Tag Archives: thinking

168. Thoughts as Self-Created Resistance

Procrastination Character

Thought Dimension:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of my professor’s office as as single point of fear and resistance toward me writing out my document, which is linked to the actual process that the written document must go through in relation to revisions and having to re-write things more than once, wherein the image of being at the office represents that point of approval or disapproval of it.

When and as I see myself having the thought of the office before writing and creating a resistance toward it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is just a fear point that I can simply breathe through, not participate in and continue doing.

I commit myself to not allow one single thought to determine my entire starting point within doing things and actually do it: place myself to writing the document.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually resist facing the professor and going to his office, simply because of it representing an actual confrontation of the revisions required and the commitment for me to do do this whichever time it takes, regardless of how many times it has to be ‘re-worked’ as I realize that nothing can be just ‘perfect’ in one go, which is the actual limitation that I see is existing as an obstacle for me to simply do this.

When and as I see myself using the thought of the office as a point of confrontation thus fear, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all of this is only happening at a mind level and that I am able and capable of directing myself to do this without any thought in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this future projection of fearing going to that office for a revision, I create an actual resistance in my mind wherein every time that I think of ‘getting this done,’ the thought of the office comes up as a ‘burden’ to face and within this another thought and/or imagination point activates with a positive experience such as doing something else first like any other daily task and ‘saving this writing for later,’ which is in fact me playing energetic games of placing a positive experience as ‘another task’ in front of the task that I am fully aware requires to be prioritized in my reality.

When and as I see myself creating the backchat upon the thought of the office/ school and thinking ‘I will do this later’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the other tasks I am committing myself to are actually necessary as well and that I can divide and measure my time to get to all point within a schedule that I can stick to, so that I ensure I in fact get this one with the starting point of me as directive principle and not a thought that makes me react and only do that which I ‘want to do’ and within this

I commit myself to live by principle and not by thoughts and preferences.  And this is ‘the deal’ in itself within this dimension.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought of me writing out hours endlessly without realizing that this is absolutely just a character that is pretending that ‘I do not want to write,’ while I have proven to myself that writing is an absolute supportive point for ourselves to face ourselves and within academic purposes, to propose/ show and demonstrate that which we are here to communicate/ convey which in this case implies my own process and that there is absolutely no excuse to divide ‘process writings’ to any other writing that I have to do as part of who I am and my own expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a division within me, giving a positive value to writings done ‘for process’ and a negative value to writings done toward an activity that I have considered as pointless such as school/ academic purposes, without realizing that I have committed myself to do this and that shoving it away or trying to make it ‘less important’ or even ‘non important at all’ is me actually not wanting to do it and face a point of self-expansion, which is yes, ludicrous how in our minds we trap ourselves in our burden and energetic bubble of constricted ‘airwaves’ wherein we are not here breathing, but instead postponing being HERE because of all the mind burdens/ tasks/ points that we are constantly procrastinating to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within this self-creation process I have in fact proven to myself that I am deliberately creating a fucked up experience and absolute self sabotage every time that I give into Energy to create instead of Physically moving myself to DO things instead of future projecting, thinking and imagining all of the above mentioned points and aspects that I have charged with a negative resonance – within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately seek for a point of comfort and enjoyment and ‘feeling good’ or ‘better’ about myself with points of distraction such as surfing the net, reading the news, going out for a walk, fixing this or that around my room and house wherein such thoughts and imaginations emerge the moment that the initial negative thoughts such as having to confront my writings with an academic, having to spend ‘long hours writing’ become this negative experience that is quickly shifted in my mind toward a point that ‘I’d rather doe’ in order to satisfy my own existence within this ‘feeling better’ about myself by doing other tasks, within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better with doing and completing and satisfying ‘other tasks’ which I have defined as ‘enjoyable tasks,’ wherein I believe that I am being responsible for taking care of these tasks, however having then imposed these preferred tasks on top of this primary task that is an actual point of immediate action for me to take on, which means it is a priority in my world and that I have procrastinated for so long in this ‘waiting’ for – hell, nothing there is nothing to wait but ME just Doing it.

When and as I see myself rather doing other writings instead of the academic point I must write, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a disparity in values according to that which I like/ that which I don’t like and as such, diving myself to only do that which I enjoy doing and avoid that which I apparently don’t enjoy doing – thus I equalize my application toward my writings and not kid myself to only do that which I like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘wait’ for when I could apparently have the ‘right book’/ ‘the right information’ to do this, without realizing that I’ll be describing my experience and as such, there is no book that could possibly hold at this stage any of what I am here to share as my process of self-creation as it is a self-explanation of who I am as my own creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my physical body to constantly be used up and consumed to charge up these thoughts and imagination every single day, wherein I have actually tortured myself instead of actually doing it. Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor myself, my physical body within this deliberate neglect toward the responsibilities at hand and within this having satisfied only the mind-reality of feeling good/ feeling satisfied with and while doing other tasks, while knowing and being perfectly aware that I have this other primary task at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually squander my breathing, my physical hereness, my unconditional support given by others in order for me to do this, and instead only focus on one aspect of my reality that makes me feel ‘good’ and that I ‘prefer doing’ while deliberately neglecting the other aspect that is the reason why I am being supported to live every single day at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of regret when looking back at all the time that’s gone by without me giving direction to this and within this thinking ‘what the fuck have I allowed?’ without realizing that all that is left here to do is simply Doing it and that there is no way to go back in time and ‘sort it out then,’ but instead have to ensure that I get this done as soon as I possibly can, as I am in fact even postponing my own plans due to this single point of resistance to finally get this written document done. It is writing, it is me and my experience to be shared – how on Earth have I actually resisted to do this?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see an art degree as pointless and useless piece of paper that will have no ‘power’ at all within the system, without realizing that we live in this world system wherein one single piece of title gives you enough credentials to be ‘accountable’ within the system and as such, realizing that this is one requisite that I require to cover in order to give completion to what I committed myself to finish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having this little paper on the wall just proves that I am ‘worthy’ toward the system, without realizing that it’s not about the paper or the title or credentials even, but the self commitment that I have committed myself to as part of being a self directive and self responsible beings in all aspects in my reality, as I realize that my reality is my process and that neglecting doing this, is deliberately neglecting my own point of responsibility and self movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always give myself excuses as to why I should leave it for the next day and why I am not ‘ready’ to do this now wherein a thought of doing something else first always come in, and that something else is a task that I have defined as ‘enjoyable’ and even ‘more supportive,’ and within this creating a rift within me toward doing that which I realize is my immediate point of action as opposed to that which also requires action but is not in an absolute immediate manner that must be completed – thus I see and realize that I require to prioritize my time, myself and my current point at hand to complete and to not take further responsibilities without first sorting this one responsibility in my reality.

I Realize that I will have to face the consequences of my own procrastination within this point which I am fully aware that I created simply because of having given into energy and seeking for a feel good experience instead of actually doing what must be done in the moment and realizing that I could not be in a better position to do this and that I have in fact dishonored myself and neglected my self commitment by having given so much ‘head’ to this, instead of simply doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see myself having the thought of writing the document out, see the thought of that specific folder wherein I don’t want to go through everything that I have to revise it and give it proper order and coherence and within this creating a single thought of the folder that contains the files as a burden, due to all the information that is there and the points that must be aligned wherein I am creating a negative experience toward it, instead of actually supporting myself to open up the document, read through what I have and write.

When and as I see myself resisting opening up the very folder in my computer that contains all the written documents and avoiding clicking on it, I stop and I breathe, I realize that this is actually a physical click of opening up documents and reading and going through it to see what requires to be corrected, shifted, what requires an addition and as such focus on what is necessary to be done in order to in fact complete it and have it done for once and for all.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts and instant ‘captures’ of either the office or the folder containing the writings in my computer and using these thoughts as a point of fear to not move. I realize that I am capable of simply breathing through such thoughts and commit myself to write, review and work on the document myself.

 

This will continue..

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Desteni Forum

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Journey To Life 

thinking about writing

Blogs:

A History with Life After Death– Part 3

 

Interview by Bernard Poolman:

 

Eqafe Interviews:


162. Either Do it or DIE

I had a dream wherein I had applied for a job at a record store, and I was given a certain schedule that I of course had to cover. However I was rather entertained in my reality with something else, I remember I was interacting or moving around with people and as such when the time came for me to go cover my job schedule, I simply decided not to go and the reason in this case was because ‘I didn’t require the money,’ thus I experienced this absolute laxity toward the point of responsibility simply because I was not being guided by survival to do it, which is something that I can see is related to the motivation/ motive-factor as that energetic point that acts like a crutch for me to move.

The stagnation and deliberate shoving away of responsibilities is part of this point. I’ve lost the ‘fear’ to not do things and within this, I have self sabotaged myself extensively, simply because all the ‘discipline’ that I had lived was in fact only based on fear and keeping up a reputation that in my mind, I could not ‘afford’ to spoil for one second.

When the characters were identified, in my mind I created this point of laxity toward responsibilities, like literally only doing it at the last moment and essentially justifying it – foolishly enough – with me no longer acting out of fear to get things done, but ‘testing my waters’ in relation to my own ‘self-movement’ once that such fear is apparently non existent. And I say ‘apparently’ because it is quite obvious how I actually only turned the tables and went to the opposite of being the ‘on time responsible one’ to be a deliberate procrastinator one. This was all done consciously/ me being aware of it, and the only point that I can see has factored into it is this ‘force’ wherein I have opted to simply give myself away to it and continue placing things aside, postponing it all simply because I don’t perceive such points getting done within a matter of life or death. This reveals to what extent we have only moved when there is either a positive or negative reward and in my case, in the dream, the ‘record store job’ I had always kept in the past as this ‘dream like job’ – even if I am now aware it is not ‘dream-like’ at all – as something that I would do out of pleasure and that was going to apparently only be like an extended hobby. So, in the dream when it came to actually cover my hours, I decided to simply not go and take it as lightly as possible, simply because there was no point ‘behind’ it that was pushing me to do it, to move.

 

The same has happened in many ways within my reality wherein I actually dislike the fact that we have to be threatened in one way or another to move, however even after knowing this, we simply don’t do it.  The words ‘What’s the benefit in it?’ is what comes to mind when looking at ‘points I have to do’ which implies that within such cases I am still ‘expecting’ something good or even something bad coming out of it, and this ‘jaded’ attitude toward consequences is actually another way to not take responsibility for the points that are simply not being done/ not given direction, wherein it is obviously a non-doing situation that cannot possibly be without ‘an experience’ as it is perceived in my mind. I see and realize that it actually has taken quite a hold of myself due to my own deliberate shoving-aside of things that I know I have to do, but I am not doing.

So, the dream revealed to me this aspect of ‘necessity’ to do things out of survival – such as a job- while also deliberately neglecting the compromise I had made to actually do the job, which is something that is ‘so unlike me’ in terms of how I used to function in the past as the character of being a responsible person, whereas now that such point is not so automated or triggered out of fear, I see that it is definitely a point of ‘If I don’t change and if  I don’t move, nothing will change and nothing will move.’

We got it all in words, I got all the tools, I realize and see the point – so what is this deliberate mindfuck that I’m playing onto myself? Not doing something out of thinking of the future consequences of it, of the actual time that it would take, of the reviews and criticism that it will take, of the several bureaucratic processes that I am supposed to go through, of all the times that I would have to re-write the damn thing, and within that I see how I have in fact squandered more time when deliberately pushing aside this whole thing believing that somehow it could magically be ‘overlooked’ which is ludicrous and fantastic to my awareness at this very moment, how far I have deluded myself.

For all actions and inactions there’s a consequence – in my dream I did not get to see the point of not showing up for my job, but I can see how as long as ‘my life didn’t depend on it,’ I would unlikely take it serious, which is absolutely unacceptable, as I had made a contract/ commitment to actually do it, regardless of the money-made and my actual need for it, as well as it being supposed to be this ‘job’ that I liked/ wanted to get at some point early on in my life, which also indicates how we can brainwash ourselves to the utmost degree and believe that we ‘got it all covered,’ and when the seemingly petty points emerge, we can in fact realize that such seemingly ‘small decisions’ turn into massive balls of snow that grow and grow the more time keeps rolling.

