Tag Archives: successful living

422. What is Happiness to me?

Is happiness only a state of mind? Is it something that lasts for a few moments only? Is it only embedded in the image of someone smiling, people jumping with their hands up in the air? is it the image of a peaceful and pristine paradise? is it a work in progress?

 

We had a two day workshop on Redefining Happiness, and what came up was an interesting and self-supportive array of points to consider within ourselves, to re-look at what one had previously defined as ‘happiness’ and so then walking those points within self-honesty,  collecting considerations and looking at practical aspects that are required within the creative and living process of happiness in a self-honest and self supportive manner. So here’s my self-investigation that culminates with the integration of realizations that came through during our group chat on this topic.

 

 

Happiness

 

Not long ago I would have defined happiness as something that is just ‘bollocks,’ an easy way to sell products, a blatant way to sugar coat self interest or else, but as with all words in our reality, due to the resistance that I had to even look at it, I decided it was rather best to start redefining words and walking a collective process to align our definitions to a common sensical outcome and creation. So, I’ll start here by disclosing my past-relationship with the word happiness.

What I had defined as happiness had to do with what I had learned I should ‘aim to live’ in my life, that ultimate goal that would make me absolutely blissful, content and fulfilled with myself. I definitely had trouble at times pondering what this could be because I could feel ‘happy’ for example before and while I would go to a music concert from my favorite bands when I was a teenager; as a pre-teen I could feel ‘happy’ after having binged in rollercoaster rides, and maybe happy as the experience I had when I first flew in an airplane when I was some 6 years old, also skating, jumping in an elastic bed or swimming were part of my happiness during childhood. Later on I started defining happiness according to being with certain people and in certain relationships, which has also to do with the ‘grown-up’ idea of ‘being happy when having relationships’ for example as a common goal in life.

Also, my idea of happiness was linked to ‘who I wanted to be’ as an artist for example, or a writer at times. I would picture myself being alone and living in some big city and being famous/recognized, earning good money and so being able to travel around the world and having the kind of ‘bohemian’ type of life where I would not have to worry about money and I would only have to pursue my personal satisfaction of fame and glory, lol. I thought that happiness was precisely getting to travel the world, showing my art in such places and having nice dinners with famous people or something, to be ‘in that circle’ of intellectuals and artists and so forth. Fascinatingly enough – and glad about it as well – I got to have a bit of a taste of this last early on as I was ‘sharpening my knife’ to be part of the art world and got to travel to another country and exhibit my photographs and hang around people that everyone would recognize on the streets. So I ‘luckily’ got to see what kind of agenda/day to day living they have, what is it like to be a genuine public figure, what happens to your ‘private life’ and family etc. It was very interesting that my whole expectation of happiness slowly but surely fell down the drain, because I could not feel happy about doing what I thought was going to make me happy, and so with that came what I call a ‘breakdown’ wherein I felt very lost/sad/depressed for a couple of months after having done that trip/exhibit, because I did not know if I wanted to ‘be an artist’ anymore or if that was genuinely ‘my idea of happiness’ any longer.

 

Right away after that, I started seeking other ‘spiritual’ ways to fulfill this longing for an apparent ‘happiness’ without getting anywhere really, mostly aiming at ‘helping others’ without having the least intention to first focus on supporting me. I kind of knew in the back of my head that it wasn’t ‘it’ and that it wasn’t going to work for real either. So, after this one trip I had, which was almost/exactly 7 years ago, I spent months really looking at whether these ideas I had built around happiness were in fact MY idea of happiness, and it was only 3 months after that when I discovered Desteni and so my perception of everything I had ever desired, wanted or deemed myself to ‘be’ changed almost completely. This is where I started to ponder my previous ideas around happiness as ‘the goal in life’ and got to understand happiness mostly as an energetic experience that one gets as the result of some input, like for example when taking drugs and getting ‘high’ and ‘feeling good’ and associating that with happiness – that type of experience, which is all a mind job of course.

I saw that my idea of happiness had to go through a process of purification if I can call it that, I realize that I had only aimed at benefitting me in pursuing MY dreams and in that, I was in fact forgetting and not considering everything and everyone in that equation.  Once that I had a bit of the taste of the ‘personal happiness’ or what I had defined as such, I realized that it actually made me feel emptier and more depressed than ever, because I saw it as meaningless = not doing something that I was yearning to do as in creating a ‘greater change’ or ‘saving the world’ out there.

So, it has only been through walking this process of self-support and self change and having the ability to self-forgive all past ideas, perspectives, illusions and desires for energetic experiences that I have been able to now trust myself in the ability to redefine the word ‘happiness’ so that it doesn’t become this fleeting and flimsy experience in my mind and body, something that ‘comes and goes’ but becomes an actual living word not only for ‘me’ but for everyone as well.

 

‘All I want in life is to be happy’ is a common goal in our lives, but this also means that we have been defining happiness with as many different meanings as there are minds in this world, some common aspects are linked like money, good relationships, good sex life, being the best at something, having good health and such, but do we ponder then why have these become desires instead of ways in which one actually lives the construction of such happiness? Why have we made of happiness an ideal, an ever elusive ‘goal’ in itself instead of practically assessing: what do I require to do to build a general stability in my life, a personal and collective wellbeing, a point of financial stability, what can I do to develop supportive relationships? How can I nurture myself in a way that is beneficial for my body? How can I stop worrying about this/that situation in my life? How can I change the world system so that it benefits all instead of preventing ourselves to live our fullest potential? How can I develop my expression and support myself and others with it?

 

See, happiness usually comes with a desire to ‘have no worries’ or be completely devoid of responsibility, without realizing that if one simply places oneself swimming forever in a beach at the Caribbean and do nothing about oneself or ‘the world,’ man, one could end as the richest yet most disgraceful person in the world – why? Because happiness is definitely something that entails us LIVING in a full manner in this world – and within this, what does it mean to live fully? To be a point, a person that lives and creates one’s personal well-being while at the same time contributing to the collective well being.

The problem that we have at the moment is that our general ideas of happiness have become very varied, very personal, even linked with products to buy or so – how can that be? This is why here we propose looking at happiness as the ways in which we can practically empower ourselves and each other to fully live in this world.

Within the documentary called Happy, many definitions and ways to live happiness are shared, and it’s interesting to see of course, to have a look at how personalized this idea of happiness has become whereas in other cultures/parts of the world, the idea of happiness is embedded within a collective wellbeing. There they define 2 aspects of happiness the intrinsic and extrinsic aspects, which I will share here now as parts that I have come to realize within walking this process.

 

We got the intrinsic aspects which have to do with

– Personal growth: which is precisely what I have seen is and has been absolutely life changing from 7 years ago, to walk this process of self-support, to develop self-honesty, to develop common sense which is the consideration of what’s best for all; to realize that I can change myself, that I have the tools, that I can trust myself in being able to walk through any point in my life to get to a point of stability within and without. This is definitely essential as an overall self-process that I can attest here is a genuine source of wellbeing, because one is also no longer defined by emotions or feelings to define myself, so I rather focus on supporting me, my mind, my body to live in a general stability.

– Close Relationships and the feeling of living in community: developing relationships with people even if they are not in your immediate environment, but relationships where self-support is the starting point is within my life and experience one of the most gratifying things, to be able to support me and support others, and work with people that are equally walking a process of taking responsibility for themselves, living day by day within the commitment of supporting and changing themselves to within that, also change the world is one of the most satisfying things as well. It would have been very tough to do this process of personal support alone, maybe impossible – so I definitely recognize the power of walking with a group of people – physically or non-physically around – to support oneself in this process of self-change and self-support. These relationships go beyond a ‘friendship’ or a feeling, they are genuine bonds of co-creation that will surely be long lasting.

 

The Extrinsic goals:

– Money is something that is definitely needed to create a financial stability for oneself. It is definitely something to question if a poor person claims to be absolutely happy, how can that be if happiness is about living up to our utmost potential? That means then requiring at this moment in this world money to be able to obtain the necessary resources on this. So, this is a genuine point that one does require to be ‘happy’ at this stage, to have a dignified living – which is definitely different from only desiring money as an ultimate goal – nope, money is a means to create such support and to nurture/sustain ourselves properly, but ultimately, greed is of course also a point to debunk within self-honesty, because no amount of money can create ‘wealth’ in itself if we weren’t living in our awareness of the interdependence we hold to each other individual and part of this reality.

 

– They claim that Image, personality and status or popularity is something that also gives happiness. I question this as a sense of ‘ego’ creation, though in a redefined manner, this can comes by default when one works on oneself and one starts focusing one’s life to support oneself and so be an active agent of change in the world. One’s words, thoughts, deeds start speaking for themselves and so this ‘recognition’ is not then a popularity game of sorts one participates in, I’d rather place it as the ability and potential we all have to stand as an example of what is possible to live and become when establishing living principles of what’s best for all in our lives.  This is then a point where one can simply recognize and acknowledge one’s living day to day actions and see the benefit of them for what they create as a consequence, and develop a sense of honor to oneself and all life around us which is definitely what I can also link to a sense of happiness, of fulfillment, of genuine stability and way to prosperity.

