overnight, but we certainly CAN begin changing the way that we live and participate in it.

 

Continuing from:

 

  Seeing it from this perspective to me is quite supportive to ponder ‘twice’ any time I go to watch a film or see any works of art and remind myself that what I see is not special, not unique, it won’t give me a ‘breakthrough’ in itself and so stop for once and for all that ‘seeking’ mentality which is more like a habit from the past as I am certainly not looking for any ‘truths’ in it any longer once I have realized I created my own mythology with my art as well, without realizing that there’s nothing new under the sun and that we all use the same symbols and images so it’s just arranging it in a different way to create some meaning and give continuation to the stories – lies – we have been telling to ourselves as human beings to make us more godly or divine, at least that’s what the ‘art role’ was meant to be according to what is taught in academy. Yes, though once you start finding out the nature of such ‘god’ and such elites, well, let’s just say that art can be reduced as well to the most refined form of propaganda of course and now I understand why I had such a hard time realizing that all art had been previously entirely devoted to promote religion or immortalize monarchs or peasants to remind ourselves ‘this is how it’s always been like’ in the absence of the eye that can lie as well as the photographic camera, but hey every age requires its own cementation in our minds through pictures and words, so art served that function.

 

If anything, art has been used to impose symbols, to enslave – hence the ‘mythical’ start of it for magic-religious purposes. Gee, only now I kind of realize the pieces of my puzzle and the absolute diversion I delved myself into, no wonder I was seeking gods in pictures, symbols or philosophies – all part of the ‘inherent’ (read: preprogrammed) need to have someone/something greater than us to make responsible for this entire creation – so, religion is one of the primary mind constructs we all exist as, whether you are atheist or not, it’s part of the unconscious the same way that we believe that fighting for our lives is something that makes sense, or how the rich and the poor is how things have always been and always will be. Art then became the necessary imposition of images to perpetuate religious mentality for the purpose of pacifying/stupefying and sedating individuals while threatening with the ‘wrath of god’ if anyone dared to step outside of the line – well, it was religion back in the day but now it’s just alcohol, drugs, sports, entertainment and big pharma too, but that’s our contemporary story.

 

So, it’s taken me some time to find ‘more reasons’ to write about this art subject and it’s interesting how I had to use other pieces of information to break my own spell, meaning, having to let go of the idea of art as something ‘really human’ or else, as if it was more ‘true’ than anything else we do or say, which can’t be so, because everything we have ever thought, done, spoken comes from who we are as the mind and so we have only learned how to regurgitate the same ‘system’ into pictures, ideas, stories and so reinforce our own cages, which is why understanding one’s enslavement makes it easier to let go of anything one is holding onto from ‘the past’ which is the current automated reality we are living in – it is once again to remind myself that no matter how ‘majestic’ something might look like, it was never meant to glorify or represent life or principles of equality at all, but rather the opposite.

 

An example: writers were contracted to be informed about which topics to write upon, such as space travel, futuristic technocracies, alien invasions and so with doing this, begin an entire new ‘wave of thought’ in the society through these inoffensive tools called books that then eventually turned into movies. The same with films which are formulas to instigate a particular line of thinking and making of the main topics in them something acceptable as part of culture/what goes on in our minds as well – just as it’s happened with porn appearing on ‘mainstream movies’ nowadays as well as sadomasochism made ‘cool’ and we’re on our way to make of pedophilia and all kinds of paraphilias something ‘acceptable’ so that younger generations get the idea that ‘it is okay to have sex with older people.’ This is the current nature of our culture and where we are heading to.

 

Clockwork 2003

 

 

Once again, are we only revealing and making acceptable what always has existed within us as human beings, or are we instilling new behaviors through our culture? I’d say both since we create such fixations in our minds and we simply evolve the experiences to have new contexts, new ‘ideas’ to fantasize upon and so ‘upgrade’ the experience. In the mind we function as addicts that get our ‘fix’ from having something to think about or fantasize about and the initial experiences can get us to quite a ‘high’ but then, we continue ‘pushing the envelope’ because once the energetic reaction becomes normalized (you build resistance) one seeks a greater dose. This is what I see is what we’ve all been following in the media until it becomes absolutely unsustainable or else, what is left there to continue ‘pushing the envelope’ when it comes to our celebritism? To our ‘art’? to our films other than rehashing the same stories over and over again?

 

 

Why do I see this as a very relevant topic? Because I can see myself as a product of the ‘culture’ I decided to immerse myself in, and I mean this as an actual decision I made in my teenage years to soak up the most information about music, books, arts so that I could work on that – why did this happen? It clearly happened after 2001 and the almost paranoid reaction I had toward keeping myself high on CNN watching every detail and every move after 9-11– lol just like those elections where Bush wasn’t able to be clearly defined as the next president and you’d ponder WHY was I watching that? Well, it was my idea then of becoming politically involved. But after realizing the scam it was, I then veered toward that which I thought was more liberating: arts. My very relationships and career decisions were entirely shaped by every single book I read within the starting point of finding some kind of ‘truths’ in them, seeking to identify ‘me’ through the writer’s characters without realizing I was in fact absorbing it all to then rehash it in the form of ‘my own personality.’

 

The same with the music that I developed an affinity for, the stereotypes of individuals praised as ‘artists’ and how I also even trained myself to praise crap art (not literal though) because, well everyone else seems to also like it isn’t it? Lol like my ‘favorite movement’ Abstract Expressionism and Pollock – just praised alcoholics or junkies made stars on the cover of Life Magazine, upgraded to such stardom for a very necessary political move of that time when it comes to consolidating America’s position after WW2, and this would imply that  we only get to know of the artists that somehow have also ‘agreed’ to be part of the establishment – which from my personal aspirations of ever getting to that position means that everything has always been fixed and that no one becomes that famous without hidden agendas. Who knows? Maybe Van Gogh was made such a legend because of his erratic behavior and affinity for absinthe and so, he was made famous to begin instigating  more people to get into drugs to paint in such ways too… because let’s face it: we copy and integrate everything we see around us and if we see something that works to ‘get some success’ going, then we will try and emulate it because it is part of our preprogramming to seek such specialness and ‘uniqueness’ too, and some people like myself would seek it through artistic stardom, others through becoming a stock broker which means: yes, art is not ‘outside of the system’ at all, and the star-system is the learned protocol if one wants to ‘make it’ within the system.

 

 

 modern_slave

Artwork by JL Kenney

 

I actually decided in my early teens to watch all ‘cult movies’ because I was getting myself prepared to be ‘well acculturated’ and went from Pulp Fiction, Taxi Driver, A Clockwork Orange, Scarface, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Trainspotting, Reservoir Dogs and others..  you can see the constant topics there: drugs, criminality and ultraviolence and this is what is a ‘must’ in every movie along with sex if it is to ensure its success, a perfect carrier for imprinting new behaviors which are then copied by ourselves as if it was a mint reflection of our society.  When it comes to books, reading Burroughs, lots of Kerouac, Palahniuk, Coupland while listening to depressive music saying ‘It’s too late now, It’s the devil’s way now’ and watching people like Thom Yorke get ‘depressed’ in his ultra-famous lifestyle pointing out to us that even if you have it all there’s still that depressed state residing within due to being too aware of how things really work, or be told that Kurt Cobain committed suicide for hating this world and wanting to die – which I still consider he was suicided in fact, but that’s another story –  Well no ponder I painted what I painted, I just rehashed what I would read/hear/see around me: Culture!  And nowadays it’s stronger than ever to promote being dumb and stupid as ‘cool’ and having mentality such as ‘You Only Live Once’ and justifying any form of teenage stupidity because Hey, YOLO!  Or seeing the ultra mind controlled Miley Cyrus or some ten years ago Britney Spears breaking the norm of what a ‘lady’ should act/be like and continuing to push the boundaries when it comes to ‘gender roles.’

 

Entertainment was the key influence in my life throughout the time when I was developing my own emotions and feelings which is what I eventually enjoyed ‘losing’ myself into: as a child watching too much TV, as a teenager reading many books, listening too much music from which I learned more about the human mind while developing some rather unusual fascinations with everything that pointed out toward death and destruction, which I later on transposed onto my own paintings wherein I tried to also become part of the ‘shock world’ just because I was so much against what seemed normal and acceptable, so I found my ‘niche’ in society by everything that seemed to go against the tide.  An example is the time when I placed myself to watch some ‘cult movies’ like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs, I considered them far too violent and could not comprehend how people could revere it, however I then wanted to be part of that world, of the ‘alternative’ or the not so widely acceptable, just anything that could question or challenge what I deemed to be the ‘status quo’ or ‘what is normal’ but, I wasn’t at all aware how it is that these movies were made popular for the very purpose of making sex, drugs, ultra violence part of the mainstream and ‘normalcy’ in our consciousness. 

 

 

The same went on with A clockwork orange, I watched it a couple of times and walked through my own early digestion of the idea of violence being enjoyable for these guys and pondering if others were able to discern that such violence was not in fact something funny or enjoyable and that these guys were sick in the gulliver. However a deliberate problem here is that Kubrick didn’t include chapter 21 on Burgess’ original story, which would have given another twist to the whole plot and shown a real grown up Alex that had transcended his ultra-violent teenage years as that would have ‘broken the spell’ for a film maker that was also meant to create a ‘mark’ in an entire generation and generations to come with the portrayal of violence as something fun to do, aside from the mind control remarks in an attempt to ‘cure’ Alex’s problem, which also gives a hint of what Big Pharma means today in a ‘mentally ill’ person’s life: cure without ever pondering WHY is it that our so called ‘mental illnesses’ exist today more so than ever before, and how we could even legitimize it without any real means to test someone for it?

I guess I could write many things about all of this since it’s part of my so-called ‘visual’ education, but the point here is to realize that nothing is what it seems, there has been no real virtues in this world, we have never been actually alive so anything I ever had respect for of course was just a lie that I wanted to hold on to for some reason, which in this case it came through what I would read in magazines that was considered ‘cool’ and ‘cult movies’ and ‘movie classics’ which actually were on purpose made part of such categories so that any person would then have to watch those movies and get acquainted with the basics that make of Hollywood something profitable till this day.

Will I be able to see things with the same eyes again? No, once the lid is blown off, you can’t. It is no longer a nice story where Jane the girl in American Beauty that would kind of see through the ‘fakeness’ in reality, ‘falling  in love’ and running away with a drug dealer to ‘escape their reality’ I mean, it stops having such romantic twist to it – as I had defined it anyways, lol – and it becomes just another plot where those that could not ‘fit in the box’ become ‘outsiders’ and living in the fringe side of reality.  However I do like to keep watching/reading to continue seeing where and how we have created this mass hypnosis where we have essentially become the personas that we are sold in the media: this is the not so innocent and most pervasive brainwashing and as such, I see it is very important to become more aware of how we ‘entertain’/entrain ourselves, and not end up in denial of that which we wasted our life time on, as I did at some point in my life too when being in a constant hypnosis of watching music videos for example.

 

The point here is demonstrating how we have never genuinely created something that demonstrated an actual point of self-creation in our culture, and of course we haven’t done so because We as individuals have Never in fact considered such starting point possible within ourselves in the first place, to recognize the power and ability to create ourselves, to become better human beings. All we have ever been and done is to exist as the ‘created’ at the mercy of some invisible creator, repeating, revamping, rehashing what has been used since the beginning of time to revere its ‘unfathomable’ existence and creation.  It was in the repetition of symbols, myths & archetypes, ideologies and holy books, behaviors and morals that we have shaped ourselves around the same acceptance of oneself as the mind only and from there, confirm our ‘human nature’ and why we seem to always be so unfulfilled, so miserable, suffering all the time, the ‘pains of living’ and the ‘struggle’ to make a decent living… is this what LIFE is really about or is this what we’ve seen/read/watched it is Meant to be? We have only perverted, tainted and twisted it all further, enhancing our own separation, ignorance, apathy and overall self-destruction through the ‘creations’ we’ve pulled out as arts/media/culture – please see specifically now contemporary art/ post modernism of which I became just a part of by reproducing the same ideas around everything that I would imprint within myself on a daily basis for years on from the TV: death, destruction, decay, suffering, abuse, sexual deviance and learning how to praise this as some kind of ‘truth’ of an individual, almost learning to accept this bs as  the ‘dark side’ that we had to come to embrace and make it more evident to ‘wake up’ but, of course we’ve kind of remained in the phase of becoming enamored with our distractions, our diseases, our paraphilias and haven’t yet given the next step to outgrow it and realize it for the teenage years this implies when it comes to our stages of development as species. Sure, you can be mesmerized by how well done/crafted some works are, but again:  is the starting point of it, the essence  and intent of it something that I can consider valuable or respectable and supportive for our real development as living human beings, to consider what is best for all within the context of self-honesty? No.

 

All seeing eyes 2005

 

In a way it does mirror our reality. Contemporary art became garbage, literal garbage sold as millions, or canned poo which is the most common example of how this ‘devaluation’ or should I say the entire extrapolation of value became yet another cognitive dissonance and part of the plan when art came to form part of ‘desirable collectibles’ by the elite and making some pieces of plastic worth millions of dollars – I correct myself, billions of dollars such as Sotheby’s record sales of 5.8 billion dollars in 2011 –  making it nothing more than just any other asset for people at Wall Street to feel empowered with. It is also very cool for me to see and realize this, and come to see how all those books I read trying to make sense of ‘the movements’ or phases of human expression were nothing else but planned justifications to make it seem as some kind of ‘natural evolution’ of sorts, when in fact it has always been planned specifically to follow through within the context of how the world works at an economic and political level. Let’s not forget it is the current roles of curators and ‘art authorities’ that decide what gets ‘consecrated’ and what doesn’t –  just as in regular HIStory told by the winners, the side of the story that we are meant to adopt and accept as ‘how the story went!’ so that we keep feeding each other lies and keep revering our own masters.