And this point of consequence can also be observed within the relationship with time and procrastination, how we literally enslave ourselves to this ‘time frame’ wherein actual fear is being built toward the point, unnecessarily so, but because of the amount of energy as resistance/ procrastination that’s been created, we in fact develop it all into this massive ball that is nothing else but our own creation. And this is where in my mind, as the ego, would have wanted to blame it onto everyone else but myself, which is obviously something that cannot possibly exist any further within me.

 

Postponement:  this Force as ourselves as the Mind operate – where in a moment, our habitual Personality would activate and then this Force would be that “physical experience” within oneself of REALLY not WANTING to push through the Personality pattern/habit, but rather continue following the habitually patterned thoughts/internal conversations and behaviour – essentially in that moment the Mind/Consciousness as ourselves as the accepted and allowed self-defined Personality we’ve become, force ourselves into and as Mind-Submission, giving up on ourselves and the opportunity we would have had in that moment if one had simply taken a breath and committed self to the decision of change/realisation and physically, practically completed/done the task/assignment/responsibility.” – Sunette Spies on

The FORCE: DAY 161

 

 

And the nail I have hit my head with today:

for example, can look at contexts of:

“Postponing with School/University Assignments/Tasks – compromising one’s future and survival in this world system that is, unfortunately at this stage really dependent on establishing a profession/having an education. Obviously yes even though this may not be guaranteed, it should still not be an excuse, reason, justification to not utilize the opportunity you have in this moment to complete your education. You do not know what the Future may bring, and therefore, rather utilize the opportunity you have with education, commit yourself to get it done, so as to not have to face the regret of not utilizing this opportunity you have, later in life. It is here in your life/world, therefore – do it, get it done.” – Sunette Spies

Character Dimensions – Practical Application (Part 1): DAY 163

 

This last bit was enough to say Oh mein Gott it is so obviously blatantly here and how it has been deliberately brushed off in order to make it seem like, you know, it’s not relevant, you know I’ll do it later, I’ll Eventually get onto it, I’ll obviously have to get it done. Hence the title wherein it is interesting to see how I can give a dribble and a plethora of excuses as to why I was not doing so, however in the end it is a simple point of choosing to be/become the mind that seeks for a point of comfort/ no ‘problem solving’ type of situation instead of actually realizing how enjoyable it even was to expand myself within getting into academic stuff, this is also related to any habit that was for example supportive and when we stop doing it for an extended period of time, we tend to simply ‘forget’ how we would actually enjoy ourselves writing/ doing/ saying something that we then created a negative-charge to in order to create this infamous procrastination loop.

 

And what’s fascinating is that somehow I managed to procrastinate reading Heaven’s Journey To Life this entire week, and as I re-read this I realized that this is a timeloop obviously otherwise it would not be HERE for me to look at, walk with such blatant and obvious timing support – and self forgiveness for the clear judgmental aspect that arises as I write this out:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing any form of reputation as being a ‘responsible being,’ without realizing that such character was also driven by fear and this is the time wherein I am in fact realizing what self-movement actually is and implies for the very first time and that judging myself for it, won’t do any ‘better’ for it – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be judged by ‘others’ for not having been consistent within my application, without realizing that I was perfectly aware of it and the deliberateness of it linked to this single point of allowing myself to be ‘driven’ by the force and believing that ‘I had it all sorted out’ which is actually the same point of ‘ignorance is bliss’ that many people may create as positive thinking, without realizing that I was doing exactly the same thing when talking myself out of taking responsibility for a single point that is here as my responsibility to be done, and within this, believe that there is ‘no consequence to it for others, but only myself’ which is also a point of self interest and deliberately shoving aside the fact that I am actually aware of how everything that we do/ don’t do does not only create a consequence for myself, but creates a consequence at the level of the whole  – and within this,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘lose my ground’ and actually having deliberately created this stance of ‘all is well’ within me wherein apparently I was ‘not caring about it/ about getting something done,’ without actually seeing that the masquerade of ‘all is well’ was stemming from actually seeing the actual fear that created it as the realization of time as consequence being directly proportional to the amount of time I’ve shoved aside this point which is time-looping at a maniac-rate –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not even dare to be honest toward myself in relation to actually taking this point ‘by the horns’ because of not wanting to ‘expose’ myself to myself for the actual stupidity that it is to leave a task/ assignment/ evaluation aside believing that somehow it could not be ‘relevant’ to my reality any longer, which is quite the excuse to actually not take responsibility for myself and my creation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now that I am writing it out, actually experience a constriction in my chest and experience the heaviness as an energetic experience of fear in relation to seeing how long I have in fact excused myself out of this point and not given proper direction to it within the belief that I would ‘someday’ eventually do it and manage to get it all ‘perfectly done’ as I had done in the past, without considering that the past is not here as myself and that I cannot rely on ‘past patterns’ that require an actual DOING and giving direction to it within my reality, whereas before I would see them as an extension of who I am as such point of taking on a responsibility and committing myself to it.

 

When and as I see myself going into fear/ petrification when realizing the consequences of everything that I’ve done/ haven’t done, I stop and I breathe – I instead direct myself to not over-think about it and create yet another experience toward the pattern of procrastination but instead commit myself to do it, and this is not for the sake of keeping or sustaining an ‘idea’ of myself, but it is in fact part of what I had committed myself to be/ do/ become in my reality, wherein I am in fact then aware that it is a physical point to do within the current system that we live in and that it doesn’t matter if it’s required or not, it is a point for me to take on and ‘get it done’ no matter what, as I see and am aware that it cannot be pushed any further away in time than this.

 

So, I commit myself to get this done and I see and realize that breathing is the point to diffuse the experience within me which is a mix of fear and anxiety that I had managed to cover up with this seemingly ‘stable’ experience within me, while neglecting that it was not really a stable point of who I am but a make-believe stability because of knowing that I had been dragging one single point or various points around for an extended period of time without giving it direction and actually using other points in my reality to distract myself from taking responsibility for it – so another note here:

 

“Distraction – deliberately distracting ourselves with/as the Force of/as the Mind/a Personality, distracting us from/of ourselves, the physical to in/as that moment sabotage an opportunity for/as self-change/self-realisation within ourselves and our worlds. That we’d rather distract ourselves with and as the Mind/Personality, and attempt/try to validate/justify that distraction through and as the extent to which we can talk ourselves/convince ourselves in/as that moment from actually moving ourselves into and as a moment of change/realisation. All of which simply exemplify the nature of/as ourselves as human beings; that we’re deliberately utilizing ourselves as the Mind to not in fact really change, but conveniently only pay attention to our ‘comfort zones’ in the Mind to maintain separation and abdication of responsibility from/of ourselves and our worlds/realities.” – Sunette Spies  on The Force

 

So this entire point that came up in the dream wherein deciding to do the ‘fun thing/ that which I like/ that which made me feel ‘cool’  instead of  actually attending my schedule at the job and taking the point of Self Responsibility. So this is ‘my creations’ within the mindfuckism category, as Scott Cook has accurately coined the term – and it’s something I am definitely aware it’s not cool at all to perpetuate due to the actual extensive amount of energy it takes to keep shoving it aside, without actually ‘tapping’ on to it in the moment and just typing it out.

Okay, so this is the beginning of the end of me as the patriotic inhabitant of Procrasti-Nation – and this time it’s either I get it done or I swallow the already created consequences in the moment.

 

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Writing my woes out

 

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151. The Food for Thought is Our Flesh

 

Thinking Reality instead of Living it

I was listening to e Life Review – BeLIEving if I Know my Past – I’ll Know Me and it was most certainly quite supportive to realize to what extent I have defined my ‘stability’ according to the external factors that have created such Experience of stability: money, family, education, living in stable and supportive environments that I would tend to judge as being ‘non supportive’ in the past, however I see and realize now how I would consider myself ‘out of place’ based on the personality requirements and ‘needs’ that I created for me as the mind. I never had a particularly ‘shifting’ reality in terms of suddenly having no money at all, o having no support to go to school, or not even living with my progenitors/ family, which is something that for many children is not a ‘given thing,’ and it’s once again the points I’ve taken for granted that created the ‘who I am’ as the mind that is within this stability due to having support to cover all basic needs and essentially, becoming that stability as a certainty of assuming that ‘I’ll always be able to take care of myself/ there’s always someone that will be able to support me’ which is in fact still delegating the point outside of myself, as I realize that I have missed the absolute establishment of who I am here as breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘who I am’ based on the stability that I grew up with and was born into, wherein such stability is translated to having been born in a family living in a stable environment that could provide all that which I required to live, which is what I took for granted and side viewed as a factor that determined how I am experiencing myself at the moment, as it is most certainly obvious that I would not have been able to continue living if it wasn’t for such basic support to do so.

Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of living that reality of support to develop an absolute point of stability, I created emotional and feeling relationships as the mind in order to ‘make myself alive’/ living, which I had equated to being/ becoming emotional, having feelings and ‘stories to tell,’ which is how all of that ‘readily-given’ support to be able to eat, to drink water, to have a constant environment to live in, to be supported in all that I wanted to do is simply ‘taken for granted,’ and considered as not living, but instead went out to ‘create experiences’ so that I could define ‘who I am’ as a mind that experiences thoughts, feelings and emotions as a way to create the ‘idea’ of living, instead of actually living here as the physical, breathing, eating, relating myself to others as equals and establishing a relationship with my own physical body, which I Absolutely never considered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while listening to the interview think ‘I must be grateful for having had a stable environment to live in,’ and within this separate myself from the stability that I am here as breath, wherein it is actually not about ‘where I am’ that defines who I am, it is to see to what extent we have separated our own experience based on the environment/ images/ people/ things around us, missing out the stability that is here as breath. It is almost as if we distract ourselves deliberately through thinking reality instead of Living Reality, which would be a constant and consistent in and out breath wherein our physical requirements are fulfilled and as such focus on seeing where such stability as the physical is not being fulfilled in other living beings to equalize such stability, which would mean creating a point of transformation in this world according to ‘how it works’ based on money, legal ‘rights,’ and an entire societal structure that must also support this realization of who we are as the physical, as we can see how right now we are essentially not living to establish ourselves as physical equality and oneness, but live in a system where the image/ picture of ourselves as an Idea is what’s being glorified, sought to be ‘upgraded,’ while missing out the obvious self abuse that has come with our ‘progress’ and evolution.’

I see and realize to what extent we have moved ourselves away from the obviousness of the physicality through transforming our world, our reality to a single set of visual-thoughtful-emotional bullshit that can only exist if we all have submitted and diminished ourselves to only be an image, to only be a ‘thought’ in our heads, to only want to Be a thought and an experience within other human beings. I realize to what extent it is absolutely delusional we’re still even alive when we are taught and learn how to fear from the beginning of our breath every day to the moment we go to bed, just dragging our lives along and accepting such experience of ‘dread’ and ‘drag’ and ‘doom’ as ‘who we are,’ without ever even pondering: how come my physical body is still here and is constant and consistent in its functioning, I mean, my lungs don’t get depressed and decide not to function one day or require therapy to continue going, or some type of incentive to realize that ‘there’s more to life,’ no – instead we judge the very air we breathe as we use such breath to only exist as a mind that judges, that consumes the physical to continue existing, building, upgrading ourselves only as a personality/ character that stands as the proof of everything we have separated ourselves from: ourselves as the mind.

Thus I commit myself to establish my self stability here as the physical breath, as I see and realize how effective it is to stop defining myself according to ‘where I am’ and as such, stop ‘evolving’/upgrading the IDEA of myself, and instead reinforce the physicality of who I am ensuring that I accumulate each breath to be here. This is at the moment only a statement that is ‘in my hands’ to live or not, however the physical is such a self-sufficient point that it does not require the mind to think of stability as it IS stability as itself, as its very own functioning and configuration – thus the point to live is assisting and supporting myself as my mind to stop giving attention/ giving my moment away to thoughts and instead breathe and assure the realization that I cannot continue providing myself as ‘food for thought’ as that food is my own physical body and as such, I cannot possibly continue depleting that which stands as the unconditional physicality that I exist as only to support my mindfucks, my deliriums, desires, wants, needs, ideas of ‘bettering’ and ‘improving’ myself, of happiness and fulfillment as an energetic experience in absolute abuse and separation of ourselves.

