Tag Archives: social phobia

257. A Piece of Heaven at the Expense of Life

Why do people turn to drugs? There is a definitive reason that cause all the dimensions that play a role  in our current Drug Culture as either cause/effect,  but a common thing is definitely the root and cause of WHY people turn to drugs. We all know the usual things, for example: to escape from oneself, to hide, to run away from the mind, to stop the abhorrent self-experience, to avoid taking responsibility for one’s life and relationships, self-loathing, etc. – but, have we asked why do we have these problems? One can say: family problems, relationship problems, issues with one’s ‘flawed self,’ physical issues, lack of self esteem, heritage, cultural trends, traditions, religions, survivalism in clans/ mafias/ brotherhoods, spiritual beliefs, shamanism, environmental contingencies, availability of narcotics due to associations/ alliances, legal drugs due to psychological conditions, and the list may go on – However, behind all of this one must see one common thing: human conditions that have lead to all of these problems/ issues/ separations and sectarianism that stems from a basic problem in our society: a lack of support for all living beings to have a dignified living that creates a proper environmental condition where All beings would be able to live without having to worry about not making it through the next day, not having to tolerate the injustice and abuse that is accepted and allowed within a system that only caters for some– that’s it. 

 

And that’s what we know in common sense and what can also be watched in all the various documentaries* about drugs that are affecting our societies wherein there is simply an absolute boredom, menial jobs for the working class – or no job opportunities at all – and a general dissociation from wanting to have anything to do with a ‘shitty world/ shitty system that doesn’t give a fuck about life!’ hence turning to have an alternate reality where ‘everything is fine, a heaven in one’s mind for a moment, a harmful  momentary high that turns into a lethal habit that leads to a living condition that is mostly deplorable in most of the cases, as well as leading to any other ‘sudden deaths’ out of the usual ODs and other negligence  that stems from lacking any form of precaution when ingesting/ inhaling/injecting/smoking a drug. It is even common to have people that do this on a regular basis become ‘icons’ in our society, our ‘role models’ which can already point out what type of ‘human quality’ we’ve become fanatics of.

 

It is also interesting how drug-culture became mainstream to a point now wherein one can watch a “music video” and there’s people smoking weed, one can watch a movie and get all the specifics on how people shoot themselves heroin and even all the withdrawal processes in a explicit manner, like in Trainspotting which is probably one of the most popular and obliged reference about drugs for many people that even learned how to do drugs through watching the movie.  I will tell more about that in following posts.

 

The reason why this is an important topic is because drugs as any other form of escapism, represents the aspect we hold on to the most, as it is a self-created intricate relationship we form with only Experience as an Energetic physical experience induced by chemicals in the physical body – the reason why I find it so important to expose is because it’s ubiquitous nowadays for people to be aware of all types of drugs and ways to get high or even self-harm to get a moment of absolute adrenaline –rush/drug of the mind . That’s becoming a children’s game  and I’m referring to what I became aware of today as the salt and ice challenge – I mean, this is how kids age 10 or even less can get used to having a way to get this absolute pain and fear that are the most ‘powerful’ self-experiences created at a mind level when inducing pain along with the ‘challenge’ aspect – where kids will mostly broadcast themselves doing so to ‘prove’ to others they are able to ‘handle it,’ and what mostly happens is kids then will turn to seek for more ‘intense experiences’ like that. Even our words and vocabulary is pointing out blatantly what it is that we are inducing within ourselves: that was Intense! all energy based, and if you’ve been reading these series, you would be aware by now of how energy operates within the physical body through consciousness as a system that we believe is ‘who we really are,’ which is comprised of all our thoughts, emotions and feelings that we whole-heartedly have believed is ‘what living is for’ and if not.

 

This Grave mistake of identifying ourselves with all the drama, excitement and high-intensity of any self-experience is what is mostly leading us to an actual death wherein we disregard actual life/living just for a ‘little piece of heaven.’

And this is what’s leading humanity to a certain end if a single pattern of addiction continues without any definitive decision to STOP.

 

Please read the series to catch up to this point:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

I had made a pause in these series due to the impending ‘doomsday’ that I decided to write about due to my inherent responsibility in having participated pretty much in that type of doom-mentality or gloomy-self-experience as we’ve called it – and what is left is pretty much ourselves, having to face what we have become and as such, take the wheel of our reality in all levels, in all ways and have a look at how we’ve become what we’ve become, which is also another form of escapism through the mind to evade the responsibility we all have here.

 

Drug Culture is quite a common topic virtually everywhere in the world, no matter if it’s a high-energy-hyped society like many places in Europe and America or a third world/ poor country in Africa, or under developed regions like South America – everyone’s got the same ‘epidemic’ which is drugs which includes alcoholism as main problems that maim  the ability for any being to realize and take self responsibility, because drugs imply one single point: a giving up experience that is now turned into an addiction, a need, a fascination and obsession wherein people are literally willing to give all their money, all their life just for one single initial ‘rush’ that any drug can give them. While observing this, it is impossible to not create a parallel to what we understand now of how the mind works, wherein we create our own fixations in order to fuel and satisfy this idea of ourselves that we’ve simply copied, absorbed and ‘become/ embodied’ without a question, and that includes addictive patterns of seeking this ‘greatness’ as an energetic experience that is able to be obtained with drugs, pretty much flushing your entire life down the toilette for a single self belief of you being ‘perfectly fine/ in control / able to quit any time and all of the people that have been severely enrolled in hardcore addictions mostly find it very hard if not impossible to actually live out that belief of being able to stop and quit at any time.

 

That is One single dimension of the addiction: the energetic experience that we are familiar with the moment we accept emotions and feelings as ‘who we are’ and what drugs do is an overall enhancement of this relationship within the ‘who we are’ as the mind, which implies that we are completely hooked on absolute self abuse, since any energetic experience  – as anything that requires energy – is not ‘for free,’ it is an actual process of consumption of the very physical tissue/ fabric that provides the necessary resources for any drug to function properly – this is why the deterioration of the physical takes place in drug addicts/ consumers – among other various dimensions that involve the living conditions that hard-core long-time addicts end up living in or are born in, which is also another aspect that leads to drugs – all in all: stems from lacking actual living support in all ways to live in a sound and healthy environment where life could be actually honored = hence it is a matter of Collective Responsibility, since we are all responsible for continuing fueling a system that is not providing a sound environment for us to develop our expression to our utmost potential.