 

IGod

 

 

The current success of our drugged/medicated, dumbed down, fame seeking population suffering from cognitive dissonance, while being dumbfounded at celebritism confirms the effectiveness of our own mind control, accepted, allowed and even praised. When we look at our culture, we can see nothing else but the fulfillment of our own prophecy for absolutely consensual enslavement, one that we buy and choose as part of our personalities and preferences, believing that we can somehow still manage to ‘feel special’ in a standardized society where even ‘subcultures’ or anti-cultures are part of the system, lol. From my own experience, it will take quite some time to wake up from it, as it just took me some 7 years to come to realize this because I had wanted to keep the little idea or dream that these artists were ‘special people’ that had have some genuine ‘revelations’ in their work and what they do, which is what I tried to be a part of, to be the one that could ‘see’ behind the scenes or have some special connections with god –  I am not joking here, when I started painting I also wanted to be the hand of god to reveal something special, lol. But, how could that be without even pondering first if the thoughts, the images, the concepts we had in our minds were in fact our own, including the idea/notion/speculation of GOD itself?

 

 

The same with architecture and every ‘majestic’ construction, of course it was built by slaves but I still wanted to overlook the obvious inherent purposes of such constructions as the physical consolidation of what ‘control’ and ‘power’ looked like, of accepting the existence of massive amounts of wealth to build for the elites, repeating symbols for thousands of years and as such learn it in our history books as if it represented some ‘great work’ or revelation of our ‘who we are’ as species – dismissing the fact that if anything, we could confirm that we have never in fact ceased to exist as slaves, but instead we were taught how to  revere our enslavement. We are all in fact experiencing Stockholm Syndrome and it is rather urgent that we wake up to see how through the seemingly ‘innocent’ we are driving each other to the precipice, starting with child consumerism and the archetypes fed by Disney movies, it’s definitely something to focus on if we can’t at the moment entirely straighten the rest ‘crooked trees’ right away, but children are of primary importance here.

 

I still find it very interesting when I hear someone say ‘to have thoughts of their own’ as if we had our very own copyright to everything we think or say, as if we could create words from scratch. We weren’t even aware how our tastes and preferences were being shaped by ‘the environment’/culture and our lineage/parents which means you would get into it no matter if you went to private schools or else, because having a TV, reading books, watching films, or simply being with your peers would invariably taint you with it.  Drugs were never meant to be ‘liberating’ but the other way around, they were just promoted by these people that told us to ‘tune in and drop out’ while hanging out with artists/rockstars and make everyone drool to such ‘lifestyles,’ never even pondering who was financing some of the greatest ‘rock bands’ in history and virtually any ‘star’ that we have gotten to know of. It’s very simple: if you become famous, if you ‘make it’ it mostly usually means you had to continue playing the role and tell the stories that give continuation to the agenda for further indoctrination and control. This is how we became the useful idiots as human beings that  in seeking for a piece of heaven as fame and fortune, one comes to accept certain ideologies and behaviors, sometimes it’s not even by explicit consent because we then believe that we can innovate by ‘pushing the envelope further’ and ‘be controversial’ or transgressive as if this meant going against ‘the core of control’ as ‘the system’ or religions,  but in fact it is another contained form of ‘rebellion’ to continue misleading ourselves from the actual sources of change, which doesn’t mean dropping the white dove to embrace the raven within, but the consideration of the starting point of why I do this, what motivates me, what do I get from it? Am I supporting myself within this that I am doing/creating? Is my intention to support others and myself through it?

 

Nothing of what we see currently as ‘mainstream’ In our CULTure is spontaneous either, it is manufactured, it is deliberately fixed to promote certain ‘artists’ or ‘artworks’ or ideas through TV shows, so it doesn’t genuinely reflect an ‘evolution’ because there’s NEVER been such self-directive change in our consciousness: we’ve always been herded/guided. And this is yet another aspect to de-mystify about expression and what has been promoted as some kind of ‘spiritual revelation’ in art itself or in Satanism as pop-culture is presenting now: it was never in fact meant to ever represent genuine self-expression, it’s only a chewable way to integrate mind-control and mind possession as ‘normal’ and ‘cool’ while sending any living principles out of the scene and made uncool or ‘old-fashioned.’ 

 

Sacred Mindfucks 2008

 

 

If I hadn’t stopped myself from falling down that precipice of the new age/sacred art culture that I was delving myself into some 7 years ago, I would have probably be enamored with things that Alex Grey’s paintings or aiming to at least be someone like Banksy to be an incorporated and revered form of ‘resistance’ to the system. Everything is literally ‘on our noses’ as the culture we breathe in and out every single day – and there was still a part of me that refused to entirely SEE this or more like placing it into words, as I was still holding on to keeping just this ‘little pieces of heaven’ as the ideas of who these ‘great artists’ had been, and ‘what great inspirations’ they have represented for me and yes I repeat, their work probably is/was or their ideas,  but of course it never meant a life-changing example but more of a conducted and deliberate plan to continue misleading from promoting or making actual solutions part of our ‘pop culture’ or art movements. This is why everything is so contained as if it was prescribed, it’s a preprogrammed plan as well and as such there was no real ‘innovation’ or real creativity involved but prepaid craftsmanship to advance and give specific morals, ideas, en vogue topics as the ‘new directions’ to our human culture and this is what I’m most intensely interested on these days: debunking our culture.

 

Maybe I can learn something from that Chuck Klosterman’s book I read many years ago Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs  to analyze popular culture and see how it is that our fitter-happier mentality in this capitalist ‘mediafied’ system is the ‘filter’ through which we create our relationships, how we interact with one another is entirely manufactured for a specific purpose: to become willfully ignorant and prisoners of our own diversion and distraction as we become addicted to what’s in the ‘psychosphere’/collective unconscious and be a part of our globalized mentality, which I don’t necessarily judge as ‘bad’ but only see all the points that would require to be aligned to be a supportive popular culture, and we are heading in the opposite direction at the moment.

 

So, one point to consider here is that this is in no way to blame those that apparently ‘set the agenda’ as ‘they’ were just part of the game anyways, but rather looking at how I/we accepted and allowed ourselves to become prisoners of our own diversions, of our own emotions and feelings, of our own minds while neglecting to really look at what is it that we are making of ourselves, what have we turned ourselves into and use common sense as a point of reference to see ‘where we are’ in our day to day participation: is what I like, do, follow, commit to what is best for all? Why is it that something as vital as politics and understanding of how the system really works never been part of our inherent ‘culture’? Why have we reduced politics to a mockery? Nowadays politicians seem to be more of a subject for reality shows with the same contest-like popularity mentality structure where one can ‘vote’ for the lesser of two evils and call that a civil duty – so why are no real definitions of politics as in realizing our power to direct our lives and so make effective decisions to benefit ourselves as society?  Oh no! That’s where the real threat exists! That’s why we are constantly taught to hate ‘the elite’ and ‘hate politicians’ and see them as ‘the problem’ while excluding ourselves as co-creators of the problem – that’s the Real problem in fact. And so the importance of always considering SELF-Responsibility in everything we might think or believe that only ‘a few’ are imposing ‘upon us.’ It is as simple as realizing that there would be ‘no culture’ if we – one by one – didn’t actively participated in it.

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I remember this text of about 50 pages on what ‘Culture’ is when I was in junior high school and now I would reduce the definition of culture to the industry of making behavioral imprints part of a person’s individual and collective identity for the purpose of maintaining old-age status quo with the appearance of evolution or progress while creating a paradigm of ideologies that perpetuate the divide and conquer mentality through the mechanisms of entertainment and arts, which are intended to standardize thinking, behavioral, emotional and feeling patterns in the masses. There has never really been an evolution, but only a change of scenario with words that would indicate ‘progress’ while missing out on the actual newspeak this ‘progress’ entails. How can there be any progress when we still leave out billions of individuals from having access to the most essential needs to live in dignity, such as water, food, shelter, healthcare? This is also to place into perspective in which kind of segmented bubbled mentality we exist in when praising the lavish lifestyles of our rich and famous while disregarding and deliberately ignoring the real problems we have come to accept as ‘normal’ in our world.

 

 Common Sense and Principled Living to consider Life in Equality and What’s Best for All in everything we do/act/speak is what we don’t yet  learn in school and this is why it is so important to start debunking everything we had used as an excuse to justify ‘who we are’ and our ‘human nature’ within ‘culture,’ because culture is still man-made, it is NOT something inherent to our physical bodies, it is not in the air we breathe, it is not in the food we eat – no matter how contaminated or GMO’d it can be – it is all about who we are in the mind and what we decide to participate in. Human Nature and ‘Culture’ have become the greatest excuses as to why it is apparently ‘impossible to change’ now, it is a comfortable lie we like to tell ourselves, so we have to being there before attempting to call others ‘liars’ isn’t it? That’s where self-integrity and self-honesty begins.

 

It’s time to debunk my own perceptions of what art was supposed to be and to understand that even if I had the intention to ‘see beyond the veil’ the very fact that I wanted to hold on to some apparent ‘good’ things I had believed were a virtue in some individuals and human creations like in art made me want to hold on to certain aspects of my own cultural conditioning from which I developed my personality, my taste in men, the lifestyle I wanted, the kind of music, TV, books and everything that I previously regarded as , ‘the who I am’ within the social-soup of reality which is the way I shaped myself to be as who I am as my mind. I bet that everyone can relate to identifying oneself to one character in a movie, in a book, or with some artist and even emulate the way they lived their lives or trying to mimic ‘how they got to make it’ in the world. Another example of this manufacturing of culture is how suddenly certain things would become available and so ‘openly’ talked about in the mainstream like with the hippie movement and psychotropic drugs, sexual openness, the apparent female empowerment and the tune in-drop out ‘living’ mode which gave another step toward the new age movement. Little did I know there was nothing really ‘special’ about that in the sense of human consciousness suddenly ‘evolving’ or us finding some kind of ‘gate’ to the heavens lol, but instead it is about seeing how these were specific experiments conducted by the CIA to precisely get an entire generation interested on drugs, spirituality and the ‘unseen’ as well as feeding addictions rather than ever getting closer to finding out real ways to make of our lives in this world-system better, such as politics or becoming familiarized with the ways the money system operates, who decides how we conduct our social-programs, why do we we even limit ourselves in our economic systems and so forth.

 

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There have been many, many things that have suddenly become a point of focus and attention in our lives, because it is constantly talked about of and/or advertised and so we diminish ourselves to be receptors and regurgitate what we watch on mainstream media, and then ponder why ‘everyone’s talking about…..’ similar topics. Well, there’s no magic in that. I made the experiment myself some years ago when I deliberately would not watch anything about pop culture, I didn’t even know who Lady Gaga was until late 2010 and dared to listen to the music, but before that I only got to know of the name and person through the covers of magazines that I would see while making a line in the supermarkets in South Africa. So, it is possible to be ‘out of the loop’ of course if you step outside of mainstream TV, radio and not visit such pop culture websites. However because right now we are so plugged into everything that is constant ‘news’ and celebritism, you get to know of these individuals whether you like it or not, it’s just all over and one can ignore it, but you can’t avoid seeing the pictures everywhere. So this is how we move ourselves en masse to keep enticing  ourselves to upscale our own obsessions and diversions from ever considering what it is that our lives would be without such entertainment? Maybe we would start actually focusing on why we have to constantly suffer, strive and really exist as slaves that only worry about money and fearing to lose our jobs.

 

It is essential to get ourselves out of this survival mode if we want to ever get to a point of providing to each other a dignified living, and most of the time we rather have a joystick between our hands or hypnotize ourselves with Netflix marathons rather than taking some of the multiple sources in the internet and start scratching the surface to understand why do we live in such a dog-eat-dog world? How have we created this nature of the system? What can we do about it? Which would in fact then be us realizing that politics IS what should have always been part of our culture, it IS what should have always formed part of our essential education: to realize each one of us has the power to create oneself and as such direct our reality in a way that is beneficial for all.

So, by saying this we can already see that we have been ‘living’ in a deliberately concealed or fabricated version of our reality to precisely Not dig into these topics, to Not see behind the glitter and glam that we are constantly fed with by the surreal lives portrayed on television.  So, this all indicates to myself that as I now see, realize and understand with more clarity than ever before, it is my responsibility as a human being, as part of this creation and part of the problem to support myself and be a point of support for others that also want to start taking the veil off of their eyes. This is the real apocalypse time, the time of revealing to ourselves all the lies we have bought and sold as ‘our culture’ for example, and how it is this very ‘culture’ that has become the very virus we all get infected with by getting high on the experiences we choose to get from it, getting lost in the fantasy realm of the fictions that serve for multiple purposes leading to a greater distraction and diversion from ever considering doing something more substantial to really change the world.

 

It is so true to say that the real revolution won’t be televised, and everything that once was ‘revolutionary’ or ‘alternative’ becomes mainstream and so gets sucked into the system again, nor do I mean the type of revolution with guns, protests and machetes – but the revolution of who we are as our minds. So, I do not actually oppose getting mainstream if these ideas proposed here start becoming the usual awareness of how this world really operates; in fact, the more and more we start collectively seeing this, the more and more difficult it will be to buy just any lie, to fall for the same Hollywood crap we are sold in order to upgrade and instill ‘new ideas’ of what we are meant to be thinking about now. There’s nothing new really, we have reached the end of ‘creativity’ and it is now the time to start creating a New Living Culture of Life, one where we make of self-responsibility a necessity to coexist in dignity, a culture of principles where we can support each other to live and stop losing ourselves in emotional mindfucks and enhancing our obsessions.

Our human nature has never certainly been benevolent, but praising its malevolence will only get us further down the hole. So if I see this, if you see this: it is us that have to change how culture is created nowadays. And how to do this? You may ask, well, it’s not to merely ‘change’ what is created, but changing ourselves, changing who we are as the creators and participants in this reality which will determine the nature of our creations, that’s the real birthing as life creative process we’re talking about here, and I want YOU to join us in it.