And all of this is yet to be walked, as I realize to what extent we have in fact configured this entire reality as ‘the perfect brothel’ for us to prostitute ourselves/ sell out to upgrade and exist only as a thought/ a mind that thinks itself, not even ‘thinks the body’ – and within that getting ourselves to the current ‘place’ we’re in: abusing this entire physical reality beginning with our body to sustain a ‘perfect picture world,’ that just as anything that runs with energy looks ‘pretty glimmering and shiny’ while being oblivious and ignorant to the actual process behind this point of ‘beauty in the eye’ that stems from the abuse of the physical.

 

I breathe and realize that I can only live these statements by being here as breath, not ‘thinking’ about doing it, but just living it, stopping participation in the merry-go-round of our constant thinking and support and assist ourselves to instead develop an equal and one relationship with ourselves first to see who we are as the mind, to get to know how we have become ‘who we are,’ continuing walking our process of self forgiveness, self corrective statements and application in self honesty to continue getting a hold of ‘how’ we’ve become what we’ve become and as such, correct ourselves and most importantly, ensure that we do not continue and perpetuate the same patterns of self abuse that we’ve called ‘a life/ living’ which is unacceptable.

 

Our entire ‘culture’ from the primordial conception of ourselves as ‘thinking species’ must be debunked, must be exposed for the abuse it represents, making it acceptable to praise ‘thoughts’ while being absolutely oblivious and separated from everything and everyone that is Here as ourselves, as this entire world/ reality and Existence which is something that we have always seen/ regarded as ‘too far fetched,’ ‘too much’ for us to even conceive it, without realizing that we Are It and we have only separated ourselves from-it through accepting and allowing ourselves to only be a mind that thinks.

 

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Desteni Forum

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deadfrog

All of this can be understood in the blogs:

 

Also listen to the woman telling her story here:

 

And the Absolutely amazing interviews by frogs on this point of consumption as ourselves – I am grateful for being able to hear this and finally make sense of this point of consumption and within this realize the Absolute relationship that we have neglected of our mind and our physical as the very pattern that we have used to create the current ‘civilization’ we live in – it’s in our faces yet I didn’t even realize until hearing it within these interviews, to what extent we have created and set our own limitations based on ‘how we’ve thought reality’ instead of just Living it.  A MUST HEAR in order to understand our absolute equal and one responsibility to everything that we have created, been and become from the starting point of separation from ourselves as the physical.


147. Hissy Fit: Cleaning Demonic Possession

 

Today after listening to the Whale interviews – which supported me to also get back ‘down to Earth’ after getting pissed off at irresponsible situations going on ‘at home’ –  I realized how Thinking is Self Interest even if such interest in this case is getting pissed off and KNOWING IT – and still acting out on it  – furthermore I realized how through thinking we have denied/closed off and diminished ourselves to only see a VERY limited version of our reality, we get stuck on a minute version of what WE are able to see, realize and understand and experience in our minds only, while there’s an entire existence going on in this reality with beings that are far more aware than ourselves about us human beings and this entire existence while we simply decide to annihilate and exterminate animals for whatever reason we might ‘think’ it is appropriate to do so. Wow, really, wow – and all of this I realized after going through one of Marlen’s greatest fears:  finding a house absolutely dirty after I leave for only a week after several months.

1st point: my ‘plans’ were disturbed (pattern of getting out of routine/ expected future projection) the moment that I came in and saw the mess – and decide that I have to clean it up as there is no way I can leave the mess as is for one more second.

– – Thoughts: I cannot possibly let this all remain as is, it is unbelievable, I have to clean it all up

Imagination: this existed as an image that came up during the first hours of the day and future projecting myself being back home, in my ‘work space’ and focusing on my tasks.I was aiming at getting back home early and get back on track to everything that I had to do – instead, I spent hours cleaning and arranging what was ‘my own fear/ nightmare’ in terms of precisely having evading leaving the city for

1. wasting time

2. coming back and finding an entire mess in the house – kitchen specifically as I obviously have no say in people’s rooms

Backchat chart:

  • – I leave and everyone just stops giving a fuck about cleaning at all
  • – this is WHY I don’t like fucking leaving the house, everything turns into a mess when I’m not around here
  • – why can’t THEY take Responsibility for cleaning up after ALL THIS TIME!
  • – It is IMPOSSIBLE that at this stage, they are STILL doing this even though they KNOW it is unacceptable
  • -WHY Can’t they just have a BIT of consideration
  • – And endless coursing that ‘I KNEW’ I was shouting out loud

 

Yes, anger, I have written about it for a long time – and even remembering when I was so surprised when anger was like a point that I had simply covered up with an image of ‘Everything is just fine in the world!’ and when getting to see the actuality of it all, anger emerged – suppressed realization of what I had deliberately neglected/ dismissed in my reality and then deliberately acting upon anger itself. Yes, Deliberately – and this can lead to Who am I as Deliberate acting-out in anger?

What are the physical points within this mind-cleaning-demonic-possession frame of mind within acting out in anger: Grabbing all the dishes piled up on the sink with all the food clogging the tube and tossing them into a wooden box, grabbing the cleaning gloves, sponges, detergent/ cleaning liquid and spilling it all over the stove, tables, sink to start scrubbing away the ‘dirt’ – every spot I would turn my eyes to, I’d find just some other fine mess –  gather all the rotting organic garbage out of the kitchen, take out the trash, grab broom and start sweeping to then mix water and literally throw water on the floor to clean it, all of it while cursing and pushing stuff that would be deliberately ‘standing on my way.’  It’s not the first time that happens and I have ‘vowed’ myself to stop it, however in my mind the self-righteous point of ‘I CAN get angry because there is No responsibility taken’ emerges. The backchat in such moment was actually spoken out loud, and – here comes the point -‘I KNOW/ I KNEW’ that I was doing it, I was ‘perfectly aware of it’ – then, why didn’t I stop? – I have written about self-righteousness when getting angry about abuse, and so I had the opportunity to ask Enlil today about confusion with regards to this righteousness to be angry and the relationship formed when facing any situation of abuse.  Yes, Enlil, Mr. Relationship-formations co-founder of humanity Inc.

Marlen, lol – seems you really want to be/become angry at abuse –

that’s cool, meaning that is a ‘first step’ – but what happens when you get angry is that the abuse wins, because you react – the same as when bullied, for example –

you react in terms of what the bully intended, the bully wins, the system is throwing things at humanity’s face essentially to have you react, cause the moment you react, you’re powerless cause the mind takes over in that moment,

and every time you react – you react, and don’t use the time in-between to stand / establish solutions, everyone is in some way or another angry and always have been, but there come a time when the anger must be transcended, must take a breath, must realise it’s here and must realise it’s going to take time to change and self getting angry about it won’t change it, and doesn’t make self a better person for being angry
 

what does determine self is what you walk to change it in the actions you live

 

the anger, it’s also an interesting point because in a way one rather want to get angry than having to admit to the point that it’s going to take time to change; like we don’t want to go to that realisation that it’s going to take time, there’s nothing one can do about it RIGHT NOW – so it’s a fear of going into that realisation, that it is too late to change it all NOW, and that it’s going to be a process and so we get angry, more at ourselves really and the sense of powerlessness we experience; but you cannot let the anger/powerlessness diminish you

 

– Pointer to look at within this context:  

  • –I Expected ‘them’ to Already Know that they Have to clean/ take the trash out/ leave the kitchen clean before leaving for the weekend
  • – I ‘hoped’ it would happen, I believed that I didn’t have to remind them because I ‘assumed’ that they are aware of what they have to do after (adding more ‘charge to the possession’) 2 years of being living together
  • — I was aware of being angry and deliberately deciding to shout and curse in that moment – who am I within this moment and this split second decision? I take the point of being righteous as the mind and decide to get possessed by the moment, wherein, as Enlil clarified: cause the moment you react, you’re powerless cause the mind takes over in that moment, and this justified from the self-righteous desire to say: “It is Unbelievable that they Still haven’t gotten the point, they can’t be self-responsible about their own shit”

 

What do we have? Anger projected at others within the realization that I in fact ‘expected’ others to act/ be / do what I expected them to do, realizing that after ‘all this time’ they haven’t changed and still require policeman in the head to change – believing that because we’ve had confrontations about the same cleaning thing in the past, they would ‘learn’ from it and change, meaning: this time ensuring they do take care of their own stuff while I’m not at home – Believing that we have ‘matured’ our relationship as house mates and they were ‘doing better’ now – in terms of being more considerate – Believing that 2 years would be enough to change an entire lifetime of personal habits of cleaning just because of ‘being living here’  –  believing that they would read notes on the wall of what to do and what not to do, not realizing we as humanity have done all of this and taken it to the next level of negligence, sometimes or the majority of the times.

 

And if I actually look at it from the perspective Enlil shared here, it was me in fact feeling ‘powerless’ because they were not at home for me to exert my anger onto them and shout in from of their face – as I write I realize that I am trying to bring up other points like them leaving the door  of the house open in order for me to get some condescending readers about this, but no. I realized  how I was angry at myself for having expected the house to be a particular way – not meeting my expectations that were also a possibility to turn into a fear and so, some equations took place and I reacted to this point/ event that could have been the outflow.

 

Being Self-Honest, I was in fact angry at me getting angry at the exact same type of situations I thought I was ‘transcended’ or not as ‘reactive’ as before – however, I still went into it, I ‘did it anyway’ and as such, this deliberate acts have consequences for not having actually breathed through it and simply direct myself to still clean up everything as I had realized I would from the get go . My body hurts in various spots as I realize that any little strain it is as painful as having run a marathon in a matter of hours.

And if we look at the points wherein I am projecting blame on to others, it is in fact the exact same points we ALL do. I ‘know’ I should stop, but I ‘gave into’ the anger anyways – and it is a point that I see and realize is not to be further judged, but realized as a simple way to reflect how everything that we judge about others is in fact what I am doing within myself.

I also realize I can only react to such an extent if I have in fact accumulated negative energy-experiences as thoughts that I can only exert as a point of accumulation triggered by apparent ‘external factors.’ I see that in the moment that I saw the overflowing pile of dishes, I ‘made the decision’ to become possessed in anger – and it’s is a fuckup, yes but I am also seeing how it works, and this is also thanks to the  Quantum Mind Self Awareness interviews to see how we in fact do have a moment to decide who and what we decide to be and exist as in every moment: breath or a mind-possession taking over.

Thinking, becoming emotional, and justifying anger is still of the mind as only a mind can react according to its own parameters of what is dirty, what is abuse, what is ‘too much’ based on memory – so, it’s to remember:

the anger must be transcended, must take a breath, must realise it’s here and must realise it’s going to take time to change and self getting angry about it won’t change it, and doesn’t make self a better person for being angry

 

So, I’ll be walking the various points here now that I’ve laid out the plot, the spoiler and placed the point into perspective to see where and how shoving away our thoughts can also create an accumulation that awaits to be exerted at the least ‘provocation’ –

Is it really necessary to live this way? No, it is not living, it is only reacting as expected based on patterns – who do I decide to be: a predictable pattern or a physical body that decides to walk the points – any point – as breath?

I Choose Life. Self Responsibility at all times

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

7 Year Journey To Life 

Déjalo atrás

 

MUST Read Blogs

to Understand who we are as the Mind, what we have done As the mind and our commitment to stop continuing this reality as is due to our accepted and allowed participation:

Ever wondered what Real Enlightenment can be? I discovered it today, the most humbling interviews are the ones directed by the Animal Kingdom at Eqafe, revealing ourselves how little-to-nothing do we in fact ‘know’ about ourselves – time to realize what is real, fellow humans:

A humbling series of explanations about LIFE, the animal kingdom, marine biology and human communication – this is the first seAssion with the whales and all you’ll end up realizing is how on Earth could we ever claim any form of ‘scientific evolution’ or human evolution for that matter while disregarding the beings that are in fact Aware of themselves as this entire existence – and what are we human beings doing onto them? We all know – Time to OPEN OUR EYES and Educate ourselves with something that has Never ever been shared in the history of humanity, it’s about time we HEAR what we never even ‘thought’ would be possible.