 

The purpose of these blogs will be to point out main factors that lead to drug consumption, the reasons behind that and how to support oneself to Prevent drug-addictions, referencing the usual ways in which one picks up this belief of drugs being the ‘greatest thing ever’ as well as gathering enough strength to realize there IS a solution to this world, there IS a way to support ourselves to stop seeking to ESCape from reality and instead, sober up and stand up to support the actual change we all dreamed of, it’s in our hands, so we must clean our act before we can establish ourselves in the actual world we have all wanted to live in, and within this, also paving the way for the children to come and ensure they do have the absolute opportunities  to Live and express themselves, and never again resort to any form of escapism through the mind to manifest a self-abusive ‘heaven’ in the mind.

 

Erroneously – those that Profess to be ‘Souls’, will Claim that the Body of Flesh is a temporary Illusion. And they would base it on the Experience they Generate through Mind Systems, which Follows the Design of the System where: the Search for Meaning and Reason, would Follow through the Combination of Predesigned Platonic Solids as Key Parts to Systems that produce Energy and Visual Input which the Person Align with, So Intensely that they Believe that it is Real, and they Disregard the Simple Reality of a Breath and Food and Bodily Functions that Keeps them Alive.
In this, these ‘Souls’ End-up Acting like Vampires in the Physical Reality, Seeking to Consume everything in their Path for the Self-Interest of the ‘Feeling’ that Produce, according to them, the ‘Experience of Happiness’. The fact that this ‘Happiness’ is Produced at the Cost of the Suffering of Uncountable Living Beings – Simply is Ignored or Seen as ‘Collateral Damage’ of an Illusion that will ‘Suddenly, Magically’ Disappear.”  – Bernard Poolman +

 

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Documentaries/ Videos suggested that present the context of what Drug Culture implies– Viewers discretion suggested: NSFW

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225. Is Living Life about Getting High?

 

“So, if you Experience God – you can just as well go and take a Drug and you will have the Same Experience.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

How many times have we equated Life to Experience? Only all the time. It should be a frightening thought to realize that we’ve never lived and that everything that we had deemed as our ‘peak experiences’ have only been energetic – read Limited – experiences that define the totality of who we are for a few seconds, minutes, hours through perpetuating our day to day living as a life-long dedication to keep seeking the same ‘feeling’ which means being addicted our whole lives seeking that ‘something’ that we can call our ‘little peace of heaven’ – in our culture – read ‘collective indoctrination/ brainwashing – we have equated living life to getting the most experiences that we have deemed as positive such as happiness, love, peace, joy and money, which enables all of these experiences as the ability to buy them.

 

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Introduction 

 

What I’ve realized throughout this process of self support through writing and understanding our human mind is that, no matter if you take what’s regularly known as ‘drugs’ or not: we are all addicts to Energy.

But what happens when you got the basics to live/ you got what you essentially NEED to have a proper life and you got some money to spare? Well, you certainly look for more and more ways to ‘fill in the void’ that is experienced every day, isn’t it? It’s as if the air we breathe, the body that keeps us living here is just ‘not enough’ and there’s this something that keeps tormenting us… is it really ‘the world’? is it really ‘’life’ that’s playing tricks on us? Not at all. It is the same with our current world system: Is the world/ life the problem in this world? Is it Us not being ‘good enough’? No, it is the money system that is the problem, and it’s not even ‘money’ in itself but the ways in which it has been set to work, this means: the Human Mind that has created the rules for it is the problem. Same goes for our lives – our body is perfectly functional by itself, it is only when we start THINKING instead of Living that all goes down the toilet down the pipelines of ‘shitty experiences’ such as emotions and temporary ‘positive thinking– fixes’ such as all of the above mentioned temporary ‘fillers’ to a life that I know, most are simply not ‘happy’ about, not that I would want to change your perspective on that either, however, we dug our own grave and we’re the only ones that can ensure we don’t actually remain there.

 

What  happens when you live in a society wherein the minutest displeasing experience such as sadness, depression, anxiety – which is Utterly misunderstood in this reality –  please listen to Mykey’s explanation on Anxiety – dread, fear or any regular lack of attention at work/school or just lack of  self motivation =  you can be sold a drug and ‘solve the problem’ apparently. Now, I would mostly discourage anyone from taking any form of drug, but I’m not here to put you out of your meds either. Just read and follow through the common sense and ‘hopefully’ you make a decision that is best for all, best for your pocket and gain some self respect with a sense of self responsibility.

 

Understand the following point: We live in a world wherein marketing is used to sell ‘ice to a Eskimo’ as it’s been said, however what happens when the ice is changed to drugs and the Eskimo is any regular person that may experience any ups-downs as a result of participating in the mind of thoughts, emotions and feelings?  Well, you got it. The person will buy drugs in order to solve what they believe is some from of ‘chemical imbalance’ – which is the usual drill propagated by well-paid psychiatrists to say the same over and over again and ending up hooking you up with Paxil, Xanax, Zoloft, Prozac or valium – among many others – oh and don’t forget your Tafil to sleep well.  The moment we Believe that there is an actual problem that can be cured with medicines, we are not only abdicating our responsibility to our mind and what we in fact created and participated in to create ‘our experience,’ but we’re also then choosing to begin supporting  an entire industry that is certainly willing to promote this type of symptoms to a position of ‘absolute illness,’ placing you in a ‘powerless’ position to do anything about it But taking this or that drug to solve it.

 

It is not a mystery that the majority of the population that have sufficient money to eat and live in a dignified manner, spends money on drugs to ‘feel better’ or regulate some form of ‘mental instability’ that has been entirely Self Created. But what is that ‘feel better’ been equated to? – Yes, the entire ‘Happiness’ Propaganda that’s part of this capitalist system – catch the drift? Is Happiness then an actual disease that should be promoted as the actual delirium that is causing people to believe there is something ‘wrong’ with them for not being ‘satisfied’ with their lives – yes, same as love.

 

 

We’re all fed up with buying, consuming, popping pills, rolling joints, seeking the next great thrill.