 

There was also a point wherein I simply denied all happiness to exist, and yes just as love defined as a slight or overwhelming churning of energies within ourselves, as an energy experience it is definitely not something that I could ‘forever experience,’ because it’s only momentary which indicates: it’s a mind job. Thus happiness had to become a word that I can mostly live through the consideration of how can I build, create this point of self-support, self-stability in my life and reality, how can I cooperate and co-work with others in order to create a change in this world. So, what’s interesting here is that me desiring to ‘change the world’ would have been also a point I would link to happiness, but little did I know that if I had only sought to ‘change the word out there’ I would have missed first my personal point of self-responsibility: changing myself, first supporting myself.

So I do say here that happiness as a word to live by does imply first self-responsibility: taking care of ourselves, ensuring one has sufficient money to live in dignity, where one has the ability and continues to improve one’s life, to challenge ourselves further, to develop ourselves to our utmost potential, to live by the law of placing the extra effort to get things done in a way wherein I can genuinely say ‘this is my creation, this is my expression and I am satisfied with it.’ Within this of course comes the consideration of how within me living by these principles, what I do in the ‘outside world’ will thus be the constant and continuous expression of what I live within and as me – this is thus how I have defined my ability to live happiness within giving myself, my life, my day to day a purpose which is to make of this world a place wherein we call all live actually happily, so that happiness stops being a ‘desire’ in our minds, but instead becomes a genuine and feasible practical method, a way and series of actions and steps that involve each one’s participation to co-create such happiness in reality.

This is how I see that in order to create and live happiness = the whole must be contained, everyone must be considered, because if we leave one person outside of this consideration, then that one point will make us all miserable again, because this life is about learning how to coexist as equals and so within this, I see that happiness in its FULL expression is not yet ‘here’ as the definition of all living parts in this world having a dignified and satisfying existence.  I see that happiness is a ‘work in progress’ when it comes to genuinely Living it at a global level – however, it is possible to work on creating a general stability and support for oneself to live in a responsible manner, which I’ve found to be actually a great source of satisfaction and fulfillment.

In fact, living this process of self-support with the Desteni tools is an awesome practical way to create and build this happiness for oneself, it won’t definitely make you all tingly within yourself, nor would it come with ease either, it does take actual work, dedication, discipline, consistency, self-will, determination, self-leadership and creativity to do this, but these are all aspects that are definitely worth investing one’s life and time on. Having said this, it does make sense to say that aiming to be ‘happy’ within this context and consideration, to create happiness for everyone in this world is a cool thing to aim at, because it will enable us all to create a general well-being wherein we can actively and continuously create and make of this world a system of support, of living-life instead of merely surviving or having to strive to ‘make a living,’ where our relationships become necessary pillars for us to thrive instead of obstacles to achieve personal gain and self-interest.

If happiness is a common goal in each one’s life, it’s best to then recognize it as something that can only genuinely exist if we all first place the consideration of creating this happiness, this stability, this self-support, self-care, and self-honesty within each one of us individually, so that then we become a +1 person that becomes a pillar to build this happiness in the world, no matter where you are: our lives, how we live/what we do in each moment, how we walk our day to day defines what we create collectively. So, it’s about time we stop seeking for happiness ‘out there’ and instead focus on creating it within and without.

What I can share as the practical way to do this is by walking this process of self-support, I hadn’t ever been satisfied with my life or even would dare to call myself as ‘being happy’ because I was a Grinch, so unhappy about life /the world and blaming everything and everyone for why my life wasn’t ‘working,’ instead of realizing that I do not have to ‘seek happiness’ out there, I have to actually recognize my ability to create it, to become it and to establish it/share it with others in this world. Sounds nice, yep, but it takes actual work and dedication to genuinely live it, it takes guts to also be able to let go of previous definitions of ‘happiness’ by testing it out, seeing if what one had defined as happiness is really a constant and continuous point I can live within my life that is Best for All for eternity – and there, first steps of self-honesty will emerge.

It’s surely enjoyable to take the wheel of your life, and this is precisely what we learn to do in this process, so I recommend it 100% percent.

 

I commit myself to any time and all time required to bring this world back to that which is life, regardless of what it will take and I commit myself not to allow the values the mind  as me have become to determine what is real value. Until this is done. – Bernard Poolman 

 

Living Principles

 

Suggested blog:

Day 2: Happiness and Me

 

I dare you to start questioning what happiness is for you and if you’re ready to live genuine happiness, join us here:

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


247. Blindly Following Our Progress

Doomsday is a novelty joke to evade the consequences of our thoughts, words and deeds of having disregarded the laws of nature and the physical in our reality in the name of following through with our mind-driven desires, all based on energy which implies the abuse of the physical for the sake of feeling just Fine.

What’s the fine line between progress and devolution? The neglect in which we have built this marvelous see-evil-I-zation wherein we have focused on the ‘I’ only of self interest, following our success, no matter ‘what’ has to be destroyed and potentially damaged for the rest of the Earth’s existence just to have a moment of bliss and ideal of progress disregarding the shit hitting the fan while smiling at the beautiful scenes of what progress implies.

Cities like Dubai are the perfect example of what human beings as gods disregarding the ‘forces of nature’ imply: creating this great buildings at the expense of the most horrid living conditions that any worker on Earth is currently having to go through just to make a living. The same goes for all the people that confections our clothes, build our gadgets, grow and reap our food which is essentially the extraction and transformation industries that get to do the most work at the expense of slave labor. The ‘retail’ industry is the one that benefits through us buying brands, lifestyles, experiences that we have tagged as our ‘successful living’ while neglecting everything that had to be destroyed for that single ‘lifestyle’ to be now something that is Normal to ourselves.

Read Matti Freeman’s Day 152: Slaves of Dubai – Exposing the Darkness behind the Glittering Lights of Progress for further context.

 

Continuing from:

 

We’ve come to the point where we would rather expect some 3 days of darkness to happen or some planetary alignment and suddenly have a renewed world all of a sudden. Seriously, is there any  trace of sanity in such beliefs? No – and this world-system is proof of how we have all been inherently insane to keep blindly participating in this world system wherein Nothing is projected to be sustainable in a long term basis.

I was watching Gian’s video on Hope – which I obviously suggest you watch as well – and realized that it is true, we are born with a certain belief/idea of ‘this is how things always have been and there’s no change in how things work’ – and in this ‘this is how things work’ is the doom of our race, because in such acceptance we have only gone either of the two following ways:

1. Waiting for the world to end/ be destroyed = doomsday character.

2. Waiting for something marvelous to happen that will wash away all the destruction and will wipe out all our atrocities in a blink of an eye = ascension/ transformation of consciousness character.

 

Both are equally fucked, to say the least, since we can read WAITING which is just precisely HOPING for something to happen. In both scenarios we either drive ourselves to a Negative Self Experience – which is what I have described in the past posts – or we drive ourselves to a Positive Self Experience, which is all your ascension/2012 transformation of consciousness type of messages. It is funny to recall the last book I read on the Mayan Calendar subject, right before Desteni – well in fact the day I finished the book I encountered Desteni – where Dr. Calleman said that by November 2012, everyone would be enlightened – I would quote the page of the 2012 Transformation of Consciousness book he wrote, but gave it away within the realization that I had just indulged in quite an extensive amount of unfounded statement. Wow, really wow.  If enlightenment means being ready to continue using and abusing the Earth by our every single move in everything we think say and do then by all means, we are full of light and will soon burst into flames if we don’t stop.

 

What I realize is that beyond me having gone into the negative experience about the world and feeling all sad/ depressed that ‘this world is shit,’ is really only the exact same as thinking positive and waiting for something Great to come, because in self-doomification I am doing exactly the same thing: Only waiting for an End while precisely only living to die and doing absolutely Nothing to stop the current ways in which our society has been made ‘acceptable,’ which is accepting and allowing self-abuse in all ways.

 

Now, the problem is not the Earth of course or the ecosystem and all the living beings beside the human being, that was perfect in its natural equilibrium; it is our force as human nature of actual Evil that has disregarded the physical forces we are subject to. That’s what playing God in essence has been about: believing we could somehow implement our jolly civilizations of multiple advancements without a single point of concern on ‘what’s next’ you know? Because there is a very important factor that we have ALL Participated in: We Trusted in those that have come before us to only give ‘permission’ – accept and allow – to implement what is currently running here as a living-condition that should be beneficial for all. But is it so? Of course not, not at all since all decisions made have been based upon Energy, which in this world system means Money/ Profit being the directive principle of the route we have followed through as humanity. And as all decisions made/founded upon energy: there is a massive disregard for its sustainability in the long run, and this goes from relationships that we found upon this energetic positive experience to making our living decisions of what career to study, what to ‘invest upon’ only within the same scheme of what we have currently valued as ‘More’ than life itself.