146. Fear of Death

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/ Commitments

Thought:  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death due to the pain that I have accepted and allowed myself to future project I will experience, without realizing this is all based on knowledge and information that I have used in order to generate the fear of dead, instead of realizing that I am here as breath and that whenever death comes, I am here as breath to walk through it till breath is no more

 

Commitment: I commit myself to instead of existing as ‘fear of death’ I live my life ensuring that I can broadly say I have Lived this day as if it was the last day, ensuring that I in fact thus commit myself to LIVE and within this holding no fear toward a future and no regret toward the past, but live in every moment of breath here, so that whatever may come or may not come, it does not influence who I am here as the physical day to day living

 

Imagination: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the image of me burning in flames as the utmost fear in my mind toward death, without realizing that I have created this pictures as ‘fear of death’ due to how I have linked heat/ fire to the most excruciating torture – thus it is all based on knowledge and information that I have linked to ‘pain’ and as such formulating my own ‘fear of death’ linked to heat/fire as the ‘worst way to die,’ binding myself to my own creation at a thought level, which is ludicrous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination to think about my end as it is entertaining to ‘ponder’ about that stuff, without realizing that while doing so, I am in fact missing and giving away my breath of life to do so, which is pointless

 

Commitment: I commit myself to when and as I see myself fearing death and thinking of fire, I stop and Breathe, I realize that this is my own creation that I am here to take self responsibility for as it is only a thought emerging as a point of entertainment in my mind, without realizing that in doing so I am in fact missing the breath that is here as the life that I am existing as in every moment – thus I commit myself to live here as breath and Not participate in any thoughts about death, as they are utterly useless.

I commit myself to remain here as breath so that I do not go creating unnecessary thinking and draining in my body to create alternate dimensions of ‘death fears’ – instead I commit myself to live here, focusing on what is HERE

 

Backchat: I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I don’t want to die in a gruesome manner’ without realizing that in such fear I am just entertaining my fear, and there’s no point in even giving my breath away of Life to such thoughts about dying and ways of dying – I instead support myself to live as breath, wherein I am here physically aware of the body that is here and stop the unnecessary thinking about ‘ways to die’ lol

 

I commit myself to not entertain my mind with backchat indicating/ navigating through ‘ways to NOT die’ as it is absolutely pointless to entertain myself thinking about anything that is not HERE as myself as the physical reality – thus it is to live here, let go any minor attempt of thought about dying as a way to create fear and as such, ensure that I am breathing, living moment to moment.

 

Reaction: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear of death wherein because I have no reference to ‘death’ I try to make it up in my mind and react with ‘courage’ toward it, instead of realizing that nor courage nor future projecting about death is necessary as I am here as breath  and such, death may or may not come the next breath and that doesn’t determine who I am in the moment – thus I simply remain breathing not supporting any fear of death as a thinking possession.

 

I commit myself to stop fearing death or any thoughts related to dying as I see and realize it is mere entertainment for my mind to actually evade looking at what is here -thus when and as I see myself wanting to lurk around ‘fear of death’ and any thoughts related to that, I instead breathe and look at the point that I am facing in the physical reality to instead, work with/ direct myself to face the physical-reality that is here and stop going into the movie-theatre drama entertainment of ‘fear of death’ in my mind.

 

Physical: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a petrifying fear whenever get an exhilarating/get a cool experience around thoughts of dying and how it ‘could happen,’ as I see and realize that this draining sensation in my physical body is in fact me creating an energetic experience out of my own thoughts, which is unacceptable when seeing, realizing and understanding that I abuse my physical and actually Kill myself when thinking about death and creating an experience about it- which is what requires to be stopped in any other aspect within my mind in order to actually be here and live

 

I commit myself to live here as breath wherein there is no possibility to create an experience of thinking as I see and realize that getting an energetic high through wondering and flirting about death is simply another way to entertain myself here, while abusing the physical reality and body that I am. Thus I live here as breath, and take responsibility for the thoughts I do direct in my mind in order to Live – I realize that creating even a positive experience out of thinking about death is rather ludicrous and no different to any other escapism modality to not face myself here – thus I take responsibility and face myself here as breath.

I see and realize that most of the ‘ways to die’ I have gotten from movies/ stories that I’ve seen and read and as such, accepted them as also ways to entertain myself in the mind, instead of being here as the physical realizing the absurdity of fearing death while I am breathing here.

 

Consequence: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even be aware of what I have done onto my physical when ‘flirting’ about death and ways to die, wherein I am clearly not HERE as breath, but entertained in my mind with either a fear or exhilaration about ‘dying’ or everyone ‘dying’ as I see and realize that’s just part of the consequential outflow of me/ us not wanting to take responsibility for what is here as our creation

I commit myself to instead walk step by step my mind possession of either a positive or negative experience when thinking/ flirting about death/ dying thoughts, as I see and realize that I am here as breath and that such thoughts only indicate me wanting to ‘escape’ the moment in my mind – thus I bring myself back to here so that I realize that every single thought has a consequence to be walked through and as such I commit myself to stop creating consequences that are detrimental to self

 

Walk with us at Desteni to realize how futile it is to ‘Fear Death’ and instead, support ourselves to LIVE here in every moment of Breath.

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System : Supporting Life from Birth to Death –

 

Burning Trees copy

The real death is the depletion we are imposing onto our world and reality when living in a world-system/ economic model that doesn’t support Life in Equality.

 

Blogs:

Thoughts: Pixels of the Screen of the Mind – Part 2: DAY 146

Day 146: Synchronicity and Natural Selection

Vlog:

FEAR WEEK: Fear of Drowning? Suffocating? In flames? FEAR of Death!

2010 Equal Money Ends Fear


144. Obsessive and Possessive Patterns: My belongings

I had a dream wherein I was going to the farm with someone and realized that we had arrived without baggage. I saw how the other person seemed to not care at all about it, however I saw myself manipulating the moment by becoming anxious, desperate, talking in an acute voice tonality and moving around in a fast pace from side to side in an attempt to actually make others to ‘get the point’ and take us back to the airport to get our luggage.  It seemed that I was really possessed with the entire point of ‘getting my bag,’ feeling like ‘unprotected’ without it, and I questioned how it was that the other person was not really caring much about having no bag with himself.

And in that dream I can recognize a pattern of myself, which is how I tend to not Live in the moment whenever there’s something that is absolutely occupying my entire attention: I ‘forget’ about breathing and with that, everything else in the environment. In the dream I forgot to enjoy the arrival to the place and actually enjoying being there again – Instead, I was moving around, rushing and finding any and all ways to get back to the airport to get my stuff, literally being possessed to get a cab, find someone to get us/ me back to the airport. So, here some points walked in Self Forgiveness wherein I decided to hold and create the backchat and obsession of ‘wanting to get all my stuff right fucking now,’ projecting blame to other beings and as such, even missing out the actual cool moment to see everyone again as I was too busy throwing a fit about our bags not being with us, while deliberately hiding the fact that I had ‘forgotten’ about the baggage because of also getting caught in the entire point of meeting another person, which is also the subtle moments wherein I also tend to ‘lose sight of the moment’ and go into an absolute possession of ‘being meeting someone’ and creating an entire  experience about it in my mind, eventually forgetting about things/ losing things due to my attention being diverted to another one single point – quite a pattern. It was also interesting how the other person’s ‘unattached’ stance toward ‘belongings/ ownerships’ was in my face and making a point with it, yet I would react to it with further backchat instead of actually taking a moment to breathe and actually let go of the possession/ learn from his reaction to support myself that way.

 

So, within this blog I’ll walk the first dimension of the dreams as obsession wherein I was absolutely moving based on my self-interest, which seems like it’s  been the only way we have ever always ‘moved’ ourselves as humanity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ‘possessed’ by the stuff that I have defined as ‘my belongings’ wherein I simply became absolutely focused on ‘getting my stuff back no matter what,’ missing out each and every single moment of  breath, being spending my time with another/others for the very first time and ‘enjoying’ the entire moment, just because of wanting to ‘have all my shit together’ before settling down.

When and as I see myself being absolutely possessed by ‘my belongings’ the moment that for one reason or another I am not able to have it all together, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot ‘change’ the events by becoming anxious and desperate to go back to get them – instead I simply direct myself to explain the point to someone else so that we can eventually get ourselves to ‘get our stuff back,’ instead of making such fuss and a big deal out of ‘not having my stuff,’ worrying and throwing a tantrum, fearing ending up without anything, which indicates the actual pattern wherein I see I can ‘lose myself’ from being here as breath: when missing out my belongings and ‘losing everything I have,’ which is actually related to how money is our security/ safety bubble, which is a point I opened up a couple of days ago.

I commit myself to actually realize the unnecessary distress and worry that I create in my mind as thoughts when wanting to ‘get what I want’ right away which is stemming from an actual fear of losing it all as well as my ‘happiness point’ wherein I got used to ‘having all I want’ right away, without realizing that who I am is here and that all I can lose is stuff that I have become possessed by as my belongings and turning them into my ‘point of stability’ in separation of myself here as breath –thus I realize that they are not ‘attached’ to my body and that I cannot define myself and my moment according to having them or not having them. I realize that use I give to all I have, however, it is not ‘the end of the world’ if I see myself without them all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the thought of not having my bags with me, I immediately go into fear of loss as all the money invested on clothes and ‘personal belongings’ along with stuff that I had some type of ‘attachment’ toward, which indicates there is a point of possession that I am feeding as things = money that I can earn or lose in one go, within this not yet equalizing myself as everything that I have wherein I realize the current means and ways that one can get money being not ‘readily available,’ however, becoming possessed by ‘our belongings’ is definitely a mind-defined relationship instead of an actual realization of self-equality and oneness.

When and as I see myself reacting to seeing the thought of ‘my bag with all my belongings’ as a point of potential loss, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this attachment I have programmed through the value I have separated myself from and as money, which implies that there is no actual ‘loss’ as the who I really am in this reality, and that the loss is only a point of losing that which I had ‘made my own’ through the same means in which we have kid each other as apparent ‘owners’ of something – and even someone as well at times – that we can in fact ‘lose’ –

I realize I cannot lose myself as I am already here – and that all points of separation as ‘value’ upon a piece of what’s here that I had made/named ‘my belongings’ must be reviewed in order to realize in common sense this is how we currently exist as with regards to ‘things’ outside of ourselves, yet this in no way can define who I really am as the physical being that uses what’s here to live.

I commit myself to let go of the specific attachments I have created throughout time toward ‘that which is mine,’ and instead equalize myself to it, so that I do not hold this ‘strong definition’ based on what I see and believe is ‘important’ to me as belongings –this is an actual point to walk due to how I had defined the ‘who I am’ based on the stuff that I see and have a constant relationship with on a daily basis in my reality – being it clothes, computer, stuff in my room, artwork, ‘things’ that I have defined as ‘indispensable’ in my mind – yet never really seeing what is really indispensable and what is only keeping a certain dimension of self-possession in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the other being’s parsimony and nonchalant attitude toward the realization that ‘we had missed our bags/ left them at the airport,’ in which I saw the image of the being just laying on bed almost not ‘caring at all,’ while I was with my nerves all spiked up wanting to go to the airport ‘as fast as possible’ to get our stuff back – within this judging the being’s attitude as careless, lazy, complacent and passive, just because of the being showing little to no interest to be concerned the same what that I was with regards to ‘my belongings.’

When and as I see myself judging another being as ‘too passive’ and ‘nonchalant’ to deal with situations that I have defined as ‘emergencies’ wherein immediate action is required – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have to actually slow down to see how reacting to another’s attitude of patience and parsimony is a way for me to complain about them not supporting my mind fuck.

