Tag Archives: supportive relationships

631. Notes on Compromise

 

Compromise:     the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.

Living compromise in my case has been existent mostly in the consideration of the relationships that I allowed myself to form in the past. Within the starting point of taking it back to self – and so not focusing on the others related to me this way – I realized how this allowance of something ‘less’ than what I could actually create for me and for the best have to do with a sense of self-deprecation and even ‘worthlessness’ that existed in me, wherein any form of relationships would reflect back what I was accepting and allowing with me. So they all were there in my life in accordance to ‘where I was’ in my life and as such, there is nothing to regret about because I’ve come to understand the process that I took in order to realize what I am seeing now.

We had a group chat on Friday where the point of pleasing people opened up. I couldn’t relate at first to pleasing per se, but I did recognize it in relation to how I would do things, shape myself in accordance to what I thought was more liked by others within a relationship. There were a few wherein I didn’t do it, but then compromise would show in other ways such as deciding to be with people that I thought I could eventually change and assist them in getting to some kind of ‘ideal’ expression or living potential – it never happened because of course, my starting point was focused on ‘them’ and not on being the best for myself, of doing and being those aspects I was seeking to change in others – it is common sense that if you are living the best of you, by default you won’t allow anything less than what you are living in terms of choosing who to share your life with.

I am focusing here on relationships because it is that one point we total choose to be in – well, at least it’s how it goes in most part of the world. So here I’m not talking about the necessary compromise that exists in other aspects of life like jobs and ways to make money to survive in this world, it’s merely about how we relate to others in relationships.

The reality is that when one starts living more of one’s truth, everything that doesn’t ‘fit the compromise shoe’ starts sticking out like a rotten fruit that needs to go – or rots the rest of the fruit. It becomes uncomfortable not because it represents a healthy challenge or an out of the comfort zone point of support, but because one realizes it is becoming a suppressing situation, one where there’s more of a ‘relationship management,’ going on, there’s more ‘lacks’ emerging, ‘longings’ and ‘ideas of how things can be’ and more things that ‘subtly bother me but I let it go by because, who knows? Maybe it changes later!’ or those moments where there’s this ‘slight’ seemingly subtle ‘sinking’ whenever one knows that one is not living one’s full expression in order to fit some kind of shoe we believe we ‘must be in’ to be liked or be okay with someone else in a relationship. Or even to ‘be in a relationship’ in itself, while it’s actually totally fine and ok if one genuinely decides to be alone and step out of the belief that ‘one needs to be in a relationship.’

Sometimes this pattern of conditioning and compromise goes well accepted in our society, simply because we believe we ‘can’t do any better’ or we just have to ‘suck the pain in’ and hope for better times. It has been baffling to me to get to know stories of how far women – and yes also males but mostly females in fact – stay in abusive relationships because of believing that they ‘love’ the other person or that without a man they are nothing, or for financial reasons and many kids in line, they have to stick to relationships that are very toxic. I haven’t been in such extreme situations, but I have been in relationships where I know that I am not living the totality of myself, that I am somehow trying to fit a shoe that doesn’t support me in fact – yet I still have put it on while secretly questioning my decision, and being in constant over analyzing of the situation and desiring for certain changes that I then go into hope and expectancy that ‘the other’ person eventually gets to in their lives and so consequently, in the relationship.

 

How I see it currently is that the creation of a relationship that is supportive comes along with ‘where we currently are’ within our lives, comes along with the kind of principles – or lack thereof – we are living in our lives. In essence, the ‘who we are’ is then going to reflect the kind of people we choose to be with. Many of us have gone into relationships out of need, out of wanting to ‘fulfill’ some aspect or some ‘existential void’ with a relationship and that is simply  meant to fail, because one is not entering a relationship as a fulfilled being, but seeking the comfort and dare I say ‘fulfillment’ in another. Well, I’ve been there myself a few times in the past and it’s a recipe for disaster.

