How do we get hooked on each other’s manias by manipulating our own moment and expression in order to support another’s mind possession/ character play out wherein we compromise who we are in order to either suppress or exalt ourselves to play the ‘counter act’ as a deflective mirror of another’s expression, a form of ‘empathetic character’ that plays the role that another character orchestrates, which is part of an entire submissive character wherein I accepted and allowed others to ‘dominate’ me by my own perceived inferiority in such moments.
This is how we keep each other’s in the safe box, being ‘untouchable’ in our devious ways of being wherein in our minds, we’re always winning, without realizing what we are in fact imposing onto another being’s life as well when such being is certainly a child that absorbs this world like a sponge.
Here I walk Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements on specific aspects/ points that I would play out with and toward my father, which became part of my ‘automated behavior’ in any other situation wherein the similar events would unfold.
This is the event again of me going to the supermarket with him wherein I can now see how all decisions I made were based on some type of Fear and how I then would assess a situation in a very quick mode to ensure that I was being ‘secure’ within my self-definition while supporting my father’s self definition and walking together as the supportive roles for an entire ‘mission’ called: going to the supermarket and buying things in ‘no time,’ which means rushing all the way and doing it all just ‘perfect.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurry unfastening my seatbelt and getting out as fast as possible when being with my father, just because of believing that I always had to hurry in order to not be judged by him the same way that he’d judge my mother. I see and realize that the backchat held is ‘Hell no, I don’t want to be like my mother’ and in that, moving myself out of fear and not out of an actual point of self-movement in common sense.
When and as I see myself wanting to rush out of the car when going out with my father in his car or any other car, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can conduct myself here in every moment of breath wherein there is no need to fear being tagged as ‘slow and inefficient’ or ‘clumsy’ but simply taking the necessary time to walk out of the car and within that, also supporting myself and others to equally slow down, as I see and realize that with me rushing out of the car, I was only supporting another’s character as well which is what must be stopped unconditionally in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mother as slow, clumsy and inefficient – thus agreeing with my father that ‘I had to be and become as efficient as him’ in order to Not become like my mother.
When and as I see myself wanting to be effective in what I do and how I conduct myself in my everyday living, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am following a decision based on opposing the image/ stereotype I have caged my mother in as inefficient- thus I realize that I do not require to ‘want to be efficient,’ and instead simply direct me to walk in self-honesty wherein efficiency is a living-way of conducting myself in a particular task and in every moment of breath, without making it something to ‘attain’ like another character or personality.
I realize that any definition of what is efficient or inefficient can only stem from a self-belief based on a polarity pattern represented by each one of my parents, just to instigate the necessary conflict in my life to create myself as an antagonist toward my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having feared being judged as slow, dull and not physically common sensical due to fearing him reacting in exasperation and general annoyance toward me for slowing a certain process down, hence I realize that I would follow his way just because of creating this idea that ‘his way is always the most practical way’ which is a self-belief in my mind in order to cover up the actual fear that I experienced of fucking up things in that moment, regardless of them being actually practical or not.
When and as I see myself doing things the way that another wants me to do them from the starting point of fear, I stop and I breathe –I realize that I am in that moment not considering the actual practicality of what is best for all, but I am only doing things out of fear of doing it ‘the wrong way,’ thus I direct myself to breathe, diffuse the anxiety within and then direct myself to learn how to do things in a more common-sensical and practical way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support my father’s anxious-character of ‘going to the supermarket in no time’ wherein we get the groceries real fast, just because of wanting him to confirm that I am ‘as efficient and accurate as he is,’ which is stemming from the opposite point I was trying to Not be which is a lagging nuisance for him just like my mother is/ or how he would complain about my mother when going with her to the supermarket, eventually becoming used to simply going by himself because of her not being able to ‘catch his pace’
I realize that I wanted to deliberately be able to ‘catch up’ with my father and his fast pace as a way for him to have a special regard toward me in contrast with my mother, as that was a rather weird pattern wherein I believed that I had to ‘out do her’ in situations, like a form of unspoken rivalry that would emerge at times.
When and as I see myself rushing through the supermarket trying to be as fast as possible, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is part of the automated rushing in the supermarket father-figure character that is supporting only the perpetuation of the ‘efficiency character’ within me, which stemmed from the fear of becoming like my mother. Thus I direct myself to walk through the aisles and supermarket taking into consideration the breath-pace and not the ‘I’m in a mad hurry’ time pace. The patterns of our parents begin and end within ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to help my father to take out the stuff from the trolley with fear and anxiety to make sure I place the products in perfect alignment to the type of products that they will be packed in, which is me doing it from the starting point of fearing my father getting irritated and angry for screwing up his religious order of how to place the products on the band prior to checking out, which is coming from the belief that ‘the cashier is waiting for us and there’s more people behind us,’ which is how I became used to always rushing to do things, because of not wanting to make others wait, which is a form of unnecessary servitude type of attitude, wherein we don’t actually give ourselves our space-and-time required to perform a task as everyone’s got their opportunity to do so – but instead, I complied to the belief that I got from my father that we always had to do things as fast as possible to allow others to go through a certain process/ point of service equally as fast, which is a form of chivalry that I acquired toward ‘unknown people,’ yet from the starting point of wanting to be a ‘good person,’ which eventually becomes detrimental to one’s own practical living as this ensued an unnecessary rush and anxiety to conduct ourselves in on a daily basis.
