Tag Archives: talking

150. Meeting my Mirror = Equalizing the Reflection

Continuing with 149. Meeting my Mirror = My Error

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to face myself as another in my reality playing out character that I used to live-as in order to equalize our application within common sensical/ practical living considerations that are physically based and not mind-obsessive based

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an immediate kinship toward someone that I perceive is ‘similar to me’ in terms of my old habits about cleaning which I had regarded as ‘unique’ or ‘not so common,’ thus when finding someone that presents the ‘same symptoms,’ I create an immediate understanding of their experience and expression stemming from the ‘who I am’ as such character – thus

When and as I see myself immediately ‘liking’ someone because they represent an aspect of myself that I had considered being a virtue, I stop and I breathe. I realize that we are able to communicate and establish a cool point of communication without now creating a point of separation toward ‘others’ as ‘those that do not commune with our cleanliness’ and within that, instigating separation between the members of the house. .

I realize that I am able to establish a point of support for ourselves through communicating/ interacting without reinforcing any point of separation based on the ‘who we are’ as cleanliness characters.

I commit myself to communicate and develop a relationship that is not based on ‘being similar characters’  – we’ve represented within being the ‘clean’ persons, but instead assist and support myself to be open to communicate with everyone here without creating a point of separation within my mind now that ‘I’ve got someone to communicate with that’s similar to me,’ as that would be reinforcing a point of separation that is not necessary to ‘embody’ as I realize that if the actions and patterns can be directed within a common sensical point of application that’s best for all, then we do so, as that is in the best interest of all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience within me for having someone to ‘backup my cleanliness’ and thinking that ‘I am not alone anymore’ within my cleaning habits in the house, instead of realizing that I have actually worked with becoming more flexible and establishing a point of laxity in terms of being ‘too picky’ when it comes to cleanliness – thus

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I am now not alone in my cleaning habits/ patters as someone else is now supporting them with the same zeal, I stop and I breathe. I consider the process that I have walked in order to not be ‘that’ obsessed about cleaning and the time that I have actually walked to – bit by bit – stop reacting to patterns of ‘uncleanliness’ which I then take into consideration to within this new acquaintance not reinforce them to ‘get back to the obsessive-compulsive behavior of cleaning all the time – thus

 

I commit myself to become an example of how one can be and become less ‘concerned’ about dirtiness the whole time and also take into consideration the practicality of keeping a space as clean as possible when living with other people that do not subscribe to ‘cleanliness perfection,’ – thus it is to establish a point of balance wherein only common sensical measures with a proper  ‘leeway’ to ensure that no polarity of cleanliness/ uncleanliness is the directive starting point, but simple common sensical sustenance of our environment in common areas that we live in.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘good’ about finding someone that is ‘as clean as myself/ even cleaner than me’ as that indicates that ‘I am not the only one crazy here,’ which would be reinforcing the cleanliness character that I have assisted and supported myself to slowly but surely become more supple on, to not be as rigid as I used to in terms of reacting in anger and contempt when finding dirt/ not seeing everything ‘sparkling clean.’ Thus

When and as I see myself creating a point of resort in another for ‘supporting my patterns of cleanliness’ to then reinforce my application, I stop and I breathe. I realize that creating this point of separation would be like going back to an obsessive-compulsive aspect of myself that I have worked with to stop and correct within an equal and one consideration of others living in the same environment, and within this, becoming more flexible when it comes to cleaning habits.