 

When I was a child, I developed this ‘ecological awareness’ in a very limited way, but it was ‘something’ and I remember being 7-8 years old and from that time and on, every time that  I flushed the toilet I would ‘feel bad’ for the water that will have to go with all the rest of the world’s toilet water and polluting the Earth. Whenever I would take a shower I would literally imagine how many more were showering around the world as well, how many were spending too much water in their showering while I was ensuring I would spend the least – I worried about things like littering on the streets and the smog produced by all the cars in the city – and I would become rather depressed whenever I would get to go to another country or see pictures of another’s travels throughout Europe for example, and be marveled at the cleanliness and order that those cities/places were in, it all seemed ‘to good to be true,’ which is another outflow and consequence of us regarding such advancements as something genuinely positive to follow and desire. I only created a loathing for my country and the people here, so I went into an absolute abhorrent state because in my mind ‘no one cared’.’  And again, going into a ‘powerlessness’ and ‘hopelessness’ because no matter how much I tried to make an effort to ‘do something,’ obviously it was futile, because I wasn’t really looking at or aware of the greater picture of how things work in this reality.

 

Throughout the years, it was like swimming against the tide all the time, everyone just wanted me to relax a bit about all the things I would constantly worry about – all that which I called ‘pollution’ yet never really saw how everyone’s – including my own-  every single move contributes to this ‘pollution,’ no matter what we do in this current society. So, this is part of a personality that I became until I simply opted for the ‘fly away’ type of personality wherein I would shove aside my constant awareness on dirt/ pollution/ contamination/ civil carelessness for the environment and blamed this country and its people for it, never really understanding the magnitude of the problem at a global scale of which this idea of progress was mostly the direct source of, and how it was because of the ‘improvements’ that people in the first world were developing as the ‘ultimate civilizations’ that we were in fact following through with this abuse, without the necessary education on how to DEAL with everything we would get now from such first world countries and simply started copying it, using it,  without any further regard, which became a problem because we simply followed through with the ‘advancements’ without really pondering: hmm, if I buy a v.8 vehicle yes I’ll have a shitload of HP and luxuries, but is this sustainable?

And so, our living standard instead of focusing on creating sustainable conditions for transportation became the ultimate presentation of an actual mock to any regard for the resources required to run a v.8 vehicle, because all that we really cared for is showing off our ability to pay for such amount of gas, taxes and maintenance as an indication of elevating our power of acquisition through buying that which could SHOW to others that we are ‘making it in the system.’ This is what our success have become.

 

“A Successful Failure, is when Failure is taken Personally – and the Purpose of Failure is not Grasped. Because Failure, has been Changed into the Illusion of Energy and is Experienced as some form of ‘Feeling’.
Failure, when Grasped – is the Map and the Road to Self-Perfection.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

The example I give is quite a tangible one, since also in my home city there’s Volkswagen and all the German people worked there and had this thing for cars, which I then became used to the idea of one has to have this latest-model of car and dispose the older ones because: you always get improvements. This is a single example of how we Always buy into the idea (social conditioning) of having the latest and most recent upgrade of everything as a sign of success – see for yourself how only the nice bright idea of power is looked at, but have no regard at the actual need for an upgrade and what happens with all the cars that are disposed, what are the current productions settings that have created our brand new car, the gas requirements, labor that has been put into it, how has it been paid for – none of that is of our concern, we feel like royals just having the ability to buy it and ride it and disregard everything else. And yes, it feels GREAT but I bet it won’t feel that great when there’s no freaking gas to pump into such v.8 vehicles, where already decisions are being made between eating or pumping gas into your car, as a matter of fact and consequence of disregarding basic common sense equations in which life should run upon.

 

Now we get the point of success being a blatant ignorant self-abuse, you see?

 

And then, when the shit hits the fan as it is happening now, we would rather follow through either of the above mentioned 2 options, instead of actually placing our hands on the problems and become aware of the series of steps that we have followed through until it’s become this chain-massacre of points that we accepted and allowed to end up in this blind-line of production and consumption that is disregarding and neglecting the primer matter of which everything is formed.

Please read an Economist’s Journey to Life for further  details

 

I had to just go and clean the fridge from all the food that my house mates have just ‘left’ and realized how just because we have the money to buy, we simply buy-buy-buy and don’t even think about what we are in fact going to in fact use. I can absolutely say that the waste of food I have created for the most part has been the one I have processed in my own physical body and dumped on the toilette, but I absolutely measure the amount of food I will in fact eat – and if some vegetables go rot, it’s a minimal quantity that I can place as compost for the tree and that’s it. And when confronting anyone about such blind-consumption, we only face the point of: Oh but ‘I’ bought it, so it’s ‘my’ stuff as a given right to abuse. The same we do with everything that we consume that we know it’s not beneficial, like people taking drugs and believing that it is only THEM that they are fucking up, not anyone else – which means that we disregard the basic fact that Everything we do, act and speak is linked through a collective process of coexisting in the same world, this means: there are no ‘isolated forces’ that will not have an effect and consequence on this reality, we’re all equally contributing to them.

 

And once again, what do we do? If you ask any regular person, everyone’s just hoping things will just go ‘mildly wrong’ in our lifetime as it’s being predicted everywhere, we just hope to ‘make it through,’ die and leave the future generations with the most heavy load of destruction to deal with. This is the statement we are living by every day that goes through without placing and becoming a solution to this world.

 

What is this whole ‘evolution’ based on, what is our progress based on? Abuse of the Earth to make things bigger, faster, greater, more efficient, more astounding and creating within ourselves this fantabulous self-experiences of this being a ‘marvelous world/ our creation,’ but we rarely or never even look at all the processes behind everything that we consume – and for that, we are ALL equally responsible.

 

And this is one of the points that listening to the See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no evil – Life Review which really walks us through what we’ve become without a doubt in this world, and also a great way to gift to another a piece of audio-awareness that can be an eye opener for this ‘holiday season’ when all our “Love” is DEMON-strated through buying/ consuming and giving each others stuff that we have no idea how it’s been created.

 

So, where does our responsibility reside on? Having accepted and allowed the current lifestyles we’re living as ‘the way things are’ which is what Anu also explains is something that should be really questioned at all times, as that implies the inertia that we’ve moved ourselves within: how things are/ it’s always been this way wherein we automatically infer = then it is fine, then it is okay, then there is no harm or potential life-threat within this, because it’s been running for 50 years. Well, it’s certainly ONLY 50 years that’s taken us to massively upscale our current abuse on Earth and we call this progress.

And we expect doomsday? Lol that would certainly be a ‘gift’ if any god existed, we won’t get rid of any consequence any time soon unless we actually take responsibility for it, face it and fix it.

 

“Without Failure – Self-Perfection is Impossible.
Without Failure – Birthing Harmony on Earth is Impossible.
Without Failure – Perfecting Individualization is Impossible.
Without Failure – Enlightenment Perfection is Impossible.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

To be continued, for sure.

 

 

Red Fears

 

Vlogs:

 

Interviews at Eqafe 

 
    Blogs:

    217. You Fear Communism? Why would That Be?

    The Nature of the Happy Nation

    It’s interesting to see how the moment that Equality is linked to being ‘one more of the heap’ and the opposite to being special, unique, outstanding, original, genuine, one of a kind human being – which is the type of brainwashing used during the last half of the 20th Century – Equality became linked to the then ‘Devil’ that functioned through/as what was considered the opposite back then, which was Communism.  The basic equation that must be read here is not along the lines of USA vs. USSR – but a Living Right that should be given to all beings by virtue of being on this Earth being Sold and Bought instead of readily given, and the example of that can be found anywhere in our current society wherein one could be close to dying in a hospital and, if you have no funds = there will be no support given to you, sorry.

     

    This is what we’ve accepted and allowed when it was agreed that life should be sold/ commercialized and even more so, stratified to a series of values that only a Few can actually obtain without any hassle. What about the rest? Oh well, you got your jobs and slave labor, ‘do your best’ and waddle your way through the staircase to success/heaven, never pondering the abuse that was taking place in such ‘heavens’ like actual vampires sucking out the life blood of the rest of the people that are, till this day, being suck dry to dead for not having enough money, even though their sweat and tears are shed every single day for all the worry and concern and desperation of not having the ability to feed children. What about those in warzone today? Can we even imagine the haunting experience of being ready to die in any given moment?

