Tag Archives: standing up

587. Adapting to the New instead of Wallowing in the Old

Or walking through an experience of ‘standing up’ in my dream and not going into past patterns upon seeing familiar ‘triggering points’ to do the opposite before.

 

I had a dream about moving to a new city to live with my partner and essentially finding myself in a completely new environment where things didn’t quite turn out ‘as I had expected’ initially, which means that the creation of expectations was the comparison point that I used to define that ‘the way things turned out’ was not satisfactorily or how I had ‘painted’ it in my mind. Even more so what became evident is how I had idealized the relationship with my partner and that once that we were in that moment of ‘settling it’, nothing was as I imagined it to be. I’d perceive him as being rather detached/distant, offish, lackadaisical, moody, not really wanting to go out once that we had arrived to our destination and in that it was interesting that even if the environment, situation and things weren’t as ‘I had imagined them to be’ I still decided to then be the one that would go out on my own and start meeting up with people, where I made that decision to move and ‘find my way’ in it, instead of what I probably would have done before which is to wallow and go into a similar ‘state of mind’ as I would see my partner do, which is something that resembles more of previous relationships I’ve been in and how yes, there has been people in my life that would definitely act this way and I would allowed myself to be also discouraged, to also go into a ‘depressed’ mode, but not anymore. However I’ll walk through how I made that change within me. 

 

Upon noticing how things would really be like in that situation, there was an initial ‘disillusionment’ in it as well upon seeing reality for what it was and not through the eyes of my ‘dreams’ or ideals and expectations, which I can identify as a ‘grounding’ moment as well to not build or create any expectations or idealize potential outcomes or future situations, but rather be able to work with ‘what’s here’ in the moment, which applies to anything in my life, to build and create something in the moment rather than future projecting, planning, idealizing something ‘too much’ out there in a distant future and this is how through the dream I became aware of my participation in this in a ‘background’ manner to bring it to the front and be more directive in relation to it.

 

As I was walking through or ‘processing’ what was my new reality arriving to live in a new country, with new people, I made a decision to not wallow into an experience of disappointment or disillusionment but instead, I made a decision to not give into a depression or plain ‘down’ experience and instead decide to literally go out and start creating my way, starting to talk to people that in my dream were ‘familiar’ ones actually which seems uncanny in a ‘new city’ but I get the gist of it as in ‘leading my way through it’, which then got me back to seeing how I decide how I experience myself in any circumstance, I define who I am in it – and within this not seeing places or people as limitations, but rather see through the eyes of opportunities as new environments, new ways, new challenges to adapt into, to overcome, to find my way through and so live adaptability and flexibility.

 

I also see it as something where once that one gives a certain step into this kind of life changes, such as moving to another place to live and start ‘a new life’ there, no matter what the inconveniences are such as ‘hot weather’ or ‘foreign language’ or ‘the people around me not acting the way I expected’ to realize that it’s still entirely up to me who I decide to be in it, which is what I did in the dream.

 

For example, I first have to decide who I would like to be in such situations, instead of going into my mind to see it all as a ‘mistake’ and going into some kind of ‘backing off’ from my decision, which I was slightly doing initially in my dream which felt like a ‘sinking’ or ‘wallowing’ physical experience – yes in the dream – until I decided to take the steps to literally ‘put myself out there’ as it’s said and that changed my whole experience in the moment, from that ‘sinking’ experience or even ‘depressive’ experience or ‘missing’ experience to ‘I decide to create how I live and what I’d like to create in this moment’ and ending up seeing myself enjoying the company of more people that I’d get to connect with there.

 

Here opening up a bit more about expectations which I’ve tested out and realized in my life are usually a certain road that leads to disappointment, disillusionment and most probably a belief that ‘nothing is as good as it seemed’ because we tend to create ‘ideal conditions’ in our minds based on how we would ‘like’ things to be, on our limited preferences and one thing we know about reality is that life is never what we want it to be and that’s how it definitely should be from my perspective, otherwise, how else would we learn to grow, expand and adapt ourselves, to get ‘new bits’ of ourselves created within the purpose of expanding our lives within and without of ourselves?