 

I commit myself to remain walking my process of establishing a point of common sense of when to direct someone to clean/ when to be flexible and not react/ demand immediate action, as I realize that I have to consider others within this process of understanding that a habit that’s best for all/ supportive such as marinating an environment the best way possible is an actual practical living-educational aspect that won’t be established overnight as I have to consider other people’s contexts and life experiences wherein I cannot ‘change them’ to immediately apply/do/ act as I say, but instead have to create a point of understanding within the consideration of what is best for all living in the house at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to create a cleanliness character of ‘compulsive purity’ wherein I would become possessed in anger and contempt every time that a single ‘dirt footstep’ was impressed on my immaculate white tiling,’ which became a constant point of worry and concern that I did not see as an exaggeration at times, but something that was in accordance to me wanting to exist in a ‘perfect picture presentation’ of myself as the external world, while actually existing with a lot of shit inside myself – which is something that I had not considered how I tried to ‘wash myself’ from the outside and have this perfect-picture presentation, but not daring to actually see what patterns I was living as, what experiences I was going through and feeding through other addictive patterns and relationships at the time that I would actually ‘shove away’ through this compulsive outside cleaning.

When and as I see myself cleaning in a compulsive manner again, I stop and I breathe – I can see and understand that this is a pattern that I actually created as a ‘coping mechanism’ toward a point in my reality that I would try to suppress and cover up with compulsively cleaning and being constantly ‘watchful’ of cleanliness, which I recognize becomes a constant point of preoccupation and concern in the mind, instead of being here as breath.

I commit myself to instead walk the process of ‘cleaning’ myself from the inside to see how and why I externalized that process as a way to ‘entertain’ myself with the Idea of cleanliness while existing within a point of suppression to see ‘what’s inside me.’ Thus I assist and support myself to remind myself of this pattern being an actual mind-driven compulsive behavior instead of an actual common sensical consideration, and within this, also assist and support others to see the same points as factors that support us all to live in a way that’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to become ‘self righteous’ about my cleaning habits and creating a point of separation to the extent of liking/ disliking people according to ‘how clean they were,’ which has actually been a measuring point within me toward others in a silent/ unspoken and ‘unaware’ manner, wherein I create a point of preference toward anyone that presents a ‘cleanliness’ pattern to which I immediately create a kinship toward and identify such person as someone that ‘I like’ just because it represents an aspect of me that I have believed to be ‘rare’ and ‘special’ and ‘unique,’ which is actually stemming from what I learned from my father in terms of not many people being ‘comfortable’ with cleaning and creating cleaning habits ‘for a lifetime.’

When and as I see myself creating a point of preference, righteousness and specialness toward people that present a similar ‘trait’ to the character I played as ‘the compulsive cleaner,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that identifying people according to the similar characters they play in relation to the points that I’ve considered as ‘unique’ and ‘special’ within me, creates a point of immediate specialness and uniqueness toward such person as a character. thus

I commit myself to be able to recognize similar patterns within others as myself, to assist and support me and others to step out of character to a common sensical application of – in this case – cleaning habits, wherein we do not only consider our ‘point of view’ and living-application, but also others that are not ‘too keen on cleaning’ on the same basis that we do. Thus, it is to establish a point of communication at all times in terms of the points that must be reinforced within taking care of the common areas we share, our assigned duties and as such, ensure that we do not create ‘two teams’ opposing each other within the cleaning habits of the house.

 

It is also a cool point to support others as myself by being an example of an equilibrated application of cleaning habits so that there is no point of judgment and blaming others for dirtiness, but instead consider a practical consideration of cleaning on a regular basis without it being a time consuming and mind-consuming activity that is considered as a ‘must do’ at all times, though becoming aware of any exigencies that are stemming from a character-request and which exigencies are actual common sensical considerations that are based on what is best for all to live in/ as within the common areas we share in the house.

 

I realize that in the past, creating a compulsive behavior toward cleaning lead me to end up living alone because of people not being able to stand ‘walking at my pace’ within my mind-driven obsession. Thus it is to remain within my application of a certain laxity and suppleness when it comes to cleaning, and as such, assist and support others to establish this point of equilibrium as well wherein what is best for all is reinforced and talked through/ communicated about in order to have no excuses/ justifications to not do the necessary work or being ‘over board.’ Thus a point of moderation can be established as practical considerations instead of character-needs that create friction between the two poles leading to eventual conflict and separation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually create a point of ‘shock’ within seeing myself in another in such a clear way wherein the specific use of words, mannerisms and expression reminded me of ‘who I was’ some years ago, which I had not found before and is also a cool point to see how characters work/ manifest in a way wherein

When and as I ‘see myself’ in another presenting a specific pattern that used to define ‘who I am,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is not to create now a point of identification based on such similar old patterns, as that would be ‘stepping back’ to the who I was as such character in the past, which for the most part is slowly but surely being debunked – However,  in the cleanliness point I see  and realize how easy it is to ‘reactivate it’ as a point of possession/ obsession if someone else is also reinforcing such pattern within me.