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all aspects of what I had called ‘culture’ as a way to ennoble ourselves as human beings was in fact nothing else but the show off of our very core programming, all based on personalities that were in fact also used to give continuation to certain ‘phases’ in our own mind control or self-awareness diversions such as books, music, films that I once believed were a ‘reflection’ of ourselves –  and they are – however they also were in fact great instruments of conditioning and imprinting of certain behaviors and ways of looking at the world to the point where every person that has had contact with this ‘culture’ of watching movies or reading books or ‘admiring’ artists has had that point of self-identification toward them as if they represented something noble in fact to copy or integrate as a role model or something to aspire to – which might be in certain cases – but in my own experience this is how I learned to be comfortable with violence, decay and pushing the boundaries of what I would deem as ‘acceptable’ based on the idea that the more the envelope was being pushed within me, the more ‘in’ or ‘Avant-garde’ I could become myself, which is nothing else but just having pushed myself to make even the most hideous things ‘acceptable’ and part of subcultures which I did had a reticence to accept as ‘normal’ yet, because of seeing the amount of people that would like certain kind of images or personalities or so called paraphilias, then I believed that we had to embrace our ‘evil’ or our ‘dark side,’ and all of this knowing within myself that it wasn’t really ‘okay’ but because it is part of our society then, I made it ok on purpose so as to not seem ‘out of the loop’ with what my ‘culture’ seemed to be moving on to.

 

Something that I begun noticing from the time that I began watching cable TV which is 20 years ago, is that at least in something like MTV everything started becoming more and more outrageous to the point of scandalous and plain degenerated, however it was made ‘cool’ because of the idea of ‘art’ and ‘avant-garde’ and post-modernism and all of these tags that I actually believed were pretty much ‘in tune’ with what we are witnessing in our societies, not realizing that within looking at what was first the chicken or the egg, they simply represented more ways to continue ‘shocking’ ourselves and accepting violence, depravation, sexual morbidity, the lack of any values as something that was part of ‘my generation’ and so actually beginning to also see myself as part of that ‘lostness’ that was portrayed everywhere and the lostness that sought to get high, to have sex, to ‘live life’ through alcohol and feeling like there is no way out in this life other than becoming a junky or ultimately commit suicide as it was staged to be seen from some of our generation’s pop-culture heroes like Kurt Cobain  – I mean all of these personality traits somehow I felt Identified with it to the point wherein you can look at my book collection, and a great amount of them will have the topic of drugs, dharma bums, of spiritual outcasts, off-griders, shockers like Miller, Burroughs, Ellis, Bukowski and the usual Sartre just to make myself push my own boundaries. No matter how much they seemed to ‘tell the truth’ it could also be them supporting these personalities and making them ‘known’ to everyone else as ‘how the youth is’ which is a double way to portray reality and reinforce the same patterns/behaviors/traits which are not necessarily self-supportive. I didn’t find any ‘truth’ or practical self-supportive views on life in them – the same as with Coupland or Palahniuk’s book through which I would rather confirm my supposed state of ‘outcastism’ I caged myself in, no matter how much I enjoyed them, it was all just programming reinforcement – all of it just served as sugar for my personalities, to upgrade them and upgrade the addiction.

“Outcasts may grow up to be novelists and filmmakers and computer tycoons, but they will never be the athletic ruling class.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto

 

There you go, our ‘truths’ made quotes.

 

 

Here’s to my process of self-debrainwashing:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever define myself according to the characters I enjoyed in books, the artists and their attitudes such as standing ‘against the system’ while actually denigrating themselves to a low-lifestyle just to ‘not depend on a government’ for example, which is just the same mentality of ‘the dreamers’ and the people that so-called could stand ‘free’ or ‘be the resistance’ and ‘never fit in’ through creating art, without realizing that this mentality of ‘the outcasts’ – of which I read several books on – the ‘rebels,’ the ‘anti-system’ musicians, the depressive mentalities that I became so engulfed in to the point where I missed my own life while just becoming addicted to feeling ‘down’ wherein I have found it difficult to allow myself to enjoy myself, just because of how much I reinforced my pessimism, my gloomy view on life based on the types of preferences that I developed as a child from age 7 and on, within the idea that this was the ‘cool stuff’ that I had to make myself like that ‘fringe’ side of reality just because I initially would be shocked by it to the point wherein I would go from the fear/shock to the attraction and then integration of it as part of ‘who I am.’ In this I was aware how I went ‘pushing my own envelope’ for the purpose of being special, being unique since people my age as my peers weren’t ‘into the stuff’ that I was into back then, which made me feel that I could see beyond the happy-go-lucky mentality and that somehow the dark and mysterious was ‘more real,’ which in a way it is just defining myself according to the good/bad essential separation mentality in which we have caged ourselves throughout ages, to always be in conflict with one another and within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was being ‘true to myself’ by being a rather pessimist person and with an obscure view on life based on what I saw was also ‘con-firmed’ by others like writers, musicians, filmmakers that I believed could ‘understand me’ but in fact we were all just acting out on our emotions and feelings and not really doing anything else other than what we were meant to do, such as feeling helpless to do anything for our lives and world, following our preprogrammed personalities while using ‘culture’ as a way to justify our copy-paste of ‘trends,’ personalities, ideas, beliefs, preferences and then! Even dare to create relationships based on these preferences, which is something I did and that I consider many people do, which is once again only creating relationships and ideas of ourselves based on what has kept the entire ‘show’ running as is without opening up real possibilities for change, because in holding on to this so-called ‘art’ and ‘culture’ I was in fact limiting myself from seeing the actual potential we have as real self-creation, which is then stopping following ‘the leaders’ and ‘trends’ that are manufactured or trying to ‘fit into’ certain personalities, but instead focus on changing the starting point of everything we do/act/speak on, changing our lives from copycats to self-creative individuals without any need for ‘external reinforcement’ to do so.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to focus on all ‘the bad’ and that which I believed we refused looking at or realizing as a way to ‘wake us up’ but now, that’s also become part of ‘the norm’ and so developing a kind of ‘resistance’ or immunity to any form of shock, which is why I realize that utilizing images to shock even more is just not doing the work any longer. This is then about developing new ways that involve thinking out of the box as in thinking outside of the morality of the good vs. the bad and start focusing on living principles within our self-creative abilities.

I realize that in order to create any life-supportive art, the creator itself must walk through this deconstruction process him/herself so that one is deliberately then willing to contribute with one’s words, action to the creation of a world that is best for everyone as our common aim at this moment in our world. And this will imply also the exposure of the fallacies that we have revered as our history, and so forgiving that past fuckup and see it for the propaganda that it was as a creation of ‘the winners’ in the world, and so build a new culture of life that involves self-education, self-improvement through learning more about what it means to live within Self-Honesty and learn how to honor each other as life. This is not ‘uncool’ this is what we have pushed ourselves to see as ‘uncool’ or ‘outdated’ but that’s the key to a genuine change in our mentality and so in our reality.  We need books, we need films, we need music, we need plays, we need visual works that can be tools of support for this process of self-revelation or ‘the revelation’ process which can also expose the art of the past for what it was, what was its purpose, its consequences and so make each other aware that we have collectively used something as culture to continue ‘pushing the envelope’ and not questioning further the type of fascinations or addictions that we simply came to ‘embrace’ as part of our lives as that would make us ‘avant-garde’ or ‘keeping up with our times’ in the illusion of progress, which were in fact fabricated for the purpose of preventing us from actually focusing on that which matters, which is getting to know ourselves, developing self awareness and becoming individuals that can genuinely break the patterns from the past in all aspects of ourselves as there is nothing I can hold any form of respect, devotion or admiration from ‘our culture’ in the past, because we didn’t use it to share with each other how to actually live and become our fullest potential as species.

I now understand this ‘letting go’ of something that I had wanted to hold on to as part of my self-definition. And I can see that this is part of the ‘programming’ that I had to shed over time which in itself is part of my process in order to not only see it as ‘preprogramming’ but understanding how this culture that I had become fond of was never meant to support ourselves and each other to realize ourselves as life. This is what we have conditioned each other to by our own acceptance and allowance and such, it is now when I decide to understand more about the world-system picture so that I stop revering that which was never meant to be supportive for life.

 

 

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Support yourself to learn more about the Culture of LIFE:


334. Equality in Equal Money Capitalism

Inequality is concept originated in the best interest of who we are as the Mind that disregards physical evidence of our equal requirements to live, to justify why we can transform each other and the resources as means to enhance our lifestyles as the expense of others, creating the legal means to justify Why some are entitled to have More than others. In this we’ve made of knowledge and information a criminal code of behavior accepted as  ‘the way the world functions’ which is applied to everyone on Earth, without ever questioning the starting point of such decisions and if they were in fact based on establishing a world that’s Best for All. Our reality proves they were not, and it is our responsibility to ensure we establish the living principle of Equality as Life to provide to everyone the ability to Live in the Best Living Condition granted to everyone by virtue of their existence.
 
Continuing:

 

Problem                                                                 

 

  • Our constitutions have had these words as part of their guarantees and precepts, but they have never been applied and even if the ideal Capitalism points out ‘Equal Rights,’ we know this is not so, otherwise the people making cents an hour to produce goods that are sold a thousand times more expensive on retail price would be equally wealthy to the people that adjudicate themselves the right to decide who gets what amount of money – that ‘right’ to be equally earning profit is not supported. The right to life that people have by virtue of being a living being is neglected, and we have 2 billion people in this world that are proof of that.

 

  • Equality is usually linked to Communism of Socialism, pointing it out as a ‘failure’ or leading to mass murder and absolute control over people, which is by now the most common association and the most detrimental to get past this association and actually understand the ‘Equal’ next to Money. We have stated many times that Communism or Socialism only stood as names that refer to other forms of hierarchical structures of power and control – with this it is to understand that Equality has Never Existed on Earth or Existence for that matter, and this should suffice in order to be open to Hear what Equality as Life implies – yet we have another set of common obstacles for this.

 

“Without morality as the inner being of equality, one will manipulate reality to suit your self interest as you would be living in fear of other life forms as they compete with you and you want to win at all costs –even if it means the end of the planet” – Bernard Poolman 

 

  • People claim that no one is Equal and no one will ever be – this mostly comes from an understanding of who we are as our personalities, our skills, our abilities valued according to a System where No Life in Equality has ever been existent – hence all that is valued is knowledge, the ideas and beliefs of who each one is as a part of the system that does a certain work that creates more money than others, that is profitable, that leads one to earn a lot of money and within that become ‘more valuable’ in society. This is only, again, a value system created by the human mind in separation – disregard, inconsideration, neglect and deliberate ignorance- of the physical reality wherein two human beings might not be exactly ‘the same’ in their physical and psychological abilities, but both require the same Basic Needs to live, to satisfy their living requirements – we all live in the same world and that makes us Equal in the understanding that in order to live, we require to obtain resources and means to do so. Money has become the only way to obtain this ‘Right to Life’ and if we don’t grant this Right to Life as Money to everyone, we have our current Inequality or Income Inequality where some earn More than others –

 

“This inequality as ego is the foundation of education, economics, religion, politics, money, spirituality, family culture, sex and from this knowledge of self as ego, every child that enter this realm is immediately infested with the illusion and forced to create an ego themselves that will follow and abide by the rules of the illusion that has been manifested as the human civilization.” – Bernard Poolman

 

  • Inequality has been set as the ‘default’ ground of our social, political and economic order and organization as a society, we have believed that ‘this is how it’s always been’ and that we should just ‘stick to it.’ It has only been the History that we have been repeating without a change throughout time, we can’t claim evolution while we still justify the suffering of those left out of the equation that should have always considered Each Individual within the distribution and access to means and resources to live. This is a Physical consideration of what human beings as all other living beings in our planet require to live.

 

  • Equality has been linked to an automated, insipid, robot like state of being, a lack of ‘inspiration to live’ because ‘everyone will be the same,’ which is a common misconception and fallacy, a contribution of our basic programming at home, at school and everywhere in our society in order to cultivate and preserve the privileges and benefits we obtain from our education – which is existent if you have money – our means to live well and have a good social status – only if you have money – and seek ways to capitalize it and grow it to make it even ‘more successful’ – only possible if you have capital/money to begin with. And within these ‘privileges’ everyone complies to accept the fact that some have no money to begin to even ‘run the race’ at the same level than others – this is justified with multiple excuses that make of Inequality part of our ‘Human Nature’ – again, this is only the result of Education and perfect slave-training wherein we are taught to Fear that condition that would Enable us to be in fact Free – because No One is Free until All is Free.  We have been taught to praise the jail we are born into, to polish it, to adapt it and make it a sophisticated ‘way of living’ without ever questioning why individuals are tampered from their ability to Live if they have No Money

 

 

  • Privileges, specialness, uniqueness, power, control and the desire to have more as greed have been the basic lessons we’ve learned at home, in school as the foundation of understanding our ‘position’ in society where we accept the fact that only money gives us access to a freedom that we are not given by default at birth. We are trained to ‘Fight for our Right to Freedom’ ignoring that such statement implies we were born as slaves. We are Able to provide to each one the Right to Life that Capitalism proclaims, but that implies that there can never exist again any law, policy, right or excuse to justify the ability to control, to abuse and have power over others – for that our entire system must change since it has Always been based upon the abilities to do just that. 

 

“Remember, whatever is faced or created within self – self is and has been the creator. Do not live in fear of what is here, understand it, realise self as it and assert yourself to stand-up for change to not expose others as you to such a world – but create a world in which they will be embraced with equality and oneness and actual living”

– Bernard Poolman


 

 

Solution                                                           

 

Equality is to take the supply of life giving resources and to distribute it according to the demands of the living system equally effectively to prevent suffering and fear –we do that with equal money and competition and survival. This needs to stop as there is no life in the system of time. Time should move with the heartbeat of the physical to support life breath by breath – then we will live and stop watching flow by.” – Bernard Poolman

 

  • Equality and Oneness as the Law of  Our Being is the foundation for every relationship and interaction with one another, every form of organization on Earth which stands as the solution to every single problem that has ensued from our accepted and allowed neglect of this basic principle. We have written ‘Equality’ in our laws and constitutions, but have never Lived it, because we didn’t understand Equality as a physical living realization of all of us being part of the same world, the same existence, made of the same bones and flesh as the Matter that comes from the Earth and returns to Earth.

 

  • Equality as Life is the recognition of our origin, our substance, that which we’re made of that we learn to honor as who we are. This will take precedence in all relationships we create with each other, how we see and conceive ourselves, how we organize our societies, the way we learn how our world functions, the way we value each other – this is the inalienable right that is omnipresent as the quality, the fact, the matter that each one of us Exists as – no law, no  agreement can ever again violate this living fact. All forms of concepts that stood as the representation of separation will cease to exist the moment that we Learn to Live the Words that stand as this Realization Who and what we are as Equals.