 

Have we stopped for a moment and look at all the people, beings, parts of our reality we’ve abused in order to satisfy our Wants, Needs and Desires? And that includes not only our external reality, but our own physical body, using and abusing its components as catalyzers to create energetic deliriums when being stimulated with external substances that are meant to fuel the mind only, they are Not in any way an actual indication of us Living Life. And looking outside of ourselves, you can look at all the violence and drug-trafficking problems that are related to drugs, which should Not exclude Alcohol of course. I mean the array of drug addictions can be extensive if we expand our level of awareness of that which alters our experience in the body and creating a form of addiction to it. There are gigantic industries being moved by this desire to ‘live life in peace’ through taking drugs – and for that I suggest you inform yourself with the documentaries:

 

Now, how come this form of  self abuse and self destruction became popular? It’s not about characters, people’s context or troubled lives – no, this is all about a ‘greater scheme’ that has always been invisible to us until today.  The more I understand how reality functions, the more I clarify and get proper in detail explanations about how our every single cell in the body functions, every atom, every thought, our entire mind, the different aspects each layer of the mind correspond to in our personal experience as the mind, understanding and getting to hear from animals themselves the actual IntelliSense they live as physical beings and how I can only laugh at our attempt as humanity to evolve, placing ourselves above a single blade of grass. I see that the first time I heard from Bernard that ‘a single blade of grass is more aware than the entire humanity as a whole’ I realized that we were truly blind.

 

 

Why is there all this emphasis on Needs, Wants and Desires everywhere in our reality? They are the key to keep us preoccupied in our minds, always in the NOW as Consciousness, as time bound to a past, future and a presence that is only here as a mind trying to ‘silence itself’ and ‘think positive,’ while the very desires of the so-called ‘rehabilitated presence’ have caused the most outrageous abuse on Earth, on each other – this is our responsibility, this is what we’ve all done to one another, this is the result of following our addictions – whatever they might be. As long as you’ve experienced a want, need and desire we can know one thing: we are not HERE breathing, we are only  keeping ourselves chained to the next fix like addicts we’ve become.

Is this life? No

Is this what our entire ‘effort’ is worthy of? No

Are we willing to face the truth of ourselves? Yes, as there is no other way to create solutions if the actual way of how the problems were created is not understood in the first place. For now I suggest investigating that which one can see is ‘living for’ on a day to day basis: are you here living as You for you to actually dedicate your life to become a human being that is worthy of living life through Becoming the living word as Life? or are you only here just ‘passing by’ and expecting to catch some ‘good ride’ so you can die with a full tummy and a mind gnawed with tons of ‘good times,’ even if your liver is destroyed by alcohol or your veins are rot with chemicals you pumped with pills on a daily basis –

 

Think about it: is popping a pill, rolling a joint, shooting up some coke, taking acids, or buying your regular drugs over the counter an actual Meaning of what it is to BE Alive and WELL? Why would anyone Require a Substance to LIVE other than the nutriments that are here as our food, the oxygen that we breathe, the water that we drink and the physical participation that proves that we are HERE. That is what the basics of living is about, now, our world is being run as a happiness machine that sells drugs – in legal and illegal ways – to keep humans busy with the delirium of ‘Happiness’ and that we have to be ‘happy’ all the fucking time. Is this real? No! It is just like selling ice to a Eskimo – it is selling you a well being that is Not an energetic experience but an actual equal and one self-realization of who you are As your physical body that Does Not require a stimulant/ drug to ‘be well.’

 

Drugs only work at a mind level – if the mind is a system that only works on energy resourced from your physical body/ substance/ life – then what does that indicate? Isn’t seeking happiness and joy and bliss then them same as saying ‘I require to get high to live’? – How could Anyone Claim to ‘Love Life’ if Life is being equated to love, happiness, joy, bliss or any other temporary mind-fix of energetic churning inside your body generated by a systematic set of rules in your mind that you’ve acquired from the media that you’re fed with from the moment you learn to sit up straight and get a TV in front of you.

Our great demise as humanity is living as Mind Systems instead of Physical beings of flesh and bones that care for each other as a one and equal organism. We’re living in the consequential outflow of an entire existential process of having existed as Energy-based beings instead of standing equal and one to life as who we really are.  This all may sound weird to you at first, but when you understand the following equation as our absolute mistake and misconception of equating life = experiencing positive/ negative energetic experiences, only looking after our Own Mind and our Own Benefit, disregarding the fact that such experience is only a mind-generated energetic fix and that in No Way contributes to an actual understanding of life-living, you can clearly see that we’ve fallen in the greatest trap of it all: equating life to energy, getting virtually addicted to energetic ‘positive experiences’ while the world falls apart where we simply continue shooting up the next happy pill, roll the next joint, pop in the next Prozac and pretend that everything is just fine.

 

There can be no more self interest lasting for long on Earth, we’ll have to work together anyways. I will continue to give a more personal experience on this process along with the tools of SELF Support to walk out of your beliefs of having to be ‘happy’ or else, you are Ill and Mentally Instable or having some form of ‘chemical imbalance of the neurotransmitters in the brain’  which is each psychiatrist’s punch line when you know next thing you’ll be handed a list of new ‘friends’ – read drugs – that will ‘help you out to cope with reality’ – never even bothering to warn you about it all being just another list of drugs that are sold in the street with non-marketing names. That’s what ‘finding god’ has been reduced to, there you go.

You decide whether you want to Live or Die.

I decided and also say the end of film cliché: Choose Life

 

— more to follow tomorrow

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184:Angstxiety

Physical Dimension: Reactions to the negative thought of having to complete a task/ activity

Within the entire series of the procrastination character that began on day 162. Either Do it or DIE I’ve walked the fear, thought, imagination – then even a fantasy came out – backchat and the reactions toward all of these points in both a negative and a positive manner.

The title of this blog comes from the realization that angst means fear in Dutch and anxiety is what we experience as the physical experience of such fears which sounds then similar as one leading to the other, while in English, angst means ‘anxiety about the state of the world’ which is how I can identify I have become the anxious person for the most part while growing up, which I have been working on as well in the death and destruction blogs going into both anxiety and dread about it.