Thus I commit myself to realize that allowing myself to be influenced by another’s application that reinforces similar characters within me is ‘stepping back’ to the old ways which I am busy walking a process of self-equality and oneness of – thus I it is to be and become supportive toward myself and others to establish an equilibrium within our application, and instead focus on working with ‘cleaning ourselves’ and facing the points that require purging/ cleaning within in order to make the outside cleaning an equal and one application of what we do within ourselves as our mind, which will then become not a point of obsession or compulsive behavior, but a practical consideration of what’s best for all to live in/ as – as within so without.

For further support and assistance to get to know ‘who we are’ as ‘characters’ and as such, walk a process to equalize our ‘special needs’ to common sensical considerations in the best interest of all, visit:

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149. Meeting my Mirror = My Error

Something very interesting has happened in my reality and with a particular timing that is going according to the topics I’ve walked the past two blogs.  A new girl came to live to my house and after all the ‘odd ways’ in which she eventually came to live here – besides the sudden ‘availability’ of space after two people decided to live – she’s been already a cool point of support to almost in a literal way ‘face myself’ even in the couple of hours I have barely interacted with her.

The specific point is that she’s aware of being ‘a tad’ obsessive-compulsive with cleaning, lol. She actually hugged me for having cleaned up the kitchen after I explained how I had cleaned up the kitchen – the whole event that I described in the previous two blogs – which was certainly something that ‘in my mind’ I could not compute, as I had not faced someone as ‘picky’ as I thought myself to be with cleanliness. It brought me back to the memories of ‘who I was’ when I first began living alone – well with another person – in my first apartment, which was before  I began process and pretty much living out what I had ‘downloaded’ as obsessive compulsive patterns from partner and parental habits. 

Back then I was obsessed with cleaning for hours every single Monday on a religious basis. The entire apartment was white so it all was just ‘perfect’ for my then ‘purity’ and ‘spirituality’ that I sought at all times. It was really a luxury for me to have the opportunity to live in such a place and I did ‘make the best of it, however I knew that it could only be sustainable as long as I lived alone, as I would simply ‘maintain’ it clean other than having to clean up someone else’s mess.  That came to and end when I left school for one year to go to the farm.

Today I was recalling and actually telling her my stories about the support I got at the farm in terms of living with several beings – both human and animals. And yes, the stupor as well because I really had a hard time getting used to not living in an immaculate/ museum like place and actually letting go of my absolute obsession with cleaning and fearing germs, etc. I had been aware of being a very picky person, and I probably still would be reserved about being picky in such terms, however it is all part of the Ms. cleanliness character.

So, facing this girl living out the same patterns was quite a cool thing for me, to see where I can support myself as her to go ‘balancing out’ such habits now that I can actually see how someone with the same behavior behaves and does – fascinating. I even saw myself as rather ‘messy’ and ‘dirty’ when it came to seeing how I have in fact become ‘less concerned’ about everything being immaculate when comparing myself to her current stance toward cleaning, and as such, it was quite cool to see who I am when facing another ‘me’ that is quite similar in terms of the backchat/ frontchat about others. I see myself thinking that ‘there will be an appropriate time to begin addressing these points,’ as this is just the beginning of interacting with her.