 

  • The Starting Point for Each Individual as Life in Equality –  we don’t require an extensive amount of laws and regulations if we all learn to live within the Principle of Prevention as the Best Cure for all problems that can only exist if one does not regard all parts as equal and one to who we are: self understanding of Life in Equality is the key to realize why each part of ourselves as One and Equal requires to be Equally supported to generate an actual Well Being where Everyone is benefited from each individual’s well being.  

  • We as humanity are the key to restore the separation that we have created in our minds, which means that we have to first understand How we created the problem to Stand as the Solution, individually and collectively – and for that the Desteni Material stands as the basic source of understanding at an existential level how we have created the primordial separation of ourselves as life into what we currently exist as.

    “Equality is not based on input output –it is based on life — animals will be supported although they cannot produce food for themselves for instance –equality is not only about the human –it is about all life in very form = the humans will require re education — that will be the first primary task after the basic inequalities is removed to allow at the individual level a life of worth and self respect — watch the documentary The Century of the Self and hear how human nature is programmable — this makes anything possible even for the so called less intelligent as the measurement of intelligence is based on consumerism and capitalism without any understanding how learning in fact work.” – Bernard Poolman

  • Standing together as Equals is the only way we can create solutions – we have to ensure that we guard each other’s Right to Life as our own,  therefore if our ‘Right to Life’ exists in the form of Money that we use to buy that which we require to Live – then we can transform Money into the means and representation that is able to vest this Equal-Right to Life that we can give to everyone in an orderly and manageable manner to ensure that each one’s Right to Life is existent as the starting point of our life on Earth.

 

    We have to assist and support each other to realize this basic principle of Equality as who we are:

    “The first step is establishing self agreement, walking self into equality and oneness with self – this you do through walking through your mind and asserting self as the starting-point directive principle – once you have walked this, you only then start with others cause then you will understand and actually be the living point of ‘assisting another as self’ – but one cannot in fact be/know that yet if self hasn’t walked for self first. So – walk self-agreement equality and oneness in being equal and one here with your physical and prepare you for your next phase of assisting/supporting others” – Sunette Spies 

     

  • Education  is pivotal to integrate these principles as a living principle. This will exist as the foundation of Parenting and Educational Policies where Equality is understood as the foundation of our interactions with one another as Equals, such as the definition of words that stand as the building blocks of a world conceived in Equality, basic physical living support skills like nutrition, hygiene, communication, living responsibilities as well as mathematics and vocabulary to establish a comprehension of the world as a Physical Living in Relationships of Equality that enable Life to be Lived in Harmony with one another.

 

“The Equal Money System have as Goal to Educate prospective parents with the skills and understanding necessary BEFORE a child is Born to make sure that the Child have every opportunity of an excellent Life and the required Base foundation as example of what it means to give as you would receive with a dedication to care for Life in all ways. We are what we are taught form Birth and changing our Beginning Here will change Human Nature. We all know this, yet we continue to ignore what can be changed” – Bernard Poolman

 

 

 

Rewards                                               

“Within a System of Equality all working towards what is best for all, we will have the mathematical certainty of a future that’s best for all, and thus do not need to be feared. In the way that it now exist in systems of abuse, secrets, and who we are as humans now, the future must be feared because in the mathematical equation of it we are certain to produce disaster.” Bernard Poolman

 

  • Equality is the cure and solution to all limitation, fight for survival, abuse, all power plays, competition, violation, discrimination, poverty and greed, hatred, judgment, disease and general state of distress that we have lived as – our ability to co-create a world that is best for all is founded upon the ability to recognize how stable, enjoyable and comfortable our lives can be if we ensure each other’s right to have this same condition in their lives themselves, we won’t ever again fear to be robbed, violated or abused in this same right because there will be No need to do so if everyone’s well being is guarded as our own life.
  • The New Living Agreement is of all Parts standing as Individuals in Equality – this implies the diversity of expression based on what is Best for All Life – true freedom, true self expression and diversity will exist as a unique expression that stands equal to every other being – this ensures an actual enjoyment and eagerness to Live in order to expand our creative abilities once that no abuse or extortion guides our every breath, but who we are as equals stands as a certainty of Life in Every Breath.

 

  • Birthing Life from the Physical as the Manifested Equality and Oneness wherein we will in fact Live for the very first time and exist beyond every form of limitation that has existed up to now, and this is certainly the one reward we can all ensure is manifested as Who We Are in our directive principle of deciding to Live Equality as Life, as the words we speak, the way we live among one another, how we conceive and regard each other in our reality once that Money doesn’t stand as a point of separation, but as a tool to support this physical living realization of Equality as our Individual Responsibility to life as a whole.

 

 

 

Life is Waiting for You - Equal Money System by Damian Ledesma - Desteni Art

Artwork by Damián Ledesma

 

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263. The Remedy to Stop Addictions

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the thoughts of me being inherently flawed and incomplete and unfulfilled is in fact who I really am, and within this, seeking for a remedy and solution outside of myself through drugs, spirituality, money, sex, entertainment, sports, media and everything that I have participated in in order to not have to investigate How I have created such self-experience through my own participation in my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it difficult to wake up every morning and start a new day, because I have allowed myself to Think as the memory that I have been and become, instead of breathing and being as unconditional as the physical body that I am that does not take a moment to ‘think’ about its existence, but is unconditional in self movement – I realize that I have allowed myself to be tormented by my own self-belief of there being something ‘wrong’ with me and starting thinking that this life is ‘not worth living/ I am not worth living’ and within such thinking processes, I lead myself to seek for a quick fix that will alleviate this inherent self-loathing, self deprecation that leads to self destruction that is sought through anything that can give me a sense of pleasure and enjoyment, even if it is for a moment – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to drugs and any other activity that I have turned into a habit as a way to avoid seeing myself as my own mind, which is the actual origin of this instability and dissatisfaction that I experience myself as and that I try to escape from, without realizing that I cannot escape from myself through using drugs or any other means to avoid looking at my self responsibility within creating such self-loathing thinking, and instead I see that I must investigate my own thinking, my own feelings and emotions as the origin and source of this dread that I experience as ‘my life.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention, my focus and produce energy to all thoughts linked to a dissatisfaction with life, believing that I can’t go on anymore/ this is just too much/ what’s the point in living? – and within these thoughts allowed myself to go seeking for a way out through drugs, spirituality, sex, consumerism and anything that I have linked to a positive experience in life, without realizing that such habits are only ways to further separate myself from looking at myself as the origin and cause of such instability at a mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to really look within myself how is it that I can change my way of being from one moment to another based on the stimuli that I get from the outside world, and within this, not realizing that if I can change myself in one single moment to experience myself in either a positive or a negative experience, this must mean that these aberrant thoughts of self-deprecation and unfulfillment are equally stoppable and preventable, as I realize that it is only through my own participation that I have given attention to become them, embody such instability through fueling such thoughts as who I am, instead of for a moment breathing and stopping to see What am I actually giving my attention to? What am I actually feeding here? Is this really who I want to direct myself to be thinking as? And within this, assist and support me to stand outside the usual self-deprecation that I have experienced as ‘my life’ and ‘who I am,’ which I understand is able to be stopped, self forgiven and corrected as I realize that who I am as a physical being does not exist as self-destructive thoughts, but it is only me as the mind as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become that I have given my breaths away to these experiences, without having any idea of how my mind operates in my physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about my experience at a mind level through thoughts, emotions and feelings, instead of using my mind to instead place my attention and focus on the physical reality that I embody as  my physical body, and within this observe the common sense of what unconditional living is: unconditional movement to function properly as a living-system that maintains the actual life that we are as living beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of looking back at my own thoughts and understand ‘who I am’ and have become through understanding my thoughts and creating a point of self-correction as my mind/ as my thoughts, I have tried to quiet my mind/ stop thinking through using drugs, sex, alcohol, media, books, entertainment, friends, any and all things and people that I have in fact used and abused in order to ‘get lost’ within myself, without realizing that in this condition, I am not only abusing others but myself as my physical body because I had not seen, realized and understood how it is that the mind can only function through consuming the physical substance of our physical body, which means that every time that we think, become emotional or participate in positive feelings, I am in fact not living but only fueling a system within and as myself as the mind that I have not yet aligned myself to in order to be the directive principle of what I decide to participate in, realizing that the actual expression of myself has never existed and that all that I have been is a mind consciousness system of patterns that I have believed is ‘who I am’ and are immovable, unchangeable – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within these thoughts of giving up my ability to change, I have resorted to mitigate the problem and try and hide from my own mind through using drugs, alcohol, sex, any form of entertainment that instead of it being a self directive decision to entertain myself, experience sex and a genuine self-expression as a physical being in this world, I have made of everything just a drug that I can hook myself to in order to ‘cope with reality,’ instead of realizing how coping with reality is a sign of me not looking at myself as the origin and cause of such problem and distress in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within this inherent instability as the mind, we have equally created a world that is equally unstable due to us never having had the considering toward Life as who we are – and in this, becoming actual zombies that accept things ‘as they are’ without  a question, seeking for a meaning and purpose in life outside of yourself, instead of actually understanding the responsibility that we hold toward ourselves as our physical body, our mind, every single thought, every single emotion, every single feeling – there is nothing and no one to blame for how this world has turned out to be this way, it is our collective participation and within that,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the ‘state of the world’ as it being ‘fucked up’ and use this excuse to numb myself from myself and separate myself from being self-aware through using drugs, medication, sex, alcohol, entertainment and my own mind of imagination, feelings, emotions that I have believed is in fact who I am – without realizing that in this attempt to ‘escape’ from this ‘fucked up world,’ I am becoming an equal co-creator of ubiquitous negligence that we have participated in within our reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a meaning to life through using relationships, drugs, entertainment and my own mind to separate myself from the reality that I have inf act allowed myself to participate in without being aware of what my relationship to everyone and everything in fact is, and how with me wanting to ‘escape from reality’ and take drugs to solve the problem, I am in fact only adding up to the social problem we’re living in, wherein life has never been lived but only abused and as such, I realize that through my self-abuse I never contributed to any living expression thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain about reality, complain about the system, complain about nothing in this world working outside of myself, but never pondering how it is that I am contributing through my own thoughts and emotions for it to not work work/ function properly, which is the key factor that I realize will enable me to realize one thing: If I am in fact willing to assist and support myself and stand as a sound being that can take my life in my hands and will myself to live, I can in fact do so, I can dedicate my life to get to know me, how I created this flawed self experience and such, take my life on my hands and walk a process of self-correction through Self-Forgiveness, Self Honesty, Self Corrective Application wherein I can in fact become a self-responsible being that stops seeking for a remedy, a solution, a way Out of myself, as I see and realize that using drugs or any other means of escaping from myself only aggravates my self-experience and can lead to an inevitable premature death – because death is certain anyways for all beings – however, I would have to ask myself: am I ready to die and have the certainty that I have done everything that is available in my reality to support myself?

 

I realize that nothing and no one will change me, nothing and no one will provide a solution other than the one that I direct myself to live – and this is how through my own words, through the very same tools I have used to define myself as thoughts, feelings and emotions, I can become a self directive being that understands how it s that I am perfectly able to stop participation in all thoughts that I see are not self supportive, stop participation in all emotions that I realize lead me nowhere but further down the rabbit hole and also stop seeking the opposite positive experience, as I realize that happiness is a mental place that is not sustainable as a living-actuality of who I am as the physical body.

 

I realize that self-stability is able to be lived as a will and decision to support myself to be and become this physical stability, equal to the one we are breathing in every single moment that we are here on this Earth. It will take time – yes – but the decision is able to be made and lived in every momenta s a constant decision of who I will myself to be.

 

I realize that  I have spent a lot of time entertaining myself with my thoughts that I got lost within it all and as such, I have to deliberately direct myself to stop any craving for a positive experience or negative experience that I have become so used to in my mind, take my life on my hands, and begin footing myself as breath in every moment, writing myself out to see who I am in one day as my mind , as I realize that every solution I thought was  adequate to myself as my mind has only become more consequential without an actual solution but further dependencies on people, places, drugs, substances in order to get a temporary high, which is unsustainable and will only lead me to self destruction.

 

I realize that I don’t require to buy, consume or seek for remedies outside of myself, nor do I requite to seek for a meaning or purpose to life outside of myself as an energetic experience, but that I am already here, complete and whole as myself and that any perceived problem is only existent at the level of my own mind that is in fact the nature that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and proven to be consequential and conflictive to myself, it does not support myself as life nor does it support any other living being –

 

I commit myself to live the realization that it is common sense to assist and support myself to decide to walk a process to support myself to Live and as such, to become a living example of what it is possible to be and become when existing as breathing, living earthlings that start looking outside of our tunnel vision of self deprecation and start considering the life that we have blinded ourselves from through our own participation in the mind, instead of being here as the physical. 

 

I commit myself to develop self worth, self respect and integrity as a human being that is no longer willing to support any form of self abuse which is stopping participation in all thoughts, feelings and emotions that we have become as our mind, and in fact be willing to give myself another opportunity to live and become the expression of life that I always wanted to be and become, which I realize can only be real if every single being is equally supported to live in dignity and care for one another.

 

I realize that the physical support I am able to give to myself is existent here as myself, as the physical body that I commit myself to feed properly, to exercise, to breathe and become aware of every breath which is a constant self-directive attention that I commit to give to myself, as I have seen, realized and understood how it is in fact possible to stop the parasitical ego from becoming an unfulfilled leech that I am always feeding through my participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings that I am in fact able to stop.

 

I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System as the political and economical system that will ensure that no more beings seek a way out of the world, our minds, our own self-experience because of not having a proper education, living support as food, water, shelter, comfort and a living right to express and enjoy what is here within the basic foundation of supporting ourselves as equals/ in equality, to live, to be self directive and honor ourselves as the life that we have embodied  and never again neglect life as we have done thus far.

 

“There is One Way Out, which is Death. Or there is Another Way out, which is Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty. One of the Two are your Future.