 

I also saw how creating expectations is linked to a desire for control which is also one of those ‘biggie’ points that I’ve been walking through in my life, and so making peace with the reality fact that we can’t really know how anything will in be for certain until we are living it here, in the moment. We can’t ever really have control over ‘how things are going to be,’ we cannot control at all the conditions, outflows, potentials and variables in any point of our lives, we can only control and direct and so change ourselves in it.

 

So to me the word that I’ve been looking at is the capacity to Adapt to the circumstances, to be flexible and enjoy myself in doing so, where instead of going into a ‘closing off’ within me upon seeing certain ‘hurdles’ on the road, I decide to push through and decide to see things from the starting point of potentials to develop, to see it as a challenge as well and not at all participating in the idea of ‘going back’ to my comfort zone, but instead walk through the perceived ‘unexpected’ experience and eventually see that as with any change, sure there’s an initial ‘settling time,’ there’s a moment to adjust, there are challenges, changes which is all part of getting out of one’s comfort zone, which is precisely where I want to be in my life really. Ultimately that’s definitely what makes one grow and expand as a person and with those around oneself as well, like in my case of the dream to now allow me and my experienced to be defined by the one that my partner in that moment was going through, but be a living example of creating the experience that I wanted to create in that moment, of course not just for the sake of ‘experience’ but in consideration of what I was there to do as a purpose I am creating for myself, which is very much linked to connecting with more people.

 

So, it was cool for me to not go into this ‘sinking’ experience as I would usually go into when having my expectations not ‘meet reality’ and instead embrace reality as is, no mind-preferences attached.

 

I have to be quite devoid of expectations towards my life wherein yes, I can have a distinctive direction and decision on what I’m about to live and do, but I am aware I cannot control all factors or have things be like this ‘perfect dream’ in my mind, but instead be open and flexible in whatever I decide to create and participate in, be willing and ready to take on ‘whatever comes’ and more importantly to trust myself in that no matter ‘what’ goes around or where I am: I am here, I can expand, I can adapt, I can learn, I can grow and if all things eventually don’t lead to the outcome that is best for myself and others, to again not be afraid to take a different road and walk through it from the start. 

 

Because that’s ultimately what was also an underlying experience in the dream, like ‘what if this was a mistake?’ ‘what If I made a wrong decision?’ and in existing within that fear of making mistakes, I’ve limited myself a lot before within fearing to make a different decision, to change my situation because of fearing failure ultimately or ‘things not working out,’ but I’ve been learning a thing or two about this as well in my life recently and having the guts to make radical changes and learn what it means to start anew, therefore I’m clear on that as well.

 

Ok so that’s a simple example of how yes, dreams to me at times become a very clear way to ‘walk through’ something that exists at deeper levels within me or that I have been participating in without fully opening it up and because it comes up in such a clear manner, it definitely prompts me to not avoid it, but look at it and rather see it as a gift to not ‘leave the points aside’ and take them on to see ‘who am I’ in relation to what I went through in the dream and utilize them as a cross reference, like in this case it was a way to verify that I am integrating this self-change in all aspects of myself – awake and asleep – which is cool.

 

I also see that whatever I projected onto the environment or the people in it don’t define ‘them’ but define me and aspects of myself that I’ve lived in my own life before or that or previous partnership situations where I have in fact allowed myself to ‘settle in’ with people that would not want to support themselves, and so in a way feeling restricted because of having to ‘be’ with someone that required a lot more time to eventually get to a point – if any – of self-support.

 

So I can only look back at myself whenever I see that I am existing as such detachment, coldness, aloofness or ‘offish’ experience to snap myself out of it. Doesn’t really happen to me lately, I can honestly say that, but I have surely existed as this before in my life and as with anything, we see in others what exists within ourselves, either in an active or passive manner so again, it’s up to me to also see who I would decide to be towards someone that I am perceiving is ‘subsumed’ in such experience and what I would decide to do in order to assist them in such situations, which in that case I decided to be an example of not going ‘into an experience’ but go out there and live out what I decided to do there.