 

Within the physical dimension is to then see how it is that all of these dimensions end up manifesting as a physical possession – how? Well, the moment that we give into the thought and make it a physical habit within it, we are essentially confirming that yes, the thoughts, backchat, reactions, fears are in fact ‘who we are’ and that all of such mind-experiences are ‘true enough’ for us to then live them out in the physical. Hence it’s this physical dimension the one that certainly exists as a consequential outflow of all the previous accepted and allowed mind experiences as real, it is the ‘physical possessed time’ wherein we have already abdicated the directive principle of ourselves and we essentially become the embodiment of our own mind control – sounds familiar? Yes, essentially every moment that we are not here breathing and being aware of ourselves as the physical and ‘lose track’ of what we are in fact doing in that moment – because of only existing in a constant myriad of thoughts, pictures, backchats/ internal conversations – wherein we are then only feeding the experience further and further while missing out the entire point of this experience which is nothing else and nothing more but a self created dis-ease through thinking and having a positive or negative experience about something/ someone in our world and reality.

 

Within the procrastination character, I realize that the moment that I am about to get onto doing something/ directing myself to complete a task, there’s a pinch of anxiety that emerges, that has been ‘slowed down’ so to speak from the time when I was a younger girl and going through school and having all the basic nervousness symptoms of having gastritis, multiple headaches whenever an exam or a ‘something to do’ would emerge that I would consider was ‘ahead of me’ and being overtly apprehensive, always worrying about the outcome of my exams, worrying if I’d get the highest grade – even if I pretended that I didn’t care – always wanting to get to places on time and essentially being in constant fear of ‘not meeting my goals’ which I later on suppressed as I went growing up with an opposite character. Within this I must say that my mother’s words were supportive since she always made me see how futile it was to be seeking to be perfect and strain my physical body for it, plus hearing words that would allow me to see that I didn’t require to worry about it since I had an ability to walk through school without a problem – however, the origin of the anxiety was never seen or realized in fact. So, I will dedicate myself to tap more into the anxiety experience, which has diminished considerably in the past years since I began my process of self forgiveness and self honesty, however, it still comes out which indicates that there are points that I must obviously still work through it and the realization is that such anxiety has been present lately due to and directly linked to the procrastination character, wherein the moment that we create our own ‘procrastination hell’ we become the embodiment of such ‘unsorted load’ and generate an overall relationship of self-abuse which is pretty much experienced at a physical level.

I had that yesterday in three different moments and all related to being asked the question of when the hell am I going to finish school – well actually could be four, lol since I had several chats with different people and realized that I am the only one that is procrastinating this.

So as I write this, there’s a flow of heaviness as energy that is experienced in my arms and in the pit of my stomach, which is where we could say the solar plexus actually is.

So far the only way that I have been able to slow down in physical reality in terms of walking slower, not rushing to get to a place (unless strictly necessary, lol) and going ‘ahead of time’ in my mind when for example, meeting someone, going to a certain place where I will have to face people, even making phone calls would be a reason for me to get anxious, like wanting to ‘get over with it’ – which is a key point here ‘getting over with it’ as this point that must be simply ‘rushed’ and ‘finished’ in order to ‘get to the next point’ – I mean, that’s not living, that’s just being like a Ford-T line producer that’s simply tied and bound to a single task-doing reality where no actual Living takes place. Unfortunately yes, this is the reality for the majority of everyone in this world because every moment that we reduce life to a sequence of ‘tasks to be done’ we are certainly limiting ourselves extensively within our capacity to see life not as a birth-consume-reproduce-produce-consume-die type of cycle with all the highs and lows in between – there is definitely another way of going through life even if it’s filled with ‘stuff to do,’ as I have realized that the moment we measure our days based on ‘stuff to do’ we miss out the point of how each activity is an opportunity to expand ourselves. And where does anxiety fit into all of this? Nowhere, it is a self-created TIME-triggered fuckup. I actually see how I have used Time as an excuse obviously, but also as a constant ‘counting’ of my day wherein instead of being here. I mean, even the sole ‘measuring’ of the day implies that I define myself according to what I did and what I did not do, which is just creating another aspect to give myself credit/ discredit for as an ego. No, I can instead decide to live in a way that is fully functional in every moment, and this implies not being subject to the reactions experienced Over going into an alternate reality of thinking, judging, backchatting, imagining, reacting over it etc.

I realize that I have separated myself from the actual ‘art of living’ which should be related to self mastery that I had on purpose seen as something ‘ahead’ of myself, impossible, ‘not now’ type of thing, without realizing that within this, I was kind of then sort of Still expecting me to do some ‘regular fuckups’ to demonstrate that ‘I am still mortal’ instead of actually taking a decision to not continue to allow any belittling within myself and others – as belittling was definitely one of the first points I worked with in my process which has been so far, cool – however, the anxiety point demonstrates that there is still this ‘uncertainty’ within me, and yes, directly related to this ‘something that I have to do’ and ‘complete’ as an ‘achievement’ that I am separating myself from.

 

So the physical dimension of this entire outflow of procrastination has to do with the various symptoms that one would experience as ‘anxiety’ among other physical habits like standing up and just moving away from the computer when the time comes to complete a task, or direct myself to get some water/ peanuts or raisins – or going out, which is what I have walked already in previous blogs, or simply doing something else.

As I was reading Heaven’s Journey To Life yesterday, I realized that I have in fact activated the ‘I don’t care’ character as a defense mechanism to keep myself in ‘good stand’ in my mind for not doing the task I know  I have to complete. This character would come as a temporary ‘shut up’ to the anxiety experienced at a physical level. Oh man, how far have I gone to cover up fuckup after fuckup of simply procrastinating a single task? Is it necessary? Obviously NOT! However, it seems as if I deliberately placed myself in this situation to walk through it, which is plain absurd but it ‘makes sense’ from the perspective that I have simply made an accumulation of decisions that were linked to the ‘positive experiences’ that I would use as an excuse to not get to this task.

A side note for me as well is how horrible it is to experience ‘excitement’ or some energetic experience that one would consider as a general ‘positive experience.’ I became excited about – oh god here I go – one of my so-called ‘favorite bands’ releasing a new album after a long time and so I went into this excitement that became a Really uncomfortable experience after a while, to the extent that I experience like a hangover of it due to the expectation – which creates anxiety – and the activation of all the emotions and feelings linked to this music – yes both emotions and feelings since it’s the type of ‘drug’ as an experience that I would be the most addicted to, this type of sublime experiences wherein you are rather overwhelmed by the sounds that terrifies us in a way and at the same time becomes a nice experience. And that, my fellow droogies I will walk separately and later on post as I will continue walking the procrastination character, but I see how the entire experiences linked to music must also be debunked, because it is ‘hard’ for anything or anyone else to create an experience of this kind within me, it’s mostly linked to music and the load I have imprinted on memories to it.