There have been other times where I believed I was quite fulfilled within me and didn’t need to be with someone to represent that ‘fulfillment’ for me, but I still allowed myself to be in situations where something inside me knew things could be better, and not in the sense of ‘without conflict at all’ or being ‘better’ in an idealized way, but more in the sense that there is this untapped potential within me that I could in fact develop with someone that could be ‘ready’ for that. So, this is where the point of letting go of compromise comes as an understanding really. It is not about dismissing situations for seeing them as ‘less than’ but perhaps as being in different stages in life where personal development can be either diminished and suppressed or catalyzed in certain relationships or living decisions.

This is also where it enables me to see that if I live what’s best for me, it in fact becomes best for all. I’ve seen how in accepting and allowing compromise in me, it invariably affects the other person and everyone else that could be affected by it, because I’m not living my truth, the potential of who I can be and that becomes a series of diminishing steps that don’t support life in fact.

In terms of relationships, it’s about wanting the best for everyone involved. If a relationship is clearly not supporting someone, if it becomes something that is more about ‘managing’ one or the other, or about seeing ‘what the emotional experience is in the other’ or fearing certain attitudes in one another, or being over-vigilant about what the other one might be thinking, or how things are not working, or how things don’t seem right, or how I ‘should be in order to keep him/her happy’ then what do we know? We are compromising ourselves, we are not living our truth. It’s also about self-honesty and asking these questions not within the starting point of leaving ‘all the work’ to the other, but being honest about doing what it takes to make something work as with everything else.

I can say I have had compromised in every single relationship in the past. I have only now discovered and come to understand what it is to actually live me, be me with all my ups and downs, my qualities and my defects and not have anything to hide towards another, because that’s how I live my truth and now I know there’s people that’s up for taking that in, yes, that ‘intensity’ that I can be in my openness and not having any qualms about things, and how demanding I can also get to be – which yes I know I need to work on, but still, cool to know someone can understand such demanding nature as well. I enjoy the support that I can get from another that has a similar personal stance with his own life so that we don’t take bs from each other lol, it makes things fun and supportive in fact, because we don’t take things so seriously yet we point them out, because we know that our willingness to transcend the momentary bs is far greater than remaining ‘stuck’ in it or in an ‘experience.’

But I realize that as ‘easy’ as it might sound, it isn’t. It’s not like I got lucky only. Everything was a series of decisions that I took to get to where I am within myself to then decide to be with someone that supports the best in me, because this implies I am first doing and being and living that best for me. And also, it is not ‘honey over chips’ in a relationship where no compromise exists in such terms – of course there IS compromise, but it’s things that simply come with the living together of two individuals and what one is willing to live with – but to me the aspects that are relevant in relation to personal integrity, living habits and expression, are a supportive platform for me to live on currently.

It is only now that I can look back and see to what extent I ‘went’ to be liked, appreciated, to ‘fit in’ according to what I believe would make the relationship work, what I was willing to do in order to ‘make things work’ etc. The list goes on and the details are not even relevant because it is about the action, this ‘lesser of me’ being accepted where I know I ‘chip off’ a bit of myself and in that, it becomes a point of compromise.

Who knows if I am speaking from a place where I can still be living compromise and not be aware of it? But as I said before, I will eventually know as I continue deconstructing this personality system within me and continue focusing on self-development and self-creation. For now this is my current stance and I found it relevant to share about it because perhaps someone is going through similar experiences, having thoughts like ‘this is as as good as it gets’ when it comes to relationships, but I am now aware that you can indeed be with someone that is there ‘walking with’ side by side with you, instead of feeling like one or the other has to ‘drag’ the other to get to the top of the mountain. I did that in the past, but can’t also judge me for my choices because as I said, they reflect who I was at the time and that’s how I can now simply look back and forgive myself for it, because I know it is entirely ‘who I was’ in relation to ‘relationships’ at the time.

For now, I see that there is a foundation built for me to be the best of myself and a relationship can’t be ‘it’ for anyone. It is a companionship, but the rest is entirely up to me. Before I would take the relationship in itself as ‘the project’ to focus on, and it doesn’t have to be that way, that I don’t have to accept compromise, to have that ‘sinking’ feeling when being with someone, to fear losing someone, to fear not ‘being the best’ with another or to be in all kinds of fears and paranoia of ‘where they are at’ in their minds and lives, or expecting others to change. It then becomes another burden or ‘point to work through’ rather than being a platform of self-support and self-development.  It becomes much easier to be with someone that has a similar standing in life, because then the focus is on the mutual support to learn from each other, live and grow – not on managing ever present emotions or subtle experiences and frictions… Now I see how it feels to be living in compromise, and perhaps one can only realize one is living compromise when you step out of it and look back to realize how such compromise existed. At the same time I’m learning to focus on the present, on what’s here, on what I can be grateful for creating for me in my life and choosing essentially that which is supportive for my being.