I also realized the point of ‘liking her’ because I can ‘talk to her’/ ‘have more in common’ as I see myself reflected within the same point and way of thinking that I probably existed as in a very ingrained manner some years ago. In a way I see that I have been able to let go of my religious cleanliness in the past couple of years with more people not being ‘cleaning religious people.’ I realize that I also created a point of laxity about cleanliness due to ‘fearing getting angry’ when things weren’t clean – and so, I see that the starting point of it all in my application was more of tolerance based on personal preferences than actual environmental considerations within applying ‘what’s best for all,’ which is a cool point to also take into consideration.

What’s also interesting is that when talking about forgiveness, she replied about her understanding of it as the exact process of having to – in other words – ‘face your demons’ and taking responsibility to change, which is quite an accurate approximation to this process. However, it is to realize that the positive and the negative are actually patterns of the same coin just seen from different perspectives and angles as the starting point of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ will always be the mind – thus it is to transform the good and bad to a common sensical perspective wherein we can be sure there are no personal considerations/ self interest that can interfere to implement what is best for all.

So, quite a cool coin.cidence and almost like an oddity to get to meet someone that is playing out the character I used to hold oh so proudly about cleaning. The general backchat was ‘we’ll be working through the points as we go’ which means that I have to become aware of not wanting to ‘change’ her, but instead be an example of a way wherein we simply can deal with things without having to judge others for doing what ‘they’ are doing, which is at all times ourselves, because I did notice a general detachment from being the perpetrator of abuse on Earth with sentences like ‘They are doing it, one is not willing to participate in that/ I don’t do that’ which is a general way to abdicate responsibility, even if there is a common sensical consideration of being ‘one and equal,’ which is a common misconception when this oneness is seen as a ‘spiritual’ thing like ‘being one with the universe,’ but step out of such ‘oneness’ when it implies some ‘negative/ bad’ aspect of ourselves as humanity.

Will continue in the next post with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application to face myself as another in my reality playing out character that I used to play out in an effusive manner as well, which is going into an empathetic character due to mind-associations and within that, assisting and supporting myself to not create a point of separation from others now that there is ‘someone’ that backs me up/ that I can ‘relate’ to, which would be relationship creation and separation.

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120. ‘I don’t like breaking my routine’

This emerged as I went out for a walk as I do everyday and two people approached me – a woman and her son – and the woman indicated that they had seen me walking around always Alone around the neighborhood, and she quickly asked me if I’d like to go walking with them some time – and so, I was calm here breathing and I could clearly immediately experience the same physical sensation of just ‘wanting to leave’ right there immediately upon hearing an invitation to go somewhere/ do something that is ‘out of my routine,’ I clearly had backchat in between our conversation such as:

What do they want from me?

Are they white lighters? (because they asked me if I liked yoga)

How can I say that I like to walk all by myself?

I just want to be alone

She probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son

Do I look that lonely and/or depressed to others?

I don’t want my routine to be interrupted

Why is she so insistent?

Is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here?

I can tell her that I’ll be moving out soon, that way they’ll go away

I’m wasting my time here

Do I have to explain my life to her?

And so this seemingly ‘casual’ experience was a trigger point for me to see how I have lived within this almost fear an anxiety to do something out of my own routine, wherein interacting with others and doing things out of ‘my schedule’ seems like an aberration at all times.

Hence I walk self-forgiveness and self corrective application on each point of backchat experienced as a defense mechanism to my own self-religion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react with the backchat ‘what do they want from me?’ when seeing people crossing the street in order to meet me, which is a defense mechanism wherein I immediately react to the image of people suddenly approaching me, which at a peripheral view becomes a ‘threatening sight’ simply because of holding the fear of being robbed or mugged by people on the streets while I walk alone.

When and as I see myself fearing the sight of people approaching me, I stop and I breathe – I instead ensure that I do take a look at the people and remain stable with whatever their intentions are

I realize that reacting in fear is just a way to keep me ‘alert’ of people at all times while walking on the street, which is why and how I have developed a way to walk in a very ‘focused’ manner looking only at the horizon but not looking at people specifically as to not create a point ‘unspoken communication’ just by sight/ view of each other.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘she probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son’ the moment that she introduced me to her son, which is how I have been conditioned to believe that all ‘mothers’ introducing their sons to females has to do with wanting to arrange a ‘couple’ in the moment.