 

And This, I realized I have been a ‘frequent participant’ of based on what I got to understand in the Quantum Mind Self Awareness 18 that I highly recommend to anyone pondering about the ‘negative’ and being having mostly a ‘high’ from all things negative. That’s the shortest way I can describe it, get it  and then you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

 

So, let’s breathe and I’ll begin walking the Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective statements on the following blogs. Thanks for reading

 

 

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120. ‘I don’t like breaking my routine’

This emerged as I went out for a walk as I do everyday and two people approached me – a woman and her son – and the woman indicated that they had seen me walking around always Alone around the neighborhood, and she quickly asked me if I’d like to go walking with them some time – and so, I was calm here breathing and I could clearly immediately experience the same physical sensation of just ‘wanting to leave’ right there immediately upon hearing an invitation to go somewhere/ do something that is ‘out of my routine,’ I clearly had backchat in between our conversation such as:

What do they want from me?

Are they white lighters? (because they asked me if I liked yoga)

How can I say that I like to walk all by myself?

I just want to be alone

She probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son

Do I look that lonely and/or depressed to others?

I don’t want my routine to be interrupted

Why is she so insistent?

Is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here?

I can tell her that I’ll be moving out soon, that way they’ll go away

I’m wasting my time here

Do I have to explain my life to her?

And so this seemingly ‘casual’ experience was a trigger point for me to see how I have lived within this almost fear an anxiety to do something out of my own routine, wherein interacting with others and doing things out of ‘my schedule’ seems like an aberration at all times.

Hence I walk self-forgiveness and self corrective application on each point of backchat experienced as a defense mechanism to my own self-religion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react with the backchat ‘what do they want from me?’ when seeing people crossing the street in order to meet me, which is a defense mechanism wherein I immediately react to the image of people suddenly approaching me, which at a peripheral view becomes a ‘threatening sight’ simply because of holding the fear of being robbed or mugged by people on the streets while I walk alone.

When and as I see myself fearing the sight of people approaching me, I stop and I breathe – I instead ensure that I do take a look at the people and remain stable with whatever their intentions are

I realize that reacting in fear is just a way to keep me ‘alert’ of people at all times while walking on the street, which is why and how I have developed a way to walk in a very ‘focused’ manner looking only at the horizon but not looking at people specifically as to not create a point ‘unspoken communication’ just by sight/ view of each other.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘she probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son’ the moment that she introduced me to her son, which is how I have been conditioned to believe that all ‘mothers’ introducing their sons to females has to do with wanting to arrange a ‘couple’ in the moment.

When and as I see myself reacting with the backchat’ oh they want me to go out with his son/ the male here’ – I stop and I breathe, I continue hearing what they have to say while breathing here

I realize that all reactions stem from the times when it is a cliché that a mother seeks a female to ‘go out with’ a female in order to establish relationships – I realize that I can stop this backchat and simply remain here breathing and listening to the words spoken in physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I look that lonely and/ or depressed to others’ in terms of me walking all alone, which is me reacting to the woman’s facial expression of concern wherein I believe that she’s concerned and/or wanting to make a ‘big deal’ out of me being alone all the time – thus I realize that being ‘lonely’ is a word that is negatively seen by people that judge their own aloneness as something that would immediately require company – therefore I take the point for what it is and that’s it.

When and as I see myself wondering if others see me as ‘too lonely and/or depressed’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this backchat only supports others’ words and projected concerns about ‘loneliness,’ wherein I see and realize that the fact that I contained such backchat indicates that I have judged myself for walking all alone and victimizing myself at times for ‘walking around all alone’ in terms of how it is seen by others, and/or looking seemingly ‘suspicious’ to others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat: is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here? Wherein I allow myself to project my own beliefs of ‘how I am seen’ around the neighborhood/ area in which I walk – thus, I see and realize that I am still holding on to the ‘I am weird/ eccentric’ character while walking on the street, wherein I believe that people are having all types of ideas about me walking on the same road every single day, like a mentally deranged person which I embody as a form of protection toward what I believe is a way to secure myself to not be ‘attacked’ by people on the street, and instead, become the fear instigator toward others, just as a defense mechanism toward potential robbers/ abusers while I walk down the street.

When and as I see myself acting out on the character of being mysterious/ being seemingly suspicious in my attitude and random moves as I walk down the streets, I stop and I breathe – I continue walking simply being here aware of what I’m listening and seeing and experiencing as my very own feet on the ground walking step by step, taking the necessary precautions in terms of checking people around and make the necessary moves in order to consider what works best in terms of walking on the street in any given moment.

I realize that I have become the seemingly suspicious character in order to remain ‘safe’ and ‘undisturbed’ by people, just because of not wanting to establish relationships with people or be ‘too well known’ by others in the neighborhood, aside from the people I buy food/ stuff from.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I have to explain my life to her?’ the moment that she asks if I had a brother or sister to go out with, wherein I then have to explain that I live alone and that I have no one to walk with.

I realize that this is a strange situation for me that I had not experienced as it is very rare that someone approaches you to ‘strike a conversation ‘out of nowhere,’ which indicates to what level of fear and control we’ve lived, wherein we cannot even consider that another would just want to ‘strike a conversation’ but we immediately assess what is it that they want from us, what is it that they are promoting/ selling/ involved-in in order to make sales.

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of ‘Do I have to explain myself to her’? I stop and I breathe – I continue listening unconditionally to the questions and direct myself to assess what information I can give and what information I rather not give to a new person/ stranger in the moment.

I realize that I don’t require to ‘explain’ myself as in making sense of my aloneness, but I can simply share in a very succinct manner the reasons for the pattern another is pointing out and how I am practically living without it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat ‘are they whitelighters’ as a way to immediately discard what they have to say in the moment based on me thinking, believing that only ‘good doers/ positive thinkers’ would want to do something that they view as ‘positive’ at their eyes.

When and as I see myself judging people in my head for being into yoga/ spirituality, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can instead of judging directing me to hear what they have to say about it and respond accordingly, without reacting from the fact that I was into spirituality for a brief moment.

