How I was able to Hear Desteni?

This wasn’t planned at all, but on a day like today January 29th but in 2008 I stumbled upon my second Desteni video which I got to finally watch. I was alone at night in my apartment and ready to get back to school in the following days, while continuing a process of being longing for a change in my life in a desperate manner.

The months before Desteni – and my entire lifetime if I could say so – I searched for answers that I could not get in encyclopedias or my dictionary. I sought into the occult and mystic realms another form of ‘knowledge’ that could make any sense to all of this ‘life’ of mine of which I was losing my ground on. I was absolutely enthralled with spirituality, the idea of ‘God’ being everywhere, us being god, being one, seeking love, wanting to ‘feel love’ and within this getting quite a burnt perspective on reality which lead me to follow certain ideas/ beliefs of myself having this benevolent mission in life that I had to seek ‘guidance’ for in order to ‘fulfill’ it.

At that time I was questioning myself extensively. I would write about losing the ‘meaning’ of who I am and how I had to go back to memories to remind myself ‘who I was,’ yet at the same time not believing that all I was is this ‘so-called lifetime’ as I wrote. I had been interested in how everything develops/ works as a process in life and this curiosity is what lead me to research on various topics like religions, philosophy, mysticism which included alchemy, magic, esotericism, kabbalah, Sufism and the list goes on with various ‘isms.’ I mean, I tried to get a hold of each thing to see what ‘suited my interests.’ Now we know that religions are designed according to people’s minds and cultural lifestyles which now makes me realize how it is that I couldn’t ‘fully identify’ with any of them. I wanted to ‘make my own religion’ as a syncretism of all of which I could find ‘supportive’ from each one of these religions/philosophies/ practices/ cultures, etc.

I’ve been quite fond of writing and I had been doing it for 8 years by that time wherein I wrote “I know the writings and the essence of my thoughts are creations.” Yet all of this I would still link to the idea of ‘enlightenment’ which is essentially what I was seeking at the time. I also would feel like ‘death’ was around the corner – yep, it was the death of me as who I had believed myself all the time.

I’ll share my exact words on the first encounter with Desteni written out in the evening of January 29th, 2008:

“So I saw this girl from Desteni bringing Ian Xel Lungold who is the man that got me investigating about the Mayan Calendar. So I thank him, now I know what goes one a bit more. . I mean, it’s really tough when you truly think of it, but it is completely plausible as I’ve been in touch with such things since I was a little girl. I was brought up with the belief in spiritualism. Basically my whole life has been based in their beliefs.”

Then I describe several events that I used as a form of believing that spiritualism was real as in ‘real life events’ that supported me to believe in it. I proceeded to write hours later – I apologize for the sketchy and jumpy type of enunciation, but I was mostly on weed all the time and I would write in a rather messy way, yet I wanted to share it as ‘raw’ as it is, this is to clarify that the words might not be well suited to describe ‘Desteni’ yet it was how I grasped it at the time.

“It’s 11:05 and I come here only to make or point out the fact/ statement that a whole dimension of who I was has been completely/ almost shattered today. Something beyond here and there changed my mind. So the channel (portal) can be applied to Einstein, Tesla, Marilyn Monroe, Dimebag Darrel I mean, everyone. So there goes this manifestation… It is beyond all schemes, I couldn’t have (illegible ‘thought this’) not even in my wildest dreams. But seeing Kurt Cobain speaking through a blond woman makes you wonder how you really haven’t (illegible) on stuff, even more when we’ve certainly felt like I didn’t belong here. The idea of good and evil dissolving, I hadn’t thought about the idea of god and it makes me wonder. We are our words and I allow myself to forgive myself for ALL and for it ALL. Each pinch of doubt, fear, insecurity might come from my pre-installed system as it feels odd to be coming out of the end. […] So it’s been a long, long day filled with truly, this time TRULY unexpected information, therefore I’m grateful and I’ll try to begin acting as one, being honest with myself as the very chains of reality, this shadow world comes to a transformation from the core. I want to assist that change.

I’ll try to watch them all (videos.) Lots of good vibes. I thank everything until now for I am indeed now aware of my own nature”

And that was the entry for the day. The real ‘shift came through the writings two days after I spent all my time watching videos while having the last days of vacation from school.