The One Allows you the Gift of Life, as Part of this Physical World. The Other means: you have to Start All Over again, because you didn’t have Enough Integrity and Willpower to Care about Life, and your Self-Interest Won the Day.
WHO will you Be? Your Imagination? Or Real?
You Decide…for as long as you can. But, the Line is Drawn. And, if you Fail at this – you Will be withdrawn from Earth.” –Bernard Poolman 

 

Choose Life

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118. My Libido – A Denial

What would be the only reason why an essential aspect of our human-physical living reality such as the sexual drive – dubbed libido for psychoanalysis purposes can be obfuscated in a deliberate manner? Fear

 

Libido is the word that came up in the dictionary and immediately remembered how I had first listened to Kurt Cobain sing/scream this word in the chorus of the 90s youth anthem Smells like teen spirit which I first heard when I was about 7 – close to his death – and how I would always use the dictionary to translate words and get to know the meaning of words. I found out what this was and even at that age I already could see the experiences emerging with the meaning of the word.

 

Oh what will people that know me say about this? It’s fascinating because I had pretty much disclosed the entire point of sexual drive in a document that I kept for myself from the beginning of my process, to disengage that entire ‘sexual drive’ that I would find within me in almost every single moment of my beingness here. Yes, it was part of a system manifestation that I had – yet no different to any other sexual drive really. Through the years of my application within this process, I have been able to stabilize myself a lot in relation to sexuality and sex-drive, which is something very cool as I could see how it could get to control your every-day living if you are simply only waiting for the moment to have sex again – it was that extensive within me.

 

I have realized how part of the reasons for my dissociation with my family stemmed from them opposing the people that I would go out with – I stopped communicating with them, hiding and simply keeping the minimal-contact with them just because of realizing that ‘they would always oppose the person I decided to be in a relationship with’ – I had literally resigned and also ‘designed’ myself to live out the idea of having to get far, far away from them as an adult, as they would never approve of my relationships – however, this belief of them having to ‘approve’ of my relationships was part of the familial-type of patterns wherein partners had to always be introduced at home and so, my parents would agree or disagree with them and act accordingly – this is in relation to how my sister’s partners would be ‘treated’ – yes a fuckedup pattern indeed.

 

That’s why and how I developed ideas of: ‘I will never get married, I will never have kids, I will live in an open relationship with people, I won’t settle down the way they want me to’ never realizing how all of these ideas were only stemming from what I beLIEved was my way of ‘liberation’ from the perceived oppression. The Desteni I Process and particularly the Agreements Course has been very supportive to open up these personal repressions and entire psychological warfare that we develop toward ourselves as our own physical sexual expression that should not be hidden, should not be repressed/ suppressed as that is then still ‘giving head’ to familial traditions, traumatic experiences, an entire ‘sins of the fathers’ type of experience wherein I can see and have written out how I developed this ‘political’ way of being wherein I have kept my secrets in place, which is the same pattern that I can spot from ‘those that have gone before me’ in quite fascinating ways, as I see and realize how this has become ‘the way’ to keep ourselves safe in our bubbles, keeping literal ‘political relationships’ with one another while having quite a raucous personal life on the other hand.

 

So, back into the fear point and why I kept this to myself. I had a few ‘tortuous’ years when I was in my late teens, coping with the entire point of secret relationships out of fear of survival literally, as I feared that my parents would simply stop allowing me to go out or support my plans to study abroad if I would keep seeing this or that person.

I later on – much later on – realized how I had in fact not taken into consideration what I was doing when engaging in such relationships, but I had to see/ experience that for myself, fall flat on my face and stand up. However the lack of openness in communicating with my parents about it was simply an aspect that I see influenced me into keeping these topics secret to myself. I mean, I would easily talk about sex and the female/ male innuendo play outs in society, however I would never talk about how I would live that within my own life.

I was considering following on this topic – however, at the moment I see there is a point that requires to be walked with more specificity, which is how I have deliberately decided to be alone/ a loner and how I have also developed characters in relation to pushing people away the moment that they get too close – so, that will come in blogs to follow as that is more ‘latent’ within my current reality.

 

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a point like ‘sexual drive’ as a taboo to speak about in my blog because of the extent of the audience that I have now and believing that this topic is ‘too personal’ to share, wherein I realize that I can only limit myself because of an actual fear of what others would think about my realizations and writings, without seeing and realizing how this world is the result of having lived sexuality as a great point of ‘secret desire’ that is everywhere yet no one is openly discussing it, which is what causes most of the problems going on around sexual dysfunctions, paraphilias and any other type of diversion from physical-sexuality, as we have made of sex a mind-energetic drive instead of an actual integral part of our living-reality, wherein we can instead support ourselves to develop an equal and one self-communication at a physical level as our own sexuality, to later on expand and establish agreements with others that are doing the same and as such, change the way that sexuality is approached as a topic, and lived within this world wherein we have pornography, sexual abuse, sexual harassment and any other dysfunctional consequence stemming from this ‘unspoken banning’ toward all things sex in our reality.

 

I see and realize that I have perpetuated this secrecy as a way to still hold certain link toward a familial type of ‘rule’ wherein we are not supposed to talk about our personal sexual experiences, and only speak about ‘the surface’ of relationships, which is how sex was never a spoken topic toward me specifically, but only kept as an assumption wherein I believed that the only communication and understanding about sex was able to be obtained from school. Which was actually so and other sources such as books that I read in order to get to understand how it physically functioned – however, as a point to consider for everyone that is currently having kids or thinking about becoming parents, it is indispensable to create an openness to discuss about sexuality as in being a ‘girl’ or a ‘boy’ and the physical differences that exist between both, later on about masturbation, sexual relationships and stopping any form of ‘secrecy’ implanted onto this topic, as the slightest repression existent within oneself, can turn into the child’s own repression or the extreme opposite which is an absolutely ‘unleashed’ sexual expression as a form of spitefulness toward such repression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having feared discussing my personal relationships with my parents/ family in general because of fearing how they would judge the people that I would go out with, and within this making such fears as real as I would allow myself to live them out by creating a ‘double life’ wherein I could keep one side of my life secret and present another side of myself toward everyone, which is how I accepted and allowed myself to repress my own expression in communicating toward others what I was in fact doing and living as in relation to relationships/ sexuality, which became part of the personalities that I developed as a ‘survival-mode,’ just because of fearing not being supported to continue my studies or being kicked out of the house or simply perpetual fights because of me going out with particular people in my world.

 

When and as I see myself fearing talking about sex and my own sexual experiences, I stop and I breathe – I realize that these fears are directly linked to my family and the patterns of threats in relation to not going out with particular people in my world. I realize that no one else can decide for me ‘who I can establish a relationship with’ but myself, and that any objection can only be taken as a point to discuss with them to support them/ others to see where and how such fears/ judgments originate from their own personal experiences projected onto myself or others in question. This way I can practically assist and support myself and others to see how we have passed on our own personal repressions around sex because of fearing to see how such fears determined our ‘who we are’ in relation to sexuality, which is unacceptable to continue like this in our world wherein much of the behavioral problems stem from having an ‘unhealthy’ sexual relationship of individuals toward ourselves as our own physical body and toward others as sexual relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents had ‘all the power’ to decide who I could go into a relationship with or not, wherein the obvious fear-factor was being supported financially to live and study – hence I realize how even the relationships that we have toward ourselves and our own bodies is influenced by the relationship with our parents and not only the communicational aspect of it, but any other form of restrain and prohibition in relation to our own sexual expression is directly linked to how we were educated/ non-educated at all in relation to sexuality and our own physical relationship with our own body.

 

Thus when and as I see myself fearing what my parents/ family would say, think or judge another person that I decide to go into a relationship with, I stop and I breathe – I realize that no one else has a say to decide what’s best for me according to their beliefs and perceptions, but that I am the only one that is able to perfectly assess what I am willing to be, do and express with myself and another as an actual relationship of self-support. I also see and realize that any judgment can be worked with in relation to themselves and how they were educated/ uneducated about it, which is how I can practically turn a point of taboo, prohibition or further ‘disapproval’ into understanding wherein we can actually instead support ourselves to be able to communicate effectively about points that were simply ‘kept secret’ in the past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the backchat and ‘ingrained beliefs’ such as I will never get married, I will never have kids, I will live in an open relationship with people, I won’t settle down the way they want me to’ as they were all spiteful decisions I made in relation to how I lived my own personal relationships and how I would ‘deal’ with that in relation to my family – thus I see and realize that I only limited myself to be and become one single idea of ‘who I will be in my relationships’ as a deliberate opposition and contrast to that which I would see as a ‘must-do’ and ‘must-avoid’ type of attitudes that I witnessed at home, not realizing that I was the only one that developed such fears toward it and within this, giving my entire power away to fear, to keep quiet and secretive about my relationships at all times.

 

When and as I see myself bringing up beliefs about myself, my future relationships and what I want to be and become and what I won’t ‘ever’ be and become – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the totalitarianism that I have imposed onto myself has been mostly a way to oppose my familial restrictions that I took personal and a pillar to develop my own ‘rebellious’ personality, which is nothing else but the exact opposite of what I made myself believe that my parents wanted me to be and become. Thus, I stop playing the game of being the ‘black sheep of the family’ and going against everything that I knew they ‘believed in’ and instead, simply consider at all times what is it that I am willing to live by and as, how I am willing to support myself in a relationship wherein an actual open agreement of self-support is lived in a physical way, wherein no ‘family taboos’ are existent any longer, and within this ensuring that all types of limitations toward sexuality and how to deal with it is stopped here, as I see and realize the consequences of what happens when sexuality becomes an ‘unspoken secret’ within the relationship we have with our parents/ family, and how this becomes a personal taboo as well the moment that we still unconsciously fear talking about it based on past experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having chosen partners that were deliberately the type of opposite ‘stereotypes’ from the people that I knew my mother wanted me to end up with in a relationship, which became a spiteful pattern that had to be played out in secret, just because of how my mother would disapprove from the partners I had, which was both a negative experience for having to be hiding – a positive experience based on how I would feel like I was finally ‘rebelling’ to the obliged experiences I went through with my mother, without realizing that I was then only acting and making decisions in spitefulness toward my mother and never in fact making an informed decision based on what is best for me to be and do within the consideration with whom it is best for me to establish a relationship with, without holding on the anti-stereotype of ideal partner in order to annoy my mother as I have realized how within wanting to spite my mother = I only ended up spiting myself

 

When and as I see myself seeking to in any way spite others with the decision I make in relation to my personal relationships, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only person that I end up spiting is myself when decisions are made as a reaction instead of an actual in detail self-decision to actually design and create a self-agreement with myself and another in order to walk a process of physical support that can in fact stand as the new way of living sexuality and relationships wherein all past and familial taboos are self-forgiven and walked into a physical practical correction wherein I see and realize that all decisions I made, I am responsible for and that anyone else’s input on it can only be taken into consideration in relation to the actual support they represent or not.

 

I commit myself to walk my own process of self-agreement wherein I see and realize the importance of developing an openness to talk about sexuality with more people, as this is quite a ‘biggie’ point in our ‘human nature’ wherein because of the entire judgments and energetic-experiences attached to sexuality as a physical act, it has become only this image-based type of topic that people can masturbate to or have sex to wherein actual physical relationships are not considered at all, but only turned into these type of energetic-triggers to create yet another addiction that we have enslaved ourselves to, simply because of the same physical separation that we have perpetuated throughout our lives and deemed it as ‘normal,’ because we had in fact never understood how the mind works, how we developed a relationship of abuse toward ourselves and others the moment that we began regarding only sex and sexuality as an energetic experience toward an image, an idea or the idea and belief of another being in our minds that we could use a fuel to our own libido, wherein the actual physical experience was never considered in reality.

 

I commit myself to share myself and my experiences, so that parents and to-be parents can consider how vital the relationship of communication they have with their children actually is, and how it is a decisive factor that can create either a point of openness or repression within another being, wherein the sexual drive a.k.a. libido can be understood and properly given direction as an actual natural expression that must be developed by each being individually with and toward their own body, ensuring that such relationship is kept within the bounds of physicality and not turning it into a mind-drive for energetic experiences that later on vandalize an actual physical experience into a lucrative image-based drive for quick energetic fixes that in no way consider an actual physical relationship or agreement with oneself and/or another to actually walk a process of understanding the actual potential we have to develop this point of self expression in and as the physical with ourselves and/or another being when establishing ourselves as one and equal as our physical body.

I see and realize the importance of developing proper communication with ourselves as our physical body and with others in relation to sexuality, as this is the way wherein we can actually support ourselves to stop any form of limitation that ensues further ‘backdoors’ of abuse with absolutely detrimental consequences to ourselves as society, which is how we can only be controlled by images that are plentiful in our every day living as ‘advertisement’ becoming just another ‘match’ to light up for a moment to get a certain satisfaction, never ever considering the actual physical relationships that must be established in order to ensure that physical-sex is lived and understood and actually integrated as part of the new sexual expression that will step forth as an outflow of our own process of self equality and oneness.

 

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Thanks to Maya and her blogs that allowed me to also review this point for myself

Journey to Life – Maya Harel’s Sexual Expression Blogs

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Day 118: #TRUEACTIVIST – Part 2

 

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64. Talents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my ‘talents’ as my greatest asset wherein all the value and worth that I gave to myself was linked to the ability to think and do things as a way to measure myself toward other beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word ‘talent’ as a positive word, as something that adds up specialness to a being, wherein it I just acting/ living that which is of ease for me to act, direct, do without an effort – hence I can direct any talent as an action that I can express myself as with ease toward a best for all outcome, and not just for personal glorification or ‘value’ above other life forms.