When and as I see myself rushing to get my products on the band in the supermarket and or getting exasperated for others going ‘too slow’ through the same process, I stop and I breathe – I conduct myself to simply be here as breath whenever I see myself in the supermarket queue and ready to pay for my products, breathing, being patient and walking moment by moment within the process of checking out, which somehow had also become a point of unnoticed anxiety within me to simply rush and ‘get the hell out of the supermarket’ wherein going out through the doors would be like a ‘mission accomplished’ type of situation. LOL
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get hooked on the point of doing things ‘as fast as possible’ for the actual energetic ‘kick’ that I would get from doing that, wherein I became used to experiencing a mix of anxiety and fear that would build up through the entire supermarket experience with my father, which would be relieved the moment that our ‘mission was accomplished’ as in getting everything we required in ‘no time’ and getting all we required in an ‘efficient manner.’
– I realize that this is simply an acquired pattern from the times I would go with my father to the supermarket wherein I actually feared making others wait for my apparent inefficiency to do it as quickly as possible, wherein it seemed like a race that we would go into in order to get the products out of trolley – lol – which is quite interesting when realizing how the mix of fear and anxiety became an ‘enjoyable’ experience within me, which is how I dubbed that going to the supermarket with my father was in fact something ‘fun,’ which was only so from the starting point of the actual experience I’d get from it.
When and as I see myself believing that I had ‘fun’ with my father at the supermarket – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this was me actually saying that becoming anxious, nervous and fearful was fun because of the adrenaline experienced through the entire process of getting our groceries – thus I assist and support myself to realize how fun is just an energetic game that we can also become addicted to if we allow ourselves to do so. Therefore, I see that I don’t require to make something ‘fun’ or ‘boring’ in my reality the moment that I can simply direct myself in and as the physical at all times.
I commit myself to stop playing out the characters that we have kept each other caged in for the sake of maintaining a familial relationship of play-outs that we have never considered as the building blocks of this entire world system’s Lie and Delusional definition of what ‘living’ is, which has become nothing else but a perpetual sanctification of the sins of the fathers, turning them into something to be ‘proud of,’ to stand in opposition to something or someone that we had deemed to be inferior/ bad/ less than, without realizing how this has become the basis of our nature that we have accepted and allowed as ‘who we are,’ believing that it won’t ever change or that we can’t ever get to change it. It’s false, we can, we decide who we are and what we become from here on – this is it, our creation: we face ourselves, walk the living correction and actually create a world that’s a living playground for all or we allow ourselves to rot and die in the ‘old familiar ways’ filled with fear toward a world that we spoiled in the first place.
I stand up to create and be an active part of a world wherein I can ensure that the kids that can come into this world can actually learn how to be examples of what living is, as they will learn from parents that can right now take responsibility for this point: ensuring that no form of ‘positivity’ or ‘negativity’ is instigated as part of the child’s basic character formation. The sins of the fathers begin and end with ourselves here.
Time to Stop for once and for all – It is our creation: we solve it back into Equality and Oneness for the very first time in our existence.
“And so, I see, realise and understand that it is with the starting-point of me, to walk-through me as the Mind/Consciousness I have become as living-memories, taking the characters/personalities I have created as memories, and re-align them into and as self-aware physical-living as is walked specifically in the Desteni I Process, so that I can rebirth me into/as what I was supposed to have been birthed as, with my beingness equal-to and one-with the physical, instead of separating my beingness into a Mind that control me/my existence through/as memories. And so I walk this process in investigating the Mind/Characters/Personalities, getting to know how I created/programmed them, to in this understanding re-align those separate parts of me into/as physical equal and one living; as the process of me in fact taking responsibility for who I am in me and my living. And simultaneously walk this World-System of Money in establishing its alignment to humanity/this physical existence to contribute to the life/living of all, and so make humans aware of how changing starts within ourselves, to align our relationship to ourselves, the physical and so this physical existence, from evolving a mind that only serves itself, a world-system that only serves itself: to individuals living/contributing to the life of ourselves and all of humanity and so this physical existence; from the evil of separation reversed to the life/live of ourselves and all within/as walking this ONE DECISION – taking responsibility from the Mind to living responsibility as ourselves and so to/as all as ourselves.” Sunette Spies *
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