The following pages contain very ‘powerful’ realizations that I would like to share here in a summed-up version of entire pages wherein I expressed how excited I was and all that I was ‘ready to give up’ for this process. I’m even a bit flabbergasted myself to see how immediate my decision was to HEAR – and this is all mostly because of seeing the common sense in having to be the ones that cut the chains of our own shackles in this world.  I’ll transcribe a bit here:

“It’s the last day of the first month. It could officially mean that it’s the end of my vacation time and all I can realize is that all my life could be thrown out the window right now because my belief systems have fell and with it, many things I became a part of. I saw each system demon come in and talk about polarities, beauty, addictions, god, trinity, everyone, everything. And this made me ‘feel better’ like I have a solution to the possible outcome of it all. I heard LaVey saying who he’s is/was a demon and he’s in the dimensions observing how humans go to heaven, their heaven once they die.

So me and that LSD experience. I won’t ever do that again as I must realize what I saw was still the product of our mind. I am really curious about Gurdjieff and his afterlife. He says he was erased from Earth because he realized true awareness of ‘I am.’

So really, it is a BIG change for I now know my thoughts, feelings, emotions are part of the system I am. This isn’t really me, we’re covered in bags of skin with huge egos while thinking about success and happiness in the system. I don’t know what I’ll become or what will actually happen after this whole breakthrough. I really feel I want to quit it ALL. I mean it. So, words are me.

Really this is the end of our world as we know it, really. What will come is our Self Realization through the destruction of our systems/demons and I feel think 2012 will be only a shifting time for all of us to save Mother Earth and become Aware, not saved as Jesus (through the Portal) said, but become aware that I don’t have to worship anyone […] Therefore I won’t be experiencing the unity as I thought. It’s good I’ve got a record since 2000 of my life, so now I will consider, re-consider it all…”

Feb 5th and my world was falling apart already within my relationship in terms of how I began sharing about Desteni with family and friends in a rather enthusiastic manner that didn’t suit their scheme of who I was/ what I was supposed to be. Here I share something of this day

“I’ll be like the temperance so I may have time to realize how we exist through relationships. It can’t make me sad anymore, it’s a fight against my own mind. That is judgment day, is here for me, it’s beginning. I do not believe in anything outside of myself anymore, no more religions, no more surrendering to a higher power. There’s no such God as we are god ourselves. All of us, we just have to realize it.

[…] The deal with it all now is becoming my words and it requires subjugation of our big egos towards unity and equality. Will that ever happen? All my beliefs on 2012 are awaiting (in relation to a final ‘end of the world as shared in previous blogs) In fact I like the idea, but what kind of seems torturing is the fact that there’s no solution, there’s no going out of it all forever.  […] It is fascinating I know I’m not alone, I’m not a stranger, I’ll rather try to burn my ego down to ashes and let the true me get out. I won’t hold on to things as I realize how everything is constantly moving. What’s real? I don’t know. And I’m glad I’m not into a relationship anymore.”

And now I remember how initial ‘doubts’ on Desteni were triggered by others in my world – though common sense was undeniable:

“What if Desteni is actually a conspiracy? Well I don’t feel so, it’s not nice to think that all the books I recently bought are nothing but fantasies either, yet they can be so. Music is a system, art, expression, feelings, so what the hell on earth can I do? I’m just waiting, TELL ME! I have no desire whatsoever and it might be really bad/ good whatever. Everyone… So I sometimes wonder… maybe I could be very useful on heaven here on Earth… I have not bought my life yet but I’ll be patient. I’m doing my effort and placing my endeavor towards – not what is called enlightenment – but the truth of our essence. There is nothing to be scared of but of ourselves. So here we go, that’s it. I will not think of anything but forgive myself and I walk for this is all I got now, somehow.

I will trust them this time for it makes complete sense to me. I want to thank Jack and everyone out there in the dimensions who are currently coming to us (through the portal) in a specific moment of our lives. We can’t deny this, we’re in this together, all of us so we might as well hurry, we are aware of this now. That’s why maybe we all felt our worlds crumbling down for some time now, we didn’t know the dimensions were actually struggling to take out all the white light system. So, we were enslaved, huh, who could tell? To me it isn’t much of a new thing because I’ve seen everyone and I know I feel their whatever they are feeling and I’ve always felt weird whenever a young kid approaches me to ask for money or anything. How odd really, we don’t have to ask more. I will continuously make my endeavor to stop the mind. To know who I really am and so, If we are all gods, we better make up to our own nature. Nothing is sacred anymore but all of it together. So that’s about it. This is the real change.