I realize that I had in fact been judgmental and at the same time jealous of beings’ attitude toward loss, wherein I believe that they would have to be ‘going up in flames’ as well, but instead seeing them act and taking it all ‘without a care’, which is what I have taken as a crutch for me to react even more toward them and blaming them for ‘not giving a fuck/ not caring about the whole thing ‘the same way I do,’ and in this, actually taking a self-righteous position of me being the ‘good person’ because of caring ‘too much’ about the event, which is absolute self-manipulation to make myself ‘the winner/ the caring one’ within this entire event,  in this

I commit myself to actually stop always aiming to be the one with the ‘right judgment’ at all times, wanting to impose my view as ‘that which is right,’ which is the way that I still want to hold on to my mind in a self-righteous mode, instead I support myself to learn from others in fact, to see how it is possible to exist without an actual attachment toward ‘things’ in my reality and still manage to live.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a person that ‘truly cares’ shows emotions of worry and preoccupation, rushing and ‘moving around in a fast pace’ as if such attitudes were in fact necessary when giving direction to a point that requires immediate to short term solutions. I realize that I have only created such belief in my mind based on parental patterns of rushing, preoccupying/ worrying about things and creating attachment toward things ‘of my own,’ without realizing that I cannot own, I cannot have ‘control’ over my reality and that any point of fear of loss must be confronted/ faced as the actual point of possession it represents: fearing losing ‘my belongings’ as ‘my stuff’ as a way to justify me being pissed off, exalted and rushing to get things ‘back to me,’ wherein I am only caring about me-me-me, my time, my stuff and moving everything and everyone I can to get my stuff back as a synonym of getting ‘my comfort, peace and security back’ which is unacceptable, as it’s mind possession.

When and as I see myself wanting to become emotional in anger or anxiety and distress when things are ‘not going my way,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is just a mind fit that in no way assists and support ourselves to get things done, it is only a mind-driven reaction that serves no one. Thus

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself through emotions of anxiousness despair, worry and concern whenever I want things to get done the way that I want it, how I want it, as fast as I want it and in the moment that I want it which is precisely what I have lived as in my reality: subtly moving people around in a way wherein I can get a benefit and/or support to ‘do what I want/ get what I want,’ which is then the point to expose toward myself and eradicate, as I see and realize that it is in this seemingly ‘petty reaction’ that a great ‘chunk’ of my personality resides: moving and directing things as fast as possible when and where there is an immediate point of self interest to cover, while creating a negative reaction and backchat toward those that are ‘in the same situation,’ yet do not approve/ support my reaction/mindfuck the way that ‘I’ expected them to do, in this

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seek for at least 1 other person to ‘backup’ my mindfuck, wherein I am still wanting to get things done ‘my way,’ even if I know that ‘my way’ is absolute self interest and actual obsession in that moment. It is unacceptable to want to get at least one other person to ‘agree’ with my mind possession as a way to validate it as real and ‘a good reason’ to get what I want. In this

When and as I see myself deciding to act as a point of mind-possession wherein I am moving the earth and mountains to get my point of desire/ want and need done, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am actually being possessed in this moment by the entire situation wherein I am not considering anything or anyone else BUT My point of happiness which is being obsessed with  become ‘getting it,’/ making it/ going somewhere and essentially, not stopping the mindfuck till it is satisfied/ done/ achieved– thus

I commit myself to stop supporting my own wants/ needs and desires that come up in a cyclic manner in my mind, and instead breathe and realize that if the point is in fact relevant to give direction to in common sense and placing self interest aside, I can direct myself to see the viable options –here as breath – to give direction to the point. However if it is only a point of ‘immediacy’ just because I say so, it’s absolutely unacceptable and as such must be stopped by myself immediately, as I see and realize that I am also involving others in ‘move’ that I have to also take into consideration at all times to make a decision that’s best for all. This way I ensure myself to not be immediately caught manipulating and controlling others to ‘get things done,’ but I instead take such points and walk them myself first in self honesty to ensure I am not possessed by my own interest to give direction to something/ someone

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider my obsessive-compulsive behavior as a curse and a virtue wherein the curse arises when becoming dependent on a particular pattern, getting things done and a virtue as this ‘gets me moving,’ without realizing that both starting points are equally fucked as they are stemming from an actual fear – of loss/ lacking/ being unprotected in this case – instead of being actual points of self-movement in the moment within common sense.

When and as I see myself becoming compulsive with regards to depending on a particular habit of extreme lack/ need in an urgent manner to immediately move, I stop and I breathe – I realize that there’s no need to create a situation of ‘extreme lack’ and ‘rush’ to get things done, no matter how it has worked ‘in the past,’ who I am cannot be repeating the same ‘effective formulas’ of myself in the past – thus I ensure that I actually walk a point without having to take it o the very last consequences before losing all time to move, and in this actually create a habit of distributing enough time and consideration to check all points required when and while moving, directing, doing something in our reality.

I realize that the ‘obsessive point’ of not stopping doing something until it is done can be a ‘cool thing’ if the starting point is clearly self-supportive at all times and it doesn’t become a one point to procrastinate and eventually do ‘all at once’ in the least amount of time possible – I realize that I have created this pattern throughout time wherein I had even involved ‘luck’ as a factor to determine things always ‘turning out well’ at the end when taking on a project, task or a single point to ‘move’ and direct, as I see and realize that this is hope here acting and not actual self movement at all times.

I commit myself to slow myself down to breath when the mind is rushing wanting and trying/ attempting to get something done. Instead I walk at the breathing pace to establish solutions according to the actual need and practical requirements of the solution.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become thoughts as an experience wherein even in my dreams, and knowing beforehand that I can just breathe and exist ‘here,’ I allowed myself to be possessed by the worry and concern of ‘losing money’ through losing my bag, representing that attachment/ value that I have given to possessions that are in fact an imposition of property over that which is here from and of the Earth, transformed into ‘products’ that we buy and sell to ‘make a living’ within a delusional system wherein we created a big lie as monetary system in order to support the mind’s desire of power as an illusion that can only be ‘made real’ through imposing private property as ownership upon the Earth in the name of personal benefit and personal interest.

 

When and as I see myself getting concerned about ‘losing my belongings’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that ‘my belongings’ is but an imposition I have beLieved myself to be real in order to justify my point of control/ imposition over life for my own benefit. Thus, it is to see that it is the relationship created with money that which is to be reviewed the moment that we allow ourselves to be mind possessed/ obsessed with thoughts that indicate fear of loss while creating a point of need, desire and want to satisfy that ‘fear of loss’ – this indicates already the type of conflict that we create only in our minds while abusing the very physical reality that has allowed ourselves to ‘bear’ the mindfucks that we indulge in, the moment that we use the mind to create a point of worry, concern, going into obsession and thinking possession out of fearing losing something that was never ‘mine’ in the first place, which places into context how it is that I have accepted and allowed myself to be still regarding material possessions as ‘the point’ of possession even in the slightest /sly-test situations.

 

I commit myself to actually let go of the value, regard that I have imprinted onto ‘everything that I own’ as ‘my belongings’ to ensure that I in fact stop defining ‘who I am’ according to ‘what I own’ and as such, commit myself to review the attachments I have created toward my ‘material possessions’ as it is not even a matter of ‘how much money I have’ or how ‘expensive’ my belongings are, but the value and worth that I have given them in my mind as the ‘who I am’ being defined by such belongings.

 

This will continue…

 

Support yourself to get to see the ‘seemingly unnoticeable’ of how we live and act like on a daily basis, to finally ensure we are in fact able to stand as beings that live and do what’s best for  all at all times, no matter what – Desteni I Process 

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143. Only the Privileged Ones get to Live

Does this sound elitist to you? Well, this is implied in the laws under which we’ve been all living in and by: Money is a privilege that is only granted to 1/4 of the Earth’s population, and us people behind our computers are part of it – ‘Noooo!’ Yesss, we are, clearly so, otherwise we would not be able to read, have a computer, have a sound body that is nurtured with the Earth’s resources that Should be Unconditionally Given to All Beings to Live – yet, what have we done? We have created a set of arbitrary ‘rules’ to dictate who lives and who dies, this implies that we could recognize each other as the ultimate criminals: we are all responsible for the killings of billions of human beings, animals, the Earths resources in the name of profit as that illusion of power and control that Our delusional monetary system enables in our reality.

What does this make us all? A bunch of thieves, elitists and selfish beings. However what I have realized throughout the years of having lived for a long time on the ‘leftist/ judgmental’ type of personality, I saw that the plethora of judgments toward the world system, people and essentially everyone in this world lead me nowhere and instead became just another excuse and justification to Not realize how it is that I was simply adding my 2 kg of dirt to an ever-growing empire of shit – yes, high jacking Reznor here – and never even daring to see HOW I was only judging me, really, how every single flaw I could get pissed of about in our reality made by so-called ‘Nasty beings’ was only a way to make myself seem ‘superior’ in my mind against those that I haughtily judged as despicable, nasty and absolutely abhorring in this world, in which I would obviously place politicians for the most part in such category.

I had an interesting experience today meeting one – whether it was real or not – most likely not however for what it was, it played a cool character to confront for a moment. There was this idea of ‘the privileged ones’ came up when speaking about the NASA’s endeavors  to ‘save humanity’ through going to explore another planet -and I saw that it ‘pissed me off’ the most as he was clearly indicating that ‘finding life in mars could mean the ability to send human beings there to ‘save the race’ – I pointed out how that could only be just another selfish act and that we should instead just focus on Earth to support all beings equally here – he said, well, it’s clear that not everyone will be saved, and only the privileged ones will remain. And I cringed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pissed off at words that imply that ‘only the privileged ones on Earth’ will remain alive after ‘all the trials and tribulations,’ which is actually a statement based on Fear wherein money acts as the idea of ‘security’ that money has existed as and provided for those that can ‘assure’ their lives through money.

When and as I see myself getting pissed off at people speaking about how there are ‘privileged ones’ on Earth that will ‘deserve’ to continue living as an example of the human race, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the punitive judgment that I have inflicted upon another’s words is actually anger toward myself and all for having accepted and allowed the belief of there being ‘special beings’ in this world and that in any way such ‘privileged ones’ could be ‘saved’ on Earth, without realizing that we are actually living by/ as this punitive system wherein Life is only awarded/ given/ offered to those that hold the point of current ‘power and control’ as money, while the rest of humanity that do not have such ‘power’ as money are left to die in starvation or abused in the most horrid ways ‘just to make a living,’ in essence becoming the ‘modern day slaves’ for a consumerist apocalyptic world.

I commit myself to make of this world a privileged place to live in, wherein I can ensure that I am able to face each being and say I have in fact done what I can in order to honor life, to establish an Equality System wherein we can ensure that who we are stands as Life for eternity. And within this, realizing that there is no magic wand in this statement as it is an actual decision that I commit myself to live till the day that I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge anyone that lives as the perfect example of ‘only the privileged ones get to live’ wherein I would immediately associate the word privilege as a special, superior position of ‘power’ as money/ wealth, without realizing how it is that just by the fact of having money, I am part of the ‘privileged ones’ on Earth that can already have a ‘privileged life’ when compared to those other beings that have no money to live and as such, ignoring the fact that it is ourselves we judge at all times when ‘judging the system,’ ‘judging the corrupt and filthy rich politicians,’ without realizing that it is ourselves that exist as an actual point of abuse toward other living beings that are equally here, yet we have disregarded them the moment that we aGreed to create a monetary system that could ensure only a few could have money and the rest ‘strive to live’ or have no money at all, which would ensure a finite death/dead end to a living being’s life,

When and as I see myself judging people for so-called ‘elitist comments,’ I stop and I breathe – I take the point back to self to see where it is that I am in fact judging, getting angry at and reacting to words that are actually showing me where I have contributed to the abuse, elitism and segregation in this world based on the belief that money is in fact real and that money is that which ‘enables us to live,’ a Major misconception and general ‘saying’ without awareness wherein we do not see and realize how it is the Earth itself that enables us to live – the air we breathe, the foods we eat, the relationships we establish with the environment is what Living is – thus

I realize that diminishing ‘living’ to having lots of money to experience the ultimate ‘pleasure of success’ in one’s life is part of the brainwashing and indoctrination moves wherein we reduced ‘living’ to consumption, living to satisfying make-believe needs that could only support an entire ‘lifestyle’ that we all aspired to get to live, as ‘privileged ones’ that would not have to ‘deal’ with the ‘Earthly problems,’ placing ourselves in a comfortable bubble of money so that we would not have to ‘wake up’ to reality, but built a make-believe reality upon the fallacy that money has always been.