It is ok to realize that not everyone can simply ‘bond’ with someone else based on preferences or similar mindset. Now I realize that perhaps it is the seemingly opposite worlds that complement themselves the most, because it’s not about having similar preferences, but principles, not similar personalities but similar disposition to learn and change in order to make something work like it is within a relationship. It is another kind of compromise, with ‘concessions’ where acceptances and allowances are made on both sides, in aspects that do not affect the main principles in which a relationship is built on, but adjustments that are meant to be there based on living with another person and embracing them as part of your life.

It takes two to tango, can’t expect things to work if only one is having the disposition… or perhaps it can, it really depends on what each person is willing to live with – accept and allow – I now know what is possible and what I see works best for me. This is what self honesty is, this is where I can’t make rules of this, because this is my current truth and stance – who knows? It can change in time, but for now I check within me and I’m clear, I have nothing holding me back in relation to the place where I’m at in terms of my life within a relationship – it’s the other way around for me at the moment, learning a lot each other, it is as if I at last I have the opportunity to be supported by another in a genuine way, instead of placing me on the supporter role only. Perhaps this is also a perception, but! I also have to be less apologetic in the sense of not wanting to sound ‘too dismissive’ – it is what it is really – and if it is best for me and others, I am sure this is what we all want for each other person, to be able to live their truth and be the best they can be no matter how or with whom. So this is also a cool note about compromise, where we believe that we are doing something ‘good’ for another by sticking with them even if that implies not being the best for ourselves…. Wrong… that invariably leads to their compromise as well one way or another, so best for all means, not accepting any lesser that what is possible for each one at any given moment in life.

 

There are a bunch of other things where I know I am compromising myself as in not living the best of myself and that’s where instead of focusing on ‘the lack’ I will be focusing on how to create, otherwise it again becomes a point to ‘fulfill’ through something/someone in separation of me.

 

Ok thanks for reading Sonrisa 

 

Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty

 

 

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499. From Captivity to Creating the Space to Grow

Or how to create relationships as safe and supportive spaces to change and outgrow the past as individuals

 

I’ve been noticing how it is that we create our own entrapment as definitions toward one another wherein we don’t actively consider the ability for another person to change from ‘who they were’ and ‘who they are now’ and so, in a way through our interactions with each other one can create expectations about how another person ‘usually reacts’ or ‘usually responds’ to something and in this assumption, we are shutting the door to change, to enabling the other person to in fact ‘step out of character’ as their usual programming and apply themselves in their own self-change.

It’s quite a sabotaging situation really and I’ve faced both ends in my relationship with my partner where I’ve been in the position of condemning him already for something that I expect he’s done or not done or experiencing, expecting a ‘usual’ pattern that I had noticed in him – or worse! That I had assumed he was experiencing or reacting to, but wasn’t so at all – and at the same time, I’ve also now contributed to creating certain conditionings from him towards me based on initial reactions I would have to particular type of conversations to a point where then he doesn’t share about such things anymore, based on how I would usually go a whiney-reaction. Here I had to understand that I did it to myself and I caused it on another, while also reminding him that he can also assist me in letting go of that perception or anticipation and rather assist me in sharing the same points again so that I can test myself around those points.

So in this type of situations of course it takes one in a couple or in a group of people to stand up and take responsibility for acknowledging and witnessing these limiting play outs. This is precisely one of those aspects that are very important for us people walking this process from consciousness to awareness to take the lead in being the ones that step out of the ‘usual flow’ of such situations and can point out the assumptions, the limitations and the conditional expressions that are going on in both or all ways and explain them so that it becomes a supportive feedback to realize the limitation and so create a new agreement of how to approach these situations so that both or more can be supportive about it.