 

Check out these awesome audios that touch upon a similar situation in someone’s life and how they ‘picked themselves up’ from it.

Thanks for reading!

 

Running Away from Detachment

 

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561. From Provocation to Self-Challenge

Or how to stop putting up a fight against the world and instead challenge oneself to grow in living terms

Something I tend to do quite often is watch interviews with people mostly in the field of music and arts in general, and yesterday while I was watching one about a movement in music that I had tried to ‘understand’ many times in the past in terms of placing into context its expression, without having done proper research on its background and ‘reason to be.’ And this is something I bring up again – because I am sure I have written about it before – in relation to what was coined as ‘black metal’ and in particular two individuals that were pillars to that ‘scene’ which might be too radical in many terms and I frankly don’t particularly like the music nor agree with everything they say, but I do appreciate in a way how at the time such movement and expression was a way to provoke, to ‘make noise’ literally, shouting and screaming in an attempt to wake people up or attempt to say ‘there is something really wrong going on in our lives’ and turning that into a particular sound, lyrics, and music that became a formula to replicate by many, and it was also a ‘movement’ that wasn’t paid by the same ‘system’ to create rascals or ‘punks’ – misfits and outsiders of the system’. Instead it was born in one of the countries with the ‘highest standards of living’ which is actually also socialist in nature – having several ‘holes’ when it comes to restricting people’s choices and decisions, leading to this ‘perfected’ living experience where in a way, self-responsibility is also left at the hands of ‘the system’ which these artists were intending to explain was something to very much question about such ‘controlled prosperity’ – which is a whole topic in itself that I won’t go to here today.

But, that’s the context of why this ‘outrageous expression’ came up in a form of musical tantrum so to speak lol and how I have been ‘drawn’ to controversial and ‘eccentric’ people because of having the guts to stand in temporary positions to question, challenge, dramatize or expose the reality that may become very ‘normal’ in our eyes and in that, yes arts and other expressions become a way to reflect back to ourselves what are we in fact taking for granted or no longer questioning or realizing about ourselves.

What I noticed is that I have tended to gravitate towards such personalities that seem to be rather provocative in nature and yesterday as I was reviewing one of those interviews again after a couple of years, I saw how the word ‘provocation’ came up and I could relate it to myself, which is an aspect that I’ve had within me my entire life and I mean, this has been there since I was a little child which started as a form of attention seeking through doing some ‘out of the norm’ things and later on it became a way to ‘stand out from the crowds’ and consider myself as ‘special’ while being a teenager; and later on standing as a point of provocation in a more intellectual manner in my early adulthood and throughout starting this process with Desteni as well, where I started ‘speaking up to’ whatever I could find I had a thing or two to criticize about, to spew some ‘facts’ about while at the same time attempting to direct it towards a solution, which might or might not have been the best way to approach it but, as everyone else, this was part of my ‘awakening’ process so to speak and early on reactions to what I was realizing about myself and the world we live have co-created.

Now my usual current reaction to that aspect of myself was of embarrassment because of having judged myself for how antagonistic, critical and sometimes plane arrogant I was when addressing a particular subject and without intending to necessarily ‘blame’ others, the attitude and approach was still coming through within starting point of judgment, of denial of ‘that’ which I was speaking of as a part of myself as well. In essence humbleness was lacking and my role at the time became that of ‘pushing buttons’ to see who I could provoke and get to ‘think and question more,’ which I now understand is simply a part or phase of my life/process wherein I used this ‘tool’ of provocation to stir reactions and within that, attempt to direct towards solutions, but definitely focused so much more in explaining the problem that little was left to actually share how to get to the solution, at an individual level.

That’s how upon hearing again about this initial attempt of people currently labeled as ‘black metal’ that intrigued me for quite some years, I realized that it was also their attempt as teenagers to say something, to ‘wake people up’ with certain lyrics and sounds, but there was no actual discourse being given in a clear manner where people could in fact ‘get’ what it was all about. And it is only through the words of the people involved in that movement now that they’ve grown older that one can understand better what the whole drama was about back in the early nineties.