 

I realize that the word talent in itself means ‘weight’ and ‘sum of money’ which are added values that make ourselves ‘more’ than others – apparently – yet they are in essence points of expression that if equalized as life, each one can develop to the benefit of the whole and stop using talents as a way to compete against each other and ‘win’ as a form of superiority/ inferiority separation toward others, and instead use such talents as the ‘natural skills’ in the best interest of all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link self-worth to ‘talents’ and ‘skills’ wherein all that I became was this set of attributes that I could use as a reference point to compare myself toward other beings and decide whether I stood ‘above’ or ‘below,’ which is how my entire stance was created as a sense of confidence stemming from this ‘value-assessment’ toward other beings, wherein words from beings toward everything I did/ say were stored as confirmations of ‘who I was’ and ‘how I was doing’ in my life, which were conveniently used to grow my ego and my perceived talents in order to confirm to  myself: ‘that’s the way to go, because everyone agrees with it!’ without ever doing an actual introspection in my life with regards to how things in the world worked wherein all value is actually fake and in separation of ourselves, moving in a system of money that is existent as debt- hence

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘vox populi’ as all the opinions and perspectives people had ‘upon me’ as a way to decide where I would be the most effective in my world, and assessing my future accordingly, without realizing that we as all individuals have been very lost in our world of values, directions and placing ourselves in unfortunate positions by our own ‘will’ which were choices based On the limitation that we created within ourselves as the inherent structure we are born with/ as, as the entire configuration of a world wherein life has never been valued but only ‘what you do’ to maintain the system of absolute abuse and disregard toward life in place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever become so worried about ‘who and what I will become’ in my life when having to decide about the future as careers and life-choices without realizing that none of those ‘choices’ were in fact self-supportive as nothing of what currently exists in this world is directed to the benefit of all life in Equality as long as money dictates ‘who we are’ in our world. This means that as long as value is separate from ourselves as life, anything we do will be linked to perpetuating the same system of fake values in separation of ourselves as Equals – as I realize that only through first walking the process to Equalize myself can I remove the conditions I had imposed onto myself to start considering that we all have to become equal participants in taking responsibility of this world wherein through changing the way the system operates, we will be able to provide actual options of LIFE and self-development with activities and professions that are linked to be part of the creative processes to the best way of living as Equals, which is not at all considered in any profession or specialized field/area currently in our world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself some ‘choices’ in life wherein I literally stood within the point of ‘the world is fucked, there is nothing else to do it, where can I be the least influenced ‘by the system’ while being in it?’ – hence using art and the art-profession as a way to ‘escape’ from reality yet still foreseeing to make ‘good money’ out of it, which was all placed as dreams and ideals that were essentially fallacies that I bought and created for myself in order to avoid taking actual Self-Responsibility for myself and this world in its entirety.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use even dead as an excuse to not take responsibility for this world wherein I used o think ‘well, we’re going to die anyways so, what’s the worst thing I could choose to be/ become?’ – and using death thus as an excuse to continue seeing this world as having no remedy, being ‘hopeless’ about the entire panorama in in that, mostly abiding to the ideal ‘end times’ so that I didn’t have to even worry about developing myself properly with a certain profession/ position in the world, but only caring about my personal ‘spiritual’ salvation, which I really used to wreck my own life based on beliefs and hypothetical imminent events wherein it would all end, and still is a point that I walk through in order to not feel like all of this is not sustainable and will have to be obliterated in order to have life restored back to itself, which is not acceptable as in the meantime while I just think, there is actual suffering in the world created by my own aloofness toward reality.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to misunderstand the point of ‘giving up’ my ego and personality as in giving up/ stopping participating in such ‘talents’ that even if they were preprogrammed, in no way does it mean that I have to now not participate in them at all, this is about WHO I am within everything that I do which means that I simply have to stop identifying myself as only being such talents and instead, allow myself to express myself through/ as such ‘talents’ without holding a relationship of value/worth toward them as a point of specialness

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold backchat toward beings in my past wherein I would think ‘they clearly have no sex, thus their mind and intelligence is all they have to brag about to feel better about themselves’ and in this, seeing that either being an intellectual devotee or a lover or a religious follower, they would all compensate one ‘realm’ of their reality not being ‘fulfilled’ with the exacerbation of one of their talents, without realizing that I was obviously doing the same wherein all I ever sought to be was an intellectual that would gather all this information, creating a relationship to this information and with this, cover up my inability to establish relationships that were supportive and any other self-agreement of self-support to first value myself as the life that I am here to be and become.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compensate my perceived lack of personal-charm to establish proper relationships and use knowledge and information as the entire ‘intellectual personality’ to cover up for my other perceived ‘lacks’ or ‘flaws’ within my personal life, wherein I had accepted myself to become a hopeless romantic/ intellectual that could only philosophize about life and create more conundrums through art as if Life was this eternal mystery unsolved to me.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to justify any ‘detachment’ from people – a.k.a. isolation, ostracizing – as part of the personalities I created as a ‘thinker’ or ‘artist’ or ‘creative’ believing/ talking myself into the perceived ‘misunderstanding’ that I thought people in my world would see me as, which only fueled this perceived idea of me being ‘special’ and with this ‘something’ that I Hoped to develop in the future, believing that I would be something ‘great’ and ‘marvelous’ lol yet I never directed myself to place such ‘talents’ up front ‘on the table’ so to speak to see how I could direct myself with such ‘talents’ within the world, but I instead hoped and wished that something / someone would knock on my door and offer me this great position wherein I could satisfy my expectations, just because of believing myself to be this special being that could do well in ‘anything I wanted,’ which was fueled by what parents/ teachers/ people in my world would also talk about, which is to the utmost detriment of the being in question as it is only an air-based/ words-not-lived based expectation of another, built up with values and ideas of the same system that in no way considers what’s best for all life, but only what makes the most money/ what pumps the ego the most/ what creates further specialness as a point of separation from the whole, which is not acceptable at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place my entire life depending on these ‘talents’ as knowledge and information consumed as ‘value’ in itself, wherein the more I would nurture myself within this intellectualized personality = the more I would ‘worth’ myself within the social-standards, creating this superiority position toward others, often engaging in intellectual debates just for the sake of ‘voicing myself’ and ‘making myself heard’ with No practical solutions or conclusions, but only adding up the cherry on top of the verbal diarrheic intellectual chats and endless coffee shop hours on philosophizing about life, politics, economics and judging others within such positions that I used to participate in.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever take the position of the ‘hopeless dreamer’ as ‘the artist’ that was ‘misunderstood’ and that had no relationship to anything else but brushes and paints and fellow ‘dead artists’ that I would read about in order to feel ‘understood,’ without realizing that I had not even established a proper self-relationship toward myself to see ‘who I am’ in relation to these talents first, if they were really talents or just personal fascinations that became a ‘way out’ of facing myself?

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ‘choose’ an inclination of ‘who I wanted to become’ in life in a position wherein my looks would not matter that much, wherein I would not have to ‘deal’ with many people, and where I could just hide in some remote space for a long time and ‘disconnect myself from the world’ – which were the usual beatnik type of dreams of seclusion wherein I could just write and create artworks and music and only come out to ‘show it to the world’ after some time, which is one of the ‘dreams’ that I had wherein my then Zen enthusiasm and artistic endeavors filled my being with ‘hope’ and mostly illusion that I could in any way, change the world through my creations.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold dreams of detaching from reality, from everything and everyone not realizing that it is the same as desiring to be Dead as Nothing in this world exists in such ‘detachment’ of each other, otherwise my own body would not be able to function and continue existing, which is applied to the rest of this world existent in interdependent relationships toward one another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have given up being able to do anything about this world back in the day wherein the ‘choice’ of what and who I wanted to be and do with my life, which was not an actual choice of me seeing myself as capable and able to support myself and stand as an example of change in my world, but only choose that which was ‘the least worst thing to do’ according to the values I placed in the world in separation of myself as a whole, stemming from feeling frustrated and ‘hopeless’ about reality and thinking ‘there is nothing I can do’ which is one of the primary reasons why I chose to become a ‘professional’ in ‘arts’ – according to the ideas and stereotypes of artists I knew at that moment – as a way to further develop this desire to detach from reality and lead ‘humanity to the spiritual world’ – lol I wrote ‘spitual’ –

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to then judge my creations as mindfucked infatuations, without realizing that they were just part of that time in my life and that I can continue creating without me defining myself according to what I create or created in the past, as I can give myself this moment here to express myself as what I exist as in any given moment, without having to create a special point of definition of ‘who I am’ toward that.

 

I realize that I have now stopped most of ‘creative processes’ because of having judged them as a point that I used to escape from my reality, yet I can use them again and turn them/ direct them as self-supportive creations that I can use as another way to present myself as my process, which means that it’s not only ‘myself’ that I’m working on, but I can do other works and creations that stem from such self-understanding that I am walking at the moment in this process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out my ‘extremist’ personality wherein I tend to just ‘give up’ something and not look at it again based on having realized the initial/ starting point reason for me to create, and completely ‘detach’ myself from it which is separation – hence it is not to deny my abilities and capabilities of doing something or talking about certain topics, it is about Who I Am in every moment that I participate in creating, communicating with others and within this, establishing myself as equal in all aspects of my reality, not dividing them as ‘the old me’ and the ‘new me’ as that is separation as well – it is about in every moment seeing how I can direct any point in Self-Honesty and considering what’s best for all, which is definitely able to be done and walked as an integral part of self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people according to how they would speak about their talents and specialness and within this, take such judgment back to self wherein I make sure I stop existing in any form of separation toward anything I do, say, write, share as creation so that I am no longer participating in a system of specialness – but instead become part of the creation of a system wherein all human beings can equally contribute with their talents as a point that is of ease for each to express-themselves as, aiming to contribute to the best interest of all in Equality.

 

I commit myself to asses what I am ‘good at’ as ‘talents’ that I can direct myself to establish myself as an example of how such talents can be used in a beneficial way that entails the betterment of all in Equality.

 

I commit myself to stop any perceived form of ‘being better than others’ in anything I do, but instead, simply use what I can do, what I enjoy expressing myself-as in consideration of that which can support another being to see themselves in and through my words, my creations, my expression in any way which is in the end what we do in this process: reflecting back to each other points that we probably have not considered of ourselves before.

 

I commit myself to re-integrate myself to my perceived detachment and separation from anything I had deemed as ‘talent’s wherein I simply stopped altogether creating separation instead of integrating them as who I am in a way that I ensure that my actions are directed to create a best for all outcome, which is then a way to share/ show to others how each one of us can contribute with their own talents to make of this world a better place, in actual physical reality and not in a dream-like manner.

 

I commit myself to equalize all values as Life as that is the only real value that exists wherein all talents, all activities, all forms of expression are then aligned to creating/ recreating and propagating this new ‘meaning’ of living and expression linked to Life itself for the first time, in a system that would value everything else in separation of itself as Life itself, which is already a revolutionary aspect that has not been considered – mostly taken for granted – before.

 

I commit myself to stop all separation within me as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I do’ is one and equal and must not be assessed and appraised according to the fake-values currently existing in our word, but I make sure that I establish equality as myself as this is the only way that I can ensure I become an effective participant in the Equal Money System where the only value is life, where everything we do is equally ‘remunerated’ as that ability to give and receive in equality.

 

I commit myself to walk my own process of equalizing myself as my talents, and later on be able to share with others how to do the same with themselves, as this is a very cool and key factor that we all as individuals can take on and truly create a new world wherein everyone enjoys what they’re doing/ expressing themselves as, while supporting to create a world that is best for all.

 

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Day 42: Toxic Fun–Drugs as Enslavement

Who are we when we allow the intoxication of another being that you can call a friend/ partner/ lover in the name of ‘Fun’? It’s taken a punch to my ego to write a ‘we’ when I have declared myself as an official drug/ alcohol detractor – yet, I’ve been there myself and even had special affinity toward self-destructive people, which implies that whenever I accepted the consumption of drugs/ alcohol in the name of ‘fun’ = I accepted an allowed the man-infestation of the abuse of drugs and alcohol consumption in the world as way to ‘have a good time. ‘

 

Who are we when we support the use of drugs/ alcohol as a way to ‘free ourselves’? Isn’t that the same as inducing another to take some rat poison while pretending that you can just throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don’t care?

 

My mind wants to run rampant in rage when seeing the effects that such stupefaction generates in a human being – however, here I have placed myself as the point that stops judgment and any other reaction, walking the Self Forgiveness as well [*]. And how I was able to stop the immediate surge of backchat was through saying out loud ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another for seeing the obvious effects that alcohol/ drugs had upon them while in fact that person as this very moment could have been me’  – and so, the tendency to judge from this ‘superiority’ idea of self was deflated and brought back to the ground, hearing about Patience today also supported me a lot to slow myself down.

 

Thus, now that I have walked the road to hell and back, meaning having walked the process of self forgiveness on these subjects and practically Stopping all forms of substance abuse as an integral part of my commitment to life – I can say that allowing the continuation of such self-abuse between so-called ‘friends’ and partners/lovers is just the most obvious act of actual spite and self-loathing that you can ‘gift’ yourself and another with – that’s how any relationship that wherein alcohol and drugs are promoted as a way to ‘feel good’ and ‘have a good time,’  ‘relax and just chill’  is equal to allowing any form of Self Abuse such as rape, murder, violence and any other form of psychological and physical abuse,  no matter how it is ‘covered up’ and ‘masked’ within this reality.

 

It should be fairly obvious how alcohol is promoted and accepted in our society in such a ‘broad spectrum’ so to speak: it keeps slaves happy and sufficiently droned down to be able to never question how this reality works and only care about dumbing people down to be willing to accept the most ludicrous social policies as long as the so-called ‘free choice’ and ‘free will’ are a means to be able to get drunk, get high, get fucked and repeat the next week on a regular /religious basis.

 

Unacceptable, even more so when the physical body is absolutely neglected, not really imagining what the cells of the body are having to go through once they are drenched in alcohol and any other chemical-poisoning in the name of earning an ‘Experience’ – the use of drugs indicate to what extent we have separated ourselves from our physical bodies and believe that it is only ‘here’ to hold as a chemical reactor of experiences that we dare to call happiness, enjoyment, fun, satisfaction and even going as far as ‘getting in touch with yourself’ when it comes to psychotropic drugs.