     

    Guess what? This reality is not separate from ourselves, at some level we are all aware of everything that is going on here. That’s why no matter how much money you have you are still Owned by it, you still fear to lose it all. And there might be those that don’t really fear at all, however it is not like there is a way to escape consequence, not anymore – father heaven is no longer running the scene (Read the entry to Heaven in the Destonian wiki)

     

    Democracy became then a consumer-like sellable product of words that would support that which makes the ‘world go round’ which is, capitalism as our current world system.

    You can investigate this for yourself, watch:

    Learn about Edward Bernays as the father of selling happiness to Americans while instilling one of the greatest brainwashing mechanisms in our modern era – besides the long-time god belief:
    “Bernays used the “Freudian Theory” to deal with the public’s conception of communism, as he believed that we should not be easing the public’s fear of communism, but rather promote that fear and play with the public’s emotions of it. This theory in its own was so powerful that it became a weapon of its own during the cold war.”

    n Propaganda (1928), Bernays argued that the In In Propaganda (1928), Bernays argued that the manipulation of public opinion was a necessary part of democracy:

    The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. …We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. …In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons…who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind
     
    Wiki entry on Edward Bernays
     

    And so everyone learned to aim for Individuality, specialness, uniqueness, which could only be ‘obtained’ through Buying your Happiness.

    Now this is a short introduction to understand then WHY I was conditioned to see Communism as a threat, the words, people that I linked to the word, the regard I held for most of my life toward it – however it is important to see how it could have been ‘communism’ or any other regime that would mean a threat to the values and lifestyle – yes when life became a ‘style’ – that the American Empire would promote, I may sound like a grandpa saying ‘American Empire’  but that’s what it was. I will then share about how through music I learned to then evade all things politics or listen to music that would demonstrate such evasion for a while to submerge myself in the world of the intangible, which is how now I understand, everyone  that at some point had an intention to ‘do something’ to change this world would end up in: dropping out, being isolated and resorting to drugs, alcohol, poetry or mere suicidal tendencies. Quite a shame, specially when you get to know people and their potential that It’s just HERE however, money becomes the main obstacle all the fucking time for them to develop themselves, learn further, suit themselves with the necessary equipment/ tools to do that which is certainly not only ‘entertainment,’ but bright ideas that we can actually place on march when Money is no longer a kick in the ass more than a living tool to exist – for that visit the Equal Money System website, vote for our goals – it’s time to Stop as I’ve seen and realized what we can do if we all stand up to our max capacity and Will ourselves to Live.

     

     

    The Revolutionary Character:

     

    Self Forgiveness on ‘Red Fears’ and Capitalist Propaganda

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take words as knowledge and information as ‘truth’ of reality when it came to forming a perspective, opinion and view upon the world, without further investigation and within this, forming/shaping/ molding ‘who I am’ toward reality/ this world based Only on that which I had understood/ learned as knowledge and information that in no way represented the reality of what is here, as all history, knowledge and information is mostly told only from a certain perspective that will benefit the ‘story/history teller’ – and in this,

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out any form of common sense development through only taking knowledge and information that I acquired from others – without any form of proof or further investigation – and in this, created an entire character based on fearing that which apparently ‘threatened’ our stability and ‘happiness,’ which is what I came to believe that Communism represented.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the word communism to mediocrity and revolting people, as that is what I got from what I would hear/ listen/ see within the news wherein I didn’t even bother to ask what was the real conflict that lead to seeing Communism as ‘the devil,’ and If I did ask – which I can’t remember – the general idea was that Communists were trying to make the whole world communist, which is the great fat lie that I accepted and allowed to believe, which all came from the perspective of the history being told according to what our northern neighbors – United States of America – were promoting as a belief about Socialism/ Communism in order to justify wars against those whose who represented a threat to the actual imperialism that Capitalism has become over the third world.


     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate a sense of rejection toward anything that sounded like ‘giving to all equally’ because of imprinting these images of what in my imagination I had pictured poverty in Russia to be like, wherein the story of people coming from Russia in order to escape poverty became my own ‘reality reference’ to what I believe was ‘Communism,’ and such immediately linking it to a bad thing, without realizing that such people were actually escaping from the downfall of a debunked attempt to establish an actual communism, which has not really existed in the ideal terms of what it would in fact mean to consider all beings as equal.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that one would be Less Free if one would not be able to buy and consume all of that which I have linked ‘power’ and ‘freedom’ to, which is essentially the ability to BUY and Consume things from the capitalist world, and forming the idea of how ‘poor’ and ‘limited’ people were in socialist countries or even in the Eastern Germany, which was also part of my tangible example of how people had apparently suffered through that time and that everyone essentially was asking and pleading for Capitalism, which is nothing else but the result of Capitalism being linked to a sense of Happiness, Joy, Freedom, Liberty and most importantly Democracy through a propagandistic apparatus that we are living in till this day, wherein there is a general conception of having Free Choice and Free Will to buy and consume and experience all the good things in life when you have money – hence promoting the desire for money as the equation of ‘good life’ that in no way stands within an actual meaning of what ‘good life’ would be like, which certainly cannot continue be equated to consuming the most you can, buying products that you don’t need, buying items for the same of the value they represent in a social hierarchy, accumulating wealth as a means of protection, buying properties that you won’t live in and the list goes on, which is widely promoted as lifestyles to ‘seek to attain’ in our current reality through people that we have deemed as ‘rich and famous’ – which is nothing else but adoring and praising the very key-people that are keeping this entire world system of enslavement in place – hence all of this representing everything that communism/ egalitarian societies are Not. Therefore

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see how communism in itself or any form of Equality Consideration of Life was a dynamite to the emerging mind control of linking happiness, well being to Money and the desire for money in itself, being the main driving force that would be adopted by people in order to submit to any form of job, task or activity in order to ‘get the most money’ and within this linking wealth/ power to money to ‘living,’ without ever pondering why such well being wasn’t readily given to all, which is where I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Life is a struggle and that we had to Suffer in order to ‘gain the daily bread’ – nothing else but absolute brainwashing made laws and our current basis of the capitalist world wherein we are able to leave people to starve, die of medical negligence, die of curable diseases, die for not being able to pay their bills and the list goes on, which should be regarded as a massive crime against life, however, we had not taken responsibility for ourselves and in this, we have merely complied to be soldiers that maintain and protect an abusive system that does not regard life, which is Capitalism, simply because of having linked money, wealth, power, products to buy to a sense of happiness, fulfillment, freedom, which are feelings that are generated at a mind level and that do not represent at all who we are as physical beings that exist as constancy and consistency of breath here.

     

    Within this all, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear somehow questioning all the abuse that was being accepted and allowed in this world just because of not wanting to then be labeled communist or a ‘revolting person’ even though I ended up gaining a reputation of sorts as being rebellious-anti system which became a character that I wore ‘proudly’ without even realizing how within my emerging opposition to the world system, I was more going to perpetuate my life being angry, mad at the system and ostracizing myself further into my own ‘realm of the non tangible,’ denying nay form of responsibility, which is precisely where I was headed toward if I had not been involved in Desteni quite timely in my life some 5 years ago.

     

    I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all of this information stigmatizing Communism, Socialism, Equality was based on maintaining the current world system we’re living in as a majority that believes that one must struggle in order to live – and in this, creating a general fear to stand up due to having learned of revolutions and movements just ending up with people in jail, killed, abducted, high jacked, murdered mercilessly which became a series of ‘warnings’ that I should not ever attempt to confront the system – within this

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear the word communist linked to being revolutionary due to the various icons and people that I learned were linked to communism and that somehow I regarded as heroic people, however little did I understand how the system works and how any form of open opposition would only light fires and further problems, instead of simply proposing a solution at a political level wherein All beings can be equally supported. This means that my idea, belief and perception of Revolution/ Rebellion had to do with opposing the system without understanding it, just asking for ‘change’ but not knowing how to do it – and at the same time, fearing being labeled as ‘communist’ for the pejorative aspect I had linked to such word, wherein I still didn’t want to end up poor or being given ‘the same to eat every day’ which were common misconceptions and ideas around communist countries that I came to believe were truth and had no further context to it but that, just knowledge and information that I simply feared ending up living in, not seeing the greater picture of for example, the lives of the absolutely poor people that are the direct result of only a fraction of the world embracing Capitalism and exploiting vast majorities to Sustain such ‘Capitalist Dream = American Dream’ at the expense of those that were left in positions of great disparity – mostly in the so called ‘third world’ – which are quite present till this day in our day to day living when reading where our clothes and gadgets were built in.  (Read: 115. Following our Dreams is Plain Delusional an 116. Dreams of Perfect Lives as Mind Control)

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to acquire the common belief of money = satisfaction, joy, security, protection, well being for myself and ‘those around me’ wherein I then believed that this was ‘my perspective’ and ‘my decision’ to support a system wherein one can buy all you want as a means of happiness and fulfillment – this becoming then the basis to form my character as the Revolutionary Elitist wherein Yes I would see poverty and lack for many beings, I wanted “Change” but I was not entirely willing to give up my own pursuit of happiness, which is then revealing how once again, the intentions to change were not absolute as I was not willing to let go of my personal aims and future projections based on having an elitist position in this world Based On this idea of ‘change’ and ‘revolution.’