I could see myself reflected in these individuals’ points of view and ways of ‘speaking their mind’ because I was also very keen on doing that and perceiving that I wasn’t affecting anyone by doing it, until I got to understand a ‘little’ key aspect related to our oneness and equality, who we are as being in fact life and ‘made of the same’ which renders every form of judgment in an attempt to ‘separate’ oneself from that which we judge utterly futile, considering that we can only really ever speak about ourselves no matter how much there is an attempt to ‘expose’ or ‘blame’ or ‘criticize’ others, it’s always us doing it to ourselves anyways.  

And that’s a life-changing realization that led me to currently understand how this provocation that I was attempting to do was a phase, a part of my life – very much like these teenagers that put on make up on their faces and dressed in black clothes in an attempt to disturb and provoke or stand out from the crowds, while forgetting to send a clear message as to ‘what’ they were really wanting o create a statement about – which tends to happen in our lives where I’ve seen in my case how many times I was ‘angry’ at the world and I didn’t even know or investigate within me what ‘exactly’ about it was bothering me. I was apparently just ‘fed up’ about everything, not ever realizing I was fed up and angry at myself because of knowing that there was something to change within me, something to ‘break free from’ and realign to a better version of myself, but I had no way to do it, didn’t even know where to start either, so that’s how many can end up stuck in emotional tantrums ‘against the world’.

That’s how upon getting to Desteni I was able to finally come to understand more about this ‘constant experience’ that I had projected onto the world out there, which was in fact knowing that there could be so much more to life, to my life, to myself than being this angry and despondent individual that would end up bitterly wallowing into depression – yep that was one of the possible outcomes if I had not made the decision to walk this self-awareness and self-change process.

I have to even say that I wasn’t even aware that I was ‘angry’ at all, because it had become me and the very way I look at reality itself, we don’t even realize how anger is also about ourselves knowing that we can in fact do better, become a better individual yet we keep doing the exact same opposite of changing for the better day by day. Instead the seemingly ‘easy’ way out is to do the opposite to that, and it only backfires for the most part, layering up all of the emotional experiences and irresponsibility every moment we don’t stand up from it. So I’ve been walking this process to see what was I in fact uncomfortable and angry about in relation to me, my life, what I was initially not readily willing to admit I had done onto myself and onto life as this world – not only individually but collectively as humanity.

If I had only stayed in that stage or phase of becoming ‘too aware’ of how things work, getting to understand the intricacies of this massive ‘system’ and remained within the idea that ‘I am not part of it, it’s a bunch of other people that created it,’ I would have ended up being mostly a bitter person that would be constantly angry about anything going wrong in this world and possibly would have escalated into a chronic depression and meaningless life… sad but true if I had not been able to become aware of who I really am as this whole creation, where there’s really no separation between ‘you’ and ‘me,’ and that’s the most humbling realization and process of assimilation that led me to ‘take off my shield’ and start peeling off the hard veneer I had grown as forms of intellect, arrogance, righteousness and yes ultimately provocation ‘against others,’ towards developing a much more understanding and eventually humble and gentle approach to who I am as an individual – and so towards others, which yes I’m still very much practicing – that are an equal and one (part) of this whole self that is ourselves.

I remember while going through art school seeing many works and expressions that were intended to do just that, ‘provoke’ yet my constant conclusion on all of it was that I would appreciate a more direct meaning and explanation to what they were in fact trying to do, but most of the times the reality is that we –  because I’ve been there myself – were no different to the black metal people that were trying to cause a stir and disturb in one way or another to potentially ignite a ‘wakeup call’ about what we see is something that is utterly ‘out of place’ or ‘plain wrong’ about our reality, but little do we also investigate within ourselves to see who we are as part of that which we are becoming aware of is not supportive, plain ‘backwards’ or simply outrageous to see it as part of our reality – meaning taking the time to investigate its creation and existence within ourselves first, understanding it and not ‘reacting’ to it but rather coming up with a solution one can live to ‘fix’ that part of self instead..