I realize that whenever I see myself judging something/ someone it is in fact me only considering Me-me-me at all times within a point of specialness as the money that creates in our lives and that I can certainly assist and support myself to walk in Self Forgiveness to see how the separation exists and how it all begun.

I commit myself to expose how we create separation, elitism as the desire to be ‘more’ than others based only on knowledge and information, such as the current money-experience we have in our every day living, which is all that we have become: beings reducing life to a single experience which is the actual point to be corrected in fact: to realize we are here as life and that it is only in Equality that life can thrive.

to be continued…

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130. Killing the Loved Ones

 

‘I’ll kill you/her/she/them!’

Continuation from: 129. Will Love and Lighters end up Killing People?

This is one of the backchat points that can be found within the desire  to control someone, which is wanting to manipulate another for the sake of acting/ doing things our way/ getting our point of Happiness. Whenever the person does Not recede to our point of control, backchat may emerge in an insulting, denigrating manner toward the unsubordinated person and one of the ‘most negatively charged’ type of backchat exists in the form of ‘I HATE YOU/HER/HIM’ or ‘I WANT TO KILL HER/HIM/THEM ALL’

 

Now, what does all the positive thinking on ‘light, love, bliss’ has to do with the point of negative backchat such as ‘I want to kill you/he/she/them?’ It is an extreme bouncing off from the positive experience, it is the extreme polarity once that someone ‘had it all’ and then ‘lost’ it as a point of self definition, unleashing then the opposite-directly proportional input of positivity back into negativity – that’s when we can identify our ‘downfalls’ and ‘depressions’ and whatnot that can escalate through our own participation up to a point of absolute mind possession labeled as ‘mental instability’ by the psychiatrists that do want to make the most for their pockets out of a seemingly neuronal-hormonal dysfunction.

In other words, this can only happen if we give too much head to such negative experience, eventually becoming nothing else but the absolute opposite of the initial all-positive input of loving someone for example – there’s even a saying ‘from love to hate there’s only one step’ – and it is so, because the starting point of love is not an equal and one standing as physical beings of flesh and bones that care for themselves = care for one another in physical well being considerations – no, love means in our colloquial vocabulary just passion, energy, bubbles in the stomach that become an absolute life-hijacking obsession that is specifically directed to a point of possession a.k.a. wanting to control the other being, wanting to feel special with that something or someone, wanting to ‘fulfill the dreams’ that only existed as a positive experience in our minds.

 

This is how we can see MANY demonic-possessions today – which are MIND-possessions and should be understood as synonyms nowadays, wherein boyfriends attack their girlfriends – or vice versa – ending up slitting their throats, killing them, hitting them to ‘make them look ugly’ and one cannot possibly fathom: ‘but wait, I was sharing my life this man, I had sex with this man, how could it possibly be that the next day he’s trying to kill me!’ – and this is precisely where the role of the mind as a literal entity occupying our physical must be understood: the problem is thinking, the moment we think, we are already existing in an alternate dimension in our minds – and in that, hell is not far away. You may say: well, then we’re all living in hell, because we All all the time, and that is correct and that is what apparently makes us these ‘supreme beings’ that can THINK – but is it really so? Who invented this type of judgment but ourselves as human beings that deep inside actually fear NOT being in control of Anything or anyone that exists here.

 

In past blogs when revising words as the imposition of man’s mind upon the physical reality, this relationship of control was seen, which later on became the money language that we are currently living with and by, it is to understand who/ what do we have to accept and allow ourselves to exist as in order to voice/think a sentence like ‘I want to Kill Him/Her/them’ and in other cases ‘Me’ as well. Here is the deal: not many people can deny that this sentence has crossed their minds in an absolute moment of an absolute negative experience which within the understanding of how the positive and negative exist, means a ‘Fall from Heaven’ to the absolute opposite – why? Because of all the expectations we built in our MINDS only – reading again, yes only in our minds – about getting/ being with/ experiencing ourselves with something or someone ‘for the rest of our lives’ which is the usual bullshit peddled in our media about these everlasting relationships for example. And this is primarily focused on wanting to Kill the Loved One, which for all cases should be the most shocking and extreme type of betrayal toward one’s conception – meaning creation of the concept – of what love is/ should be, it is as ‘frightening’ as can be, because every single bit of relationship that exists now as ‘our society’ is apparently founded (or found dead) upon love – have a look at the promotion of these experiences as something marvelous and real: having a partner, getting married, having kids, creating a family, having pets, your relationship to god,  your job, your neighbor – everything is promoted as these bubbly stages of your life wherein you are supposed to be ‘Luvin’ it’ all the way – and it’s actually quite fascinating how we can find a note in the news on a daily basis about apparent ‘loved ones’ killing each other, people hating their jobs, people bugging their neighbors ‘just because,’ people eating their children, people killing themselves or others because of their relationship with god, men killing their ex-wife and children because of a marital break-up, and the list goes on and on and frightfully on.

 

“The moment we make that decision, acceptance and allowance in the trust that whatever the mind present to us is ‘who we are’ and we continue participating in the backchats and energies, with participating as the more and more we continue talking in our minds and experiencing the energies without stopping them/investigating them: what one will find is that they become more and more intense in the mind, the more and more one remain in the energy reaction and so the backchat/thoughts/behaviours that it substantiate in the character/personality possession.” – Sunette Spies*

 

What is Wrong with this picture? The Mind 

Who we are as physical living beings in no way stand as something ‘alien’ to this physical existence as the Earth – the animal kingdom, the plants, the environment, everything functions as a whole and one single organism. Then, who is the real Problem here? The mind, the who we have become as this machine that thinks reality only to scheme one’s own survival and personal benefit, because WE programmed ourselves to only create a world system that could Only benefit ‘some’ in our reality. Now, that is seriously messed up to say the least, who are the real schizophrenic instead? Who are the real killers that are willing to maim any life left in this world in the name of a ‘thriving society’ that can look like the most outrageous façade you’ll ever see – but it’s just that, a facade, a sugar coating enamored view of reality behind which we all hide the Reality of who and what we have become as The Secret Mind

 

Once we pass through the initial disconcertion of realizing how EVIL we have become in fact to the extent of not being able to trust your apparent ‘Loved ones,’ we can start then realizing that there is a Seriously Important Task that each one of us must Take Self Responsibility for, and that’s not something ‘out of our hands’ to do, it is taking responsibility for our own minds, realizing that we all have to ensure that we STOP and Self-Forgive any single inch of hatred and Love toward another being – You might say: wait a minute, you say ‘Self Forgive every point of Loving another as well, but that’s not bad!’ yet, understanding how the existence of Hatred actually stems from Love must have left this point quite clear to you how any positive or negative input upon something or someone, will eventually go to its opposite as an experience that we then act upon, blinded by our own backchat and internal conversations that we are seldom aware of.

 

This is then to put all ‘Love and Light’ as any positive thinking ‘on the table’ from the perspective of realizing how we are all responsible for whatever we see as ‘BAD’ and ‘Negative’ in our society, it is Our Mirror and we have been denying this for far too long now. The thoughts that a serial killer or a bad tempered ex boyfriend that gets to stab her girlfriend are in no way different to Any other thought we may have in our heads.

 

Thus, it is definitely a bucket of cold water to realize that that which we always wanted to ‘ostracize’ in our society to not have to SEE what we had become, is in fact ourselves.

 

We’ll continue with the process of realizing the correction is not ‘out there’ in some bloody policy awaiting to be approved by the government to ‘Stop the madness!’ It is here within and as ourselves that the correction potentially exists: we just have to live it.

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122. ‘Is this as good as it gets?’

 

 

Even when I was in a moment with ‘established’ friendships and relationships, there would always be a time wherein I just wanted to be left alone, even if I was already quiet habituated to be with them during the day, I would always hit the  introverted mode wherein I would just remain quiet while backchatting about me wanting to leave home:  how could I get myself out of this situation, can’t he just stop talking, if I say that I don’t want to go then Ill be seen as anti-social, he/ she will take i t personal if I don’t want to go there –I just want to go home. And then getting home was just being apparently ‘free’ again, which is just where my ‘default character’ would come up, wanting to be alone.

 
And this is a fantastic mechanism of the mind to keep me bound to first generation an expectation of wanting to do something/ see someone and then going to the actual experience, not getting ‘my energy’ – therefore, experiencing boredom or dissatisfaction and therefore, only seeking to be alone again, only to create further mindfucks about me being ‘incapable’ of being with others for an extended period of time, or simply having something ‘wrong’ within me that would lead me to always seek out to be alone again. All of it self created for very specific reasons and purposes that rely on self interest.  Some of the main backchat on this is:
 

I am getting tired of this, it’s getting boring

I think of Just being alone, no one bothering me

I think it’s time to go home, how can I slip out of this?

He’s trying to be entertaining, but it doesn’t work anymore

Oh man now he’ll be sad because I’m leaving

I’m finally free again

Why do I repeat the same cycle over and over again?

I always end up wanting to leave after having desired to be here

I worry that nothing seems to satisfy me,
What if this is ‘as good as it gets?

 

Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build an expectation upon ‘wanting to see someone to have a good time’ wherein I project myself in a positive manner/’having a good time’ with another, which eventually ‘deflates’ as everything must go all the way down when participating in ideals of ‘positive experience,’ which are in essence a mindfuck created in order for me to every time believe that I had to ‘hold on’ to a particular relationship in order to always experience the ‘joy’ of seeing someone, regardless of how I would always end up experiencing the downfall/ negative once that the energy built up is used up, leaving me ‘high and dry’ which is how I realize I would go through my days: seeking an experience to be ‘more’ than the moment wherein I am here as breath, as the physical.

When and as I see myself creating an expectation upon a future moment of wanting to meet someone/ be somewhere else in order to experience myself in a positive way, I stop and I breathe – I realize that building up a positive expectation eventually meets its downfall as a negative experience. Thus I direct myself to simply be here in every moment with and as whatever point I face in my reality, wherein no good or bad projections are created, as I stick to remain here as breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the thought of me  being alone, laying on my bed, doing nothing, not being disturbed as the perfect ‘state of mind’ wherein I am able to keep ‘the loner’ character in place, as there is nothing or no one in it that challenges my own self-religion. Thus I see and realize how I have used this thought of ‘going home’ and ‘being alone’ as a defense mechanism whenever something is actually challenging my own personality that doesn’t want to be ‘disturbed’ at all.

When and as I see myself thinking about that image of me being alone at home, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a red-flag  thought wherein I must look at where and how it is that I am wanting to escape a moment of actual self-support and transcendence of a limitation within communicating/ interacting with others.

I assist and support myself to realize the image of me ‘being alone’ as a personality fail safe that I have kept in order to ensure that I always remain within the ‘bounds’ of my own self-limitation as the characters that I have played out in relation to ‘the loner,’ which is also creating an experience of apparent ‘depression’ in order to have a way to justify my ‘instability,’ wherein I am only manipulating others to ‘accept me as I am’ which was a deliberate ‘loner’ and ‘freakishly behaved’ person that would be extremely joyful and then extremely down from one moment to the next, showing a deliberate face of dissatisfaction so that others could try and do ‘whatever they could to make me happy/ cheer me up’ again – which is absolute self manipulation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start backchatting myself desiring to leave a certain place/ someone, simply because my energetic drive to be there is no longer ‘strong enough,’ hence I realize that I start projecting myself as this discomfort in my entire physical body that transforms into a mild annoyance that I express in the totality of and as my physical body, just because I already ‘got what I wanted’ and then want to leave the person/place/ situation in order to be alone, which is wanting to go back to the ‘safe spot’ in my mind where nothing and no one disturbs me.