     

    You can read this process here:

     

    And so, I see and realize that I used communism as a boogie man in my mind just by following public opinion, by following what I would hear parents speak about and probably on the news and people that had suffered poverty conditions in Russia as the result of a downfall within the socialist scheme, which is then a point to consider in how it actually came to  a downfall and what intervened in that process, which points out in common sense that any form of egalitarianism promoted as a world system, meant a threat to world-systems based on hierarchical structures – which is then the easiest way to understand why we were taught in schools to see the Soviet Union as a living condition that we had to avoid at all cost, having little context of how it came to be, why it didn’t flourish to an absolute success if the principle was apparently aiming at equality. This thus brings the questions: how is it that we have come to Equate a word like Equality to Evil, Equality to ‘Lack’, Equality to Loss of ‘Good Living Standards’ without questioning first how we came to link everything that is good, well, nice, excellent, special and unique to all things that represent the most money/ power as a symbol of success.

     

    I realize within this that Communism is just another counteract to Capitalism the way that it is currently conceived and its reality outflows till this day because, it didn’t consider an absolute reform of the monetary system but only remained as a series of political considerations that would ostracize certain countries from the rest of the world, creating a ‘battle’ due to money still meaning a point of power over life. This is how corruption still brewed in communist societies/ countries/ regimes as the problem we have to look at is not only reforming the system but the nature of the human being. And that, my fellow droogs, is not able to be implemented through opposition or wars, but Education.

     

    Why has no one realized the actual power to create a new human being resides in Education? That is what actually shapes/ molds and forms who you are going to be and what you are going to value as Life as Reality and what you are going to oppose and refrain from participating in – this is how at Desteni we are educating ourselves to see beyond the veils of human history through capitalism and communism alike, as both were only sides of the same coin, used to justify wars and further rivalry that lead the world nowhere but to where we are now, more embellished with nonsensical desires for happiness and fearing to give to each other what we would want for ourselves – isn’t that the definition of Evil?

     

    This will continue with Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments to finally understand where we Stand within the Equality consideration as the Equal Money System and finally stop fearing giving to each other what you would want for yourself, placing common sense that can be acquired, lived and applied by each individual to stop revolting against the system, and instead understand it and act within Self Responsibility to be part of the change in this world that will Not come through Revolution, but through individuals that Stand up for Life in Equality, until it is done.

     

     

    Blogs:

     

    Interviews:

    Anu explains the Hierarchy of his Race which then brings up the point to ponder here: you are the image and likeness of your creator, find out the fascinating considerations one regards as ‘Elitist’/More than and why we are immediately submerged into this Self-Belief of having to Be the Best of the pack.


    154. The Ladder of Success is Self Abuse

    Consumerism is Self-Consumption

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the belief that buying is a pleasant experience and a hobby, wherein one learn to see the act of consuming as a a fulfilling experience that satisfies and quenches that seemingly constant ‘void’ that is perceived when there is no energetic experience going on within us, which is how we have defined energy as Living instead of understanding how it is that these energetic experiences in fact lead us to our very own depletion/consumption and eventual death, as all energy implies the consumption of the physical, the burning of the fuel that is the physical in order to create what we only see as a ‘fulfilling/ pleasant/ satisfying experience,’ because no one on Earth had even known how it is that this process of Thinking actually goes through, and it is now that we have the information through the material available at Eqafe such as the Quantum Mind Series that we are able to understand how everything that we have ever thought is implying a form of abuse toward ourselves as the physicality that we really are, all in the name of an experience that only goes up in the mind, without no apparent further consequence other than a momentary high which is what we have in fact become addicted to: Energy as a make-believe ‘living experience’ while ignoring the actual gruesome reality that goes behind every single thought that we participate on, which implies our own self-consumption.

    This is the point that we had not realized when labeling ‘consumerism as a pleasant experience’ and not seeing/ realizing and understanding How such pleasant experience is created and what is actually enabling this experience, which is and can only exist if ‘something else gives It/ provides it which in this case is the physical that is literally ‘nailed’ just like Jesus on the cross in order to give that ‘kingdom of god’ that we have foolishly defined as money, wealth and the experience that we have defined through/as money as happiness, fulfillment, power, satisfaction as the saturation of energy that we have foolishly ‘bought’ to be ‘real’ in any way, because we have ignored our own physicality as the actual equality and oneness as life, as the actual source of that experience that we believe is ‘who we are,’ due to not seeing, realizing and understanding how the mind works in relation to the physical body and how it runs like an engine gnawing our very own physical tissue to keep its energetic functions going – all of this is explained in the Frog Series that I suggest listening to in order to understand consumerism as a point of self abuse and how we have the actual capacity to correct this points within a new system like the Equal Money System beginning with Ourselves as that equal and one relationship developed within our mind toward the physical.

     

    When and as I see myself participating in the thought of ‘Buying is a Pleasant experience’ and projecting this judgment upon others to see them as ‘ignorant,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have been absolutely ignorant to the actual understanding of how all ‘Positive Experiences’ are created at the expense of the physical which is the sacrificial rite that we do on a daily basis whenever we think and only follow our own personal benefit/ happiness point, while believing that we are enhancing our ‘living experience’ and ‘evolution’ in ourselves, without understanding how we are actually sacrificing our own flesh and living substance due to the accepted and allowed belief that thinking, having feelings and emotions is something ‘natural’ to the human being.

    We have been oblivious to what extent we have abused ourselves/ all that is here whenever we simply consider it was very easy to follow energy as ‘living,’ which is the necessary education that must be taken on in our reality so that we can in fact, at last, understand that this current system of consumerism based on linking consuming/ buying to a positive experience is an evidently unsustainable system, wherein we only see the ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ and ‘attractive’ points as the final product made for our own benefit, while neglecting the actual gruesome reality that goes behind the entire production process and extraction of prime matter – nice way to name the Earth’s resources – in order to transform it/ configure it in a way that we impose our wants, needs and desires toward this satisfaction/ fulfilling point as a positive experience that we have believed is ‘all that we are here for in our lives,’ while missing out every moment of actual living here in Equality and Oneness as the physical, as Breath, simply because we trained/educated ourselves to only regard Energy as Living.

    And this you can understand in the series the Crucifixion of Jesus in the chapter number 7 that speaks about this ‘Ladder of Success’

     

    I commit myself to stop judging and within this reinforcing the same mechanisms of separation that we have participated in, which implies using our minds to assess/ value/ define this physical reality in terms and way that we benefit ourselves from, due to the premise of accepting life as an energetic experience –thus it is to educate myself to ensure that I am aware of how it is that I have become what we can see in each one of ourselves and this world in its entirety as the outflow and consequence of our own accepted and allowed perception of life being an energetic experience that is either positive or negative, and within this, exposing how it is that our own wants, needs and desires became manifested as every single product that we are able to BUY now with money that is not readily available/ given to all unconditionally, which is indicating how we have separated ourselves from our very own physicality as this entire world through a belief system in our minds, that sustains our entire economical model at the moment – this is no different to the thinking pattern of believing that buying/ consuming a single thing to own/ possess/ eat/ wear/ use is what ‘living’ is about (which is how we have defined living as an experience) wherein we diminish ourselves to being only ‘thinking’ instead of breathing and understanding the physicality as who we really are and how we consume it while thinking/ following our thoughts.

     

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when entering a mall/ commercial center/ market, and seeing all the plethora of things there are to buy and its wide variety, I get the pictures of the media and how they present similar products wherein then I access a thinking-pattern to blame the media for ‘brainwashing us,’ without realizing how there is Nothing in this world that was made ‘by the hand of a god,’ we are all responsible for it and that implies that we created the media in order to constantly create new needs/ desires within people in order to fulfill and satisfy the exigencies that we’ve established as a monetary system that requires constant consumption to continue going, which is very clear how our current system is energy-driven as an abusive relationship upon the physical, instead of having created and established and agreed upon a world system wherein we can support one another as equals, standings As the equality and oneness that we in fact are, but that we didn’t do because we accepted the mind to be the one that dictates ourselves in relationships of separation toward everything and all that is here, which is why and how Media is so effective, as it presents a relationship of separation creating a desire/ want/ need in terms of buying/ consuming products in the name of getting a positive experience out of it, and us accepting that as ‘Real’ and ‘True’ because of our own accepted and allowed separation from this physical reality through an energetic experience created in our minds toward that point that we then call our ‘desire/ want/ need’

    This implies that all we are currently following is our own self interest, without understanding how such cultivation of personal-needs/ special needs are only existent for those that have money and that form part of the ‘active participants in society’ wherein money has defined who is valuable to the system to perpetuate its functioning and who’s not, thus using Media to create an incentive for ourselves to enter the ‘realm of happiness’/ become part of the Elite where money buys the smiles and fulfillment, using money that is also a belief system of abuse due to it being created only out of thin air with its main purpose being the control and centralization of power for a few, while entertaining ‘the masses’ to contribute to this through entertainment/ media in order to continually go seeking for theses positive experiences that are linked to the ideal image/ presentation of successful living  of those that sit in the royal chairs of ‘power and control’ within the same configured system of ‘power’ = ‘money,’ which is actually only a make-believe system, hence: NO power is real, no money is Real but what is Real is the abuse that we inflict upon ourselves every time that we diminish ourselves to Believing that such money is in fact ‘powerful’ and that owning/ possessing something/ someone is in fact making ourselves ‘more’ than who we already here – this happening every time that we follow a single desire to acquire, buy and consume in means of personal satisfaction and fulfillment.