And that’s what I am grateful I have been able to do and continue doing for myself, to ‘decode’ many times what I wanted to express in a more ‘silent’ manner through certain attitudes ‘against the world’ that I believed could lead me to someone at any point asking me ‘what is it that I was seeing as ‘utterly wrong’ in my reality?’ which never happened by the way, no matter how much pain, sorrow, depression, anger or frustration one can experience about ‘our world, our creation’ it usually leads nowhere but only into a form of personal decay if we don’t stand up from it and instead learn to Act about it.

That’s what one of the guys from this movement has been able to do in his own particular way and set of principles, which is cool that people can give a generally ‘constructive outcome’ to what initially emerged as rage, anger, frustration and plain intellectual antagonism against a society or ‘world system’ or ‘life’ in general. It’s always cool to see artists that can give steps further even beyond only the music, beyond the ‘creations’ that we get to know of them and instead also use their art and creations as bridges to get to know about the person, their lives, principles, what they stand for – which I’ve found becomes a richer process which leads to a more clear, direct and less speculative message when getting to hear the words and see the lives of these people – or at least how they show it.

And this is also another point I wanted to remind myself about which I had also found frustrating when trying to communicate only through an image, where I had not linked it to words, and sometimes where I had not even actually gotten to understand myself and what I really wanted to say and express in relation to a point of creation. Whereas now, I am definitely interested in being able to express the process behind any point of expression and how it relates to a personal reflection, because this is precisely how art becomes meaningful if and when we decide to make of our lives something meaningful as well, and this is then not only limited to creating a piece of art in itself, it extends to any point or aspect of self-creation ultimately as the creators that we all are, and that’s how ‘speculation’ can be somewhat prevented when we are direct and upfront on what we stand for, what we express, the principles behind it, the part of ourselves that is invested on creating anything in our lives and with that, being able to stand in the world as a self-created piece of art really, not one that is only following the pre-established lines of our particular contexts and coincidences that led us to ‘be here,’ but where we truly take the wheel of our lives into the direction that we decide to give to ourselves.

Now that’s the kind of people that I also get inspired by, even if I don’t fully ‘agree’ with them and their views, ways of living or thinking – but the sheer act of having that independence, that drive, self-respect and commitment to stay ‘true to themselves’ is something cool about us as human beings, even more so if it is geared to living in a common sensical, supportive, self-responsible and self-aware manner, which is what I want to continue being able to express and share in whichever means and ways I can in and as my life.

So! Where do I stand in relation to provocation today? It is a word that I can redefine, removing the extra energy-buzz that I’d get from ‘provoking’ others through words or looks or actions in an attempt to ‘wake others up’ – which is then mostly using a ‘shock’ factor to attempt to make others ‘do something’ about it without even explaining ‘what’ exactly. Instead I take the word provocation entirely back to myself, where there is no longer that need or attempt to ‘make others react’ or ‘make others think,’ but simply express myself, my life, my creations as a statement in itself, a ‘this is who I am and how I live’ without having ‘others’ in my mind as the starting point to my self-challenge, lol because it is about myself anyways.

This is how I walk through the provocation intended to stimulate others in a reactive manner and instead simply continue provoking myself, which in its root meaning implies ‘challenging’ myself within the context of stepping out of my self-defined limits, out of the ‘religion of self’ and into an expansion, a growth which I’ll also be now doing in terms of letting my hair grow back after 7 years of what I can consider a very relevant phase of deconstruction, understanding, ‘death of self’ and rebirth that I’ve been going through as of late, which is a phase I also want to link this phase of having shaved my head as a statement that I now see of course remains within me beyond looks, where it is now me transitioning into a new phase where I want to deliberately mark the self-creation and self-expansion phase.