When and as I see myself reacting with the backchat’ oh they want me to go out with his son/ the male here’ – I stop and I breathe, I continue hearing what they have to say while breathing here

I realize that all reactions stem from the times when it is a cliché that a mother seeks a female to ‘go out with’ a female in order to establish relationships – I realize that I can stop this backchat and simply remain here breathing and listening to the words spoken in physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I look that lonely and/ or depressed to others’ in terms of me walking all alone, which is me reacting to the woman’s facial expression of concern wherein I believe that she’s concerned and/or wanting to make a ‘big deal’ out of me being alone all the time – thus I realize that being ‘lonely’ is a word that is negatively seen by people that judge their own aloneness as something that would immediately require company – therefore I take the point for what it is and that’s it.

When and as I see myself wondering if others see me as ‘too lonely and/or depressed’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this backchat only supports others’ words and projected concerns about ‘loneliness,’ wherein I see and realize that the fact that I contained such backchat indicates that I have judged myself for walking all alone and victimizing myself at times for ‘walking around all alone’ in terms of how it is seen by others, and/or looking seemingly ‘suspicious’ to others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat: is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here? Wherein I allow myself to project my own beliefs of ‘how I am seen’ around the neighborhood/ area in which I walk – thus, I see and realize that I am still holding on to the ‘I am weird/ eccentric’ character while walking on the street, wherein I believe that people are having all types of ideas about me walking on the same road every single day, like a mentally deranged person which I embody as a form of protection toward what I believe is a way to secure myself to not be ‘attacked’ by people on the street, and instead, become the fear instigator toward others, just as a defense mechanism toward potential robbers/ abusers while I walk down the street.

When and as I see myself acting out on the character of being mysterious/ being seemingly suspicious in my attitude and random moves as I walk down the streets, I stop and I breathe – I continue walking simply being here aware of what I’m listening and seeing and experiencing as my very own feet on the ground walking step by step, taking the necessary precautions in terms of checking people around and make the necessary moves in order to consider what works best in terms of walking on the street in any given moment.

I realize that I have become the seemingly suspicious character in order to remain ‘safe’ and ‘undisturbed’ by people, just because of not wanting to establish relationships with people or be ‘too well known’ by others in the neighborhood, aside from the people I buy food/ stuff from.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I have to explain my life to her?’ the moment that she asks if I had a brother or sister to go out with, wherein I then have to explain that I live alone and that I have no one to walk with.

I realize that this is a strange situation for me that I had not experienced as it is very rare that someone approaches you to ‘strike a conversation ‘out of nowhere,’ which indicates to what level of fear and control we’ve lived, wherein we cannot even consider that another would just want to ‘strike a conversation’ but we immediately assess what is it that they want from us, what is it that they are promoting/ selling/ involved-in in order to make sales.

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of ‘Do I have to explain myself to her’? I stop and I breathe – I continue listening unconditionally to the questions and direct myself to assess what information I can give and what information I rather not give to a new person/ stranger in the moment.

I realize that I don’t require to ‘explain’ myself as in making sense of my aloneness, but I can simply share in a very succinct manner the reasons for the pattern another is pointing out and how I am practically living without it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat ‘are they whitelighters’ as a way to immediately discard what they have to say in the moment based on me thinking, believing that only ‘good doers/ positive thinkers’ would want to do something that they view as ‘positive’ at their eyes.

When and as I see myself judging people in my head for being into yoga/ spirituality, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can instead of judging directing me to hear what they have to say about it and respond accordingly, without reacting from the fact that I was into spirituality for a brief moment.