     

    When and as I see myself wanting to blame something or someone for the current state of reality we’re living in, in separation of myself – I stop and I breathe – I realize that we are ‘specialists’ in projecting blame toward others for being ‘the villain’ and ‘the bad guydoing this to ourselves, without understanding how it is that we created our own reasons and justifications to perpetuate a system wherein self interest is the main cultivated aspect of ‘who we are’ as human beings, wherein everything that we have created and configured as our world system – money, policies, economy, education, religions, leisure, science, technology – is directed to benefit and please only a fraction of the population that have enough money to really have a good life, which is the main primary point that is promoted through media/ ads everywhere, infiltrating what’s cunningly called ‘public opinion’ to create a commonly accepted ‘standard living’ in society based Not on a common well being and direct understanding and interaction with nature/ the Earth, the animal kingdom as part of ‘who we are,’ but instead diminished everything to only being a consuming-aspect to keep up the ‘satisfaction’ experience within ourselves as our mind which must be understood as the very mechanism of self-depletion that we run on a daily basis, being the relationship of who we are as the mind toward the physical the actual point to investigate  and learn about, to understand How we have made of consumption to sustain our physicality an entire mind-created experience linked to getting ‘the most of it all’ and defining such point of abuse as ‘power’ without understanding a thing about the current monetary system wherein such power can in fact only stem from the abuse inflicted to all of the Earth’s resources, animal kingdom, humanity as well in order to ‘keep running’ this entire machinery that we have called a ‘living system,’ which is in fact not at all so, because we have not  yet established our individual understanding of equality and oneness as this physical reality which is then why and how

    I commit myself to support myself to continue understanding who I am in relation to the world system, how my very own thoughts/ participation in emotions and feelings and defining this entire reality according to a value-system wherein the monetary system I have believed to have any ‘solid foundation’ is in fact determining my own relationship to other beings, things and the world in itself, due to us having accepted and allowed ourselves to diminish who we are to a set of predefined, predetermined, finite relationships based on energetic experiences such as power, success, happiness through consumption which must be first of all understood as the relationship that we have created within ourselves toward our own mind in separation of the physicality that we are, which is the first step to consider if we see and realize how our own system is flawed from the very beginning of its creation, and our existence as a whole, because we separated ourselves from each other and developing relationships toward one another and giving it a value, which is the premise that lead us to currently desire, want and need such experience of ‘reuniting’ as a possession/ consumption point instead of an equal and one relationship and understanding of who we are as equal and one to that point of desire, want and need.

     

    Walk with us in our Journey To Life and to establish a living-common-sense in our reality through a Monetary Reform that that we can All participate in through democratic means, simply by externalizing our awareness of how this entire world system is a scam that we have all been participants of and within that, taking responsibility for the consequences we’ve created through establishing a life-considerate system as the Equal Money System, so that we can re-establish our relationships to ourselves, the world/ each other in Equality and no more create belief systems of ‘power’ and ‘success’ only through accepting life being limited to a single energetic experience that can only exist through the abuse of the physical through the mind.

    Time to Wake the fuck up!

    Desteni

    Desteni I Process

    Equal Money System

     

    Blogs:

     

    Vital Interviews to understand more of what’s been explained in this blog:

    Documentary:


    76. Art Saves: My Religion Exposed

     

    Within looking at how I used my career choice initially as a way to ‘Get by’ and ‘a way out of the system,’ I am looking at how I would justify this decision by establishing relationships with people that would support and involve myself within such ‘life decisions,’ which is how I came to defend ‘our view’ the same way that any other religious person would defend their belief, which is something I was able to spot due to the latest Soul of Money interview How the Soul predetermined Human’s Relationship to Money – which also allowed me to understand how everything seemed ‘so perfect’ in terms of the relationship I had with specific people and ‘their dreams’ being ‘my dreams’ as well – all in all just the perfect way to feed my preprogrammed life and ensure that I would not delve myself any further than that which caught my attention first, which was art.

     

    One of the reasons why I confirmed my ‘chosen path’ in life was due to having met the ‘most important relationships’ in my life because of art/ music, which was almost like a ‘miracle’ – ehm ehm preprogrammed – point in my life wherein I really believed that I was ‘meant to be’ with that person, I was meant to be doing that and that ‘god’ had given me such a good life with the opportunity to be an artist and have fun all the time – yes, this was MY religion and I would justify it with anything I could to maintain it ‘as is.’ No different to any Christian that pops eyes out when revealing the truth of the actual energetic kick they get of any rite – I had my rites and being with someone that backs up your religion with equal fervor ‘locks you’ into that self-belief with more candor than ever, making common sense literally nonexistent as all that exists is this glorious weedy ride where all is creation, art, laughter, enjoyment and chatting about existential matters that in no way regarded LIFE on Earth.

    I would spend time at the terrace just taking pictures of the sky, hearing music, drawing, ‘living life’ in such peace that you know, everyone would like to just ‘stay like that forever’ – never daring to look at the real reality of human beings –why ruin such a moment? Everyone would think, and I also thought the same way until I dared to take off the blindfold for once and for all.

    High-in-the-sea

    2004

     

    Some Self-Forgiveness for such existential-conversations with arguments to back up the Religion of Self as ‘the artist.

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I in no way could ever see myself in a 9-5 job, saying that ‘I am way more capable than that,’ which was an obvious excuse and justification to ponder myself as this ‘artist’ that is ‘above’ the regular people and has this ‘special gift’ that makes her beyond the regular mortals, which is absolutely egotistical and self-centered statements where I was in no way aware of the reality of the world, but only caring about fulfilling my dreams and being with people that could whole-heartedly agree that they would not be able to see themselves in such a way either

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I could not see myself doing anything else than ‘art,’ I had the perfect excuse to never have to have a ‘regular job’ because apparently, I knew better and my life was ‘too special’ for that, which is the entire ego that got inflated by myself, my own thoughts, people around me throughout my life that also agreed that I had this ‘specialness’ in me that would get me into ‘very high places,’ lol never really realizing that they were only supporting my own ego-high that I even made real through becoming a religious weedy ‘ritualistic’ person, believing that my career was almost like a ‘divine gift’ and that I was able to have a ‘great life’ this life for some ‘good karma’ or something, which is how I justified and excused following my desires, having a good life and excusing poverty in this world as ‘bad karma people.’ Which is how I simply at that time ‘stopped caring’ about the world, because I was justifying everything with spirituality