Sure enough, being bald was another way of provoking myself, challenging myself for quite a prolonged time I’d say and it worked well considering how many ‘issues’ about self-image would come up every time that anyone would kind of cringe about it, which I’ve also then realized is seldom something that leads to an actual in depth point of understanding as to ‘why’ I did it, which also proves back to myself that yes, I did it for myself and the test is sufficiently done. Now it’s going in the reverse way, challenging myself to grow it back which I had frankly now resisted to do, partly because I’ll lose some benefits like getting better seats in airplanes or free ice lollies… I am sorry about that confusion; it was always just me shaving my hair daily.

 I realized I have to reinvent myself, which is no different to re-create or create myself in a different way and continue stepping out of comfort zones, because that’s what leads to expansion, embracing, getting to connect more with others, getting out of ‘fixed ways’ which to me is definitely something I want to continue challenging in various ways.

Ok! Who knew that one single word could open up so many things to me? Yep! Taken back to self, keeping challenging myself instead of ‘putting up a fight’ against the world lol.

Thanks for reading.

 

Balancing act

 

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508. Let’s Stop Repeating Ourselves

Or how to stop repeating the worst of ourselves in the past in our current moment with self-awareness and self-honesty

 

One of the great things about learning to observe oneself in one’s mind and learning to be aware of the patterns, habits, tendencies, ways of ‘being’ that we develop throughout our lives is that in doing this along with the principle or starting point of bettering ourselves, of being able to change ‘our ways’ over time, we can stop recreating our problems, difficulties and generally non-supportive experiences of our past in our present and so our future.

For example, in my case what came up in me the moment I realized that I was again going to be facing what I had defined as ‘a difficult/tough time’ in my life based on how I have lived through the same or similar situation before, I allowed myself to initially go through this expectation and laying out before me in my mind, in the way of imagination, projecting all the same emotional experiences, all the sadness and sorrow and essentially my worst case scenario situation, repeating the exact same ‘bad time’ I had before with a consequence like this, but this time I did stop myself in that moment and said to myself “Wait a minute, It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way Again!”

And as simple as this intervention may have been in the moment, it opened my eyes to realize that this time I didn’t have to prepare myself to essentially repeat all the ‘bad times’ I have created for me before in similar situations. I realized my ability to change how I face this consequence this time around, I realized that the whole point of going through various situations in our lives is precisely to be able to learn from them and so be better prepared to face stuff in our lives the following times.

What I’ve done this time is process it better in the context of owning my creation, taking responsibility for what I can do, be and change for myself, which is part of what I’ve been sharing lately in these blogs. This is very relevant to consider because many times we actually end up justifying any emotional reactions based on the position we take in such situations that we usually impose or assign to ourselves based on memories, and in memories which is ‘who we are in our minds’ we definitely are not our ‘supportive self’ unless one actually creates memories of self-support, which would be a different story.

This is about becoming aware of how in the moment of facing tough times, consequences, a point of creation that went in an unexpected way, it’s important to keep our awareness clear not going into ‘bringing up memories’ or adopting ‘past ways’, making sure one is not adopting a position that we have played out in the past that led to an emotional reaction, led down the path of depression or generally being destructive – this is what’s dictated mostly by ourselves in our minds where upon facing such tough moments, we immediately tend to associate our Current Situation with a Similar Past Situation and then adopt the same reactions or stance as in the past – and in doing so, we actually condemn ourselves to repeat the same mistakes, the same outflows, the same emotional reactions with no change, like broken records.

That’s why it’s very important to not condition our Current Reality to the memories of how we ‘lived out’ a situation in the past but instead use this current reality as an opportunity to do things differently, an opportunity to break through the pattern of who one once was, to make a directive decision to not wallow in helplessness, hopelessness, depression or just ‘giving up’ but to stand in a supportive stance, one of introspection, self-reflection based on self-responsibility and self-honesty – which means, focused on oneself, not on ‘others’ and ‘what they did or didn’t do’ – but realizing that this is our chance, our moment and our opportunity to stand up for once and for all.