 

How low have we gone within this reality in the name of drugs? Extremely low hence, here’s some Self Forgiveness to give ourselves an opportunity to review what we have done onto ourselves in the name of our own energy-god experience that alcohol, drugs and sex abuse creates.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a hierarchical standing within ‘superiority’ for being ‘over any drug/ alcohol/ substance’ abuse – including sugar – while realizing that this process is not only about ‘me bettering myself,’ but expanding the realization of who we have become as life-consuming beings in the name of an experience, such as getting drunk/high which is numbing our senses in the name of what we have accepted and allowed to call ‘fun’ and ‘entertainment.’ I realize that this world won’t be ‘done with drugs’ until every human is able to realize the actual detrimental effects that such drugs/substance abuse creates at a physical and mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the use of alcohol as a way to ‘have fun’ that is socially acceptable simply because it is sold in your corner shop, which I have then equated to ‘it is safe to do it – otherwise, why would ‘my government’ want to poison me?’ without realizing that in a world where money moves the threads of every single being and manifestation in the name of power/ control over reality, we cannot possibly assume that everything that we buy/ consume is ‘safe’ and ‘not harmful’ while such assumption is deliberately wanting to neglect and ignore the facts about human decay that are stemming from alcohol abuse, which means that everything that I have ever deemed as ‘safe’ because ‘it’s sold in stores’ I have accepted and allowed simply because of faith and trust upon others while neglecting FACTS and actual Consequences of such substances in reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate ‘having a good time’ to taking some form of drug, drink alcohol or take any other chill pill to ‘feel just fine,’ without ever considering the irreparable damage that I am inflicting upon my body whenever I consume any substance that I abuse in the name of personal satisfaction as an euphoric experience of which I am completely oblivious as to what are the actual consequences as harm that I am inflicting myself with when using and abusing substances. I realize that I have made things ‘0kay’ in my reality because they are ‘socially acceptable,’ and ‘everyone does it,’ which makes me ponder what else have I accepted in the name of it being ‘socially acceptable’ and it making me a deliberate sheep and follower of a system of enslavement and abuse, such as the capitalistic system wherein I actually pay for my own slow death the moment that I pay for drugs to ‘have fun’ for some time, while having long lasting effects at a physical level out of a moment of self-indulgence.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ask forgiveness to my body, to every single cell that I neglected the moment that I only sought to ‘have fun’ and inducing chemicals into it that had detrimental effects in an immediate moment, which is how we can numb ourselves from the actual physical experience that we put ourselves as our physical body through the moment that we aim to ‘live’ through Experiences – without realizing that Energy as Experiences is Not Living, but actually abusing the physical in the name of personal interest as instant gratification.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this entire system of drug consumption which includes entertainment, information, media, advertisement, religions, spirituality as a constant seeking for ‘bettering’ myself either through deluding myself with drugs, knowledge, information, self-talk or positive thinking which are all self-induced forms of abuse in the name of personal satisfaction while neglecting the reality that we are all living in, wherein any form of experience is at the expense of the very use/ abuse of life substance as who we really are, which causes a massive delegation of our physical-breath power to the diminishing of ourselves to a single ‘positive experience’ such as the one that we get to have when drinking alcohol, taking drugs, praying, praising some deity, doing charity, meditating, talking to god/ self as the mind and seeking to mimic the lives of the rich and famous that seem to have a never-ending life of eternal satisfaction, without realizing that such lives are essentially propagated and sponsored by the elites to promote a way of living that is associating life with consumption/ abuse of substances, as this has proven to be the best weapon to keep the masses silenced and obeying.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately induce self-harm toward myself and others in the name of ‘fun’ and ‘partying’ through the use and abuse of substances like alcohol, drugs and any other ‘legal pharma-suit-to-kill’ that can give me a temporary high and experience of ‘feeling great’ for a moment, while neglecting the very breaths that I am squandering and essentially eating up in the name of personal satisfaction such as ‘getting high’ and ‘having fun’ as a ‘cool mix’ that has been accepted within society as nowadays’ way to ‘have a good time,’ which makes it obvious how abuse is inherent to anything that we have dubbed as ‘good time/ positive/ enjoyment’ through the use and abuse of external points such as drugs and people alike.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label self-abuse as ‘free choice’ and ‘free will,’ which is the standard used by individuals to justify their ability to consume drugs and even ‘spite the system’ through consuming illegal drugs within the belief that such action will – in any way – ‘liberate them’ from the so-called ‘oppression’ in reality, while in fact the only thing that is being perpetuated is the constant opposition and conflict toward a world that is self-created = we are all responsible for everything that we could deem as limiting and subjugating to a ‘hierarchical power,’ which is only us subjugating ourselves to a monetary system that is does Not care about life and supporting a dignified living for all, but deliberately promotes self abuse as a way to maintain ourselves limited and caged within a very narrow spectrum of reality – which reveals that we have been the only ones that have accepted a ‘lifestyle of abuse’ as something that is cool and socially acceptable, while neglecting the harm that is being inflicted at a physical level and toward other beings when ‘making it acceptable’ to consume alcohol/ drugs within society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apparently ‘spite the system’ such as family, society, government/ laws by consuming ‘illegal drugs’ without realizing that if they were really a threat to promote an actual emancipation of beings, they would have been eradicated from society and any form of market – yet because they represent the greatest weapon of control and temporary fear-reliever, they are accepted as an apparent surreptitious market and industry – yet having great weight upon global economy as drugs represent one of the greatest markets with the most profit that goes un-checked and unnoticed – apparently – due to the extensive amounts of money that are involved within such so-called ‘criminal activities’ – which once again proves the reverse psychology within beings wherein: everything that is deemed to be ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ and ‘opposing the law,’ will be embraced and promoted as a ‘self-liberating’ way to ‘be free’ and ‘be joyful’ – while neglecting that this represents falling in the very trap carefully built to enroll people within chemical addictions that become a promoter for passivity and acceptance of this reality ‘as is,’ which is no different to how spirituality promotes ‘surrendering to the here now moment’ and neglecting any form of self-responsibility toward the individual within society and the individual’s life itself, beginning with considering HOW am I harming my physical body with consuming substances that are obviously detrimental to my physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘oppose the system’ and be an ‘activist’ while using alcohol, drugs and any other illegal abuse of substances as a way to reinforce my so-called antagonism toward society/ the system, which reveals that I am a perfectly mind-controlled drone that is willing to create resistance toward a system that requires such conflict to continue thriving in the same stagnant position of continual disregard toward life – without ever questioning how it is that opposition and protesting against the system has never ever had an actual effect on this world as a living-change that affects every single being in reality, which proves that I as an ‘activist’ and ‘system basher’ was only seeking my personal satisfaction and gratification to be able to deem myself to be ‘free’ while neglecting that it was through the very use and abuse of substances that I was already making a statement of: ‘I don’t really care about anyone else but me and my fun’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a religious drinker/binger in the name of personal satisfaction as a way to proclaim that ‘I am a free being! I have free will! I have free choice! I can do whatever the fuck I want!’ While obviously neglecting every bit of life that I abused in the name of such desire and need to create an Experience of ‘power’ as the ‘moreness’ of myself through deifying energy as ‘who I am’ as such fleeting moments and experiences, while defying the physical living substance that I use and simply consume as a fuel to my own personal delusions, which is absolutely unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to promote drug consumption as a way to ‘get in touch with yourself’ which was actually only promoting ‘get drunk, get high and forget about your living reality that you breathe in’ – which is in itself proving that I have become nothing else but a single self-seeking individual that is willing to do ‘anything’ for a moment of ‘peace’ and ‘happiness’ and ‘love’ which have all proven to be the very keys to the enslavement of this reality, creating and supporting the existence of a passive and ignorant human being toward all-aspects of reality that are outside of the self-obsessed culture that we have become in reality.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to link the use of drugs and alcohol to sex and call it ‘sexy’ which means that I have been sufficiently brainwashed through media, books and everything that indicates that I am willing to accept self abuse in the name of personal satisfaction as the fleeting moment that becomes sex when stemming from mind-stimulation which in no way constitutes an actual physical Real expression of reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through consuming drugs, alcohol and any other substance it is possible to ‘escape from myself,’ without realizing that it is actually within facing myself and supporting me to walk my own mind as fears and desires to ‘be free,’ that I can in-fact free myself from my own mind-limitation that is the only one that seeks such type of entertainment and ‘satisfaction’ in the name of a temporary band-aid to the existential doom that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish who I am to a single fleeting moment wherein I lose all integrity as a human being while allowing me to become obsessed and possessed with the chemical influences that a single substance can create in the entirety of my human body, which reveals that I have in fact never considered the very life that allows me to continue breathing in this world and that I have only become my own enemy while having to seek ‘outlets’ as ‘diversion’ in order to ‘have fun’ and ‘enjoyment’ in separation of myself, which means that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nothing else but a mind-drone that seeks an experience at all times, while neglecting the fact that who we really are is here as breath as ourselves, in every moment that we allow the mind to be quiet yet remain self directive in our living-reality, which is absolutely possible if we walk a process to do so.

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear is now so automated as a system, that no one can remember what started it and no one cares – because a good scare gives a physical response, a physical high, so as to get Drugs for Free – just by producing your own Fear is Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to show that the body is always in agony due to the Mind feeding on it in various response patterns, forcing the body to produce chemicals in many ways to keep the experience of the Mind Bubble to NOT see reality – producing, just like with the use of drugs, a dreamlike state – while calling the dream of the mind real, and calling the physical that is real, a dream.

I commit myself to show that Breathing Here without using the MIND, being physical – will show how fear is a MIND JOB based on a physical addiction to the body response to the fear.” Bernard Poolman [+]

 

Thus, I commit myself to continue exposing the truth of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as energetic vampires that seek an experience out of virtually anything in this reality, in the name of personal satisfaction and a fleeting moment of so-called fun and enjoyment that is in no-way in relation to the physical reality that is here, tangible, breathable and doesn’t require a specific ‘state of being’ to exist.

 

I commit myself to reveal how one is able to live and exist here as a physical being without having to constantly be seeking ways to ‘feel better’ and ‘have fun’ through using/ consuming substances, alcohol, drugs or create a deliberate experience in order to satisfy ‘the senses’ which is no different to believing that who we are is eternal bliss and fueling positive thinking to create such perpetual state of actual self abuse that neglects the physical reality that is burnt as fuel in order to keep such self-created mechanisms going.

 

I commit myself to expose and reveal the ability to live without seeking for the next greatest excitement and having to be constantly living up for a future moment of ‘enjoyment’ through the use and consumption of substances, and instead show how the acceptance of self as breath here is the solution to all the problems/ desires/ experiences that would have gotten anyone to consume alcohol/ drugs, as all desires, wants and needs are created at a mind level which I am able to stand one and equal to.

 

I commit myself to promote a system – the Equal Money System – that supports all life in Equality, that supports actual living self-expression wherein no drugs, no alcohol will have to be produced as there will be no need to seek for an alternate experience other than the ability to live as heaven on earth for the very first time in our existence, as I realize that all drugs have been an attempt to mimic and false-represent a true well being that we are actually able to work for as a collective, as humanity in order to establish a Living Reality that doesn’t consume life, but supports Life as Life itself.

 

“I commit myself to show that the Human Race is yet to Wake Up and that all Mind Jobs of Self-Realization are just ways used to find a better chemical producer by the Flesh on which to continue the High of the Addiction called Personality/Individuality. It is like the Robbing of the physical flesh of its resources, as constant raping of Life, just to have Feeling – like being on Drugs.
I commit myself to show that these Addictions to substances is all the Human has ever been – and that at the moment, few will have the resolve to Break the Addictions. Fortunately, Death ends this – but, what is visited upon the children, generation after generation, is atrocities of magnitudes yet to be Realized.” – Bernard Poolman [+]

 

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Dropping the High


Day 24: Supervixen

 

Teasing, Tantalizing, chasing after chasing… all are experiences that we have become so used to as human beings, as consumers, as pictures within this picture world wherein energy as experiences is what has defined our life, sometimes entire lifetimes were defined according to keeping up a certain experience such as what I had lived  in a rather ‘unnoticed’ yet deliberate manner which is teasing/ tantalizing men specifically and getting always an experience out of it which was in the category of power and feeling ‘good’ about that.

 

This emerges as that seemingly uncanny and seemingly ‘natural’ pull that we have toward the opposite sex- of course being a heterosexual – and in that, participating in the constant friction that is created whenever a man and a woman are within the same ‘realm’ and reality and creating/ developing any form of relationship, which doesn’t necessarily have to be a ‘partnership,’ but any given encounter, friendship, school, work mates wherein I as a woman became aware of how easy it was to manipulate another man out of imposing myself in a way that could say – without words – ‘I am a woman and I can have you bow down to me’ – or so it seemed like that in my own mind.

 

It’s interesting because I learned these words from songs that I would hear when I was 9/10 years which was the time in the 90’s where all of these ‘powerful women in music’ were having a sudden uplift within media, and I simply wanted to be like them. I would ‘resonate’ with the presence and powerful personality that seemed to draw everyone’s attention to them. And within having the ability to relate to men in quite an ‘easy way’ due to how I became aware of this ability at a very young age, I used this as a form of  entertainment wherein I would make use of this form of manipulation to get a man to notice me/ want me/ desire me according to how much ‘input’ I would place into as attention that I would create or that I would deliberately manipulate myself into to ‘match’ what I would see would be wanted/ desired by such beings.

 

The point to clarify is how I really only wanted that initial playful and seemingly ‘innocent flirt’ that would keep me going for a while wherein I would enjoy having this sexual tension with other beings without having to go any further than that – which is what was mostly ‘unexpected’ by the counterparts, because I wasn’t really interesting in anything else other than keeping up that tension, just like keeping up a ‘flame’ until the candle burns out and consume and that was it – off to the next round and that was a rather ‘innocent way’ of looking at it, and it became such a ‘natural’ thing to do that I had not really questioned until one of my partners pointed out that I was such a flirtatious girl and I didn’t want to accept it because accepting it means my ego is destroyed and my secret forces of ‘power’ over others would be debunked, my ‘mojo’ would be lost – lol

 

So, this came up when I was walking yesterday and I saw a man that I know by default I would have obviously reacted to within myself in an energetic surge indicating that I was attracted to him, and the moment that I realized that, I deliberately breathed through it, to not participate, not glance, not do any seemingly ‘unconscious move’ that become those little points that are read as body language as a form of mutual recognition in one split moment that people can simply walk past by and just ‘flirt,’ and participate in that flirt without any other ‘consequence’ – apparently. What I see is that within me participating in such seemingly ‘unnoticed’ flirts, I am giving into a personality that was built over time wherein this power game toward men was developed. And I mean, this is not something ‘new,’ I guess that we all participate it in one way or another and there’s a series of interviews that explain the entire sexualization of relationships within this world wherein everyone is constantly participating in this, without noticing, calling it ‘human nature’ without having understood before WHY – now we know.