I realize that I create labels/ tags onto people as a way to support my character of the ‘reality observer,’ wherein I believe that I understand the mechanisms of the mind to the T, which is absolutely not so, and that I instead tend to create these points/ characters according to the level of ‘threat’ they represent to myself as my own mind in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am wasting my time with people when I am talking with them, as I see and realize that it is only me in my mind creating a defense mechanism toward something/ someone that is actually a potential ‘debunker’ toward my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I am wasting my time here’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me rushing as my mind wanting to ‘move on’ with the immovable type of self-created experience, instead of me supporting myself to actually slow down, breathe and as such listen and consider what is being explained/ lived/ talked about in the moment unconditionally.

I realize that the ‘I don’t have enough time’ sentences is an excuse to stop communication, seek ways to not continue communicating wherein I assess something ‘else’ that I have to do as ‘more important’ than the moment, which is clearly a defense mechanism to not have to face myself as my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with an energetic experience of fear and slight anxiety when being asked to go out with others/ being invited to do something out of my routine, which implies that the fear and anxiety is a defense mechanism to not even consider the point as a potential opportunity for me to face myself and my own inclination to remain ‘undisturbed’ by others in my routine. Thus

When and as I see myself reacting in fear and anxiety to a question that proposes me doing something out of the ordinary, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can in fact assess whether I am able to participate or not without immediately seeking ways to say ‘no’ and justify that decision with my own backchat as I realize that I am not being entirely self directive in such moments, but allowing me to just ‘shut down’ and created excuses to not walk the point and actually open up toward others as an opportunity of self-expansion and expression with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the backchat ‘how can I say that I like to walk all by myself?’ wherein I am defending my own reluctant self-experience to participate, interact with others based on the memories of having been impulsed to socialize with others, such as the way that my mother would force me to socialize which is how I have a kept one single memory as the point that defines all my interactions with people that I get to know of in a ‘casual manner,’ wherein I would defend my ‘right’ to remain as a loner no matter what.

When and as I see myself wanting to explain to others why and how I enjoy being alone, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a defense to my own self-religion of ‘being alone’ wherein I am only seeking ways to not interact with others. Thus I allow myself to continue interacting and considering what’s being said in the moment, without any condition or any restriction according to what ‘threatens’ my own desire to ‘be alone.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another in my head as ‘insistent’ the moment that they ask again about my own ‘loneliness’ and inviting me to go out with them, wherein I am still believing that there must be something in it for them to insist on socializing with me, which is how I have conditioned myself to always look t relationships and interactions based on self interest wherein I immediately judge another’s expression toward me and their starting point to communicate according there being some personal benefit out of it, which is how I would mostly judge any ‘casual communication’ and only expecting people to get to explain their reason of interacting/ communicating based on a point of self-interest, which is the only reason I could think of as the reason for people approaching others to communicate.

I realize that I have judged people approaching others as always having to do with people wanting something to their own benefit, which is how I have always judged communication as self-interest instead of actually allowing myself to be that it can be an actual unconditional openness from human beings in the moment without any personal interest in itself.

Thus, when and as I see myself wanting to rush a point of communication to ‘get to know ‘what people are in fact being pushed by/ driven by in order to communicate with me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am seeing the communication through the veil of ‘self interest’ projected onto others instead of actually breathing and just being here in every word that is being spoken wherein I can ensure that I am hearing the words said instead of interpreting them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – which is the actual core of my character as ‘the loner’ wherein any potential threat to my religion of always doing things the way that ‘I want’ is judged by myself as my mind in order to diminish any potential threat to my own routine as a holder of my ego/ self-religion based on having a certain time throughout the day for everything, wherein I immediately create any point that could stand outside of such norm/schedule as an aberration that must be annihilated immediately, which is the reason why I tend to create all types of excuses as to never have to actually challenge my own time frames and ‘way of being’ in order to participate in an activity/ moment of interaction with other human beings.

I realize that I have believed that breaking my routine is something that I simply ‘cannot afford’ within the consideration of how I use my time throughout the day thus

When and as I see myself thinking about saying no to a proposal of interaction/ communication with other beings and creating the excuse of time as a justification with the thinking pattern ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – I stop and I breathe – I instead allow myself to consider whether it is viable for me to actually participate or not according to my actual self-honest assessment of the point, ensuring that I am in fact not restricting my participation with others deliberately, but that I give myself the opportunity to consider opening up with people and seeing how it could work to do something ‘out of the ordinary’ without compromising myself either.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seek ways to rush a point of communication with people that I deem as too ‘talkative’ to an end through the backchat ‘I just want to leave already’/ ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’ which is how I have kept myself ‘intact’ within my own patterns of how I communicate and interact with people, always seeking to just ‘be alone’ again as I see and realize that interacting, communicating and actually opening up to others is the way to go debunking my own restrictive personality toward others, as a defense mechanism for my own mind as its main characters to continue existing as a point of ‘exclusivity’ in relation to who I talk to/ who I can simply disregard, which is an elitist way of looking at people, making it an excuse to not actually interact and expand in a moment, but remain within the safe bounds of my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’/ I just want to leave already – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am facing a moment and a point wherein I can actually breakthrough my imposed self-limitations of communication toward others, and in fact allow myself to expand and express with others without having to have a ‘reason’ behind it, but simply see it as an opportunity to step outside of my own schemes for a moment and see how I can support myself within participating with others, unconditionally.

I realize that I have a resistance to do things ‘out of my routine’ because I have made of my routine this ‘untouchable’ aspect of ‘who I am’ wherein I have disliked anything and anyone that dares to challenge it, reacting with fear of losing myself as my mind, as my self-religion and ‘my time’ which I have used as an excuse to not interact and actually expand with others, as I see that it takes an actual ‘push’ and effort for me to do something ‘out of the ordinary,’ which is just a matter of allowing myself to do it more frequently in order to not hold a resistance toward it in any way whatsoever.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want things to remain ‘the same’ and ‘immovable’ as this creates an experience of certainty within myself as my mind, wherein I am only looking to create a ‘safe environment’ as a routine and repetition within my mind wherein such repetition becomes a form of security to remain ‘stable’ within myself. Thus

When and as I see myself wanting to shut down/ move away and or avoiding something or someone that represents having to step out of that routine, that repetition as a certainty to my own ‘world’ within my mind, I stop and I breathe – I realize that change is actually cool in order to go letting loose from my own trap of mind-routine as a self-religion of certainty and security. This way I allow myself to do things out of my schedule at times within the self-honest consideration of myself and practicality in that moment, to also not now compromise to ‘always’ do things to step out of my mind-routine, but simply be open and self-honest about participating in points that I am invited to, or even directing myself to ‘by my own will’ as a way to really walk the self-correction of never ‘touching’ anything that could mean a potential change/ threat to my routine as my mind.