Then the ‘crisis/ breakdown’ came wherein I started digesting more and more of the material, yet it was a necessary process as we all walking this process know and have experienced at some point in our lives/ process.

“So today it wasn’t such a  great thing going back to school. I know it was going to be mad, I couldn’t really sleep that well, I kept wondering about many things and I had goose bumps, very intense ones so I hope today I find a reason for that. If there’s one, Maybe I’m going through a deep crisis indeed, I need help.

Self Honesty, using common sense. I got a message from Andrea at Desteni. I feel great I know and them, it’s great. It has helped me a lot.

My world is really falling apart, it consists of my beliefs, thoughts, that includes all the stuff I used to cling to. There are no more chakras, there will be no more reincarnation as Buddha (through the portal) wrote – so what happens then? So I’m guiding everyday towards equality and it’s hard considering life in this city which is hell. Art is even nonsense now.

Everything up to where we are now makes no sense. There’s no ‘white light’ anymore so we’re on our own. This will be a major shift, I might as well sell everything and go for a ride. But I enjoy myself here I am now. And I’m thankful for it all too. No matter what, I’ll be a ‘stop the mind freak’ if it’s necessary for me to be so. I’ll quit weed if it’s needed, I’ll do so. I believe I was like a heretic or something (in a past life belief), I believe I stood up for No God in other lives and now I returned for a while as a god conceiver, a ‘god seeking person,’ a mystic which is the ultimate enslavement by that of ‘surrendering to a higher power’ – God! I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think of a higher power other than me. I am living my words so I make it happen. If I need to quit my friendship, I will only if required. I hear my blood streaming. So this is where we got to. It is now, the apocalypse (revelation) is here slowly but surely. The revealing. I am all, I am alive. My blood is pumping.”

The following days I continued describing all the series of realizations with regards to what and who I had become, I realized that I was fooling myself by using weed to ‘cope with the message’ and eventually stopped it, the same happened with my relationship as I saw for myself the deception it was and how it was not supporting myself to walk this process.

I found it cool to share these thoughts straight from my notebook as ‘who I was’ 4 years ago wherein I was waking up from a slumber filled with ‘positivism.’ Desteni became that final and initial point to a process of having sought for a ‘solution’ to this world and having sought for a ‘way out’ of my own ‘chains,’ I saw the common sense in having to become the solution in this world once that I realized there was no God. This proves that I had in fact deposited faith on some benevolent being eventually being able to ‘save us.’ Now I know that it is definitely not so and that we are here, walking our process of self-revelation as the realization of who and what we are as one and equal which is not nice or pretty and implies taking Self Responsibility: an actual understanding of How we have created this world and walk through the Manifested Consequences in/ as our world.

Common sense could not be denied and I walked a process of shedding off my beliefs and embraced the new way wherein Forgiving myself was the way to stop participating in delusions like god or having some form of ‘guidance’ above me to become this ‘enlightened being.’ It was very supportive to get messages from people at Desteni when I did ‘seek for help’ as I was going a bit crazy with all the material. It only lasted a couple of days but what I got really allowed me to settle down and assert myself to walk this.

I eventually walked through the entire breakdown of crying and thinking that I had ‘lost myself’ but it was only beginning to step out of my religion and realizing that I could not continue as the ‘me’ that I had lived as until then.

Now I’m here, I did finish school and I’m actually in that point again in my life where a cycle is about to end here and a new one will begin. I can’t believe it’s been 4 years already yet it is so and we continue walking here.

All I can say is to be patient with yourself if you’re beginning this process, takes time to walk through one’s mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions and the rest of our reality within writing and applying self forgiveness, we’re all still all walking it as well.  I see how the commitment to be part of this process of Equality and Oneness was almost an immediate decision, because I had sought to be part of a change that could give a ‘meaning’ to my life. I realized how I could make myself the point of my existence and within that, make of my life this instrument to transform and establish a system that supports all Life.

Desteni is the process to get to live in this world. It might have come in the ‘weird’ presentation of a portal with all of these fascinating messages that made all sense to me. Yet the process of walking it and applying it/ living it became that single ‘point’ in my world that I required to realize that I was in fact able to become that which I saw  ‘knew’ we were even if it was in the back of my head. I was able to finally get the ‘reality check’ that I required to see how deluding myself with god and spirituality had been in fact neglecting my reality. The breakdown that I described was precisely because of realizing how I had been living in a bubble of positive thinking while abuse, suffering and violence was everything that was creating and making of this world such a fucked up place, all of it beginning within our very own thoughts (!)