I realize that I create labels/ tags onto people as a way to support my character of the ‘reality observer,’ wherein I believe that I understand the mechanisms of the mind to the T, which is absolutely not so, and that I instead tend to create these points/ characters according to the level of ‘threat’ they represent to myself as my own mind in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am wasting my time with people when I am talking with them, as I see and realize that it is only me in my mind creating a defense mechanism toward something/ someone that is actually a potential ‘debunker’ toward my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I am wasting my time here’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me rushing as my mind wanting to ‘move on’ with the immovable type of self-created experience, instead of me supporting myself to actually slow down, breathe and as such listen and consider what is being explained/ lived/ talked about in the moment unconditionally.

I realize that the ‘I don’t have enough time’ sentences is an excuse to stop communication, seek ways to not continue communicating wherein I assess something ‘else’ that I have to do as ‘more important’ than the moment, which is clearly a defense mechanism to not have to face myself as my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with an energetic experience of fear and slight anxiety when being asked to go out with others/ being invited to do something out of my routine, which implies that the fear and anxiety is a defense mechanism to not even consider the point as a potential opportunity for me to face myself and my own inclination to remain ‘undisturbed’ by others in my routine. Thus

When and as I see myself reacting in fear and anxiety to a question that proposes me doing something out of the ordinary, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can in fact assess whether I am able to participate or not without immediately seeking ways to say ‘no’ and justify that decision with my own backchat as I realize that I am not being entirely self directive in such moments, but allowing me to just ‘shut down’ and created excuses to not walk the point and actually open up toward others as an opportunity of self-expansion and expression with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the backchat ‘how can I say that I like to walk all by myself?’ wherein I am defending my own reluctant self-experience to participate, interact with others based on the memories of having been impulsed to socialize with others, such as the way that my mother would force me to socialize which is how I have a kept one single memory as the point that defines all my interactions with people that I get to know of in a ‘casual manner,’ wherein I would defend my ‘right’ to remain as a loner no matter what.

When and as I see myself wanting to explain to others why and how I enjoy being alone, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a defense to my own self-religion of ‘being alone’ wherein I am only seeking ways to not interact with others. Thus I allow myself to continue interacting and considering what’s being said in the moment, without any condition or any restriction according to what ‘threatens’ my own desire to ‘be alone.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another in my head as ‘insistent’ the moment that they ask again about my own ‘loneliness’ and inviting me to go out with them, wherein I am still believing that there must be something in it for them to insist on socializing with me, which is how I have conditioned myself to always look t relationships and interactions based on self interest wherein I immediately judge another’s expression toward me and their starting point to communicate according there being some personal benefit out of it, which is how I would mostly judge any ‘casual communication’ and only expecting people to get to explain their reason of interacting/ communicating based on a point of self-interest, which is the only reason I could think of as the reason for people approaching others to communicate.

I realize that I have judged people approaching others as always having to do with people wanting something to their own benefit, which is how I have always judged communication as self-interest instead of actually allowing myself to be that it can be an actual unconditional openness from human beings in the moment without any personal interest in itself.

Thus, when and as I see myself wanting to rush a point of communication to ‘get to know ‘what people are in fact being pushed by/ driven by in order to communicate with me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am seeing the communication through the veil of ‘self interest’ projected onto others instead of actually breathing and just being here in every word that is being spoken wherein I can ensure that I am hearing the words said instead of interpreting them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – which is the actual core of my character as ‘the loner’ wherein any potential threat to my religion of always doing things the way that ‘I want’ is judged by myself as my mind in order to diminish any potential threat to my own routine as a holder of my ego/ self-religion based on having a certain time throughout the day for everything, wherein I immediately create any point that could stand outside of such norm/schedule as an aberration that must be annihilated immediately, which is the reason why I tend to create all types of excuses as to never have to actually challenge my own time frames and ‘way of being’ in order to participate in an activity/ moment of interaction with other human beings.