 

So, within me becoming aware of this at an early age, I used it in means of building myself as this ‘strong woman’ that can kick men’s asses and still be safe, because no men could ‘get back at me’ because of being a woman. And in this, I became rather cruel at some point – mostly when not really considering another in such relationships, because I wasn’t really aware of what I was ‘building’ while giving these little hints of teasing and tantalizing wherein I knew that I was definitely not going any further than that, but eventually the counterparts would believe that it would and the whole friendship/ relationship would just crumble down because I had simply given ‘false illusions’ to others – apparently.

 

Yet, this whole experience was just like ‘fun’ to me, like a pastime wherein I didn’t really consider what effect I was causing within others – and the same with some non-lasting relationships wherein because I ran out of the excitement quite fast, I simply would break up and that’s it.  It’s interesting how even in relationships the ‘who breaks up with who’ as in who ended the relationship can be turned into a ‘power game.’

 

I’m just realizing to what extent I came to live these lyrics of songs wherein women become like a religion to men, this ‘unattainable’ object of desire. And I had quite a moment just hours ago when I was scraping through the topic wherein one of those men that I had experienced such ‘tantalizing’ toward just suddenly sent an email out of nowhere in years, which made me react only in a sudden laughter while thinking ‘oh fuck what am I doing!?’ I can say that this is one of the weak-points wherein, as I’ve said before, the ground is not yet cemented and I realize that there is certainly a lot to learn and walk within this aspect of human relationships.

 

So for a moment I was a bit stuck within this writing because I knew that this is one of those nitty gritty points that I could deem as me being absolutely evil toward some men in my past. I also realized how I had victimized myself in my head more than what it was in reality in terms of relationships,  due to me manipulating memories to suit my martyrdom when in fact, I would put another through quite a hell of a ride with my jaded nature toward their ‘feelings’ when it all would come to an end – wherein I would be moving on and they would be still seeking out for that same experience somehow. I created some arrogance within me out of that and mirrored myself in relationships wherein that power game would not recede into submission, but was kept as a one on one, a ‘perfect match’ in terms of keeping the power game alive.

 

And so, this is just the ‘tip of the iceberg’ to debunk Marlen von Tease because I became so used to such experience that I would eventually not even notice, until it was really really obvious and absolutely deliberate to go fully into it, which indicates a fucked up way to begin any relationship with –therefore, a lot to give back to myself in order to stop the desire for these ‘sparks in life’ for the sake of some variety show in our day to day living.

 

The interesting point is how after I stopped participating in what I would have deemed an obvious and certain flirting corresponding that being while walking/ passing by, was me perceiving myself as asexual, dead or even wondering if I seem like such a detached person or plain lesbian. So, fascinating to see how when I stop participating I immediately perceived myself as ‘inert,’ and immediately obviously realizing how it was simply a trick of the mind to then feel ‘odd’ and create an entire mindfuck out of it – which is obviously not necessary. It’s simply realizing the ‘withdrawal symptoms’ after I’d been so used to always participate in these seemingly ‘fleeting moments in my reality’ that we apparently don’t ‘pay much attention to,’ without ever really wanting to look at them and understand the level of identification and personality is held within these power games.

 

I guess that listening to songs like Supervixen shaped quite a chunk of my views about women and men and these tantalization process- you can hear cryptic words that I gave meanings to, all obviously related to this power that women can have toward males as you can read in the comment section below the lyrics to it.

 

It’s never really about another, it’s only us being vampires by using another’s image to such ourselves dry with creating an experience out of another in an almost irrational manner, let’s call it ‘automated vampirism’ for the purpose of seeing it as the program it is to keep an energy-sucking system alive.  

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to learn at a very young age that women were able to have men ‘at their feet’ due to this ability to use a woman’s ‘charms’ to get the most attention and in that, creating within myself an energetic experience that would make me feel ‘good’ about myself, which means that I deliberately participated in teasing men in surreptitious ways wherein I knew that I could tantalize someone for the sake of experiencing ‘power’ over another.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to rejoice when being able to intimidate another being for the sake of weighing myself as superior, as having the ability to instigate a certain reaction on another as that would mean that ‘I was able to push their buttons’ and so, use it for my personal benefit to add-up to my score of being this witty smart ass girl that could not be easily fooled, which was only a game inside my head anyways, because I definitely experienced the exact opposite when the time came for me to really live it in a form of relationship.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever participate in the energetic reward of flirting through teasing another with physical movements that would suggest interest and attention, simply because of how ‘I’ would experience myself about it, which indicates that it was never really about another – therefore

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to use only another person as a image to develop these power games within my mind, where the female had the man ‘at her feet’ and I that, following the ideas of how women were able to astonish an entire crowd if the right moves, the right voice, the right hand movements, the right clothes were fitted into a sellable package wherein any positive feedback about it, would allow me to fulfill the intended experience of flirting/ teasing in an ‘innocent manner.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just get an energetic kick out of realizing that I enjoyed talking in cryptic manners where people would not be able to fully understand what I had to say, and in that seeing if I could instigate an experience of powerlessness within them, I had then the right to support such diminishment by following their own reactions and blowing them out of proportion –all this done in a seemingly playful manner within me, without realizing the actual effects this could case within another, because I was only considering my experience and energetic kick in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to get a sense of power over others whenever I could say something that would be similar to playing a poker game wherein I knew exactly what effect my words would get in the moment, in this becoming like a vampire that would suck out the moment that the projected and expected reaction came up, as in my mind I would say: I knew it, I was right, everyone’s so predictable – without realizing that all such games were a literal mindfuck between me and my own mind, wherein I would get a kick out of these experiences in a very subtle yet addictive manner.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in subtle yet deliberate games of gaining attention from males, wherein I sought to create/trigger an effect/reaction on another, which would in response create an experience within me that I could feel ‘good’ about as that sensation of being ‘more’ through instigating a reaction within others which is seeking attention but within the context of a sexual nature.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adopt ways of perceiving and categorizing men that I learned from lyrics in music written by these ‘strong-female characters’ that I idolized, wherein I learned about the thrill of being able to tease men and have men ‘at your feet/ bowing down to you’ wherein I simply adopted this way of thinking which made me part of the people that thought that females ‘had the control’ because of the sexual desires that are able to be instigated with ‘great ease,’ by using the female flirt and teasing as a way to power up or light up a certain ‘sparkle’ in another that will keep them ‘coming back for more.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever rejoice in being able to diminish and be rather cruel toward men that I knew couldn’t ‘get back at me’ because ‘I am a female, I am powerful and I can’t be dissed by a male’ – in this I recognize that I used the ‘female character’ and characteristics as a shield to be able to get a kick out of teasing men in subtle ways, wherein I would just enjoy the experience from the answers I would get which were those of paying attention to myself in a way that would make me feel ‘wanted’ and ‘desired’ and ‘accepted’ yet using demeaning ways to get such attention.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play these power games within the consideration that ‘I am a female and I can have power over a male,’ while playing the ‘strong’ and ‘powerful’ woman, when in reality, I would diminish and go into the opposite whenever I would deem that the man was ‘more powerful’ than I was – I see and realize that these ‘power games’ between male and female are part of the usual mind-games that use a sexual-attraction in a secretive/ subtle way, so that each one is able to keep the necessary ‘pose’ in place and still get the energetic kick out of experiencing ourselves as either good for having power over another or miserable when being ‘at the bottom.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that because I am a woman, I am the one that is ‘dominated’ by a male, while in fact I did play the role of using the female character as a way to play the dominant role, through instigating a desire that I would then use as a ‘reward’ which I would increase my ego with, within feeding another’s obsessions and my obsessions to keep myself occupied within these mind games that I would give my power away to, believing that I was feeding only another’s obsessions to keep them eating from my hand, neglecting the fact that it all happened in my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use myself as a way to trigger experiences in another that could be regarded as ‘compliments’ in a subtle manner, wherein I would only instigate reactions without following through the entire relationship game, which means that I would only keep the ‘suspense’ in place for the sake of continuing that power game, until it would run out/ fade out and the interest would recede until it was simply not fed any longer.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become an idea of a femme fatale that would enjoy  seeing men suffer, within the belief/ idea/ perception that men had dominated women for so long that it was ‘my time’ to ‘take revenge’ and in that, becoming part of the incipient feminism that I would see on TV/ media/ music world and in that, believing that it’s cool to tantalize men and that’s it, like getting someone drunk and high for a moment without giving any further steps to follow all the way through what such flirting/ teasing usually leads to in the ‘normal world.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever enjoy being able to tease men that were ‘my friends’ just because of wanting to debunk their entire façade of being ‘strong men’ toward the rest of the people, and in that, feel better about myself for being able to expose this that I deemed the ‘real them’ while in fact I was only doing it because of the excitement and enjoyment that ‘I’ would get from ‘grounding someone’ that ‘bossy’ or ‘arrogant’ – yet without really considering what type of energy I was getting from such events as only creations and power games in my own mind.

 

Yesterday I went past a man that I would have had a reaction to as an attraction, wherein you experience that fuzzy feeling in your stomach and I was aware right before it manifested, hence I deliberately breathed and didn’t participate in the moment wherein I had become an automated flirt toward men that I would have a visual reaction to, without considering what such ‘innocent flirt’ or ‘teasing’ can lead-to by just participating in this game with looking back at another or doing a single physical movement that indicates that ‘the game is on.’

In this I realize that I had become an automated participant of these teasing games wherein it became like a hobby for me to do so, when I deemed that it was ‘worth it’ to play the game – yet getting quite scared of the person getting the ‘wrong message’ and going ‘too far’ with perceiving the entire power-game to be more serious than what I deemed as simple innocent and ‘almost non perceptible’ ways in which I could still tantalize someone, yet not engage into further ‘problems.’ Which lead me to eventually having to stop some of those ‘friendships’ in a cold-manner, because of realizing that I had been giving/sending ‘the wrong message’ all the way, wherein I then deemed myself as ‘too innocent’ and ‘not knowing what I was doing.’

 

All of this proves that the lack of communication between human beings in a direct, straightforward manner ensues misunderstandings and assumptions that can lead to events that are certainly not necessary if the points are straight from the beginning. By this I mean that whenever we engage within participating in these ‘usual/ casual flirts,’ we take responsibility for whatever comes after that, and in most cases it would lead me to have to distantiate myself from such beings in my world, because of them going ‘too far’ within the belief of ‘who I was’ or ‘what I was up to,’ which is how I realized that I could not go around just instigating others to believe that I was ‘sending a message’ as in deliberately teasing them to get a response for them for ‘something else,’ instead of me simply seeking the attention and appraise gotten in the moment and the reaction I would experience out of it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever get infuriated if another female would do the same because then the entire ‘power game’ would be against another ‘me’ that could do the same and in that, lose my place within such being’s world, eventually just stepping aside and diminishing myself to a non-existent place within ‘their world.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I am a powerful woman that can control men’ wherein I actually got to live out the exact opposite as a result of me having diminished myself within an actual relationship, wherein I see and realize that it was not always as I remember or have manipulated the relationship to be within my mind. I realize that I have blamed others for how I have experienced myself, while in fact I was actually quite rude and cruel at times toward them.

And it’s interesting to see how I had hid in the back of my head these memories of seeing that I was ‘really hurting men’ because of a ‘bad experience’ that I had as the first relationship wherein I called a relationship a failure without even really starting, which was my way of ‘washing my hands’ when seeing that I was not getting the expected energetic experience within me out of another. It was really not about ‘the other’ but what I had built and created as the idea of another inside my head for my personal benefit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and guilty for having cheated beings within relationships, simply because I was not getting enough ‘energetic highs’ out of just one being.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I actually had any power over other, when in fact it as just me imposing myself as these ideas of ‘who I am’ and instigating reactions which are no different to putting up a fight to get the reactions/ experience of having the power to make another react in a way that I can feel ‘good’ about myself, feeling ‘more’ or ‘powerful.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ‘bad’ for this because of realizing what type of secretive and seemingly-innocent power games I’d play, wherein any interaction with males that I would deem as ‘attractive,’ I would use as a way to fabricate my own little game to get some energy going on out of it an entertain myself in my day to day living.

 

I commit myself to stop participating in these momentary ‘fleeting flirting moments’ that recharge this entire personality of the ‘supervixen,’ to finally establish a point of equality toward people in my world, where I make sure I do not participate in any form of energetic game or experience when being with another, as I realize that within energy there is a point of separation and a point of relationship created, which usually leads us to the usual outcomes of up and down to be eventually non-existent in our world, thus going out for more.

 

I commit myself to deliberately stop myself whenever I see myself seeking a similar experience in other ways wherein the personality of being a female overrides the point of equality toward men, and in that, creating an entire set of consequences within such power games of separation. I realize that we have all agreed to ‘play these games’ wherein I was not even aware to what extent such ‘flirts’ or correspondences would be interpreted as something way-out beyond my initial intention, which is what would cause some disruption within me when finding out what I was getting myself into.

 

So, I commit myself to expose these seemingly ‘innocent power games’ that are in fact keeping entire personalities in place within ourselves, wherein we become just another bolt waiting to be ejected by having any point of fuel to be catapulted. I see that who I am is able to not participate and still remain here, regardless of any initial thought of ‘fearing losing my experience’ which is that of flirting and creating this rather primitive way of establishing relationships with the opposite sex.

 

I realize that in order for us to stand as equals, all power games must cease to exist – and all identities as roles within society of being more than and less than in a sexist manner, are only that, labels, beliefs, ideas that do not support life and what’s best for all, but perpetuate a self-definition within energy that is Not who we really are.

 

I commit myself to never again engage in relationships of flirting or sending out ‘wrong messages’ which implies participating in my world without giving into the experience of winning/ losing, feeling good/ bad about myself/ others in any given moment.

 

I breathe, I self forgive and let go of this all unconditionally, as they all were only memories in my head.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Ode to femeninity

Ode to Femininity (2004)

 

More on  Energy-Sucking Matters in this Reality, supporting ourselves to stop all life degradation trips:

Great interviews for further support on understanding what these energetic-drives eventually create in one’s reality:

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