Witnessing that through documentaries and videos we would get on a daily basis by Bernard, allowed me to open my eyes to the reality I had neglected. This was probably one of the key points within my Desteni-process wherein I started looking outside of myself to a reality that required to be exposed and shared to see what we are accepting and allowing to exist in our world, our creation. And with that, create and stand as the necessary solution that we are now presenting and walking as the Equal Money System.

Some lines in those journal entries contained some lyrics by John Frusciante that I wrote and seemed appropriate for this point in my life:

My life goes blank
Life was never what you thought.
Life was never what you saw
The lights go out

I dared to turn off the light and face the reality of what I had become, I wrote that it was ‘painful’ but understood why I required to walk this process and committed myself to it fully.

I’m grateful as I’ll always be for being here, being able to share my story today after 4 years of walking this process, between hell and Earth and back again, facing the nitty gritty details of myself that I would sometimes get embarrassed to even expose to myself. All of it I’m able to Self Forgive and prepare myself to be the point that takes Self Responsibility, that does stand up to create the necessary system for all of us to live as equals.

If you want to read more about my process, check out the archives now available in this same blog in the year 2008.

We continue walking. Thanks for reading.

Watch the vlogs on this topic here:

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 1

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 2

First notes while watching Desteni, January 30th 2008

Laziness: a product of Capitalism?

Is capitalism a result of human laziness or did capitalism made the human lazy?

What is the experience when paying someone to do things for us?

These are aspects of the realizations through comments and feedback we constantly get wherein the single act of having to read/ investigate the material that we’ve been sharing seems like a huge task for someone that is recently getting to know of what Desteni and Equal Money System is. It’s understandable that the vast amount of material might be a bit overwhelming, though it is necessary to go through it and take it just as any other subject you would take ‘in school’ – this is the school of Life, a subject that’s never ever been considered in any school of this world.

 

On questions like ‘who’ll do the shitty jobs’ which are such a common point within the Equal Money System, we have a second ‘underlying’ factor – besides greed –  that is often not so obvious yet it is part of realizing the fact that there will be no slaves in the Equal Money System – therefore we’ll have to do things for ourselves.

If we don’t push through that initial resistance and/or laziness, we’ll in fact prove that this world is the way it is because we work by the law of the least effort. From this, we seek to have everything  in a ‘peeled and cut’ way wherein one only has to pick a fork and eat it, we don’t  ‘like’ or ‘want’ to have to do all the job that would entail eating a fruit for example: from planting a tree, taking care of the tree, waiting for it to bear fruit, then picking the fruit, cutting it / peeling it and eating it. See, the way that we see things now is I pay for it and it’s readily available. This is just an analogy as this doesn’t represent that we’ll all have to ‘grow our own apples’ because this is one of the aspects that could also lead to over-growing food as one tree bears a lot more than what one single family can handle.

The point is: we’ll have to learn how to do thing for ourselves, we’ll have to stop being lazy! The ability to pay someone to do everything for ourselves just because ‘we can’ will cease to exist. 

If I look at my experience I mean, what did I enjoy about eating at restaurants – besides the eating part – or staying in hotels or having a nanny as a child? The fact that everything was made for me, I didn’t have to do anything – from buying the food, cooking, eating and then washing all the cooking and serving dishes; from having my bed made, not having to clean around, having my bed made, my clothes washed – all of that is currently paid of with money wherein such price involves people behind that make sure everything is ready to eat/use and everything is done for you.

See this is the type of stuff I would be busy thinking of constantly in my reality, specifically on restaurants/ hotels or any other place where you get people providing you for a certain service. I’d pay attention to see how the interaction between coworkers and the dynamics of the work itself would be done to satisfy a costumer, that is the person that will pay for such job. Fascinating how there was even this experience of ‘superiority’ in that which is absolutely unacceptable yet this is the type of feelings that get up in the head of those with exorbitant amounts of money