When and as I see myself wanting to escape a moment just because I have already gotten my ‘quick fix’ of positive experience in a certain place/ meeting with someone – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to interact and be here in the moment without projecting myself into a future moment of just being alone, as I see and realize that this is me just following the ‘default’ setting of my apparent ‘stability’ as in ‘being alone.’ Thus I direct myself to remain here as breath in whatever moment/ situation with whomsoever I am spending a moment with. I am here as breath, I do not require to be ‘alone’ to be here in and as breath in physical stability.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an apparent ‘exhaustion’ from being with others, wherein I would go into a ‘vexed mode’ and ‘annoyed’ simply because I had built an entire future projection of my moment with them/ such person being ‘just great’/extraordinary – thus when my dream would not meet reality, I would feel disappointed and as such, creating the opposite experience was a way to get myself back to my ‘default mode’ which was creating a an ideal positive experience out of being alone – hence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within being alone I don’t have to ‘uphold any character’ toward others, without realizing that the single character of ‘Wanting to be alone’ is my default character, which I have simply not even opened up because of believing that it was ‘perfectly normal’ for me to ‘want to be alone’ at all times, which is in fact another defense mechanism wherein I then react in every moment that I have to actually share a moment/ space with others – thus

 

When and as I see myself creating a polarity of positive experience and negative experience out of the ideal in my mind of what ‘being alone’ is, I stop and I breathe –I realize that I have created this default character of always wanting to be alone in order to not challenge myself to step out of my own self-limitation. Thus I assist myself to remain here as breath and stop any desire to run away from everyone and leave a place, as I see that I am only running away from facing myself as others in a moment of interaction.

I assist and support myself to take a moment to simply focus on breathing and realize that I am here and that being with people or being alone doesn’t change who I am here as breath, as the physical.

I commit myself to walk the ‘default character’ of myself defined as me being alone, which is essentially still trying to protect my ‘loneliness’ as my ‘safe heaven.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself just walking home, being at home, and being alone whenever I see that another is just trying to ‘keep up the positive experience’ in the moment, wherein I decidedly react in a vexed and annoyed manner, indicating that I am simply ‘not having a good time’ and wanting to escape, which is when I become very quiet and showing little to no excitement about anything, which comes from the entire relationship play out that I created for myself, wherein I would be like a ‘cheerleader’ trying to make a ‘good moment’ out of anything, eventually and inevitably facing the counter act which is having a ‘low’ and and a downfall, which is when the thought of just stepping out of the scene comes up, which translates of wanting to stop upholding such agreeable character in a relationship and go back to my ‘safe place’ as in being alone and not having to ‘deal’ with others, without realizing that this is about me dealing with my own backchat and experiences created upon others’ actions, words in a particular moment.

When and as I see myself becoming ‘tired’ when being with another, annoyed/ vexed, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am then upholding a character as in being ‘positive/ agreeable’ creating an inevitable ‘downfall’ of energy as the negative and just wanting to shut another up. Thus I assist and support myself to be HERE in the moment without changing ‘who I am’ according to the people or environment – I am here, I breathe and as such I interact and communicate without holding myself back upon assessing communication as being either a positive/likeness or negative/disliking according to the judgment I have created upon communication.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another takes my ‘quiet’ attitude as personal, thinking that they will believe they are not ‘good enough to keep me entertained’ (wtf?) which is just me projecting my own inner conflict onto others to not take responsibility for my own characters and see how I manipulate myself to manipulate in deliberately making it evident that ‘I am not having a good time’ and a such, wanting to push them to do ‘all they can’ to maintain a good time/ keep me entertained with something, which is absolutely unsustainable and ludicrous to even conceive how our relationships have only been based on this desire to please or ‘keep someone entertained’ in order to ‘have a good time’ which is absolutely reducing each other to characters that masturbate each other until the orgasmic experience comes and then, one just wants to leave the place and seek for the next fix somewhere else.

I realize that I have created these characters in order to trigger an experience within another so that they could then come up with an idea to do something that would ‘cheer me up’ or ‘keep me entertained’ which can only be applicable if I am in fact only wanting to keep relationships of ‘good times,’ instead of self-stability here in every moment of breath. Thus I direct myself to support me here to not create subcharacters to defend the ‘ideal’ loner character, as all such points are in fact unnecessary if one take self responsibility to remain stable in every moment of breath, no matter where or with whom we are.

When and as I see myself fearing another’s reaction upon my own quietness – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I won’t even have to be playing ‘the quiet’ subcharacter as a support for ‘the loner’ character because I won’t be limiting myself to only create the idea of me having a ‘good time’ by myself, alone – thus I see and realize that if I am quiet it is because I in fact have nothing to say and that another’s thoughts upon me have nothing to do with what I decide to live as in every moment, taking into consideration that I won’t deliberately be quiet in order to instigate a reaction within another, but ensuring that I am in fact here breathing and as such being open to speak or not speak according to the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually lie about ‘having to do something’ in order to leave, which is just part of the entire lies as the characters that I kept up with another in order to remain in such relationship, in order to please ourselves and, paradoxically enough, to ‘not be alone’ which is the actual polarity I went back and forth with: wanting to be alone and then seeking to not be alone through relationships. I realize that my ability to be here and interact with anyone does not require for me to create ‘special bonds’/ ideal moments that I then bind myself to, I am able to remain stable and consistent here as breathe and open to share and interact with others without fearing or desiring to be alone, as I am here, breathing in my physical body and that being alone or with people does not define who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being considered as ‘antisocial’ whenever I leave a place to go home, however I see and realize that most of the times I did so in order to keep myself ‘safe’ from having to confront myself. Therefore I make sure that I do not ‘pay attention’ to any potential judgments arising from me leaving a place/ not visiting a place/ someone for some time, as I realize that if I do not go or interact for extended periods of time is simply because the moment/ event/ situation is not self supportive and I would rather be doing something that is in fact self supportive.

When and as I see myself finding an excuse to go home/ be alone again, I stop and I breathe, I realize that it is me as the mind as the character of the loner playing out as I do not require to make excuses to simply decide to leave or actually reassess why it is that I am wanting to leave someone/ certain place, which is where self honesty comes in- thus I assess whether the moment is supportive or not, whether I actually would rather be doing something that is self-supportive than being with such person or in a certain place. This I do ensuring that it is not energy that’s driving me to ‘be alone’ but a simple common sensical consideration without fearing leaving another, or fearing being judged for leaving a certain place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear causing a ‘negative experience’ within another for me leaving, which is just me creating further reactions, compromising myself and instigating further inner conflict to leave, when in fact ‘leaving’ in itself is and must be a decision in the moment wherein I am clear and stable as myself to do so, without holding any specific ‘considerations’ upon what this decision will cause in another, as that is simply my own projection of the play outs I have created within relationships and the fear of losing them .

Thus when and as I see myself fearing causing a ‘negative experience’ within others for me leaving a certain place and moment, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have used this as an excuse to only remain in the place, keeping the same desires to go home, instigating further inner conflict and discomfort just because of compromising myself in this singular point, which is unacceptable – thus I realize that I am the one that is able to simply make a decision to leave in the moment and that’s it – no further consequences when being self honest and clear about my decision.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel free again’ whenever I leave a place/ someone, creating then a positive experience out of having created my own negative experience as in being ‘suppressed’ while being with another/ in a certain place, which is how I kept myself looping around positive and negative experiences that I would blame others for apparently ‘spoiling,’ instead of seeing and realizing how I created it all for myself as an excuse to not have to see why it is that I was so addicted to this feel good/ feel bad energetic experience as a way to ‘keep relationships in place’ within my world.

When and as I see myself experiencing a relief, a positive experience as in ‘being free again’ when leaving someone/ a particular place – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is stemming from ‘the loner’ character as the positive experience of being alone, when in fact, being alone must not be a positive experience, but an actual self-stability in every moment of breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an inner conflict out of ‘not knowing why I always want to be alone’ which is an added conflict as an ‘I don’t understand myself’ subcharacter in order to reinforce ‘the loner’ character wherein I believe that ‘there’s something wrong with me’ as an apparent inability to enjoy the moment/ share myself with another, which is just part of the mechanism to keep me entertained within my mind as characters that I created in order to constantly be ‘experiencing’ a beingness as a mood or a ‘way of being’ just like me being the main character of my own movie wherein I would be always a depressive person seeking a positive experiences for a moment and ‘get what I want’ in such manner.

I realize that I have kept this apparent inability to fully enjoy myself simply because of having believed that self enjoyment was something bombastic and ‘outrageous,’ which I simply would not be able to experience myself, thus believing that there was something ‘wrong’ with me not being overtly excited or joyful at time, which is how we create these conflicts based on what we watch in movies/ ideal situations wherein people have this ‘perfect good time’ just because of having lots of money or fame and any kind of culturally accepted ‘successful living’ and ‘enjoyable experience,’ which only exists as a mirage for all of us to constantly seek for such positive experience at all cost, which obviously is not real and never was.

When and as I see myself creating an inner conflict when thinking ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me’ wherein I am apparently incapable of being with another for an extended period of time, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is just a backup to always try and defend my personality as ‘the loner’ that does not want to realize how this is actually a defense mechanism to not face ourselves as another, which is how we fear yet desire relationships as a point of inner conflict, simply because we haven’t allowed ourselves to simply be here, breathing, without having an entire ‘mood’ in our minds at all times.

 

I realize that we are the only ones that create our own characters as a way to abuse our simplicity of being here, as breath, as the physical that we have fully ignored while creating inner conflicts and seeking to be ‘more’ than ourselves here already, which his unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my own mindfucks as ‘inner conflicts’ of wanting to be alone all the time, yet deliberately seeking relationships/ seeking to be with others, which is just a perfect mechanism to keep me bound to conflict, to friction and to further consequence, wherein I would always end up ensuring that I remain ‘safe’ as my main character ‘the loner,’ which is why and how relationships came to an end, as I was apparently unable to be/ stand another for an extended period of time, which was only because would face myself/dynamite the foundation of ‘the loner’ character, as I see and realize that being with others, communicating, interacting is the key to see ourselves for real – because when we are all alone in our perfect bubble, nothing seems to move – yet the minor interaction and confrontation with the real world or another being is the actual moment wherein we can test for ourselves if we are in fact really ‘here’ or not.

Thus I assist and support myself to continue opening up with people  in communication and interaction in order to continue applying myself and physically directing me to be constant and consistent within my application of being here as breath, no matter where no matter with whom I am in any given moment.

When and as I see myself believing that ‘I do not know why I always end up wanting to be alone’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is just another hook to keep me bound to an apparent inner conflict of me having some type of ‘problem’ to be with people, to interact and communicate unconditionally, which is in fact a self created character – as all characters – in order to keep me safe within ‘the loner’ character bounds which is in essence then me protecting and fueling my main default character that seeks to be alone at all times. I thus realize that whenever I am wondering or pondering about my ‘beingness’ as in being alone, I am trying to simply instigate an experience to occupy myself up there in the mind instead of being and remaining here as breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask myself ‘what is wrong with me?’ as a self-manipulation tactic in order to not see and realize that I have created this entire ‘loner’ character to always be in a certain ‘beingness’ of either unfulfilled or misunderstood character or apparently being incapable of establishing proper relationships with people, which is absolutely a self-created mechanism to only keep me bound to ‘the loner’ character that will defend its loneliness with even apparent conflict to ‘stop being the loner’ without realizing that all conflict only gives more energy and more attention of who I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as ‘the loner.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go as far as ‘worrying’ that there is something inherently wrong with me because of not being able to be ‘satisfied’ with anything, not even with having the ‘man of my dreams’ or studying that which I apparently dreamed to have, without realizing that I created these points as positive experiences in order for me to create further conflict when not getting the ideal/ future projected happiness/ satisfaction within such relationships and careers, which is another mechanism to protect ‘the loner’ character that would end up always seeking to be alone, dissert relationships, dissert careers and always remaining ‘unsatisfied’ and feeling ‘inadequate,’ which is a primary source and mechanism of self-manipulation in order to instigate conflict within and as ‘the loner’ character, to keep me bound to always seek for a positive experience, instead of actually accepting and bracing myself here as the simplicity of the physical beingness that requires no positive or negative experience to exist.