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge everyone that had what I called ‘an ordinary life’ which was linked to having a ‘regular job’ and having to spend all day at work/ with kids and family, which I deemed like a curse to someone, just to be able to justify my desire to escape the system through my career.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my career as ‘an artist,’ could be the perfect excuse for me to not follow (and wallow according to my self-belief) into the family system of having kids, getting married, ‘settling down’ in just one place because I was busy following dreams of traveling, being famous, remaining ‘unsettled’ and ‘without a compromise’ with anything or anyone else than ‘art,’ which means that ‘art’ became my religion and my ‘savior’ from ‘the system,’ as an entire personality suit that I used to avoid having to take responsibility for myself and looking at the world that only ‘served me’ as inspiration, but in no way was I considering how to practically assist and support myself and others to make it a better place.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘living an ordinary life doesn’t allow you to expand and be creative’ which became like a mantra that I would repeat myself wherein ‘ordinary life’ meant having a proper job, family, money, desires for success and having a cool position within the world-system through business and professions that had nothing to do with ‘artistic careers,’ which is how I used ‘art’ as an excuse to be an ‘eccentric person’ meaning out of the ‘usual drill’ of living, which is nothing else but justifying the actual fear of having to face myself in the world system and be In it as a regular participant, believing that I could surely live of art and being ‘an artist,’ just because everything had been ‘so easy for me,’ which started becoming a self-religious belief wherein everything would come ‘with ease’ to me, believing it had to be like a divine gift of sorts for me to be able to enjoy ‘my life’ in this life as some type of good-deeds-in-the-past-life reward. Absolutely unacceptable.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would not be ‘free’ if I had a husband and children, and equating marriage and children to a prison, a jail that I would run away from and even react in obvious disgust whenever anyone dared to question my ‘beliefs’ around marriage and having children in the future, just because of linking it to being bound to one place, having an ‘ordinary life’ when all I wanted was to be a ‘free spirited person’ that can ‘create’ and move around with no commitment, which would have actually lead me nowhere because the system simply does not work like that – meaning: to make money, you must be stable and committed to one point to work it through and finding odd ways to make a living is often leading to massive uncertainty in all aspects of our lives, which is why people that ‘make it’ are the most ‘settled,’ and within this understanding I see and realize that in order to equalize myself as the system, I must ‘settle down’ within the understanding and commitment to stand equal and one to the system of money and finally get past the ‘fears’ of being ‘ordinary’ as a self-belief.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that having a family, getting married, having a regular job implies constricting any form of ‘freedom,’ which implies that I believed myself to be ‘free’ in any form, never ever actually realizing how nothing and no one is Free until ALL is Free – and in that, simply using excuses and justifications for me to not ground myself to understand that, I could only thrive within the system by standing equal and one to it, which meant ‘the end’ to all these airy-fairy dreams of art and a ‘free spirited’ life-creation.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my sister’s life and avoid at all cost becoming ‘like them,’ which meant the definition of having an ‘ordinary life,’ that till this day I see I have still judged as ‘ordinary’ and ‘boring’ and ‘constricting’ which are all aspects that come from this desire, want and need of myself to be ‘free’ and ‘unbound’ which is only a mindfuck of myself to perpetuate my own personality as ‘superior’ and ‘more intelligent’ – apparently – for deciding not to be bound to a relationship, a place, or even having desires to create a family and have kids – all of which was already quite ‘settled’ in my sister’s minds when they were my age.

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience actual fear when writing about ‘creating a family’ because that is an aspect of ‘life’ that I ‘do not like talking about at all’ just because of how I have linked marriage, kids and family to being like a hell that I tried to escape through defining myself as/ becoming ‘an artist,’ and within such tag, making myself acceptable as the ‘eccentric one’ within my family = meaning ‘the one that would break the mold.’

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually future project myself with a partner living in a little house away from the city where he could play music, I could create art and have fun riding back and forth to the city to make money with art/ any other occupation and leave a ‘peaceful kind of life’ which became like this ‘dream’ in the back of my head that I almost get myself into fully right before I got to Desteni.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could in no way follow my sisters’ steps in life, which meant studying a career, working for a while to make enough money to then settle into having kids and having a family, just because of all the judgments I created toward ‘creating a family’ and believing that to be the ultimate imprisonment for ‘a free spirited being like me.’ Lol

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself and create my entire life as being ‘the antithesis of my sisters’ wherein I made sure that I would wear ‘the artist’s gown’ proudly, so that I could justify my actual fear to ever participate in the system of money as a regular being that has a stable job, that has a husband and kids, because that would mean the absolute ‘brainwashing type of life’ wherein I judged everyone that would follow dreams of success and money as ‘brainwashed,’ without realizing that I was doing the exact same thing, just veering to another direction but in the end: only seeking my personal heaven all the time in my ‘own particular way’ which became ‘my religion.’

     

    I forgive myself to still hold on to the memory of my sister’s final exam in her uni where she was granted some honors that made everyone proud, and within that, thinking that I had to ‘top that’ which became this elusive comparison that I had to apparently ‘beat’ with my career just to remain within my self-belief of being ‘the most intelligent of my family’ that had a ‘promissory future,’ wherein the entire fear of failing at fulfilling such desire looms in the back of my head based on these future projections that I would participate in based in ‘making it’ within the art world.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to admire my sister because of having had a great final exam and great career development – then becoming disillusioned about her once that she had to quit her ‘kickass job’ because of following her desires to get married and have a kid, which was only confirming what ‘I was expecting of her,’ as self-righteous judgment that I used to fuel the idea that: ‘even if she was ‘great’ in her career, she won’t follow through with it, because her desires to have a family will be stronger than becoming successful in her career’ – and so it happened and I only fueled my self-righteous prognostic.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take a position of superiority in comparison to my sisters wherein I have believed myself to be ‘more intelligent’ and ‘wiser’ because of not following the usual ideas of having a relationship and being planning to ‘settle down’ and getting the entire house/ marriage/ kids type of life which I have judged them for in the back of my head, without realizing that it was all based on me actually fearing having to face such a life because it meant having to stand in the system and have an ‘ordinary life’ of making money to ‘settle myself down’ the same way that they have done.

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘There is no way that I ‘m going to waste myself that way’ wherein I used my sisters as the example of everything that I did Not want to be/ become, still till this day seeing their lives as boring and dull, which is just a spiteful judgment and self-righteous to justify my actual fear of even considering myself living their lives of great responsibility now that they have children.

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually fear and be petrified by the mere idea of having children.

     

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘support’ and a ‘supportive relationship’ that of someone that could agree with me whenever I would talk about ‘having an ordinary life’ as the worst thing one could ever do in a lifetime, and in that believing that whomever had ‘the same ideals in life’ was meant to be with me for the rest of my life, lol

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually veil myself from seeing that I was no different to my sisters/ anyone else in the world that plans a future with someone that can ‘agree’ with them and their ‘lifestyle’ which in essence comprises the same desires for happiness/ fulfillment/ satisfaction just the ‘means’ and ‘ways’ of obtaining that is what differs.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I wasn’t born to be that way’ pointing out ‘the way’ as the path that my sisters/ what I deemed ‘regular people’ would follow through within their lives, wherein I would instead believe that I had this ‘special gift’ that I could use as a justification to not have to go through that ‘path in life’ of the ‘ordinary living conditions.’

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘my thing is to create and be with likeminded people,’ which is how I would deliberately seek to create relationships within ‘the artworld’ and through those relationships believe ourselves to be ‘superior’ than the rest of the world because of the entire self-brainwash of considering ‘arts’ as an evolutionary step within a human being, which is how I would justify my own denigration toward ‘the ordinary lives’ that people live, without ever realizing the type of life I was aiming at being no different to that of any other ‘regular person’ in the world, and that I was in fact only seeking to be also happy, fulfilled and having a partner in life that I could continue my ‘creative dreams’ with, which still till this day remained as some elusive ideal in my life.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the relationship that I had with that one person was absolutely ‘meant to be’ and it’s the relationship that has took me the most till this day to self-forgive and absolutely let go, because of all the dreams that I built around it for over half of my life – so, I realize that my dreams to be an artist were also based on wanting to be a special person that could be with this other ‘special person’ and be together in our ‘creative dreams’ wherein we could have art as the religion that binds us. This means that, within me realizing the religion I was following as ‘art,’ I am able to see with more clarity how I was structuring my life according to a single belief system that is no different to someone else’s wishes and desires to be ‘rich’ and famous, being absolutely religious in one way or another, or having knowledge as their ultimate ‘worth’ in themselves – art became that point that would bind my dreams and my relationship with the person that I had ‘dreamed’ about for a long time. Never ever questioning how come it had actually happened the exact same way I had envisioned it, and to what extent that relationship defined the entirety of ‘who I am’ and ‘what I want to be’ in the future.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I could do this forever: creating and enjoying life’ which was part of the self-belief that I followed in order to continue my self-definition of being with this particular person in my life, and reinforcing ideas of not having to be making a living out of ‘bullshit’ in this world – wherein ‘bullshit’ meant anything Not related to art-creation/ performance, etc.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think ‘What a better way to live life but to create!’ and in that, justifying my self-religion of seeking the ultimate satisfaction and relationship to others through that self-religion, as a way to not have to face the world system, remain in my happy-go-lucky artistic bubble with ‘likeminded people’ that I could simply use as a reinforcement to my own ‘decisions in life to be and become an artist,’ just because they were doing the same with their lives: trying to escape from themselves/ the world, feeling victimized from ‘the world system’ and wanting to create a safe haven outside of the city to just ‘be free, live and create,’ all of it just being a pipe dream, literally.

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was genuinely happy at that time, which became just a mechanism of my mind to always take me back to those times/ memories as if I was genuinely happy and fulfilled, when in reality I was in the most self-suppressed state of being within a relationship that was not supportive at all and just using anything I could to not have to face myself, making myself co-dependent to another’s dreams and in that, make them ‘my own’ through association, due to the belief of art being a ‘savior’ in our lives, no different to any other religion.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I in no-way could do anything else than ‘art’ or any other artistic career like playing music, writing, photography and all these activities that seemed ‘acceptable’ as a profession in the world system, yet not fully being defined within my mind as the ‘ordinary type of career,’ which is how I came to justify my entire existence being based on ‘dream-fulfilling’ through art as a way to escape the world system.