This is what I did recently with my partner after I noticed how I was being precisely in these two ends of the pattern, within the assumption or expecting of another to ‘do the same and not change’ while also having the other person assume that I would react to the same and so preventing it by not sharing it.

I opened this up not within a reaction or making out of it an accusatory point or blame or victimization- no, it was a simple moment of sharing what I was seeing had been happening all along with my partner, how I have in fact limited him based on the initial reactions I would see he would had towards certain things or ‘states of mind’ that I believed I could learn to ‘read’ in him, but! I would not ask directly to him, I mostly usually assumed them – or would get too inquisitive to the point that it would become too analyzing and over-patronizing from me towards him whenever I would perceive certain ‘attitudes’ or expressions, which I had to acknowledge was my own paranoia created toward him that in fact is limiting towards both of us, because it’s me existing as the expectation or even ‘fear’ of him not changing or doing the same over and over again as an experience or ‘state of mind’ within him, which now that I’ve been rather cross-referencing with him and asking directly without any whiney-tones or over-analyzing nature.

I’ve realized how I had been assuming a LOT about him,  just because I was still expecting a particular ‘attitude’ as a constant demonstration of him being at ease or calm etc. based on how I demonstrate such comfort in myself, forgetting that not everyone will ‘express it’ the same way.  Yet I’ve found that he obviously has his very own ways of being quite stable and in comfort within himself even if to me I assume he’s got a ‘straight face’ or could be ‘uncomfortable’ lol which is still indicating two things: one, that I am over-paranoid about ‘how he’s doing’ and at the same time I am expecting him to ‘become like me’ which won’t happen and should not happen in any way, because this is about him and his expression, his mind, his body, his process of awareness, etc.  I still can ask and find out that I am completely assuming something very different to what he is experiencing.

So what have I learned here? That I was over-assuming, I was creating a paranoia about ‘his states of being’ and at the same time, I was trapping him within my mind in the idea of him never changing, which is, to say the least very, very limited and quite unfair because I am holding my own previous judgments of previous moments, past times and impose them towards ‘who he is’ currently as if it is ‘still defining him’ because ‘that’s how he used to be.’

Well, this is the kind of not supportive approach towards another and here I commit myself to stop assuming and rather first Let Go of wanting to know all the time ‘how he’s doing’ because that’s actually me as expectation or rather as a ‘fear’ of ‘him not changing’ which should not exist in me either because I’ve seen how it’s not cool for me towards him nor the other way around to be holding each other captive in certain roles or characters. At the same time his process is definitely something that I don’t have to be ‘commanding’ on, we can comment and discuss stuff and get to certain understandings which is cool, but I absolutely see that I have to step down from my exigency towards him and stopping defining myself as ‘being very exigent’ towards others as well, because it becomes over-protective and this stiffness and rigidity in my stance toward another.

Here acknowledging self-responsibility for myself means I have to focus on myself and where I can acknowledge my own mistakes and control-freakism in this case and explain the patterns, acknowledge them and own them myself, which is what I’ve done towards him and explaining how I noticed this ‘trap’ that I was imposing onto him expecting ‘the worst’ when in fact this was created based on memories only and not really ‘here’ as who he is currently and the points he’s working on himself.

Therefore, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold another captive in a particular character and experience of their past or how I created a usual perception of who they were when first getting to know them, wherein I still tend to want to check ‘where he is’ currently and ‘how he is experiencing himself’ as an attempt to cross reference ‘how he is changing or not’ but this is my own paranoia and it doesn’t support him either at all, while at the same time I have to completely ‘let go’ of wanting to have any impact on him and his life for the better, because this is not about ‘me wanting to achieve results upon him,’ but entirely about him and what he decides to do or not do for himself and in his life.

Therefore I have to let go of wanting to ‘know’ or ‘check him’ in that way, because placing myself in his shoes, I would not like to be treated that way either.