I realize that I have believed that breaking my routine is something that I simply ‘cannot afford’ within the consideration of how I use my time throughout the day thus

When and as I see myself thinking about saying no to a proposal of interaction/ communication with other beings and creating the excuse of time as a justification with the thinking pattern ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – I stop and I breathe – I instead allow myself to consider whether it is viable for me to actually participate or not according to my actual self-honest assessment of the point, ensuring that I am in fact not restricting my participation with others deliberately, but that I give myself the opportunity to consider opening up with people and seeing how it could work to do something ‘out of the ordinary’ without compromising myself either.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seek ways to rush a point of communication with people that I deem as too ‘talkative’ to an end through the backchat ‘I just want to leave already’/ ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’ which is how I have kept myself ‘intact’ within my own patterns of how I communicate and interact with people, always seeking to just ‘be alone’ again as I see and realize that interacting, communicating and actually opening up to others is the way to go debunking my own restrictive personality toward others, as a defense mechanism for my own mind as its main characters to continue existing as a point of ‘exclusivity’ in relation to who I talk to/ who I can simply disregard, which is an elitist way of looking at people, making it an excuse to not actually interact and expand in a moment, but remain within the safe bounds of my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’/ I just want to leave already – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am facing a moment and a point wherein I can actually breakthrough my imposed self-limitations of communication toward others, and in fact allow myself to expand and express with others without having to have a ‘reason’ behind it, but simply see it as an opportunity to step outside of my own schemes for a moment and see how I can support myself within participating with others, unconditionally.

I realize that I have a resistance to do things ‘out of my routine’ because I have made of my routine this ‘untouchable’ aspect of ‘who I am’ wherein I have disliked anything and anyone that dares to challenge it, reacting with fear of losing myself as my mind, as my self-religion and ‘my time’ which I have used as an excuse to not interact and actually expand with others, as I see that it takes an actual ‘push’ and effort for me to do something ‘out of the ordinary,’ which is just a matter of allowing myself to do it more frequently in order to not hold a resistance toward it in any way whatsoever.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want things to remain ‘the same’ and ‘immovable’ as this creates an experience of certainty within myself as my mind, wherein I am only looking to create a ‘safe environment’ as a routine and repetition within my mind wherein such repetition becomes a form of security to remain ‘stable’ within myself. Thus

When and as I see myself wanting to shut down/ move away and or avoiding something or someone that represents having to step out of that routine, that repetition as a certainty to my own ‘world’ within my mind, I stop and I breathe – I realize that change is actually cool in order to go letting loose from my own trap of mind-routine as a self-religion of certainty and security. This way I allow myself to do things out of my schedule at times within the self-honest consideration of myself and practicality in that moment, to also not now compromise to ‘always’ do things to step out of my mind-routine, but simply be open and self-honest about participating in points that I am invited to, or even directing myself to ‘by my own will’ as a way to really walk the self-correction of never ‘touching’ anything that could mean a potential change/ threat to my routine as my mind.

I assist and support myself to become aware of my own thinking when being invited to do something out of the ordinary wherein I can self-honesty assess the proposal instead of just shoving it away or wanting to run away from it. I support myself to walk the correction of what it means to consider practicality before listening to my own backchat as the decision maker toward any event in my reality.

 

I commit myself to continue breaking my own routine and self-religion patterns with small activities and actions wherein this desire to remain ‘immovable’ is actually walked into a practical realization of being available and open for interaction with others wherein I decide whether I participate or not based on a self-honest assessment toward it, instead of immediately shutting it down out of fear of debunking my own religion.

 

I realize that I am the one that has the power to decide whether I support myself to live and break-through my own patterns or not, thus I decide whether I remain within the confinement of my own characters and personalities or actually allow myself to step out of my own mind control and live.

 

For further support in walking our own mind and understanding our own creation as a limited version of life through and as a limited mind, visit the Desteni I Process website to learn more about how you can walk a process of knowing yourself in order to be able to create who we are based on a principle of life in equality, with support and assistance to always have a point of reference in relation to HOW we can practically begin to live and how we can practically stop all forms of limitations as fears to not do so.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

 

28-days-later

Blogs:

Day 120: True Activist Politics

Multidimensional Inner-Voices – Part 2 (Self-Commitments): DAY 120

 

Interview of the day:

Life Review – A Child’s Mind in an Adult Body

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