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could remain drawing forever and be with people that would be also creative and be ‘happy together’ lol, which became just the usual way to justify my career my decision and ‘what I want to do with my life’ with this entire ‘feel good’ attitude to it. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to establish my ideal life/ my idea of fun as being with someone else in a relationship wherein one could be playing music and I could be creating graphic art and fulfill our ‘creative dreams’ together, which is why I had a tendency to seek out for musicians lol – It’s an exorcism here so

     

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately seek out for musicians to establish a relationship with, because of the dream that I held oh so dearly as my ideal life wherein I could be ‘creating plastic/ visual arts’ and ‘he’ the ‘ideal partner’ could make the music for it, which became like this perfect future as the creative couple – just like many couples in the artworld that I sought to emulate – couples playing in bands, couples directing music videos, couples working in art-creation together.

     

    Art Saves

    Self Corrective Statements:

    When and as I see myself believing that I could in no way take a regular job, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am following my ‘self-religion’ as ‘the artist’ wherein I would justify my aversion to having to be In the system and have a regular income Within the system – thus I direct myself to equalize myself to the system wherein no matter what I do to earn money, I realize that the purpose of doing this is to support myself, to be In the system and to support an actual process of changing the way the world-system works which implies that I won’t only be in it for the mere sake of survival, but as an active participant to finally establish a world system wherein I/ we won’t have to depend on money any longer as a limit to what we want to be/ become in our lives, this implies that standing up for life in equality as a new monetary system will allow each person to express themselves in the way that they really want to live and exist as wherein money will no longer define what an ‘ordinary’ or ‘extraordinary’ life is based on the way that money is made to live/ survive in the world system.

     

    When and as I see myself denigrating anyone that is currently living a life within the system and having what I had deemed as an ‘ordinary life,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the spitefulness that I bred in my mind in order to not have to face myself going through the actual equalization of myself as the system, which implies that I direct myself to simply focus on what I have to do and become in order to really stand Within the system, no longer defining it as following a dream/ deviating from a dream – but living decisions that are based in the common sensical steps required for each one of us to take Self-Responsibility for this world and do what we have to do to manifest it/ create it as a living-activity until it is done.

     

    When and as I see myself ‘pondering’ what I would be doing if I had followed my dreams and all of the idealism I sought to fulfill in my life – I stop and I breathe – I realize that such ideas were simply pipe dreams that I used in order to not face myself, to not take Self-Responsibility – hence I stand as the decision that I’ve taken to support myself to exist as an individual that become part of the people that support themselves to let go of all limitations and fears to actually change the world from within and without through practically taking one point in our world as ‘our responsibility ‘and following through with it as a life commitment.

     

    When and as I see myself judging people’s lives as ‘ordinary’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I gave such definition in a derogatory way to believe that I was making the ‘right choices’ in life, based on preferences/ self-beliefs and ideas of me as an ‘artist’ being able to have an ‘eccentric unique life,’ an ‘extraordinary’ life, which is part of the programming embedded within society wherein an ‘artist’ is acceptable as ‘not normal’ based on societal patterns which is nothing else but another belief system in itself that in no way regards life in equality in/ as all living beings. I stop placing further tags upon life itself.

     

    When and as I see myself silently judging marriage, families, having kids, and the act of ‘settling down,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I judged that as ‘ordinary’ and as the ‘locks of the system,’ based on me fearing standing one and equal as the system and actually fearing ever committing myself to such points in life, which I see that once I remove the fear and judgment to it, if and the point is here to be walked, I am willing to do so within the consideration of what is best for all life at all times and never in self-interest desires.

     

    When and as I see myself fearing ‘settling down’ because of having the idea of always being and remaining a ‘free spirited person,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that the career choice was based on me being able to perpetuate myself as a ‘free being,’ but never based on actual practical physical reality taking into consideration earning money/ working within the system, but my entire decision was based on dreams, preferences and desires which I’ve walked previously – thus I realize that the direction that I give to myself will be based on being able to have a stable income, a stable place wherein I can work in the most suitable position in order for me to be an active participant in the changes that we’ll be walking within the world system, wherein I ensure that I am no longer bound to dreams and desires of the past – and instead, ground myself (lol wrote moneyself) to have a stable financial position as that is the primary point within the world system, as well as establishing relationships of Self-Support in the physical and practical considerations and no longer based on desire, attraction, support of fellow belief-systems and personalities and ego.

     

    When and as I see myself comparing my life to the one of my sisters and their decisions in life, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to simply direct myself in the consideration of what’s best for all and not only trying to ‘step out of the family-mold’ which implies that I no longer resist walking any similar steps as all decision will be based on the point I’ll be walking in my reality which will be placing myself in the most suitable position in the world system to establish the necessary changes in the world in the consideration of Life in Equality – the measuring point for this will be cross referenced with people that I can get further perspectives on what is best for all whenever I see myself being stuck at making decision – yet being aware that whatever decision I take, will be walked in the name of Life itself – and never again my ego and personal desires.

     

    When and as I see myself comparing the careers that my sisters’ have had – I stop and I breathe, I realize that such comparison stemmed from my desire to be ‘superior’ as ‘more intelligent’ within the family, which is all ego based – therefore I let go of my desire to end up being perceived as a ‘cunning’ person, but instead follow through with the necessary points to finish and walk the next steps in my life, preparing myself to place myself in the position that I will require to be in to support within this process of self-change into a world system based on Life in Equality.

     

    When and as I see myself believing that I am ‘missing out on life’ being ‘life’ linked to my previous artistic endeavors, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I had linked my entire future to ‘being an artist’ and within that, having no regard to me becoming someone that would have even get to positions that I officially ‘loathed’ in terms of it all having to do with social and political management, which is what I am willing to be and become as well as the necessary education, because that’s the foundation of support for all humans beings to start considering Life in Equality – so, I realize that what I will be doing will be actively participating in the near future, within the education of myself and others within the principles of Life in Equality and structuring my life in away wherein I can ensure that all relationships that I establish are in direct accordance to this process, my life commitment first, and then to existence as a whole, which is standing as who I really am in all aspects of my life.

     

    When and as I see myself being ‘unsatisfied’ and seeking happiness, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such happiness I had linked it to airy-fairy dreams of ‘creation’ that were in no way supportive, and only based on equally high-conversations that did not consider the practical living reality at all but were just literal pipe dreams that would only serve to our egos and our desire to not face ourselves, which is unacceptable – thus I support myself to remind myself of the commitment to life I’ve made and that won’t require to be a ‘constant reminder’ as when I am here as breath as life, there is no need to desire or ‘yearn’ for happiness or fulfillment – one simply walks the decision with no desire to experience something , but walks in self-responsibility as the correction to stop all the self-interest and desires that have been the building blocks of this current world-system that we are her to stop within and as ourselves and correct/ direct into a best for all outcome.

     

    When and as I see myself looking at people as ‘potential partners’ based on what they do in life – placing preference to musicians – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am falling into the egotistical pattern of ‘being an artist’ and in that already creating a preference of people over others – thus I commit myself to stop following my dreams and desires toward people based on ‘what they do,’ but instead support myself to establish agreements, relationships in all aspects within the consideration of what is best for all life – wherein no preference intervenes to place myself in the most suitable position within the world system to walk my decision to support myself and others equal and one within this process.

     

    I let go of my art religion, because I see that this is the ‘real god’ I’ve worshipped the longest in my life and it had gone so inadvertently that it is like draining myself from my ‘safe haven’ – It had always been ‘here’ as something ‘in the background’ throughout my life, never wanting to admit that it was like this faith that I kept as myself, just like people keep ‘their god’ up there, as a faith that they can just hold on to as a point of resort and self-definition.

     

    I breathe and realize I am here, and that letting go of all these dreams and ideas and future projections can only allow myself to become more self-directive in the decisions that I make from here on in my life, wherein I won’t allow myself to seek out a relationship based on any artistic bond or desires to ‘create’ and ‘be happy’ – but instead take into consideration the actual ‘facing’ of the world system that requires our absolute self-responsibility to practically and physically establish solutions wherein we stop for a moment seeking only our self-interested futures and instead create/ build a future that is best for all.

     

     

    No es mi sisema 05

    No es mi sistema 2005 (It’s not my system)

    This is an allusion of how I saw the world as ‘too corrupted’ for my pure beating heart  – instead of realizing I was IT as well. I face the system as myself without wanting to remain in a separate bubble of dreams – I am the only one that can save myself.

     

    Blogs:

     

    These interviews supported me to realize what  ‘my religion’ was linked to money as the ultimate experience


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