And at the same time I also explained to him how I have definitely caused him to now not talk about certain things based on my reactions towards that in the past. So I explained that yes, that was me in the past and I have considered and looked at the points that I have to change within myself so that he can also please assist me in continuing to open up those same points I would ‘react’ to in the past and test myself out this time around. Because! I explained that in doing so, it’s a way to assist myself in now embracing those topics, questions, aspects he brings up and watch out for my attempts to react to it, because then I would be the one creating ‘cycles’ within me toward him and vice-versa. And I also explained how I consider this is how partnership relationships become conflictive and stifled in lacking communication over time where one holds a grudge toward the other and vice-versa eventually basing the entire current-moment that is being lived conditioned to the past, to ‘who we were’ and that’s absolutely not cool, not giving any room to grow ourselves as individuals and so in the relationship.

Here, I also have become aware of how in partnership relationships, if both people ‘stick to their egos’ in the form of pride or righteousness as in believing that ‘the other person is always wrong and I am always right’ that’s the most toxic stance that creates a maiming, a stifling and stagnation in any potential growth individually or as a couple, because if we hold each other captive to ‘who we were’ or how we have come to know another ‘usually reacts to this/that’ then, we are already expecting the person to not change, to ‘remain in character’ instead of rather in those moments, stopping our assumptions, stopping our ‘expected outcomes as usual’ and give ourselves that space to grow,  that moment to breathe and settle into our potential as that chance, that opportunity for us to change, to do things differently this time around.

That’s exactly what I’ll be focusing on and applying specifically towards my partner and remind myself that it’s not up to me how he goes walking his own process of self-change, but entirely about him and his responsibility. I can only stand as an equal to him that can be a point of support, of reference of direct assistance if needed but all of this has to be done unconditionally, not regurgitating assumptions based on memories, based on the past.

What does it take to do this? It takes letting go of that tendency to want to be ‘in control’ of something and instead give space for another to breathe, to play with their own realizations and situations which has actually worked much better in other aspects where I’ve been directly not pointing out ‘all that I believe he must change’ but more have allowed him to go noticing certain things over time, and this again that I just shared is still coming from my idea, belief or perception that I am ‘more aware’ than him, but in any case whether it is so or not, I have to completely let go of a ‘knowing’ and instead simply work with what is here, in the moment, being and committing myself to be the one that stands up to ‘stop the back and forth limitations’, to remind ourselves of having to step out of these cycles of expectations and assumptions based on ‘who we were in the past’ and rather assist each other to test ourselves, who we are in every moment without expectation, without holding on to grudges which yes it is another toxic aspect in relationships where we haven’t allowed ourselves to forgive ourselves and each other for some kind of conflict in the past.

This then ensures that we can acknowledge the patterns being played out and get to our personal responsibility about them and remind ourselves/each other of it, yet it’s all up to us individually to change it, yet together in the relationship.

I therefore will continue working on becoming flexible but more so giving that space, to not ‘asphyxiate’ others when it comes to ‘pushing them to change’ in one way or another, because that is definitely not how this process works and I instead have to focus on letting go of my tendency to control and be ‘on top of all things’ as in a superiority actually fueled by fear wherein I have to be considerate of another’s process and me not wanting to ‘push’ anything, but only be an example without any hidden agenda either, otherwise I’d compromise my own self movement to do it to ‘show him’ or ‘show others’ and that’s not the point either, lol –

It’s fascinating how this whole process is really about a constant assessment of finding the equilibrium in one’s participation with others and in our lives, not going into extremes out of reactions but live words that are supportive according to the situations we’re facing, test them out and see what the outcomes are, to from that continue rearranging, re-assessing, fine-tuning and testing again… it’s a constant thing to do but a very cool one because it is about asserting our own authority as authors of our lives, of deciding to actively fine tune things that we would have normally lived out in ‘auto-pilot’ mode and this way we can challenge and so change the ‘usual ways’ that relationships had existed in this world and now turn them into ‘safe spaces’ with one another in personal agreements to commit to self-change while continuously having someone else that gets to know us very well – and vice versa – that can assist us when one is going into ‘the same old reactions’ while at the same time not being controlling or overbearing in ‘pointing all the wrong things out’ – it’s a fine balance, but with prudence it can be done.