I realize that I created my own ‘inner conflicts’ and characters according to who I wanted to be and how I wanted to be seen by others, as some type of ‘weird’ person that is not able to create effective relationships, as that would keep me bound to an isolation, depression and self-diminishment that I would come to seek and even  enjoy as a source of apparent ‘inspiration’ to make good art, which is linked to the entire ‘Artist’ personality, of always existing in conflict and depression in order to have something to ‘create’ about, lol an all-around mindfuck that I created for myself around relationships based on only seeking to exist as a continual inner-conflict to remain comfortable within my own mind, creating all these ideas about ‘who I am’ without ever having even considered that who I really am is myself here as the physical, and that I can direct my mind to support myself as such physical being.

 

When and as I see myself thinking, believing, perceiving and worrying that there is ‘something wrong with me’ because of an apparent inability to establish proper relationships, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this has been one of the greatest traps I created for myself and as myself within the belief that I was in fact a ‘difficult person’ and/or would never be able to ‘settle down,’ wherein I realize that I created such ideas based on fearing actually facing myself with another and bursting my ‘loner’ bubble as primary ‘self-defense mechanism.’ Thus I assist myself to realize there is nothing ‘wrong’ with me and that I can communicate, interact and be with another/ others without creating an experience within my mind about it, it is just human beings being here with one another coexisting as the physical wherein the actual direction at all times must be to form and create agreements of self support to ensure that we no longer support one another’s characters/ personalities as self-limitation, but instead, push ourselves to face the ‘who we have become’ as our mind characters and learn how to coexist and live within the consideration of the physical practical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat in ultimate stances of disillusionment within a relationship/ a moment and thinking ‘What if this is as good as it gets?’ wherein I judge my ability to enjoy myself with another, existing in a continual discomfort of even not breathing properly because of thinking and believing that I must be and behave in a particular way to get to the ultimate positive experience, in order to create a relationship that I can keep as a ‘positive experience’ within me, which is how I see and realize that I had idealized relationships as these merry-go-round opportunities to only ‘enjoy’ myself, but never ever considering a relationship as a point of actual growth and self support, which is how I would create a negative experience whenever something/ someone would be dynamiting the foundation of ‘the loner’ character, as this was in essence a threat to my mind, the ‘who I am’ as my mind as the limitation of myself I have accepted and allowed myself,’ imposing it onto the physical.

Thus, I see that I only sought for positive experiences within my own relationships and characters of self interest, only being like an addict that looks for a quick fix, have a good time/ a high experience in the moment to then go back to the ‘default’ state of seeking to be ‘more’ through relationships, only getting the quick fix for a moment and then going back to the negative of myself as ‘the loner’ that would then be considered as a positive experience, just to keep myself bounding off from one side to the other with no clarity or even understanding what it is that I was in fact doing to myself, which is abusing myself as the physical, using my mind in order to experience myself as a certain positive or negative mood within the belief that ‘feeling’ and ‘becoming emotional’ was in fact Living.

I realize that thinking ‘what if this is as good as it gets’ implies seeking to be experiencing something positive at all times based on the ideals and future projections that I participated in about myself and my future when growing up, wherein I accepted ‘following my dreams’ as something viable and acceptable, thinking that people could actually always remain in this ‘blissful’ state within their relationships and their jobs, which is absolutely not so and this is thus how we end up dissatisfied with ourselves, without even questioning how such positive experience has always been the carrot on the stick, presented as such, to be an ever elusive ideal and only attainable to a handful of human beings in the world system that even then, would seek to get more and have more power, which is essentially greed that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to create the moment that we think we are able to ‘be more’ than who we are already as ourselves, as the physical.

When and as I see myself thinking ‘what if this is as good as it gets?’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am then trying to create a positive experience out of my day to day living breathing here, which is what life is actually about, instead of seeking a positive experience at all cost and ignoring what is it that actually allows such positive experience to exist. Thus, I bring myself back to the physical an walk moment by moment supporting and assisting myself to work, be, do and interact with others within situations/ activities that I realize are actual opportunities and platforms of self-support in order to stop being characters and actually start taking responsibility for the massive consequences we have created when only seeking to be ‘a successful character’ in our reality.

To be continued…

 

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System 

 

Recommended Interview that allowed me to understand this pattern of how the mind functions as an energetic leech that seeks for the next great fix which we manifest as our relationships and decisions in our world:

Blogs:

 

Hear the greatest a capella song – Free Download here:


117. I Think, thus I Fear

What is the binding force within our reality wherein we keep each other safely protected from actually getting to know the Truth of ourselves?

FEAR

We can actually say that Fear has become our Religion, as Money for example is the externalization of the Fear of not having enough to live, which is how we created and manifested a system to control our ‘human nature’ in order to ensure that the entire regulation of how much we would use from this reality to live would be within some ‘bounds’ to not deplete everything and eventually end up consuming more than what we could even handle. Well, we have reached that mark, certainly and at the moment all that we consume is actually stemming from a fear, all that we buy as properties are apparently ways to ‘secure our future,’ all the relationships we create are stemming from a fear to be alone, all the decisions we take such as jobs, education, partnerships, hobbies and even what type of food we eat, where we live, what type of water we drink is stemming from fear. It’s not that difficult to create a political campaign that way: just propose a bunch of ‘Safety and Protection’ policies disguised with words like care and insurance to ensure one vote for your political statements, even if they do not get to be lived out and implemented at all.

As I walk through the streets, I see how our very houses are creaming out FEAR, most of the houses may have some ‘beautiful architecture’ such as how we create and build ourselves in our own minds, but oh what is the ‘cherry on top’ of such grandeur? Well, barbwire, electric fencing, double fencing, CCTV cameras, and if people have enough money/ live in a very well ‘seated’ situation: guards that ensure that ‘no threat’ is able to filter at your door. Our houses and neighborhoods have become like fortresses, prisons I’d say, yet that’s the most normal thing to do in a country wherein obviously, money is an extreme lack, wherein everyone does live out the sentence: ‘It’s easier to steal than work’ and also because there are no opportunities for them to have proper education, proper preparation to have a dignified job, because this entire system has been built to only benefit a few – so, we can see how we have built our own prison, how absurd! Considering it is us that have created it: no god has come to create it for us, we did.

 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how and why FEAR as Consciousness is/has been the primary driving/creative force of/as the nature of energy that has become the starting-point creative force/source of/as me as the Mind and all the Characters/Personalities within that, that will thus all – equally as one, have an existent starting-point, nature and experience of/as Fear. Which, as we continue walking this process of Character-Creation, will be seen, realised and understood by self, the extent to which we exist as fear, the extent to which we’ve created who we are and how/what we live as fear and so within this, why and how this process of Communication, in keeping the internal truth of ourselves as the reality of the Mind intact while physically speaking the 1% portrayal/presentation of/as who we are: is controlled/determined by/through and as Fear as Consciousness.” – Sunette Spies*

 

And as within, so without – I have been noticing for some time how even slightest movements when walking in the street, that which we call as our ‘instincts’ is in fact all stemming from Fear, survival mechanisms that we have adopted from childhood, fearing each other at all times.

For example, it’s plain to see how we would suddenly cross the street to the opposite sidewalk  if we see someone that looks ‘suspicious’ enough to think they could harm us, how we cross our arms in front of our chest when we feel threatened or suddenly ‘feel’ like we have to portray ourselves as ‘strong’ which can only stem from perceiving a potential threat, how we pull out a condescending character or ‘good doer’ whenever we talk ourselves into our minds to think that a potential threat could have some mercy on us if we portray ourselves to be ‘good hearted beings,’ I’ve definitely thought about that.

 

From childhood we have simply complied to this religion and learn it to be ‘love’  because ‘our parents care for us’ which is how we pass on this twisted idea of Love as an actual mind-possession that serves to mark our territory, to protect our ‘who we are as the mind’ toward others and also, of course, protect our most ingrained desires that are always ensuring that what is best for ourselves is protected at all times. We cannot definitely blame our parents and ‘those that have gone before us’ as we have all been there, done that and blaming would only keep ourselves bound to an egotistical victimization role that has prevented ourselves as humanity to actually change, because it’s simply much easier to blame than actually taking Self-Responsibility.

 

Every decision that we’ve taken is in fact stemming from fear. Whaaaat? Yes, look within yourself, it’s there, it’s a mili-second imperceptible quick assessment of factors wherein we are always looking to maintain ourselves within ‘safe bounds’ of our mind, our con-fine-ment wherein we believe that the mind is something so ‘fine’ that we have to protect it, shield it and defend ourselves from any potential threat to ‘our being,’ but is it?  Or have we just been making/creating Gods in order to excuse the actual Fear that we experience to actually face the fact that we have built an entire world as our own prison, wherein all our decisions have Never been real, but only based on Self-Interest, which is certainly the interest of who we are as our mind only which uses Fear as the most effective protection mechanism, never ever considering what’s best for all as a physical tangible reality, which would certainly be the solution to end all fears – but why have we Not seen this before?

 

Now, looking at the world: Fear is everywhere – from our so called petty peeves to extreme moves and decision making that defines the lives of millions of human beings, Fear can be spotted as the default ‘background’ within it all.

Is it fearful to realize this? Well, only who we are as our minds can create Fear upon the already existent thick layer of fears we have embodied without even realizing how and to what extent we have essentially become a handful of fears that develop personalities and characters for each occasion – I think, thus I fear is what should be a more of an actual understanding of how the moment that we separate ourselves from our physical reality: wham! we are up there scheming, thinking, looking at ourselves as a mind that must protect itself at all cost. It’s time to be willing to go facing our fears: from the most obvious fears that we have even held as ‘personal favorites’ – you know, such as fearing the dark, fearing clowns, fearing to be judged and so forth to the most seemingly imperceptible fears for example when we talk to another being and we suddenly shift our eyes to another direction, in fear of being looking into the eyes when we speak about something wherein we KNOW that our mind is being exposed, along with all the variety of subtle ‘microexpressions’ that we have embraced as our ‘default’ expression – however: who, what and HOW did we shape ourselves into it?

That’s what we learn how to walk, dissect, explore and essentially get to know ourselves as within the Desteni I Process, studying all the Desteni Material and the excellent one-of-a-kind existential education available at Eqafe, wherein we are finally understanding the actual steps to Change the World from our Fearful beingness of the Mind as our own Mind Control to an actual Self-Understanding that will inevitably lead to the process of Self Liberation as Self Birthing Life here in and as the  physical, wherein who we are in our within and without exists as the transparency of what living as flesh and bones should be all about: speaking only when it’s required, thinking practical ways to establish solutions in this world, standing one and equal to the totality of ourselves as our mind and physical to ensure that every single movement is actually Self-Directed and Self-Awareness at all times – yes, from the awareness of one single blink of our eyes to how this entire system functions as our the externalization of our minds.

Great, isn’t it? We’ve got the tools, we have the understanding, we really have it all on a Golden Platter.

It’s just about time we face our greatest Fears – Let’s go stopping our participation in the mind as fear and we’ll realize: we’re still here.

 

Support the Equal Money System which is the primary way in which we are practically proposing a System that is Also an educational tool to learn how to co-exist as equals, simply because inequality has stemmed from the actual fear of not having ‘enough’ and as such, developing Greed from that belief that scarcity is something actually possible – yet we haven’t realized how scarcity as the SCARE with which we maintained ourselves controlled, is an actual outflow of a system that was built in order to maintain and sustain people with ‘pacified minds’ wherein fear became the best way to ensure that no human nature could further scavenge the earth. Well, in our attempt to control, we have become the controlled ones by our Own Creation which is the current monetary system. Hence, we can stop now biting our own tail and realize how a New World System in and as Equality as Life can only exist if we first stop living in fear and start considering what Life can actually be the moment that we dare to stand as Equals.

This is Just one decision away: once you take the decision and walk it, you’ll realize that everything that was preventing you from making such decision was only a self-created Fear.

Journey to Life Blogs: Read them all and see what you fear

Desteni Forum for assistance and support

Demonology 

Face Your Demons

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

My favorite Soul of Money Interview thus far, a MUST Read to see how money affects our entire beingness in this world system:

The Soul of Money – Mind Slaves to Money Authority – Part 31

 

Watch the Documentaries The Century of Self and PsyWar


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