This is a simple reflection to share today, to not repeat ourselves in the present moment based on our – excuse the word –fucked up past experiences – but learn from them, grow from it, show to ourselves that we’ve in fact learned from our past and gotten better at facing consequences in our lives. This is satisfying to do, that despite the nature and process to walk through in a consequence, it still can be a fulfilling process for oneself, because we give ourselves the proof that we can in fact change and do things differently and so whatever comes, we can be clearer, wiser and stronger to face it.

Surely, I also have to be careful of not creating a ‘super human’ approach to it, because that would be like going into a ‘high’ and so it will invariably cause its polar opposite of a low – not about positive thinking as a solution either. It’s about a genuine sense of stability, of empowerment for a lack of better word where one can see that as much as it will be tough, challenging to face a point of abrupt change or consequences that one wasn’t expecting to go through, one can still go through it and learn from it, and expand and grow by taking responsibility for it, by developing self-honesty in it, and that’s very cool to say the least, it’s self-supportive.

As I shared before, sometimes we don’t realize how much we have been living in a very static status quo until we see the floor beneath us be shaken, it pushes us to reassess who we are, what we are creating, reassess our decisions and direction in life, so we can always make of these ‘raucous’ times the best for ourselves, to reaffirm what we want to create, how we want to stand through the face of consequences and let that define us, not our falls, not our mistakes, not our ‘wrong turns’ – and I’ve found that very, very supportive for myself, therefore sharing it here as well for anyone that may be finding themselves in a similar situation to this.

We always have the ability to stop the past within ourselves every moment in our present, by stopping the patterns that we know have never been supportive for ourselves in our lives, to finally step out of the fears, the un-supportive ideas that we’ve thought ourselves to ‘be like’ that one knows in self-honesty are not the best parts of ourselves, therefore why do we have to keep feeding it, accepting it and allowing it as ‘who we are’?

We have the ability to stand up and make a change, in the moment, in breathing and letting go of the past in one moment, in self-forgiving the emotions and experiences that emerge and instead decide to live a word, a supportive word that we can see assists us in establishing our ground, build our ground underneath our feet and get back on track.

 

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Artwork by: Damian Ledesma

 


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428. How to Stop the Despair about the World?

DSC01584

 

There are times when what one is doing toward any form of change doesn’t seem to be enough at all, in fact it can even be perceived as counterproductive or judged by others as useless or harmful. I’ve faced patterns of general ‘alienation’ in relation to seeing a genuine way in which one can create an effect for others as well, but I guess that the point missed is that in focusing too much on ‘doing it out there’ the ‘in here’ is left out of the picture, and what I mean by ‘in here’ is seeing where I am not supporting myself to the point of being the normal stable support for myself and so for others.

What happens is that I started focusing too much ‘out there’ only and being taken aback by the reality of many that are genuinely suffering. We know this world is in dire straits, it is our creation and consequence therefore, we cannot really ‘do much’ about it alone – we have to stand together in a similar stance and perspective to get to fine tune the solutions for the reality we have all co-created. Sometimes witnessing all the suffering in various bits and places and through news, documentaries, personal stories etc. make you want to simply drop everything and just cry like a baby for hours end. I experienced this recently as I had done before, and seeing others going through the same only reminds me that we can never really bring any ‘change’ with more sadness, suffering or emotional outbursts: that certainly does nothing. If anything these experiences are not meant to be judged either, but rather using them as a time to introspect what kind of situations one has allowed to be ‘piled up’ and accumulated to the point where one simply explodes when something apparently ‘bigger’ triggers it all. I’ve noticed I’ve been sighing a lot, as if there was some extra effort in doing things as well, even though I keep at everything, sometimes there’s a perceived ‘loss of meaning to doing things.’