It can be a bit complex to explain and generalize this because it all depends on each situation, but I am confident that we all can find that ‘equilibrium’ spot in our relationships which will be understood and realized and we’ll become aware of being ‘at it’ because we won’t have any conflict towards our partner or another in our minds, it will involve an immediate humbleness and consideration towards another and their life, their process, while being able to provide feedback while at the same time letting go of any ‘expected result’ out of it, and that’s how it goes. It’s like an in breath and out breath in those situations and all it takes in my case is to let go of my ego that wants to ‘control it all’ and ‘overbearing’ which I have to first apply to myself in order to not recreate these very patterns again, and that’s how I can bring the point first back to myself instead of focusing ‘on another’ or ‘another’s process’ – while also making others aware of not doing the same towards us, but be a point of support that can assist each other in facing those ‘usual points we react to’ and bringing them up again, and again, and again until we can be clear and stand through it.

Thanks for reading

 

Libera las Ataduras

 

Join us in our process of Self-Awareness as LIFE


416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients

 

There are times when the most obvious still manages to become part of my moment to moment living, and this has been mostly ghosts of the past meaning people, places, past relationships with specific individuals that I also developed highly obsessed type of relationships too. And so what I heard in an interview on Paranoia is about this “positive” type of paranoia wherein I realize that I had missed one single key point: the moment that we allow one memory to occupy our minds and we reactivate the experience of that particular memory in the past, we allow ourselves to re-activate that whole ‘me’ of the past in that single fleeting moment where one gives-up/ gives into any form of energy based on memory. Lol, really it is as if we decide to possess or poison ourselves for a moment just to give ourselves our energy-shot while imagining/seeing pictures in our mind, where we use illusions to kick off an experience within ourselves that we have defined as “pleasant” – either nostalgia, yearning, excitement, excitation, curiosity or merely believing that I miss the person or situation.

 

But then again of course when realizing this – after listening to this interview – it became very obvious how even almost like at a quantum level, even before translating this interview I was having an itching desire to just leave that one for later and go out for the walk. But, I didn’t, I made sure I got it all recorded before leaving and I was glad I did as I was then able to then use my time through my walk on my way back to apply Self-Forgiveness out loud for all the bits and pieces of memories and seemingly ‘insignificant’ moments where I would allow myself to trigger the thought of a ‘ghost of the past’ – meaning a particular memory of a person, situation, event – and then engage within it in a pondering manner, which is mostly what I’ve seen and realized means I hadn’t entirely decided to give ‘good riddance’ to it, to fully and actually let-go.

 

And in this, what came up was the realization that I cannot really ‘miss’ anything or anyone as I am already here, one can only ‘miss’ something as an experience in our minds, as the bond created toward that something or someone.  So, missing implies only ‘craving’ the relationship formed at an energetic level toward another which means: a relationship formed through the mind, which are the only kind of relationships that can be missed, spoiled or desired as they had a starting point of energy and ended up being busted as energy – never real.

 

Within this, I see that the people with whom I have formed relationships based on co-operation, co-working, working through misunderstandings and genuine decision to support each other are rather the strongest and most constructive type of relationships that I would genuinely suggest all of us as humans to develop and invest our time and effort on, it is the kind of relationship that is not dependent on ‘preference’ toward another or a fleeting experience of desire or attraction or based on being ‘similar,’ but rather in the equal recognition of each other as human beings with our weaknesses to strengthen and our strengths to share and learn from each other.

 

I saw that I had associated the word relationship in a rather limited manner wherein I could mostly only see a partnership type of relationship and within that of course, believing that because ‘my point in process are relationships, then I am not doing that well’ and so even creating an experience of ‘leaving that point for later,’ instead of realizing that I would not be able to be doing what I’m doing if I wasn’t able to actually establish relationships with other individuals.

 

So yet again, seeing to what extent I/we have been brainwashed when it comes to words and our narrow view of these relationships wherein even only defining relationships to ‘people’ is still a limited perception, as life is a conglomerate of relationships, and so relationships are the key to being able to function as one organism and be able to live in harmony. For that, each one of us as a thread in the tapestry of our reality has to stand in principle and absolutely clear when it comes to being able to work with one another – what does being clear and standing in principle mean? It implies that there can’t be no past memories haunting one another based on past mistakes, judgments, preferences or merely suggesting ‘incompatibility of characters’ that trigger emotions of contempt and disdain to one another or ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ feelings to one another. In this, any energetic experiences toward another, no matter how subtle, no matter how positive or negative are always coming from the mind, and as such they become like a poison that prevents real supportive and constructive relationships from developing.