I assist and support myself to become aware of my own thinking when being invited to do something out of the ordinary wherein I can self-honesty assess the proposal instead of just shoving it away or wanting to run away from it. I support myself to walk the correction of what it means to consider practicality before listening to my own backchat as the decision maker toward any event in my reality.

 

I commit myself to continue breaking my own routine and self-religion patterns with small activities and actions wherein this desire to remain ‘immovable’ is actually walked into a practical realization of being available and open for interaction with others wherein I decide whether I participate or not based on a self-honest assessment toward it, instead of immediately shutting it down out of fear of debunking my own religion.

 

I realize that I am the one that has the power to decide whether I support myself to live and break-through my own patterns or not, thus I decide whether I remain within the confinement of my own characters and personalities or actually allow myself to step out of my own mind control and live.

 

For further support in walking our own mind and understanding our own creation as a limited version of life through and as a limited mind, visit the Desteni I Process website to learn more about how you can walk a process of knowing yourself in order to be able to create who we are based on a principle of life in equality, with support and assistance to always have a point of reference in relation to HOW we can practically begin to live and how we can practically stop all forms of limitations as fears to not do so.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

 

28-days-later

Blogs:

Day 120: True Activist Politics

Multidimensional Inner-Voices – Part 2 (Self-Commitments): DAY 120

 

Interview of the day:

Life Review – A Child’s Mind in an Adult Body

90. Nonentity

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that there can be people of ‘no significance’ or ‘value’ whenever they do not present an ‘identifiable character’-  without realizing that it is in significance itself that disparity and inequality is created-  this means, when giving meaning/worth/ value to something and someone in separation of ourselves based on what I have believed and perceived is ‘more valuable’ or ‘less valuable’ –  which indicates that I am the only one existing as a character that has a value system in separation of self as one and equal.

 

When and as I see myself perceiving and believing that there exist people of ‘no value/meaning’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that this is stemming from my own value-system wherein I have placed people as less than and more than in separation of self as one and equal.

 

I realize that the nonentity word itself is pointing out how we have neglected ourselves, separated ourselves based on a value system wherein we have decided that according to ‘who we are as characters,’ we are worth more or less than others, which is absolute separation.

 

The only value of life is life and as such, there can be no more or less in here but in our own minds only.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that someone that is ‘lacking character’ as in presenting no-visible experience that I can use to ‘assess who the being is’ is a nonentity, as in someone that is worthless/ unimportant – without realizing that in this I am giving value/worth and further meaning to someone that does present a ‘visible’ self-experience that is able to be spotted through how the being presents themselves, talks, interacts, which is how we have become so used to treating each other according to the character we see and are able to ‘spot’ in another.

 

I realize I am within this reducing an entire being to only existing as an idea in my mind that I am able to ‘quickly assess’ based on how they look, how they walk, talk to others, portray and carry themselves which in this very assessment I am already caging another into being nothing else but a character in my mind that would then approach as a character myself.

 

When and as I see myself placing more value onto someone that portrays a ‘defined character’ as in presenting a visible self-experience through physical language, words, interaction with others – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to speak to all being within the consideration of who we are as physical beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach/ interact with/initiate a point of communication with another based on how their ‘character’ is revealing them ‘to be’ without realizing that in this, I am approaching another from the starting point of me as a character wanting to establish a relationship with another character through communication, ending up validating and excusing my ‘choice’ based on me being a character with a preference to interact only with the characters I ‘resonate with,’ which is an indication that I have always only interacted based on my own limitation as a character – and that this stems from the point of not even having walked my own character to begin with, to remove and stop all self-definitions and as such, be able to communicate with any other being without a point of preference as interference to it.

 

When and as I see myself ‘choosing’ with whom I can communicate ‘better’ and with whom I perceive ‘I can’t’ – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself as words here relating to the physical moment of interaction without any thoughts in the background, only here as breath.

 

“I commit myself to show – how, our ‘decisions’ of whether we like/dislike or prefer/don’t prefer or love/hate; is/always have been determined by/through already-existent characters/personalities we’ve come to accept/beLIEve to be ‘who we are’ as the primary-definitions of ourselves we come to physically-embody/live-out in our Mind-Physical relationship/existence. Where, this ‘assessment’ of our relationship to other human-beings is/always has been determined by/through characters from memories we’ve constructed/manifested into and as the foundation/manifestation of ‘who/how we are’; where from such accumulative memories that’s come to layer in our Mind-Physical relationship and aligned/interconnected into and as the definition of our ‘who we are’: we within MEMORIES assess/determine/analyse ‘who/how we are’ in relation to other human beings based on a SELECT FEW ‘tells’ / ‘signals’ we assess/analyse within the MEMORY, and according to a select few ‘tells/signals’ of the human beings’ behaviour/presentation within the memory and how that ‘resonate’ with our embodied character/personality: will within the MEMORY determine/decide who/how we will be in relationship to the other human-being in our experience of like/dislike or prefer/don’t prefer or love/hate.” – Sunette Spies +

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adopt what I learned from my parents as in judging someone that would be only ‘breathing’ and not showing/ projecting any emotion and/ or feeling as self-experience that would indicate they are ‘open’ or ‘friendly’ or talkative’ as these are values and judgments that I have considered as positive in another wherein I then became used to judging quiet, still and silence people as ‘nonentities’ because of them not being communicating, interacting and a such, being like a wall that I cannot possibly get through.

 

 

When and as I see myself judging a being that I perceive as being a ‘wall’ as in not talking and not communicating – I stop and I breathe – I realize that if I have to communicate with another being it is not based on ‘how I see them’ and how I am assessing them in my mind – but instead simply physically direct myself to open up a point of interaction and a such be here in the moment with another sharing myself, instead of expecting them to do or don’t do something based on the image I had created of them in my mind.