Why would I lose a ‘meaning’ on it? Well because the focus was too ‘outwardly’ shifted instead of first ensuring I can be supporting myself, having clarity on who I am, what I stand for and as such with such inner-stability be able to direct myself in such clarity in my usual doings. The thing is that, when one allows oneself to be affected too much by what’s going on outside, one then becomes part of the drama that takes you down misery lane and it’s kind of hard to get out of it as one keeps repeating the images, the information that created the experience of hopelessness, powerlessness in the first place. First point is to not become a victim of information only and creating an experience about it, but rather understand that we become part of the pile of junk if we keep ourselves in the same gloomy self experience Guiño

 

I know this is a common point for many, specifically those that can conceive themselves as being ‘over sensitive’ about things, which doesn’t mean ‘you care more’ but simply one actually allows oneself to take what’s on the outside and ‘process it’ or ‘digest it’ as something that becomes an internal emotional experience. The world doesn’t need more sufferers, more depressed people or people that have no hope even in their own lives: world needs individuals that can see, understand the problem, that can recognize the responsibility we hold to it and from there seek to join forces with others on the same track so as to create an actual network of solutions and support, THAT is what the world needs. “God hates a coward” is the title of a song, lol,  I’d say Life hates a coward and if one is not truly willing to Stand up for Life and do all that it takes, then one becomes part of the problem, part of the ‘giving up’ ones of which the death realm is filled with, I bet.

 

 

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Times like these are also cool to see where am I giving into other pleasures or plain laziness, where do I refuse to keep expanding myself, where have I become stagnant in my own self support and development? Am I doing enough for myself or do I then make of the world the reason for my own confusion, alienation and general ‘loss of meaning’ in everything which is another way to sugar coat a plain lack of insight and seeing direct as to what it is that I need to put my motivation back on.

 

I’ve been there many times before and it is also true that these hardly engrained patterns that I cultivated for many years won’t be wiped out overnight, it is a continuous process over years until they are no more at all, and more so to learn how to stand up from them every time, to keep doing what one has to do and keep going even if it ‘feels’ like feeding a dead horse… it’s about diligence and consistency and also as Nick Cave says: keep on pushing the sky away, to not wish to be dead and so ‘out of the mess of this world’ and going into extreme anger or apathy or general despair because all of these are only experiences, they too shall pass = they can be worked on an overcome them as we created them.

I would mostly suggest to flag point for myself whenever these experiences come up and instead of going down the memory lane of suffering and why the world is miserable, see directly: what am I resisting to do? Where am I procrastinating my change of ‘experience’ toward something in particular? If I am fed up with the state of the world, then I don’t have to make it my own ‘fedupness’ toward my own life and anything that I do in it. Again, takes some courage to see directly, and the faster the better otherwise one single ‘fall’ if not looked at for some time, can make one feel like one is dragging one’s dead body around, even while trying to act/be normal: we always know when there’s something ‘going on’ within us, and if it’s not health-related then we must know that there is something ‘up there’ that I still want to hold on to and justify one’s experience with.

In past week I came to the conclusion that there can be no real happiness in this world unless we eradicate all fear, all suffering, all hatred, all anger, all abuse in this world – no matter if you have the ‘perfect life’ with the necessary money and giving yourself some treats here and there, it is meaningless, it is shallow, it is pointless because as long as I know there is people that haven’t been ‘fortunate’ enough to have what I have, my ‘happiness’ is a self-interested experience. So, realizing this doesn’t make your life more cheerful or gleeful either, but it grounds you to see what one is focusing on/paying attention to and what one plans to do with one’s life altogether.

From my perspective, as I’ve said it many times, I will do and be with that which is the most supportive for life on Earth, no matter how ‘futile’ it might seem, how questionable sharing something in the vast sea of the internet and endless roads of information can be: I choose to contribute to the growth and support of everyone else that is willing to do the same for themselves than being part of the endless queues that want to desert out of life, which they too would have to be understood as a consequential outflow of all of us not having done enough to give everyone a decent reason to live. I decide to do this for myself and so for any other person that can benefit from it.

 

So, a clear decision is always a lifetime decision – there can be fogs at times and that is ok, it is a momentary reassessment that can take a few days, but eventually it is really so that No One can ‘pull you out of it’ unless You Decide to Walk Out of it Yourself. It is a Doing, not a Thinking.

Let’s keep walking.

 

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