 

Why do I bring up the word poison? Because in my own experience, I’ve seen relationships come and go based on the energetic starting point I started and developed them with, wherein even my sole intent and desire to create a bond with a particular person backfired to the point where none of those relationships is standing at the moment, and it’s for the best. It is a tough lesson you see, more so when we have created a culture where all that you learn from TV and movies is to ‘fall in love’ and seek for that ‘spark of love’ or attraction with another, or that nice warm empathy felt to someone that becomes your friend or else – it’s all about ‘feelings’ as fuzzy warm energy sparks that we create in our body, believing that ‘this is normal’ and ‘this is what love is’ or what ‘relationships should FEEL like’ – when in fact Relationships is anything but a Feeling or a fleeting experience in our minds. They are actual processes of walking with another/others throughout a considerable amount of time to get to a particular outcome – to either develop an intimate relationship as partnership or to develop common tasks and projects to take on.

 

Why is there no-energy type of relationships? Because all that we’ve ever known and learned about relationships is to place the FEELING before anything else, and this is rather consequential and on the long run, only smoke that eventually fades out and what is left is mostly the result of our failed relationships: broken marriages/divorces, inability to communicate and eventually war too is a failed ability to cooperate with each other as equals, but instead keeping a particular experience toward the perceived ‘enemy’ that is always self-created: we decide who we hate and who we love, instead of always placing our equality as living beings above all other forms of segregation, which is mind created.  

 

I also spoke self forgiveness for having actually used and abused myself when it comes to using a memory, a ‘ghost’ essentially to trigger an unnatural experience in my ‘physical-moment’ of being just here and suddenly going into this shift as an alternate reality of a sudden yearning, a curiosity, a ‘cherishing the past’ attitude that I took as normal without realizing that in going to the past in those seemingly ‘fleeting moments,’ I have kept reactivating the whole ‘me’ of the past, as the one personality with all its various memories and networks within me linked toward that particular person/situation/event whenever I would allow this ‘ghost’ to emerge within me.

 

I realized that the reason why I wasn’t letting go is because it is those first relationships that you establish that have the most energy, the ones that we get the most obsessed about or give the most attention to, which is why we go endlessly seeking over and over again that ‘first high’ – this is what I suspect heroin addicts seek forevermore after their first shot and they cannot get it ever again,  because it is unlikely that the body can experience such dramatic change of state again. And so addicts try and increase the dose, but it won’t ever be ‘the same.’ It’s the perfect trap when it comes to enslaving ourselves to memories attached with such ‘high experience’ you see: we keep chasing energy, we keep chasing ghosts in our own minds that no one can see but still we allow those ghosts to come up and absolutely define ‘who we are’ in one moment.

So this is a point of awareness to truly be here as breath and not allow the same memory/matrix point to lock-me down into the same thinking patterns, which at times it’s as if they were ‘there’ in the air in a particular place and one would go ‘picking it up’ as one walks through such path – just as one walks the street for example.

 

To Forgive and Let go

 

All that is Here is myself, it’s who we are, and I could only ‘react’ to it if I had formed a special bond/relationship to it through energy. Energy – for all practical purposes – is a mental experience, it implies separation and as such it makes perfect sense to remind me about this aspect of the points of separation that I create through holding on to the specialness in those ghosts from the past, a perceived importance, added care and interest to a part of me that I developed a particular relationship to.

Here another reminder is that no matter how ‘subtle’ this is, whenever I perceive this ‘ghost of the past’ as something that ‘defined me’ and as such is special because ‘it changed my life’ etc. it indicates a speculative relationship toward that something/someone: it’s energy, it’s my mind, it’s memories, it’s invisible, it’s a ghost and I have to stop haunting myself with them.