 

I realize that the moment I stop projecting onto others the personality I see of them as a ‘quick assessment’ of who the being is, I am in fact getting past the characters that limit ourselves and talking to the being for who they are as one and equal as myself.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately/ automatically judge in my mind a being that is not ‘interacting’ and presenting themselves with a definitive character as ‘less than’ based on memories of how I was educated to always be presenting myself as a certain character that would be ‘open’ and ‘friendly’ and ‘smiley’ as an indication that I was then a ‘living being’ because of the association between this experience of ‘livelihood’ to something positive to present myself as – and within this, reducing my entire life to create an inner battle with believing I have to ‘present myself as someone positive’ toward another in means of establishing a ‘proper communication,’ without realizing that this is yet another character that I have presented myself as in order to be liked/accepted by others with ease.

 

When and as I see myself judging another in comparison to myself to ‘who I believe I am’  and must be according to establishing a point of communication upon how I present/express myself, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am communicating myself here in the moment and that I do not require to cage another in a character and cage myself in another character to communicate here in the physical as equals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever struggle with the idea of having to present myself in a particular way wherein I then judge people to be expecting me to act/ be/ do/ behave as something in particular that they remember me by and that, complying to portraying myself ‘as something’ in specific in order to interact with others, without realizing that who I am here is constant and consistent as breath and that I do not require to get in a particular mood in order to interact with others.

 

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that I have to ‘be’ a particular character to be able to interact with others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am perfectly capable of establishing communication in the moment without resorting to present myself as a ‘sociable character’ that others can ‘resonate with’ as well, as that would be caging ourselves as characters interacting with characters instead of learning how to interact here, unconditionally as self.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever limit my communication toward others based on how I perceive they are experiencing themselves with, wherein if I would see the person is just standing still with no facial gestures, not speaking and being basically only breathing, I would interpret that they are ‘mad’ or ‘angry’ or just ‘not sociable enough’ which I would then discard the option of interacting with them, without realizing that I was in fact denying myself the ability to communicate with another based on this quick assessment based on memories of how I created the idea that someone that is not being ‘visibly talkative’ or ‘visibly sociable’ is most likely ‘not worthy’ to talk to, not worthy to interact with – wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give more value/ worth to people that were clearly presenting themselves as talkative and sociable/ outgoing in comparison to those that would stand still, quiet and apparently non-sociable whom I would judge as ‘less than’ because within my mind I knew that interacting with someone that is not presenting a visible character that would resonate with the character I believed I had to portray within myself, I would not get my ‘necessary fix’ as in getting equal-amount of attention as energy from another that would comply/ respond to my ‘sociable input’ – which is then how I would form the idea of liking/ disliking based on the staring point of who I believe I have to be when interacting with another.

 

When and as I see myself interacting with another based on the assessment of how much of my character I will ‘build up’ with such communication – I stop and I breathe – I realize that one cannot get anything ‘more’ or ‘less’ within communication as any perception of adding or subtracting value to myself based on how others see me/ perceive me in relation to ‘whom’ I am communicating with is only me standing as a character that assesses communication as inversion and not self expression.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually create an unnecessary point of conflict within me because of not being able to ‘pull out’ the sociable character at all times and within this, believing that there was something ‘wrong’ with me because I was not ‘in the mood’ of presenting myself with smiles and positive attitudes, which is how I would compare myself with my sisters and anyone else around me that would be more ‘enthusiastic’ than myself – within this giving a positive value to being ‘sociable and enthusiastic’ and seeing myself as less than when I would remain quiet and silent with no definitive ‘enthusiasm’ and judging it as negative, as if something was ‘wrong’ within me, because of not complying to what I believed I had to be/ become in that moment of ‘social interaction’ with others.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I must present myself in a particular mood in order to be liked or seem like ‘open’ to others within interactions and social communication, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am perfectly able to communicate in the moment without having to present myself as an ‘available’ or ‘inviting’ person to communication, but instead simply remain constant and consistent within breathing and within that, being open to any point of interaction and communication, which doesn’t mean I ‘must present myself as sociable,’ as that is only a character seeking to be accepted and liked by default through presenting a positive attitude that expects to get/ receive a ‘positive attitude’ in return – which is in no way being here as the physical, unconditionally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there can be something or someone as ‘non existent’ without realizing that if the being is here they are equally existing as myself – hence the nonexistent is only a concept that revolves around the value/ worth we have given to invisible aspects that can only be formulated in the mind – thus within me sticking to physical reality, there is no possibility to see something ‘non existent’ as that is irrelevant by default in itself to be considered as ‘entity’ as a ‘concept.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek validation of my own character when communicating with a similar character so that we could both feed each other’s characters and as such, remain only as characters toward each other, never really even realizing that it was not actual communication as the character was not seen for what it is, but instead giving further value/ worth within ourselves as characters – trusting the mind instead of the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initiate then communication only based on the assessment I had made as to ‘how much value/ worth’ there is in communicating with this or that other being, which implies that no communication had stood as the principle of life in equality, because all my ‘movement’ to interact with another had a specific point of self-interest behind, which is related to me initiating communication from the starting point of ego/ character and not life here as physical interaction that is unconditional toward myself and any other living being.

 

Thus I realize that the way to live this nonentity is within stopping giving all positive attributes to ‘a character’ – whether positive or negative – and in that realizing that not playing a character does not mean being ‘lifeless’ or ‘less than’ or ‘non existent,’ but is in fact the way that we can exist as equals as and within the physical consideration of that which is real/ reality as the flesh that we breathe in and walk accordingly in our world.

 

When and as I see myself thinking of ‘how to approach a being’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that in such moment I am standing as a character wanting to approach another as another character and within that only ‘thinking’ ourselves instead of actually being able to express ourselves as equals at all moments, in the moment, in the physical. No preparedness allowed.

 
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into thinking and believing that I can’t stop my thoughts – instead of just standing up and state STOP. Within this I see and realize that I have separated myself from the mind within thinking and believing that I do not/cannot control/direct the mind – instead of seeing and realizing that I am one and equal to my mind so thus I can stop in one breath.” – Malin Gunilla *
 
Giving up is of the mind 08
 
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