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to create but a single feeling and experience of superiority whenever I have the money to pay someone to provide me for a service or do something for me wherein I am allowing myself to feel with such ‘power in hand’ as money to have this particular person ‘serving me’ in a particular way that I require, without realizing that within this single action I am in fact only taking the ‘power’ as an attitude which is conferred by money itself as a synonym of ‘domination’, of ‘power’.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a certain attitude or experience of grandeur within me even if I denied it whenever I got to experience any point wherein I wouldn’t have to worry about money and having treats that one can only get in a lifetime of a regular mortal, within this allowing me to indulge in the superiority flair that tempts so many beings around the world as the embodiment of such ‘power’, such ‘grandeur’ and the ability of having others doing everything for you.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a certain feeling of being ‘pampered’ and ‘spoiled’ whenever everything was done for me and equate this as ‘care’ and ‘protection’ while in fact it leads us to become irresponsible and inconsiderate with regards to doing our tasks ourselves and learning how to efficiently take care on our own.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having ‘felt bad’ about seeing other girls/boys my age working and ‘serving’ us without realizing that such judgments are only self judgments that cannot do anything else but create an experience – it is only now that we realize the reason why people have to give up their childhood or teenage years to work to make a living  – thus I support and endorse the Equal Money System because they too should’ve been able to enjoy what I was enjoying at the time.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever react to someone’s arrogance when being too bossy at restaurants and demanding the crew for ‘better service’ because of projecting my own judgments upon her and upon the people that work as a complete fuck up that shouldn’t exist and that could only exist because Money was in place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as ‘superior’ or ‘important’ the moment that people treat you like that out of having a certain position that apparently denotes you must be treated like that –  without realizing that it was all about hierarchy, positions and social conventions that had nothing to do with who I really am and what I was in that moment either. I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to seek that same power through pursuing such success so that I could experience such ‘power’ and ‘grandeur’ through the money that would be earned in such career.

I direct myself as the realization in Equality that we can in fact create a best for all way of living through equalizing all values, through eradicating the ability to make money out of exploiting others and through understanding that the way things should’ve always been is based upon Self Responsibility wherein on one else will be subjugated in a way wherein they are forced to accept any kind of activity as a job to ‘make a living’.

This is cool, I got to remember I had my greedy-capitalist phase when I wanted to be a financial advisor 10 years ago – later on I let go of the idea as I realized money wasn’t ‘my thing’ apparently – I have to correct that to suit the current requirements to move effectively in this world.  Back to the main topic.

 

We’ve got to stop living in this drive-through accepted and allowed lifestyle wherein everything is readily made, it’s easy, it’s synthetized, it’s summed up to the most digestible bit so that I don’t even have to chew it. This is part of the realizations that we are seeing will be part of our daily considerations in terms of stopping being just a consumer that can afford to have everything done without even considering the amount of time, effort and dedication behind its creation/ production.

Consider everything that we pay others to do for us and see how those points will have to be re-evaluated in terms of how to divide the different tasks in society once there will be no one that will be able to be paid for doing such jobs out of ‘having the need to make a living’, because all will be having the equal dignified living conditions.

 

A point that I noticed at the farm is how when spending the days working and literally focusing on doing on that which was required to be done to sustain the place, my life was much more physical than what it is when I’m just stuck to a computer. Yet I understand the necessity for us to focus on communicating and sharing with others so that we can then get to that point of having the entire structure in place to have our lives working in such a self-sustainable way and literally living.  By self sustainable I mean us realizing the stuff that must be done and do it ourselves – it will be less sedentary in terms of doing all that which we would usually pay for. This is one of the aspects that we can begin taking as a point to walk start taking self responsibility for , realizing how the amount of money we have now ensures that we have someone else doing it for us – not only in terms of having ‘personal service’ but overall wherever we go and there’s someone having a certain job for the sake of making a living.

 

Stopping the laziness point may also become part of the first realizations within seeing: I actually have to read/study this and overcome my own laziness to do so, and within that already walking a point of our own accepted and allowed brainwashing and separation of wanting everything, fast, easy-opening, accurate,  all the fast food lifestyle of paying and getting the product with no regard toward all the jobs that are mostly considered a ‘nuisance’, the usual household chores or any other ‘maintenance’ and service work that is required to be able to sustain our current living conditions. 

This is how we start stopping the capitalist within us that believes that just because ‘I have money in my pocket, I can buy anyone to do things for me’. Those times are over, best to integrate yourself from now on to the new way of being wherein we will actually have to take care of ourselves, yet work as a team within the same principle of doing what’s best for all and optimizing everything to simplify such tasks for ourselves as well. Technology will at last serve as part of making this world an easier place and not just be developed as something that will only work for a while to be at a later stage – it will be all about supporting life on Earth and making our tasks easier as well. 

 

 

To learn more about energy and consumerism click here to check out an interview by Bernard Poolman explaining this in a holistic way.