How I’ve seen these emerge is as if in my mind there were  like these various hooks that containing some of the most ‘attached’ type of experiences and relationships formed in my past, so it is like a broken record seeking to be flipped for another play. It is also quite laughable to what extent we have given up our ability to remain focused here on reality because of having followed these ‘ghosts’ in our minds, giving up our attention to us being here, breathing and suddenly whoop! Going up there in the mind, following these flimsy little things that we already know where it lead us and that tend to constantly emerge in the moments where the actual opportunity to be fully here, physically exist. They come up, ‘innocently’ and the moment we get into the web we get caught – so it’s up to us to decide how far down the rabbit hole we go or if we can absolutely prevent even getting ‘curious’ to fall for the same hole that we already know leads us nowhere in fact.

 

If anything, it is great to observe these memories, to really look at the experience triggered and sometimes it is as if ‘revealing the name of the game’ as the name of the energy would already break part of the spell, because it is in our inability to discern the ‘hold’ that such memory has upon us that breaks the ‘spell’ so to speak.

So instead of going into an experience of being unable to identify the experience we’ve linked to the memory (of a person, of an event) and perceiving that one ‘can’t name it’ but we ‘like it’ so ‘we keep going and go for it’ – it is to realize that I/we have to stop playing naïve when it comes to what we dive into and/or indulge into in our minds. And yes, it’s mostly always about memories, memories, memories – the ‘reminders’ of who we are supposed to be, act like, fear, like, dislike, desire, etc. There is always a way to find out the energy in a memory as in defining what makes us feel good or terribly bad as the most extreme points of fear and desire, like or dislike, these relationships of separation through energy as positive or negative experiences that we create in order to define us, to continue limiting us – but never realizing that by de-fining/delimiting and identifying us with a ‘few aspects’ we’re already building up our personality cage from which we then seek to interact with ‘similar cages’ and avoid ‘different cages.’

This is how we come to create a caged world divided by words, experiences, misunderstandings, offenses and past broken relationships. It’s even funny how we’ve learned to ‘get over’ with some past love or relationship with an individual by then going to the opposite type of relationships such as going from ‘love’ to ‘hate’ and so proceeding to ditch them, taking them in our minds to the opposite side. In this we recreate the exact same relationship to them, it remains in place because all we did was changing the ‘charge’ or the definition ‘tag’ of the relationship build up – in this case moving it from love to hate, but our personalized relationship to that one person/event/thing is still the same: based on energetic experiences that only we can define because: they only exist in our mind.

I still very much ponder how come we haven’t declared mental insanity around the globe so that we can create a genuine ‘state of emergency’– along with our regular duties and responsibilities – make it mandatory for our common wellbeing to work on our mental stability, health and support ourselves to go through it, as that is the key to genuine peace and solidarity on Earth, to learn to ‘love our neighbor as ourselves.’

So the conclusion is that I cannot keep going fueling these mosquitos from the past, these buzzing little things that can become our sole point of attention if we get to be obsessed with ‘finding more’ into them, instead of seeing them for what they are: ghosts, reminiscences of what once was and it has in fact nothing to do with who the person or situation really is or was in fact, as all that we remember is OUR EXPERIENCE about the situation/person, and that’s always self-created, that’s our own ghost-factory creation, and in this we only continue dividing and conquering each other by illusions.

 

So, hereby I commit myself to stop fueling any tiny thought or memory that leads to an experience about the person/event/ghost of the past and realize and so in those moments realize I can instead fully breathe and realize, I am here and I continue walking and enjoying the moment for what it is.

I realize that we only want to ‘make more’ of our moments as an experience in our minds, and it is the simplicity of breathing here what we perceive ‘lacks’ something, like insipid food that lacks salt and the salt being the energy. We don’t need those ‘extra flavors’ as the flavor comes and goes, it’s only perceived for a few moments on our taste buds and then what really matters is the actual nutrients that we are ingesting and how it will support proper development of our physical bodies – that’s the real type of nutrition then we also have to seek in personal relationships too: not going for ‘taste,’ but rather working on the actual nutrients that we all have and can develop further in each other as we work and live together.

 

My declaration of Living Principles:

22.    The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

 

breathing being

Suggested Supportive Interview:

When Words are the Looking Glass to Ourselves – Reptilians – Part 203

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


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